WEBVTT 00:01.877 --> 00:09.264 [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the intentional fatherhood podcast where we explore what it means to live on purpose as a father and how legacy starts at home. 00:09.924 --> 00:16.631 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm Justin Whitmorely, and I'm Brooke Moser, we'll be your hosts, and we desire to bring biblical hope and practical hope. 00:17.171 --> 00:17.992 [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for listening. 00:21.320 --> 00:22.562 [SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna hold up a number. 00:22.863 --> 00:24.946 [SPEAKER_00]: Yep, and I'm gonna tell you whether it's otter, even. 00:25.086 --> 00:26.007 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, I'm closing my eyes. 00:27.430 --> 00:29.213 [SPEAKER_01]: This is entirely trust, okay? 00:29.233 --> 00:30.034 [SPEAKER_01]: Because the camera's gonna stay there. 00:30.054 --> 00:30.975 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you can't change. 00:31.456 --> 00:34.902 [SPEAKER_01]: Um, so we wait, uh, the numbers being held up. 00:35.182 --> 00:35.523 [SPEAKER_01]: Go ahead. 00:35.663 --> 00:36.424 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, it's odd. 00:40.122 --> 00:40.722 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I'm good. 00:40.802 --> 00:44.124 [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to the intentional fatherhood podcast. 00:44.184 --> 00:52.387 [SPEAKER_00]: We are in season four on vice and I just and we're more early and introducing because I'm really good at guessing numbers of works holding up. 00:52.407 --> 00:53.808 [SPEAKER_00]: We just had a number. 00:53.828 --> 00:54.748 [SPEAKER_01]: You kissed already. 00:54.768 --> 00:55.969 [SPEAKER_01]: This is one of the 50% chance. 00:55.989 --> 00:57.490 [SPEAKER_01]: That had to be a 50% chance. 00:58.330 --> 01:01.292 [SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't going to tell you one through 10 and I thought that's what you were doing. 01:01.412 --> 01:03.734 [SPEAKER_01]: You're like, I don't even know. 01:04.294 --> 01:06.936 [SPEAKER_00]: That would be a 10% chance technically that I'd be able to introduce. 01:07.276 --> 01:08.217 [SPEAKER_00]: It should be 50, 50. 01:08.257 --> 01:09.298 [SPEAKER_00]: And here I am introducing. 01:09.818 --> 01:10.959 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so glad y'all are listening. 01:11.580 --> 01:17.404 [SPEAKER_00]: Tensional fatherhood podcast is here to give you biblical framework for fatherhood and practical help. 01:17.604 --> 01:21.827 [SPEAKER_00]: We're in a season on vice talking about the sins that hold us back. 01:22.347 --> 01:26.550 [SPEAKER_00]: Last week we talked about sloth acedia this week. 01:26.570 --> 01:32.895 [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to talk about anger Probably the quintessential Santa Fatherhood. 01:33.095 --> 01:34.856 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, you ever watched Jim Gavigan. 01:34.916 --> 01:36.177 [SPEAKER_00]: Why is dad always mad? 01:37.291 --> 01:45.775 [SPEAKER_00]: But before we get there, y'all need to remember to subscribe, rate the podcast and send us a question. 01:46.795 --> 01:49.377 [SPEAKER_00]: This is how people hear about this show. 01:49.437 --> 01:56.380 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you're hearing about it, if you're listening, hopefully you found it helpful, the best way to make it helpful to other people is to to rate it right now. 01:56.420 --> 01:56.940 [SPEAKER_00]: It's really simple. 01:57.000 --> 01:58.261 [SPEAKER_00]: Just click on your phone. 01:58.501 --> 01:58.961 [SPEAKER_00]: So you're going to do 01:59.181 --> 01:59.481 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 02:00.021 --> 02:01.061 [SPEAKER_00]: Always send us a voice memo. 02:01.542 --> 02:02.142 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, please do. 02:02.422 --> 02:04.362 [SPEAKER_00]: Hello at intentionalfatherhood.org. 02:05.222 --> 02:05.762 [SPEAKER_00]: Tell us your name. 02:06.423 --> 02:07.043 [SPEAKER_00]: Tell us where you're from. 02:07.503 --> 02:10.383 [SPEAKER_00]: Keep it under 60 seconds and state your question and the form of a question. 02:10.423 --> 02:12.044 [SPEAKER_00]: But send us a memo. 02:12.324 --> 02:16.285 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, we love we're going to do Q&A's coming at the end of the season. 02:16.305 --> 02:18.185 [SPEAKER_00]: We do them at the intentional fatherhood retreat. 02:19.105 --> 02:19.985 [SPEAKER_00]: We want to hear from you. 02:20.065 --> 02:22.466 [SPEAKER_00]: So like, subscribe, send us a memo. 02:22.886 --> 02:23.086 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 02:23.964 --> 02:24.585 [SPEAKER_00]: What else broke? 02:24.705 --> 02:25.466 [SPEAKER_00]: We're talking about English. 02:25.486 --> 02:26.146 [SPEAKER_00]: We just dive in. 02:26.507 --> 02:28.268 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, yeah, let's talk about anger. 02:28.288 --> 02:38.819 [SPEAKER_01]: I think one of the things how we left off last week was, you know, with just touching on some of your anger, which is justice. 02:38.899 --> 02:41.021 [SPEAKER_01]: And there's an injustice that you think, your eyes are. 02:41.702 --> 02:43.764 [SPEAKER_01]: Green and everyone around you knows their blue. 02:44.044 --> 02:49.951 [SPEAKER_00]: So, so I'm not trying to rage bait you here, bro I'm just only rage bait. 02:49.991 --> 02:51.593 [SPEAKER_01]: This is the exact evidence. 02:51.633 --> 02:54.977 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, I just put it out in the clear Let me just like I just play the record. 02:54.997 --> 02:55.217 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 02:56.158 --> 02:56.178 [UNKNOWN]: I 02:58.158 --> 03:01.199 [SPEAKER_00]: And I admit that I'm not good at color. 03:01.279 --> 03:02.859 [SPEAKER_00]: I've never actually claimed to be good at color. 03:03.019 --> 03:03.299 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 03:03.579 --> 03:04.599 [SPEAKER_01]: I've never heard you say this. 03:04.619 --> 03:11.320 [SPEAKER_00]: I also admit, Lauren asked me this all the time, or I like, I see it, she'll say they what color is that person's eyes? 03:11.380 --> 03:14.381 [SPEAKER_00]: Or she'll mention like that person's eyes are X. 03:14.421 --> 03:16.441 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, whoever notices that. 03:16.781 --> 03:18.122 [SPEAKER_00]: And she's like, well, only everybody. 03:18.822 --> 03:20.062 [SPEAKER_00]: I never noticed any of my eyes. 03:20.162 --> 03:21.902 [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't think anybody knows my everybody. 03:21.922 --> 03:22.682 [SPEAKER_00]: But here's the reality. 03:22.722 --> 03:25.883 [SPEAKER_00]: I've been told since I was young that I was the one person in my family. 03:26.543 --> 03:31.589 [SPEAKER_00]: without blue eyes it was has blue eyes and I sort of had like hazel eyes maybe blue is green eyes. 03:31.609 --> 03:33.891 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know my driver's license says I have green eyes. 03:34.332 --> 03:35.853 [SPEAKER_00]: Rook is here as of yesterday. 03:35.913 --> 03:36.834 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm 41. 03:38.556 --> 03:39.677 [SPEAKER_00]: My eyes aren't green. 03:39.797 --> 03:41.880 [SPEAKER_00]: I thought my whole life my eyes are hazel. 03:42.560 --> 03:44.062 [SPEAKER_01]: And all of you have to tell you the truth. 03:44.082 --> 03:46.244 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's the other thing that rage-based man makes it really bad. 03:46.844 --> 03:50.648 [SPEAKER_00]: You've slowly and methodically been seeding other people's opinion about this. 03:50.668 --> 03:54.791 [SPEAKER_00]: You like go to poor Abby over there and like, hey, Justin's eyes are obviously. 03:54.811 --> 04:01.457 [SPEAKER_01]: I, you know, I didn't, I didn't have an even chance to tell her must have been Jack, because I wasn't even in the office before she was. 04:01.497 --> 04:02.158 [SPEAKER_00]: We have a, you know. 04:02.338 --> 04:06.063 [SPEAKER_00]: point is you're not giving them a fair chance to actually look at the eye and rest. 04:06.444 --> 04:12.131 [SPEAKER_01]: You're being like said, but she said like like she said they're more blue than any kind of blue she's seen. 04:12.191 --> 04:13.092 [SPEAKER_01]: She said steal blue. 04:13.173 --> 04:18.480 [SPEAKER_00]: So again, you're seeing the vague tint of my contacts and I kind of got 04:20.001 --> 04:21.863 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't I really didn't erase very much. 04:22.583 --> 04:34.932 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, my contacts and and all contacts are a little bit blue and it makes my green eyes slightly Really, I swear I'm so mad Wait, because it is the other way if I this is my favorite. 04:35.012 --> 04:41.356 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so far if I haven't known the color of my eyes for 41 years It's actually slightly embarrassing, but who cares? 04:41.817 --> 04:42.717 [SPEAKER_00]: It's embarrassing. 04:42.837 --> 04:46.120 [SPEAKER_00]: I think what is really actually rage-inducing is that you're trying to make me mad 04:48.361 --> 04:49.303 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm totally kidding. 04:49.403 --> 04:50.505 [SPEAKER_01]: So that is true. 04:51.426 --> 04:54.010 [SPEAKER_01]: Your eyes are wonderful in a way. 04:54.250 --> 04:58.577 [SPEAKER_01]: I told it and when you said it, I said, well, I'm looking into those baby blues all the time. 04:58.657 --> 04:59.078 [SPEAKER_01]: I know. 04:59.378 --> 05:03.004 [SPEAKER_00]: It's the farther this conversation goes the more uncomfortable kidding. 05:03.064 --> 05:03.344 [SPEAKER_01]: I know. 05:04.485 --> 05:06.426 [SPEAKER_01]: I kind of, this is my favorite part. 05:06.446 --> 05:08.946 [SPEAKER_01]: So just give it, actually, you know, nice thing to speak of color. 05:09.486 --> 05:11.867 [SPEAKER_01]: Anyone watching today on YouTube, I do hope you're watching on YouTube. 05:11.887 --> 05:17.008 [SPEAKER_01]: You probably can't see Justin because Camo Shema is completely on. 05:17.749 --> 05:23.730 [SPEAKER_01]: Um, no, but let's, on a series note, hopefully got a little window into our, our friendship there, but our relationship. 05:23.750 --> 05:24.210 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 05:24.430 --> 05:24.590 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 05:25.251 --> 05:26.331 [SPEAKER_01]: This is our dynamic. 05:27.717 --> 05:52.242 [SPEAKER_01]: anger and couldn't agree more that this is such a perfect topic to talk about and this follows under the category of what we talked about last week and that you know we had three different sins that are kind of like in the realm of of omission to an extent and I think that we but anger is one of those ones it's just like right in front of us and so um 05:52.862 --> 06:08.872 [SPEAKER_01]: I have countless, you know, we're talking about a story, I was thinking of a story, I've countless stories of me not having just not only just self-control, but like having awareness of how anger impacts those around me. 06:09.353 --> 06:15.356 [SPEAKER_01]: So instead of giving an exact story, I'll just give you a pattern that I hate that I'm working through. 06:16.817 --> 06:19.999 [SPEAKER_01]: And this is not my shining moment, meaning yeah, this is 06:22.821 --> 06:29.607 [SPEAKER_01]: But I also say before I even give you the pattern, there's been a lot of growth and improvement through a lot of work. 06:29.947 --> 06:34.931 [SPEAKER_01]: It's taken way more work than I would have ever expected, but let me give you a pattern. 06:34.991 --> 06:38.094 [SPEAKER_01]: Bedtime is not always the best time for a lot of people. 06:38.154 --> 06:40.396 [SPEAKER_01]: Turns out it's a hard time. 06:40.996 --> 06:42.117 [SPEAKER_01]: Your kids are tired, your tired. 06:42.598 --> 06:43.158 [SPEAKER_01]: Everyone's done. 06:43.238 --> 06:44.759 [SPEAKER_01]: Everyone just wants space. 06:45.000 --> 06:46.001 [SPEAKER_01]: No one's on the best behavior. 06:46.041 --> 06:46.421 [SPEAKER_01]: No one. 06:46.561 --> 06:48.483 [SPEAKER_01]: And everyone's just like, can we just get to bed? 06:49.083 --> 06:53.024 [SPEAKER_01]: you know, sometimes it's because you are, you get to go relax. 06:53.184 --> 06:59.445 [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes there's been a communication or conversation about intimacy, potentially happening when the kids are in bed, like kid beds. 06:59.926 --> 07:01.706 [SPEAKER_01]: Quick, you can't freaking get in bed. 07:03.206 --> 07:04.927 [SPEAKER_01]: Um, so there's that's the truth there. 07:04.947 --> 07:08.528 [SPEAKER_01]: The other truth is that you're just sometimes like completely impatient. 07:08.588 --> 07:13.909 [SPEAKER_01]: And so the pattern for me and it's usually around this time is I'm pretty patient. 07:14.169 --> 07:15.109 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, hey, can we just 07:18.585 --> 07:43.031 [SPEAKER_01]: The best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the best shot on good, the 07:43.531 --> 07:43.952 [SPEAKER_01]: insane. 07:44.452 --> 07:51.739 [SPEAKER_01]: You're like, so I will often just forget, not even forget, but like I will just put her in the range of neurotypical bit. 07:51.919 --> 07:53.000 [SPEAKER_01]: She knows what I'm saying. 07:53.020 --> 07:54.622 [SPEAKER_01]: Like totally, she's just pouring out. 07:55.142 --> 07:59.507 [SPEAKER_01]: So I think there's these little narratives that come, but what happens is the girls will get distracted. 07:59.527 --> 08:02.189 [SPEAKER_01]: They won't listen, then they'll start feeding off of each other. 08:02.329 --> 08:06.914 [SPEAKER_01]: One doesn't do something that I'm doing and the other's like, well, if I don't do it, then we're like, yeah, that 08:08.524 --> 08:15.967 [SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, this will usually culminate in me saying something along the lines of like, all right, now it's serious. 