WEBVTT 00:00.171 --> 00:10.739 [SPEAKER_00]: This episode of True's Table is brought to you by our NAACP Image Award-nominated book, True's Table, Black Women's Musings on Life, Love, and Liberation. 00:11.140 --> 00:12.661 [SPEAKER_00]: Get it where all books are sold. 00:16.150 --> 00:17.490 [SPEAKER_01]: Brothers, y'all all right. 00:17.870 --> 00:21.111 [SPEAKER_01]: If this is your first time at Truth's Table, welcome to the table. 00:21.311 --> 00:23.851 [SPEAKER_01]: And you've been sitting at the table with us all these years. 00:24.112 --> 00:27.272 [SPEAKER_01]: We are so grateful that you have been listening to us through these years. 00:27.332 --> 00:33.793 [SPEAKER_01]: And we are inviting you to partner with us and support our work at patreon.com slash Truth's Table. 00:34.073 --> 00:37.054 [SPEAKER_01]: Now pull up a chair and have a seat at the table with us. 00:37.694 --> 00:39.174 [SPEAKER_01]: Hey y'all, welcome to Truth's Table. 00:39.214 --> 00:40.735 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe I said coach for Grace entry. 00:41.035 --> 00:41.635 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a community. 00:42.355 --> 00:45.417 [SPEAKER_01]: And this table is built by black women and for black women. 00:45.457 --> 00:48.839 [SPEAKER_01]: So welcome to the table, sisters, how y'all doing? 00:49.540 --> 01:01.008 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, you won't will notice that my partner in ministry, my ace, Dr. Christina Edmund said, is not here today, but she stands her well wishes. 01:01.968 --> 01:04.050 [SPEAKER_01]: But I, you guys are not. 01:04.650 --> 01:05.510 [SPEAKER_01]: with me, Sola. 01:05.610 --> 01:06.491 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 01:06.531 --> 01:13.492 [SPEAKER_01]: We actually have an amazing guest as we have another behind the book episode. 01:13.893 --> 01:27.236 [SPEAKER_01]: And so I am so excited to talk about and to talk with the author of release, rest, remain, 30-day devotional to embrace a biting over striving. 01:27.476 --> 01:30.217 [SPEAKER_01]: And the author is event Henry, who is here 01:34.635 --> 01:35.476 [SPEAKER_02]: Hello. 01:36.016 --> 01:36.896 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm the one. 01:37.057 --> 01:38.277 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm doing the all right. 01:38.938 --> 01:41.319 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we don't get into the all right. 01:41.359 --> 01:47.303 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, but before we do Let me let the sisters at the table know a little something about you. 01:47.463 --> 01:58.150 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, event is a dynamic writer Speaker social media influencer and mom to four children alongside her husband Glenn She co host the hit podcast. 01:58.510 --> 01:59.791 [SPEAKER_01]: How married are you? 02:00.011 --> 02:01.412 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, because that's the question 02:02.252 --> 02:06.375 [SPEAKER_01]: in a thriving YouTube channel that has more than a million followers. 02:06.775 --> 02:12.219 [SPEAKER_01]: Henry uses her platform to connect and encourage women through honest conversations about life's challenges. 02:12.379 --> 02:16.482 [SPEAKER_01]: You can follow event at Mrs. Melonim, love that. 02:16.662 --> 02:26.709 [SPEAKER_01]: And at how married are you, which is the podcast, Instagram, and also you can follow the YouTube channel belief in fatherhood. 02:26.729 --> 02:28.530 [SPEAKER_01]: We'll put all this in the show note. 02:31.788 --> 02:33.209 [SPEAKER_01]: thank you for having me. 02:33.730 --> 02:52.948 [SPEAKER_01]: Of course, thank you, you know, before we started recording, you know, we were just having an honest conversation, you really checking about just really about how you do it, how you're coming, you know, into this space, you know, y'all know that here are truth table, we don't really, we don't do pretense. 02:53.348 --> 02:56.129 [SPEAKER_01]: We are honest about what's going on in the world. 02:56.810 --> 03:10.596 [SPEAKER_01]: We don't shirt the difficult conversations, and we are recording this podcast on the heels of the tragic news of Nolan Wells' death on timely death in Mississippi. 03:10.856 --> 03:19.420 [SPEAKER_01]: Nolan Wells for a brief, you know, synopsis was a young black boy, believe maybe about 18, young team, yet a young team, and I know. 03:20.720 --> 03:22.641 [SPEAKER_02]: Eva, how was he? 03:22.681 --> 03:25.442 [SPEAKER_02]: He was 18 and he had an Earth Day next month. 03:25.982 --> 03:27.602 [SPEAKER_02]: Actually, wow. 03:27.802 --> 03:35.044 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so 18 young young boy who on July 4 went to Horn Island in Mississippi. 03:36.085 --> 03:43.327 [SPEAKER_01]: He was the only black boy in the group of white boys and they went to Horn Island all together. 03:44.227 --> 03:48.190 [SPEAKER_01]: And when it was time to return, Nolan was not with them. 03:48.530 --> 03:52.753 [SPEAKER_01]: But his phone was with his white friends. 03:52.793 --> 04:01.159 [SPEAKER_01]: I put in quotes, unquote, because even before his death was announced, those so-called friends, 04:01.899 --> 04:09.603 [SPEAKER_01]: deleted their Instagram accounts or their social media accounts or went private and quite a few of them got lawyers. 04:10.023 --> 04:12.725 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, but they claimed that they do not know what happened. 04:13.025 --> 04:21.429 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, this is just me recounting the story and the facts as I know it in myself and event we're just talking about. 04:22.570 --> 04:24.731 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, how we're coming into this space, you know? 04:24.831 --> 04:26.031 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, you know, even I 04:27.952 --> 04:28.933 [SPEAKER_01]: I would love to hear. 04:29.273 --> 04:34.236 [SPEAKER_01]: My first question to you initially before we even connected was, who is event Henry? 04:34.596 --> 04:47.102 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, because I think that when we are, when you're, when you're forward facing, let me say, you're an influencer, a writer, you have a very phenomenal hit podcast. 04:47.162 --> 04:48.683 [SPEAKER_01]: People can project all types of things. 04:49.023 --> 05:01.762 [SPEAKER_01]: on you, um, and they're not able, you know, and you're not always able to define yourself for yourself and so I want to give you the opportunity to define yourself for yourself and even situate yourself in this conversation with regard to Nolan Wells. 05:03.523 --> 05:04.983 [SPEAKER_02]: Hmm. 05:06.064 --> 05:07.184 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not gonna lie to you. 05:07.344 --> 05:22.529 [SPEAKER_02]: I do not love that question, um, when it's written for ask me that because I don't know why it's so challenging for me to really answer like who is Eva Henry, um, but I think that she is someone who, um, 05:24.009 --> 05:44.800 [SPEAKER_02]: is becoming herself, you know, I think that for a majority of my life I have lived it as a people pleaser showing up how people wanted me to show up or needed me to show up and it's only been within the last several years that I feel like I've 05:45.680 --> 05:51.626 [SPEAKER_02]: began to show up for myself as me, just being true to who I am. 05:51.646 --> 05:58.993 [SPEAKER_02]: If I were to answer the question, I on a lighter side, I am a lover of nature. 06:01.155 --> 06:07.161 [SPEAKER_02]: If I could just spend all my time somewhere outside enjoying God's creation, 06:08.042 --> 06:18.510 [SPEAKER_02]: that is where I would be alongside, like oftentimes by myself, but I especially enjoy experiencing nature with my husband and my four kids. 06:19.411 --> 06:26.216 [SPEAKER_02]: My husband and I will be celebrating 16 years of marriage next month and thank you. 06:26.496 --> 06:27.797 [SPEAKER_02]: And we have four kids. 06:28.918 --> 06:34.102 [SPEAKER_02]: I have a 13 year old, a 12 year old, a nine year old, 06:36.163 --> 06:43.647 [SPEAKER_02]: I am a home schooling mom, so we've been homeschooling since my oldest was school age. 06:44.707 --> 06:49.710 [SPEAKER_02]: Our family spends, excuse me, our family spent a lot of time together. 