WEBVTT 00:00.091 --> 00:03.915 [SPEAKER_01]: Hey guys, welcome to the courageous parenting podcast for so glad to have you back with us. 00:04.255 --> 00:08.619 [SPEAKER_01]: Today we have a really practical implementation podcast episode for you. 00:08.659 --> 00:16.207 [SPEAKER_01]: We are talking about the importance of home discipleship, the daily discipleship that happens in regards to relationships. 00:16.567 --> 00:25.532 [SPEAKER_01]: Now, we are going to go over five main struggles that we see that parents have been potentially either avoiding or really needing encouragement in. 00:25.672 --> 00:43.883 [SPEAKER_01]: Those struggles would be the thoughts that their kids have about other people that need to be disabled, communication in relationships with other people, sin in relationships where it hurts other people, response to feedback, their relationship with you and other people when they're corrected and the spiritual purpose behind relationships. 00:44.403 --> 01:12.441 [SPEAKER_00]: it's so good hey and if you haven't got the book yet courageous parenting is out launch week was incredible it's ranking number one on a couple of lists top 15 some big Christian categories it's over a hundred reviews already 70 plus or on Amazon and rather than me just sharing about the book you should go if you go read five of those reviews whatever first five you read you will be blown away even somebody recommending grandparents reading it how easy it is to read 01:13.061 --> 01:14.843 [SPEAKER_00]: The challenge is how this is a guide book. 01:14.903 --> 01:15.784 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not just a book. 01:15.824 --> 01:16.524 [SPEAKER_00]: There really is. 01:16.605 --> 01:18.166 [SPEAKER_00]: There's no other parenting book like this. 01:18.186 --> 01:22.530 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't care what parenting book you've read with from the feedback. 01:22.650 --> 01:26.854 [SPEAKER_00]: We're getting this is standing out in times where it is really needed. 01:26.894 --> 01:28.575 [SPEAKER_00]: We're impressed in the time for parents. 01:28.976 --> 01:32.218 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is a guide book to really help you chalk with biblical truth. 01:32.359 --> 01:33.740 [SPEAKER_00]: Everything back by biblical truth. 01:34.240 --> 01:44.932 [SPEAKER_00]: And we just so thank you, we're so thankful you're part of the 10 million legacy when every time you give a five star review on the podcast or a five star review of the book and purchase things, it's like raising your hand saying, I'm in. 01:45.393 --> 01:48.777 [SPEAKER_00]: We need to change the world for the Lord, for his glory. 01:49.237 --> 01:51.798 [SPEAKER_00]: and start one family at a time and continue from there. 01:51.858 --> 01:53.318 [SPEAKER_00]: And so would you share this book? 01:53.358 --> 01:55.159 [SPEAKER_00]: Would you share what's happening in Facebook groups? 01:55.239 --> 01:56.039 [SPEAKER_00]: Or wherever you listen? 01:56.399 --> 01:57.719 [SPEAKER_00]: Would you give it five-star review? 01:58.219 --> 01:59.360 [SPEAKER_00]: And would you help the movement? 01:59.380 --> 02:00.780 [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks so much and enjoy the show. 02:00.940 --> 02:06.441 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I think people are going to look forward to this episode because it's real practical, daily conversations. 02:06.561 --> 02:11.843 [SPEAKER_00]: And examples of those that you can actually have with your children that we've been doing for the last 20 plus years. 02:13.043 --> 02:14.345 [SPEAKER_00]: We've just really seen fruit. 02:14.425 --> 02:17.447 [SPEAKER_00]: It's really in the daily rhythms and adjusting those. 02:17.487 --> 02:21.090 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you find little ways to adjust those, it can make a huge difference over a long period of time. 02:21.631 --> 02:36.563 [SPEAKER_01]: When we talk about home discipleship, obviously one of the things that we've encouraged parents is to view discipline differently, view it as a part of discipleship, that it's actually an opportunity to reconcile your child, to the Lord, like to lead them in that reconciliation. 02:37.424 --> 02:53.507 [SPEAKER_01]: through them understanding basic, doctrinal and theological truths that we know we're called to live in and walk out like confession and repentance and forgiveness things that we do on a regular basis as adults right and so teaching those practices those 02:54.387 --> 02:57.448 [SPEAKER_01]: ways of being with your kids is incredibly important. 02:57.649 --> 03:09.793 [SPEAKER_01]: One of the things that I think about, though, when I think about discipleship, and we haven't really talked about this a whole lot, although we do have like two or three chapters in our new book, Craig just parenting, that talk about different kinds of relationships, right? 03:09.913 --> 03:13.855 [SPEAKER_01]: So we have one chapter that's all on building the stronger relationship that 03:14.435 --> 03:16.296 [SPEAKER_01]: you know, that's required, right? 03:16.676 --> 03:24.020 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's about like your relationship with your children in regards to like, are you building the kind of relationship where you can actually correct them? 03:24.200 --> 03:27.482 [SPEAKER_01]: Are you building the kind of relationship where you can have those hard conversations? 