WEBVTT 00:02.757 --> 00:03.758 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, what's going on? 00:03.778 --> 00:06.320 [SPEAKER_00]: You're listening to the Brown Girl self-care podcast. 00:06.520 --> 00:08.642 [SPEAKER_00]: My name is Bri and I'm the host of the show. 00:08.662 --> 00:11.264 [SPEAKER_00]: As well as the founder of Brown Girl Self-Care. 00:11.844 --> 00:14.686 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's go ahead and jump right on into today's episode. 00:15.447 --> 00:22.653 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to explain this self-care cup or explore the idea of having a self-care cup. 00:23.787 --> 00:30.831 [SPEAKER_00]: a little more in-depth in today's episode because, you know, we care that saying that you can't pour from an empty cup. 00:31.512 --> 00:35.934 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's usually where it stops. 00:35.954 --> 00:45.980 [SPEAKER_00]: I saw a social media post recently in the last few days where someone was talking about how their mother told them that sometimes 00:51.083 --> 01:03.447 [SPEAKER_00]: self-care cup and sometimes it's larger and so depending on the day, you know, that's the kind of I guess self-care capacity you have and I would like that. 01:03.548 --> 01:15.052 [SPEAKER_00]: However, I wanted to take it a step further because I don't think that it necessarily it's a great I guess metaphor or an analogy but I don't think it 01:16.372 --> 01:37.313 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it kind of like stops there and I think we need to take a little step further and I think this is going to be useful for you at any stage that you are in your journey as it pertains to your self-care, your healing, your self-love, you know, those kind of things, your mental health, you know what I'm saying and it's been helpful for me as well. 01:37.393 --> 01:38.735 [SPEAKER_00]: So now when I wake up in the morning, 01:39.155 --> 01:40.517 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'm getting ahead of myself. 01:40.557 --> 01:43.240 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm getting ahead of myself, but let's go ahead and talk about it. 01:43.260 --> 01:49.186 [SPEAKER_00]: But first, go ahead and inhale with me and exhale with me and then we're going to go ahead and get into today's episodes. 01:49.226 --> 01:51.508 [SPEAKER_00]: I want you to inhale through your nose for five. 01:51.528 --> 01:52.549 [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to hold for five. 01:53.592 --> 01:56.293 [SPEAKER_00]: And then we're going to release for five and then we're going to go ahead and get into it. 01:56.333 --> 01:56.733 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 01:56.873 --> 01:57.173 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 01:57.193 --> 01:58.373 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's enter ourselves here. 01:58.734 --> 02:18.619 [SPEAKER_00]: Go ahead and inhale through your nose for five, two, three, four, five, hold it, two, three, four, five and then let it all go, sis, five, four, three, two. 02:21.000 --> 02:30.707 [SPEAKER_00]: One, all right, so now that we have grounded ourselves in this space and centered ourselves, let's go ahead and now dive right on in. 02:31.127 --> 02:36.591 [SPEAKER_00]: So again, getting back to this idea of having a self-care cup, okay? 02:39.129 --> 02:51.483 [SPEAKER_00]: This is what I thought about when I heard the the the woman talking about her mom said sometimes you're self care cup is the size of a thimble and sometimes it's I guess you know a normal size cup. 02:52.183 --> 02:53.485 [SPEAKER_00]: I think they're actually. 02:55.003 --> 03:00.324 [SPEAKER_00]: four stages, at least four stages to this whole idea of having a self-care cup. 03:01.104 --> 03:04.305 [SPEAKER_00]: First stage is you don't have a cup at all. 03:05.646 --> 03:08.586 [SPEAKER_00]: You do not have a cup at all. 03:09.246 --> 03:14.548 [SPEAKER_00]: Second stage is you have a cup, but since it's got some holes in it, okay? 03:14.748 --> 03:16.608 [SPEAKER_00]: You have a cup, but it's got some holes in it. 03:17.028 --> 03:20.289 [SPEAKER_00]: Third one is yes, you have a cup, but it is very small. 03:20.329 --> 03:22.429 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's go ahead and say the size of a thimble, 03:25.470 --> 03:31.171 [SPEAKER_00]: And the fourth one is you have a large, large, self-care cup, okay? 03:31.711 --> 03:33.832 [SPEAKER_00]: So first of all, what is a self-care cup? 03:33.912 --> 03:41.193 [SPEAKER_00]: Or, you know, when we hear that whole idea of you can't pour from an empty cup, basically it's your capacity. 03:42.113 --> 03:49.055 [SPEAKER_00]: It's your capacity, it's your health, it's your healing, it's how you are feeling, it's your mood, it's, it's, it's, 03:51.194 --> 04:11.036 [SPEAKER_00]: just like where you are mentally on that day, how you're feeling about life, your capacity to to just be in this place of I would say you have access to more joy, access to more happiness, access to your needs are provided for you're in a really good space. 04:11.737 --> 04:12.738 [SPEAKER_00]: you're in a really good space. 04:12.758 --> 04:23.003 [SPEAKER_00]: So when things come at your sideways, like you're not just going into a place of like despair, okay, you are solid, you are secure, you are just in a really good space. 04:23.183 --> 04:29.606 [SPEAKER_00]: So that takes us to point number one of not having an actual cup. 04:31.008 --> 04:55.191 [SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, you can pour from an empty cup and by pour, we mean pour in the others, okay, provide for others, being a good space for others, have the the mental capacity to to not be affected by maybe if someone shares something with you that it's really hard to hear, it doesn't cause you to like spiral into this really. 04:56.212 --> 04:57.393 [SPEAKER_00]: hard, hard place. 04:57.413 --> 04:58.775 [SPEAKER_00]: Like you're able to recover. 