WEBVTT 00:02.437 --> 00:03.558 [SPEAKER_00]: Christian parenting. 00:05.600 --> 00:10.185 [SPEAKER_00]: Today's topic is one that has been on my list for a while, but I've been avoiding it. 00:10.386 --> 00:11.166 [SPEAKER_00]: And I like you know what? 00:11.987 --> 00:12.648 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's just do it. 00:12.788 --> 00:17.033 [SPEAKER_00]: So the reason I've been avoiding it is because I don't have a... 00:17.613 --> 00:21.197 [SPEAKER_00]: This is what we're doing, and this is what you should do as well. 00:22.058 --> 00:31.265 [SPEAKER_00]: today's episode is more of think of like a story and also also just like a morphing of ideas and opinions and views. 00:31.946 --> 00:38.010 [SPEAKER_00]: In my goal really is to just kind of share a little bit of my heart, share a little bit of where we have been, where we are right now. 00:38.731 --> 00:45.896 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I think that this has to be in open discussion and I think we can become very rigid and this is one thing that I've learned. 00:46.256 --> 00:48.878 [SPEAKER_00]: When we become very rigid and say this is how we are doing 00:51.712 --> 00:54.914 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, for some kids, they'll say, oh, yes, ma'am, yes, sir. 00:55.135 --> 00:55.895 [SPEAKER_00]: That sounds good. 00:56.115 --> 00:58.057 [SPEAKER_00]: And some kids, that's not going to work for. 00:58.797 --> 01:02.960 [SPEAKER_00]: I would have been one of those types of kids, one of those young adults. 01:03.121 --> 01:09.145 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I also have at least one, if not more, of those as well, when it would come to something like this. 01:09.225 --> 01:16.691 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's just been something that has grown with my husband and I, and today I'm going to share a little bit of our story, a little bit of our history, 01:17.371 --> 01:24.420 [SPEAKER_00]: My goal is that nothing is explicit, nothing is inappropriate, but maybe this might be a topic just to kind of pop into your ear buds. 01:24.440 --> 01:31.369 [SPEAKER_00]: I know a lot of you say, oh, my kids recognize your voice when we have met in person, because you've listened to episodes with a speaker on. 01:31.770 --> 01:35.495 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe today's episode is one just to kind of pop into your ear buds or wait until they are... 01:35.775 --> 01:43.244 [SPEAKER_00]: in bed just because it's the topic that maybe you're kind of thinking about and anyway it's not going to be anything inappropriate but just want to kind of put that little bit of warning out. 01:43.304 --> 01:49.672 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's get into my thoughts about dating as a homeschool mom with young adults and three homeschool graduates. 01:52.535 --> 02:06.730 [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Little By Little Home School Podcast, I am Lee Nguyen, and as always, blessed that you are here, where this is your first episode, 10th, 20th, 50th, 100th, or maybe you have listened to all 466 prior to this, and you are here for 467. 02:08.472 --> 02:09.153 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm glad you're here. 02:09.393 --> 02:17.859 [SPEAKER_00]: No matter how you have found me, it is a scorcher of a July so far, but I hope that your summer is just a blessing for you and your family. 02:18.280 --> 02:31.470 [SPEAKER_00]: Whether you take a couple of weeks off, a couple months off, whatever it is for your homeschool schedule, I just hope that it is a time of maybe a little bit of rest, a little bit of fun, and just a, yeah, just a little bit of breath of fresh air and a different type of routine. 02:31.830 --> 02:33.892 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's get into today's episode. 02:33.912 --> 02:34.312 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you ready? 02:34.532 --> 02:34.933 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's do it. 02:37.326 --> 02:45.830 [SPEAKER_00]: Just as a refresher, or maybe your new here, I have three young adults, two boys that are 18 and 21, and our daughter is 23. 02:46.250 --> 02:49.732 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, 18 is still considered a team, but I did mention this in another episode. 02:50.212 --> 02:51.613 [SPEAKER_00]: We're like, no, we're not doing the team thing. 