03:28.903 --> 03:35.867 [SPEAKER_00]: Equipped to discern influences, biblically, so it's also discerned, prepared to navigate friendships, biblically, so chapters 13 and 14. 03:35.887 --> 03:35.987 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 03:36.988 --> 03:38.853 [SPEAKER_01]: That's also one that's on pride, right? 03:39.374 --> 03:42.022 [SPEAKER_01]: It requires humility in both parantines. 03:42.162 --> 03:44.689 [SPEAKER_00]: Chapter six, the family rhythm that crushes pride. 03:45.052 --> 04:11.883 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and so those four chapters, I feel like, you know, there's some of what we're going to be talking about today would apply to it, although I truly believe that what we're discussing today is not even actually the book and I think that if we were to just expand upon some of the chapters, this would be one whole chapter that the concept that when you are discipling your children, their relationships with you, their relationship with God, their relationship with others. 04:12.823 --> 04:15.706 [SPEAKER_01]: is where a lot of the sanctification and growth is going to happen. 04:16.147 --> 04:23.535 [SPEAKER_01]: It's where you, it's in relationships and obviously also circumstances that happen in life where we're squeezed. 04:23.815 --> 04:29.301 [SPEAKER_01]: That's when you see like what is really true and real within a person comes out, right? 04:29.861 --> 04:34.787 [SPEAKER_01]: And so then you're able to go, oh, I didn't realize that pride was there or I didn't realize that fear was there. 04:35.207 --> 04:37.549 [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't realize that that child struggled with anxiety. 04:37.569 --> 04:42.513 [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't realize that child struggled with being boastful or arrogant in that kind of away while that was really ugly. 04:42.553 --> 04:53.882 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, usually those kinds of sins are exposed because there's some kind of relational rift or tear or offense or something that happens either between them and one of your other kids or them and a friend. 04:54.502 --> 05:01.527 [SPEAKER_01]: and obviously, as parents, that's a huge opportunity for us to be building their character long-term. 05:02.128 --> 05:03.889 [SPEAKER_01]: And really, that's where discipleship is, right? 05:04.409 --> 05:10.134 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, recognizing that when we see those sins, those heart attitudes, those heart conditions, 05:11.255 --> 05:22.783 [SPEAKER_01]: being revealed because of the behavior all what you see in them coming out that's their behavior right, whether they're rude or they're hotty or they're glaring or their body language even shows that as well. 05:23.143 --> 05:35.652 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's interesting to me, Isaac and I were talking with our kids this morning who was reading through revelation with the kids and and then we start talking about this concept of just the cross like getting back to the basics. 05:36.372 --> 05:40.017 [SPEAKER_01]: right, and with home discipleships, so many people make it complicated. 05:40.798 --> 05:44.684 [SPEAKER_01]: But you say something really profound to the dads in that section on home discipleship. 05:44.704 --> 05:49.731 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, it's an acronym pray, which is to promote what you're about to share with them. 05:50.231 --> 05:53.496 [SPEAKER_00]: And then the R is to read it, that A is to ask a question. 05:54.081 --> 06:08.780 [SPEAKER_00]: and the Y is to yearn to grow yourself in biblical knowledge and when you actually start teaching your family the Y keeps happening because you start to yearn you're like well I want to that was cool I want to get even better at this I find when I'm teaching 06:09.260 --> 06:13.901 [SPEAKER_00]: I yearn even more to know more and so isn't that true in anything else you do jense? 06:14.202 --> 06:22.744 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like once you're doing it you want to know more about it and so I created a real simple Could you do more could you actually elaborate teach about the scripture? 06:23.164 --> 06:38.589 [SPEAKER_00]: You could but you know what you don't have to if you're just really new at it You can just you promote what you're about to teach hey we're gonna learn this and then you read it And then you ask a question and that's gonna cause you to you're more if you're in the right posture with the Lord 06:39.384 --> 07:06.009 [SPEAKER_01]: yeah it's interesting I think that with the promote to when you're able to promote it in a way that makes it applicable for your kids or it's real life real time like this you do this all the time without even purposefully trying to when you bring in current events and then you're like oh did you guys know the Bible talks about this or you know and then or you'll read scripture and go oh that's kind of like this this was happening remember when this was happening or and peep then the kids like they see how relevant the word of God is 07:09.785 --> 07:14.370 [SPEAKER_01]: Is there a more biblical way to do health care that's more effective than insurance and saves you money? 