[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back to part in the mess, I'm your host Scarlet Hiltabidal, we're back, it's still summer, it's kind of getting close to follow though you guys, it's kind of almost back to school time.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wanted to do an episode about school and I feel like I have a lot to say about this because I have four kids and I'm pretty sure at this point we have done every single kind of schooling option that you can do.
[SPEAKER_01]: We've lived in a lot of different places and we've done a lot of different kinds of school.
[SPEAKER_01]: And last year when we moved to Texas, we did a huge school change for all of our kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's what I wanted to talk about today.
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to talk about a school because I know that some of you maybe your kids are really, really little and you're listening and you're at that decision point where you're like, what am I gonna do with my kids?
[SPEAKER_01]: Am I gonna homeschool them?
[SPEAKER_01]: Am I gonna send them to public school?
[SPEAKER_01]: Am I gonna send them to private school?
[SPEAKER_01]: What am I gonna do?
[SPEAKER_01]: And I know there's also like,
[SPEAKER_01]: The feeling of judgment that you can get from other moms, I've experienced this myself and because I've had kids in every sort of schooling way, I feel like I've experienced it from all angles because I feel like there are definitely moms in camps of schooling that are like this way is definitely the way that all family should do it and if you're doing it in another way, you're doing it a wrong way.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I've definitely encountered that from all sorts of people and I'll
[SPEAKER_01]: Ultimately, I just want to talk about how educating your kids and how we do it is important.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think the more important question is, how can we faithfully disciple the kids got as interested us with?
[SPEAKER_01]: And what does that look like when they are doing this kind of schooling or that?
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's kind of the more important question I want to talk about.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I do want to share my experience.
[SPEAKER_01]: I do want to share how I've had my kids all over the place and even within one school year having different kids in different places because of what their needs were.
[SPEAKER_01]: So.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to talk about, okay, I want to also let you know that I am wearing my fake tooth today.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you've been listening for the last few weeks, this has been a struggle for me because I'm having some dental work done this summer.
[SPEAKER_01]: I needed to get a crown ripped out of my head.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that was great.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I had an implant put it on the same day while I was out of it.
[SPEAKER_01]: under the anesthesia, twilight, sedation, whatever is called.
[SPEAKER_01]: So anyway, had that happen, and I am healing my job on Ask the Hill for several months.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I've got this fake temporary tooth that I put on an off-like, not gentrers, but I guess it's kind of like one denture.
[SPEAKER_01]: sort of feels like.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm having a really hard time remembering to do it.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'll find myself like yesterday at church and I realized during worship, oops, forgot my tooth today.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the thing is I have a big smile and it's like not exactly in the front, but it's in the front enough that if I laugh really hard, then you can definitely see that I'm missing a tooth, which is fine.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's fine if you're missing a tooth.
[SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, I did notice that I recorded today's messy mom moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: with my oldest daughter who's 15, she's the guest today.
[SPEAKER_01]: I recorded that without my tooth and I did laugh really hard one time.
[SPEAKER_01]: So sorry about that, but for the rest of the episode, it's in, we got the tooth.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, you needed to know this information.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, let's talk about school.
[SPEAKER_01]: So here's, you might, you might be trying to decide what to do, school wise.
[SPEAKER_00]: You might be wrestling with former decisions.
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe your kids are like finishing high school.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you're like, man, I am friends with younger people, younger moms who are doing it this other way.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I wish I had done it this way.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I hope to also just bring some peace to your heart as we talk about what's really important as we decide black kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: So here's some of the questions you might be having.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's delve into the mess.
[SPEAKER_01]: Should we homeschool?
[SPEAKER_01]: Is private school worth the sacrifice?
[SPEAKER_01]: Should we choose public school?
[SPEAKER_01]: Should we switch?
[SPEAKER_01]: What if I've made the wrong decision?
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe one of those or some of those are the questions you're wrestling with here at the end of summer.
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes it feels like whichever choice you make.
[SPEAKER_01]: Someone is there to tell you it's the wrong choice.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's for sure.
[SPEAKER_01]: Talk to enough people.
[SPEAKER_01]: Ask for enough advice.
[SPEAKER_01]: Someone will tell you you might be doing the wrong thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think the main tension here is we often put the weight of our child's future on this year's schooling decision and I really don't think, in fact, no, I know that God does not want us to carry that weight.