02:52.413 --> 02:55.155 [SPEAKER_00]: You're a young man right now, and we've been doing that. 02:55.255 --> 02:59.577 [SPEAKER_00]: We don't fall into the, this is how the teenage years get to be, and 03:00.037 --> 03:01.819 [SPEAKER_00]: you get to be wild and free and whatever. 03:01.859 --> 03:03.200 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you can have some fun. 03:03.301 --> 03:07.805 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's have some good relationships and let's have fun with family and friends and let's let's let's do some fun things. 03:07.825 --> 03:09.667 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's enjoy these years. 03:10.208 --> 03:12.030 [SPEAKER_00]: But we're that's not an excuse. 03:12.050 --> 03:16.554 [SPEAKER_00]: So I decided that years ago before our kids were, I don't know, our youngest was probably a toddler. 03:16.894 --> 03:18.156 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, we're not doing the teen years. 03:18.216 --> 03:19.037 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a new invention. 03:19.117 --> 03:20.378 [SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, that's a side note. 03:21.519 --> 03:23.421 [SPEAKER_00]: So 1821 and 23. 03:23.581 --> 03:25.383 [SPEAKER_00]: All of them are currently single. 03:25.503 --> 03:27.044 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, so maybe if you know somebody. 03:28.125 --> 03:31.248 [SPEAKER_00]: Then maybe well maybe more so over the 21 and 23 year old the 18 year old. 03:31.268 --> 03:32.429 [SPEAKER_00]: He's still got some things to kind of. 03:33.230 --> 03:37.894 [SPEAKER_00]: We got to get land our feet a little bit on the ground here after he's got some stuff coming up and anyway. 03:38.635 --> 03:40.277 [SPEAKER_00]: So that is where we are at. 03:40.297 --> 03:45.341 [SPEAKER_00]: They are all currently living at home because, guess what, it's not that bad to live at home. 03:45.761 --> 03:48.283 [SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like that is a blessing. 03:48.443 --> 03:54.228 [SPEAKER_00]: It does make life a little bit more hectic and crazy and full and loud and quiet and loud and quiet and all the things. 03:55.688 --> 03:56.929 [SPEAKER_00]: I am just enjoying this season. 03:57.269 --> 04:02.051 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's go, today's episode will be a little bit more of a story format. 04:02.151 --> 04:06.633 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't have, now next episode is going to be, I have some specific tactical tips. 04:06.653 --> 04:07.554 [SPEAKER_00]: This is a little more story. 04:08.154 --> 04:12.156 [SPEAKER_00]: So my husband James and I have been married with 25 years in the fall. 04:13.957 --> 04:17.759 [SPEAKER_00]: We met through a friend after I graduated from not high school, from college. 04:18.159 --> 04:23.942 [SPEAKER_00]: I was taking around for the summer in the area and I didn't really have any friends in the area. 04:23.962 --> 04:25.843 [SPEAKER_00]: Everybody left and went back home. 04:26.244 --> 04:28.165 [SPEAKER_00]: But my first real job been start for a little bit. 04:28.185 --> 04:31.406 [SPEAKER_00]: So I stuck around through a mutual friend that I started to get to know her. 04:31.747 --> 04:32.247 [SPEAKER_00]: I met him. 04:32.307 --> 04:34.308 [SPEAKER_00]: He did not go to that college, but he lived in the area. 04:34.988 --> 04:37.490 [SPEAKER_00]: Long story short, we hung out some here and there 04:41.832 --> 04:42.793 [SPEAKER_00]: and then I moved back home. 04:43.294 --> 04:46.858 [SPEAKER_00]: Our relationship was two years of long distance. 04:47.419 --> 04:58.593 [SPEAKER_00]: It continued to be long distance, so we dated for two years and then got engaged and then got married like five, six months later, got engaged in the spring and I wanted to get married by the father and want to get married in the winter or wait for the next spring. 04:58.613 --> 05:00.255 [SPEAKER_00]: Since we knew we wanted to get married. 05:00.455 --> 05:01.476 [SPEAKER_00]: So here's a story. 05:01.997 --> 05:11.246 [SPEAKER_00]: I grew up Christian home, great Christian home, but as maybe you've kind of figured out or I've mentioned and just even earlier in this episode, I rebelled against my parents' faith. 