07:14.811 --> 07:19.817 [SPEAKER_01]: For the last six years, we've experienced a resounding yes by joining Samaritan Ministries health care sharing. 07:20.137 --> 07:23.541 [SPEAKER_01]: And I've even switched to the recently launched redeem health share ministry. 07:24.001 --> 07:29.348 [SPEAKER_01]: In the past, we paid more monthly for health insurance and extra medical bills than we do now with a bigger family. 07:29.808 --> 07:36.553 [SPEAKER_01]: With Redeem, we love the efficient way our medical burdens are handled and the seamless digital dashboard to manage our membership. 07:36.973 --> 07:45.540 [SPEAKER_01]: This trusted Christian organization has been around for over 30 years and we love being a part of the difference they make to redeem health sharing in our culture. 07:46.380 --> 07:50.163 [SPEAKER_01]: Learn more at redeemhellshare.org or click on the link in our show notes. 07:50.543 --> 07:59.409 [SPEAKER_01]: That's redeemhellshare.org and it becomes interesting to them, which is that is part of home discipleship is that you want your kids. 07:59.869 --> 08:01.130 [SPEAKER_01]: We've talked about this so many times. 08:01.150 --> 08:04.172 [SPEAKER_01]: We have a whole chapter on how to cultivate a teachable heart with your kids. 08:04.212 --> 08:06.314 [SPEAKER_01]: Obviously, if your kid is going to make 08:06.814 --> 08:19.163 [SPEAKER_01]: their own faith decision to pursue God and to be a Christian, which every child has to go from their parents' faith to owning their own faith and pursuing a personal relationship, like relationships don't exist if you don't pursue someone, that just is true. 08:19.704 --> 08:22.025 [SPEAKER_01]: And so we all want that for our kids, right? 08:22.106 --> 08:31.953 [SPEAKER_01]: But with home discipleship, our whole role is to be modeling that for them, but also teaching them how to get to know God, essentially, right? 08:32.473 --> 08:39.117 [SPEAKER_01]: That's the most basic, first foundational step is, why do we want to know God who is God? 08:39.597 --> 08:40.858 [SPEAKER_01]: What is His word say? 08:41.018 --> 08:44.700 [SPEAKER_01]: How does He communicate to us, teaching them how to pray, how to read the Bible? 08:45.641 --> 08:48.262 [SPEAKER_01]: How to study the Bible would be different from how to read the Bible. 08:48.562 --> 08:54.666 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that all of these are just like awesome opportunities and they're foundational in family discipleship, but so is 08:55.606 --> 09:16.468 [SPEAKER_01]: Taking the word of God that you're teaching to your kids and applying it to their life in real time so that when they are in a relationship conflict with a brother or a sister or a neighbor or or even just within themselves or with God You can point that out and lead them in truth and what God wants and expects from them, right? 09:16.628 --> 09:30.597 [SPEAKER_00]: No, it's huge and I think they go together really like when you're starting to teach the Bible to your children on a regular basis that opens up a rhythm in your relationship with your family of intentional chats, of deeper conversations. 09:31.177 --> 09:39.963 [SPEAKER_00]: And then when you continue that, which should be an overflow of weaving in and seeing things, I think the big challenge though, I know for me sometimes. 09:40.487 --> 09:42.629 [SPEAKER_00]: The big challenge is that it's time. 09:43.270 --> 09:45.713 [SPEAKER_00]: In my agenda and the things I want to get done are what's happening. 09:46.033 --> 09:54.943 [SPEAKER_00]: And you see a character challenge in a child in the way they respond to a sibling and you just quickly get them to stop and move them forward. 09:55.463 --> 10:00.128 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that, yes, there's sometimes you do need to do that because something else is more important. 10:00.569 --> 10:01.570 [SPEAKER_00]: But a lot of times, 10:02.110 --> 10:08.156 [SPEAKER_00]: That is the most important thing, and we need to attend to that more often, even though it takes a lot more time. 10:08.676 --> 10:18.605 [SPEAKER_00]: And we need to suspend our agenda for seizing the real-life discipleship moments, where you can work on their character, where you can work on biblical correction, where you can 10:19.002 --> 10:42.910 [SPEAKER_00]: ask them questions, say, how do you think they would feel if you were talked to that way, or wrong thinking about people outside of the family, and connecting the wrong dots and having a pessimistic attitude about somebody, your critical spirit, root of bitterness might be developing about someone in or outside of the family, are you dressing that so you can dig it out and you can throw it away, have a kind of a clean slate with that person. 10:43.470 --> 11:01.165 [SPEAKER_01]: It's interesting because when you think about the cross and you think about, okay, so the cross is probably like this image right so you have a horizontal line and you have a vertical line and I like to I've been thinking a lot about this, if you're watching the YouTube, I have my hands like cross to kind of like I'm karate chopping to make a cross and and 11:01.766 --> 11:09.118 [SPEAKER_01]: You know when you think about what Jesus died on the cross and that he died to reconcile us both to God But also to be able to have fellowship with man. 11:09.178 --> 11:15.409 [SPEAKER_01]: It's because he ensured he ushered in a forgiveness and atonement for our sins yesterday today in tomorrow 11:16.200 --> 11:25.328 [SPEAKER_01]: And so when we actually live as Christ followers, believing the truths that are in the Word of God, then we treat people differently. 