[SPEAKER_01]: He doesn't want us to look at it as that weighty of a thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: This year's schooling decision is not life or death, okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: So, so like I said,
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to talk today about the practical pros and cons of all the different schooling things, but I also want to talk about how we can facely disciple our kids no matter how they are being schooled as we send them back into all the routines that the fall is about to bring.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, the mess.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I didn't really take a whole lot of time to reflect on the discipleship aspect of what the schooling decisions looked like at the beginning.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's been a lot easier now that most of my kids are older and that we've done this big jump from mostly being a homeschool family to mostly being a Christian school family.
[SPEAKER_01]: But when I first started when I was first thinking, what am I going to do here?
[SPEAKER_01]: I did not think I was going to be a homeschool mom.
[SPEAKER_01]: That was never my dream intention.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know much about it at all.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was raised in Miami, New York, and LA.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't know any homeschoolers like I thought homeschooling must be really weird.
[SPEAKER_01]: Or I think I think I kind of probably thought what is homeschooling because I never
[SPEAKER_01]: I never saw it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, I did travel with my mom, who was an actress, so she would work or be auditioning for things a few months out of the school year when I was an elementary school.
[SPEAKER_01]: So my Christian school that I went to would send packets of work and books and we would snail mail work back and forth.
[SPEAKER_01]: So basically, that was home schooling, but I didn't call it that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know to call it that.
[SPEAKER_01]: We just kind of called it a temporary arrangement.
[SPEAKER_01]: So what we were doing with my Christian school, who was managing my grades and all that.
[SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, I was raised a Christian school kid.
[SPEAKER_01]: I absolutely loved it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I still, I'm 40 and I still talk to many of my teachers via the internet.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've got some of their numbers.
[SPEAKER_01]: We text sometimes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like they were so important in my life.
[SPEAKER_01]: Seeing adult adults, I wasn't related to on a day-to-day basis who were teaching me about the world and teaching me what it looks like to walk with Jesus.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like that was so important in my life.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm so grateful for it.
[SPEAKER_01]: But when I had my first baby ever, who's gonna be on the show in just a few minutes, when I had her, I went to this church and we lived in Tennessee at the time, and everybody around me was homeschooling.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I kind of fell into being a homeschool mom, I would say by peer pressure.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, what am I going to do?
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, everyone else around me, who has kids ever age, are homeschooling.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I guess I'll do that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I fell into classical conversations, which is a wonderful homeschool program.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we pretty much exclusively did that until last year with...
[SPEAKER_01]: some of the kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so it's really great.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's classical.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know much about that either.
[SPEAKER_01]: But there's like one big book.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to go into all the details.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it was very like, I would describe it as kind of good for like a hippie mom.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm pretty laid back flexible.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I liked that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I knew, okay, this is what I'm supposed to teach them every week in every subject.
[SPEAKER_01]: Here's the historical event.
[SPEAKER_01]: Here are the math facts.
[SPEAKER_01]: Here's the science concept.
[SPEAKER_01]: But how I'm going to teach that, I can kind of decide how to do that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can bring in other curriculum, I can, it just gave a lot of flexibility and a lot of freedom and it had the accountability of the hybrid like the community day.
[SPEAKER_01]: So once a week we would meet up as a community and there were tutors which were moms and they would kind of lead each subject with games activity, science projects and you could kind of get ideas and just had, you know, friend time and all that.
[SPEAKER_01]: So we really, really loved that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I did that with ever, I did it with Dewey.
[SPEAKER_01]: I had like an experimental years sprinkled in there where I did something else, but then I went back to it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then when we adopted Joy, who I know I've told you all some about, we adopted her from China when she was almost four.
[SPEAKER_01]: And she had a whole host of medical needs, special needs, cognitively, she, you know, she had developmental delays, and so we ended up
[SPEAKER_01]: putting her into a public preschool and especially its program and she got an IEP and all these special services.
[SPEAKER_01]: So when we first adopted her, she was four.
[SPEAKER_01]: She was going, I was dropping her off at the public school and she would get speech therapy and physical therapy.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't think she had occupational therapy, but you know, she had awesome people working with her and that really worked.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then she ended up having to have all these ear surgeries because as some of you know, she was born without ears.
