WEBVTT 00:00.471 --> 00:04.614 [SPEAKER_00]: Hi everyone, welcome back to Room For Us, a space where queer voices thrive. 00:05.134 --> 00:11.218 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host P, and every single week I like to sit down, get vulnerable, and talk about all things queer with all of you. 00:11.898 --> 00:17.101 [SPEAKER_00]: And for this episode, we are going to be remembering hate and panetier. 00:17.442 --> 00:22.124 [SPEAKER_00]: From millennials, the death of hate and panetier has been hitting us really, really hard. 00:22.425 --> 00:26.527 [SPEAKER_00]: The news broke that the 36 year old actor and singer passed away on August 16th. 00:28.068 --> 00:30.909 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember exactly what I was doing in that moment. 00:31.609 --> 00:55.513 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember like it was a late night and Crystal and I were like just about to go to bed and I was scrolling on Instagram and I was completely shocked because I'd seen a photo that showed hate and panetier and Michelle Trachtenberg who had passed away in 2025 and it was a scene from a movie that the both of them had done together called Ice Princess, which is like such an astrologic movie for so many of us. 00:56.253 --> 01:00.756 [SPEAKER_00]: And the caption had said something like, we lost both of our ice princesses. 01:00.976 --> 01:03.678 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, what do you mean like, lost both? 01:04.138 --> 01:10.502 [SPEAKER_00]: So I immediately went to Google hate and panitiers name and that is when I saw the news that she had passed away. 01:10.742 --> 01:15.365 [SPEAKER_00]: My first memory of watching Hayden on screen was through, remember the Titans. 01:15.585 --> 01:17.326 [SPEAKER_00]: It was a film that came out in 2000. 01:17.926 --> 01:23.770 [SPEAKER_00]: And she played Cheryl Ghost, the football obsessed spirited young daughter of the assistant coach, Bill Yost. 01:24.130 --> 01:27.072 [SPEAKER_00]: and the character Cheryl also serves as the film's narrator. 01:27.612 --> 01:29.253 [SPEAKER_00]: It also starred Denzel Washington. 01:29.613 --> 01:32.354 [SPEAKER_00]: I think that's probably where a lot of us can first remember Hayden. 01:32.414 --> 01:36.877 [SPEAKER_00]: I believe she might have been only like 10 years old when she was in this film and a lot of us were still very very young. 01:37.217 --> 01:41.579 [SPEAKER_00]: But Hayden's career started way beyond her breakout role in Remember The Titans. 01:42.119 --> 01:46.462 [SPEAKER_00]: She first appeared on screen in a commercial in 1990 when she was 11 months old. 01:47.082 --> 01:55.411 [SPEAKER_00]: her full-time acting career began in 1994 when she played Sarah Roberts in the ABC soap opera series One Life to Live until 1997. 01:56.152 --> 02:00.917 [SPEAKER_00]: She played Lizzy Spalding in the CBS soap opera series guiding light from 1996 to 2000. 02:02.679 --> 02:13.122 [SPEAKER_00]: And for her role as Princess Dot in the Pixar film of Bug's Life 1998, she was nominated for a young artist award and a Grammy award, making her the fifth youngest nominee for a Grammy. 02:13.563 --> 02:17.624 [SPEAKER_00]: So Hayden's list of films and TV series is long. 02:17.944 --> 02:21.565 [SPEAKER_00]: She also starred in the Lifetime Film, if you believe, 1999. 02:22.005 --> 02:26.527 [SPEAKER_00]: The final season of the Fox Legal Hommage Drama series, Allie McBeal, in 2002. 02:27.767 --> 02:35.753 [SPEAKER_00]: The comedy drama film Raising Hellen with Kate Hudson and Joan Kuzack, the Disney Channel Film Tiger Cruise, which was also in 2004. 02:36.493 --> 02:47.201 [SPEAKER_00]: A comedy film Raising Stripes, and, as I mentioned, Ice Princess in 2005, and the iconic teen film, bring it on all or nothing, that also stars Solange Null's. 02:47.781 --> 02:50.083 [SPEAKER_00]: The Romcom I Love You Bet Cooper, which came out in 2009. 02:51.684 --> 03:02.927 [SPEAKER_00]: and the drama, which is like the true crime adaptation of the Amanda Knox story, this film was called Amanda Knox murder on trial in Italy, which came out in 2011. 