08:16.247 --> 08:17.228 [SPEAKER_01]: Now get in bed. 08:17.268 --> 08:17.768 [SPEAKER_01]: We've said it. 08:18.608 --> 08:25.311 [SPEAKER_01]: And then it will often get to a spot where they're in bed and I'm raising my voice. 08:25.992 --> 08:27.392 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm irritating like girls. 08:27.412 --> 08:28.273 [SPEAKER_01]: We talk about every night. 08:29.413 --> 08:32.854 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like now dysregulated to the point where I am angry. 08:33.074 --> 08:37.856 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm, you know, whether it's raising my voice or being too intense, they're like cowering like 10. 08:37.876 --> 08:38.796 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, we're just playing. 08:38.816 --> 08:42.597 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, and I'm watching you like, I hate this version of myself. 08:43.577 --> 08:46.318 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, so that is like a real pattern. 08:46.638 --> 08:51.380 [SPEAKER_00]: And would you, would you say in that moment you went too far? 08:52.020 --> 08:52.580 [SPEAKER_01]: way too far. 08:52.961 --> 08:53.301 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 08:53.721 --> 08:53.921 [SPEAKER_01]: Right. 08:54.081 --> 08:54.742 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, way too far. 08:55.022 --> 09:03.067 [SPEAKER_01]: And I know you're leading question and I like it because it's like the the punishment did not fit the crime. 09:03.087 --> 09:03.207 [SPEAKER_00]: Right. 09:03.447 --> 09:05.328 [SPEAKER_01]: Like they were being kids. 09:05.368 --> 09:06.248 [SPEAKER_01]: They weren't listening. 09:06.329 --> 09:07.389 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, that is true. 09:08.050 --> 09:12.432 [SPEAKER_01]: But there's another part of it that is also true, which is I am. 09:14.153 --> 09:16.955 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't ever need to become that intense. 09:17.035 --> 09:17.315 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 09:17.795 --> 09:17.935 [SPEAKER_01]: That 09:21.097 --> 09:33.127 [SPEAKER_01]: And and truly for me the only thing that usually kind of calms me down once I'm up at us bases like to literally go on a walk like it not many things actually calm me down quick right or work well for me 09:33.861 --> 09:35.362 [SPEAKER_01]: So, I'm embarrassed at that point. 09:35.502 --> 09:36.162 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm irritated. 09:36.262 --> 09:43.167 [SPEAKER_01]: Then my wife's usually mad at me because I like, why are you making such a pretty minor thing, such a big thing? 09:43.867 --> 09:46.689 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, find you out of just told you and I wouldn't have done it. 09:46.909 --> 09:50.931 [SPEAKER_01]: And it was just so simple out of just like, pick that, but it could make me angry. 09:50.971 --> 09:51.892 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it would actually be that. 09:52.992 --> 10:19.083 [SPEAKER_01]: It's exactly what happens like now we have tension because you're mad at me for being mad so but that what I'm naming hopefully is many people's experience And I know it to be true and so that's a pattern and I think that if I can just name a couple things that are important is That that moment what makes me angry isn't usually as much my girls or they're they're not listening to me. 10:19.763 --> 10:21.624 [SPEAKER_01]: It's all the other stuff 10:23.082 --> 10:37.323 [SPEAKER_01]: behind it, anger is a secondary emotion, meaning usually it's like we're going to talk all about this, but that I'm angry in that moment at them, but really they're like, what's the right word? 10:38.284 --> 10:44.309 [SPEAKER_01]: They are like, you know, innocent bystandards of something that is deep or going on it. 10:44.409 --> 10:45.570 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, right, right, right, right. 10:45.830 --> 10:46.010 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 10:46.230 --> 10:54.677 [SPEAKER_00]: That I think what's so interesting about anger for me is that I was never angry until I got married to had kids. 10:54.997 --> 10:55.738 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I was not. 10:56.739 --> 10:58.980 [SPEAKER_00]: And here was not a sin I would have related to. 10:59.000 --> 10:59.741 [SPEAKER_00]: In my 11:02.443 --> 11:13.169 [SPEAKER_00]: teenage years, and in my early 20s, it really was not until family relationships of marriage and kids. 11:13.790 --> 11:18.893 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know that this is true for everybody, and some of you might at a young age relate to anger, or this is just your struggle. 11:19.933 --> 11:31.380 [SPEAKER_00]: You're the kind of person that punched walls, or you know, yelled at your parents, or maybe you had dysfunctional family, and you're introduced to anger, young, but for me, and I've met many people like me. 11:32.081 --> 11:34.831 [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, I never struggled with anger until I became a dad. 11:35.967 --> 11:41.869 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's my wife and my kids that get my blowups, like I don't blow up on people that work. 11:42.129 --> 11:56.175 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I don't, and I think that is pretty typical that a lot of us dads are going through work, going through our day, going through our life, giving everyone our best, our patients. 11:57.075 --> 11:59.636 [SPEAKER_00]: This has to do with the the sloth of last time work. 11:59.936 --> 12:02.017 [SPEAKER_00]: We're working really hard out there, 12:06.707 --> 12:10.468 [SPEAKER_00]: and the laziness clicks in and we're like, I can't do it anymore. 12:10.808 --> 12:23.292 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm tired and we blow up at our kids, you know, you yell at, or just exchange harsh or impatient words with your wife and maybe you're mad at God. 12:24.352 --> 12:33.135 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes actually you're being nice to everybody in your life and you're just like smoldering mad at God for giving you the life that he's given you. 12:34.176 --> 12:40.751 [SPEAKER_00]: And that I think anger is such a characteristic vice of fathers. 12:41.573 --> 12:42.616 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's really important to address. 12:42.656 --> 12:43.779 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm most of my 12:45.602 --> 12:50.826 [SPEAKER_00]: Herringing shifts have happened in the wake of my anger explosions. 12:51.367 --> 12:52.748 [SPEAKER_00]: Like anybody's red happens to the household. 12:53.689 --> 12:59.113 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, would know I start that book, like in a story of bedtime. 12:59.393 --> 13:02.656 [SPEAKER_00]: Like you just shared so difficult and just yelling at my kids. 13:02.696 --> 13:11.043 [SPEAKER_00]: Like you literally yelling them to bed and one night realizing that, oh, this is not an isolated incident that I would call sin. 13:12.352 --> 13:17.678 [SPEAKER_00]: This is a repeat pattern that is now accurately labeled as vice. 13:18.098 --> 13:21.162 [SPEAKER_00]: I am the kind of person who yells my kids to bed every night. 13:21.722 --> 13:24.806 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm the kind of dad that is normally angry. 13:25.326 --> 13:26.267 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what we call vice. 13:26.427 --> 13:27.749 [SPEAKER_00]: This is the habit of anger. 13:29.691 --> 13:33.015 [SPEAKER_00]: I think our summary question here is, 13:35.336 --> 13:39.338 [SPEAKER_00]: What do you do with your emotions? 13:39.418 --> 13:41.239 [SPEAKER_00]: What do you do with your discontent? 13:41.279 --> 13:45.200 [SPEAKER_00]: What do you do with the reality that you cannot control the world? 13:46.141 --> 13:48.322 [SPEAKER_00]: Often, what we do is we go to anger. 13:49.042 --> 13:54.645 [SPEAKER_00]: And yet, the biblical, I think that's so interesting actually about talking about the Vice of anger, is that 13:56.168 --> 13:58.030 [SPEAKER_00]: Anger is not always wrong. 13:58.090 --> 13:59.631 [SPEAKER_00]: This is an interesting one. 13:59.671 --> 14:01.793 [SPEAKER_00]: The Bible says over and over. 14:02.213 --> 14:07.958 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm thinking of James 119 in this case, but it's in the Psalms to be slow to anger. 14:07.978 --> 14:10.600 [SPEAKER_00]: It says that God has slow to anger. 14:11.461 --> 14:13.101 [SPEAKER_00]: So often the problem with our anger is timing. 14:13.581 --> 14:15.162 [SPEAKER_00]: We get we we blow up to soon. 14:16.862 --> 14:20.343 [SPEAKER_00]: But then it also says vengeance is the Lord's judgment. 14:20.683 --> 14:28.965 [SPEAKER_00]: Leave the judgment to God and I think we're both often going to soon in our anger and then sending in our anger, which is the the problem. 14:29.825 --> 14:32.685 [SPEAKER_00]: And we're also trying to control something that is not ours to control. 14:32.725 --> 14:36.166 [SPEAKER_00]: We use anger to early and to often when 14:40.867 --> 14:44.369 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, but this is giving me a nuance because sometimes it's right to get angry. 14:44.669 --> 14:53.112 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I was yes, I want to say a statement that could be a little might come across as controversial again, but I don't think it is. 14:53.792 --> 14:59.015 [SPEAKER_01]: Most fathers, I talked to you and I think we're a part of it and I felt this too. 14:59.215 --> 15:04.717 [SPEAKER_01]: Most fathers think that they actually have an anger problem, but I often think they have an awareness problem. 15:06.329 --> 15:06.910 [SPEAKER_01]: Let me explain. 15:07.290 --> 15:16.043 [SPEAKER_01]: So I think anger becomes an identity for a lot of people and can become one, like you're an angry person. 15:17.545 --> 15:21.992 [SPEAKER_01]: Now is anger what's showing up, absolutely is it's what's showing up all the time? 15:23.224 --> 15:23.524 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 15:24.505 --> 15:30.927 [SPEAKER_01]: But anger in that sense is not an identity or at least it doesn't start out as one. 15:31.288 --> 15:41.912 [SPEAKER_01]: It starts out as all of these feelings and emotions different things that you are either aware of or not aware of bubbling up to the surface and you're acting out in pain. 15:41.952 --> 15:45.074 [SPEAKER_01]: It's why so many that phrase hurt people hurt people. 15:45.094 --> 15:47.094 [SPEAKER_01]: But you know it is 15:48.455 --> 16:00.993 [SPEAKER_01]: when you think about it for just a minute, like it is all over the place that were angry usually not because of the thing in front of us when you are driving and someone pulls it in front of you. 16:02.914 --> 16:10.156 [SPEAKER_01]: you're now angry because this person took this spot in a form that you didn't think was good or righteous or fine. 16:11.217 --> 16:15.578 [SPEAKER_01]: And you're angry, but you know, to take a second go like, why are you actually angry about like what? 16:15.738 --> 16:15.958 [SPEAKER_01]: Where? 16:15.978 --> 16:17.839 [SPEAKER_01]: Because your lack of control in the world was highlighted. 16:17.919 --> 16:23.921 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, now you're like, so with my kid is my own example, why am I so angry? 16:24.741 --> 16:26.082 [SPEAKER_01]: If I was to be honest and 16:29.323 --> 16:34.206 [SPEAKER_01]: things that I've been able to see is I'm tired and I don't want to deal with parenting anymore. 16:34.606 --> 16:35.626 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm done parenting. 16:35.806 --> 16:36.587 [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm tired. 16:37.087 --> 16:38.308 [SPEAKER_01]: I feel entitled to rest. 16:38.768 --> 16:39.008 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 16:39.708 --> 16:41.730 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm done with this now. 16:41.990 --> 16:46.932 [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like I'm having to do it alone because my wife often can't help put the girls to bed because of health stuff. 16:47.433 --> 16:48.373 [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm lonely. 16:49.474 --> 16:52.475 [SPEAKER_01]: I want to do something that I've been giving out all day. 16:56.277 --> 16:57.077 [SPEAKER_01]: uh, another thing. 16:57.657 --> 17:01.038 [SPEAKER_01]: Why does everyone seem to not want to listen to me? 17:01.138 --> 17:01.978 [SPEAKER_01]: What was me? 17:03.159 --> 17:04.059 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a terrible father. 17:04.179 --> 17:07.240 [SPEAKER_00]: I love how these are all eye statement. 17:07.280 --> 17:07.640 [SPEAKER_00]: They are. 17:07.780 --> 17:08.300 [SPEAKER_00]: Be always. 17:09.320 --> 17:13.121 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, we're doing pride last as we forecasted last week. 17:13.321 --> 17:16.262 [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to culminate in this queen of sin that is pride. 17:16.322 --> 17:16.442 [SPEAKER_00]: But 17:17.062 --> 17:33.358 [SPEAKER_00]: Every one of the seven deadly sense, every one of these vices stems from pride, which is why it's going to culminate in that, and when you describe why we're angry, it's so many eye statements of like, well, I, I feel entitled to this, or I ought to gotten this, or 17:34.620 --> 17:50.239 [SPEAKER_00]: If I wish I could control its anger, I think fundamentally comes from the unfortunate realization that we're not God and we're not in charge of his timing and we're not ultimately the ones to solve this problem. 17:50.900 --> 17:59.442 [SPEAKER_00]: And when I'm confronted with my lack of control in the world, or just my inability to get what I want, anger is the result. 17:59.482 --> 18:01.563 [SPEAKER_00]: And then downstream effects of anger. 18:01.603 --> 18:05.683 [SPEAKER_00]: I think one of the reasons that angry anger is one of the seven deadly senses. 18:05.703 --> 18:16.846 [SPEAKER_00]: There's so many downstream sins that come from inappropriate anger, violence, which is obvious one, swearing. 