[SPEAKER_01]: Let's stop here and talk more about the motorboat.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk about because we're building of the day.
[SPEAKER_02]: There is no way this happened.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I don't even need to be shown proof.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I could listen to 20 different people be like, I saw it with my own eyes.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yep, and I would say, know the fuck you didn't.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, because that is crazy.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yep, the idea of someone in a club, uh-huh, fully clothed.
[SPEAKER_02]: A woman, yeah, motorboating, do you know anything about women?
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, the jack's clearly does not understand women at all, because he's to him this makes sense, because that's something a man would do.
[SPEAKER_02]: A woman wouldn't do that.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, you think a woman's gonna motorboat a man's dick over his jeans at the club?
[SPEAKER_02]: Get serious.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am the devil.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then don't you forget it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't worry.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm with him last night.
[SPEAKER_00]: I take such comments very seriously.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not sure what I've done to you.
[SPEAKER_02]: But I'll take the heat up for you too.
[SPEAKER_02]: The only thing I have told to me about is that I have to suffer back.
[SPEAKER_00]: And take the heat.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just...
[SPEAKER_02]: What's up, you guys, and welcome back to the Pumpcast.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm Maddie Drawspeck, and I'm Meg Ruoco, and Meg's about to have a really big Tuesday.
[SPEAKER_02]: Dude, I'm like, I'm so excited on behalf of Meg, and I'm not even involved.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how this has happened.
[SPEAKER_01]: So early on into us doing this podcast.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's beautiful.
[SPEAKER_01]: But something is happening, and I believe it's because the universe is ultimately on our side and wants us to succeed.
[SPEAKER_01]: I will be meeting one miss Stasi Schroeder and one miss Katie Maloney tomorrow fucking crazy.
[SPEAKER_02]: I like I literally I asked Meg I'm like what time's it happening because I'm gonna be at home When the clock strikes and I'm gonna be inside my head in my mind palace like oh my god mags there You'll be there mags there right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm gonna teleport what I wish more than anything is that I could just bring you I know I wish for me in your soul I wish for that so I'm a delivery guy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I just drop like hey anybody what are coffee?
[SPEAKER_01]: You're wearing a mustache
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh my god.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I like can't believe it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was tasked with like prepping questions for this interview tomorrow and for Meg's actual job.
[SPEAKER_02]: For Meg's actual job.
[SPEAKER_02]: We have actual jobs.
[SPEAKER_01]: As we have repeatedly mentioned on this show, we do have actual jobs.
[SPEAKER_01]: I am employed during the day.
[SPEAKER_01]: it's also this is a real quick tangent and we'll get back to the good stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is so funny to me when I tell people like on like a Monday or a Tuesday, like all right, I'm off to go record the podcast and they go you're recording the podcast tonight.
[SPEAKER_01]: When do you guys think we do this?
[SPEAKER_01]: When?
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not even true.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not true.
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to hold it.
[SPEAKER_01]: But people close to me in my life are like, you record the podcast then.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, when do you think we do this?
[SPEAKER_01]: What?
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you mean?
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, it's 741 pm on a weeknight.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, that's when we record the podcast because we have jobs during the day and usually the sun is coming down at the exact time we're recording so we have to tape a blanket to my window and sometimes it goes really well and a lot of times it goes bad.
[SPEAKER_02]: So anyways, Meg will be interviewing Stacey Kady for actual job tomorrow.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so excited and I was tasked with like coming up with questions to ask them during the shoot.
[SPEAKER_01]: And wow, it was hard for me to come up with non-vander-pump-related questions.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know.
[SPEAKER_01]: All I wanted to ask them about was ship from season three.
[SPEAKER_01]: Totally.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, I get to actually have questions right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm like, I get the Dave moved on from something that happened like, but what?
[SPEAKER_02]: We have to go.
[SPEAKER_02]: We're actually in it right now.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, totally.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm never moving on.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, no, I'm there.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm still in the theater.
[SPEAKER_01]: Completely.
[SPEAKER_01]: They've brought cleaners in.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're cleaning up the popcorn.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're asking me to leave, but I'm still there.
[SPEAKER_01]: The questions I'd love to ask.
[SPEAKER_01]: The thing they did, one of the questions that I put was Did Stasi feel uniquely prepared to be a boy mom after having dated Jack's Taylor and was Katie Maloney able to provide advice having been married to Tom Schwartz.
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, that's incredible.
[SPEAKER_01]: They did come back and they're like, let's not name those people specifically.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I would imagine, and I was like, that's fair.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I get that.
[SPEAKER_01]: But, boy, do I want to ask that directly?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: If we get them on the pod, because I will be giving them our business cards.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: We made business cards months ago, knowing that this would happen.
[SPEAKER_01]: because this was like tentative in the works for a while.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then it was like finally locked.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we were like, even the slightest chance that we run into any of these, right, we're giving them business cards too.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because that was really the one regret of meeting Lisa Vanderpump as that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't have a business card to just hand her.
[SPEAKER_01]: And be like, love would love to have you on the podcast some day, Queen.
[SPEAKER_02]: All love invites to the Vanderpump Hotel.
[SPEAKER_01]: We would love to be there.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we'll record a podcast there.
[SPEAKER_01]: We will.
[SPEAKER_01]: We'll record a podcast at the Vanderpump hotel.
[SPEAKER_01]: We'll record a podcast at House of Stasi.
[SPEAKER_02]: We'll record a podcast really anywhere you ask anywhere, really.
[SPEAKER_02]: This is pretty portable in terms of what we're just happy to be there.
[SPEAKER_02]: To be in the room and the best part about this is that you know we're going to say whatever the fuck we want to say regardless of where we are, or where we're with.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is the thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm literally the beauty of this shit right neither of us are media trained So it's not like we're gonna like get in front of these guys and be like all polite and shit Come on, come on Well, we'd be of course nicer to Stasi and Katie.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'd be nicer to all the women that I would to the men 100%
[SPEAKER_01]: A Jack's Taylor I would actively run away from.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, no, Jack's we'd need to have like a barrier wall in between.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: We buy like in like Hobbit when the Nazis.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, like in prison or in taxis during COVID, you know.
[SPEAKER_01]: either or I was thinking yeah kind of like threw when they are on the phones through the through the window.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's like that.
[SPEAKER_02]: That's the only way to record that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but I'm so excited.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna lose my mind.
[SPEAKER_01]: I actually like I started looking at Katie's Instagram page today and I like started getting nervous.
[SPEAKER_01]: I started getting like flustered.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like I was like my mind is drawing a complete blank of what to ask her except like what you're so hot Totally I have nothing else to say hey you're beautiful.
[SPEAKER_02]: I love what you're doing girl And of course they are doing this to promote House of Stasi.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, that's a week which Exclusive you might see us in there
[SPEAKER_02]: I'd be featured with just crazy, by the way.
[SPEAKER_02]: We received an email.
[SPEAKER_02]: It was like a month and a half ago at this point, asking if they could use a clip of the pump cast in House of Stossie.
[SPEAKER_02]: I guess they're doing, I was explained to me, like they were doing, I guess like fan clip round up, explaining sort of the best quotes and clips of Stossie from years previous.
[SPEAKER_02]: of us when we are very first episode when we got to the line, I'm the devil and don't you forget it?
[SPEAKER_02]: Which I was like, that's like the line.
[SPEAKER_02]: I know.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's crazy that they wanted to use our clip for that.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's, but man is bonkers, genuinely, but man is bonkers.
[SPEAKER_01]: it just feels like we're getting seals of approval all around so really exciting in many ways Meg is interviewing Stasi and Katie for her job for House of Stasi and we're also like co-stars if you really think about it yeah in a lot of ways I mean it's like we haven't got no residuals yet but the show has come out and they're coming they're on their way certainly and ultimately it's just it's just nice to be in the show who knows we'll we'll see how
[SPEAKER_02]: how we feel about House of Stasi.
[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe they'll be nothing to say.
[SPEAKER_02]: Or maybe we'll come back next week and we'll have so much to say.
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe we will.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean, people have asked us, like, please can you comment on House of Stasi?
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, well, if we have something to say about it, we'll say something.
[SPEAKER_02]: Surely we will say something.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Here's my thing is like, you know, it seems like more and more these days.
[SPEAKER_01]: People are requesting for interrogative journalism.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: To come back.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we have all of these light, fluff, interview shows these days.
[SPEAKER_01]: They've all got gimmicks, they've all, they're all asking silly questions.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, we're getting to the heart of it.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna strap a shock collar to Tom Schwartz and tell him to make a pump teeny.
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you can't, every time you pucks it up, I'm gonna shock him.
[SPEAKER_02]: That's the kind of journalism that I wanted to see.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so I don't know if that is journalism, really.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm figuring out if shorts can make a pumpkin.
[SPEAKER_02]: That's true.
[SPEAKER_02]: Underdress is my true.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm just saying there's all sorts of things that we could cook up.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we're 10.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm willing to collaborate with the cast of Vanderpumpy.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, they let us take the lead.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we have to ultimately take the wheel.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Give me a shot.
[SPEAKER_01]: Come on, let us get in the mix.
[SPEAKER_01]: Come on, why could two great things?
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we got lots of questions.
[SPEAKER_02]: Come on, give me a chance.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let us just ask you a couple of questions.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not gonna be too bad.
[SPEAKER_02]: We just pitch it to them like the Eric Andre show.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is kind of what I was thinking.
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, if we go kind of like Zach Galifinakis between two ferns with us.
[SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.
[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like we could have a good show.
[SPEAKER_02]: I agree.
[SPEAKER_02]: So peek into the mind.
[SPEAKER_02]: Shall we?
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's go.
[SPEAKER_02]: An unflinching look at one jacks tailor.
[SPEAKER_02]: We're at Barkin' Bitches, yet again.
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's freaking go.
[SPEAKER_02]: Ariana and both Tom's are here because Schwartz wants to adopt a dog, and he needs help choosing.