[SPEAKER_01]: You can go back to which episode was it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it was that episode called loving my kids differently when they seen something loving my different children when they when they're all different something like that okay a few weeks ago just scroll back but I had joy on and I talked a little bit about joy and just her unique life and her unique needs so that was super helpful but during the surgery or 2020 actually before 2020 became the crazy historical event 2020.
[SPEAKER_01]: her surgeon was like she's going to miss so much school for these surgeries that all are basically going to happen within this year.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you're able to home school her pull her out of the public school and home school her that would probably be best.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I did and that was kindergarten year, which is kind of a really crucial year because they learned how to read and I feel like I'm not good at teaching people.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean I did teach do eat and ever had a read, but
[SPEAKER_01]: That's hard.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, fine, excellent all that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I had joy at home that year and it was difficult.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then the next year she went back to school and that was when COVID was like, okay, they're getting sent home from school and having to do it on Zoom for weeks at a time.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that was really hard for her because of her hearing issues.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was really hard for her to be on a screen and understand what the teacher was saying and all that anyway.
[SPEAKER_01]: Ultimately, we ended up bringing her back into our home school thing that I was doing with the other two girls back in the classical conversations.
[SPEAKER_01]: However, it was really, really hard for Joy pretty much the whole time we home school.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that was maybe like second, third, fourth and fifth grade.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was home schooling her, but I was like looking into other options because she was really struggling.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was also struggle, you know, as she struggled with her stuff, she was sitting at the kitchen table next to her two sisters who don't have struggles in that way.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so the comparison of that was really hard.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was wrestling between, you know, I mean, this is just, this is why we're called pardon the mess.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, this is not solutions, this is just like I felt like I couldn't make a decision that would be good in every way because I thought, well, emotionally I think she would
[SPEAKER_01]: If I'm the one correcting her work, that also feels like possible damage in our relationship.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I don't want to be constantly correcting her, but I'm having to do that as her teacher.
[SPEAKER_01]: Even with just like, you know, if she gets something wrong and I'm the one showing her that it's wrong.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, that was hard, but then I thought, well, if I send her to school and she's the only one being sent to school.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want her to feel bad about that, so that was a whole other thing where every year I was trying to decide, okay, what are we prioritizing and what's going to be best for her?
[SPEAKER_01]: And some years I didn't know if we were doing most years, I did not know if we were doing it, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know I just every year I would pray through it and we would make a decision.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then we moved to Texas and what we're doing now and we actually changed joy schooling mid-year and she's in a great situation now.
[SPEAKER_01]: But currently I've got joy and ever my two older girls, the two teenagers, 13 and 15, who go to Christian school full-time and then do we, Brooklyn, who we call do we, she does a true homeschool hybrid two days a week, she is at that same Christian school with a teacher, with a class learning and then
[SPEAKER_01]: Monday, Wednesday, Friday, she is told exactly what she's responsible for and we do the work at home.
[SPEAKER_01]: So we kind of have both worlds going on with doing and my plan is do the same with James to do the home school hybrid until high school.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's been really good for our family.
[SPEAKER_01]: Now with joy, I started her last school year in the hybrid.
[SPEAKER_01]: Guys, if you're getting more, you can feel free to fast forward.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know this, I'm really in the weeds with this school stuff, but I do think that if you're listening to this episode and you're trying to make these decisions,
[SPEAKER_01]: another mom's wrestling and especially another mom wrestling with like which thing is best for each kid last year.
[SPEAKER_01]: We started with the two younger girls in the homeschool hybrid and only ever was full-time at school.
[SPEAKER_01]: Ever, you'll hear from her later.
[SPEAKER_01]: She has loved school.
[SPEAKER_01]: She loved the transition.
[SPEAKER_01]: She has some friends from church who homeschool and she said she loved both for different reasons.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm not I have no regret over homeschooling her.
[SPEAKER_01]: all the way through eighth grade.
[SPEAKER_01]: She loved it.
[SPEAKER_01]: We loved it, but I'm also really glad for where she's at right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: Now with Joy, she started with the homeschool hybrid and because this homeschool hybrid that we're now is way less hippy mom, way less flexible and way more like here is the work and you need to turn it in.
[SPEAKER_01]: Joy struggled because not only does she have her needs, but she's also a perfectionist and so she really wanted to get each assignment.