18:17.426 --> 18:19.147 [SPEAKER_00]: I think crude language like that idea and I'll 18:21.127 --> 18:23.929 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't necessarily think cussing is always bad. 18:24.510 --> 18:31.395 [SPEAKER_00]: But I often find myself cursing under my breath alone about something I'm mad about. 18:31.835 --> 18:34.697 [SPEAKER_00]: So I think, you know, venting your anger like that is not me. 18:34.717 --> 18:35.357 [SPEAKER_01]: You can confess. 18:35.377 --> 18:35.878 [SPEAKER_01]: You can say it. 18:36.038 --> 18:36.398 [SPEAKER_01]: It's me. 18:36.518 --> 18:37.159 [SPEAKER_01]: It's the blue eyes. 18:37.279 --> 18:39.080 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm going to not get a text message from Brooke. 18:39.640 --> 18:41.141 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to get through. 18:42.942 --> 18:44.223 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me name some other ones. 18:44.363 --> 18:44.843 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, miss. 18:45.843 --> 18:53.425 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I mean, just just being mean to other people hurting them on purpose, this could be silence, could be cold shoulders. 18:54.025 --> 19:03.928 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to get my, I'm going to guess father's listening that one of the primary ways your anger impacts your wife is that you are passively mean to her. 19:04.928 --> 19:06.951 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to guess most of you aren't yelling at your wife. 19:08.013 --> 19:10.757 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to guess most of you aren't abusing people in your family. 19:10.817 --> 19:14.202 [SPEAKER_00]: Though if you are yelling or abusing people in your family, you need to get help right now. 19:14.342 --> 19:14.583 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 19:15.043 --> 19:15.284 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 19:15.664 --> 19:17.287 [SPEAKER_00]: Most of you are probably. 19:18.748 --> 19:38.560 [SPEAKER_00]: passively mean and cold like I am so my wife makes me mad and so I give her a silent evening a cold shoulder a maybe not even an unkind response just a lackluster response and I punish her or we punish our kids. 19:39.400 --> 19:43.183 [SPEAKER_00]: through withholding our smile and our joy. 19:43.704 --> 19:49.309 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just, I want to actually confess that a little more clearly because I think it's so sad that I'm like this. 19:50.490 --> 19:55.914 [SPEAKER_00]: The greatest thing I could give my wife and my kids, is like my joy, my approval. 19:57.456 --> 19:59.818 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm actually, if you're on camera, I'm actually getting a little sad thinking about this. 20:00.278 --> 20:00.878 [SPEAKER_00]: Because this is me. 20:00.958 --> 20:01.659 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to confess it. 20:02.419 --> 20:08.402 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, I, on purpose, with hold my kindness to my wife and kids as a way to punish them when I'm mad. 20:09.542 --> 20:13.144 [SPEAKER_00]: That's just so, it's, it's, it's, it's disgusting. 20:13.164 --> 20:16.265 [SPEAKER_00]: It makes me mad at myself even thinking about it. 20:16.585 --> 20:27.750 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, but I bet lots of you are like me and you give a thousand cuts to everyone in your life by withholding your joy with holding your smile and holding a kind word because you're mad. 20:28.130 --> 20:50.084 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you just become an angry person, okay, can I honor this moment and just say I appreciate your honesty and your confession and even as a brother I forgive you although you're not needing my forgiveness, but I think the heart of Jesus is to tell you I forgive you yeah and Jesus does as well and 20:51.549 --> 21:16.368 [SPEAKER_01]: And like we talk about like this is the how do you stop that you start you got to be honest about it right and you're doing that and you're already aware of it, you know, this is the first time you're aware of it, but just like you're honest confession, which I respect and appreciate, I think that's exactly what we're talking about. 21:18.368 --> 21:19.830 [SPEAKER_01]: anger is sneaky. 21:20.631 --> 21:21.191 [SPEAKER_01]: It hurts. 21:21.271 --> 21:22.873 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's so painful. 21:23.774 --> 21:33.965 [SPEAKER_01]: And angers usually, at least it might, the positive part of anger, and I'm not going to switch too quickly to content, but it's, it's also a bodyguard. 21:34.005 --> 21:35.226 [SPEAKER_01]: It protects us from stuff. 21:35.286 --> 21:39.010 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, most angry people are just very hurt to people. 21:39.310 --> 21:39.491 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 21:41.450 --> 21:59.108 [SPEAKER_01]: These are, I don't even need to give examples, but they're very hurt people and angers is a way of protecting You know, I'm saying and I'm not saying I'm not trying to apply that to where that that maybe that's the root for you or anything like that Well, but just to kind of say like there's a protection element like you hurt me Maybe I'm not gonna give out. 21:59.148 --> 22:02.232 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean, it's not like we want to be angry and I think this is why 22:02.672 --> 22:02.892 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 22:03.092 --> 22:09.295 [SPEAKER_00]: This is such a quintessential sin of the middle life stage of fatherhood where you're giving your life away. 22:09.335 --> 22:18.499 [SPEAKER_00]: You've just become frustrated at all the things that have become so difficult to control, that have become difficult for you. 22:19.520 --> 22:21.441 [SPEAKER_00]: There might be really good reason in your 22:24.803 --> 22:28.288 [SPEAKER_00]: But you've decided anger is the way to deal with it. 22:28.348 --> 22:36.900 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's where when a callback, you know, last episode, we gave 10 recurring themes, I'm going to call back to one of them. 22:37.481 --> 22:39.023 [SPEAKER_00]: We think our sin is reasonable. 22:39.584 --> 22:39.965 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 22:40.285 --> 22:43.048 [SPEAKER_00]: And one of our things we said last time, you're, it's not complicated. 22:43.128 --> 22:43.348 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 22:43.488 --> 22:44.609 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's actually insanity. 22:45.450 --> 22:51.016 [SPEAKER_00]: It's, it's never reasonable to explode at somebody in your anger and hurt them. 22:51.476 --> 22:57.923 [SPEAKER_00]: But what I do broke is I think about even the thing I just confess is I, I often think in the moment. 22:59.044 --> 23:09.575 [SPEAKER_00]: This is the way I have to get this child's attention and then sin comes at me with reason saying it's not sensible that you endure this anymore. 23:09.655 --> 23:20.746 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not sensible that you let this child do this or you need to show her that she just hurt your feelings you know you need to I think I use anger to control what is uncontrollable. 23:21.747 --> 23:41.097 [SPEAKER_00]: instead of realizing that I'm not God and I don't necessarily deserve to have the exact evening that I want, or maybe it is wrong, maybe my wife did harm me, or maybe something did go wrong, maybe my kid should have been, and I the one to judge it in that moment, this is where it gets hard. 23:43.237 --> 23:47.201 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes you need to raise your voice with your kids to save them from themselves, or to teach them something. 23:47.701 --> 23:51.705 [SPEAKER_00]: But it doesn't have to be the angry, controlling sort of like, throw stuff. 23:51.725 --> 23:53.666 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I just confess the other day. 23:53.686 --> 23:58.971 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I threw sunglasses at the wall as I was rep-representing one of my sons. 24:00.052 --> 24:02.554 [SPEAKER_00]: Which was just not helpful. 24:03.375 --> 24:22.822 [SPEAKER_00]: it was just anger exploding and like but in my head at the moment I was like got to show him that this matters and I was like I picked the wrong thing to show them that it were the nice classes like what I've liked and they were cheap apparently I don't know I was just like man I could have used them but but I have broken I don't know I just want to 24:23.843 --> 24:33.399 [SPEAKER_00]: I think I've already confessed that, and you have anybody who reads my books, they read about this of, in our house, both with Lauren and with me and with our kids, this is probably the primary son. 24:34.223 --> 24:39.886 [SPEAKER_00]: And we all get pretty heated and it's not unusual. 24:39.906 --> 24:44.349 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I mean, I use it's unusual, but it's not unheard of that things have just been thrown in our house. 24:44.589 --> 24:49.492 [SPEAKER_00]: And some of my throws in the kids do that and I'm like, they've seen me do that. 24:49.612 --> 24:51.833 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I was gonna, okay, does that come from a place? 24:51.953 --> 24:53.534 [SPEAKER_00]: Did this happen in your family? 24:54.034 --> 24:55.255 [SPEAKER_00]: No, interesting. 24:55.455 --> 24:56.335 [SPEAKER_00]: No, no. 24:57.296 --> 25:01.979 [SPEAKER_00]: My dad was very stern with us at times, 25:03.478 --> 25:07.660 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm not even trying to attack the thing. 25:07.820 --> 25:20.987 [SPEAKER_01]: It's what you just said about one of your kids throwing something like a lot of the times our anger unfortunately was picked up somewhere and my anger can look like versions of my family. 25:21.007 --> 25:22.908 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I don't know my kids. 25:24.635 --> 25:27.438 [SPEAKER_00]: I would not characterize my parents at all as angry. 25:27.458 --> 25:33.465 [SPEAKER_00]: I would say my dad leaned more towards it as stereotypical dads do, like they can be pretty heated and mad. 25:33.545 --> 25:44.397 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, definitely not my mom, and that's why I think it's interesting, actually, because I'm sort of surprised to look up as a 41 year old with the childhood I was given in the life. 25:44.437 --> 25:45.178 [SPEAKER_00]: I was given to be like, 25:45.718 --> 25:46.859 [SPEAKER_00]: What do you have to be mad about? 25:47.019 --> 25:48.079 [SPEAKER_00]: Who taught you to be mad? 25:48.599 --> 25:50.600 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just suspect a lot of fathers are like that. 25:50.620 --> 25:52.741 [SPEAKER_00]: We're like, how did I become an angry person? 25:52.961 --> 25:53.221 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 25:53.441 --> 25:58.863 [SPEAKER_00]: And I would note that it's out there in our culture. 25:58.903 --> 25:59.964 [SPEAKER_00]: I do think we live. 26:00.224 --> 26:00.464 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 26:01.084 --> 26:02.445 [SPEAKER_00]: This is a fun, this is a vise. 26:02.465 --> 26:03.366 [SPEAKER_00]: This is a seven deadly sin. 26:03.386 --> 26:09.752 [SPEAKER_00]: Like people have always struggled with the anger, but you know, right now, you definitely see a lot of outrage online. 26:10.212 --> 26:13.675 [SPEAKER_00]: You even say, and as we were talking over this episode, you're like, you, you kind of like watching. 26:13.696 --> 26:15.217 [SPEAKER_00]: No, I said, it's, it's entertainment. 26:15.237 --> 26:15.637 [SPEAKER_00]: It's entertainment. 26:15.657 --> 26:16.178 [SPEAKER_00]: It's entertainment. 26:16.238 --> 26:19.080 [SPEAKER_01]: It's watching people get angry and public. 26:20.181 --> 26:23.005 [SPEAKER_01]: is a whole category of entertainment. 26:23.145 --> 26:36.221 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm even YouTube, like just millions upon millions of different channels or channels that have millions of followers that are all about people getting arrested and justice or 26:37.182 --> 26:58.867 [SPEAKER_01]: uh... it's just somebody doing something so stupid in public and then immediately getting and then getting what they deserve or instant karma stuff yeah and you and these videos which i've absolutely watched have millions of views and it's entertaining right to watch people lose it and i think at the same time um... it is become 27:00.127 --> 27:09.414 [SPEAKER_00]: a very viable way to grow a social media presence to get you to just get do outreach on people. 27:10.514 --> 27:20.061 [SPEAKER_00]: You are much more likely to get clicks and follows if you have some really hot take or get mad at somebody else. 27:21.302 --> 27:24.144 [SPEAKER_00]: News networks have this common knowledge, but it's worth stating. 27:24.764 --> 27:26.145 [SPEAKER_00]: drastically shifted. 27:26.165 --> 27:30.347 [SPEAKER_00]: If you were to watch a regular evening news program in 1978. 27:30.728 --> 27:36.531 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, it would not look like a regular news program in 2018. 27:37.312 --> 27:40.474 [SPEAKER_00]: Anger has now become a network growth tactic. 27:40.534 --> 27:41.374 [SPEAKER_00]: Anger is addictive. 27:41.634 --> 27:43.395 [SPEAKER_00]: Outrage is interesting to us. 27:44.176 --> 27:47.658 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we I think we live in a moment where 27:49.506 --> 27:54.989 [SPEAKER_00]: we said earlier, sin comes at you as if with reason to say this is you should do this now. 27:55.530 --> 28:00.473 [SPEAKER_00]: If we live in a moment where it's probably we think maybe more reasonable to get angry. 28:00.493 --> 28:07.517 [SPEAKER_01]: We can just, we think it's kind of, we feel like, well, I should be able to because you did this. 28:08.197 --> 28:21.788 [SPEAKER_01]: And well, I want to get to the, you know, vengeance as mine says Lord, this is Roman stuff, which we're going to get to the timing of who's who's really in charge of all this because that is actually the the deeper I think thing that we're going to be processing and working through. 