04:59.095 --> 05:00.677 [SPEAKER_00]: You're able to kind of like bounce back. 05:02.218 --> 05:10.306 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, you're able to to function and doesn't cause you to just enter this really dark, dark space that you can't get out of. 05:10.326 --> 05:12.168 [SPEAKER_00]: Like you don't feel like you're in a hole, right? 05:13.549 --> 05:15.171 [SPEAKER_00]: But what if you don't have a cup at all? 05:15.291 --> 05:16.892 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what I think is important here. 05:16.912 --> 05:20.436 [SPEAKER_00]: Like sometimes we don't have a cup at all. 05:21.116 --> 05:21.617 [SPEAKER_00]: period. 05:21.977 --> 05:27.321 [SPEAKER_00]: And by that, I mean, not only can we not pour from this empty cup, but we don't have one. 05:28.041 --> 05:38.789 [SPEAKER_00]: When you think of not having a cup, this for me signals or means that you are in a really hard space. 05:40.310 --> 05:48.576 [SPEAKER_00]: You're in a really hard space, one of despair, one of poor mental health, one of great suffering. 05:49.400 --> 06:16.066 [SPEAKER_00]: one of like really none of your needs are really being met or maybe a few are being met, but but but it's not enough basically it's not enough you're in a really low place you might again be struggling with your mental health maybe it's your physical health you're in so much pain like maybe you have a chronic condition and you just can't seem to get out of survival 06:19.547 --> 06:22.688 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's alcohol isn't like it's just it's just whatever it is. 06:22.748 --> 06:48.273 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a rock bottom place to be where you are stuck in survival mode and when you're in stuck in survival mode everything affects you Everything affects you like you feel like you just cannot get ahead You don't necessarily see the light at the end of the tunnel or if you do see some kind of light You feel like you just can't get there 06:49.214 --> 06:51.041 [SPEAKER_00]: You cannot get there. 06:51.383 --> 06:54.134 [SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of negative self-talk in this space. 06:55.158 --> 06:56.439 [SPEAKER_00]: everything feels hard. 06:57.340 --> 06:59.241 [SPEAKER_00]: Everything feels impossible. 06:59.762 --> 07:05.907 [SPEAKER_00]: It feels like you are just shackled into whatever this thing is. 07:05.947 --> 07:17.576 [SPEAKER_00]: It has a firm, strong grip on you, either physically or spiritually or mentally and you just can't shake it. 07:18.216 --> 07:22.460 [SPEAKER_00]: I would say like depression that like that's what 07:24.658 --> 07:28.820 [SPEAKER_00]: That that's what depression feels like for a lot or at least I'll speak for myself. 07:28.860 --> 07:34.784 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what depression felt like for me and I'm not I'm no stranger to depression. 07:34.884 --> 07:52.074 [SPEAKER_00]: I've mentioned before that several times I have experienced and lived through and survived depression and that to me is what I'm what I'm what I'm feeling when I think about not having a cup. 07:53.225 --> 07:58.591 [SPEAKER_00]: So your version may look a little different since all of our situations are at unique. 07:59.893 --> 08:09.704 [SPEAKER_00]: But the gist of it is you just don't even have anything to not only pour from, at that point that should be like the furthest thing from mine. 08:09.724 --> 08:11.606 [SPEAKER_00]: You haven't, you are not able to, 08:12.687 --> 08:36.088 [SPEAKER_00]: sustain any kind of nourishment, like spiritual, spiritual nourishment is the cool nourishment, mental nourishment, even if people are coming to you and giving you like words of affirmation, or I don't know, something tremendous happens in your life, whatever, you don't have the capacity to really 08:37.892 --> 08:52.717 [SPEAKER_00]: nourish yourself with those things or feel really good about those things or hold on to those things because you don't have a a a a a cup for it you have nothing to hold that in 08:53.892 --> 08:56.194 [SPEAKER_00]: because again, you're in survival mode. 08:56.714 --> 09:04.601 [SPEAKER_00]: And you're in survival mode, really nothing else matters outside of sometimes not even did I eat today. 09:04.661 --> 09:08.324 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes when you're in survival mode, either you don't even want to eat or you don't. 09:08.344 --> 09:12.787 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have the capacity to eat when you're in survival mode sometimes especially financial survival mode. 09:13.348 --> 09:15.709 [SPEAKER_00]: So when you're in survival mode, everything is hard. 09:16.790 --> 09:41.238 [SPEAKER_00]: Everything is hard and so there is no there is there is you can't even see your cup Maybe your cup feels hidden or you don't have one at all when you're in survival mode There is nothing to hold on to goodness that's how it feels nothing at all I've been there okay a few times and I feel like in different seasons of your life 09:44.337 --> 09:52.841 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to say that at some point you might hit all four of these stages of having a cup to pour from. 09:52.861 --> 09:55.923 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope that you never hit number one. 09:56.303 --> 09:59.164 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope that you never have a rock bottom experience. 10:00.825 --> 10:04.807 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope that you always have a cup to feel into pour from. 10:05.727 --> 10:11.269 [SPEAKER_00]: But I know the reality is that there are times when, at least for some of us, that's just not the case. 10:11.349 --> 10:14.570 [SPEAKER_00]: We can't, we look around and everything is bleak. 10:14.951 --> 10:15.851 [SPEAKER_00]: There is no cup. 10:16.011 --> 10:17.051 [SPEAKER_00]: There is no goodness. 10:17.111 --> 10:23.074 [SPEAKER_00]: There is, there is just, like I said, everything just feels hard, okay? 10:23.554 --> 10:28.596 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you're in that stage, I want to highly encourage you if possible. 