WEBVTT 00:02.282 --> 00:05.305 [SPEAKER_01]: Hey everyone, welcome back to the Christian parenting podcast. 00:05.405 --> 00:08.108 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm Steph Thirling, and I am so glad that you're here today. 00:08.809 --> 00:15.556 [SPEAKER_01]: Have you ever prayed desperately for something only to discover that when God answered that prayer, it was a lot harder than you expected. 00:16.557 --> 00:24.346 [SPEAKER_01]: I definitely have, maybe it was a new baby, a new job, a move, an adoption, a ministry opportunity, or simply a new season with your kids. 00:24.806 --> 00:31.030 [SPEAKER_01]: We can celebrate God's faithfulness, but sometimes kind of wonder, like, why does this feel so hard and overwhelming? 00:31.490 --> 00:44.118 [SPEAKER_01]: So today, I'm joined by Melissa Miller, who is the author of, but I prayed for this, to talk about what she calls change fatigue, and why even the blessings that we've prayed for can leave us feeling exhausted, disoriented, and emotionally worn out. 00:44.778 --> 00:55.762 [SPEAKER_01]: We talk about why those feelings don't mean you're ungrateful, how scripture gives us the language for those complicated seasons, and why bringing our honest emotions to God actually deepens our relationship with him. 00:56.242 --> 01:05.125 [SPEAKER_01]: So if you've ever loved the life God has given you while simultaneously feeling overwhelmed by it, I think this conversation is really going to encourage your heart, so I hope that you enjoy it. 01:11.928 --> 01:14.329 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm Melissa, welcome to the Christian parenting podcast. 01:14.449 --> 01:15.929 [SPEAKER_01]: Hi, Steph, thanks for having me. 01:15.969 --> 01:18.130 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm really glad to have you here today. 01:18.170 --> 01:21.571 [SPEAKER_01]: We're gonna talk all about the complexity of answered prayers. 01:21.711 --> 01:29.993 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think every parent has had a moment where they've prayed for something desperately, like a baby or healing or a new job or a house or whatever it may be. 01:30.133 --> 01:34.034 [SPEAKER_01]: And then that answers a little harder than they imagined for many different reasons. 01:34.054 --> 01:36.735 [SPEAKER_01]: So we're gonna talk all about that today and how we work through that. 01:36.815 --> 01:38.455 [SPEAKER_01]: But before we dive into that, I wanna, 01:38.655 --> 01:39.396 [SPEAKER_01]: hear more about you. 01:39.436 --> 01:42.759 [SPEAKER_01]: So tell us about yourself, tell us about your family, what you do, all the good things. 01:42.959 --> 01:45.641 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I am a mother of five. 01:45.961 --> 01:51.406 [SPEAKER_00]: We grew our family from three kids to five kids overnight, because we adopted from foster care. 01:51.446 --> 02:02.296 [SPEAKER_00]: It was a text five years ago about that I got from a mom at my kid's school that said, we heard about a local signaling set that needs to forever family, would you? 02:02.756 --> 02:25.238 [SPEAKER_00]: be interested and we had, I was unofficially adopted when I was a teen taken into my best friends family and you know my bi-o-mom passed away and was a hard situation but I had always been so grateful for that family that God provided and then my husband was adopted at birth and so we'd always thought about adoption and we had been waiting and an international route for a long 02:27.700 --> 02:36.643 [SPEAKER_00]: we were about to give up on the idea so it came just at the right time and that ended up changing our lives and we were also adjusting to a lot of other changes. 02:36.663 --> 02:38.663 [SPEAKER_00]: I had just stepped into a new job. 02:39.203 --> 02:42.224 [SPEAKER_00]: I had just relocated and across the country, mind you. 02:42.244 --> 02:51.707 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we were adjusting to a lot of change and we were living in Florida at the time, which is pretty much the polar opposite of where I grew up in the Pacific Northwest. 02:51.767 --> 02:52.507 [SPEAKER_00]: We grew up in more. 02:52.527 --> 02:52.627 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 02:52.847 --> 02:53.748 [SPEAKER_00]: in Washington it. 02:53.808 --> 02:56.171 [SPEAKER_00]: So I just felt like I was in another world. 02:56.412 --> 03:03.540 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like new job, new state, new kids, new family dynamics, and Florida is just like another planet. 03:03.741 --> 03:09.248 [SPEAKER_00]: It was just like every day woke up and I just felt like it was like an out of body experience. 03:09.308 --> 03:09.448 [SPEAKER_00]: Like 03:10.089 --> 03:28.248 [SPEAKER_00]: who is this person, and this is not my life, like it just was a whirlwind of change, very disorienting, been a writer for a long time, but this was the first book that I feel like, I just couldn't escape this message that God kept bringing to my heart and this idea of adapting to change. 03:28.448 --> 03:31.832 [SPEAKER_00]: And the misconceptions, I think, that we carry around and answered, 03:32.112 --> 03:53.591 [SPEAKER_00]: prayer because these were all changes that I prayed for and I chose and and yet I was completely disoriented and overwhelmed and felt unqualified and so that's kind of where I'm at today is that I'm a writer and I do have a lot of different clients for freelance writing but this personal project is just really dear to my heart the book that you mentioned in the beginning and can 03:53.871 --> 03:54.131 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 03:54.211 --> 03:55.672 [SPEAKER_00]: So we're living in Tennessee now. 03:55.712 --> 03:56.832 [SPEAKER_00]: We are out of Florida. 