WEBVTT 00:00.111 --> 00:04.013 [SPEAKER_00]: Hi, it's me, Ania, and welcome back to Cozy Room Podcast. 00:07.554 --> 00:10.275 [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back to another season of Cozy Room Podcast. 00:10.315 --> 00:17.078 [SPEAKER_01]: My name is Shannon, I am the member of the girls, but this season I'm focusing on the idea of if I had a son. 00:17.878 --> 00:18.778 [SPEAKER_01]: What would I teach him? 00:18.818 --> 00:19.699 [SPEAKER_01]: What would I say? 00:20.239 --> 00:21.339 [SPEAKER_01]: How would I parent him? 00:22.400 --> 00:25.721 [SPEAKER_01]: And a lot of these topics are topics that I feel like. 00:26.381 --> 00:28.342 [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of moms miss out on. 00:29.730 --> 00:36.978 [SPEAKER_01]: doing the work with their sons and they become men that people have a hard time dealing with. 00:37.859 --> 00:47.249 [SPEAKER_01]: Women have a hard time facilitating healthy relationships with because of fundamentals that they needed as little boys was not there. 00:48.030 --> 00:48.410 [SPEAKER_01]: All right. 00:48.811 --> 00:49.932 [SPEAKER_01]: You also need a title. 00:50.409 --> 00:53.270 [SPEAKER_01]: teaches boys about rejection. 00:53.630 --> 00:54.051 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay? 00:54.911 --> 00:57.392 [SPEAKER_01]: The people in life are not all nice. 00:58.132 --> 01:02.194 [SPEAKER_01]: The kids today are brutal and always looking to nitpick a child. 01:03.095 --> 01:08.637 [SPEAKER_01]: You want certain things in life that you won't be able to have as a little boy. 01:09.357 --> 01:14.940 [SPEAKER_01]: You want to play games but you won't always win and you have to be okay with 01:19.008 --> 01:19.569 [SPEAKER_01]: becomes. 01:20.149 --> 01:21.210 [SPEAKER_01]: You gotta be okay with it. 01:21.790 --> 01:24.833 [SPEAKER_01]: You won't, and you cannot always win. 01:25.814 --> 01:28.476 [SPEAKER_01]: You're starting these to experience and know that. 01:29.056 --> 01:31.118 [SPEAKER_01]: They need to sit in those feelings. 01:31.158 --> 01:32.799 [SPEAKER_01]: They need to feel those feelings. 01:33.279 --> 01:35.882 [SPEAKER_01]: You need to help him put words to his feelings. 01:36.442 --> 01:37.543 [SPEAKER_01]: Playing with other, 01:38.270 --> 01:53.035 [SPEAKER_01]: kids toys or playing games with other kids your son needs to understand that they might lose and when they lose it doesn't mean that therefore ever a loser it just means today at this moment of time you lost but what did you learn? 01:54.235 --> 02:05.739 [SPEAKER_01]: Rejection doesn't always feel good but a lot of safety comes from rejection a lot of um you know 02:07.186 --> 02:09.248 [SPEAKER_01]: save money comes from rejection. 02:09.288 --> 02:25.740 [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of people might talk about being rejected or somebody not wanting them or them not be able to go places, but I don't think a lot of people realize how much rejection has saved their lives or a save money or a time. 02:25.760 --> 02:28.963 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, now time you can't get back. 02:29.764 --> 02:35.308 [SPEAKER_01]: Money, you can probably get back depending on what it is and effort. 02:36.205 --> 02:57.154 [SPEAKER_01]: you cannot get back so a lot of times you get rejected from people or things or situations because it was never meant for you in the first place rejection doesn't always feel good but your son needs to be okay with experiencing it sitting in it and bouncing back from it. 02:57.954 --> 03:03.837 [SPEAKER_01]: So today's point is about getting your son okay with rejection welcome to closing 03:06.940 --> 03:29.188 [SPEAKER_01]: Make sure why you're raising us and that he understands being excluded from a game or a party or a sleepover, that's rejection, so one thing I don't want to play my game, but they complain that's rejection. 03:29.881 --> 03:33.143 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want you on my team, that's rejection. 03:33.903 --> 03:38.526 [SPEAKER_01]: Being the last one picked when people have to pick people to come on their teams. 03:39.506 --> 03:43.108 [SPEAKER_01]: And you're just like, you end up being the last one and nobody has picked you. 03:43.168 --> 03:46.170 [SPEAKER_01]: You just have to go to a side by default. 03:46.710 --> 03:47.731 [SPEAKER_01]: That's rejection. 03:47.751 --> 03:52.533 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, a girl saying they don't like you like that. 03:52.593 --> 03:58.116 [SPEAKER_01]: Like if you really like the girl as a boy and she tells you playing and straight up, I don't like you like that. 04:01.133 --> 04:06.657 [SPEAKER_01]: You're getting a document this as unfortunately we went with someone else or another candidate. 