[SPEAKER_00]: Somewhere along the way, it's really easy to confuse being responsible with slowly abandoning the parts of yourself that make you feel alive and I don't even think we realize we're doing it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think we just start saying things like,
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I'll work on that when life comes down, or I don't have time right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe next year, I'm too old, I'm too late, or I need to take more classes on it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, I'm not as good as everyone else, and then one day you look back and realize, wait, when was the last time I made something just because I wanted to, not because it was productive, not because I would make money, not because it looked good on Instagram, just because
[SPEAKER_00]: Hello, hello, magical fans, young mees, my name is Raquel and welcome to your own magic a podcast for the creative and the curious soul.
[SPEAKER_00]: Before we jump in, I have another little wedding update because, well, I know last episode I told you we were getting married in St. Lucia.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, we'll plot twists.
[SPEAKER_00]: We both have been feeling as we're here in Park City in our hometown where we were both raised.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was born and raised here.
[SPEAKER_00]: He moved here and he was seven.
[SPEAKER_00]: So Park City has a big place in our hearts.
[SPEAKER_00]: And therefore, we thought it'd be a lot easier and also just felt right to just get married out home.
[SPEAKER_00]: Plus most of the people we know and love in our lives live here makes the most sense.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, we're still planning a little intimate wedding, but now close to the home.
[SPEAKER_00]: And honestly, I'm just so much more excited than I even expected to be about this.
[SPEAKER_00]: The best part is that we're still in what I call the dream state.
[SPEAKER_00]: We actually do know the venue where we know where it's located.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's where to call it a venue because it's outdoors around my nature.
[SPEAKER_00]: But we know the location.
[SPEAKER_00]: And now we're also just talking about other ideas and feeling into what date feels right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's just one of my favorite parts, because if you know me, you know, I'm of course looking at the logistics and the weather, but of course the numerology and the astrology and the moon phases, all of it, that's important to me, I'm like okay, but what if we got married on a master number.
[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, Jordans, just patiently listening while I spiral into another rabbit hole.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're between several dates right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we'll see.
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll see where it lands.
[SPEAKER_00]: And honestly, I'm just trying really hard to let this whole process.
[SPEAKER_00]: teach me something because, yes, I have a Capricorn Stealiam.
[SPEAKER_00]: I absolutely love a plan, but I'm also trying to leave room for life to surprise me and I don't want to force every single thing into place just because I can.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to make thoughtful decisions and then trust them and take time with them.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm also a human design projector.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to wait for the invite and I need to take time with things.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can be impulsive and that doesn't always serve me.
[SPEAKER_00]: like, for example, the St. Lucia.
[SPEAKER_00]: I went right in, put in the deposit and everything, and then we listen to our hearts.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, this feels right, therefore.
[SPEAKER_00]: No need to rush any other decisions.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was probably the universe telling me, stop.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going a million miles an hour when it's over your way.
[SPEAKER_00]: Chill out.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's the balance of learning lately.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then you enough.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's actually a part of what today's episode is about.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've been thinking a lot lately about how strange it is that life can be going exactly as you planned.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then one day you wake up and something just feels off.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not in a dramatic way, I mean, nothing's necessarily wrong.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're still working, you're still seeing your friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe life even looks better than it did a few years ago, but there's this quiet feeling that you've drifted away from yourself a little.
[SPEAKER_00]: As Jordan and I decided to change completely change our wedding plans, back to the wedding planning, looking at the Venus's dreaming, changing our minds over other week.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's messy, but it's fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: It reminded me that sometimes the dream stage is actually one of the best parts.
[SPEAKER_00]: They say it's about the journey, not the destination, so I'm going to relish in this dream journey phase and not make a whole binder of what it's all going to be exactly in a year from now, because we all change and what we desire changes.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I got me thinking, where else have I stopped letting myself dream?
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think most of us wake up one day and decide to stop chasing the things that light us up.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it happens really quietly.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's almost what makes it harder to notice because if something catastrophic happened.
[SPEAKER_00]: We know exactly what to fix, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: But for most people, life just starts filling up.
