[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to the I don't gap podcast if you're new here.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm Oni B. I'm your host You guys high high high first of all I am so excited about today's episode I kind of think this might be the most important episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll ever make in my life Hopefully for you guys, but I know for a fact that this is gonna be
[SPEAKER_00]: One of the most important episodes for myself, because I had the craziest epiphany yesterday, and I'm just so excited to talk about all of it with you guys.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like there's just so many things.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm getting ahead of myself, so I'm gonna slow down.
[SPEAKER_00]: The first thing I wanna say is, are we noticing the sticky notes on the wall?
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I told you guys that I was gonna add from the last episode, so now we have three so far.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll be adding a new one after this episode,
[SPEAKER_00]: Literally keep going till the wall is filled.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so excited for that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, look what I made yesterday If you're watching on YouTube you can see, but this is my creative notebook.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am I don't know what you call this mental illness But I need a new notebook.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need time.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I'm kind of reinventing myself from feeling a new Chapter of my life opening.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need a new journal.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I can't use an old one I don't know what's wrong with me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've never finished a journal.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think in my entire life
[SPEAKER_00]: So this is my new one.
[SPEAKER_00]: I decorated her yesterday, like but dazzled her.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's so cute.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm really excited because I wrote like six pages in here for today's episode and I've never written stuff down for an episode in my entire life.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like any time I've ever filmed it's just been straight to the camera No notes, but today you guys today's important if you can see my notebook
[SPEAKER_00]: You'll see, first of all, the cute little pink bedazzles, but okay, I know I say this in the beginning of every episode, but seriously, the love that you guys are showing me has been so exciting and so amazing for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm just so grateful that you guys are here and a bunch of new faces new listeners, that's freaking awesome.
[SPEAKER_00]: So hi, welcome.
[SPEAKER_00]: So.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I said, today's episode is gonna be so important.
[SPEAKER_00]: I wanna talk about keeping your spark alive because I think that this is the biggest thing that I struggle with in my life right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like I've always had this issue.
[SPEAKER_00]: Actually, that's not even true.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've had this issue for maybe the last like three years of my life, but before that, my spark never died.
[SPEAKER_00]: I always felt,
[SPEAKER_00]: So connected with myself so confident all the time and so creative and I don't know what happened as I got older I think I just got stuck in routines and as you develop in your careers and you focus on making money Like I feel like that's just like the big thing But as I've gotten older you guys I feel like I feel amazing for like a week two weeks
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I drop off and I know it also has to do with my cycle and like when I don't feel my best physically.
[SPEAKER_00]: But more than anything, I can just sense that there are times in my life when I am not in alignment with my higher self to be frank.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I lose my spark at least once a month and then I have to refind it and it just it takes too much time.
[SPEAKER_00]: It takes way too much effort for me to have to
[SPEAKER_00]: Look for my spark again, try to remind myself of who I am and all these things and then like once I'm back and I feel like myself again, then I only have a week or two before it goes away.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, and I'm totally to blame.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know that it's because of my habits that I lose my spark every month, so I have created an entire game plan on how to keep my spark and how you can keep your spark too, which is what today's episode's about.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am so excited about this.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have so many things I want to say, so I'm going to have my little handy day any creative notebook, and we're going to go through all my notes and just chat about this because I think this is the most important thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it stems
[SPEAKER_00]: into every sector of your life.
[SPEAKER_00]: When you feel like you have your spark, I feel like it affects how you are in your job, with your boyfriend, with your girlfriend, with your friendships, and with yourself most importantly.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think that this is something that we all should be focusing on in our lives.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to say just feel like we lost our whimsy at some point.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm trying to get my back.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, like I have it for a little bit, and then I lose it and then I get it again.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to be consistently there.
[SPEAKER_00]: And there should be ways that we can stay locked in on the feeling of being in tune with ourselves, 247.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know it's possible, okay, not falling.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know it's possible because like I said, for many, many years, I was never out of flow with myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: I always was creative.