03:56.972 --> 03:58.973 [SPEAKER_00]: So this feels a little bit more like home now. 03:59.033 --> 04:00.274 [SPEAKER_00]: We're a little more than that. 04:00.414 --> 04:02.815 [SPEAKER_00]: And really enjoying the seasons again. 04:03.415 --> 04:06.216 [SPEAKER_00]: So life doesn't feel quite as disorienting. 04:06.336 --> 04:08.497 [SPEAKER_00]: We're we got into a good family rhythm. 04:08.657 --> 04:14.299 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was able to establish some things in my life that really helped me find my footing when everything felt like it was changing. 04:14.339 --> 04:14.639 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 04:14.879 --> 04:15.099 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 04:15.139 --> 04:17.200 [SPEAKER_01]: So you went through this big season, relocating, 04:19.081 --> 04:39.033 [SPEAKER_01]: Like these are all really big things that you had been praying for obviously and then you found yourself overwhelmed like you said so I want to hear more about that because that sounds like it was the kind of catalyst for this book that you wrote so what do you think like looking back now that you're on the other side and feeling settled like what do you think caught you most off guard during that season. 04:39.093 --> 04:50.877 [SPEAKER_00]: The part that caught me most off guard was that I felt like because I was unofficially adopted and my husband was adopted that I was going to adopt with like, and I was made for this kind of confidence. 04:50.917 --> 05:01.520 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I was going to stop and be super mom and be like, I am so prepared and I had went to the adoption conferences and trainings and like just felt like I had it together as a mom and I was going to be like, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you 05:01.620 --> 05:16.502 [SPEAKER_00]: was a very humbling experience to feel so in over my head and feel like I was put in these situations where I was like I really don't even know what to say or do right now and obviously the kids being older from foster care they were seven and eleven at the time they had been through a lot of trauma. 05:17.343 --> 05:32.894 [SPEAKER_00]: And I also thought, okay, like, I've been through some childhood trauma too, like I'll be able to relate and help them through it and actually what I realized is that I felt like there were moments when they were opening up to me about things when I thought to myself, I've been through something really similar and I haven't really processed it. 05:32.954 --> 05:35.176 [SPEAKER_00]: I kind of really went to Sarah and me to process this. 05:35.376 --> 05:39.859 [SPEAKER_00]: So in the midst of everything changing my life, I realize I have to go to therapy. 05:40.219 --> 05:44.022 [SPEAKER_00]: And I have to, like, I can't take my kids to a place of healing that I haven't been to. 05:44.822 --> 05:48.164 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it wasn't just like touch base in therapy. 05:48.224 --> 05:50.646 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I need to go like deep in therapy. 05:50.686 --> 05:52.327 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't work through some really hard stuff. 05:52.707 --> 06:01.613 [SPEAKER_00]: So that also added to the feelings of overwhelm because I'm digging up all this stuff from the past, trying to work through it while trying to adjust to my new norm. 06:02.153 --> 06:10.861 [SPEAKER_00]: as a mom of five and my new role at work in all these changes and different location and trying to find a new doctor and a dentist and all the things that come with a big relocation. 06:10.942 --> 06:24.855 [SPEAKER_00]: So I think that was what surprised me the most is how dependent on God I had to be and how that was beautiful in and of itself looking back like to look at how that made me just so dependent like a helpless baby on the Lord. 06:24.875 --> 06:24.935 [SPEAKER_00]: And 06:26.076 --> 06:40.766 [SPEAKER_00]: you know, it feels like that that's the worst thing in the moment that you're just so in over your head and you're you feel so unqualified and you expected to feel so confident and you don't and God just really uses those seasons to show you that he's the hero and the savior and not you, right? 06:41.006 --> 06:47.030 [SPEAKER_00]: And you can rely on him and depend on him for that daily grace and walk with him and trust him with your kids and so 06:47.510 --> 06:49.091 [SPEAKER_00]: that was probably the most surprising thing. 06:49.151 --> 06:49.892 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, my gosh. 06:50.132 --> 06:51.713 [SPEAKER_01]: So many things that you can just said. 06:51.773 --> 06:52.914 [SPEAKER_01]: I think are so relatable. 06:52.954 --> 06:58.097 [SPEAKER_01]: Whether you have adopted or foster kids or not, but I think so many of us enter into parenthood. 06:58.117 --> 06:59.238 [SPEAKER_01]: Like we're going to be so good. 06:59.278 --> 07:02.540 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I was the most patient person in the world before I had kids, right? 07:02.700 --> 07:04.941 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, and I had worked in youth ministry for years. 