WEBVTT 00:03.139 --> 00:07.810 [SPEAKER_00]: This show is brought to you by TheMakery, the podcast network for Makers. 00:18.164 --> 00:21.146 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, let's go and I welcome the full-bass podcast before we get into it. 00:21.326 --> 00:23.987 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's take care a little bit of business. 00:24.047 --> 00:28.169 [SPEAKER_00]: First things first, one thing my friends at Broadbeck Networks makers the two by 72 grinders. 00:28.209 --> 00:30.030 [SPEAKER_00]: This grinder is awesome. 00:30.670 --> 00:39.615 [SPEAKER_00]: And I've just been working on 60 stake knives and I've been using the Broadbecks and they've been really kind of helping me be as efficient as possible. 00:39.635 --> 00:41.316 [SPEAKER_00]: So go to Broadbeckironworks.com. 00:41.836 --> 00:46.979 [SPEAKER_00]: Put in the promo code KnifeTalk10 for 10% off all your grinders, attachments, and parts, many thanks to them. 00:47.819 --> 00:54.966 [SPEAKER_00]: I just was using my even heat, not only to heat-treat stainless steel, but I was also using it to stabilize wood. 00:55.607 --> 00:58.090 [SPEAKER_00]: I got a new thermal coupler. 00:58.430 --> 01:08.560 [SPEAKER_00]: Just to make sure, sometimes if you use the thermal coupler, you use the oven for high heats, and then low heats a lot over the over the years, the thermal coupler starts to... 01:09.120 --> 01:11.382 [SPEAKER_00]: To go and I got a replacement thermocouple. 01:11.402 --> 01:23.053 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it was like 40 bucks and I'm so happy I did because it's just a little bit of assurance Over time I've been using this even heat for Like eight years and it's I've never had a problem with it. 01:23.434 --> 01:29.780 [SPEAKER_00]: Thermocouple is a good thing to have It just it helps you get yourself regulated make sure everything's calibrated correctly 01:30.600 --> 01:39.169 [SPEAKER_00]: I love it, I love even he and I love the people, I love the support and if you go to even he dashkill.com you can see what the fuss about, all the tap control, solid state driver, all that stuff. 01:39.950 --> 01:42.412 [SPEAKER_00]: Many thanks to them and they're like dynamite. 01:43.253 --> 01:51.221 [SPEAKER_00]: Another person's dynamite is Lawrence Lake over Maritime and I've supplied for all your knife-making needs, belts abrasive steel's kills, forged press, featuring those all that stuff. 01:51.962 --> 01:57.103 [SPEAKER_00]: I just got some razor stars, so Norton razor stars from him and they are my favorite. 01:57.163 --> 01:59.784 [SPEAKER_00]: They are without question my favorite. 01:59.864 --> 02:05.585 [SPEAKER_00]: So if you go to Maritime Knife's flat icon, you can get a 10 pack of brace belts and you get 10% off. 02:05.905 --> 02:10.506 [SPEAKER_00]: So I mean, that's about as good as it gets and he's a knife maker and he knows what you need. 02:11.207 --> 02:18.688 [SPEAKER_00]: So if you are a metal worker and you need this stuff for metalworking and stuff like that, go check out what's going on over Maritime Knife's flat icon and give some supports 02:21.289 --> 02:31.153 [SPEAKER_00]: Next to my friends, a Bakerforge, Bakerforge.com, Bakerforge and tool on Instagram for all your copper my eyebrows and my sand my mosaic Damascus, all that stuff. 02:31.754 --> 02:35.215 [SPEAKER_00]: I just finished off some knives that are in Spain right now. 02:35.235 --> 02:46.220 [SPEAKER_00]: I use the Bakerforge and we're going to do a collaboration with quarantine kitchen knives and they're psyched and they're psyched and it's because of the Bakerforge. 02:46.740 --> 02:56.848 [SPEAKER_00]: Baker Ford steals great because they actually have a core and then the jacket on the outside and the core is always in the middle and you can always tell where everything is and it's really really great to use. 02:57.389 --> 03:13.461 [SPEAKER_00]: They have a specific degreaser that's called the Grime Reaper and what that I'll do is that I'll help you get yourself scored a way before you actually when you actually got to use that Gator Piss GATOR PIS S Gator Short Fowl Gator Piss Short Viewer and that stuff is 03:15.983 --> 03:19.347 [SPEAKER_00]: There is the Gator Piss Max and the Gator Piss Heavy. 03:20.689 --> 03:22.611 [SPEAKER_00]: They're all really good and the products are really good. 03:22.631 --> 03:27.116 [SPEAKER_00]: So when you go to Bakerforge.com, put in the promo code full blasting you 10% off your order. 03:27.877 --> 03:31.041 [SPEAKER_00]: Put Coies doing is great and we're 100% behind them. 03:31.121 --> 03:34.765 [SPEAKER_00]: So many thanks to Coie and the gang over at Bakerforge. 03:35.125 --> 03:38.608 [SPEAKER_00]: You can also get the cater piss at Texas fairer supply. 03:39.068 --> 03:40.289 [SPEAKER_00]: Texas fairer supply.com. 03:40.309 --> 03:41.090 [SPEAKER_00]: Those guys are awesome. 03:41.110 --> 03:42.230 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's forget my Rhino Wett. 03:42.791 --> 03:47.895 [SPEAKER_00]: I go to Texas fairer supply.com if you're blacksmith bladesmith, fairer, however you identify. 03:47.915 --> 03:51.998 [SPEAKER_00]: You can get everything you want there and then when you put in the promo code knife, talk 10, it check out you 10% off. 03:54.179 --> 03:56.841 [SPEAKER_00]: Shoutouts to Texas Ferris, Supplying to Shoutouts to Bakerforge. 03:57.362 --> 04:06.449 [SPEAKER_00]: And then a big shoutout to my friends at TotalBoat, TotalBoat.com, slash full blast gets you all your adhesive paints, primers, polishing compounds. 04:07.530 --> 04:09.551 [SPEAKER_00]: The stuff is awesome, the company's great. 04:10.012 --> 04:15.076 [SPEAKER_00]: And I am a huge fan of Kristen Brown over there. 04:15.096 --> 04:16.176 [SPEAKER_00]: We went to college together. 04:16.196 --> 04:20.540 [SPEAKER_00]: We were a few years apart, but she's fantastic and TotalBoat's fantastic. 04:20.620 --> 04:21.621 [SPEAKER_00]: And I love the fact, 04:22.321 --> 04:32.688 [SPEAKER_00]: that I can use a product made in the USA and another product made in the USA where I can get a hold of the people there and then use all of my products and not to mention their products are awesome. 04:32.808 --> 04:34.169 [SPEAKER_00]: The two-part epoxy is awesome. 04:34.549 --> 04:35.910 [SPEAKER_00]: I just get I buy them. 04:36.110 --> 04:40.633 [SPEAKER_00]: I get the medium grade, the medium thickness, 04:41.393 --> 04:42.094 [SPEAKER_00]: CA glue. 04:42.214 --> 04:42.734 [SPEAKER_00]: I buy that. 04:42.854 --> 04:45.316 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I told them you got to send it to me in like a joke. 04:45.376 --> 04:48.538 [SPEAKER_00]: I want it in like one of them Water cooler jugs. 04:48.838 --> 04:49.438 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want it. 04:49.658 --> 04:50.459 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I need. 04:50.519 --> 04:51.079 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I need. 04:51.519 --> 04:54.661 [SPEAKER_00]: I use so much of that That CA glue. 04:55.182 --> 05:00.385 [SPEAKER_00]: You got to send it to me in one of them deer park water cooler jobbies Well, I just press it down. 05:00.425 --> 05:01.205 [SPEAKER_00]: I put get it out. 05:01.265 --> 05:03.467 [SPEAKER_00]: They did give me Pardon me. 05:03.507 --> 05:08.290 [SPEAKER_00]: They did give me a dispenser for the two part epoxy and I feel like such a stud every time I 05:08.730 --> 05:12.872 [SPEAKER_00]: I pushed down that lever and I get my right amount of two-part epoxy. 05:12.912 --> 05:14.433 [SPEAKER_00]: I love those guys and I love the products. 05:15.593 --> 05:20.435 [SPEAKER_00]: A part of me guys, I'm up on the, I'm making all sorts of noises. 05:20.876 --> 05:23.557 [SPEAKER_00]: Many thanks to TotalBoat, TotalBoat.com slash full blast. 05:24.117 --> 05:28.699 [SPEAKER_00]: For everything you need to get yourself squared away, definitely if you're a knife maker, this is the stuff for you. 05:28.739 --> 05:29.660 [SPEAKER_00]: Hold on, let me take a look. 05:30.060 --> 05:30.580 [SPEAKER_00]: Hold what you got. 05:33.493 --> 05:46.837 [SPEAKER_00]: Libraries, ladies and gentlemen, next to my friends at Sheila Hansen, sons at Sheetot, Eldot, Underscore Hansen, sons at G-Cardot, Big Cartelot for all your G-Cardot, which is a unique composite of natural fabrics and fiber mixed with epoxy under pressure and heat. 05:47.817 --> 05:58.780 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's basically like knife scales, knife blocks, but it's like cross-cut, my carda, but the fabrics really colorful and they're all these moving around and they're really, really special. 05:59.360 --> 06:13.189 [SPEAKER_00]: Uh, both for Ripple Cut, Tuxini, Mahima, he radioworms, she card a fescent color, I'm a hoopla, all the amazing, uh, razzle dazzle for your project, and not to mention, you can get them trout patterns, all the fish patterns are really great. 06:13.329 --> 06:16.091 [SPEAKER_00]: So definitely go to gcardabecartel.com. 06:16.171 --> 06:18.533 [SPEAKER_00]: I love that stuff, and uh, you will, too. 06:19.313 --> 06:23.475 [SPEAKER_00]: Next to my friends at Tormax, I'll bring 50 plus years of being a business with a black TH sharpening system. 06:23.956 --> 06:30.519 [SPEAKER_00]: I was in food and wine, and they asked me what I thought of sharpening systems, and I said, the only one I really like is a Tormic, which is true. 06:30.899 --> 06:35.662 [SPEAKER_00]: I use all the Tormic's, and it's not just because they're a sponsor, I actually use them all. 06:35.802 --> 06:42.206 [SPEAKER_00]: Every knife I make comes off the Tormic, and I really think that in terms of... 06:43.206 --> 06:52.010 [SPEAKER_00]: removing the right amount of material in a very conservative way, but not too fast, not too slow, it's the right amount of material. 