[SPEAKER_00]: You get busy, you start paying bills.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you get married, you have kids, you're taking care of your parents, maybe you're trying to build a career.
[SPEAKER_00]: You start becoming really responsible.
[SPEAKER_00]: and that's a good thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I actually think responsibility is beautiful, but somewhere along the way, it's really easy to confuse being responsible with slowly abandoning the parts of yourself that make you feel alive.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't even think we realize we're doing it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think we just start saying things like, oh, I'll work on that when life comes down, or I don't have time right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe next year.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm too old.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm too late or I need to take more classes on it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not as good as everyone else.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then one day you looked back and realized, wait, when was the last time I made something just because I wanted to?
[SPEAKER_00]: Not because it was productive, not because I would make money, not because it looked good on Instagram, just because I could only make it for my soul, for art's sake.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was watching, because I'm a fan of Oliver Tree.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was watching his life celebration and Ethan Klein, who's hosting it, said this really beautiful thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's like,
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, a six line poem, just for Art's sake, like Oliver did.
[SPEAKER_00]: Six line poem and then destroy it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know that that poem is just something between you and Oliver, and I give you chills.
[SPEAKER_00]: I do feel like we need to do this more, I think.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's where a lot of us also get confused because we create art sometimes for being productive, make it money, share it on Instagram, whatever it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's where a lot of us, yeah, we feel a disconnect.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then we assume that feeling disconnected means something is wrong with our lives.
[SPEAKER_00]: But sometimes, I think it's wrong.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes you've just,
[SPEAKER_00]: so later did away for yourself and you need to create that art just for art's sake.
[SPEAKER_00]: I said no, I also think that the word drift is a better word than burnout because burnout just feels loud yet exhausting right but drifting is quiet and so relatable.
[SPEAKER_00]: We all sometimes have that drift and it happens one practical decision at a time and before you know it you've become really good at maintaining your life, but you don't really feel lit up by it anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: How do you find your way back?
[SPEAKER_00]: because I don't think the answer is blowing up your life.
[SPEAKER_00]: I actually think the clues happen there the whole time.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think one of the biggest mistakes that we make is asking, what should I do with my life?
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, that's such a heavy question.
[SPEAKER_00]: Instead, I think a better question is, when do I feel the most alike myself?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because those are two completely different things.
[SPEAKER_00]: For years, I think I looked at what I was good at, which isn't a bad thing, but being good at something and feeling alive, doing it aren't always...
[SPEAKER_00]: The same.
[SPEAKER_00]: Just because you're really good, it doesn't always automatically mean that's where you come alive.
[SPEAKER_00]: So instead of looking at your resume, look at your energy.
[SPEAKER_00]: What makes you completely lose track of time?
[SPEAKER_00]: What conversations do you accidentally keep having?
[SPEAKER_00]: Or what YouTube rabbit holds, do you keep falling down?
[SPEAKER_00]: What do your friends always text you about because they know you'll have an opinion?
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you find yourself creating when nobody asks you to?
[SPEAKER_00]: Those are clues.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're not proof, but they're clues.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I also think that we spend too much time looking outside ourselves for answers.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, as strangers online, we'll buy another course, we'll listen to another podcast, read another book, and don't get me wrong, I love books, I love podcasts, I love learning from people.
[SPEAKER_00]: But at the same point, you have to become interested in your own life, your own patterns, and your own energy, because nobody else can actually tell you what makes you come alive.
[SPEAKER_00]: only you get to notice that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes it's writing, it's designing, it's cooking, it's organizing closets, it's making spreadsheets.
[SPEAKER_00]: Seriously, there isn't a right answer.
[SPEAKER_00]: The goal isn't to find the coolest thing the goal is to notice the thing that keeps quietly polling you back, because I've started realizing that the things that are meant for us usually don't scream.
[SPEAKER_00]: They whisper.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they keep tapping us on the shoulder year after year.
[SPEAKER_00]: And eventually,
[SPEAKER_00]: People either listen, or we get really good at ignoring them.