[SPEAKER_02]: we all make choices.
[SPEAKER_01]: Here's the thing about this episode.
[SPEAKER_01]: Is that I'm going to need to really lock in on my giant size that I have towards Tom Schwartz in this episode because it will be 90% big size for me.
[SPEAKER_01]: Just know that whenever we're talking about Schwartz in this episode, I am sorry.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean he's pretty bad.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's pretty bad.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is a pretty bad episode for you shorts.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is a tough one shorts, and we know you're listening, and ultimately it's like we were happy to see that it seems like maybe you've improved somewhat.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know where pitch kind of just from cursory photos that we've seen, but um, but this wasn't a good look for you.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll say that.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no, it wasn't shorts.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, yeah, shorts is getting a puppy, and he's like, you know, me and Katie have been talking about getting a puppy for a year and a half, but I just haven't been able to pull the trigger, and it's like, God, if that just doesn't sum up your whole fucking deal.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know, your whole deal.
[SPEAKER_02]: And he's like, well, and now that Katie keeps talking about like us moving towards getting engaged, and you know, I've bombed my budding bartender career.
[SPEAKER_02]: I think getting the puppy will kind of buy me a year with the whole engagement ring stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Tom is like, dude, you shouldn't say that out loud.
[SPEAKER_02]: If Tom, Santa ball knows that that's a bad idea, it's really bad, yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a really bad idea.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he Schwartz, of course, is like, no, no, yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Of course, of course, like I'm, it's, I also want a dog, you know.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he's floundering.
[SPEAKER_01]: He keeps saying I don't know what to do and like running his hands through his hair and like really struggling and then he adopts some dog named Gordo and that's what happens in this scene.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yep.
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome.
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to the show Gordo.
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome Gordo.
[SPEAKER_02]: Catch you around.
[SPEAKER_02]: Booth.
[SPEAKER_01]: Catch you on the flip.
[SPEAKER_01]: Booth.
[SPEAKER_02]: Wearing soon.
[SPEAKER_02]: Sheen is working, she's hard out work, absolutely cleaning those glasses, like no one is ever cleaned a glass before us.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Lisa walks in, says her hello's, and shortly behind her follows Miss Stossie Schroeder.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, because she's, you know, she's taking her time away from Sir and ultimately she never wants to go back.
[SPEAKER_01]: But at the same time she'll be here today and also tomorrow.
[SPEAKER_02]: She has to take her daily pilgrimage to Sir that she both hates and also actually has to do biologically.
[SPEAKER_01]: Stasi in this scene and in every scene where she's coming back to Sir in this season is giving freshman in college coming back to their choir class.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: I got like crazy.
[SPEAKER_02]: I like used it stand right here on the riser.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's crazy because it's like the auto section, like when I was here, it just was like, it was, it was things were run so differently.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's just because it's like when you have strong leadership.
[SPEAKER_01]: things just get done easier.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like Alto's, I was listening to you.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was actually listening to you when when you guys were singing the Circle of Life for your final senior senior performance.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just feel like when you sing the like not to gun ya part like you guys can just kind of, you can belt.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like don't be afraid to belt, I guess.
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't be afraid.
[SPEAKER_02]: And like
[SPEAKER_02]: It's also not really your fault because I can tell the song selection has been really off.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: When we were here, we used to do songs from rent.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: And stuff that's a little bit more high brow.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: Now you guys are doing the coral version of spider pig.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: tough, but we can't all have the, they give the songs based on talent.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's based on talent.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's based on merit.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like, I guess it's just, yeah, it's hard because it's like last year, our musical was literally hatey's talent.
[SPEAKER_01]: And this year, our musical is literally how to succeed in business without really trying.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, so I, you guys are suffering.
[SPEAKER_01]: But the thing is, is that like, college is just, it's just different.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's awesome.
[SPEAKER_02]: And like you can go to the... Oh my god, Mr. Smith, oh my god, no way!
[SPEAKER_02]: I can't even believe you're still here!
[SPEAKER_02]: You're right here?
[SPEAKER_02]: It's crazy guy!
[SPEAKER_02]: You guys don't even want it on his stories.
[SPEAKER_02]: I have him out here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god, don't drop the pitch pipe!
[SPEAKER_02]: So anyways, that's what Stossie's about.
[SPEAKER_02]: Stossie's time.
[SPEAKER_01]: He goes back to the star.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what Stasi is doing every single time she goes back to CER, and Lisa and Stasi sit down and they're having lunch and they have this incredibly planted conversation where they're just repeating the thing that they said last time where Lisa's like so girl how are you making your money queen and Stasi's like I'm not and she's like
[SPEAKER_01]: I have a great idea.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just coming to me now.
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was asked to be photographed for the cover of Frontier Magazine, which, by the way, is a game magazine, and it's actually pretty cool that I'm being one of the women photographed for this game magazine.
[SPEAKER_01]: Very big deal.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a very big deal, and ultimately, like, what if...
[SPEAKER_01]: you styled me as an aspiring stylist.
[SPEAKER_01]: And what if it was also tomorrow?
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: Chop, chop, get to it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Your future awaits.
[SPEAKER_01]: Opportunities don't just fall into your lap like this Willie Nilly.
[SPEAKER_02]: Stasi's like, thank you so much for thinking of me.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'd love to style you.
[SPEAKER_02]: As if you'd ever wait till the day before a shoot to hire a stylist, I've had enough of you telling me you're telling me Lisa Vanderbilt would put a table over my eyes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah Lisa, we know your tricks.
[SPEAKER_01]: We know your whole song and dance.
[SPEAKER_01]: Come on.
[SPEAKER_01]: And as they're talking about this, Sheena rocks up to the table because she's working it's her.
[SPEAKER_01]: And she does not look at Stasi.
[SPEAKER_01]: It looks directly at Lisa and she's like, do you want something to drink Lisa and only Lisa?
[SPEAKER_02]: And Lisa's like, well, you probably would.
[SPEAKER_02]: And points to Stasi.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Shina immediately chimed in.
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's like, well, she knows where the bar is.
[SPEAKER_01]: Awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: I only invite you.
[SPEAKER_01]: I fucking love it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I, that's awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love bitches.
[SPEAKER_02]: I love the end of the day.
[SPEAKER_02]: I love a bitch.
[SPEAKER_02]: I love when Shina is a bitch.
[SPEAKER_01]: Saying she knows where the bar is.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's really fucking funny.
[SPEAKER_02]: She knows where the bar is.
[SPEAKER_02]: She knew her boss, saying to your, but like, the thing with this girl through your boss is awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: So awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: Sheena in this moment is like, the junior that didn't have as much power.
[SPEAKER_01]: The year that stops you out there.
[SPEAKER_02]: But now that she's the senior, she's like flinch bitch.
[SPEAKER_02]: My God, that's literally exactly the vibe.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: She's like, now I'm in charge.
[SPEAKER_02]: Now I'm the number one alto one incredible step up.
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh my God.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Lisa's like, she's sitting with me, she doesn't work here anymore.
[SPEAKER_02]: She is a customer, and then there's silence for a second.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Lisa's like, are you talking to each other?
[SPEAKER_02]: She's like, now.
[SPEAKER_02]: This is like, okay.
[SPEAKER_02]: Why?
[SPEAKER_02]: And she and it tells her to ask Stasi.
[SPEAKER_02]: Stasi, then turns to Shina and gives us one of her most incredible lines.
[SPEAKER_02]: So good.
[SPEAKER_02]: She turns to Shina and says, I'm not really sure what I've done to you, but I'll take a peanut regio.
[SPEAKER_01]: She, no, give her the stankiest stank I ever.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's fucking incredible.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's so good.
[SPEAKER_02]: You guys aren't talking?
[SPEAKER_02]: No, why?
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm saucy.
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know what I'm done to you, but I'll take a bit of a great game.
[SPEAKER_02]: That's incredible.
[SPEAKER_02]: That's so good.
[SPEAKER_02]: This is like you have two top tier bitches in a bitch fight together.
[SPEAKER_02]: And like ultimately this is
[SPEAKER_02]: why we're here.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, this is what dreams are made of.
[SPEAKER_02]: This is what makes life worth living.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm here to witness this and exclusively this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Beautiful 24 seven.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the only reason that she doesn't like actively bring Stasi's neck in that moment is because she is working and she knows to lock the fucking when she needs to.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so she's like doesn't say anything and she just walks away.
[SPEAKER_02]: He walks away to go, please, there's guard down water.
[SPEAKER_02]: And then the second she is not there, Lisa turns to Stasi and she's like, So what the hell's all that that?
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh my god, what's going on with you, too?
[SPEAKER_02]: And Stasi, you know, basically is like,
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm sorry, last year all that shit happened and she decided to be BFFs with Kristen Right, so she can go fuck herself.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and Lisa's basically like That sounds complicated.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, like all right, not my problem.
[SPEAKER_02]: Bye All right, bye, bye, bye Sheena brings the drinks Sheena brings the drinks and Lisa literally gets them a meal and she's like, well, I'm gonna go pump and she just toss He's like, okay, great.
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, I'm gonna stay here and make sheena serve me dimmer.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so great.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so Boof.
[SPEAKER_01]: We are at Dr. Lake's office because Jack's is getting some bullshit pulled out of his nose after his surgery.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he is there with Tom Sandevol because Schwartz is busy with his dog, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And Jack's goes, I think that's a good idea.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm doing that.
[SPEAKER_02]: this guy thinks that he is the one to analyze anyone else's decisions and whether they're good or bad.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is why I love this cast so much.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love this cast so much because you could write better characters than this because it's like
[SPEAKER_01]: every single writing class that you are in, you learn to write someone that is deeply flawed, but has a really good reason for being that way.
[SPEAKER_01]: They really believe that the thing that they're doing is the right thing that they're doing.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like,
[SPEAKER_01]: I've never seen it better, symbolized in the Vanderpump, than in the Vanderpump, yes, cast.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because these are the worst people in the world.
