WEBVTT 00:00.870 --> 00:01.730 [SPEAKER_03]: What's going on, guys? 00:01.770 --> 00:07.173 [SPEAKER_03]: My name is Jessica Lane, my Donald, and I want to welcome you guys to another episode of Initiative by God. 00:07.573 --> 00:14.797 [SPEAKER_03]: Listen, guys, some people teach healing because they've studied it while others teach healing because they've experienced it and survived. 00:15.217 --> 00:17.659 [SPEAKER_03]: Our guest for today is a powerhouse couple. 00:18.059 --> 00:23.702 [SPEAKER_03]: They have, when I say they have turned wounds into wisdom and they have turned pain into purpose. 00:24.202 --> 00:25.202 [SPEAKER_03]: Bishop, R.C. 00:25.242 --> 00:28.184 [SPEAKER_03]: Blakes and Lady Lisa Blakes, how are you? 00:28.684 --> 00:29.785 [SPEAKER_02]: We are wonderful. 00:29.905 --> 00:31.825 [SPEAKER_02]: I am wonderful glad to be here. 00:32.486 --> 00:34.586 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm happy to have you guys listen. 00:34.606 --> 00:35.647 [SPEAKER_03]: I love you guys. 00:35.667 --> 00:41.089 [SPEAKER_03]: You guys just have such an amazing just energy about you and spirit about you. 00:41.109 --> 00:42.469 [SPEAKER_03]: It's truly an honor. 00:42.930 --> 00:43.730 [SPEAKER_01]: We're proud of you. 00:44.190 --> 00:45.071 [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, thank you so much. 00:45.091 --> 00:56.862 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, and all that God is doing through you, just be sensitive to Him, keep your ear, tune to Him God as using you in a mighty way. 00:57.022 --> 00:57.563 [SPEAKER_03]: Absolutely. 00:57.623 --> 00:58.424 [SPEAKER_01]: You gotta know that. 00:58.444 --> 00:59.024 [SPEAKER_03]: Absolutely. 00:59.064 --> 01:01.026 [SPEAKER_01]: And you're touching lives all over this world. 01:02.247 --> 01:02.748 [SPEAKER_03]: Thank you. 01:02.788 --> 01:04.950 [SPEAKER_01]: There are people praying for you, because we, 01:05.563 --> 01:12.806 [SPEAKER_01]: We love what we see and you're what we've needed in this space. 01:12.866 --> 01:13.747 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 01:14.107 --> 01:17.208 [SPEAKER_01]: You're a kingdom representative. 01:17.789 --> 01:19.289 [SPEAKER_01]: Not church culture. 01:19.670 --> 01:20.510 [SPEAKER_01]: Kingdom culture. 01:21.350 --> 01:23.913 [SPEAKER_01]: and the thing that you're doing is pleasing to the heart of God. 01:24.213 --> 01:27.836 [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't mean to preach, but I just wanted to say that to you. 01:27.856 --> 01:30.279 [SPEAKER_02]: I want to give you that encouragement because you're on the right track. 01:30.439 --> 01:32.161 [SPEAKER_03]: Listen, I appreciate it so much. 01:32.221 --> 01:40.569 [SPEAKER_03]: Not my heart feeling so just filled and also it's like God is just amazing because he literally knows what you need at the right time. 01:40.649 --> 01:42.310 [SPEAKER_03]: So thank you for speaking life into me. 01:42.751 --> 01:43.812 [SPEAKER_03]: I appreciate you. 01:43.832 --> 01:44.853 [SPEAKER_03]: I appreciate you both. 01:45.874 --> 01:59.771 [SPEAKER_03]: But, okay, so it's like this interview, all right, I kind of want to start in a place where Bishop RC, I know you guys lost your church during Hurricane Katrina and you basically had to rebuild everything at 40 years old. 02:00.972 --> 02:06.775 [SPEAKER_03]: I know a lot of people haven't been in a her game, but that's something to say about losing everything and having to rebuild. 02:06.815 --> 02:08.296 [SPEAKER_03]: So I want to speak from that place. 02:08.856 --> 02:11.177 [SPEAKER_03]: What does a man's faith? 02:11.297 --> 02:17.981 [SPEAKER_03]: Like, what does that wait on you to get to a point where God has blessed you with everything? 02:18.101 --> 02:20.662 [SPEAKER_03]: And then it all be destroyed and you have to rebuild. 02:21.022 --> 02:21.442 [SPEAKER_01]: Wow. 02:24.521 --> 02:30.266 [SPEAKER_01]: For 18 years, we had been working on building this church. 02:30.366 --> 02:36.512 [SPEAKER_01]: Finally, we got the church to a place where we just built this new building. 02:37.112 --> 02:48.723 [SPEAKER_01]: We were doing two services on Sunday, National Television, starting to write books and product staff in place. 02:50.650 --> 02:54.794 [SPEAKER_01]: And then overnight, this storm comes and it wipes all of that out. 02:56.095 --> 02:58.897 [SPEAKER_01]: And so now we're back at square zero. 02:59.878 --> 03:01.779 [SPEAKER_01]: What does that do to a man's faith? 03:01.939 --> 03:07.024 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, it makes you realize that it's one thing to preach it. 03:08.024 --> 03:09.986 [SPEAKER_01]: You can even teach it in detail. 03:11.267 --> 03:14.150 [SPEAKER_01]: But it's quite another matter to actually live it. 03:15.142 --> 03:27.348 [SPEAKER_01]: And the statement that I often make about that season is, I really learned what it meant, or what's meant by give us this day our daily bread. 03:28.909 --> 03:35.973 [SPEAKER_01]: Because I had to, we had to literally trust God, who at 40 years old wants to start over. 03:36.653 --> 03:38.534 [SPEAKER_01]: But that's where we were. 03:38.754 --> 03:43.897 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think what it does for a person is, 03:45.247 --> 04:03.064 [SPEAKER_01]: It makes you realize if you're really completely and totally an obedience to God, or are you in it for the fringe benefits, because when you're broken down to nothing, when God allows you to be broken down to nothing, 04:04.160 --> 04:08.401 [SPEAKER_01]: Now you have to wake up every day and you have to trust him literally. 04:09.521 --> 04:15.062 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, for the first time in my life at 40 years old, I was at a place where I had no options. 04:15.943 --> 04:16.403 [SPEAKER_00]: Wow. 04:16.763 --> 04:17.483 [SPEAKER_01]: Think about that. 04:17.703 --> 04:19.203 [SPEAKER_01]: All of my life I had options. 04:19.323 --> 04:20.083 [SPEAKER_01]: I could do this. 04:20.143 --> 04:20.644 [SPEAKER_01]: I could do that. 04:20.684 --> 04:21.584 [SPEAKER_01]: I could make moves. 04:22.744 --> 04:27.025 [SPEAKER_01]: But at 40, no options, but trusting God. 04:28.876 --> 04:41.347 [SPEAKER_01]: And so I thank God for having my wife, because a man can't make it through a season like that, with just a pretty woman, you got to have a woman that knows how to pronounce. 04:41.367 --> 04:41.927 [SPEAKER_03]: Foundation. 04:42.128 --> 04:42.728 [SPEAKER_03]: Foundation. 04:43.008 --> 04:44.129 [SPEAKER_03]: And they're in a covering. 04:44.370 --> 04:45.030 [SPEAKER_03]: Precisely. 04:45.250 --> 04:46.231 [SPEAKER_01]: And why should I say that? 04:46.251 --> 04:46.932 [SPEAKER_01]: And why should I say that? 04:46.952 --> 04:51.756 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't mean the dominate the conversation, but there's just so much that comes up. 04:52.617 --> 04:54.879 [SPEAKER_01]: My wife said to me in that season, 04:56.757 --> 04:58.898 [SPEAKER_01]: She said, well, I'm trying to pull it together. 04:58.918 --> 05:04.462 [SPEAKER_01]: She said, hey, man, I don't want to get ahead of your interview, but she said, I can go to work. 05:05.202 --> 05:08.344 [SPEAKER_01]: And I can hold us down until God shows you what needs to happen. 05:09.725 --> 05:12.267 [SPEAKER_01]: That changed my whole life to note it. 05:12.347 --> 05:15.349 [SPEAKER_01]: My wife would be with me at my lowest point. 05:16.550 --> 05:24.975 [SPEAKER_01]: And so together, she and I, along with some faithful people in ministry, we've pulled ourselves out of that 05:26.943 --> 05:27.104 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 05:27.644 --> 05:27.845 [UNKNOWN]: Yeah. 05:28.426 --> 05:29.848 [SPEAKER_03]: What did that cover and look like? 05:31.109 --> 05:37.859 [SPEAKER_02]: I just want to back up for a second because we actually, for Katrina, we evacuated here to Atlanta. 05:38.120 --> 05:38.480 [SPEAKER_03]: Wow. 05:39.121 --> 05:44.564 [SPEAKER_02]: And you asked how he was able to come through that. 05:45.505 --> 05:47.486 [SPEAKER_02]: And we're just really transparent people. 05:47.526 --> 05:49.368 [SPEAKER_02]: So we like to just say it like it was. 05:49.608 --> 05:54.791 [SPEAKER_02]: And he was sharing, you know, we got down to no options. 05:55.331 --> 06:00.455 [SPEAKER_02]: But what he failed to share was that he was actually in a state of depression for the first time in his life. 06:01.636 --> 06:03.137 [SPEAKER_02]: And so God gave me 06:04.427 --> 06:10.553 [SPEAKER_02]: Um, I guess an function at that point to rise up and be the wife that he needed at that point. 06:11.313 --> 06:18.760 [SPEAKER_02]: And what be praying and also be taking the lead in trying to figure out what's next as best as I could. 06:19.301 --> 06:28.169 [SPEAKER_02]: And so that didn't tell me looking for a job, looking for a school for the children, looking for what, you know, got it already shown him that. 06:28.689 --> 06:32.311 [SPEAKER_02]: we would open a church in Houston at some point. 06:32.652 --> 06:34.813 [SPEAKER_02]: We didn't know it was going to be that point. 06:35.614 --> 06:36.494 [SPEAKER_02]: Or that way. 06:36.514 --> 06:36.694 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 06:37.014 --> 06:39.116 [SPEAKER_02]: And so when he kind of was 06:40.760 --> 06:45.184 [SPEAKER_02]: halfway praying, I guess, and just trying to figure out in the state of depression. 06:45.204 --> 06:46.064 [SPEAKER_02]: He'd be nice about it. 06:46.084 --> 06:52.670 [SPEAKER_02]: He, you know, he called his dad and asked his dad, you know, and who was our covering at the time. 06:54.551 --> 06:55.472 [SPEAKER_02]: But he thought about it. 06:55.592 --> 06:57.914 [SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, he got the green light to go to Houston. 06:58.294 --> 07:02.458 [SPEAKER_02]: We found a lot of our members that had evacuated to Houston, so we were like, what do we know? 07:03.038 --> 07:03.399 [SPEAKER_02]: church. 07:03.879 --> 07:07.944 [SPEAKER_02]: So wherever our church is, we need to go to them, and we need to corral them. 07:07.964 --> 07:09.005 [SPEAKER_02]: We need to be there for them. 07:09.025 --> 07:10.848 [SPEAKER_02]: We need to serve them wherever they are. 07:10.908 --> 07:12.510 [SPEAKER_02]: And so that's what we did. 07:12.550 --> 07:19.438 [SPEAKER_02]: We went, we left Atlanta and drove to Houston and started our church up in a hotel. 07:21.260 --> 07:46.852 [SPEAKER_02]: you know we're able to minister to our people that was the main thing and that's the thing that we our foundation is built on ministry and not church so we want to make sure that we meet the needs of the whole man that's our vision and so it's not just it's not just the spiritual it's not just feeding them the word but being there in the natural as well so I was in female lines with our members we were you know I was helping them go stand there and get the water 07:49.153 --> 07:52.218 [SPEAKER_02]: And so if that was ministry at the time that we really needed it. 07:52.278 --> 08:03.136 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and I'm happy you made that differentiation because I think a lot of people don't even really understand the difference between ministry and church and it is too entirely different than it is entirely entirely. 08:03.596 --> 08:03.837 [SPEAKER_02]: It is. 08:04.217 --> 08:05.198 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, for sure. 08:05.218 --> 08:27.074 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, I want to talk about this, and the reason I asked you specifically what did that cover and look like, because when I was researching you guys to do this interview, I thought about Joe and the fact that everything was taken from Joe and he had nothing and his wife on other hand was your strength, her lamp does not go out in night. 08:32.258 --> 08:36.184 [SPEAKER_01]: Listen, and again, y'all know I'm a pastor, so I talk a lot. 08:38.827 --> 08:42.852 [SPEAKER_01]: I think God for having a wife that is strong enough to lead. 08:43.313 --> 08:49.942 [SPEAKER_01]: I was just saying that your husband, a king does not need a weak woman, because there are times that kings get into battles. 08:50.753 --> 08:53.754 [SPEAKER_01]: that they have to lean on the strength of their wives. 08:54.754 --> 08:57.055 [SPEAKER_01]: I was in a place where I could not make decisions. 08:57.975 --> 09:02.596 [SPEAKER_01]: My wife stepped in took the leadership and steered us. 09:03.436 --> 09:04.897 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm forever grateful for that. 09:06.017 --> 09:07.378 [SPEAKER_01]: But ever grateful for that. 09:07.858 --> 09:08.978 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah. 09:09.758 --> 09:14.920 [SPEAKER_03]: Let me ask you this because I've heard that you've been called the wounded killer. 09:14.940 --> 09:15.260 [SPEAKER_03]: All right. 09:17.087 --> 09:19.589 [SPEAKER_03]: Where did that come from? 09:19.609 --> 09:30.458 [SPEAKER_02]: So as a child, I don't like to say victim, but a survivor of child abuse, molestation, my family members. 09:31.339 --> 09:34.701 [SPEAKER_02]: And God has taken that. 09:34.881 --> 09:36.923 [SPEAKER_02]: And I think we kind of touched on it a little bit earlier. 09:37.503 --> 09:40.166 [SPEAKER_02]: Taken that misery and made it my ministry. 09:40.746 --> 09:51.554 [SPEAKER_02]: And so, because I've gone through that process and got healed me from that process, he took that and he worked it into my purpose. 