WEBVTT 00:00.211 --> 00:06.573 [SPEAKER_02]: I was thinking about this the other day because I saw people talking about tombstones, and I was like, I think when I die, put those lyrics on my tombstone. 00:07.473 --> 00:14.175 [SPEAKER_02]: Bitch, lover, child, mother, crossing out, sinner, saint, wasn't ashamed, hell, dream, nothing in between. 00:14.495 --> 00:16.436 [SPEAKER_02]: She wouldn't have wanted it any other way. 00:17.456 --> 00:20.579 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, that is on my tombstone. 00:20.599 --> 00:21.659 [SPEAKER_02]: That bit you. 00:21.739 --> 00:29.105 [SPEAKER_02]: Listen, I saw somebody was talking about how, you know, you walk through graveyard and so much of the tombstones are like, loyal wife and mother. 00:30.226 --> 00:34.810 [SPEAKER_02]: If you ever put any that stupid shit on my tombstone, I'm gonna do some paranormal activity shit. 00:35.110 --> 00:36.371 [SPEAKER_02]: You guys are not gonna survive. 00:36.871 --> 00:38.312 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, you're in the ghost walls. 00:38.632 --> 00:39.712 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm in the ghost walls. 00:39.732 --> 00:40.132 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 00:40.352 --> 00:41.793 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm fucking your house. 00:41.813 --> 00:43.214 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, you're moving through dimensions. 00:43.274 --> 00:45.995 [SPEAKER_02]: Do not put that shit on my tombstone. 00:46.355 --> 00:46.695 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 00:47.195 --> 00:50.276 [SPEAKER_02]: Come your bitch on my tombstone before you call me a loving wife and mother. 00:50.356 --> 00:51.177 [SPEAKER_02]: My god. 01:09.647 --> 01:16.790 [SPEAKER_02]: What's up you guys, and welcome back to emotionally online, Weekly Slur Party for Heart Hearts and Hot Gossip, hosted by yours truly. 01:17.150 --> 01:22.893 [SPEAKER_02]: The one and only Maddie Draws back, and as always joining me in the co-host cuck chair, it's Meg Ruoco. 01:23.333 --> 01:24.914 [SPEAKER_03]: Is that Chloe Trost? 01:25.274 --> 01:27.895 [SPEAKER_03]: No, it's me, the co-hosts! 01:29.845 --> 01:38.767 [SPEAKER_03]: Now, first and foremost, this is a doctor's show, but first and foremost, actually in a very serious way. 01:39.407 --> 01:47.728 [SPEAKER_02]: I actually do think that we should acknowledge the like open secret that's been happening on this show for like the last two months. 01:47.768 --> 01:48.689 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's give it a whirl. 01:50.149 --> 01:53.509 [SPEAKER_02]: Which is that makes the official new emotionally online co-hosts. 01:53.569 --> 01:55.750 [SPEAKER_02]: She will be pretty much every single episode 01:56.390 --> 02:02.272 [SPEAKER_03]: Yay, we were just like soft launching and I'm gonna get a lot of you to pick up on that for sure. 02:02.312 --> 02:06.533 [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like we have not officially set it out loud on the show yet. 02:07.013 --> 02:08.353 [SPEAKER_02]: So here we are. 02:08.574 --> 02:09.074 [SPEAKER_02]: Yay. 02:09.254 --> 02:12.035 [SPEAKER_02]: This is our co-host coming out video. 02:12.335 --> 02:13.775 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, we're coming out as co-hosts. 02:14.135 --> 02:15.155 [SPEAKER_02]: Coming out as co-hosts. 02:15.195 --> 02:16.556 [SPEAKER_03]: We hope you guys will treat us the same. 02:17.116 --> 02:19.877 [SPEAKER_02]: This beautiful Friday in August. 02:20.797 --> 02:21.617 [SPEAKER_03]: We're happy to be here. 02:21.937 --> 02:22.818 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm thrilled to be here. 02:23.538 --> 02:25.879 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm thrilled to be part of the love of girls community. 02:25.919 --> 02:27.299 [SPEAKER_03]: Be welcome with open arms. 02:28.040 --> 02:31.461 [SPEAKER_03]: And I hope I can welcome you all with open arms into my arms as well. 02:31.581 --> 02:32.961 [SPEAKER_03]: We have one big one big hug. 02:33.181 --> 02:37.243 [SPEAKER_02]: We're just the more giggles and laughter that can be had over here. 02:37.823 --> 02:39.784 [SPEAKER_02]: We're trying to just collect it all. 02:40.224 --> 02:41.184 [SPEAKER_03]: We've said it before. 02:41.244 --> 02:42.124 [SPEAKER_03]: We'll say it again. 02:42.164 --> 02:43.705 [SPEAKER_03]: We're here to hang out and crack up. 02:44.065 --> 02:44.545 [SPEAKER_02]: So true. 02:44.785 --> 02:44.905 [SPEAKER_02]: So 02:51.530 --> 02:58.397 [SPEAKER_02]: because I am angry this week as I am most we speak on that in the current state of things. 02:58.497 --> 02:58.817 [SPEAKER_02]: Uh-huh. 02:59.017 --> 02:59.858 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, whatever. 03:00.218 --> 03:02.220 [SPEAKER_02]: Bitches rise from the ashes. 03:02.280 --> 03:05.443 [SPEAKER_02]: I need everyone to get bitchier as has been said before. 03:05.563 --> 03:06.324 [SPEAKER_02]: Bitches to the front. 03:06.444 --> 03:11.349 [SPEAKER_02]: Anybody who thinks we're being too negative, I'm calling on you to wake up, okay? 03:11.809 --> 03:16.354 [SPEAKER_02]: Wake up and look around because there are bad things happening and we must 03:16.694 --> 03:17.315 [SPEAKER_02]: discuss them. 03:17.415 --> 03:17.655 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 03:17.815 --> 03:19.097 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 03:19.257 --> 03:28.207 [SPEAKER_02]: The thing that I am really angry about this week is the influx of AI companies destroying rare books. 03:28.527 --> 03:28.927 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 03:29.428 --> 03:31.510 [SPEAKER_02]: So they can harvest them for information. 03:31.650 --> 03:31.931 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 03:32.251 --> 03:46.965 [SPEAKER_02]: If you haven't heard about this, basically AI companies like Anthropic are buying up a bunch of these rare books to harvest them for information and just scan in all of the contents all of the data in these books. 03:47.645 --> 04:04.900 [SPEAKER_02]: in the process of digitizing them, they are also destroying them, breaking the binding, the spines, shredding the pages, making it so that nobody will ever be able to read this physical one of one book ever again. 04:05.000 --> 04:08.964 [SPEAKER_02]: A lot of these are special editions, they are their rare books. 04:09.384 --> 04:14.368 [SPEAKER_02]: This is information and history that is being destroyed and not only that, 04:15.129 --> 04:36.501 [SPEAKER_02]: But it's like, I also take issue with people that see books as like data and something else to hold like a physical piece of the world in your hand, a physical piece of history that has like natural wear and tear of all the people that have read the book before you. 04:36.961 --> 04:45.567 [SPEAKER_02]: Or even like, I don't know the sweetness of like checking out a library book in middle school and seeing the names of all the people that had rented out before you in the book. 04:45.647 --> 04:45.907 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 04:45.947 --> 04:48.609 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, there's something charming about that. 04:49.489 --> 04:57.715 [SPEAKER_02]: The experience of reading a physical book is not just in like, well, let me compute all of this information and start in my brain and now I'm done in. 04:59.312 --> 05:01.693 [SPEAKER_02]: I am so mad. 05:01.733 --> 05:02.073 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 05:02.813 --> 05:04.833 [SPEAKER_02]: And it's like, let's just add it to the list, right? 05:05.013 --> 05:09.895 [SPEAKER_02]: There was already so many things to be mad about in the realm of AI. 05:10.195 --> 05:11.455 [SPEAKER_02]: So get fuck it, why not? 05:11.635 --> 05:12.315 [SPEAKER_03]: Let's add one more. 05:12.415 --> 05:13.875 [SPEAKER_03]: Let's burn the books, why don't we? 05:13.915 --> 05:24.898 [SPEAKER_03]: Let's do an actual Fahrenheit 451, a thing that was written decades ago about the dangers of burning and getting rid of information. 05:25.303 --> 05:35.188 [SPEAKER_03]: What's frustrating, I mean, all of this is infuriating to me, but something that is so infuriating to me about this is like, they're not even trying to be cool about this shit anymore. 05:35.648 --> 05:44.853 [SPEAKER_03]: They are like quite literally suppressing information and access to information from like, they are keeping it from the working class. 05:45.713 --> 05:48.455 [SPEAKER_03]: And they are saying, no, we're going to have all that data. 05:48.535 --> 05:54.300 [SPEAKER_03]: And not only are we going to have access to it, you actually won't be able to even find it at all, right? 05:54.440 --> 05:56.102 [SPEAKER_03]: It's horrifying. 05:56.622 --> 06:07.331 [SPEAKER_03]: And again, there have been several think pieces, books, novels, written stories told warning people against doing this exact thing. 06:07.631 --> 06:10.573 [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, there's a whole, you know, the whole kind of like myth and 06:11.694 --> 06:15.817 [SPEAKER_03]: history depending on how you view it of like the burning of the library of Alexandria. 06:16.837 --> 06:18.138 [SPEAKER_03]: That's what they're doing now. 06:18.298 --> 06:18.478 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 06:18.739 --> 06:23.662 [SPEAKER_03]: They are doing this now right in front of our eyes and also getting press about it. 06:23.942 --> 06:33.328 [SPEAKER_02]: One of the things that concerns me the most of which there are many is the general public's lack of concern. 06:34.055 --> 06:47.140 [SPEAKER_02]: with all of this kind of stuff, which I think in part comes from people feeling so exhausted by the news cycle, that they don't cling onto anything. 06:47.220 --> 06:48.320 [SPEAKER_02]: Anymore, they hear about it. 06:48.340 --> 06:50.541 [SPEAKER_02]: And they're like, oh, what can I do about it? 06:50.721 --> 07:05.008 [SPEAKER_02]: Let me just not think about it and they just move on with their days and I also think and this is maybe the side of things that these people would not like to admit to being but I think there is a lot of 07:06.789 --> 07:07.530 [SPEAKER_02]: people in the world. 07:07.950 --> 07:12.335 [SPEAKER_02]: The just think that the bad thing won't arrive on their doorstep. 07:12.415 --> 07:12.815 [SPEAKER_03]: Hmm. 07:13.235 --> 07:13.476 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 07:13.916 --> 07:17.059 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh yeah, the destroying of rare books is so bad. 07:17.299 --> 07:20.483 [SPEAKER_02]: That sounds horrible, but it probably won't ever impact me. 07:20.703 --> 07:20.983 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 07:21.484 --> 07:25.448 [SPEAKER_02]: And I think the same goes when people talk about like AI and climate change. 07:25.468 --> 07:25.648 [SPEAKER_02]: Yep. 07:25.868 --> 07:29.472 [SPEAKER_02]: And how rapidly AI is worsening. 07:30.112 --> 07:43.483 [SPEAKER_02]: the earth, and people hear that, and they'll hear experts and scientists talk about what a travesty this is, and how utterly preventable it was. 07:44.464 --> 07:50.669 [SPEAKER_02]: And I think a lot of these people just hear it, and they think, you know, well, it'll never really impact me. 07:52.150 --> 07:54.572 [SPEAKER_02]: But let's break down what it is that you are saying. 07:55.865 --> 08:04.392 [SPEAKER_02]: Because, at this point, you have to be like burying your head in the sand to not understand how much this does impact people? 08:04.572 --> 08:04.812 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 08:04.993 --> 08:10.978 [SPEAKER_02]: And how many communities will be without access to clean water? 08:11.778 --> 08:17.162 [SPEAKER_02]: Um, the air quality is getting worse, the heat is getting unbearable in certain parts of the world. 08:17.242 --> 08:17.422 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 08:17.483 --> 08:20.125 [SPEAKER_02]: Like maybe it won't impact you first. 08:20.945 --> 08:23.227 [SPEAKER_02]: But it will impact other people. 08:23.367 --> 08:23.607 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 08:23.707 --> 08:25.589 [SPEAKER_02]: There will be famine and mass death. 08:25.629 --> 08:25.829 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 08:25.849 --> 08:29.131 [SPEAKER_02]: Like let's not there already is there already is. 08:29.191 --> 08:29.452 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 08:29.532 --> 08:35.396 [SPEAKER_02]: So it's like just because it's not impacting you directly should not be the thing that makes you go. 08:35.516 --> 08:36.797 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, it's not that bad. 08:37.037 --> 08:37.318 [SPEAKER_03]: Mm-hmm. 08:38.999 --> 08:51.770 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, there's the, I can't remember who said this quote, but the quote that is, you know, climate disasters will be something that you watch on my phone until one day you're the ones that's taking the video. 