[SPEAKER_01]: Jack's Taylor, just one of the worst people you could ever stumble upon.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he, the minute that someone else does something wrong, he's like, hum.
[SPEAKER_02]: Not how I would do it, but whatever, you know, some people are like really bad in decision-making.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it could be me.
[SPEAKER_01]: Here's the thing is it's like, when you're in a bad relationship, like I haven't been, but it's like witnessing it, you just know when you got it cut it loose, totally, you know?
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't have respect for people who don't make those choices and follow that gut instinct.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, the idea that you keep going back to somebody and keep wanting to be in a relationship with them, even when it's not working, I personally mean Jack's Taylor, I would have no idea what that's like.
[SPEAKER_01]: I just don't get it, really.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't get it, and actually I have no patience for it, ultimately.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Jack starts going off.
[SPEAKER_02]: He's like, you know, Schwartz tells me all the time that he's not happy, and you know, I know Personally, the Katie has done some questionable things So I don't think a dog is gonna help any of this and thus begins a new cycle of Jack's planting a little rumour seed
[SPEAKER_01]: And as they're kind of talking about how Schwarzen-Katee's relationship is terrible, you know, Sandy is saying he Schwartz keeps saying that Katee's putting pressure on him to get married and that Schwartz doesn't want to get married all this stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: Dr. Lake walks in.
[SPEAKER_01]: Beautiful, man.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's get him on the pod.
[SPEAKER_01]: Dr. Lee.
[SPEAKER_01]: Dr. Lake, we would love to have you on the pod.
[SPEAKER_01]: We've got words.
[SPEAKER_01]: You gorgeous guy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's get you on here.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he interrupts their conversation.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, hey, Jackson, you know, how do you handle the post up?
[SPEAKER_01]: Did you follow all the instructions?
[SPEAKER_01]: Did you not drink?
[SPEAKER_01]: Did you not have sex?
[SPEAKER_01]: With no strenuous activity?
[SPEAKER_01]: And Jack's goes, it wasn't strenuous?
[SPEAKER_01]: She was on top.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's such a loser.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then they're all like, and as Dr. Lake is like pulling all of this bullshit out of Jackson's nose to like, you know, fix them up or whatever.
[SPEAKER_01]: Tom's animal.
[UNKNOWN]: That's so great.
[SPEAKER_01]: Tom's animal is just watching all of this happen with this like awful grimness on his face.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's just kind of like looking over and he's like, oh, oh.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it cuts to a talking head, and Tom's animal is like, I genuinely cannot tell the difference between his old and newsmen.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no.
[SPEAKER_02]: It looks literally exactly the same.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I have to assume that this man has just like a kink for pain, just break up with Stasi because I can't imagine why he needed to elect to have this surgery.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Jackson, talking head is like, I'm amped.
[SPEAKER_01]: My nose is finally straight.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's never looked better.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm super excited to take this baby out on the road, which is a hilarious way of saying, I can't wait to do so much coke.
[SPEAKER_01]: Totally.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: So then they, they dapp it up with the doctor.
[SPEAKER_02]: He leaves in the second.
[SPEAKER_02]: He leaves the room, Tom Sandevol is like, dude.
[SPEAKER_01]: That guy gets laid all the time, and Jackson's like dude, you and I are the most heterosexual people ever, that's a good looking dude.
[SPEAKER_02]: He's a pilot too.
[SPEAKER_02]: I just like, I can't, and they go on like gushing about him, like do you think he knows how to play guitar or actually I think he's like ambidextrous in the way he plays guitar bro, like he can do it left or right, it doesn't fucking matter, that guy can do anything I can just tell.
[SPEAKER_01]: having to like qualify this entire conversation with you and I, we are these straightest people you could possibly.
[SPEAKER_02]: We are so straight.
[SPEAKER_02]: Before we compliment another man, let us just say for the record that we, you just can't get straighter than us.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm looking at, you know, a women constantly and I'm taking them in and I'm saying, okay, hot boobs, tips, I ask love what's going on there.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even register men like that.
[SPEAKER_02]: No, I didn't even know what gay people were, and so I moved to Los Angeles, which wasn't even that long ago.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I really like, I had no idea, let me remind you, because I am straight, very straight.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like George Clooney.
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_02]: That's just some guy.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Idris Elba.
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: I, whatever.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you say so.
[SPEAKER_01]: That said, I would suck Dr. Lake off no questions asked if he even looked at me a certain way.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's just crazy.
[SPEAKER_02]: The second the doctor leaves to be like, yo, I could just tell that guy fucks and it's like, also that's such a weird way of being like, I'm that guy's attractive.
[SPEAKER_02]: Guys like really hot and cool.
[SPEAKER_02]: He has to like,
[SPEAKER_02]: like in it to how many women this is.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so bizarre.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so strange.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: So whatever, Jackson, Tom are being gay at the doctor's booth.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're at Katie and Tom's apartment.
[SPEAKER_01]: Stasi and Katie are chatting about Stasi's apartment coming together.
[SPEAKER_01]: Katie's like, yeah, your apartment looks so nice.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I don't even want to like stay in this apartment.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wouldn't even
[SPEAKER_01]: I wrote down here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Then how do we even explain this this scene truly like you kind of have to see it tonder you have to see it tonder Senate I'll read out exactly what happens in this scene.
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh-huh.
[SPEAKER_01]: Katie and Stasi are on the couch in the living room.
[SPEAKER_01]: Tom Schwartz opens the front door.
[SPEAKER_01]: Does not walk through it?
[SPEAKER_01]: No, throws Gordo through the entrance who runs in and like immediately runs around the corner and disappears off-screen.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Cady and Stasi turn and they're like, hey, what was that?
[SPEAKER_01]: What was that?
[SPEAKER_01]: And then Schwartz walks in sheepishly and goes,
[SPEAKER_02]: And he's like dragging his feet when he does it.
[SPEAKER_02]: He's like, uh, like, I don't even, it was bizarre and he, like, he doesn't even look towards them.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like a mansion that,
[SPEAKER_02]: Stossy and Katie are sitting where Megan I are and the front door is behind them and the dog ran across Yeah, so then Tom enters the room and then you go across a cross To where the dog ran and there's a lot sitting in the living room so like what's going on?
[SPEAKER_01]: What's going on what's happening picks up the dog comes back around the corner and Stossy and Katie are still like what's going on?
[SPEAKER_01]: What's happening because Schwartz hasn't said anything nothing at all and the first thing that Schwartz says is
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a little old man.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, still not helping anyone understand who this dog is.
[SPEAKER_02]: What's going on?
[SPEAKER_02]: Why is he here?
[SPEAKER_02]: With that guy.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's a little old man.
[SPEAKER_01]: Katie's like, we what?
[SPEAKER_01]: What is that our dog and Stasi's freaking out being like, Oh my god, you guys got a dog.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is so exciting.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like,
[SPEAKER_01]: they said what's never says right Katie still confused she like yeah she's like she's holding herself back because she wants to be excited but she's like easy but we don't actually know if it's our dog or not like okay and then they finally realize like they put
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, they're they're inferring.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're using their schema and they finally realize that it is their dog and Katie Seemingly is very happy about this.
[SPEAKER_01]: She's really excited about the dog And it you know takes Gordo into her arms and is kissing him and whatever in Schwartz is like, yes, he cute like he's so weird He's got his little underbite and you so strange I just want to pause really quickly
[SPEAKER_01]: If my partner brought home a dog without us talking about it and also just like picked some random dog day of
[SPEAKER_01]: I would not be happy about that either when I I'd be pissed like actually I wanted to be involved in this problem.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, this is like a living creature that you've brought into our lives.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: We have no I short had no idea how that dog would react to women had no idea like this was a dog that he adopted.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Did seemingly did no research about this at all.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Just like scooped a dog up brought it home.
[SPEAKER_01]: incredible.
[SPEAKER_01]: I also am just like, who's paying for that?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, true.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, true, because he's jobless.
[SPEAKER_02]: He's jobless.
[SPEAKER_02]: He's putless, saddling Katie's, oh, by the way, we do have to go to pet coats night and buy like dog bed.
[SPEAKER_01]: We need for the dog.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I hope you have stuff saved.
[SPEAKER_01]: Does it have all of its shots like, yeah?
[SPEAKER_02]: No thought.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's definitely a big decision to make without Katie there.
[SPEAKER_02]: Even if you knew that Katie wanted a dog to just surprise her with the dog out of nowhere is kind of crazy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Insane.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Schwartz is happy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Katie's happy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Good for them, I guess.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Schwartz doesn't
[SPEAKER_01]: Finally, getting a dog would make Katie this happy.
[SPEAKER_01]: I would have done it a long time ago.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Katie pretty much immediately starts making jokes about how the dog's going to be their ring bearer.
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's like, you can sort of see in Schwartz's eyes because he thought this was going to buy him more time for the engagement.
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's literally the first thing she says.
[SPEAKER_02]: And he's like, I think I've got to go.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I think I have to go actually in Sossi's like, should we start making Pinterest boards like bridal Pinterest boards?
[SPEAKER_02]: And he's like, oh, I got to go.
[SPEAKER_02]: Bye.
[SPEAKER_01]: Bye.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so boop, over to Sir.
[SPEAKER_01]: Lisa and Ken are walking up to the restaurant and there is a really quick line that Lisa says where she goes, stop grabbing my ass.
[SPEAKER_01]: Beautiful.
[SPEAKER_01]: Which I think is just gorgeous.
[SPEAKER_01]: And in the back of the restaurant and Sir Ali James and Kristen are walking up to the restaurant because
[SPEAKER_01]: Kristen Suspension is over and James got his job back.
[SPEAKER_01]: We are so back.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're all back.
[SPEAKER_01]: We are all back.
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone is working a shift with everybody.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're working a shift with Tom and Ariana Jack's rocks up to the restaurant.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's got tape on his nose and immediately Danny the server is like whoa What the fuck happened to you?
