WEBVTT 00:06.030 --> 00:25.142 [SPEAKER_01]: What I wanted to like cry and I allowed myself to do that in things but I was like okay how can I uplift her and bring her up and like try to give her some hope and it's like not on her it's not her fault like just encouraging her with words that like you've done nothing wrong here like this is just something that we have to go through and I value 00:29.670 --> 00:38.016 [SPEAKER_01]: But let me tell you that's probably one of the toughest things that you know you can go through in this moment where you're trying to create something so beautiful. 00:38.792 --> 00:43.056 [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome, y'all, to the Queer Family Podcast, to show all about family, but with gay. 00:43.396 --> 00:53.825 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your gay host, Jamie, and this is the show that celebrates highlights, uplifts and normalizes LGBTQIA plus families in all of our fabulous identities. 00:54.005 --> 00:55.466 [SPEAKER_00]: And this one is a treat. 00:55.746 --> 01:00.070 [SPEAKER_00]: I really, really enjoyed this conversation, actually, with Sydney and Gina. 01:00.370 --> 01:03.773 [SPEAKER_00]: There are lesbian couple who are currently pregnant. 01:03.993 --> 01:08.718 [SPEAKER_00]: They had a known donor situation went through some IUIs, some IVFs. 01:09.018 --> 01:14.263 [SPEAKER_00]: We really do kind of get into the nitty gritty and dive deep into the process in this episode. 01:15.064 --> 01:25.395 [SPEAKER_00]: So if somebody who is curious of all the steps that are needed when you are going through a queer fertility journey, this one is the one for you. 01:25.755 --> 01:30.378 [SPEAKER_00]: And also for those of you who've already been through it, it's gonna feel a little nostalgic and bring you back. 01:30.518 --> 01:32.159 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's a really great episode. 01:32.400 --> 01:40.945 [SPEAKER_00]: And out of their journey, which wasn't an easy one as they never are, they actually created an app to help others. 01:41.286 --> 01:42.286 [SPEAKER_00]: And you're gonna hear about it. 01:42.627 --> 01:44.368 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's really awesome. 01:44.928 --> 01:52.135 [SPEAKER_00]: and a big takeaway for me after this conversation is that these fertility journeys are rough in many instances. 01:52.216 --> 02:02.646 [SPEAKER_00]: They're not easy, but a lot of times, some pretty amazing things come out of the hardship of the journeys we went through. 02:02.926 --> 02:06.149 [SPEAKER_00]: Like for instance with me, if I didn't have my three-year 02:07.146 --> 02:10.331 [SPEAKER_00]: infertility journey, this podcast would not exist. 02:10.451 --> 02:23.890 [SPEAKER_00]: And I cannot imagine my life without this podcast existing and same thing for Sydney and Gina if they hadn't gone through what they went through and and realized that all the paperwork and and 02:24.250 --> 02:39.861 [SPEAKER_00]: Organizing around all the things you have to do to create that baby, they wouldn't have created this app that helps people organize their lives when we're going through such a big thing as queer family building. 02:40.361 --> 02:41.402 [SPEAKER_00]: It's pretty awesome. 02:41.622 --> 02:49.748 [SPEAKER_00]: And my heart is warmed, lesvians for the win, legit but to co-off folks for the win, we are making this world a better place. 02:50.288 --> 02:51.489 [SPEAKER_00]: Boom, let's go. 02:51.509 --> 02:52.189 [SPEAKER_00]: All right y'all. 02:52.609 --> 02:53.730 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's just roll this tape. 02:54.030 --> 02:58.091 [SPEAKER_00]: I know you're gonna love it and I think it's kind of a a bit long Cause we had a lot to talk about. 02:58.131 --> 02:59.452 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's get right into it. 02:59.752 --> 03:04.634 [SPEAKER_00]: Helen, if you let come on over here They're feeling warm and fuzzy too from this conversation. 03:04.774 --> 03:06.935 [SPEAKER_00]: Come on over here ladies and roll this tape. 03:06.975 --> 03:07.335 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's go 03:13.613 --> 03:14.634 [SPEAKER_00]: Hi, Sidney and Gina. 03:14.934 --> 03:15.775 [SPEAKER_01]: Hello. 03:16.696 --> 03:18.257 [SPEAKER_00]: It is lovely to have you here. 03:18.297 --> 03:21.920 [SPEAKER_00]: We've been chit chatting away already, and I'm super excited for our conversation. 03:22.160 --> 03:23.741 [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for having us for having me here. 03:24.202 --> 03:25.963 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, without further ado, let's just do it. 03:25.983 --> 03:26.764 [SPEAKER_00]: You know it's coming. 03:27.224 --> 03:35.851 [SPEAKER_00]: Your 30-second elevator pitch, the folks at home are in their cars or on their runs need to know why you're here talking to the queer family podcast. 03:36.051 --> 03:36.712 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you ready? 03:36.912 --> 03:38.233 [SPEAKER_01]: We are ready, ready? 03:38.533 --> 03:39.374 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's go Gina. 03:40.054 --> 03:40.835 [SPEAKER_00]: That's Kojina. 03:40.875 --> 03:41.536 [SPEAKER_00]: Get set. 03:42.016 --> 03:42.417 [SPEAKER_00]: Go. 03:42.697 --> 03:43.598 [SPEAKER_02]: We are the Brickies. 03:43.698 --> 03:44.398 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm Gina. 03:44.478 --> 03:45.279 [SPEAKER_02]: This is Sydney. 03:46.020 --> 03:49.123 [SPEAKER_02]: We got married in June of last year, so it's been about a year. 03:49.523 --> 03:52.866 [SPEAKER_02]: But started our family planning journey way before that. 03:53.307 --> 03:58.692 [SPEAKER_02]: Navigated stage three endometriosis using a don't donor, IUI, IVF. 03:59.152 --> 04:00.133 [SPEAKER_02]: Now we're expecting. 04:00.234 --> 04:03.917 [SPEAKER_02]: So we just want to share our story and leave it better than we found it. 04:03.957 --> 04:04.438 [SPEAKER_02]: It's right. 04:05.078 --> 04:05.638 [SPEAKER_02]: I got it. 04:06.459 --> 04:06.959 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 04:07.039 --> 04:07.480 [SPEAKER_00]: You did it. 04:07.700 --> 04:08.420 [SPEAKER_00]: Under time. 04:08.580 --> 04:09.241 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 04:09.341 --> 04:09.821 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's go. 04:09.841 --> 04:10.641 [SPEAKER_01]: Gina. 04:11.182 --> 04:12.543 [SPEAKER_00]: You're already compared. 04:12.623 --> 04:17.926 [SPEAKER_00]: And I already know at least one of you is type A. I already know this because yeah. 04:18.426 --> 04:19.847 [SPEAKER_00]: Because you come prepared. 04:20.427 --> 04:23.729 [SPEAKER_00]: I know the kind of journey I'm going to hear today. 04:23.769 --> 04:25.130 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm very excited. 04:25.651 --> 04:27.732 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's get into it. 04:27.752 --> 04:30.053 [SPEAKER_00]: You met a year ago and you're already pregnant. 04:30.093 --> 04:30.774 [SPEAKER_00]: Good job. 04:30.814 --> 04:31.274 [SPEAKER_00]: That's like. 04:35.016 --> 04:36.057 [SPEAKER_01]: getting stuff done. 04:36.077 --> 04:52.105 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so we've been together for three years, married in June of the of 2025 in our anniversary in 2026, and well before then we started saving money as we were engaged, and we're like, all right, we're going to do this. 04:52.650 --> 04:53.430 [SPEAKER_00]: You knew it was coming. 04:53.730 --> 04:54.611 [SPEAKER_02]: I knew it was coming. 04:54.751 --> 04:55.851 [SPEAKER_02]: We knew it cost money. 04:56.051 --> 04:57.552 [SPEAKER_02]: We have a lot of friends. 04:58.032 --> 04:58.732 [SPEAKER_02]: No, a ton. 04:58.752 --> 05:11.617 [SPEAKER_02]: We're actually probably the first in our immediate queer friend, friend group, that is kind of paving the way I guess, but some of our other lesbian friends have gone through it and kind of shared their 05:12.437 --> 05:14.578 [SPEAKER_02]: experience and what we need to think about. 05:14.678 --> 05:18.760 [SPEAKER_02]: So we did that way up front and we didn't want to rush it. 05:18.820 --> 05:20.600 [SPEAKER_02]: We knew it would be a long process. 05:20.640 --> 05:30.164 [SPEAKER_02]: So we did want to kind of take our time be intentional, not stress out about it, which is why we started having conversations before we then got married. 05:30.604 --> 05:31.064 [SPEAKER_01]: Exactly. 05:31.304 --> 05:34.686 [SPEAKER_00]: When did the talk of baby making even come up? 05:35.146 --> 05:39.247 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I think when we first met, we knew that we wanted to line on that. 05:39.367 --> 05:39.667 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, 05:41.593 --> 05:42.694 [SPEAKER_01]: it was suggested to us. 05:42.734 --> 05:53.219 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, she is a coworker and they were going through the process and she said, hey, if you're not thinking about it, now you really need to think about it and suggested about saving $80,000. 05:53.679 --> 05:55.480 [SPEAKER_01]: That might be a little high, but save $80,000. 05:55.520 --> 05:58.021 [SPEAKER_02]: It took them three years, $80,000. 05:58.321 --> 06:00.702 [SPEAKER_02]: So that kind of was our baseline. 06:00.722 --> 06:02.943 [SPEAKER_02]: We're like, let's just do that. 06:03.343 --> 06:03.643 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 06:04.184 --> 06:06.185 [SPEAKER_00]: Did they use a sperm bank or 06:08.986 --> 06:15.708 [SPEAKER_01]: I think they tried IUI, that failed a couple times, then went into IVF and then went through a spur bank. 06:15.888 --> 06:23.771 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I think one of the women was going to carry, and then she cut it, you know, so the other had to step in. 06:23.851 --> 06:27.072 [SPEAKER_02]: So, so I'm looking at the opportunity to write it, yeah. 06:27.512 --> 06:29.133 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the beauty of having two uterus. 