[SPEAKER_01]: just right and yet there wasn't enough time in the day for her to do it to her standard that she wanted and I'm talking like writing the date like she wanted the date she would spend so much time just writing the date and so home that first little bit the first few months of living here was a really difficult stressful sad place for her because it was like I could either give her and this is just if you're like a homeschool or I'm thinking I don't know if homeschool is right for
[SPEAKER_01]: for this kid that I'm raising, like I could either let her work for 12 hours, literally she would work for 12 hours and have no downtime at all.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I remember she did that one day when I was just like, okay, Troy work as long as you want.
[SPEAKER_01]: She worked for 12 hours.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I'm like, okay, that's not going to fly.
[SPEAKER_01]: Joy, you got to have a life you got to do other things.
[SPEAKER_01]: So then I would limit, okay, you're going to spend this much time on math and this much time on this, but then she would get so upset and worked out because she'd be like, mom, but then I'm going to take these this paper in and I'm going to get a bad grade because it's not done and she was right, she was not thriving in that situation.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we switched her to full time and all of her grades went up her home became a place of rest.
[SPEAKER_01]: for her and overall it's been such a good switch for her.
[SPEAKER_01]: They also have a program there to not exactly an IEP, but a special plan where they're able to make accommodations for her.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so what a blessing that's been.
[SPEAKER_01]: So again, so Joy's been, she had a great experience in the public school.
[SPEAKER_01]: She's having a great experience now at a Christian school.
[SPEAKER_01]: And homeschooling, we did it for many years.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was harder for her.
[SPEAKER_01]: Whereas for my youngest Brooklyn, do we?
[SPEAKER_01]: She loves homeschooling.
[SPEAKER_01]: She's thriving.
[SPEAKER_01]: She's made friends.
[SPEAKER_01]: She's way more timid, way more shy.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that the homeschool hybrid has been just a really confident building thing for her.
[SPEAKER_01]: And she loves it.
[SPEAKER_01]: So we're like, okay, we're sticking with that for her.
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, that's kind of our home school slash public school slash private school history.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, like I said, something that has kind of that I've noticed this past year since we moved the kids into a school setting is I was way more intentional about discipling them when I was the home school mom when I was actually doing
[SPEAKER_01]: Bible curriculum with them.
[SPEAKER_01]: I would go to a community Bible study.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's called CBS.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's kind of like BSF, Bible study fellowship if you do that.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it was like in-depth Bible study and I went to home school kids doing their own version for their age.
[SPEAKER_01]: But during the week we would all do it together at the table and then on Fridays we would go do that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I loved it.
[SPEAKER_01]: We loved that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was very hands-on-involved in-decide playing them.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think back to the season when my husband was working from home, primarily, and family devotions were, I'm going to do an episode on that in the near future, how wonderful that's been for our family.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that not every family does that, I feel like it's kind of rare, even a Christian family's to do that, make time for that, and it's so hard.
[SPEAKER_01]: We haven't done it as consistently, like we have not done it consistently since we moved because our kids are older, everyone's being pulled in different directions, and we still
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's do our family devotion book and we love it.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's harder now.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I noticed kind of like as we transitioned from last school year to summer, like, man, I definitely want to get back to prioritizing intentional discipleship with my kids, even though they are getting disciples by a lot of outside people now at school every day.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so right now I want to pause and transition into our messy mom moment with my beautiful teenage daughter who has lived this from a kid's perspective.
[SPEAKER_01]: So without further ado, please welcome my beautiful daughter ever to our messy mom moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: Here on today's messy mom moment, I have a very special guest, and it is my first born baby who is 15 years old, and her name is Ever Grace, ever welcomed apart in the mess.
[SPEAKER_01]: How are you feeling today?
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm good.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, what would you like to tell listeners about yourself?
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you like to do?
[SPEAKER_00]: I love music, I love acting, do theater at school, and I really love it, and it's amazing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Ever has just started leading worship at our church, and she's so gifted, and her love for Jesus comes through,
[SPEAKER_01]: Beautiful as her mom to get to see that, okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: I could just talk about you all day if I actually already talked about you a lot here on the podcast.
[SPEAKER_01]: But, and we're kind of in the snuggle right now here in the studio, so I'm really enjoying that.