06:52.490 --> 06:53.210 [SPEAKER_00]: This is the way. 06:53.670 --> 07:07.636 [SPEAKER_00]: This whole using the belts, it's not good for long-term, it's not an efficient way you're going through belts, you may be overheating, I know you motherfuckers respectfully are cutting in that heel. 07:08.056 --> 07:09.377 [SPEAKER_00]: So good at tourmic.com, 07:12.258 --> 07:18.524 [SPEAKER_00]: Next to my friends at NordicEdge, NordicEdge.com, they are in Australia and they will teach you how to do it. 07:19.065 --> 07:33.458 [SPEAKER_00]: So you don't have to buy anything, you can just take a class if you're in Australia, learn about the lost arts, of blacksmithing, knife making, spoon carving, I didn't realize they were lost, but I mean maybe down there at a loss, I don't think they're lost, but you know. 07:34.139 --> 07:35.620 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean, they're fine. 07:35.960 --> 07:47.689 [SPEAKER_00]: But if I was going to take a class, and I'll show you before I bought anything, I'd go over to C. Bjorn, or sausage man, Ford, chicken knife, being class, and then then kind of learn how to do stuff before I start buying things. 07:48.570 --> 07:50.692 [SPEAKER_00]: That is the key guys, ladies and gentlemen. 07:51.312 --> 08:10.911 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I think a lot of people buy stuff quickly without having the information on how to use it or learn the attitude You're supposed to take around tools and if you go to a place like MortyGage.com they will adjust your attitude Because you need to adjust your attitude when it comes to working with tools and part of that experience You might as well get experience for my boys over at MortyGage.com.au 08:11.671 --> 08:17.452 [SPEAKER_00]: Not to mention, they have a great knife making supplies, including the file guides. 08:17.492 --> 08:18.612 [SPEAKER_00]: Their file guides are the best. 08:18.973 --> 08:20.533 [SPEAKER_00]: Ain't nobody making better file guides in those. 08:20.973 --> 08:24.974 [SPEAKER_00]: I've been using their screw and carbide file guides, and I've got to get another one. 08:26.234 --> 08:27.254 [SPEAKER_00]: I've got to get another one. 08:27.514 --> 08:30.475 [SPEAKER_00]: I've got two, and I'm like, I just love them. 08:30.695 --> 08:33.896 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm using them, and they're socialduced.nordicages.com.au. 08:33.916 --> 08:40.077 [SPEAKER_00]: They have the guidance to help accelerate your creativity, and the tools, products, and supplies to help manufacture ideas 08:41.785 --> 08:58.815 [SPEAKER_00]: And lastly, certainly not least, I want to thank my friends of Phoenix Abracives, Phoenix Abracives.com, suppliers of Superior Braceproducts for every application they've making metal fabrication glass fabrication for sanding it, correct shafts, belt scrinding, cutting discs, surface conditioning, flap discs, all that stuff. 08:59.515 --> 09:00.576 [SPEAKER_00]: It's at your fingertips. 09:00.777 --> 09:08.063 [SPEAKER_00]: All you have to do is go to phoenixabracies.com and when you put in FB 10 at checkout, you're going to get 10% off. 09:08.283 --> 09:18.913 [SPEAKER_00]: So if all you want is, you know, what the deals are, go to wherever you're listening to this and then all the hyperlinks, all the, and then the deals are in the, shown up. 09:18.953 --> 09:24.518 [SPEAKER_00]: So you don't have to send, sometimes I get a message from somebody saying, hey man, what was that fifth? 09:25.018 --> 09:47.590 [SPEAKER_00]: go to the show notes and while you're in the show notes why don't you go subscribe to the full last podcast and leave a review preferably a good one I don't need bad ones and you're good ones and it helps me and if it helps you know and once again I say this every so often I'm not hitting you up with some bullshit patreon guys 09:48.110 --> 09:48.890 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not hitting you up. 09:49.370 --> 10:06.935 [SPEAKER_00]: Some of these guys, I mean, there's a little, I understand, you know, like times of tough, and you're looking to figure out ways in which to make some bread, and then you get the sponsors, and then you get the Patreon, and then the pay, let me just say, let me say, before, I'm gonna tell you right before hand. 10:07.615 --> 10:11.256 [SPEAKER_00]: I've been on these shows and these podcasts where they have a Patreon on after show. 10:11.776 --> 10:12.697 [SPEAKER_00]: they're not better. 10:12.917 --> 10:13.597 [SPEAKER_00]: They're not better. 10:13.658 --> 10:28.009 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not getting if you're listening to this and you're and they say, well, if you want to hear the real scoop, wait until the after show and then be a subscribe to our Patreon and you're going to hear the real shit dudes, it's never better. 10:28.469 --> 10:30.271 [SPEAKER_00]: It's never better and I'm not going to do it too. 10:30.291 --> 10:31.572 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to hockey in China. 10:32.332 --> 10:36.716 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't tell you about support my company by joining my subscribers. 10:37.216 --> 10:38.177 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not doing that to you. 10:38.437 --> 10:44.442 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to school, radio, yeah, listen to that in the beginning and you can fast forward to the ads. 10:44.682 --> 10:46.804 [SPEAKER_00]: You can fast forward to the ads. 10:47.784 --> 10:52.608 [SPEAKER_00]: However, I appreciate it if you support our sponsors by hitting hits you up with one of these. 10:53.028 --> 10:56.992 [SPEAKER_00]: And I tell you what, some of these podcasts, and I wasn't going to do this, but I 10:57.632 --> 11:00.253 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm done going on a few other people's podcasts, respectfully. 11:01.753 --> 11:07.795 [SPEAKER_00]: I would go back on hustling grind, and that's it, and other than that, I'm done. 11:08.335 --> 11:14.916 [SPEAKER_00]: I owe those guys one, and if they're listening, I owe you one, and that's it, because I get burned too many times. 11:15.076 --> 11:16.457 [SPEAKER_00]: I get burned too many times, guys. 11:17.077 --> 11:25.859 [SPEAKER_00]: Some of these guys are relatively gutless, and they use me, and then they, in the next thing, you know, they're throwing themselves around like they're the next, you know. 11:26.459 --> 11:29.000 [SPEAKER_00]: either the next Joe Rogan and God damn it. 11:29.721 --> 11:33.102 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you ain't even the Joe Rogan's toenail. 11:33.743 --> 11:37.044 [SPEAKER_00]: You ain't even like, you ain't even the dirt under the dirt. 11:37.304 --> 11:40.486 [SPEAKER_00]: You mean, you, I mean, let's just relax, okay? 11:40.946 --> 11:44.007 [SPEAKER_00]: So regardless, speaking about ads, I was actually, 11:46.048 --> 11:47.288 [SPEAKER_00]: This morning, I woke up. 11:47.348 --> 11:49.629 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to be a little cranky because I was up at three in the morning. 11:49.649 --> 11:51.069 [SPEAKER_00]: I was taking my daughter to the airport. 11:51.969 --> 11:54.670 [SPEAKER_00]: And I can't tell why we didn't have a podcast last week. 11:54.690 --> 11:54.890 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 11:54.910 --> 11:55.750 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to get in at two. 11:56.510 --> 12:02.411 [SPEAKER_00]: So I was driving my daughter to the airport this morning at three because she was going on a trip to visit some friends. 12:02.831 --> 12:04.151 [SPEAKER_00]: And we had a long conversation. 12:04.251 --> 12:10.973 [SPEAKER_00]: One of the conversations we had was about about my sister who passed away a year ago. 12:10.993 --> 12:12.573 [SPEAKER_00]: And the reason why we had a net conversation. 12:13.253 --> 12:21.780 [SPEAKER_00]: There was never a funeral, we're going to have a memorial service, and the memorial service is next week, a week, a little over a week for after this comes out. 12:22.901 --> 12:33.449 [SPEAKER_00]: And I've been asked to speak, and my daughter was talking to me about she wants to write something, and she wants to speak the memorial service, which she doesn't know what to do. 12:33.909 --> 12:36.231 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was asked to speak, and part of it was, 12:37.351 --> 12:50.237 [SPEAKER_00]: Part of it was because I've, you know, believe it or not, I've spoken and I'll tell me if you, I mean my family, like a lot of funerals and that's what I'm just gonna, and this ain't gonna be sad ladies and gentlemen, I'm telling you know, I'm what's telling you some funny little stories. 12:50.397 --> 13:04.543 [SPEAKER_00]: But I got a message from the family, you know, I'm a Jenny and Jenny's family and our family and I got some messages basically saying that they'd listen to the art, the, basically the episode I'd said, I think it was called Remembrance Sister. 13:05.404 --> 13:14.552 [SPEAKER_00]: And it was really like touching to the point where they were like, you were we really want you to speak at the Memorial Service and I was just like, of course, I'm honored of course. 13:16.234 --> 13:18.656 [SPEAKER_00]: And funny enough was it was like, we really loved it. 13:19.697 --> 13:24.982 [SPEAKER_00]: And then the comment was you do a lot of ad reads and I'm just like, well, you know, kind of pay for this thing. 13:25.342 --> 13:28.084 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, what do you think is foxes that they're just to play around? 13:28.104 --> 13:30.065 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I'm not here to play around here. 13:30.185 --> 13:31.005 [SPEAKER_00]: Ain't no nonsense. 13:31.206 --> 13:32.146 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I'm doing it here. 13:32.586 --> 13:38.770 [SPEAKER_00]: Unlike a lot of these guys who are just you know, mail in and in and then also put in the cup out. 13:39.250 --> 13:40.891 [SPEAKER_00]: They're putting the cup out and they're saying, 13:42.212 --> 14:01.637 [SPEAKER_00]: please spawn, will be good, be good, be good, I mean, you ain't Tim Dylan, you ain't these guys who are like really good, you're mediocre, and then you're hitting people up for Patreon, fuck outta here, you know, it's like, be good, you'll be good, get some sponsors, be good, 14:02.673 --> 14:11.080 [SPEAKER_00]: regardless, so yeah, so the only criticism that was just like, boy, boy, a lot of adreads, I'm like, well, you know, I'm getting paid, I'm getting paid to do this. 14:11.320 --> 14:12.521 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm getting paid to keep you company. 