05:11.286 --> 05:15.130 [SPEAKER_00]: I hadn't quite fully grasped a faith of my own. 05:16.071 --> 05:19.455 [SPEAKER_00]: And even though I went to Christian college, just I became a party girl. 05:20.096 --> 05:20.316 [SPEAKER_00]: And he, 05:21.805 --> 05:23.086 [SPEAKER_00]: was a party guy. 05:23.666 --> 05:25.908 [SPEAKER_00]: And so he wasn't walking in a relationship with God. 05:26.348 --> 05:31.172 [SPEAKER_00]: And so our dating, I wouldn't say it was missionary dating. 05:31.352 --> 05:36.336 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not necessarily that wouldn't be my first preference for anybody. 05:36.956 --> 05:41.220 [SPEAKER_00]: Because he and I were, I mean, I was far from God. 05:41.700 --> 05:45.763 [SPEAKER_00]: And he was as well because he didn't necessarily know you could have a personal relationship with God. 05:46.104 --> 05:55.191 [SPEAKER_00]: And so the two years of dating was, I mean, I tell my kids now, this is kind of jumping forward, that, you know, they meet somebody, they really get to know when six months a year, maybe it's less, I don't know. 05:55.251 --> 05:56.452 [SPEAKER_00]: This is going to be their own stories. 05:57.693 --> 05:59.294 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, and you're both solid. 05:59.314 --> 06:05.539 [SPEAKER_00]: And even if maybe you don't see at eye on every secondary and tertiary theological thing, you know, make sure you have discussions about those things. 06:06.535 --> 06:07.796 [SPEAKER_00]: but you don't need to wait that long. 06:08.276 --> 06:17.780 [SPEAKER_00]: We waited that long because I in my heart knew that the Bible said not to be unequally yoked and I have that option not to be and we're just dating. 06:18.340 --> 06:19.160 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not a marriage. 06:19.300 --> 06:24.583 [SPEAKER_00]: Marriage is a, now I understand it as a covenant and forever commitment. 06:26.194 --> 06:31.159 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's really basically the story of why it was so long, and then we were just like, well, we're in love. 06:31.259 --> 06:36.424 [SPEAKER_00]: And I really can credit it only to, only to God's work, the Holy Spirit within him. 06:36.724 --> 06:41.789 [SPEAKER_00]: And when we got married, he was, believe in Jesus, and really, 06:42.429 --> 07:04.436 [SPEAKER_00]: beginning that faith walk and so I look at how area is now and it's just brings tears of joy to me and I know it could have ended differently but I just am so thankful for the Lord for that so we had no direction as far as dating it was just I mean our direction was just how our friends dated and and that's really it and so as we started to have kids obviously we don't really think about it in the beginning. 07:05.257 --> 07:28.887 [SPEAKER_00]: but then as they became like maybe elementary school there's boyfriends girlfriends and we're like yeah we're not doing that you can have friends that are boys and girls you know friends of the opposite sex that's fine because little kids think of an eight-year-old they don't really care who they're playing with yeah the boys might be like well the girls they don't really want to wrestle in that kind of stuff so I'll wrestle with my boyfriends boys friends that are boys and so they recognize that there is a difference 07:29.687 --> 07:37.859 [SPEAKER_00]: but we had decided around that time that we're like, no, we're not doing the dating thing in the, you know, tweens and teen years. 07:38.640 --> 07:43.106 [SPEAKER_00]: Begin homeschooling and we had formerly set and told our kids. 07:43.126 --> 07:45.509 [SPEAKER_00]: I think this is really important to talk about these 07:46.170 --> 07:51.312 [SPEAKER_00]: if you have rules, parameters, expectations with them from a younger age, so that they know. 07:51.672 --> 07:58.975 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not like they're 15 and they come home and say, oh, I'm dating so-and-so, I'm going out with so-and-so, and you're like, oh, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry. 07:58.995 --> 08:01.776 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not allowed to date until you're 16, 17, 18, whatever it is. 08:02.730 --> 08:05.013 [SPEAKER_00]: That's kind of a little, yeah, you got to talk about it beforehand. 08:05.033 --> 08:10.161 [SPEAKER_00]: So our kids knew, we said we're not dating until after you're done with homeschool with high school. 08:10.642 --> 08:11.803 [SPEAKER_00]: So which would be 18. 