[SPEAKER_01]: But, okay, so today I've been talking to my friends here at part in the mess about different types of education for your kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: and how we've had a lot of life circumstances that have kind of pushed us in a lot of directions.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we've done lots of different schooling in our family.
[SPEAKER_01]: You in particular grew up as a home schooler.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna have you talk about that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And now you are going to a Christian school full time.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I would love for you to just share kind of your schooling history in a nutshell, your school experience.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so,
[SPEAKER_00]: I a home school hybrid co-op for most of my life.
[SPEAKER_00]: There were like 10 people in my overall grade.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it was very small and I was very used to it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I did most of my schooling at home.
[SPEAKER_00]: All of my schooling was like homework.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was, I could wake up late.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was really great.
[SPEAKER_00]: I loved it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then,
[SPEAKER_00]: Coming to this Christian school, I really love it.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I remember the first major difference that I noticed was probably the size difference, because now there are 40 people in my grade.
[SPEAKER_00]: And most people are like, oh, that's a small school.
[SPEAKER_00]: But to me, it's huge.
[SPEAKER_00]: The timing is definitely like waking up earlier.
[SPEAKER_00]: homework, but I really like it that it gives home being, it makes home a more restful place and not as much of a working place when your school and your home is the same.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's great, but at the same time it's nice to just come home and get to rest after a long day.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for sharing that, ever.
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought your school, I thought there were a lot more kids in your grade than 40, there's 40 kids in your class.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's 40 kids in my class.
[SPEAKER_00]: Wow, that is small.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, yeah, and the other unique thing about ever is we moved, so she was born in Miami, Florida.
[SPEAKER_01]: And when she started school, we were living outside of Nashville.
[SPEAKER_01]: So when we were there, she was part of two different kind of hybrid co-ops called classical conversations.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then when we moved to California, we did classical conversations out there in California.
[SPEAKER_01]: All of them were pretty small, but, you know, they differed a little bit in size, but it's true.
[SPEAKER_01]: Your world kind of really expanded.
[SPEAKER_01]: We also, another thing we did was ever was eye outsourced math when her math got beyond me, which was pretty early on, not just a couple years ago.
[SPEAKER_01]: And
[SPEAKER_01]: So I kind of was peace-mealing this experience like I had an acting class, I would drive 25 minutes to get her to an acting class, and then I would drive 20 minutes to get her to her math class, and then we would do our core things at home, and then on Wednesdays we would have our community day, and so it was like she was having a lot of different enrichment, if you will, and experiences, but it was a lot of driving for me, and it was just a lot of different groups of people, whereas now you get to do all these things, but it's with the same group, so that's kind of cool, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's really cool.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: question.
[SPEAKER_01]: Looking back, what stands out to you the most about each season of schooling?
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's for you, let us just break it into home schooling ever and school girl ever.
[SPEAKER_01]: What stands out to you most about each of those seasons?
[SPEAKER_00]: So I would say home school me, I had, I would say I had a lot more free time, but at the same time, you
[SPEAKER_00]: I like it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I like my schedule now, but I did have a lot more free time home schooling.
[SPEAKER_00]: I would say I was a lot more immature in a lot of ways because I didn't have the experience of being in a bigger school and getting to know different types of people because that's one of the main things that does stand out about.
[SPEAKER_00]: This new school I'm going to is that it's bigger, so there are a lot more different types of people.
[SPEAKER_00]: that I had never met before.
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's a lot more life experiences that I learned just by being around more people who sometimes are different than me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I learned a lot more about communicating and interacting with other people.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've ever heard doing so great.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you ever was like born a mature woman.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what we tell people.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you've been...
[SPEAKER_01]: you have matured this year for sure and yeah I definitely see that I think that something I loved about our homeschool community was you were interacting with a lot of different ages all the time so I feel like the kids in those communities were super confident talking to adults little kids teenagers and then you're right now you're in situations where you're with
[SPEAKER_01]: different types of people, but most of them are all in your age range.
[SPEAKER_01]: Something I learned is a mom in this that I'm thinking about right now is I thought that I had fully prepared you for like, okay, this is, here's the lessons of the world, like I want you to learn about the world things for me, you know, in the category of like sin things like.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wanted you to learn that for me and not at school.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I really thought I had prepared you, but oh my goodness, just being in a high school, even a Christian high school, you've come home a lot.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've been like, whoops, missed that one.