28:22.669 --> 28:27.512 [SPEAKER_01]: But, you know, even just to kind of say thank you for your transparency with how 28:28.353 --> 28:44.770 [SPEAKER_01]: how silly anger can look like because when you when you're in a regulated calm state and you're just like you're normal self when you go yeah I threw classes at a wall through a point to my kids and so doing just teaching them that that's something that you have an option to do now yeah 28:45.431 --> 28:47.231 [SPEAKER_01]: which I've done a thousand things like that. 28:48.552 --> 28:54.753 [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's just notable because I think it's helpful for people to know we are in the middle of all this stuff. 28:54.793 --> 28:56.093 [SPEAKER_01]: We do not have this figured out. 28:56.133 --> 29:06.835 [SPEAKER_01]: We have all of our plunders and just to prove to you, you can take classes all raise the bet to a really dumb thing that I did when I was really angry just the other day. 29:07.455 --> 29:08.856 [SPEAKER_01]: And my girls were fighting. 29:09.096 --> 29:10.356 [SPEAKER_01]: They were arguing back and forth. 29:10.796 --> 29:17.780 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's to be fair when you're raising multiple kids but also quantity of four in our situation. 29:18.540 --> 29:23.763 [SPEAKER_01]: No one often told me and maybe you person listening can agree with this. 29:24.103 --> 29:26.324 [SPEAKER_01]: That a lot of my parenting would be breaking at fights. 29:26.584 --> 29:31.047 [SPEAKER_00]: Like all of a sudden I'm like a referee end or like Josh. 29:31.707 --> 29:32.668 [SPEAKER_00]: Like we hold on. 29:32.848 --> 29:35.189 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to jump the next episode on envy and do the 29:39.831 --> 29:46.638 [SPEAKER_01]: And you're absolutely right because I've been to your house and there's any time I'm there there Literally like last time was there boxing gloves went on there. 29:46.658 --> 29:52.003 [SPEAKER_01]: But nobody knew and then just one kid fight for fun They fight when they're angry. 29:52.043 --> 29:58.148 [SPEAKER_00]: It was a playful, but I'm interrupting and it's true of every parent Like you you had no idea how much of your life was gonna be breaking up fights. 29:58.168 --> 29:58.989 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and guess what? 29:59.229 --> 30:00.130 [SPEAKER_00]: I bet you could agree about it. 30:00.370 --> 30:00.711 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 30:00.731 --> 30:04.054 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I get really angry because they're because here's the thing 30:05.882 --> 30:07.784 [SPEAKER_01]: There's lots of different people listening. 30:07.984 --> 30:09.225 [SPEAKER_01]: There's girl dads. 30:09.245 --> 30:10.106 [SPEAKER_01]: There's boy dads. 30:10.126 --> 30:11.107 [SPEAKER_01]: There's girl boy dads, right? 30:11.127 --> 30:13.889 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I have one daughter or one daughter. 30:13.909 --> 30:15.891 [SPEAKER_01]: I have one son and three girls. 30:16.051 --> 30:16.872 [SPEAKER_01]: You have four boys. 30:17.493 --> 30:25.480 [SPEAKER_01]: And often, I know you'll always note, like, there's certain things that you'll never have, like, a little girl that says to you, by daddy, I look like my girls leave me notes all the time. 30:25.500 --> 30:26.601 [SPEAKER_01]: The other day, I went to go kiss Sloan on the cheek. 30:26.621 --> 30:27.522 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, five species, like, on the lips. 30:27.542 --> 30:32.346 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 30:33.146 --> 30:35.087 [SPEAKER_01]: But it, you're also like so, it's so endearing. 30:35.147 --> 30:36.287 [SPEAKER_01]: You're like, this is so sweet. 30:36.807 --> 30:40.728 [SPEAKER_01]: And so you're at this, where at this stage where it's like, these girls are so sweet. 30:41.148 --> 30:44.049 [SPEAKER_01]: The difference, your boys are all external in a lot of sense. 30:45.269 --> 30:51.151 [SPEAKER_01]: Watching the psychological tricks and things girls do each other is maniacal. 30:51.351 --> 30:52.091 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, wow. 30:53.072 --> 30:56.372 [SPEAKER_01]: The phrases, they know how to say the right thing at the right moment. 30:56.452 --> 30:58.313 [SPEAKER_00]: There's no fist that fly, 30:58.793 --> 30:59.874 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's beautiful. 30:59.954 --> 31:01.635 [SPEAKER_01]: Are digging in the worst. 31:01.755 --> 31:06.699 [SPEAKER_01]: And I mean, if you people listening to have girls like that stuff, I mean, that's not always the case, maybe. 31:06.739 --> 31:07.620 [SPEAKER_01]: But you know what I'm talking about? 31:08.060 --> 31:10.762 [SPEAKER_01]: All to say, they were fighting about something so dumb. 31:10.902 --> 31:19.768 [SPEAKER_01]: And none of them would like both of them started raising their voice, la, la, la, la, so they're screaming at each other about something that was, again, I can't even remember what it was. 31:20.229 --> 31:24.892 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, you know, walking over like girls, we don't treat people like this. 31:24.952 --> 31:25.853 [SPEAKER_01]: This is dumb. 31:26.033 --> 31:26.894 [SPEAKER_01]: This is so dumb. 31:27.654 --> 31:28.215 [SPEAKER_01]: That I told us though. 31:28.235 --> 31:28.875 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like sit down. 31:28.895 --> 31:31.317 [SPEAKER_01]: She's like why I was like because I said so sit down. 31:31.337 --> 31:32.959 [SPEAKER_01]: She's like There's nowhere to sit. 31:32.999 --> 31:38.563 [SPEAKER_01]: I was sitting on the floor And Bernie's like no, not me. 31:38.643 --> 31:39.184 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not sitting down. 31:39.204 --> 31:40.124 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like sit down. 31:40.185 --> 31:41.806 [SPEAKER_01]: And she's like I'm not sitting down. 31:41.826 --> 31:53.676 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like sit down right now She's like why it was like because I said so you like So for no reason and I can't even tell you why I told them to sit down other than I think it was like one thing that they would maybe listen So they'd stop screaming 31:54.830 --> 31:59.355 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that was why, but that's not I mean, that's the root of it will come back to it. 31:59.575 --> 32:05.061 [SPEAKER_00]: But like anger is the thing that's like, let me get some piece of control here. 32:05.241 --> 32:05.481 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 32:05.701 --> 32:06.462 [SPEAKER_00]: It might be a name. 32:06.542 --> 32:07.343 [SPEAKER_00]: Like it's a set. 32:07.583 --> 32:08.904 [SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, we keep going. 32:09.065 --> 32:12.448 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, it was just not my proud parenting moment. 32:13.289 --> 32:16.052 [SPEAKER_01]: And they're sitting there and I'm feeling like, 32:18.057 --> 32:19.298 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what the crap I'm doing. 32:19.418 --> 32:20.779 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't even know why I stood down. 32:20.799 --> 32:24.481 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, that's the other thing when everything comes back online. 32:24.921 --> 32:29.764 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's just to say, like, we all have these dumb moments. 32:29.824 --> 32:38.269 [SPEAKER_01]: One time I was really angry, this is at my wife, though, which was fair, meaning like fair that it was at the tracks. 32:38.389 --> 32:39.810 [SPEAKER_01]: We all get angry at our spouses at moments. 32:40.570 --> 32:46.956 [SPEAKER_01]: And I was so frustrated that I had my keys in my hand and she wasn't even around I just threw him on the garage floor because I was so mad. 32:47.396 --> 32:48.057 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 32:48.097 --> 32:51.620 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I was just like, ah, you know, I had this moment I was like no one's around no one saw me. 32:51.960 --> 33:01.328 [SPEAKER_01]: I thought it was I was good and in fact it was but then I broke my Carkey which costs like 500 bucks to fix which I sell him fixed to this day, which years ago 33:02.168 --> 33:07.493 [SPEAKER_01]: because it's a great reminder to me that anger has consequences. 33:07.593 --> 33:08.253 [SPEAKER_01]: Interesting. 33:08.333 --> 33:12.637 [SPEAKER_01]: And so I taped up that stupid key and I'm still in convenience every day about it, but I'm in. 33:13.426 --> 33:22.756 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm glad you said that because I was just, I wanted to push us towards this point and I want you to name Father Howell. 33:23.117 --> 33:25.539 [SPEAKER_00]: This is hurting your family. 33:25.860 --> 33:26.100 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 33:26.621 --> 33:28.543 [SPEAKER_00]: And it might be other people in your life. 33:28.683 --> 33:30.785 [SPEAKER_00]: So real quick, as you're listening to this. 33:31.766 --> 33:32.867 [SPEAKER_00]: First, I just want you to name. 33:32.887 --> 33:37.751 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're driving in a car, if you're running or something, just like say it out loud, where do you get angry? 33:37.891 --> 33:38.992 [SPEAKER_00]: Is it primarily your wife? 33:39.252 --> 33:40.793 [SPEAKER_00]: Is it primarily at your kids? 33:41.013 --> 33:41.874 [SPEAKER_00]: Is it at work? 33:42.054 --> 33:46.057 [SPEAKER_00]: Or is it at random people online? 33:46.077 --> 33:48.839 [SPEAKER_00]: Or like the other political party or the current events in the world? 33:49.279 --> 33:50.060 [SPEAKER_00]: Just name really quick. 33:50.100 --> 33:51.241 [SPEAKER_00]: Where do you get mad? 33:51.601 --> 33:53.522 [SPEAKER_00]: Things you just want to know where the bulk of it's coming. 33:53.583 --> 33:55.004 [SPEAKER_00]: Mind tends to be with my kids. 33:55.844 --> 34:03.269 [SPEAKER_00]: probably second as Lauren maybe third as current events I'll be able to do with people I think think of this and that. 34:03.569 --> 34:08.793 [SPEAKER_00]: Name that and then a huge theme of this season is we just 34:11.355 --> 34:14.139 [SPEAKER_00]: genuinely want you to take your sins seriously. 34:14.299 --> 34:14.520 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 34:15.141 --> 34:26.917 [SPEAKER_00]: I want you to take the consequences of your sins seriously, and I want you to think for a moment about judgment that is spoken about so often in the Scriptures that God will judge wrongs. 34:28.156 --> 34:30.338 [SPEAKER_00]: why because they hurt people, right? 34:30.398 --> 34:34.121 [SPEAKER_00]: And your anger, whatever it is, is actually hurting somebody. 34:35.042 --> 34:35.702 [SPEAKER_00]: Who is it hurting? 34:35.763 --> 34:36.683 [SPEAKER_00]: This is the name it. 34:36.944 --> 34:38.985 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, are you pushing your kids away? 34:39.246 --> 34:40.306 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you pushing your wife away? 34:40.747 --> 34:45.891 [SPEAKER_00]: Who in your family is, is like, you know, he used to be so happy. 34:47.212 --> 34:51.636 [SPEAKER_00]: But now he's just distant or now he yelled at the time or what is it? 34:51.896 --> 34:52.217 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you, 34:53.873 --> 34:55.073 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you breaking stuff around the house? 34:56.454 --> 34:58.854 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you shaming your kids into obedience? 34:59.254 --> 35:01.375 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you passive aggressive towards your wife? 35:02.875 --> 35:15.538 [SPEAKER_00]: I think naming this helps it come out of secret and into light to help you see that oh my gosh, your anger is actually hurting the people around you and you need to take it seriously. 35:16.678 --> 35:17.078 [SPEAKER_00]: Because 35:19.060 --> 35:31.206 [SPEAKER_00]: Send has consequences and it might be a broken key on your key ring and that would be the least of it But there are broken hearts probably around you that you need to take seriously I want to also just give hope here. 35:32.747 --> 35:38.429 [SPEAKER_01]: I was never really modeled ever even to this day with my family 35:41.464 --> 35:44.606 [SPEAKER_01]: the power of repair and owning it is good. 35:44.906 --> 35:58.153 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, and what I want to say is we're talking about all the things that we're asking you to drum up and stare in the face your most shameful moments, the things you're not proud of, the things that you probably try to not think about because you're so sad and irritated about it. 35:58.973 --> 36:01.196 [SPEAKER_01]: I can respect and get all of that. 36:01.216 --> 36:20.816 [SPEAKER_01]: I really can, but I want to give hope that repair forgiveness, yeah, asking it, giving it has a healing agent even within the spirit that can heal some of the most painful and cover some of the most major blunders. 36:20.916 --> 36:21.137 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 36:21.777 --> 36:29.723 [SPEAKER_01]: I never knew that really growing up and honestly I'm still learning as on the parental side of it how effective and impactful it is. 36:30.784 --> 36:36.488 [SPEAKER_01]: But let me just say before we go any further, you are going to getting going to miss it. 36:36.508 --> 36:40.111 [SPEAKER_01]: You're going to have moments where you're going to have moments where you are very human. 36:40.131 --> 36:40.932 [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't excuse it. 36:40.992 --> 36:43.254 [SPEAKER_01]: It does mean that you this will happen. 36:44.374 --> 36:57.460 [SPEAKER_01]: That said, though, if you do nothing, that's pain upon pain, right, but when you can take time to slow down and to repair and to own it, it changes. 