06:29.193 --> 06:31.534 [SPEAKER_00]: Even though it's a pain in the butt to figure it all out. 06:32.174 --> 06:36.656 [SPEAKER_00]: So you talked about it early on and what was the original plan? 06:36.716 --> 06:39.998 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't, you might have stuck with the original plan, you might not have a lot of times. 06:40.178 --> 06:42.999 [SPEAKER_00]: We have to pivot like your friends, but what was your original plan? 06:43.397 --> 07:08.552 [SPEAKER_01]: So Gina had the desire to carry has always had the desire to carry me on the other hand ever since I was little I've never had the desire and that wasn't truly my heart I always had the idea that I would adopt one day and so when we had that conversation and she told me she had that desire that's the way that we went and then so from there that that second portion is okay there's the opportunity for that reciprocal IVF option. 07:09.392 --> 07:17.738 [SPEAKER_01]: And that was a long discussion, but from a standpoint of, okay, what do we do about a potential sperm donor? 07:17.918 --> 07:22.061 [SPEAKER_01]: Am I going to be okay without being genetically related? 07:22.561 --> 07:27.525 [SPEAKER_01]: And for me, I didn't necessarily want to do reciprocal IVF. 07:27.805 --> 07:33.209 [SPEAKER_01]: We could do IVY and that was also like the more financial responsible decision. 07:34.129 --> 07:37.832 [SPEAKER_01]: So for us, I think I kind of had to go through that process 07:38.618 --> 07:49.955 [SPEAKER_01]: Leave it a little bit because I'm not going to be genetically related at the same time I came around to the idea and this is what makes me super happy is I get a copy of my favorite person. 07:50.653 --> 07:52.434 [SPEAKER_01]: So that's at the end of the day. 07:53.055 --> 07:57.837 [SPEAKER_01]: What I care about most, and I know I'm just going to love the child and the children that we have. 07:57.877 --> 07:59.018 [SPEAKER_01]: So we're so excited. 07:59.538 --> 07:59.779 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 08:00.419 --> 08:01.440 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm excited for it. 08:01.460 --> 08:02.520 [SPEAKER_00]: And that is the sweetest. 08:02.760 --> 08:03.861 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the sweetest thing. 08:04.381 --> 08:05.022 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a good one. 08:05.042 --> 08:05.662 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a new one. 08:05.702 --> 08:07.583 [SPEAKER_00]: I get a copy of my favorite person. 08:07.623 --> 08:08.064 [SPEAKER_00]: I love that. 08:08.424 --> 08:12.586 [SPEAKER_00]: And now you're making me think, like, just this morning, I was walking with my mom, friend. 08:12.807 --> 08:14.528 [SPEAKER_00]: And my friend was saying, you have such a, 08:15.448 --> 08:22.851 [SPEAKER_00]: fun, cool relationship with Rose, like, you know, you guys have it like a really cute bond, and I'm her non-buy-o-mom. 08:23.511 --> 08:27.913 [SPEAKER_00]: And like, she is a mini-an, and that's my favorite person. 08:27.973 --> 08:28.793 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, wow. 08:29.093 --> 08:36.196 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, we do have this, like, really special bond that is very similar to me and Anne's, but also mother daughter. 08:36.296 --> 08:38.177 [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, yeah, I love that. 08:38.377 --> 08:39.497 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I'm going to, I'm going to 08:42.218 --> 08:50.534 [SPEAKER_00]: Sydney moved through the feelings of, you know, the morning of, like, realizing, okay, I'm not going to have a genetic connection, but 08:51.899 --> 08:55.882 [SPEAKER_00]: many, many favorite person coming in, many Gina coming in. 08:56.242 --> 08:57.343 [SPEAKER_00]: And so then what happened? 08:57.823 --> 08:58.964 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you're the real winner. 08:59.184 --> 09:06.109 [SPEAKER_02]: I said, I think we, I mean, we stuck according to like plan type in at the beginning, right? 09:06.229 --> 09:10.352 [SPEAKER_02]: So our plan was start with IUI. 09:10.632 --> 09:12.893 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's try it, you know, see if it works. 09:13.194 --> 09:14.515 [SPEAKER_02]: If not, we'll pivot type. 09:14.535 --> 09:14.915 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 09:15.435 --> 09:16.535 [SPEAKER_00]: What about sperm? 09:16.955 --> 09:19.876 [SPEAKER_01]: For a long time we had an idea of doing a known donor. 09:20.036 --> 09:21.497 [SPEAKER_01]: We didn't know what that would look like. 09:22.217 --> 09:31.779 [SPEAKER_01]: And Gina had a friend actually through the work community that we had made jokes that we would love to have him as our known donor. 09:32.100 --> 09:34.840 [SPEAKER_01]: Like semi-joke, but also a love-it-play. 09:34.860 --> 09:35.821 [SPEAKER_02]: Are we joking? 09:35.861 --> 09:36.181 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 09:37.201 --> 09:37.901 [SPEAKER_02]: He's gay. 09:38.701 --> 09:39.862 [SPEAKER_02]: Does it want kids? 09:40.042 --> 09:41.442 [SPEAKER_01]: He's a beautiful person. 09:41.462 --> 09:41.682 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 09:42.002 --> 09:44.403 [SPEAKER_02]: It's a smart, great human. 09:45.592 --> 10:04.475 [SPEAKER_01]: And thinking about like physical features are kind of important to me, but like not and I'll be all I think we have very similar characteristics and even mannerisms and like some of the things that we care about and is it very curious person so for us it just felt like oh my gosh if it could be him it would be the most beautiful thing in the world. 10:05.262 --> 10:06.083 [SPEAKER_01]: for it to happen. 10:06.424 --> 10:11.428 [SPEAKER_01]: And we got engaged in Montana, Jenna proposed to me. 10:11.448 --> 10:12.510 [SPEAKER_01]: I had no idea. 10:12.930 --> 10:16.994 [SPEAKER_01]: Type-A, amazing surprise, photographer comes out of the woods. 10:17.635 --> 10:19.076 [SPEAKER_01]: It takes a snap of us. 10:19.176 --> 10:25.022 [SPEAKER_01]: And when we got engaged as we were celebrating, our donor just happened to be in the same. 10:25.522 --> 10:26.062 [SPEAKER_01]: areas of us. 10:26.282 --> 10:27.763 [SPEAKER_01]: He happened to be in Montana. 10:28.403 --> 10:33.025 [SPEAKER_01]: And we didn't know and we didn't decide this as we were engaged that he would be a donor. 10:33.565 --> 10:37.547 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, we were able to connect, you know, get coffee right when we got engaged. 10:38.127 --> 10:38.968 [SPEAKER_02]: It was very special. 10:39.088 --> 10:42.489 [SPEAKER_02]: And then kind of planted that seed, you know, moving forward. 10:42.749 --> 10:48.452 [SPEAKER_02]: We had a phone call with him reached out asked if it was something that he'd be interested in. 10:49.052 --> 10:50.133 [SPEAKER_00]: What was that phone call like? 10:50.173 --> 10:51.353 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, were you so nervous? 10:51.473 --> 10:54.995 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, any new, like, he's like, so what do I have in the pleasure? 10:55.975 --> 11:01.918 [SPEAKER_01]: And I was not going to be a part of the conversation I wanted to not be an ambush finding means. 11:01.958 --> 11:05.280 [SPEAKER_02]: I wanted their relationship first and foremost to exist. 11:05.320 --> 11:05.560 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 11:06.342 --> 11:08.723 [SPEAKER_02]: So talked to him over the phone. 11:09.324 --> 11:12.866 [SPEAKER_02]: He was very sweet, and he said it would be a huge honor. 11:13.826 --> 11:18.389 [SPEAKER_02]: He wanted to do his due diligence, which we greatly appreciate. 11:18.709 --> 11:21.030 [SPEAKER_02]: And I think that's extremely important. 11:21.090 --> 11:30.396 [SPEAKER_02]: He talked to his family, his friends, some of his gay guy friends who have donated their sperm to lesbian couples as well. 11:31.496 --> 11:59.208 [SPEAKER_01]: Look at us all helping each other yeah yeah so he's right you know he reached out to his network and and did his due diligence and that was such an amazing thing for him to do and it really was like a massive cream flag for us and something that we're like okay he's actually thinking about it he's doing the work to know like what our future may look like and then we we had different conversations beyond what's he came back to us and said yes I'd like to 12:00.270 --> 12:11.430 [SPEAKER_01]: And this, this is the experience of my friends do we want to be it do I want to be involved do you guys not want me to be involved how does it what does that look like I was asking all the right questions yeah 12:11.926 --> 12:12.887 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's great. 12:12.947 --> 12:17.250 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's not all on your, didn't feel like it was all completely on your shoulders. 12:17.870 --> 12:20.051 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, which I think a lot of times it is, right? 12:20.131 --> 12:20.232 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 12:20.252 --> 12:21.112 [SPEAKER_00]: I actually, I don't know. 12:21.492 --> 12:25.235 [SPEAKER_00]: Actually, I have no idea, but that's awesome that he was asking the question. 12:25.295 --> 12:27.036 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I was thinking it was a beautiful thing. 12:27.536 --> 12:31.399 [SPEAKER_01]: And so ultimately, he said, yes, what do I need to do? 12:31.539 --> 12:32.640 [SPEAKER_01]: What do I need to do? 12:32.660 --> 12:33.360 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm down. 12:33.941 --> 12:37.283 [SPEAKER_01]: Uh, we worked with a fertility clinic, Texas fertility clinic. 12:37.803 --> 12:40.324 [SPEAKER_01]: They told us right away, hey, get a no donor agreement. 12:40.384 --> 12:43.425 [SPEAKER_01]: We started through the legal process, which we loved. 12:43.505 --> 12:47.926 [SPEAKER_01]: You said, I was just so about that because that's what we're going through. 12:47.946 --> 12:50.367 [SPEAKER_02]: We can totally relate with all the legal. 12:50.887 --> 12:51.867 [SPEAKER_02]: Rachel, Rachel. 12:51.927 --> 12:52.227 [SPEAKER_02]: Rachel? 12:52.487 --> 12:52.667 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 12:52.747 --> 12:53.107 [SPEAKER_02]: Rachel. 