WEBVTT 00:05.991 --> 00:17.900 [SPEAKER_02]: I know I don't think I could have done that if I wasn't a mother myself, you know, if I wasn't a parent myself and in that moment I just felt as part of my being that craft open that I could. 00:18.683 --> 00:22.087 [SPEAKER_02]: I could carry, and it doesn't mean that I'm any less fortunate. 00:22.107 --> 00:25.490 [SPEAKER_02]: What I found this pregnancy, I think Grimsy is so rich. 00:25.810 --> 00:27.712 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I'm a great pregnant person. 00:28.053 --> 00:28.453 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 00:29.434 --> 00:34.920 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, I think it's like the most butch thing you could do is just carry the child. 00:35.369 --> 00:39.453 [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome y'all to the queer family podcast to show all about family, but with gay. 00:39.714 --> 00:42.977 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your gay host, Jamie, and this is the show that celebrates highlights. 00:43.157 --> 00:48.423 [SPEAKER_00]: Uplifting, normalizes, legit particular, families and all of our fabulous identities. 00:48.463 --> 00:51.666 [SPEAKER_00]: And I have a really good conversation coming at you today. 00:51.706 --> 00:53.348 [SPEAKER_00]: I got to sit down with Megan and Erica. 00:53.879 --> 01:00.765 [SPEAKER_00]: They're a clear couple who each carried, well, actually, Erica is pregnant right now, making carry their first. 01:01.525 --> 01:04.388 [SPEAKER_00]: And they have a really beautiful journey. 01:04.468 --> 01:08.852 [SPEAKER_00]: We talk about their fears about becoming parents in the first place. 01:09.492 --> 01:15.537 [SPEAKER_00]: And then we talk about how parenthood really cracks you open from the inside out. 01:15.577 --> 01:21.162 [SPEAKER_00]: We talk a lot about the feelings that happen in the overwhelm that happens when you're a first-time parent. 01:21.502 --> 01:30.966 [SPEAKER_00]: And then we talk a little bit about Erica's fierce surrounding pregnancy as a butch woman, as in her butch identity and her mask identity. 01:30.986 --> 01:40.089 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is something we were saying in our conversation that is not really talked about a lot, but that does deserve more voice actually. 01:40.409 --> 01:42.210 [SPEAKER_00]: And Erica talks about 01:42.830 --> 01:51.039 [SPEAKER_00]: Kind of like the dysphoria she felt and the worry she felt surrounding allowing her body to go through this quote unquote very feminine thing. 01:51.059 --> 01:58.727 [SPEAKER_00]: In the end she found it to be a very rich thing and it took it back in her own way and it's finding pregnancy very empowering. 01:59.247 --> 02:01.550 [SPEAKER_00]: But really interesting conversation. 02:02.170 --> 02:16.316 [SPEAKER_00]: around that when you have worked so hard to finally live in the body, live in the identity that you always wanted and then to take it into this feminine space and feels kind of like rewinding in some ways. 02:16.736 --> 02:17.357 [SPEAKER_00]: You're going to hear it. 02:17.397 --> 02:17.777 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a really 02:18.337 --> 02:19.138 [SPEAKER_00]: Great conversation. 02:19.158 --> 02:20.479 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm excited to share it with y'all. 02:20.819 --> 02:27.905 [SPEAKER_00]: And once again, here we are exploring identities, exploring family, exploring parenthood from a queer lens. 02:28.366 --> 02:29.487 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, let's take it. 02:29.507 --> 02:30.207 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's do it. 02:30.267 --> 02:34.030 [SPEAKER_00]: I love that get out of the hair at heteronormativity and let's go queer. 02:34.191 --> 02:35.792 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's do everybody needs to just be queer. 02:35.972 --> 02:38.034 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what anybody's doing this world. 02:38.473 --> 02:42.895 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, I'm excited for you to hear this conversation, so let's just get into it. 02:42.915 --> 02:46.017 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not even going to share any personal anecdotes about home. 02:46.377 --> 02:49.598 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, Helen, Bula, could you come over here and roll this tape, please? 02:49.698 --> 02:50.979 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much, ladies. 02:51.139 --> 02:51.880 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's do this. 02:52.020 --> 02:52.740 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm excited. 02:53.080 --> 02:53.340 [SPEAKER_00]: Go. 02:53.901 --> 02:54.421 [SPEAKER_00]: Roll the tape. 02:55.681 --> 02:57.442 [SPEAKER_00]: Clear from my podcast. 02:57.522 --> 02:58.243 [SPEAKER_00]: Love is love. 02:59.023 --> 02:59.964 [SPEAKER_00]: Hi, Megan Erica. 03:00.464 --> 03:02.445 [SPEAKER_01]: Hi, we're so happy to be with you today, Jamie. 03:03.065 --> 03:04.806 [SPEAKER_00]: I am so happy to have you. 03:05.166 --> 03:06.707 [SPEAKER_00]: I love having listeners. 03:08.837 --> 03:10.658 [SPEAKER_00]: on the show because I know you know the show. 03:10.738 --> 03:12.479 [SPEAKER_00]: I know you know what we're going to get into. 03:13.140 --> 03:14.981 [SPEAKER_00]: And I know we're going to have a great time. 03:15.081 --> 03:16.862 [SPEAKER_00]: So thanks for being here. 03:17.182 --> 03:17.943 [SPEAKER_02]: Thanks for having us. 03:18.523 --> 03:20.544 [SPEAKER_00]: Now without further ado, you know what's coming. 03:20.604 --> 03:23.086 [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to get right into your 30 second elevator pitch. 03:23.906 --> 03:24.287 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 03:24.407 --> 03:24.967 [SPEAKER_00]: Are we ready? 03:25.568 --> 03:25.988 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 03:26.308 --> 03:26.668 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 03:26.808 --> 03:27.529 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, my man. 03:28.009 --> 03:28.609 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, here we go. 03:28.629 --> 03:31.011 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to start the timer and now. 03:31.581 --> 03:44.457 [SPEAKER_01]: All right, well, growing up in the Midwest for Erica and in the Canadian Prairies for me in the 80s and 90s, we never saw a single example of prayer family, so it was never a dream we had and then toss it in our Nordic Regions and we just weren't sure that parenthood was for us. 03:44.970 --> 03:50.316 [SPEAKER_01]: So it was actually listening to your original podcast during COVID that opened us up to begin the fertility journey. 03:50.737 --> 04:03.592 [SPEAKER_01]: We hosted a panel of people in our life to interview them on their honest take of a decision to have kids or not and five years later after many IUIs, miscarriage, IVF, and a miracle final valve sperm through a generous sibling family that we've never met. 04:04.032 --> 04:13.820 [SPEAKER_01]: We now have a three and a half year old son and a daughter on the way and each of us now have the opportunity to carry and she's very, very good and you're pregnant right now. 04:13.880 --> 04:14.261 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god. 04:14.281 --> 04:14.921 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god. 04:14.981 --> 04:15.742 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god. 04:15.782 --> 04:16.503 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's right. 04:16.983 --> 04:18.004 [SPEAKER_00]: Very exciting. 04:18.164 --> 04:18.584 [SPEAKER_00]: Wow. 04:18.765 --> 04:27.132 [SPEAKER_00]: And okay, the whole lead up to the starting the journey is so if I do identify as less, how do you identify? 04:27.678 --> 04:43.063 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I would say so identified as bisexual for a long time, had relationships with multiple people, different humans in my life, and then really landed on fully coming out as lesbian and America, like, right that same week. 04:43.203 --> 04:51.986 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I've known I was clear since I was far, like I literally have this moment in time where I watched my dance teacher 04:52.759 --> 05:13.512 [SPEAKER_02]: This moment was dancing to any lettuce walking on the ground and all I wanted to do was just bring her cupcakes and the flowers It is next to her all the time so I've known always but I didn't come out until it was 20 because it wasn't safe every time that I tried to come out There was something more will happen So I like this when I finally came out to the world. 05:13.532 --> 05:15.613 [SPEAKER_02]: I am queer and I love women 05:17.968 --> 05:18.409 [SPEAKER_00]: Me too. 05:18.849 --> 05:23.655 [SPEAKER_00]: And for me, it was my Spanish teacher, but anyway, I love the teachers. 05:23.735 --> 05:26.058 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I definitely didn't think my English teacher. 05:26.158 --> 05:28.561 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, always falling in love with my English teachers. 05:28.601 --> 05:29.322 [SPEAKER_01]: My son. 05:29.442 --> 05:29.903 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 05:30.023 --> 05:30.543 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah. 05:31.124 --> 05:32.846 [SPEAKER_00]: There was a lot of teacher crashes for me. 05:32.866 --> 05:32.966 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 05:33.587 --> 05:52.503 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, I was just going to say that the whole build up to the fertility journey is so, I was going to say lesbian, but really I should say it's so queer, like in the, in the thinking through every little step and like, like, oh, like a lot of times in queer relationships, lesbian relationships in particular, we kind of tend to talk through things a lot. 05:52.943 --> 05:54.425 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, talk it all out. 05:54.485 --> 05:55.426 [SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, so queer. 