[SPEAKER_00]: I always had so many insane ideas every single day.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was always writing down all of my,
[SPEAKER_00]: beautiful downloads all the time and I'm like, okay, where's that at?
[SPEAKER_00]: What happened to that?
[SPEAKER_00]: And I do feel it when I'm doing certain things.
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyways, that's the overview.
[SPEAKER_00]: You guys welcome back to the I don't gap podcasts.
[SPEAKER_00]: Here we don't gap at all.
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, the whole point of this podcast is to learn to give less of a frick because at the end of the day, how goofy and funny to care what other people think.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like the only person that I care about and what they think is me, my boyfriend, my family, and my gorgeous amazing dogs.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, all right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's get into it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Shall we?
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm really excited.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, starting off with your spark.
[SPEAKER_00]: What do I mean by that?
[SPEAKER_00]: What even is your spark?
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, to me, it's the part of you that makes you feel alive.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's also the part of you that makes you feel like yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, just your, your judge.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: You're spark.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the thing that makes you feel like you.
[SPEAKER_00]: And when we have our spark and we have a good connection with that feeling, we don't feel as insecure or as comparative to other people.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then on top of that, we're way cooler and way weirder.
[SPEAKER_00]: Have you guys seen on TikTok?
[SPEAKER_00]: Healed so much that I'm weird again.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the type of shit that I'm talking about, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: Your spark is like your creativity, your curiosity, your excitement, your ideas, like those random ideas that you get in the shower or while you're driving, like,
[SPEAKER_00]: Such insane good ideas that you just need to write them down immediately that your imagination all of your interests and your individuality.
[SPEAKER_00]: Your spark is the thing that sets you apart from everybody else.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you ever feel like, I don't know who I am or like, you know, you just follow the trends or you follow what other people set out for you to be cool.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have your own spark.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're just basically forming your thoughts based off of other people's thoughts, which is not what we want you guys.
[SPEAKER_00]: We can be inspired by other people.
[SPEAKER_00]: Of course, we can be inspired.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can pull inspiration from absolutely anywhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: But,
[SPEAKER_00]: To not be able to form your own thoughts for your own individual interests, that's the problem.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is a problem.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I can personally tell you that when my spark is its strongest, I am literally unstoppable.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel almost manic.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: I also do have bipolar too.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it might actually be a little bit of mania, hypomania, but regardless, when I feel my spark,
[SPEAKER_00]: you guys like genuinely I can do absolutely anything I am posting every single day I'm taking pics and doing my makeup and putting my outfits on like I am literally feeling myself so crazy and that is not something that's consistent for me I don't feel that way all the time I honestly probably feel that way like
[SPEAKER_00]: 40% of the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: If that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So my goal is to feel like that 100% of the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: And with that, RIP, Dullie Parton, so sad that she passed.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I was watching her, um, I think it was like 40 minutes or 60 minutes.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was just like a little episode on her life.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was just so enlightening to see her mindset on everything and just like the way that she believed.
[SPEAKER_00]: in herself and her image and how much confidence this woman had and she showed up as her best self every single time she went anywhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that that motto is really, really, really awesome and obviously it can be a little bit exhausting to do that and I agree.
[SPEAKER_00]: I get exhausted to put makeup on and I cut off it on every day.
[SPEAKER_00]: I definitely don't.
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's ways that I can tap into my spark and into my confidence that doesn't necessarily
[SPEAKER_00]: This whole idea, this whole concept of keeping your spark alive, and never losing it, is also just finding a way to feel like myself, regardless of what I'm wearing, regardless of how my hair looks, regardless of everything, because for me, sometimes I feel like my confidence or how I feel as conditional upon all those things, like, unfortunately, my mood depends on how much I like my outfit, tightbeat, but I don't want it to be like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I want to be so on my Adam Sandler shit that like I can wear and look like whatever, but I still feel like the swaggyest coolest bitch in the world because I literally am me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like no matter what I'm wearing, I'm like bro, but it's literally me up in this outfit right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like nobody realizes.