12:53.587 --> 12:54.028 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah. 12:54.088 --> 12:54.328 [SPEAKER_00]: Good. 12:54.388 --> 12:55.568 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I'm glad. 12:55.848 --> 12:57.068 [SPEAKER_00]: So how did you go about it? 12:57.088 --> 12:58.189 [SPEAKER_00]: What did you got to lawyer? 12:58.629 --> 13:02.450 [SPEAKER_00]: Like give people the nitty gritty of like the steps you've taken. 13:02.868 --> 13:13.341 [SPEAKER_01]: So our fertility clinic had a list of places and we are so, so grateful that they had LGBT options for us to go through this process. 13:13.922 --> 13:19.068 [SPEAKER_01]: And they recommended a list and within that was a place called Jordan St. Pitman. 13:19.748 --> 13:28.196 [SPEAKER_01]: and Ferguson is actually a lesbian woman that's gone through the process of both adoption and the IVS is three kids. 13:28.296 --> 13:28.556 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 13:28.817 --> 13:29.837 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, that's amazing. 13:29.978 --> 13:30.418 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 13:30.738 --> 13:32.340 [SPEAKER_01]: It's absolutely incredible. 13:32.540 --> 13:36.343 [SPEAKER_01]: So we just felt so comforted with that, worked with her through the process. 13:36.383 --> 13:44.991 [SPEAKER_01]: She gave us all the ins and outs of, okay, can we do, let's call it, at home situation, bypass the fertility clinic. 13:45.091 --> 13:45.952 [SPEAKER_01]: What does that look like? 13:46.497 --> 13:51.898 [SPEAKER_01]: She told us there are a few different scenarios where it would come to, you know, you'd have to adopt. 13:51.958 --> 13:53.418 [SPEAKER_01]: There might be some legal issues. 13:53.458 --> 14:10.562 [SPEAKER_01]: And so the way to protect yourself will likely be go through the fertility clinic get a form a legal document that the donor will forgo his responsibilities financial responsibilities and connections with the genetic material and from there. 14:11.404 --> 14:14.486 [SPEAKER_01]: we decided to go through IUi initially. 14:14.826 --> 14:25.192 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I think it's important because it not only protects us as a couple and family, but also our donor, you know, which is super important to protect him as well. 14:25.312 --> 14:28.174 [SPEAKER_00]: So that you're not going to come for child support. 14:28.694 --> 14:29.855 [SPEAKER_02]: So it's all the money. 14:29.875 --> 14:30.375 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 14:30.735 --> 14:55.409 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it protects everyone and it's just smart to have it all down and writing and and I think it also helps the three of you actually think through every possible thing that could arise right so you get it all out there and you put it down on down and writing and then there's never a question nope it's it's in the it's in the contract because once the kids are here like you 14:56.537 --> 14:59.319 [SPEAKER_00]: Sorry to say this, Gina, but you can't control it. 14:59.339 --> 15:00.079 [SPEAKER_00]: I know. 15:00.519 --> 15:01.280 [SPEAKER_00]: I know. 15:01.340 --> 15:02.140 [SPEAKER_02]: I've been told. 15:03.481 --> 15:09.965 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, your idea of control, you realize, oh, I've never really controlled anything. 15:10.125 --> 15:12.707 [SPEAKER_00]: And the kids make even life less controllable. 15:12.747 --> 15:12.947 [SPEAKER_00]: So... 15:13.515 --> 15:16.137 [SPEAKER_02]: We're going to have to dial them down my type of a, but. 15:16.917 --> 15:19.019 [SPEAKER_00]: But now you work with it and you figure it out. 15:19.059 --> 15:22.321 [SPEAKER_00]: You can still control things, but you know, the kids, yeah. 15:22.361 --> 15:26.364 [SPEAKER_00]: So having it all written down, I think is super important because you never know what it's going to be thrown at you. 15:27.285 --> 15:29.186 [SPEAKER_01]: It's a really thoughtful exercise. 15:29.286 --> 15:41.635 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it goes from, okay, who owns the genomic material to, okay, if something happens to Geno, what happens to the genomic material, if something happens to me, then what happens to the embryos, if we were to go to that 15:42.495 --> 15:51.519 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, thinking through all those scenarios you don't want to think through, you know, and he's got family too, so thinking through all of that and all that, you know, yeah. 15:51.619 --> 15:53.280 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's awesome. 15:53.480 --> 15:56.861 [SPEAKER_00]: You did your due diligence, which I know you would. 15:56.881 --> 15:56.961 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 15:58.662 --> 15:59.302 [SPEAKER_01]: I owe it to her. 16:00.002 --> 16:05.805 [SPEAKER_00]: You got that taken care of and now it's like, okay, we're going to go, we're going to start with IUI at the fertility clinic. 16:05.945 --> 16:07.866 [SPEAKER_00]: Was it covered under insurance, IUI? 16:08.666 --> 16:20.733 [SPEAKER_01]: So, I think through my insurance, I don't think it was covered, and it was covered for her to be able to receive iY, but it was not covered in the sperm portion. 16:21.213 --> 16:23.995 [SPEAKER_01]: The sperm was not like a part of. 16:24.055 --> 16:34.061 [SPEAKER_02]: There's certain elements of the process that are covered or not covered, and even my insurance, they were like, you need to try six rounds of iY before you do iVF, things like that. 16:34.681 --> 16:41.523 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, the sperm donation, the sperm thying, the sperm freezing, all of that was not covered. 16:41.763 --> 16:46.505 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you've been like, wrote my insurance company a letter and tried to appeal it. 16:46.545 --> 16:48.986 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's frustrating, but. 16:49.446 --> 16:49.726 [SPEAKER_00]: Right. 16:49.966 --> 16:51.967 [SPEAKER_00]: Because because this is the only way we can do it. 16:52.047 --> 16:52.987 [SPEAKER_02]: So, yeah. 16:53.387 --> 16:57.829 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, if you're covering my fertility care, you have to cover, you should be covering all of it. 16:57.949 --> 17:01.310 [SPEAKER_02]: Otherwise it's just biased against me to be honest. 17:01.690 --> 17:02.370 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's annoying. 17:02.671 --> 17:05.272 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, but you're moving forward with IUI. 17:05.292 --> 17:06.372 [SPEAKER_00]: Your clinic is good. 17:06.592 --> 17:09.474 [SPEAKER_00]: They're working with you and what happens. 17:09.854 --> 17:11.435 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure something happens. 17:11.835 --> 17:12.676 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, it does. 17:12.976 --> 17:21.340 [SPEAKER_02]: So we get to our first appointment with, I mean, we met with our, our fertility clinic ahead of time with the doctor. 17:22.176 --> 17:30.198 [SPEAKER_02]: established patient care and then go for our first like monitoring appointment for the IUI cycle. 17:30.218 --> 17:34.719 [SPEAKER_01]: So one of the follicles look like, what's the state within this ultrasound? 17:34.739 --> 17:36.079 [SPEAKER_02]: Does it need to be medicated? 17:36.179 --> 17:36.999 [SPEAKER_02]: Unmedicated? 17:37.199 --> 17:38.640 [SPEAKER_02]: What are the steps here? 17:38.660 --> 17:47.981 [SPEAKER_02]: So we go they do the sonogram ultrasound and my fertility doctor was like, you know, scanning around, 17:50.722 --> 17:54.185 [SPEAKER_02]: She's like, are you aware you have stage three endometriosis? 17:55.166 --> 18:08.936 [SPEAKER_02]: She could tell just from the ultrasound because I have endometrioma cyst on both of my ovaries and that's the only way she could tell technically to diagnose endometriosis you have to go in. 18:09.577 --> 18:10.758 [SPEAKER_00]: I had the surgery, yeah. 18:11.225 --> 18:19.568 [SPEAKER_02]: And so the only reason she knows that it's likely stage three could be for is because of the endometrium assist on my overseas. 18:19.588 --> 18:23.649 [SPEAKER_02]: There's like a golf ball size one and then a great size one on the other. 18:23.669 --> 18:25.429 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's like crazy. 18:25.469 --> 18:26.970 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, no, I did not know that. 18:27.330 --> 18:28.251 [SPEAKER_00]: Did you have any signs? 18:28.271 --> 18:29.572 [SPEAKER_00]: Like did you have painful periods? 18:29.833 --> 18:33.076 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, she's like, yeah, she's like, she's like, major in science. 18:33.096 --> 18:35.598 [SPEAKER_02]: Gave your signs my whole life. 18:35.859 --> 18:41.344 [SPEAKER_01]: And then yeah, she's on blood clotting medication for when when she's on her period. 18:41.384 --> 18:42.145 [SPEAKER_00]: And her period. 18:42.165 --> 18:43.126 [SPEAKER_01]: Because it has. 18:43.166 --> 18:43.887 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm not, I'm 18:44.327 --> 18:48.371 [SPEAKER_02]: wasn't on birth control because not really a need for it. 18:48.451 --> 19:02.003 [SPEAKER_02]: So instead my, my OB gave me a blood clotting medication that kind of suppressed it and helped the, the menstrual pain but yeah, debilitating pain like would keep me up at night. 19:02.383 --> 19:04.285 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, awful, awful. 19:04.685 --> 19:06.187 [SPEAKER_02]: And it's just frustrating that 19:06.847 --> 19:08.749 [SPEAKER_02]: no one caught it sooner. 19:08.769 --> 19:15.034 [SPEAKER_02]: She's the one that goes to the doctor's appointments when you're supposed to like they really all do the things. 19:15.495 --> 19:17.957 [SPEAKER_00]: Tell them about the pain every appointment. 19:18.117 --> 19:24.502 [SPEAKER_00]: They say, well, let's try, let's try birth, birth control for you, the thinner, and nothing worked for me. 19:25.543 --> 19:30.808 [SPEAKER_00]: And also the birth control made the pain worse than they try to, um, 19:33.570 --> 19:35.051 [SPEAKER_00]: a hundred times worse. 