09:51.574 --> 09:55.817 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, the word talks about all things work together for good to them that love the Lord. 09:56.398 --> 10:02.402 [SPEAKER_02]: And of course, I didn't know at that time what that meant until I started to see. 10:03.443 --> 10:07.785 [SPEAKER_02]: how things started to unfold because of what I've gone through. 10:08.286 --> 10:11.387 [SPEAKER_02]: And so that title just kind of fell in my lap. 10:11.607 --> 10:15.309 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, but let me ask you this, because you are a healer. 10:15.389 --> 10:23.373 [SPEAKER_03]: So do you feel like they're healing capacity, caused you to lean in and although a completely different situation in scenario, 10:23.733 --> 10:29.220 [SPEAKER_03]: that healing allowed you to be a strong support system for him. 10:29.741 --> 10:30.382 [SPEAKER_02]: I think so. 10:31.023 --> 10:39.373 [SPEAKER_02]: And aside from my strength that I gained from and the healing that I went through because of the abuse, I'm also a nurse. 10:40.034 --> 10:44.516 [SPEAKER_02]: And so that part of me is both of it working together. 10:44.576 --> 10:53.960 [SPEAKER_02]: All of it working together made me that person that, okay, I want to make sure that I bring healing even to my own husband and healing to whatever situation that we're in. 10:54.361 --> 10:55.641 [SPEAKER_02]: So at that time, yes. 10:56.201 --> 11:03.164 [SPEAKER_02]: I think that helped us help him go through that period of time that he was going through. 11:03.505 --> 11:06.366 [SPEAKER_03]: For sure, when did you stop seeing your healing as a wound 11:09.430 --> 11:14.091 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, it was God opened the door. 11:17.011 --> 11:19.412 [SPEAKER_02]: It was a time where we had a conference. 11:19.472 --> 11:21.252 [SPEAKER_02]: It was called the Father Daughter Talk Conference. 11:21.272 --> 11:24.153 [SPEAKER_01]: Like our swim, swimming, swimming and ministry. 11:25.073 --> 11:27.413 [SPEAKER_02]: And it was, you know, a lot of women there. 11:27.573 --> 11:30.974 [SPEAKER_02]: And God just, he wanted me to speak at the conference. 11:31.694 --> 11:36.155 [SPEAKER_02]: And that was the first time that I was able to share my testimony 11:38.902 --> 11:43.044 [SPEAKER_02]: and sharing it boldly and having the grace of God on me. 11:43.724 --> 11:50.747 [SPEAKER_02]: But the powerful part of that was when I finished telling my story and teaching using my story. 11:52.634 --> 11:57.276 [SPEAKER_02]: The altar was filled with women that had gone through what had gone through. 11:58.296 --> 12:12.101 [SPEAKER_02]: And so it was an eye-opening experience to me at that moment because I recognized that God had used all of that to bring healing to these women. 12:12.581 --> 12:12.941 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 12:13.462 --> 12:19.964 [SPEAKER_02]: and the women were like, they were surprised because looking at me, they wouldn't think that that I would have gone through something like that. 12:20.504 --> 12:32.707 [SPEAKER_02]: So for me to actually speak and say, this is what I went through and it was mind-blowing for them enough for them to come to the altar to say, okay, what can I do to get through this process? 12:33.348 --> 12:40.770 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I recognize them that that was God taking that wound and opening a door for me to 12:43.388 --> 12:45.629 [SPEAKER_03]: that's beautiful, that's beautiful. 12:46.029 --> 12:52.771 [SPEAKER_03]: Most people, they want purpose, but they don't want pain, they don't want the pain associated with it. 12:52.791 --> 12:57.172 [SPEAKER_03]: And I don't have to say that's such a danger, a short cut, you know, what do you agree? 12:57.352 --> 12:57.812 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 12:58.352 --> 13:00.353 [SPEAKER_02]: And I tell people all the time, I would never, 13:01.973 --> 13:17.122 [SPEAKER_02]: It sounds crazy, and as miserable as I was, and as suicidal as I was during those years, I would never change it for anything in the world now, just because I saw how God has taken it, and worked it from my purpose, and worked it from ministry. 13:17.782 --> 13:20.264 [SPEAKER_02]: And it's just rewarding and ablusting. 13:20.804 --> 13:27.428 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, I'm going a little to this side really quickly, because as we talk about purpose, I think that's one of the things 13:33.132 --> 13:44.178 [SPEAKER_03]: Unfortunately, I think a lot of people pass away without fully living in the abundance of who got his call of them to be and walking in their true divine purpose. 13:44.979 --> 13:54.164 [SPEAKER_03]: Do you feel as though, or what did you say to the listeners that's listened, that's trying to identify that purpose, they may have pain, and how is it that they can identify? 13:54.184 --> 13:56.205 [SPEAKER_03]: It's God using this pain, because we all say, 13:56.545 --> 14:11.277 [SPEAKER_03]: God, we turned it around from my good, you know, but when you're in a season of darkness, it doesn't really seem that easy and that doesn't feel good to even think that, okay, well why does this have to happen to me? 14:11.617 --> 14:12.177 [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I'm saying? 14:12.197 --> 14:13.418 [SPEAKER_03]: Let us know why the girls go through it. 14:13.478 --> 14:14.399 [SPEAKER_03]: I got to have been through it. 14:14.759 --> 14:16.100 [SPEAKER_03]: What would you say to that person? 14:16.160 --> 14:18.602 [SPEAKER_03]: But then also the person is really trying to identify. 14:18.642 --> 14:20.604 [SPEAKER_03]: How do I find my purpose in the midst of it all? 14:21.384 --> 14:22.645 [SPEAKER_01]: I think, um, 14:26.983 --> 14:31.428 [SPEAKER_01]: as you put it, is relative. 14:32.249 --> 14:33.990 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that's what I've come to discover. 14:34.571 --> 14:38.275 [SPEAKER_01]: Some of the most painful seasons of my life. 14:41.078 --> 14:49.226 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, where I was just, where I've just really been broken by life, by circumstances, by emotions. 14:51.783 --> 15:05.151 [SPEAKER_01]: When I look back on it, they have simultaneously been some of the most fruitful and productive seasons in terms of what flows out of me and produces life and others. 15:05.911 --> 15:16.257 [SPEAKER_01]: So everything that I know that God now uses in me to produce life and others comes from those broken moments. 15:17.605 --> 15:25.513 [SPEAKER_01]: If I had never gone through a Katrina where I lost everything, I wouldn't relate to probably 60% of the people I'm currently able to connect with. 15:25.753 --> 15:26.093 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 15:27.575 --> 15:34.241 [SPEAKER_01]: Um, if I had never gone through all of the things I went through as a young man, I would not relate to most people. 15:34.361 --> 15:38.225 [SPEAKER_01]: So, pain is relative and I think what we look at as pain. 15:40.179 --> 15:44.504 [SPEAKER_01]: is really just the part of preparation in God's eyes. 15:45.285 --> 15:49.670 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, I think at some point we have to 15:51.658 --> 16:05.546 [SPEAKER_01]: as best we can divorce ourselves from our own perspective of our circumstances, and we have to, like, joke, sit in, it's set with it, feel it, but wait, because it's not going in this way. 16:06.026 --> 16:08.267 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I think that's my resolve now. 16:09.028 --> 16:13.510 [SPEAKER_01]: And to anybody that's in a season where, you're like, what is your purpose? 16:13.550 --> 16:14.391 [SPEAKER_01]: What is the purpose? 16:14.431 --> 16:15.952 [SPEAKER_01]: What is why am I going through this? 16:15.992 --> 16:20.294 [SPEAKER_01]: The why is the why question is irrelevant? 16:21.715 --> 16:23.576 [SPEAKER_01]: He's probably not even going to answer you. 16:24.756 --> 16:27.838 [SPEAKER_01]: The question really is, what are you producing in me through this? 16:28.498 --> 16:31.479 [SPEAKER_01]: With tears rolling down your eyes, with your heart broken. 16:31.499 --> 16:33.881 [SPEAKER_01]: God, what are you producing? 16:33.901 --> 16:34.741 [SPEAKER_01]: What are you doing here? 16:35.517 --> 17:00.525 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think when you start paying attention, you realize that, wow, you're in one of the most crushing seasons of your life, there's simultaneously released in your grace to minister to others that, wow, well, you think you're in the gut or you're pulling people up at the same time when I was in that depression and she had found that place for us to gather with our people. 17:01.912 --> 17:04.894 [SPEAKER_01]: I was going to church every Sunday, completely depressed. 17:05.795 --> 17:08.497 [SPEAKER_01]: But I was saving the lives of people. 17:08.577 --> 17:14.202 [SPEAKER_01]: I was building their faith and he would tell me how, I don't know how, I couldn't make it if I didn't have my pastor. 17:15.643 --> 17:22.188 [SPEAKER_01]: And at the same time, I'm going home, pulling the drapes and I'm pulling the cover over my head because I'm in complete depression. 17:22.628 --> 17:24.410 [SPEAKER_01]: It's like the more God broke me. 17:25.457 --> 17:28.458 [SPEAKER_01]: The more God flows through me, right? 17:28.638 --> 17:31.799 [SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes we want to be used by God, but we don't want the breaking. 17:32.839 --> 17:35.520 [SPEAKER_01]: And that was a revelation I got in Israel one year. 17:36.340 --> 17:44.803 [SPEAKER_01]: When I really went to an oil press and olive press, and I saw that stone literally crushes that. 17:44.923 --> 17:46.063 [SPEAKER_01]: Everybody wants the anointing. 17:46.524 --> 17:47.644 [SPEAKER_01]: Everybody wants the crushing. 17:47.664 --> 17:50.585 [SPEAKER_01]: There's a real crushing, and that crushing is the pain. 17:51.585 --> 17:53.326 [SPEAKER_01]: And we look at, we look at, 17:55.262 --> 17:57.803 [SPEAKER_01]: We look at the pain, but the product is the thing. 17:58.284 --> 17:59.984 [SPEAKER_01]: It's what comes from it, you know. 18:00.645 --> 18:01.925 [SPEAKER_01]: I hope I answered your question. 18:01.945 --> 18:02.486 [SPEAKER_03]: No, you did. 18:02.526 --> 18:05.187 [SPEAKER_03]: How did you find that shrimp to still show up every day, though? 18:05.907 --> 18:06.928 [SPEAKER_01]: I knew it, God. 18:08.670 --> 18:13.332 [SPEAKER_01]: I know God's plan for my life, I know what God told me to do. 18:14.552 --> 18:20.115 [SPEAKER_01]: Many days the circumstances don't, like we were talking before, you know what God is told you to do. 18:20.975 --> 18:24.296 [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't tell you that the circumstances would produce this in this in this. 18:24.857 --> 18:36.662 [SPEAKER_01]: But every day you wake up, you say yes to God, no matter what the circumstances, no matter what the weather, no matter what it looks like, our feels like it's very seldom going 18:38.799 --> 18:41.720 [SPEAKER_01]: But I'm gonna be present, and I'm gonna give it my best. 18:42.200 --> 18:42.680 [SPEAKER_03]: Absolutely. 18:42.760 --> 18:48.281 [SPEAKER_01]: And if God comes back right now, I'm gonna be found in obedience to what you last told me to do. 18:48.381 --> 18:48.641 [SPEAKER_01]: Right. 18:50.361 --> 18:51.301 [SPEAKER_01]: I leave the rest of him. 18:51.782 --> 18:53.382 [SPEAKER_01]: I'll be him and I leave the rest of him. 18:53.902 --> 18:54.862 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 18:55.342 --> 18:58.983 [SPEAKER_03]: Does that look like bleeding on that inside, but performing on the outside? 18:59.063 --> 19:01.023 [SPEAKER_03]: Cause we know we have a destiny to fulfill. 19:01.203 --> 19:02.804 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, absolutely. 19:03.784 --> 19:03.964 [UNKNOWN]: Yeah. 19:04.630 --> 19:25.674 [SPEAKER_01]: at least for me it does because a lot of days I'm hurting on the inside but I'm showing up and I'm doing what God has told me to do and I think that's you know that's power for the course when you start talking about living your life, walking by faith, living your life and obedience to God. 19:26.614 --> 19:28.495 [SPEAKER_01]: Circumstances are not going to be ideal. 19:29.095 --> 19:29.735 [SPEAKER_01]: They're just not. 19:30.432 --> 19:35.715 [SPEAKER_01]: It've never been, not for me at least, got to never be, never given me like ideal circumstances. 19:36.155 --> 19:38.376 [SPEAKER_01]: I've always had to walk it out, you know? 19:38.497 --> 19:41.658 [SPEAKER_01]: I've had to trust him when I couldn't see what he was doing. 19:42.079 --> 19:43.119 [SPEAKER_01]: I understand why. 19:43.139 --> 19:48.102 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, sometimes people's pain opposed to it being in its experience. 19:48.122 --> 19:51.484 [SPEAKER_03]: They allow it to transform and become their identity. 19:51.624 --> 19:54.746 [SPEAKER_03]: Ooh, how is it that they can break free from that? 19:55.066 --> 19:56.406 [SPEAKER_03]: And what would you say to those people? 19:59.070 --> 20:01.531 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, we had to go ahead. 20:01.671 --> 20:15.553 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, we all have the choice to either allow the circumstances, the situations of our lives, the either define us or they propel us. 20:16.514 --> 20:26.576 [SPEAKER_01]: And for me, I choose to rather than stand recently we were in Italy and I had the opportunity to baptize 20:28.978 --> 20:33.151 [SPEAKER_01]: And the waves were coming, you know, I was trying to get, I don't like live by this war. 20:33.211 --> 20:35.137 [SPEAKER_01]: But waves were coming. 