10:29.076 --> 10:42.824 [SPEAKER_00]: to speak to someone, if not a therapist, a trusted friend that can help you to just kind of like get outside of your head so that you don't feel alone. 10:43.004 --> 10:49.448 [SPEAKER_00]: When you are in that stage, it can be a very isolating and lonely and hard place. 10:49.868 --> 10:53.891 [SPEAKER_00]: And I know what you're thinking, like if you've been here for a minute, you're like, well, I've already talked to someone. 10:53.911 --> 10:55.351 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to burden people. 10:55.371 --> 10:55.552 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, 10:58.213 --> 11:07.004 [SPEAKER_00]: If you have a strong community around you and your community can be like one or two people or your community can be a therapist or you know what I'm saying. 11:08.706 --> 11:13.552 [SPEAKER_00]: I think that it's okay to talk to them when you're in this space. 11:14.531 --> 11:22.022 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, especially I would ask, hey, do you have the capacity right now to to hold space for me? 11:22.583 --> 11:26.689 [SPEAKER_00]: Do you have the capacity to to carry a little bit of this right now? 11:27.650 --> 11:29.052 [SPEAKER_00]: If they say yes, please. 11:29.973 --> 11:35.435 [SPEAKER_00]: Please talk to them, or if you have resources on the job a lot of times, there are resources. 11:35.515 --> 11:47.019 [SPEAKER_00]: I forget what it's called, but some companies even have it to where you they give you like free Maybe 10 therapy sessions a year or 20 therapy sessions a year. 11:47.139 --> 11:50.480 [SPEAKER_00]: I had that when I was working this retail job that I had no longer have. 11:51.881 --> 12:02.888 [SPEAKER_00]: And I made use of that, not because I felt like I didn't have a cup to pour from, but just in general, but they can handle different stages of where you are. 12:03.208 --> 12:04.308 [SPEAKER_00]: And there's no shame in that. 12:04.408 --> 12:08.911 [SPEAKER_00]: Like if you're in stage that this where you can't even, it doesn't feel like you even have a cup. 12:17.860 --> 12:19.822 [SPEAKER_00]: that really needs to be paid attention to. 12:20.122 --> 12:27.928 [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes that means getting help outside help, especially if you're really in your head and you can't see the force for the trees. 12:28.668 --> 12:29.969 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, there's no shame in that. 12:30.950 --> 12:36.794 [SPEAKER_00]: The second stage that I would say is, what was the second stage? 12:37.295 --> 12:43.239 [SPEAKER_00]: The second stage is that you have a cup, you have a cup, so now you're not in survival mode. 12:43.920 --> 12:46.322 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, whereas survival mode was very, 12:47.563 --> 13:11.221 [SPEAKER_00]: bleak and hard and it felt like nothing was going your way and everything was wrong and everything was hard you have a cup you have a cup however your cup is is full of holes so that that is different than not having to cup at all because you aren't 13:17.732 --> 13:29.326 [SPEAKER_00]: But I think in this stage, you have a, you have the capacity to kind of do more analyzing more, more, more. 13:31.917 --> 13:37.363 [SPEAKER_00]: more reflection, I guess, um, in this space. 13:37.884 --> 13:50.618 [SPEAKER_00]: So if your cup feels like it has a hole in it or or multiple holes, that to me is telling me that maybe there are some things that have not been addressed, that really need to be addressed. 13:51.907 --> 14:00.917 [SPEAKER_00]: You might be grieving a loss of someone or something, grieving the loss of a loved one, grieving the loss of a life that you thought you'd have by now. 14:00.937 --> 14:05.021 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I've been in the space, like I've been in all the spaces, I've been in all the spaces. 14:05.442 --> 14:09.686 [SPEAKER_00]: But to me, it feels like there's something that is, 14:12.072 --> 14:13.612 [SPEAKER_00]: That is unresolved. 14:13.632 --> 14:15.733 [SPEAKER_00]: There's like, there's some frustration there. 14:16.173 --> 14:20.034 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you're doing all the quote unquote like write the things you're sleeping. 14:21.795 --> 14:22.755 [SPEAKER_00]: You're eating well. 14:22.795 --> 14:27.976 [SPEAKER_00]: And these are things that you probably didn't even do in the last in the in the in the phase where there's no cut. 14:28.556 --> 14:31.297 [SPEAKER_00]: So in this phase, you're you're you're doing all the right things. 14:31.377 --> 14:33.197 [SPEAKER_00]: You're you're you're you're sleeping. 14:34.318 --> 14:35.258 [SPEAKER_00]: You're eating better. 14:36.118 --> 14:38.779 [SPEAKER_00]: You're you're you're you're moving your body. 14:42.726 --> 14:52.310 [SPEAKER_00]: You're doing the things, you're journaling, you're doing the things that on paper they are right. 14:54.651 --> 15:06.417 [SPEAKER_00]: But it's still not necessarily feeling you up and that's because are like, There are some things that are still unaddressed. 15:07.777 --> 15:17.041 [SPEAKER_00]: The good thing is that if you're in this stage and the other ones, the further the higher you go, the good thing is that when you're in this stage, you can see it for what it is. 15:17.441 --> 15:24.484 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not saying that it doesn't feel hard, but to be able to see that something is draining you. 15:24.644 --> 15:27.345 [SPEAKER_00]: Something is still draining your injury. 15:27.785 --> 15:31.027 [SPEAKER_00]: Something is still draining your energy. 