03:03.767 --> 03:12.229 [SPEAKER_00]: And custody in 2016, she also portrayed Samantha Sam Gettings in until dawn in 2015, which is an interactive survival video game. 03:13.069 --> 03:23.156 [SPEAKER_00]: But her breakthrough roles as a young adult really came through in heroes where she played the cheerleader Claire Bennett and Nashville as Julia Barnes, the pop country teen sensation. 03:23.716 --> 03:25.498 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is only to name a few. 03:26.218 --> 03:37.406 [SPEAKER_00]: She was also known for her role as Kirby Reed in the screen franchise in Joven to More Thriller's like Amber Alert and her most recent and final film role was in the psychological thriller sleepwalker. 03:37.926 --> 03:41.669 [SPEAKER_00]: which was released in the US on January 9th, 2026. 03:41.889 --> 03:46.592 [SPEAKER_00]: So just earlier this year and also served as an executive producer on the project. 03:47.112 --> 03:52.956 [SPEAKER_00]: I think I know why so many of us connected with Hayden so deeply, at least for millennials. 03:52.996 --> 03:55.718 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I was born in 1995 and when I heard of this news, I felt like 03:58.960 --> 04:01.002 [SPEAKER_00]: physically ill thinking about it. 04:01.582 --> 04:06.746 [SPEAKER_00]: I just think like as I was growing up, I always remember Hayden Panette here being on my screen. 04:07.206 --> 04:10.188 [SPEAKER_00]: She was definitely one of my first crushes when I saw her on screen. 04:10.328 --> 04:12.690 [SPEAKER_00]: I had such a crush on her and ice princess. 04:12.730 --> 04:22.957 [SPEAKER_00]: I thought she was so beautiful and also when I love you Beth Cooper and I feel like as a closeted queer girl seeing Hayden on screen kind of helped me 04:24.038 --> 04:29.403 [SPEAKER_00]: feel like happy and I really related to her characters and I loved her characters that she played. 04:29.623 --> 04:33.547 [SPEAKER_00]: And as we get into it, I'm still reading her memoir right now. 04:33.627 --> 04:40.954 [SPEAKER_00]: It's called this is me reckoning and you can find the audiobook on Spotify or of course, you know, purchase at your local bookstore. 04:41.314 --> 04:47.160 [SPEAKER_00]: I've been listening to the audiobook and I know in her memoir she does reveal that she is bisexual. 04:47.380 --> 04:57.222 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think a lot of us publicly knew this info about Hayden, but she kind of mentions it in her book, kind of casually, just being like, hey, I'm saying it out loud, like, yeah, I'm bisexual. 04:57.502 --> 04:59.463 [SPEAKER_00]: I also think that is amazing. 04:59.883 --> 05:06.484 [SPEAKER_00]: That we had that representation, and I think a lot of queer people had those same similar feelings as me. 05:06.604 --> 05:08.645 [SPEAKER_00]: I think a lot of us had a crush on Hayden Pantier. 05:09.185 --> 05:24.268 [SPEAKER_00]: I had seen a video someone had posted where he was mentioning that the news of Hayden's passing almost felt as if it was someone he knew, like she was someone who would have been friends with his sister or someone he had gone to high school with, like she was a classmate. 05:24.388 --> 05:31.890 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's because of these iconic roles she played, but was also so relatable to all of us who watched her on screen. 05:32.090 --> 05:33.651 [SPEAKER_00]: Hayden was also a model. 05:34.131 --> 05:45.016 [SPEAKER_00]: In 2006, Newtredreena made Hayden Panetier the cover girl for its new worldwide ad campaign in September 2007, and she also appeared in a heroes themed Got Milk ad. 05:45.296 --> 05:49.818 [SPEAKER_00]: In February 2008, Kohl's had announced that Hayden would be Candi's next spokesperson. 05:50.598 --> 05:59.562 [SPEAKER_00]: And from 2007 to 2008, Hayden designed limited edition handbags for Dunie and Burke, and was photographed with the bags and magazine ads. 06:00.362 --> 06:08.009 [SPEAKER_00]: There was also a lot of controversy surrounding Nutradrina and I think this information only came to light recently after Hayden's passing. 