20:35.619 --> 20:35.719 [SPEAKER_01]: And 20:36.478 --> 20:46.685 [SPEAKER_01]: And I could feel the waves trying to knock me over, you know, and so I baptize her as quickly as I could. 20:46.705 --> 20:47.745 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's get out of here, you know. 20:48.506 --> 20:53.589 [SPEAKER_01]: So I think the circumstances of life are like waves. 20:53.609 --> 20:59.613 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I have to stand in it, you let it in and date you take you over and drown you and it becomes your identity. 21:00.354 --> 21:04.937 [SPEAKER_01]: Are you surf it and you allow it to bring you to the next place, you know. 21:05.537 --> 21:13.300 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, for me, I've learned to take all of the waves of pain and circumstances that were not ideal. 21:13.900 --> 21:18.921 [SPEAKER_01]: And I've learned to get above them and surf it, and not allow it to become my identity. 21:18.941 --> 21:24.403 [SPEAKER_01]: But it rather becomes a means whereby I'm now able to relate to people. 21:25.464 --> 21:27.484 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not something for me to get buried in. 21:27.564 --> 21:29.085 [SPEAKER_01]: It's something to connect me to. 21:30.125 --> 21:38.109 [SPEAKER_01]: people that are otherwise would not be able to relate to, because you know, I'm a black man that comes from a two-parent home. 21:38.469 --> 21:38.869 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 21:39.049 --> 21:41.370 [SPEAKER_01]: I had a great father, a great mother. 21:41.610 --> 21:41.991 [SPEAKER_00]: Wow. 21:42.471 --> 21:45.952 [SPEAKER_01]: Uh, wasn't until Katrina 40 is old that I have a new control was. 21:46.293 --> 21:49.814 [SPEAKER_01]: So I've been a pretty much a sheltered man for a long time. 21:50.915 --> 21:53.036 [SPEAKER_01]: But the last 20 some years, 21:54.225 --> 22:00.890 [SPEAKER_01]: this pain has given me the capacity to relate to people that I could not relate to prior. 22:02.091 --> 22:13.819 [SPEAKER_01]: And so I don't, I don't stand in it, I don't bury myself in it, I serve it and I allow God to use it and I'm able to be transparent about it, I don't, I don't have this image up hold. 22:13.839 --> 22:14.459 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 22:14.780 --> 22:18.903 [SPEAKER_01]: I am who I am, you know, and so it, it makes me relatable. 22:19.507 --> 22:35.316 [SPEAKER_02]: Wow, and it makes ministry a lot easier, even though we don't want to go through those things because we've gone through and because we can empathize now, not just sympathize but empathize because we feel that, we felt it. 22:35.756 --> 22:46.363 [SPEAKER_02]: Then it, then it, the, the draw of the people and the the ability to help other people become so much more easy and so much more powerful because now they see 22:47.044 --> 22:47.747 [SPEAKER_02]: that were real. 22:48.269 --> 22:51.644 [SPEAKER_02]: And people can believe you when they've seen you go through it. 22:53.375 --> 22:57.118 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, because sometimes so many people are such high pedestals. 22:57.218 --> 22:58.460 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, yeah. 22:58.820 --> 23:01.142 [SPEAKER_02]: They don't believe like, oh, you've never been through anything. 23:01.182 --> 23:01.903 [SPEAKER_02]: You don't know. 23:01.983 --> 23:03.965 [SPEAKER_02]: You have no idea what I'm dealing with. 23:04.285 --> 23:05.586 [SPEAKER_02]: We get those kind of stories. 23:05.666 --> 23:15.275 [SPEAKER_02]: And so the transparency really helps us to shift their thought and their mentality that we can understand. 23:16.256 --> 23:17.917 [SPEAKER_02]: But back to your identity question. 23:19.138 --> 23:19.438 [SPEAKER_02]: For me. 23:20.700 --> 23:33.358 [SPEAKER_02]: That's been a struggle, that has been a struggle in my life where I not really took the pain, but the pain or the abuse or what I went through. 23:35.302 --> 23:44.570 [SPEAKER_02]: made myself worth so low that I had to learn about who I really am through the Word of God. 23:45.871 --> 23:54.038 [SPEAKER_02]: And it was the Word of God that started to change my perspective, but not only learning it, but actually believing it. 23:54.658 --> 23:56.080 [SPEAKER_02]: And that's been the hard part. 23:56.580 --> 24:03.087 [SPEAKER_02]: And so in order for me to have to believe it, I have to constantly tell myself what the word says. 24:03.608 --> 24:05.029 [SPEAKER_02]: Tell myself that I'm enough. 24:05.129 --> 24:07.432 [SPEAKER_02]: Tell myself that I'm fiercely and wonderfully made. 24:07.852 --> 24:09.795 [SPEAKER_02]: And that helps me to continue to... 24:11.148 --> 24:25.395 [SPEAKER_02]: build my identity and the way God had really designed me to be and not be that abuse little girl and that's you know Little girl that wasn't worth anything that's what I thought you know those kind of things Yeah, I want to touch on something you said that's very pivotal 24:26.535 --> 24:35.959 [SPEAKER_03]: And very important because sometimes we can tell ourselves who we are, but the belief in who we are is an entirely different thing. 24:36.140 --> 24:45.864 [SPEAKER_03]: You can put affirmations on your mirror every morning and say, I am beautiful, I am confident, and I am all these things, but when you don't feel them, and you don't ensue them. 24:46.464 --> 24:48.866 [SPEAKER_03]: It can be an entirely different thing. 24:49.006 --> 24:56.590 [SPEAKER_03]: How did you get to the place where I know you said by reading scripture, but where you actually built that transformation? 24:57.231 --> 25:00.312 [SPEAKER_02]: I think the transformations, a couple of things. 25:01.073 --> 25:02.414 [SPEAKER_02]: I have an amazing husband. 25:03.594 --> 25:06.696 [SPEAKER_03]: And I love how you guys edited him. 25:06.836 --> 25:11.739 [SPEAKER_02]: He's been so instrumental in the woman that I am now. 25:16.900 --> 25:32.844 [SPEAKER_02]: to help with my healing, and to help me come in to become the woman that I'm becoming still becoming, and his confidence in me, and who he saw, he didn't see that broken little girl. 25:33.245 --> 25:38.066 [SPEAKER_02]: He saw who God created me to be, and because he saw that, he pushed me. 25:38.895 --> 25:53.983 [SPEAKER_02]: was always gentle nudges into who I am and encouraged me and supported me and affirmed me, validated me, all of those things that really just helped me to kind of believe who God said I am. 25:55.564 --> 26:02.706 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, just the applause, just like, good job, those things that help me to say, okay, so I am fearful of it. 26:02.786 --> 26:03.547 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, that's right. 26:04.147 --> 26:05.087 [SPEAKER_02]: That seems to be right. 26:05.447 --> 26:10.329 [SPEAKER_02]: So that was a major, that's been a major factor in... 26:11.815 --> 26:15.479 [SPEAKER_02]: changing and believing who God said I am major. 26:15.639 --> 26:18.102 [SPEAKER_03]: I love that you guys helped each other with your love. 26:18.162 --> 26:19.443 [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely. 26:19.503 --> 26:23.748 [SPEAKER_03]: I think it's so amazing because Mary's truly is a sanctification. 26:23.768 --> 26:24.148 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 26:24.408 --> 26:26.571 [SPEAKER_03]: And it is as as as as I your job is iron. 26:28.052 --> 26:31.016 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, it's like two to grow with a partner. 26:31.036 --> 26:37.524 [SPEAKER_03]: I look at my husband back there and it's like we're still in the the starting stages. 26:37.604 --> 26:46.995 [SPEAKER_03]: Like we've been married two years, but it's like through these two years, I've seen just as both become, you know, two different individuals and then. 26:47.636 --> 26:49.257 [SPEAKER_03]: who we were prior to. 26:49.277 --> 26:55.779 [SPEAKER_03]: But seeing you guys in the wholeness of what you are right now is truly admirable and amazing. 26:56.259 --> 27:01.942 [SPEAKER_03]: And not to get go to the side, but do we're just because our highly of him that just seeing it is just. 27:02.662 --> 27:03.483 [SPEAKER_03]: Just phenomenal. 27:03.543 --> 27:04.763 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 27:05.144 --> 27:11.028 [SPEAKER_02]: And that's why I encourage women just don't, and we live it off the topic because we deal with empowering women. 27:12.228 --> 27:17.312 [SPEAKER_02]: And we talk about, don't be so in a hurry or so desperate for a man. 27:18.012 --> 27:22.173 [SPEAKER_02]: that you don't wait on the man that God has for you because it's so important in every way. 27:22.293 --> 27:30.675 [SPEAKER_02]: Like you said, with your husband in the two years you've been married, you see the change in both of you because God puts you together on purpose for purpose. 27:30.895 --> 27:35.436 [SPEAKER_02]: And so there is going to be some change and just because he's bringing you into oneness. 27:37.712 --> 27:40.434 [SPEAKER_02]: And so, you know, we have to do some, we have to be knowledgeable. 27:40.474 --> 27:45.617 [SPEAKER_02]: We have to be able to change into the person that he needs us to be to be able to become that one. 27:45.637 --> 27:46.098 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 27:46.258 --> 27:49.220 [SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, it's, it's been a great journey. 27:49.260 --> 27:51.922 [SPEAKER_03]: Hey, y'all look like I was just in so much love. 27:52.002 --> 27:52.702 [SPEAKER_03]: I love it. 27:52.762 --> 27:53.563 [SPEAKER_03]: And a good journey. 27:53.643 --> 27:54.323 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's real. 27:54.503 --> 27:55.844 [SPEAKER_03]: And, and that's why I love it. 27:55.904 --> 27:57.165 [SPEAKER_03]: Because it reminds me of my parents. 27:57.185 --> 28:00.167 [SPEAKER_03]: My parents have been married 42 years. 28:00.347 --> 28:01.388 [SPEAKER_03]: And they love each other. 28:01.408 --> 28:03.830 [SPEAKER_03]: They still date, they still go to the movies and all the things. 28:03.870 --> 28:06.652 [SPEAKER_03]: And I think that sometimes you have people who, 28:07.192 --> 28:16.894 [SPEAKER_03]: although they have a number under their belt, they aren't necessarily happy, so to feel the love, I feel the love between you guys and it's just beautiful to witness. 28:17.234 --> 28:18.054 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, this is what? 28:18.114 --> 28:18.294 [SPEAKER_01]: 31? 28:18.354 --> 28:19.794 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, 31 in October. 28:19.874 --> 28:21.315 [SPEAKER_01]: 31 in October. 28:22.575 --> 28:23.395 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's real. 28:23.975 --> 28:28.136 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I don't want to draw a phone a relationship thing, but it's real. 28:28.396 --> 28:28.636 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 28:29.116 --> 28:32.797 [SPEAKER_01]: We're actually having more fun now than... Yeah, we spent all our time together. 28:33.348 --> 28:39.556 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, there was a time that I would spend half of the year away from home, flying around while she was taking care of the kids. 28:40.677 --> 28:44.863 [SPEAKER_01]: But now that everybody's grown and gone, we spend all of our time. 28:44.883 --> 28:46.945 [SPEAKER_01]: There's no where I go that she's not. 28:47.206 --> 28:47.767 [SPEAKER_03]: I love that. 28:47.807 --> 28:49.208 [SPEAKER_03]: That's exactly how my parents are. 28:49.228 --> 28:50.370 [SPEAKER_03]: That stuff is beautiful. 28:50.510 --> 28:51.251 [SPEAKER_03]: It's beautiful. 28:51.291 --> 28:53.793 [SPEAKER_03]: Okay, so we are going to get married into marriage though. 28:53.833 --> 28:54.774 [SPEAKER_03]: In a few years. 28:54.794 --> 28:57.116 [SPEAKER_03]: So we're going to come back to this conversation. 28:57.176 --> 29:05.142 [SPEAKER_03]: But before we do, I do want to just finish the healing conversation in the healing stages. 29:05.202 --> 29:08.345 [SPEAKER_03]: So you have the father daughter talk, correct? 29:08.365 --> 29:09.586 [SPEAKER_03]: Tell me a little bit about that. 29:11.707 --> 29:18.173 [SPEAKER_01]: As a pastor, years ago, I was just kind of looking at 29:22.902 --> 29:35.774 [SPEAKER_01]: And I realized that the women were making a lot of horrible relational decisions, even for men that are church guys. 29:37.785 --> 29:42.149 [SPEAKER_01]: just making bad decisions, just bad relationships that were not serving them. 29:43.129 --> 29:47.913 [SPEAKER_01]: And I was looking one day, I was looking at a posting. 29:48.273 --> 29:52.397 [SPEAKER_01]: This was when I first started getting involved with social media and I was looking at a posting. 29:52.957 --> 29:53.718 [SPEAKER_01]: And a young woman, 29:54.922 --> 29:57.582 [SPEAKER_01]: who looked up, you know, a lot like your profile. 29:57.602 --> 29:59.463 [SPEAKER_01]: You could tell she was beautiful. 29:59.503 --> 30:00.943 [SPEAKER_01]: You could tell she was well-educated. 30:01.563 --> 30:05.304 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, she just looked like the perfect tost of total package. 