08:12.284 --> 08:16.310 [SPEAKER_00]: And so that is probably one thing that we have stayed with. 08:17.755 --> 08:22.157 [SPEAKER_00]: It comes from just, I mean, we just felt so deeply about it. 08:22.537 --> 08:34.581 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know the kids, the ages of my kids, I have friends that are older, friends of the same age, friends that are younger, and so we've seen it in other people that are, it be close to us, or just kind of around us. 08:34.841 --> 08:36.962 [SPEAKER_00]: And we're just like, we don't want that for our teams. 08:37.082 --> 08:38.503 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we stuck with that. 08:39.352 --> 08:47.657 [SPEAKER_00]: But even so even when high school was over it wasn't kind of a jump to let's start dating and let's whatever like we've been like, okay, what is the purpose in this? 08:48.997 --> 08:53.100 [SPEAKER_00]: And part of it is that we flirted a little bit flirted no pun intended. 08:54.123 --> 08:56.045 [SPEAKER_00]: with courting that kind of became a big thing. 08:56.085 --> 08:58.126 [SPEAKER_00]: Now listen, I grew up in purity culture. 08:58.146 --> 08:59.507 [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't want to necessarily get into that. 08:59.587 --> 09:01.048 [SPEAKER_00]: I've worked through all of that. 09:01.229 --> 09:03.370 [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't think that we need to be a dead horse. 09:03.430 --> 09:13.338 [SPEAKER_00]: If you haven't worked through it and you grow up in that, then I encourage you to work through that and research, pray, and do read, you're that kind of stuff and get through it. 09:13.758 --> 09:14.519 [SPEAKER_00]: So you can get together side. 09:14.539 --> 09:15.980 [SPEAKER_00]: I can tell you the other side is really good. 09:16.600 --> 09:16.920 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, 09:17.761 --> 09:20.383 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, well, baby, hoarding is the thing instead. 09:20.423 --> 09:27.688 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we kind of looked into that and, you know, a young man would need to come and ask James to go on a date with our daughter. 09:28.148 --> 09:30.690 [SPEAKER_00]: And we're like, well, I don't know, maybe at 18 or so. 09:30.710 --> 09:31.791 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, but she's 23 now. 09:32.271 --> 09:45.500 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we've kind of gotten to the point here where we have just poured so much and our kids have so many discussions that to be honest, the end point that we are at at this point is that they are going to need to come up with their own 09:46.817 --> 09:47.337 [SPEAKER_00]: boundaries. 09:47.357 --> 09:58.624 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, we pray that all of this is biblical boundaries when it comes to their purity of mind and body and heart, but also just how are they going to proceed through that on their own? 09:58.764 --> 10:05.528 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I think you just can put so many boundaries up and some kids are really like I mentioned earlier, really going to push against that. 10:06.109 --> 10:14.594 [SPEAKER_00]: And I've just heard just things that just isn't quite sit right with me and I when it comes to courting just people's experiences 10:15.174 --> 10:18.077 [SPEAKER_00]: And again, that's going to be their experience and some of you are going to have great experiences. 10:18.117 --> 10:19.698 [SPEAKER_00]: And you don't have to write in. 10:19.718 --> 10:21.780 [SPEAKER_00]: You have to tell me that you had a great experience with coding and stuff. 10:21.800 --> 10:24.943 [SPEAKER_00]: So you're going to do it literally, that's OK. That is great for you. 10:25.063 --> 10:26.825 [SPEAKER_00]: And you could decide to do that for your kids. 10:27.105 --> 10:29.988 [SPEAKER_00]: I am simply sharing my perspective. 10:30.628 --> 10:32.049 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we don't have to see add-a. 10:32.090 --> 10:33.891 [SPEAKER_00]: You can still listen to this podcast episode. 10:33.911 --> 10:36.994 [SPEAKER_00]: You can listen to all of them when we can still be friends, right? 10:37.234 --> 10:37.334 [SPEAKER_00]: OK. 10:38.215 --> 10:43.725 [SPEAKER_00]: So just, I don't know, we just decided that that wasn't necessarily how things, how we wanted to do things. 