11:25.608 --> 11:34.837 [SPEAKER_01]: If there isn't evidence of treating people differently as in the way of Christ, then I would shudder to think maybe that person isn't actually a Christian. 11:35.357 --> 11:40.539 [SPEAKER_01]: they don't, like you can't give forgiveness if you have not received it because you can't give what you don't have. 11:41.039 --> 11:45.660 [SPEAKER_01]: And so someone is struggling with forgiveness, it could be that maybe they haven't forgiven themselves. 11:45.680 --> 11:46.820 [SPEAKER_01]: Why haven't they forgiven themselves? 11:46.860 --> 11:59.464 [SPEAKER_01]: Because well, clearly that means that they don't understand forgiveness true forgiveness from the cross because how prideful would it be to say, oh yeah, I can accept God's forgiveness, but I can't forgive myself as if, as if yourself is more holy than God. 11:59.504 --> 12:01.865 [SPEAKER_01]: Like God is the holiest thing 12:03.725 --> 12:12.231 [SPEAKER_01]: And so for him to offer forgiveness, how dare we not forgive ourselves when he's forgiven us, the Holy God has forgiven us, right? 12:12.691 --> 12:26.381 [SPEAKER_01]: And so when we change our thinking, forgiveness changes everything, like our ability to forgive other people, our ability to have compassion, our ability to have understanding, our ability to adjust our expectations, 12:26.921 --> 12:42.299 [SPEAKER_01]: Our ability to have four parents and long-suffering all of these things that describe what love is that God commands us to do in Loving both our neighbor and our enemies and I would say like that's the other thing is that when people are they though Oh, yeah, I'm a Christian and I listen to this. 12:42.640 --> 12:43.380 [SPEAKER_01]: I listen to that. 12:43.400 --> 12:44.342 [SPEAKER_01]: I listen to this, but then 12:44.862 --> 12:48.946 [SPEAKER_01]: they're not actually implementing the teachings of Christ in their life. 12:49.167 --> 12:50.368 [SPEAKER_01]: That's a huge red flag. 12:50.889 --> 12:59.798 [SPEAKER_01]: And for us as parents, I think that we need to see the yellow flags and the red flags that are within our children in the way that they are communicating with one another because we should 13:00.078 --> 13:06.321 [SPEAKER_01]: We should be walking it out with a healthy fear understanding that we're held accountable for our children while they're in our home, right? 13:06.702 --> 13:16.827 [SPEAKER_01]: And if we don't teach things or we do teach things that are inaccurate even, that is going to actually take root in our child and they're going to grow up in that care. 13:16.947 --> 13:28.133 [SPEAKER_01]: That character whatever is taught is going to grow bigger and bigger and bigger until they're an adult they're launched and then maybe you later in life realize oh I wish I would have taught them forgiveness or humility more or 13:28.753 --> 13:38.340 [SPEAKER_01]: whatever it was and now if you haven't created the relationship that's required it's hard to have those conversations and actually correct and revoke any more because they're not your home. 13:38.640 --> 13:50.269 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah it's a tempering of pride in somebody so you have these little prideful children and your job is to temper that out of them with the help of the Holy Spirit and 13:51.323 --> 14:12.187 [SPEAKER_00]: you know, it takes a consistent effort to help them see themselves, help them see their own sin, to help them see things correctly from a biblical view, to help them not connect the wrong dots and create a big false story about somebody, how to stop saying you always you never in making absolutes the hurt relationships. 14:12.327 --> 14:14.147 [SPEAKER_00]: You need to, you need to stop that stuff. 14:14.187 --> 14:18.648 [SPEAKER_00]: If someone in our family says you always, we stop and we talk about that. 14:18.788 --> 14:22.211 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, about literally the word always because it's kind of a band word. 14:22.651 --> 14:24.453 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we should not say that. 14:24.553 --> 14:25.414 [SPEAKER_00]: It is not true. 14:25.454 --> 14:27.896 [SPEAKER_00]: They're saying something false in their own emotional. 14:27.916 --> 14:31.459 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, it's a lack of bridling the tongue, right? 14:31.499 --> 14:33.761 [SPEAKER_01]: And because when you get emotional, it is harder to have. 14:34.241 --> 14:37.964 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, some of you're like, hey, I tell my spouse that or my spouse tells me that. 14:38.205 --> 14:38.425 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 14:38.465 --> 14:40.046 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's something that you have to wear. 14:40.066 --> 14:42.108 [SPEAKER_00]: I think most marriages have to work through that. 14:42.861 --> 14:48.285 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's when we get emotionally beside ourselves in frustration, we exaggerate. 