[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's talk about these jobs.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, nine to five corporate type situation.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have a question for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's say that you had been looking for a job.
[SPEAKER_00]: You had been job searching for a minute and you interviewed at a place.
[SPEAKER_00]: You thought it was okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: You liked it enough to agree when they gave you an offer to start.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you've been there for a week or two and surprise surprise unexpectedly.
[SPEAKER_00]: you get an offer from another job and you know it's just in your opinion it's a better opportunity it pays more but now you have a dilemma you know you've been at this at job A okay going to job A for like a couple of weeks
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, you've probably already gotten paid at least once, I'm guessing, you've been putting the system, you know, you've filled out all the paperwork, you've been onboarded, someone has invested a little bit of time in you, giving me some training, you have your desk and it's all set up.
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you feeling any kind of way about that?
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you feeling guilt over the fact that you're most likely disappointing somebody or disappointing a team or an office?
[SPEAKER_00]: So, hey, hey, my name is Bree, and welcome to the Brown Girl Self Care Podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a platform in space for Black women, what we honor our humanity.
[SPEAKER_00]: I saw this on social media and I'm going to pull up the post really
[SPEAKER_00]: Ah, of course, I just lost it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, here it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm going to read this to you and I'm going to read your response, but I'm curious to know before I before I tell you what happened in this situation because this is actually a real life situation someone posted on social media, what would you do in that situation?
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, what would you do?
[SPEAKER_00]: So here is actually what she said.
[SPEAKER_00]: She says, I feel so bad.
[SPEAKER_00]: I started a new job on the sixth of this month,
[SPEAKER_00]: And a week later, a new opportunity with a higher salary came out of nowhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: Literally from a previous co-worker I hadn't talked to in a year.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I put in my two weeks today, somebody tell me something so I don't feel like a horrible person because my boss's face made me feel so guilty.
[SPEAKER_00]: So basically what I said, but I didn't want to give away what this young lady said.
[SPEAKER_00]: But you know, she applied somewhere, she got the position, everything was agreed upon.
[SPEAKER_00]: she was there on the sixth, so she's probably been there for almost a month at this point and two weeks into the position.
[SPEAKER_00]: surprise surprise there's another opportunity a better opportunity right one that is more money plus maybe some other things as you didn't mention here but at minimum more money you know and she felt like it made sense to jump ship but apparently when she put in her two weeks notice which was very respectful by the way she put in her two weeks notice and I guess her boss's face her boss was probably very disappointed probably annoyed as well
[SPEAKER_00]: And so now she is feeling the guilt of that decision.
[SPEAKER_00]: She is feeling the guilt of putting her so first, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: So I just sent or I just made a quick response and I'll read it to you here, but then I want to dive into this episode and dive into kind of like talking about this, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: So what I said was you did something odd at you.
[SPEAKER_00]: The job you left.
[SPEAKER_00]: likely didn't care about you anyway, just being real.
[SPEAKER_00]: Do what you need to do to be safe, well, and happy.
[SPEAKER_00]: More money can help with those things, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: And I left it at that because I didn't want to leave a long diet club, but I thought that it was a wonderful opportunity or really good opportunity to talk about, again, just these jobs, corporate life, nine to five in,
[SPEAKER_00]: Toxic culture, hustle culture, productivity culture, like all these things, okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: So Let me grab my notes really quickly here.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's hard to do this stuff when you are trying to juggle your phone and your laptop, but Let's see if I can find it really quickly.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, so here we go.
[SPEAKER_00]: So first of all, I want to say that in this situation
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to acknowledge that, yeah, it can feel very tough and, and, and, and,
[SPEAKER_00]: she was very brave to just go ahead and put in that two weeks because again she didn't owe them two weeks anyway okay let's just be very clear about that but the fact that she weighed her options and she figured that this is what was best for her even though now she's feeling like gosh I've disappointed my boss you know they invested time like for whatever reason she's
[SPEAKER_00]: Like she disappointed someone and she's like, please, just tell me that it's like, another word's, please tell me that what I did was okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, please validate this decision that I have made, you know, and I get why she feels bad.
[SPEAKER_00]: Many of us, or, you know, black women, we have been taught to be like the good girl.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have been taught to be loyal.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have been taught to, you know, if we've been given an opportunity, we have to make sure that they know Just how grateful we are for this for this job Just how grateful we are for this opportunity just how how Amazing this is and you know, I I'm gonna stay here for 20 years and you know, thank you so much about the law Like we have to be really overly
[SPEAKER_00]: appreciative, overly considerate, you know, because, first of all, it's a job, you know, and their pain is money.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we think that they're doing us a favor.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're not, but also I feel like there's this this dynamic, at least this is how I have felt about things at times when there's someone in a position of authority like a boss.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you disappoint them, you know, or you know that they're going to be upset or unhappy, at least for me, I feel like because they're in a place of authority, like I, I don't want to make waves because for me, making waves means that it's the, the, the.