[SPEAKER_01]: Did you get a nose job?
[SPEAKER_01]: Ha ha ha and Jackson's like yeah, I did totally did
[SPEAKER_01]: And then Danny leaves and he immediately complains to sand of all about how he's like, Oh, like fucking 25 waitresses are gonna come and ask me about my nose.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just such bullshit and sand of all goes, dude.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're wearing a piece of tape on your nose.
[SPEAKER_01]: You want people to ask you about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Jackson's like, yeah, dude.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, he's like, yeah, and then the tape's just here so that people know to like, not come near me.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I'm just like, bump me.
[UNKNOWN]: He's so cute.
[SPEAKER_02]: He's wild.
[SPEAKER_02]: He's so stupid.
[SPEAKER_02]: He's like, yeah, I just put this thing a tape on my nose and people would know that I'm fragile, but nobody can say anything about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: But don't talk about it and sand it all's like, you just want sympathy, man.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he's like, ah, yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you?
[SPEAKER_00]: I do.
[SPEAKER_00]: I do want sympathy.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's fucking good.
[SPEAKER_01]: And as the shifts are starting Katie walks up to the bar.
[SPEAKER_01]: She's also working that night, and she's like, hey, Jacks, how are you and Jacks ever the drama queen goes I'm good not that you care, but yeah Katie's like
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not that I don't care, and Jack's goes, well, I was in the hospital.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was actually in the hospital like she know was last year, and you know, she know, and I actually weren't even friends last year, but it's funny because even I reached out to her then and asked her how she was doing.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, I just can't ultimately believe that you didn't reach out to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I asked me how I was doing because I was in the hospital.
[SPEAKER_02]: And it cuts to a confessional of Katie and she's like jacks things because he had self-elected cosmetic surgery that the world should stop.
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't give a fuck about his nose drop.
[SPEAKER_02]: Why would I text him about it?
[SPEAKER_02]: And also it's so funny that jacks chooses to compare himself to Shina, which famously no one gave a fuck that Shina was in the hospital.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Shina actually got injured.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, it wasn't like she got cosmetic surgery.
[SPEAKER_02]: If they don't care about sheena's injury, then they for damn sure don't care about your nose job jacks.
[SPEAKER_01]: And this whole episode is just really interesting because the entire time you're just asking yourself the question, like why does jacks give a fuck so much about Katie on it?
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what, I was thinking that too.
[SPEAKER_02]: And part of me, I wrote in my notes that I was like, is he just mad that Katie is the only woman here that doesn't want to fuck him?
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, that's a really good theory.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a really good theory actually.
[SPEAKER_01]: I had a different theory which is that Katie is one of the only people at the restaurant that Stasi likes.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, both.
[SPEAKER_02]: Both.
[SPEAKER_02]: Because I just feel like you look around and all the other women on the cast
[SPEAKER_02]: except for sheena, I guess, but even sheena, like sheena and Jackson, yeah, even sheena and Jack's have like a weird thing.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm like, I think Katie's genuinely the only woman on that cast that truly does not give him the time of day really and just treats him like her boy friends friend.
[SPEAKER_02]: And he's just kind of there and that's fine and whatever.
[SPEAKER_01]: Again, the whole concept of being mad because your ex-girlfriend's best friend didn't text you when you got a nose job.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like that's crazy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Is crazy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Get a grip.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I don't talk to those motherfuckers at all, and it's like I wouldn't talk to my friends X even if they had a good break up.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes This is the case where it was like the worst possible case scenario.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right of what's around at this breakup?
[SPEAKER_02]: Of course Stossie's best friend Katie doesn't give a fuck about your dumbass nose job even if my best friends X boy friend
[SPEAKER_02]: was injured and had to go to the hospital.
[SPEAKER_01]: I will not be judging out to that.
[SPEAKER_02]: If it was a life-threatening injury, I still wouldn't reach out.
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know that guy.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know that guy.
[SPEAKER_01]: And if Jack's is making the argument of like, well, Katie and I were friends, you know, when we in Stasi were dating, it's like, yeah, because you were dating Stasi.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, that was Stasi's friend that you also hung out with.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like your guy friends, girlfriend.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't, oh my god, he's such a fucking bozo.
[SPEAKER_01]: We just like, he really wants attention.
[SPEAKER_01]: He wants attention.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And also for whatever reason he has decided to set his sights on Tom and Katie for the next calendar week, I guess.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Jack says to Katie, is it okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: Right now that you're even talking to me, like, is it okay to you ask Stasi for permission?
[SPEAKER_01]: And Katie's like, okay, well,
[SPEAKER_01]: I came up to you and was trying to just have a normal conversation because of my boyfriend so he isn't caught in the middle and Jack's in a talking head is like it's so funny because they're having that they're saying the same fucking thing that they just don't give a fuck about each other but like obviously Jack's does.
[SPEAKER_01]: Jack says like I don't care that Tom is Katie's boyfriend.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think their relationships are shame.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's depressed all the time and I think they shouldn't be together.
[SPEAKER_01]: he's raging out for what?
[SPEAKER_01]: For what?
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know what?
[SPEAKER_01]: You did do the same thing with sand of all in Kristen.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like he raged out about sand of all in Kristen too.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just like I don't understand the like cognitive dissonance happening in his head that makes him feel like he is like the harbinger of breakups that he can be the one who's like once that
[SPEAKER_00]: Jack's your dumbass.
[SPEAKER_01]: Even if he is right and totally and Schwartz should break up because they should He's such a dumbass with no credibility that it's like no one is going to take what you say seriously
[SPEAKER_02]: right and it's they should break up but not for the reasons the jack says yes like in jack's is mind kd's the problem is not sure yes um when it's truly exactly the opposite yep then not to say the kd's perfect but if we're looking at the two of them kd's worth sources the issue yeah we're looking at the scoreboard here it's about six hundred to one
[SPEAKER_01]: And Jackson's like, yeah, Katie's a shrew and it's like, okay, well, you're just misogynistic.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: You you did all of the math work wrong Somehow you ended up with the right answer.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, totally.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's quite complete chance that we've ended up here.
[SPEAKER_02]: You stumbled into the answer somehow blindly
[SPEAKER_01]: Meanwhile, in a different part of Sir, Kristen walks up to the table that can and Lisa are sitting at, and they are somehow dumbfounded that the girl that they didn't fire is still working at their restaurant.
[SPEAKER_01]: Lisa's like,
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, you're back.
[SPEAKER_02]: You're here.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's already been two weeks.
[SPEAKER_02]: Huh, huh, crazy, time really does fly.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Kristen's like, yep, my suspension's up.
[SPEAKER_02]: So, and Lisa basically reminds her.
[SPEAKER_02]: She's like, you're on thin ice.
[SPEAKER_02]: So keep it professional.
[SPEAKER_02]: One strike, you're out.
[SPEAKER_01]: Kristen immediately goes on the defense yeah, she's like, well, you know, I did just want to say that I ultimately felt Pretty disrespected at that meeting when Peter started yelling at me and Lisa's like that's so funny because I don't give a fuck Yeah, she's like so Peter is the manager and you have to respect him.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I am going to continue to Defer to whatever he says and thanks and Kristen's like of course, of course, of course.
[SPEAKER_01]: Of course, of course Bye she leaves and Lisa turns to Ken and is like
[SPEAKER_01]: Why do I give her another chance every time and can's like what make it the last one?
[SPEAKER_02]: Make sure this one's the last Always this guy not the good greatest commentary.
[SPEAKER_01]: This guy he brings the gavel down.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm listening to him.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the big boss Back over at the bar jacks cannot shut his fucking trap
[SPEAKER_01]: about his fucking nose job.
[SPEAKER_01]: He is talking to servers.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's talking to customers.
[SPEAKER_01]: He is telling everybody and their mother about his nose job and she Now walks up to the bar and is like, hey, I heard you and Katie talking earlier and I heard my name a bunch of times.
[SPEAKER_01]: So what was that about?
[SPEAKER_01]: Jax is like, Jax is like, okay, let me tell you exactly what happened.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, okay, girl, let's catch Jax loves to queen now.
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, he literally I love when Jax and she knows dynamic is honestly like it's so entertaining to me because they make no sense
[SPEAKER_02]: as friends, as acquaintances, in no context do they make any sense being friends with each other?
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I feel confused that China seems blissfully unaware that in every timeline, jacks is your bully girl.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_02]: Jack's your baby girl.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I don't understand it at all, but somehow they seem to be just viving with each other and Jack's like retails the story of him and Katie just talking and he's like yeah, and I even asked like did Stasi approve of Katie talking to me and Gina goes, I wonder if Stasi gave her permission to motorboat that guy at the club that night.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Jack's was like, I wanted to go there.
[SPEAKER_02]: I wanted to say that straight to Katie.
[SPEAKER_02]: I was so close.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I wrote down, hey.
[SPEAKER_01]: What?
[SPEAKER_01]: What's all that then?
[SPEAKER_01]: This whole plot line, which we will be talking about for the rest of the episode is so deeply confounding.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is bizarre.
[SPEAKER_01]: I watched this episode so closely to try to figure out what the fuck they were talking about.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is beyond me the concept of motorboating some guy's penis.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know either.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not possible.
[SPEAKER_01]: More on this later.
[SPEAKER_01]: Jack's in a talking head.
[SPEAKER_01]: Finally reveals what he believes to be a truth bomb.
[SPEAKER_01]: He goes a few months ago, I was at a nightclub.
[SPEAKER_01]: I look over and just so happened to see Katie nutsling another guy.
[SPEAKER_01]: She was what they call motorboating the crotch region of this gentleman.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it cuts back to Sheena and Jacks at the Surabar and Sheena's like hyping jacks up.