08:53.637 --> 09:00.821 [SPEAKER_03]: that's exactly what this is, is like it is getting closer to you every single day. 09:00.921 --> 09:05.843 [SPEAKER_03]: And in fact, it is already impacting you whether you choose to believe it or not. 09:06.544 --> 09:10.306 [SPEAKER_03]: I think about to, you know, there was just that story that came out that, um, 09:11.106 --> 09:17.749 [SPEAKER_03]: Hank Green admitted to using fucking LLMs in his video content. 09:18.089 --> 09:35.177 [SPEAKER_03]: I also just saw a clip this one really broke my heart because I love this guy But I just saw a clip of Jake Johnson talking about how like he casually uses and we'll talk to like Claude or whatever the fuck Just kind of ranting at the I can't LLM and I'm like 09:36.743 --> 09:39.305 [SPEAKER_02]: No, I actually feel like I'm going crazy. 09:39.485 --> 09:41.847 [SPEAKER_03]: I feel like I'm being gasoline. 09:42.087 --> 09:49.092 [SPEAKER_02]: No, every time I open up threads, I come across at least one thread, I suppose. 09:50.513 --> 09:52.814 [SPEAKER_02]: So I suppose it's called a thread. 09:53.455 --> 10:00.960 [SPEAKER_02]: At least one person being like, so all these people that say they're anti-AIR totally still using Chatchee BT, right? 10:01.340 --> 10:03.702 [SPEAKER_02]: And a bunch of people just circle jerking in the comments and it's like, 10:05.783 --> 10:25.817 [SPEAKER_02]: Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah 10:26.918 --> 10:40.831 [SPEAKER_03]: To me the what this feels like is like all of a sudden overnight billions of people started coming up to me and saying have you started using that evil magic a ball Totally love the evil magic a ball. 10:41.231 --> 10:42.052 [SPEAKER_03]: We oh my god. 10:42.372 --> 10:49.980 [SPEAKER_03]: Once I started using the evil magic a ball things Speak came so much easier and I'm like right, but it's in the name right evil 10:50.540 --> 11:16.017 [SPEAKER_03]: Magic eight ball like it's evil right and they're like oh, but oh my god emails become so much easier with the evil magic And like come on times are changing and people have always been resistant to change right like the evil magic April is just the way now and you either get with the evil magic eight ball or get left behind right and it's like Oh my god, I don't use the evil magic eight ball because I think that's way too evil But have you used the malicious fortune teller right? 11:17.178 --> 11:19.880 [SPEAKER_03]: The malicious fortune teller is actually really good. 11:19.960 --> 11:29.745 [SPEAKER_02]: I like trying not to use the evil magic apel all the time, but like when I am really feeling pressured too, I just kind of switch over to the other options that I have. 11:30.025 --> 11:31.466 [SPEAKER_02]: And I use it like a little bit. 11:31.486 --> 11:32.227 [SPEAKER_03]: Just a little bit. 11:32.267 --> 11:34.768 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, the malicious fortune teller is actually really logical. 11:34.868 --> 11:37.169 [SPEAKER_03]: So that's like why it's ultimately better to use. 11:37.590 --> 11:41.872 [SPEAKER_03]: That's what it sounds like when you guys are all talking to me about using your fucking AI models. 11:44.291 --> 11:59.423 [SPEAKER_02]: my brain gets hot my brain is getting hot my brain is overheating there's a climate disaster happening in my brain every time I have to listen to you bozos talk about how little you have thunk over the last 30 days yes 12:00.223 --> 12:08.009 [SPEAKER_03]: This to me is also I'm like so nobody was paying attention to an English class when we were younger No, it was paying attention during band books week when we all read band books. 12:08.209 --> 12:10.511 [SPEAKER_03]: No, and we all read for Fahrenheit 451. 12:10.731 --> 12:14.213 [SPEAKER_03]: No, and we were all like hey, it seems dangerous. 12:14.554 --> 12:25.842 [SPEAKER_03]: The whole thesis of that is that destroying Information for the general public is actually dangerous and indicative indicative of living in an authoritarian regime No 12:26.742 --> 12:30.085 [SPEAKER_03]: No, I guess we all weren't listening to that. 12:30.225 --> 12:35.068 [SPEAKER_02]: And these people have also drank the billionaire who laid so fucking hard, and they actually don't realize it. 12:35.188 --> 12:40.171 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, because a lot of these people are just regurgitating the things that these ultra wealthy 12:41.932 --> 12:51.814 [SPEAKER_02]: owners of the AI companies and all of their wealthy donors that have big interest in making sure we see these things just continue to expand and grow. 12:52.094 --> 12:56.435 [SPEAKER_02]: They're repeating the talking points that those people use to justify what's happening. 12:56.555 --> 12:58.816 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, do you think that's the truth? 12:58.996 --> 12:59.296 [SPEAKER_03]: Right. 13:00.116 --> 13:00.276 [SPEAKER_03]: Are you? 13:01.376 --> 13:01.896 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, sorry. 13:01.957 --> 13:04.657 [SPEAKER_03]: You're being told why it's good by an oligarch. 13:05.197 --> 13:05.957 [SPEAKER_03]: What's happening? 13:06.057 --> 13:07.658 [SPEAKER_03]: And you're like, sounds good to me. 13:07.838 --> 13:08.098 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 13:08.878 --> 13:30.923 [SPEAKER_03]: okay no more no more questions on my end then yeah it's just got to keep up with the time right well or get left behind king Altman said it was a good idea like leave my ass behind babe no leave my ass in the dust i'll stay here i'll be a lullite if it means that i'm not using fucking AI totally 13:31.503 --> 13:50.306 [SPEAKER_02]: I actually, and I straight up, I think that you either have to be bearing your head in the sand so hard core because you can't face inconvenience in yourself and your life at all and what kind of guilt it might make you feel to face what it is that you are becoming. 13:50.966 --> 13:55.327 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know if it's just that or if people genuinely are dumb. 13:55.547 --> 13:57.527 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I don't know. 13:58.007 --> 13:58.968 [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know which one is 14:01.268 --> 14:12.052 [SPEAKER_02]: have fun optimizing and, uh, you know, focusing on productivity and profit over all else into an early grave. 14:12.292 --> 14:12.612 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 14:12.832 --> 14:18.934 [SPEAKER_02]: You're going to have so much money, so much money, but you won't be able to go outside because the air quality is going to be so bad. 14:18.954 --> 14:22.035 [SPEAKER_02]: And oh, you also want to have clean water in your home, right? 14:22.055 --> 14:27.597 [SPEAKER_02]: Or if you don't, maybe you still have access to all those things, but half the world's population doesn't. 14:27.677 --> 14:27.937 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 14:27.997 --> 14:29.198 [SPEAKER_02]: So then what does that make you? 14:29.398 --> 14:29.658 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 14:30.655 --> 14:31.056 [SPEAKER_03]: Allusor. 14:31.497 --> 14:38.673 [SPEAKER_03]: For all the technological advancements that the world has made, I'm like, hey, why doesn't any of it help the greater good? 14:40.821 --> 14:48.087 [SPEAKER_03]: Why is it that the things that take off is like AI so that I can write an email that would have taken me 30 seconds to write? 14:48.147 --> 15:06.122 [SPEAKER_03]: Instead of like we figured out how to make a big robot that cleans up every single ocean and reinstates like the health of Great barrier reefs like oh we figured out a way to to pull water out from Ocean water and we can make it fresh water now. 15:06.702 --> 15:08.544 [SPEAKER_02]: Why isn't why isn't none of it that 15:11.142 --> 15:13.126 [SPEAKER_03]: It's just like, look at me! 15:13.146 --> 15:16.613 [SPEAKER_03]: It's, I made an AI photo of if I was a dog! 15:21.698 --> 15:22.479 [SPEAKER_03]: I don't care. 15:22.499 --> 15:27.562 [SPEAKER_03]: I never I was never wondering what you looked like as a dog And you know to be honest with you. 15:27.783 --> 15:33.066 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't like feeling like I'm smarter than most people Yeah, I really it doesn't make me feel good. 15:33.106 --> 15:42.173 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah to think that so many people are so fucking dumb Yep, but I wake up every day and I look around and I'm like oh my god so many people are so fucking dumb 15:43.655 --> 15:56.077 [SPEAKER_03]: I literally, my freshman year of college, I was going to a school where effectively every single assignment I turned in, I got an A on, and it drove me so insane that I transferred schools. 16:00.024 --> 16:03.487 [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely, you know, that's a great comparing to that. 16:03.967 --> 16:04.768 [SPEAKER_03]: Absolutely. 16:05.108 --> 16:06.149 [SPEAKER_03]: I've started to feel. 16:06.169 --> 16:10.753 [SPEAKER_03]: I was a Friday to transfer school, I was a freshman in college. 16:10.833 --> 16:18.980 [SPEAKER_03]: I would turn in a first draft of a paper and get a 96 on it and I was like something's wrong. 16:19.780 --> 16:38.067 [SPEAKER_03]: I should not be the smart the smartest one in this class totally let alone the smartest one at any school totally because I'm not I don't consider myself to be that smart totally I'm like I'm I'm a normal person right love smart right, but I'm no genius no, okay? 16:38.227 --> 16:42.529 [SPEAKER_02]: No, I'm I'm not the person who's coming up with the cure to anything. 16:42.789 --> 16:44.530 [SPEAKER_02]: I talked to myself for a living right 16:44.690 --> 16:49.442 [SPEAKER_02]: When the girl who talks to herself for a living feels like this smartest person in the room, we have problems. 16:49.643 --> 16:50.705 [SPEAKER_02]: Some things wrong. 16:50.725 --> 16:53.011 [SPEAKER_02]: There's no way! 16:54.763 --> 17:22.225 [SPEAKER_03]: It drives me insane and it also just feels like really devastating to watch people who I have really respected and respected a lot of the work that they've done in the past like Jake Johnson and like Hank Glenn talk about it and use it and use it so flippantly at least Hank Green was like reflecting on right that it's become a problem and he wants to stop right I'll give him that right but it's John's devastating Jake Johnson was just like I've talked to it all the time and I'm like 17:24.701 --> 17:28.344 [SPEAKER_03]: Like you're for better or worse, like you are an artist. 17:28.745 --> 17:29.005 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 17:29.325 --> 17:34.070 [SPEAKER_03]: And you are ranting to nothing. 17:34.310 --> 17:34.530 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 17:35.511 --> 17:36.192 [SPEAKER_03]: That's the thing too. 17:36.252 --> 17:42.698 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm like, how do people like dissociate from the fact that they're ranting to nothing? 17:42.838 --> 17:43.178 [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know. 17:43.198 --> 17:44.380 [SPEAKER_03]: They're talking to nobody. 17:45.272 --> 17:46.313 [SPEAKER_03]: That's not anything. 17:46.853 --> 17:48.855 [SPEAKER_03]: Who you're talking to is no one. 17:49.055 --> 17:49.715 [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know. 17:49.815 --> 17:50.536 [SPEAKER_03]: Talk to yourself. 17:50.956 --> 17:52.557 [SPEAKER_03]: I talked to myself all the time. 17:52.577 --> 17:53.238 [SPEAKER_03]: So, Lee. 17:53.398 --> 17:54.779 [SPEAKER_03]: And I come up with some great ideas. 17:55.039 --> 17:55.620 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 17:56.721 --> 17:59.122 [SPEAKER_03]: Uh, you're better off talking to yourself. 18:00.764 --> 18:04.466 [SPEAKER_03]: I cause no environmental impact talking to myself in my apartment alone. 18:06.599 --> 18:11.145 [SPEAKER_02]: The climate clock stay firmly in place by me talking to myself in my apartment. 18:11.165 --> 18:18.433 [SPEAKER_03]: My carbon footprint caused by me talking to myself in my apartment nothing totally Not a damn thing. 18:18.834 --> 18:20.396 [SPEAKER_03]: Oh my god 18:26.103 --> 18:26.843 [SPEAKER_02]: It's crazy. 18:26.963 --> 18:27.584 [SPEAKER_02]: It is crazy. 18:28.784 --> 18:36.989 [SPEAKER_02]: And I need everyone to lock the fucking and keep fighting with your friends and family members because I don't have any other solutions. 18:37.129 --> 18:38.810 [SPEAKER_03]: No, I don't either. 18:39.530 --> 18:42.832 [SPEAKER_03]: I am like just a bitch about it to people that is like what my solution is. 18:43.497 --> 18:46.099 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, my solution is being a bitch being a bitch is my solution. 