30:05.964 --> 30:07.464 [SPEAKER_01]: And she started making this post. 30:07.624 --> 30:11.825 [SPEAKER_01]: And she's saying that late is a, you know, use education, use your connection. 30:11.865 --> 30:14.525 [SPEAKER_01]: She's empowering women to go to the next level. 30:15.165 --> 30:23.627 [SPEAKER_01]: And she says, and if all else fails, she basically says, fall back on your sexuality. 30:25.465 --> 30:39.971 [SPEAKER_01]: as a success strategy, and at this point now being the father of three girls, my soul shook, and Holy Spirit said to me, said, well, she's not had the father daughter talk. 30:41.171 --> 30:43.632 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm now listening to the Holy Spirit, what do you mean by that? 30:44.092 --> 30:52.976 [SPEAKER_01]: She says, no man has really sat around to teach her her value, her worth, how to function in this world, full of men that are nothing but predators. 30:54.802 --> 31:00.187 [SPEAKER_01]: She's not had to father daughter, Taldini says, neither have the women in your church congregation. 31:00.207 --> 31:00.707 [SPEAKER_01]: Wow. 31:01.568 --> 31:04.971 [SPEAKER_01]: So the fathers have not been told that they need to have these conversations. 31:05.751 --> 31:08.253 [SPEAKER_01]: And many of them are not present to have these conversations. 31:08.554 --> 31:13.678 [SPEAKER_01]: So when the natural father is absent, the spiritual father has to subsidize. 31:14.719 --> 31:19.043 [SPEAKER_01]: So I spent a month teaching this thing in the church on Sunday morning is the father daughter talk. 31:19.603 --> 31:21.144 [SPEAKER_01]: Everything your father should have told you. 31:21.745 --> 31:23.126 [SPEAKER_01]: And I thought I was going to be done with it. 31:23.790 --> 31:27.832 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, the father, daughter, talked turned into a whole global movement. 31:28.052 --> 31:28.692 [SPEAKER_03]: Unknown thing. 31:28.772 --> 31:29.072 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 31:29.572 --> 31:30.273 [SPEAKER_03]: It's the oil. 31:30.473 --> 31:30.973 [SPEAKER_01]: It's the oil. 31:31.133 --> 31:35.475 [SPEAKER_01]: Like the young woman that I just told you, it baptized in, in Italy. 31:35.535 --> 31:47.039 [SPEAKER_01]: She flew from Germany to Italy because she knew I was going to be closer for me to baptize her because she views me and her thousands of women all across the world that view me as their spiritual father. 31:47.059 --> 31:51.261 [SPEAKER_01]: Because God has used me to speak the things into the lives of women. 31:52.042 --> 32:02.195 [SPEAKER_01]: that many times we as natural fathers uncomfortable have in these conversations or we grew up here in this idea, girls and mama's job, boys and they're as young. 32:02.696 --> 32:09.144 [SPEAKER_01]: And so women have grown into professionals and everything else, but are still making 32:10.273 --> 32:10.954 [SPEAKER_01]: That is terrible. 32:11.034 --> 32:17.899 [SPEAKER_01]: Horrible decisions because they've not had these conversations and that's the basis of the father-daughter talk. 32:17.959 --> 32:24.764 [SPEAKER_01]: It's where I speak into the lives of women as a father, wood, or should. 32:25.384 --> 32:37.954 [SPEAKER_01]: The things that you need to hear from a man that has no agenda wants nothing from you but to see you succeed and be healthy, that's the basis of the father-daughter talk. 32:38.333 --> 32:42.635 [SPEAKER_03]: What does the father-in-one actually do to a woman's identity and relationships? 32:43.476 --> 33:00.205 [SPEAKER_01]: A father-in-a-women, it allows the world, the father-in-a-women allows the world access to the woman's soul to manipulate and to manage her. 33:01.523 --> 33:06.485 [SPEAKER_01]: desires, her ideas of value, personal value. 33:07.245 --> 33:24.571 [SPEAKER_01]: It allows the world access to the woman's soul to manage her sense of worth, and it distorts her perspective on what a real man, or a healthy man, or a good man actually looks like. 33:25.651 --> 33:29.973 [SPEAKER_01]: It's where the idea of my type flows from. 33:32.229 --> 33:52.379 [SPEAKER_01]: Because when there's a father womb, when a father is not shown up for a daughter, this is true relative to sons as well, but especially in the psychology of a daughter, when a father is not shown up for a daughter, there's a void that some masculine figure has to feel. 33:53.860 --> 33:57.681 [SPEAKER_01]: And so if I don't show up for my daughters, if I don't affirm my daughters, if I don't 33:59.407 --> 34:01.768 [SPEAKER_01]: You're loved and you're cared for and you're protected. 34:03.169 --> 34:05.150 [SPEAKER_01]: And they grew up with this void. 34:05.270 --> 34:17.877 [SPEAKER_01]: Now they enter into the world as grown women, seeking relationships with men, probably without the understanding that what I'm really looking for is another man that fits the profile of my father. 34:18.398 --> 34:21.659 [SPEAKER_01]: So I can finally prove I'm accepted. 34:21.719 --> 34:22.460 [SPEAKER_01]: I was worth it. 34:23.100 --> 34:23.921 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm affirmed. 34:25.081 --> 34:25.662 [SPEAKER_01]: And so it 34:27.811 --> 34:38.575 [SPEAKER_01]: It puts the woman behind the eight ball in terms of relational choices, because she's always searching for affirmation from the man that should have affirmed her. 34:39.336 --> 34:43.317 [SPEAKER_01]: But she's now searching for that man in the form of relationships. 34:43.938 --> 34:47.959 [SPEAKER_01]: And these are usually men that continue to break her and continue to disappoint her. 34:57.460 --> 35:01.402 [SPEAKER_01]: and someone that can nurture and shelter. 35:01.702 --> 35:07.364 [SPEAKER_01]: She says, oh, I like him, but as somebody, I'm just not attracted to. 35:07.844 --> 35:12.126 [SPEAKER_01]: It's because there's this thing operating in her that I call broken consciousness. 35:12.966 --> 35:14.467 [SPEAKER_01]: It's where she doesn't really know who she is. 35:14.507 --> 35:15.527 [SPEAKER_01]: She doesn't see who she is. 35:15.587 --> 35:20.189 [SPEAKER_01]: She's operating from that place that identity of pain that void. 35:20.229 --> 35:21.750 [SPEAKER_01]: She's trying to fill that void. 35:22.410 --> 35:39.835 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I actually was going to ask you for the woman that, you know, chooses unhealthy partners or keeps returning to unhealthy toxic relationships was happening mentally or physically or spiritually that it makes leaving that type of profile so difficult. 35:40.550 --> 35:40.790 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 35:41.251 --> 35:43.692 [SPEAKER_02]: And I think that pretty much sums it up as the father. 35:44.313 --> 35:46.034 [SPEAKER_02]: It's a lot of the times it's the father womb. 35:46.054 --> 35:58.342 [SPEAKER_02]: They didn't have that voice speaking into their lives and a lot of them, like I did, had the abuse instead of the nurturing of a father was actually abused by a father. 35:58.843 --> 36:05.948 [SPEAKER_02]: And so the trust, the security, all of those things have been diminished toward an in view of any man. 36:06.628 --> 36:15.911 [SPEAKER_02]: And so, you know, they continue to go until those relationships and continue to go into those bad making those bad decisions in relationships because of that. 36:16.891 --> 36:21.973 [SPEAKER_03]: What you think is the biggest lie that wounded women tell themselves. 36:22.393 --> 36:23.033 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not enough. 36:25.212 --> 36:36.684 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not enough for anything and that's I think that's one of the biggest lies because you've been made to feel so subordinate and so 36:41.488 --> 37:01.483 [SPEAKER_02]: I guess just really less than anybody else because you've been crushed so much that you continue to tell yourself that lie, that I'm not enough, even when things seem to be going well, that voice still comes, you're not enough, or you're not good enough for that. 37:02.093 --> 37:04.054 [SPEAKER_02]: And so that's a repetitive lie that keeps. 37:05.135 --> 37:07.817 [SPEAKER_01]: I have another that I would add to that. 37:08.677 --> 37:18.444 [SPEAKER_01]: I think one of the biggest lies that I hear that women tell themselves is that happiness is in something or someone outside of me. 37:18.864 --> 37:19.144 [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm. 37:19.704 --> 37:27.569 [SPEAKER_01]: That somehow, some way, if I can get this, if I can have that, if I can be with this person, this is gonna make me happy. 37:27.790 --> 37:28.050 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 37:29.142 --> 37:38.945 [SPEAKER_01]: not understanding that everything you need to be happy, which I view happiness as a synonym to fulfilled is within you. 37:39.045 --> 37:40.426 [SPEAKER_01]: It's between you and God. 37:40.486 --> 37:44.287 [SPEAKER_01]: It's an inside job, and there's no relationship you can get. 37:44.667 --> 37:46.187 [SPEAKER_01]: There's no car you can drive. 37:46.207 --> 37:47.888 [SPEAKER_01]: There's no label you can wear. 37:48.648 --> 37:52.229 [SPEAKER_01]: That's going to make you happy if you don't do that work on the inside of you. 37:52.789 --> 37:57.051 [SPEAKER_01]: As a single, as a whole, single individual. 37:58.518 --> 38:05.105 [SPEAKER_01]: So we have a whole professional women out here who feel like they need a man to be fulfilled or complete. 38:05.426 --> 38:11.472 [SPEAKER_01]: No, you just need God and consciousness to be whole and complete. 38:11.733 --> 38:12.654 [SPEAKER_03]: And to know yourself. 38:12.774 --> 38:18.180 [SPEAKER_01]: Correct, to know yourself, be yourself and surround yourself with people that love you for yourself. 38:18.500 --> 38:18.780 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 38:18.960 --> 38:20.322 [SPEAKER_01]: That's what you need to be complete. 38:21.342 --> 38:28.688 [SPEAKER_02]: And keep those kind of people around you, you know, you don't want voices that external voices trying to diminish who you are. 38:28.729 --> 38:29.309 [SPEAKER_02]: Take advantage. 38:29.349 --> 38:36.636 [SPEAKER_02]: And take advantage of your already vulnerable ability or slow self esteem and all your thoughts that are going through your head. 38:36.656 --> 38:42.842 [SPEAKER_02]: So we're intentional about encouraging women and keeping them up lifted and you know, 38:43.302 --> 38:51.807 [SPEAKER_02]: encourage, you know, speaking life into them, like you were talking about earlier and thanking him for speaking life into you even, because that's, that's necessary for us. 38:52.087 --> 38:52.367 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 38:52.587 --> 38:53.127 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 38:53.547 --> 39:01.712 [SPEAKER_03]: What is that unhilled person look like on a you said that is important for them to identify that in their singleness, but what is an unhilled person look like in a marriage? 39:02.732 --> 39:03.212 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, wow. 39:03.373 --> 39:06.434 [SPEAKER_01]: I think you want to ask it? 39:06.654 --> 39:16.620 [SPEAKER_01]: I think an unhealed person in a marriage looks like someone that is always suspicious of authentic love. 39:17.841 --> 39:24.284 [SPEAKER_01]: Someone that is overly needy and is not comfortable 39:32.121 --> 39:51.434 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that, I think, you know, I think an unhealed person in a marriage looks like someone who is self-centered and lacks the capacity to be able to empathize or give or nurture that he is a her partner's needs. 39:53.535 --> 39:54.536 [SPEAKER_01]: It almost looks like 39:56.381 --> 40:09.450 [SPEAKER_01]: a child being brought to an adult task that, you know, because a marriage, you think about a marriage, a marriage requires, here's the great illustration that we use. 40:10.110 --> 40:14.193 [SPEAKER_01]: A marriage is like a pair of shoes, right? 40:15.214 --> 40:20.978 [SPEAKER_01]: You got to have a whole last shoe, and you got to have a distinctly whole right shoe. 40:22.012 --> 40:24.953 [SPEAKER_01]: Now the left shoe has a firm identity. 40:25.213 --> 40:26.034 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a left shoe. 40:27.074 --> 40:28.494 [SPEAKER_01]: Right shoe has a firm identity. 40:28.534 --> 40:29.275 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a right shoe. 40:30.775 --> 40:34.537 [SPEAKER_01]: An unhealed person in the marriage looks like you open the box of Jordan's. 40:35.097 --> 40:36.737 [SPEAKER_01]: You have a whole left Jordan. 40:37.358 --> 40:39.578 [SPEAKER_01]: But the right is just a soul. 40:39.598 --> 40:41.859 [SPEAKER_01]: There's no shoe. 40:42.239 --> 40:42.919 [SPEAKER_01]: There's no shoe. 40:43.540 --> 40:44.240 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not a pair. 40:45.619 --> 40:48.702 [SPEAKER_01]: until you complete both sides. 40:49.543 --> 40:55.028 [SPEAKER_01]: And so it looks like a pair of shoes where one is just not finished or both are just half done. 40:55.728 --> 40:58.831 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not a pair until both are completely whole. 40:59.412 --> 41:02.354 [SPEAKER_01]: And there are a lot of people who are trying to make whole marriages out of. 41:03.203 --> 41:04.524 [SPEAKER_01]: have done individuality. 41:04.604 --> 41:04.844 [SPEAKER_03]: Wow. 41:04.924 --> 41:06.225 [SPEAKER_03]: Mm-hmm. 41:06.445 --> 41:07.105 [SPEAKER_03]: Break that out. 41:07.625 --> 41:09.526 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I've got to be all of me. 41:09.607 --> 41:14.469 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, like, OK, I'll go to our marriage. 