19:35.071 --> 19:36.652 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, please take it out, please take it out. 19:36.712 --> 19:37.813 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, yeah, I can't take it. 19:38.193 --> 19:48.399 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and then finally, I went to a new doctor, not to put this on me, but like, the things we suffer through as people with uteruses and are just told, yeah, that's just what it is. 19:49.080 --> 19:50.961 [SPEAKER_00]: I think they probably think in their heads old. 19:51.121 --> 19:54.143 [SPEAKER_00]: She's probably exaggerating to keep that bad. 19:54.163 --> 19:58.426 [SPEAKER_00]: I finally went to a new doctor, and this, I was talking about my pain, and she was like, 19:59.218 --> 20:03.261 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me send you to an endometriosis doctor. 20:03.702 --> 20:05.003 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, that exists. 20:05.823 --> 20:07.084 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, all it took was that. 20:07.264 --> 20:08.325 [SPEAKER_00]: That's all it took. 20:08.785 --> 20:12.048 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I went to that doctor and she was like, sounds like you have it. 20:12.228 --> 20:13.729 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's go in and get it out. 20:13.889 --> 20:14.290 [SPEAKER_00]: Boom. 20:14.967 --> 20:17.729 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that doesn't happen very often. 20:18.270 --> 20:20.292 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't even know that that even exists. 20:20.332 --> 20:21.112 [SPEAKER_00]: No, I didn't. 20:21.553 --> 20:23.294 [SPEAKER_00]: Why didn't I adopt her honestly? 20:23.414 --> 20:29.840 [SPEAKER_02]: I was like, when she told me I had it, I was like, I've heard of this thing, but I don't really know what it means or what it is. 20:30.140 --> 20:38.027 [SPEAKER_01]: And about eight months prior to that, she had a portion two horrible episodes right before her period started where she was getting these hot flashes. 20:38.087 --> 20:38.748 [SPEAKER_01]: She went pale. 20:39.104 --> 21:04.830 [SPEAKER_01]: she was in the laundry room and started screaming help like she was going to pass out she started blacking out and then I brought her to the bathroom and she couldn't tell if she was, you know, she was going to get sick from whichever end and hot, cold, shivering, really hot for like shooting pain, shooting, and I don't know if that was like a fiber writer sister, something, you know, rupturing related to endometriosis or not, but 21:05.350 --> 21:30.015 [SPEAKER_02]: but after those two episodes it was like January and then March I was like okay I need to get this checked out let me get an ultrasound gone ultrasound and even after the ultrasound no one said oh look you know we see something yeah they said in conclusive because then we brought that ultrasound to my fertility doctor you know a year later and she's like yeah I literally see 21:32.828 --> 21:33.729 [SPEAKER_00]: That's crazy. 21:34.189 --> 21:34.529 [SPEAKER_00]: It's great. 21:34.569 --> 21:35.049 [SPEAKER_00]: It's really. 21:35.550 --> 21:46.917 [SPEAKER_00]: And once again, I just didn't interview yesterday where this thought came to me, like, especially in our community, especially as people with uteruses, we have to advocate for ourselves. 21:47.157 --> 21:48.018 [SPEAKER_00]: If you believe 21:48.956 --> 21:53.019 [SPEAKER_00]: something is up and people aren't believing you, you've got to go find somebody else. 21:53.119 --> 22:01.384 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, time and time again, I hear stories like this in these interviews and it's like, why don't people listen to us? 22:02.184 --> 22:03.605 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't, I don't get it. 22:03.705 --> 22:09.789 [SPEAKER_00]: But anyway, so okay, so amazing that this fertility doctor was able to see that and then so what do you have to do? 22:10.375 --> 22:11.235 [SPEAKER_01]: We had a crash out. 22:11.255 --> 22:17.697 [SPEAKER_01]: We became very upset as we should and she's like finally an answer to all the pain that I've endured. 22:17.797 --> 22:21.638 [SPEAKER_01]: She is such a high pain tolerance, by the way, but of course. 22:21.718 --> 22:28.299 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I guess we'll continue with IY and we were told, okay, it's you could be fertile. 22:28.599 --> 22:29.780 [SPEAKER_01]: You could become pregnant. 22:29.900 --> 22:40.102 [SPEAKER_01]: There's really no answer to how the interview trio says is going to impact things and ultimately we're like, okay, we'll we'll go with with doing IY and see how that goes. 22:40.932 --> 22:45.114 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we ended up trying three rounds of IY. 22:45.894 --> 22:47.975 [SPEAKER_02]: And after that, I was like, I'm done. 22:48.395 --> 22:56.099 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, it seems like it could be the endometriosis that's causing this to not happen or not work. 22:56.179 --> 22:58.660 [SPEAKER_02]: So let's just pivot to IVF. 22:59.060 --> 23:07.905 [SPEAKER_02]: And I think to your point about advocacy is I am very in touch with my fertility clinic. 23:08.845 --> 23:10.487 [SPEAKER_02]: emailing them calling them all the time. 23:10.648 --> 23:15.754 [SPEAKER_02]: They're probably sick of me, but I think it's important and and I asked them like, okay, hey. 23:15.774 --> 23:17.857 [SPEAKER_02]: I, you, I didn't work. 23:18.177 --> 23:22.964 [SPEAKER_02]: I want to pivot to IVF, you know, let's let's do this in December. 23:22.984 --> 23:25.968 [SPEAKER_02]: It was December of last year and they're like, well. 23:26.943 --> 23:33.685 [SPEAKER_02]: We can't do it in December or early January because we're shut down for, you know, a disconnect period, blah, blah, blah, blah. 23:33.705 --> 23:35.426 [SPEAKER_02]: I was like, okay, you know, that's fine. 23:35.446 --> 23:41.288 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's let's start in November then and everything is very times and you have to one chance of them. 23:41.328 --> 23:49.031 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so like, if I wasn't told that and if I just kind of kept going through the motions and if it were me, I wouldn't have. 23:49.191 --> 23:52.272 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and we came to the end of November and I'm like, okay, let's. 23:52.752 --> 23:55.933 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's do IVF in December and we couldn't have done that. 23:55.973 --> 24:12.356 [SPEAKER_02]: We wouldn't have been able to start the IVF process and Egregatory went all that until, you know, end of January early February, so then you're two months out at that for two months You know two months that you've lost and once you start you you want that baby now right? 24:12.376 --> 24:14.996 [SPEAKER_00]: You start and yeah, I don't want to take a month off. 24:15.016 --> 24:15.976 [SPEAKER_02]: No, I think of it. 24:15.996 --> 24:19.577 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like we need things happening every month because you only have one chance 24:20.170 --> 24:22.231 [SPEAKER_01]: And everything's so expensive, you're investing. 24:22.331 --> 24:49.386 [SPEAKER_01]: She's investing her entire body, her entire being, going to these appointments, sacrificing time that she could be, like, going to you, the classes, and whatever, to do things like acupuncture for her well-being, and like going to meditation and sound baths, and all these appointments only to have one chance a month, and to be waiting for two weeks so anxiously, to then be let down by something that we, you know, 24:50.753 --> 24:52.554 [SPEAKER_01]: such a hard, difficult thing. 24:52.915 --> 24:56.077 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think people don't talk about how hard that process is. 24:56.137 --> 25:04.464 [SPEAKER_01]: We didn't necessarily share this with all of our friends because they are going to go through this process if there are street couple friends for the most part. 25:04.524 --> 25:08.167 [SPEAKER_01]: But unfortunately, we've had some that I've had to do eyeline, IVF. 25:08.187 --> 25:08.307 [SPEAKER_01]: But... 25:09.299 --> 25:19.367 [SPEAKER_01]: It's such an emotional way in in bag to carry and one thing I want to encourage people and everybody is to understand how people Grieve and how people move during dark times. 25:20.167 --> 25:22.129 [SPEAKER_01]: I am a very I have to have hope. 25:22.809 --> 25:27.753 [SPEAKER_01]: I have to have hope or or if I don't have any hope like good luck like we're doomed. 25:28.373 --> 25:36.639 [SPEAKER_01]: Gina on the other hand has to be more reserved more pessimistic to protect yourself and self being to 25:37.890 --> 25:39.390 [SPEAKER_01]: Do that be able to push forward? 25:39.850 --> 25:42.011 [SPEAKER_00]: We all move through grief so differently. 25:43.091 --> 25:46.992 [SPEAKER_00]: And it is interesting when you stop and notice you are way of moving through it. 25:47.392 --> 25:48.493 [SPEAKER_00]: It really is. 25:48.633 --> 25:53.554 [SPEAKER_00]: And then noticing that the people closest to you also move so differently through it. 25:53.954 --> 26:05.317 [SPEAKER_00]: I really, really noticed that during our recent the cancer that my wife had, I really noticed how differently we move during that because we handled it. 26:06.837 --> 26:10.419 [SPEAKER_00]: So completely differently and then how do you stay on the same page? 26:10.479 --> 26:11.760 [SPEAKER_02]: How do you support each other? 26:11.780 --> 26:11.940 [SPEAKER_02]: Exactly. 26:12.761 --> 26:17.584 [SPEAKER_02]: To support me and lift me up a lot of the time because I would be like, no, this isn't going to work. 26:17.724 --> 26:19.345 [SPEAKER_02]: You know? 26:19.365 --> 26:20.145 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like my God. 26:20.266 --> 26:21.566 [SPEAKER_02]: I got to stay positive. 26:21.606 --> 26:23.207 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, but just to bring back myself. 26:23.247 --> 26:31.893 [SPEAKER_02]: So then what it actually did eventually was like wait, yeah, like as much as I wanted to like cry and I allowed myself to do that in things. 