[SPEAKER_00]: One of the biggest things I've also learned over the years has nothing to do with how I feel after I spend time with someone.
[SPEAKER_00]: I used to think that if I left a conversation feeling intimidated, that meant that person was brilliant.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now I honestly don't think that's true.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've just realized that there are certain people you walk away from, and
[SPEAKER_00]: and you feel lighter, or more curious more yourself, you have more ideas, you want to make something or do something to yourself, or you just feel happy that you meet a genuine connection.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I realize that personally connects so much more with people who make me feel like we're discovering something together.
[SPEAKER_00]: not like I'm sitting in a classroom waiting for the answer, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Think about your own life.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, who are the people who always leave feeling where you leave feeling inspired after you talk to them or you feel just seen?
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not like you are impressed by them, but inspired.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, there's a difference.
[SPEAKER_00]: One makes you admire them.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the other makes you believe a little more in yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think those are the people worth staying close to.
[SPEAKER_00]: I also think one of the healthiest things that we can do is stop asking, who has the answers?
[SPEAKER_00]: and just start asking, what actually rings true to me?
[SPEAKER_00]: Not because you're first instinct is always right, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Mind definitely isn't, but because I don't think we're supposed to outsource our entire world view to one person or a book or a podcast or a creator.
[SPEAKER_00]: Some of the most meaningful things I've learned have come from completely different places.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like a psychology book, a conversation with a friend, a trip, somewhere I've never been, a piece of art.
[SPEAKER_00]: relationship, a random podcast, a science article, even a comment someone made in passing that I couldn't stop thinking about.
[SPEAKER_00]: None of those things gave me the answer, but together they start a painting a picture and I think that's what wisdom actually is.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not collecting beliefs.
[SPEAKER_00]: or be in part of a group thing, obviously.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's learning how to notice patterns and taking little pieces from all over your life and asking, what keeps feeling true and what keeps coming up?
[SPEAKER_00]: What do I keep returning to?
[SPEAKER_00]: That's so much more interesting to me than finding one person who's supposedly figured everything out.
[SPEAKER_00]: And honestly, I think that's where confidence comes from.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not from never changing your mind, but just from trusting yourself enough to keep refining it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think somewhere along the way, dreaming became tied to productivity.
[SPEAKER_00]: If I have a dream, how do I grow it?
[SPEAKER_00]: How do I make it successful?
[SPEAKER_00]: How do I monetize it?
[SPEAKER_00]: How do I make sure it works?
[SPEAKER_00]: When did we start doing that?
[SPEAKER_00]: When did we, when did every dream become a business plan, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like lately I've been in the season where I'm planning a wedding and honestly one of my favorite parts has not been making decisions.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's been imagining it, looking at the venues, changing my mind, sending Jordan ideas, laughing about ideas will probably never do, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: There's something really beautiful about not knowing exactly how it's all going to come together yet.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think adults stop giving themselves permission to imagine.
[SPEAKER_00]: Kids will spend an entire afternoon pretending, drawing, making up things, building things.
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't care if any of it becomes real.
[SPEAKER_00]: The imagining it is the fun part.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I wonder if that's part of what we've lost.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not our ambition or our playfulness, but because the second everything has to justify itself, we stop trying things, or we stop writing and painting and learning an instrument and taking a dance class, or making silly videos.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's not because we don't want to, but it's somewhere along the way, we just decided that everything had to lead somewhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it doesn't.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe some of the things that bring us back to ourselves aren't meant to become full on careers, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, they're hobbies for a reason, or just passion projects for a reason.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's just meant to remind us who we are, and honestly, I think that's enough.
[SPEAKER_00]: One thing I've been thinking also about lately, Manic, I preface that all the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: One thing I've been thinking about lately, but seriously, here's another thing I've been thinking about.
[SPEAKER_00]: How easy is it to look back at different seasons of your life, and cringe?
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, you think, oh, why did I believe that?
[SPEAKER_00]: Why did I say that was such conviction?
[SPEAKER_00]: Why did I spend so much time doing that?
[SPEAKER_00]: Or what was I thinking?