14:13.302 --> 14:27.935 [SPEAKER_00]: So my daughter and I were talking about, you know, how you write for like a memorial or when you're gonna speak at a funeral and the funny thing enough is all of a sudden, I started recounting all the different people I spoke at and the funny speeches and stuff like that. 14:28.615 --> 14:39.283 [SPEAKER_00]: And it realized that I've done a lot in my family and I was going to go through them and talk about the funny parts and there was only one where at the last minute I refused to speak. 14:39.913 --> 14:44.577 [SPEAKER_00]: There was one funeral as prepared a whole thing and I refused to speak. 14:44.917 --> 14:51.182 [SPEAKER_00]: That's actually kind of shocking, but at the same time, I have a good reason. 14:51.222 --> 14:52.984 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll be giving you good reason, guys. 14:53.944 --> 15:03.972 [SPEAKER_00]: So when I was very young, I remember going to the first funeral, and it was someone in my father's family, might have been, you know, my father adjacent. 15:05.173 --> 15:32.267 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was really young and I had never been to a funeral before and he put me in a suit or jacket and tie and he straight down my hair and he started talking to me and saying, this is how you behave at a funeral, don't say too much, don't fidget around, stand up straight, I don't want you to fidget around, you know, and pay attention and be nice and your reflection on me, which always was like, you know. 15:33.107 --> 15:34.929 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was too young to kind of get there, you know. 15:36.410 --> 15:44.316 [SPEAKER_00]: So we go to this thing and I'm standing there, my dad's, you know, he licks his hand and fixes my part, my hair and I'm just like, don't want to be there. 15:44.336 --> 15:57.347 [SPEAKER_00]: And all these adults are crying and everyone's crying and the rabbi speaks and people are whaling and singers and they're everyone's crying and everyone's wearing black and it's very somber and it's just like, 15:58.488 --> 16:04.633 [SPEAKER_00]: God and my dad says don't say anything and I don't don't speak just be, you know, be my band of side, your reflection of me. 16:05.533 --> 16:09.356 [SPEAKER_00]: And after just like looking at these crying, I don't know what's going on. 16:09.396 --> 16:10.577 [SPEAKER_00]: Am I supposed to cry? 16:10.597 --> 16:11.958 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't really feel like crying. 16:12.819 --> 16:15.801 [SPEAKER_00]: I just turned on my dad and everyone just like whaling. 16:17.482 --> 16:21.646 [SPEAKER_00]: I turned on my dad and I just kind of like, you know, grab him by the collar. 16:21.666 --> 16:22.607 [SPEAKER_00]: It's dad, dad. 16:23.388 --> 16:27.312 [SPEAKER_00]: And it looks down to me, thinks I'm going to have to, you know, think so about to say I need to do the bathroom or something like that. 16:28.033 --> 16:36.301 [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, don't you think it's weird that the first three letters of the word funeral, the first three letters in the word funeral are FUN. 16:37.882 --> 16:57.745 [SPEAKER_00]: And he, I was little, I was like seven or eight, maybe, maybe ten, and he started laughing, he had not, he had all started laughing in the middle of this funeral, but like, you know, enough that we started getting dirty looks, and, you know, this is a somber event. 16:59.142 --> 17:01.523 [SPEAKER_00]: and he'd never thought he said I'd never even thought about that. 17:01.543 --> 17:04.205 [SPEAKER_00]: If you win, he's the first three letters of funeral. 17:05.045 --> 17:08.707 [SPEAKER_00]: And it was one of those things that I was just like, it was just dawned on me, right? 17:09.107 --> 17:13.049 [SPEAKER_00]: That was always been like my modus operandi, right? 17:13.109 --> 17:14.390 [SPEAKER_00]: Is that what they say, modus operandi? 17:14.790 --> 17:28.397 [SPEAKER_00]: Where that was always my, when I being able to get my father to laugh was always the goal, because that was our way of, that was my way of connecting with him, because the thing that I would say would affect him in a positive way. 17:29.497 --> 17:37.441 [SPEAKER_00]: I used to love listening to radio, I used to love listening to Mel Brooks, the thousand-year-old man, and I would remember the things and I would repeat them and make them laugh. 17:37.901 --> 17:48.546 [SPEAKER_00]: And I felt like when I made him laugh, that was the only way I could get a real connection where there was this sense of potential, his love for me. 17:48.867 --> 17:49.787 [SPEAKER_00]: It was really pathetic. 17:49.867 --> 17:51.188 [SPEAKER_00]: But at the same time, I was just like, 17:51.848 --> 17:53.509 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't even think that it was funny. 17:53.529 --> 17:56.651 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't think that if you went and funeral was funny. 17:57.532 --> 18:01.855 [SPEAKER_00]: And then a few years later, my mother's mother died. 18:02.635 --> 18:05.477 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was asked to read a poem at the funeral. 18:05.517 --> 18:08.119 [SPEAKER_00]: I'd never read a poem in public. 18:08.139 --> 18:09.720 [SPEAKER_00]: I'd never read anything in public. 18:10.120 --> 18:25.648 [SPEAKER_00]: And these, it wasn't even in school, this was like at a funeral, and there was a top pile of people, and there's just an church, and I had to read this poem, and I was terrified and scared and stuff like that, but it really meant a lot to the family that I read this poem that my grandmother had written. 18:26.388 --> 18:43.720 [SPEAKER_00]: And then as time goes by, all of a sudden it's just like, you know, you create these connections with people, especially when they're close and there's this feeling of wall, maybe I do have something to say about this person and I remember I remember when my uncle Bill passed away a number of years ago. 18:45.022 --> 18:49.447 [SPEAKER_00]: And he was actually a Vietnam veteran of Marine. 18:50.007 --> 18:56.916 [SPEAKER_00]: And he died from a leukemia with, from complications with Agent Orange, which is crazy. 18:57.516 --> 18:58.237 [SPEAKER_00]: Totally crazy. 18:58.257 --> 18:59.659 [SPEAKER_00]: My daughter was very young. 19:01.241 --> 19:16.611 [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember, I was just like, you know, when you get the chance to speak at a funeral for Memorial or something like that for someone, it actually gives you this really amazing opportunity to really spend some time thinking about that person. 19:17.251 --> 19:26.858 [SPEAKER_00]: So I had spent a lot of time thinking about Bill, my mother's older brother, but older, just sheep, my mother was the oldest and my uncle Bill was the second oldest. 19:27.498 --> 19:43.546 [SPEAKER_00]: So thinking about it and you know it was very upsetting and obviously and throughout the years I'd spent time Going to what I've been watching baseball games with Bill Bill was a big bay baseball fan probably one of the reasons why I'm I'm you know I love baseball so much 19:44.306 --> 19:59.717 [SPEAKER_00]: He, the craziest part is, and you're going to have to Google this, is he looked to me always like this very famous Hall of Fame player Lupinel, Lupinel, I'll put paid for the Yankees, and then he was the manager of a lot of teams. 19:59.757 --> 20:10.445 [SPEAKER_00]: I think he was the manager for the brave, so I think he was the manager for a few different teams, but he was, I know that he was a manager for the Mariners for a while, but he 20:13.527 --> 20:22.096 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember, even the last time I saw my uncle Bill, we watched the baseball game together, and he loved it because I think that it was in a lot of people in his family like baseball. 20:22.496 --> 20:34.287 [SPEAKER_00]: So we would watch, I remember flying down to visit him kind of in his last few, you know, his last few weeks or months, and then I went down there and we kind of, I just went down to kind of cheer him up and we watched the baseball. 20:34.948 --> 20:45.802 [SPEAKER_00]: So when I had the opportunity to speak, I thought, well, I'm going to write something, and I'm going to write about what my relationship to build was like. 20:45.822 --> 20:50.467 [SPEAKER_00]: And I decided it was going to be baseball thing, because we, you know, I talked about baseball and something like that. 20:51.609 --> 21:05.025 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I thought maybe I'll just tell some, and there's it's very easy to just write he was great And this is what he mean to me and this is what he did and and how I chit Those are all kind of like they're fine, but it's all in my mind. 21:05.085 --> 21:09.731 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, you know, basic Ham and egg are kind of shit, you know what I'm saying? 21:09.751 --> 21:10.032 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like 21:10.612 --> 21:25.218 [SPEAKER_00]: it's like that yeah all right well you know so instead what i wanted to do is kind of flesh out some stories so i remembered a couple funny stories and then i fleshed them out and then we a lot of baseball references and talking about how we used to watch baseball together 21:25.698 --> 21:29.339 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember watching like Braves games with him and stuff like that because he was down in Atlanta. 21:30.339 --> 21:36.780 [SPEAKER_00]: And there was one part where I thought, I wrote this thing that was really, really funny because there was all these baseball things. 21:36.800 --> 21:48.803 [SPEAKER_00]: And this was when steroids were being part of the baseball vernacular and there were congressional hearings and all these 90s players were obviously juicing and stuff like that. 21:50.344 --> 21:53.425 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I had written this one spot. 21:53.485 --> 21:58.088 [SPEAKER_00]: I wrote in a few not jokes like street jokes, but I've been telling these stories that we're funny. 