07:04.981 --> 07:08.404 [SPEAKER_01]: I was going to be a great mom of teenagers because I knew all about them. 07:08.564 --> 07:13.267 [SPEAKER_01]: And you know, you have your own and you're like, oh, this is a humbling experience. 07:13.667 --> 07:14.748 [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely humbling. 07:15.488 --> 07:25.039 [SPEAKER_01]: And then there is also, like, I think so many people are Asia doing the work that they needed to do in childhood, but we didn't do because it just wasn't the norm to be able to count so much. 07:25.419 --> 07:32.908 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, I think there are so many parents who are like, I need to do the work or I am doing the work and it's hard, but it's so important for the sake of our kids. 07:33.363 --> 07:34.445 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, so true. 07:34.465 --> 07:34.665 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 07:34.865 --> 07:35.166 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 07:35.627 --> 07:35.807 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 07:35.827 --> 07:39.392 [SPEAKER_01]: I want to talk a little bit more like this idea of change fatigue. 07:39.492 --> 07:41.756 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I think parents experience this all the time. 07:41.796 --> 07:49.087 [SPEAKER_01]: Like what does that, what does that mean change fatigue and why is it that even really the wonderful things can leave us really emotionally exhausted. 07:49.207 --> 08:00.457 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, this is becoming one of my favorite topics to talk about because when I was in my season of changed fatigue there wasn't language and I would go on the internet And I was searching and I'm researching and I'm looking at the scriptures. 08:00.477 --> 08:05.401 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, why is anyone talking about this because this is this is what I'm not hopeless I'm not depressed. 08:05.501 --> 08:12.287 [SPEAKER_00]: I have a strong sense of purpose in what I'm doing and I'm completely overwhelmed by all the changes that are happening in my life and they're asking 08:12.787 --> 08:33.520 [SPEAKER_00]: some language for this and I was nervous to open up about it because I didn't want people to think that I was ungrateful or remind me that this is which you prayed for, this what you chose and it's not that I was trying to complain but I just needed a soft place to land because everything was much harder than anticipated and I think in faith spaces sometimes that can feel very vulnerable to 08:34.300 --> 08:44.984 [SPEAKER_00]: say if I admit that I'm struggling with this answer to prayer with this new baby, this new family member, whatever it is, will people think that I'm complaining or ungrateful and this is what I prayed for. 08:45.004 --> 09:01.690 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think that when I came across the term change fatigue, it actually relates to organizations and businesses and their employees and their employees having to navigate different initiatives and changes and getting really tired of all the new rollouts and having to adjust to that. 09:02.150 --> 09:25.298 [SPEAKER_00]: But I thought personal change fatigue must be just as valid because I feel like that's how I feel adopting to all the changes in my life and I'm recalibrating and I'm adjusting and I'm having to find my footing when I feel so off balance and I started using that term when I was with my mom friends and they all just started nodding like, yeah, yeah, that's how I feel, you know, it's like, 09:25.878 --> 09:44.215 [SPEAKER_00]: The new preschool and like the new like there's always something new that we're adjusting to in our kids lives and and they could really relate to that feeling and so I just started kind of opening up that as a springboard for these conversations around how change is hard because I think that sometimes that term can give people a little bit of like an exhale like oh 09:44.475 --> 09:46.736 [SPEAKER_00]: It's okay for there to be an adjustment period. 09:46.756 --> 09:49.456 [SPEAKER_00]: It's okay to feel tired when life is changing. 09:49.516 --> 09:55.838 [SPEAKER_00]: Like that's normal and that sort of diffuses some of the shame or the guilt that they might be experiencing because it's a good thing. 09:55.898 --> 09:56.638 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a good change. 09:57.218 --> 10:03.740 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think it's like if I have to go first and opening up this conversation I'll go first because I know there's more people. 10:04.020 --> 10:07.160 [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't I'm not the only one who struggles to adapt to change. 10:07.240 --> 10:12.382 [SPEAKER_00]: And even the grief of your kids getting older and all of a sudden you're not invited to the play dates anymore. 10:14.522 --> 10:18.067 [SPEAKER_00]: I know not every mom struggles with that, but that is something I struggled with. 10:18.307 --> 10:29.902 [SPEAKER_00]: It is like what's my place in their life now that they're older and it doesn't look the same and it's changing and I'm there's a little bit of grief involved in that so I think that especially for moms this is. 10:30.082 --> 10:47.510 [SPEAKER_00]: this conversation is really important to have so that we feel like that doesn't have to be this guilt and shame around it that we can just be honest about the difficulty of adapting to change and I talk a lot about the different scripture references there are in different people in the ancient world from the Bible that also had a hard time adapting to change. 