[SPEAKER_00]: Love on the queer family, but good, love is love.
[SPEAKER_00]: Riverside.
[SPEAKER_00]: She had tri-flimbed, Riverside.
[SPEAKER_00]: She'd be tri-flimbed.
[SPEAKER_02]: Riverside's going to hear you, and they're going to make you feel your subscription is not going to work one day, and they're going to be like, we don't know what happened.
[SPEAKER_00]: This Riverside is a pet peeve, it messes up all the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yesterday kicked my guest out.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have to re-record today.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I want to record the whole episode because I messed up again and forgot to put my mic over for the first time.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know, really dumb.
[SPEAKER_00]: Really bad.
[SPEAKER_02]: You're a veteran at this point.
[SPEAKER_02]: This shouldn't be happening.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've done it three times that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what's wrong with.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm kidding.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just tired.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to tea time.
[SPEAKER_02]: We're back for another Patreon exclusive
[SPEAKER_00]: Very different.
[SPEAKER_02]: 100%.
[SPEAKER_02]: Jamie, what's your tea this week?
[SPEAKER_00]: My tea this week, my tea this week.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, do we want to talk about like one of my big pet peeves lately?
[SPEAKER_02]: Overall tea, life tea, pet peeves give it to me.
[SPEAKER_02]: Talk to me about it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, you know, you know, I've talked to Dianne about, you know, like when booking this show and how guests will like reach out to me, um, guess.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, all right, y'all are going to hear the behind the scenes.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to be real.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to be honest because when I have my guests on, of course, I'm always super grateful that they're here and I and I do love every single one of them.
[SPEAKER_00]: and also there are many people who because the show is more well-known and it really is such a niche audience and there are people who know that this audience is perfect for
[SPEAKER_00]: whatever it is they want to share about.
[SPEAKER_00]: I will get a lot of people reaching out asking to come on the show.
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of people who have like a book or a lot of people who have something that would be good for the audience and I vet these people and I make sure that whatever if it is somebody who really wants to.
[SPEAKER_00]: push their wares, so to speak, I make sure that it is really a good fit for the audience, like I would never, like, you know, like I care about my audience and I want to make sure it's a good fit.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so if it's a good fit, I bring them in.
[SPEAKER_00]: And when I do that, I have so many,
[SPEAKER_00]: have little tests like set up along the way for these guests because they reach out.
[SPEAKER_00]: The first sentence is always, and I know it's AI, I know it's AI generated, but oh my god, I love your recent episode, but Tiani where you talked about such and such that the comparisons you make, you know like they have, they'll tell me how much they love my show, and how much they love listening to a particular episode and why.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then I have a question here,
[SPEAKER_00]: And in the in the questionnaire, it says one of the questions that gives me a sense of if you've actually listened is what would your 30 second elevator page be.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you don't know if you answer that question weird like some people give me like a press release.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like some people like like they go to chat and they're like give me a 30 second elevator pitch for the clear family podcast and then the clear family podcast like and then chat like comes up so it'll be like a it's like a paragraph like a reporter would say yeah as opposed to what the 30 second elevator pitches right so that's my first that on the show at the beginning of every episode you do a 30 second elevator pitch.
[SPEAKER_00]: exactly.
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't know what it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's my first telltale sign.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then my last question is is a question that really gives me an idea.
[SPEAKER_00]: Who do you like better, Helen or Bula, with an emoji, like, uh, yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And like, the people who really have listened give me funny responses back.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because they know.
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, that's such a good wedding question.
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh-huh.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I know coming in, if so I know from the questionnaire, if you've actually listed, then what are some of the responses you've gotten to the Helen and Bula question when you know you can tell they don't know the show where they haven't listed to an episode.
[SPEAKER_02]: What do they say?
[SPEAKER_02]: Because they're probably so confused.
[SPEAKER_02]: They're like who the hell is Helen and Bula?
[SPEAKER_00]: They have no idea.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so a lot of a lot of people will be like, oh, don't make me choose right or like, or they'll say not sure or they'll say so hard to like it's very vague that give me like a vague answer, but people who've listened will be like, obviously Ellen because she's been around long as and I like whiskey too.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like the people who listen no because they know the jokes I tell about the fake Helen in view of you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so and before that when my when Nicole used to help me, I added Nicole to it too.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so the people who listen would be like obviously Nicole because she's the only real one, right?
[SPEAKER_02]: So like, okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's my it's my way.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now y'all, you're all are getting the inside of track here.
[SPEAKER_02]: So do you just not listen to those people then?
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you like, okay, I'm not going to read that person?