26:31.993 --> 26:35.415 [SPEAKER_01]: But I was like, okay, how can I uplift her and bring her up and like, 26:35.926 --> 26:38.507 [SPEAKER_01]: try to give her some hope and it's like not on her. 26:38.547 --> 26:39.447 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not her fault. 26:39.507 --> 26:43.749 [SPEAKER_01]: Like just encouraging her with words that like you've done nothing wrong here. 26:44.089 --> 26:51.032 [SPEAKER_01]: Like this is just something that we have to go through and I value our communication so much like be prioritized or communication. 26:51.592 --> 26:59.935 [SPEAKER_01]: But let me tell you that's probably one of the toughest things that you know you can go through in this moment where you're trying to create something so beautiful. 27:00.718 --> 27:03.100 [SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm, and you're getting let down every month. 27:03.921 --> 27:05.522 [SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, it is really, really hard. 27:05.982 --> 27:07.343 [SPEAKER_00]: It really takes its toll. 27:07.704 --> 27:09.385 [SPEAKER_00]: And you really have to lean on each other. 27:09.745 --> 27:13.248 [SPEAKER_00]: Hard and communication is totally key. 27:13.408 --> 27:16.010 [SPEAKER_00]: And I really love that insight, Sydney. 27:16.050 --> 27:23.576 [SPEAKER_00]: Like noticing how you each move through grief is important so that you can figure out how to support each other. 27:23.596 --> 27:25.458 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I was the same as Eugene. 27:26.138 --> 27:27.079 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, it didn't work. 27:27.299 --> 27:27.900 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not gonna work. 27:28.140 --> 27:35.446 [SPEAKER_00]: It's because I had to do that to protect me because the let down was so big each time. 27:36.193 --> 27:43.575 [SPEAKER_02]: It was big each time, but it was a as big if you were kind of expecting it or protecting yourself in that way, you know. 27:43.935 --> 27:48.016 [SPEAKER_00]: Lesson learned here, lean on your partner and notice your grief pattern. 27:48.476 --> 27:49.056 [SPEAKER_00]: I love that. 27:50.437 --> 27:50.717 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 27:50.757 --> 27:54.278 [SPEAKER_01]: So, so we have IVF at this point. 27:54.898 --> 27:57.398 [SPEAKER_01]: Thankfully, she was so proactive in saying, 28:04.219 --> 28:07.786 [SPEAKER_01]: That year we did an agriculture level right before Thanksgiving. 28:07.826 --> 28:10.592 [SPEAKER_01]: So we we had Thanksgiving to ourselves. 28:10.612 --> 28:13.637 [SPEAKER_01]: She did all the medications followed all the protocols. 28:13.978 --> 28:15.922 [SPEAKER_01]: She's researching medicine after medicine. 28:16.208 --> 28:29.138 [SPEAKER_01]: Luckily, you know, in comparison to some other people, she had a fairly easy, and I'm not saying it was easy, protocol, but like a six p.m. shot, progesterone, I'll let you talk about the medicine. 28:29.158 --> 28:31.099 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to remember it. 28:31.139 --> 28:33.701 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, because there's the agritribal medication. 28:33.721 --> 28:36.363 [SPEAKER_02]: And so that's the job of a drill. 28:36.443 --> 28:37.504 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that was a good one. 28:37.584 --> 28:41.287 [SPEAKER_02]: Lutiproidal, Ghana, Ghana, Ghana, Ghana. 28:44.176 --> 28:45.237 [SPEAKER_01]: Kind of pill the swallow. 28:45.257 --> 28:55.723 [SPEAKER_01]: It was we get to the pharmacy and well, she actually you were running to get get the pills and get the medicine from the pharmacy and she calls and says, hey, it's nine grand. 28:56.364 --> 28:57.284 [SPEAKER_01]: I think we do this. 28:58.565 --> 29:06.310 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, we, I mean, we really don't have a choice here, like insurance, like nothing's going to cover this and the ball was already rolling. 29:06.590 --> 29:07.851 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we have to do this. 29:07.871 --> 29:09.292 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, like timing purposes. 29:10.073 --> 29:12.154 [SPEAKER_01]: So the financial stress is another element. 29:12.502 --> 29:13.304 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it's a whole thing. 29:13.745 --> 29:17.213 [SPEAKER_00]: Was the IVF cover, the actual procedure? 29:17.553 --> 29:21.382 [SPEAKER_02]: Because they diagnosed me with endometriosis, part of it was covered. 29:22.111 --> 29:44.022 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, and I have a high deductible and had to like meet that and, you know, got the idea, but part of it was covered again like not everything like some of the genetic testing elements and some of the thying and freezing of certain aspects were were not covered, but some of it was I think part of the medication was covered, but I think it was the initial sticker shock. 29:44.722 --> 29:46.783 [SPEAKER_02]: of it being so expensive. 29:46.823 --> 29:47.184 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 29:47.564 --> 29:48.444 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's for one. 29:48.464 --> 29:49.225 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 29:49.745 --> 29:50.506 [SPEAKER_00]: One retrieval. 29:50.546 --> 29:50.846 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 29:51.126 --> 29:51.927 [SPEAKER_00]: One retrieval. 29:52.087 --> 29:52.507 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god. 29:52.527 --> 29:53.568 [SPEAKER_00]: My our medicine wasn't. 29:53.728 --> 29:55.349 [SPEAKER_00]: We had to pay for all of it. 29:55.389 --> 29:58.451 [SPEAKER_00]: But our medicine, I think, was partially covered. 29:58.671 --> 30:00.392 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't remember it being that much. 30:00.492 --> 30:03.794 [SPEAKER_00]: But the IVF itself was 15,000 dollars each. 30:04.054 --> 30:04.374 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 30:04.394 --> 30:04.675 [SPEAKER_00]: Pop. 30:05.255 --> 30:05.555 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 30:06.096 --> 30:07.556 [SPEAKER_01]: I would encourage people now. 30:07.737 --> 30:11.479 [SPEAKER_01]: Now knowing what I know there are alternatives or are nonprofits that 30:11.889 --> 30:16.919 [SPEAKER_01]: do support you financially in those aspects and also like just for the medication purposes. 30:16.959 --> 30:18.382 [SPEAKER_01]: So explore that. 30:18.838 --> 30:30.361 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, research a little bit before a see if there's an option because these things once here, once you have that ball rolling, it's hard to be like, wait, let's take a step back and we can't stop. 30:30.421 --> 30:31.041 [SPEAKER_00]: You can't stop. 30:31.381 --> 30:34.742 [SPEAKER_02]: Luckily our fertility clinic, you know, warned me. 30:34.762 --> 30:42.784 [SPEAKER_02]: I guess they're like, this is a very expensive, like as long as you're aware of the financials of IVF, like it's way more than I UI. 30:42.804 --> 30:45.085 [SPEAKER_02]: This is an idea of what you can expect. 30:45.705 --> 31:10.519 [SPEAKER_02]: but still like there's there's certain things that they that they miss or that they don't tell you like we were on a trip in Florida one weekend visiting family and we literally got hit with like three bills emailed to me back to back for like two grand four grand three grand and we had to back to yeah and every morning that we're waking up after you know recovering from you know the 31:13.922 --> 31:18.083 [SPEAKER_01]: the future IVF, it's like, here's two grand, here's three different years for grand. 31:18.103 --> 31:21.044 [SPEAKER_01]: There's another two grand, back to back to back to back days. 31:21.724 --> 31:26.385 [SPEAKER_01]: It's so devastating and disheartening and you're like, oh my gosh, what are we going to do? 31:26.445 --> 31:28.006 [SPEAKER_01]: How long can we keep this up for? 31:28.606 --> 31:40.029 [SPEAKER_01]: And I were both corporate girlies, like we're doing the most, trying to, you know, I'm commission based, trying to make as much money as possible, while trying to push through all these emotions and all of these different things. 31:41.322 --> 31:47.024 [SPEAKER_01]: It's just so devastating that people, you know, that want to have children have to go through this. 31:47.624 --> 31:48.864 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I agree. 31:49.064 --> 31:50.705 [SPEAKER_00]: And it is, it takes, it takes a toll. 31:50.785 --> 31:53.866 [SPEAKER_00]: And then they, to, they tell you, you're supposed to, you need to be relaxed. 31:54.446 --> 31:57.287 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you know, it's so, you love to know how it is. 31:57.327 --> 31:58.367 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's important. 31:58.387 --> 32:00.748 [SPEAKER_00]: When we were, we're, we're showing out all the money we have. 32:01.288 --> 32:04.549 [SPEAKER_02]: Going to appointments all the time, trying to balance work. 32:04.669 --> 32:05.690 [SPEAKER_02]: Like it's, we're there. 32:05.730 --> 32:08.350 [SPEAKER_01]: We're very thankful for our friends giving us that heads up. 32:08.390 --> 32:10.171 [SPEAKER_01]: And so while we were engaged, we started it. 32:10.770 --> 32:12.612 [SPEAKER_01]: What we're engaged, we created a bank account. 32:12.712 --> 32:16.695 [SPEAKER_01]: And we started just putting as much money as possible that we could both show out. 32:17.156 --> 32:20.138 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, well, I've heard some people now and I wish I had thought of this. 32:20.318 --> 32:24.642 [SPEAKER_00]: The instead of like a registry, they do a baby registry, like make a baby registry. 32:24.682 --> 32:25.903 [SPEAKER_00]: So just give us money. 32:26.003 --> 32:26.344 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 32:26.684 --> 32:28.465 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, a baby fund, which is smart. 32:28.806 --> 32:29.646 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't totally do that. 32:29.666 --> 32:30.427 [SPEAKER_02]: That's great. 