15:31.187 --> 15:33.348 [SPEAKER_00]: Something is not allowing you to get 15:37.257 --> 15:38.438 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what that is. 15:38.538 --> 15:46.242 [SPEAKER_00]: It's different for every person, but there's like an energy vampire that is putting holes into your cup. 15:47.023 --> 15:54.107 [SPEAKER_00]: And what makes sense is you, you gotta find a way to figure out what that is. 15:54.827 --> 16:01.291 [SPEAKER_00]: Again, maybe it's something that you're grieving, maybe it's a frustration, maybe need to set more boundaries, maybe you need to, 16:05.581 --> 16:12.271 [SPEAKER_00]: Shift, shift, shift your energy in a different direction, or maybe it means letting some people go. 16:12.791 --> 16:21.283 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, there is something that is unexamined that you haven't fully realized yet. 16:22.391 --> 16:31.235 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's probably at the back of your mind, as I'm talking about this, it could be something that you already know, but you're afraid to go further into it. 16:31.595 --> 16:35.417 [SPEAKER_00]: So for example, you're doing the quote unquote right things you're setting boundaries. 16:35.998 --> 16:51.465 [SPEAKER_00]: You're eating well you this you're that, but you know speaking of boundaries like are you really like maybe you are setting boundaries, but there's someone in your your circle or in your at your job or in your 16:51.947 --> 17:10.278 [SPEAKER_00]: community or in your family that you really haven't been able to set a firm boundary with for whatever reason you have not been able to set a firm boundary, you have let things slide over and over and over again, they do things. 17:11.011 --> 17:14.554 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not addressed, things are swept under the rug. 17:15.455 --> 17:31.727 [SPEAKER_00]: And every day, like this feeling of this micro-feeling or macro-feeling or this micro-feeling of irritation, grows or just feeling like you're 17:34.438 --> 17:45.988 [SPEAKER_00]: Because this whatever this boundary is and hasn't been addressed or said or these things have not been said you just feel like you're you're shrinking more and more each day as a days progress. 17:46.089 --> 17:56.478 [SPEAKER_00]: They continue doing certain things here and there and it just really burns your biscuits but you you don't for whatever reason you you are just not able to set that boundary. 17:58.809 --> 18:12.493 [SPEAKER_00]: Or it could be, for example, you are eating better, but you're still eating things that are not like they're not designed for your body or they're making your body very unhappy. 18:12.813 --> 18:22.455 [SPEAKER_00]: So even though you're resting more, you're like, again, you're doing all the right things, you're resting more, you're eating better, you're setting boundaries whatever, but because you haven't dialed in your diet yet, 18:22.955 --> 18:27.216 [SPEAKER_00]: and I don't mean diet as in lose weight necessarily or gain weight necessarily. 18:27.256 --> 18:31.517 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm talking about the things you actually eat to fuel your body and this is me. 18:31.637 --> 18:32.417 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm raising my hand. 18:34.037 --> 18:39.618 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have it dialed in yet or you're not being consistent with it, right? 18:39.658 --> 18:42.099 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what to do, but you're not being consistent with it. 18:42.419 --> 18:46.840 [SPEAKER_00]: You're still eating things that are draining you, literally draining you. 18:46.980 --> 18:47.260 [SPEAKER_00]: My 18:48.096 --> 18:55.451 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to say guilty, but my thing for me that I am struggling with and have struggle with is like sugar. 18:56.548 --> 18:58.348 [SPEAKER_00]: candy, that kind of thing. 18:58.889 --> 19:03.890 [SPEAKER_00]: And so kind of going off topic here, but one thing that really helped me was intermittent fasting. 19:05.010 --> 19:08.011 [SPEAKER_00]: And I haven't done it in it's been probably like a year. 19:08.451 --> 19:09.931 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know why I stopped. 19:09.971 --> 19:16.033 [SPEAKER_00]: Actually, I do when I moved here, when I moved to Arkansas, like everything kind of like changed. 19:16.053 --> 19:21.354 [SPEAKER_00]: And there were some things that got better and some things that were just like, say the same as some things that got worse. 19:22.114 --> 19:24.274 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I stopped intermittent fasting 19:26.715 --> 19:31.198 [SPEAKER_00]: because I know that when I did do it, I just felt so good. 19:31.258 --> 19:33.380 [SPEAKER_00]: I had so much clarity, things were clear. 19:33.740 --> 19:35.461 [SPEAKER_00]: My body felt rejuvenated. 19:35.541 --> 19:38.003 [SPEAKER_00]: I felt, I don't know, I just felt really, really good. 19:39.884 --> 19:48.571 [SPEAKER_00]: But anyway, just like I was saying, like you, you, you don't have that diet, diet, diet, and so maybe you're dealing with chronic inflammation. 19:49.511 --> 20:14.762 [SPEAKER_00]: or was it IBS or headaches or just things like that and it's just like again you're doing the right things but you're not doing enough of it consistently or you don't have it dialed in yet so you have these holes in your cup and it could be multiple holes like different things it could be your finances that's something else that I'm still struggling with like the whole financial thing. 20:15.240 --> 20:17.281 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's draining, you know, your cup. 20:17.881 --> 20:21.402 [SPEAKER_00]: So again, it's not that you're in survival mode necessarily. 20:21.422 --> 20:27.925 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not at that first stage you talked about where you literally can't even, like you don't even feel like you have a cup at all. 20:28.505 --> 20:33.147 [SPEAKER_00]: Like you just feel like everything is just being taken away and you're just stripped down and you're just, you know what I mean? 20:33.507 --> 20:35.688 [SPEAKER_00]: You really down, really, really down. 20:36.788 --> 20:59.716 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not that you're doing the right things, you're you're you're able to fill your cup with good things and actually hold on to with just a little bit, but it just there's a leak there's a leak there's a hole or multiple holes okay that need to be patched up and the more reflection that you do and the more honest that you're able to be. 21:02.631 --> 21:11.655 [SPEAKER_00]: that the, I don't want to say easier, but, but, but let's just say the easier you'll be able to start to re, like restore your cup. 21:12.616 --> 21:13.016 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 21:13.996 --> 21:23.961 [SPEAKER_00]: The third one is you have a symbol, and this is what the lady had said, like her mom told her, you know, some days it's a symbol and some days it's a, you know, a larger cup or whatever. 