05:55.526 --> 05:56.486 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, let's, 05:57.287 --> 05:58.188 [SPEAKER_00]: dig in. 05:58.648 --> 06:02.411 [SPEAKER_00]: I cannot wait to hear all about this journey. 06:02.571 --> 06:08.975 [SPEAKER_00]: So when you started thinking about it, you started listening to this show when it was called if these ovaries could talk with me and Robin. 06:09.536 --> 06:09.736 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 06:10.056 --> 06:11.657 [SPEAKER_00]: That's how far back this goes. 06:11.677 --> 06:12.578 [SPEAKER_00]: That was a while ago. 06:12.898 --> 06:13.679 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's start there. 06:13.759 --> 06:14.979 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's dig in. 06:15.580 --> 06:22.665 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, Erica decided to go away for a weekend and visit a friend and I had I think three 06:26.740 --> 06:38.226 [SPEAKER_01]: And it was during 2020, I was listening to your podcast because I started to journal about, like, as you do when you're left alone for, you know, a few days and I'm like, what do I really want my life to be? 06:38.286 --> 06:48.471 [SPEAKER_01]: I need to reassess this and like envision this and then part of what came to me was still this unresolved piece around do I want to be a parent or not. 06:49.312 --> 06:51.553 [SPEAKER_01]: And I felt like most people around me that either knew it. 06:52.320 --> 07:12.175 [SPEAKER_01]: like their whole life that's what they wanted or they got a surprise and it happened and you know but that's not happening to queer folks usually is not so many surprises it's like okay planning intentionally so that was my big inquiry for that weekend that I was taking on and I found 07:15.038 --> 07:32.311 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, anything about queer family planning and if these ovaries could talk pop up and I started listening that episode and being so moved and really brought to tears and got to You know, my own longing that I think I'd never really let myself had because they said in the opening 07:33.251 --> 07:39.653 [SPEAKER_01]: I had never seen another example in media or in person until I was in my 20s of a family. 07:40.013 --> 07:40.693 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 07:40.933 --> 07:46.595 [SPEAKER_01]: It just didn't register as something that was going to be for me and the last time I chose to be in partnership with a man. 07:46.855 --> 07:50.376 [SPEAKER_01]: And then even still, I felt like, I don't know. 07:50.616 --> 07:54.017 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if I can do this and so we'll talk more about that. 07:54.057 --> 08:00.519 [SPEAKER_01]: But I think I called Eric after listening to a bunch of episodes and I said, I think I want to have a baby. 08:03.221 --> 08:05.763 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but I've only been gone for like a day and a half. 08:05.804 --> 08:19.536 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, this is what I mean, you know, yeah, we we got together like we were going to be aunties, you know, we're the queer aunties, we're the legend and we're proud of that, you know, and so I like to think of it as like she got struck by the baby. 08:19.576 --> 08:26.302 [SPEAKER_02]: Go like all of a sudden, who is just like, boom, this one wants to have a baby and like, okay, we'll talk about this one again. 08:27.223 --> 08:27.903 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a big jump. 08:27.963 --> 08:28.464 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a big jump. 08:28.604 --> 08:30.764 [SPEAKER_00]: But I always joke that that's what I do. 08:30.804 --> 08:31.545 [SPEAKER_00]: I make babies. 08:31.925 --> 08:35.666 [SPEAKER_00]: So you started listening to the show and then babies babies. 08:37.147 --> 08:44.110 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and then I started to feel like, okay, well, if you're in do this, I mean, I need to understand how it could happen. 08:44.270 --> 08:49.091 [SPEAKER_01]: Obviously, your show is really supportive in outlining all of the ways that happen. 08:49.171 --> 08:50.472 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, the book now as well. 08:50.532 --> 08:55.234 [SPEAKER_01]: So getting to, I think it's such a valuable resource for people to understand here's all the options. 08:55.294 --> 08:55.434 [SPEAKER_01]: But 08:55.995 --> 08:57.738 [SPEAKER_01]: I put rails on it right away. 08:57.778 --> 09:07.635 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, well, okay, we could try this, but we're just going to do maybe a couple of anyways, but we'll see if it happens if it's meant for us, that's how it's going to happen. 09:09.153 --> 09:10.013 [SPEAKER_01]: So spoiler alert. 09:10.053 --> 09:10.994 [SPEAKER_01]: We did a lot more than that. 09:11.234 --> 09:21.579 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, sounds like, but you did also mention in your elevator pitch part of the reason you won't weren't sure about becoming parents is also neuro, neuro divergence. 09:22.659 --> 09:26.281 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'd love to dive into that a little bit too. 09:26.321 --> 09:27.321 [SPEAKER_00]: Like what what is that? 09:27.461 --> 09:29.002 [SPEAKER_00]: What is that whole story about? 09:29.342 --> 09:33.306 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, for me, it was a diagnosis of ADHD. 09:33.906 --> 09:49.079 [SPEAKER_02]: And for me, that was just a huge awakening that allowed me to see back through my entire life, all these moments where I was not only masking and pretending to be straight, but I was also pretending to be near a typical. 09:49.640 --> 09:51.662 [SPEAKER_02]: And how these intersections, 09:55.983 --> 09:57.586 [SPEAKER_02]: how I've showed up, right? 09:57.686 --> 10:05.136 [SPEAKER_02]: And then I was nervous like how how can I do this moving forward this reckoning of who I am, how is that going to impact me as a parent? 10:05.677 --> 10:07.640 [SPEAKER_02]: And so yeah, learning about this 10:09.453 --> 10:29.228 [SPEAKER_02]: facing the responsibilities in the amount of tracking like I sometimes forget to shut the, you know, the cabin to the kitchen, you know, and so just thinking about becoming a parent, I had to face a lot of what's possible, and I am so rival that we did, but yeah, it was definitely 10:29.888 --> 10:36.011 [SPEAKER_02]: a definitely journey, and you're right, we did a lot of talking to get to this to this point. 10:36.551 --> 10:45.515 [SPEAKER_00]: You were super thoughtful about it, and there's the intention that I always bring up, like super thoughtful about it from the start of the conversation even. 10:46.195 --> 10:49.977 [SPEAKER_00]: And so your ADHD diagnosis was later in life, it sounds like. 10:50.605 --> 10:55.030 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I was right when Megan was just like she wanted to go through the fertility journey. 10:55.050 --> 10:59.055 [SPEAKER_02]: So, since I'm happening at the same time, yeah, so you have a lot to work there. 11:00.016 --> 11:07.965 [SPEAKER_02]: And I also had anxiety, which I had no idea as well, because I had been so good at masking my whole life. 11:08.105 --> 11:09.987 [SPEAKER_02]: My family would early call me the peeper. 11:10.768 --> 11:10.948 [SPEAKER_02]: Right? 11:11.048 --> 11:14.691 [SPEAKER_02]: I was one that was the good one with call one. 11:14.731 --> 11:23.117 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, there was no other space for anything, but okay So I had such an excellent actress at Any of you. 11:23.177 --> 11:23.437 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 11:23.477 --> 11:24.297 [SPEAKER_02]: I had no idea. 11:24.317 --> 11:25.558 [SPEAKER_02]: I had so much anxiety. 11:25.578 --> 11:33.443 [SPEAKER_02]: So there was a lot to unpack and and I feel grateful That this journey allowed me to do that work and I don't know 11:34.611 --> 11:38.896 [SPEAKER_02]: if it would have come through this pathway, if I didn't say yes to becoming a parent. 11:38.977 --> 11:47.487 [SPEAKER_02]: And I think that's what's so beautiful about queer relationships is the level of consciousness that we can bring into this growing. 11:47.707 --> 11:49.450 [SPEAKER_02]: And I think that's the thing when people say, 11:50.340 --> 12:05.050 [SPEAKER_02]: We're not capable of being parents and like we're some of the people that do the most you know this isn't just a drunken Friday and I like we put so much energy into this and these kids are so wanted and so loved and we're Yeah, admitted to doing our work to break 12:06.077 --> 12:09.218 [SPEAKER_02]: the sheen cycle and help them be where they want to be. 12:09.558 --> 12:13.860 [SPEAKER_00]: We're building a new version of family and we're doing it together as a team. 12:14.020 --> 12:19.721 [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, it takes a lot of, it takes a lot of thought, a lot of conversations, a lot of intention. 