18:46.239 --> 18:49.201 [SPEAKER_02]: Sorry if you don't like it But my solution is being a bitch from here on out. 18:49.241 --> 18:53.443 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, I'm also just like you're oh, you're using chatty BT. 18:53.663 --> 18:56.005 [SPEAKER_03]: No, I thought you were better than that. 18:56.305 --> 18:57.966 [SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes being a bitch is a loving act. 18:58.967 --> 19:00.948 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I'm gonna be a bitch 19:02.689 --> 19:06.212 [SPEAKER_02]: because the bitchiness will wake you up. 19:06.432 --> 19:06.672 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 19:07.473 --> 19:13.297 [SPEAKER_03]: This isn't about some fucking superiority complex that we have, even though I do think that I'm better than people who use AI. 19:13.317 --> 19:14.458 [SPEAKER_02]: No, for sure. 19:14.578 --> 19:15.279 [SPEAKER_03]: But of course. 19:15.319 --> 19:18.581 [SPEAKER_03]: And we are, but it's not about that. 19:18.702 --> 19:25.567 [SPEAKER_03]: It's about the fact that this thing is actively harming communities every single day. 19:26.267 --> 19:30.110 [SPEAKER_03]: It's actively harming people, and it's harming you, and it's harming all of us. 19:31.071 --> 19:51.557 [SPEAKER_03]: and why are we using it for what because I'm too stupid to make my own gross we wished I wish I could draw I've always wanted to draw Zebra but I've never quite figured out the haunches in the back yeah but the thing is is that when you ask chat GPT it just makes you the Zebra 19:52.503 --> 19:54.324 [SPEAKER_03]: Crazy and yeah, I could make it draw. 19:54.364 --> 19:59.906 [SPEAKER_03]: I can make a draw pen style or painted if I wanted to Or it could say make me as he brother. 19:59.926 --> 20:07.029 [SPEAKER_03]: That's made out of clay and tragedy does that So it's like all that work that I put in Chappy, Jackie, be teaches didn't. 20:07.069 --> 20:20.935 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I went to him using him and I saw some really cool Paintings and things and I thought to myself well that would be so cool if I could do that painting and thing and then I went home And I just remembered that like tragedy could do it and I could I spend a lot of time on the prompt 20:21.135 --> 20:38.172 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I like three hours crafting the perfect prompt so in many ways I did make it because I made the prompt Right and and now I have the painting and maybe someday I'll be in the moment You guys don't get how hard it is to be so specific with those prompts 20:43.117 --> 20:43.998 [SPEAKER_03]: You guys don't get it. 20:44.799 --> 21:01.219 [SPEAKER_03]: You have to be really detailed in order to get the shit that you want You can't just type in show me the monolisa That's what's blaring in my head anybody at any time anybody talks about AI 21:02.420 --> 21:05.561 [SPEAKER_03]: The world slows down on like me though. 21:05.842 --> 21:20.328 [SPEAKER_00]: I like the fucking mr. Krabs meme where everything swirling around him Yeah, and it's just all around me a familiar faces Fuck enough enough, okay enough enough enough. 21:21.188 --> 21:22.149 [SPEAKER_03]: That's quite enough 21:24.937 --> 21:26.779 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, second thing. 21:26.859 --> 21:34.887 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, second thing that's been really getting me this one this one really just tickles me. 21:35.568 --> 21:42.875 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I've been tickles off this all week long and tickles me there was so this is some influence of trauma. 21:42.915 --> 21:43.216 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 21:44.444 --> 21:52.326 [SPEAKER_02]: There was someone who started this, you know, I don't even know, was it wishbone kitchen who started the discourse? 21:52.386 --> 21:54.486 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know, she chimed in. 21:54.546 --> 21:56.066 [SPEAKER_03]: She wasn't the original poster, though. 21:56.086 --> 21:56.386 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 21:57.127 --> 22:04.068 [SPEAKER_02]: But basically, some influencer was traveling on Nantucket. 22:04.688 --> 22:12.490 [SPEAKER_02]: And they visited a local business that had displayed a beautiful and very well-made sign, my dad. 22:14.430 --> 22:15.330 [SPEAKER_02]: influencers. 22:15.350 --> 22:16.271 [SPEAKER_02]: I love it. 22:16.651 --> 22:33.815 [SPEAKER_02]: And this creator, whoever they are, was perturbed by this and shared it out to the world because they were furious that such discrimination could be proudly displayed in this business on Nantucket. 22:36.666 --> 22:43.572 [SPEAKER_02]: Like the discourse that has come out of this is honestly so fucking funny, so funny. 22:43.992 --> 22:54.500 [SPEAKER_03]: The amount of like, just like skinny white women who have taken to the right amount to go, um, this is equal to the oppression of black people and be serious. 22:54.580 --> 22:58.724 [SPEAKER_03]: We have rights to the plot because of what the fuck are you talking about? 22:58.744 --> 23:05.089 [SPEAKER_02]: Guys, hey, no influencers, right, is the same as racism. 23:08.376 --> 23:10.437 [SPEAKER_03]: and where is MLK's speech about it? 23:10.597 --> 23:13.297 [SPEAKER_03]: Like, what are you guys talking about? 23:13.317 --> 23:17.518 [SPEAKER_03]: In many ways, it's actually worse because MLK hasn't even done a speech about it yet. 23:17.798 --> 23:19.099 [UNKNOWN]: Yeah. 23:19.639 --> 23:35.183 [SPEAKER_02]: It just, also, when I saw the photo, because first I saw videos of people talking about this on TikTok, when I went and I saw the photo of this song, it's literally like a wooden sign that is, it's been like crafted and well made, and it's hung up by the ceiling of this place or whatever, 23:37.228 --> 23:40.014 [SPEAKER_02]: If I walked into this place and saw that, 23:41.502 --> 23:43.262 [SPEAKER_02]: I would be like, oh, that's funny. 23:43.442 --> 23:43.662 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 23:43.722 --> 23:45.343 [SPEAKER_02]: Number one, I'd be like, oh, that's funny. 23:45.723 --> 23:50.504 [SPEAKER_02]: And number two, I'd be like, what do you think the messaging of that is? 23:50.704 --> 23:51.064 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 23:51.224 --> 23:53.605 [SPEAKER_02]: I read that as, don't be a fucking asshole. 23:53.625 --> 23:54.005 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 23:54.245 --> 23:55.505 [SPEAKER_02]: Screaming with your phone out. 23:55.665 --> 23:55.965 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 23:56.225 --> 23:57.265 [SPEAKER_02]: You're in a public place. 23:57.365 --> 23:57.625 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 23:57.825 --> 23:59.806 [SPEAKER_02]: Don't come in with one of those sticks. 23:59.846 --> 24:00.066 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 24:00.326 --> 24:02.887 [SPEAKER_02]: Don't be coming in here with selfie sticks and tripod. 24:02.907 --> 24:03.407 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 24:03.847 --> 24:06.447 [SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, cause in Iraqis all up in our store. 24:06.547 --> 24:06.787 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 24:07.608 --> 24:08.448 [SPEAKER_02]: That's what that means. 24:08.468 --> 24:09.128 [SPEAKER_02]: Time in place. 24:10.170 --> 24:16.213 [SPEAKER_02]: They don't mean if you're an influencer, please identify yourself at the door and then turn and walk outside. 24:16.653 --> 24:19.274 [SPEAKER_03]: The concept of like, nobody knows your influencer dude. 24:19.434 --> 24:24.456 [SPEAKER_03]: The concept of like how the government is floating this idea of doing like sex checks, right? 24:24.676 --> 24:31.759 [SPEAKER_03]: It's like that level of like intensity in that store where they're like, we have to check your follower count, right? 24:31.859 --> 24:33.420 [SPEAKER_02]: We have to see, are you an influencer? 24:33.560 --> 24:33.780 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 24:33.980 --> 24:35.360 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's see those numbers, Bay. 24:35.380 --> 24:36.121 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's see the numbers. 24:36.801 --> 24:37.482 [SPEAKER_02]: Show me your phone. 24:37.722 --> 24:44.167 [SPEAKER_02]: And it's like, guys, it's actually so fucking easy not to be a menace in public in a small business. 24:44.267 --> 24:51.493 [SPEAKER_03]: It's so funny because all these people who like came in so hot with their like discourse about it too. 24:51.613 --> 24:54.736 [SPEAKER_03]: It's like, oh, so you fallen into the trap. 24:55.236 --> 25:00.741 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, you fallen into the trap of exposing yourself as just one of the worst people. 25:00.941 --> 25:02.042 [SPEAKER_02]: You actually were one of the 25:06.182 --> 25:08.563 [SPEAKER_03]: Why are you going to that fucking store in the Hamptons? 25:08.903 --> 25:09.743 [SPEAKER_03]: Who cares? 25:09.883 --> 25:11.284 [SPEAKER_03]: Is this your problem? 25:11.684 --> 25:12.344 [SPEAKER_03]: It's not. 25:12.504 --> 25:14.885 [SPEAKER_03]: I, I don't, I don't understand. 25:15.185 --> 25:17.626 [SPEAKER_03]: It's so, it's so funny. 25:17.706 --> 25:24.569 [SPEAKER_03]: It did make me sad because the woman who's part of that freakie little couple, I love Levi and Will or whatever. 25:24.769 --> 25:28.570 [SPEAKER_03]: She made some video about how it was discrimination as well. 25:28.590 --> 25:31.872 [SPEAKER_03]: And I was like, Levi, don't say that. 25:32.072 --> 25:32.492 [SPEAKER_03]: Enough. 25:32.732 --> 25:34.713 [SPEAKER_03]: Don't just be freaky with your boyfriend online. 25:34.753 --> 25:39.594 [SPEAKER_02]: It also is like, I just feel that outside of how insane it is. 25:40.354 --> 25:43.615 [SPEAKER_02]: They're also reading the sign in a way that I think is bizarre. 25:43.735 --> 25:43.975 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 25:44.095 --> 25:46.176 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, they're taking it so personally. 25:46.356 --> 25:46.576 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 25:46.676 --> 25:51.717 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, when I see that sign, I again, I read it as like, don't be a fucking asshole. 25:52.097 --> 25:53.318 [SPEAKER_02]: And I also read it as, 25:54.518 --> 25:57.619 [SPEAKER_02]: When you're here, no one is above anyone else. 25:57.759 --> 26:00.400 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like a, we all respect each other kind of sign. 26:00.420 --> 26:00.740 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 26:00.820 --> 26:02.000 [SPEAKER_02]: There's no influencers. 26:02.200 --> 26:04.741 [SPEAKER_02]: There's no people that are here to be above anyone. 26:05.301 --> 26:05.822 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 26:05.942 --> 26:08.722 [SPEAKER_02]: We're all just, everyone be fucking normal challenge. 26:08.782 --> 26:09.003 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 26:09.223 --> 26:09.983 [SPEAKER_02]: That's what that is. 26:10.043 --> 26:11.083 [SPEAKER_03]: Why are you mad about that? 26:11.243 --> 26:16.265 [SPEAKER_03]: And it speaks to like the larger issue that I've been having with like Jen Pop as of late, which is that, 26:17.425 --> 26:19.326 [SPEAKER_03]: everyone is addicted to being a cop. 26:19.646 --> 26:21.747 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, why does everyone want to be a cop so bad? 26:21.827 --> 26:23.588 [SPEAKER_03]: I thought we all decided a cab back in 2020. 26:23.648 --> 26:24.288 [SPEAKER_03]: Hey, don't know. 26:25.248 --> 26:30.611 [SPEAKER_03]: Everybody wants to be a cop, everybody wants to participate and contribute to the penopticon. 26:31.051 --> 26:33.912 [SPEAKER_03]: What are we doing that you walk into a store that has some 26:36.900 --> 26:37.741 [SPEAKER_03]: means nothing. 26:38.602 --> 26:40.004 [SPEAKER_03]: It means nothing. 26:40.124 --> 26:40.344 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 26:40.365 --> 26:51.418 [SPEAKER_03]: This is the same thing as like me walking into a souvenir shop in Door County, Wisconsin and them saying like no shirt, no shoes will piss on your foot. 26:51.478 --> 26:54.422 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, it's like who can like it's a sign that doesn't matter. 26:54.442 --> 26:54.743 [SPEAKER_03]: Right. 26:55.892 --> 27:08.807 [SPEAKER_03]: Why is it that in your head the first thing that you think of is this is discrimination this is systemic oppression I'm going to film this and I'm going to do it all for the sake of starting discourse online. 27:09.047 --> 27:12.030 [SPEAKER_03]: Hey, you're a cop You're literally a cop. 27:12.070 --> 27:15.734 [SPEAKER_02]: It's also like you're making something about you that is not about you. 27:15.754 --> 27:16.615 [SPEAKER_02]: It's not about you 27:17.834 --> 27:23.081 [SPEAKER_02]: You're like, um, and they made fun of me and reclined me, servers that bullied me, no, they did it. 27:23.162 --> 27:25.946 [SPEAKER_03]: And here's like, impulsors should be made fun of. 27:26.286 --> 27:28.850 [SPEAKER_03]: This is a silly, this is, it's all silly. 27:28.870 --> 27:33.356 [SPEAKER_02]: If you're gonna be an asshole, people are going to react to that, right? 