36:58.220 --> 37:03.122 [SPEAKER_01]: Everything, it actually goes from pain to healing to resilient. 37:03.142 --> 37:03.402 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 37:03.682 --> 37:07.624 [SPEAKER_01]: There's a psychological phrase, rupture plus repair 37:12.423 --> 37:22.010 [SPEAKER_01]: If you have repair, it actually doesn't just like go back, you know, if a rupture causes you to go in the negative, repair doesn't just get you back to zero. 37:22.191 --> 37:23.311 [SPEAKER_01]: It actually shoots you ahead. 37:23.352 --> 37:30.057 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, this is like the, um, the spiritual reflection of anti-fragility. 37:30.437 --> 37:35.001 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you're actually, you're made stronger by the pain. 37:35.061 --> 37:37.082 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's, it's certainly not to excuse anger. 37:37.242 --> 37:40.425 [SPEAKER_00]: It's, but it's just a mind people that know, um, 37:41.658 --> 37:43.219 [SPEAKER_01]: The repair is just the most important part. 37:43.239 --> 37:43.959 [SPEAKER_00]: It's so important. 37:44.079 --> 37:54.524 [SPEAKER_00]: And Andrew, you're to remind you that a Christian family or a Christian father is not characterized primarily by their lack of sin. 37:55.424 --> 37:57.245 [SPEAKER_00]: It's the presence of repentance. 37:57.525 --> 37:58.826 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 37:58.866 --> 38:07.550 [SPEAKER_00]: We're not characterized by our obedience, our constant virtue, as much as our constant repair, our repentance and reconciliation. 38:08.210 --> 38:17.218 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's actually, I'm so glad you interjected this in the middle, because almost, I think everybody listening will struggle with anger, and you probably will struggle with it tomorrow. 38:18.179 --> 38:26.666 [SPEAKER_00]: But the way to take this seriously is to be a person who quickly and genuinely repairs with God with your wife. 38:27.647 --> 38:28.288 [SPEAKER_01]: with your children. 38:28.368 --> 38:30.751 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, and there's just a, just put a bow on it. 38:30.912 --> 38:36.339 [SPEAKER_01]: It's just to say, there's a type of repair that blames the other person or your anger. 38:36.399 --> 38:38.261 [SPEAKER_01]: And then there's a type of repair where you own it. 38:38.361 --> 38:42.086 [SPEAKER_01]: What I mean is repairing and apologizing isn't, 38:43.267 --> 38:50.971 [SPEAKER_01]: Hey, you know, I'm sorry for getting mad, but you really shouldn't have disobeyed me when I told you Yeah, but even an apology. 38:51.171 --> 38:58.194 [SPEAKER_01]: No, and you're saying it almost like obvious there's so many people that are not aware that that is actually not an apology Well, then good. 38:58.234 --> 39:01.415 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean if you're a apology contains, but it's not an apology. 39:01.715 --> 39:07.398 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's a don't it's not you know I'm sorry, but you that's not a apology 39:07.558 --> 39:22.340 [SPEAKER_01]: No, no, and then what that's what I'm trying to get to is that you have to own it and it could just simply sound as simple as I'm sorry for getting angry will you please forgive me you do not deserve that that's not my heart or my intent, but I still did will you please forgive me right 39:22.580 --> 39:33.743 [SPEAKER_01]: it is that and I'm telling you for every amount of anger that I have, the repair has been so important to not cause destruction. 39:33.963 --> 39:36.024 [SPEAKER_01]: And anyway, so that's it. 39:36.044 --> 39:39.765 [SPEAKER_01]: So to give you hope, repair is the most important thing when it comes to anger. 39:40.265 --> 39:42.205 [SPEAKER_01]: I can't even think of anything more important, truly. 39:42.385 --> 39:42.566 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 39:42.666 --> 39:47.027 [SPEAKER_01]: And so with all of that, though, I think it just settles into the reality that 39:47.967 --> 39:55.512 [SPEAKER_01]: There is hope here, but I think talking about a little bit of like, what is the thing that we are actually trying to satisfy? 39:55.572 --> 40:03.097 [SPEAKER_01]: What is that illegitimate god-given desire that we're wanting to fulfill in an illegitimate way, right? 40:03.117 --> 40:16.125 [SPEAKER_01]: And so I think maybe this is a good moment to pass, like just transfer into that and then talk about kind of how we can begin to be aware of this, what's going on, anger, like how do we actually move towards being the fathers that we know 40:18.538 --> 40:25.604 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I think anger is interesting in that sense because we're trying to be God. 40:25.824 --> 40:41.258 [SPEAKER_00]: I think usually, probably, again, we talked about last time period to ask, you know, a gusts in Edwards Keller, and I'm bringing them up on purpose because there's two ways to look at these sins and one is sort of behavior management and like what are all these things you're doing. 40:42.079 --> 40:46.384 [SPEAKER_00]: And our best spiritual writers don't just look at the vices through the action. 40:46.404 --> 40:49.328 [SPEAKER_00]: They look at what are you incorrectly loving. 40:50.309 --> 40:51.790 [SPEAKER_00]: And what do you need to be trained to love? 40:52.051 --> 40:54.534 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm just reminding everybody this is that's the context here. 40:55.094 --> 40:57.017 [SPEAKER_00]: And in anger, I think we're often 40:58.667 --> 41:03.208 [SPEAKER_00]: actually do committing the set of pride and saying that this shouldn't happen to me. 41:04.729 --> 41:21.853 [SPEAKER_00]: I should not have to endure this and I desire to control it and you also might desire judgment on the thing that is oppressing you, whether that's another person hitting you yelling at you being mean to you or just not cooperating with you. 41:22.773 --> 41:30.419 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a version of trying to be God, and I think when the Bible talks about, you know, don't sin in your anger or the sins that come from anger. 41:31.079 --> 41:43.869 [SPEAKER_00]: I think what we're often talking about is reminding you that judgment is not yet, and judgment is not from you, which is why you hear the constant commands be slow to anger. 41:43.949 --> 41:45.130 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not yet, not yet. 41:45.150 --> 41:46.011 [SPEAKER_00]: Please slow. 41:46.851 --> 41:47.792 [SPEAKER_00]: The Lord is slow to anger, 41:51.955 --> 41:58.419 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes is the right time for anger and sometimes judgment should come from you. 42:00.913 --> 42:02.374 [SPEAKER_00]: And Jesus shows us that. 42:02.414 --> 42:17.360 [SPEAKER_00]: Jesus has, he's going to, we're about to look at his virtues in a minute, but the thesis here is that most times it's not yet time for anger and most times vengeance is not to come from you. 42:18.280 --> 42:21.682 [SPEAKER_00]: So be still and know that he is God and that you are not. 42:22.162 --> 42:26.364 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's stillness, that patience. 42:27.584 --> 42:28.365 [SPEAKER_00]: long-suffering. 42:28.565 --> 42:29.645 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the opposite of anger. 42:29.746 --> 42:30.026 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 42:30.146 --> 42:30.746 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I think. 42:30.786 --> 42:30.966 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 42:30.986 --> 42:31.527 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not God. 42:32.688 --> 42:33.408 [SPEAKER_00]: I can endure. 42:35.990 --> 42:37.031 [SPEAKER_00]: He will take care of this. 42:38.111 --> 42:38.972 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's the deeper desire. 42:38.992 --> 42:41.454 [SPEAKER_00]: But I'm going to say, I don't know if you want to comment on that. 42:41.754 --> 42:45.596 [SPEAKER_00]: It's hard to talk about that without just moving to Jesus and say, how does he embody it rightly? 42:45.877 --> 42:46.197 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 42:46.337 --> 42:50.460 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I think I want to talk about that. 42:50.600 --> 42:51.160 [SPEAKER_01]: I want to talk about 42:54.002 --> 42:55.424 [SPEAKER_01]: I think there's something that's maybe important. 42:55.484 --> 43:10.962 [SPEAKER_01]: One more angle, because I was thinking, as you were talking about this, you know, the way we're going back forth on this idea, that we have to release control that God will be the one to fulfill this, but also that it's a control thing. 43:12.123 --> 43:20.965 [SPEAKER_01]: I think where a lot of my anger shows up that we haven't talked about yet, and I'm still growing to understand and full. 43:21.005 --> 43:24.445 [SPEAKER_01]: Although I do understand a lot of it, but I think there's still more for me to learn. 43:24.965 --> 43:33.387 [SPEAKER_01]: Is that when people around me, my closest people have really big emotions, it brings up a lot in me. 43:33.667 --> 43:34.487 [SPEAKER_01]: It brings up chaos. 43:34.527 --> 43:36.488 [SPEAKER_01]: I grew up in a lot of emotional chaos in my home. 43:36.508 --> 43:37.628 [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of practical chaos. 43:39.088 --> 43:49.217 [SPEAKER_01]: So when people get really emotional and really heightened and really intense and really loud, it like stirs me up and like have a lot of chaos. 43:49.777 --> 43:55.001 [SPEAKER_01]: In my own body, my own spirit, my own nervous system, I just feel overwhelmed. 43:55.982 --> 44:01.868 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, a lot of my anger comes out when there's big emotions all around me. 44:01.888 --> 44:04.971 [SPEAKER_01]: I, so I try to squash the emotions. 44:05.651 --> 44:06.372 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, stop. 44:06.412 --> 44:06.972 [SPEAKER_01]: We don't need to cry. 44:06.992 --> 44:08.133 [SPEAKER_01]: We don't need to make this a big deal. 44:08.834 --> 44:11.997 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, my anger will come from that as well. 44:12.117 --> 44:17.062 [SPEAKER_01]: Which I'm saying that because I think a lot of more people deal with that and it's almost sneaky. 44:17.342 --> 44:18.223 [SPEAKER_01]: And that is interesting. 44:18.483 --> 44:24.969 [SPEAKER_00]: Because it reminds me a little bit of the sloth from the last episode where you don't want to have to deal with this. 44:25.790 --> 44:28.092 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a bit of a laziness like you don't want to have to care. 44:28.833 --> 44:31.275 [SPEAKER_00]: And so you use anger to back it off like I don't. 44:31.476 --> 44:32.437 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't actually want to go there. 44:32.457 --> 44:32.917 [SPEAKER_00]: You stop. 44:32.977 --> 44:33.297 [SPEAKER_00]: Stop. 44:33.418 --> 44:33.758 [SPEAKER_01]: You know. 44:34.098 --> 44:46.014 [SPEAKER_01]: And a lot of my, so we're, I get angry because I'm trying to get back to the word control, right, other people's emotions and not let them feel because it makes me feel too much. 44:46.074 --> 44:46.274 [SPEAKER_01]: Yep. 44:46.755 --> 44:50.539 [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm trying to squash their emotions because it's making my emotions. 44:50.600 --> 44:51.561 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, just regular. 44:51.581 --> 44:52.322 [SPEAKER_01]: That's all over the place. 44:52.962 --> 44:53.923 [SPEAKER_01]: And then I become very angry. 44:54.383 --> 45:00.628 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm mentioning that because I think it's important as another layer an angle of how this can show up. 45:01.349 --> 45:11.737 [SPEAKER_01]: And knowing the origin of what is the thing beneath the thing is one of the more helpful understandings of how you invite Jesus into the healing. 45:12.177 --> 45:15.980 [SPEAKER_01]: Because if you don't know where this is coming from, you're just like shooting darts at a wall. 45:16.020 --> 45:16.901 [SPEAKER_01]: Like just you don't know. 45:16.941 --> 45:18.142 [SPEAKER_01]: You're like, I think him. 45:18.322 --> 45:19.163 [SPEAKER_01]: bad, but right. 45:19.523 --> 45:22.025 [SPEAKER_01]: So it's a lot of self-reflection of the help. 45:22.666 --> 45:39.061 [SPEAKER_01]: But as we talk about Jesus, who didn't squash anyone's emotions, and he did it in the right way, I think the the framework that helps me is that Jesus never used anger to make himself feel powerful. 45:39.101 --> 45:42.804 [SPEAKER_01]: Like he wasn't using anger for power and control. 45:42.844 --> 45:43.445 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm using 45:44.205 --> 45:45.486 [SPEAKER_01]: I use anger to try to control. 45:45.506 --> 45:46.386 [SPEAKER_01]: Like squash your motion. 45:46.406 --> 45:46.766 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 45:47.166 --> 45:50.208 [SPEAKER_01]: He used it to help make people hold to help heal people. 45:50.908 --> 45:56.851 [SPEAKER_01]: So when you think of that story of the righteous, you know, the, sorry, the, it goes into the temple. 45:56.911 --> 46:00.252 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, because the classic righteous senior group passes. 46:01.344 --> 46:06.131 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, he's trying to, there's a dishonoring of the temple there. 46:06.452 --> 46:12.861 [SPEAKER_01]: He's angry because there's a beauty that's being dishonored in such a way that's ingest to God and people. 46:13.302 --> 46:17.188 [SPEAKER_01]: I think there's a righteous anger when you hear, when you hear a story of sex trafficking. 46:17.428 --> 46:22.695 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, and your heart becomes angry and you're like, I want to hurt people. 46:23.497 --> 46:34.512 [SPEAKER_01]: I think there's a level there that is like a righteous, just this of like, I actually can't have this happen on my watch right thing. 