[SPEAKER_01]: Whoops, okay, here's what that means, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Did you, is that a big difference?
[SPEAKER_00]: You've noticed, it's definitely a big difference.
[SPEAKER_00]: that people just seemed to know a lot more about the world that I did and kind of thought I was weird for not knowing that sometimes which I kind of found comfort in that because I didn't I don't want to take part in some of those conversations so it was helpful even if I felt like people thought I was different.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was a type of different that I liked because I knew it was purity.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's so beautiful.
[SPEAKER_00]: So proud of it.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is my baby.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I'm so proud of you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, great answer.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, was there ever a school transition that felt really hard at first?
[SPEAKER_01]: But ended up being something God used for good and that can that doesn't have to be your jump from home school into Christian school.
[SPEAKER_01]: That could be like when we moved to California like that trip.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you can you think back to one of these changes or one of these jumps that was really hard for you at first?
[SPEAKER_01]: But then you could see that the good that God didn't in it.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I moved around a lot and I think the hardest thing about that for me is always like making new friends because I make friends fairly quickly But still it's hard when you're the new person and there's already lots of people who have all of their friends and who have their group and you want to find friends, but it's it's hard to to know
[SPEAKER_00]: Is this someone that I'll click with is this someone that will be a good influence on me and it's hard to put yourself out there and be very new.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, for sure.
[SPEAKER_01]: You've done such a good job ever at adjusting.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know it was harder in the beginning of the year when you were so new and fresh.
[SPEAKER_01]: And now with the year under your belt, I know you feel a lot more confident, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you are more connected to everything.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it was, yeah, originally like, I didn't have many friends, but then as the year went on, it was, it's really great now.
[SPEAKER_01]: Awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, question.
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to answer this, but I'm asking it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Is there anything that me and your dad did during those transitions that you remember that helped you feel secure and supported?
[SPEAKER_01]: Or you could say, I wish you had done this and you didn't, that's totally fine too.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing that I really wish you did differently.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'd say the thing that probably helped most was if I came home after a hard day of school or if me having a friend problem, you would have something from your past that like touched on that topic that kind of gave me wisdom or comfort of like, oh, I'm not the only one who went through this.
[SPEAKER_00]: You have experience with this too.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that answer and you're right.
[SPEAKER_01]: I do feel like I have a wealth of knowledge for where you're at right now because I was a Christian school kid and I went to a Christian school very similar to the school you're at.
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, when you were a home schooler, I don't think I had as much a personal experience and advice to share because I hardly knew any homeschoolers I was raised in big cities where homeschooling back then was not big, like I knew one home schooler.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I am grateful for that.
[SPEAKER_01]: One last question for our teen expert here.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is my teen expert.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think every time I have you on I'm going to call you the teen expert.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, if you could encourage parents who are stressing over a decision right now, you know, maybe they're maybe they have little kids and they're about to sign them up for kindergarten and they're like, do I home school, I don't know what to do.
[SPEAKER_01]: what would you want them to know as they're making this decision from a kid's perspective?
[SPEAKER_00]: I think for me, it like kind of depends on the person that they are.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I think if they're more shy, a smaller environment would be helpful to get them adjusted to like interacting with people, but at the same time like the bigger the school, the more they're going to learn and like the more mature it's going to make them, I'd say.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, thank you ever.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, last question.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is, I didn't tell you I was going to ask you this, but most of our listeners are older like me, so can you just get us up to date?
[SPEAKER_01]: We're only recording this a couple weeks ahead of time.
[SPEAKER_01]: So the teen lingo shouldn't have changed that much in the two week gap between us recording and this being able to be listened to.
[SPEAKER_01]: What I know six seven is out the door.
[SPEAKER_01]: What should we know as moms about the teen lingo right now?
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't.
[SPEAKER_01]: ever say 677 please just just don't do it please what about T and with the other one clock it she hates the one I do this just don't do it just don't do it okay ever's teen expert advice is moms just don't do it don't use the words don't say clock it don't say T I'm sorry okay so much this has been the messy mom moment with ever hilt a bridal ever thank you for being on the show of course
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, and we're back, Scripture Focus.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're gonna look at Deuteronomy.