21:24.121 --> 21:25.721 [SPEAKER_00]: And I can't remember exactly what she said. 21:26.202 --> 21:27.022 [SPEAKER_00]: When I heard it, I was like, 21:29.647 --> 21:35.172 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, sorry, y'all have a hair on my face here if you're watching this on YouTube. 21:35.952 --> 21:42.617 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, but yeah, having a small cup is like to me the next level up. 21:44.319 --> 21:47.261 [SPEAKER_00]: Having a super small cup. 21:47.722 --> 21:52.986 [SPEAKER_00]: So it takes it from where you're not in survival mode to that next cup. 21:53.006 --> 21:56.829 [SPEAKER_00]: You're doing the right things, but there's still holes in your cup, but now you've upgraded. 21:59.831 --> 22:02.814 [SPEAKER_00]: but the capacity that you have is really small. 22:03.695 --> 22:07.358 [SPEAKER_00]: The capacity that you have is really, really small. 22:07.658 --> 22:12.603 [SPEAKER_00]: So there isn't necessarily anything, like there's not necessarily any energy drainers, 22:14.903 --> 22:32.771 [SPEAKER_00]: Or anything like that, there's there's not these these unspoken things that you haven't necessarily addressed or grief that you're holding on to or you know film like spiritually you're depleted or anything like that nothing is necessarily missing you're not in survival mode. 22:35.167 --> 22:53.759 [SPEAKER_00]: But your capacity is just a small, you've done the work, you've been healing, you've been living more holy, and fully, you've started expanding, you've started blooming, you've restored your cup, you know what I mean? 22:54.560 --> 22:56.501 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just that it's like a baby cup. 22:57.462 --> 22:59.483 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I like that actually better than the symbol. 23:00.264 --> 23:03.226 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like a baby cup, you know, a baby cups, they're small. 23:04.421 --> 23:08.601 [SPEAKER_00]: They're small, and that's good for time. 23:09.494 --> 23:36.609 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a good for a time, it means you're in a place where you're thriving or you're doing better than the first two levels, but it only gives you so much, you know, and if you have a baby size cup, as as hard as it may be for some of us if we are overgivers or people pleasers, you know, or something like that, you have kind of like a baby cup, you know, to pour from. 23:37.910 --> 23:39.752 [SPEAKER_00]: you only have so much in your cup. 23:41.334 --> 23:53.866 [SPEAKER_00]: There are going to be instances where maybe people make the man's of you, the man's of your time, the man's of your resources, the man's of your energy, and you are able to 23:56.214 --> 23:57.155 [SPEAKER_00]: feel some of that. 23:57.315 --> 24:05.841 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, you're able to pour a little bit from that cup and not feel completely drained or depleted or diminished or you know what I'm saying? 24:06.382 --> 24:23.835 [SPEAKER_00]: However, you have to be very careful because especially if you're like an overgiver, you have to be very careful because it could just take one thing to kind of like tip that cup completely over to where there's 24:24.977 --> 24:26.158 [SPEAKER_00]: nothing really inside. 24:26.278 --> 24:31.882 [SPEAKER_00]: Again, if we're talking about a baby cup, okay, a baby cup only holds so many ounces. 24:32.483 --> 24:35.225 [SPEAKER_00]: I know you've seen those cute little little cups, right? 24:35.245 --> 24:38.607 [SPEAKER_00]: Or whatever the size is, it's not for a full grown person. 24:38.947 --> 24:39.488 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean? 24:39.508 --> 24:42.490 [SPEAKER_00]: It's for it's just a small amount. 24:43.151 --> 24:44.832 [SPEAKER_00]: So you only have so much to give. 24:46.833 --> 24:48.494 [SPEAKER_00]: Say, for example, how about this? 24:49.495 --> 24:52.117 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's say, for example, you're in a good place. 24:52.237 --> 25:04.025 [SPEAKER_00]: Now you're able to save money and, you know, you're putting your stock in money away every week or every month, or every two weeks, whenever you get paid, whatever the case may be. 25:04.605 --> 25:13.752 [SPEAKER_00]: And now let's say you finally have $5,000 saved in like your emergency account, or your savings account, or whatever. 25:14.492 --> 25:26.622 [SPEAKER_00]: and then someone comes to you, a family member, a friend, who member, and they're like, hey girl, I could really use some help, you know, this is the situation I'm dealing with, you know, blah, blah, blah. 25:27.062 --> 25:36.970 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, again, if you're an overgiver and part of the reason why you probably took so long to even save up the money is because, you know, when you're 25:43.943 --> 25:48.844 [SPEAKER_00]: overgiving, overgiving, either money, energy, time, things like that, right? 25:49.845 --> 25:51.425 [SPEAKER_00]: But you're not doing that in this stage. 25:51.945 --> 25:58.587 [SPEAKER_00]: But they come to you and they're like, hey, girl, I could really use some help, but blah, and you know that you have this $5,000 in the bank, right? 25:59.408 --> 25:59.928 [SPEAKER_00]: And they're like, 26:01.128 --> 26:03.830 [SPEAKER_00]: can you loan me $3,000? 26:04.150 --> 26:09.173 [SPEAKER_00]: So I can pay my car no, pay my rent. 26:09.193 --> 26:10.654 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I just lost my job. 26:10.674 --> 26:12.375 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what I'm going to do. 26:12.935 --> 26:19.199 [SPEAKER_00]: Can you just let me borrow $3,000 and I promise you in the next six months I'll pay you back, right? 