[SPEAKER_00]: the situation on some level is now unsafe.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that goes back to for me at least like my childhood I've talked about it before and maybe you can relate to this but you know I remember as a little girl having to take a note that I got from my school because I was talking or whatever and so I would be so terrified to disappoint her because I knew that or my parent because I knew that
[SPEAKER_00]: There might be a possibility that I'm going to get my ass whipped or I'm going to get in huge trouble.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to get yelled at because that punished ignored, shamed, you know, berated, mercilessly, you know, threatened, so, you know, I have had to do a lot of work around.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to say this around just like people in quote unquote authority and how I perceive them and also how I have now in my like 40s and 50s just now have started to get the courage to.
[SPEAKER_00]: First of all, not put them on a pedestal, but even if I have to have a hard conversation, I just just do it and I don't do it from a place of, oh god, they feel bad, so I can't do this.
[SPEAKER_00]: Or I can't say this, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's just like like what, like the fact that she feels like a
[SPEAKER_00]: upset someone that she's only known for like a month, number one, when all she was doing was making a decision, like a business decision or a decision, a life decision, rooted in her safety, rooted in her happiness, rooted in her abundance, rooted in her peace of mind.
[SPEAKER_00]: people in a place of authority to dictate what we do with our lives, what moves we make, how we do certain things, when we do certain things, which opportunities we take, which opportunities we turn down.
[SPEAKER_00]: like at what point do we make a firm decision that I'm going to live my life for me and instead of feeling guilty about you doing something that's best for you and your life, your circumstances.
[SPEAKER_00]: No longer, like we no longer, I don't want to say don't worry about it, but we no longer like put that someone else's emotions,
[SPEAKER_00]: on a pedestal over our own.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it's just that whole guilt thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the fact that her boss shows, I'm assuming a displeasure on her face.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, this is business.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not a personal thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, I don't feel like guilt necessarily.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, it definitely not in this case.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't feel like guilt even belongs in the same sentence, but I definitely do understand why that will be the case.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and I want to remind you of that.
[SPEAKER_00]: First of all, she gave two weeks notice, which again, you, I think that was very, very classy, but keep a mind that these jobs, even though we do our best because this is what we have been conditioned to do like this is the right thing we've been conditioned to be super loyal, you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: going above and beyond, depending over backwards a lot of times, just doing the most to make sure that you are seen as a bright employee, a worthy employee, a employee that really cares about the company and the company culture and all these things that we're expected to do for this check, by the way,
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of times these checks are not even worth what we are worth, okay, but
[SPEAKER_00]: feel like these jobs, they don't care about us anyway.
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't care about you anyway.
[SPEAKER_00]: So how about this?
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's say that this young woman was doing the job and two or three weeks in the boss came to her and said, I'm going to call her Shannon.
[SPEAKER_00]: Boss came to her and she was like, hey, Shannon, can I talk to you in the office for a minute?
[SPEAKER_00]: And you go into the office and there is your boss and HR.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you know what that means, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what that means.
[SPEAKER_00]: They would have no problem getting rid of you the same day or how about this.
[SPEAKER_00]: They would have no problem having you work all the way through to Friday.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then calling you into the office at 4pm to let you go at the end of the week, at the end of the day.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, there's a lot of little things, a lot of shady things that these businesses do, but one thing that they definitely do is they're not going to give you two weeks if they're letting you go.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like if they found someone better fit for the job, a lot of times,
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, they don't give us the same consideration that we give them typically.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, if they need to restructure, if they need to lay off, if they need to rehire the position for whatever reason, if they need to cut
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, there's a budget cut, even though you just started, if you're the first one last one hired, you're going to most likely going to be the first one fired, you know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_00]: These jobs are going to do what is best for the bottom line.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're going to do what's best for the bottom line, and I can tell you at the end of the, oh, at the end of the day, make a home at night.
[SPEAKER_00]: they're going to sleep very well.
[SPEAKER_00]: The people in HR, they're going to sleep very well.