06:08.309 --> 06:16.576 [SPEAKER_00]: So this skincare brand Nutradrina faces major online backlash and boycott calls after the August 26th death of Hayden Penitere. 06:17.817 --> 06:27.285 [SPEAKER_00]: So Hayden had previously mentioned that the company dropped her 10-year ambassador contract in 2015 because she publicly spoke out about her postpartum depression. 06:27.726 --> 06:34.532 [SPEAKER_00]: And at that time, nobody really knew what postpartum depression was, and Hayden was suffering from it so severely. 06:34.932 --> 06:38.055 [SPEAKER_00]: And she wanted people to know, like, this is normal in this happens to women. 06:38.835 --> 06:44.617 [SPEAKER_00]: And she had mentioned in her podcast with Jay Shetty that Nutrigena wanted to drop her. 06:45.678 --> 06:49.779 [SPEAKER_00]: Hayden's team at the time had pushed back and said, you guys can't do this, this is illegal. 06:50.299 --> 06:56.502 [SPEAKER_00]: And while that liked saved her contract at the time, Hayden had never heard back from them again. 06:56.642 --> 06:59.623 [SPEAKER_00]: Like she wasn't renewed for the next year, which is very, very sad. 06:59.903 --> 07:07.830 [SPEAKER_00]: And to think like this is a company she had been working for for 10 years and they dropped her over her comments about having postpartum depression. 07:07.870 --> 07:08.651 [SPEAKER_00]: It's so awful. 07:09.112 --> 07:23.965 [SPEAKER_00]: So for this section of this episode, I really want to dive into Hayden's activism because not only was Hayden such a prominent figure in like film and TV and music, but she was also a huge activist and all of this also speaks to Hayden's 07:26.127 --> 07:34.276 [SPEAKER_00]: In 2007, she became an official supporter of Ronald McDonald's House Charities and was a member of its Celebrity Board, the friends of RMHC. 07:34.676 --> 07:42.044 [SPEAKER_00]: In October, she began to make her views known about the presidential election, releasing a satirical PSA through Funny Your Die. 07:42.685 --> 07:43.646 [SPEAKER_00]: In the video, Hayden 07:47.870 --> 07:52.933 [SPEAKER_00]: She later made it clear her intention to vote Barack Obama and urged other young people to vote. 07:53.213 --> 07:57.475 [SPEAKER_00]: Hayden had also long supported the District of Columbia Statehood Movement. 07:58.055 --> 08:05.960 [SPEAKER_00]: In 2008, she appeared in a public service announcement with DC Shadow Senator Paul Strauss, endorsing voting rights for Washington, DC. 08:06.880 --> 08:17.412 [SPEAKER_00]: In 2011, DC mayor Vincent Gray acknowledged Hayden's advocacy for securing full representation in the U.S. Congress for district of Columbia Residence by naming a day in her honor. 08:17.872 --> 08:21.476 [SPEAKER_00]: At the ceremony, Hayden said it is an unfathomable fact. 08:21.797 --> 08:27.963 [SPEAKER_00]: It's taxation without representation in DC and that there's no democracy in our democracy at the heart of it. 08:28.704 --> 08:37.086 [SPEAKER_00]: She participated in Strauss 51 Stars campaign, which aimed to get 51 celebrities to endorse making Washington D.C. the 51st state. 08:37.646 --> 08:43.767 [SPEAKER_00]: In July 2020, Hayden advocated for victims of domestic violence to come forward and share their stories. 08:44.327 --> 08:50.528 [SPEAKER_00]: Specifically, after she herself had experienced domestic abuse from her on an off-again boyfriend, Brian Hikerson. 08:50.809 --> 08:52.549 [SPEAKER_00]: So through Hayden's career path, 08:53.369 --> 09:00.033 [SPEAKER_00]: I actually believe that she really utilized her platform to become a huge animal rights activist. 09:00.793 --> 09:05.756 [SPEAKER_00]: And you can tell that animals are so, so important to her. 09:06.256 --> 09:14.261 [SPEAKER_00]: On October 31, 2007, she partnered with the Whale Man Foundation to disrupt the annual dolphin hunt in Japan. 09:15.141 --> 09:26.303 [SPEAKER_00]: She was involved in a confrontation between Japanese fishermen and five other activists on surfboards from Australia in the United States, including former home and away actress is about Lucas. 