WEBVTT 00:00.512 --> 00:08.420 [SPEAKER_00]: Among the most important duties of husbands and wives in this Islamic context is the fulfillment of one another's sexual needs. 00:09.041 --> 00:12.064 [SPEAKER_00]: This is not something to be taken lightly. 00:12.625 --> 00:18.411 [SPEAKER_00]: Spouses who insist on rejecting their partners' advances can not be surprised. 00:19.432 --> 00:21.933 [SPEAKER_00]: to then witness the relationship, disintegrate. 00:22.593 --> 00:32.335 [SPEAKER_00]: There are situations when a husband is forbidden to approach his wife for intercourse, during her menstrual cycle, during her postpartum bleeding, and during the fasts in Ramadan. 00:32.775 --> 00:43.078 [SPEAKER_00]: But outside of these cases, it is imperative for both spouses to do their utmost to make sure that they are partners in every way, not least of which physically. 00:45.223 --> 00:56.608 [SPEAKER_00]: Always, always pray to Allah, Allah's great and glorified as He, that He maintains the love in your heart for your spouse, and that He preserves the love in your partner's heart for you. 00:57.148 --> 01:05.232 [SPEAKER_00]: Allah's, Allah, is the one who put the love in our hearts for one another, and He's the one who can take it out just like that. 01:05.832 --> 01:06.953 [SPEAKER_00]: Just like that. 01:08.030 --> 01:15.353 [SPEAKER_00]: If tomorrow, your spouse decides that they no longer love you and no longer want to be with you, there is nothing you can do about it. 01:15.753 --> 01:25.417 [SPEAKER_00]: It is completely a gift from a Luspanathala, that out of the billions of people in the world, there's one person who's choosing to love you and you are choosing to love that person. 01:26.518 --> 01:32.340 [SPEAKER_00]: So you have to recognize it as a blessing and you need to be doing slothless sugar, prayer or gratitude for that blessing. 01:33.818 --> 01:38.222 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, the next section, your grandmothers were right. 01:39.383 --> 01:41.745 [SPEAKER_00]: All men want respect. 01:42.866 --> 01:46.229 [SPEAKER_00]: Ladies, men need admiration. 01:47.090 --> 01:53.016 [SPEAKER_00]: They need to feel appreciated, and they need to feel that their women are proud of them. 01:54.237 --> 01:58.461 [SPEAKER_00]: The wife, maybe the one to instigate, most of the major changes in life. 01:59.042 --> 02:01.544 [SPEAKER_00]: She might be the one who brings home the thicker paycheck. 02:01.924 --> 02:04.026 [SPEAKER_00]: In some cases, she may even be older. 02:04.547 --> 02:11.273 [SPEAKER_00]: However, the husband should be given the respect of having the clear role of being the amere. 02:11.813 --> 02:18.778 [SPEAKER_00]: or the leader of the family, he should be honored by the wife and the children as the guardian of the household. 02:19.198 --> 02:25.722 [SPEAKER_00]: And he in turn should recognize that Allah's Panathala is the guardian of his and his wife's household. 02:26.483 --> 02:34.108 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, of course, acknowledging that your husband is the amir doesn't mean that you aren't vocal in sharing your opinions. 02:34.708 --> 02:40.752 [SPEAKER_00]: One grandmother joked, the husband is the head of a family, but the wife is the neck that turns the head. 02:42.678 --> 02:46.522 [SPEAKER_00]: you don't want to contradict or correct your husband in public. 02:46.883 --> 02:47.704 [SPEAKER_00]: Same with husbands. 02:48.004 --> 02:51.528 [SPEAKER_00]: You want to give each other the dignity that your partner deserves. 02:52.229 --> 02:55.152 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't want to ever demean your spouse to your children. 02:55.553 --> 03:00.818 [SPEAKER_00]: If you don't honor your children's parent, your children will not honor their parent either. 03:01.479 --> 03:09.202 [SPEAKER_00]: And remember, it's still Reba, or backbiting, to talk about your spouse in a way that he or she wouldn't like. 03:09.842 --> 03:14.523 [SPEAKER_00]: Even if you're only discussing your partner with people who will always love him or her. 03:15.304 --> 03:19.085 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't want to let down your guard when it comes to your partner's rights. 03:21.123 --> 03:27.107 [SPEAKER_00]: Ladies, if you're husband, everybody's a gift that you don't love, love it anyway. 03:28.067 --> 03:31.649 [SPEAKER_00]: Try to see the part of the gift giver behind the gift. 03:31.729 --> 03:38.934 [SPEAKER_00]: They're always gentle and cheerful ways of honestly communicating your preferences at a later time. 03:40.523 --> 03:43.264 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is an important one for young people these days. 03:43.724 --> 03:57.248 [SPEAKER_00]: Regardless of whether you had a social media presence before your marriage or not, once you're married, be aware of your partner's views on how much you post about yourself and your life with your partner. 