46:35.312 --> 46:39.016 [SPEAKER_01]: And that bring, what does that kind of anger bring? 46:39.036 --> 46:42.198 [SPEAKER_01]: It brings wholeness, and that's for the other. 46:42.219 --> 46:43.800 [SPEAKER_00]: It's for the vulnerable. 46:43.840 --> 46:48.384 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not because the eye statement is for the other. 46:48.464 --> 46:51.487 [SPEAKER_01]: And so anyway, there's a lot of different ways we could keep talking about that. 46:51.507 --> 46:53.969 [SPEAKER_01]: But that's what I think shows up Jesus bring wholeness. 46:55.097 --> 47:03.222 [SPEAKER_00]: I actually, I would love to start there as we talk to talk about Jesus and the counter virtues to anger. 47:03.482 --> 47:06.804 [SPEAKER_00]: But I think it's worth noting right here. 47:08.225 --> 47:11.386 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me list some times that anger actually is appropriate. 47:11.927 --> 47:12.107 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 47:12.647 --> 47:12.887 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 47:13.567 --> 47:15.188 [SPEAKER_00]: You see injustice in the world. 47:16.248 --> 47:18.488 [SPEAKER_00]: It is right to be moved to anger. 47:18.568 --> 47:37.673 [SPEAKER_00]: If you if you dwell on slavery, if you dwell on sex trafficking, if you dwell on a culture of abortion, if you look at the dysfunction of our our governments and the way that the poor are harmed, if you look at child abuse, spousal abuse, even if you just watch, 47:38.633 --> 47:40.874 [SPEAKER_00]: a poor kid get shut out of the lunch table. 47:40.914 --> 47:48.039 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're just a teacher sitting in the cafeteria, it's right to be angry over the harm of the innocent. 47:48.799 --> 47:50.840 [SPEAKER_00]: And that is what Jesus shows so well. 47:51.081 --> 47:52.882 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's what the God of the Bible shows so well. 47:53.022 --> 47:57.144 [SPEAKER_00]: I've been actually moving to the the prophets major and minor. 47:58.825 --> 48:01.447 [SPEAKER_00]: Like on purpose, in order to get a little bit more comfortable, 48:02.087 --> 48:15.776 [SPEAKER_00]: with God's character of judgment, and to get comfortable with his special love for the vulnerable, particularly orphans, widows the poor and the immigrant. 48:16.256 --> 48:23.941 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it's really important to read the whole Bible and get comfortable that God gets angry over the oppression of innocent 48:32.026 --> 48:33.608 [SPEAKER_00]: When is it okay to do something about it? 48:35.050 --> 48:37.594 [SPEAKER_00]: This is a tough question of wisdom. 48:38.615 --> 48:44.242 [SPEAKER_00]: If I were the kind of dad that did not intervene when my kids were harming each other, I would be a poor dad. 48:45.023 --> 48:46.786 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't need to throw sunglasses at the wall. 48:47.206 --> 48:57.371 [SPEAKER_00]: in order to give proper expression to anger, it would have been proper in the moment I mentioned earlier to simply raise my voice because my child was disobedient. 48:58.131 --> 49:04.774 [SPEAKER_00]: He was not paying attention and he does need to be brought to correction, like it's actually my realm of authority. 49:05.295 --> 49:12.318 [SPEAKER_00]: So it it wasn't necessarily that I was too quick in that moment because it was actually like the 49:14.639 --> 49:17.181 [SPEAKER_00]: And it also wasn't that it wasn't my place. 49:18.142 --> 49:24.346 [SPEAKER_00]: I think the problem in the moment for me then was that it was disproportionate to the crime. 49:24.366 --> 49:25.687 [SPEAKER_00]: The punishment was disproportionate to the crime. 49:25.707 --> 49:28.850 [SPEAKER_00]: So whether you're a father, police officer, government official, or maybe a boss, 49:29.450 --> 49:45.427 [SPEAKER_00]: One of the things you want to think about is when you are carrying out your, your fair realm of authority, are you being like God, in that you are not punishing more than the crime, or that you're not doing something where you should have mercy or grace. 49:45.787 --> 49:54.989 [SPEAKER_00]: And you're going to have a million questions listening to this like about what about what about it's it's in the realm of wisdom, but you should know you should feel angry about seeing the innocent oppressed. 49:55.649 --> 50:01.690 [SPEAKER_00]: You should exercise authority and correction from your the place of authority that God's giving you. 50:02.330 --> 50:10.232 [SPEAKER_00]: But often what we're doing is we're giving vent to our frustration and coming too hard over something that's not ours to control and 50:16.314 --> 50:32.031 [SPEAKER_00]: If you had a camera in my car, you know, you'd hear me saying, or actually, you just had a camera on my computer, like I get an email, or if Siri doesn't work properly, which Siri never works properly, it's like, AI is putting Siri to shame. 50:32.091 --> 50:32.612 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 50:33.032 --> 50:34.614 [SPEAKER_00]: My traffic doesn't work. 50:34.734 --> 50:35.375 [SPEAKER_00]: My phone doesn't work. 50:36.055 --> 50:39.696 [SPEAKER_00]: I will just mutter and curse under my breath or whatever you're going to. 50:40.076 --> 50:43.457 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, that's not accomplishing anything. 50:43.777 --> 50:44.958 [SPEAKER_00]: No one has hurt except me. 50:45.358 --> 50:52.279 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just a classic like you're just giving vent to your anger, instead of processing your anger like Jesus did. 50:52.600 --> 50:55.180 [SPEAKER_00]: So I would say, you know, those are the places you want you. 50:55.340 --> 51:02.882 [SPEAKER_00]: It's okay to be angry, but most of our life, we need to be focusing on imitating the way that Jesus restrained his anger. 51:05.343 --> 51:09.075 [SPEAKER_00]: Should kindness, should forgiveness, and should long suffering. 51:09.498 --> 51:37.621 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so there's a four of your their calendar for which you said the advice about yeah and long suffering is a biblical word which is better than patience, but it's patience so that's a more modern word but I think long suffering is actually a long suffering is a good one and I want to talk about long suffering but you said something which is a conundrum to me, okay, then not because it is actually a conundrum but it made me think in this exact moment and I didn't say in real time because you have your own problems with that phrase, you're 51:39.182 --> 51:48.108 [SPEAKER_00]: just refer back to see if you thought about this and you want to address it in real time that's the correct you know, because you're using it against me and raise rate me. 51:48.168 --> 51:51.170 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm working real time you have an opportunity to use it in real time. 51:51.730 --> 51:53.051 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's do it. 51:53.691 --> 51:56.033 [SPEAKER_01]: So you were saying 51:58.050 --> 52:05.657 [SPEAKER_01]: we should get angry at those innocent, those innocent who are oppressed. 52:06.417 --> 52:15.905 [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm going to take this, this idea came to mind as you were saying this, and this is weird, but I actually think, as I'm thinking about more and more, I think it might be accurate, which is scary. 52:17.747 --> 52:23.512 [SPEAKER_01]: How many times are you the angry person and your kids, the innocent ones? 52:26.147 --> 52:30.397 [SPEAKER_01]: And your kids are just being kids, but you because of all your stuff. 52:30.898 --> 52:31.219 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 52:31.299 --> 52:32.201 [SPEAKER_01]: Are getting angry. 52:32.221 --> 52:32.442 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 52:32.462 --> 52:32.883 [SPEAKER_01]: No, just wait. 52:32.903 --> 52:33.564 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not done. 52:33.665 --> 52:34.567 [SPEAKER_01]: How can I say that? 52:34.707 --> 52:35.910 [SPEAKER_01]: So you're getting angry. 52:37.675 --> 52:43.820 [SPEAKER_01]: and in that idea, we should have a righteous anger towards those who are hurting the innocent. 52:44.521 --> 52:51.066 [SPEAKER_01]: At that moment, it is appropriate to be very frustrated and angry with yourself from a righteous anger perspective. 52:51.607 --> 52:51.907 [SPEAKER_01]: Wow. 52:51.967 --> 52:52.287 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 52:52.787 --> 52:53.748 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's see what you're doing now. 52:54.229 --> 52:54.949 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm trying to do anything. 52:54.969 --> 53:03.076 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just saying like this is an interesting dynamic as we're kind of digging in more and more because that's good because righteous anger brings healing. 53:04.733 --> 53:24.236 [SPEAKER_01]: If that's true, you being really frustrated and upset with yourself that you didn't control your tongue and hurt your family in these ways, or even physically, whenever the thing is, should be something that deeply upset you be as a righteous anger and should lead you to repent actually, actually brings healing. 53:24.576 --> 53:26.977 [SPEAKER_01]: So anyway, just say, is that a good word? 53:27.177 --> 53:33.098 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, because I think that's where anger is interesting and it can both, you can be the person who is, 53:34.419 --> 53:39.821 [SPEAKER_01]: hurting in the younger and the person that is holding up justice, and you might be the main culprit. 53:39.981 --> 53:41.102 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that's really good. 53:41.382 --> 53:43.883 [SPEAKER_00]: I think you're drawing a superb connection, honestly. 53:46.024 --> 53:51.067 [SPEAKER_00]: Sen comes at us as with reason and convinces us that insanity is reasonable. 53:51.587 --> 53:58.611 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think for fathers and anger, this is often the case, and you just named it, it would be right to be angry over the suffering of the innocent. 53:59.311 --> 54:01.532 [SPEAKER_00]: But instead, we find ourselves literally 54:03.473 --> 54:08.054 [SPEAKER_01]: our children are just being children 90% of the time sometimes they are very disobeyed. 54:08.134 --> 54:08.974 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 54:09.074 --> 54:12.995 [SPEAKER_00]: Most fathers would relate to the idea of like, they just spilled milk. 54:13.015 --> 54:15.276 [SPEAKER_00]: That is not a sin of culpability. 54:15.336 --> 54:15.956 [SPEAKER_00]: Most of the time. 54:16.196 --> 54:18.697 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's they're just being children. 54:18.737 --> 54:19.777 [SPEAKER_00]: They're just messing around. 54:19.797 --> 54:20.477 [SPEAKER_00]: They're just playing us. 54:20.817 --> 54:30.740 [SPEAKER_00]: And all men we lash out in our anger and the great inversion of sin is that we should be angry at the oppression of the innocent and instead we are angry at the innocent. 54:32.100 --> 54:34.281 [SPEAKER_00]: In that moment, you're totally right. 54:34.401 --> 54:36.322 [SPEAKER_00]: Angers actually properly directed towards us. 54:36.923 --> 54:39.924 [SPEAKER_00]: Like we should be angry at the fact that we are bad. 54:39.944 --> 54:42.065 [SPEAKER_01]: Like we're being mean and it's right. 54:42.165 --> 54:43.666 [SPEAKER_00]: And I do think this is really good. 54:44.746 --> 54:47.848 [SPEAKER_00]: You, you should kind of get riled up over your sin. 54:48.448 --> 54:50.109 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, and I'm not talking about self-loathing. 54:50.129 --> 54:56.972 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not talking about shame, but I'm talking about like a deep irritation, a deep anger of like, gosh, I must stop this. 54:56.992 --> 55:00.394 [SPEAKER_00]: This is what we're talking about last episode, the opposite of sloth. 55:01.154 --> 55:20.196 [SPEAKER_00]: is taking your sins seriously and saying you know what enough is enough like Lord help it's that's a fair anger but let I mean let's push into the virtues because I think I agree every we we need to say this more often this true no vice or sin or bad habit can just be stopped 55:21.578 --> 55:30.380 [SPEAKER_00]: almost be put out of their place by bringing in a new good habit, a new love, a new thing to worship. 55:30.400 --> 55:32.720 [SPEAKER_00]: You can't stop loving one thing if you start loving another. 55:32.740 --> 55:33.801 [SPEAKER_00]: You can't stop one habit. 55:34.141 --> 55:35.361 [SPEAKER_00]: You have to replace it with another. 55:35.801 --> 55:36.781 [SPEAKER_00]: You can't quit a vice. 55:37.281 --> 55:38.702 [SPEAKER_00]: You have to practice a virtue. 55:39.402 --> 55:47.304 [SPEAKER_00]: And the virtues to practice here are things that are just characteristic of Jesus and that you read in Galatians 5 for each of the Spirit. 55:47.684 --> 55:47.984 [SPEAKER_00]: Joy. 55:48.984 --> 56:03.564 [SPEAKER_00]: a joyful father is the opposite of an angry father, kindness, to be kind instead of being angry, even when you had the right to defend yourself, to be forgiving. 56:04.405 --> 56:06.427 [SPEAKER_00]: the opposite of holding anger is forgiving. 56:06.927 --> 56:09.869 [SPEAKER_00]: And to be long-suffering, I think this is about the being slow to anger. 56:11.190 --> 56:12.952 [SPEAKER_00]: Often are anger. 56:12.972 --> 56:17.835 [SPEAKER_00]: I read this as I was looking at some of the the seven deadly send stuff. 56:18.696 --> 56:21.898 [SPEAKER_00]: Hope Gregory, when he was writing on anger, he wrote, 56:28.824 --> 56:36.190 [SPEAKER_00]: and that you are right to explode about this again, then comes at you as with reason convincing you, you shouldn't, you should not suffer this anymore. 56:36.290 --> 56:49.801 [SPEAKER_00]: It's time to lash out, and that's the opposite of long-suffering most of the time, not all the time, but most of the time, we should be like Jesus and patiently endure, and those are four virtues right there that you can practice. 