41:14.789 --> 41:17.451 [SPEAKER_01]: Some of my background, people know it all over the world. 41:19.612 --> 41:20.973 [SPEAKER_01]: I was a teenage father. 41:21.633 --> 41:27.136 [SPEAKER_01]: I grew up in a culture where womanizing was that was just a norm. 41:27.176 --> 41:27.936 [SPEAKER_01]: But the norm. 41:33.235 --> 41:36.958 [SPEAKER_01]: and long story short, God calls me to preach. 41:38.820 --> 41:50.889 [SPEAKER_01]: And so now, you know, I'm a lot of things but I'm not a hypocrite, but I'm still struggling with this perverted sexuality in terms of womanizing. 41:51.710 --> 41:52.810 [SPEAKER_01]: And God should call me to preach. 41:52.850 --> 41:53.871 [SPEAKER_01]: It must of me to mistake. 41:54.512 --> 41:55.853 [SPEAKER_01]: You can't be called a me to preach. 41:57.726 --> 42:03.470 [SPEAKER_01]: Long story short, God takes me at a very young age and he brings me into my 20s. 42:03.490 --> 42:06.512 [SPEAKER_01]: He brings me into a consecration. 42:06.612 --> 42:08.053 [SPEAKER_01]: She and I have been dating. 42:10.514 --> 42:13.996 [SPEAKER_01]: And I said to her, I said, I don't think I want to get married. 42:15.637 --> 42:18.679 [SPEAKER_01]: And I said that because God was really doing something in me. 42:20.340 --> 42:21.821 [SPEAKER_01]: God was cleaning my life. 42:23.202 --> 42:25.264 [SPEAKER_01]: God was purging my life. 42:26.208 --> 42:31.412 [SPEAKER_01]: And so she left, when I said, I don't want to be married, she said, okay, and she left, and she went on about her life. 42:31.432 --> 42:35.955 [SPEAKER_01]: She never asked me why, she never called me back, she never begged me to stay. 42:37.200 --> 42:38.841 [SPEAKER_01]: She went, oh, I've got her whole new man. 42:38.861 --> 42:42.003 [SPEAKER_01]: And I was a little broke, preacher trying to figure out. 42:42.463 --> 42:44.304 [SPEAKER_03]: When I tell y'all, y'all are my parents. 42:44.585 --> 42:51.209 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not just saying that because my daddy, my mom would live, went to Alabama and my daddy showed up and I heard her girl in my mouth. 42:51.309 --> 42:52.650 [SPEAKER_03]: OK. Look. 42:52.670 --> 42:54.351 [SPEAKER_03]: But look, OK, back to the story I'm sorry. 42:54.371 --> 42:55.672 [SPEAKER_03]: I'm ready to go now. 42:56.132 --> 42:59.254 [SPEAKER_01]: So she left, but you know, just to add to the story. 43:00.415 --> 43:02.056 [SPEAKER_01]: She left, and she didn't just leave. 43:03.012 --> 43:04.893 [SPEAKER_01]: She went and got a big league baseball player. 43:04.913 --> 43:06.454 [SPEAKER_01]: She couldn't get a minor league player. 43:06.474 --> 43:07.795 [SPEAKER_01]: She got a big league. 43:07.855 --> 43:08.075 [SPEAKER_01]: Angelique. 43:08.195 --> 43:08.955 [SPEAKER_01]: Millionaire. 43:09.275 --> 43:09.756 [SPEAKER_00]: I agree. 43:09.796 --> 43:10.436 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 43:10.536 --> 43:13.017 [SPEAKER_01]: Just do the multi-millionaire, six pack. 43:13.077 --> 43:16.439 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm overweight, not a little broke over the way preacher. 43:18.720 --> 43:23.603 [SPEAKER_01]: But while she was gone, while I was away from her, God cleaned my life up. 43:24.063 --> 43:25.924 [SPEAKER_01]: He's talking like, becoming whole. 43:28.025 --> 43:28.946 [SPEAKER_01]: I couldn't marry her. 43:30.130 --> 43:33.271 [SPEAKER_01]: until I was whole, you know what I'm saying? 43:33.351 --> 43:35.492 [SPEAKER_01]: I had never been faithful to a woman in my life. 43:35.512 --> 43:39.213 [SPEAKER_01]: This is the first woman in my life I've ever been faithful to. 43:39.774 --> 43:40.194 [UNKNOWN]: Amen. 43:40.394 --> 43:42.074 [SPEAKER_01]: I've never desired to be faithful. 43:42.115 --> 43:43.475 [SPEAKER_01]: I never thought it was natural. 43:44.155 --> 43:45.596 [SPEAKER_01]: I never wanted to be faithful. 43:46.556 --> 43:56.460 [SPEAKER_01]: But when I let her go and I have to sit with myself, I got rid of all of these people and God took my life. 43:57.603 --> 44:23.610 [SPEAKER_01]: turned my life upside down, emptied all of that trash out of my heart, and God purge me to a place where when I came to myself, I realized that I let my wife go, now I've got to figure out how as a broke overweight preacher, I'm a low back until this woman, God said you my wife, you've got to lead this me in there, and come over back over to the struggle 44:26.617 --> 44:36.442 [SPEAKER_01]: And I, I, I, I called her and I said, God, tell me you're my wife and long story short, she said, okay. 44:37.423 --> 44:37.983 [SPEAKER_01]: She knew it. 44:38.143 --> 44:38.643 [SPEAKER_01]: She knew it. 44:39.684 --> 44:44.026 [SPEAKER_01]: But I had to become whole as an individual before I could be. 44:44.566 --> 44:44.866 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes. 44:45.647 --> 44:46.567 [SPEAKER_01]: Her husband tour. 44:46.907 --> 44:47.208 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes. 44:48.048 --> 44:48.588 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes. 44:48.608 --> 44:50.949 [SPEAKER_01]: So I've been able to be that because I took 44:54.909 --> 45:04.093 [SPEAKER_02]: if that makes sense and God knew I needed a whole man to continue to help me become the woman, the healed woman, the whole woman. 45:04.553 --> 45:07.774 [SPEAKER_02]: So he needed a whole man to be able to do that. 45:08.474 --> 45:14.937 [SPEAKER_03]: But you're strength to leave because a lot of women 45:15.697 --> 45:20.381 [SPEAKER_03]: when they're in a relationship and a man says, hey, I can't mirror you. 45:20.401 --> 45:21.261 [SPEAKER_03]: They're not leaving. 45:21.301 --> 45:22.863 [SPEAKER_03]: They're just like, oh, they won't. 45:22.883 --> 45:23.783 [SPEAKER_03]: When can we get married? 45:23.883 --> 45:29.128 [SPEAKER_03]: And they will keep clinging to that person because they don't feel like on the outside that they can find somebody else. 45:29.148 --> 45:30.309 [SPEAKER_03]: They don't know they're value. 45:31.238 --> 45:32.859 [SPEAKER_03]: you had an incredible strength. 45:33.259 --> 45:37.322 [SPEAKER_02]: I did, and I think that, I think God just gave that strength to me, actually. 45:38.222 --> 45:41.264 [SPEAKER_02]: I went through what normal women went through. 45:41.344 --> 45:51.410 [SPEAKER_02]: I cried, I was heartbroken, all of that, lock myself in my room, my mom knew, you know, I was torn up because of it, but he never knew and the world never knew. 45:52.190 --> 45:55.711 [SPEAKER_02]: When I came out of that room, I was Lisa, I was fine. 45:55.831 --> 45:57.511 [SPEAKER_02]: I was okay, as far as they were concerned. 45:57.951 --> 46:01.332 [SPEAKER_02]: I was hurting on the inside, but on the outside, I was okay. 46:02.132 --> 46:08.734 [SPEAKER_02]: And I just kept leaning on God and even though the temptation was there to drive by. 46:09.054 --> 46:09.214 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 46:09.394 --> 46:12.575 [SPEAKER_02]: And see, you said, I'm gonna get this millionaire in faith. 46:12.735 --> 46:12.895 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 46:12.935 --> 46:13.995 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna get a good one. 46:14.055 --> 46:15.575 [SPEAKER_02]: I wanted to, at the time, they were like, 46:18.796 --> 46:21.098 [SPEAKER_02]: Trying to figure out what's going on, what are you doing? 46:21.359 --> 46:22.059 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes. 46:22.320 --> 46:23.581 [SPEAKER_02]: I thought every temptation. 46:24.202 --> 46:34.893 [SPEAKER_02]: Because I felt like I wasn't going to be that woman that was going to just bring myself to a place, a low place like that, to chase after a man. 46:35.113 --> 46:38.617 [SPEAKER_02]: I never had that desire to chase a man ever in my life. 46:39.495 --> 46:40.055 [SPEAKER_03]: I love that. 46:40.075 --> 46:41.176 [SPEAKER_03]: I love that. 46:41.436 --> 46:42.157 [SPEAKER_03]: That's remarkable. 46:42.257 --> 46:52.703 [SPEAKER_03]: And also, I want to give Kudos to you, because a lot of men don't have the awareness that they need to heal before they come into union with the woman, so remarkable on both parts. 46:52.844 --> 47:00.308 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I won't even chalk it up to intelligence or even my own awareness. 47:00.769 --> 47:02.810 [SPEAKER_01]: I think all of that was guided by the Holy Spirit. 47:02.930 --> 47:03.490 [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely. 47:03.530 --> 47:04.091 [SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean? 47:08.229 --> 47:10.250 [SPEAKER_01]: be ours in the future. 47:10.350 --> 47:25.238 [SPEAKER_01]: For for the now, and I look back on it now, I realize that God was preparing me, that God had to make me hold because I couldn't go into her life being the man I had been, because I would have then destroyed the best friend I'd have had. 47:25.619 --> 47:28.800 [SPEAKER_01]: She's all she always was my, you know, my best friend. 47:29.501 --> 47:33.143 [SPEAKER_01]: And I, the respect that I had for her wouldn't allow me to break her. 47:34.103 --> 47:34.343 [UNKNOWN]: Yeah. 47:34.964 --> 47:35.224 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 47:36.022 --> 47:38.684 [SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, that motivated by a lot of that. 47:40.345 --> 47:40.645 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 47:41.185 --> 47:47.989 [SPEAKER_03]: If somebody's, I'm smiling from the ear to ear, I think the audience, I hope y'all feel the love that's in the room, but let me ask you this. 47:48.029 --> 47:49.270 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a long time to take you. 47:50.190 --> 48:01.056 [SPEAKER_01]: About a year, we were, we were, and I was just about a year and a half, but when I came back, I was like, you know, she said, yeah, I see what we get married. 48:02.097 --> 48:04.839 [SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, we went to church, 48:06.078 --> 48:12.681 [SPEAKER_01]: And I stood up, I said church, you know, police are right here. 48:12.701 --> 48:15.342 [SPEAKER_01]: That's my wife, we gonna get married. 48:15.802 --> 48:17.823 [SPEAKER_01]: Some people got up and walked out. 48:18.710 --> 48:24.634 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's see, we get married, and your boy's life been changed ever since, so it didn't take me long. 48:25.354 --> 48:38.623 [SPEAKER_02]: I did the okay, and I said, OK, I believe he's a man of God, so he heard God's voice, and I felt like yes, and I still loved him, but I still went to God, and I said, I need you. 48:39.303 --> 48:41.004 [SPEAKER_02]: because your girl is real slow. 48:41.064 --> 48:45.607 [SPEAKER_02]: I need you to really show me that this is, this is, he is really gonna be my husband. 48:45.947 --> 48:53.431 [SPEAKER_02]: And I need you to make it in crayon terms because I really need to know because I don't want to number one, share him with anybody. 48:53.711 --> 48:53.951 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 48:54.532 --> 48:55.512 [SPEAKER_02]: And I don't want to be hurt. 48:56.013 --> 48:56.253 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 48:56.293 --> 48:59.695 [SPEAKER_02]: So I need to know that he is really ready to be my husband. 48:59.795 --> 49:01.676 [SPEAKER_03]: And God showed me how did he reveal it to you? 49:02.148 --> 49:02.949 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, girl. 49:03.209 --> 49:07.793 [SPEAKER_02]: Tell me. 49:07.953 --> 49:21.824 [SPEAKER_02]: I think one of the main things he did was he never would share with me anybody that he'd been with, any woman that he'd been with and or any relationships that he had never told me about them. 49:22.065 --> 49:23.025 [SPEAKER_02]: I just knew he had a lot. 49:23.926 --> 49:26.247 [SPEAKER_02]: And, um, was a lot. 49:26.768 --> 49:35.153 [SPEAKER_02]: And so, you thought when you were on bed, God had him for some reason he came and he said, I have one more thing to do. 49:36.013 --> 49:39.295 [SPEAKER_02]: I have to go talk to this particular person and he named her. 49:40.336 --> 49:51.142 [SPEAKER_02]: And he said, I have to go and talk to her and let her know personally that I'm going to marry you because she said that if he married me, he was going to commit suicide. 49:52.008 --> 49:56.452 [SPEAKER_02]: So he had to go and take care of that himself, but he shared that with me, which is something that he would never do. 49:56.512 --> 49:58.293 [SPEAKER_02]: So I said, God, that's you. 49:58.894 --> 49:59.134 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 49:59.474 --> 50:02.657 [SPEAKER_02]: That is absolutely you, because I mean, he would never have told me anything like that. 50:02.677 --> 50:04.058 [SPEAKER_02]: And he would never name a person. 50:04.399 --> 50:04.679 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 50:04.759 --> 50:05.500 [SPEAKER_02]: So I knew it was God. 50:06.040 --> 50:06.781 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 50:06.981 --> 50:07.281 [SPEAKER_03]: Wow. 50:07.561 --> 50:08.222 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, Markable. 