14:48.345 --> 14:49.966 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's important to stop it. 14:50.286 --> 14:50.927 [SPEAKER_00]: We need to stop it. 14:51.087 --> 14:52.068 [SPEAKER_00]: We stop in our marriages. 14:52.288 --> 14:56.371 [SPEAKER_00]: We stop our kids from doing it because they're gonna do it in their marriages. 14:56.391 --> 15:00.854 [SPEAKER_00]: And probably the reason it's happening in your marriage if that's the case is because your parents didn't stop you. 15:01.615 --> 15:04.316 [SPEAKER_00]: And so if you want a new legacy, you have to stop things earlier. 15:05.137 --> 15:05.998 [SPEAKER_00]: And cut these things off. 15:06.558 --> 15:11.324 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, you know, what do you mean when you say things like cut these things off or temperate out of a child? 15:11.344 --> 15:17.351 [SPEAKER_01]: Because those are kind of harsh ways to say it, but it's like, what do you mean by that? 15:18.618 --> 15:24.243 [SPEAKER_00]: I think when I say things like that, it's because I have a high belief in my ability to influence my family. 15:25.384 --> 15:37.855 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think unfortunately a lot of parents have a low belief whether a minute or not and their ability to influence their family because they will try and influence something and then it will continue and they get frustrated. 15:38.455 --> 15:47.197 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think what we've learned over time is that you have to be patient and you have to be consistent and you have to trust God. 15:47.617 --> 15:51.598 [SPEAKER_00]: Part of trusting God as a parent is not being inactive. 15:52.059 --> 15:56.960 [SPEAKER_00]: Trusting God is doing the things God has called us to do with our children. 15:57.740 --> 16:20.822 [SPEAKER_00]: consistently trusting that he's going to intervene and also make it work at some point but we need to never stop and I think that's really important so when I say you know stop something you need to be the influences that do something consistently with the hope that it's going to stop and not continue in the next generation. 16:22.083 --> 16:39.929 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, it reminds me of James chapter 1 verse 26 because here if if I if you were to just say this phrase some people might go, oh, that's harsh But this is actually what Bible says says if anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue But deceives his heart this person's religion is worthless worth less. 16:40.209 --> 16:41.930 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean the the Bible is tough 16:42.270 --> 16:46.095 [SPEAKER_01]: It literally even says if your right hand sees your left hand sinning cut it up. 16:46.115 --> 16:57.389 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, there's like there's some theory analogy about a literal thing Well, and I think that that's part of what you are getting to also when you're saying things like cut it out like don't allow it to exist Well, how do you not allow 16:57.970 --> 17:03.697 [SPEAKER_01]: It's rare when a homeschool curriculum works for all different personalities, but when it does, it makes homeschooling children so much easier. 17:04.117 --> 17:10.064 [SPEAKER_01]: In my home, everyone is wired so differently, and for the first time ever, everyone loves and is 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disrespectful, right? 17:40.763 --> 17:40.943 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah. 17:40.963 --> 17:51.391 [SPEAKER_01]: And so you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you 17:51.631 --> 17:58.953 [SPEAKER_01]: cutting it out in a sense is not just like hard hammer coming down on them and saying, that is disrespectful. 17:59.373 --> 18:00.493 [SPEAKER_01]: Don't ever do that again. 18:01.153 --> 18:04.814 [SPEAKER_01]: And then like massive punishment and then not talking about it anymore. 18:04.854 --> 18:07.315 [SPEAKER_01]: That's not that's not biblical discipleship, right? 18:07.415 --> 18:09.375 [SPEAKER_00]: And so that's like telling you as an adult. 18:09.635 --> 18:11.575 [SPEAKER_00]: Never think poorly of someone ever again. 18:11.976 --> 18:12.256 [SPEAKER_01]: Right? 18:12.736 --> 18:13.536 [SPEAKER_01]: Or yeah. 18:14.777 --> 18:22.724 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't ever judge anybody ever again or you know like there's never again thing it's hard to because you're kind of like Don't ever do that again 18:23.085 --> 18:25.687 [SPEAKER_01]: They're unrealistic expectations for humanity. 18:25.707 --> 18:27.548 [SPEAKER_00]: But I make them mistakes sometimes. 18:27.968 --> 18:30.749 [SPEAKER_01]: But you know, I think that they're, but here's the deal. 18:31.050 --> 18:33.171 [SPEAKER_01]: If a child is being sassy, let's just go back for a second. 