56:50.662 --> 56:53.864 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, and I almost want to talk about how to practice those, 56:54.585 --> 57:00.954 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because I love that as an idea and I know what you mean, but I think that Clarity's kind. 57:00.994 --> 57:03.297 [SPEAKER_01]: No, I should have said those are four virtues we can aim at. 57:03.337 --> 57:04.298 [SPEAKER_01]: How do we practice them? 57:04.338 --> 57:05.660 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I know it's going on on. 57:05.900 --> 57:08.364 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I was just saying no, I'm not I'm not correcting you. 57:08.684 --> 57:09.125 [SPEAKER_01]: Get angry. 57:09.225 --> 57:09.685 [SPEAKER_01]: I do should 57:11.187 --> 57:11.727 [SPEAKER_01]: No, I'm not. 57:12.067 --> 57:12.808 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm really not. 57:12.828 --> 57:26.192 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm saying, I think we need to have some habits for long suffering because when I think about it and when I think about my situation, um, so there's phrases that I know I use that help me with this. 57:26.512 --> 57:28.873 [SPEAKER_01]: Now, I don't use these all the time and I will show you the more. 57:29.033 --> 57:33.635 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm talking about, um, to practice being, I'm talking about like, to practice long suffering. 57:33.655 --> 57:33.815 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 57:33.835 --> 57:33.955 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 57:33.975 --> 57:34.215 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 57:34.295 --> 57:36.336 [SPEAKER_00]: So just for our listeners, we're moving into 57:37.156 --> 57:38.257 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, did I skip something? 57:38.297 --> 57:39.258 [SPEAKER_01]: I might know you didn't. 57:39.278 --> 57:41.020 [SPEAKER_00]: I just want to name it for listening. 57:41.220 --> 57:41.560 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you. 57:41.640 --> 57:42.621 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just all over the place. 57:42.641 --> 57:44.643 [SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no, you're you're effective. 57:45.304 --> 57:47.346 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, we're moving into our application points. 57:47.366 --> 57:47.866 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, here. 57:47.906 --> 57:48.887 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, just spiritual disciplines here. 57:48.907 --> 57:49.588 [SPEAKER_00]: The practice is here. 57:49.608 --> 57:54.933 [SPEAKER_00]: The things you can do to practice joy, kindness, forgiveness, long-suffering all the opposite of anger. 57:55.293 --> 57:56.534 [SPEAKER_00]: Give us give us our first idea. 57:56.614 --> 58:02.280 [SPEAKER_01]: I think most of the, so I think joy forgiveness, what was the other one joy forgiveness? 58:03.561 --> 58:05.363 [SPEAKER_01]: long-suffering and kindness. 58:05.523 --> 58:11.510 [SPEAKER_01]: And kind of, so joy-suffering and forgiveness, I think are all propped up by having long-suffering. 58:12.551 --> 58:17.977 [SPEAKER_01]: Because if I don't have patience as the base, I'm never getting to joy. 58:18.898 --> 58:24.865 [SPEAKER_01]: Like that's, so I know I'm throwing this at you in real time. 58:25.686 --> 58:27.308 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's to say that's accurate. 58:27.328 --> 58:28.109 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you. 58:28.149 --> 58:28.469 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you. 58:29.090 --> 58:33.395 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm throwing this as you because I actually, when I think of it, I think of like. 58:34.396 --> 58:40.659 [SPEAKER_01]: If I'm not patient and slow down enough to be aware of this long suffering, I don't actually ever get to joy. 58:40.699 --> 58:43.500 [SPEAKER_01]: Don't get to forgiveness and I don't get to be very alert. 58:44.160 --> 58:51.524 [SPEAKER_01]: So a couple of things that I think are helpful phrases that help me slow down with my kids, especially these are like very practical. 58:51.784 --> 58:55.866 [SPEAKER_01]: Because there's a lot of times where how many of the times we go, I told you already, I've already told you this. 58:55.926 --> 58:56.206 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 58:56.586 --> 58:59.567 [SPEAKER_01]: So one of the phrases that helps me is like, let's try this again. 59:00.048 --> 59:00.628 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's try again. 59:01.548 --> 59:03.249 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, hey, you did make your bed wet, right. 59:03.390 --> 59:03.670 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 59:04.791 --> 59:05.351 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's try again. 59:06.532 --> 59:28.667 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm telling you I know that silly it helps them and me go and I'm not being mean like a lot of the times I told you so I was like filled with anger So that's that's one I think instead of reacting immediately which is a huge hard lesson like immediately going to this like what's the response becoming curious of like And even asking questions like 59:29.267 --> 59:31.249 [SPEAKER_01]: So why are you guys arguing? 59:31.549 --> 59:33.370 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, is that true? 59:33.971 --> 59:37.313 [SPEAKER_01]: Or how come I asked you to do this five minutes ago and it's done done? 59:37.373 --> 59:38.854 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm curious what you've been doing. 59:38.874 --> 59:40.215 [SPEAKER_01]: Could you tell me more about what you've been doing? 59:40.475 --> 59:49.842 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, that's a way less defense like it just stops good the anger in you and in them before you before it becomes like a thing 59:50.562 --> 59:51.343 [SPEAKER_01]: Um, which is helpful. 59:51.363 --> 59:52.724 [SPEAKER_00]: Can I interject one quick one please? 59:52.744 --> 59:53.404 [SPEAKER_00]: Is it reminds me? 59:53.645 --> 59:53.845 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 59:54.045 --> 59:59.910 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, one of the phrases that's helpful for me in these moments to avoid my anger and actually enter into their problem. 01:00:00.010 --> 01:00:00.210 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 01:00:00.650 --> 01:00:04.934 [SPEAKER_00]: Has been what did you want to happen when you did that? 01:00:05.294 --> 01:00:05.714 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 01:00:05.934 --> 01:00:10.658 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, this is often like it'll be, um, it kind of puts them in a corner often. 01:00:11.218 --> 01:00:12.179 [SPEAKER_00]: That's not exactly the point. 01:00:12.319 --> 01:00:12.560 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 01:00:13.280 --> 01:00:17.484 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'll say, what did you want to happen when you hit your brother? 01:00:17.924 --> 01:00:18.124 [SPEAKER_00]: What? 01:00:18.805 --> 01:00:19.685 [SPEAKER_00]: What were you hoping for? 01:00:19.725 --> 01:00:20.086 [SPEAKER_00]: Honestly? 01:00:20.106 --> 01:00:26.331 [SPEAKER_00]: Because sometimes they'll just say something like, I wanted him to hurt. 01:00:27.212 --> 01:00:28.713 [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, why did you want him to hurt? 01:00:28.733 --> 01:00:31.275 [SPEAKER_00]: What did you think you were going to feel once he was hurt? 01:00:31.615 --> 01:00:35.558 [SPEAKER_00]: You literally just asked this question over and over and you get to what we call the heart. 01:00:36.319 --> 01:00:42.123 [SPEAKER_00]: where they, you finally, and do this to yourself on the way, where you say, I was just mad and I wanted the other person to hurt her. 01:00:42.143 --> 01:00:44.124 [SPEAKER_00]: Or I was hurt and I didn't know what to do with it. 01:00:44.844 --> 01:00:46.165 [SPEAKER_00]: That's been a helpful question for me. 01:00:46.826 --> 01:00:48.267 [SPEAKER_00]: What did you want to happen when you did that? 01:00:49.507 --> 01:00:50.208 [SPEAKER_01]: Brilliant. 01:00:50.348 --> 01:00:59.193 [SPEAKER_01]: So the long-suffering thing, obviously building these habits, I think I really think it starts with joy comes when you're not angry all the time. 01:00:59.494 --> 01:01:00.494 [SPEAKER_01]: How do you stop being angry? 01:01:00.534 --> 01:01:00.674 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, 01:01:03.536 --> 01:01:13.892 [SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, Jesus was always about, I love this about Jesus when you read the scripture, you know what I'll say, but he was interruptible and constantly had interruptions, and he didn't get mad at his interruptions. 01:01:14.352 --> 01:01:15.995 [SPEAKER_01]: He viewed them as the main thing. 01:01:16.155 --> 01:01:18.178 [SPEAKER_01]: He did not view them as stopping him from the main. 01:01:18.278 --> 01:01:18.478 [UNKNOWN]: thing. 01:01:19.159 --> 01:01:23.643 [SPEAKER_00]: That's how you've seen the interruptions as your job, well, how often does the impediment to your job? 01:01:24.084 --> 01:01:24.524 [SPEAKER_01]: And yeah. 01:01:24.604 --> 01:01:25.445 [SPEAKER_01]: And let's be real. 01:01:26.006 --> 01:01:31.111 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I think this is relevant work and family, work and family, but like, let's just use the home life example. 01:01:31.291 --> 01:01:34.575 [SPEAKER_01]: And we're talking to men here, but sisters, please, you know, you're welcome here. 01:01:35.355 --> 01:01:42.757 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, if you, if you have a family and you have a marriage and you want to have times of intimacy You're going to have to talk about it. 01:01:42.957 --> 01:02:04.022 [SPEAKER_01]: You're going to talk about when that happens So if you guys have set up like a romantic evening when the kids go to bed Now all of a sudden there's some pressure behind getting these kids to bed because you're like there There's now a Dengaled carrots, you know, it's sort of speak like you there's a thing that you're like okay This is something that not only I enjoy but we also want to connect and it's layer after layer for layer 01:02:05.442 --> 01:02:11.863 [SPEAKER_01]: But I think it's important in that analogy to realize, like, word's just focusing on the end thing. 01:02:11.903 --> 01:02:20.845 [SPEAKER_01]: So if that's the case, everything between now and then it's stopping that from happening immediately is the interruption that is the problem to stop me from getting what I want. 01:02:21.125 --> 01:02:22.586 [SPEAKER_01]: This is the best analogy you know. 01:02:22.626 --> 01:02:23.966 [SPEAKER_01]: That's why you're chuckling like a little away. 01:02:23.986 --> 01:02:33.028 [SPEAKER_00]: No, I'll have it because I'm like, I would consider, I would consider anything righteous anger if it's standing in between. 01:02:36.289 --> 01:02:48.238 [SPEAKER_01]: I had one time dude, I had a friend tell me a story and he was telling me, he said this directly to his daughter and I won't give any framework suit. 01:02:48.338 --> 01:02:57.525 [SPEAKER_01]: No one would know who it is, but he literally said he was really frustrated because his daughter was having really terrible attitude and arguing with mom the whole thing. 01:02:58.326 --> 01:03:01.190 [SPEAKER_01]: And he literally in his frustration I left so hard. 01:03:01.210 --> 01:03:04.235 [SPEAKER_01]: I haven't left so hard in a long time He just literally goes, you know what? 01:03:04.295 --> 01:03:04.836 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sick of this. 01:03:05.156 --> 01:03:09.122 [SPEAKER_01]: You are getting in the way of your mom and I sex life So you need to figure this out. 01:03:09.282 --> 01:03:10.284 [SPEAKER_00]: How old was his daughter? 01:03:10.304 --> 01:03:11.486 [SPEAKER_00]: 14. 01:03:12.067 --> 01:03:12.567 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh gosh 01:03:14.470 --> 01:03:15.310 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know somewhere around there. 01:03:15.711 --> 01:03:18.533 [SPEAKER_01]: I, all I'm trying to say was me, I said, go, I didn't, I wasn't. 01:03:19.274 --> 01:03:28.542 [SPEAKER_01]: But I'm saying that it's story because it's like, I think in a very tangible example for fathers, what Jesus was always interruptable. 01:03:28.642 --> 01:03:35.888 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that I've learned that the more I stop fighting the interruptions and just quickly breeze through them and help what they are. 01:03:37.330 --> 01:03:38.131 [SPEAKER_01]: everything is better. 01:03:38.391 --> 01:03:39.172 [SPEAKER_01]: Everything is calmer. 01:03:39.512 --> 01:03:42.015 [SPEAKER_01]: Everything is less crazy. 01:03:42.535 --> 01:03:52.184 [SPEAKER_01]: And so I really think the key to joy is slowing down and why don't like the word patience and why like the word long suffering is because that's what it is. 01:03:53.165 --> 01:03:54.607 [SPEAKER_01]: It's suffering for a long time. 01:03:55.287 --> 01:03:56.669 [SPEAKER_00]: Long suffering reminds you that 01:03:57.229 --> 01:03:58.510 [SPEAKER_00]: to be patient as to endure. 01:03:58.530 --> 01:04:01.651 [SPEAKER_00]: So suffering is to endure hard things. 01:04:02.231 --> 01:04:05.492 [SPEAKER_01]: So I mean, in that sense, if we're following Jesus, he was interruptible. 01:04:06.012 --> 01:04:08.673 [SPEAKER_01]: He noticed people and he always returned to prayer. 01:04:08.793 --> 01:04:10.234 [SPEAKER_01]: So those are the three things I'd say. 01:04:10.634 --> 01:04:11.614 [SPEAKER_01]: He was interruptible. 01:04:11.954 --> 01:04:15.456 [SPEAKER_01]: He was always about people, he cared for the people and then he returned to prayer. 