10:43.745 --> 10:46.730 [SPEAKER_00]: We didn't want to put such strict regulations upon them. 10:46.770 --> 10:48.213 [SPEAKER_00]: But again, lots of conversations. 10:49.308 --> 10:53.470 [SPEAKER_00]: And let's let me go back real quick to the saying not dating in high school. 10:53.490 --> 10:56.431 [SPEAKER_00]: I've heard a lot of arguments from both sides. 10:56.631 --> 11:04.874 [SPEAKER_00]: And typically those are like, it's okay for them to date in high school are because either they dated, maybe married their high school sweetheart or they have kids that are dating. 11:05.634 --> 11:07.635 [SPEAKER_00]: And so you feel passionate about it. 11:07.655 --> 11:10.376 [SPEAKER_00]: You have, you have this experience. 11:11.036 --> 11:19.602 [SPEAKER_00]: And there's also it's you don't want to say that it's not good and your kids are dating people like that just that of course You have to be okay with it. 11:20.123 --> 11:31.071 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm going to tell you that from all the arguments and arguments as not as far as like fighting like as if like this is like logical arguments or reasons behind 11:31.931 --> 11:45.040 [SPEAKER_00]: Jamie Erickson from the unlikely homeschool has been the only one that has presented a good sound argument for lack of a better word, not like fighting, not that kind of argument where reasons for allowing dating in high school. 11:45.520 --> 11:50.964 [SPEAKER_00]: She had a post on social media about it and I was like, okay, but I mean this point, this is just recent that she had shared that. 11:51.544 --> 11:51.665 [SPEAKER_00]: And 11:52.685 --> 12:14.078 [SPEAKER_00]: her and I are in a similar season of life and so I'm like okay our youngest is 18 now about to graduate homeschool so we're not necessarily going to change anything but if you are curious and interested then I would encourage you to go look up her stuff on social media so Jamie Erickson is also one of the speakers at little by little homeschool conference this fall so if you'd like to maybe ask her in person you can do that if you come to the conference 12:14.818 --> 12:18.121 [SPEAKER_00]: But that was, I was like, okay, I can kind of get behind the idea. 12:18.521 --> 12:26.888 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, to be honest, out of my three kids, if we allow dating in high school, I can almost guarantee that one, yes, would have dated, would there have been multiple? 12:27.789 --> 12:30.251 [SPEAKER_00]: People that this one would have dated possibly? 12:31.152 --> 12:35.575 [SPEAKER_00]: Another one is a maybe and then the third one is a bit of a wild card. 12:35.696 --> 12:36.196 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know. 12:36.616 --> 12:40.339 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it really also depends upon the families and the people that you're interacting with. 12:40.399 --> 12:46.343 [SPEAKER_00]: If you are in a homeschool community and everybody else is not allowing their kids to date, well then there's not somebody to date. 12:46.984 --> 12:55.070 [SPEAKER_00]: And then it's like, okay, we dating just a kids from church or they just the homeschoolers, is it okay if they're going to public school, Christians will, you know, there's just just all that. 12:55.510 --> 12:57.011 [SPEAKER_00]: And so that's kind of where my kids would have 12:59.253 --> 13:04.932 [SPEAKER_00]: Honestly, I don't tell anybody I told you this, but from the one that would have dated, I don't know that there were 13:07.741 --> 13:30.410 [SPEAKER_00]: those of the opposite sex that we would have been like yeah that's a good person to spend time with and get to know so it's been a good it's been a good thing for our family so I will tell you that saying not dating until after high school has been a good thing and it's not like high school is this magical moment it's just is allowing them time to mature and to grow in wisdom and to have other experiences 13:31.290 --> 13:56.075 [SPEAKER_00]: I am not for the experience of dating where you become so immersed as a teen into the life of somebody of the opposite sex and it's basically like you are married but you're not living together and hopefully it's not like in the marriage way but it's very difficult to refrain from that and that's honestly my husband and our like we'd rather you meet an amazing person now that you guys are older so say 21 year old. 13:57.570 --> 13:58.991 [SPEAKER_00]: meet an amazing young woman. 