21:58.988 --> 22:02.910 [SPEAKER_00]: And I gauge how, you know, you kind of gauge how people, you know, whatever. 22:03.631 --> 22:06.272 [SPEAKER_00]: And I wrote this one thing, the finished the whole thing off. 22:06.312 --> 22:12.375 [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember that what I, how I wanted to finish it off was, you know, build this, that another thing I can't remember. 22:12.395 --> 22:15.517 [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, and he always hit it out of the park, right? 22:16.057 --> 22:16.958 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I said, 22:17.758 --> 22:43.804 [SPEAKER_00]: that's because he was on steroids and the funny part is is in the weird part is is he was on because he was because he was at leukemia he was on steroids and part of me was just like well I wasn't as when I tell it now isn't funny to me as it was back then but I definitely remember going up to his daughter and reading it to her and saying how do you feel about this 22:48.146 --> 22:52.470 [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember her saying, I love it, it's great, it's funny, just go ahead. 22:53.051 --> 23:06.587 [SPEAKER_00]: So when we went to the funeral and I happened to be at the time when I had a long go tee, not that long, but it was a longer go tee, and I had a longer hair, and I kind of had this kind of counter-counter culture look going on, and I don't know what the hell was going on me at the time. 23:07.227 --> 23:29.303 [SPEAKER_00]: I look like maybe I was like from the 1970s and my uncle Jay, his younger brother, was, you know, we were making jokes and stuff again and then I got up on stage and all the people in the audience there were a lot of like former Marines, like these were very uptight guys, uptight and the most respectful way possible. 23:30.015 --> 23:38.965 [SPEAKER_00]: These are like, you know, these are like, these guys are all, you know, these were his, I don't know if they were his, the people he served with but They were friends of his and a lot of them were military. 23:39.425 --> 23:45.131 [SPEAKER_00]: So when I was telling the stories nobody was laughing, like even though like the easy ones were laughing. 23:45.952 --> 23:47.632 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I was getting nothing. 23:47.772 --> 23:48.553 [SPEAKER_00]: I was getting nothing. 23:48.573 --> 23:49.753 [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't even getting a chuckle. 23:50.193 --> 23:52.113 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like it was just a wrong crowd. 23:52.613 --> 24:01.515 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just decided the last minute to ditch the steroid line, because I was just like, I ain't gonna, is this ain't happening here. 24:01.975 --> 24:09.557 [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember when it was all over, my cousin who I had given the speech to before, and she said, how come you didn't do the steroid line? 24:10.277 --> 24:11.597 [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, I was dying out there. 24:11.817 --> 24:12.778 [SPEAKER_00]: I was dying out there. 24:12.818 --> 24:14.398 [SPEAKER_00]: These are razor-lava that shit. 24:14.738 --> 24:19.199 [SPEAKER_00]: So I was just like, I had to make a blast with the decision to not do with the steroid joke. 24:19.219 --> 24:24.780 [SPEAKER_00]: I think the worst thing could be is just be totally distasteful. 24:25.201 --> 24:28.441 [SPEAKER_00]: If people weren't laughing that I'm just like, all right, cut your shit loose. 24:29.382 --> 24:34.443 [SPEAKER_00]: And then, yeah, so that was like, I still, you know, still didn't mind. 24:35.623 --> 24:37.984 [SPEAKER_00]: Number of months later, where were you at on time? 24:41.825 --> 24:58.575 [SPEAKER_00]: Actually, a year or so later my father passed away and it was a time I was My sister's didn't really want to speak and I think that there was something going on with that because my father didn't speak it a lot of He didn't speak at the funeral of his sister. 24:58.595 --> 25:07.881 [SPEAKER_00]: He didn't speak at the funeral of his brother and I just found that to be kind of odd be found being honest. 25:08.161 --> 25:08.801 [SPEAKER_00]: I Remember 25:10.142 --> 25:24.215 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember family members going up and like winging it, which was like uncomfortable because there's like, I feel as though you kind of, you, you, well, we're going to talk about what you need, what you should do. 25:24.836 --> 25:29.480 [SPEAKER_00]: But in my mind, I'm thinking, I have a stutter that my dad used to make fun of me for. 25:31.302 --> 25:33.684 [SPEAKER_00]: He would do that and it would make the stutter even worse. 25:34.584 --> 25:39.949 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I think that you need to have a paper in front of you unless you're like, you know, really, really good order. 25:40.429 --> 25:46.474 [SPEAKER_00]: And you need to be concise and you need to be under five minutes and you need to have a, you know, either be pointing or funny. 25:47.114 --> 25:57.102 [SPEAKER_00]: And get the fuck off the stage, you know, because it's like that's what you really, you know, you, I think that the interesting thing about it being in a funeral and speaking in a funeral is because 25:58.883 --> 26:00.484 [SPEAKER_00]: It's everyone is somber. 26:00.564 --> 26:02.706 [SPEAKER_00]: No one wants to be there. 26:02.786 --> 26:09.010 [SPEAKER_00]: You're reflecting your life, you're reflecting their life, you're realizing that life has changed now that this person is the longer in your life. 26:10.010 --> 26:13.152 [SPEAKER_00]: So there's this real sense of gloom. 26:13.173 --> 26:20.037 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if people try to do this as a celebration of life, but I mean you're losing someone who met something to you and something to you and something to you. 26:20.177 --> 26:27.542 [SPEAKER_00]: When you tell a joke or something funny, usually you get a laugh only because people are looking for some relief. 26:27.642 --> 26:30.384 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, they're not expecting to laugh. 26:30.424 --> 26:31.845 [SPEAKER_00]: They're expecting to be sad. 26:31.905 --> 26:37.528 [SPEAKER_00]: And when you say something on the funny side, not like fucking street jokes. 26:37.848 --> 26:40.630 [SPEAKER_00]: But you say something kind of poignant and you say something like that. 26:40.930 --> 26:42.672 [SPEAKER_00]: There's this great opportunity. 26:43.532 --> 26:54.578 [SPEAKER_00]: for someone to be surprised and grateful that you're trying to change the tone and usually people are pretty receptive to something funny. 26:54.618 --> 27:01.021 [SPEAKER_00]: So I started when I was writing my dad's thing, I know my sisters didn't really want to talk and I really wanted to represent our side of the family. 27:02.081 --> 27:10.766 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I decided to, first, I made a huge mistake and talk to my sisters about what I should say, and then I was like, I'm not doing that because it was like a... 27:11.306 --> 27:16.030 [SPEAKER_00]: It was like a disaster in terms of like what I should, you know, you just got to go with your gut. 27:16.590 --> 27:23.114 [SPEAKER_00]: So what I wanted to do is talk about how he affected me and then take some stories that would paint into light who he was. 27:23.134 --> 27:32.081 [SPEAKER_00]: It's tell a couple of funny stories and the fun and, you know, you know, paint a picture of the person, the most of the people in the funeral know. 27:32.801 --> 27:36.744 [SPEAKER_00]: But like you're giving him a new situation and the funny story I told was, 27:37.504 --> 28:01.505 [SPEAKER_00]: He had taken, when my parents got divorced, he took me to Africa, and I was too young to really appreciate it, and I wasn't used to the poverty, and I wasn't used to, I was really like at a strange time in my life, I was like 13, 12 or 13, and I was just like not comfortable with who I was, and at the same time, all these changes you go to this place with extreme poverty, and it's just kind of a little overwhelming. 28:02.445 --> 28:23.896 [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember we were in the Massi-Mara of Kenya, he used to say Kenya, and we were on a safari, and the Jeep was driving into this ravine, and then it got stuck in the guy who's driving the car, says, all right, if you just, you guys just, the sun was starting to set, and I didn't know how long it was to take to get the Jeep out of this ravine. 28:24.396 --> 28:27.898 [SPEAKER_00]: So they said, just walk down that trail over there and head back to the camp. 28:29.679 --> 28:57.419 [SPEAKER_00]: So, we're walking down this trail and it's grass on either side, and you can see the sun is setting, and there's this real, and either we don't flashlights, we didn't expect to be walking, you know, and I remember this moment, I remember this moment because it was just like, we're in the fucking, we're in the fucking planes of Africa with tall grass and there's lions and there's elephants and cape buffalo when they're fucking snakes and all this shit. 28:58.020 --> 29:03.951 [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember, you know, two guys, my dad was from the Bronx and I'm from Lake Upper East Side, the fuck do we know about the jungle? 29:04.392 --> 29:05.635 [SPEAKER_00]: It was in the jungle, it was the planes. 29:05.675 --> 29:07.158 [SPEAKER_00]: What did the fuck do we know about Africa? 29:08.031 --> 29:09.111 [SPEAKER_00]: We're not tough guys. 29:09.431 --> 29:10.512 [SPEAKER_00]: They didn't give us anything. 29:10.532 --> 29:12.392 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, we weren't just like, don't worry about this. 29:12.732 --> 29:15.693 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you're hoping that your father says, don't worry, Jeff. 29:15.753 --> 29:16.893 [SPEAKER_00]: I got all this under control. 