[SPEAKER_00]: The CEOs who make these these decisions from a place on high, they're going to sleep very well.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so really says like you worrying about disappointing someone that you will never see again, that who again, if necessary would eliminate you, eliminate your job and have your seat filled in like a week or less,
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no reason for you to ever feel guilt for doing what is best for you, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: But you know, we're in a system that it really is built on labor and
[SPEAKER_00]: productivity and loyalty and, you know, that kind of thing, but choosing your own financial well-being over a company's bottom line, over a company's comfort, over a company's inconvenience, minor inconvenience, mind you.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's an act of self-preservation.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's an act of choosing yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's an act of prioritizing your well-being.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's an act of allowing abundance to flow into your life.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
[SPEAKER_00]: It's about allowing ease into your life.
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine you're now working in a job.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm assuming it's a similar job.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was you're making more money.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now you have more discretionary income to do things with.
[SPEAKER_00]: Save more money, put money into your 401k for future wealth to order.
[SPEAKER_00]: fast food or not fast food, but order like door dash or order someone to cook healthy meals for you with food prep or have someone come into your laundry or like whatever the case may be, now you are allowing more money into your life and when you have more money in your life, you have more money to kind of like play around with or use at your discretion and you know it's not even just about the money.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, higher pay is not
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not just about like this whole thing about, oh, now I have more money for I can go and buy these new shoes or these new hand bags or Now I can go buy that house or put it down payment on the car or whatever the case may be those are great things, by the way, and I love that for you, but I think more so it's it's not just it's not just those things it's also like this
[SPEAKER_00]: More money is more breathing room honey.
[SPEAKER_00]: More money is more breathing room.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's more you just making space like if you're in debt you have now you have a little more room to pay off debt.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're able to rest a little more because now you can hire people to do things where you like I said and it's going to allow you to
[SPEAKER_00]: Or to help you get out of survival mode, if that's where you are.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're in survival mode, having more money is definitely going to help you get out of survival mode.
[SPEAKER_00]: So no, you do not have to feel guilty about doing what's best for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, we need to really think about this whole narrative of being the good girl, because
[SPEAKER_00]: When you think about this whole good grown narrative, one who is loyal, one who shows up all the time, one who always wants to please the boss and be seen as the the the employee of the month and
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, all of those things, I think that definitely is something that is hardwired into us at a very young age, but instead of being our boss, it's something that we learn to do like through our, through our parents, you know, instead of people pleasing for managers, we are people pleasing like for our parents or other people in authority and we're doing this now as an adult to our detriment.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, when you were a child, at least I'll speak for myself when I was a child, people pleasing, walking on eggshells, trying to get all ace, you know, which I, I don't know if I really did that once I hit like maybe 9th or 10th grade, but I tried, you know, trying to read someone's mind and anticipate there what they need and what the, you know, I'm saying like trying to do those things.
[SPEAKER_00]: I guess that's kind of like you're being a,
[SPEAKER_00]: you're being like a good employee when you're a little kid.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's to me, feels like the same, you know, an employee as a kid, employee at home versus an employee on the job.
[SPEAKER_00]: Difference is, as a child, we didn't really have a lot of say.
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of times, we didn't have a lot of grace or leeway if you're someone that is that came from a authoritarian type of home
[SPEAKER_00]: a culture where the child is basically seen and that hurt and you do what I say and you do what how I say it.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is how I wanted these were things I want done.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't question.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't talk back.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't you know that kind of thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know I just feel like it's basically
[SPEAKER_00]: You're an employee as a child, like I can see now as I'm thinking this through like the similarities.
[SPEAKER_00]: But as a adult, you are able to take yourself out of the situation.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't own explanation.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't own a apology.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't owe two weeks notice.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't owe anything, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: And you can remove yourself, like I said, from the situation, if that's what you need to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you technically don't have to people, please don't have to walk on excels, don't have to play the game, don't have to mask, you know, do all these things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now the challenge is that, even though you really
[SPEAKER_00]: Hopefully, I'm going to explain this correctly.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to, but because of the way that everything is set up, of course, it is hard to do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I get why it's hard to do that because, you know, that's just how things are set up.
[SPEAKER_00]: You make just enough money to kind of get ahead, but if you leave, you may be good if like a month or so, and then you may be risking debt not being able to pay bills and things like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you're constantly having that go for your mind like I don't want to lose this job.
[SPEAKER_00]: So when you suck it up, I don't want to lose this job.
[SPEAKER_00]: So let me, let me play the game.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to lose this job because it took me so long to find this one or whatever.
[SPEAKER_00]: So let me let me just mask.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you got to put your armor on sometimes or a lot of times as black women, you go into these office spaces, let me mask, let me mask up and play the role play the game and, um,
[SPEAKER_00]: keep this job.