50:08.642 --> 50:11.445 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, I, I hope the other woman did not carry to me. 50:11.465 --> 50:12.065 [SPEAKER_03]: She didn't. 50:12.666 --> 50:13.006 [SPEAKER_01]: She didn't. 50:13.026 --> 50:13.907 [SPEAKER_01]: No, she's fine. 50:14.127 --> 50:14.988 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 50:15.328 --> 50:15.808 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure. 50:16.749 --> 50:17.873 [SPEAKER_03]: Okay, we'll look. 50:17.973 --> 50:22.225 [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know, but I think so. 50:22.305 --> 50:23.027 [SPEAKER_01]: I believe so. 50:25.157 --> 50:28.599 [SPEAKER_03]: No, it's really not bloody, but yes, we believe God. 50:28.659 --> 50:29.639 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, we believe God. 50:30.620 --> 50:41.165 [SPEAKER_03]: So let me ask you this, for somebody who, let's say they're watching this episode and they come to their realization, like I've been operating out of my wounds, where do they start that healing process? 50:42.666 --> 50:47.448 [SPEAKER_03]: What is the first thing that you would say for them to start healing? 50:55.717 --> 51:05.243 [SPEAKER_01]: really recognizing the importance of a personal, number one, a personal fellowship with the Holy Spirit. 51:06.204 --> 51:12.388 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think too often we, you know, we overlook the Holy Spirit. 51:12.408 --> 51:14.709 [SPEAKER_01]: The intimacy, yeah, we overlook that. 51:15.310 --> 51:21.734 [SPEAKER_01]: And we, we almost downplay the importance of intimacy with the Holy Spirit. 51:23.983 --> 51:38.082 [SPEAKER_01]: because Holy Spirit is the one that actually brings the healing to the soul, you know, I think we start with putting everything on the altar before Holy Spirit. 51:38.907 --> 51:47.628 [SPEAKER_01]: learning how to hear him, sitting quietly in his presence, allowing Holy Spirit to pour into your spirit into your soul. 51:48.429 --> 52:04.871 [SPEAKER_01]: Then I think you need to find a great biblical therapist, somebody that is astute in the sciences, but somebody that knows how to apply 52:09.587 --> 52:14.910 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think you also, none of this is sequential other than, I think, Holy Spirit is number one. 52:16.671 --> 52:31.960 [SPEAKER_01]: Then I think you got to look at your circle because a lot of times the trauma that you're constantly looping is being supplied by the people you're surrounded with. 52:33.030 --> 52:58.091 [SPEAKER_01]: I think you've got to look at your circle, thank you, intimacy with Holy Spirit, finding yourself an amazing therapist's counselor, emptying your circle if you don't have anybody that pours life into you, emptying your circle and allowing God to rebuild your circle and then allowing through the whole process, allowing the Holy Spirit and your therapist 52:59.405 --> 53:05.586 [SPEAKER_01]: console a pastor to help you to redevelop a design for your life moving forward. 53:06.487 --> 53:14.208 [SPEAKER_01]: Because the blueprint that you've lived by is not the one that's going to take you into the future. 53:14.228 --> 53:21.290 [SPEAKER_01]: And coming to terms with the fact that you have to find wholeness, you have to find fulfillment and happiness. 53:22.283 --> 53:28.167 [SPEAKER_01]: as an individual in the hands of God, I think that's where I would start. 53:28.387 --> 53:38.534 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I think the question you asked when somebody recognizes that there have been operating from a place of woundedness. 53:39.375 --> 54:03.183 [SPEAKER_02]: That's the first step is that they acknowledge and they recognize that they have been operating in this manner and so that's that that's that first step is the acknowledgement and then you know of course everything that he said Holy Spirit will help to start guiding you into that healing and in addition to what he said I think having not only the community but having somebody in your life 54:03.903 --> 54:14.316 [SPEAKER_02]: that I think like, for example, when you deal with alcoholics, they say, they acknowledge I'm an alcoholic, they go through their program and all of that, but they have what's called a sponsor. 54:15.017 --> 54:19.182 [SPEAKER_02]: And so when they feel those times of weakness or those times of, 54:19.822 --> 54:38.588 [SPEAKER_02]: insecurities or whatever times that we go through as wounded people you have somebody that you can call and say well I just feel this way or I just feel that way because you don't necessarily have 24 hours access to your therapist you go to your therapist once a week or whatever it is right but to have somebody that you can actually reach out to. 54:39.649 --> 54:39.869 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 54:40.629 --> 54:41.309 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah for sure. 54:41.489 --> 54:42.009 [SPEAKER_01]: Community. 54:42.170 --> 54:42.510 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 54:44.041 --> 54:44.161 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 54:44.181 --> 54:47.384 [SPEAKER_03]: All right, so I thought you guys were going to come back to the marriage conversation. 54:47.664 --> 54:48.044 [SPEAKER_03]: Okay. 54:48.084 --> 54:48.224 [SPEAKER_03]: Okay. 54:48.405 --> 54:49.325 [SPEAKER_03]: So let's go to it. 54:49.606 --> 54:49.926 [SPEAKER_03]: Okay. 54:50.006 --> 54:58.193 [SPEAKER_03]: So you guys built your marriage ministry off of the principle that marriages should be happy and so many words, right? 54:58.213 --> 55:03.097 [SPEAKER_03]: Why do you think that happy marriages are so taboo in today's culture? 55:05.673 --> 55:11.641 [SPEAKER_01]: I think there, I think Happy Marriage is a taboo in today's culture because we see so few of them. 55:11.661 --> 55:12.442 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 55:12.702 --> 55:13.283 [SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean? 55:13.343 --> 55:15.246 [SPEAKER_01]: It's like people don't believe it's possible. 55:15.626 --> 55:15.846 [SPEAKER_01]: Right. 55:16.227 --> 55:23.777 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think we see so few of them because so few people have really married properly. 55:24.819 --> 55:32.184 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, we're marrying a tight, we're marrying what the Instagram people say, this kind of woman I need, this kind of man. 55:32.824 --> 55:37.727 [SPEAKER_01]: Very few people are really marrying under the auspices of Holy Spirit. 55:38.587 --> 55:41.569 [SPEAKER_01]: And very few people are equally yoked even in the church. 55:41.889 --> 55:43.430 [SPEAKER_01]: Very few people are equally yoked. 55:44.287 --> 55:51.071 [SPEAKER_01]: And then, uh, in the church, in church culture, and I make a distinction between church culture and kingdom. 55:51.532 --> 55:51.892 [SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm. 55:51.912 --> 55:52.933 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't like church culture. 55:53.113 --> 55:53.633 [SPEAKER_01]: I really don't. 55:53.933 --> 55:56.955 [SPEAKER_01]: Though I've, I've passed a church that I was born in. 55:57.155 --> 55:57.656 [SPEAKER_03]: Come on. 55:57.736 --> 56:00.958 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm 61 years old and I've been in the same church all my life. 56:01.398 --> 56:02.519 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't like church culture. 56:03.439 --> 56:10.782 [SPEAKER_01]: because church culture is judgmental, it's unproductive, that it does not fulfill the mission of Christ to reach the world. 56:11.242 --> 56:18.084 [SPEAKER_01]: It's just a demonic club of religious people that gather once a twice a week to, you know, 56:18.753 --> 56:21.437 [SPEAKER_03]: And don't even operate out of the fruit of this spirit. 56:21.457 --> 56:23.400 [SPEAKER_03]: Don't even operate out of the fruit of the spirit. 56:23.420 --> 56:24.020 [SPEAKER_03]: That's not. 56:25.222 --> 56:26.043 [SPEAKER_01]: And so I like that's it. 56:26.063 --> 56:26.944 [SPEAKER_01]: I have to go out and see it. 56:28.346 --> 56:35.516 [SPEAKER_01]: But we, you know, we see, we, we, we, we, we, when you think about church culture, it's like, 56:36.765 --> 56:38.267 [SPEAKER_01]: even in church people almost teach. 56:39.209 --> 56:41.091 [SPEAKER_01]: Marriage is not to be happy. 56:41.112 --> 56:41.632 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 56:42.073 --> 56:43.475 [SPEAKER_03]: Now it's very production. 56:43.595 --> 56:45.438 [SPEAKER_03]: Listen, there was somebody in the comments. 56:45.478 --> 56:47.881 [SPEAKER_03]: I don't mean to cut you off, but there was somebody in the comments. 56:48.703 --> 56:51.306 [SPEAKER_03]: I have recently done an episode and a lady. 56:51.727 --> 57:00.450 [SPEAKER_03]: had unfortunately got divorced, but somebody had a message in a comment, she's so selfish, it was never meant to be happy. 57:00.630 --> 57:07.813 [SPEAKER_03]: And for me, it just was mind-boggling for me because it's like, do you wanna spend the rest of your life in change? 57:07.833 --> 57:08.193 [SPEAKER_03]: Nobody. 57:08.393 --> 57:08.713 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes. 57:09.253 --> 57:10.193 [SPEAKER_03]: What is that? 57:10.233 --> 57:12.594 [SPEAKER_01]: It's insane. 57:13.094 --> 57:13.955 [SPEAKER_01]: That's not Bible. 57:14.195 --> 57:20.117 [SPEAKER_01]: Now, when you think about the original marriage in the book of Genesis, was the Indian happiness in that garden? 57:20.177 --> 57:20.317 [SPEAKER_02]: No. 57:20.880 --> 57:24.181 [SPEAKER_01]: There was not unhappiness in that garden until it disobeyed God. 57:24.261 --> 57:28.942 [SPEAKER_01]: So the original context of marriage was bliss, right? 57:29.002 --> 57:48.087 [SPEAKER_01]: He tells, he tells, and he says, go and live with the wife of that, you, you know, happy and joyful with the wife of that, you marriage is an institution when done properly, when done under the auspices of God, is an institution where the two pleas, one another, 57:49.227 --> 57:50.048 [SPEAKER_01]: There is happiness. 57:50.108 --> 57:53.130 [SPEAKER_01]: Now it doesn't mean that you're gonna have all great days. 57:53.370 --> 58:04.517 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, it doesn't mean that Because I want to be around this one the 247 even when I don't like her even when we you know have disagreements and we do have our disagreements But I often make the statement. 58:04.557 --> 58:13.503 [SPEAKER_01]: I'd rather be with her man than to be with somebody else glad because that's my person But I'm happy and marriage is designed to be happy 58:14.695 --> 58:36.836 [SPEAKER_01]: And when people understand that, and when people realize that it's, you know, the institution of marriage was not designed by God for us to be struggling and fighting and complaining and grumbling and gripping, I think it's then that, you know, people are going to see marriage from a kingdom perspective as opposed to that church culture thing. 58:37.056 --> 58:38.037 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 58:38.217 --> 58:45.462 [SPEAKER_02]: And then you even have the aspect where you have so much pressure, you know, women have that pressure on them. 58:45.482 --> 58:47.524 [SPEAKER_02]: You have to get married because you have to have children. 58:47.544 --> 58:49.585 [SPEAKER_02]: You need to just go, just go get married. 58:49.645 --> 58:50.646 [SPEAKER_02]: Just marry whoever. 58:50.966 --> 58:54.169 [SPEAKER_02]: So you can have children because you're getting older and all of these things. 58:54.809 --> 58:57.571 [SPEAKER_02]: And so they're not really necessarily happy with the the man. 58:57.992 --> 59:01.074 [SPEAKER_02]: But because they're top biological clock is ticking. 59:01.454 --> 59:01.794 [SPEAKER_02]: They just, 59:02.595 --> 59:06.918 [SPEAKER_02]: They take that man as their husband and, you know, just so they could have a child. 59:07.258 --> 59:16.263 [SPEAKER_01]: People have idolized the idea of marriage and the reality is, this is what I believe. 59:17.504 --> 59:23.867 [SPEAKER_01]: If you need to be married, you don't need to be married. 59:24.287 --> 59:28.190 [SPEAKER_01]: When I went to her and said, you know, you're my wife. 59:29.092 --> 59:42.209 [SPEAKER_01]: At that point, God had dealt with me so and I was so full and fulfilled as an individual that I really thought I was going to live out the rest of my days as a single, celibate pastor. 59:42.950 --> 59:45.814 [SPEAKER_01]: And then it was one day I went to my mom's house, mom says, where's Lisa? 59:46.760 --> 59:49.701 [SPEAKER_01]: As always, you know, we shut it down. 59:50.622 --> 59:52.343 [SPEAKER_01]: She said, boy, you're making a fool out yourself. 59:52.363 --> 59:53.023 [SPEAKER_01]: That's your wife. 59:53.463 --> 59:53.964 [SPEAKER_03]: Come on. 59:54.044 --> 59:55.284 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna be single. 59:55.364 --> 59:55.985 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna be single. 59:56.005 --> 59:57.005 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna be single. 59:57.125 --> 59:58.406 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna be a single celebrity. 59:58.486 --> 01:00:01.407 [SPEAKER_01]: I said, boy, I know you, you need a wife. 01:00:01.687 --> 01:00:03.008 [SPEAKER_01]: You're gonna make it a fool out yourself. 01:00:03.108 --> 01:00:03.608 [SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no. 01:00:03.628 --> 01:00:04.209 [SPEAKER_01]: That's all it's been. 01:00:04.229 --> 01:00:04.989 [SPEAKER_01]: That's all it's been. 01:00:05.009 --> 01:00:05.649 [SPEAKER_01]: That's all it's been. 01:00:08.073 --> 01:00:08.333 [SPEAKER_03]: and then. 01:00:08.533 --> 01:00:09.995 [SPEAKER_01]: And I only got my wife. 01:00:10.635 --> 01:00:11.195 [SPEAKER_03]: Amen. 01:00:11.276 --> 01:00:11.556 [UNKNOWN]: Yeah. 01:00:12.416 --> 01:00:13.757 [SPEAKER_03]: Listen, I got a question for you. 01:00:14.138 --> 01:00:21.463 [SPEAKER_03]: So you recently mentioned, or you just mentioned that a lot of people get married and they're on equally young. 