29:17.473 --> 29:25.215 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm paying the picture in the sun is setting and we're walking and it's getting darker and we're all sun realizing we're even in a flash light. 29:25.235 --> 29:27.575 [SPEAKER_00]: What if it gets dark and you didn't even know what the fuck we're going? 29:28.495 --> 29:30.976 [SPEAKER_00]: And you think that your father is going to turn and say, 29:32.027 --> 29:32.927 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't worry, son. 29:33.748 --> 29:35.428 [SPEAKER_00]: Your father's here, I'm gonna protect you. 29:36.029 --> 29:42.752 [SPEAKER_00]: All I could hear behind me was my father mumbling if you get eaten by, if you get eaten by a lion, your mother's gonna kill me. 29:43.252 --> 29:46.653 [SPEAKER_00]: And I told that story and the crowd went wild. 29:46.693 --> 29:48.694 [SPEAKER_00]: They love that story, because it is kind of funny. 29:48.734 --> 29:51.135 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just like, that's not what you expect apparent. 29:51.556 --> 29:54.437 [SPEAKER_00]: If you get eaten by a lion, your father's gonna kill me. 29:55.077 --> 30:00.918 [SPEAKER_00]: So I said that and I broke the everybody laughed and it was really really good and then I actually my daughter was there. 30:00.938 --> 30:01.719 [SPEAKER_00]: She was very young. 30:01.739 --> 30:10.701 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's like 17 years ago, so she was so it was like she was like four or something like that and funny enough. 30:12.421 --> 30:21.503 [SPEAKER_00]: Right after he the funeral we went out to go visit my sister and then on that trip we got our cat Jerry who last week 30:25.204 --> 30:31.489 [SPEAKER_00]: He was really in bad shape and he was really kind of suffering and we really didn't want him to suffer anymore. 30:31.569 --> 30:51.284 [SPEAKER_00]: So we wanted one of the many reasons why I didn't have an episode last week because we were running around and the condoled you know my daughter who has this cat for his 18 year old cat we had her for 17 years and you know there's this all these connections and then next week we're gonna go do the memorial service to my sister and you know the connection 30:54.687 --> 31:00.368 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I'm not going to go into too much, but I mean, it was really like last week was a lot. 31:00.968 --> 31:02.528 [SPEAKER_00]: And then on top of work, I didn't think that. 31:02.548 --> 31:16.051 [SPEAKER_00]: So it was, it was, it was, there are all these weird little connections, you know, like cat dying, it was right at the time of my dad had died, well, we got the cat right after my dad died, and then we got it in my sister who had just passed away, here we go. 31:16.071 --> 31:20.732 [SPEAKER_00]: So there's all these weird little interlocking things, but back to all those different funeral. 31:21.292 --> 31:24.376 [SPEAKER_00]: So after my dad died, my wife said it was really, really great. 31:24.696 --> 31:27.400 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't remember exactly what I said, but I really kind of painted a picture. 31:27.420 --> 31:39.375 [SPEAKER_00]: And one of the things that really wish I had more time was that I really wanted to analyze his work for the audience, because I don't think that there was a lot of, I don't think that people kind of understood his paintings. 31:40.436 --> 31:44.760 [SPEAKER_00]: And I had a very strong grasp of it and it just didn't seem appropriate. 31:44.780 --> 31:48.864 [SPEAKER_00]: And the other thing is you just can't go on and on and on and I'm going to tell you why I can't go on and on. 31:49.525 --> 31:55.470 [SPEAKER_00]: You've got to figure out ways in which to be to be as succinct as possible. 31:56.091 --> 32:01.216 [SPEAKER_00]: And you have to decide whether or not what you can do and what you can't do. 32:01.356 --> 32:03.638 [SPEAKER_00]: But you also need to be organized. 32:03.978 --> 32:05.440 [SPEAKER_00]: You have to be organized in your thoughts. 32:07.053 --> 32:27.502 [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember just having a shit and either thing is as you, you don't want to, God forbid you're up there winning it and then you look at someone and then you think something and then next thing you know, you just like have a freeze and you just like, because I stutter, I fucking stutter and my dad used to let me know all about it. 32:28.002 --> 32:53.177 [SPEAKER_00]: So you need to be prepared and you need to, I know some money who is my father's family, you spoke it is at my father's funeral and then his brother's funeral and they off the cuffed it and they're walking around and off the cuffed it and it was really really regenerally speaking very self-serving and it didn't feel like you were honoring the person as much as you were just trying to like, you know, bathe in the sun of the basking in the glory of 32:54.477 --> 32:55.758 [SPEAKER_00]: having everyone's attention. 32:56.078 --> 32:56.819 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the other thing. 32:57.239 --> 33:04.883 [SPEAKER_00]: So what do you do when you're trying to when you're trying to honor someone? 33:04.903 --> 33:10.787 [SPEAKER_00]: And bringing this back to now, we're a week out from my sister's memorial. 33:11.807 --> 33:28.450 [SPEAKER_00]: And I've been working, it's been a year since she passed away and I've been really kind of, I've been kind of asked to speak early on and I've been really kind of trying to figure out what I was in saying, my daughter was saying I really want to say something and I just don't know what to do. 33:30.251 --> 33:35.633 [SPEAKER_00]: And she kind of gave me an idea of what she wanted to say, and I was just like, well, here's what I would suggest. 33:36.133 --> 33:37.333 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is what I do. 33:37.873 --> 33:41.934 [SPEAKER_00]: What I do is I like to write down some stories that I remember. 33:42.434 --> 33:48.456 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I take those stories and I just kind of like, I just kind of paint the story. 33:48.516 --> 33:57.398 [SPEAKER_00]: I paint the, I give the audience a very vivid picture of that story. 33:58.018 --> 34:04.684 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I'll write down that particular story and then I'll write down maybe some other stories and then I'll just try to see if I can weave them all together. 34:06.285 --> 34:16.293 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what I do and actually, so a couple of years ago, my uncle Jay, my mother's youngest brother passed away. 34:17.494 --> 34:24.000 [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember, this was the time where I refused to speak funeral, and it's finally it's funny. 34:25.000 --> 34:30.725 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, it's not the reason why you'd think, but it was one of those things where it was just like they ain't just saying it happened. 34:31.886 --> 34:39.872 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, my uncle passed away and he was, you know, a huge part of my life growing up because he was much younger than my father. 34:39.972 --> 34:44.015 [SPEAKER_00]: So there was this like he also taught me about reading the sports section. 34:44.035 --> 34:45.897 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember he took me to my first. 34:46.917 --> 35:13.991 [SPEAKER_00]: Islanders game and there's a funny story that goes on with that so when I was younger he took me to a hockey game in Madison's regard and my his father my grandfather used to take us to Madison's regard and for the ringling brothers in Barnett Bailey Circus and I remember J took me to a my uncle J took me to a Islanders game it was my first time there with adults I mean usually you do the circus it's just like kids and elephants and clowns and all that shit. 35:14.785 --> 35:19.968 [SPEAKER_00]: So he took me to what's referred to as the blue seats and the blue seats are on the upper deck. 35:20.009 --> 35:22.790 [SPEAKER_00]: This is back in the early 80s, so like it was rough. 35:22.810 --> 35:27.814 [SPEAKER_00]: There was cigarette smoke in the air and everyone was drunk and it was at the highest seats you could have. 35:28.474 --> 35:34.078 [SPEAKER_00]: So he got me and he got a seats and we were right on the glass of the top upper deck, blue seats. 35:34.998 --> 35:38.700 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was wearing a shirt and tie because and blazer because I came back from school. 35:38.880 --> 35:44.722 [SPEAKER_00]: I was very young and I was sitting there with my whole my, you know, elbows on the glass. 35:44.762 --> 35:47.163 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to fight, trying to see the game and trying to follow up. 35:48.044 --> 35:53.286 [SPEAKER_00]: And then all of a sudden I hear, hey, hey, you little wimp. 35:54.286 --> 35:58.168 [SPEAKER_00]: If you don't get enough of the glass, we're going to throw you over the side. 35:59.208 --> 36:00.409 [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to throw you over the glass. 36:02.192 --> 36:05.553 [SPEAKER_00]: And I am like, they are talking to me. 36:06.113 --> 36:08.294 [SPEAKER_00]: There's, I mean, there's not a question on my mind. 36:08.674 --> 36:09.694 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, a little whimp. 36:10.135 --> 36:13.296 [SPEAKER_00]: If you don't get enough of the glass, we're gonna throw you over the side. 36:14.176 --> 36:17.157 [SPEAKER_00]: This is back in 83, 84. 36:17.377 --> 36:18.657 [SPEAKER_00]: The parents just got divorced. 36:19.237 --> 36:22.178 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like Uncle J, you gotta take me out of here. 36:22.198 --> 36:23.859 [SPEAKER_00]: These guys are gonna kill me. 36:24.159 --> 36:25.359 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm about to get thrown. 36:25.959 --> 36:26.880 [SPEAKER_00]: Imagine being 36:28.261 --> 36:33.292 [SPEAKER_00]: 10, and an adult is threatening to throw you over the top of the glass. 