18:33.191 --> 18:35.092 [SPEAKER_01]: Because we've experienced this before we've had nine kids. 18:35.572 --> 18:42.476 [SPEAKER_01]: I've even seen it in other kids that have come to my home who've been sassy to me, you know, in times where I'm like, no, we're not going to do that. 18:42.536 --> 18:43.517 [SPEAKER_01]: And then they're like, why? 18:43.537 --> 18:47.259 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, and you're just, that always throws me off though, because my kids don't, 18:47.439 --> 19:09.223 [SPEAKER_01]: Talked to me in that same kind of light and I would like always kind of like shocked in the moment I can't believe that another child said that like that When he has different strengths and weaknesses and different different places Here's the thing like when you get when you get SaaS like that are you gonna be shocked like I froze in that moment It's only happened a couple times, but in the moment I froze and was like I can't believe that this child's talking to me this way 19:12.144 --> 19:15.385 [SPEAKER_01]: No, no, but here me out, here me out for a second. 19:16.046 --> 19:19.027 [SPEAKER_01]: Um, so you have a sassy kid, but what is your reaction? 19:19.227 --> 19:20.108 [SPEAKER_01]: That's what I'm getting at. 19:20.168 --> 19:22.069 [SPEAKER_01]: Like as a parent, what is your reaction? 19:22.109 --> 19:27.131 [SPEAKER_01]: Now, I'm just speaking from a place of like, I'm being really self-examining here. 19:27.771 --> 19:30.592 [SPEAKER_01]: I have reacted in my parenting many times. 19:30.953 --> 19:35.755 [SPEAKER_01]: Probably even just did it this morning because we had a little winding going on when it was time to clean up dishes. 19:36.655 --> 19:44.619 [SPEAKER_01]: However, most of the time, I try to be proactive and like describe what is going to happen in the day and lead. 19:44.939 --> 19:51.022 [SPEAKER_01]: Like there's an element of where I try to lead things happening and when I lead, there's less chaos. 19:51.223 --> 19:52.663 [SPEAKER_01]: There's less emotions. 19:52.703 --> 19:56.865 [SPEAKER_01]: There's less when I take on that home management leadership role, right? 19:58.106 --> 20:05.454 [SPEAKER_01]: When Isaac is at work, if I am purposeful and intentional and I lead, then it's like people are in line in a sense. 20:05.494 --> 20:06.976 [SPEAKER_01]: Really, and we get a lot done. 20:06.996 --> 20:08.538 [SPEAKER_01]: We're productive and we're able to have fun. 20:08.978 --> 20:11.361 [SPEAKER_01]: But does that mean that sometimes there isn't sex? 20:11.401 --> 20:11.941 [SPEAKER_01]: No, there is. 20:12.942 --> 20:14.064 [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes there is sex. 20:14.244 --> 20:18.448 [SPEAKER_01]: But if I react in shock and I freeze and I don't deal with it, that would be bad. 20:19.069 --> 20:30.034 [SPEAKER_01]: if I was to shout or respond offended, that would also be ineffective, and it would create a new sin that then needs to be dealt with, where I would have to apologize. 20:30.315 --> 20:32.176 [SPEAKER_01]: What is the right way in home discipleship? 20:32.616 --> 20:34.997 [SPEAKER_01]: It would be to respond, not react. 20:35.597 --> 20:40.600 [SPEAKER_01]: But to respond in a way that's biblical, but is also going to lead that child in the right thinking. 20:41.160 --> 20:41.561 [SPEAKER_00]: Right? 20:42.121 --> 20:47.804 [SPEAKER_01]: And so I think that ultimately it's going, hey, the way you're talking to me is disrespectful. 20:48.164 --> 20:49.225 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't appreciate that. 20:49.305 --> 20:50.906 [SPEAKER_01]: Do you want to try it differently? 20:51.286 --> 20:53.067 [SPEAKER_01]: How could you have said that differently? 20:53.347 --> 20:55.368 [SPEAKER_01]: What would have been a good way to communicate about that? 20:55.788 --> 21:01.832 [SPEAKER_01]: And I, it's interesting how with like the three younger kids I use that kind of phrase a lot more frequently where I'll stop and go 21:02.692 --> 21:27.052 [SPEAKER_01]: That was not I will literally call out like that was sassy or that was disrespectful or that was mean to your brother How could you say that differently in a way that's gonna be nicer and I I think that that phrase I really wish I would have even I don't know if I just came up with it or if I heard somebody say it at one point or something But if I would have used that more often even in my earlier parenting with our older kids I think it would have been really a 21:27.513 --> 21:32.533 [SPEAKER_01]: powerful, but I do believe that there's something that is so handy about role-playing. 21:33.267 --> 21:37.348 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, it's a more, so, and we're not escaping real disciplines. 21:37.488 --> 21:37.668 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yes. 21:37.688 --> 21:43.450 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes they need to discipline your children, but they also get older, and it becomes more of a coach approach. 21:43.490 --> 22:02.455 [SPEAKER_00]: So, too, and sometimes with the younger, this is good, too, but it's instead of being bothered and high directive and just clamping down to actually look at this as an opportunity to disciple when we get emotional and angry, they're not learning something. 22:02.735 --> 22:04.036 [SPEAKER_00]: they're learning the wrong thing actually. 22:04.637 --> 22:11.423 [SPEAKER_00]: But when we are measured and then we see an opportunity we take the time to do a conversation like that. 22:11.963 --> 22:16.647 [SPEAKER_00]: To go, hey, what you just did was this and use biblical vocabulary. 