26:20.955 --> 26:27.340 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, if you're an overgiver, you're going to, before the words have even left their mouth, you're going to be like, yes, girl, absolutely. 26:27.440 --> 26:30.623 [SPEAKER_00]: I got you here, you go, what's your paint? 26:30.663 --> 26:34.506 [SPEAKER_00]: What's your wish of in Mo, or what's in me, your bank details, blah, blah, blah. 26:35.267 --> 26:36.748 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's fantastic, right? 26:37.048 --> 26:42.532 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it's always great to help a friend however before you do that. 26:43.373 --> 26:48.998 [SPEAKER_00]: Before you do that, again, remember that in this stage, your cup is small. 26:49.679 --> 27:00.968 [SPEAKER_00]: You only have so much to give, and if you give more than a certain amount, you're going to go back down to where you just came from or where you were before. 27:02.910 --> 27:10.617 [SPEAKER_00]: And I know that sounds really selfish, but we have to get to a point where we have more like self devotion, more self prioritization. 27:12.183 --> 27:26.181 [SPEAKER_00]: more self love for ourselves and our situations more respect for the situations that we are in and this is not to say that you can't give that friend because I know that I would I know that I would if my bestie called right now she's like girl. 27:28.826 --> 27:30.047 [SPEAKER_00]: it has gone down. 27:30.287 --> 27:32.808 [SPEAKER_00]: I need, you know, I am going to help. 27:33.748 --> 27:53.154 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, if I only have $5,000, and do I have the capacity to give $3,000, I would say I don't, because if I only have $5,000, and if something goes sideways with me, and I'm out of money for a couple of months, if I've given $3,000, I'm screwed. 27:55.975 --> 27:56.936 [SPEAKER_00]: That's just what it is. 27:58.163 --> 28:02.607 [SPEAKER_00]: So if it were me and this was my friend and I want to make sure she's good. 28:02.667 --> 28:10.593 [SPEAKER_00]: I would tell her, you know, I got you, this is how much I have, you know, take your time and paying it back. 28:11.213 --> 28:15.597 [SPEAKER_00]: And I will only do this for people, by the way, who I know what made me back. 28:16.087 --> 28:21.489 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, they say that don't give what you can't afford to lose. 28:22.150 --> 28:27.612 [SPEAKER_00]: So in this case, let's just say, I don't know if she's going to pay me back or it could be like a year from now, whatever. 28:27.632 --> 28:31.194 [SPEAKER_00]: I will be comfortable with say like a thousand dollars. 28:31.954 --> 28:33.755 [SPEAKER_00]: that that would be my comfort zone. 28:34.455 --> 28:48.179 [SPEAKER_00]: That is what I would be able to give and not feel like I am overgiving, you know, I would be able to to to give her or loan her or give her give her probably give her I've given someone a thousand dollars before. 28:51.420 --> 28:58.322 [SPEAKER_00]: Just maybe a couple years ago, given someone a thousand dollars and told them you don't have to pay me back. 28:58.402 --> 28:59.482 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm pouring into your 29:01.490 --> 29:02.551 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what it was. 29:02.751 --> 29:04.692 [SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't get it back and I didn't expect it back. 29:05.293 --> 29:17.460 [SPEAKER_00]: But, you know, it's that if I had $5,000 right now, that is what I would be giving to my friend. 29:17.921 --> 29:27.547 [SPEAKER_00]: Or if it's someone that I see is down on their luck, I'm the kind of person and you probably are as well, that if you have it, you're giving it. 29:27.627 --> 29:28.508 [SPEAKER_00]: You see someone, 29:29.889 --> 29:43.160 [SPEAKER_00]: that needs a meal you're buying the food if if if uh I don't know if if someone is down on their luck and they're like I I need to buy this or that like you're buying it for them you what I mean 29:44.048 --> 30:03.977 [SPEAKER_00]: But I need to make sure that I am sticking to a specific amount or budget because the capacity at this point is is smaller, you know, it's a way of self protection, we have to be okay with protecting ourselves and not feeling guilty about doing so so it's not that you it's not saying don't give. 30:04.417 --> 30:16.664 [SPEAKER_00]: When you're at this point, I feel like it's okay to give some, but not to the point of depletion, not even to the point of just having barely enough or even half, you know what I mean? 30:17.244 --> 30:18.665 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I believe. 30:19.165 --> 30:22.947 [SPEAKER_00]: And then the fourth stage is, you know, you have a larger cup. 30:23.707 --> 30:32.172 [SPEAKER_00]: You have a larger cup to the point where not only is it larger, but now we're getting into the overflow, now we're getting into the sweet spot. 30:33.140 --> 30:34.844 [SPEAKER_00]: Now we're getting into the sweet spot. 30:35.245 --> 30:37.389 [SPEAKER_00]: You have a cup that's so large. 30:37.509 --> 30:40.255 [SPEAKER_00]: It's so bountiful, so huge. 30:40.355 --> 30:43.762 [SPEAKER_00]: And then on top of that, not only is it large, but Azure 30:44.384 --> 30:49.827 [SPEAKER_00]: pouring into it daily consistently, it's to the point of overflow. 30:50.268 --> 30:53.470 [SPEAKER_00]: You gotta have a saucer underneath to catch that overflow. 30:53.510 --> 30:57.532 [SPEAKER_00]: Like this is the sweet spot, like I said before. 