[SPEAKER_01]: She's like, yeah, dude, she was like, the dude was like standing up on the bar and she was like, full on dick level.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Sheena in a talking head goes, people comment on Schwartz and Katie's Instagram photos.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, oh my god, you guys are the cutest couple ever.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you have no idea.
[SPEAKER_01]: You want to be like me and Shay.
[SPEAKER_01]: The strange jealousy that Shina has and like competitiveness that Shina feels towards anyone else in a relationship is
[SPEAKER_01]: It's tough.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's tough to watch.
[SPEAKER_02]: And also it's like it's hard to see how little of it, little of an awareness sheena has at both reading other people's body language and like picking up on social cues.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: She truly cannot tell that most of these people don't like her.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Jack's does not like her.
[SPEAKER_01]: No.
[SPEAKER_02]: As a reminder, like all of these people spent the
[SPEAKER_02]: She is only in with the boys now because of the falling out that Stasi Katie and Kristen had with them.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: Jack's just needs an ally.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_02]: He just needs like another person on his side, because he's like in the shipbox with every single person in this restaurant.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's
[SPEAKER_02]: painful to watch Shina want to be liked so badly that she'll even accept the illusion of being like I know it's really hard to watch.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like that you guys are not friends.
[SPEAKER_01]: No.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is not your friend.
[SPEAKER_01]: Jack says and give a fuck about you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do we know what a friend is?
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: Jack says using you like a pond.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so it's later at Sir and Kristen is smoking during her break.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Jacks comes up to her and is like, hey, thanks for texting about my nose.
[SPEAKER_02]: And he immediately starts arranging to Kristen about how Katie didn't reach out to him.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Kristen's like, come on, did you honestly think she would?
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: Who even is she anymore, Jacks, like, honestly.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he's like, no, I just think it's rude.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, can we talk about also that she's lying right now?
[SPEAKER_01]: She's trying to get engaged.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know, any people trying to get engaged, who cheat on their boyfriends.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you?
[SPEAKER_01]: I saw it with my own eyes.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Kristen looks shocked at this information, which this is an incredible conversation to be coming from the CEO and VP of the Cheating Headquarters of America, both of them looking absolutely disgusted and shocked at the idea of cheating.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: This is beautiful.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's really beautiful.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're gonna, like, I'm gonna ask these questions at some point here where like,
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to get to it, but just know that the entire time these conversations are happening, I'm kind of like, okay.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, but Kristen Jack seemed to care a lot.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Kristen confirmed the Jacks that Sheena texted Kristen about seeing Katie cheating on Schwartz, motorboating some guys dick, which again, the phrase aludes me.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Kristen is like, all of these guys have been throwing stones at me.
[SPEAKER_01]: My entire life is completely fucked and I have nothing.
[SPEAKER_01]: So we just need to go for it and call them out and call Katie out for the cheater that she is.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Jackson's like, yeah, for both of us.
[SPEAKER_02]: And here's the thing that they don't seem to understand.
[SPEAKER_02]: Even if it was true, that does not somehow absolve them of the shitty things that they did.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right, right, why do they think that it's like, we won't still be reacting to you the same way.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, we're just now reacting to a new person, the same way we are to you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, you're not taking away a bad thing, by bringing in another bad thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not like the two negatives don't make a positive.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not how it works.
[SPEAKER_01]: And here's what I will say is like it's so fun to watch a Kristen and Jack's mess around because they're so stupid.
[SPEAKER_01]: They really are.
[SPEAKER_01]: Anytime they get together and plan something, I'm like, I just know that it's gonna go so poorly.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: So then Jackson's like, yeah, me and Sheena saw it with our own eyes, like you know it's credible information because there's two of us and she's going to deny it.
[SPEAKER_02]: But I'm looking out for my friend and I already told Tom, but he doesn't care.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I haven't brought this up to Katie.
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: So Schwartz already knows.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Kristen's like, well, there's only one thing we can do.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to bring it up to Katie and she can either come clean or she can have the worst
[SPEAKER_01]: And then she takes a giant sip of her drink that she's drinking at work when she just promised Lisa that she wouldn't drink it work anymore.
[SPEAKER_02]: But it's like, how, how did they even think that this is gonna be like some big gotcha moment when Schwartz already knows?
[SPEAKER_01]: This is the thing, they don't care about that.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're literally just like, it's not even about that to them.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's about exposing, proving that other people are, quote, just as bad as them, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Which is so funny because it's like, I'm sorry, but if we're comparing these two things together,
[SPEAKER_01]: One of them is worse.
[SPEAKER_01]: One of them is way worse.
[SPEAKER_02]: It works.
[SPEAKER_02]: The alleged offense is that Katie motorboated some guy over the pants at a nightclub, right?
[SPEAKER_02]: Your offense is that you were balls deep in cursing Doty.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's compare these two things together.
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, so once he was really different than the other.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's put him on the scales.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's feathers and bricks, you guys.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I don't believe them.
[SPEAKER_01]: They are so, they are medically stupid.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, they cook up something big.
[SPEAKER_01]: TBD on that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Ta-da-da-da-da-da-da.
[SPEAKER_01]: Ta da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
[SPEAKER_02]: Stasi does approach Villarosa and almost get killed by a swan, because Lisa's house is home to like the anything that could live on the property does, and you'll be surprised every time.
[SPEAKER_01]: Lisa's like fucking doctor do little.
[SPEAKER_01]: She is like gathering animals like nobody's business, and it's like, why are they here?
[SPEAKER_01]: And who was taking care of them?
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so curious.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Lisa and Stasi are going through Lisa's various options on what she could possibly wear to this photo shoot and Stasi is already feeling a little taken advantage of.
[SPEAKER_01]: She in a talking head is like Lisa's asked me to be her stylist but let's be honest she's going to wear what she wants to wear.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm basically a glorified assistant and just like giving her compliments all day.
[SPEAKER_01]: And as they are picking out Lisa's outfit, they're talking about Sheena again.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Lisa's like, you guys really just need to sort it out.
[SPEAKER_01]: Which is like awful.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: And she's like, or you can run as far away from your friends as I did and never talk to them again.
[SPEAKER_01]: So she's like, I picked that option.
[SPEAKER_01]: that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to do that though.
[SPEAKER_01]: There is also like an iconic line from Stasi here kind of intercut into this entire scene where she puts a tiara on her head and she goes, watch out, bitches.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm back.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so they're they're getting the styling done, but Lisa's already feeling a little frustrated at like Stasi acting like a kid at Christmas trying on hats and you know whatever else.
[SPEAKER_01]: And she's like, I want her to be professional and really take this seriously and it is really funny because it's like these two ladies who are just the most stubborn egotistical women in the world are like,
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, so why isn't this woman thanking me, right?
[SPEAKER_02]: Stasi's in her conventional like Lisa's making this out like a huge opportunity for me, but it's not like this is Audrey Hepburn's first Vogue cover.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm literally dressing a dog with alopecia.
[SPEAKER_02]: So awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm dressing a dog with alopecia and he slays and he slays.
[SPEAKER_02]: So what are we going to do about it?
[SPEAKER_02]: So okay, okay, boof.
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, boof on that, I guess.
[SPEAKER_02]: We're at the rooftop pool with Tom Ariana Shay Shina and Peter
[SPEAKER_02]: Jack's does end up showing up in his favorite pink flannel.
[SPEAKER_02]: He loves that thing.
[SPEAKER_02]: He'd freak and loves this flannel too.
[SPEAKER_02]: And he always wears it like in a sinister way.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like it's almost like when I see him wear the pink flannel, I know something crazy is coming.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, oh God, the pink flannel's here.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's honestly so true.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's foreshadowing.
[SPEAKER_02]: So they're having a fun little day by the pool.
[SPEAKER_02]: Jack's does show up in his pink flannel, immediately asks where Schwartz is.
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's revealed that Ariana invited Katie, but she didn't want to come because Sheena was going to be here, and basically Schwartz isn't allowed to come according to that.
[SPEAKER_02]: Sheena immediately chimes in and she's like, I just think it's annoying that because I'm here, Schwartz isn't allowed to come and hang out with all his friends, like a grow-up.
[SPEAKER_01]: And also, at this point, here's the thing.
[SPEAKER_02]: That is obviously not a correct assessment of anything that's happening, and we don't even need to go over this again, because we've been over it at 100 times.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: The thing I'm curious about is like, they love to make it out like Katie is such a follower of Stossies and she doesn't have a backbone or a personality or like any opinions of her own, but at the same time they want to talk about her like she's a fucking dictator that tells Schwartz all of what he can or cannot do.
[SPEAKER_02]: So which is it?
[SPEAKER_02]: Is Katie a dictator that has Schwartz on a leash or is she a complete follower with no backbone in no opinions of her own?
[SPEAKER_01]: that is a really great point.
[SPEAKER_01]: That is a really great point, which is Katie is just whoever they choose her to be at any God-given moment, just to fit whatever narrative they have about shit talking her.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's
[SPEAKER_02]: It's just, they're shit talking, just a shit talk.
[SPEAKER_02]: They don't even, like, they're stories and reasons why they're mad or reasons why they hate Katie.
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't even keep up with themselves at this point.
[SPEAKER_02]: They are literally just in the mood to talk shit and say in words.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, they are quite literally just saying words.
[SPEAKER_01]: And she and a talking head is like, I don't know if Schwarz and Katie are really happy because he doesn't want to commit to marriage and she's getting drunk, motorboding guys, Dicks.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, I don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: Shina, hey, Shina, flag on the play.
[SPEAKER_00]: Shina, hey girl, this version of you is just a really tough version to watch.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and we don't love kind of what you're doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm on the field right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: The whole guy's girl look is always going to be bad.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's always bad.
[SPEAKER_00]: We understand why maybe you ended up here because you felt really rejected by the girls.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was first couple of seasons that said the men that you're choosing to associate.
[SPEAKER_00]: that I've ever walked the face of this earth.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're truly so much worse than the women that were mean to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I can't emphasize enough that you've traded one bad for really fucking horrible.