06:49.910 --> 06:51.130 [SPEAKER_02]: My husband works from home. 06:52.331 --> 06:53.392 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm the primary parent. 06:53.492 --> 06:54.512 [SPEAKER_02]: I love to write. 06:54.852 --> 06:58.994 [SPEAKER_02]: I express myself best through writing. 07:00.475 --> 07:01.716 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I don't know. 07:01.736 --> 07:03.777 [SPEAKER_02]: I enjoy fun and games. 07:03.937 --> 07:04.377 [SPEAKER_02]: I enjoy 07:05.941 --> 07:06.902 [SPEAKER_02]: a good game night. 07:08.963 --> 07:19.692 [SPEAKER_02]: I enjoy learning or discovering new music and, you know, I'm not like a music enthusiast, but I do love music if I make sense at all. 07:20.147 --> 07:26.172 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, you love the music, you don't have to be a loser, you know it when you hear it. 07:26.412 --> 07:32.217 [SPEAKER_02]: And above all of that, I am a lover of God, I am a child of God. 07:34.399 --> 07:36.861 [SPEAKER_02]: I have, I was basically born in the church. 07:37.101 --> 07:42.085 [SPEAKER_02]: I grew up in a small black Baptist church in Oceanside, California. 07:42.926 --> 07:43.466 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 07:43.486 --> 07:44.908 [SPEAKER_02]: My dad was a preacher. 07:45.708 --> 07:50.291 [SPEAKER_02]: My mom was the choir director at one point she used to church secretary. 07:50.391 --> 07:54.793 [SPEAKER_02]: They both taught Sunday school So I was at church often. 07:54.833 --> 07:56.434 [SPEAKER_02]: I was raised in the church. 07:56.875 --> 08:07.801 [SPEAKER_02]: So I like to think of myself as a church girl I don't know if I like to think of myself as that, but you know I was definitely raised in the church 08:09.982 --> 08:20.344 [SPEAKER_02]: But yeah, like I have known the Lord, I think that my relationship with God got real personal, probably my senior year of high school. 08:32.367 --> 08:47.322 [SPEAKER_02]: and I will say that for a majority of my life or for my entire life, I have seen the goodness of God and just how He has not only carried me, but my family. 08:48.023 --> 08:55.170 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I think that as I navigate even adulthood, you know? 08:56.572 --> 09:00.135 [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like it's funny because I'm like, I don't know how I became the adult. 09:00.255 --> 09:01.876 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, when did that go? 09:01.896 --> 09:08.101 [SPEAKER_01]: I think you're all asking, I think, maybe millennials are asking like, how did I get here? 09:08.862 --> 09:21.392 [SPEAKER_02]: But as I navigate adulthood, I think that one of my biggest desires is for people to really know the Lord and just how much you really can sustain us through all the things. 09:22.152 --> 09:46.230 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, even in I was sharing earlier when we were before we signed on or started recording and about how like coming into this conversation, I'm like, Lord, I need help showing up here in a way that it isn't so like depressing and whatever and I think that one of the things that I've come to understand about release rest remains. 09:46.270 --> 09:48.271 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, how do I release rest remains right now? 09:49.072 --> 10:12.072 [SPEAKER_02]: But I think that one of the part release, like sometimes we think of it as just like letting things go and letting the Lord take it or whatever, but there is a grief that I think many of us are navigating as we hear more and more about Nolan Wells' death and just a circumstances surrounding it. 10:12.673 --> 10:12.913 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 10:13.233 --> 10:21.118 [SPEAKER_02]: There's a grief that we're experiencing and I think that a part of the release sometimes that we have to do is we have to release the emotions. 10:22.339 --> 10:26.261 [SPEAKER_02]: We have expressed the anger, the frustration, the grief. 10:26.741 --> 10:35.807 [SPEAKER_02]: We have to actually mourn audibly in a way that really does like give it over to the Lord. 10:35.907 --> 10:37.608 [SPEAKER_02]: And I think that that part that is 10:39.927 --> 10:41.828 [SPEAKER_02]: that I am navigating right now. 10:42.349 --> 10:54.016 [SPEAKER_02]: Because I feel like prior to logging onto this call, there was a part of me that was like, okay, I need to set this aside so I can show up for the truth's table. 10:54.416 --> 10:55.137 [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean? 10:55.657 --> 11:04.883 [SPEAKER_02]: And the beautiful thing about it is you made space for me to be able to be honest about where I'm at, right now. 11:05.763 --> 11:11.107 [SPEAKER_02]: because being inside and now mind you and you know what I'm just going to speak freely. 11:11.807 --> 11:17.551 [SPEAKER_02]: But how have you been a white woman on the other side of this podcast? 11:17.691 --> 11:26.977 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know that I would have been able to fully be present in my grief and what I'm experiencing right now. 11:27.898 --> 11:30.159 [SPEAKER_02]: And I would have come up to set that aside. 11:30.639 --> 11:33.540 [SPEAKER_02]: And that's the thing about the black experience. 11:34.180 --> 11:44.943 [SPEAKER_02]: Is that we cannot always, carry, we don't always feel like we have permission to carry our grief with us because we have to show up all-prem and proper. 11:45.283 --> 11:47.747 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I mean, that's why, absolutely. 11:47.767 --> 11:59.826 [SPEAKER_02]: So for me, I think what I'm learning and experiencing and really what release rest remaining was birthed out of was me being able to release all the grief. 12:00.387 --> 12:07.228 [SPEAKER_02]: that I had been trying to shove down for so long that it actually was in undone. 12:08.109 --> 12:27.792 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I guess when I think about who is Eva, I think she is also someone who is learning how to like healing, but also learning how to like fully exist in the healed version of her, knowing that that's not necessarily 12:31.314 --> 12:45.245 [SPEAKER_02]: person, I don't know if I'm making any sense right now, but that release part I think is so heavy on me right now because I think because I know it's not a thought it is a known thing that we 12:47.427 --> 13:01.554 [SPEAKER_02]: as black humans living in another living life in America, we so often try to set aside certain things so we can show up in a way that's tolerable or that makes other people feel comfortable. 13:01.574 --> 13:01.634 [SPEAKER_02]: And 13:05.210 --> 13:28.820 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to release that expectation, you know, like who need to feel my discomfort, not you necessarily, it can be, you know, people sometimes need to feel the discomfort of our experience in order to create a pathway to some sort of understanding, you know, like 13:35.399 --> 13:49.953 [SPEAKER_01]: No, I, I, um, thank you, you've had for just just sharing vulnerability and being honest, you know, and, and yes, I asked that question, you know, and this, you know, when me came on like how, how are you, how are you feeling, how are you really doing? 13:49.973 --> 13:52.096 [SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, you're, you started sharing about Nolan. 13:53.162 --> 13:54.362 [SPEAKER_01]: because I'm feeling it too. 13:54.942 --> 14:01.184 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, you know, there is a communal impact, you know, within our community. 14:01.224 --> 14:03.265 [SPEAKER_01]: It's effective canship, you know? 14:03.385 --> 14:07.766 [SPEAKER_01]: Is there one thing that happens to one of us anywhere in the US? 14:08.046 --> 14:15.268 [SPEAKER_01]: We feel that if we have feeling hearts, you know, in a mind to be able to see what's happening. 14:15.288 --> 14:19.269 [SPEAKER_01]: We feel that, and you know, and there has been multiple 14:20.009 --> 14:21.730 [SPEAKER_01]: There's multiple layers, right? 14:21.770 --> 14:25.111 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not just no one, it's no one and Carmelo, right? 14:25.652 --> 14:27.452 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not just no one and Carmelo. 14:27.513 --> 14:30.434 [SPEAKER_01]: It's Serena Fairfax, Dr. Serena Fairfax. 