30:57.892 --> 31:08.999 [SPEAKER_00]: So going back to that $5,000, let's just say, instead of $5,000, let's say I had 10, let's 10X, that I got $50,000 girl, just in savings, just building, 31:10.475 --> 31:31.865 [SPEAKER_00]: interest in you understand just it's just leveling up every month a little extras going in just having a sitting in that bank account I'm able to keep adding in more money just whatever you know I it's building and that same bestie hit me up and she's like girl I need $3,000 boom I got you I got you I don't like I don't even have to think about it 31:32.707 --> 31:33.207 [SPEAKER_00]: I got you. 31:33.227 --> 31:34.749 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying? 31:34.889 --> 31:38.972 [SPEAKER_00]: And I wouldn't even feel like that to me is like a drop in the bucket. 31:39.012 --> 31:44.156 [SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't even feel that because it's from my overflow. 31:44.957 --> 31:49.320 [SPEAKER_00]: It wouldn't affect me, you know, it's from my overflow. 31:51.162 --> 31:51.622 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm good. 31:52.447 --> 31:53.989 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and I'm, and then she's good. 31:54.610 --> 32:09.288 [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, giving from your overflow or if your cup is like super big, it's not this baby cup, but it's a huge ginormous cup, clearly that is going to take some time to get to that place. 32:11.683 --> 32:14.605 [SPEAKER_00]: That part of our journey cannot be rushed. 32:15.125 --> 32:26.572 [SPEAKER_00]: It's going to take some time to get to that place where you have overflow and what it takes or a larger capacity that continues to expand and expand and expand, right? 32:27.033 --> 32:28.373 [SPEAKER_00]: Like the cup can be infinite. 32:28.854 --> 32:30.475 [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't have to be just one size. 32:30.595 --> 32:35.838 [SPEAKER_00]: Like once you are past the baby cup, it just continues to grow and grow and grow, right? 32:37.939 --> 32:49.973 [SPEAKER_00]: But it takes consistency, it takes honesty about where you are, it takes self-prioritization, self-divotion, and self-preservation. 32:50.922 --> 33:16.628 [SPEAKER_00]: to get to that point, you can't get to that point if you are constantly in a place of not having boundaries, not being consistent with your habits, not standing up for yourself, not speaking up for yourself, not saving money for a rainy day, not eating the way that your body deserves for you to eat, not addressing chronic conditions that you may have, not 33:17.228 --> 33:17.508 [SPEAKER_00]: Turn it. 33:17.949 --> 33:18.429 [SPEAKER_00]: Here we go. 33:19.069 --> 33:20.030 [SPEAKER_00]: Turn it off the TV. 33:20.130 --> 33:33.878 [SPEAKER_00]: I know I'm going on a tangent, but not turn it off the TV and take in time for yourself for silence and solitude and reflection, not taking time to dream and dream bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. 33:34.238 --> 33:41.622 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, these are the kinds of things not not speaking to yourself with love not having compassion for yourself. 33:41.983 --> 33:57.592 [SPEAKER_00]: not having kindness for yourself, not trusting yourself more versus gaslighting yourself all the time, not realizing your gifts and talents and tapping into those things that you can grow. 33:58.332 --> 34:11.259 [SPEAKER_00]: It takes a lot and those are not the only things but it takes so much to be able to go from from having no cup at all to having this cup that just keeps growing and growing and growing and growing. 34:11.841 --> 34:16.825 [SPEAKER_00]: Right, takes time to get there and you and I, we can get there. 34:18.246 --> 34:33.416 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I, I don't feel like that last cup is a final destination kind of thing because again, the cup, it just keeps just keeps expanding that cup that holds all this joy and and all this peace and all this. 34:36.478 --> 34:38.019 [SPEAKER_00]: abundance. 34:38.039 --> 34:42.302 [SPEAKER_00]: And just all these really good things that we deserve. 34:43.363 --> 34:55.672 [SPEAKER_00]: It is, it is, it is much easier to give from that place versus giving from a place when you're in survival mode. 34:55.692 --> 34:56.032 [SPEAKER_00]: When you're in 35:00.472 --> 35:11.994 [SPEAKER_00]: you are withered, you are thirsty, you are pushing, you are, you are just, you're obviously doing your very, very best, but your capacity is at an all-time low. 35:13.615 --> 35:17.936 [SPEAKER_00]: You're always tired, you're always feeling drained, you feel like nothing is going your way. 35:18.816 --> 35:21.056 [SPEAKER_00]: Nothing is ever right, like, you know what I'm saying? 35:21.076 --> 35:29.198 [SPEAKER_00]: So you can't give from that, that is the crucial moment where you have to really take time 35:31.890 --> 35:35.433 [SPEAKER_00]: You, and again, take it because no one's going to give it. 35:35.873 --> 35:37.875 [SPEAKER_00]: Take the resources that you need. 35:38.876 --> 35:46.241 [SPEAKER_00]: Take the time for yourself, you know, if someone is like, hey, can I buy you lunch today? 35:46.261 --> 35:49.864 [SPEAKER_00]: I know that pride is going to want to say, no, I'm good. 35:50.665 --> 35:52.326 [SPEAKER_00]: Take the lunch because that sustenance. 35:53.607 --> 35:56.650 [SPEAKER_00]: That sustenance that you really, really need, you know? 36:01.033 --> 36:02.715 [SPEAKER_00]: I am every day. 36:02.855 --> 36:09.042 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to be thinking about just this idea, like, what, what cup do I have today? 36:09.964 --> 36:16.070 [SPEAKER_00]: Because day to day, week to week, season to season year to year, that cup's going to be different. 36:16.531 --> 36:18.113 [SPEAKER_00]: You're either not going to have a cup at all. 36:19.744 --> 36:21.965 [SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna have a cup that is full of holes. 36:23.005 --> 36:27.127 [SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna have a cup that is filling up, but it's super small. 36:28.067 --> 36:37.911 [SPEAKER_00]: Or you're gonna have a cup that just keeps expanding, expanding, expanding, just gets bigger and bigger, just holds so much good stuff inside that you just feel like. 36:39.131 --> 36:42.713 [SPEAKER_00]: You just feel like you are going to explode with goodness. 36:44.053 --> 36:45.794 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what we deserve to reside. 