27:33.396 --> 27:34.277 [SPEAKER_02]: And for years, 27:35.792 --> 27:44.637 [SPEAKER_02]: There are many, many, many people online that make absolute asses of the entire influencer content creator space. 27:44.657 --> 27:44.958 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 27:45.118 --> 27:45.638 [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely. 27:45.838 --> 27:46.098 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 27:46.198 --> 27:50.421 [SPEAKER_02]: Nobody's shocked that the general public has this opinion about influencers. 27:50.481 --> 27:50.701 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 27:50.961 --> 27:58.486 [SPEAKER_02]: People genuinely, I mean, people tend to have this opinion about any like celebrity adjacent person anyways. 27:58.506 --> 27:59.026 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 27:59.246 --> 28:02.008 [SPEAKER_02]: People have the same take about reality TV stars. 28:02.048 --> 28:02.388 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 28:02.468 --> 28:03.589 [SPEAKER_02]: Musicians, whoever. 28:05.530 --> 28:13.117 [SPEAKER_02]: People who have a big ego generally aren't favorites right by most people right so 28:14.668 --> 28:36.833 [SPEAKER_02]: if you walk around acting like you're entitled and that it's you can just walk into a room and be a menace and take up space and you're so important and special yeah people don't fucking like you right it really is like they put up a sign that said don't be an asshole and someone got online they're like um this is discrimination against assholes like that that's it basically what happened hello 28:38.773 --> 28:45.996 [SPEAKER_02]: And also, I felt like people tried to take it to a place that wasn't connected at all. 28:46.136 --> 28:46.497 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 28:46.957 --> 29:00.742 [SPEAKER_02]: In that, I saw some people being like, well, there's good points to be made because, you know, content creation and influencing is an industry that's widely dominated by women, which there are good points to be made about that. 29:00.902 --> 29:02.703 [SPEAKER_02]: It just doesn't apply here, no. 29:02.983 --> 29:03.123 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 29:03.143 --> 29:06.525 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like if you're going to have a conversation about the way that men 29:07.125 --> 29:11.687 [SPEAKER_02]: talk down to women content creators like the industry as a whole. 29:12.047 --> 29:13.027 [SPEAKER_02]: We can talk about that. 29:13.227 --> 29:15.608 [SPEAKER_02]: That again doesn't apply in this situation. 29:15.688 --> 29:16.709 [SPEAKER_02]: No, so I don't know. 29:16.829 --> 29:18.570 [SPEAKER_02]: It's the like false equivalencies. 29:18.910 --> 29:24.752 [SPEAKER_02]: Again, in the era of a literacy we're currently in, yes, equivalencies must hit so fucking hard to these people. 29:24.872 --> 29:26.933 [SPEAKER_03]: These people are addicted to their evil magic cables. 29:27.153 --> 29:45.083 [SPEAKER_02]: False equivalencies really feel awesome when you do not have anything rattling around in there except a rock No influencers, so you hate women right it was that some people were doing where they were basically like oh And this is an industry that's mostly dominated by women. 29:45.123 --> 29:49.785 [SPEAKER_02]: So let's talk about that and it's like This it doesn't apply here babe. 29:50.186 --> 29:54.108 [SPEAKER_03]: It doesn't apply Good try, but it doesn't apply 29:58.112 --> 29:59.914 [SPEAKER_03]: just like don't be an asshole in public. 30:00.034 --> 30:02.256 [SPEAKER_03]: I don't understand how that's so hard. 30:03.076 --> 30:11.784 [SPEAKER_03]: And I do think that this also correlates very much so to the kind of like general vibe of like younger people who grew up in COVID. 30:11.864 --> 30:15.207 [SPEAKER_03]: I think an art generation included, like people are age included who 30:16.268 --> 30:23.870 [SPEAKER_03]: for whatever reason because of the COVID years went back into public and now have no understanding of how being in public works. 30:24.490 --> 30:26.210 [SPEAKER_02]: They all got like jick-polifying. 30:26.230 --> 30:27.611 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, fucking pandemic. 30:27.651 --> 30:30.611 [SPEAKER_03]: Something happened to their brains during the pandemic. 30:30.631 --> 30:33.512 [SPEAKER_03]: And now they're outside and they like, forgot how to be outside again. 30:34.372 --> 30:36.213 [SPEAKER_03]: And it's like, just be normal. 30:36.233 --> 30:37.713 [SPEAKER_03]: Guys, be normal and regular. 30:37.753 --> 30:39.613 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, be okay. 30:40.034 --> 30:40.814 [SPEAKER_03]: Just be normal. 30:41.294 --> 30:44.355 [SPEAKER_03]: Just walk into the Hampton store by a little teacup and then walk outside. 30:47.198 --> 30:48.899 [SPEAKER_02]: Nobody knows who you are there, babe. 30:48.979 --> 30:51.180 [SPEAKER_03]: Nobody knows who the fuck you are. 30:51.940 --> 30:58.784 [SPEAKER_03]: Love the idea of like, wishbone kitchen who is just any white lady walking into a store in the Hamptons where every white lady lives. 30:59.244 --> 31:02.145 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm being like, oh, guess I'm not welcome. 31:02.165 --> 31:03.426 [SPEAKER_03]: Guess I'm not welcome. 31:03.546 --> 31:05.347 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, nobody knows who you are, girl. 31:05.367 --> 31:08.348 [SPEAKER_02]: I was like, some of you need to learn what the word discrimination means. 31:08.468 --> 31:09.549 [UNKNOWN]: Ha ha ha ha. 31:09.889 --> 31:12.210 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, here's, here's also a lesson for today. 31:12.710 --> 31:14.491 [SPEAKER_03]: Words have meaning. 31:14.511 --> 31:14.611 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 31:16.392 --> 31:17.754 [SPEAKER_03]: We're a tough meaning and they matter. 31:18.294 --> 31:20.677 [SPEAKER_03]: Discrimination is not what you're talking about. 31:21.217 --> 31:21.457 [SPEAKER_03]: No. 31:23.259 --> 31:25.642 [SPEAKER_03]: A pressure is not what this is. 31:25.982 --> 31:26.182 [SPEAKER_03]: No. 31:27.904 --> 31:29.305 [SPEAKER_03]: Nope. 31:29.326 --> 31:29.806 [SPEAKER_02]: You're right. 31:30.026 --> 31:31.588 [SPEAKER_03]: You're pissed off about something. 31:32.269 --> 31:32.809 [SPEAKER_03]: Nice try. 31:33.069 --> 31:36.973 [SPEAKER_03]: I get how you think that that could be a pressure, but actually just you being pissed off about something. 31:42.473 --> 31:45.596 [SPEAKER_03]: Yay, yay, beautiful things are happening on the internet this week. 31:45.856 --> 31:48.579 [SPEAKER_03]: Awesome stuff is happening on the internet this week, dude. 31:49.280 --> 31:50.721 [SPEAKER_03]: Really really gorgeous stuff. 31:51.642 --> 32:00.390 [SPEAKER_03]: I saw a comment on one of our videos recently, someone commented some sort of hate her. 32:01.537 --> 32:02.257 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, we got him. 32:02.357 --> 32:02.797 [SPEAKER_03]: We got him. 32:03.478 --> 32:06.398 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, let's give him something to talk about. 32:08.959 --> 32:21.102 [SPEAKER_03]: And it was, I think, on our last episode and they said something to the effect of you come forward as a lover girl. 32:21.602 --> 32:25.883 [SPEAKER_03]: But you always talk about how relationships are bad. 32:26.823 --> 32:33.929 [SPEAKER_03]: Clearly this is a projection because you're yearning for the thing that you really want, but can't have. 32:36.030 --> 32:36.691 [SPEAKER_03]: And I love that. 32:36.831 --> 32:37.151 [SPEAKER_03]: Right. 32:37.331 --> 32:40.033 [SPEAKER_03]: I wish more haters would psychoanalyze us like that. 32:40.253 --> 32:40.774 [SPEAKER_02]: Totally. 32:40.954 --> 32:42.415 [SPEAKER_03]: Because they're so stupid. 32:42.595 --> 32:45.477 [SPEAKER_03]: We're just totally exposed your intelligence level babe. 32:45.798 --> 32:47.559 [SPEAKER_02]: Let me know how personal I should take this. 32:50.892 --> 32:53.273 [SPEAKER_02]: You thought you were hitting with that. 32:53.373 --> 32:55.873 [SPEAKER_02]: I was like, it makes so much sense. 32:55.893 --> 32:59.074 [SPEAKER_03]: This person who wrote that thought they were the meme that was like the quilt that's on fire. 32:59.454 --> 33:01.635 [SPEAKER_03]: Where they're like, fuck, that's good. 33:01.655 --> 33:02.115 [SPEAKER_02]: Totally. 33:02.895 --> 33:12.598 [SPEAKER_02]: You say that you're a lover girl, and yet you don't like cheaters or liars, or people that are generally incompetent and add nothing to a relationship. 33:12.738 --> 33:15.020 [SPEAKER_02]: Hmm weird cuz I thought you were a lover. 33:15.100 --> 33:16.200 [SPEAKER_03]: That's so weird. 33:16.601 --> 33:39.577 [SPEAKER_03]: You say you love things, but you don't seem to love people who suck Yeah, I'm sorry you you love your lover girl, but you seem to also have standards Which I don't like I think that's weird if you love things you should love all just have no standards then including the bad stuff Yeah, obviously you want a relationship and in my interpretation all relationships are like that the ones that you're talking about so clearly 33:41.064 --> 33:43.029 [SPEAKER_03]: you are overcompensating. 33:43.330 --> 33:45.535 [SPEAKER_03]: So, projection much. 33:45.555 --> 33:50.207 [SPEAKER_03]: You guys are awesome, we love you. 33:51.554 --> 33:53.015 [SPEAKER_03]: We love it you guys bring to the table. 33:53.095 --> 33:53.875 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, let me love it. 33:53.895 --> 33:54.336 [SPEAKER_02]: I hate it. 33:54.656 --> 33:59.298 [SPEAKER_03]: It's really you guys are quite funny Ben, Ben, you guys are fun. 33:59.318 --> 34:05.922 [SPEAKER_03]: You make us laugh I love it. 34:06.002 --> 34:17.108 [SPEAKER_03]: I really love it too because it's like any time anyone retaliates back just to like a hate or who leaves a comment That one just the likes are so much higher than whatever the other person 34:18.309 --> 34:20.550 [SPEAKER_02]: So this is like we said that a couple of weeks ago. 34:20.610 --> 34:27.953 [SPEAKER_02]: We were like when we had our lockdown Yes, back in our lockdown days when we had our leather girl lockdown We said guys this is how we got a handle. 34:28.154 --> 34:29.314 [SPEAKER_02]: We have to troll back. 34:29.374 --> 34:31.295 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I've been seeing people troll back 34:33.656 --> 34:34.937 [SPEAKER_03]: You guys are awesome. 34:34.957 --> 34:40.340 [SPEAKER_03]: Some left to comment the other day, which it was a joke that was originally made for men who have bad podcasts. 34:40.821 --> 34:45.443 [SPEAKER_03]: And some left to comment and are one of our clips where we are talking about fat liberation. 34:45.484 --> 34:52.688 [SPEAKER_03]: I know, we're actually even like a very serious and like vulnerable, like it's a conversation I would say. 34:53.128 --> 34:53.709 [SPEAKER_03]: Completely. 34:53.749 --> 34:53.989 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 34:54.509 --> 35:01.095 [SPEAKER_03]: And they said that that thing that's like, uh, the government should issue out licenses for having podcasts. 35:01.575 --> 35:03.737 [SPEAKER_03]: And I just responded and I said, Scrolling's free Luza. 35:04.658 --> 35:05.078 [SPEAKER_03]: Luza. 35:05.298 --> 35:05.919 [SPEAKER_03]: Luza. 35:06.499 --> 35:08.721 [SPEAKER_03]: I love calling people Luza's L-O-S-A. 35:09.262 --> 35:10.143 [SPEAKER_03]: Scrolling's free Luza. 35:14.166 --> 35:15.207 [SPEAKER_03]: Bring him back, Luza. 35:15.407 --> 35:16.568 [SPEAKER_03]: Bring him back, Luza. 35:16.608 --> 35:17.269 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 35:17.289 --> 35:18.149 [SPEAKER_02]: Close the other room, Lisa. 35:18.169 --> 35:18.790 [SPEAKER_02]: We're bringing back. 35:19.810 --> 35:21.531 [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know, but I'd like to bring back Dufus. 35:21.792 --> 35:22.672 [SPEAKER_03]: Okay, Dufus. 35:22.812 --> 35:23.493 [SPEAKER_03]: Dufus. 35:23.853 --> 35:24.634 [SPEAKER_03]: Bozo. 35:25.074 --> 35:25.734 [SPEAKER_03]: Dufus. 35:26.235 --> 35:26.895 [SPEAKER_03]: Don't not. 35:27.456 --> 35:29.157 [SPEAKER_03]: I really do like calling people losers. 35:29.217 --> 35:30.538 [SPEAKER_03]: I think it really cuts to the core. 35:30.598 --> 35:30.858 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 35:31.419 --> 35:32.620 [SPEAKER_02]: You're a fucking loser. 35:32.740 --> 35:33.580 [SPEAKER_03]: Fucking loser. 35:34.361 --> 35:35.542 [SPEAKER_03]: It's so awesome. 35:37.630 --> 35:43.092 [SPEAKER_03]: People don't understand that when you're a lover girl, something, sometimes you just love to bully back. 35:43.432 --> 35:44.893 [SPEAKER_02]: Here's what these people don't understand. 35:45.513 --> 35:46.593 [SPEAKER_02]: True lover girls. 35:47.034 --> 35:48.014 [SPEAKER_02]: True lovers. 35:48.654 --> 35:48.994 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 35:49.254 --> 35:49.995 [SPEAKER_03]: Our protective. 