[SPEAKER_00]: And also, they don't give a fuck about you, girl.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, they're making fun of you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like to your face too, and you don't even realize it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, let's check back in.
[SPEAKER_02]: All right.
[SPEAKER_02]: Get back out there.
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, they're basically so much it got still continuing to talk about how they're so confused that Katie wants to get married because their relationship isn't in a good place at all.
[SPEAKER_02]: They mentioned that Schwartz is talked about wanting to break up before but he's chosen not to because it's too complicated and how intertwined their lives are.
[SPEAKER_02]: And then they briefly talk about she and having a shift at certain night and her working with all of their favorite people including Katie.
[SPEAKER_01]: There is also a really brief shot in the scene of Tom Sandevol and Ariana Licking Tongs.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I hated that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just want to say, get that shit off my screen.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was really bizarre.
[SPEAKER_01]: Vanderpump editors from 2013.
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't pull that shit again.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I really didn't like it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't do that.
[SPEAKER_02]: Boof.
[SPEAKER_02]: We're a pump and they're preparing for the photo shoot.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Lisa's like, where the fuck is Stasi?
[SPEAKER_02]: We took the same route.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, how is she so far behind us?
[SPEAKER_02]: She has the fucking clothes.
[SPEAKER_02]: Stasi eventually does pull up with the clothes, the photographer starts giving her the run-down.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Stasi's in her confessional bitching about how hot it is and how horrible it was to look close across town.
[SPEAKER_02]: She's like, I'm pretty much just Lisa's fluffer today.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, these men are like feeding Lisa Grapes, Lisa's wearing a giant hat, and basically as the photoshoot wraps up, both Lisa and Stasi are in talking heads being like, hmm, didn't even get to thank you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, what was all that?
[SPEAKER_01]: They're they're awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're so great.
[SPEAKER_01]: Two bitches being bitchy towards each other.
[SPEAKER_01]: So boom, we're at Katie and Tom's apartment, and Jack's and Tom's and of all are excited to play a little prank on their friend Schwartz.
[SPEAKER_01]: They show up in shrunks and wearing little like pool floaties and all this shit and Schwartz opens the door and they spray him and he's like,
[SPEAKER_01]: Guys, guys!
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like so happy.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're all so excited about each other.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the guys are like Where the fuck were you today, dude?
[SPEAKER_01]: And Schwartz is like, why?
[SPEAKER_01]: What happened?
[SPEAKER_01]: And they're like, you totally missed the pool day.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Schwartz is like, what?
[SPEAKER_01]: You guys went to the pool?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like he didn't even- I got the feeling- I got the sense from the scene that he didn't even know that they were going to the pool.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's like, why you guys are in the pool?
[SPEAKER_02]: That sounds awesome!
[SPEAKER_01]: Why did you guys blame him?
[SPEAKER_01]: How does it?
[SPEAKER_01]: Who is there?
[SPEAKER_01]: What happened?
[SPEAKER_01]: Tell me everything!
[SPEAKER_02]: And they're like, dude, it is so fun when your bitch girlfriend isn't around.
[SPEAKER_02]: And shorts is like, what?
[SPEAKER_02]: So was she- was she gonna there?
[SPEAKER_02]: She had to talk in Gady?
[SPEAKER_02]: And they're like, yeah, no, no, no, no, she was fully was.
[SPEAKER_02]: They all weren't that did happen.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's like, oh, you guys are all just chilling and hanging out.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, that's freaking awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: So cool.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I love to hang out?
[SPEAKER_01]: Guys, oh no.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love hanging out.
[SPEAKER_01]: And they're like, yeah, like we could do that all the time.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you broke up with your bitch girlfriend.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's honestly, it's crazy that Jax keeps saying.
[SPEAKER_01]: She'll like that though, like, what is his disease?
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know, like, what evil thing is happening in his brain that makes him keep doing this.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Schwartz is like, guys, the things were actually good between me and Katie right now.
[SPEAKER_02]: So he Jax does something so fucking crazy too.
[SPEAKER_02]: He like picks up Gordo and he's like, this is your last summer living here, buddy.
[SPEAKER_02]: Come fall, you're gonna be moving out.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's gonna be you and Tom all by yourselves.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, that's insane!
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, got it!
[SPEAKER_01]: That's actually insane!
[SPEAKER_01]: He's so insane!
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're just like, guys, like, Stop!
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, things are good between me and Katie right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, please just let me enjoy this.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Jack says, like, things won't be good once I confront her about her cheese scandal.
[SPEAKER_02]: Jacks is like not a five anything to do Gojo's going bye bye bye bye bye bye bye.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm by by Cardio parents Gordo Okay, they're gonna get into custody battle over Europe.
[SPEAKER_02]: If I can't be happy Happy I'm giving this dog trauma as we speak.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, can you say trauma?
[SPEAKER_02]: Trauma Gordo you're gonna go through a divorce babe
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh my god, your parents are getting divorced because they don't love you.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, Jackson's like, the older sibling that's looking at the younger sibling, like, you're fucking adopted, you're fucking adopted in our parents' hate you.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's doing that to the dog.
[SPEAKER_01]: Have you ever read the graphic novel Watchman?
[SPEAKER_01]: No.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to spoil it right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: So in case anybody's been holding out on what I'm reading Watchman of graphic novel that came out years and years ago.
[SPEAKER_01]: towards the end of the book is giving this really long speech about how humanity deserves to suffer, basically, and he's like monologueing at these superheroes.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he basically is going to like nuke an entire city.
[SPEAKER_01]: And all the superheroes at the end of his monologue is
[SPEAKER_01]: Why did you just tell us your entire plan if we're just going to stop you and he goes, stop me.
[SPEAKER_01]: I sent those nukes 20 minutes ago and they realized that they're fucked.
[SPEAKER_01]: Jack's is that guy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Jack says like monologueing he is doing like an evil villain monologue and for whatever reason the guys are like ah, that's just jacks being crazy as it jacks and he's like I'm gonna end your relationship.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've already set the wheels in motion totally.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Schwartz is reiterating.
[SPEAKER_02]: He's like, I do not care.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, like I can't express you enough.
[SPEAKER_02]: I cannot express to you enough.
[SPEAKER_02]: I personally don't even believe it's true.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, I don't believe that Katie is a cheater.
[SPEAKER_02]: She told me that nothing happened.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I believe her.
[SPEAKER_02]: And even if it did happen, like I still don't care.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, because I would already chosen to give her.
[SPEAKER_02]: I would believe that it is a drunken mistake and not an indication of her character.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Jax continues to like run run it over in circles.
[SPEAKER_02]: He's like, how would it be a rumor if five of us saw it and you know she not also saw there were kissing on each other's next and then Katie put her face in the crotch region and motorboat at his dick, which
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's stop here and talk more about the motorboding.
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's talk about the motorboding of the day.
[SPEAKER_02]: There is no way this happened.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I don't even need to be shown proof.
[SPEAKER_02]: I could listen to 20 different people be like, I saw it with my own eyes.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I would say, no, the fuck you didn't.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, because that is crazy.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yep, the idea of someone in a club, uh-huh.
[SPEAKER_02]: Fully clothed.
[SPEAKER_02]: a woman.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yep.
[SPEAKER_02]: Motorboating.
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you know anything about women?
[SPEAKER_02]: The Jack's clearly does not understand women at all because he's to him this makes sense because that's something a man would do.
[SPEAKER_02]: A woman wouldn't do that.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, you think a woman's going to motorboat a man's dick over his jeans at the club?
[SPEAKER_02]: Get serious.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm a woman.
[SPEAKER_02]: That's not hot.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm also like
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's say for a second that all of this happened.
[SPEAKER_01]: That Katie did that.
[SPEAKER_01]: That she went over some guys' pants.
[SPEAKER_01]: That is crazy.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even know if I would constitute that as cheating.
[SPEAKER_02]: I would be so confused if I saw someone do that.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'd be like,
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, that was really bizarre.
[SPEAKER_01]: I would just be like, that's weird.
[SPEAKER_02]: And we were just joking.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: I would, I don't even think that the constitutes is cheating.
[SPEAKER_02]: Because it would be so outlandish that you would assume that it was like a joke.
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think, I don't.
[SPEAKER_02]: You think that it just in public at the club.
[SPEAKER_02]: Katie, well, knowing everybody that she knows is here.
[SPEAKER_02]: puts her face in some man's crotch.
[SPEAKER_01]: Come on, I'm thinking about even the physics of it.
[SPEAKER_01]: That didn't happen.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it just doesn't make any sense to me.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, I really feel like this is such an indication that Jack's made it up.
[SPEAKER_02]: This is such a stretch.
[SPEAKER_02]: This is like a Jack's fantasy.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: This is a man cooked up fantasy.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: A woman wouldn't do this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because already motorboating,
[SPEAKER_01]: Not a sexy act.
[SPEAKER_01]: No!
[SPEAKER_01]: It quite literally requires you to make a sound like a loony tune.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's horrible.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, I'm like, what you're doing.
[SPEAKER_02]: Recently, motorboded by a stripper, and I talked about this on the post show.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: And it was jarring.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's really, it's like, what?
[SPEAKER_02]: It was completely jarring.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a part of me that really, I feel lucky that I just don't think I'll ever physically be able to have that happen with what I've got going on.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I feel like I've dodged a bullet in that.
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, apparently we can motorboat anything.
[SPEAKER_02]: Anything.
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, okay, okay, boof.
[SPEAKER_02]: Where it's there.
[SPEAKER_02]: Katie's serving up some cocktails, Kristen's at work, the place is popping.
[SPEAKER_02]: Kristen's in her confessional like, so Katie's been avoiding me like the plague and I'm not too proud to admit that I do miss our friendship.
[SPEAKER_02]: So, I'm going to talk to her.
[SPEAKER_02]: Cut to Sir Alley.
[SPEAKER_02]: Katie is sitting outside, presumably on break, and Kristen looks like she's sort of clocking out for the day.