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyways, back to the spark.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can tell when my spark is dying when I'm not getting those downloads anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: and I think the biggest reason why it stops is because I do not allow my brain any sort of quiet time and I think a lot of you guys can probably relate to this how many times a day when you have a moment of free time when you're not working or you're not like
[SPEAKER_00]: showering.
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you scrolling on your phone or watching a TV show or just trying to fill the silence with some sort of noise?
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm definitely guilty of this, especially recently.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've been feeling like kind of scared to go to sleep.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what's going on with that, but like recently I've just been wanting to like watch something or like scroll up into the last second of me.
[SPEAKER_00]: closing my eyes and that has been making me sleep like shit recently.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just really bad, but I can tell you guys that I am so guilty of this.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love feeling the quiet with something.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that right there my friends is the problem.
[SPEAKER_00]: So here's some scientific facts.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, here's the science behind everything that I'm saying right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I did my research, you guys.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I did my research.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is serious.
[SPEAKER_00]: So the science, the brain has something called the default mode network.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure you guys have heard of that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Basically, it's active whenever you're imagining something when you're daydreaming, when you're remembering, like you're looking back on memories, and when you're in internal focus thought.
[SPEAKER_00]: So essentially any time that you're looking inward into your own brain,
[SPEAKER_00]: you are in this network, which is why we get things like shower thoughts and like great ideas when we're driving.
[SPEAKER_00]: For me, I get shower thoughts sometimes but for me it's mostly when I'm driving, like I'll just be getting the craziest downloads, but that's what's happening.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my gosh, and before bed, it might be borderland in Somnia.
[SPEAKER_00]: I definitely think I should go with that sometimes, but my best ideas.
[SPEAKER_00]: They always come when I'm just trying to go to bed like I'm just trying to sleep and I like can't make it stop.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just so frustrating recently.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is terrible, but I've been like having to take an Iquil sometimes when I like really can't sleep.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think I I'm going to go to the doctor for that actually.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what I'm realizing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not contoning that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So with all that being said, like I said earlier, we rarely give ourselves that empty space.
[SPEAKER_00]: We rarely let ourselves be bored.
[SPEAKER_00]: And ever since just doing this research yesterday like all last night, I noticed myself I just became aware of it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, okay, I'm taking my makeup off.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm about to shower.
[SPEAKER_00]: Why do I need to prop my phone up and watch something while I'm doing that?
[SPEAKER_00]: Why can I just listen to music?
[SPEAKER_00]: Or maybe listen to nothing and just get on ready.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't understand why I can't do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yesterday I made these mindful choices to let myself
[SPEAKER_00]: be bored or let my brain form its own thoughts and it was an insane change.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's crazy because like it makes me a little bit sad and like embarrassed that I wasn't letting my brain be a brain like kind that's kind of what's happening because
[SPEAKER_00]: When you're constantly consuming other people's thoughts and never formulating your own thoughts, it's like your brain starts to die a little bit.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I know that sounds crazy, but that's kind of what's going on.
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to give your brain the ability to work and use.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's all like I don't know how else to say it for it to be healthy and optimal.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's important to have to ponder different ideas and different outcomes for situations.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's really good for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Critical thinking is so good for your brain.
[SPEAKER_00]: So even just AI has made that more rare than usual.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it's becoming uncommon to formulate your own ideas and to problem solve, which
[SPEAKER_00]: Honestly, bums me out, like I kind of miss having to be creative and come up with the best options on my own.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I will never use chatting with you when it comes to like something super creative like making a song for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll always just rely on my own brain for that because it's good for me and like that's the whole point of being alive you guys is being able to be creative and create things out of nothing.
[SPEAKER_00]: How the hell you're going to use a robot to do that that's insane.