36:46.495 --> 36:51.078 [SPEAKER_00]: That's where we deserve to live on a consistent basis, okay? 36:52.198 --> 36:56.942 [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, I would love to hear your thoughts on this. 36:57.042 --> 37:03.806 [SPEAKER_00]: Again, I got that idea of a like a fimble size cup from someone on social media. 37:03.846 --> 37:08.109 [SPEAKER_00]: I wish I had saved the post, but you know when you're scrolling and you read something. 37:08.169 --> 37:10.030 [SPEAKER_00]: And then you kind of like are on to the next. 37:11.311 --> 37:11.812 [SPEAKER_00]: So actually, 37:12.632 --> 37:21.998 [SPEAKER_00]: Actually, I don't even remember exactly all that she said to be honest with you, but I know that she said her mother told her that sometimes your cup is small, like a thimble or something like that. 37:23.619 --> 37:26.460 [SPEAKER_00]: So maybe I'll put a search out and see if I can find it again. 37:27.541 --> 37:29.062 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll probably forget, but we'll see. 37:30.503 --> 37:39.748 [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, I like this whole idea that I've been exploring of not only just that thimble size cut, but like what if you don't have a cup that day? 37:40.913 --> 38:00.248 [SPEAKER_00]: And what if you don't have the capacity at all, all you can see is darkness or nothing good, you know, or what if your cup, you have a cup, but it's it's just you have some energy vampires draining your cup or there's holes in your cup and so you like every every stage is like asking or require something different from you. 38:01.049 --> 38:10.978 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I feel like it's important and something that I'm going to start doing every single day or at least the days I remember asking myself, like, what's the cup situation looking like? 38:11.638 --> 38:15.222 [SPEAKER_00]: Am I in survival mode right now and if so, like why or what do I need? 38:16.583 --> 38:20.226 [SPEAKER_00]: Do I have a cup, but it's full of, it has at least a hole or it's full of holes? 38:20.607 --> 38:21.247 [SPEAKER_00]: What do I need? 38:22.849 --> 38:24.350 [SPEAKER_00]: It's my cup small today? 38:25.331 --> 38:25.992 [SPEAKER_00]: What do I need? 38:27.247 --> 38:32.448 [SPEAKER_00]: is my cup overflowing today in the huge day and still, what do I need? 38:33.848 --> 38:39.149 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I guess there's nothing wrong with figuring out what you need regardless of what size your cup is. 38:39.289 --> 38:46.771 [SPEAKER_00]: The difference is even though you may have some particular needs for that day when you have a cup or it's overflowing or you have a large cup. 38:47.591 --> 38:51.752 [SPEAKER_00]: Not only can you have your needs met, but at that point, 38:52.712 --> 39:07.803 [SPEAKER_00]: you're able to also give from a place of overflow where you're not going to feel resentment, not going to feel obligated, not feel like you're pressured into doing something, not feel like if I do this, then there's nothing left for me. 39:08.103 --> 39:16.729 [SPEAKER_00]: Now I have to rebuild or I have to rebuild my energy reserves or, you know, so ask yourself, every day, kind of cup to you have, 39:23.370 --> 39:24.471 [SPEAKER_00]: Is your cup full of holes? 39:24.811 --> 39:25.612 [SPEAKER_00]: Is your cup small? 39:25.692 --> 39:26.532 [SPEAKER_00]: Is your cup large? 39:27.072 --> 39:29.334 [SPEAKER_00]: So I would love to hear your thoughts on today's episode. 39:29.914 --> 39:33.457 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me know what cup you have or what type of cup you have. 39:33.477 --> 39:35.418 [SPEAKER_00]: And is it full? 39:35.438 --> 39:37.119 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's have holes. 39:37.719 --> 39:39.020 [SPEAKER_00]: Can you not find your cup? 39:39.140 --> 39:39.921 [SPEAKER_00]: Let us us to know. 39:39.961 --> 39:41.122 [SPEAKER_00]: I'd love to hear your comments. 39:41.142 --> 39:45.364 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're watching this on YouTube, when this is released on YouTube, leave a comment below. 39:45.384 --> 39:47.666 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're listening on Spotify. 39:48.170 --> 39:53.293 [SPEAKER_00]: be sure to leave a comment and let me know what your thoughts are on today's episode. 39:53.313 --> 40:00.316 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you haven't had a chance to leave a rating and review on iTunes and Spotify, please make sure that you do that. 40:00.716 --> 40:06.760 [SPEAKER_00]: And lastly, I do get asked how can I support you or people are asking me that question. 40:07.220 --> 40:08.040 [SPEAKER_00]: How can I support you? 40:08.060 --> 40:08.661 [SPEAKER_00]: What's your cash? 40:08.721 --> 40:09.661 [SPEAKER_00]: Everything's like that. 40:10.221 --> 40:12.823 [SPEAKER_00]: Something I definitely want to start talking about more about my cash 40:17.705 --> 40:28.812 [SPEAKER_00]: episode, fed your spirit, and you want to support this journey that I am on, or support this work, feel free to send whatever you send, and I will be forever thankful for it. 40:28.912 --> 40:29.252 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 40:29.773 --> 40:30.033 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 40:30.053 --> 40:30.693 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 40:30.713 --> 40:35.056 [SPEAKER_00]: So that is it for this week's episode of the Brown Girl Self Care podcast. 40:35.096 --> 40:37.258 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for listening. 40:37.358 --> 40:38.578 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for sharing. 40:38.618 --> 40:40.079 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for inviting with me. 40:40.099 --> 40:40.920 [SPEAKER_00]: I will 40:46.144 --> 40:47.006 [SPEAKER_00]: Take care of your cup. 40:47.527 --> 40:50.393 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, take care of your cup and I'll see you in the next episode. 40:50.834 --> 40:51.035 [SPEAKER_00]: Bye.