13:59.311 --> 14:02.093 [SPEAKER_00]: And in six months, you guys are like, yep, this is who I want to marry. 14:02.113 --> 14:10.378 [SPEAKER_00]: And within, you know, three, six nine months, whatever, you guys are married because the longer that you date, the harder it is to abstain. 14:11.809 --> 14:20.640 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so let's move on to, okay, so I was starting about Jamie Erickson, that's actually a good, she has good reasons and I could be suede if I had younger kids. 14:20.720 --> 14:24.025 [SPEAKER_00]: But then again, it's like, okay, do we change the rules for the younger ones? 14:24.085 --> 14:26.267 [SPEAKER_00]: So I don't have that situation, so I don't have to worry about it. 14:26.868 --> 14:30.232 [SPEAKER_00]: But lately, I would say in the past year, my kids will be like, 14:31.273 --> 14:33.414 [SPEAKER_00]: Here goes Mom, talking about dating again. 14:33.734 --> 14:38.135 [SPEAKER_00]: I listen to podcasts and I try to just find like the best ones. 14:38.755 --> 14:42.876 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm really just trying to present them with information, with a different perspective. 14:42.896 --> 14:45.497 [SPEAKER_00]: Because again, my husband and I did not have this. 14:45.957 --> 14:51.859 [SPEAKER_00]: And so we were just copying what everybody else was doing and how everybody else was dating and how they all were thinking about it. 14:52.179 --> 14:54.661 [SPEAKER_00]: To be honest, when I started a day my husband, I really just wanted a boyfriend. 14:54.961 --> 14:56.202 [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't looking to get married. 14:56.722 --> 15:00.705 [SPEAKER_00]: I was 22 and yeah, marriage wasn't anything that I priority. 15:00.745 --> 15:03.647 [SPEAKER_00]: And so really with our kids, we've focused on 15:05.130 --> 15:14.474 [SPEAKER_00]: marriage and how dating can end and how to even get into it in a way that you're not breaking people's hearts along the way. 15:15.014 --> 15:20.437 [SPEAKER_00]: And so lately the past, I guess maybe about six months or so, we have read through two dating books. 15:20.477 --> 15:22.838 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to put them the links for those in the show notes. 15:22.858 --> 15:24.478 [SPEAKER_00]: It'll just link to Amazon because that's easiest. 15:24.858 --> 15:30.061 [SPEAKER_00]: It isn't affiliate link, so if you do purchase that through that link, I would be blessed, probably with about five cents, 15:33.662 --> 15:38.725 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, these two books have been phenomenal for the season of life my kids are in. 15:38.945 --> 15:43.247 [SPEAKER_00]: If your kids are younger, then I would say late teens. 15:43.648 --> 15:45.429 [SPEAKER_00]: I would encourage you to read it before. 15:46.773 --> 15:47.653 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, giving it to your kids. 15:47.793 --> 15:53.095 [SPEAKER_00]: And I would encourage you either way is that you read it with your child. 15:53.575 --> 15:57.856 [SPEAKER_00]: The other adult with your team, the other adult now doesn't mean you have to read it at the same time as then. 15:57.876 --> 15:59.836 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you have your own copies or your share of copy. 15:59.856 --> 16:01.156 [SPEAKER_00]: And you're even going to come together talk about it. 16:01.697 --> 16:07.778 [SPEAKER_00]: What we opted to do is instead at dinner when it happened to be that all five of us were there for dinner, which doesn't happen. 16:08.278 --> 16:13.502 [SPEAKER_00]: It happens maybe once or twice a week so it did take us a while to get through these books But I would kind of forego eating. 16:13.562 --> 16:18.686 [SPEAKER_00]: I did or we talk some and then I would forego I'd kind of hold off on eating some so I could read and then we would have a discussion. 16:18.726 --> 16:31.556 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes these discussions lasted in hour hour and a half maybe even two hours of us just talking and And it doesn't even mean that they have to really share what they're this is an us asking questions They're we're just a conversation. 