36:34.367 --> 36:49.253 [SPEAKER_00]: An adult, a drunken adult, is going to throw you over, he thinks it's acceptable that it's okay that you could threaten to throw a child off a balcony basically. 36:49.654 --> 36:54.756 [SPEAKER_00]: And not only that, he thinks it's so acceptable that other people will agree with him. 36:55.116 --> 36:59.598 [SPEAKER_00]: So when you're a child, you're thinking these adults are going to throw me over the fucking top. 37:00.498 --> 37:06.120 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to not, who knows what else is going to, I didn't know you can't lean up against the glass. 37:06.200 --> 37:07.641 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't know anything I'm fucking ten. 37:08.001 --> 37:11.682 [SPEAKER_00]: That held one, I never know a hockey game before in the nose blades. 37:12.102 --> 37:13.103 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm thinking of myself. 37:14.344 --> 37:17.167 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, if I didn't know this, what else do I not know? 37:17.407 --> 37:23.393 [SPEAKER_00]: And if I don't know this, then the next thing I don't know, they're gonna fucking threaten my life over that. 37:23.573 --> 37:24.815 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm screwed, we gotta go. 37:24.995 --> 37:27.257 [SPEAKER_00]: And I turned to Jay and I was just like, you gotta take me home. 37:27.838 --> 37:28.919 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, you gotta take me home. 37:29.359 --> 37:30.180 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm freaking out. 37:30.801 --> 37:34.465 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, 10 and 10 freaking out, but I was like fucking scared, shitless. 37:35.125 --> 37:36.586 [SPEAKER_00]: So my uncle took me home. 37:37.046 --> 37:38.126 [SPEAKER_00]: We come to the door. 37:38.567 --> 37:40.607 [SPEAKER_00]: My mother's like, I've been watching the game. 37:40.667 --> 37:41.548 [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you here? 37:41.588 --> 37:42.428 [SPEAKER_00]: The game's on over. 37:42.968 --> 37:48.571 [SPEAKER_00]: And Jay said, well, Kathy, you know, Jeff got nervous because some guys said some things to him. 37:49.663 --> 37:51.624 [SPEAKER_00]: And my mother said, well, what did they say? 37:51.644 --> 37:55.185 [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, they said, hey, a little whimp. 37:55.745 --> 37:58.266 [SPEAKER_00]: If you don't get off the glass, we're going to throw you over the side. 37:59.147 --> 38:03.308 [SPEAKER_00]: And she said, but Jeffrey, how do you know they were talking to you? 38:03.948 --> 38:05.329 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just looked up and heard, I said, 38:05.449 --> 38:07.591 [SPEAKER_00]: because Mama always the only little whimmed there. 38:08.191 --> 38:09.172 [SPEAKER_00]: Told that story. 38:09.412 --> 38:10.513 [SPEAKER_00]: That would have been a great story. 38:10.533 --> 38:11.554 [SPEAKER_00]: That was a awesome story. 38:11.594 --> 38:14.477 [SPEAKER_00]: I told the story of how he, I had that was in there. 38:14.497 --> 38:15.918 [SPEAKER_00]: That was a fucking banger. 38:15.938 --> 38:18.000 [SPEAKER_00]: That always gets, that story is great. 38:18.240 --> 38:19.581 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a great story. 38:21.762 --> 38:26.104 [SPEAKER_00]: I was just actually before we started recording, I have that speech that was reading it and I was freaking. 38:26.304 --> 38:27.224 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a fucking winner. 38:27.524 --> 38:36.307 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a fucking winner story, and then I talked about how he used to take me to the diner, and he used to teach me how to eat order eggs, and hash browns, and I was very young. 38:36.347 --> 38:40.468 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't know that he would put ketchup on the hash browns, and he'd catch up with the eggs. 38:40.508 --> 38:41.709 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't know you could do that. 38:42.109 --> 38:42.869 [SPEAKER_00]: That was in there. 38:42.949 --> 38:44.590 [SPEAKER_00]: I had fucking, I had a good, 38:45.775 --> 38:50.700 [SPEAKER_00]: solid five minutes of real strong material. 38:51.601 --> 38:52.642 [SPEAKER_00]: Real strong material. 38:53.223 --> 39:01.892 [SPEAKER_00]: And poignant funny, you know, ready to go, he had a very, very, you know, the people who knew him were, were looking to laugh, 39:03.387 --> 39:07.811 [SPEAKER_00]: And I thought, this is, I'm in and out and I'm going to kill this is going to kill. 39:07.951 --> 39:13.496 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm thinking, I know it's going to kill and one of the reasons why is because my uncle was a very great speaker. 39:13.556 --> 39:17.999 [SPEAKER_00]: He was a principal of schools all over the south and he was a great order. 39:18.060 --> 39:19.000 [SPEAKER_00]: He would tell great stories. 39:19.020 --> 39:20.341 [SPEAKER_00]: Can you let a great tell great stories? 39:21.042 --> 39:24.505 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm like, I'm going to honor Jay by saying the story. 39:26.296 --> 39:33.122 [SPEAKER_00]: So the funeral was down and or the service was down in winter park. 39:33.322 --> 39:34.804 [SPEAKER_00]: I think winter park Florida or land up. 39:35.564 --> 39:39.408 [SPEAKER_00]: So I thought to myself, I'm not planning and staying down there. 39:39.448 --> 39:46.915 [SPEAKER_00]: I got worked to do what I'll do is I'll take an early flight from you know from Westchester. 39:47.395 --> 39:52.259 [SPEAKER_00]: Down to Florida, I'm gonna take a cab to the service. 39:53.020 --> 40:13.355 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to do my thing, and then I took the speech, I printed it out, and I put it in a plastic, plastic sleeves, I put it in my pocket, and then I'm going to go down there getting a cab, go to the thing, send my respect, get it off, if one of the opportunity presents itself for me to speak, I got this banger, this is fucking clutch, bang or move. 40:14.536 --> 40:16.818 [SPEAKER_00]: Then back to the airport back home. 40:17.099 --> 40:18.220 [SPEAKER_00]: This is how I like to do. 40:18.240 --> 40:25.186 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't tell anybody it was down there So I wake up early early and drive to the thing I get into the airport I don't have a bag. 40:25.206 --> 40:35.215 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just wearing a blazer and pants and a tie And I just have like my earbuds and a newspaper and I'm like getting on this plane and people think I'm like, you know Wow, this guy doesn't have anything 40:35.956 --> 40:44.478 [SPEAKER_00]: So I get to the port, get to the airport, down in Florida, hop in the cab, go to the service, I show up and everyone's stunned, and I'm not done. 40:44.878 --> 40:53.340 [SPEAKER_00]: I showed up like a rife, I showed up like a spirit, like they were like, they were shocked that I would show up because like I didn't make any plans, nobody reached out to me. 40:53.820 --> 40:59.542 [SPEAKER_00]: I knew when the event was, but I didn't, you know, I didn't make it, my plans clear. 40:59.562 --> 41:01.382 [SPEAKER_00]: I just felt like this is how I'm going to do it. 41:05.983 --> 41:22.716 [SPEAKER_00]: went to the service and then we're getting ready to move into the area where there's opportunities for people to speak and it's family and friends and you know everyone's just kind of still pretty shocked that you know Jay is no longer with us. 41:23.976 --> 41:32.280 [SPEAKER_00]: And I got my speech, I'm ready and waiting for time, I told Kate, I got something good, don't worry, and then his friends started speaking. 41:33.041 --> 41:41.645 [SPEAKER_00]: And there wasn't like a podium or anything like that, but her friends were like giving kind of toasts almost, and then going on and on and on. 41:42.465 --> 41:50.449 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I remember this one guy got up and he just, 41:51.317 --> 41:56.418 [SPEAKER_00]: He did not have any paper with him. 41:57.258 --> 42:02.539 [SPEAKER_00]: He didn't have anything that was like, this is what I'm gonna do. 42:02.699 --> 42:10.641 [SPEAKER_00]: There was no, he went up there and I just assumed because J was such a great order that this dude would probably be, he knew him for a long time, he probably would be too. 42:11.441 --> 42:17.542 [SPEAKER_00]: And the guy starts pacing around and he starts, he says, you wanna know about Jason John, 42:17.982 --> 42:23.744 [SPEAKER_00]: You want to know about Jason John and then you would tell this story and just didn't make a lot of sense and he was just talking to people. 42:23.764 --> 42:28.806 [SPEAKER_00]: He sounded almost seemed like it was like like a football coach or a basketball coach. 42:28.986 --> 42:29.546 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to tell you. 42:29.986 --> 42:36.448 [SPEAKER_00]: And then he would tell a little story and you think, okay, well, I was going to wrap it up and then you go and you would know about Jason John. 42:36.468 --> 42:46.752 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me tell you about Jason John and then he going to another story and there was no beginning middle and then he was just like, and then when you looked at him, he was like a little hunched over and he's just like, 42:46.890 --> 43:07.548 [SPEAKER_00]: pacing around like a panther you know he's pacing around getting ready and all of a sudden here's another fucking story and there was no connection between all the stories he was just telling stories and then everything he wanted about chasing John let me tell you about chasing John he said that like over and over again and I've soon as he kept saying it and there was one moment where he said 43:07.788 --> 43:08.729 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not about chasing John. 43:08.909 --> 43:09.970 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna tell you about chasing John. 43:10.170 --> 43:11.131 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not about chasing John. 43:11.291 --> 43:12.252 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me tell you about chasing John. 43:12.472 --> 43:13.513 [SPEAKER_00]: He said like three or four times. 