[SPEAKER_00]: So here's the thought maybe we're not less creative.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe we're just never bored anymore, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, that's the conclusive thought.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe we are still just as creative as we've always been, but we just haven't allowed our brain to practice being creative.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, if you're a singer and you haven't used your voice in months, obviously it's going to take you some time to get back to that prime place you once were where your instrument was like,
[SPEAKER_00]: at its best, you have to retrain the muscle to be able to work the way it always has.
[SPEAKER_00]: So duh, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's something called divergent thinking, which, like I said earlier, is letting your brain explore lots of different possibilities.
[SPEAKER_00]: So basically, like problem solving or critical thinking, which, like I said, again, we don't do as much anymore and kind of miss school to be honest.
[SPEAKER_00]: Cause I miss using my brain.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I definitely think I'm gonna pick back up a personal curriculum
[SPEAKER_00]: I really want to be smart you guys.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to be able to have a sharp brain.
[SPEAKER_00]: I notice that there's certain times when I'm trying to formulate a sentence where I thought and I like can't find the words in my head and I'm like, that's not good girl.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to get real dumb real quick.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we got it.
[SPEAKER_00]: We got to just use our brains.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, and also being smart is so hot.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I love.
[SPEAKER_00]: the idea of being educated and smart and knowing things and using cool crispy words that I don't normally use.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I love that, love that, love that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so when I think of my spark, I also think of my channel and like, I'm trying to think of the best way to describe what I mean by this.
[SPEAKER_00]: Just,
[SPEAKER_00]: the channel between you and whatever you believe in.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I can hear God the most and I come up with well maybe I don't come up with it, maybe God is giving them to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: The best ideas and just I have the most beautiful imagery in my mind when this channel is open.
[SPEAKER_00]: Have you ever been in a situation where
[SPEAKER_00]: you've been writing something down and you're like, oh my god, this and oh my god, that and oh my god, I could do this afterward.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you have just a cluster of amazing ideas and have you ever done something with them before?
[SPEAKER_00]: Cause I have, so I can tell you firsthand.
[SPEAKER_00]: how beautiful that is.
[SPEAKER_00]: This podcast, for example, this whole podcast, the birth of this in the very beginning as in a flow was a download.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was a creative idea that just spiraled into a million other creative ideas until it was just happening.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was taking action on it without even thinking, that's how it even started in the first place.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the rebrand of this podcast as
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't gaf podcasts.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was also a random download that I wrote down and just started taking action on immediately.
[SPEAKER_00]: I literally got the idea.
[SPEAKER_00]: Two minutes later, I was changing my Instagram username.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it was just an immediate thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And when you take action on these downloads, like they're always going to be the best ideas.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you've ever read the book, the creative act by Rick Rubin, he talks about this like collective consciousness.
[SPEAKER_00]: And he talks about when an idea is ready to come down to earth.
[SPEAKER_00]: It pops into this collective consciousness.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you get it into your brain, you're meant to do something with it because it's time for this idea to be birthed in the real world.
[SPEAKER_00]: But the caveat is that if you don't take action, if you have this amazing idea and you just never do anything about it, somebody else might just do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Why?
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, because it's time for that idea to make its way to earth.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's gonna get here regardless of who brings it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Have you ever had an amazing idea and then watch somebody else do it and you're like, I literally was just thinking about this.
[SPEAKER_00]: How did they do that?
[SPEAKER_00]: Now you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a note to self because my job is creative.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a creative by nature and also by work by career.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: So a note to self for me is don't wait till you need to be creative for work.
[SPEAKER_00]: to practice being creative, which I am definitely guilty of doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll let go days and days and days without being creative or really using that creative brain outside of just editing and posting.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I'm not opening back up or turning back on that part of myself and that part of my brain until I have to.
[SPEAKER_00]: Before I was really guilty of this,
[SPEAKER_00]: with the beginning of this podcast as it was in flow and I would feel so creative and be birthing all these amazing ideas and then I would kind of close the book up and then would have opened it up until 15 minutes before my next episode and I was just out of touch like I wasn't living in that vibration and that lifestyle that energy and I felt like it showed I felt like I felt it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's why I think I always felt like I just wasn't fully embodied in it and that's why the I don't Gaff podcast feels so much more genuine and authentic to me because regardless of whatever state I'm in regardless of it I'm feeling connected to myself or not like I'm here to bring it all to this chair and tell you all about it Regardless of how I'm feeling because I know that you guys feel something similar to this as well I think we all do I think as we've gotten older and as the times of change like it's becoming so common
[SPEAKER_00]: to not know who we are anymore because it's so easy to consume other people's lives instead of our own.
[SPEAKER_00]: Before you guys remember when there was just pages and you'd ride your bike and you'd don't knock on your friend's door to hang out or like there was just so much more individuality back then because there was just so much less accessibility to other people's lives it was just kind of like pop stars and actors but now these days it's influencers it's everything and
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, who could blame us for falling a victim to this?
[SPEAKER_00]: It's literally just what's happening in the world.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I definitely think that if you want to feel unique and cool and individual, you have to be able to stay connected with your spark.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the way I see losing my spark and like having to find it again or opening the channel and then closing it and like all of this back and forth,
[SPEAKER_00]: It almost feels like I will spend all this time to feel creative, to feel and tune with myself, to feel amazing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I'll go fall into a little bit of a hole.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I'll just start spending my time consuming scrolling, swirling, watching TV.
[SPEAKER_00]: Never just like formulating thoughts or being alone with myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: And, um,
[SPEAKER_00]: Then I lose the spark obviously the channel closes it's just not really it just goes quiet and from there I feel like whenever I'm ready or whenever I notice and I want to fix that and find myself and find that feeling again.
[SPEAKER_00]: It takes time, it's like warming up a car instead of it already being warm or already being in motion.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you have to turn it back on, wait for it to warm up like it just takes time and I don't want to deal with that anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I'm sitting up for this.
[SPEAKER_00]: This leads me to my plan for myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: My plan for me, my plan for you if you want to do this.
[SPEAKER_00]: with me.
[SPEAKER_00]: These are the things that I'm going to do every week and every day to help myself feel like myself all the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to lose this creative spark because I feel my most confident when I am connected to my creativity.
[SPEAKER_00]: When I'm creating things from nothing, whether that's singing, making music, making content, painting,
[SPEAKER_00]: fucking bedazzling my journal, styling outfits like these are the things that make me feel the most myself and so I don't want to lose it anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to go back and forth and like have to find it again.
[SPEAKER_00]: Come on.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's time to hold on to that shit.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: So this is what I'm going to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: So for me, I, okay, so I'm going to be making one thing a week that nobody sees.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is huge for me personally because I'm a content creator.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is my job.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's really hard for me to fathom the idea of like,
[SPEAKER_00]: Styling and outfit or doing anything creative and not sharing it since it's actually my job to share those things But I have to I'm forcing myself to do one creative act a week that nobody will see for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Most likely.
[SPEAKER_00]: It will be
[SPEAKER_00]: by means of making music because I already don't like sharing my music.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that would be a breeze.
[SPEAKER_00]: But also I'm going to challenge myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's a makeup look or maybe it's an outfit that I put together.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like last night you guys.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not only did I sing for literally like two hours straight.
[SPEAKER_00]: I had the best night.
[SPEAKER_00]: I had some wine.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was just like for all the king around my house with my new karaoke system.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was just like singing and performing, which I haven't done that in a really long time.
[SPEAKER_00]: I went to a music school.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you guys didn't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, and I had a performance class where I had to perform in front of my teacher and in front of my classmates every week and that was actually the most like terrifying thing of my entire existence because I love to sing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love to make music.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've been doing it since I was literally a baby, but performing in front of people is crazy, especially when part of the assignment is not even just like how you sound, but it's also how you deliver and how you move your body and your emotions like that is crazy to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, so anyway, I was just practicing and I was just, you know, finding that feeling and I was just like really connecting with myself in that way and it felt fucking awesome.
[SPEAKER_00]: I could not recommend that more getting a karaoke machine and just like literally performing even if you don't sing, even if it's just for fun and just like...
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know connecting with your sensuality a little bit so much fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: I had the best time.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, last night after I had all that fun singing, um, I felt so good and inspired and I was just listening to like Frank Ocean and just old artists that I honestly haven't listened to in a little while and I was just feeling so good.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was folding my laundry and I was like, you know what?
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to kind of style some new pieces.
[SPEAKER_00]: I got some really, really great
[SPEAKER_00]: vintage pieces in recently and so I was like, I want to style these.
[SPEAKER_00]: I haven't been in the mood to do that recently And so I just was in my mirror styling a bunch of outfits and I'm going to New York Fashion Week in like a week and a half So it was fitting it was kind of for that, but I was just having so much fun Picking and choosing and like getting creative and it feels so good to have a sense of your personal style We're not looking to others for inspiration
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I'm styling these pieces based off of what I like and what I don't like making different changes with buttons and keeping things open and pairing with different bras based off of what makes me feel good not what's cool popular like what's in I don't give a flying fuck what's in right now honestly so
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like this has been so exciting and so fulfilling for me to like, I don't know, just disconnect from Pinterest, not care about the Pinterest board and just really ask myself, what do I like, what do I want, and what do I feel good in?
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's been really fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yes, making one thing a week that nobody will see, I highly encourage that you guys do that, consider it like a creative date and spend a couple hours on it, that'd be cool, or even 30 minutes if you don't have a lot of time.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, and the big overarching theme for this is creating something with no outcome.
[SPEAKER_00]: except joy creating something for nothing but joy to do it to feel joy like what did it feel like to be a kid and make something or when you're playing outside and you're just being so creative and your little kitchen like how much joy you felt to just be creative.
[SPEAKER_00]: I missed that and I'm so excited to practice this on a weekly basis and then really ask yourself and I'm consuming more than I'm creating.
[SPEAKER_00]: The answer is absolutely probably
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and for me, I create a lot in terms of like the fact that I am obviously making videos all the time and making this podcast, but even then you guys like it's important to create things with no outcome other than just
[SPEAKER_00]: pierbless and nobody's saying it, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: I also wrote a couple notes on how this can directly correlate with your relationship.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you happen to live with your partner like I do, I kind of want to chat about how your spark has a big role to play in that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So sometimes when you live with your partner especially, you can accidentally
[SPEAKER_00]: Make your world smaller and kind of like morph together.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is what happens with me because my partner, he works overnight and so I won't see him for a few days in a row, which honestly love that because then it feels like I like him in my little girl world and then I have my boyfriend and then he leaves and I'm in my girl world again.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love it but I miss him a ton obviously and when he gets back all I want to do is just
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, just be right on top of him and do everything with him and just spend all my time with him and that's usually what we do and he like always wants me to do everything with him and I'm like always going to say yes because literally my baby angel.
[SPEAKER_00]: But it can be really easy to adopt their habits and I.
[SPEAKER_00]: to my boyfriend if you're listening to this.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love you so much, don't take any of this personally.
[SPEAKER_00]: But sometimes you might notice that you adopt your partner's habits and I love my partner's habits.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, he's amazing, great, awesome, perfect.
[SPEAKER_00]: But there are certain things that he does that I do not like for myself, not even for him, but especially not for myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: Some of those things being
[SPEAKER_00]: Always needing to be watching something, always needing stimulation like from the phone or from the TV.
[SPEAKER_00]: Always wanting to be watching TV like that's a big thing that I've been like pointing out to him like maybe we should spend some time not watching TV maybe.
[SPEAKER_00]: We should just turn it off for a little bit like that's fine.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't need to always be simulating your brain.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like exhausting for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's one of the things also staying up really late.
[SPEAKER_00]: He loves to stay at play.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hate to stay at play, but I do it because I just love him and love hang out with him.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, wait, this is not cute at all.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not loving.
[SPEAKER_00]: The whole going to bed late waking up early thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need my eight hours.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I need my hours.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it's very important to me So not a cute habit.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't like that at all.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's but I'm not here to Talk shit, but there's just a few things that I'll notice myself
[SPEAKER_00]: morphing into and Adopting and I don't like that and one thing that I will start asking myself is what would you be doing if you're alone because the days that he's not here You guys I don't watch TV.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll watch sex in the city or new girl while I'm eating dinner But I'm not sitting upstairs and watching TV ever
[SPEAKER_00]: And on top of that, I go to bed as early as possible, unless I'm really scared and can't sleep.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then I'm going to sleep early.
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's just like, there's certain things that I do so differently when I'm alone.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm also always singing and I'm always creative and I'm always doing all these things.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's just really important to still make time for that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank goodness my boyfriend loves to sing and we love music.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we do that together, which makes me so happy.
[SPEAKER_00]: In my last relationship, I was never singing ever.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I was always telling myself,
[SPEAKER_00]: if and whenever I have a boyfriend again like I need a boyfriend that loves music and loves to sing and I will feel comfortable singing in front of because obviously that's what makes my heart and my soul feel the best and anyway so that's an important question ask yourself what would you be doing if you were alone and separating yourself from them sometimes it's good to let them go do their own thing and you do your own thing like my boyfriend loves to play video games and sometimes I'm like
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you really have to play?
[SPEAKER_00]: Just hang out with me.
[SPEAKER_00]: But these are some like, yeah, go play.
[SPEAKER_00]: Love you so much.
[SPEAKER_00]: Have fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I get to do whatever creative task or whatever little cutie, cutie, girly hobbies that I wanted to do while he's doing his little boy stuff.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, go ahead, go upstairs.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thankfully, we live in a big house and he can just go completely in a different sector of the house.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I can just have the entire first level to myself, love that for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, I want to think of creativity as a way of staying connected with myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's the most important thing is using this as a tool to never lose myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: You guys, I don't know if you experience this, but like I've been saying throughout this episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I will feel like myself one week, then not myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then it's just like, it's really inconsistent and it's really annoying me.
[SPEAKER_00]: So using creativity to constantly stay connected and not feel like
[SPEAKER_00]: anybody or anything can shake my confidence or like my confidence is dependent on something else.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just we're deleting that okay singing, writing, exploring, taking photos, making things.
[SPEAKER_00]: These are always ever remembering yourself, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I've been saying, they remind you of what you like.
[SPEAKER_00]: When nobody else is influencing your answer.
[SPEAKER_00]: again, I'll say it.
[SPEAKER_00]: They'll remind you, creating things reminds you of what you like, what makes you an individual, what makes you fucking awesome.
[SPEAKER_00]: super cool, super weird, amazing without anybody else's influence around you, not because it's trendy, not because your favorite influence are like that, but because you fucking like it, that's what makes you cool, that's what makes you unique and like there's nothing cooler than individuality you guys, like I'm so over all the dupes everywhere, I just want to see people for exactly what they are sharing what they love, doing what they love,
[SPEAKER_00]: Myself included, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just really fucking on sexy.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it just this.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, going back to the things that I'm gonna be doing because I kind of took a little segue, but here is the official list of all the things I'll be doing to keep my spark live.
[SPEAKER_00]: Number one, in the morning, I'm gonna do one small creative act before getting stuck in consumption which happens to a saw, whether that's through your work or TikTok or whatever it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: Always go on our phones at a certain point in the morning but I'm gonna be doing one small act before any of that happens.
[SPEAKER_00]: For example,
[SPEAKER_00]: alexa play my favorite song, alexa play, get you by Daniel Caesar and singing at the top of my lungs.
[SPEAKER_00]: Harmonizing with Daniel Caesar.
[SPEAKER_00]: Perfect.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, morning pages coming up with a creative concept.
[SPEAKER_00]: You could literally go online and look up a bunch of creative prompts and just do one each day So fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: So cute.
[SPEAKER_00]: It could take you five minutes in the morning boom.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's all you need to do every morning Some sort of little creative act to make you feel connected, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm also going to start doing intentional time with no input whatsoever for me That's going to be when I'm walking my dogs So instead of being on my phone, which I don't do often, but sometimes I will like be on my phone or at least
[SPEAKER_00]: not in the present moment.
[SPEAKER_00]: I will be focused on where I am looking around at all the pretty trees and the flowers and just being completely where my feet are.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, non-negotiable.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll be doing this every day from now on while I'm driving.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to get distracted.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to stay
[SPEAKER_00]: Completely with no input, yes music, maybe sometimes not, but I'm just gonna be fully in the moment, as well as when I'm taking showers Music sometimes, but not all the time sometimes I can just be in silence.
[SPEAKER_00]: The next thing is I'm gonna keep a journal to catch all of my downloads
[SPEAKER_00]: Exhibit A, my little creative journal, I highly suggest you guys get one of these on Amazon, decorated if you want and just have this on your desk.
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't need to be used all the time every day, but anytime you get a really good idea or something exciting or something inspires you just write it down.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's good for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and once a week like I said, I create a play date, no expectations, no outcomes, no one sees it, just between you and you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Or you can do it with a girlfriend.
[SPEAKER_00]: I actually think that'd be really cute and fun or your boyfriend, whoever.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and the next rule at least some of what you create should never be posted Of course if you're going and doing a cute little paint session with your boyfriend you're gonna post a pic and put on your story like absolutely Yeah
[SPEAKER_00]: But there should be at least something of your creative play that no one sees.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think I'm talking to myself when I say that.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's gonna be some things that nobody sees.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, now to wrap this all up, I have my final thoughts, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: I was having so much fun writing this all down yesterday.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thought number one, you.
[SPEAKER_00]: is getting.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe losing your spark isn't this huge dramatic thing, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously it sucks, but maybe it's not the end of the world.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it happens through tiny little choices where you repeatedly stop to making room for yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's me talking to myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it happens from those little tiny conscious or unconscious choices to keep yourself distracted than to be here in the moment with yourself, whether it was on purpose or not, and maybe getting it back
[SPEAKER_00]: right?
[SPEAKER_00]: So staying curious, making things that nobody sees, spending time alone, and keeping the channel open, these are all the things the recipe for keeping your spark alive and never letting it die again.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, in my last final conclusive thought,
[SPEAKER_00]: Keeping your spark alive is essentially just keeping your relationship with yourself alive.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that out of everything in the world, that is the most important thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: It should be the most important thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think as I continue to get older and become a fiancee and get married and have children, like I want to get this down and have this down before I continue on in life, because it's just going to get harder to master this.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think I'm in a really great position.
[SPEAKER_00]: and I hope this resonates to really give this all my focus and make this something that becomes a foundational part of my life.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm so happy that I got to say everything I wanted to say and that I got all of these ideas out.
[SPEAKER_00]: This like I said from the very beginning is going to be one of my most important episodes ever.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is like the foundation of everything that I need for myself and I hope that
[SPEAKER_00]: This really clicked for you guys and it came out a good time and that it resonates and feels good.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, my camera's gonna overheat again.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm definitely gonna wrap this up.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've taken enough of your time.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm at your favorite moment from this episode or whatever thing you're pulling in and taking with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I will choose when I'm going to put up on the wall.
[SPEAKER_00]: And with that, I love you guys very, very much.
[SPEAKER_00]: I will see you next week because we're gonna start doing weekly episodes.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think you're hanging out with me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Until next time.