16:31.856 --> 16:37.260 [SPEAKER_00]: We're having a good time But you know there's jokes in between and then there's serious moments and I just really want them to 16:37.860 --> 16:47.828 [SPEAKER_00]: go into dating with their eyes a bit more wide open, knowing their options, knowing that asking somebody on a date doesn't mean you're marrying them. 16:49.109 --> 16:54.714 [SPEAKER_00]: So those two books, I can't remember the names of them right now, but I'm going to put them in the show notes. 16:54.994 --> 16:55.694 [SPEAKER_00]: We're excellent. 16:55.794 --> 16:58.657 [SPEAKER_00]: They were excellent for facilitating conversations. 16:59.137 --> 17:00.879 [SPEAKER_00]: it talks about everything. 17:01.119 --> 17:02.800 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so I'm just going to tell you right that. 17:02.860 --> 17:05.582 [SPEAKER_00]: So you figure out if it's right for your kids. 17:05.642 --> 17:09.445 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe your kids are younger, younger teens or younger than that. 17:09.485 --> 17:12.228 [SPEAKER_00]: You want to get the books and read through them and kind of have a perspective. 17:12.268 --> 17:19.253 [SPEAKER_00]: You can, but I just really think that at this point, well, I know my husband and I are just like, let's just, we want to be open. 17:19.313 --> 17:24.337 [SPEAKER_00]: We want to be the type of family that they want to bring somebody around that they're dating, that they don't hiding it. 17:24.377 --> 17:27.140 [SPEAKER_00]: They aren't hiding what they're doing, that they want 17:28.060 --> 17:30.002 [SPEAKER_00]: To reach out for others to be accountable. 17:30.062 --> 17:52.677 [SPEAKER_00]: That was one of the conversations and they were like, yeah No, we don't really want you to be a accountable, but we are really trying to make sure that there's other adults that are saying that They're saying the same things as us and have the same beliefs and Biblical knowledge that we do and surround them so that if they ask them to be hold them accountable like perfect That's okay. 17:52.737 --> 17:54.439 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not mom and dad, but it's somebody else 17:55.521 --> 18:02.427 [SPEAKER_00]: So there's just been a lot of conversations and they have to decide on their own it's kind of where we have landed with all this. 18:02.847 --> 18:04.689 [SPEAKER_00]: We're not going to set up these rules. 18:05.350 --> 18:06.290 [SPEAKER_00]: We are here for you. 18:07.291 --> 18:11.075 [SPEAKER_00]: We pray that there aren't, you know, I don't wanna say mistakes, but, 18:11.595 --> 18:18.857 [SPEAKER_00]: parts of your relationship that you have regrets over if so we're here to talk about it and we have talked about everything. 18:18.937 --> 18:23.778 [SPEAKER_00]: You can just fill in all of the blanks for all of that and I think that that's really important. 18:23.878 --> 18:29.879 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I am not speaking from a perspective of somebody who has three kids that are married and they dated and it was great and stuff. 18:30.139 --> 18:38.021 [SPEAKER_00]: This is just my perspective right now of an 1821 and 23 year old who are all single and look in the mangle with the right 18:39.981 --> 19:05.475 [SPEAKER_00]: But just where we are right now and maybe my perspective will change, I mean as you've kind of heard like I have just kind of changed and thought things a little bit differently open to some things, but I think that really it just comes down to So the episode right before this where I talked about what my son said at the graduation ceremony and just like we want our kids to say that we want to be the people that they come to and they learn knowledge and they learn this stuff. 19:06.135 --> 19:31.477 [SPEAKER_00]: about it and so yeah so we've just had to have great conversations with those two books I've really just kind of let us and it was just like somebody else saying the same thing that maybe we would say but just in a better way it had really thought it through and so that's my thoughts on dating as a homeschool mom of young adults I am in constant prayer maybe not constant I might be like a little bit but like every day every day I pray for their future spouses I have been doing that for years and another 19:32.558 --> 19:35.942 [SPEAKER_00]: Other people that I've been praying for, it went especially when my kids were younger. 