43:13.553 --> 43:19.138 [SPEAKER_00]: Now I'm just like, this dude doesn't have a fucking, this dude does not, that doesn't have a game plan. 43:19.518 --> 43:21.920 [SPEAKER_00]: This motherfucker doesn't have a get respectfully. 43:22.220 --> 43:23.422 [SPEAKER_00]: He doesn't have a game plan. 43:23.862 --> 43:25.744 [SPEAKER_00]: There is no beginning middle or end. 43:26.404 --> 43:31.765 [SPEAKER_00]: There he's telling these stories that nobody understands or so like he's not fleshing it out. 43:32.186 --> 43:36.187 [SPEAKER_00]: He's there's there's there's there's in you windows that no one he understands. 43:36.207 --> 43:38.647 [SPEAKER_00]: There's there's a little side stories that nobody understands. 43:39.067 --> 43:43.128 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's like it's this rambling mess and I'm looking at my watch. 43:43.148 --> 43:47.609 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like five minutes seven minutes eight minutes ten minutes. 43:47.669 --> 43:49.590 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like what is this kind of fucking in? 43:49.890 --> 43:59.756 [SPEAKER_00]: He wanted about chasing each other and he's talking about chasing each other and he's pointing in the air and he's just like, you know, wiping away tears and I'm like, what the fuck? 43:59.976 --> 44:00.676 [SPEAKER_00]: What the fuck? 44:00.796 --> 44:02.637 [SPEAKER_00]: How the fuck am I supposed to follow this? 44:03.318 --> 44:04.739 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't be following this. 44:05.139 --> 44:05.699 [SPEAKER_00]: Is that right? 44:06.039 --> 44:07.000 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't do this. 44:09.145 --> 44:12.727 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm just like, I have a speech, I have a great speech. 44:13.067 --> 44:14.528 [SPEAKER_00]: I got two great stories. 44:14.768 --> 44:16.869 [SPEAKER_00]: One of them is a fucking nuke. 44:17.549 --> 44:21.171 [SPEAKER_00]: Though Islanders, a little wimp, I'm a throwy over the side, is a nuke. 44:21.571 --> 44:22.471 [SPEAKER_00]: That is a nuke. 44:23.152 --> 44:24.612 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm just like, I'm ready to go. 44:24.692 --> 44:27.494 [SPEAKER_00]: And I read the whole thing, and I'm under five minutes. 44:27.854 --> 44:29.575 [SPEAKER_00]: And there's a beginning, middle and end. 44:29.735 --> 44:37.058 [SPEAKER_00]: And I talk about my love for him, what he's done for me, and all the things that he's helped get me to understand. 44:38.740 --> 44:46.872 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm just like, I have a plan, I have like a real good plan, I have a real good speech right now. 44:47.713 --> 44:49.315 [SPEAKER_00]: And this motherfucker is going back and forth. 44:49.335 --> 44:50.397 [SPEAKER_00]: You want to know what chase ain'tcha on? 44:50.517 --> 44:51.579 [SPEAKER_00]: Please tell him what chase ain'tcha on. 44:53.203 --> 44:54.985 [SPEAKER_00]: And then it just comes to me and I can't do this. 44:55.825 --> 44:56.686 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't do this. 44:57.087 --> 45:01.190 [SPEAKER_00]: And now I'm getting mad because I'm just like, this guy's cutting into my time and then what the hell that? 45:01.711 --> 45:02.752 [SPEAKER_00]: No one's even listening to this guy. 45:02.932 --> 45:04.813 [SPEAKER_00]: They're all going to the buffet. 45:04.833 --> 45:07.996 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, they're all going to the buffet and they're just like, this dude's just mumbling. 45:08.297 --> 45:17.705 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like a fucking, a dude mumbling in like, it's almost like a crazy person in them but in the, on the street, this isn't like well thought out. 45:17.725 --> 45:18.686 [SPEAKER_00]: This isn't well spoken. 45:18.706 --> 45:19.186 [SPEAKER_00]: This is like, 45:20.327 --> 45:23.309 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I'm like, do I want to be associated with this? 45:23.910 --> 45:25.511 [SPEAKER_00]: Is this what I want to do? 45:25.631 --> 45:26.992 [SPEAKER_00]: And do I want to show this guy up? 45:27.592 --> 45:29.013 [SPEAKER_00]: Or because I know what would have happened. 45:29.233 --> 45:33.416 [SPEAKER_00]: If I had decided that I'm going to speak, I would have been like, wow, that was wild. 45:34.177 --> 45:34.877 [SPEAKER_00]: I couldn't control. 45:34.897 --> 45:35.998 [SPEAKER_00]: I would have had like some sort of, 45:38.563 --> 45:40.884 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I would have had some spontaneous noise. 45:41.425 --> 45:45.367 [SPEAKER_00]: I would have had some noise that a noise of displeasure. 45:45.387 --> 45:47.087 [SPEAKER_00]: I would have had a noise of displeasure. 45:47.147 --> 45:52.070 [SPEAKER_00]: A guarantee, and I would be like, I don't know, geez, take a break here. 45:52.110 --> 45:54.711 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, hey, we know about J.C. and John. 45:55.132 --> 45:56.212 [SPEAKER_00]: We know all about it. 45:56.272 --> 45:56.873 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, who knows? 45:56.893 --> 45:57.613 [SPEAKER_00]: I would have said something. 45:57.773 --> 45:59.114 [SPEAKER_00]: I know that I would have said something. 45:59.254 --> 46:02.095 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I was just like, and I don't know what it would tone on to me. 46:02.115 --> 46:02.876 [SPEAKER_00]: I was all planned. 46:02.896 --> 46:06.858 [SPEAKER_00]: I just spent a lot of time running this guy, the end thing, and I took the speech out of my inside pocket. 46:08.239 --> 46:17.206 [SPEAKER_00]: I put it in my into Jay's daughter's pocket and I said I'm not going to read the speech and she says why why why I said I can't put these people through anymore. 46:17.686 --> 46:18.487 [SPEAKER_00]: They've had enough. 46:19.167 --> 46:22.309 [SPEAKER_00]: They can't they just I just can't do that 46:23.190 --> 46:26.632 [SPEAKER_00]: It's basically saying these people have suffered enough. 46:26.992 --> 46:27.773 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the thing. 46:28.033 --> 46:36.978 [SPEAKER_00]: You just, this shouldn't be a funeral barge and just on and on like a gridlock of speaking and speeches and something like that. 46:37.118 --> 46:45.963 [SPEAKER_00]: You get on, you say something poignant, you say maybe you say something that's like nuance in regards to who they are, and then you get the fuck off. 46:46.204 --> 46:51.567 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you can tell a couple jokes, you can make some people laugh a little bit, you've done your job. 46:52.127 --> 47:01.685 [SPEAKER_00]: You've done your job, but like the fucking free form shit is bullshit, don't be the guy at the funeral. 47:02.209 --> 47:07.193 [SPEAKER_00]: who memorializes someone, you're not, you don't have a game plan, it's ain't for you. 47:07.873 --> 47:10.695 [SPEAKER_00]: This ain't for you, this isn't like open night, Mike Knight. 47:11.055 --> 47:12.917 [SPEAKER_00]: You gotta go in there, fucking strong. 47:13.237 --> 47:23.984 [SPEAKER_00]: You gotta go, you gotta show the love, you gotta paint a picture, maybe people don't know about, and then you have to also make that person a little bit more relatable to the people who already know them too. 47:24.905 --> 47:28.829 [SPEAKER_00]: But you just can't be fucking scrolling around, I'm just saying, you want to know about Jake Shane Chao? 47:29.009 --> 47:35.215 [SPEAKER_00]: We all tell you about Jason, as in like, as in like, we don't know who this person is in our lives. 47:35.935 --> 47:44.744 [SPEAKER_00]: And he's going to explain it to us in a manner that we should be ashamed of ourselves that we don't know who this person is. 47:45.142 --> 47:46.262 [SPEAKER_00]: You want to know about Jason and John? 47:46.442 --> 47:47.203 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll tell you about you. 47:47.783 --> 47:48.523 [SPEAKER_00]: What the fuck? 47:48.883 --> 47:49.683 [SPEAKER_00]: It was crazy. 47:49.783 --> 47:53.244 [SPEAKER_00]: It was like adversarial towards the grieving people. 47:53.784 --> 47:55.125 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, are you crazy? 47:55.445 --> 47:56.585 [SPEAKER_00]: That's madness. 47:56.685 --> 48:02.227 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll never forget being like, I just came down here to this guy and things show my respect for my goddamn uncle. 48:02.247 --> 48:06.528 [SPEAKER_00]: I love very much, my mothers, my mother's youngest brother. 48:08.505 --> 48:12.027 [SPEAKER_00]: And I got a, like, I don't want to show the eye up. 48:12.047 --> 48:14.869 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to, I'm like, let's just creep back to the airport. 48:15.009 --> 48:20.933 [SPEAKER_00]: And it was funny because it's like, I just remember just saying his daughter, I can't put these people through anymore. 48:20.973 --> 48:21.733 [SPEAKER_00]: That was horrible. 48:21.993 --> 48:22.874 [SPEAKER_00]: That was terrible. 48:23.634 --> 48:25.115 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I just, like, steamed. 48:25.255 --> 48:30.418 [SPEAKER_00]: I see this because at the same time, it's just like, he was my uncle and we did have a very good relationship. 48:30.779 --> 48:32.500 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just felt the need to, like, 48:33.140 --> 48:44.665 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, crack them a little, crack them a little bit and, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, but it's funny because I definitely went back to the airport and I was definitely steaming and I tried to myself. 48:44.705 --> 48:46.825 [SPEAKER_00]: This fucking guy might have been Jay's best friend. 48:46.865 --> 48:50.187 [SPEAKER_00]: I've got bless him, got bless him, but Jesus Christ. 48:51.107 --> 49:08.776 [SPEAKER_00]: Do a podcast and I think this is when you're doing the when you're doing the the memorial think about it like you're doing a real You're not doing it and then go to my YouTube channel for a longer for the complete video Because it's just like you got to get you people don't want to be there Nobody wants to be a funeral. 49:09.256 --> 49:19.942 [SPEAKER_00]: Nobody wants to and this is what we're having now with thought with our daughter in terms of like How do you how do you know and I'm giving a lot of credit in regards to speaking about her and my sister 49:21.485 --> 49:49.612 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, what's the best way that she can, and I'm not putting pressure on her, I told her, every time we talk about what Lyle is gonna write, what I'm gonna write, I want to just say to her, you don't have, there's no pressure on you to say anything, I think it's great that you want to, but there's no pressure, because we don't know how many people are gonna be there, we don't know the extent of it, and it could be very emotional, it's a very emotional for a lot of people, and can you, you know, 49:51.592 --> 50:11.180 [SPEAKER_00]: So, we've been talking a lot about regard to what I'm going to write, so what I've been writing, I've been writing for like about a month, and when I was at the airport last week, when it's a visit, when it's a visit in laws, and I brought my computer, and I just, I sat in the, I sat in the, I sat in the terminal kind of thinking about what we're going to say. 50:11.200 --> 50:15.162 [SPEAKER_00]: And obviously, I'm just being fun, see, it's not like I'm, you know, trying to be, 50:16.062 --> 50:21.045 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I'm trying to be, you know, let's do a comedian that's relevant. 50:21.085 --> 50:27.788 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to try, I'm not trying to be Jerry Seinfeld up there, not that he's the most relevant, but I'm not just being like, you know, you've got to go up there and you've got to kill him. 50:28.348 --> 50:42.415 [SPEAKER_00]: I just think that for me, based on the experience I've had as even as a young child, that there's, you know, people are, when they're grieving someone, sometimes a little levity is, is valuable. 50:43.109 --> 50:49.113 [SPEAKER_00]: So I kind of going over some things with my sister and I told my daughter because she asked me, how, well, how do you write these things? 50:49.533 --> 50:54.077 [SPEAKER_00]: Because it's like, how do you sum up someone's life in five minutes or so? 50:54.137 --> 51:08.747 [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, well, I don't think you need to sum up her life, but what you can do is you can tell people how their life affected you, or how the way your relationship was, how it changed, who you are and something like it. 51:08.767 --> 51:10.188 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm writing stories of like, 51:10.948 --> 51:16.455 [SPEAKER_00]: about how when I was younger and my sister was, I always say that on this podcast, I was a latch key kid. 51:16.895 --> 51:20.460 [SPEAKER_00]: My sister Janney was like a refuge, you know, she was there for me. 51:20.720 --> 51:24.885 [SPEAKER_00]: I felt as though she was always there for me and I'm kind of talking about that. 51:24.905 --> 51:28.950 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm talking about how we used to go get some food and I'm talking about the fact that the funny thing is is, 51:29.710 --> 51:31.711 [SPEAKER_00]: She was an inconvenient vegetarian. 51:31.751 --> 51:36.713 [SPEAKER_00]: That means that like when no one was looking she wanted some salami Easy ladies and gentlemen. 51:36.733 --> 51:46.976 [SPEAKER_00]: You want a hot dog or something like that or she wanted you know She wanted us you know meet some beef or something like that ribs or something like that Talk to you funny little stories about that and 51:47.720 --> 52:01.025 [SPEAKER_00]: you know, and then I'm telling some other stories, and then, and then I'm making the decision because I want to, is I want to, uh, to talk about her artwork and how it, how she and I had a very interesting relationship in regards to both our sculpture. 52:01.760 --> 52:13.231 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm trying to figure that out and I have a few things and I'm also trying not to go on too long as a lot of editing going on and I have about a week to kind of like dial it and I think I'm about 75% there. 52:13.271 --> 52:20.258 [SPEAKER_00]: I just need to like sit down this weekend and and really kind of dial it in but I feel as though. 52:21.179 --> 52:36.443 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel, I don't know why, I don't know why, I feel it's important to me to go to speak at these family, these family funerals, I think that I feel like it's important to me and I'm not 100% sure why. 52:36.563 --> 52:48.426 [SPEAKER_00]: Is this the self-serving, is this me to honor the person who passed away, or is this kind of narcissistic thing of me getting some control and kind of, whatever, I'm not 100% sure. 52:51.288 --> 52:52.149 [SPEAKER_00]: honoring that person. 52:52.449 --> 53:07.307 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm hoping to just stick with the fact that I'm really trying to honor this person that I had That had affected my life, you know, all the all the things in my uncle Bill, Michael Jay, my dad And then there were some other people in there, my grandmother 53:07.807 --> 53:22.763 [SPEAKER_00]: I really wanted to, I talk about how they affected my life and I'm a little bit this one, particularly my sister, you know, utilizing my sister. 53:23.744 --> 53:37.948 [SPEAKER_00]: What is probably the one that I'm the most concerned about and I'm concerned about in a way where I really want to do a good job and not be nervous and I want to say the right things. 53:37.968 --> 53:39.128 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to hit the right tones. 53:39.829 --> 53:41.529 [SPEAKER_00]: If five minutes, you don't have a whole lot of time. 53:41.549 --> 53:47.771 [SPEAKER_00]: I think that when people go over five minutes, it's just like you're torturing the audience. 53:48.231 --> 53:48.611 [SPEAKER_00]: You think about 53:52.133 --> 54:03.804 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, so I really want to hit the right tone, um, and honor my sister, and I know that my daughter is trying to figure out what tone she wants to do, and it's still of this day. 54:03.824 --> 54:06.947 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, she could just decide not to do it too, and that would be fine. 54:07.627 --> 54:14.670 [SPEAKER_00]: What I told her to do was to write a letter to Jenny and then when you write the letter to Jenny, maybe something will come up. 54:15.070 --> 54:33.418 [SPEAKER_00]: Usually what I do is when I'm walking the dogs or I usually have this time to kind of think and meditate almost and I really meditate and just like thinking about things and I'll think about a story and then I'll try to really flesh out that story and remember it and then figure out ways in which to kind of bring it to who the person that she was. 54:33.858 --> 54:34.058 [SPEAKER_00]: So 54:35.377 --> 54:57.598 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm really optimistic about trying to do the best I can to honor my sister and I got a lot of nice messages in regards to that episode of remembering my sister at things like a year ago, I got to listen back to it, maybe before I finish writing my little speech for my dear sister Jenny. 54:59.379 --> 54:59.939 [SPEAKER_00]: and that's it. 55:00.259 --> 55:01.779 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sorry it wasn't in last week. 55:02.640 --> 55:07.061 [SPEAKER_00]: Part of me is feeling like, you know, a little summer break isn't so bad. 55:07.622 --> 55:17.465 [SPEAKER_00]: I know we didn't do night talk either and I'm just kind of like it was good to kind of get out and but I'm looking forward to some more episodes coming up. 55:17.605 --> 55:22.147 [SPEAKER_00]: I got some good guest planned and we're going to have some fun and I appreciate you. 55:22.607 --> 55:48.087 [SPEAKER_00]: If you want to help you all, boy, you want to help you all, boy, go follow us on Instagram and I have full blast podcast on Instagram and interact with the show and wherever you're listening to this, you'd be doing me a great service if you supported my sponsors and wherever you're listening to this, leave a review, leave a review, I'm not going to pick, I'm not hitting you up, guys, I'm not hitting you up, like I said, I'm not hitting you up with the, with the Patreon. 55:49.080 --> 55:51.781 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not trying to give you a hot takes. 55:51.841 --> 55:56.443 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not trying to bring up the engagement. 55:56.523 --> 55:58.164 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not trying to tell you how it is. 55:59.084 --> 56:03.266 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you could go and wherever you listen to podcasts, give me a five-star review. 56:04.106 --> 56:07.888 [SPEAKER_00]: And just tell your friends, if you like the podcast sharing on your stories. 56:08.448 --> 56:13.570 [SPEAKER_00]: So what I'll do is I'll usually have a thumbnail on Instagram and if you do that, it does always good for me. 56:13.630 --> 56:35.938 [SPEAKER_00]: But I'm getting a lot of messages of people who are listening to this podcast every so often and or they're, you know, I'm trying to make it so it's not time to depend in like all the episodes or kind of complete episodes where you don't necessarily have to know the beginning middle and end or there's no back stories like there is a knife talk and there's no, you know, characters or you can get in there. 56:35.958 --> 56:36.058 [SPEAKER_00]: So 56:36.998 --> 56:43.383 [SPEAKER_00]: I really appreciate all the kind words and I hope you all have a great summer and we will speak to you next week. 56:43.643 --> 56:43.964 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.