03:57.368 --> 03:59.248 [SPEAKER_00]: You wanna respect each other's limits. 04:00.669 --> 04:07.991 [SPEAKER_00]: Put your cell phone, your book, and yes, even your prayer beads away when your partner is trying to talk to you about their day. 04:09.352 --> 04:16.816 [SPEAKER_00]: give your undivided attention and teacher children who are old enough to understand that they are not to interrupt their parents' time together. 04:19.257 --> 04:22.478 [SPEAKER_00]: Laph with your partner, but never at your partner. 04:23.239 --> 04:24.960 [SPEAKER_00]: Never laugh at your partner's expense. 04:26.601 --> 04:28.161 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, the next section. 04:28.842 --> 04:37.206 [SPEAKER_00]: Make your home a haven and ladies, make yourself his hoody and men, make yourself her hero. 04:38.390 --> 04:42.693 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, I realize that there are many women today who are uncomfortable with the word Hudi. 04:43.474 --> 04:56.463 [SPEAKER_00]: But Hudi's are real creations of Allah Subhanahu ala and they are described in the Holy Qur'an as the companions in paradise and I believe that it's time that we reclaim this word and own it for what it is. 04:57.404 --> 05:08.577 [SPEAKER_00]: There's no reason why our homes cannot be little pieces of paradise in ShAllah, and there's no reason why we cannot be heavenly companions for our husbands within our own homes. 05:09.558 --> 05:17.587 [SPEAKER_00]: So when you see your beloved for the first time, after he returns home, or after she returns home, make sure to greet your partner and kiss 05:18.107 --> 05:39.218 [SPEAKER_00]: him or her or hug him or her, practicing Muslim men and women who have Thakwa, God consciousness will avoid all physical contact, contact with men and women who are not their blood relatives and many of them are surrounded at work by other men and women who make a real effort to look attractive and to smell good. 05:40.118 --> 05:45.541 [SPEAKER_00]: You are the reward your husband gets at the end of a long dry day. 05:46.940 --> 05:50.261 [SPEAKER_00]: And you want to be soft and affectionate and fragrant. 05:50.701 --> 05:55.243 [SPEAKER_00]: Men especially need to be physically attracted to their wives. 05:56.563 --> 05:58.724 [SPEAKER_00]: And men want domestic bliss. 05:59.284 --> 06:02.245 [SPEAKER_00]: What does domestic bliss look like? 06:02.505 --> 06:03.925 [SPEAKER_00]: Everybody wants domestic bliss. 06:03.965 --> 06:06.986 [SPEAKER_00]: So this is an umbrella definition of domestic bliss. 06:07.046 --> 06:13.048 [SPEAKER_00]: But men especially are looking for to escaping the world and finding that domestic bliss and support in their home. 06:15.182 --> 06:20.386 [SPEAKER_00]: What it looks like is peace and quiet and no nagging. 06:23.008 --> 06:34.478 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's a world that smells good, that's clean and organized, and it's not chaotic, and we're a person feels welcome and a person feels supported. 06:35.505 --> 06:43.331 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we want to make a real effort to make sure that our homes are the eye of the storm, right? 06:43.391 --> 06:45.512 [SPEAKER_00]: The whole world is in turmoil right now. 06:45.552 --> 06:47.413 [SPEAKER_00]: There's a big storm raging around us. 06:47.514 --> 06:51.596 [SPEAKER_00]: But every storm that Alas Manatella has created has an eye of the storm. 06:51.957 --> 06:56.180 [SPEAKER_00]: Where everything is peaceful and calm and quiet and things are not whirling around. 06:56.760 --> 06:59.522 [SPEAKER_00]: Our homes can be the eye of the storm in Shala. 07:00.808 --> 07:15.063 [SPEAKER_00]: If both husband and wife work at it, when you know that life has been stressful and busy, this goes for the men as well as the women, wait until your partner has had a chance to relax before asking them to do anything or breaking any bad news to them. 07:16.469 --> 07:26.778 [SPEAKER_00]: Everything about you, from your clothes to your hair to your skin to your breath should smell, clean and fresh for yourself, yes, but especially so for your partner. 07:27.538 --> 07:34.364 [SPEAKER_00]: You want to be kind and welcoming to one another's friends, but you don't ever want to be insolitude with the opposite gender. 07:34.924 --> 07:41.129 [SPEAKER_00]: And that includes not being alone with another, with a person of the opposite gender on social media either. 07:43.833 --> 07:54.700 [SPEAKER_00]: It's very easy to think that you're safe because there isn't any physical contact, but it's very easy to start to become emotionally attached to somebody else. 07:54.920 --> 08:01.565 [SPEAKER_00]: If they're showing you kindness and friendliness, even if it's just through texting or on social media.