[SPEAKER_00]: No, because if it's a really good fit for the show, I will still go forward with them.
[SPEAKER_00]: But then, but then, Dionne, I have, I have an email I send out to every, once I decide that, okay, you're a good fit.
[SPEAKER_00]: I send an email saying, oh my god, congrats.
[SPEAKER_00]: I would love to have you on for the season, blah, blah, blah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Here's the just, here's the booking link and the book, and so then the book, they're spot.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then my next email back to them is thank you so much for booking.
[SPEAKER_00]: Here's your remote recording instructions.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm very detailed.
[SPEAKER_00]: And also, please make sure you listen to a few episodes before you come into record.
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, please make sure you follow on the socials and do all the things, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: But I make a point of saying, please listen, like I'm doing my homework on you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Do your homework.
[SPEAKER_00]: Why did you add you you just did like a Google search and found this to be the best podcast for whatever you're pushing and You want to come on, but then you're not going to go forward and do your homework like I don't understand that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like if I'm going to be on a show, I'm going to listen to the show, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: So any good.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then I, it's obvious to me then of course, we get there.
[SPEAKER_00]: We get to the interview and I'm chatting with them before and I'm like, so you know about the elevator pitch moment.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, oh, so you've listened.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've seen, I've seen, yeah, I've seen some of them.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I have also learned when they say that they're talking about the clips on social media.
[SPEAKER_00]: They've checked out some of the clips, which is not actually listened to the entire show.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, everybody's getting the tea right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: You see, I have feel, you see, I have feelings.
[SPEAKER_00]: I put a lot of work into this show.
[SPEAKER_02]: No, it's so bad.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And every episode costs me money to produce my pay to produce your episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like do me the service of just kind of like doing a little bit for it.
[SPEAKER_00]: So then, yeah, listen, okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you know the elevator pitch moment.
[SPEAKER_00]: Could you, and then I'm like, uh-huh, okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, so then, and then they're like, and then they're off caught off guard because they're like, oh, oh, I have to say it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have to cut.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm going to put you on spot.
[SPEAKER_02]: Is that like, and then that's like you'll like a little bit of karma because now they're put on the spot and they're like, I have to say something and you're like, well, you should have listened to the show because you would have known right exactly.
[SPEAKER_00]: I told you listen.
[SPEAKER_00]: I count with times in the questionnaire.
[SPEAKER_00]: I say, please make sure you listen in every email.
[SPEAKER_00]: Please make sure you've listened like now it's on you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And now you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, so that's it's you there and then so and then there's also like People who come on as experts in queer family building or something
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, or their version of queer family build right, not knowing not realizing that I have done over 300 episodes.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not saying I never say I'm an expert, but I have spoken to over 300 couples or people about their family building journey.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I do know quite a bit about the story you're about to tell me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like even if I don't know your story, I know quite a bit about the the steps and the details.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, because like each person's personal experience is going to look different, but it's still some variation of somewhat of the same thing because there's only so many ways queer people can make a baby.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, every story is completely different.
[SPEAKER_00]: And also, there are some things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Samarities, yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And there are questions.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know what questions to ask.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like if it's a surrogacy journey.
[SPEAKER_00]: I, yes, I understand the process.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm going to walk you through this interview.
[SPEAKER_00]: But there are some, there was this one man's planer.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not naming any names.
[SPEAKER_00]: Who, when I explain the elevator pitch.
[SPEAKER_00]: was caught off guard, but was also, oh, yeah, we got that up final, yeah, okay, cool.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then proceeded to do some crazy elevator pit, like when people, and then in the elevator, okay, do you want me?
[SPEAKER_00]: This is the two, and then in the elevator pitch, when they give me their work bio, that's not the vibe, I know.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I say, who you are and why you're here on this show.
[SPEAKER_00]: and then they give you their list of credentials and why they're all in law and I went to Harvard Law School and I that's that that was not the assignment that I didn't ask about resume I didn't ask for your resume on this show yeah I didn't ask for that your resume I asked why you're on this show what what of your story pertains to this particular show yeah so that's my and then that's when that's when
[SPEAKER_00]: The listeners don't want to hear, tell me if I'm wrong listeners but you don't want to hear what school they went to.
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're here to talk about how you made your family and how you show up as a family.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what we're interested in.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, so I think that yeah, if you're going to take the time, go out of your way to reach out to me to come on my show and tell me you love it so much, at least like do the work and and know what you're talking about.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, one way thing I want to say on that note, and then a lot of these people who they're they're doing this because they want to get their product out right and and I only share the good ones, but and then when I do the promotions on social media, they don't.