09:27.103 --> 09:33.805 [SPEAKER_00]: The confrontation lasted more than 10 minutes before the surfers were forced to return to the beach, after which they left the country. 09:34.285 --> 09:41.066 [SPEAKER_00]: Parts of the confrontation appear in the Sundance Film Festival documentary, The Cove, which came out in 2009, and it's very, 09:42.626 --> 09:51.649 [SPEAKER_00]: heart-wrenching and powerful story about dolphin slaughtering, it's absolutely brutal, and I recommend that you all go watch it. 09:51.869 --> 10:01.672 [SPEAKER_00]: At a 2007 Greenpeace event in Alaska, Hayden defended Aboriginal wailing, saying that there is a difference between commercial wailing and the wailing practiced by 10:02.352 --> 10:03.773 [SPEAKER_00]: Aboriginal tribes in the U.S. 10:04.234 --> 10:13.941 [SPEAKER_00]: In January 2008, Hayden delivered letters to the Japanese Icelandic and Norwegian embassies in Washington, D.C., and met with diplomats calling for an end to commercial wailing. 10:14.462 --> 10:23.048 [SPEAKER_00]: In May 2008, Hayden was involved in an eBay auction to benefit save the whales again, a campaign of the whaleman foundation. 10:23.649 --> 10:30.094 [SPEAKER_00]: The auction included tickets to a fundraising dinner hosted at the Hollywood Restaurant Besso, owned by Eva Lungoria, 10:30.574 --> 10:34.136 [SPEAKER_00]: and a whale watching tour with Hayden off the coast of Santa Barbara. 10:35.096 --> 10:42.000 [SPEAKER_00]: Also, when May 2008 during an interview with Teen Vogue, Hayden explained how her fame gives her a platform for activism. 10:42.480 --> 10:47.342 [SPEAKER_00]: She said the show heroes put me in a place to speak for things that I'm passionate about. 10:47.562 --> 10:59.168 [SPEAKER_00]: About two weeks before her death this year, she participated in a PETA advertising campaign to protest against marine mammals being held in captivity in marine parks including SeaWorld. 10:59.648 --> 11:05.330 [SPEAKER_00]: So you could see that this animal activism is something that has followed Kate and throughout her entire career. 11:05.710 --> 11:07.451 [SPEAKER_00]: It's something she never gave up on. 11:07.851 --> 11:15.134 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I didn't realize like this is still something she was so actively pursuing even two weeks before her death. 11:15.274 --> 11:17.295 [SPEAKER_00]: It's really really so tragic. 11:17.635 --> 11:29.746 [SPEAKER_00]: Now let's talk about the postpartum depression awareness because once again, as I mentioned earlier, Nutrigena had dropped Hayden from their contract because she's spoken up so publicly about postpartum depression. 11:29.906 --> 11:30.907 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's get into it. 11:31.287 --> 11:35.551 [SPEAKER_00]: Hayden had said she experienced postpartum depression after her daughter Kaya's birth. 11:36.172 --> 11:42.357 [SPEAKER_00]: In an appearance online with Kelly and Michael in September 2015, she said it was scary and needs to be talked about. 11:43.338 --> 11:52.226 [SPEAKER_00]: In August 2018, Hayden's mother had confirmed that Hayden and her ex-fiance at the time had broken up, but remained on friendly terms. 11:52.607 --> 11:55.569 [SPEAKER_00]: Hayden had relinquished full custody of her daughter. 11:55.589 --> 12:02.556 [SPEAKER_00]: Two, her ex-fiance in 2018, amid her struggles with postpartum depression and addiction. 12:02.856 --> 12:07.781 [SPEAKER_00]: She called this decision a living nightmare and heartbreaking but necessary for her recovery. 12:08.521 --> 12:17.664 [SPEAKER_00]: She maintained a really, really good relationship with her ex-piance and would frequently visit her daughter or have many many face-time dates. 12:18.205 --> 12:23.146 [SPEAKER_00]: I believe her daughter was living in Europe with Hayden's ex-piance and had developed such a life there. 12:23.166 --> 12:24.787 [SPEAKER_00]: She was learning all these different languages. 12:25.747 --> 12:35.496 [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember Hayden mentioning to Jay Shadi that she believed that was the best decision for her daughter to grow up in that kind of environment. 12:35.556 --> 12:37.637 [SPEAKER_00]: She had already established like a community there. 12:38.118 --> 12:40.680 [SPEAKER_00]: She had friends and this is so heartbreaking to say. 12:40.900 --> 12:43.942 [SPEAKER_00]: But I remember Hayden in that interview had mentioned. 12:44.883 --> 12:51.829 [SPEAKER_00]: She knew in her hearts that her daughter and her would find a way back to each other, because they have a bond that is so strong. 12:52.309 --> 13:01.456 [SPEAKER_00]: Despite them not being in the same house every day and Hayden can't raise her in that way, they are still so close and would communicate very, very frequently. 13:02.076 --> 13:10.223 [SPEAKER_00]: And unfortunately, I don't think people reacted very well to hearing about the news where Hayden had given up full custody. 13:11.703 --> 13:13.484 [SPEAKER_00]: People say some awful things in the media. 13:13.564 --> 13:18.766 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I remember people saying something like, you know, she's giving up on her daughter. 13:18.966 --> 13:22.448 [SPEAKER_00]: She wanted to give away her daughter, but that is so far from the truth. 13:22.488 --> 13:36.293 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I actually find it very admirable that Hayden was able to be so selfless and wanted to ensure that her daughter had a stable and good life in a different environment while 13:40.255 --> 13:50.122 [SPEAKER_00]: struggles, like she was battling these addictions and these demons and the postpartum depression that had really taken over her, probably completely changed her as a person. 13:50.642 --> 14:01.209 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's a tough and heartbreaking but very selfless act she did to give her daughter to her ex-fiance, like to give that full custody. 14:01.289 --> 14:02.950 [SPEAKER_00]: I couldn't imagine how hard that would be. 14:03.350 --> 14:07.013 [SPEAKER_00]: And her describing that as a living nightmare absolutely makes sense. 14:07.333 --> 14:16.598 [SPEAKER_00]: After her breakup with her ex-fiance, Hayden had been in an on and off-again relationship with this aspiring actor named Brian Hickerson, which I believe started in 2018. 14:17.018 --> 14:23.301 [SPEAKER_00]: He was arrested in 2019 after an alleged confrontation with her, but the case was later dismissed. 14:23.901 --> 14:27.603 [SPEAKER_00]: In 2020, he was arrested twice on domestic violence related charges. 14:28.223 --> 14:37.369 [SPEAKER_00]: And then in 2021, he was sentenced to 45 days in jail after pleading no contest to two felony counts of injuring a spouse or girlfriend. 14:37.929 --> 14:39.770 [SPEAKER_00]: Hayden had spoken up about this. 14:40.551 --> 14:51.978 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember seeing a post on her Instagram of her saying she wanted to finally tell her truth and speak up about all of the abuse she had endured while dating Brian. 14:52.758 --> 15:01.464 [SPEAKER_00]: and wanted to raise more awareness about how, you know, once you're in that situation, it is so, so tough to leave. 15:01.564 --> 15:16.995 [SPEAKER_00]: She said, sometimes dating someone like that, like they have a way of like coming back into your life and like, I just, I feel so much empathy for her because there had been recent reports that have come out saying that Brian was actually with her 15:21.198 --> 15:34.510 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, of course, obviously what she was going through in those moments, but I just feel so, so deeply for Hayden and what her last moments might have been, especially where there's someone from her past who was there with her. 15:34.891 --> 15:42.938 [SPEAKER_00]: It's, I think it's really, really tough for a lot of people around her or people who know and love her and know like what she's also been through throughout her life. 15:43.018 --> 15:45.820 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it's just a very, very heartbreaking realization. 15:46.761 --> 15:53.963 [SPEAKER_00]: And when it comes to Hayden's family, I know Hayden had a very estranged relationship from her mother. 15:54.323 --> 15:55.504 [SPEAKER_00]: They weren't very, very close. 15:56.444 --> 15:58.825 [SPEAKER_00]: She was quite close with her dad, who she calls skip. 15:58.845 --> 16:00.825 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, I think people would call him skip. 16:01.465 --> 16:04.546 [SPEAKER_00]: But I know when Hayden's brother 16:07.947 --> 16:11.789 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like a part of her had also died in that moment. 16:12.329 --> 16:19.132 [SPEAKER_00]: Janssen, whose Hayden's younger brother had died unexpectedly on February 19th, 2023 in New York. 16:19.472 --> 16:20.733 [SPEAKER_00]: He was only 28 years old. 16:21.393 --> 16:29.737 [SPEAKER_00]: His family later confirmed that his sudden passing was caused by an enlarged heart coupled with aortic valve complications. 16:30.097 --> 16:34.579 [SPEAKER_00]: As I was listening to Hayden's memoir, I picked this up from the chapter about Janssen. 16:34.779 --> 16:35.420 [SPEAKER_00]: She had said. 16:36.300 --> 16:39.382 [SPEAKER_00]: I had decided I'd been put on this earth to protect him. 16:39.662 --> 16:41.723 [SPEAKER_00]: That was when she had met him for the first time. 16:41.923 --> 16:44.644 [SPEAKER_00]: Those were the feelings he didn't felt towards her brother. 16:45.504 --> 16:53.828 [SPEAKER_00]: She was saying within the first few days after him being born, all of that like typical sibling jealousy that might come up. 16:54.468 --> 16:55.789 [SPEAKER_00]: completely went away. 16:56.049 --> 16:59.931 [SPEAKER_00]: She just felt such an attachment towards him when he was born. 17:00.411 --> 17:10.457 [SPEAKER_00]: And as I mentioned at the beginning of this episode, Hayden Panetier, sadly died at an apartment in Greenville, South Carolina on August 16th, 2026 at age 36. 17:11.457 --> 17:19.262 [SPEAKER_00]: She was found on responsive and first responders pronounced her dead at 232 p.m. at the scene after resuscitation efforts had failed. 17:23.744 --> 17:28.407 [SPEAKER_00]: an autopsy performed the following day by the local coroner's office found no signs of trauma. 17:28.687 --> 17:33.090 [SPEAKER_00]: Fans all around the world will always remember Hayden for her natural talent. 17:33.451 --> 17:43.878 [SPEAKER_00]: For filling our child has with pure joy through her characters and her consistent animal activism, that continue to go on until two weeks before her passing. 17:44.262 --> 17:51.444 [SPEAKER_00]: And for this episode, I mean, there's so much to dive into when it comes to Hayden as I mentioned her career was huge. 17:51.604 --> 18:00.986 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, for just 36 years of life, I feel like I couldn't even cover like half of everything Hayden had done in her lifetime. 18:01.546 --> 18:03.007 [SPEAKER_00]: I would be going on forever and ever. 18:03.127 --> 18:09.928 [SPEAKER_00]: So I just wanted to cover the highlights and some of the most important roles that Hayden had done throughout her career. 18:09.988 --> 18:11.529 [SPEAKER_00]: What we will always remember her for. 18:12.449 --> 18:19.375 [SPEAKER_00]: And also just her character, I really feel for her as someone who didn't really ask to be put in the spotlight. 18:19.436 --> 18:21.657 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, her first commercial was at 11 months old. 18:22.478 --> 18:28.003 [SPEAKER_00]: And she had mentioned in her memoir that, you know, she was born like this Gerber baby, right? 18:28.043 --> 18:30.605 [SPEAKER_00]: Like bright, curly blonde hair. 18:31.466 --> 18:37.451 [SPEAKER_00]: I think her mom, who was a soap opera actress in the past, 18:38.292 --> 18:55.104 [SPEAKER_00]: was kind of fueled by that like had that entertainment bug to put her child through the entertainment industry and I remember Hayden mentioning like she was having an identity crisis at 12 years old because this was not something she had necessarily chosen for herself. 18:55.704 --> 19:00.147 [SPEAKER_00]: She was put into this industry and of course Hayden has that natural gift. 19:00.227 --> 19:03.029 [SPEAKER_00]: She's such a talented actor and that is like no doubt 19:07.552 --> 19:09.494 [SPEAKER_00]: of what do you actually want to be? 19:10.154 --> 19:18.841 [SPEAKER_00]: She had taken on all these roles and these different characters and played them so well throughout her life, but she was probably wondering like who am I? 19:19.221 --> 19:20.683 [SPEAKER_00]: Like who am I beneath it all? 19:21.623 --> 19:23.985 [SPEAKER_00]: What are the things I'm actually really passionate about? 19:24.105 --> 19:27.068 [SPEAKER_00]: And that is why I'm so happy she puts so much work into 19:27.788 --> 19:35.150 [SPEAKER_00]: her animal activism, especially when it came to dolphins and marine life, that seems like that was probably her heart. 19:35.550 --> 19:52.254 [SPEAKER_00]: I think like that really shows that her true passions were starting to come out around then and that is why like she wanted a platform in the way she did to actually make a difference and I think that is such a beautiful thing and it shows what a beautiful, 19:54.995 --> 19:59.276 [SPEAKER_00]: As I mentioned, this one hit so deep for so many of us millennials. 20:00.356 --> 20:05.077 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I can't get over, I don't know if I'll ever get over this. 20:05.177 --> 20:10.418 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, the thing about celebrity debts is that they're all, they're all so sad. 20:10.458 --> 20:13.299 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, the loss of the life is tragic in every sense. 20:13.939 --> 20:20.020 [SPEAKER_00]: But I think a lot of people question, why does it hit you so deep if you didn't know the person on a personal level? 20:21.060 --> 20:22.101 [SPEAKER_00]: But I don't have to. 20:22.121 --> 20:28.405 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think that you need to know somebody super, super well, to mourn their passing. 20:29.005 --> 20:38.090 [SPEAKER_00]: I think when it comes to celebrities or people that we've grown up with on our screens, that is a level of knowingness and relatability. 20:38.731 --> 20:41.733 [SPEAKER_00]: And even if you didn't know hate and panetier personally, 20:42.553 --> 20:51.836 [SPEAKER_00]: There was something about her characters that would have made you feel seen at some point, and the fact that so many people have come out to say, why does it feel like I know this person? 20:52.496 --> 20:56.537 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it's because we've seen her so young and we've grown up with her. 20:57.278 --> 21:03.059 [SPEAKER_00]: The fact that Hayden Panetier was 36 years old when she passed away, that's only six years older than me. 21:03.600 --> 21:07.001 [SPEAKER_00]: That's someone who could be my friend, that's someone who could be my sister. 21:07.841 --> 21:10.462 [SPEAKER_00]: And as a kid watching her, 21:11.742 --> 21:35.947 [SPEAKER_00]: I think I always reflect back to, wow, you would never know her life path was going to be cut so short, and she had been through so much in such a short amount of years, and my heart goes out to her family, my heart goes out to her daughter, and I just feel feel so deeply about the situation. 21:41.628 --> 21:57.537 [SPEAKER_00]: and she's always been so outspoken and was not afraid to speak up and I think that is something a lot of people appreciate, especially when you're growing up in the public eye and you might have to fit this like cookie cutter image or you might not be allowed to say anything. 21:58.137 --> 21:59.939 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like Hayden just didn't really care. 22:00.159 --> 22:03.463 [SPEAKER_00]: She would speak about what's on her mind and would be so open. 22:03.603 --> 22:07.447 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm also so proud of her for telling her truth and her memoir. 22:08.247 --> 22:09.309 [SPEAKER_00]: This is me reckoning. 22:09.889 --> 22:17.977 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel very sad that she passed away so shortly after the release of this book in her interview with Jay Shadi just three months ago. 22:18.918 --> 22:33.821 [SPEAKER_00]: Hayden had mentioned, she said, I still have a lot of life to live, like this dark chapter in my life is finally closing, and I feel like a brand new door is opening, and there's going to be a lot of things coming for me. 22:33.901 --> 22:34.821 [SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of hope. 22:35.181 --> 22:38.342 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm paraphrasing, but she was saying something along those lines. 22:38.842 --> 22:41.823 [SPEAKER_00]: And to know that she didn't make it, 22:43.103 --> 22:48.709 [SPEAKER_00]: And she knew in her heart, she had more life to live, breaks my heart, honestly. 22:49.030 --> 22:54.015 [SPEAKER_00]: This is going to be a death that is going to sit with a lot of people for a very, very long time. 22:55.137 --> 23:02.465 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just wanted this episode to pay tribute to Hayden and to say thank you to Hayden for 23:04.242 --> 23:18.646 [SPEAKER_00]: helping us grow up as millennials, you know, we grew up with you and we thank you, like thank you so much for filling my childhood with so much joy through your characters and just having that. 23:20.058 --> 23:23.584 [SPEAKER_00]: Like as a young kid, it's hard being a kid. 23:24.385 --> 23:26.028 [SPEAKER_00]: Kids experience so much bullying. 23:26.188 --> 23:34.701 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like a closeted queer girl, like unsure of myself, but whenever I would put on some of Hayden's movies, that was like my escape, too. 23:35.342 --> 23:39.903 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember watching heroes with my sister when I was really young and loving Haydn's character. 23:40.383 --> 23:46.445 [SPEAKER_00]: And even when Haydn passed away, my dad had messaged me and had said, like, I knew about Haydn's hair because of you. 23:47.045 --> 23:49.326 [SPEAKER_00]: And you kind of like forget about these things. 23:49.366 --> 23:56.388 [SPEAKER_00]: Like you know when you're a kid and you have your favorite films playing on the screen and you're or you're talking about your favorite characters or your favorite actors. 23:56.928 --> 24:02.850 [SPEAKER_00]: It just goes to show how much of an impact she really had, obviously not just on me, but so many people. 24:03.830 --> 24:09.615 [SPEAKER_00]: So with that, I'm going to end the episode here, but hate and pen is here, rest peacefully. 24:09.635 --> 24:14.379 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for all of the work that you have done and all of the awareness. 24:14.939 --> 24:28.590 [SPEAKER_00]: You have brought up and I know that many people are going to continue to fight for you and advocate for you and continue on that path of things that you have already brought to the light, of things that you have shed. 24:29.291 --> 24:31.112 [SPEAKER_00]: And thank you for doing that. 24:32.193 --> 24:34.155 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you all enjoyed this episode. 24:34.235 --> 24:39.198 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you all watch a hate and panes here, film or a TV show, binge watch heroes. 24:39.258 --> 24:42.240 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like that might be a really nice way to kind of pay tribute to her. 24:42.260 --> 24:47.724 [SPEAKER_00]: And most importantly, read her book, read her memoir, listen to them memoir. 24:47.804 --> 24:49.105 [SPEAKER_00]: It's available on Spotify. 24:50.106 --> 24:51.186 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I'm doing right now. 24:51.206 --> 24:53.388 [SPEAKER_00]: I love listening to audiobooks because it's kind of 24:53.808 --> 24:55.691 [SPEAKER_00]: It kind of feels more like a podcast forum. 24:55.811 --> 25:05.303 [SPEAKER_00]: I just personally enjoy that, but listen and if anyone wants to chat more about it, I am all ears and with that I will see you all next week. 25:05.423 --> 25:06.565 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for tuning in.