14:30.474 --> 14:35.476 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not just, I mean, the list, if I kept on going, we would not. 14:35.856 --> 14:43.460 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, seriously, I mean, and I think that is what we're having to sit with, you know, and the performance. 14:44.505 --> 15:01.476 [SPEAKER_01]: having to perform for people outside of our community will kill us, which is why I think your book is so timely, release, rest and remain, because studies and has shown that it's the quiet rage. 15:02.577 --> 15:20.861 [SPEAKER_01]: It is the unspoken offenses and anger that black women have been holding within, you know, which is also known as weathering, right, that lowers our health, you know, our wellness impacts our health, but also causes autoimmune diseases within us. 15:20.901 --> 15:23.502 [SPEAKER_01]: When we don't release, when we don't 15:27.892 --> 15:36.861 [SPEAKER_01]: I feel rage, I don't understand, like you know, and what I love about God, and the Bible is that there's a whole book of limitations. 15:37.963 --> 15:45.070 [SPEAKER_01]: I love that in the Psalms, you could just say, oh, how long, oh Lord, like what's really going on? 15:45.110 --> 15:46.692 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that's my, you know, remix. 15:48.580 --> 16:00.444 [SPEAKER_01]: But seriously, there are so many of the emotions that we feel and what we feel maybe is lacking. 16:00.484 --> 16:04.385 [SPEAKER_01]: We can bring straight to the throne of God. 16:04.865 --> 16:07.866 [SPEAKER_01]: But I think what's hard for us is waiting for God. 16:08.086 --> 16:09.607 [SPEAKER_01]: I know for me that's the struggle for me. 16:09.667 --> 16:11.227 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just being on it. 16:11.507 --> 16:12.868 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, when are we going to see? 16:14.498 --> 16:26.665 [SPEAKER_01]: your hand of justice just come through mildly like and so clearly and so obviously you know I think for me as a justice oriented person I struggle with that. 16:26.745 --> 16:32.008 [SPEAKER_01]: I am non-violet I am non-violet in my practice but I have a hard time with that truly. 16:33.185 --> 16:36.450 [SPEAKER_01]: I really do, and my heart has been heavy about Nolan. 16:36.490 --> 16:49.869 [SPEAKER_01]: I just don't, I haven't had the words to be quiet on this, which is why I haven't, I've just been sharing stuff, but I normally, I would probably put a post up about Nolan, but you know, I just, I just feel like I don't have any more words to say. 16:51.514 --> 16:51.834 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 16:52.395 --> 16:53.295 [SPEAKER_01]: Sorry. 16:53.536 --> 16:54.516 [SPEAKER_02]: It's just not. 16:55.157 --> 16:55.557 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know. 16:55.597 --> 16:56.398 [SPEAKER_01]: It's exhausting. 16:56.978 --> 16:58.819 [SPEAKER_01]: It's exhausting. 16:58.959 --> 17:08.106 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think there's a layer there about a conversation to be had about black people in white spaces, right? 17:08.806 --> 17:13.590 [SPEAKER_01]: In that tension, you know, that people, this is why I actually think it's so awesome that you home school. 17:13.830 --> 17:31.243 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, oh, yeah, that's really revolutionary, you know, because I know that there are intentionally black families and there's a movement of black families that are homeschooling their children intentionally, some of it to avoid, you know, what unfortunately what Nolan has experienced, some of it is 17:32.063 --> 17:34.704 [SPEAKER_01]: We trust our curriculum over what's going on in this school. 17:34.764 --> 17:37.084 [SPEAKER_01]: It's just a whole lot of layers, you know, to it. 17:37.124 --> 17:39.144 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's a my group in California. 17:39.184 --> 17:42.945 [SPEAKER_01]: I just, I guess I understand a little bit of that dynamic. 17:42.985 --> 17:50.927 [SPEAKER_01]: And what it means to be the only in a classroom or in a space and whatnot, even though I was able by God's grace, I grew up with black folks. 17:51.487 --> 17:55.367 [SPEAKER_01]: But in school, we were not the majority. 17:55.407 --> 17:57.108 [SPEAKER_01]: We were, it was only a handful of us. 17:58.568 --> 18:05.130 [SPEAKER_01]: Again, we're just having a free flow in conversation, we will get you to the book out here, because I know you're also a California native. 18:05.150 --> 18:12.552 [SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, black California, that's like, we don't always get to connect and see each other. 18:12.632 --> 18:14.513 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't think I realized you were from California. 18:14.533 --> 18:17.114 [SPEAKER_02]: What part of California did you have from the Bay Area? 18:17.134 --> 18:18.254 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, Northern California. 18:18.934 --> 18:20.515 [SPEAKER_01]: Look out in your San Diego area. 18:21.350 --> 18:50.173 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 18:51.183 --> 19:03.074 [SPEAKER_01]: South Asian, you know, because, you know, and so, because of the schools, also the Silicon Valley, you know, tech trouble and all of that and, you know, it's gone through many different errors. 19:03.194 --> 19:10.100 [SPEAKER_01]: I just could say in the Bay Area, but yeah, that was kind of, you know, my mix kind of growing up. 19:10.760 --> 19:16.785 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's interesting because even this morning, I went on my walk and I was thinking about Nolan, 19:18.627 --> 19:31.573 [SPEAKER_02]: I think I might be experiencing some level of PTSD because I started to recount my own experiences of being the only black girl in my class. 19:31.593 --> 19:34.495 [SPEAKER_02]: I remember taking an APUS history class in high school. 19:35.295 --> 19:50.721 [SPEAKER_02]: And there was a moment when my white male teacher like we were learning about something in black history and kind of just like, you know, what do you even what do you think or what do you have to add to this conversation type thing and I was like 19:51.641 --> 20:00.512 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, as a child, you kind of are, you're obviously caught off guard, but you don't necessarily say anything to defend yourself or like say this isn't appropriate. 20:00.912 --> 20:02.734 [SPEAKER_02]: You could have asked me, don't over there. 20:02.814 --> 20:11.545 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I'm saying that I have experiences of being in college and having a white roommate. 20:12.545 --> 20:37.018 [SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, like kind of having to educate her on blackness, you know, and I'm sure there was another girl down the hall in the dorms who was like, I've never met anyone black before, like literally that was her experience and I was like, wow, and so like a lot of my life, I've been in predominantly white spaces. 20:37.638 --> 20:39.059 [SPEAKER_02]: I went to a university 20:40.080 --> 20:44.784 [SPEAKER_02]: where I joined the DSU and I was still in my Nordie in the DSU. 20:45.625 --> 20:50.950 [SPEAKER_02]: Wow, you know what I mean is, like it was. 20:51.030 --> 20:55.795 [SPEAKER_02]: Wow, we both who were allies, but not necessarily black. 20:59.155 --> 21:09.860 [SPEAKER_02]: I went home with my white college mates and had her father, like, make little comments here in there. 21:09.880 --> 21:14.422 [SPEAKER_02]: And then, particularly that I remember was him, like referring to me as Whippy Goldberg. 21:14.462 --> 21:16.403 [SPEAKER_02]: And mind you in college, I did not have law. 21:17.383 --> 21:18.144 [SPEAKER_01]: You didn't even have one. 21:18.184 --> 21:18.764 [SPEAKER_01]: I have one. 21:18.904 --> 21:20.285 [SPEAKER_02]: My hair was, I was flat. 21:20.385 --> 21:21.106 [SPEAKER_02]: I, no, no, no. 21:21.246 --> 21:21.906 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I was flat. 21:21.986 --> 21:24.388 [SPEAKER_02]: I read my hair and all kinds of things. 21:24.908 --> 21:27.410 [SPEAKER_02]: And this man was like, you, you remind me of Wippie Goldberg. 21:27.530 --> 21:29.011 [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't remind him of no Wippie Goldberg. 21:29.031 --> 21:30.712 [SPEAKER_01]: That was probably the only one I could give you. 21:30.812 --> 21:31.413 [SPEAKER_01]: Exactly. 