35:50.255 --> 35:51.895 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 35:51.955 --> 35:55.617 [SPEAKER_02]: And sometimes that means being a fucking bitch in a hater. 35:56.397 --> 35:56.858 [SPEAKER_02]: All right. 35:57.138 --> 35:57.478 [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm. 35:57.958 --> 35:58.919 [SPEAKER_02]: So call me a bitch. 35:59.139 --> 36:00.260 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, call me a lover. 36:00.841 --> 36:01.661 [SPEAKER_02]: Call me a child. 36:02.082 --> 36:02.822 [SPEAKER_02]: Call me a mother. 36:03.323 --> 36:04.103 [SPEAKER_02]: Call me a sinner. 36:04.504 --> 36:08.827 [SPEAKER_02]: Call me in a state and know that I do not feel ashamed. 36:10.548 --> 36:11.389 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm y'all hail. 36:11.789 --> 36:12.690 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm y'all dream. 36:13.270 --> 36:15.132 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm never in between. 36:15.152 --> 36:19.295 [SPEAKER_03]: You know you're not in any other way. 36:21.237 --> 36:23.318 [SPEAKER_03]: We both know that song exactly. 36:25.023 --> 36:25.703 [SPEAKER_02]: Talk to me up. 36:25.803 --> 36:37.711 [SPEAKER_03]: I know the words and you say all of a sudden I was like we'd see him around it On my knees when you heard when you said you should know it. 36:37.751 --> 36:38.411 [SPEAKER_03]: You should know it. 36:38.431 --> 36:42.354 [SPEAKER_03]: This point that I don't know any words to any Anyways, I would have snow the melody. 36:42.474 --> 36:48.818 [SPEAKER_02]: I was thinking about this the other day because I saw people talking about tombstones Uh-huh, and I was like I think when I died put those lyrics on my tombstone 36:49.598 --> 37:03.282 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm a bitch lover child mother crossing out sinner saint wasn't ashamed hell dream nothing in between She wouldn't have wanted it any other way Well, that is on my tombstone That's it. 37:03.342 --> 37:11.304 [SPEAKER_02]: You I saw somebody was talking about how you know you walk through graveyard and so much of the tombstones are like loyal wife and mother 37:12.484 --> 37:16.665 [SPEAKER_02]: If you ever put any that stupid shit on my tombstone, I will murder all of you. 37:16.706 --> 37:22.848 [SPEAKER_02]: I will haunt it will come from me in the ghost realm Okay, I'm gonna do some paranormal activity shit. 37:23.148 --> 37:24.408 [SPEAKER_02]: You guys are not gonna survive. 37:24.908 --> 37:27.749 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, you're in the ghost walls I'm in the ghost walls. 37:27.769 --> 37:29.670 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I'm fucking your house. 37:29.850 --> 37:39.093 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you're moving through dimensions do not put that shit on my tombstone Okay, come you bitch on my tombstone before you call me a loving wife and mother my god 37:41.627 --> 37:56.421 [SPEAKER_03]: I just love the idea of like it's your funeral or something and like the person who is like conducting and is like and One last time Maddie wanted everyone to listen to this I'm a bitch. 37:56.561 --> 38:00.685 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm a lover Honestly 38:02.257 --> 38:02.737 [SPEAKER_02]: It could be awesome. 38:02.757 --> 38:03.517 [SPEAKER_02]: It could be awesome. 38:03.737 --> 38:04.878 [SPEAKER_02]: Could be awesome. 38:04.938 --> 38:05.918 [SPEAKER_02]: Be awesome. 38:05.938 --> 38:07.358 [SPEAKER_03]: Raise your things about it. 38:07.518 --> 38:08.098 [SPEAKER_03]: Imagine. 38:08.358 --> 38:11.199 [SPEAKER_03]: Cause like that song is gonna be so old when we're old. 38:11.479 --> 38:16.120 [SPEAKER_02]: So like imagining me being like, I don't know, when do people die? 38:16.140 --> 38:16.600 [SPEAKER_03]: You're 102. 38:17.100 --> 38:17.640 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm 102. 38:18.200 --> 38:20.061 [SPEAKER_02]: They're lowering me into the grace. 38:20.181 --> 38:20.441 [SPEAKER_02]: Uh-huh. 38:21.001 --> 38:26.562 [SPEAKER_02]: And whatever children I know at that point of time of my life, my siblings, kids, kids. 38:26.582 --> 38:26.882 [SPEAKER_02]: Uh-huh. 38:27.062 --> 38:31.903 [SPEAKER_02]: They're gonna be at this funeral hearing the song being like, what the fuck was art fucking? 38:33.205 --> 38:34.428 [SPEAKER_02]: What am I at that point? 38:34.548 --> 38:36.452 [SPEAKER_02]: Great, great aunt, whatever the hell. 38:36.833 --> 38:38.136 [SPEAKER_03]: What was she up to? 38:39.655 --> 38:43.597 [SPEAKER_03]: They're gonna call you some like crazy Nander gonna be like, what was Boba listening to you, right? 38:48.140 --> 38:49.301 [SPEAKER_03]: It's gonna be crazy. 38:49.381 --> 38:50.261 [SPEAKER_03]: It's gonna be awesome. 38:50.382 --> 38:54.564 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, I just think about like the music that our grandparents listen to and it's also classy. 38:54.624 --> 38:55.024 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 38:55.184 --> 38:56.265 [SPEAKER_02]: We're gonna have none of that. 38:56.565 --> 38:58.046 [SPEAKER_03]: No, it's gonna be... 38:58.346 --> 39:03.229 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother. 39:03.409 --> 39:05.751 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm a sin, I'm a saint. 39:05.811 --> 39:07.492 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's gonna be that. 39:07.792 --> 39:08.773 [SPEAKER_02]: It's gonna be awesome. 39:08.853 --> 39:09.073 [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm. 39:16.557 --> 39:17.439 [SPEAKER_02]: Hawke girl hotline. 39:17.620 --> 39:20.807 [SPEAKER_02]: Woo, calling, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring. 39:21.208 --> 39:21.750 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, okay. 39:22.351 --> 39:22.893 [UNKNOWN]: Oh, okay. 39:23.835 --> 39:25.419 [SPEAKER_02]: Chub was way higher than I thought it was. 39:31.940 --> 39:32.440 [SPEAKER_01]: Hello? 39:32.801 --> 39:35.203 [SPEAKER_01]: Hey, um, I'm just having a real big problem. 39:35.243 --> 39:48.514 [SPEAKER_01]: My boyfriend's a freaking shump is and I just don't know if I want to Keep seeing him or if I should dump him or what the free guy should do because I just I don't know It's like I do all his laundry and he did you what I do with laundry. 39:48.534 --> 39:53.939 [SPEAKER_01]: I've been doing his laundry for the past six years before we were even dating Yeah, I do all this laundry. 39:53.959 --> 39:55.620 [SPEAKER_01]: He still doesn't know how to do laundry. 39:56.181 --> 39:57.922 [SPEAKER_01]: He doesn't know how to do anything. 39:58.683 --> 39:59.764 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm hanging up on that bitch 40:03.490 --> 40:04.710 [SPEAKER_02]: But we won't hang up on you. 40:04.730 --> 40:06.231 [SPEAKER_02]: But we won't hang up on you, okay? 40:06.631 --> 40:13.112 [SPEAKER_02]: You've submitted your drama, your requests for advice, your hot topics into this admission box. 40:13.472 --> 40:15.212 [SPEAKER_02]: And here we are to comment on them. 40:15.352 --> 40:15.992 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't wait. 40:16.293 --> 40:20.433 [SPEAKER_02]: It's honestly, it's my favorite part of the episode. 40:20.493 --> 40:23.714 [SPEAKER_03]: Every single time, I love hearing what you crazy gals are up to. 40:23.734 --> 40:24.874 [SPEAKER_02]: Come on, what's going on? 40:24.914 --> 40:25.454 [SPEAKER_02]: Come here, guys. 40:25.474 --> 40:26.555 [SPEAKER_02]: This is where it looks like. 40:27.195 --> 40:28.115 [SPEAKER_03]: I just love knowing stuff. 40:29.273 --> 40:29.633 [SPEAKER_03]: Exactly. 40:29.693 --> 40:31.054 [SPEAKER_03]: I love being in other people's business. 40:31.074 --> 40:31.374 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 40:31.874 --> 40:34.975 [SPEAKER_02]: I've known for me young age that I want it to be in everybody's business. 40:35.355 --> 40:36.195 [SPEAKER_02]: Constantly. 40:36.215 --> 40:36.435 [SPEAKER_02]: So. 40:37.495 --> 40:37.815 [SPEAKER_02]: Let me. 40:38.136 --> 40:39.736 [SPEAKER_02]: Hello, Maddie and Meg. 40:40.176 --> 40:41.957 [SPEAKER_02]: I was listening to the pump cast up. 40:42.037 --> 40:53.520 [SPEAKER_02]: So yesterday and what you said about how women should be less understanding and patient with men really stuck with me and has me reflecting on my current relationship about which I could use some advice. 40:54.220 --> 41:02.470 [SPEAKER_02]: Apologies and advance for the long context, but I, 24 female, have been in a medium-distance relationship for almost seven years with a guy who is also 24. 41:03.231 --> 41:06.495 [SPEAKER_02]: I want it to make friends in grad school, but this led to us fighting almost. 41:06.515 --> 41:08.497 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 41:09.876 --> 41:10.617 [SPEAKER_02]: There isn't more there. 41:10.937 --> 41:11.457 [SPEAKER_02]: No, there is. 41:11.698 --> 41:11.918 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 41:11.958 --> 41:13.559 [SPEAKER_02]: I just it stopped me dead in my dream. 41:13.579 --> 41:16.141 [SPEAKER_03]: No, no, no, I mean, I mean, there's and more in that sentence. 41:16.181 --> 41:20.165 [SPEAKER_03]: It just is I want to make friend in friends and grad school, but this led to fighting. 41:20.325 --> 41:20.505 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 41:20.945 --> 41:21.185 [SPEAKER_03]: Okay. 41:21.306 --> 41:22.687 [SPEAKER_03]: I know that's why I don't like that. 41:24.368 --> 41:32.435 [SPEAKER_02]: I want to make friends in grad school, but this led to us fighting almost every week for about six months until we almost broke up in March because I couldn't handle the fighting anymore. 41:32.935 --> 41:45.903 [SPEAKER_02]: he promised to go to therapy, individual and couples, and while he's been committed to individual therapy and managing his anxiety around me seeing my friends better, he's been avoiding couples therapy even though I've brought it up multiple times. 41:46.483 --> 41:54.889 [SPEAKER_02]: I've been an individual therapy for years and actively trying to work on myself, but it is new to him, so I don't want to pressure since it can be in challenging experience to start. 41:55.669 --> 42:00.451 [SPEAKER_02]: I am trying to be patient since I know he's working on himself first, but my question is how long should I wait? 42:00.932 --> 42:02.552 [SPEAKER_02]: How can I handle feeling resentful? 42:02.592 --> 42:08.615 [SPEAKER_02]: We almost had to break up before he took the issues we were having seriously, instead of proactively working on himself. 42:09.256 --> 42:14.198 [SPEAKER_02]: I feel upset that I have to wait for him, and I am scared of having another year of working through our commitment issues. 42:14.678 --> 42:19.721 [SPEAKER_02]: Is this unfair or selfish of me to not want to wait for him, especially considering how much history we have? 42:20.081 --> 42:21.481 [SPEAKER_02]: I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. 42:22.922 --> 42:23.182 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 42:23.523 --> 42:33.630 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, I have a lot of thoughts that I obviously the first time I read this, I was already feeling the way I do, but now reading it a second time, I'm like, super more reinforcing that. 42:34.491 --> 42:36.012 [SPEAKER_02]: Let me backtrack for a second. 42:37.093 --> 42:42.797 [SPEAKER_02]: For those of you that don't listen to the pump cast, let me give you a little context of what was said on the show. 42:43.818 --> 42:47.761 [SPEAKER_02]: Obviously, we're talking about this in the context of Vanderpump, but I said that I thought that 42:49.382 --> 42:56.523 [SPEAKER_02]: Most of the time, for young women specifically, understanding and patients are far over-emphasized. 42:56.663 --> 43:01.484 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, obviously, it's good to offer understanding and patients to the people that you love and the people that you're dating. 43:01.824 --> 43:13.086 [SPEAKER_02]: But I think with young women specifically, these things are way over-emphasized to the point where people will find themselves in relationship dynamics that they should not be in. 43:13.486 --> 43:16.807 [SPEAKER_02]: In the name of being understanding and patient towards someone that is 43:17.327 --> 43:38.548 [SPEAKER_02]: not matching them, not emotionally with it is kind of emotionally stunted and taking it out on you and you're offering them so much understanding and patience because that's what you have been taught to do rather than just calling it quits and moving forward with your life and if down the line, 43:39.310 --> 43:51.918 [SPEAKER_02]: they do magically get their shit together and it works out, then you reopen that door and you do it then, but 99 out of 100 times, I'm gonna say that the shit isn't got together. 43:52.218 --> 44:07.527 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, especially when we're talking about people dating and they're like 20s, most of it is not worth all the understanding and patience that you have been taught to give to these men, of which that same understanding and patience is not taught to be given in return to you. 44:07.627 --> 44:08.008 [SPEAKER_02]: Correct. 