12:20.041 --> 12:26.984 [SPEAKER_00]: So, you had to talk through everything, you had the near-devergence that you wanted to work through, then you decided, okay, we're going to do this. 12:27.684 --> 12:31.825 [SPEAKER_00]: And you were, and you thought you were going to try with three like three IUIs and if it doesn't 12:34.706 --> 12:57.537 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I would say before, even deciding to do the IUI, one of the things that we did that was kind of unusual was, or at least unusual because we haven't heard of other people doing it, is we got a panel together of a bunch of people in our life and community who either had kids, didn't have kids like whole variety single parents, people parenting with others like whole variety. 12:58.317 --> 13:05.901 [SPEAKER_01]: and different stages, people that were in their 70s, looking back on it, and people that were just newly in the trenches, you know, all of it. 13:05.941 --> 13:23.048 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, got them together to really have a very real conversation about having kids and things that people wouldn't necessarily say in normal conversation or publicly online about what they say when we just asked about the realness of it. 13:25.365 --> 13:32.648 [SPEAKER_01]: What actually happened was we left with some people telling us bluntly, like, don't do it, like, don't do it. 13:32.908 --> 13:43.412 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that had had multiple kids like saying you guys shouldn't do it or saying no just that they're like it's going to, you know, 13:45.293 --> 13:46.674 [SPEAKER_01]: You're such creative people. 13:46.754 --> 14:07.950 [SPEAKER_01]: You have so much you can do in the world and you're going to be caught up with all of these day-to-day things that you have to do for our child And it's going to pull from all those other things that you want to do all the other goals that you have And so that was one for instance that was really like I was really digesting that because that was one of my biggest fears 14:11.938 --> 14:36.738 [SPEAKER_01]: I needed a lot of time, like personal time and I didn't even realize quite how much until after we had the mission child to, like I started yoga when I was 16 and teaching yoga when I was 18, I had like a really long morning practices, deep peaceful time, and I didn't realize how much I relied on those things, but at that time, what I recognized was I didn't 14:41.961 --> 14:48.405 [SPEAKER_01]: And so they were pointing that out of like, yeah, it just obliterated my whole life. 14:48.565 --> 14:50.086 [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't have any of that anymore. 14:50.106 --> 14:52.427 [SPEAKER_01]: So I was speaking directly to my biggest fears. 14:52.807 --> 14:55.649 [SPEAKER_01]: And they were saying like, yeah, that's totally true. 14:55.769 --> 14:56.489 [SPEAKER_01]: That's what it does. 14:56.569 --> 14:57.710 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's valid. 14:58.430 --> 14:58.690 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 14:58.890 --> 15:01.672 [SPEAKER_00]: And it is, it's totally, it opens your entire. 15:03.013 --> 15:04.893 [SPEAKER_00]: life, your entire being. 15:04.913 --> 15:07.994 [SPEAKER_00]: You have to rebuild what after kids. 15:08.074 --> 15:13.615 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, it's like you start from a new foundation and you start building out from there in some ways. 15:13.855 --> 15:14.795 [SPEAKER_00]: It does feel like that. 15:14.835 --> 15:19.636 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that that's really valid advice and it's true 100%. 15:20.096 --> 15:26.798 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I remember thinking what after my daughter was born that first year, first year of being a parent, 15:33.183 --> 15:36.965 [SPEAKER_00]: human being that didn't know how to put itself back together again. 15:37.045 --> 15:37.986 [SPEAKER_00]: That was how I felt. 15:38.366 --> 15:43.449 [SPEAKER_00]: My first year or two or three of parenthood to be honest. 15:43.929 --> 15:45.990 [SPEAKER_00]: You do rebuild though and you know this, right? 15:46.050 --> 15:50.433 [SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, like, um, carry on and that is totally valid. 15:51.557 --> 15:51.957 [SPEAKER_00]: advice. 15:52.758 --> 15:54.118 [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, what happened? 15:54.939 --> 16:09.767 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, and then, you know, when we had other people saying, like, of course, that, yes, it obliterated their lives and they got to create their best version, yet, and the things they got to experience were things they never would have gotten to experience otherwise. 16:09.847 --> 16:09.907 [SPEAKER_01]: And 16:11.424 --> 16:12.024 [SPEAKER_01]: all of the things. 16:12.064 --> 16:13.185 [SPEAKER_01]: So we have the whole range. 16:13.205 --> 16:22.132 [SPEAKER_01]: So we left this panel feeling like, okay, we still have the same fears and we still like we're we're hearing that yes, it's true. 16:23.132 --> 16:37.183 [SPEAKER_01]: Basically, and now we get to decide and see what wants to happen and one of the things that really impacted me with someone commented about how they were really clear they were not going to have. 16:37.842 --> 16:45.868 [SPEAKER_01]: children because they came from a home where they, you know, had a mother that struggled with her mental health. 16:46.488 --> 16:49.431 [SPEAKER_01]: And there, like, I don't want to be that one. 16:49.451 --> 16:50.712 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want that to happen. 16:50.732 --> 16:52.453 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I want to take care of myself. 16:52.533 --> 16:52.593 [SPEAKER_01]: And 16:53.030 --> 17:17.123 [SPEAKER_01]: I recognize that was one of my concerns because I came from a home with alcoholic mother who was, you know, had no resources really is what I see now available to her to support her and wasn't looking for them either and so I was realized through that that I was making up that that would mean I'm going to be in the same situation somehow. 17:18.329 --> 17:27.979 [SPEAKER_01]: And just this water we swim in kind of example, and instead one of the things I really came out with clearly was I have an opportunity to break that cycle. 17:28.199 --> 17:29.941 [SPEAKER_01]: I have an opportunity to do this differently. 17:29.961 --> 17:35.487 [SPEAKER_01]: I have updated have resources to make different choices to come in with awareness. 17:36.030 --> 17:39.612 [SPEAKER_01]: So that motivated me forward, let's say even more. 17:39.633 --> 17:51.140 [SPEAKER_01]: And then we decided to go have our first appointment, the fertility clinic, and it's where to go from there, and chose our donor. 17:51.160 --> 17:53.302 [SPEAKER_01]: That was a big process. 17:53.729 --> 17:57.051 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but was that like, search for superhuman? 17:57.611 --> 17:59.753 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like you're dating, but you're not dating, right? 17:59.953 --> 18:01.954 [SPEAKER_02]: It's gonna be half the genes of your kid. 18:02.014 --> 18:07.978 [SPEAKER_02]: And so yeah, some of our friends who have gone this down this path that wasn't, they weren't spending hours going through this thing. 18:08.018 --> 18:12.140 [SPEAKER_02]: But Megan, when she researches something, she will make sure she is very thorough. 18:12.501 --> 18:13.501 [SPEAKER_02]: And what she discovered. 18:13.521 --> 18:14.642 [SPEAKER_01]: So hundreds of. 18:14.762 --> 18:16.443 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so my god. 18:16.543 --> 18:17.183 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh god. 18:18.468 --> 18:21.211 [SPEAKER_00]: And you read at a bank, like a sperm bank? 18:21.872 --> 18:27.878 [SPEAKER_01]: I looked at all, like many, at least five of them, like in-depth going through all the things. 18:28.339 --> 18:38.130 [SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, and then after having the testing, myself and see who would be the genetic match for me, what they're all, you know, all that it's wiped out, you know, 50 of the people you're considering. 18:38.687 --> 18:49.990 [SPEAKER_01]: So it brought our choices down to a few and we talk about this is like, there was chunky soup guy that we refer to as, which was he answered the question of like, what's your fruit food? 18:50.010 --> 18:51.970 [SPEAKER_01]: And he's like, oh, chunky soup. 18:52.030 --> 18:53.350 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, can chunky soup? 18:53.430 --> 18:54.831 [SPEAKER_01]: And oh my god, that's amazing. 18:55.151 --> 18:56.291 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I can't. 18:56.451 --> 18:57.131 [SPEAKER_01]: I can't. 18:57.231 --> 18:58.631 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I just can't. 18:58.651 --> 18:59.872 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I can't. 18:59.932 --> 19:00.712 [SPEAKER_01]: He's a person. 19:01.812 --> 19:24.781 [SPEAKER_01]: The donor we chose was like answering the questions about how well it depends what kind of meal you're talking about Is it a meal that I'm making for a date or is it something I'm having on my own or am I going to a gathering and I was like this How I think like this is awesome I was more sensed this guy so that was not the deciding factor, but it was such a process of really feeling like 19:25.281 --> 19:34.465 [SPEAKER_01]: We imagine our child and now children listening to these interviews and thinking like, wow, what a great choice. 19:34.905 --> 19:37.606 [SPEAKER_00]: You have to think of the child first, right? 19:37.647 --> 19:39.207 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's a good way to think about it. 19:39.247 --> 19:40.728 [SPEAKER_00]: Could we imagine the child actually? 19:42.183 --> 19:43.183 [SPEAKER_01]: liking the choice. 