21:31.853 --> 21:38.437 [SPEAKER_02]: I remember attending a baby shower of someone who went to the church that I went to, mind you, the church was predominantly white. 21:39.958 --> 21:44.041 [SPEAKER_02]: And I found myself at a table with two other black women. 21:44.241 --> 21:46.823 [SPEAKER_02]: And this white woman comes up to the table and is like, 21:47.586 --> 21:48.787 [SPEAKER_02]: Is this the black people table? 21:49.707 --> 21:54.549 [SPEAKER_02]: Mind you, when you look around, every other table is full of white women. 21:54.969 --> 21:55.249 [UNKNOWN]: Right. 21:55.389 --> 21:56.230 [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying? 21:56.730 --> 22:09.855 [SPEAKER_02]: And so my thing is, it's like, and then, you know, the other, I don't know the woman's name, but there's the black mom who was at a adult sleepover with all those whites and she ended up that that circulating. 22:09.915 --> 22:11.115 [SPEAKER_02]: I hadn't even heard that story. 22:11.496 --> 22:13.837 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, you did not have your birthday circulating, 22:17.838 --> 22:20.140 [SPEAKER_02]: because of this, we designed found myself in. 22:20.581 --> 22:27.146 [SPEAKER_02]: My son chose to play the whitest sport in America. 22:27.946 --> 22:30.649 [SPEAKER_02]: In the world, he is wearing hockey. 22:33.051 --> 22:41.718 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm hearing all these news about Nolan Wells, and yesterday I had to take the boys to practice, and now I'm amongst all these white parents. 22:42.698 --> 22:44.019 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, 22:45.260 --> 22:49.242 [SPEAKER_02]: I hate it because it oftentimes I'm like, are you for me or against me? 22:49.802 --> 22:50.403 [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean? 22:50.423 --> 22:55.325 [SPEAKER_02]: This morning I saw news of I think he might be a district attorney. 22:55.425 --> 22:56.245 [SPEAKER_02]: Please, I don't know. 22:56.305 --> 22:57.386 [SPEAKER_02]: Don't quote me on it. 22:57.886 --> 23:07.710 [SPEAKER_02]: He's a lawyer of some sort and he's in a lot of cases and sent a lot of people to prison and his text messages, his personal 23:13.813 --> 23:19.438 [SPEAKER_02]: is a racist like two before his existence. 23:19.558 --> 23:20.438 [SPEAKER_02]: He is a racist. 23:21.039 --> 23:28.945 [SPEAKER_02]: And so when we think of systemic racism and the people in power and we get insight, like this was just one person who's insight. 23:29.085 --> 23:34.629 [SPEAKER_02]: And when I tell you that the text messages he was sending, not even just about black people, 23:40.613 --> 23:44.195 [SPEAKER_02]: And it's like, these are the people in power. 23:45.235 --> 23:51.037 [SPEAKER_02]: These are the people creating laws and legislatures that are impacting all of our lives. 23:51.857 --> 23:55.518 [SPEAKER_02]: And it's just really exhausting. 23:55.818 --> 24:03.000 [SPEAKER_02]: Last month, I was walking to my car and someone called me to end word with a hard ER. 24:03.941 --> 24:04.561 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, white man. 24:05.833 --> 24:11.952 [SPEAKER_02]: I haven't seen him until he said what he said and I look over and I'm like 24:12.988 --> 24:15.069 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, mind you, he's in his car. 24:15.169 --> 24:25.196 [SPEAKER_02]: So he didn't even have the idea to come to my face and be like, hey, you know, and so it's just like when we see these headlines. 24:25.936 --> 24:31.360 [SPEAKER_02]: Like for me, I'm recounting my own personal experiences, right? 24:31.520 --> 24:33.701 [SPEAKER_02]: But I'm also looking at my children. 24:33.721 --> 24:35.883 [SPEAKER_02]: Like I'm raising three boys in the little girl. 24:37.103 --> 24:43.505 [SPEAKER_02]: And I would really have to think that my little girl is not just as susceptible to these types of things as my boys are. 24:43.525 --> 24:44.065 [SPEAKER_02]: Right? 24:44.725 --> 24:49.986 [SPEAKER_02]: Like all of my children, this could be Nolan Wells, could be them. 24:51.527 --> 24:54.408 [SPEAKER_02]: And so, I don't know. 24:54.428 --> 25:00.009 [SPEAKER_02]: I, um, I am, I don't know what I'm doing. 25:00.548 --> 25:01.869 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not doing well. 25:02.710 --> 25:03.611 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not doing well. 25:03.711 --> 25:22.386 [SPEAKER_02]: I will say that I've had many conversations with my husband about moving from California to be around more Black life, and you know, I'm not even sure if that would necessarily like solve any problems per se. 25:23.186 --> 25:47.730 [SPEAKER_02]: but it would be nice and so yeah girl I don't know I am I'm just out there trying to link the humans and hoping that other people are doing the same and unfortunately the headlines keep diminishing the confidence that I have. 25:48.310 --> 25:49.551 [SPEAKER_02]: that that's even happening. 25:50.052 --> 25:50.732 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 25:51.173 --> 26:04.063 [SPEAKER_02]: It's the conversations that we have to have with our children that I'm not sure that there are conversations happening on the other side of this. 26:06.205 --> 26:14.052 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not trying to say that all white people are racist or think a certain way and also like 26:15.683 --> 26:18.545 [SPEAKER_02]: I be given them the side I every time I come in contact with them. 26:18.565 --> 26:19.146 [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean? 26:19.786 --> 26:24.990 [SPEAKER_02]: Like I don't like the way my heart is being positioned toward people. 26:26.191 --> 26:30.013 [SPEAKER_02]: And the prayer these days is at the Lord with soft in my heart. 26:30.273 --> 26:36.638 [SPEAKER_02]: And like give me the love and grace that's needed in order to, 26:38.308 --> 26:40.229 [SPEAKER_02]: Love his people, you know? 26:41.370 --> 26:45.533 [SPEAKER_02]: But I also do it at the expense of loving myself, my family or my family. 26:47.102 --> 26:59.605 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yes, absolutely, you know, loving yourself, loving your family, loving your God, that is a revolutionary act and that's what God has called us to and loving of course our neighbors are ourselves, but that love for neighbors flows out of our love for so far. 27:00.105 --> 27:03.766 [SPEAKER_01]: I love for God, obviously, they love for self and they have worked, right? 27:04.546 --> 27:07.067 [SPEAKER_01]: And our first neighbor is being spouse, children. 27:07.087 --> 27:07.307 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 27:07.867 --> 27:08.147 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 27:09.948 --> 27:20.915 [SPEAKER_01]: in that order and then outward, you know, thank you for sharing, you know, I think this is the issue with the racism. 27:21.295 --> 27:23.297 [SPEAKER_01]: It takes up so much space. 27:23.757 --> 27:25.678 [SPEAKER_01]: Isn't that what Tony Morrison talked about? 27:25.898 --> 27:27.940 [SPEAKER_01]: It's such a waste of time. 27:28.000 --> 27:35.885 [SPEAKER_01]: You have to explain why your head is a certain size, why your hair curls away, it curls, you've got, they've taken up so much 27:39.067 --> 27:39.948 [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's the issue. 27:40.308 --> 27:41.808 [SPEAKER_01]: And so we can never just come. 27:42.329 --> 27:49.973 [SPEAKER_01]: You can't just come and show up to talk about your book that you wrote, which obviously definitely is applicable. 27:51.153 --> 27:52.854 [SPEAKER_01]: Still to what we have going on. 27:52.894 --> 27:53.714 [SPEAKER_01]: And I do love the cover. 27:53.754 --> 27:54.735 [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't want to say that too. 27:54.755 --> 27:56.076 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, oh, how did you do that? 27:56.456 --> 27:57.676 [SPEAKER_01]: It's all in the picture. 27:58.097 --> 28:00.818 [SPEAKER_01]: I do love, but it just it takes up so much space. 28:01.298 --> 28:05.901 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's so intrusive and it's all encompassing because there are, 28:06.841 --> 28:15.889 [SPEAKER_01]: There are implications, you know, especially when you are have a black husband, and you have beautiful black children, and you want them to thrive. 28:16.049 --> 28:19.692 [SPEAKER_01]: Not just to survive, just on the light road, just devotion, or hello. 