10:47.570 --> 10:50.912 [SPEAKER_00]: And so the scriptures were in there the sciences in there. 10:51.072 --> 10:57.134 [SPEAKER_00]: I jam packed the book with all of it because I was just really wanting to find some language and research to describe what I was 10:58.475 --> 11:01.257 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, tell me a little more about the scripture that you have found. 11:01.317 --> 11:06.141 [SPEAKER_01]: Or maybe the science too, because I think that's so real change fatigue. 11:06.221 --> 11:08.763 [SPEAKER_01]: And I do think that we carry so much guilt in it. 11:08.863 --> 11:12.346 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think what's interesting as you're talking, I feel like the area that we feel. 11:12.546 --> 11:17.489 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe the least amount of guilt, or maybe it's not that we feel it, but we covered up is with our kids a little bit. 11:18.230 --> 11:33.525 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, we probably feel the most skill, but we might cover it up a little bit by turning it into, you know, that mom talk of like, oh, they're so little I'm going to miss it, you know, like we just we're so good at covering it up a little bit or changing the language so it sounds almost more like pride than shame if that makes sense. 11:34.106 --> 11:39.792 [SPEAKER_01]: But like, how do we, why do we feel that sense of struggle to admit that change is hard? 11:40.072 --> 11:43.495 [SPEAKER_01]: Or that, like, we don't want to talk about it, but why is that? 11:43.676 --> 11:46.879 [SPEAKER_01]: Especially as Christians, because it feels like it should be something that we talk about. 11:47.319 --> 11:53.125 [SPEAKER_01]: So what does a scripture say that would help us to feel confident in that instead of turning it into something else? 11:53.245 --> 11:55.366 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's such a good point. 11:55.506 --> 12:02.848 [SPEAKER_00]: I think that we expect there to be a natural grieving or a natural adjustment period to a season of crisis or a season of tragedy. 12:03.388 --> 12:05.529 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we give ourselves grace in those seasons, right? 12:05.569 --> 12:09.050 [SPEAKER_00]: We're like, okay, I understand that I might not be able to go out as much. 12:09.110 --> 12:10.591 [SPEAKER_00]: I need to take care of my soul more. 12:10.651 --> 12:11.891 [SPEAKER_00]: I need to slow down. 12:11.991 --> 12:14.852 [SPEAKER_00]: I need to make sure that I'm taking care of my body. 12:14.872 --> 12:17.873 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, these are things that we're becoming more familiar with, right? 12:18.013 --> 12:23.216 [SPEAKER_00]: in our generation of like Greece and acknowledging it, processing it, like giving yourself grace through it. 12:23.536 --> 12:25.617 [SPEAKER_00]: It's understandable that you would feel sad. 12:25.658 --> 12:27.739 [SPEAKER_00]: It's understandable that you would feel overwhelmed. 12:27.759 --> 12:32.101 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I think we're okay giving ourselves some grace during no seasons. 12:32.301 --> 12:36.084 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think that we've reached a point where we're able to say, 12:36.964 --> 12:42.049 [SPEAKER_00]: this is a season of good change, change that I've read for, but it's also really overwhelming. 12:42.189 --> 12:44.512 [SPEAKER_00]: It also has some grief along with it. 12:44.612 --> 12:47.875 [SPEAKER_00]: It's also a hard adjustment for me and my entire family. 12:48.416 --> 13:00.068 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think that we're so afraid of not being, we're so afraid of being ungrateful or being received as ungrateful that we haven't, I think, reached a place where we can 13:00.548 --> 13:03.432 [SPEAKER_00]: have language around this kind of adjustment period. 13:03.652 --> 13:05.274 [SPEAKER_00]: And it doesn't mean that we're broken. 13:05.435 --> 13:08.919 [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't mean that we prayed wrong or that we're out of God's will if it's harder. 13:09.340 --> 13:14.106 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was able to find so many examples and scripture of people that got what they prayed for. 13:14.306 --> 13:18.611 [SPEAKER_00]: And then there was a lot of hard that came after that prayer that answered a prayer. 13:19.152 --> 13:23.073 [SPEAKER_00]: So, for example, Nia Maya, he prayed to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. 13:23.113 --> 13:25.254 [SPEAKER_00]: That was a really meaningful assignment for him. 13:25.374 --> 13:28.435 [SPEAKER_00]: It was accompanied by prayer and fasting, weeping. 13:28.455 --> 13:31.417 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, he really felt passionate about rebuilding the walls. 13:31.877 --> 13:35.998 [SPEAKER_00]: And stepping into that, stepping into that answered prayer, he faced opposition. 13:36.418 --> 13:40.740 [SPEAKER_00]: It said that they felt like the task was impossible, because there was too much rubble to move. 13:40.760 --> 13:43.221 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like we can all relate to that in our lives. 