19:43.443 --> 19:44.444 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh God, what's that? 19:44.564 --> 19:45.624 [SPEAKER_01]: Like so scary, right? 19:46.164 --> 19:52.926 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we definitely wanted to choose someone that had a lot of pictures available and just a lot, you know, as much information as possible. 19:52.946 --> 19:55.206 [SPEAKER_01]: And so that was part of the factor. 19:55.646 --> 20:03.288 [SPEAKER_01]: And so by the time we chose that donor and finally moved ahead, we were very, very clear. 20:03.688 --> 20:09.930 [SPEAKER_01]: And we bought, I think, six vials was how it started and I thought 20:11.308 --> 20:15.954 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, we're not going to do this like six times like this is going to be everything is fine. 20:15.974 --> 20:16.335 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 20:17.116 --> 20:26.048 [SPEAKER_01]: And then I went in and had my first unmedicated IUI because I thought that was all it was going to be. 20:27.109 --> 20:43.533 [SPEAKER_01]: try to keep it natural, and that didn't work out, and then I went in and had three medicated IUIs, and those ones, the final one took, and at that point we were just talking about the idea. 20:44.193 --> 20:45.553 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh wow, so the final one took. 20:46.093 --> 20:53.435 [SPEAKER_01]: The final one took of that, so I'd four IUIs in, three of them were eradicated, mine took, and that became Nova, our son. 20:53.853 --> 20:55.094 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, amazing. 20:55.234 --> 20:56.614 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, yay. 20:56.694 --> 20:58.055 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so that wasn't too terrible. 20:58.355 --> 21:01.477 [SPEAKER_00]: So you still have two vials left. 21:01.557 --> 21:08.040 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, left at that point and no plan to ever use them, but we're like, well, we'll keep them there, but we're definitely one and done. 21:08.600 --> 21:09.281 [SPEAKER_01]: That was cool. 21:09.301 --> 21:09.841 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 21:09.861 --> 21:14.183 [SPEAKER_01]: That we took, like I said, there's no way I was 40. 21:14.203 --> 21:15.984 [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, that's it. 21:16.264 --> 21:21.887 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna have this one and then Erica was like, there's no way. 21:22.813 --> 21:27.317 [SPEAKER_00]: There's no way she's going to have, but you didn't, you didn't want to, you didn't want to carry you. 21:27.397 --> 21:28.778 [SPEAKER_00]: Not in my box for body. 21:28.898 --> 21:29.239 [SPEAKER_00]: Right. 21:29.279 --> 21:29.499 [SPEAKER_00]: Right. 21:29.559 --> 21:34.143 [SPEAKER_02]: Never got to ever, ever, ever, ever imagine in my life. 21:34.683 --> 21:37.386 [SPEAKER_02]: I just want to make that, like, that I would be the one carry. 21:37.466 --> 21:39.428 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I was so, like, I loved. 21:39.988 --> 21:41.589 [SPEAKER_02]: supporting her through her pregnancy journey. 21:41.849 --> 21:43.670 [SPEAKER_02]: It's such an honor to support her. 21:43.690 --> 21:44.610 [SPEAKER_02]: This is my place. 21:44.650 --> 21:45.410 [SPEAKER_02]: This feels right. 21:46.731 --> 21:50.032 [SPEAKER_02]: And obviously now I am halfway through this pregnancy. 21:50.052 --> 21:54.494 [SPEAKER_02]: So here I am never saying never because you never know what could be involved. 21:54.534 --> 21:55.574 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, Erica. 21:55.594 --> 21:56.515 [SPEAKER_00]: So what happened? 21:56.575 --> 21:59.076 [SPEAKER_00]: So you get Nova everything's great. 21:59.096 --> 22:03.958 [SPEAKER_00]: You're parenting, you're working through the stuff that has to be worked through and parenting. 22:03.998 --> 22:04.258 [SPEAKER_00]: And then 22:05.200 --> 22:07.240 [SPEAKER_00]: and then where did this come about? 22:07.580 --> 22:15.222 [SPEAKER_01]: What happened at first was the whole iteration of life piece where I felt like similar to what you said feeling cracked from the inside. 22:15.242 --> 22:19.883 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, oh my god, this is the cracked open. 22:19.903 --> 22:27.264 [SPEAKER_01]: I would say for a while, everything I have focused on my entire life that I thought was important and that meant something. 22:27.544 --> 22:32.485 [SPEAKER_01]: It was worthy of my time and my energy and my money and my whatever is just a lie. 22:33.148 --> 22:34.569 [SPEAKER_01]: So that's what happened to me. 22:34.669 --> 22:37.391 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, I have been living a life. 22:37.411 --> 22:43.875 [SPEAKER_01]: And this little being is everything I could have ever imagined. 22:44.515 --> 22:49.599 [SPEAKER_01]: And at the same time, I was completely exhausted, full of anxiety. 22:50.659 --> 23:01.907 [SPEAKER_01]: And all the skills, all the tools that I had spent my whole life building through yoga and meditation and coach life coaching, and everything just felt like they were on another planet. 23:02.873 --> 23:05.836 [SPEAKER_01]: from where I was in that case. 23:05.856 --> 23:10.721 [SPEAKER_01]: So even with all that going on, I started to get curious about a year. 23:10.741 --> 23:17.227 [SPEAKER_01]: He was one year old when I was like, I feel like maybe we're supposed to have another one. 23:17.783 --> 23:20.564 [SPEAKER_01]: But I don't want to have another one through my body. 23:20.785 --> 23:25.407 [SPEAKER_02]: I think we should do it. 23:26.067 --> 23:29.329 [SPEAKER_02]: So here comes another round of conversation, right? 23:29.829 --> 23:30.650 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 23:30.770 --> 23:30.970 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 23:31.010 --> 23:34.071 [SPEAKER_02]: So again, another, you know, we didn't do the panel for this on. 23:34.151 --> 23:35.052 [SPEAKER_02]: But there was a lot. 23:35.092 --> 23:38.414 [SPEAKER_02]: We just talked to multiple friends and worked through my things. 23:38.454 --> 23:41.795 [SPEAKER_02]: Because I'm a bunch, you know, and I'm a proud bunch. 23:41.875 --> 23:44.257 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm softy, but I am definitely good, you know? 23:44.337 --> 23:44.677 [SPEAKER_02]: And so, 23:45.597 --> 23:50.500 [SPEAKER_02]: She had the flowy maternity like we're just dressing things. 23:50.740 --> 23:52.461 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like he would never find me in that. 23:52.561 --> 24:00.665 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay Yeah, and I just never imagine my body Changing like my breasts my hips everything growing. 24:00.705 --> 24:11.230 [SPEAKER_02]: It just I feel so feminine Yeah, it feels so feminine right when you're yeah and for me it's like I presented as a tomboy when I was little 24:12.005 --> 24:12.245 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 24:12.285 --> 24:14.927 [SPEAKER_02]: So I looked the same now as I did when I was six. 24:15.528 --> 24:17.609 [SPEAKER_02]: And then I started getting bullied in middle school. 24:18.370 --> 24:19.731 [SPEAKER_02]: And it was pretty bad. 24:20.171 --> 24:31.280 [SPEAKER_02]: And the staff at my school who's actually supposed to support me told me that if I were to continue to express in this way, that I would have deeper consequences. 24:31.460 --> 24:40.787 [SPEAKER_02]: And so instead of telling my parents, I completely internalized all of that and was like, this is the most embarrassed I've ever been in my life. 24:41.765 --> 24:53.127 [SPEAKER_02]: So I started presenting more feminine and I started dating boys and I started wearing makeup and like if you saw my senior picture, it just completely different person, right? 24:53.147 --> 25:10.290 [SPEAKER_02]: So it's you can so long to claim my identity as a mass, you know, as a book and going towards this journey felt like how can I still stay in this identity and do this thing not to me is presented as show 25:11.582 --> 25:26.212 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, feels kind of like unraveling what you've worked so hard to get to like taking it backwards to that's very scary place where you were bullied and super afraid and super humiliated like 25:27.092 --> 25:30.415 [SPEAKER_00]: I can imagine it feels like you're headed back to that place. 25:30.935 --> 25:34.858 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so parenting has, you know, I've done a lot of work like my name as well. 25:34.898 --> 25:42.884 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, done so much work to heal those parts of myself and step into greater leadership and life and my work and career and all these things. 25:42.964 --> 25:52.592 [SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, parenting, I feel has been the journey that has given me the most opportunity to use these tools and beyond and create new ways of being. 25:53.579 --> 25:55.300 [SPEAKER_02]: my dad passed away two years ago. 25:55.320 --> 25:57.080 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm sorry, thank you. 25:57.621 --> 26:01.182 [SPEAKER_02]: And it was kind of seven, but it was so profound. 26:01.202 --> 26:03.183 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I got to be with him in that space. 26:03.523 --> 26:06.144 [SPEAKER_02]: Witnesses in him, leave his body, take his stuff. 26:06.544 --> 26:08.165 [SPEAKER_02]: Last breath, and I got to hold him. 26:08.805 --> 26:13.427 [SPEAKER_02]: My dad was a very sensitive guy, but he was not emotional, right? 