28:20.113 --> 28:22.695 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, we don't want to just thrive. 28:22.735 --> 28:25.918 [SPEAKER_01]: We don't want to be having a tight grip on our lives. 28:26.098 --> 28:28.900 [SPEAKER_01]: That is not a healthy way for us to live. 28:29.180 --> 28:30.782 [SPEAKER_01]: And so I think, you know, you 28:32.798 --> 28:40.145 [SPEAKER_01]: living in California and possibly with that mind, just conversation that you're trying to, you're surfacing with your husband about that. 28:40.185 --> 28:42.247 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I lived in California. 28:42.808 --> 28:46.091 [SPEAKER_01]: And I always talk about the racism California. 28:46.872 --> 28:49.875 [SPEAKER_01]: Because I'm like, yeah, I think this is a liberal bastion. 28:50.435 --> 28:55.320 [SPEAKER_01]: Don't let it fool you, I'd be like, I mean, the fact that you got called the end word just the other day. 28:56.148 --> 29:18.855 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, just go, it's unsurprising to me, but we'll be in it is upsetting to me that you had that experience, but it will probably be pretty surprising or eye-opening for the sisters at the table and the brothers in the Sanning Room section, who are not maybe not been in California or not from California, but I'm not surprised by that. 29:19.516 --> 29:23.257 [SPEAKER_01]: And it also, we have some trickle down. 29:24.097 --> 29:26.739 [SPEAKER_01]: effects of what's happening in the White House. 29:26.819 --> 29:47.753 [SPEAKER_01]: That may also comes down, the racism comes down, the misogyny comes down, all of it, the violence, it comes down from the top, you know, and so it's not only just spiritual, it is sociological, it is a legislative, right, a political, it is all of those things in the mix. 29:47.833 --> 29:51.315 [SPEAKER_01]: I can't say as one who has left California, I think it's about equality. 29:53.776 --> 30:18.464 [SPEAKER_01]: I was thinking, I'm happy to talk to you about that, I'm like, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am 30:20.697 --> 30:24.459 [SPEAKER_01]: And when we come back, we will pick up our conversation. 30:24.479 --> 30:26.280 [SPEAKER_01]: So y'all don't go nowhere, we'll be right back. 30:29.522 --> 30:39.007 [SPEAKER_00]: Our NAACP Image Award-nominated book, True Stable, Black Women's Musings on Life, Love, and Liberation, is making waves and shifting culture. 30:39.768 --> 30:47.092 [SPEAKER_00]: I closed this book feeling like I had just partaken in a multi-course meal, filled with grace and the courage to carry on. 30:47.912 --> 30:50.873 [SPEAKER_00]: and I believe you'll finish this book feeling the same way. 30:51.533 --> 30:53.914 [SPEAKER_00]: Morgan Harper Nichols artists in poet. 30:54.454 --> 31:01.516 [SPEAKER_00]: By Truth's Table, black women's musings on life-loving liberation at our website or wherever books are sold. 31:03.017 --> 31:12.900 [SPEAKER_01]: All right, y'all, we are back at the table with my good sis, my new sis, Eva Henry, the author of release, rest, remain. 31:13.492 --> 31:16.893 [SPEAKER_01]: 30 a 30 day devotional to embrace a biting over striving. 31:16.913 --> 31:26.575 [SPEAKER_01]: First of all, y'all are always talking about like, I need a devotional reem buy a black woman or I just need a devotional written by a black person. 31:26.615 --> 31:28.696 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, well, here we go. 31:28.716 --> 31:29.176 [SPEAKER_01]: Here we go. 31:29.416 --> 31:30.996 [SPEAKER_01]: So get on it. 31:31.236 --> 31:32.977 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank God. 31:32.997 --> 31:37.458 [SPEAKER_01]: There are more devotional being written by black women and black men. 31:37.498 --> 31:38.378 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank God for that. 31:38.778 --> 31:40.938 [SPEAKER_01]: So even talk talk to us about 31:44.340 --> 31:45.482 [SPEAKER_01]: What did you realize? 31:45.522 --> 31:51.030 [SPEAKER_01]: You were like, okay, the life that I've got going on right now is not working. 31:51.491 --> 31:55.236 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not quite, it needs some adjustment, it needs some tweaking. 31:55.516 --> 31:56.838 [SPEAKER_01]: What led you to write this book? 31:57.769 --> 31:58.470 [SPEAKER_01]: on this devotion. 31:58.530 --> 31:59.571 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sorry. 31:59.631 --> 32:00.031 [SPEAKER_01]: It is a book. 32:00.071 --> 32:07.019 [SPEAKER_02]: No, to answer that question, I really have to answer the question of what led me to the rhythm. 32:07.039 --> 32:14.827 [SPEAKER_02]: Because if you're okay, basically the release restory main is a rhythm that I'm introducing people to that is rooted in John 15. 32:18.771 --> 32:43.328 [SPEAKER_02]: But what happened is kind of what I spoke about a little bit earlier, in 2021, my sister-in-law passed away, and the grief that I experienced during that time didn't feel proportional to the loss, and I know that that may sound weird to say, but 32:44.617 --> 32:54.045 [SPEAKER_02]: what I now understand is that I had experienced so much grief in my life, but did not address it. 32:54.505 --> 32:59.830 [SPEAKER_02]: I just kind of shoved it down so that I could show up to the next thing, however I needed to show up. 33:00.270 --> 33:06.095 [SPEAKER_02]: So I kept shoving the grief down that by the time my sister-in-law passed away, 33:07.460 --> 33:08.742 [SPEAKER_02]: I had no more room. 33:08.962 --> 33:16.191 [SPEAKER_02]: It was like, China, you know how when you try to stuff to trash can and it's like, you gotta take this trash out and then put the trash in, you know what I'm saying? 33:16.572 --> 33:17.352 [SPEAKER_02]: That's the thing. 33:17.373 --> 33:18.174 [SPEAKER_01]: That's the thing. 33:19.673 --> 33:30.795 [SPEAKER_02]: And it was so bad that and it's crazy because my sister-in-law was obviously my husband's sister, right? 33:31.816 --> 33:37.917 [SPEAKER_02]: And so he really like experienced a devastating loss. 33:38.217 --> 33:41.698 [SPEAKER_02]: She passed away at 35 years old, like just gone too soon. 33:41.718 --> 33:43.178 [SPEAKER_02]: And um, 33:45.903 --> 33:51.886 [SPEAKER_02]: During that time, we honestly prior to her loss, we weren't necessarily in the best place in our marriage. 33:53.367 --> 33:55.748 [SPEAKER_02]: What going on, there was a lot happening. 33:56.148 --> 34:06.193 [SPEAKER_02]: And I remember us meeting a couple's therapy and me expressing that, like, I think I need to go get help because the thought patterns that I have, 34:06.995 --> 34:07.695 [SPEAKER_02]: are not right. 34:08.376 --> 34:15.318 [SPEAKER_02]: I know that if I continue going on in this way, I'm not going like it's not going to end well type thing. 34:15.718 --> 34:24.702 [SPEAKER_02]: When I look back now at old journal interviews, I'm like, oh, I didn't, I wouldn't have called myself suicidal at the time, but I was definitely having suicidal ideation. 34:24.962 --> 34:25.542 [SPEAKER_01]: ideation. 34:25.622 --> 34:26.883 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 34:27.503 --> 34:32.285 [SPEAKER_02]: To the point where it's like, oh, yeah, now I'll give an example of what that sounds like. 34:32.345 --> 34:39.247 [SPEAKER_02]: It looks like just in case you're with nurse, um, yes, like it's going to do my friends that fight to this, then it might be a good idea for you to go. 34:39.267 --> 34:41.048 [SPEAKER_02]: It'll also get some help. 34:41.068 --> 34:46.250 [SPEAKER_02]: So my sister-in-law passed away from breast cancer and I remember kind of being like jealous. 34:47.117 --> 34:56.183 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, like, wow, she finally has an excuse to rest, to lay and know a weed or anything from her. 34:57.124 --> 35:06.350 [SPEAKER_02]: I remember driving down the freeway and seeing us in my truck and just wishing, oh, what if that's in my truck just kind of came and hit me and I just, you know, and right side. 35:06.911 --> 35:07.551 [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean? 35:08.031 --> 35:08.672 [SPEAKER_02]: It was. 35:10.213 --> 35:21.999 [SPEAKER_02]: wishing terminal illnesses or terrible accidents on myself, just so that I could either die or have a reason not to have to do for everybody. 