04:07.797 --> 04:09.639 [SPEAKER_01]: That's rejection, okay? 04:10.039 --> 04:20.746 [SPEAKER_01]: And the sooner your child can deal with their first interactions with rejection, the better they'll be. 04:21.827 --> 04:29.072 [SPEAKER_01]: I think a lot of grown adults today, many women struggle with rejection because people have said yes to them all their lives. 04:29.732 --> 04:31.973 [SPEAKER_01]: when they probably should have said no a lot more. 04:31.993 --> 04:36.456 [SPEAKER_01]: And these are all the scenarios that may come out with your son. 04:36.536 --> 04:41.478 [SPEAKER_01]: There's also other scenarios, but you have to know who your son is. 04:41.538 --> 04:43.679 [SPEAKER_01]: You have to build your son's confidence. 04:44.160 --> 04:48.042 [SPEAKER_01]: You have to speak a life into your son because the world will not. 04:48.982 --> 04:54.145 [SPEAKER_01]: The world will not comfort your child when they're doubting themselves or when they feel inferior. 05:00.375 --> 05:08.017 [SPEAKER_01]: Your son needs to know that his worth has nothing to do with someone not peaking him or not liking him. 05:08.638 --> 05:09.698 [SPEAKER_01]: Or not wanting him. 05:11.338 --> 05:14.319 [SPEAKER_01]: You have to make sure you build that confidence up. 05:14.399 --> 05:15.420 [SPEAKER_01]: It's very important. 05:15.440 --> 05:16.220 [SPEAKER_01]: There's a lot of... 05:16.953 --> 05:21.438 [SPEAKER_01]: teenage boys who don't have the confidence to take them through their biggest challenges. 05:21.458 --> 05:29.145 [SPEAKER_01]: There's a lot of 20-year-old 30-year-olds in 40-year-old men who black that confidence. 05:29.345 --> 05:31.788 [SPEAKER_01]: And the saddest part about 05:33.418 --> 05:49.993 [SPEAKER_01]: a boy not getting his confidence built in the right way and having those tools to depend on when they're feeling the self-doubt is the world starts to feed on people who they know feel a lack within themselves. 05:50.534 --> 05:54.458 [SPEAKER_01]: They use people who feel a lack within themselves. 05:54.478 --> 05:58.882 [SPEAKER_01]: So allowing your child to go through rejection younger 06:00.167 --> 06:01.550 [SPEAKER_01]: will build their character. 06:03.133 --> 06:09.467 [SPEAKER_01]: Failure is inevitable, it's going to happen, and mistakes will happen without practice. 06:10.034 --> 06:15.595 [SPEAKER_01]: not making things work all the time for your son is going to build that character. 06:16.335 --> 06:36.960 [SPEAKER_01]: Watching him be very hopeful and then disappointed and maybe even rejected at the same time is character building but yes is it a hard watch yes do you want to fix it yes but you can't always fix it because in real life people can't always fix your problems okay it's a normal 06:38.938 --> 06:47.986 [SPEAKER_01]: moms have a hard time not over rescuing their sons from every challenge that comes their way, which doesn't help him later. 06:48.526 --> 06:56.793 [SPEAKER_01]: If they don't try and learn life goes on after the mistakes, then they'll never try. 06:56.813 --> 07:03.239 [SPEAKER_01]: They'll never see if they can actually win something defeated 07:07.393 --> 07:12.538 [SPEAKER_01]: When challenges happen, they won't try, they will stall out, or they will avoid it. 07:13.639 --> 07:19.724 [SPEAKER_01]: Hence, years later, men get okay with quitting jobs or quitting tasks. 07:20.445 --> 07:23.428 [SPEAKER_01]: They get okay with not working, not having a job. 07:23.468 --> 07:25.810 [SPEAKER_01]: They get okay with, um... 07:26.556 --> 07:30.137 [SPEAKER_01]: If something doesn't go their way, they just ruin it for everybody. 07:30.637 --> 07:42.479 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, walking away from relationships because they never learn how to compromise or they never learn how to deal with the fact that somebody wanted a relationship with them and now they don't. 07:43.299 --> 07:46.320 [SPEAKER_01]: They get overly angry when things don't go their way. 07:46.580 --> 07:50.581 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's why it's so important for your son to experience 07:56.152 --> 08:02.834 [SPEAKER_01]: Because if they don't, they turn into men who can't handle when people change their minds and that becomes very dangerous. 08:04.015 --> 08:08.096 [SPEAKER_01]: Boys have to learn to sit in what's temporarily uncomfortable. 08:08.917 --> 08:13.078 [SPEAKER_01]: They have to be okay with what doesn't like or want them. 08:14.038 --> 08:18.960 [SPEAKER_01]: They have to be okay with trying again, even though they were so disappointed last time. 08:19.580 --> 08:22.561 [SPEAKER_01]: And they need to know that girls and women 08:25.095 --> 08:43.215 [SPEAKER_01]: and it's going to be okay, they need to understand that men may think less of them or may not want to be their friends anymore, it doesn't mean that they can never have friends, it just means that this person has a right to have an opinion and they don't want to be your friend. 