[SPEAKER_00]: I honestly don't really feel that way anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think I'd erase any version of myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not the version that was completely obsessed with self-development, not the version that wanted to interview everyone she admired, not the version that thought she had to figure a life out, and not the version that got disappointed.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not even the version that felt lost because every season gave me something.
[SPEAKER_00]: And some seasons gave me confidence, some gave me friendships, some gave me opportunities that I never would have had otherwise.
[SPEAKER_00]: some taught me discernment, some showed me what I wanted more of.
[SPEAKER_00]: Others showed me what no longer fit, and I needed all of it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I actually don't think life is about finding one not perfect version of yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's about letting each version teach the next one.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that we get into trouble when we try to pretend those older versions never existed.
[SPEAKER_00]: They did.
[SPEAKER_00]: They got us here.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm grateful for them.
[SPEAKER_00]: Even the ones that make me laugh and just cringe a little now.
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, before I wrap up, I did want to share something with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: It might not be a surprise, but I'm going to be taking a pause again for a while.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if it's going to be you three weeks or I'm not going to make a huge announcement out of it because it's not a forever thing, this is not a big deal.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just, there's a lot of life right now that needs focus and I'll be focusing on that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I'll be updating you, and I also another reason is because I've been feeling this pull towards writing again, right, towards slowing down, toward creating in a different way.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to see what happens if I actually beam into that part of myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: So of course this really is not goodbye, this pause is not a big deal, I'll be back.
[SPEAKER_00]: It just won't be next Monday, let's put it that way.
[SPEAKER_00]: I had a whisper in the back of my mind, like, definitely do a birthday episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I might do a birthday episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: August 19th.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that'll be fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm paying attention to the thing that keeps quietly tapping on the shoulder and I think it's time I've listened and then so put my energy.
[SPEAKER_00]: where I usually get into my creative zone towards that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, anyway, if there's something in your life that's been quietly asking for your attention, maybe this has your reminder to stop telling yourself someday.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to blow up your life or quit your job.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to happen to the whole plan.
[SPEAKER_00]: just make a little reaper it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes that's how everything begins.
[SPEAKER_00]: Playing small usually doesn't feel like playing small.
[SPEAKER_00]: It feels responsible.
[SPEAKER_00]: It feels productive.
[SPEAKER_00]: It feels practical.
[SPEAKER_00]: It feels like I'll get back to that later until one day you realize later, turned into years.
[SPEAKER_00]: I do think every person deserves at least one thing in their life that makes some feel like themselves and to protect that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Even if it's just one hour a week, even if nobody else understands why it matters.
[SPEAKER_00]: Even if it never makes you a dollar, because those things have a funny way of changing everything else.
[SPEAKER_00]: But if it doesn't end up making you a dollar, that's wonderful.
[SPEAKER_00]: But again, that's not the purpose, which I think can be hard and allowed as to society to lose sight of.
[SPEAKER_00]: If it makes you a dollar amazing, I'm so glad you made money from your beautiful, majestic painting.
[SPEAKER_00]: But again, sometimes, if we're feeling a little outside of ourselves, maybe we just need to create some for just our own sake, art, art, sake, and then also for the dollar if we want.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, that's where this episode really came from.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not because I have all the answers of course.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just realize that I don't want to spend so much time trying to figure out what I should be doing that I forget to pay attention to what actually lets me up.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe that's the invitation.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not to reinvent your life overnight just to notice.
[SPEAKER_00]: Notice of it gives you energy.
[SPEAKER_00]: Notice the people who make you feel more like yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: The idea is that keep finding their way back to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Notice the dreams that you keep putting it on the shelf because they don't seem practical.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe they're still there for a reason.
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, let's split spin on my mind lately and I guess we'll see on my birthday what
[SPEAKER_00]: That should be a fun episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: It is episode made you think of something that you've been putting on.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe this is your little nudge to spend some time with it.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to have it all figured out.
[SPEAKER_00]: You just have to be willing to begin again.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, so I'll connect with you in a few weeks.
[SPEAKER_00]: Send an all my love.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for listening, and thank you for your magic.