19:35.962 --> 19:49.035 [SPEAKER_00]: I was praying for their future spouses parents for them to parent them I Right the last one too, but just to parent them in a way that just 19:50.464 --> 19:51.044 [SPEAKER_00]: that they need. 19:51.664 --> 20:03.048 [SPEAKER_00]: That just helps reach their hearts for the gospel and just praying for the weirdness of those parents I'm sure, just because I was feeling weary at that time too. 20:03.468 --> 20:10.571 [SPEAKER_00]: So I encourage you to pray not just only for your children's future spouses, obviously pray for our kids. 20:11.192 --> 20:19.158 [SPEAKER_00]: for your children's future spouses, but also pray for their parents as they are pouring into somebody that's going to be a part of your life someday. 20:19.638 --> 20:21.079 [SPEAKER_00]: And so what does that didn't look like? 20:21.379 --> 20:22.620 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I'm not really quite sure. 20:22.760 --> 20:28.104 [SPEAKER_00]: And to be honest, I don't think that there is in in 2026 here in the 21st century. 20:28.124 --> 20:30.186 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think that there is one specific way. 20:30.206 --> 20:35.209 [SPEAKER_00]: I think there's a lot of different cultural things we can read into now and we can read into in the past. 20:35.249 --> 20:36.210 [SPEAKER_00]: How they have dated and 20:36.670 --> 20:39.491 [SPEAKER_00]: like, well, dating wasn't even a word in the Bible. 20:39.611 --> 20:41.832 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, well, that's, this is the place we're at right now. 20:41.992 --> 20:42.953 [SPEAKER_00]: So what are you going to do with it? 20:43.453 --> 20:47.675 [SPEAKER_00]: So I just encourage you to find resources, check, connect with those two books. 20:48.503 --> 20:55.326 [SPEAKER_00]: the questions reach out, go look at and see what Jamie Erickson said, and just read those people and it doesn't, and don't be ashamed of the way that you are doing it. 20:55.766 --> 20:57.407 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I would also add to it. 20:57.947 --> 21:01.408 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you are a family or like no, we're going to do courtship, then that's absolutely fine. 21:01.729 --> 21:06.431 [SPEAKER_00]: You'll find other families, you'll find other people and that are that are in a similar path. 21:06.751 --> 21:06.911 [SPEAKER_00]: And 21:07.531 --> 21:16.215 [SPEAKER_00]: if a young man or young woman is interested in one of your children during courtship, and that wasn't really what they were thinking, then maybe they'll come over to that side and they'll be willing to do it. 21:16.295 --> 21:28.960 [SPEAKER_00]: So I really don't think that there is a right or wrong way when we are leaning on the Holy Spirit, and I just think that overall we need to be willing to continue to learn, and not become be so rigid in the way that we are doing. 21:29.060 --> 21:31.121 [SPEAKER_00]: All I should feel like you need to, um, yeah. 21:32.361 --> 21:35.944 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope that I've just kind of encouraged you a little bit and just kind of get you thinking. 21:36.285 --> 21:45.973 [SPEAKER_00]: I really think that it is something that we need to think about and to be intentional about instead of letting our kids take the lead, especially when they are maybe teens. 21:47.043 --> 21:53.745 [SPEAKER_00]: Instead of them taking a lead and being like, I've got this boyfriend from co-op or something, and you've been like, oh, no, no, we're not doing it. 21:53.845 --> 21:55.205 [SPEAKER_00]: You take a lead. 21:55.385 --> 21:57.025 [SPEAKER_00]: You are the one that's setting a tone. 21:57.065 --> 21:59.006 [SPEAKER_00]: You are the one that's setting the boundaries and the parameters. 21:59.026 --> 22:02.527 [SPEAKER_00]: And then at a certain point, we just have to open our hands and release it to them. 22:03.207 --> 22:04.307 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm gonna tell you right now. 22:05.007 --> 22:06.628 [SPEAKER_00]: I prayed a lot for my kids when they were younger. 22:07.568 --> 22:08.488 [SPEAKER_00]: And it doesn't end. 22:08.728 --> 22:12.709 [SPEAKER_00]: It actually, I feel like as they get older, it's just the stakes are higher. 22:13.049 --> 22:14.289 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm just praying a lot more. 22:14.510 --> 22:16.230 [SPEAKER_00]: So I pray that this episode has blessed you.