26:13.527 --> 26:16.909 [SPEAKER_02]: He would, like, a tier would weigh 10 pounds, is it? 26:16.929 --> 26:18.609 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm down in space, you know? 26:18.669 --> 26:22.531 [SPEAKER_02]: And I got to hold him in this way, like he was my own son. 26:23.428 --> 26:31.032 [SPEAKER_02]: And I imagine his mom holding him and him returning to this place of innocence. 26:31.333 --> 26:37.476 [SPEAKER_02]: And I know I don't think I could have done that if I wasn't a mother myself, you know, if I wasn't a parent myself. 26:37.656 --> 26:43.780 [SPEAKER_02]: And in that moment, I just felt this part of my being that cracked open that I could. 26:44.565 --> 26:47.949 [SPEAKER_02]: I could carry and it doesn't mean that I'm any less fortunate. 26:47.969 --> 26:51.352 [SPEAKER_02]: What I found this pregnancy, I think Grinsey is so rich. 26:51.693 --> 26:53.575 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I'm a great pregnant person. 26:53.935 --> 26:54.335 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 26:55.317 --> 26:55.797 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 26:56.358 --> 27:00.822 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I think it's like the most butch thing you could do is just carry the child. 27:01.002 --> 27:01.223 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 27:01.243 --> 27:03.585 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, like, go into it, go into it. 27:04.046 --> 27:04.706 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I don't know. 27:04.766 --> 27:06.889 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, it just feels like I... 27:07.507 --> 27:08.287 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I thought I can't move along. 27:08.307 --> 27:08.807 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:08.827 --> 27:09.328 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:09.348 --> 27:09.828 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:09.848 --> 27:10.328 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:10.348 --> 27:10.828 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:10.848 --> 27:11.348 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:11.368 --> 27:11.848 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:11.868 --> 27:12.348 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:12.368 --> 27:12.869 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:12.889 --> 27:13.369 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:13.389 --> 27:13.869 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:13.889 --> 27:14.369 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:14.389 --> 27:14.869 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:14.889 --> 27:15.389 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:15.409 --> 27:15.890 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:15.910 --> 27:16.390 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:16.410 --> 27:16.890 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:16.910 --> 27:17.430 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:17.450 --> 27:18.070 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:18.090 --> 27:18.610 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:18.630 --> 27:19.231 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:19.251 --> 27:19.731 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:19.751 --> 27:20.231 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:20.251 --> 27:20.771 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:20.791 --> 27:21.371 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:21.391 --> 27:21.891 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:21.911 --> 27:22.391 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:22.411 --> 27:22.892 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:22.912 --> 27:23.452 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't do these things. 27:23.472 --> 27:23.992 [UNKNOWN]: I can't do these things. 27:24.012 --> 27:24.112 [UNKNOWN]: I can 27:24.432 --> 27:24.932 [SPEAKER_02]: Terrible. 27:25.313 --> 27:26.993 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, the nausea was real. 27:27.133 --> 27:46.242 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, but still even in that I think there's this this natural like I like the challenge of I can do this, you know, and I really have not seen a lot of but stories like I see some Trans stories of carrying in which is really amazing, but I haven't seen a lot of actual butch women 27:46.822 --> 27:48.022 [SPEAKER_02]: stories being shared. 27:48.162 --> 27:53.444 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I felt like, yeah, this call to be this representation because I know we're out there. 27:53.464 --> 27:54.244 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 27:54.264 --> 28:00.606 [SPEAKER_02]: And now that I'm in this sweet spot about a little half-way through, I think it's pretty amazing. 28:00.746 --> 28:04.387 [SPEAKER_02]: I think it's really cool that we have this opportunity to create life. 28:04.707 --> 28:05.747 [SPEAKER_02]: We have two of us left. 28:07.027 --> 28:15.429 [SPEAKER_02]: and so after the, you know, sometimes just kind of integrating and getting my hormones checked in all of that, everything was good, right? 28:15.529 --> 28:19.610 [SPEAKER_02]: And so we came out from the space of what we've got two vials. 28:19.850 --> 28:21.311 [SPEAKER_02]: So let's just see what happens. 28:21.671 --> 28:28.152 [SPEAKER_00]: For Medicaid and I you are, and I know, yeah, so you need to go straight to IVF, you were like, let's give it a try. 28:28.493 --> 28:29.713 [SPEAKER_01]: I wouldn't say that would be the one thing 28:30.632 --> 28:48.254 [SPEAKER_02]: if there was any mistake we made like it would have been great to this have gone straight time yeah but we didn't know you never know like what you chose to do is the right thing to do basically like yeah and I think that's true like and that's what we've seen you know and it's it's it's not for the fan of part IVF right I mean fertility 28:49.072 --> 28:51.055 [SPEAKER_02]: in itself I think is a whole journey. 28:51.436 --> 28:56.403 [SPEAKER_02]: You would think with the amount of people on the planet that it's an easy path, but it's not, you know. 28:56.964 --> 28:59.648 [SPEAKER_02]: So yes, we went through this, we're like, yeah, two miles. 28:59.808 --> 29:01.251 [SPEAKER_02]: I got pregnant on the first time. 29:01.831 --> 29:01.912 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh. 29:02.600 --> 29:04.501 [SPEAKER_01]: through Medicaid and I, who Medicaid and I live. 29:04.681 --> 29:05.122 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 29:05.562 --> 29:06.222 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 29:06.242 --> 29:08.724 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm so, oh my, this is a miracle. 29:08.744 --> 29:12.586 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, like my dad is like, what could some magic up there, you know? 29:13.206 --> 29:15.248 [SPEAKER_02]: So it was, it was pretty cool. 29:15.328 --> 29:19.991 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, and I still had a lot of fear around my body changing, you know? 29:20.111 --> 29:24.913 [SPEAKER_02]: I hadn't, like even though I said, yes, there was still this, woo, you know? 29:24.934 --> 29:26.615 [SPEAKER_00]: I sure it was a shock. 29:26.635 --> 29:28.436 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, oh my God, my, it worked. 29:28.796 --> 29:30.997 [SPEAKER_00]: It actually happened in my body. 29:31.137 --> 29:31.437 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 29:32.758 --> 29:33.658 [SPEAKER_02]: Maybe in my body. 29:33.678 --> 29:34.699 [SPEAKER_02]: There's a baby in my body. 29:34.899 --> 29:36.339 [SPEAKER_02]: We heard the first ultrasound. 29:36.519 --> 29:37.679 [SPEAKER_02]: We got to hear the heartbeat. 29:37.719 --> 29:38.740 [SPEAKER_02]: That was amazing. 29:39.520 --> 29:45.941 [SPEAKER_02]: And then about nine weeks in is when I just felt the shift in my body. 29:45.961 --> 29:50.882 [SPEAKER_02]: And I just have this feeling that something may have happened. 29:51.302 --> 29:55.443 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was really scared to boyset because it was my birthday. 29:56.004 --> 29:58.404 [SPEAKER_02]: And we were going in for my ultrasound the day after. 29:58.424 --> 29:59.164 [SPEAKER_02]: And I 30:02.094 --> 30:10.921 [SPEAKER_02]: My wish was I hope that this baby is okay and we went in the next day and it was a business care if there was no heartbeat. 30:11.361 --> 30:25.352 [SPEAKER_02]: I just remember because we had a great fertility clinic that really supported our family, which I'm grateful for and I know that's not everyone's situation so blessings to the families who've been to that and gratitude for our experience and 30:26.228 --> 30:30.890 [SPEAKER_02]: you know, the ultrasound tech is someone who really supported our family. 30:30.950 --> 30:34.351 [SPEAKER_02]: And so she was all, you know, this moment we just was to graduate that day. 30:34.371 --> 30:36.452 [SPEAKER_02]: It was our graduating from the fertility clinic. 30:36.592 --> 30:38.473 [SPEAKER_02]: There she's like, it's your graduation week. 30:38.533 --> 30:39.613 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 30:40.154 --> 30:43.955 [SPEAKER_02]: And so our son and my wife were seeing right next to me for this as well. 30:44.115 --> 30:47.437 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I knew as soon as her voice, you know, who 30:52.239 --> 30:55.442 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, something's not right and so that's good. 30:55.562 --> 31:08.371 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that's when I discovered it and so I I tried to pass it on my own and it didn't work and so I'm so grateful again that we've been a place that allowed me access to get the support I needed to help move this through. 31:08.792 --> 31:14.496 [SPEAKER_02]: I really see how essential it is and how the new ones up these cases and what we need and so 31:15.672 --> 31:16.072 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 31:16.112 --> 31:17.874 [SPEAKER_02]: So that was that was one. 31:18.614 --> 31:20.216 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a journey journey journey. 31:20.256 --> 31:29.183 [SPEAKER_00]: That's not going from not wanting to experience this in your body to experiencing and then experiencing the loss of it. 31:29.243 --> 31:29.863 [SPEAKER_00]: So sorry. 31:30.083 --> 31:33.806 [SPEAKER_00]: That's For anyone who's experienced that. 31:34.367 --> 31:34.767 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 31:34.887 --> 31:43.094 [SPEAKER_02]: And I think I'm the gratitude that I harvested from my experiences, like, you know, we hear that word, miscarriage and 31:44.377 --> 31:46.958 [SPEAKER_02]: I had never put the physicality to it, right? 31:47.058 --> 31:50.018 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I actually experienced the physicality of it. 31:50.118 --> 31:54.159 [SPEAKER_02]: I just had so much compassion for how many people have experienced that. 31:55.019 --> 31:58.060 [SPEAKER_02]: And how it still is this kind of taboo subject. 31:58.580 --> 32:03.061 [SPEAKER_02]: And it's like one and four women on people have experienced that. 32:03.221 --> 32:10.222 [SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, it was a path I never thought I would walk, but it is a part of my story. 32:10.562 --> 32:12.683 [SPEAKER_02]: And I wouldn't necessarily say I'm grateful, 32:14.733 --> 32:18.476 [SPEAKER_02]: It's made me more compassionate to have that experience. 32:19.237 --> 32:20.237 [SPEAKER_00]: Sorry that happened. 32:20.257 --> 32:25.021 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a doozy to put in a totally flippant term. 32:25.061 --> 32:27.643 [SPEAKER_02]: But yes, it's a doozy. 32:28.244 --> 32:28.944 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a doozy. 32:29.965 --> 32:31.646 [SPEAKER_00]: And so how do you move forward? 32:31.746 --> 32:32.707 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you're pregnant now. 32:32.727 --> 32:34.588 [SPEAKER_00]: So how did you move through this together? 32:34.608 --> 32:35.909 [SPEAKER_02]: Great question. 32:36.030 --> 32:39.072 [SPEAKER_02]: So definitely we took time to really grieve. 32:39.842 --> 32:41.003 [SPEAKER_02]: Please, the timeline. 32:41.343 --> 32:43.625 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, we had already picked out some things. 32:43.685 --> 33:03.061 [SPEAKER_02]: We were going to have an April baby show just kind of shifting the timeline where we're so grateful we have a friend who helps do great work that allowed us to just give that space to have a ritual to release this being and thanks them and yeah, I guess I don't know the exact moment but we're like we have one 33:06.447 --> 33:15.612 [SPEAKER_01]: And we looked at financial easing, those part of the consideration at that point were like, well, I idea, like, it's just not in the cards. 33:15.692 --> 33:17.073 [SPEAKER_01]: Right. 33:17.473 --> 33:21.595 [SPEAKER_01]: And really felt like, let's just go for the violin, hope for the best. 33:21.635 --> 33:25.197 [SPEAKER_01]: You got pregnant this time and our doctor's like, look, like, you got pregnant. 33:25.737 --> 33:27.058 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, it could happen. 33:27.218 --> 33:30.720 [SPEAKER_01]: Again, that easily there's nothing in your body that's not letting you get pregnant. 33:30.820 --> 33:32.641 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's move forward. 33:33.417 --> 33:35.559 [SPEAKER_02]: And so they just didn't take that one. 33:35.599 --> 33:45.387 [SPEAKER_02]: So I got my period and that's when, you know, this is kind of this reckoning like, whoa, this is the last one and our donor have retired. 33:45.427 --> 33:47.849 [SPEAKER_02]: So it really was the last as well. 33:48.369 --> 33:48.850 [SPEAKER_02]: That was it. 33:49.350 --> 33:49.831 [SPEAKER_02]: That was it. 33:50.391 --> 33:52.493 [SPEAKER_01]: And then we skirted looking at other donors. 33:53.934 --> 34:11.104 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, would we continue with IUIs and have a different donor and all the questions that come up from that of how do we feel about that, you know, different donors and the idea that, you know, children don't need to be all from the same genetics and it already wasn't going to be like even with her carrying. 34:11.164 --> 34:14.046 [SPEAKER_01]: So I really in all that inquiry. 34:15.164 --> 34:20.107 [SPEAKER_01]: And we just couldn't not fully get past that or like it doesn't feel the same. 34:20.147 --> 34:23.348 [SPEAKER_01]: It didn't feel like that's what most wanted to happen. 34:23.848 --> 34:24.649 [SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't the dream. 34:24.709 --> 34:32.092 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you know, you got to go it's what you want and everybody's like our paths are our own unique paths. 34:32.112 --> 34:34.614 [SPEAKER_00]: That's why I love this show because 34:35.394 --> 34:52.502 [SPEAKER_00]: even though the story mirror is mine so so well with one of us carrying them the other one carrying having trouble but there's still so very different right like and so you have to go with what what is pulling you and i think that that's less and for everybody at home like 34:53.462 --> 34:57.345 [SPEAKER_00]: If it doesn't feel right, don't, don't do it, like find what works for you. 34:57.665 --> 34:58.545 [SPEAKER_00]: Figure it out, you know. 34:59.066 --> 35:01.587 [SPEAKER_00]: So because the doctors will tell you to do all kinds of stuff. 35:02.028 --> 35:03.969 [SPEAKER_00]: But if it doesn't feel right, you don't have to. 35:03.989 --> 35:05.130 [SPEAKER_00]: Exactly. 35:05.350 --> 35:07.271 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I love that. 35:07.291 --> 35:09.312 [SPEAKER_02]: We were just coming to that reckoning of work. 35:11.013 --> 35:22.237 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we're complete and one is perfect, you know, and all of that, we were planning a trip to Greece, and that was kind of going to be our, like, we're moving ahead. 35:22.257 --> 35:25.318 [SPEAKER_01]: We're going to plan a big trip together and do something really special. 35:25.338 --> 35:26.639 [SPEAKER_01]: We're a family of three. 35:27.199 --> 35:28.419 [SPEAKER_01]: This is our lives. 35:28.499 --> 35:29.780 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's enjoy our lives. 35:29.800 --> 35:37.203 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's stop thinking about fertility for years, like it's time to enjoy how it is right now. 35:37.683 --> 35:38.563 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's plan a trip. 35:39.295 --> 35:43.016 [SPEAKER_01]: And even as I did that, I felt like it was off. 35:43.357 --> 35:44.837 [SPEAKER_01]: It was like, it was covering up. 35:44.897 --> 35:46.398 [SPEAKER_01]: It was covering up what I really wanted. 35:46.478 --> 35:48.418 [SPEAKER_01]: It was like, because that's something I can control. 35:48.599 --> 35:52.640 [SPEAKER_01]: I can control looking at flights and planning a trip. 35:52.720 --> 35:54.661 [SPEAKER_01]: But I couldn't control fertility journey. 35:55.041 --> 35:56.521 [SPEAKER_01]: It was reckoning with that. 35:56.682 --> 36:01.463 [SPEAKER_01]: And the same day that I was having that thought of like, I feel like this is a lie. 36:01.483 --> 36:05.845 [SPEAKER_01]: It's just covering up what we really want that we can't have and sadness of that. 36:06.713 --> 36:16.682 [SPEAKER_01]: And then I opened up Facebook and I hadn't been on for weeks and I opened it up and the top post that popped out was from our dibbling Facebook group. 36:18.164 --> 36:22.668 [SPEAKER_01]: and the another couple two-month family in there. 36:22.688 --> 36:32.856 [SPEAKER_01]: So we've just had our second child, and we have one more bile left and we want to know if anybody wants to have it transferred to them if it's morning without. 36:32.956 --> 36:34.397 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that's so nice of them. 36:34.838 --> 36:37.180 [SPEAKER_00]: Kudos to them two-month family. 36:37.200 --> 36:38.140 [SPEAKER_00]: That's fine. 36:38.621 --> 36:39.401 [SPEAKER_00]: I know. 36:39.421 --> 36:45.887 [SPEAKER_01]: So I said, asked over the years, people had been in the group looking for just that, asking for the bile over the years. 36:46.507 --> 36:48.488 [SPEAKER_01]: And no one ever had one. 36:48.508 --> 36:50.649 [SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't there right timing whatever so soon. 36:50.669 --> 36:51.329 [SPEAKER_01]: This is popped up. 36:51.389 --> 37:08.516 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, yes I can't we want this and then I ran and told her like there's a lot of miles For canceling the trip It's like, okay, whoa, wait I was on the type plane with my yeah, I was one of those another like flashball whatever you're just out there 37:09.555 --> 37:14.160 [SPEAKER_01]: And her face was just like this, like you're so excited, right? 37:14.180 --> 37:15.702 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, what happened? 37:15.762 --> 37:16.062 [SPEAKER_02]: You know? 37:16.102 --> 37:23.670 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I was like, what I was just, wow, I just kind of blindsided by goodness, but also just wow, you know, when you. 37:25.014 --> 37:28.997 [SPEAKER_02]: There's been these moments, most times in our life, where like this is the path, right? 37:29.117 --> 37:32.220 [SPEAKER_02]: This path that we're going on and then something shifts. 37:32.240 --> 37:40.208 [SPEAKER_02]: So I feel like we've had these multiple opportunities to just be able to pivot and be pliable and also just stay open, you know? 37:40.288 --> 37:42.410 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, I'm that was definitely one of those moments. 37:43.050 --> 37:45.752 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what we have to be on these fertility journeys. 37:46.773 --> 37:52.576 [SPEAKER_00]: Open, pliable, flexible role of it, and stick to your gut, right? 37:52.696 --> 37:55.058 [SPEAKER_00]: And so you did, and then boom, here it comes. 37:55.578 --> 37:55.818 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 37:55.858 --> 37:58.020 [SPEAKER_00]: So, vial is found. 37:58.340 --> 37:59.040 [SPEAKER_00]: You go in. 37:59.301 --> 38:01.262 [SPEAKER_00]: Do you do IVF this time? 38:01.282 --> 38:02.122 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you Y? 38:02.503 --> 38:05.004 [SPEAKER_02]: And that's where we have the conversation. 38:05.625 --> 38:06.685 [SPEAKER_02]: We've got one vow. 38:06.925 --> 38:09.447 [SPEAKER_02]: Like we don't want to, we don't want to fuck around. 38:09.507 --> 38:10.288 [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying? 38:13.217 --> 38:14.258 [SPEAKER_01]: We do everything we can. 38:14.278 --> 38:19.862 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I want at that point, I felt like, okay, we just need to know that we did everything we could and we still don't know what will happen. 38:20.343 --> 38:32.072 [SPEAKER_01]: But I think it was that fear that, oh, we could be paying off alone for the next 5 to 10 years, however, whatever we end up taking out and have nothing and that really just got with that as well. 38:32.372 --> 38:34.814 [SPEAKER_01]: That might happen and then we'll know we did what we could. 38:35.479 --> 38:35.739 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 38:36.099 --> 38:36.319 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 38:36.639 --> 38:36.959 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 38:36.999 --> 38:40.501 [SPEAKER_02]: And it was kind of divine time because I had just finished paying off my car. 38:41.261 --> 38:41.481 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 38:41.761 --> 38:47.943 [SPEAKER_02]: And so then it was like this opportunity to be like, okay, just take on this, but instead of a car, we're going to try to make a baby. 38:48.183 --> 38:49.263 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's exactly what I said. 38:49.283 --> 38:50.204 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, look at this. 38:50.244 --> 38:56.705 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, it's not represented that way, but we easily were like, oh, take a car alone, but you're not going to take a loan to have a child baby. 38:57.306 --> 38:57.766 [SPEAKER_00]: Why not? 38:58.706 --> 38:59.266 [SPEAKER_00]: Interesting. 38:59.426 --> 39:00.167 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, totally. 39:00.647 --> 39:03.768 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's also just a great, you know, entrance into parenthood anyway. 39:03.788 --> 39:07.229 [SPEAKER_00]: Like at this point, it's like when one payment ends. 39:07.509 --> 39:11.070 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, the kids need this class now or the kids need the like it's just now. 39:11.090 --> 39:15.431 [SPEAKER_00]: This is like non stop, but now we're like, how are we going to afford that one? 39:15.451 --> 39:16.472 [SPEAKER_00]: We're still paying off this. 39:16.692 --> 39:18.753 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, non stop, non stop. 39:18.773 --> 39:20.013 [SPEAKER_00]: So totally get it. 39:20.393 --> 39:21.033 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a juggle. 39:21.274 --> 39:22.094 [SPEAKER_00]: So, okay. 39:22.174 --> 39:24.095 [SPEAKER_02]: So, you go for IVF. 39:24.396 --> 39:26.037 [SPEAKER_02]: So, we said, yeah, we went for it. 39:26.117 --> 39:27.197 [SPEAKER_02]: We took out a lawn. 39:27.257 --> 39:31.220 [SPEAKER_02]: We went to our fertility bank and just let them know. 39:31.340 --> 39:32.901 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to show them moving for it at this top. 39:32.941 --> 39:36.363 [SPEAKER_02]: And again, I mean, I think first of all, I never thought I'd carry. 39:37.243 --> 40:04.917 [SPEAKER_02]: I never thought I'd do idea, you know, and here I'm just showing in to the space right and I feel grateful to experience it too because I don't know it was just everything was you have the story of what you think it should be and then or will be or whatever and then you get to have your own experience with that and it's not always good and whatever but I think it does help to just give you perspective on what so many people are going through and 40:05.963 --> 40:06.324 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 40:06.344 --> 40:07.586 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I started my journey. 40:08.648 --> 40:11.033 [SPEAKER_02]: We lived a little more in the forest. 40:11.053 --> 40:11.895 [SPEAKER_02]: So we're not in our city. 40:11.935 --> 40:17.967 [SPEAKER_02]: So it was a it was a drive every time to go in and juggle working and preschool and. 40:18.360 --> 40:22.104 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, you know, how timed everything is. 40:22.264 --> 40:26.449 [SPEAKER_02]: And so just navigating all of that was a little challenging. 40:27.209 --> 40:28.791 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, especially when you have a toddler at home. 40:29.292 --> 40:31.274 [SPEAKER_00]: And you're navigating appointments and all the things. 40:31.774 --> 40:32.455 [SPEAKER_00]: I went through it. 40:32.515 --> 40:32.775 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 40:33.096 --> 40:37.320 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, but we decided to to cool our son in and let him be a part of the journey. 40:37.380 --> 40:40.784 [SPEAKER_02]: Like when I was doing him shot, I always said, you know, if you were getting shot. 40:41.284 --> 41:06.173 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 41:07.284 --> 41:10.568 [SPEAKER_01]: process of the shots and the egg retrieval and all of that. 41:11.089 --> 41:13.251 [SPEAKER_01]: She found that she was pregnant at the beginning of April. 41:14.292 --> 41:16.955 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and you did one retrieval? 41:17.898 --> 41:23.199 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, one retrieval and you got, do you have any, do you remember your number? 41:23.219 --> 41:23.540 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, my gosh. 41:23.560 --> 41:23.860 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, my gosh. 41:23.880 --> 41:24.140 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, my gosh. 41:24.160 --> 41:24.580 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:24.600 --> 41:25.220 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:25.240 --> 41:25.600 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:25.620 --> 41:26.000 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:26.020 --> 41:26.280 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:26.380 --> 41:26.921 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:27.101 --> 41:27.841 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:27.861 --> 41:28.961 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:29.541 --> 41:30.081 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:30.161 --> 41:30.742 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:30.762 --> 41:31.662 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:31.682 --> 41:32.422 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:32.562 --> 41:32.962 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:33.002 --> 41:33.482 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:33.842 --> 41:34.483 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:34.503 --> 41:34.803 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:34.943 --> 41:35.443 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, my gosh. 41:35.563 --> 41:36.263 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, my gosh. 41:36.283 --> 41:36.883 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:36.943 --> 41:37.743 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:38.024 --> 41:38.464 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:38.484 --> 41:38.724 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:38.744 --> 41:38.984 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:39.004 --> 41:39.504 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:39.524 --> 41:39.924 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:39.964 --> 41:40.284 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:40.304 --> 41:40.784 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:40.824 --> 41:41.164 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:41.204 --> 41:41.545 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:41.565 --> 41:42.245 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:42.265 --> 41:42.645 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:42.685 --> 41:43.165 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:43.385 --> 41:43.825 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:43.845 --> 41:44.225 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:44.285 --> 41:44.845 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:44.945 --> 41:45.466 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:46.106 --> 41:46.666 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh. 41:46.686 --> 41:46.726 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh 41:47.557 --> 41:54.684 [SPEAKER_02]: And then we did the testing and from those 13, we have 13, 7, and then we got four embryos. 