13:44.101 --> 13:50.087 [SPEAKER_00]: I stepped into this new job or whatever it is and it just feels like rubble like when is the rubble ever gonna end? 13:50.147 --> 14:03.880 [SPEAKER_00]: I thought this was gonna be like a peaceful easy season and so, you know, he faced opposition, he faced resistance, he faced, you know, they're having to hold a weapon of worship in one hand and then a weapon to defend themselves and another and so there's all these unexpected 14:04.340 --> 14:07.163 [SPEAKER_00]: hardships that came right along with his answer to prayer. 14:07.363 --> 14:10.586 [SPEAKER_00]: And I also talk about Alisha in Alisha. 14:10.806 --> 14:13.829 [SPEAKER_00]: He prayed and had this great victory at Mount Carmel. 14:14.029 --> 14:17.612 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know the next day, he was thrown a curveball that he didn't expect. 14:17.772 --> 14:21.276 [SPEAKER_00]: And instead of celebrating, he was asking God to take his life. 14:21.416 --> 14:22.537 [SPEAKER_00]: And he was hiding. 14:23.037 --> 14:31.602 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I created a little bit of a framework for it because I think language, I love words and I love the way that language can help us describe our experience. 14:32.042 --> 14:42.708 [SPEAKER_00]: And just by naming the season or an or naming that emotion, it somehow is able to just help us diffuse some of that guilt around, you know, it because there's a name for it. 14:43.228 --> 14:45.349 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not the only one who experiences it right. 14:45.409 --> 14:48.871 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think that we need a little bit of language around these types of things. 14:49.311 --> 14:52.834 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I talk about what's called the four seasons of blessing. 14:53.114 --> 14:58.137 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's a season of blooming a season of building a better sweet season or a season of balancing. 14:58.577 --> 15:00.899 [SPEAKER_00]: So blooming is like the prayer of jibbers, right? 15:00.959 --> 15:05.202 [SPEAKER_00]: He got what he wanted in prayer, got granted his request and of story. 15:05.562 --> 15:10.185 [SPEAKER_00]: Like that's kind of what we expect and answer to prayer to feel like and be like and sometimes it is. 15:10.265 --> 15:14.628 [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes it's like that beautiful sweet season and everything went according to plan, right? 15:15.488 --> 15:16.950 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what I pray over my kids. 15:17.050 --> 15:21.235 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I want them to be free from harm and, you know, less than all that. 15:21.375 --> 15:23.918 [SPEAKER_00]: And so there's nothing wrong with being in a season of blooming. 15:23.938 --> 15:24.739 [SPEAKER_00]: That's wonderful. 15:25.000 --> 15:28.464 [SPEAKER_00]: But oftentimes our experience is like one of the other seasons. 15:28.684 --> 15:31.127 [SPEAKER_00]: The season of building, like I talked about with Nia Maya. 15:31.487 --> 15:56.088 [SPEAKER_00]: where your answer to prayer comes to the whole lot more hard work than you ever expected, whether it's starting school or starting a business or growing your family like sometimes the exhaustion is just real and that change fatigue and our bodies and our nervous systems trying to adjust to a completely new schedule, completely new routine or sleepless nights, that fatigue and that exhaustion of being in a season of building is very real and it doesn't mean that we aren't grateful but 15:56.428 --> 16:03.972 [SPEAKER_00]: There's an adjustment period right while we try to find our our footing and learn new skills and adapt to a little less sleep at night, maybe if it's a new baby. 16:03.992 --> 16:10.635 [SPEAKER_00]: And then there's the season of balancing, which is when everything's right on the outside, but everything fills off on the inside. 16:10.775 --> 16:15.558 [SPEAKER_00]: And I had a friend who said she was researching post wedding depression after she. 16:15.918 --> 16:16.258 [SPEAKER_00]: married. 16:16.318 --> 16:25.587 [SPEAKER_00]: There was nothing wrong with her marriage or her husband or her wedding and she couldn't explain why she felt so low when her life was supposed to be on a high. 16:25.788 --> 16:28.470 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I found some science around that too. 16:28.550 --> 16:31.093 [SPEAKER_00]: There's a real thing called runners cry, right? 16:31.193 --> 16:37.899 [SPEAKER_00]: Or we reach these milestones in life and our bodies and our nervous systems have this really unexpected emotional weight that hits us. 16:38.520 --> 16:40.741 [SPEAKER_00]: And then there's the the bitter sweet seasons. 16:40.941 --> 16:51.984 [SPEAKER_00]: And like I talked about with Elijah, sometimes something wonderful happens and you get your answer to prayer and something really hard comes right along with it or you're thrown a curve ball that you didn't expect. 16:52.424 --> 16:54.925 [SPEAKER_00]: And that can almost feel like emotional with Lash, right? 