[SPEAKER_01]: For our script, we're gonna look in a couple places today, but let's start our Scripture Focus and Deuteronomy chapter six, verse five.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.
[SPEAKER_01]: These words that I'm giving you today are to be in your heart.
[SPEAKER_01]: Repeat them to your children, talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up, find them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead, write them on the door posts of your house and on your city gates.
[SPEAKER_01]: You guys, I love this so much.
[SPEAKER_01]: Dooderonomy 6 versus 539.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you know someone who's good at calligraphy or something and you have a big piece of wood laying around, have them stamp this or calligraphy this on Jewish sign and put it in your house because when I think about my job
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, it's to juggle all the appointments and to do all the things and to make sure they have the checkups and to make sure that this one is taking this medication at the right time in the morning and that this one's doing that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Those are all important things.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's also super important to make educational decisions.
[SPEAKER_01]: Education is important.
[SPEAKER_01]: But the most important thing is to point them to Jesus.
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like a broken record.
[SPEAKER_01]: I say this all the time.
[SPEAKER_01]: But this passage starts out.
[SPEAKER_01]: Love the Lord your God.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I mean, well, this is the section in Deuteronomy.
[SPEAKER_01]: this subheading is the greatest command and it's talking about, you know, later on, Jesus says, all of the commandments are summed up by love the Lord your God, follow your heart, soul mind and strength and love your neighbor's yourself, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: So we know that that's the greatest command subbed up.
[SPEAKER_01]: So here we see in verse 5, love the Lord, you're God, follow your heart, all your soul and all your strength, like focus on that as mom, as the mom of the household.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you have these words in your heart, repeat them to your children.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's verse 7, talk about them.
[SPEAKER_01]: when you sit in your house, when you walk or when you go here, when you're driving the soccer, whatever you're doing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so you can get creative with this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you know, it was easier for me to do this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, when I was a homeschool mom, because a lot of educating them was happening on the go.
[SPEAKER_01]: So like, you know, we would listen to you and I may have already mentioned this in a previous episode but seed's family worship is the family band, I think.
[SPEAKER_01]: And they put just plain scripture,
[SPEAKER_01]: set to kids on music.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know how kid music, I mean I'm on my fourth kid and we're listening to some pretty obnoxious five little ducks all the time and wheels on the bus because that's what he likes but a lot of this music is that vibe like kids will like it and it'll stick in their brains and it'll stick in your brain and it's scripture and yeah I definitely mentioned this on of on a previous episode because I think I talked about being at church and we'll be reading
[SPEAKER_01]: like we all want to sing this song right now, but we're not going Duke's word church.
[SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, I mean, you can listen to it.
[SPEAKER_01]: You can talk about it as you go for a family walk or a family roller blade or scooter or whatever you're doing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like it is so beautiful and such an important part of discipling your kids to talk about the things of God and to talk about his word and applying his word to our lives when you're with your kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: no matter if you are with them all the time and have the freedom to just kind of make that just trickle into every part of your life as a home schooler or if you if they're super busy and they're full time at school and you are having to do it, you know, on the front at breakfast time or dinner time or, you know, driving from school to the basketball game, whatever it is, like you definitely have to be, I think, more intentional.
[SPEAKER_01]: if you are not homeschooling, but it's still our role as their parents to disciple them.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, God's word is so practical about it and do their own, like, when you sit in your house, when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up, the point is, the scripture should be everywhere in your life.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, write it, write them on the door post of your house and on your city gates.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I,
[SPEAKER_01]: I love Scripture art, like I just want my family and house to be consumed by God's word, because His word is true and is living and it's active and it changes our lives and it's our way, one of the ways we get to know God, to get to know His voice.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's the first Scripture focus.
[SPEAKER_01]: Second Scripture focus, Proverbs 35 and 6.
[SPEAKER_01]: My grandma taught me this when I was little.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love it.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a classic, a trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own understanding.
[SPEAKER_01]: In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct Your paths.
[SPEAKER_01]: They continue to say that.
[SPEAKER_01]: So sometimes there isn't one obvious right answer when it's when you're deciding about school with your kids, but there is wisdom, there is prayer, there's wise counsel, there are podcasts where you can listen to a mom and her previous wrestling with their kids like I just did.