01:00:21.523 --> 01:00:27.428 [SPEAKER_03]: And they do also mention that some people just get married because they want the title of wife or husband, right? 01:00:27.768 --> 01:00:29.529 [SPEAKER_03]: But let's say there's somebody that 01:00:31.877 --> 01:00:33.999 [SPEAKER_03]: sees potential, right? 01:00:35.040 --> 01:00:37.502 [SPEAKER_03]: Because I think that everybody has to grow. 01:00:37.622 --> 01:00:48.171 [SPEAKER_03]: How can somebody differentiate between not necessarily being equally yoped about understanding that we can grow together? 01:00:48.632 --> 01:00:55.097 [SPEAKER_03]: And although you may have some baggage, I'm willing to work through that with you because of the 01:01:01.007 --> 01:01:07.813 [SPEAKER_02]: And so, let's just go to, we don't believe you Mary potential. 01:01:08.234 --> 01:01:11.557 [SPEAKER_02]: You can see potential in that person, but you don't marry for potential. 01:01:11.577 --> 01:01:16.301 [SPEAKER_02]: You've got to marry because God said, this is your husband or your wife, and you know that there's purpose. 01:01:16.541 --> 01:01:22.307 [SPEAKER_02]: There's going to be purpose, some way God, when God joins together, you know, it's going to be good with us. 01:01:23.548 --> 01:01:24.349 [SPEAKER_02]: He was broke. 01:01:28.082 --> 01:01:38.086 [SPEAKER_02]: He's not a sida, but I knew when I got confirmation from God that that was my husband. 01:01:38.547 --> 01:01:45.530 [SPEAKER_02]: So I knew that God was going to do whatever he needed to do in him and through him to make him the husband that I needed. 01:01:46.230 --> 01:01:52.573 [SPEAKER_02]: So it gave me much peace because I knew I heard from God myself. 01:01:58.235 --> 01:02:09.043 [SPEAKER_02]: in that place where most women would want their husbands to be and before they got married where he was going to be, you know, this, you know, super duper provider and all of these things that I could have all of that. 01:02:09.864 --> 01:02:16.869 [SPEAKER_02]: He wasn't there, but I knew that God said that he was going to provide for me and that was the husband he was given me. 01:02:16.909 --> 01:02:21.933 [SPEAKER_02]: So I knew that he was going to equip them for all of the things that he needed to have to be the husband and I needed. 01:02:25.534 --> 01:02:27.536 [SPEAKER_01]: So it's my turn to talk about it. 01:02:27.556 --> 01:02:30.318 [SPEAKER_01]: I think, but you were still broke. 01:02:31.139 --> 01:02:32.019 [SPEAKER_01]: I ain't broke, not all. 01:02:32.120 --> 01:02:33.060 [SPEAKER_01]: No, you're not broke now. 01:02:33.140 --> 01:02:33.521 [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you. 01:02:33.541 --> 01:02:34.722 [SPEAKER_01]: How long have you been since you worked? 01:02:34.742 --> 01:02:35.442 [SPEAKER_02]: Praise the Lord. 01:02:35.923 --> 01:02:37.584 [SPEAKER_01]: How long has it been since you worked, ma'am? 01:02:37.804 --> 01:02:39.626 [SPEAKER_02]: But I, I worked all the time. 01:02:39.666 --> 01:02:40.226 [SPEAKER_02]: No, no, no. 01:02:40.246 --> 01:02:40.707 [SPEAKER_01]: No, ma'am. 01:02:40.907 --> 01:02:41.267 [SPEAKER_01]: No, ma'am. 01:02:41.648 --> 01:02:45.351 [SPEAKER_01]: How long has it been since you worked outside of the context of our, ma'am? 01:02:45.371 --> 01:02:46.371 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's just make your plan. 01:02:46.432 --> 01:02:47.432 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, you haven't made it, plan. 01:02:47.452 --> 01:02:48.133 [SPEAKER_01]: That's the question. 01:02:48.393 --> 01:02:49.674 [SPEAKER_02]: It's been 30 years. 01:02:49.714 --> 01:02:50.395 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, thank you. 01:02:50.555 --> 01:02:51.536 [SPEAKER_01]: It's been 20 years. 01:02:51.576 --> 01:02:52.196 [SPEAKER_01]: It's been 20 years. 01:02:52.276 --> 01:02:52.617 [SPEAKER_01]: Good boy. 01:02:52.637 --> 01:02:53.237 [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't roll long. 01:02:54.358 --> 01:03:09.089 [SPEAKER_01]: I think you don't marry potential, but I think you marry a person whose vision, like a young woman is listening, saying, well, I got this great guy, but he's not, and I make this, I make six figures and he's at 30 or 40. 01:03:09.569 --> 01:03:10.490 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, what's his vision? 01:03:11.410 --> 01:03:13.072 [SPEAKER_01]: What is his present? 01:03:13.732 --> 01:03:17.515 [SPEAKER_01]: What is this present energy towards the fulfillment of that video? 01:03:17.535 --> 01:03:19.436 [SPEAKER_01]: See, all these things I had when she came along. 01:03:19.496 --> 01:03:20.296 [SPEAKER_01]: I knew where I was. 01:03:20.977 --> 01:03:21.837 [SPEAKER_01]: I knew where I was going. 01:03:21.877 --> 01:03:22.538 [SPEAKER_01]: She knew it too. 01:03:22.558 --> 01:03:23.679 [SPEAKER_01]: The swag spoke for me. 01:03:24.499 --> 01:03:25.400 [SPEAKER_01]: What's his vision? 01:03:26.541 --> 01:03:28.482 [SPEAKER_01]: What's his grind? 01:03:29.643 --> 01:03:31.464 [SPEAKER_01]: And do we align in the spirit? 01:03:31.944 --> 01:03:33.165 [SPEAKER_01]: That part. 01:03:33.845 --> 01:03:37.508 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think for a woman, do I feel safe with this guy? 01:03:38.068 --> 01:03:39.869 [SPEAKER_01]: That was a main point for me. 01:03:39.990 --> 01:03:41.431 [SPEAKER_01]: I think those things right there. 01:03:42.331 --> 01:03:50.027 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that's, you know, even a man, a man, a man with a vision should never marry a woman that cannot see as far as he can see. 01:03:51.482 --> 01:04:01.185 [SPEAKER_01]: You're a man with a vision, and you've got pinouts, dreams, and you've got a woman that satisfied in the basement, or you flipped that, you're woman with pinouts, dreams and a man in the basement. 01:04:01.205 --> 01:04:01.665 [SPEAKER_01]: That's not a good one. 01:04:01.725 --> 01:04:04.045 [SPEAKER_01]: You're not equal to yoke. 01:04:04.226 --> 01:04:09.967 [SPEAKER_01]: If you've got a grind that says, I'm going to make it happen, and you've got somebody to say, and I'm satisfied where we are, that's not going to work. 01:04:10.827 --> 01:04:15.008 [SPEAKER_01]: You love God, you've got somebody that is hot and cold, that's not going to work. 01:04:15.989 --> 01:04:19.670 [SPEAKER_01]: You've got somebody that doesn't make you feel safe or seen, it's not going to work. 01:04:22.453 --> 01:04:24.915 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, that's, you know, that's my take on it. 01:04:25.035 --> 01:04:25.215 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 01:04:26.877 --> 01:04:30.119 [SPEAKER_03]: So, in marriage, a lot of people talk about submission, right? 01:04:30.339 --> 01:04:46.012 [SPEAKER_03]: I know husbands submit to your wives, wife, submit to your husband, but some people look at the word submission and think of self-abandoned me, how is it that people can come under the context of biblical submission and what does that look like? 01:04:47.948 --> 01:04:56.892 [SPEAKER_02]: So for me, the submission was not hard for me, and the reason he just kind of gave, because he made me very safe, feel very safe. 01:04:57.832 --> 01:05:04.575 [SPEAKER_02]: And so following him and getting under his vision, because submission is just getting under the vision. 01:05:04.815 --> 01:05:09.457 [SPEAKER_02]: And so it wasn't hard because he made me feel safe. 01:05:10.258 --> 01:05:13.820 [SPEAKER_02]: that he wasn't going to take advantage of me or any of that. 01:05:14.261 --> 01:05:20.025 [SPEAKER_02]: It was just a matter of me getting under and helping him to push things forward. 01:05:20.045 --> 01:05:22.507 [SPEAKER_03]: So, I have safety and communication with you. 01:05:22.548 --> 01:05:22.868 [SPEAKER_01]: Correct. 01:05:23.568 --> 01:05:30.974 [SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, though we spend that word around a lot in church culture, why have submit to your husbands? 01:05:32.155 --> 01:05:34.217 [SPEAKER_01]: That's mutual. 01:05:34.757 --> 01:05:37.660 [SPEAKER_01]: Submission is a fruit. 01:05:40.055 --> 01:05:40.696 [SPEAKER_01]: not a root. 01:05:42.757 --> 01:05:46.941 [SPEAKER_01]: In other words, submission is the fruit of Amah. 01:05:47.762 --> 01:05:57.130 [SPEAKER_01]: The Bible also tells the Heldman to honor the wife, to the point that he loves the life Christ loved the church that he would literally die for her. 01:05:58.524 --> 01:06:16.510 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, there has to first be the honoring of the husband to create an environment where the feminine soul of the wife feels safe, seeing, protected, and then that submission piece is something that flows out, not by force. 01:06:17.778 --> 01:06:30.994 [SPEAKER_01]: But naturally, a bi-product, a bi-product or the love this woman is feeling from this man, the safety this man produces for this woman, not because he took a Bible and beat over the head. 01:06:31.534 --> 01:06:37.421 [SPEAKER_01]: That's not, that's not submission, that's domination, submission is when a man loves his wife so well. 01:06:38.402 --> 01:06:46.515 [SPEAKER_01]: she just relaxes in her feminine and she just trust him and it shows up in the way she moved. 01:06:46.736 --> 01:06:48.098 [SPEAKER_01]: That's that's how we flow with it. 01:06:48.930 --> 01:06:49.170 [SPEAKER_03]: Right. 01:06:49.751 --> 01:06:55.894 [SPEAKER_03]: So you guys wrote the God's playbook or winning family, or a winning family. 01:06:55.974 --> 01:06:56.455 [SPEAKER_03]: Thank you. 01:06:56.555 --> 01:06:59.096 [SPEAKER_03]: God's playbook or a winning family. 01:06:59.536 --> 01:07:00.137 [SPEAKER_03]: Okay. 01:07:00.457 --> 01:07:11.584 [SPEAKER_03]: If a if a husband or a wife is feeling disconnected right now, what are some things that they can do or conversation that they need to have in order to get back on track? 01:07:13.305 --> 01:07:15.506 [SPEAKER_02]: Good, ma'am. 01:07:16.146 --> 01:07:16.807 [SPEAKER_02]: I would say, 01:07:18.714 --> 01:07:25.121 [SPEAKER_02]: First of all, I think, revert back to what made your marriage fun. 01:07:27.035 --> 01:07:44.406 [SPEAKER_02]: Um, because when you get married a lot of times, you get so involved in the business of marriage, um, raising, having children, raising children, doing, um, your vision and working together to make the money and all of those things that you lose, the fun of marriage. 01:07:44.867 --> 01:07:50.811 [SPEAKER_02]: And that's where we, we kind of have revisited a lot, it's just incorporating fun back into our marriage. 01:07:50.831 --> 01:07:54.893 [SPEAKER_02]: So if people are feeling kind of stagnant now in their marriage, I think go back and 01:07:57.755 --> 01:08:01.378 [SPEAKER_02]: What did we have fun or create some new fun things that we need to do? 01:08:01.539 --> 01:08:02.399 [SPEAKER_02]: That's the first thing. 01:08:02.459 --> 01:08:06.042 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, just give life to your marriage. 01:08:06.262 --> 01:08:11.507 [SPEAKER_02]: It doesn't have to necessarily be sit down conversations all the time. 01:08:12.027 --> 01:08:14.409 [SPEAKER_02]: But we do need to revisit vision. 01:08:14.449 --> 01:08:17.712 [SPEAKER_02]: We do need to revisit where we are right now and where we want to go. 01:08:18.793 --> 01:08:19.974 [SPEAKER_02]: How we can work together. 01:08:20.594 --> 01:08:23.877 [SPEAKER_02]: And one of the things that we like to do sometimes is like, just check-ins. 01:08:24.737 --> 01:08:25.858 [SPEAKER_02]: Um, how am I doing? 01:08:26.439 --> 01:08:28.600 [SPEAKER_02]: Is there anything that I need to tweet? 01:08:28.620 --> 01:08:28.941 [SPEAKER_03]: I love this. 01:08:29.001 --> 01:08:32.724 [SPEAKER_02]: Is there anything that, you know, just just checking with each other? 01:08:32.744 --> 01:08:38.468 [SPEAKER_02]: Because for me, I'm not, I've not been that person that is very verbal. 01:08:39.108 --> 01:08:40.990 [SPEAKER_02]: Um, I'll keep everything bottled up. 01:08:41.590 --> 01:08:47.292 [SPEAKER_02]: So, checkins for me is good and it's healthy and it's important to keep us on the same page. 01:08:47.332 --> 01:09:00.477 [SPEAKER_02]: It helps him to see me because I won't say it so he'll see me when I get to say, you know, he invites me to share what's going on inside of me and so just the communication in that aspect, but not. 01:09:02.478 --> 01:09:11.766 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't think we need to really just have these serious meetings and necessarily counseling and all of these things necessarily, but just God has put you together. 01:09:12.207 --> 01:09:16.450 [SPEAKER_02]: See, the guidance of the Holy Spirit and how to revitalize your marriage, but you've got to want it. 01:09:16.831 --> 01:09:17.071 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 01:09:17.371 --> 01:09:18.032 [SPEAKER_02]: That's the key. 01:09:18.332 --> 01:09:19.033 [SPEAKER_03]: You have to want it. 01:09:19.073 --> 01:09:19.513 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 01:09:19.633 --> 01:09:29.562 [SPEAKER_02]: And then the people get so, they're allowed their marriage just to get so stale and so unproductive and all of that that they just only wanted anymore. 