35:22.560 --> 35:23.740 [SPEAKER_02]: That's where I was. 35:24.961 --> 35:30.164 [SPEAKER_02]: And when my sister and I passed away, all of my husband has been chitted out of you or his family. 35:30.184 --> 35:30.724 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, she's true. 35:30.904 --> 35:31.224 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 35:33.626 --> 35:41.351 [SPEAKER_02]: And they all came to Standard House, and they are a lively bunch, and they were easy from a different way. 35:41.671 --> 35:47.815 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, like, the house was full of laughter and practical jokes and just love and fun. 35:48.216 --> 35:51.037 [SPEAKER_02]: It was actually really beautiful to experience. 35:51.898 --> 35:53.439 [SPEAKER_02]: And that like, it was like, she passed away. 35:53.699 --> 35:54.360 [SPEAKER_02]: They arrived. 35:54.720 --> 35:55.541 [SPEAKER_02]: Funeral happened. 35:55.861 --> 35:56.461 [SPEAKER_02]: They left. 35:57.202 --> 35:58.983 [SPEAKER_02]: And then I'm standing at my kitchen sink. 35:59.818 --> 36:04.361 [SPEAKER_02]: and I have the moment where I'm like, I can't go on like this. 36:05.802 --> 36:15.208 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I ended up going away to a three week intensive therapy intensive. 36:15.288 --> 36:21.052 [SPEAKER_02]: I worked with a Christian psychologist and it was silence and solitude. 36:22.032 --> 36:48.039 [SPEAKER_02]: it was it is definitely one of those experiences in my life that I will forever talk about and that will forever leave a mark on like there's you got before the intensive and then there's either after you know and one of the assignments at that intensive was for me to develop a centering prayer. 36:49.800 --> 36:52.163 [SPEAKER_01]: Um, you probably wonder what you mean. 36:56.275 --> 36:59.296 [SPEAKER_02]: Sorry, I'm looking at my bookshelf because there's a book hold on. 36:59.356 --> 37:04.257 [SPEAKER_02]: I need to find it because I like you to know what it was. 37:05.138 --> 37:06.158 [SPEAKER_02]: Go for it. 37:07.038 --> 37:13.560 [SPEAKER_02]: The author, this is not the book, but the author author was Henry new and now. 37:13.820 --> 37:15.181 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, Henry, Henry. 37:15.361 --> 37:20.502 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, there is a book that he wrote on my gosh. 37:20.522 --> 37:22.543 [SPEAKER_02]: Why can't I think of the name of it right now? 37:24.073 --> 37:29.257 [SPEAKER_02]: Anyway, I had to read his book and in the book he talks about centering prayers in whatever. 37:29.918 --> 37:42.968 [SPEAKER_02]: And so, when I was away, I was attentive, I was spending a lot of time in my Bible, but when I encountered John 15, something about it just resonated with me deeply. 37:43.488 --> 38:12.198 [SPEAKER_02]: It resonated with me in a way that it was like, like I kind of mentioned earlier is I feel like I've lived my life performing for so long that when I encountered John 15, I realized that I didn't even have to perform for a Lord, like because there was a part of my journey and faith walk that felt like I don't want to say it was fully performative, but there was something until I got to that cabin. 38:13.098 --> 38:25.931 [SPEAKER_02]: where I realized, like, God can handle the anger, the sadness, the grief, and handle all of these emotions, but I was even trying to, like, my therapist. 38:25.951 --> 38:29.655 [SPEAKER_02]: So at that point, I had been working with a therapist before I got to the intensive. 38:30.903 --> 38:33.465 [SPEAKER_02]: And she would always tell me she's like, you have this wall built up. 38:34.446 --> 38:39.289 [SPEAKER_02]: And if you know anything about my life, you've ever met me in person. 38:39.329 --> 38:42.151 [SPEAKER_02]: I've never been someone who wouldn't tell you how I'm actually doing. 38:42.471 --> 38:46.354 [SPEAKER_02]: When someone asks me how you're doing, I will be honest about how I'm doing. 38:46.754 --> 38:51.638 [SPEAKER_02]: I may not go into deep thoughts about it, but I am pretty honest about, hey, I'm not doing it. 38:52.358 --> 38:53.478 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you were honest. 38:53.498 --> 38:57.279 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, when we were we just got logged on here before we even were quick. 38:57.939 --> 39:00.280 [SPEAKER_01]: My first time meeting you and I'm just like, hey, girl, I'm at it. 39:00.300 --> 39:01.320 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 39:01.880 --> 39:04.201 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, wait, she told me I had a wall up. 39:04.301 --> 39:06.962 [SPEAKER_02]: It really irritated me because I'm like, no, I don't. 39:07.342 --> 39:12.483 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm always telling people, like, I'm always trying to encourage them with my own experiences, just as you do that. 39:12.503 --> 39:18.624 [SPEAKER_02]: Then she explained further that a wall is not necessarily to keep people out, 39:22.665 --> 39:25.127 [SPEAKER_02]: and that resonated with me. 39:26.147 --> 39:28.108 [SPEAKER_02]: That part resonated with me. 39:28.668 --> 39:38.193 [SPEAKER_02]: And when I was at this intensive, I realized that not only was that wall for other people, but it was up between me and the Lord. 39:39.013 --> 39:41.955 [SPEAKER_02]: Like I wanted to present, as though he didn't know, 39:44.346 --> 39:45.587 [SPEAKER_02]: Then I had it together. 39:45.647 --> 39:46.848 [SPEAKER_02]: I could handle these in those things. 39:46.908 --> 39:48.008 [SPEAKER_02]: I can handle a lot of the things. 39:48.128 --> 39:49.069 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm good, Lord. 39:49.089 --> 39:49.970 [SPEAKER_02]: I love you. 39:50.030 --> 39:53.052 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm living my life for you, you know, doing all the things. 39:54.272 --> 40:02.998 [SPEAKER_02]: But at that cabin, I was able to break in a way that has forever changed to me. 40:03.516 --> 40:03.897 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 40:04.677 --> 40:20.195 [SPEAKER_02]: I was able to literally like there were times when I would be sitting with this psychologist and I'd see the bricks coming down and on the other side of the wall was literally that wanting her voice to be heard. 40:20.855 --> 40:28.262 [SPEAKER_02]: wanting to be seen, wanting to fully like exist with, you know what I mean? 40:28.422 --> 40:35.648 [SPEAKER_02]: Wow, there's this thing that scripture never refers to us as an adult of God. 40:36.791 --> 40:44.137 [SPEAKER_02]: We're always prepared to as a child of God, but there's a point in our life like I said we become adults. 40:44.157 --> 40:45.118 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know when that happened. 40:45.478 --> 40:54.126 [SPEAKER_02]: There's a point when we enter into adulthood that we think that we're responsible for doing all the things. 40:54.826 --> 41:11.093 [SPEAKER_02]: And so, when I encountered John 15, my Lord, when I encountered John 15, it was like, I was given permission, like, literally in that passage of scripture, he repeats time and time again, remain and me, remain and me and me and some translations. 41:11.634 --> 41:13.055 [SPEAKER_02]: Biden, me, a Biden. 41:15.157 --> 41:17.099 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, that's obviously important. 41:17.739 --> 41:18.880 [SPEAKER_02]: Jesus don't be talking. 41:18.900 --> 41:23.664 [SPEAKER_02]: And it depends on what a period of tension. 41:23.784 --> 41:29.289 [SPEAKER_02]: And so that that part really resonated with me. 41:29.989 --> 41:33.552 [SPEAKER_02]: But there was something about the full essence of the passage because it was like, 41:34.590 --> 41:40.212 [SPEAKER_02]: He literally said, all I want you to do is remain in me. 41:40.832 --> 41:42.613 [SPEAKER_02]: You're producing the fruit. 41:43.373 --> 41:45.153 [SPEAKER_02]: That comes through me and my father. 41:45.734 --> 41:51.015 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, all you have to do is remain in me and I will produce the fruit. 41:51.415 --> 41:52.836 [SPEAKER_02]: You're not producing that fruit, girl. 41:53.552 --> 41:56.133 [SPEAKER_02]: You think you are, but you're not. 41:56.253 --> 42:02.216 [SPEAKER_02]: You're basically like the display of his work, right? 42:03.196 --> 42:05.677 [SPEAKER_01]: And so workmanship in Christ Jesus, we are. 42:05.918 --> 42:07.438 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, exactly. 