[SPEAKER_01]: So we have options, we have books we can read, but ultimately we need to trust God with the outcome and know that if we are striving to do due to autonomy six, five through nine, if we really are trying to make our lives about living the
[SPEAKER_01]: the Lord will get wisdom.
[SPEAKER_01]: And if something didn't work one year, there's always next year and you can try a different thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so practical encouragement for you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Every child's different.
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember this as you consider what to do with school.
[SPEAKER_01]: Every family has different needs.
[SPEAKER_01]: Every season might require a different choice.
[SPEAKER_01]: Or maybe you're like, man, I started home schooling.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm committed.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to see the suit till the end.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Then my advice to you would be not judge other moms who do it differently.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because one thing I've learned by moving around a lot.
[SPEAKER_01]: has it just been there are a lot of moms who love their kids and the way they raise their kids looks different and you know so no school's perfect no way of schooling is perfect every environment is going to have opportunities and challenges we all just need to pray for wisdom and not.
[SPEAKER_01]: just carry the weight of making a perfect decision.
[SPEAKER_01]: So ask yourself, where is my child going to flourish in the season?
[SPEAKER_01]: Where can our family be faithful?
[SPEAKER_01]: Am I making this decision from fear or faith?
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a big, big thing I do in my own life all the time.
[SPEAKER_01]: I this past week.
[SPEAKER_01]: This wasn't about school, but I wanted to make a decision, and it was for sure out of fear.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I ask myself, why do I want to do this?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's out of fear, I guess I should not do that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I guess I should not do that.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, just want to close with some gospel hope for you guys, okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: The pressure we feel as parents, a lot of times it comes from believing that our child's future ultimately depends on us.
[SPEAKER_01]: And here's the thing, guys.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's super important.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's super important to be intentional in how we raise our kids in having a Christ-centered home.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's super important.
[SPEAKER_01]: We were never meant to be our child savior.
[SPEAKER_01]: The gospel reminds us that as parents, yes, we have an important calling, but Jesus is their savior.
[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus is the savior.
[SPEAKER_01]: We are pointing them to you.
[SPEAKER_01]: So remember, God loved your child before you ever did.
[SPEAKER_01]: First John 419, look that up.
[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus died to reconcile your child to God.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: Not you, that's not your job.
[SPEAKER_01]: Your job is to direct them to that truth.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is their job to receive it.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you can't save your child through the perfect school, the perfect youth group, the perfect curriculum, the perfect parenting strategies.
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't do that.
[SPEAKER_01]: The Holy Spirit is the one who changes hearts.
[SPEAKER_01]: So what can we do as moms?
[SPEAKER_01]: We can teach.
[SPEAKER_01]: We can model, we can pray, we can disciple.
[SPEAKER_01]: But God is the one who's doing the work that we can't do.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's the one who provides the growth.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, first Corinthians 36,
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember, God is sovereign over everything, over every classroom, over every home school kitchen table, over every friendship, over every decision he's sovereign.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, rest in that, okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: God is responsible for the outcomes and we are responsible to be faithful in discipling our kids and pointing them to Jesus, no matter how we choose to educate them.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, the good news is you might not always make the right school choice, but our hope has never rested in making perfect parenting
[SPEAKER_01]: So just remember, the most important thing you do as their mom is not giving them the perfect educational experience.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is introducing them to the perfect Jesus.
[SPEAKER_01]: That is the most important mission that you have as their mom.
[SPEAKER_01]: So pray, seek wisdom, ask other people about their experiences, visit different things, visit a public school in your area, visit the private school, you know.
[SPEAKER_01]: make the best decision you can for the season you're in and then rest not because we have to be confident with every decision at every moment but because we can be confident that God is with us that he's taking care of us and that when we seek him when we trust in the Lord with all our hearts he will direct our paths so that's it you guys I hope that this episode was encouraging and informative in a way I hope that my daughter ever and her experience helped you as you try to make these choices if you haven't yet.
[SPEAKER_01]: as we just look forward to fall, which is just a few weeks away, when we will pretty soon be bringing back our prayer episodes on Mondays.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait to do that, and thank you, Jesus, for carrying the heavy stuff that we can't carry.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're so good to us, we love you in your name, Amen.
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, guys, that's the episode.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love you all.
[SPEAKER_01]: Share this episode with your mom, friend, to try to make school decisions, and I can't wait to see you next week.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, bye.