32:32.076 --> 32:51.637 [SPEAKER_00]: Every marriage, every marriage should be like let's just save in case we're not able to have kids if they want kids like even straight people because we all, you know, like it runs it runs across all of us with in her best friend group, there's there's a number of a lot of the women unfortunately going through a lot of fertility issues and going through and luckily. 32:52.332 --> 33:00.015 [SPEAKER_01]: If we can create something beautiful from it, we've been able to share our experience and be able to help them, but going through the DIYs and IVFs stuff. 33:00.496 --> 33:00.856 [SPEAKER_00]: It's tough. 33:01.516 --> 33:07.078 [SPEAKER_00]: We'll be right back. 33:08.459 --> 33:09.359 [SPEAKER_00]: You get the medicine. 33:09.399 --> 33:10.560 [SPEAKER_00]: You find a way to pay for that. 33:10.980 --> 33:12.861 [SPEAKER_00]: And you do the agretrieval. 33:13.141 --> 33:14.282 [SPEAKER_00]: How did it go? 33:14.302 --> 33:15.622 [SPEAKER_02]: It went really well. 33:15.642 --> 33:16.603 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 33:17.123 --> 33:19.704 [SPEAKER_02]: They retrieve 28 eggs, which is incredible. 33:20.653 --> 33:25.276 [SPEAKER_02]: Um, and they said, you know, does it look like the enemy triusus impacted quality of eggs? 33:25.556 --> 33:47.972 [SPEAKER_02]: We got a high, high quantity, um, so 28 eggs were retrieved 25 were mature, 21 were fertilized, and then 11 became blastocyst embryos, and then we did opt for the PGTA genetic testing, and 9 out of the 11 were chromosomely normal. 33:48.792 --> 33:55.193 [SPEAKER_01]: So you're very fortunate for those results because you could see how easy that dwindle down to. 33:55.213 --> 33:59.855 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's also a grieving process because every day you're getting an update. 34:00.115 --> 34:01.675 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, three more didn't make it. 34:02.115 --> 34:10.277 [SPEAKER_02]: I had a crash out at one point because I've done a lot of research through this and I think some of the research I had seen was like, 34:11.077 --> 34:20.223 [SPEAKER_02]: most of the viable embryos or blastocysts would form or show results on day five and they give you an after your retrieval. 34:20.283 --> 34:28.969 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah and they give you the the updates on day five, six and seven, each day letting you know how many more like blastocysts or embryos made it. 34:29.770 --> 34:33.452 [SPEAKER_02]: And so on day five, I get an update and remember I have 21 34:35.314 --> 34:41.102 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, fertilize, so day five again update and they said only two. 34:42.250 --> 34:44.612 [SPEAKER_02]: made it to the blastocyst embryo stage. 34:44.652 --> 34:48.474 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, oh my gosh, two out of 21 like that is not good odds. 34:48.494 --> 34:49.094 [SPEAKER_02]: What the heck. 34:49.114 --> 34:52.997 [SPEAKER_02]: There's not going to be any more on day six or seven from like what I've done research. 34:53.597 --> 35:03.583 [SPEAKER_02]: This is not good, you know, stress and now crying very upset and then luckily day six rolls around and they're like, you know, nine more. 35:03.603 --> 35:06.005 [SPEAKER_00]: They just had us a slower cycle. 35:06.025 --> 35:07.586 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so it's okay longer. 35:07.606 --> 35:09.527 [SPEAKER_02]: So it's different for everyone, right? 35:09.932 --> 35:14.796 [SPEAKER_00]: good advice there though, like you just give it time, like don't, don't, don't freak out. 35:15.197 --> 35:15.577 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 35:15.697 --> 35:16.898 [SPEAKER_00]: So yay. 35:16.918 --> 35:17.699 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 35:17.739 --> 35:18.660 [SPEAKER_00]: How many did you say 12? 35:18.680 --> 35:18.880 [SPEAKER_00]: 11. 35:18.900 --> 35:19.620 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 35:19.660 --> 35:19.861 [SPEAKER_02]: 11. 35:19.901 --> 35:21.182 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 35:21.522 --> 35:22.423 [SPEAKER_00]: And then nine. 35:22.503 --> 35:22.663 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 35:22.683 --> 35:24.004 [SPEAKER_02]: And that we're viable. 35:24.244 --> 35:24.465 [SPEAKER_02]: Yep. 35:24.805 --> 35:25.165 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 35:25.185 --> 35:25.906 [SPEAKER_00]: That's amazing. 35:26.106 --> 35:27.487 [SPEAKER_00]: And, and then what happened? 35:28.008 --> 35:30.250 [SPEAKER_02]: So then, um, we. 35:31.080 --> 35:47.728 [SPEAKER_02]: did a transfer, we'd to let my body recover a little bit one or two months and then we did a transfer in early February, at the very fourth, we selected the highest grade, highest quality embryo, which happened to be a boy. 35:47.748 --> 35:51.610 [SPEAKER_02]: And we knew that from the PGTA results. 35:51.890 --> 35:53.191 [SPEAKER_02]: So they did the transfer. 35:53.811 --> 35:55.552 [SPEAKER_02]: Again, I was protecting myself. 35:56.092 --> 35:58.113 [SPEAKER_02]: It had it worked in the past with all that I utilized. 35:58.173 --> 35:59.894 [SPEAKER_02]: So it was like, hmm, it's not gonna work. 36:00.671 --> 36:15.934 [SPEAKER_01]: She was so negative to the point that day before she's like that, it's not going to work and like well, if you don't truly believe that it's not going to work let's not even do it like yeah right like no we're going to do it like this is the right yeah we did the transfer what well and then 36:17.460 --> 36:23.205 [SPEAKER_02]: I always test early, which yeah, recommend it not really, you're not really, yeah, it's so hard. 36:23.225 --> 36:25.327 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I feel like so much money on the same. 36:25.347 --> 36:28.150 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you're trying to squit at the the test. 36:28.250 --> 36:30.052 [SPEAKER_02]: You're like, do I see a line? 36:30.212 --> 36:30.632 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 36:31.893 --> 36:35.557 [SPEAKER_02]: So hard not to do not recommend, but, you know, that's just. 36:35.577 --> 36:36.778 [SPEAKER_02]: We woke up in the morning. 36:36.818 --> 36:38.059 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know what day it was a day. 36:38.099 --> 36:39.420 [SPEAKER_02]: I think it was a Tuesday. 36:39.440 --> 36:41.922 [SPEAKER_02]: It was a five day old embryo. 36:43.083 --> 37:07.020 [SPEAKER_01]: And then so I think it was like five days after that after the transfer day five after the transfer She didn't even tell me she was doing this and we we have a small bathroom, you know, yeah We you know, we're we're wives and I'm brushing my teeth getting ready for the day She puts the the test down like oh you tested But she's like yeah, like okay, we're both just brushing brush your teeth already. 37:07.040 --> 37:10.803 [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you Much on a la la la in waiting for the results 37:11.787 --> 37:18.471 [SPEAKER_02]: And then I like glanced down and I'm like, I pick it up and I'm like, wait, do you see a line? 37:18.671 --> 37:21.813 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's like, in my saying things like do you see a line? 37:21.833 --> 37:25.215 [SPEAKER_02]: And we just kept looking at each other like silent, we're like, 37:26.487 --> 37:31.292 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, how could it be so we had a little bit of excitement. 37:31.312 --> 37:34.615 [SPEAKER_01]: They were like, okay, yeah, they could be chemical pregnancy. 37:34.795 --> 37:37.157 [SPEAKER_01]: We're not aware of your hopes to get up too high. 37:37.658 --> 37:39.439 [SPEAKER_01]: She'll have a blood test that Friday. 37:39.820 --> 37:43.923 [SPEAKER_01]: They'll be able to tell us the results and luckily that Friday came around. 37:43.963 --> 37:47.226 [SPEAKER_02]: She had a total three days later to stay to Friday. 37:47.266 --> 37:48.247 [SPEAKER_02]: Then we had to just. 37:49.030 --> 37:50.091 [SPEAKER_02]: be patient and wait. 37:50.571 --> 37:53.472 [SPEAKER_00]: Did you test like every I would have been because I've been a bad guy more. 37:53.532 --> 37:55.013 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I touched it every day. 37:55.033 --> 37:56.734 [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, it's a lying getting darker. 37:57.575 --> 37:58.995 [SPEAKER_01]: We have all the tests in the cabinet. 37:59.015 --> 38:00.656 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, there's still there. 38:00.836 --> 38:03.638 [SPEAKER_00]: I spent so much money on on pregnancy tests. 38:03.858 --> 38:04.378 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god. 38:04.638 --> 38:06.499 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I had to, I just had to. 38:06.579 --> 38:07.060 [SPEAKER_00]: I had to. 38:07.400 --> 38:09.721 [SPEAKER_00]: Because it helps keep you sane during that crazy time. 38:09.961 --> 38:11.262 [SPEAKER_00]: And the beauty with IVF. 38:11.742 --> 38:21.972 [SPEAKER_00]: If there's one silver lining here, is that the weight is shorter, it's like a 10-day weight, as opposed to a full two-week weight, because the embryos already five days old when they predict it. 38:21.992 --> 38:32.041 [SPEAKER_02]: Because, yeah, I tested early, and technically we only waited, you know, five days from the transfer, which you're not supposed to test that early, but, yeah, so we were very excited. 38:32.121 --> 38:36.946 [SPEAKER_02]: We did the blood work that Friday, they called me in the afternoon to confirm, 38:37.646 --> 38:38.106 [SPEAKER_02]: the ages. 38:38.166 --> 38:38.967 [SPEAKER_02]: She levels. 38:39.307 --> 38:56.397 [SPEAKER_01]: We shared with both of our parents they've been very supportive emotionally throughout the journey and you know whatever we needed to do and so we got to relieve ourselves a little bit of that stress and just hold on hope that it's going to stay, it's going to stay, everything's going to be okay and 38:57.332 --> 38:58.133 [SPEAKER_01]: Now, what are you eating? 38:58.153 --> 39:13.062 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 39:13.602 --> 39:17.003 [SPEAKER_02]: It did work just because of that endometriosis diagnosis. 39:17.383 --> 39:42.692 [SPEAKER_02]: I I first heard that like we are our plan after that because you know plans change So our plan after that first transfer We're always forward thinking is okay if this transfer doesn't work We're going to do the endometriosis surgery get it out and then potentially look at the loop run suppression For a couple months before the next transfer, but that was kind of the pat like I fully was like 39:43.592 --> 39:51.379 [SPEAKER_02]: Having surgery so much so that I literally called my clinic before the transfer and I was like, so can like when can I schedule my surgery? 39:52.380 --> 39:56.764 [SPEAKER_02]: And they're like, well, let's do the transfer first and see and then we'll get you in a mic. 39:56.804 --> 40:02.409 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, but like I need it to happen right after the transfer it either It's like I don't want to waste any time 40:03.470 --> 40:04.931 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't want to waste a single moment. 40:04.971 --> 40:08.955 [SPEAKER_00]: So are you planning on getting the endometriosis surgery after? 40:08.975 --> 40:17.402 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't think I am just because this did work and we do have, you know, eight more embryos, which were the pain, but the pain. 40:17.422 --> 40:18.623 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I mean the pain is. 40:18.883 --> 40:20.724 [SPEAKER_02]: So I think for the pain, 40:21.589 --> 40:27.753 [SPEAKER_02]: What my fertility doctor has said is that birth control does actually help certain kinds. 40:27.793 --> 40:39.320 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, it didn't help for you, but I think that's something I would consider going forward is taking birth control to help with the pain. 40:40.181 --> 40:46.785 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'd rather not open me up or get surgery if I don't have to, but I can just deal with it, 40:47.883 --> 40:55.446 [SPEAKER_00]: I've dealt with it my whole life, which it sucks, but, you know, but I, yeah, you are and I will say, I'm 48 years old. 40:55.946 --> 40:59.327 [SPEAKER_00]: I just did it like, I lived with it for a very long time. 40:59.447 --> 41:03.189 [SPEAKER_00]: And I will say, it changed my life. 41:03.409 --> 41:06.570 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, it, yeah, and I'm not, I'm not trying to push you. 41:06.650 --> 41:07.590 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so glad you did. 41:07.630 --> 41:11.892 [SPEAKER_00]: But it worked and I don't have pain anymore. 41:11.972 --> 41:12.912 [SPEAKER_01]: It's amazing. 41:13.012 --> 41:13.873 [SPEAKER_01]: I had no idea. 41:13.893 --> 41:14.273 [SPEAKER_01]: I had no idea. 41:14.693 --> 41:15.793 [SPEAKER_00]: that was possible. 41:15.893 --> 41:21.235 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I'm not in pain for two weeks every month, like I used to be. 41:21.595 --> 41:27.637 [SPEAKER_00]: So I get like regular PMS, the day my period comes, like one day. 41:27.797 --> 41:28.097 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 41:28.317 --> 41:29.658 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like a regular thing. 41:29.978 --> 41:30.798 [SPEAKER_00]: Like it's crazy. 41:30.838 --> 41:32.178 [SPEAKER_02]: But not to push you. 41:32.198 --> 41:33.859 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, something I think about for sure. 41:33.939 --> 41:36.020 [SPEAKER_02]: I think right now is multiple. 41:36.040 --> 41:36.460 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 41:36.560 --> 41:40.221 [SPEAKER_01]: And whatever her body, you know, needs is what we'll do. 41:41.097 --> 41:49.313 [SPEAKER_01]: Um, so I think like after her recovery and everything, it's just going to be fluid and we're going to be able to, you know, pivot if we need to do surgery. 41:49.794 --> 41:51.077 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, just see how everything goes. 41:51.257 --> 41:51.558 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 41:52.306 --> 41:59.930 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, can I ask, can I be intrusive and ask me if it turned out that Gina, like, it's, it wasn't going to work again. 42:00.030 --> 42:02.031 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not putting that out to the universe. 42:02.091 --> 42:07.494 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it would work again, but if that's what you talked about this, so would you possibly consider? 42:07.634 --> 42:09.455 [SPEAKER_00]: And you don't have to answer, but absolutely. 42:09.475 --> 42:19.180 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, yeah, if that's our family goal and that's what we want absolutely, but I do have to be aware that this might be something that's would be very hard for Gina. 42:19.570 --> 42:22.111 [SPEAKER_01]: because this is her desire, this is what she wanted. 42:22.391 --> 42:26.992 [SPEAKER_02]: But, you know, I'm getting my, my moment right now being pregnant and having a baby. 42:27.072 --> 42:30.252 [SPEAKER_02]: So it's like, yeah, so for getting to do it once. 42:30.273 --> 42:33.953 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, so for a second one of my, you can do it. 42:34.774 --> 42:35.294 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't mind. 42:35.754 --> 42:38.674 [SPEAKER_00]: I hear that too, but it's nice just to have the option. 42:38.714 --> 42:44.136 [SPEAKER_00]: And for some people, it's a, it's a absolutely not, which I fully respect and understand. 42:44.696 --> 42:46.276 [SPEAKER_00]: And for some people, it's like, okay, maybe. 42:46.296 --> 42:48.597 [SPEAKER_00]: And now you have so many embryos, like, what else 42:50.258 --> 42:59.045 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, she's always said to even like, from the beginning, if I wasn't able to carry it all, you know, she, she was always willing to step in. 42:59.285 --> 43:06.571 [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, but I do love Sydney how thoughtful you are about how understanding that that could be hard for Gina. 43:06.591 --> 43:07.271 [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely. 43:07.772 --> 43:08.052 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 43:08.472 --> 43:09.633 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's be in front of the win. 43:09.673 --> 43:13.216 [SPEAKER_00]: Look at us supporting and loving our partners so well. 43:13.256 --> 43:13.556 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 43:13.997 --> 43:14.217 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 43:14.237 --> 43:15.278 [SPEAKER_00]: So this is so exciting. 43:15.358 --> 43:16.118 [SPEAKER_00]: When's your due date? 43:16.499 --> 43:17.039 [SPEAKER_02]: October 23rd. 43:18.240 --> 43:21.941 [SPEAKER_02]: We're celebrating everything's September 20th and then October 4th. 43:22.561 --> 43:25.002 [SPEAKER_02]: My parents' birthdays are all in September. 43:25.042 --> 43:26.062 [SPEAKER_02]: They're in Austria. 43:26.122 --> 43:28.463 [SPEAKER_02]: So it's a big September, October. 43:28.483 --> 43:29.323 [SPEAKER_02]: We're going to be big months. 43:29.343 --> 43:30.303 [SPEAKER_02]: We love this time of year. 43:30.403 --> 43:30.663 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 43:30.963 --> 43:31.603 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the best. 43:31.744 --> 43:32.264 [SPEAKER_00]: It's the best. 43:32.484 --> 43:37.125 [SPEAKER_00]: And you're going to have this to all bond over your story and you have this forever. 43:37.145 --> 43:38.245 [SPEAKER_00]: I love this for you. 43:38.345 --> 43:43.226 [SPEAKER_00]: So um, didn't now, didn't you create something because of your journey? 43:43.347 --> 43:44.867 [SPEAKER_00]: Do you want to share that a little bit? 43:45.347 --> 43:47.888 [SPEAKER_01]: with our experience and everything that we went through. 43:47.948 --> 43:51.128 [SPEAKER_01]: We realized it's a full-time job and we needed tool to help us. 43:51.908 --> 43:55.689 [SPEAKER_01]: So we now have an app on the Apple App Store called WeForTility. 43:56.209 --> 43:57.130 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it's out now. 43:57.210 --> 43:58.230 [SPEAKER_00]: It's out now. 43:58.410 --> 43:59.050 [SPEAKER_00]: It hasn't come. 43:59.110 --> 43:59.770 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to look it up. 43:59.810 --> 44:00.190 [SPEAKER_00]: It's also cute. 44:00.230 --> 44:00.790 [SPEAKER_00]: It's cute talking. 44:00.870 --> 44:01.931 [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely. 44:01.951 --> 44:05.071 [SPEAKER_01]: So you get amounts of paperwork when you're going through this experience. 44:05.091 --> 44:10.112 [SPEAKER_01]: There's so many different roles and steps and so many different processes and things that you have to organize. 44:10.612 --> 44:13.513 [SPEAKER_01]: We had experience of our clinic losing documents. 44:14.372 --> 44:18.796 [SPEAKER_01]: And then obviously with all the bills that needed to be paid, we wanted to track how much we were spending. 44:19.296 --> 44:26.482 [SPEAKER_01]: And so for every family planning journey, we wanted to be aware of what those needs would be in this app. 44:26.622 --> 44:31.546 [SPEAKER_01]: Hopefully addresses and covers and supports all those different areas to keep the organized to the process. 44:31.566 --> 44:33.348 [SPEAKER_01]: So you can spend more time with one another. 44:33.738 --> 44:34.399 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god. 44:34.459 --> 44:35.420 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm looking at it right now. 44:35.460 --> 44:37.121 [SPEAKER_01]: It's essentially like, yeah, that's it. 44:37.161 --> 44:37.902 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, essentially. 44:37.922 --> 44:38.923 [SPEAKER_00]: I just downloaded it. 44:39.003 --> 44:39.643 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 44:40.084 --> 44:43.907 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's like a project management tool for fertility. 44:43.927 --> 44:49.371 [SPEAKER_02]: So there's a lot of apps out there for like medication injection protocol things like that. 44:49.431 --> 44:55.196 [SPEAKER_02]: It's not that it's to keep you and your partner and your circle organized. 44:55.377 --> 44:55.677 [SPEAKER_02]: So. 44:56.308 --> 45:01.734 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I mean, there were so many preliminary like steps, forms, documents that we had to fill out. 45:02.155 --> 45:03.496 [SPEAKER_02]: The fertility clinic itself. 45:03.556 --> 45:03.857 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 45:03.977 --> 45:07.260 [SPEAKER_02]: So you're able to set up tasks for yourself, assign it. 45:07.320 --> 45:12.566 [SPEAKER_02]: Like I could go in there assign something to said if she needed to, which is the best way to communicate with you. 45:13.567 --> 45:16.630 [SPEAKER_02]: She needed to go do blood work or our known donor. 45:16.710 --> 45:23.996 [SPEAKER_02]: I can assign him, you know, hey, you need to go get blood work on this day and then you need to donate on two days later on this day. 45:24.016 --> 45:26.938 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah, I didn't even think about that with a known donor. 45:27.219 --> 45:29.521 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, to all be in that together. 45:29.721 --> 45:30.842 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah. 45:31.022 --> 45:34.645 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we had to do psychological counseling. 45:35.225 --> 45:41.887 [SPEAKER_02]: That was one of the preliminary steps along us to us separately and then with our donor. 45:42.627 --> 45:51.770 [SPEAKER_02]: So that can be added in there, the legal paperwork, things like that, and then you can easily in the app just send some of those documents like straight to the fertility clinic. 45:52.184 --> 46:01.046 [SPEAKER_02]: track your financials, because at the end of the year with taxes and stuff, we were actually able to submit all of our expenses and deducted our taxes. 46:01.106 --> 46:01.366 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 46:01.846 --> 46:04.087 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, y'all thought through everything. 46:04.167 --> 46:04.887 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm looking through it. 46:04.947 --> 46:06.487 [SPEAKER_00]: You're journey one thing at a time. 46:06.587 --> 46:13.228 [SPEAKER_00]: And so when you download this app, you can click, let's get started or something. 46:13.248 --> 46:16.009 [SPEAKER_00]: And then it's giving me like a little rundown of what it'll look like. 46:16.149 --> 46:16.449 [SPEAKER_00]: Right? 46:16.529 --> 46:16.749 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 46:16.789 --> 46:20.010 [SPEAKER_00]: So you get a preview of your money at a glance. 46:20.850 --> 46:22.951 [SPEAKER_00]: your calendar, make room for what matters. 46:23.352 --> 46:24.893 [SPEAKER_00]: You guys really thought through stuff. 46:24.973 --> 46:26.774 [SPEAKER_00]: Share the tasks, lighten the load. 46:27.354 --> 46:28.355 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, it's amazing. 46:28.655 --> 46:30.376 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, this is such a great resource. 46:30.436 --> 46:30.997 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm on this. 46:31.077 --> 46:32.618 [SPEAKER_02]: It's very proud of her, so. 46:32.858 --> 46:36.841 [SPEAKER_00]: I tell you what, great things come out of hard fertility during this. 46:37.081 --> 46:37.901 [SPEAKER_02]: That's right, you know. 46:38.742 --> 46:41.344 [SPEAKER_00]: So true, this, that's where this came from, this show. 46:41.924 --> 46:42.765 [SPEAKER_00]: And now look at this. 46:42.785 --> 46:44.306 [SPEAKER_00]: You created something to help people. 46:44.346 --> 46:46.107 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, leave it better than we found it. 46:46.187 --> 46:47.668 [SPEAKER_01]: That's always our motto. 46:48.169 --> 46:48.970 [SPEAKER_00]: That's freaking awesome. 46:48.990 --> 46:51.293 [SPEAKER_00]: And for people at home, it's we fertility one word. 46:51.513 --> 46:54.437 [SPEAKER_00]: So don't make a space because it wasn't showing up when I did it with a space. 46:54.577 --> 46:56.760 [SPEAKER_00]: That is super cool. 46:56.820 --> 46:58.282 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for creating that. 46:58.922 --> 47:00.484 [SPEAKER_00]: And oh, one last question. 47:00.504 --> 47:05.451 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't ask what have you decided your relationship with your donor might look like. 47:05.995 --> 47:33.950 [SPEAKER_01]: It's obviously good like fluid right right now we're we're setting the stage of he's he's of our friend first and foremost so whatever that looks like as our friend we see him every once in a while We'll hang out we'll go do the the front things so he's going to be a part of our lives that way he's not going to have some title you know that's going to he's going to have to do something be a part of the kids like but if he wants to do those things we're also welcoming of the idea of whatever that looks like 47:35.085 --> 47:38.648 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, this family is very supportive and excited. 47:38.688 --> 47:41.971 [SPEAKER_01]: And they're like, this is just one more person to love in the world. 47:42.552 --> 47:53.541 [SPEAKER_01]: So whatever that looks like if it gets, you know, too difficult for him or if it gets too difficult on us, we have a great relationship with him or we'll be able to kind of move it at the method that we need to. 47:54.035 --> 47:54.755 [SPEAKER_00]: that's great. 47:55.256 --> 47:59.237 [SPEAKER_00]: And knowing that it's fluid is really important as well, I imagine. 47:59.757 --> 48:03.119 [SPEAKER_00]: And do have you thought about how you're going to talk to your son? 48:03.359 --> 48:09.542 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, he will know that so and so is the donor or however you board it. 48:09.562 --> 48:14.184 [SPEAKER_01]: These are cool guys, so I would love to share all those things about it. 48:15.484 --> 48:30.491 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I love this, and I think I heard something on one of your other podcasts that someone was saying, like, even if you go through a sperm bank or an anonymous donor, like nothing's ever really anonymous, there are ways to find 48:31.484 --> 48:34.205 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, that person or that person now. 48:34.465 --> 48:35.025 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 48:35.245 --> 48:39.045 [SPEAKER_02]: And sometimes with kids, you know, they're curious. 48:39.125 --> 48:45.887 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't, I would never want to keep that from them if they, and I don't want them to do it around our backs. 48:45.987 --> 48:47.167 [SPEAKER_02]: And we have a known donor. 48:47.227 --> 48:53.948 [SPEAKER_02]: So it's a little different than like, if a kid was trying to go out and find their anonymous sperm donor by logical way. 48:54.628 --> 48:58.189 [SPEAKER_01]: But we're lucky enough that that's what we've aligned on personally and then, 48:58.663 --> 49:01.252 [SPEAKER_01]: That's what our donor has aligned with us too. 49:01.312 --> 49:05.746 [SPEAKER_01]: So we're very fortunate that our goals are aligned together. 49:06.277 --> 49:06.817 [SPEAKER_00]: It's perfect. 49:06.897 --> 49:07.278 [SPEAKER_00]: It's great. 49:07.338 --> 49:10.699 [SPEAKER_00]: It's beautiful and you're creating this beautiful tribe, this beautiful family. 49:11.219 --> 49:13.360 [SPEAKER_00]: Nothing really is anonymous anywhere. 49:13.381 --> 49:23.405 [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, we have to think through all these things and and way, what is most important to us for our families and for each family, it's completely different. 49:23.866 --> 49:30.109 [SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, we can't shame anybody for doing it, whatever way they do as long as we're putting the children first. 49:30.969 --> 49:35.751 [SPEAKER_00]: and keeping an open honest relationship with our kids about everything. 49:36.091 --> 49:37.451 [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to raise some great humans. 49:37.471 --> 49:39.432 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's my thought at least. 49:39.692 --> 49:40.332 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I agree. 49:41.112 --> 49:42.453 [SPEAKER_00]: I am so excited for you. 49:42.773 --> 49:44.493 [SPEAKER_00]: You have to let me know when baby comes in. 49:44.513 --> 49:45.174 [SPEAKER_00]: It melts. 49:45.374 --> 49:46.574 [SPEAKER_00]: Right around the sun, pigs. 49:46.834 --> 49:47.654 [SPEAKER_02]: It's so excited. 49:48.515 --> 49:49.055 [SPEAKER_00]: I know. 49:49.075 --> 49:51.376 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so grateful for having those. 49:51.396 --> 49:52.716 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, thank you for having us on. 49:52.736 --> 49:53.296 [SPEAKER_02]: It's been fun. 49:56.795 --> 50:00.437 [SPEAKER_00]: Whew, well folks, I hope you enjoyed that episode as much as I enjoyed it. 50:00.817 --> 50:05.259 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you did enjoy it, feel free to listen to another or watch another. 50:05.419 --> 50:08.720 [SPEAKER_00]: I have so many episodes for your listening or viewing pleasure. 50:08.780 --> 50:10.541 [SPEAKER_00]: Just go pick one and enjoy. 50:10.841 --> 50:12.242 [SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot, there really is. 50:12.993 --> 50:19.459 [SPEAKER_00]: And also, if you really do like this show, please, I know I say it all the time, but please do consider supporting the show on Patreon. 50:19.800 --> 50:23.723 [SPEAKER_00]: You're just gonna go to patreon.com, slash the queer family podcast. 50:23.743 --> 50:27.387 [SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna pick a tear, you're gonna join, and you're gonna get that bonus content. 50:27.767 --> 50:31.350 [SPEAKER_00]: And you're also gonna get my love and adoration for the rest of my life. 50:33.012 --> 50:37.376 [SPEAKER_00]: I love you all, thanks for tuning in, keep on tuning in, and I'll see you next time.