42:07.678 --> 42:08.319 [SPEAKER_02]: Exactly. 42:09.019 --> 42:21.785 [SPEAKER_02]: And so the centering prayer that I received or that King and fell into my spirit was rest and remain in the presence of the Lord and allow him to do the rest. 42:22.845 --> 42:25.546 [SPEAKER_02]: allow him to do the rest. 42:27.306 --> 42:30.107 [SPEAKER_02]: And so that's what it was rest to remain at first. 42:30.387 --> 42:42.690 [SPEAKER_02]: But then I came home from my three week in Tinson to my husband and my four kids. 42:42.710 --> 42:47.091 [SPEAKER_02]: And they had not experienced this mountain top experience, right? 42:48.223 --> 42:50.585 [SPEAKER_02]: They had not gone through what I had gone through. 42:50.625 --> 42:52.886 [SPEAKER_02]: My husband's still grieving the loss of his sister. 42:53.627 --> 42:56.889 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was left in for a whole three weeks with our kids alone. 42:57.410 --> 42:57.990 [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean? 42:58.010 --> 42:59.451 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, they were just up to him. 42:59.932 --> 43:04.515 [SPEAKER_02]: But I just left him in his grief to care for our family. 43:06.817 --> 43:09.339 [SPEAKER_02]: But he expressed that, you know, I'd rather have you whole. 43:11.510 --> 43:12.451 [SPEAKER_02]: than any else. 43:13.371 --> 43:25.297 [SPEAKER_02]: And so anyway, I came back and I was trying to impose my experience or project my experience onto the people around me and it wasn't quite workin' away I wanted it to. 43:25.858 --> 43:37.244 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I was trying to get people to kind of show up in a different way and be different people and make different decisions and all the things and it just was not going the way that I needed it to go. 43:38.524 --> 43:44.145 [SPEAKER_02]: the Lord said, girl, you are still trying to control all the things. 43:44.685 --> 43:51.306 [SPEAKER_02]: Trying to control the people, the circumstances, the environment, but you need to let it go. 43:52.346 --> 43:57.647 [SPEAKER_02]: You need least out over to me and allow me to do what only I can do. 43:58.948 --> 44:07.009 [SPEAKER_02]: And so then my centering prayer became this whisper of, before you can rest and remain, you have to release. 44:08.460 --> 44:14.262 [SPEAKER_02]: So it was release girl like relief or to the Lord, then you can rest and remain in the presence of the Lord. 44:14.662 --> 44:16.043 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, he does the rest. 44:16.843 --> 44:23.386 [SPEAKER_02]: And so that release, rest remain was like born in me. 44:23.506 --> 44:33.730 [SPEAKER_02]: It was something that like, I literally was whispering to myself in moments where I was trying to take the reins where I was trying to control outcomes and people and think with circumstances. 44:34.450 --> 44:57.471 [SPEAKER_02]: And the Lord was just like release, and the other part about that, which is what I was saying earlier when we're talking about Nolan Wells, is that One of the things that I needed to release was all of that grief, all of those emotions that I thought I was somehow protecting the Lord from, that he was waiting for me to express in him. 45:01.315 --> 45:22.795 [SPEAKER_02]: So, release recipe main was something that I lived with four years before the opportunity of being able to write the devotional cane and I chose to use, so release recipe main, we go through John 15 over the course of 30 days, verse, by verse. 45:23.615 --> 45:46.735 [SPEAKER_02]: And one of the things that I value about the word of God is actually like spending time with the passage of scripture and really like I know it's valuable to read from cover to cover, but I think all snow it's important to just spend time with certain books of the Bible or passages of scripture in order to like really allow it to penetrate your spirit. 45:47.475 --> 45:51.760 [SPEAKER_02]: And so, that's what I invite women to do, or I invite everybody. 45:51.800 --> 46:02.871 [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like men can be this devotion, or as well, but I invite you to do that in this devotional, because I feel like so many of us are... 46:03.992 --> 46:05.554 [SPEAKER_02]: just pushing through life. 46:05.914 --> 46:11.539 [SPEAKER_02]: We're, we're surviving as I've heard the young people call it surviving. 46:11.680 --> 46:12.100 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 46:12.140 --> 46:12.901 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a regular one. 46:12.921 --> 46:14.202 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, that's yeah. 46:15.483 --> 46:22.310 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't really like, you know, sometimes I'll say I go together, but okay. 46:22.330 --> 46:23.551 [SPEAKER_01]: They're quite real together. 46:23.971 --> 46:24.412 [SPEAKER_01]: You're quite 46:27.695 --> 46:45.609 [SPEAKER_02]: sometimes it feels like we are out here just surviving and I think that in this like fast pace, go get her culture, it's important for us to really be able to release that pressure in order to find rest in Christ. 46:46.710 --> 47:01.083 [SPEAKER_02]: And so this is basically like I feel like this devotional is a little bit different because I share some of my experiences just as a person navigating life. 47:01.383 --> 47:02.204 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't try to 47:03.605 --> 47:09.067 [SPEAKER_02]: present as if I'm a Bible with theologian or expert on anything. 47:09.748 --> 47:19.192 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm more so and trying to share how I'm navigating some of the same things that other people are navigating. 47:20.172 --> 47:25.334 [SPEAKER_02]: And what that looks like for me to actually release rest in remaining Christ. 47:26.055 --> 47:30.196 [SPEAKER_02]: And so yeah, it's not necessarily 47:31.597 --> 47:37.943 [SPEAKER_02]: a devotional I plan to write, but when the opportunity presented itself, I felt like the Lord was kind of 47:39.256 --> 48:02.780 [SPEAKER_02]: leading me that way and I feel like everyone who has decided to pick it up and read it and go through it has been blessed by I've loved hearing the testimonials of people who have sat with it and who are sitting with it and it's not even one of the things where I expect people to go like today and then tomorrow and then the next day like 30 days consecutively 48:03.420 --> 48:10.822 [SPEAKER_02]: I do think it's one of those devotionals where you kind of pick it up as you need is like dude I need some release rest remain in me right now. 48:10.842 --> 48:22.086 [SPEAKER_02]: That's um, I like the cover because it's pretty You can sit in somewhere where it's like you know, it's just gorgeous Oh, it is gorgeous. 48:22.106 --> 48:23.826 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I just first of all who did the cover? 48:23.866 --> 48:24.966 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean this artwork 48:27.247 --> 48:30.708 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, because I see the cutout and I say, wait a minute, she has the cutout over there. 48:30.728 --> 48:34.849 [SPEAKER_02]: Like me, she made that piece of artwork for me as well. 48:35.289 --> 48:36.070 [SPEAKER_02]: You should look at her up. 48:36.090 --> 48:42.311 [SPEAKER_02]: She is a beautiful, full, and she makes beautiful art that is Afrocentric. 48:42.391 --> 48:44.292 [SPEAKER_02]: I think she's Jamaican if I'm not. 48:44.652 --> 48:46.392 [SPEAKER_02]: It's good thing. 48:46.773 --> 48:51.534 [SPEAKER_02]: But yeah, she is a lovely person in a very talented artist. 48:52.168 --> 48:53.749 [SPEAKER_01]: it is gorgeous. 48:54.210 --> 49:03.756 [SPEAKER_01]: What I love about the devotionality, even the way that you're explaining it, is that you can tell that it is, at least for me, from my reading of it, it is not top down. 49:04.837 --> 49:06.018 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, bottom up. 49:06.819 --> 49:07.879 [SPEAKER_01]: I am walking with y'all. 49:08.960 --> 49:16.823 [SPEAKER_01]: I am also practicing this, and sometimes getting it, sometimes not, sometimes having a restart. 49:17.923 --> 49:19.563 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, got to go back to releasing again. 