44:08.928 --> 44:26.663 [SPEAKER_02]: Again, this is me going on my everyone should be a little bit bit sheer tie raid because I just think that young women are given an incredible emotional burden in the world of dating and that most of the time people are too understanding and patient. 44:28.504 --> 44:29.085 [SPEAKER_02]: So here we are. 44:29.345 --> 44:38.273 [SPEAKER_02]: We've landed in this submission and I am concerned to say the least. 44:38.693 --> 44:47.220 [SPEAKER_03]: Certainly, when we get submissions like this, it's really hard for my whole thing to not be just saying break up. 44:50.224 --> 44:51.105 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I know. 44:52.086 --> 44:55.569 [SPEAKER_03]: I know that you want more and so we'll give you more totally. 44:56.130 --> 45:03.717 [SPEAKER_03]: I want you to know that if you were my friend coming to me with this question I would say break up and why haven't you already? 45:05.259 --> 45:08.362 [SPEAKER_03]: I know but I'll meet it with grace. 45:08.482 --> 45:09.102 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's dive in. 45:09.222 --> 45:09.883 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's dive in. 45:10.584 --> 45:10.864 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 45:11.344 --> 45:13.487 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's start sort of at the top here. 45:13.667 --> 45:13.867 [SPEAKER_03]: Mm-hmm 45:16.150 --> 45:20.891 [SPEAKER_02]: Your 24 years old, you've been in a medium-distance relationship for almost seven years. 45:21.711 --> 45:24.652 [SPEAKER_02]: You started grad school and you wanted to make new friends. 45:25.412 --> 45:28.473 [SPEAKER_02]: This led to you fighting every week for six months. 45:30.413 --> 45:39.455 [SPEAKER_02]: Why on earth would someone that loves you not want you to make friends during a new and important experience in your life? 45:39.855 --> 45:40.115 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 45:44.081 --> 46:00.670 [SPEAKER_03]: This is someone that you started seeing when you were around 17, you both are now in completely different phases of your lives for whatever reason. 46:02.403 --> 46:27.936 [SPEAKER_03]: your partner is unwilling to accept this phase of your life, or meet you with kindness and compassion and excitement, and seems to be exhibiting behaviors of jealousy, resentment, and is trying to guilt you from what it sounds like. 46:28.016 --> 46:28.276 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 46:29.917 --> 46:30.217 [SPEAKER_03]: That 46:32.781 --> 46:36.362 [SPEAKER_03]: Those are behaviors that will only get worse with time. 46:36.642 --> 46:42.264 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, these are not behaviors that will improve as your relationship continues. 46:42.664 --> 46:44.985 [SPEAKER_03]: These are behaviors that will get worse with time. 46:45.445 --> 46:49.326 [SPEAKER_03]: And it doesn't seem like it's a huge deal now. 46:51.767 --> 46:59.970 [SPEAKER_03]: I would argue that one it actually is and two, it will become that. 47:03.400 --> 47:09.901 [SPEAKER_03]: Your 20s are a really tumultuous decade. 47:10.822 --> 47:25.525 [SPEAKER_03]: I think a lot of people place a lot of emphasis on your early 20s and after graduating college and things like that where they're like, and now I'm here, and now I'm an adult, and these are the things that I'm supposed to have figured out, and this is how it's gonna be for my life. 47:26.685 --> 47:35.067 [SPEAKER_03]: and pretty quickly you realize that every single year in your 20s effectively correlates to dog years. 47:35.287 --> 47:38.667 [SPEAKER_03]: It's like seven years in any other, in any other instance. 47:40.228 --> 47:46.269 [SPEAKER_03]: It sounds like you are making a lot of big, important and really exciting changes in your life. 47:48.369 --> 47:50.189 [SPEAKER_03]: You deserve to have a partner 47:55.433 --> 48:13.842 [SPEAKER_03]: Someone who is exhibiting behaviors of jealousy and, again, resentment over you spending time with other people and building a life for yourself is someone who feels deeply insecure about where they are at in their own life. 48:14.642 --> 48:16.003 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 48:16.023 --> 48:20.307 [SPEAKER_03]: And that resentment in him will fester. 48:20.807 --> 48:29.935 [SPEAKER_03]: And I actually think that it already has given the fact that he is not choosing to meet you in couples therapy and talk about this in like a neutral and safe space. 48:31.369 --> 48:33.552 [SPEAKER_03]: it sounds like you have a lot going for you. 48:33.793 --> 48:34.133 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 48:34.273 --> 48:37.198 [SPEAKER_02]: It sounds like things are going really well for you. 48:37.218 --> 48:37.758 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 48:37.879 --> 48:47.352 [SPEAKER_02]: And I also think it sounds like you have an emotional capacity that is far exceeding the one that he has. 48:47.372 --> 48:47.513 [SPEAKER_03]: Mm-hmm. 48:47.993 --> 48:50.595 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you're clearly a very thoughtful person. 48:50.615 --> 48:50.935 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 48:51.635 --> 48:56.878 [SPEAKER_02]: Like the ability to be patient and understanding, I think, is a beautiful quality and a beautiful trait. 48:56.978 --> 48:57.538 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 48:57.618 --> 49:07.384 [SPEAKER_02]: It's just one that I wish was matched, because you're offering a lot of patience and understanding for someone who has not offered you very much. 49:08.525 --> 49:12.787 [SPEAKER_03]: And he also has not offered you patience and understanding in times that are not even difficult. 49:13.187 --> 49:13.627 [SPEAKER_03]: Right. 49:13.667 --> 49:17.988 [SPEAKER_03]: These are not difficult times that you being in grad school and making money to make new friends. 49:18.008 --> 49:20.009 [SPEAKER_03]: That's just being alive totally. 49:20.029 --> 49:23.169 [SPEAKER_03]: That's just being alive and meeting new people and experiencing new things. 49:23.209 --> 49:32.392 [SPEAKER_02]: He can't offer you patience and understanding while you're like navigating a new chapter and balancing investing in a new community. 49:32.492 --> 49:33.532 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 49:35.432 --> 49:37.653 [SPEAKER_02]: What can he be patient understanding about? 49:44.289 --> 49:45.229 [SPEAKER_02]: I wasn't good to say it. 49:45.850 --> 49:47.710 [SPEAKER_03]: I think that maybe you just break up. 49:47.990 --> 49:48.291 [SPEAKER_03]: Mm-hmm. 49:48.951 --> 49:51.692 [SPEAKER_03]: I actually have a unique perspective on this. 49:51.872 --> 49:52.272 [SPEAKER_03]: Okay. 49:52.692 --> 49:57.654 [SPEAKER_03]: Because my sister and her now husband went through very similar experience. 49:58.194 --> 49:59.835 [SPEAKER_03]: They started dating when they were 17. 50:00.255 --> 50:01.496 [SPEAKER_03]: They dated it all through college. 50:01.876 --> 50:04.577 [SPEAKER_03]: They lived together for a year or two outside of college. 50:05.137 --> 50:06.238 [SPEAKER_03]: And when they were 24, they broke up. 50:08.079 --> 50:22.089 [SPEAKER_03]: And they did not break up being like, we're going to break up in one day and find each other and totally, they broke up my sister for, you know, the better part of two years or whatever was doing her thing single dating whatever and same thing with my brother and law. 50:22.630 --> 50:32.617 [SPEAKER_03]: And the only reason that they got back together is because changes, they both made changes outside of the relationship. 50:33.658 --> 50:39.104 [SPEAKER_03]: and manage to kind of come back together as adults and decide what they wanted their relationship to be. 50:40.746 --> 50:42.488 [SPEAKER_03]: So it's not impossible. 50:42.868 --> 50:43.929 [SPEAKER_03]: No, that said. 50:45.292 --> 50:52.739 [SPEAKER_03]: Again, they did not do this with, yeah, they did not break up with the thought of we're doing this so that we can be better partners to each other. 50:53.059 --> 51:04.028 [SPEAKER_02]: They broke up with the thought of we're doing this so that we can lead better lives, which I think it always should be to be honest like that's I'm very much of the belief that like what's meant for me won't miss me. 51:04.108 --> 51:05.650 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so if I 51:06.490 --> 51:09.631 [SPEAKER_02]: Break up with someone and it ends whatever. 51:09.731 --> 51:15.432 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna move on with my life as if that is the final ending Yeah, that it will never be reopened. 51:15.492 --> 51:21.793 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, but I do trust that if at some point in the future I'm supposed to turn around and look at something. 51:21.893 --> 51:30.355 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that I have experienced before and circle the block on that Then I will know when that is the right time to right but nine out of ten times 51:31.395 --> 51:36.857 [SPEAKER_02]: a couple of years on the road you'll be like, why the fuck did I put so much effort into saving something that was dead on a rival? 51:36.998 --> 51:37.278 [SPEAKER_03]: Mm-hmm. 51:37.518 --> 51:44.301 [SPEAKER_02]: Like it just, it wasn't if they become the person that can be a better partner to you, revisit it then. 51:44.381 --> 51:44.761 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 51:44.881 --> 51:47.002 [SPEAKER_02]: But like don't make yourself miserable in the process. 51:47.342 --> 51:53.607 [SPEAKER_03]: And the truth is too, is that the only way that they are going to ever be a better partner to you is if they are not a partner to you now. 51:53.667 --> 51:53.867 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 51:55.028 --> 52:05.135 [SPEAKER_03]: That's that's the unfortunate reality is that with a lot of these types of relationships it's like this this person is you are there kind of like emotional support blanket. 52:08.918 --> 52:11.180 [SPEAKER_03]: And they are going to rely on you 52:17.973 --> 52:33.038 [SPEAKER_03]: Um, and this is all of this is, you know, not to say that obviously there isn't like love there and, um, compassion and, and time and, you know, effort put into this relationship. 52:34.338 --> 52:39.400 [SPEAKER_03]: What I will say is that, uh, it's interesting that you chose to write into us. 52:39.660 --> 52:39.980 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 52:41.079 --> 52:42.160 [SPEAKER_03]: I think you already know what you want to do. 52:42.280 --> 52:44.521 [SPEAKER_03]: I think that's telling you. 52:44.921 --> 52:50.744 [SPEAKER_03]: You wrote into me and Maddie, knowing who you are and how we talk about stuff. 52:52.145 --> 52:57.587 [SPEAKER_03]: I don't, I think you're a smart person and you knew that we wouldn't get this and be like, yes girl, keep going. 52:57.647 --> 53:00.189 [SPEAKER_03]: It's only you know what you want to do. 53:00.269 --> 53:00.669 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 53:03.030 --> 53:04.911 [SPEAKER_03]: But look at you, you've got everything going for you. 53:04.991 --> 53:06.292 [SPEAKER_03]: You have everything going for you. 53:06.632 --> 53:10.895 [SPEAKER_03]: You have a very, I mean, your life is already great and it seems like you have a very bright future ahead of you. 53:10.975 --> 53:15.018 [SPEAKER_02]: And your final question is this unfair or selfish of me to not want to wait for him? 53:15.458 --> 53:18.220 [SPEAKER_02]: No, not unfair or selfish. 53:18.620 --> 53:19.261 [SPEAKER_02]: It's your life. 53:19.561 --> 53:21.642 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's not a duo life. 53:23.143 --> 53:24.444 [SPEAKER_02]: That's he's a full adult. 53:24.524 --> 53:30.368 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, he can make his own choices and for just on path and you know, you don't have to heal him. 53:30.468 --> 53:39.215 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah That's not your job and he again has not offered you the same Kindness and patience as you are moving into this next phase of your life. 53:39.435 --> 53:45.239 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah Why is it the ex but why is the expectation that you then have to afford him that? 53:45.379 --> 54:03.196 [SPEAKER_03]: Yep, you know sometimes we sit and have conversations like this and I'm like This should would break our like grandparents generation the brain You know you know what though I think my no-no who passed a couple years ago I think would genuinely love the shit that we're saying. 54:03.236 --> 54:03.436 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 54:03.556 --> 54:10.883 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, she always struck me as a gal who like she got married But if she was born in this generation and she'd have been doing the same as she had we were doing 54:12.172 --> 54:15.134 [SPEAKER_02]: You're just so funny though, because sometimes I'll sit and I'll be like whoa. 54:15.375 --> 54:16.335 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, it's crazy. 