41:54.964 --> 41:55.244 [SPEAKER_00]: Wow. 41:55.324 --> 41:56.585 [SPEAKER_00]: So that really went down from 13. 41:56.645 --> 41:56.926 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 41:57.326 --> 41:57.947 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 41:58.007 --> 41:59.989 [SPEAKER_01]: That's the thing that's on two to four. 42:00.309 --> 42:05.153 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the reason I don't realize when you do a IVF is that that is the hardest part. 42:05.213 --> 42:09.197 [SPEAKER_00]: Just getting the, I don't remember if there were daily emails. 42:09.477 --> 42:11.159 [SPEAKER_00]: It's so it's not fresh in my mind anymore. 42:11.179 --> 42:12.380 [SPEAKER_00]: It's so in the past. 42:12.460 --> 42:12.820 [SPEAKER_00]: But like, 42:13.541 --> 42:14.982 [SPEAKER_00]: Those, those updates. 42:15.262 --> 42:15.782 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 42:15.842 --> 42:30.128 [SPEAKER_00]: Now it is dwindled down to this many and now this, that was, that's the thing you have to prepare for when you do IVF because it's just it can be heartbreaking because you have so much hope in all of these embryos. 42:30.969 --> 42:31.609 [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely. 42:32.049 --> 42:32.269 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 42:32.289 --> 42:36.811 [SPEAKER_02]: I thought the whole fertility journey is such a, you know, you're always holding your breath here. 42:36.931 --> 42:39.452 [SPEAKER_02]: It's a, yeah, it's a whole journey. 42:39.953 --> 42:40.253 [SPEAKER_02]: It is. 42:41.878 --> 43:07.550 [SPEAKER_02]: did the first transfer and and it took it took yeah okay yeah I thought it's pretty cool that we found out you know we're not religious but I thought it was cool we found out on Easter day that I was pregnant so I just felt like this we're new all this you know new life spring yeah spring energy and you know our first 43:08.270 --> 43:10.754 [SPEAKER_02]: pregnancy, they were going to be born in April. 43:11.054 --> 43:12.857 [SPEAKER_01]: So it was kind of cool this whole time. 43:12.877 --> 43:13.398 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh yeah. 43:13.598 --> 43:14.759 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, ow, I'm pregnant. 43:14.800 --> 43:23.372 [SPEAKER_01]: The due date was the same day as the date was from the like the due date of the previous baby that she lost was the same day we got the call for find out she was pregnant. 43:23.892 --> 43:24.933 [SPEAKER_00]: Wow. 43:25.094 --> 43:26.094 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, full circle. 43:26.114 --> 43:27.155 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, circle. 43:27.396 --> 43:27.636 [SPEAKER_00]: Right. 43:27.676 --> 43:29.378 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, definitely. 43:29.398 --> 43:29.758 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 43:30.338 --> 43:30.879 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god. 43:30.919 --> 43:31.760 [SPEAKER_00]: Amazing. 43:32.360 --> 43:39.527 [SPEAKER_00]: And now you're halfway through feeling better than the first trimester and y'all are going to be mommy's to two. 43:39.547 --> 43:42.270 [SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, that's very exciting. 43:43.310 --> 44:01.236 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and what's been great, it's most of my clothes still threatening, you know, and I love rocking my outfits and, you know, my button-up shirts definitely after where the t-shirt underneath, but for all of you who are by, you know, be considering who are more but fortunate where these clothes, you can still totally make it happen. 44:02.676 --> 44:04.097 [SPEAKER_02]: I think there's something super, 44:05.166 --> 44:08.409 [SPEAKER_02]: super strong and beautiful and much about Karen and baby. 44:08.429 --> 44:09.931 [SPEAKER_00]: So I love it. 44:09.991 --> 44:10.831 [SPEAKER_00]: And you made life. 44:11.072 --> 44:11.712 [SPEAKER_00]: You made life. 44:12.213 --> 44:12.413 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 44:12.453 --> 44:14.034 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's pretty cool. 44:14.154 --> 44:14.855 [SPEAKER_00]: It's awesome. 44:15.175 --> 44:15.636 [SPEAKER_00]: It's awesome. 44:15.656 --> 44:17.097 [SPEAKER_00]: What our bodies can do, right? 44:17.157 --> 44:17.718 [SPEAKER_00]: It's awesome. 44:18.398 --> 44:25.565 [SPEAKER_01]: And I know the Erica was worried about like, oh, like, how is how is this, you know, how am I going to view her or how is this going to be? 44:25.665 --> 44:28.548 [SPEAKER_01]: I see the one more masculine presenting. 44:29.301 --> 44:31.362 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's what I was on for the earlier thing. 44:31.382 --> 44:41.584 [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's the most much thing you can do because formerly her getting to do things for me in that way, it's like, this is so cool. 44:41.944 --> 44:43.284 [SPEAKER_01]: I have a baby on the way. 44:43.524 --> 44:46.685 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not in my body, it's like, that is amazing. 44:46.785 --> 44:56.107 [SPEAKER_01]: And so I feel like it's also deep in our connection and just love and appreciation and understanding for each other because we're now both experiencing. 44:56.905 --> 45:24.017 [SPEAKER_02]: this thing huge life changing thing yeah so I mean to experience pregnancy from both sides and I remember what she was going through is she's like this is you have to experience it like it's so amazing getting to feel these kicks and it's moving and all this is like yeah and now it's amazing like I can feel I think I can feel them kicking there and it really is so unique not everyone gets to have a experience so I do I am grateful that I get 45:26.250 --> 45:29.051 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a unique, to uterus experience. 45:29.331 --> 45:30.512 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's right in mothering. 45:30.552 --> 45:31.432 [SPEAKER_00]: It's pretty awesome. 45:31.452 --> 45:39.096 [SPEAKER_00]: It is great to be able to experience both sides and to be the caretaker, and also the one being taken care of and, you know, it's fun. 45:39.556 --> 45:41.777 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a good, it's a big gift. 45:42.618 --> 45:43.098 [SPEAKER_02]: It really is. 45:43.767 --> 45:46.270 [SPEAKER_00]: So enjoy it and enjoy being taken care of. 45:47.050 --> 45:48.312 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's my stretch. 45:48.392 --> 45:56.700 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, letting her carry all the things I've been documenting her, you know, carrying the heavy luggage and her, you know, beautiful dress and all the things. 45:56.880 --> 46:06.090 [SPEAKER_02]: So it's been it's been sweet to see all the ways we've just been kind of shifting these more typical roles to support one another for this journey. 46:06.717 --> 46:11.240 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, super clear, super beautiful, and I think we do it right. 46:11.460 --> 46:11.900 [SPEAKER_00]: I love it. 46:12.121 --> 46:15.123 [SPEAKER_00]: This has been such a wonderful conversation. 46:15.163 --> 46:16.604 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for sharing your story. 46:16.844 --> 46:17.644 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so excited. 46:17.664 --> 46:22.247 [SPEAKER_00]: You have to let me know when baby comes and because now I'm invested. 46:22.607 --> 46:25.289 [SPEAKER_00]: So, very excited for you, too. 46:25.790 --> 46:26.750 [SPEAKER_00]: What a lovely story. 46:26.850 --> 46:27.751 [SPEAKER_00]: What a beautiful story. 46:28.567 --> 46:29.928 [SPEAKER_02]: You think they're having that stuff? 46:29.988 --> 46:33.230 [SPEAKER_02]: They're having that long stuff to share it with you and your community. 46:33.671 --> 46:35.072 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I love it. 46:35.252 --> 46:35.752 [SPEAKER_00]: Anytime. 46:36.332 --> 46:38.094 [SPEAKER_00]: Clear family podcast. 46:39.134 --> 46:42.777 [SPEAKER_00]: Whew, well folks, I hope you enjoyed that episode as much as I enjoyed it. 46:43.137 --> 46:47.600 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you did enjoy it, feel free to listen to another or watch another. 46:47.760 --> 46:51.062 [SPEAKER_00]: I have so many episodes for your listening or viewing pleasure. 46:51.122 --> 46:52.864 [SPEAKER_00]: Just go pick one and enjoy. 46:52.884 --> 46:53.824 [SPEAKER_02]: There's a lot. 46:53.924 --> 46:54.585 [SPEAKER_02]: There really is. 46:55.320 --> 47:01.761 [SPEAKER_00]: And also, if you really do like this show, please, I know I say it all the time, but please do consider supporting the show on Patreon. 47:01.781 --> 47:06.062 [SPEAKER_00]: You're just gonna go to patreon.com slash the queer family podcast. 47:06.402 --> 47:09.723 [SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna pick a tear, you're gonna join, and you're gonna get that bonus content. 47:10.103 --> 47:13.684 [SPEAKER_00]: And you're also gonna get my love and adoration for the rest of my life. 47:15.344 --> 47:19.685 [SPEAKER_00]: I love you all, thanks for tuning in, keep on tuning in, and I'll see you next time.