49:19.723 --> 49:21.104 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, got to remain on. 49:21.244 --> 49:21.524 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 49:21.804 --> 49:23.625 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, got to rest again, not resting enough. 49:24.065 --> 49:24.705 [SPEAKER_01]: I get that. 49:25.685 --> 49:27.366 [SPEAKER_01]: I get that from reading this. 49:27.526 --> 49:28.086 [SPEAKER_01]: I get that. 49:29.286 --> 49:34.668 [SPEAKER_01]: And even in your explanation, you know, I hear seek first to kingdom of God and all of these things would be happening to you. 49:35.188 --> 49:37.871 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you're worried about some mark them out there worry about so many things. 49:37.891 --> 49:49.302 [SPEAKER_01]: But only one thing is necessary one Yeah, and that's me right sitting at my team with me right pull out your heart You know, I think it's in Psalm 62 talk pull out your heart. 49:49.402 --> 49:53.606 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh people like God wants to hear from you Like you know, I just get as you're talking. 49:53.646 --> 49:55.107 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just hearing all of these scriptures just 49:56.389 --> 50:10.643 [SPEAKER_01]: Just coming, you know, to my in addition to obviously John 15, you know, about all these invitations, you know, often talk about we talk about this a lot of true save about But I talk about how faith is an invitation to rest and that is really hard to do in art. 50:10.684 --> 50:11.584 [SPEAKER_01]: You can't pull this stick. 50:12.365 --> 50:13.126 [SPEAKER_01]: Go, go, go, go. 50:13.567 --> 50:14.548 [SPEAKER_01]: Surviving us. 50:14.768 --> 50:16.149 [SPEAKER_01]: Surviving, you know. 50:17.891 --> 50:27.198 [SPEAKER_01]: society, but it is so countercultural, it is so revolutionary, you know, rest, Sabbath, that is countercultural. 50:27.438 --> 50:42.910 [SPEAKER_01]: That is a radical commandment and principle, and particularly in this day and age, much more enormative in, of course, the ancient nearies, but now Sabbath, that is radical. 50:43.530 --> 50:44.450 [SPEAKER_01]: And that is good. 50:44.650 --> 50:48.131 [SPEAKER_01]: The radical is nothing, but it really, what it means is just to get down to the root. 50:48.511 --> 50:52.892 [SPEAKER_01]: Right, you know, it's really keeping the main thing, the main thing. 50:53.372 --> 51:03.754 [SPEAKER_01]: And we have to return to these things as a reason why God has created and designed and structured allies in a particular way in these particular rhythms for us, you know. 51:03.834 --> 51:05.915 [SPEAKER_01]: And talking about the power of Jesus walking, 51:06.675 --> 51:17.053 [SPEAKER_01]: right Jesus was not ever hurried you know there was only one time in that garden to get some of new where we feel where we see there's a sense of urgency 51:17.770 --> 51:40.467 [SPEAKER_01]: because the way the world, the sins of the world are literally on Jesus, you know, and he's sweating, he's to put, you know, any is so, you know, in so much, angst, if you will, you know, and so much, bearing so much in his soul, because of our sins, right, that he's, he's to the point of sweating blood, right, and he's going to the disciples, like, which I'll do. 51:41.428 --> 51:45.830 [SPEAKER_01]: Like you need to be bringing, you know, but really you don't even in that. 51:45.970 --> 51:51.932 [SPEAKER_01]: You don't feel like God to say, you know, hurry up, but he's saying the time is that it's coming. 51:52.032 --> 51:54.372 [SPEAKER_01]: Like y'all come on shine your eyes as we would say. 51:54.392 --> 52:02.855 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, in pigeon and ginger and but like really like recognize the times, you know, and really know what to do, you know, with it. 52:03.015 --> 52:04.736 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, so I thank you. 52:04.936 --> 52:07.817 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for for for writing release. 52:08.357 --> 52:09.300 [SPEAKER_01]: rest remain. 52:09.641 --> 52:15.056 [SPEAKER_01]: I appreciate that you start the book off with a, um, a breath practice. 52:16.125 --> 52:16.326 [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm. 52:16.686 --> 52:38.522 [SPEAKER_01]: That I thought was a yes, because we did that with some black women in our discipleship group online and just we had a teacher come in and do somatic work, breath work for black women in particular, because so many of us are caring so much that there's not been long to end up in that, you know, in your house, through that. 52:38.922 --> 52:40.023 [SPEAKER_01]: So thank you. 52:40.663 --> 52:41.423 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, man. 52:41.723 --> 52:43.764 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, thank you for writing this book y'all. 52:43.824 --> 52:46.645 [SPEAKER_01]: Please get released rest remain. 52:46.805 --> 52:50.406 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, because we actually need you to survive, right? 52:51.007 --> 52:52.587 [SPEAKER_01]: Uh, you know, I need you. 52:52.627 --> 52:52.947 [SPEAKER_01]: You need me. 52:52.967 --> 52:53.748 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know that song. 52:53.948 --> 52:57.449 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, you understand with me and I'll agree with me. 52:57.789 --> 52:59.950 [SPEAKER_01]: Good old pastor has the Kaya Walker. 52:59.970 --> 53:03.571 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, the church girl. 53:03.631 --> 53:03.831 [UNKNOWN]: No. 53:04.611 --> 53:07.512 [SPEAKER_01]: So, but we, I mean, this is a matter of survival y'all. 53:07.593 --> 53:08.453 [SPEAKER_01]: This is not like a. 53:09.466 --> 53:18.109 [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely, no, no, no, no, no, if we don't learn to release, to rest and remain, we will not remain much longer, and that is the truth of the matter. 53:18.709 --> 53:33.314 [SPEAKER_01]: And so we have got to be a doggyly determined, you know, to honor this life that God has given us, honor this body that God has given us, and we do that by practicing the healthy rhythms that God has already established. 53:37.956 --> 53:42.898 [SPEAKER_01]: obeyed the call and have done the work, you know, in their own life. 53:42.918 --> 53:48.501 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, you vet to actually bring forth this amazing book, um, devotional book. 53:48.581 --> 53:55.104 [SPEAKER_01]: I can always, there we can always have with us pick it up when we need in the season, put it down when we feel we're good, pick it back up. 53:55.385 --> 53:56.225 [SPEAKER_01]: So make sure you get it. 53:56.705 --> 53:58.666 [SPEAKER_01]: Please gift it to others to me. 53:58.686 --> 54:00.087 [SPEAKER_01]: It seems like a very giftable book. 54:01.867 --> 54:16.651 [SPEAKER_01]: So please, please, please, please, please, by release, rest remain by event Henry and event thank you for taking a seat at the table with us, so grateful for you, and we want to thank our sisters for taking a seat at the table with us. 54:16.671 --> 54:22.572 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's keep the conversation going, share your thoughts about behind the book, release, rest remain, 54:23.452 --> 54:30.315 [SPEAKER_01]: Share your thoughts on Instagram, Threads, or Facebook, at Truthsable, or email us your thoughts at AskTruthstable at Gmail.com. 54:30.655 --> 54:47.321 [SPEAKER_01]: Black women, Truthstable has a Black woman's Facebook, Disappleship Group, so make sure you follow Truthstable on Facebook, and join at all, answer all the entry questions, and you will be brought in and invite your sister friends to don't forget to rate and review the shown iTunes and subscribe on your favorite podcast player. 54:47.681 --> 54:51.763 [SPEAKER_01]: Truthstable has a Patreon account so you can send your love offerings to patreon.com. 54:52.083 --> 54:57.368 [SPEAKER_01]: slash truth table, or you can bless us at our PayPal, which is PayPal.me, slash truth table. 54:57.728 --> 54:59.950 [SPEAKER_01]: Truth table's audio producer is Joshua Heath. 55:00.250 --> 55:06.375 [SPEAKER_01]: Our video producer is Dale Bradford and truth table's executive producers in host, our community, Uan and Christina Edmison. 55:06.636 --> 55:08.377 [SPEAKER_01]: We'll see you soon on the next truth table. 55:08.797 --> 55:09.198 [SPEAKER_01]: Bye, y'all.