[SPEAKER_01]: Hmm.
[SPEAKER_02]: She goes outside, sits down next to Katie to smoke, and they're both just sitting quietly on their phones until Kristen breaks the silence and is like, well,
[SPEAKER_01]: This is awkward.
[SPEAKER_01]: She also, it's really funny because like in a talking head after she says, I miss my friendship with her.
[SPEAKER_01]: She, as she's like sitting in silence with Katie, then says in the talking head, I guess Katie has so many friends these days, she can just toss anyone she wants to the curb and it's like, no, it's not about that, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's about the fact that you fucked Jacks.
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember that?
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, remember when you fucked Jack?
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you remember that?
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like we don't remember that, yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: And in response to Kristen calling it awkward, Katie's like, yeah, it is what it is.
[SPEAKER_02]: We work together, so what are you gonna do?
[SPEAKER_02]: And Katie's like, our friendship was not good, Kristen.
[SPEAKER_02]: We were fighting a lot, even before any of the shit happened with Stasi and Jack's, like, our friendship was not healthy.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I had nothing to do with Stasi.
[SPEAKER_02]: There were problems that existed before all of this happened.
[SPEAKER_02]: and Chris and immediately but San like well why do you hang out with Sanneval and Ariana then because you know that he cheated on me five times and Katie is super fucking frustrated at this which I understand because I would be frustrated too.
[SPEAKER_02]: She's like I'm not fucking friends with Sanneval.
[SPEAKER_02]: My boyfriend is best friend of Sanneval.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm just around him as a result of that.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: And also he is not as important to me as you are and at the time like I have never
[SPEAKER_02]: Santa Bull has never been a bestie of mine.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, when all of that happened Obviously, I thought it was disgusting, but Santa Bull and I have never been like this.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't really care about him the way I cared about you.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_02]: You were my friend.
[SPEAKER_02]: I expected more of you.
[SPEAKER_02]: Uh-huh.
[SPEAKER_02]: There was something genuine there between us.
[SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.
[SPEAKER_02]: Santa Bull, there was never that with him.
[SPEAKER_01]: No.
[SPEAKER_01]: and Kristen's not listening to a fucking word of this.
[SPEAKER_01]: She literally in a talking head just goes, you know, Katie really shouldn't be judging anyone considering she's also lying and cheating.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, okay, so, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,
[SPEAKER_01]: Listen with your ears and look with your eyes at what is happening and what is being said in front of you.
[SPEAKER_01]: This isn't about who's also a liar and a cheater.
[SPEAKER_01]: No.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is about the fact that you have fundamentally betrayed two of the closest people in your life to fuck some sociopath who doesn't care about anybody and they are now responding in a completely normal way.
[SPEAKER_01]: by choosing to not be friends with you anymore and you're like I can't believe that because a certain amount of time has passed you won't be friends with me anymore.
[SPEAKER_02]: What the hell is all that about?
[SPEAKER_01]: And so instead of responding to anything that Katie just said, Kristen immediately brings up the motorboating the dick thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Katie is just like, shh, what the fuck are you talking about?
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, shut up.
[SPEAKER_02]: I did not cheat on Schwartz.
[SPEAKER_02]: I never cheated on Schwartz.
[SPEAKER_02]: If I was gonna cheat on him, do you really think I do it in front of Jackson, China, and Che and Peter?
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Kristen's like, I mean, you were hammered.
[SPEAKER_02]: Who knows what you would do?
[SPEAKER_02]: And Katie's like, I was talking to my friend, and he wanted to do a photo shoot with the two of us.
[SPEAKER_02]: There was no motorboating that happened.
[SPEAKER_02]: I was taking my shoes off.
[SPEAKER_02]: I bent over to take my shoes off.
[SPEAKER_02]: My friend wanted to do some, I don't know what the context of this is.
[SPEAKER_02]: Me either.
[SPEAKER_02]: My friend wanted to do a photo shoot and so we took our shoes off.
[SPEAKER_02]: Somehow that was misconstrued as motorboating a dick, I don't know.
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't understand any of these explanations.
[SPEAKER_01]: Even if I am of the mindset of like, even if Katie is lying, and she did motorboats some guys dick or whatever, I actually don't give a fuck because, and they say this later that if Katie did do that, she was likely black out drunk, and hey, it's of my opinion and the laws opinion that if you are black out drunk, you actually can't consent to doing that shit.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if Katie was doing that, and she was black out drunk,
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't care.
[SPEAKER_01]: Sorry, I don't care.
[SPEAKER_01]: I really, it doesn't, this whole thing doesn't matter to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, they are acting as though Katie actively fucked Tom Sandevol in front of everybody at the club.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's just like so clearly them trying to divert attention away from what they've done.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Kristen's in her conventional, like this is just hypocrisy, hypocrisy at its fineness.
[SPEAKER_02]: the length that she is going to try to act like Katie has done something wrong or equally as bad as what she has done.
[SPEAKER_02]: The only thing it's doing is actively convincing us that any remorse that she has shown has been completely for show.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that it was all just to try to get things back to stasis and not because she actually felt any sort of remorse.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Katie walks away from that conversation, like this is exactly why we're not friends.
[SPEAKER_01]: So Booth.
[SPEAKER_01]: Working at the college, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh God, it's so well.
[SPEAKER_02]: And the Jameson is confessional is like, just everyone knows.
[SPEAKER_02]: Not only did Kristen say that I was better and better than Tom, but she also said that I had a substantially bigger penis than him.
[SPEAKER_02]: So...
[SPEAKER_02]: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage.
[SPEAKER_02]: Skinny penis!
[SPEAKER_02]: Ha ha ha ha ha.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, enough.
[SPEAKER_02]: Enough about that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't care.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that you guys are all rocking some tiny little shlongs over there and I don't give a fuck.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I don't care.
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't, honestly, I cannot deal with how much emphasis men put on this.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's so, or they're like, state, they care about dick size more than anyone else does.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, it is so stupid.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, why are we in a quite literal dick-measuring context?
[SPEAKER_01]: Nobody cares.
[SPEAKER_01]: Nobody gives a fuck, dude.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, okay.
[SPEAKER_02]: So boo, if I guess we're at a cafe, we're Stasi, Christina, and Katie are getting brunch.
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank God.
[SPEAKER_02]: Stasi's recapping her day with Lisa, still trying to get her to be friends with China, and Katie's like, you know what?
[SPEAKER_02]: I've got a little update for you guys.
[SPEAKER_02]: Surprisingly, I had a conversation with Kristen at work, and she went into talking about why I'm not friends with her and blah, blah, blah, that's because I'm up Stasi's ass, whatever.
[SPEAKER_02]: this is strange to me because I've had like a very neutral relationship with them over the last nine months, absolutely nothing has changed, but Stasi coming back in town has kicked up like a dust storm for some reason.
[SPEAKER_02]: And then Katie tells them that Kristen accused her of cheating on Schwartz because she and Jack say that they saw it with her own two eyes.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Stossie and Christina looked fucking shocked.
[SPEAKER_02]: Stossie's like, after learning about the motorboating at Dix, Stossie's like, do people even do that?
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, yeah, that's the only appropriate reaction hearing that.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, what?
[SPEAKER_01]: What are you even talking about?
[SPEAKER_01]: What are you talking about?
[SPEAKER_02]: Jack's made this up.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: 100% Jack, this is cooked up from the mind of Jack's tail.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: And as they're kind of talking about it, Stasi is like, you know, I just kind of wonder like, how do you feel about Schwartz continuing to hang out with all these guys?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, why doesn't Schwartz care that his friends are like constantly shit talking you?
[SPEAKER_01]: and Katie kind of chimes in and she's like, I don't know, like, I think maybe this just started, like, it really hasn't been this bad up until now, blah, blah, blah, blah, and Stasi's like, I don't care about any of this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you have to cut the bullshit.
[SPEAKER_01]: It should either be you or Jacks.
[SPEAKER_01]: like no ifs answer buts.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And they kind of like continue talking about like the the rumor that has been started about Katie motorboding a person's dick and Stasi's like these guys are insane like just because they cheat all the time doesn't mean everyone else does.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like that is not normal.
[SPEAKER_02]: And thank God someone said it for most of us, the like conversation of cheating actually doesn't come up all that often.
[SPEAKER_02]: No.
[SPEAKER_02]: If ever, because most people don't do and shit like that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, they're just not doing that.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's just like not a conflict that's on the table.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, for whatever reason have created some weird vortex in LA where they are constantly in this swirling cycle of cheating, but that doesn't happen everywhere else.
[SPEAKER_01]: No.
[SPEAKER_01]: The boy is a bike riding.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and shorts is like this is awesome man We're all on me up and up jacks.
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't have your license anymore and jacks is like ah, man Why'd you bring that up don't bring that up like God yeah, my dad forgot to pay my insurance again In the Tom's are like dude don't say that out loud That's really sad to hear they're like is another reason you went to jail Did you were driving with that insurance?
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, Jackson's like 34 still under my parents insurance.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've lasted longer than most people I fucking hate him and he's like okay
[SPEAKER_02]: Topics, which immediately talking about something else.
[SPEAKER_02]: Jack is like, you know, I've thought a lot about the Katie situation since yesterday, and I've decided that I'm not going to get involved anymore, because this is none of my business.
[SPEAKER_02]: But I would just like to add one final time that if she did admit it, which I would love, I would let it all go.
[SPEAKER_01]: I will not be getting involved.
[SPEAKER_01]: I will not be talking about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: That said, ultimately she does mean to apologize to me and to everybody else.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I will let it go.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, I'm letting it go.
[SPEAKER_01]: Except before that, she needs to admit to her wrongs, and then I will let it all go.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, but I'm letting you guys know that I'm pre-letting it all go, it's about to be let go.
[SPEAKER_02]: She Katie just has to admit to everything that I'm accused of.
[SPEAKER_02]: Depending on Katie verifying my room or not.