01:04:15.516 --> 01:04:21.378 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that is, how do we, what are some practical things to constantly stir up joy for giving us? 01:04:22.158 --> 01:04:22.678 [SPEAKER_00]: How do we do that? 01:04:22.698 --> 01:04:23.919 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I think it's those things. 01:04:24.819 --> 01:04:27.661 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to come to prayer in a second because that's my second application. 01:04:27.802 --> 01:04:32.445 [SPEAKER_00]: My two disciplines here would, first the first one would be confession. 01:04:33.406 --> 01:04:41.252 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I think anger for fathers particularly tends to be the parts of your life that is often hidden from others. 01:04:42.393 --> 01:04:49.299 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's quite embarrassing, actually, to talk up if you tell your brothers, your covenant friends, 01:04:50.857 --> 01:05:09.096 [SPEAKER_00]: about the ways you recently exploded on your family or the ways that you kind of yell or the ways that you're passive aggressive or what you throw like like I hopefully we've modeled a bit of specificity in this episode because yes you don't I don't want you to go to your brothers and say you know I'm angry at home. 01:05:10.552 --> 01:05:13.413 [SPEAKER_00]: I want you to go to your brothers and be like, I threw the sunglasses at the wall. 01:05:13.713 --> 01:05:14.373 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's what happened. 01:05:14.413 --> 01:05:15.073 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's what I said. 01:05:15.874 --> 01:05:21.555 [SPEAKER_00]: Because you so rarely would do what you do at home. 01:05:22.395 --> 01:05:27.477 [SPEAKER_00]: If your friends or if your pastor, if your disciple or if your coworkers, we're watching, right? 01:05:27.757 --> 01:05:28.277 [SPEAKER_00]: Every time. 01:05:28.357 --> 01:05:30.058 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's sort of helpful to me. 01:05:30.098 --> 01:05:31.378 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, wow, what? 01:05:32.047 --> 01:05:32.807 [SPEAKER_00]: how do I do this? 01:05:32.887 --> 01:05:33.888 [SPEAKER_00]: Like this is embarrassing. 01:05:34.188 --> 01:05:34.808 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 01:05:35.009 --> 01:05:38.190 [SPEAKER_00]: Take your sin seriously enough to confess it specifically. 01:05:38.771 --> 01:05:42.152 [SPEAKER_00]: So my out of hiding in the holiness we say this all the time. 01:05:43.193 --> 01:05:54.619 [SPEAKER_00]: My discipline, my first discipline here would be like specifically confess your anger or the sins that are coming out of your anger to your friends because that's probably where they can actually help you. 01:05:56.000 --> 01:05:56.620 [SPEAKER_00]: My second one. 01:05:57.710 --> 01:06:00.391 [SPEAKER_00]: would be to pray your anger. 01:06:00.411 --> 01:06:12.017 [SPEAKER_00]: I actually think we could do a whole season on this concept, like what to do with your emotions and how prayers almost always they answer? 01:06:12.157 --> 01:06:12.457 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 01:06:12.997 --> 01:06:14.218 [SPEAKER_00]: Just a couple quick ones here. 01:06:16.333 --> 01:06:27.585 [SPEAKER_00]: I've said many times on this podcast that Paul has prayers have been one of the most helpful thing for my parenting, because this theme is true, it's very hard to respond in anger if you pray first. 01:06:27.925 --> 01:06:28.185 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 01:06:28.286 --> 01:06:35.113 [SPEAKER_00]: And so practicing this idea of Paul's prayers that before you respond to your children in a moment of discipline, say a quick prayer, Lord help. 01:06:36.353 --> 01:06:41.535 [SPEAKER_00]: That's all needs to be, or Lord have mercy, or Lord I don't know what to say, give me some words. 01:06:42.015 --> 01:06:45.456 [SPEAKER_00]: There's more things happening than just that prayer. 01:06:45.596 --> 01:06:46.856 [SPEAKER_00]: One, God actually answers prayers. 01:06:46.916 --> 01:06:48.357 [SPEAKER_00]: Two, you're inviting the Spirit in the moment. 01:06:48.397 --> 01:06:51.518 [SPEAKER_00]: Three, you're rerouting neurology to a different, more patient. 01:06:51.898 --> 01:06:53.018 [SPEAKER_00]: You're going through your top brain. 01:06:53.578 --> 01:06:57.300 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm saying, like, actually to help let me think through you're getting out of your lower brain. 01:06:57.320 --> 01:06:58.180 [SPEAKER_00]: You've got reactions. 01:06:58.860 --> 01:07:06.506 [SPEAKER_00]: But you're just you're creating opportunity for different things to happen by praying. 01:07:07.647 --> 01:07:11.110 [SPEAKER_00]: I would say the same thing outside of family situations. 01:07:11.210 --> 01:07:19.177 [SPEAKER_00]: So if you deal with anger and traffic or if you deal with anger at your computer or at work when things aren't working the way that they're working, 01:07:20.740 --> 01:07:29.316 [SPEAKER_00]: And your go-to processing is cussing under your breath or like kicking something or like, you know, messing, you know, you throw something or you... 01:07:30.550 --> 01:07:30.910 [SPEAKER_00]: Pray. 01:07:32.372 --> 01:07:38.196 [SPEAKER_00]: Most of us process our anger through verbally abusing someone or something. 01:07:39.538 --> 01:07:41.259 [SPEAKER_00]: Instead, use the words of prayer. 01:07:41.819 --> 01:07:47.864 [SPEAKER_00]: You're literally taking this breath of violence and saying, I won't give that. 01:07:48.745 --> 01:07:52.368 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll absorb actually the frustration and I'll return blessing or prayer. 01:07:54.229 --> 01:07:54.570 [SPEAKER_00]: to God. 01:07:54.950 --> 01:07:55.870 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll say, Lord help. 01:07:56.090 --> 01:07:57.611 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just, I'm so frustrated. 01:07:58.871 --> 01:08:03.053 [SPEAKER_00]: If you want to get really good, just literally do what the Bible says and pray for your enemies. 01:08:03.413 --> 01:08:03.954 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 01:08:03.974 --> 01:08:05.554 [SPEAKER_00]: Who are what you're offering your family members. 01:08:06.175 --> 01:08:09.236 [SPEAKER_00]: But in this going to sound weird, it's like somebody cuts you off in traffic, pray for them. 01:08:09.796 --> 01:08:18.500 [SPEAKER_00]: It sounds so like hallmarky Christiany, but because it is so extraordinarily Christian to say instead of cursing instead of yelling instead of flipping the bread, I'm going to pray for that person. 01:08:19.060 --> 01:08:29.448 [SPEAKER_00]: It's so radical, it's from Markable and I just attack one extra thing on to this because I want to underline the importance and the radical nature of processing your anger through prayer. 01:08:29.468 --> 01:08:38.956 [SPEAKER_00]: I think a lot of guys Think that one of the things they can do with their anger is go like metabolize it by working out 01:08:40.535 --> 01:08:42.277 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, I've never, this never worked. 01:08:42.437 --> 01:08:45.499 [SPEAKER_00]: I just, I mean, yeah, and I'm a huge fan of exercise, holy. 01:08:45.699 --> 01:08:50.183 [SPEAKER_00]: And I actually do think neurologically some things are happening that they're just calm you down. 01:08:50.243 --> 01:08:51.864 [SPEAKER_01]: And there's endorphins and dopamine. 01:08:52.024 --> 01:08:52.644 [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely. 01:08:52.704 --> 01:08:53.685 [SPEAKER_00]: And you're kind of like a puppy. 01:08:53.725 --> 01:08:57.688 [SPEAKER_00]: You need to like scramble and like know it stuff to get like your, your bad energy out. 01:08:58.029 --> 01:08:59.570 [SPEAKER_00]: That, that is happening in exercise. 01:08:59.590 --> 01:09:00.330 [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't dispute that. 01:09:00.711 --> 01:09:04.293 [SPEAKER_00]: But I do, I think sometimes people think like, I can, I'll go throw weights around. 01:09:04.874 --> 01:09:06.195 [SPEAKER_00]: So I don't throw my words if people, 01:09:07.075 --> 01:09:10.656 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think that is doing anything for you spiritually. 01:09:12.416 --> 01:09:16.917 [SPEAKER_00]: I think taking your anger out on objects is actually still practicing anger. 01:09:18.418 --> 01:09:20.958 [SPEAKER_00]: It's definitely better than taking your anger out on people. 01:09:20.978 --> 01:09:23.139 [SPEAKER_00]: So sometimes I think like we do ourselves a favor. 01:09:23.659 --> 01:09:25.400 [SPEAKER_00]: Small vices keep a man from larger ones. 01:09:25.420 --> 01:09:26.140 [SPEAKER_00]: We'll come back to that. 01:09:26.660 --> 01:09:27.200 [SPEAKER_00]: I love it. 01:09:28.415 --> 01:09:34.137 [SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, that is not comparable to processing your frustration, your grief, or your anger through prayer. 01:09:34.317 --> 01:09:43.781 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, lamentation is such a huge category of the scriptures that when you experience righteous anger or your own brokenness. 01:09:44.481 --> 01:09:46.342 [SPEAKER_00]: So it could be good reason or it could be bad reason. 01:09:47.242 --> 01:09:55.252 [SPEAKER_00]: to pray it out and say, why Lord, like how long the Lord or like, why would you let this happen or why would you do this? 01:09:55.812 --> 01:10:01.119 [SPEAKER_00]: That's so much better than going to your children and be like, why would you say that? 01:10:01.639 --> 01:10:03.982 [SPEAKER_00]: How dare you or going to your wife and say, why do you do this? 01:10:04.903 --> 01:10:10.126 [SPEAKER_00]: Ask God, like he's big enough to take him, lament to him, process your anger and prayer. 01:10:11.107 --> 01:10:13.468 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't process your anger on people. 01:10:13.888 --> 01:10:14.108 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 01:10:14.228 --> 01:10:18.211 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think lots of them have learned and we'll say to each other, so I just need to process, sorry. 01:10:18.651 --> 01:10:21.913 [SPEAKER_00]: And like, you know, oh yeah. 01:10:22.493 --> 01:10:24.134 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't don't process your anger on people. 01:10:24.854 --> 01:10:25.575 [SPEAKER_01]: Process it with God. 01:10:25.595 --> 01:10:26.415 [SPEAKER_01]: That's called Lamentation. 01:10:26.435 --> 01:10:26.935 [SPEAKER_01]: It's a good thing. 01:10:26.975 --> 01:10:33.158 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, a phrase that not not the same as anger, but there's that key phrase, which I think helps. 01:10:33.218 --> 01:10:37.560 [SPEAKER_01]: When you are angry, because you there's a lot of collateral damage a lot of the times. 01:10:37.760 --> 01:10:43.843 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and one of the phrases that I know helps us a lot is I'm not angry with my wife. 01:10:43.883 --> 01:10:44.804 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not angry with you. 01:10:44.984 --> 01:10:46.284 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just angry around you. 01:10:47.045 --> 01:10:49.926 [SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, this doesn't need to become something between us. 01:10:50.086 --> 01:10:52.628 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm processing stuff, but I'm angry with you. 01:10:52.648 --> 01:10:53.428 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm angry around you. 01:10:54.243 --> 01:11:00.266 [SPEAKER_01]: And even you know, she'll ask me or I'll ask her, are you angry with me or are you saying we're on me angry around you. 01:11:00.286 --> 01:11:01.186 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, process. 01:11:01.586 --> 01:11:04.788 [SPEAKER_01]: Just helps communicate in this in this season. 01:11:05.848 --> 01:11:07.569 [SPEAKER_01]: Because you get angry. 01:11:07.609 --> 01:11:09.610 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so it's a good story. 01:11:09.750 --> 01:11:11.631 [SPEAKER_00]: New where I love how you've introduced a lot of new words. 01:11:12.171 --> 01:11:15.513 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, things to say find those because something that you get. 01:11:15.713 --> 01:11:25.018 [SPEAKER_00]: giving rational vent to those will help you just give vent to your anger, confess, you need to tell your friends specifically about your anger, process it through prayer. 01:11:26.679 --> 01:11:28.159 [SPEAKER_00]: I think these are three good things to leave our listeners. 01:11:28.219 --> 01:11:32.141 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, process it through prayer and, you know, next week. 01:11:32.302 --> 01:11:33.882 [SPEAKER_01]: What do we got on the darker for next week, Justin? 01:11:34.223 --> 01:11:34.563 [SPEAKER_00]: Good one. 01:11:36.888 --> 01:11:41.832 [SPEAKER_00]: your bitterness over the life you've been given and your universal desire to compare. 01:11:41.852 --> 01:11:43.433 [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to talk about envy. 01:11:43.834 --> 01:11:46.416 [SPEAKER_00]: And all the ways that you like that for it. 01:11:46.816 --> 01:11:48.317 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I really liked it. 01:11:48.477 --> 01:11:50.379 [SPEAKER_01]: I also, I just can't wait to talk about it. 01:11:52.413 --> 01:12:01.975 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I hope it wets the appetite because envy I think as we're going to talk about it is not just about oh I wish I had That person's lot. 01:12:02.015 --> 01:12:03.055 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not just jealousy. 01:12:03.375 --> 01:12:03.615 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 01:12:03.935 --> 01:12:12.437 [SPEAKER_00]: It's actually first the discontentment with your own story That frustration that why do I have the life I've been given but that's all for now. 01:12:12.457 --> 01:12:13.097 [SPEAKER_01]: That's all for now. 01:12:13.157 --> 01:12:16.078 [SPEAKER_00]: Well your appetite We will see you next week. 01:12:16.158 --> 01:12:16.398 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm back