WEBVTT 00:00.766 --> 00:03.028 [SPEAKER_00]: It is time for you to start shaking some tables. 00:04.010 --> 00:06.973 [SPEAKER_00]: It is time for you to start saying it with your chest. 00:07.794 --> 00:15.942 [SPEAKER_00]: It is time for you to command space in rooms that may not have previously had space for you. 00:16.703 --> 00:22.449 [SPEAKER_00]: But you can't do that until you are ready to commit to taking up 00:23.730 --> 00:24.231 [SPEAKER_00]: space. 00:24.731 --> 00:25.171 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, y'all. 00:25.192 --> 00:27.353 [SPEAKER_00]: This is Bree with the Brown Girl Self Care podcast. 00:27.533 --> 00:29.435 [SPEAKER_00]: I am on a bit of a break right now. 00:29.535 --> 00:34.258 [SPEAKER_00]: However, I wanted to bring you this episode on three ways to take up space. 00:34.418 --> 00:40.583 [SPEAKER_00]: If you have not listened to this episode or even if you have, this is a crucial episode for you to press play on. 00:40.963 --> 00:48.629 [SPEAKER_00]: So go ahead and listen in and I'll see you on the other side today. 00:48.649 --> 00:52.632 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to talk about what it means to take up space. 00:54.152 --> 01:09.939 [SPEAKER_00]: you see it all the time right take a space is take a space girl make sure you take a space and I say it too like take a space take a space take a space because I feel like that's so important for us as black women I sat there and watched the honorable 01:18.385 --> 01:45.882 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't even really have the word to describe how I felt watching her during that confirmation hearing, but just one example of many of black women taking up space and showing us, leading the way and telling us, hey girl, you know, don't abandon yourself, come and get what you came for, do the things you were put here to do and do it unapologetically, but we see that, that, that, 01:46.336 --> 01:56.301 [SPEAKER_00]: I guess platitude if you will take up space, take up space, take up space, and I realized I don't think I've ever really necessarily done a podcast on taking up space. 01:56.341 --> 01:58.982 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I haven't, I don't recall, but I don't believe that I did. 01:59.522 --> 02:03.504 [SPEAKER_00]: So I thought it was important to go ahead and talk about that today. 02:03.584 --> 02:04.945 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's what we're going to be talking about. 02:04.985 --> 02:11.608 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to be giving you about three tips on how to take up more space. 02:12.781 --> 02:20.068 [SPEAKER_00]: And again, I feel this is important because as black women is specially, this applies to all black women. 02:20.388 --> 02:30.998 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, but I'm speaking right now mostly to those of us that are in corporate America, corporate environments, I hear from women. 02:31.519 --> 02:33.020 [SPEAKER_00]: So when I had my private group, 02:33.920 --> 02:35.801 [SPEAKER_00]: a lot of those women were in corporate America. 02:35.821 --> 02:51.812 [SPEAKER_00]: When I get emails, and actually I got a really nice email from someone recently that I probably will talk about just a little bit, but just that environment is tough. 02:53.033 --> 02:54.394 [SPEAKER_00]: That environment is tough. 02:55.695 --> 02:57.256 [SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of times we're in 03:00.425 --> 03:28.163 [SPEAKER_00]: where the only black person or the only black woman, there might be a black guy too, but usually in these corporate environments, there's not necessarily a lot of us in that specific department or maybe on the floor that you're on, you might have a little circle or a little click, but you may not all work like in the same office or even the same company necessarily, but it's just so easy to be caught up 03:30.329 --> 03:34.531 [SPEAKER_00]: hamster will or that rat race and just feel like you have lost yourself. 03:34.911 --> 03:36.151 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't feel valued. 03:36.612 --> 03:39.593 [SPEAKER_00]: You get in pain because why else would you stay, right? 03:39.653 --> 03:44.435 [SPEAKER_00]: So that money, you're making money, you're making good money and it's helping you to provide for your family. 03:44.455 --> 03:53.759 [SPEAKER_00]: I know a lot of you are mothers and so you're able to do the things you need to do financially, however, like you feel like you're invisible. 03:54.279 --> 03:57.600 [SPEAKER_00]: You feel like you have a label slapped on your 03:59.750 --> 04:09.734 [SPEAKER_00]: or on your file or whatever, and sometimes you're in these 10 situations where you're like, I don't know if I just speak up, I don't really know how to approach this because what are they going to say, you know what I mean? 04:09.754 --> 04:11.235 [SPEAKER_00]: So we kind of shrink ourselves. 04:11.895 --> 04:14.196 [SPEAKER_00]: We shrink and we shrink and we shrink and we shrink. 04:14.236 --> 04:19.519 [SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like it's expected of women to do that. 04:19.579 --> 04:21.160 [SPEAKER_00]: It's expected of women to shrink. 04:21.380 --> 04:22.260 [SPEAKER_00]: Have you noticed that? 04:23.000 --> 04:24.201 [SPEAKER_00]: I know it's not just me. 04:25.282 --> 04:38.990 [SPEAKER_00]: I know it's not just me that has seen just how men act and are treated in corporate America and those corporate offices in those corporate experiences. 04:40.271 --> 04:51.538 [SPEAKER_00]: And we just, it's like we're expected to shrink and order them down and order to allow someone to take our ideas and make it their own. 04:52.817 --> 05:05.284 [SPEAKER_00]: and or speak on our behalf as if they, they know what we're going to say, or, or, you know, how many of you have been asked, like, how do black people feel about that? 05:06.585 --> 05:07.165 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean? 05:07.185 --> 05:08.346 [SPEAKER_00]: Those kinds of questions. 05:08.366 --> 05:09.646 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's just a whole lot. 05:10.047 --> 05:10.647 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, 05:12.615 --> 05:15.879 [SPEAKER_00]: Some of us like I came from a corporate America background. 05:15.999 --> 05:17.300 [SPEAKER_00]: I was in corporate America. 05:17.681 --> 05:33.238 [SPEAKER_00]: My last job for like 10 years job before that Actually, I think it was 10 nine or 10 years too like it's like when I get somewhere I just stay there especially like if the money's good, you know those good old and handcuffs If you don't know what that is Google it 05:34.158 --> 05:51.284 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, but I, so what is that like 19, 20 years of my life half of my life corporate America or a little less than half of my life corporate America types of environment type of environments excuse me so that's why I want to speak specifically to to you today. 05:51.965 --> 05:54.145 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's go ahead and get into the episode y'all. 05:54.606 --> 05:57.527 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, so taking up space. 06:02.700 --> 06:06.903 [SPEAKER_00]: learned or explored in my time. 06:07.304 --> 06:13.048 [SPEAKER_00]: And these three things, sometimes I have to work, rework on these things. 06:14.029 --> 06:27.899 [SPEAKER_00]: Every time you elevate, every time you step out of your comfort zone, every time you are priming yourself to go to your next and you hit this level or this accomplishment. 06:32.600 --> 06:38.202 [SPEAKER_00]: because you've built yourself up to a certain point and then now you are elevated. 06:38.222 --> 07:00.250 [SPEAKER_00]: You're in this new situation, this new experience, this new season, sometimes you've got to go back and unlearn and relearn some things because what has gotten you to this certain point, sometimes it just kind of needs a booster shot if you will to help you get to that to your next, to your next season, to your next career, to your next whatever. 07:00.708 --> 07:02.208 [SPEAKER_00]: your next level, right? 07:02.668 --> 07:06.689 [SPEAKER_00]: So there are times when I have to go back like, I will do some things out. 07:07.030 --> 07:13.091 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll hit an achievement, hit a goal, hit an accomplishment, whatever this thing that I've been trying to do. 07:13.531 --> 07:17.412 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I'm like, okay, I've done it and I'm ready for the next, right? 07:17.872 --> 07:19.552 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm ready for that next, whatever it is. 07:20.073 --> 07:26.934 [SPEAKER_00]: And then I have to kind of go back and re-like I said, relearn some of these things. 07:30.565 --> 07:39.769 [SPEAKER_00]: I am very aware and mindful of these things that I'm going to be speaking to you about because it's not a one and done if that makes sense. 07:39.809 --> 07:51.414 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes you just have to keep persisting or be persistent about these different levels of self-care or as you're beginning to embrace this lifestyle of self-care. 07:51.434 --> 07:54.055 [SPEAKER_00]: Like we've been talking about for like the last one year or two. 07:54.375 --> 07:56.036 [SPEAKER_00]: So because self-care, it really is 07:56.661 --> 07:57.562 [SPEAKER_00]: a lifestyle. 07:57.862 --> 07:58.903 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not a one-in-done. 07:58.943 --> 08:02.146 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not like, okay, I've accomplished it and now everything's perfect. 08:02.166 --> 08:04.328 [SPEAKER_00]: This is like, that's just not how it works. 08:04.768 --> 08:06.350 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just not how it works, okay? 08:07.311 --> 08:14.217 [SPEAKER_00]: So the first thing I want to talk to you about when it comes to taking up space, okay? 08:14.798 --> 08:19.542 [SPEAKER_00]: For me, it means honoring your value and not hiding it. 08:21.329 --> 08:26.375 [SPEAKER_00]: So again, honoring your value, your worth and not hiding it. 08:26.455 --> 08:28.458 [SPEAKER_00]: I was speaking to someone recently. 08:30.085 --> 08:55.596 [SPEAKER_00]: And I had to get on her case with love a little bit because, and she was someone or she is someone that is going to be, I'm gonna be coaching her on a VIP day and when we met and I don't wanna give too much away because I'm not here to be like, I talked to so and so or you know, so I wanna keep that part private but she's dope as hell and she's amazing 09:00.105 --> 09:17.932 [SPEAKER_00]: And she's telling me these different things, and I'm asking her, so did you do this or did you tell them that or did you and she's like, no, I know not yet, no, I'm not doing this yet, I'm just not doing it right now because I'm like, because what I said, what is happening here? 09:18.073 --> 09:20.894 [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you hiding your brilliance? 09:21.054 --> 09:26.316 [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you pausing like you're you're hitting the break when you should be hitting the gas? 09:26.396 --> 09:28.737 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't say that part specifically to her, but that's what it 09:29.177 --> 09:37.499 [SPEAKER_00]: It feels like to me Like you're hitting the break when you should be hitting the gas because you're ready to go like in the car. 09:37.539 --> 09:38.659 [SPEAKER_00]: The car is washed. 09:38.699 --> 09:57.563 [SPEAKER_00]: It's clean You you filled up the tank like everything is Everything is working the everything like that you got the music You got the GPS like you're ready to go you have you have everything that you need right to to to to just 09:59.416 --> 10:11.089 [SPEAKER_00]: show the world how frigging incredible you are and you're hiding yourself, you're hiding, you're not showing up for yourself, you're not honoring your value. 10:11.429 --> 10:14.232 [SPEAKER_00]: Also this can look like and I think I talked about this before. 10:14.352 --> 10:18.797 [SPEAKER_00]: Like one thing that I've noticed about men is they negotiate. 10:19.258 --> 10:20.659 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's say for example, you 10:23.107 --> 10:43.878 [SPEAKER_00]: apply for a new position, again in corporate America, and let's say at your old job, you made $50,000 per year, this new job is saying, you know, the salary is $52,000 a year or $54,000 a year, approximately, and I feel like I've done this too. 10:44.399 --> 10:45.599 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, oh, great. 10:45.779 --> 10:48.681 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a $1,000 more than where I'm coming from. 10:49.845 --> 10:50.445 [SPEAKER_00]: perfect. 10:51.006 --> 11:02.953 [SPEAKER_00]: So you go into the interview and you basically just take that offer and it is what it is whereas with men they end their negotiating for, I mean to the gods. 11:03.113 --> 11:04.033 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean? 11:04.053 --> 11:09.376 [SPEAKER_00]: They're coming out with packs of trident layers, not 55,000. 11:09.396 --> 11:15.880 [SPEAKER_00]: They're coming out with 65 and $70,000, even though the initial offer was like 55,000. 11:15.900 --> 11:19.042 [SPEAKER_00]: They're negotiating in 10 extra vacation days. 11:20.375 --> 11:32.717 [SPEAKER_00]: They just, even the most mediocre of them, they are just negotiating, like they, they honor what they believe their worth. 11:34.037 --> 11:36.078 [SPEAKER_00]: And I know that you are worthy. 11:36.518 --> 11:38.378 [SPEAKER_00]: I know that you have the receipts. 11:38.578 --> 11:40.219 [SPEAKER_00]: I know that you have the goods. 11:40.299 --> 11:41.459 [SPEAKER_00]: I know you got it, girl. 11:41.859 --> 11:42.999 [SPEAKER_00]: I know you have it. 11:44.179 --> 11:45.199 [SPEAKER_00]: I know you have it. 11:46.740 --> 11:48.380 [SPEAKER_00]: But you are hiding it. 11:49.797 --> 11:51.097 [SPEAKER_00]: You are hiding it. 11:51.997 --> 11:53.518 [SPEAKER_00]: You are like, what does it, what do they say? 11:53.598 --> 11:56.578 [SPEAKER_00]: Waste in the sexy, like you are waste in the sexy. 11:56.958 --> 12:07.000 [SPEAKER_00]: You are hiding the goodies, you are hiding the goods that you have because you for whatever reason have this block where you don't feel like it's okay for you. 12:07.240 --> 12:11.421 [SPEAKER_00]: Somewhere you were taught that it is not okay to honor your value. 12:11.941 --> 12:17.682 [SPEAKER_00]: One way that I was doing that, that I refuse the, I will no longer, 12:18.957 --> 12:20.218 [SPEAKER_00]: hide myself. 12:20.358 --> 12:33.884 [SPEAKER_00]: I will always do my best to honor what I am worth is I do not lower my price period. 12:33.904 --> 12:36.886 [SPEAKER_00]: I do not lower my price. 12:37.906 --> 12:39.067 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not for everybody. 12:40.245 --> 12:42.007 [SPEAKER_00]: I only want to work with serious people. 12:42.447 --> 12:44.809 [SPEAKER_00]: I only want to work with people that have a positive attitude. 12:45.170 --> 12:49.534 [SPEAKER_00]: I only want to work with people that are willing to do the work that are willing to be open. 12:49.914 --> 12:51.635 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, there's a few different things. 12:52.376 --> 12:55.559 [SPEAKER_00]: But I know what I bring to the table. 12:58.021 --> 13:02.986 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's crazy because I used to try to grab onto whatever I could. 13:05.400 --> 13:07.464 [SPEAKER_00]: because I'm like, well, I don't know, my worth it. 13:08.105 --> 13:09.788 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, I'm, you know what I mean? 13:10.128 --> 13:13.114 [SPEAKER_00]: But I'm not, I'm not, I'm not doing that for anybody. 13:14.198 --> 13:25.420 [SPEAKER_00]: Whether it's a, if I ever go back to like a corporate environment or even just as I, I don't know if you know this, but I am going to be launching a second podcast. 13:25.460 --> 13:37.903 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not exactly sure when and it's going to be for those of you that are straddling the line between corporate America and building your own brand. 13:39.338 --> 13:51.153 [SPEAKER_00]: Or starting specifically starting your own podcast or something along those lines, I'm still kind of flashing things out, but like, so yeah, there will be a second podcast coming for those of you that are entrepreneur. 13:51.927 --> 13:54.728 [SPEAKER_00]: entrepreneurial mind it, and I'm excited for that. 13:55.268 --> 13:58.469 [SPEAKER_00]: But in fact, I'm not, I'm not lower we my price. 13:58.869 --> 14:01.650 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I support how I can. 14:01.670 --> 14:12.953 [SPEAKER_00]: I give a lot of way, especially back in the day, where I was doing things for either free or super inexpensive, which was honestly disrespectful to me. 14:15.309 --> 14:30.983 [SPEAKER_00]: And I still have things that I'm doing, where it's very, very, very low-cost, like, for example, my Patreon, because I do primarily, I want to support, but it's like, if you do not honor your value, it's like you're just giving everything away. 14:32.124 --> 14:36.548 [SPEAKER_00]: How can you build, if you are giving everything away? 14:39.350 --> 14:41.753 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like I was disrespecting myself out of fear. 14:42.650 --> 14:43.250 [SPEAKER_00]: can you relate? 14:44.030 --> 14:59.455 [SPEAKER_00]: So honoring your value and not hiding it, moving towards those things you want to do, those things you know you are powerful enough and capable enough to do, but you're hiding it, you're hiding yourself. 15:00.296 --> 15:04.737 [SPEAKER_00]: So I had to get on her case a little bit while we were talking, but obviously with love, we had to 15:05.562 --> 15:06.783 [SPEAKER_00]: amazing conversation. 15:06.863 --> 15:12.906 [SPEAKER_00]: I love talking to black women that are really just going for it. 15:13.426 --> 15:14.047 [SPEAKER_00]: I love that. 15:14.447 --> 15:16.008 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's the first thing, honoring your value. 15:16.048 --> 15:32.396 [SPEAKER_00]: The second thing that I have learned along the way in this process when it comes to taking up space, we talked about number one, honoring your value and not hiding it, hiding yourself, speak your truth, black woman, speak your truth, like owning your words. 15:36.248 --> 15:40.629 [SPEAKER_00]: Your opinion may be wrong because sometimes we are wrong. 15:40.809 --> 15:43.730 [SPEAKER_00]: I've been wrong before and sometimes I've had to go back and say, oh, you know what? 15:44.670 --> 15:51.012 [SPEAKER_00]: I made a mistake or my apologies, dot, dot, dot, dot, whatever if it's worth apologizing for. 15:51.032 --> 15:51.532 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying? 15:51.552 --> 15:53.312 [SPEAKER_00]: And not everything is worth apologizing for. 15:53.852 --> 15:54.832 [SPEAKER_00]: Please don't get a twisted. 15:55.473 --> 15:58.233 [SPEAKER_00]: Everything is not worth apologizing for, okay? 15:58.453 --> 15:59.414 [SPEAKER_00]: I have to say that again. 15:59.894 --> 16:01.334 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, but I'll say it one more time. 16:01.694 --> 16:04.235 [SPEAKER_00]: Everything is not worth apologizing for, all right? 16:06.826 --> 16:10.449 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, your opinion may be wrong, but that's not the point, that's not the point. 16:10.489 --> 16:22.758 [SPEAKER_00]: The point is when you speak, like you just speak with this clarity, you speak with this confidence, there's like this weight, W-E-I-G-H-T weight, like heaviness to your voice, right? 16:23.624 --> 16:29.866 [SPEAKER_00]: you're not questioning, you're not doing this vocal fry thing that drives me absolutely insane. 16:30.206 --> 16:35.708 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not ending your every single sentence with a question. 16:36.788 --> 16:41.650 [SPEAKER_00]: Like an anchor man, oh my gosh, I'm literally just now thinking about this. 16:42.210 --> 16:44.370 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sorry, I'll know that I'm a geek in a nerd. 16:44.490 --> 16:48.152 [SPEAKER_00]: So anchor man is one of my favorite movies, actually. 16:49.581 --> 16:54.325 [SPEAKER_00]: I was telling someone this before I love, will, for real, or feral. 16:54.465 --> 16:55.406 [SPEAKER_00]: I keep calling them for real. 16:56.427 --> 16:57.128 [SPEAKER_00]: Will feral. 16:57.708 --> 16:58.929 [SPEAKER_00]: So I've watched elf. 16:59.090 --> 17:00.751 [SPEAKER_00]: I've watched all the anchor bands. 17:00.811 --> 17:04.094 [SPEAKER_00]: I've watched blades of glory, Lord have mercy. 17:04.114 --> 17:04.995 [SPEAKER_00]: That was a hot mess. 17:05.379 --> 17:07.021 [SPEAKER_00]: I've watched what was it called, Brothers. 17:07.461 --> 17:17.671 [SPEAKER_00]: I watched that lifetime movie he did with a Christian wig that was supposed to be like a spoof and a parody, but people were really up and arms because I thought it was serious and it was just hell of angry. 17:18.412 --> 17:21.555 [SPEAKER_00]: But anyway, so I love Will Ferrell. 17:22.798 --> 17:26.582 [SPEAKER_00]: And so he has anchorman, if you've ever seen it. 17:27.383 --> 17:31.326 [SPEAKER_00]: And so he's like this classy, I think what was his like the 70s? 17:31.947 --> 17:33.909 [SPEAKER_00]: Probably the 70s if I'm not mistaken. 17:34.369 --> 17:39.274 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, he's just as dumb as a box of bricks, bless his heart, but it's just so funny. 17:40.695 --> 17:46.681 [SPEAKER_00]: So whatever you were putting on the teleprompteries, he would just read it that way, it didn't matter what it says. 17:49.083 --> 17:54.786 [SPEAKER_00]: There was, I forget exactly what happened, but someone put a question mark when he was supposed to say, I'm Ron Burgundy. 17:54.866 --> 18:11.456 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sorry, probably nobody out there is laughing, but me, I'm a nerd y'all, I'm just, this is part of me owning myself and taking a space, just this is my truth, I'm not ashamed of it. 18:13.226 --> 18:15.949 [SPEAKER_00]: So at the end, he's supposed to say, for example, because he's reading the news. 18:16.229 --> 18:21.674 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's like me saying, I'm breathed Mitchell, but someone put his name and then put a question mark after it. 18:21.694 --> 18:23.596 [SPEAKER_00]: And so he was like, I'm Ron Burgundy. 18:25.357 --> 18:26.979 [SPEAKER_00]: And you're watching that thought that news. 18:27.279 --> 18:27.980 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god. 18:28.941 --> 18:35.627 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, but it's like, when you speak, there's this this confidence in this knowing in your voice, you know what I'm saying? 18:35.647 --> 18:36.628 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not questioning. 18:37.038 --> 18:40.742 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not ending all of your statements with a question mark. 18:40.842 --> 18:44.385 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not asking for any, you're not asking to be seen. 18:44.445 --> 18:46.487 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not asking for anyone's permission. 18:46.807 --> 18:49.130 [SPEAKER_00]: You say what you mean and you mean what you say. 18:49.170 --> 18:54.074 [SPEAKER_00]: You say it with this, you're speaking from this place of authority, right? 18:55.215 --> 18:56.897 [SPEAKER_00]: See I just did it actually, right? 18:57.638 --> 18:59.440 [SPEAKER_00]: What you do it from this place of authority. 19:00.649 --> 19:07.335 [SPEAKER_00]: and you're speaking your truth again, this doesn't mean that you aren't necessarily sometimes wrong, but that's not the point. 19:08.115 --> 19:15.341 [SPEAKER_00]: The point is, when you speak you own your words, there's no, you're not doubting yourself. 19:16.262 --> 19:30.535 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not, you're sitting at the table at the conference room with your boss and co-workers and the team meeting or whatever, or I guess on Zoom, or they still doing that, I don't know whatever it is. 19:32.063 --> 19:39.788 [SPEAKER_00]: And you're saying things, you're giving solutions and you're not timetely doing so. 19:40.888 --> 19:49.093 [SPEAKER_00]: You are speaking as if you know, I deserve to be here, I deserve to be heard, I will be heard, these are my thoughts. 19:50.974 --> 19:52.035 [SPEAKER_00]: And it is what it is. 19:52.255 --> 19:55.657 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm gonna contribute to this conversation, right? 19:56.832 --> 19:57.813 [SPEAKER_00]: Why do I do that? 19:58.993 --> 20:04.536 [SPEAKER_00]: I notice that there's some things that I say that are a part of my repute's wall. 20:05.817 --> 20:11.340 [SPEAKER_00]: And they're annoying to me and saying right with that question mark is actually one of them. 20:11.420 --> 20:12.801 [SPEAKER_00]: I do that a lot. 20:13.081 --> 20:14.742 [UNKNOWN]: Yeah. 20:15.142 --> 20:16.023 [SPEAKER_00]: But we never talked about me. 20:16.043 --> 20:18.684 [SPEAKER_00]: We talked about you right now. 20:18.944 --> 20:19.805 [SPEAKER_00]: We never talked about me. 20:19.885 --> 20:21.225 [SPEAKER_00]: We talked about you, okay? 20:22.126 --> 20:25.548 [SPEAKER_00]: But yes, speaking your truth, real talk, speaking your truth, owning your words. 20:26.400 --> 20:32.862 [SPEAKER_00]: So number one was honoring your value, and I had in yourself number two, speak yo true, talk yo ish queen, right? 20:33.262 --> 20:36.123 [SPEAKER_00]: And number three, this is the last one. 20:36.143 --> 20:38.144 [SPEAKER_00]: This is the last one. 20:40.684 --> 20:45.866 [SPEAKER_00]: Feeling the room with your presence because you already know that you're meant to be up in there. 20:47.887 --> 20:50.207 [SPEAKER_00]: Or feeling that space with your presence. 20:51.808 --> 20:52.648 [SPEAKER_00]: Back in the day, 20:53.422 --> 20:59.404 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is something that I still have to be careful of because old habits die hard, especially to paint on how I feel. 20:59.724 --> 21:07.626 [SPEAKER_00]: You know how you feel affects your body, affects the way you stand, the way you talk, the way you walk, the moves you make. 21:09.727 --> 21:16.209 [SPEAKER_00]: So, just me getting to this place where I walk with presence. 21:16.669 --> 21:22.371 [SPEAKER_00]: I enter a space with some type of presence. 21:24.368 --> 21:34.831 [SPEAKER_00]: So, I talked about once on the podcast, I really had the audacity of a white man, like seriously. 21:35.372 --> 21:41.774 [SPEAKER_00]: I had gone to the park and for some unknown reason. 21:43.608 --> 21:45.249 [SPEAKER_00]: for some unknown reason. 21:45.329 --> 21:47.191 [SPEAKER_00]: Instead of parents, I'm sorry. 21:47.211 --> 21:49.252 [SPEAKER_00]: This is so funny to me, still. 21:49.573 --> 21:51.154 [SPEAKER_00]: And this was several years ago. 21:52.495 --> 21:58.039 [SPEAKER_00]: Instead of parallel parking, I parked like in T formation. 21:59.561 --> 22:03.804 [SPEAKER_00]: So the curb was to my right, and I parked like I was making a T instead of parallel parking. 22:03.884 --> 22:07.407 [SPEAKER_00]: I have no idea why I did this. 22:08.828 --> 22:18.534 [SPEAKER_00]: And the people that were entering and exiting the park, they had to go around me, and I sat there for a good couple of hours, owning that space. 22:19.895 --> 22:24.257 [SPEAKER_00]: They, people that were going on my side, they had to go around me. 22:25.198 --> 22:26.439 [SPEAKER_00]: Nobody said a word. 22:27.980 --> 22:28.960 [SPEAKER_00]: Nobody said a thing. 22:29.000 --> 22:30.301 [SPEAKER_00]: They all complied. 22:30.861 --> 22:31.982 [SPEAKER_00]: They all went around. 22:32.062 --> 22:33.683 [SPEAKER_00]: They did not say a peep. 22:33.703 --> 22:35.244 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, they might have looked at me like I was crazy. 22:35.504 --> 22:37.025 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't notice, because I was in my car, 22:39.130 --> 22:45.074 [SPEAKER_00]: but they did not say where they all complied, they all went around and again, I sat there for hours. 22:45.094 --> 22:57.101 [SPEAKER_00]: So that was me literally taking up space, making my presence known, and being so firm and unapologetic about it, it was bananas. 22:57.842 --> 23:06.387 [SPEAKER_00]: And so long story short, when I pulled out, that's so a couple of hours later, I realized that part wrong, and I just cracked, 23:07.609 --> 23:09.390 [SPEAKER_00]: up, I could not stop laughing. 23:09.450 --> 23:17.616 [SPEAKER_00]: It was hilarious, but it was just proved to me that people will make space for you when you command the space. 23:19.657 --> 23:20.618 [SPEAKER_00]: They have no choice. 23:22.720 --> 23:25.982 [SPEAKER_00]: They will make space for you when you command the space. 23:27.803 --> 23:33.647 [SPEAKER_00]: So one thing, so something I like to do is, again, just, I want to be comfortable in my body and my own body. 23:33.667 --> 23:34.447 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's a part of it. 23:34.467 --> 23:35.988 [SPEAKER_00]: You gotta be comfortable in your own body. 23:37.089 --> 23:44.673 [SPEAKER_00]: I know what it feels like when I'm feeling low in my confidence, I'm feeling timid, I feel I'm hunched over. 23:45.053 --> 23:48.375 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm shrinking, I'm hunched over. 23:48.415 --> 23:53.378 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, I don't want to be erected and be bigger than I am. 23:55.079 --> 23:55.900 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'll shrink. 23:57.568 --> 24:01.854 [SPEAKER_00]: So I've really made a point to move my body on a regular basis. 24:03.316 --> 24:13.670 [SPEAKER_00]: So before I record this podcast, so that I can feel just more alive and to take up even the space here as I'm recording, I don't know if you can tell, but I'm just very, 24:16.006 --> 24:19.669 [SPEAKER_00]: confident and very, um, I don't know. 24:19.709 --> 24:22.131 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just here at my desk and I'm taking up space. 24:22.151 --> 24:23.812 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the easiest way that I can explain it. 24:23.852 --> 24:24.673 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not shrinking. 24:24.693 --> 24:25.453 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not timid. 24:25.834 --> 24:29.336 [SPEAKER_00]: And I can tell you at a time I was a timer 10, but not here. 24:29.356 --> 24:30.037 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 24:30.237 --> 24:30.998 [SPEAKER_00]: Not in this space. 24:31.898 --> 24:36.042 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just taking it up all the space that I can here at my desk while I'm talking to you. 24:36.883 --> 24:45.296 [SPEAKER_00]: On this recording on this podcast, so a part of that looks like for me just regularly being familiar and comfortable just in my own body. 24:45.657 --> 24:50.444 [SPEAKER_00]: When I go for my walks Like if I'm walking into the store something 24:51.932 --> 24:59.097 [SPEAKER_00]: I try, if I remember, to move a certain way, like, I just move, I hold my body erect. 24:59.677 --> 25:12.645 [SPEAKER_00]: And there's just, like, this, I can't explain it, but there's just, like, this, you know how we do, there's like this swag to my hips when I'm walking, or this sway in my hips and my bodies erect. 25:12.685 --> 25:18.989 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's not like this over exaggerated thing, but it's just like this, this walk. 25:19.921 --> 25:20.221 [SPEAKER_00]: Right? 25:20.602 --> 25:21.823 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just this walk. 25:22.984 --> 25:25.345 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just a bit of grace and a bit of swag at the same time. 25:25.365 --> 25:26.306 [SPEAKER_00]: I really can't explain it. 25:26.326 --> 25:31.050 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just like this way that I, you know, kind of roll my hips a little bit when I'm walking. 25:31.070 --> 25:32.011 [SPEAKER_00]: And then my back is straight. 25:32.051 --> 25:32.972 [SPEAKER_00]: My shoulders are down. 25:33.632 --> 25:35.354 [SPEAKER_00]: I try to be very mindful of that. 25:35.374 --> 25:38.897 [SPEAKER_00]: And I say that I do this every single 100% of the time. 25:38.917 --> 25:46.783 [SPEAKER_00]: But I try to be very mindful of how I'm holding my body because I do want to be, you know, aware of of how I'm 25:49.962 --> 25:51.923 [SPEAKER_00]: Not for their sake, for my sake. 25:54.105 --> 25:59.288 [SPEAKER_00]: So one good reminder that I have for you if you are like me and you need to check your posture on a regular basis. 25:59.689 --> 26:00.709 [SPEAKER_00]: This is not my tip. 26:00.789 --> 26:02.010 [SPEAKER_00]: I read about this in a book. 26:02.491 --> 26:07.054 [SPEAKER_00]: I cannot recall which book I read this in. 26:07.834 --> 26:14.919 [SPEAKER_00]: But one tip that I picked up was putting post-its on your doors, or your door frames. 26:15.620 --> 26:18.181 [SPEAKER_00]: So if you have a, of course you have a bathroom, right? 26:19.352 --> 26:30.234 [SPEAKER_00]: take a post it, put it on your door frame, your bedroom door, take a post it, put it on your door frame, your kitchen door, take a post it, put it on your door frame, what other doors are there? 26:32.254 --> 26:42.276 [SPEAKER_00]: bathroom kitchen, I guess if you have a living room door, you know, or if you have your own office, put a post it on that door frame. 26:48.248 --> 27:14.095 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a reminder for you to like check yourself before you wreck yourself, no, just kidding, check yourself, check your position, check your body, check how you how are you standing, what thoughts are you having, what's your confidence level like, are your shoulders down, is your head up, 27:14.853 --> 27:16.414 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, just reposition yourself. 27:16.474 --> 27:22.779 [SPEAKER_00]: So that way, when you enter an exit, whatever the space is, so it's just a reminder for you to just kind of check in with yourself. 27:23.519 --> 27:32.986 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you taking up all the space and then another thing that I do when I walk outside, I don't automatically move out of anybody's way. 27:34.607 --> 27:37.329 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just, I don't, I don't, I don't do that anymore. 27:37.930 --> 27:40.872 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not doing it like be a jerk or anything, but goodness. 27:41.572 --> 27:43.514 [SPEAKER_00]: I used to always move out the way. 27:45.994 --> 27:48.335 [SPEAKER_00]: Excuse me, I felt like I was always the inconvenience. 27:49.916 --> 27:50.977 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't do this anymore. 27:51.377 --> 27:57.560 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not purposely playing chicken when somebody or purposely, you know, getting in someone's way so that they get in. 27:57.580 --> 27:58.660 [SPEAKER_00]: So I have to make them move. 27:59.181 --> 28:00.201 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not saying that at all. 28:00.521 --> 28:07.185 [SPEAKER_00]: What I'm saying is, I don't just automatically just off the strength, move out of somebody's way when I'm walking. 28:07.625 --> 28:13.928 [SPEAKER_00]: So I've, you know, had some bump into interactions with a few people that just, you know, 28:15.533 --> 28:18.454 [SPEAKER_00]: They just did not want to move out of the way, and neither did I. 28:19.594 --> 28:27.535 [SPEAKER_00]: And again, I don't do this to be a bloodhead, but it's for me to confirm that I am worthy of being in this space. 28:28.355 --> 28:32.276 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not an inconvenience or an anybody's way, because I used to feel like that. 28:32.756 --> 28:34.816 [SPEAKER_00]: I used to feel like I wasn't inconvenience. 28:34.836 --> 28:36.337 [SPEAKER_00]: I used to feel like I was a bother. 28:36.417 --> 28:43.998 [SPEAKER_00]: I used to feel like I wasn't good for me to be confident in my walk. 28:44.858 --> 28:45.659 [SPEAKER_00]: Does that make sense? 28:46.340 --> 28:51.447 [SPEAKER_00]: So these three things for me, and I'm not saying this is the end, I'll be all list. 28:52.348 --> 28:57.295 [SPEAKER_00]: But these are some of the primary things for me that help me to take up space. 28:58.757 --> 29:00.139 [SPEAKER_00]: And they help and they work. 29:04.628 --> 29:08.792 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, so I'm back and that is it for this week's episode of the Brown Girl Self-Care podcast. 29:09.273 --> 29:21.204 [SPEAKER_00]: If you want to let me know your thoughts where you are right now on your journey, you can always leave a comment right on this episode on Spotify. 29:21.605 --> 29:23.587 [SPEAKER_00]: And I want to know, like, are you shrinking? 29:23.747 --> 29:24.788 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you expanding? 29:24.828 --> 29:26.169 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you saying it with your chest? 29:26.229 --> 29:27.431 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you taking up space? 29:27.491 --> 29:28.512 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you making moves? 29:28.532 --> 29:28.672 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, 29:29.092 --> 29:33.497 [SPEAKER_00]: what part of this episode resonated with you the most? 29:33.557 --> 29:39.644 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, you can leave it again in the comments right on Spotify and I will see it, okay? 29:40.145 --> 29:42.488 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, so that's it again for this week's episode. 29:42.588 --> 29:47.934 [SPEAKER_00]: I cannot wait to be in community with you next Monday for another episode of the Brown Girl Self Care podcast. 29:48.294 --> 29:48.675 [SPEAKER_00]: Take care.