08:44.353 --> 08:49.135 [SPEAKER_01]: Women can tell you they don't like you or they don't want to go somewhere with you. 08:49.615 --> 08:55.237 [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't mean like she's going to hurt you or this is going to ruin everything. 08:55.257 --> 09:02.480 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not the end of the world and this is why it's so important that you teach us on the young. 09:03.254 --> 09:15.624 [SPEAKER_01]: There's so many grown men out here with girlfriends, murdering them because of not being able to handle emotionally rejection. 09:16.004 --> 09:22.429 [SPEAKER_01]: There's a lot of married men going through a divorce and women think everything's cool. 09:22.449 --> 09:25.551 [SPEAKER_01]: They're being very understanding and mature about it. 09:25.771 --> 09:29.734 [SPEAKER_01]: And a week later, he murders his ex-wife 09:34.094 --> 09:35.575 [SPEAKER_01]: or it kills the whole family. 09:36.455 --> 09:54.024 [SPEAKER_01]: Because something that's going on in his life is challenging him in a emotional way that they cannot handle, it is a foundation issue to not teach your sons how to handle rejection. 09:57.958 --> 10:05.662 [SPEAKER_01]: It is such a huge character building factor that needs to happen. 10:06.022 --> 10:18.009 [SPEAKER_01]: So they could be better friends, better employees, better entrepreneurs, better leaders, better men, better husbands, better brothers, 10:25.570 --> 10:28.251 [SPEAKER_01]: There is nothing wrong with being rejected. 10:30.512 --> 10:31.273 [SPEAKER_01]: Does there hurt? 10:31.353 --> 10:31.713 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 10:31.753 --> 10:33.794 [SPEAKER_01]: Does it make you feel irritated? 10:33.814 --> 10:34.114 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 10:34.214 --> 10:36.075 [SPEAKER_01]: Are you going to be confused a little bit? 10:36.115 --> 10:36.415 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 10:36.455 --> 10:39.676 [SPEAKER_01]: Because not every time you're going to get a reason for the rejection. 10:40.197 --> 10:43.358 [SPEAKER_01]: But if something you have to work through is something you have to be. 10:43.808 --> 10:45.529 [SPEAKER_01]: okay with possibly happening. 10:46.289 --> 11:01.337 [SPEAKER_01]: I drive my truck around all the time, but there's a high possibility that one of these tires might get a hole in it with the nail being in the street or glass or something big being in the street and that might get a hole in the tires. 11:01.757 --> 11:04.539 [SPEAKER_01]: It's a high possibility I might have to buy a tire. 11:04.559 --> 11:06.660 [SPEAKER_01]: Does that mean I'm not going to drive the truck 11:13.383 --> 11:16.405 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so please talk to your sons. 11:17.065 --> 11:25.271 [SPEAKER_01]: Please have them around other men who can teach them how to handle certain types of rejection that they might not want to talk to you about as a mom. 11:25.751 --> 11:27.813 [SPEAKER_01]: Let them spend time with their fathers. 11:28.153 --> 11:32.956 [SPEAKER_01]: And if their fathers have rejection issues, girl, get on top of it. 11:35.037 --> 11:35.938 [SPEAKER_01]: Get on top of it. 11:38.540 --> 11:41.602 [SPEAKER_01]: If you know your son's father has anger issues, 11:42.459 --> 11:45.181 [SPEAKER_01]: And you start to see that in your son. 11:45.261 --> 11:48.343 [SPEAKER_01]: Don't wait until he's 11 to do something. 11:48.383 --> 11:50.644 [SPEAKER_01]: Don't wait until he's 15 to do something. 11:51.585 --> 11:53.927 [SPEAKER_01]: Don't wait until he's in his 20s. 11:53.947 --> 11:55.808 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not going to fix itself. 11:55.848 --> 11:56.768 [SPEAKER_01]: It needs guidance. 11:58.269 --> 11:58.630 [SPEAKER_01]: OK? 11:59.971 --> 12:02.732 [SPEAKER_01]: But rejection is a part of life. 12:03.853 --> 12:05.674 [SPEAKER_01]: Get your child familiar with it. 12:06.075 --> 12:07.295 [SPEAKER_01]: Do what's all the favor. 12:08.556 --> 12:11.098 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much for checking out closing one podcast today. 12:12.000 --> 12:24.713 [SPEAKER_01]: I think boys and girls can be raised differently, but not 100%, but the values that you have to instill in the young are very important. 12:24.913 --> 12:25.894 [SPEAKER_01]: And this is just one of them. 12:26.535 --> 12:33.842 [SPEAKER_01]: You can find me at shambipodin.com at cz-y-w-n-b pod or podcast for Twitter and IG. 12:34.282 --> 12:36.465 [SPEAKER_01]: I will be back next week with another one, peace.