54:16.375 --> 54:18.057 [SPEAKER_03]: How much of the times of Jay? 54:18.177 --> 54:19.438 [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, yeah, I mean my parents might win. 54:19.458 --> 54:20.538 [SPEAKER_03]: They were 23. 54:21.559 --> 54:23.200 [SPEAKER_02]: They got married when they were 26, right? 54:23.260 --> 54:23.561 [SPEAKER_02]: I know. 54:24.441 --> 54:27.584 [SPEAKER_02]: I know my parents had me when my mom was like 27 or 28. 54:28.725 --> 54:31.226 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like Imagine me with a two year old. 54:31.286 --> 54:32.227 [SPEAKER_02]: No, I won't. 54:33.068 --> 54:33.588 [SPEAKER_02]: I won't do it. 54:33.928 --> 54:35.450 [SPEAKER_02]: And you can't make me why would I do that? 54:35.590 --> 54:36.290 [SPEAKER_03]: No, it's crazy 54:37.331 --> 54:41.215 [SPEAKER_03]: If I had two-year-old, I'm meal-prept four breakfast burritos today. 54:41.255 --> 54:41.956 [SPEAKER_03]: It almost killed me. 54:45.320 --> 54:48.383 [SPEAKER_03]: You're asking me to have a kid come on. 54:48.564 --> 54:50.005 [SPEAKER_03]: Come on, get serious. 54:56.335 --> 54:57.196 [SPEAKER_02]: Hi, Maddie and Meg. 54:57.296 --> 55:03.824 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm coming to you as a fellow 29-year-old Brooklyn girlie experiencing the horrors of dating in New York. 55:04.184 --> 55:13.395 [SPEAKER_02]: I've never been someone who felt the need to have a partner, but as I get older, I found myself feeling jealous of my friends who have experienced romance in a way that I can't relate to at all. 55:14.036 --> 55:18.859 [SPEAKER_02]: I've only ever experienced unhealthy relationships when I was in my late teens early 20s. 55:19.260 --> 55:24.703 [SPEAKER_02]: I've never been in love with anyone romantically or been given the love or care of my friends of experience over and over. 55:25.324 --> 55:28.285 [SPEAKER_02]: It has become a joke that I attract freaks derogatory. 55:28.886 --> 55:36.231 [SPEAKER_02]: I've been in therapy for a long time and I'm actively working through a lot of childhood slash relationship trauma but I feel ready to actually be vulnerable with someone. 55:36.811 --> 55:45.316 [SPEAKER_02]: However, I somehow find myself repeatedly going out with people who behave and speak in a way that indicates they're interested in dating, so I was potentially pursuing a relationship. 55:45.796 --> 55:51.920 [SPEAKER_02]: Until they ghost or say they only ever wanted something casual or don't see things going anywhere after I initiated a conversation. 55:52.620 --> 55:57.083 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't understand how day any more when it seems like you can't trust what people say or do. 55:57.384 --> 56:07.330 [SPEAKER_02]: Things that I think socially hold meaning, physical affection and public, meeting someone's siblings, being given a birthday gift, being made dinner, being invited to events in the future, etc. 56:07.751 --> 56:11.213 [SPEAKER_02]: Seemingly cannot be used as indicators of someone's interest. 56:11.854 --> 56:18.058 [SPEAKER_02]: As I haven't historically been shown affection like this, it means something to me when a date makes me dinner for the first time in my life. 56:18.678 --> 56:20.898 [SPEAKER_02]: Now, I've started to assume the worst of everyone. 56:21.239 --> 56:28.440 [SPEAKER_02]: I perceive compliments as lies to get me in bed, and I don't allow myself to be excited at hints of romance because I tell myself that it's a fluke. 56:29.020 --> 56:38.822 [SPEAKER_02]: How are you able to balance staying positive about dating and accepting words slash acts of kindness without assuming too much about the other person's intentions and setting your own expectations too high? 56:40.022 --> 56:41.382 [SPEAKER_02]: Sorry for the long diary entry. 56:41.522 --> 56:42.982 [SPEAKER_02]: Love the pod and the podcast. 56:44.503 --> 56:44.803 [SPEAKER_02]: Listen. 56:46.535 --> 56:52.439 [SPEAKER_02]: Don't we know it's like, come on, come on, come on, right play, you're preaching to the fucking quiet. 56:52.479 --> 56:54.321 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, there's a mission I was like, should we get drinks? 56:54.361 --> 56:55.121 [SPEAKER_03]: No, totally. 56:55.161 --> 56:56.502 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, what are you doing tonight? 56:56.522 --> 56:59.504 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 56:59.724 --> 57:04.708 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, the amount of times, I think I've said this exact submission bar for bar. 57:04.748 --> 57:05.088 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 57:05.168 --> 57:07.170 [SPEAKER_02]: And like, totally right there with you. 57:07.190 --> 57:07.550 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 57:07.710 --> 57:10.612 [SPEAKER_03]: And like part of that is the state of dating in New York. 57:10.692 --> 57:12.874 [SPEAKER_02]: But it's also like a generational thing. 57:16.596 --> 57:17.477 [SPEAKER_02]: it's a nightmare. 57:17.497 --> 57:18.657 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, really truly is. 57:18.737 --> 57:19.718 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 57:19.998 --> 57:36.666 [SPEAKER_02]: And I agree that I have often felt similarly, I have long been frustrated and talked about my frustrations on their show, in that people will move and date as if they want to date and then suddenly they'll 57:37.306 --> 57:39.548 [SPEAKER_02]: you know, you have sex with them three dates in. 57:39.568 --> 57:40.109 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 57:40.349 --> 57:42.251 [SPEAKER_02]: And the tone switches. 57:42.471 --> 57:42.672 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 57:42.732 --> 57:48.958 [SPEAKER_02]: Or it'll be all beautiful and gorgeous and they're painting these incredible stories, introducing you to their friends and family. 57:48.978 --> 57:51.901 [SPEAKER_02]: And then suddenly they goes to you and you're like, what the fuck happened? 57:51.961 --> 57:52.202 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 57:52.282 --> 57:56.106 [SPEAKER_03]: It's emotional whiplash 24 seven in the current dating space. 57:56.226 --> 57:56.506 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 57:57.487 --> 58:12.312 [SPEAKER_02]: So I get it because when you're someone who dates truthfully and honestly, that is confusing to experience someone that is so emotionally stunted that they cannot move through dating as honestly as you are. 58:12.513 --> 58:12.753 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 58:13.973 --> 58:14.514 [SPEAKER_02]: That sucks. 58:14.895 --> 58:15.636 [SPEAKER_03]: It does suck. 58:16.737 --> 58:17.158 [SPEAKER_03]: It does. 58:17.258 --> 58:28.395 [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, if you look at, you know, our group of friends, it's like a, it's like a real life sex in the city situation where it's like you can point to any one of us and any one of us will have some sort of dating horror story about like, 58:29.095 --> 58:47.991 [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, he invited me to, you know, meet his grandmother and his mom and it was at, you know, the small poetry reading where he read a poem that was written about his family and about how he wants to find love and yeah, he hasn't texted me in two weeks and it's like, any says he wants something casual now. 58:48.031 --> 58:48.231 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 58:49.232 --> 58:53.716 [SPEAKER_02]: He says he wants something casual after doing all of the least casual things we could possibly do together. 58:53.736 --> 58:54.857 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah. 58:58.312 --> 59:02.293 [SPEAKER_03]: Unfortunately, we cannot change those people. 59:02.813 --> 59:04.274 [SPEAKER_03]: Unfortunately, we have no cure for this. 59:04.334 --> 59:06.854 [SPEAKER_03]: There is no cure for that disease. 59:07.174 --> 59:08.415 [SPEAKER_03]: And that, but that's their disease. 59:08.435 --> 59:10.255 [SPEAKER_03]: That is their disease is not our disease. 59:10.335 --> 59:13.696 [SPEAKER_03]: And that's not our burden to carry. 59:13.956 --> 59:15.116 [SPEAKER_02]: Now, what was their question of the end? 59:15.156 --> 59:17.077 [SPEAKER_02]: How do we remain optimistic? 59:17.217 --> 59:23.759 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, how are we able to balance staying positive about dating and accepting words and acts of kindness without a Zoom without. 59:23.839 --> 59:24.779 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, let me go, go, go, go, go. 59:25.119 --> 59:31.743 [SPEAKER_02]: I really, really, really, really without assuming too much about the other person's intentions and setting your own expectations too high. 59:32.023 --> 59:32.443 [SPEAKER_03]: Totally. 59:32.803 --> 59:40.988 [SPEAKER_02]: My perspective on that is just that like, I am always going to believe people and take their words at face value. 59:41.168 --> 59:45.351 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I don't want to move through the world being like distrusting of everyone I meet. 59:45.771 --> 59:56.419 [SPEAKER_02]: I would rather choose to just believe the words that someone tells me, and if they prove later on to be distrustful or to have lied to me, then I can react to them. 59:56.439 --> 01:00:07.608 [SPEAKER_02]: But I don't want to like walk into every potential new situation carrying the fear of other things that didn't work out or other people that did treat me unkindly. 01:00:08.508 --> 01:00:13.311 [SPEAKER_02]: Um, I want to try to just move through the world, assuming the best of people. 01:00:13.331 --> 01:00:13.591 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 01:00:13.891 --> 01:00:17.613 [SPEAKER_02]: And I have enough of a relationship with myself now. 01:00:17.993 --> 01:00:30.600 [SPEAKER_02]: I have enough of a grasp on my own emotional regulation that when it is revealed to me, that someone has lied, I'm able to process that without it being some like bigger thing. 01:00:30.800 --> 01:00:31.000 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 01:00:31.040 --> 01:00:32.121 [SPEAKER_02]: At this point in my life. 01:00:32.221 --> 01:00:32.361 [SPEAKER_03]: Mm-hmm. 01:00:32.381 --> 01:00:32.621 [SPEAKER_03]: Mm-hmm. 01:00:33.201 --> 01:00:35.842 [SPEAKER_02]: Let me say that took a long fucking time. 01:00:35.942 --> 01:01:01.808 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and it's something that I feel like I really only developed in the last like two years, maybe Yeah, that's not an easy thing to do to And every new date, you know, like let go of the stuff that happened in the past and be like this one has the opportunity to be different Every date is like a Schrodinger's cat situation where you do not know whether it's going to be truthful or not until you just do it Yeah 01:01:03.508 --> 01:01:06.409 [SPEAKER_03]: And that is really fucking hard. 01:01:07.549 --> 01:01:18.151 [SPEAKER_03]: And I think you're exactly right that what's kept me positive and what's kept me like a feeling hopeful at all is number one truly believing that hope is all we have. 01:01:18.471 --> 01:01:19.491 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 01:01:20.011 --> 01:01:27.633 [SPEAKER_03]: That I do not want to preemptively disappoint myself going into a situation expecting them to disappoint me. 01:01:27.693 --> 01:01:28.033 [SPEAKER_03]: Totally. 01:01:30.194 --> 01:01:34.856 [SPEAKER_03]: Because then I'm just hurting my own feelings twice, which sucks. 01:01:35.797 --> 01:01:47.202 [SPEAKER_03]: I think also, you know, this person who wrote in said that they are distrusting of the things that people say, they, you know, don't believe the compliments and things like that, which is very understandable. 01:01:47.242 --> 01:01:49.423 [SPEAKER_03]: Like I understand why your hackles are raised. 01:01:49.463 --> 01:01:54.946 [SPEAKER_03]: I think a lot of our hackles are raised on instinct and it's hard for me to put mine down anyway. 01:01:57.407 --> 01:02:01.589 [SPEAKER_03]: That said, you know, that instinct is to protect yourself. 01:02:01.729 --> 01:02:01.890 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 01:02:03.010 --> 01:02:10.174 [SPEAKER_03]: The unfortunate reality about dating is that you are kind of vulnerable and out at sea. 01:02:10.334 --> 01:02:10.534 [SPEAKER_03]: Yep. 01:02:11.455 --> 01:02:13.636 [SPEAKER_03]: And you have to do that every time. 01:02:13.836 --> 01:02:15.577 [SPEAKER_03]: And it feels like that every time. 01:02:16.498 --> 01:02:24.823 [SPEAKER_03]: And I don't know if there's ever going to be a moment where, you know, I go on a date and I'm like, I feel totally secure and good about this. 01:02:27.057 --> 01:02:39.190 [SPEAKER_03]: Every single date no matter what I go on there at least like a little bit of nerves whether or not I'm super stoked about the person or I'm like, yeah, let's just see there's always going to be like a baseline of like, oh, like what's going to happen. 