16:54.965 --> 16:55.305 [SPEAKER_00]: Like you're 16:55.585 --> 17:19.803 [SPEAKER_00]: You're one day you're celebrating and then the next day you're grieving and you're holding gratitude in one hand and grief in the other and you know I talked about my friend Hannah who had a baby boy that she prayed for and he was a gift in an answer to prayer and right along with it she had to have an emergency his direct to me and so she had to grieve the fact that this is going to be the last time she would ever be able to birth a child and so those are seasons of that are bitter sweet and I 17:20.323 --> 17:37.073 [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes it's very difficult to balance those two really strong equally strong emotions at the same time Yeah, I feel like it's so helpful to have words for all of that like you said like I think about one of my best friends right now She is she went back to work this year full time 17:37.493 --> 17:44.400 [SPEAKER_01]: She has four kids, and so the summer is her first summer where she's not at home with her kids, and she is grieving that right now. 17:44.821 --> 17:54.751 [SPEAKER_01]: But at the same time, she is working in a ministry, and she feels so fulfilled, and she loves what she does, and feels where she is exactly where God wants her to be. 17:54.971 --> 17:56.393 [SPEAKER_01]: But she also wants to be somewhere else. 17:56.473 --> 17:57.374 [SPEAKER_01]: She wants to be at home. 17:58.034 --> 18:18.561 [SPEAKER_01]: and it just is so complicated when you feel all those emotions and she's trying so hard to explain it without sounding like she's whining or like she's ungrateful for the opportunity and it's she's doing a beautiful job balancing it all but it's so hard when you feel stuck in that place where like I want to just you know show you how appreciative I am but also I miss my kids 18:18.721 --> 18:20.302 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because that's so real. 18:20.683 --> 18:29.330 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that sometimes people are afraid to go to God with their emotions, you know, like I feel like she has all these complicated emotions or ongoing back to work. 18:29.530 --> 18:32.953 [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes when we feel all that, we're like, I'm just going to only praise God. 18:32.973 --> 18:34.534 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I only praise God, but I think... 18:35.455 --> 18:38.397 [SPEAKER_01]: Going to go with our emotions is so good because nothing surprises him. 18:38.437 --> 18:40.057 [SPEAKER_01]: He's not afraid of how we feel. 18:40.638 --> 18:46.261 [SPEAKER_01]: He's not surprised by how we feel, you know, he knows our hearts whether we say it out loud or not. 18:46.341 --> 18:50.663 [SPEAKER_01]: So how do you think that bringing our real emotions to God when we're feeling complexity? 18:50.943 --> 18:52.924 [SPEAKER_01]: especially after he's answered one of our prayers. 18:52.984 --> 18:55.745 [SPEAKER_01]: Like how does that strengthen our relationship with him? 18:55.805 --> 18:58.185 [SPEAKER_00]: That is such a beautiful way of putting it. 18:58.386 --> 19:01.006 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that I experienced that first hand. 19:01.347 --> 19:06.888 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember after finalized the adoption, everything was kind of in its whirlwind stage. 19:06.948 --> 19:08.229 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember craving walking. 19:08.889 --> 19:35.074 [SPEAKER_00]: And I mean, I just had to walk around the neighborhood almost multiple times a day and I didn't know the science behind it then and now I've researched it and I understand there's so much benefit of walking but that that walk ended up turning into a prayer walk and then multiple times a day I just needed my little prayer walk and it turns out there's just a lot of science behind the benefits of prayer the benefits of walking and then you combining those two things like it's no wonder that my body just started to crave it. 19:35.694 --> 19:37.557 [SPEAKER_00]: because it really helps us process. 19:37.837 --> 19:50.815 [SPEAKER_00]: And I also learned in that season that I could be honest with God about the feelings that I was most afraid to admit, you know, the feelings of questioning of doubt that I make the right decision was did I go wrong somewhere and my not 19:51.796 --> 20:02.559 [SPEAKER_00]: ever going to be able to help my new kids heal like all these just questions and doubts that felt so raw at the time like he didn't meet me with a judgmental finger he met me with such a softness and a grace. 20:03.019 --> 20:16.582 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's probably the only reason I'm able to open up this conversation today is because I've experienced what bringing your real emotions to God does and how that is the only way to transformation is if we're honest, if we're able to say God 20:21.203 --> 20:26.287 [SPEAKER_00]: I think we come to God and we try to package it up nicely first and say like, I'm so grateful. 20:26.467 --> 20:28.709 [SPEAKER_00]: And I only feeling gratitude right now. 20:28.929 --> 20:32.392 [SPEAKER_00]: He's like, I know there's some complex emotions going on. 20:32.412 --> 20:33.873 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, you don't have to hide that for me. 20:33.933 --> 20:34.633 [SPEAKER_00]: I already know. 20:34.774 --> 20:47.503 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think it's so freeing for us to find a softly still and in Christ when we're navigating those complicated emotions and realizing that he's he's right there ready and willing and 20:51.186 --> 21:02.514 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it's so easy to trick people around us, you know, into, I feel this way and, you know, change it again, change your language to turn it into exactly what you're supposed to say, but we can't do that with God. 21:03.114 --> 21:03.335 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 21:03.375 --> 21:07.938 [SPEAKER_01]: As much as we want to, because we can do it, people around us, but we can't trick him, which I mean. 21:08.996 --> 21:09.536 [SPEAKER_01]: is a good thing. 21:09.577 --> 21:10.517 [SPEAKER_01]: It brings us closer to him. 21:10.918 --> 21:20.985 [SPEAKER_01]: Tell me more about the science of walking because I mean like there's nothing better than a prayer walk and I think it's so incredible that God made our bodies and our spirits to be so aligned and our minds too. 21:21.065 --> 21:24.588 [SPEAKER_01]: Like to be so so aligned is so incredible the way he created us. 21:24.868 --> 21:25.769 [SPEAKER_01]: So tell us more about that. 21:25.969 --> 21:32.393 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, so I learned from my therapist that there's this therapeutic technique called EMDR. 21:32.513 --> 21:34.975 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like some people have misconceptions about what it is. 21:35.035 --> 21:43.960 [SPEAKER_00]: It's really not, it's just basically activating both parts of your brain while you're talking about a traumatic memory or processing something so that you can kind of reopen that file so to speak. 21:44.020 --> 21:52.065 [SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, the lady who created it actually was working with war veterans in realizing that as she observed them processing while they were walking, 21:52.585 --> 21:59.231 [SPEAKER_00]: that it diffused a lot of the difficult emotions and it helped regulate those emotions while they're walking. 21:59.251 --> 22:10.502 [SPEAKER_00]: And so she realized that it was the eyes going back and forth and then the hands going back and forth that was activating both parts of the brain while they were processing whatever traumatic memories they were going through. 22:10.542 --> 22:13.625 [SPEAKER_00]: So she created this basically this whole therapeutic technique to 22:14.225 --> 22:18.188 [SPEAKER_00]: help us process emotions because she noticed that walking. 22:18.408 --> 22:25.632 [SPEAKER_00]: That's where she discovered it and so I mean I talk about how you know even like Christian literature of C.S. 22:25.672 --> 22:32.076 [SPEAKER_00]: Lewis was because of a walk like they were they were walking around he was walking with like J.R. Tolkien and and so I 22:32.676 --> 22:48.740 [SPEAKER_00]: There's just so many fun facts about walking and why I just have loved the idea of how the benefits of a prayer walk can help us like reopen that old file that maybe we haven't opened for a while or maybe even since childhood and reprocessed it with God, right? 22:48.860 --> 22:51.701 [SPEAKER_00]: Both parts of our brain and the Holy Spirit. 22:51.841 --> 22:59.102 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's like there's something going on in the natural and the way that God wired our bodies, but then there's also like having come into earth in that moment too when we're prayer walking 23:01.883 --> 23:10.889 [SPEAKER_00]: There are things that feel probably heavier and weightier than they need to feel because we just have left those files running in the background, right? 23:10.909 --> 23:12.590 [SPEAKER_00]: And us moms are so good at that. 23:12.610 --> 23:16.212 [SPEAKER_00]: We have a million tabs open at once, like a million things running around in background. 23:16.232 --> 23:20.594 [SPEAKER_00]: And then we wonder why we're like shortfused or something in the moment or why we talk in our child. 23:20.675 --> 23:21.235 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's like, 23:21.695 --> 23:30.284 [SPEAKER_00]: These prayer walks and this processing emotion with God, it's just such a beautiful way of making our emotion go in motion, right? 23:30.325 --> 23:34.089 [SPEAKER_00]: I learned that emotion is supposed to be in motion, right? 23:34.149 --> 23:41.677 [SPEAKER_00]: It comes from that Latin word, and so often times we just let it stay sat stagnant and keep running in the background, but we don't actually 23:42.097 --> 23:43.218 [SPEAKER_00]: put some motion to it. 23:43.338 --> 23:58.353 [SPEAKER_00]: And prayer walking is just one of those ways that you can put motion to your emotion so that they can actually process rather than, you know, we're running in our subconscious mind and, you know, stories and narratives that aren't true or believing lies and letting them linger and so. 23:58.753 --> 24:02.556 [SPEAKER_00]: It's really, really beautiful to be able to have that as a rhythm in your life. 24:02.656 --> 24:06.319 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I love that because truly as moms we're so good at just shoving it to the side. 24:06.419 --> 24:09.641 [SPEAKER_01]: I'll deal with that later, or I don't even need to deal with it because I need to deal with my kids. 24:09.761 --> 24:13.784 [SPEAKER_01]: Instead, but you're not doing anyone any favors and a good walk. 24:14.004 --> 24:14.324 [SPEAKER_01]: Good walk. 24:14.384 --> 24:17.286 [SPEAKER_01]: It's amazing how you can be so angry at whatever is going on. 24:17.326 --> 24:20.389 [SPEAKER_01]: Like you can be mad, just having a mad day and you're going to walk and you just feel better. 24:21.029 --> 24:23.231 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's like so true and incredible. 24:23.671 --> 24:38.643 [SPEAKER_01]: So I love that it can help you process and really when you add prayer into it You take that mean maybe you're initially doing an anger walk You add prayer into it and that is just released because you can hand it over to the Lord and he can walk with you Which is yeah love that love a prayer walk 24:39.490 --> 24:54.935 [SPEAKER_01]: So kind of to wrap us up for the parent who's listening, who feels guilty because, you know, the life that they prayed for is also the life that's really making them super tired or super overwhelmed or anxious or maybe even further in their feeling depressed. 24:55.395 --> 25:01.436 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's like, what encouragement or hope would you want them to walk away with after reading your book? 25:01.456 --> 25:02.957 [SPEAKER_00]: Just, you are human. 25:04.283 --> 25:18.960 [SPEAKER_00]: okay to be a human in process at the end of the day like yes we are moms and we take care of everybody else around us and it's like we forget that we are a human in process with real human emotions and that God wants to tend to our heart and our soul too. 25:19.720 --> 25:24.722 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's okay to slow down and allow him to do that work and it actually makes us better moms. 25:25.062 --> 25:35.966 [SPEAKER_00]: It does because then we are operating not reactive, but we are operating now out of a place of a healthy whole soul that is cared for. 25:36.806 --> 25:40.589 [SPEAKER_00]: And loved and and cherish the way that it needs to be. 25:40.689 --> 25:47.093 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think we just need to sometimes give ourselves permission to be a human in process too, you know, yeah, that's beautiful. 25:47.133 --> 25:47.514 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you. 25:47.534 --> 25:52.157 [SPEAKER_01]: Can you tell us where we can connect with you and then where we can get a copy of your book. 25:52.197 --> 26:03.510 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, my website is Melissa Miller, writer.com, and I am on Instagram at Melissa Miller writes, and I have a sub-stack, and all that information is on my website as well as a link to the book. 26:03.590 --> 26:05.592 [SPEAKER_00]: It's sold almost everywhere, books are sold. 26:05.672 --> 26:08.135 [SPEAKER_00]: It's in the pre-order phase now, but maybe by the time this, 26:08.455 --> 26:31.901 [SPEAKER_00]: podcast is released then maybe it'll be ready to be ordered and I'm super excited to get this in the hands especially of moms and if you're a foster or adoptive mom, special special heart for you and I am praying for every mom that gets this book in their hands what especially those who might be fostering an adopting is that very unique and very hard calling but also very beautiful and rewarding and so 26:32.361 --> 26:33.321 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's where you can find me. 26:33.361 --> 26:33.962 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, thank you. 26:33.982 --> 26:41.504 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'll put everything and show notes, links to all of your things, your social media, your sub-stack, and of course to your book to stuff people can order. 26:41.524 --> 26:43.645 [SPEAKER_01]: Because it really is incredibly helpful. 26:43.685 --> 26:45.165 [SPEAKER_01]: It's a great gift to give people. 26:45.185 --> 26:47.526 [SPEAKER_01]: I just think it's a really, really useful tool. 26:47.566 --> 26:49.047 [SPEAKER_01]: So thank you for writing it. 26:49.107 --> 26:50.427 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for your ministry. 26:50.567 --> 26:51.708 [SPEAKER_01]: And thank you for being here today. 26:51.748 --> 26:52.328 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you stuff. 26:55.647 --> 26:57.569 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much for joining me today. 26:57.649 --> 27:07.597 [SPEAKER_01]: I know this conversation resonated with you in some way because every season of parenting seems to bring another transition and even the beautiful ones can leave us feeling tired and uncertain. 27:08.400 --> 27:19.904 [SPEAKER_01]: If today's conversation encouraged you, I'd love for you to share this episode with another parent who might be navigating a season of change, and if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe to the Christian Parenting podcast so that you never miss an episode. 27:20.584 --> 27:25.006 [SPEAKER_01]: Please go check out Show Now to connect with Melissa and get a copy of her book, but I prayed for this. 27:25.406 --> 27:27.407 [SPEAKER_01]: Pre-orders are a big deal for authors. 27:27.447 --> 27:31.008 [SPEAKER_00]: It really helps them get their message out, so go pre-order a copy today. 27:31.877 --> 27:32.898 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for being here. 27:33.019 --> 27:34.320 [SPEAKER_01]: Make out Bless You this week. 27:34.420 --> 27:38.125 [SPEAKER_01]: And may remember that he is an asking you to pretend everything is easy. 27:38.686 --> 27:40.829 [SPEAKER_01]: He invites you to bring your whole heart to him. 27:41.229 --> 27:45.915 [SPEAKER_01]: Your gratitude and your grief can exist together in his grace as big enough to hold them both.