[SPEAKER_00]: do anything with them, which also really irks me, like if I'm going to collaborate with you except the collaboration or if I'm going to tag you, like put it up in your stories at least, like why did you go out of your way to come on this show and then not use the stuff that's given to you for free, by the way, that I paid for anyway.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, yeah, and then there was this one particular
[SPEAKER_00]: Who he did his elevator pitch.
[SPEAKER_00]: He was like, oh, yeah, yeah, I got that and then proceeded to give me his resume and then I was like, okay, and then proceeded to like man's playing me throughout the entire episode on the ins and outs.
[SPEAKER_00]: of his particular path to parenthood and certain things that go with queer parenting.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we had a like kind of a head to head, like sort of an argument.
[SPEAKER_00]: during the interview where he kept pushing back on me about things I know quite a lot about like second parent adoption and laws and states and and he kept just it was like man's playing after me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I had to cut some of it because I didn't want it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I first of all I didn't want to give conflicting info to my audience because he was saying stuff that I know to be not completely right
[SPEAKER_00]: But he wouldn't listen to me, he was just talking at me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was frustrated in that interview.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't think it showed up.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think, you know, like I made sure to keep it nice and copacetic because that's the vibe of this show.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yes, y'all, sometimes I have feelings.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's usually of the people who come on because they're for a lack of a better term pushing their wares.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they're using this as a stepping stone.
[SPEAKER_00]: and not in the intention I think you should be using it for which is to highlight celebrate uplift and normalize a little bit to call family.
[SPEAKER_02]: I think and I remember specifically which guess this was to you did a good job of cutting it out and being still even keel and talking through.
[SPEAKER_02]: But I think you did the right thing and kind of pushing back on some of those things when the person's saying it if you know them to be incorrect because this is also meant to be an informative show.
[SPEAKER_02]: You have people coming to this podcast for advice on queer family building and then you don't obviously can't have them walking away with like in correct information.
[SPEAKER_02]: And this is really important stuff.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like laws and things and second, second parent adoption is tumultuous and it's a process
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna correct you and I just is what's gonna happen and I'm sorry.
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't like that or I'm not sorry you don't like that but like I'm gonna correct you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, and I felt like I felt proud of myself because I did feel like I was stepping into my big girl pants.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, saying, ooh, here we go.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not as big as it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: 48-year-old Jamie is not gonna back down.
[SPEAKER_00]: 40-year-old Jamie might have but like no, don't, you know, don't come at me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I do want to I do want to have one thing to say like a caveat here like there are also countless individuals and many of them are patriowners now so if you're listening like you might have been a guest who absolutely love there are countless individuals who really do come on for the right reasons and they really want to just share their beautiful stories and those are my favorite.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I still get a lot of those, too.
[SPEAKER_00]: I still get a lot of people who want to come on just because their story hasn't been told and it's a really important story.
[SPEAKER_00]: And those are, that's my heart, that's my joy.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's everything.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like you've said, time and time again on the show.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's, it's, the show doesn't stop until you stop receiving emails and stop receiving inquiries and stop receiving guest pitches to come on.
[SPEAKER_02]: And as long as you keep getting them from people who have meaningful stories to share,
[SPEAKER_00]: the show must go on.
[SPEAKER_00]: But also I think I think as the show has gotten bigger and has been on longer, I am getting I get more of the pushing their wares folks and less of the just every day folks and I think it's just because people think
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh no, my story is not like big enough or I'm not big enough to to share on this show because the show is a staple or what I don't know how to explain it but
[SPEAKER_00]: I want everybody to know, I still want, I want the everyday stories, and I need to like talk more about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think on social media just to let people know like, no, no, no, I want your search people to share.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And less of the pushing of the layers.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: We're always going to get that I think is, if you have a platform and some capacity, especially something so specific as this, it's going to, like, it's going to happen, it's going to happen.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's my that's my that's my t y'all got some behind the scenes fire feisty Jamie.
[SPEAKER_02]: I get feisty I think that's fun though to understand you know for listeners to kind of pull back the curtain and like understand the interworkings of how You produce the show and like what goes into it and what care gets put into putting this on so I think it's a good.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's it's funny and also informative
[SPEAKER_00]: I get worked up a lot.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, if only y'all know, I am busy and I'm tired and I'm pre-metapausal, parry-metapausal like this.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a mess, it's a mess, but we're making it happen.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're making it happen.
[SPEAKER_02]: We're doing it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, everybody tune in for the next tea time because these are fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love these tea times.
[SPEAKER_00]: Bye!