22:16.687 --> 22:22.913 [SPEAKER_00]: Call it what it was manipulative, was selfish, was deceitful, was prideful. 22:23.533 --> 22:24.494 [SPEAKER_00]: use the actual word. 22:24.514 --> 22:30.517 [SPEAKER_01]: You are trying to get your own way versus counting your brother is more important than yourself, which is another scripture we're going to read today. 22:30.857 --> 22:38.741 [SPEAKER_01]: There's actually like when you're doing the biblical vocabulary bringing in portions of scripture that you spot your kids is super handy also. 22:38.881 --> 22:41.462 [SPEAKER_00]: And then once you identify it, then you can talk about it. 22:41.803 --> 22:47.305 [SPEAKER_00]: Like how that's not how we talk, what is it more productive way? 22:47.325 --> 22:49.867 [SPEAKER_00]: Did you see his reaction when you did it that way? 22:49.887 --> 22:50.987 [SPEAKER_00]: Did you see what happened? 22:51.007 --> 22:51.808 [SPEAKER_00]: That was your sin. 22:52.780 --> 22:55.002 [SPEAKER_00]: and you did this, and we don't want to be that way. 22:55.662 --> 22:58.124 [SPEAKER_00]: And so here's the way to be. 22:58.304 --> 23:00.505 [SPEAKER_00]: And then helping them apologize and move forward. 23:00.626 --> 23:08.091 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm realizing too though, is that it's easy to just expect that kids are going to be observant and... 23:09.211 --> 23:16.093 [SPEAKER_01]: understand that, like, they, the way they say a certain thing makes a brother mad or whatever, but sometimes kids are not observant. 23:16.293 --> 23:23.015 [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes the selfishness that's in a human is so self-consuming. 23:23.295 --> 23:34.638 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's a really big problem today where kids become so self-consumed with themselves and not understanding how to actually operate in relationships in a productive kind of way, in a kind kind of way, in a selfless kind of way. 23:34.758 --> 23:35.258 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that that's 23:36.578 --> 23:43.385 [SPEAKER_01]: a huge part of discipleship is teaching your kids how to take what their learning inscriptions and how does it apply to my relationships. 23:44.006 --> 23:44.406 [SPEAKER_01]: Period. 23:45.207 --> 23:53.095 [SPEAKER_01]: But because we live in a world where there's so much selfishness and it's not actually being trained and parents are not diving into 23:53.815 --> 23:57.660 [SPEAKER_01]: Those moments with their kids because maybe it's exhausting or whatever it is, right? 23:58.681 --> 24:08.372 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that there are times when we need to recognize that our kids need to actually be taught something super basic, like your brother 24:09.253 --> 24:15.859 [SPEAKER_01]: is your brother, you need to treat him with love and kindness and actually value the relationship. 24:16.280 --> 24:24.328 [SPEAKER_01]: The way that you're talking at him and not to him is in considerate, he's getting offended, like literally teaching them, 24:24.528 --> 24:24.948 [SPEAKER_00]: We do that. 24:24.988 --> 24:27.289 [SPEAKER_01]: How to observe the relationship? 24:27.629 --> 24:34.691 [SPEAKER_01]: It was interesting because I was talking to one of my older kids today and they were just bringing up like a, how they noticed something with a friend, blah, blah, blah. 24:35.011 --> 24:38.912 [SPEAKER_01]: And he goes, yeah, I just have to build the relationship a little bit more and then I can challenge him in that. 24:39.112 --> 24:39.572 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what he is. 24:39.632 --> 24:50.235 [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, that is so good, that's like, but that's what we've been teaching them is like, even in our relationships, we pour in and we fill that love tank so that we can 24:50.875 --> 25:06.704 [SPEAKER_01]: Speak truth, which is what that whole chapter in courageous parenting that's like you need to have a stronger relationship It's required and order to be able to correct and discipline in a stronger relationship looks different than most parents have with their children even younger ones middle school or teenagers 25:07.665 --> 25:11.988 [SPEAKER_00]: It looks different, it needs to be a more open, comfortable relationship for them. 25:12.969 --> 25:16.831 [SPEAKER_00]: It needs to be digging and I think the reading the Bible is a big deal about it. 25:17.052 --> 25:19.353 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, we're going to go into five thoughts about this. 25:20.394 --> 25:22.556 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sorry, five struggles about this. 25:22.816 --> 25:27.980 [SPEAKER_00]: And the first one's thoughts, then communication, sin and relationships, response to feedback and spiritual purpose. 25:28.620 --> 25:30.542 [SPEAKER_00]: Real quick, there's over a hundred. 25:31.022 --> 25:32.322 [SPEAKER_00]: five-star reviews on the book. 25:32.442 --> 25:33.763 [SPEAKER_00]: 100 really. 25:34.003 --> 25:43.606 [SPEAKER_00]: If you add good reads and Amazon together, some of those might be replicated, but on Amazon itself, I think there's 70, and they're all five-star. 25:43.766 --> 25:51.488 [SPEAKER_00]: We're just blown away and we've never even seen such descriptive thoughtful reviews at this level. 