01:02:41.920 --> 01:03:04.316 [SPEAKER_03]: But the distrust is coming from you not wanting to get hurt by people, the unfortunate reality is that part of dating is by experiencing like micro hurts kind of a lot and you know at some point Those things won't hurt as much because they will feel less like a reflection of you and much more like a reflection of them because that's what they are. 01:03:06.478 --> 01:03:09.160 [SPEAKER_03]: That said, it still is going to suck totally. 01:03:10.037 --> 01:03:26.311 [SPEAKER_02]: I also feel like I, the older I've gotten, the more I feel like my, my happiness comes from showing up as honestly and truly myself as possible. 01:03:26.472 --> 01:03:26.792 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 01:03:27.112 --> 01:03:33.958 [SPEAKER_02]: Every time I walk into a new dating experience, I am carrying with me the memories of all of my past dating experiences. 01:03:36.300 --> 01:03:53.156 [SPEAKER_02]: But I think on the dates, all I can do is show up completely as myself, be vulnerable, be honest, assume the best of them, allow myself to be seen, show up as the kind of data I would want to meet out on a date. 01:03:53.236 --> 01:03:53.616 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 01:03:53.717 --> 01:03:58.521 [SPEAKER_02]: And if someone else chooses to disrespect me or lie to me or whatever, 01:03:59.602 --> 01:04:06.045 [SPEAKER_02]: That's on them, and at the end of the day, I get to go home and be like, oh, and I was myself, and I did it. 01:04:06.465 --> 01:04:09.626 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was brave, and I put myself out there, and I was vulnerable. 01:04:09.766 --> 01:04:10.087 [SPEAKER_03]: Mm-hmm. 01:04:10.407 --> 01:04:12.548 [SPEAKER_02]: I did all the things that I wanted to do. 01:04:12.688 --> 01:04:12.908 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 01:04:13.710 --> 01:04:14.871 [SPEAKER_02]: They have nothing to do with that. 01:04:15.031 --> 01:04:15.252 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 01:04:16.092 --> 01:04:20.657 [SPEAKER_02]: I think about dating now as like it's it's really about me. 01:04:21.077 --> 01:04:30.847 [SPEAKER_02]: It's about like the type of person I want to be the type of person I want to find going on these dates as like I am a party of one. 01:04:31.327 --> 01:04:56.918 [SPEAKER_02]: And if I find someone along the way who really fits in my party of one and we become a party of two fucking awesome, yeah, but I'm not so bothered when people don't match me anymore, because I'm like, I behaved the way that I wanted to, I moved through this relationship the way that I wanted to, I moved through this date the way that I wanted to, if it doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to, and this is probably a bozo. 01:04:57.498 --> 01:04:59.120 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, you know what I mean. 01:04:59.260 --> 01:05:07.908 [SPEAKER_03]: This is like something that I tell myself all the time which for whatever reason it's just really stuck with me is like if someone proves that they're a bozo they're will literally always be another bozo. 01:05:08.268 --> 01:05:08.549 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 01:05:08.769 --> 01:05:15.615 [SPEAKER_03]: Like the idea that that person was the one they just didn't you know see it or see you for whatever. 01:05:15.996 --> 01:05:19.659 [SPEAKER_03]: Obviously they weren't because they were a bozo they behaved they behaved bozoishly. 01:05:19.679 --> 01:05:20.260 [SPEAKER_03]: For sure. 01:05:20.900 --> 01:05:25.747 [SPEAKER_03]: Um, there's always some other fucking person just around. 01:05:26.147 --> 01:05:26.768 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 01:05:26.788 --> 01:05:34.318 [SPEAKER_03]: Um, the exciting thing is that they might not be a buzzer, but if they are, that's fine because both those are a dime a dozen. 01:05:34.519 --> 01:05:35.460 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 01:05:35.480 --> 01:05:36.942 [SPEAKER_03]: Um, I will also say that. 01:05:38.510 --> 01:05:40.653 [SPEAKER_03]: Dating has become so much easier for me. 01:05:40.673 --> 01:05:51.005 [SPEAKER_03]: The more kind of full my own individual life feels, which is like a, it's like an annoying thing to say. 01:05:51.065 --> 01:05:54.049 [SPEAKER_03]: I recognize that, but I will, I do genuinely. 01:05:54.089 --> 01:05:56.411 [SPEAKER_03]: It's like my life, I already love. 01:05:56.692 --> 01:05:56.872 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 01:05:57.072 --> 01:06:01.935 [SPEAKER_03]: I already love it and like, yes, there are obviously moments where I like, I do want partnership. 01:06:02.015 --> 01:06:15.885 [SPEAKER_03]: I would like to be in like a long-term romantic partnership one day that said, I am also so determined to like enjoy my life on my own and in the way that I choose to. 01:06:17.106 --> 01:06:29.919 [SPEAKER_03]: And the more that I've leaned into that the easier dating has become because like you said it's like then I'm going into dates being like is this person additive to my life right and if they're not then they're useless to me. 01:06:29.959 --> 01:06:37.828 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I also feel like it be the more you pour into yourself the easier it is to walk away at any point in time the dating process totally. 01:06:38.008 --> 01:06:43.889 [SPEAKER_02]: because I relate as someone who has struggled with anxious attachment in dating in the past. 01:06:44.430 --> 01:06:59.213 [SPEAKER_02]: In my head there was sometimes this like, I needed, I was looking for like markers of closeness, you know, like markers of investment, and I totally agree that like if someone's cooking the dinner and inviting me to hang out with their friends and family and 01:06:59.513 --> 01:07:19.539 [SPEAKER_02]: you know doing these things that to me are like that's emotionally intimate right that is like that became markers of safety inside my head and it would allow me to relax a little bit into this idea that like I I didn't have to fear that this person was gonna you know lie to me or walk away preemptively and blind side mirror whatever. 01:07:20.399 --> 01:07:34.027 [SPEAKER_02]: And I think the more I've worked on that and the more I've poured into myself, the more now, I'm able to just like really ground myself in the moment, being like, okay, let's not even go down the what if street. 01:07:34.307 --> 01:07:34.607 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 01:07:35.168 --> 01:07:36.609 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm having dinner with this person. 01:07:37.069 --> 01:07:39.410 [SPEAKER_02]: They introduce me to their family, introduce me to their friends. 01:07:39.470 --> 01:07:40.811 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm always going to believe that's genuine. 01:07:40.951 --> 01:07:44.874 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm always going to believe that is honest emotional investment from someone. 01:07:44.914 --> 01:07:47.055 [SPEAKER_02]: And if I learn three weeks from now, 01:07:47.775 --> 01:08:01.442 [SPEAKER_02]: that it wasn't, that I'm going to allow myself to feel that then, and I'm going to feel comfortable walking away from it at any moment, but I'm not going to live in that space if it's either like where either all good or all bad. 01:08:01.782 --> 01:08:07.384 [SPEAKER_02]: I found the safety and now that means that you'll never hurt me and you'll never leave me and you'll never lie to me. 01:08:07.564 --> 01:08:07.845 [SPEAKER_02]: Uh-huh. 01:08:08.845 --> 01:08:21.232 [SPEAKER_02]: That's not really how dating works and you kind of have to ground yourself in the present moment, find safety in each present moment in a present sense, find it within yourself. 01:08:22.153 --> 01:08:33.479 [SPEAKER_02]: So that way when you do reach a point where you're given a piece of information that makes you question it, you just go, oh, well now I've learned something and I've learned that this isn't the right relationship for me. 01:08:33.660 --> 01:08:35.761 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and it doesn't become this big thing of like, 01:08:36.806 --> 01:08:37.948 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, add it to the list. 01:08:38.008 --> 01:08:41.652 [SPEAKER_02]: Here's another one because I'm so unlovable and that it out whatever. 01:08:41.672 --> 01:08:41.992 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 01:08:42.032 --> 01:08:42.413 [SPEAKER_02]: I get it. 01:08:42.493 --> 01:08:45.436 [SPEAKER_02]: I I did that all throughout my early 20s. 01:08:45.456 --> 01:08:45.676 [SPEAKER_02]: Yep. 01:08:46.757 --> 01:08:48.059 [SPEAKER_02]: And it was because I was like. 01:08:49.623 --> 01:08:58.965 [SPEAKER_02]: clinging to whatever semblance of safety I could find, and I thought that once I found it, I didn't have to think about their being in ending. 01:08:59.105 --> 01:08:59.385 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 01:09:00.086 --> 01:09:03.426 [SPEAKER_02]: But unfortunately, dating is always gonna be vulnerable in scary. 01:09:03.706 --> 01:09:03.966 [SPEAKER_02]: It is. 01:09:04.027 --> 01:09:06.087 [SPEAKER_02]: And there's always the possibility of things ending. 01:09:06.567 --> 01:09:14.849 [SPEAKER_02]: And you just have to embrace that and build a life so full and beautiful on your own that like the idea of something ending becomes less scary. 01:09:15.189 --> 01:09:15.469 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 01:09:16.309 --> 01:09:17.070 [SPEAKER_02]: Because you have you. 01:09:17.650 --> 01:09:18.350 [SPEAKER_03]: You have you, girl. 01:09:19.093 --> 01:09:43.941 [SPEAKER_02]: Also, I do feel like my friends helped me so much, yeah, in, like, both processing and staying optimistic because I look at the way my friends are and the way my friends act and the type of dateers myself and my friends are and I go, yeah, there's great things everywhere. 01:09:44.141 --> 01:09:46.382 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, because look at all these beautiful people that I know. 01:09:46.602 --> 01:09:57.565 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so just because I've run into quite a few people that are emotionally stunted and many, you know, not living as honestly as they should. 01:10:00.205 --> 01:10:07.567 [SPEAKER_02]: Doesn't mean that there aren't an abundance of like beautiful, wonderful, emotionally tapped in people out there. 01:10:07.767 --> 01:10:08.987 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, because there are. 01:10:18.220 --> 01:10:21.103 [SPEAKER_03]: I know it's hard, but like let yourself feel all of it. 01:10:21.183 --> 01:10:37.759 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, feel the anger, feel the hurt, feel sad because you're rejected, feel, you know, disappointed, let yourself feel that because that's the only way that like you'll be able to really process these things. 01:10:41.032 --> 01:10:50.247 [SPEAKER_03]: And let that kind of, on very understandable, like resentment go as you move forward. 01:10:52.751 --> 01:10:54.534 [SPEAKER_03]: But, again, I know it's really, it's hard. 01:10:55.320 --> 01:11:03.905 [SPEAKER_03]: And even it's like, I don't know, I've experienced a few relationships as a recently where like, no one has been a bad person or anything. 01:11:03.945 --> 01:11:05.525 [SPEAKER_03]: It just wasn't like the right thing. 01:11:06.346 --> 01:11:10.888 [SPEAKER_03]: I still had to just let myself feel that's the disappointment of it, not being the right thing. 01:11:11.148 --> 01:11:11.508 [SPEAKER_03]: Totally. 01:11:11.669 --> 01:11:23.174 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, like there are so many different ways to feel like sad or disappointed within dating, but I do think it is genuinely important to let yourself feel those things. 01:11:24.155 --> 01:11:28.224 [SPEAKER_03]: because I tried to resist that for a really long time and it did not help. 01:11:32.798 --> 01:11:58.408 [SPEAKER_03]: But we understand we get it deeply and it's mainly trust trust trust we know Brooklyn Yeah, our stance Trust we know Exactly what you're talking about Yeah But you know what we move we move and we ball Okay, what are you gonna do about that America? 01:11:59.723 --> 01:12:03.286 [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you guys so much for listening to this week's emotionally online. 01:12:03.306 --> 01:12:05.167 [SPEAKER_02]: If you want to keep these good vibes, go in. 01:12:05.407 --> 01:12:09.730 [SPEAKER_02]: I do the emotionally online post show over on Patreon. 01:12:10.631 --> 01:12:12.733 [SPEAKER_02]: You can follow me at Maddie Drossmerk. 01:12:12.753 --> 01:12:15.695 [SPEAKER_02]: You can follow the show at emotionally online pod. 01:12:15.815 --> 01:12:17.856 [SPEAKER_02]: You can follow me at MegruoCo. 01:12:17.956 --> 01:12:20.478 [SPEAKER_02]: And we will see you guys in next week's episode. 01:12:20.799 --> 01:12:21.319 [SPEAKER_01]: Bye!