01:09:29.902 --> 01:09:30.182 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 01:09:30.783 --> 01:09:31.043 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 01:09:31.403 --> 01:09:41.992 [SPEAKER_03]: So after 30 years of marriage, what do you think are some things that you feel wise that you feel like a lot of people aren't willing to do to fight for their marriage? 01:09:42.933 --> 01:09:43.594 [SPEAKER_01]: You change. 01:09:44.074 --> 01:09:44.955 [SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm. 01:09:45.816 --> 01:09:47.117 [SPEAKER_01]: Nobody wants to change. 01:09:48.378 --> 01:09:54.363 [SPEAKER_01]: And everything requires, and marriage, everything requires being willing to change. 01:09:54.423 --> 01:09:55.764 [SPEAKER_01]: Not who you fundamentally are. 01:09:56.284 --> 01:09:56.485 [SPEAKER_02]: No. 01:09:56.605 --> 01:09:56.785 [SPEAKER_01]: But 01:09:57.427 --> 01:10:01.549 [SPEAKER_01]: being able to evolve with the marriage, because we come in as individuals, right? 01:10:02.410 --> 01:10:06.512 [SPEAKER_01]: We come in as a right tune, a left tune, but when we get together, we become a pair. 01:10:06.592 --> 01:10:11.395 [SPEAKER_01]: So we become something together that we were not as individuals. 01:10:11.415 --> 01:10:15.958 [SPEAKER_01]: And being willing to change in another word is serve. 01:10:16.438 --> 01:10:16.738 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 01:10:17.639 --> 01:10:19.740 [SPEAKER_01]: Being willing to change and being willing to serve. 01:10:20.881 --> 01:10:21.882 [SPEAKER_01]: We serve one another. 01:10:22.322 --> 01:10:22.802 [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely. 01:10:22.822 --> 01:10:23.923 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I take care of my wife. 01:10:24.879 --> 01:10:28.301 [SPEAKER_01]: My wife takes care of me in an uncommon way. 01:10:28.441 --> 01:10:30.061 [SPEAKER_01]: People get uncomfortable with it sometimes. 01:10:30.081 --> 01:10:31.522 [SPEAKER_01]: They think they're in the middle of the least somewhere. 01:10:32.042 --> 01:10:33.523 [SPEAKER_01]: We're in my wife takes care of me. 01:10:33.563 --> 01:10:37.245 [SPEAKER_01]: And they get uncomfortable and they see how I take care of my wife. 01:10:37.265 --> 01:10:38.445 [SPEAKER_03]: They make her feel safe. 01:10:38.706 --> 01:10:39.786 [SPEAKER_01]: I make her feel safe. 01:10:40.406 --> 01:10:43.508 [SPEAKER_01]: Change, changing, and serving. 01:10:43.548 --> 01:10:45.789 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I love the dynamic between you and your husband. 01:10:46.589 --> 01:10:48.050 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I didn't know he was your husband. 01:10:48.270 --> 01:10:49.711 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, dudes like real. 01:10:49.771 --> 01:10:50.691 [SPEAKER_01]: He's a superstar. 01:10:51.371 --> 01:10:53.773 [SPEAKER_01]: And you got to do around here working for you, 01:10:55.207 --> 01:10:58.009 [SPEAKER_01]: He's working by an hour, but he's working for his wife. 01:10:58.489 --> 01:10:59.050 [SPEAKER_00]: What did I do? 01:10:59.070 --> 01:10:59.710 [SPEAKER_00]: What did I do? 01:10:59.730 --> 01:11:02.612 [SPEAKER_00]: Come on, sir. 01:11:02.632 --> 01:11:04.073 [SPEAKER_00]: You earned your marriage. 01:11:04.514 --> 01:11:08.316 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, but that's what makes for a great marriage. 01:11:08.456 --> 01:11:08.717 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 01:11:08.857 --> 01:11:12.139 [SPEAKER_01]: Changing, serving, affirming. 01:11:12.619 --> 01:11:13.000 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 01:11:13.140 --> 01:11:14.761 [SPEAKER_01]: We can't take one another for granted. 01:11:16.042 --> 01:11:17.403 [SPEAKER_01]: 30 years, you told me, 01:11:18.447 --> 01:11:22.872 [SPEAKER_01]: a couple months ago, she said, she had something on for Sunday. 01:11:23.653 --> 01:11:25.715 [SPEAKER_01]: She said, you didn't tell me that I look good today. 01:11:27.036 --> 01:11:28.518 [SPEAKER_01]: And I said, I apologize. 01:11:29.374 --> 01:11:34.016 [SPEAKER_01]: It's always telling me how I look because we can never take that for granted. 01:11:34.296 --> 01:11:35.156 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 01:11:35.796 --> 01:11:37.437 [SPEAKER_01]: I think these are the things that people overlook. 01:11:37.457 --> 01:11:41.058 [SPEAKER_01]: They caught up in the business, the children, and all of this kind of... All these things are going to go... 01:11:41.078 --> 01:11:43.419 [SPEAKER_01]: These children are going to grow up, these beautiful children you all got. 01:11:43.899 --> 01:11:45.240 [SPEAKER_01]: They're going to grow up like that. 01:11:45.340 --> 01:11:49.521 [SPEAKER_01]: They're going to play kids, they're going to be grown with their own people, going on, doing their own thing. 01:11:50.001 --> 01:11:51.262 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's going to still be the two of you. 01:11:51.482 --> 01:11:51.762 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 01:11:52.565 --> 01:11:57.326 [SPEAKER_01]: You cannot take the affirming, the serving, the change. 01:11:57.466 --> 01:12:04.008 [SPEAKER_02]: And just to piggyback off of that, we get so many people that say, she's not the same person I married. 01:12:04.208 --> 01:12:06.549 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, she shouldn't be. 01:12:07.009 --> 01:12:09.370 [SPEAKER_02]: Or he should not be the same person you married. 01:12:09.870 --> 01:12:11.730 [SPEAKER_02]: And so that's the thing with change. 01:12:11.750 --> 01:12:14.111 [SPEAKER_02]: You have to recognize that we have to change. 01:12:14.571 --> 01:12:18.192 [SPEAKER_02]: He changes, we change physically, we change mentally. 01:12:18.252 --> 01:12:20.213 [SPEAKER_02]: It's just, there's a lot of change. 01:12:20.293 --> 01:12:21.853 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yes, for sure. 01:12:23.136 --> 01:12:23.656 [SPEAKER_03]: for sure. 01:12:24.116 --> 01:12:29.218 [SPEAKER_03]: Well looking at your children and your grandchildren and the legacy that you guys have built. 01:12:29.378 --> 01:12:35.220 [SPEAKER_03]: What do you think is one generational curse that you would say that you're proud to have broken. 01:12:35.240 --> 01:12:36.740 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah. 01:12:36.981 --> 01:12:38.181 [SPEAKER_01]: Answer that answer. 01:12:38.701 --> 01:12:39.221 [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely. 01:12:39.301 --> 01:12:39.601 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 01:12:40.942 --> 01:12:44.403 [SPEAKER_01]: Um, I told you, I was a teenage father, right? 01:12:44.543 --> 01:12:47.464 [SPEAKER_01]: I was a little, I was a woman, I was the worst. 01:12:47.564 --> 01:12:48.744 [SPEAKER_01]: Worst of them because I was in the 01:12:51.413 --> 01:12:54.834 [SPEAKER_01]: and our youngest kid, Robert Charles blicks the third. 01:12:56.975 --> 01:13:13.200 [SPEAKER_01]: He's just everything is a young 26-year-old man that I was not, and at 26-years-old, he is mature at a place, he's at a place of maturity that I wasn't at 35. 01:13:15.117 --> 01:13:17.099 [SPEAKER_01]: you know, maybe even 40. 01:13:17.700 --> 01:13:25.490 [SPEAKER_01]: And so that generational curse of womanizing had been running through our family with that things broken in my son. 01:13:25.630 --> 01:13:27.232 [SPEAKER_01]: And that was it unintentionally. 01:13:27.452 --> 01:13:28.333 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, that's okay. 01:13:28.573 --> 01:13:30.115 [SPEAKER_01]: She and I had their conversations in my son. 01:13:30.135 --> 01:13:32.318 [SPEAKER_01]: We're not, we're not, we're not do the things that I did. 01:13:32.358 --> 01:13:33.479 [SPEAKER_01]: He will not live the life. 01:13:34.240 --> 01:13:34.820 [SPEAKER_01]: that I lived. 01:13:34.840 --> 01:13:39.244 [SPEAKER_01]: He will not be, you know, and that's, that's one I'm very proud of. 01:13:39.284 --> 01:13:41.545 [SPEAKER_02]: That is exactly the one I was going to say. 01:13:41.565 --> 01:13:45.008 [SPEAKER_02]: It's, I call it a perversion because it comes from my side as well. 01:13:45.468 --> 01:13:50.272 [SPEAKER_02]: There's a, there's a spirit of perversion that was broken and I'm grateful for it. 01:13:50.612 --> 01:13:57.177 [SPEAKER_02]: Because not only do we see in our son, our 21-year-old grandson has had the same girlfriend for, I think, four or five years now. 01:13:57.957 --> 01:14:00.758 [SPEAKER_01]: It's just, yeah, they were in high school night in college. 01:14:00.778 --> 01:14:01.298 [SPEAKER_01]: And not there. 01:14:01.418 --> 01:14:01.618 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 01:14:01.638 --> 01:14:04.839 [SPEAKER_02]: So that woman doesn't think, you know, it's, it's broken. 01:14:05.059 --> 01:14:06.319 [SPEAKER_02]: And we are grateful. 01:14:06.559 --> 01:14:08.139 [SPEAKER_03]: And man, how old are you? 01:14:08.159 --> 01:14:10.200 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, it's not going to go how to do your job. 01:14:10.220 --> 01:14:10.600 [SPEAKER_03]: Yes. 01:14:10.700 --> 01:14:16.861 [SPEAKER_01]: When you can see that in black men, especially, I think that's powerful. 01:14:16.901 --> 01:14:17.221 [SPEAKER_01]: It is. 01:14:17.481 --> 01:14:17.781 [SPEAKER_01]: It is. 01:14:17.801 --> 01:14:18.502 [SPEAKER_01]: And proud of that. 01:14:18.822 --> 01:14:19.842 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, for sure. 01:14:20.442 --> 01:14:22.203 [SPEAKER_03]: So tell me about this book, sir. 01:14:22.363 --> 01:14:24.603 [SPEAKER_03]: I know you have a book coming out. 01:14:24.623 --> 01:14:27.144 [SPEAKER_03]: Tell me everything you guys are fine. 01:14:27.204 --> 01:14:27.744 [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, okay. 01:14:27.764 --> 01:14:32.846 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, well, but it's like the third book in the series. 01:14:33.466 --> 01:14:35.266 [SPEAKER_01]: First book, I wrote was a father daughter talk. 01:14:35.286 --> 01:14:36.047 [SPEAKER_01]: We talked about it. 01:14:36.087 --> 01:14:37.447 [SPEAKER_01]: Then I wrote Queenology. 01:14:38.407 --> 01:14:44.589 [SPEAKER_01]: Father daughter talk deal with all the things that a woman should have learned from her father and you know 01:14:47.870 --> 01:14:54.155 [SPEAKER_01]: I was the second book where we really dealt with the psychology of a queen. 01:14:54.956 --> 01:15:05.364 [SPEAKER_01]: The third book training for raining is when a woman comes to a place where she's come to terms with whatever she was deficient of in her developmental years. 01:15:05.935 --> 01:15:13.620 [SPEAKER_01]: She's aware of who she is as a daughter of God, a queen conscious woman, but now she's ready to reign. 01:15:13.680 --> 01:15:18.403 [SPEAKER_01]: She's ready to actually function in her true capacity, everything's aligned. 01:15:19.143 --> 01:15:22.085 [SPEAKER_01]: So that's where the training for raining comes from. 01:15:22.245 --> 01:15:22.445 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 01:15:23.446 --> 01:15:25.667 [SPEAKER_03]: Where can our viewers get the book? 01:15:25.947 --> 01:15:33.252 [SPEAKER_01]: Amazon or they can go to our store, rcblakesstore.com and they can pick it up there. 01:15:33.312 --> 01:15:33.852 [SPEAKER_01]: Get all three. 01:15:34.849 --> 01:15:37.470 [SPEAKER_01]: They all go together, but you can read them independently. 01:15:37.750 --> 01:15:38.310 [SPEAKER_03]: I love that. 01:15:38.470 --> 01:15:38.990 [SPEAKER_03]: I love that. 01:15:39.050 --> 01:15:40.751 [SPEAKER_03]: What else are you guys working on right now? 01:15:40.771 --> 01:15:43.531 [SPEAKER_03]: Is there anything else that you guys are currently in the midst of? 01:15:43.632 --> 01:15:44.812 [SPEAKER_01]: What else are we working on, baby? 01:15:45.072 --> 01:15:46.912 [SPEAKER_01]: She's the genius. 01:15:46.932 --> 01:15:47.613 [SPEAKER_01]: We're engineers. 01:15:48.513 --> 01:15:54.254 [SPEAKER_02]: We don't have, we've been doing like travel groups lately, but we don't have one plan just yet. 01:15:54.975 --> 01:16:03.117 [SPEAKER_02]: We have a few things that's not just secured yet, but we have our Monday nights that he does his let's talk. 01:16:03.837 --> 01:16:09.501 [SPEAKER_02]: on YouTube where we do the empowering of women and then we have our private YouTube community. 01:16:10.122 --> 01:16:18.448 [SPEAKER_02]: So that we meet with them every other Sunday and just have a time with those ladies on that YouTube, on Zoom, rather. 01:16:18.928 --> 01:16:21.370 [SPEAKER_03]: I love that so much and truly amazing. 01:16:21.471 --> 01:16:23.753 [SPEAKER_03]: Everything you two guys have built together. 01:16:23.773 --> 01:16:26.255 [SPEAKER_03]: It's truly remarkable. 01:16:26.475 --> 01:16:30.118 [SPEAKER_03]: And like I said, viewers, I know that y'all probably think I'm being an extra one. 01:16:30.158 --> 01:16:36.744 [SPEAKER_03]: I say this, y'all have seen me interview many people before, but very rarely have I said that you could feel the love in the room. 01:16:36.825 --> 01:16:40.208 [SPEAKER_03]: So it's truly amazing just to witness and be a part of. 01:16:40.908 --> 01:16:41.529 [SPEAKER_03]: All right guys. 01:16:41.589 --> 01:16:46.116 [SPEAKER_03]: Well, I want you guys to make sure you guys like subscribe and share this video. 01:16:46.417 --> 01:16:55.931 [SPEAKER_03]: Make sure you guys grab all three books at RCBlakeStore.com and as always stay initiated.