[SPEAKER_00]: Keep this job.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, you, you, you technically don't have to do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, I'm not telling you, and I say this quite a bit.
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, if you've listened to this podcast before you heard it, I'm not telling you to go and quit your job.
[SPEAKER_00]: What I am saying is that you do have options.
[SPEAKER_00]: And freedom is available to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: So no, you, you, you,
[SPEAKER_00]: don't have to be loyal.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to people, please.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to walk on excels.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to be the good little black girl in this office.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to be the the the highest producing person.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to like there's there's a whole list of things you do not have to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Personally, as I mentioned several times, I quit my job in 2019 because of the things I did no longer want it to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: I prioritized freedom over having to continue masking and going through depression again because of this job and just a whole bunch of stuff, you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not saying that it was an easy decision or that my role from 2019 to here has been.
[SPEAKER_00]: paved with sunshine and lollipops because it hasn't been, but, you know, we have options.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you're not stuck.
[SPEAKER_00]: And no, you do not have to stay somewhere when there are other opportunities available to you, because like I said, these jobs are not loyal to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: These jobs are not and definitely not to black women.
[SPEAKER_00]: These jobs are not loyal to black women.
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't defend the black women.
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't stand up for black women.
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't pay black women.
[SPEAKER_00]: What we deserve as a whole, like, no, no, absolutely not.
[SPEAKER_00]: So what you do, oh, your job is, you know, you agree upon labor?
[SPEAKER_00]: If that's what you signed up for, then do that, you know, during working hours, only if that was the condition.
[SPEAKER_00]: And other than that, you don't owe them loyalty, you don't owe them your life, you don't owe them your energy, you don't owe them your time.
[SPEAKER_00]: You only owe them what exactly you are getting paid for.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you have your own permission as needed to move around.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so I will just leave it at that.
[SPEAKER_00]: But one thing I won't last thing I will say is that, you know, if a door opens, that is going to invite more peace into your life.
[SPEAKER_00]: invite more money into your life.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's going to give you a better quality of life like more safety because you know like money, money gives you options.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Take it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Walk through that door, sis.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, oh, kick the door down and take it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, take the opportunity.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is ahead of you.
[SPEAKER_00]: If it makes sense for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to worry about how will they manage
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, what will they do?
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, what will they say?
[SPEAKER_00]: Who cares?
[SPEAKER_00]: who cares?
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you are kind enough and gracious enough to give them two weeks, because that's what it used to be back in the day, at least when I was younger, it was like you put in your two weeks, like you give them two weeks, you give them two weeks, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: But I don't know if that's something that maybe to pin on the job they're even doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, right now, but you do not have to be peeking into that new opportunity looking into that doorway, but you know, looking behind you at the old opportunity and apologizing and you know what I'm saying, ringing your hands and trying to overcompensate, girl, take your blessing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Take your blessing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want us to normalize black women taking their blessing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want us to normalize black women doing what's best for them.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want us to normalize black women.
[SPEAKER_00]: saying show me the money.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I want us to normalize black women, given them, given themselves their own permission to do whatever it is that is best for them.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want you to do that and you do not have to feel guilty about prioritizing yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know that that's not what what we're taught.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know we're supposed to quote unquote always do the right thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And all that?
[SPEAKER_00]: No.
[SPEAKER_00]: When I think about freedom for myself and freedom for black women, it includes opportunities to bloom, to advance, to rise, to be more abundant, to be more fruitful, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: to be more at peace, and have opportunities for more peace in your life.
[SPEAKER_00]: And one way to invite more peace into your life is to have more discretionary income.
[SPEAKER_00]: Such you can do more of the things that you want to do and get more of the things that you need.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, okay, so don't block your blessing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't worry about who's mad.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let them be mad and you just keep it cute and classy and get in and get out and go on to your next opportunity.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Seriously.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's it for this week's episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: Before I go, did you know that I have a private members only podcast right here?
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I'm going to drop the link in these show notes.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's only $10 a month.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you want to take this work that I do a little deeper beyond just what we talk on the podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you need more reflecting, if you need more
[SPEAKER_00]: affirmation and things like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then you are definitely going to want to check it out.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that is it for this week's episode of the Brown Girl Self Care podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for listening.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am looking forward to connecting with you next Monday, but in the meantime.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't block your blessing girl.
[SPEAKER_00]: Take the opportunity.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll see you next week.
[SPEAKER_00]: Bye.