[SPEAKER_02]: Cut back to the girls at brunch and they're making jokes and then you need to come up with better rumors like they're all lesbians or something And then Katie opens up her phone and sees shorts post on Instagram the boys on their bikes and then Schwartz text Katie that they're coming to brunch
[SPEAKER_02]: It's Tossie and Christina are many like, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, we're leaving a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a
[SPEAKER_02]: and Katie's asking Schwartz what they talked about while they were biking and he's like nothing and she's like okay well obviously it's not nothing yeah um why do you keep hanging out with people who trash me yep I mean they're not trashing you right it's like it's not you it's just like this one instance they don't like you and Gennery yeah like on a regular
[SPEAKER_02]: Basically in case like okay, well, they are now in choices like okay, well, it's not they Let's be specific.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's jacks, which is a lie.
[SPEAKER_02]: It is both of them.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's both it's all of them.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's all so sheena It's all it's the whole fucking group
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, and Schwartz in a talking head is trying to convince himself that maybe Jack's is just doing all of this because He's jealous that Schwartz spends so much time with Katie like even Schwartz is like I genuinely do not understand Why Jack's is going so hard with this whole Katie motorboating a guy's dick thing and As Katie and Schwartz are kind of talking about this Tom and Jack's rejoin the table
[SPEAKER_01]: and Katie then in a talking head is kind of discussing like that she's genuinely like a sounded at Jackson's audacity that they could show up.
[SPEAKER_01]: He could crash her brunch and her meal get some meal and sit down across from her just like chopping on fries when she knows and he knows that she knows that he has started this completely false rumor and like is trying to
[SPEAKER_01]: brave.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so Katie basically, and they're all kind of like sitting in silence.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Katie's like, okay, so hey, why were you guys all shit talking me at that pool party?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Jackson's like,
[SPEAKER_01]: This isn't bullshit.
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought with my own Tunei, two eyes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Cause like I saw it, I saw it.
[SPEAKER_01]: In Katie's like, be fuck as serious.
[SPEAKER_01]: And what ensues is just an absolute clusterfuck of jacks continuously popping french fries into his mouth and just repeatedly going,
[SPEAKER_01]: You're a cheater.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what else to say.
[SPEAKER_02]: Open mouth chewing the whole time.
[SPEAKER_02]: You're a cheater.
[SPEAKER_02]: Guess what?
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not like never- never-before.
[SPEAKER_02]: And why would I- why would I like?
[SPEAKER_02]: But I have never- never lie about you.
[SPEAKER_02]: You're just a cheater and you can't admit it.
[SPEAKER_02]: And what are we gonna do about that then?
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, and sand of all keeps trying to be like, guys, guys, guys, guys.
[SPEAKER_02]: Shut up, shut up, shut up, you're talking.
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you love it?
[SPEAKER_00]: Shut up, I hate it.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're about to scream.
[SPEAKER_01]: Shut up, shut up.
[SPEAKER_01]: Jax is still like, what am I lying about?
[SPEAKER_01]: Why am I lying?
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, why did I?
[SPEAKER_01]: And Katie's like, Jack's, you crashed this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you came here, just leave.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he goes, me leave, you leave.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not even wanted here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Nobody fucking wants you here.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Katie's like, nobody wants me here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Really?
[SPEAKER_01]: And Schwartz is just sitting there silently.
[SPEAKER_01]: Tom, Tom, we know you're here.
[SPEAKER_01]: We know you're here.
[SPEAKER_01]: We know you've improved over the past decade or maybe, I don't know, again, based on just pictures we've seen or something like that, I don't really know, what are Tom, I love that's like an inside joke between you and me, the only number of those.
[SPEAKER_02]: Anyways, Schwartz, back to what matters.
[SPEAKER_01]: Listen, this behavior.
[SPEAKER_01]: is not okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_02]: We don't like what you're doing out there.
[SPEAKER_02]: Schwartz, I've already talked about this shock collar.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't make Maddie bring out the shock collar.
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't make me by two shock collars.
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't want to know where the other one goes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[UNKNOWN]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Another almost same page.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, Jack's is still adamant saying the Katie cheated that he saw it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Schwartz finally ever so quietly, ever the little mouse with a cookie saying, Guys, stop, it's over, we're happy.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Katie in a talking head says,
[SPEAKER_01]: I have been wanting my boyfriend to fucking man up and prove that he cares about me, and he is just sitting there saying nothing while his two friends swear at me and call our relationship a fucking joke.
[SPEAKER_02]: As if he hasn't done enough already, Schwartz then has the audacity to yell at Katie,
[SPEAKER_02]: yell at her like stop giving this attention the more attention you give it the more of a problem it is what that is crazy that's crazy shorts you are just you're watching your two guy friends you're watching Tom and Jack's yell at your girlfriend and
[SPEAKER_02]: in watching and reacting to that, your assessment is to then get mad at Katie for standing up for herself which you won't help her with at all.
[SPEAKER_02]: You're gonna yell at her, this is just like blatant misogy.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's actually so stressful to me to watch.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it genuinely is so stressful for me to watch.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I like, I was sitting there thinking like, I just don't even see a world in which this was happening to me and like,
[SPEAKER_01]: if people were like yelling or swearing at just like a friend of mine that I would react that way.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, there's in no world am I reacting that way towards someone being like actively bullied right in front of me.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's crazy.
[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like I'm losing my mind watching this.
[SPEAKER_02]: So Katie's like this is turning into a big old gang up so enjoy yourselves.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm leaving.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and then on on her way out, Jackson Shouts at her like, say hi to Stasi for me.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to kill him with a gun.
[SPEAKER_01]: I swear to God.
[SPEAKER_02]: So that Schwartz is like, alright, I'm going to take a break.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to follow where I'm going to go talk to Katie and Jack's is still on it.
[SPEAKER_02]: And he's like, you fucking live with her, man.
[SPEAKER_02]: You can talk to her anytime.
[SPEAKER_02]: What is wrong with him?
[SPEAKER_02]: Katie's crying.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: And she's like, you know, Schwartz walks over to talk to her.
[SPEAKER_02]: And she's like, why do you hang out with people who speak to me that way?
[SPEAKER_02]: And Schwartz immediately starts going with his, no, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
[SPEAKER_01]: And Katie's like, I am being called a liar and a cheater, which I am not.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that hurts.
[SPEAKER_01]: It hurts my feelings.
[SPEAKER_01]: And George is like, well, listen, I'm not stressed about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Isn't that all that matters?
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, no, actually, that's not the issue.
[SPEAKER_01]: At this point, that's well past the issue.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't care if you don't care that your girlfriend may or may not have cheated on you.
[SPEAKER_01]: What's happening right now is that your girlfriend is being actively bullied by your friends.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not about the specifics of what she's being accused of.
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's how she's being spoken to and treated.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he is like sitting there complaining.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, all right, I'm going to go eat a sandwich or at least I'll try to.
[SPEAKER_01]: My stomach isn't freaking knots because of that whole altercation.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, wow, you are pathetic.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he leaves.
[SPEAKER_01]: He leaves Katie.
[SPEAKER_01]: The fact that he then goes back to his friends, to eat a fucking sandwich.
[SPEAKER_02]: Wild, wild work, Schwartz.
[SPEAKER_02]: Wow.
[SPEAKER_02]: Schwartz comes back to the table.
[SPEAKER_02]: And Jackson's like, I just need you to know that I didn't start it.
[SPEAKER_01]: who cares you are 34 years old and we're worried about going oh he started it she died and he died it are you 11 yeah are you 11 right also when Tom comes back he is actively mocking Katie crazy he like he does gestures as if to mock Katie in the fact that she's like upset and crying
[SPEAKER_01]: The fact that he feels that he needs to like, big dog his own girlfriend to feel more macho in front of his loser friends.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is, wow, the pathetic squad is just like out, out and about today.
[SPEAKER_02]: And also like,
[SPEAKER_02]: Even if Jacks didn't start that conversation, you did start the rumor, babe.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_02]: So ultimately, it is you who started it.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: All roads lead back to Jacks Taylor.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Schwartz sits down, and he's saying to sand of all and jacks.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, Katie just feels like she's being attacked.
[SPEAKER_01]: But you know, it's not worth my time or energy to investigate that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't care.
[SPEAKER_02]: And sand of all's like, well, you should care.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's more about the honesty thing, which again, really ironic coming from the mouth of Tom.
[SPEAKER_01]: sand of all this with so crazy and Schwartz even says he's like I know Katie isn't a cheater she's not if this was not going thing she was like getting bang constantly and constantly motorboding dicks or whatever then yes maybe it'd be a problem but she was probably borderline blackout and it was drunken thing and like whatever who cares and the guys are like you don't want her to be honest you don't want her to come clean and then Schwartz
[SPEAKER_01]: has one, one kernel where I'm like, follow that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, oh my god, follow that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yep.
[SPEAKER_01]: He goes, you guys can't say, just admit it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Would we admit it?
[SPEAKER_01]: That way.
[SPEAKER_01]: Met with utter silence.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're all like, um, and he goes, fuck no.
[SPEAKER_01]: Why didn't he just say that from the beginning?
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: Why did it take this long?
[SPEAKER_01]: And also, not even in front of Katie.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: to not even defend her, but just make one salient point of you guys are fucking hypocrites, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Your act when you like this is the biggest fucking thing in the world, when you've cheated on your girlfriend multiple times, you cheated on your girlfriend with his girlfriend multiple times.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you deny deny deny deny deny deny.
[SPEAKER_01]: Why is it that if Katie does this thing?
[SPEAKER_01]: She then has to come clean or she's like this lying horn.
[SPEAKER_02]: I honestly feel like the only reason why that wasn't said is because Schwartz knows that they know that he cheated on Katie.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yep.
[SPEAKER_01]: this this fucking group of guys.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't.
[SPEAKER_01]: Terrorists.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the end of the episode.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's it.