25:51.988 --> 25:53.568 [SPEAKER_00]: We're just going to read a few to you. 25:53.708 --> 25:55.529 [SPEAKER_00]: A must read cannot put this book down. 25:55.849 --> 25:56.589 [SPEAKER_00]: I'd recommend this to 25:59.864 --> 26:09.574 [SPEAKER_00]: You need it is not based on mere personal opinion, but truly from the Bible on what scripture says, this book has challenged me in many ways and I honestly have not been able to put the book down. 26:09.714 --> 26:10.334 [SPEAKER_01]: That's amazing. 26:10.374 --> 26:16.160 [SPEAKER_00]: While I've been convicted and stretched through this reading, it really has been so encouraging and more like a handbook to help guide you. 26:16.546 --> 26:18.648 [SPEAKER_00]: on the journey of parenting and family relationships. 26:19.069 --> 26:21.992 [SPEAKER_00]: A must read, thank you, Isaac, and Angie for this resource. 26:22.512 --> 26:24.915 [SPEAKER_00]: And then you can read that one real quick. 26:25.335 --> 26:31.942 [SPEAKER_01]: Sure, yeah, this one says, being a parent in today's world can feel like swimming against the current and sometimes like a lonely journey. 26:32.362 --> 26:40.050 [SPEAKER_01]: Angie and her husband have faithfully raised their children according to biblical principles and now they share the wisdom that they've gained through the years of experience with anyone willing to invest in their family. 26:40.450 --> 26:47.133 [SPEAKER_01]: This book is filled with practical encouragement, biblical truth, and hard-earned wisdom, boys, and that true, hard-earned. 26:47.213 --> 26:53.056 [SPEAKER_01]: If you desire to build a strong god-honoring family, make a worthwhile investment, get the book, read it, and apply its principles. 26:53.096 --> 26:57.678 [SPEAKER_01]: The wisdom found in these pages has the potential to impact your family for generations to come. 26:58.118 --> 27:00.700 [SPEAKER_01]: That's just one whole, like that's amazing. 27:00.720 --> 27:01.240 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, Eric. 27:01.260 --> 27:02.261 [SPEAKER_01]: That was an awesome review. 27:03.301 --> 27:14.928 [SPEAKER_01]: And so I think that, you know, there's so much we could literally do podcast for years just based upon expanding upon different aspects that are in this book, which is kind of actually exciting. 27:15.008 --> 27:17.069 [SPEAKER_00]: I love this one because it includes grandparents too. 27:17.990 --> 27:21.972 [SPEAKER_00]: Kaylee says, a must read for all parents and grandparents. 27:22.172 --> 27:22.432 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 27:22.652 --> 27:22.933 [SPEAKER_00]: Wow. 27:23.353 --> 27:24.193 [SPEAKER_00]: Only a chapter in it. 27:24.213 --> 27:26.214 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so excited to start implementing what I've learned so far. 27:26.254 --> 27:30.657 [SPEAKER_00]: This book is a must for all parents who are raising kids, biblically, and training them in the way they should go. 27:31.097 --> 27:36.120 [SPEAKER_00]: I love that each chapter has questions to discuss, a parenting challenge, podcast recommendations, and a prayer. 27:36.380 --> 27:39.962 [SPEAKER_00]: This definitely a book that I know I will keep coming back to, and every season of parenting. 27:40.002 --> 27:40.342 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you. 27:41.443 --> 27:44.665 [SPEAKER_00]: blessing us in creating this resource with all you have learned. 27:44.945 --> 27:51.268 [SPEAKER_00]: Praise the Lord, I mean, we are just an awe of the response of the book and how many families it's already impacting. 27:51.328 --> 27:54.890 [SPEAKER_00]: This is a signature part of the 10 million legacy's movement. 27:54.970 --> 28:00.293 [SPEAKER_00]: So you can get it on Amazon exclusively right now, eventually other places, but would you share it? 28:00.613 --> 28:02.814 [SPEAKER_00]: Would you share it in Facebook groups that you're part of? 28:02.934 --> 28:04.195 [SPEAKER_00]: Would you share it on your social? 28:04.235 --> 28:07.877 [SPEAKER_00]: Would share friends at church and give it a five-star review of the Alps? 28:08.613 --> 28:11.954 [SPEAKER_01]: That also being said, we have Father's Day coming up in a few weeks, right? 28:12.014 --> 28:17.417 [SPEAKER_01]: And so I just wanted to mention that we have all of our new merch up and ready in the shop. 28:17.677 --> 28:23.659 [SPEAKER_01]: You're going to be courageous.store to find all those awesome Stanford hats and Resilute Man. 28:24.179 --> 28:33.703 [SPEAKER_00]: Resilute shirts and all right, so when we look at these five struggles and relationships and handling those parents, what do you think of when we're on the topic of thoughts? 28:35.225 --> 28:42.370 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I think that ultimately, I think every person has thoughts in their mind about different people, right? 28:42.511 --> 28:52.058 [SPEAKER_01]: Like you think about a friend that's going through a hard time right now and maybe you're willing to walk through that hard time with them, say they're experiencing loss. 28:52.078 --> 28:55.320 [SPEAKER_01]: Think about one of your friends who maybe has lost a baby, lost a relative or something. 28:55.961 --> 29:01.345 [SPEAKER_01]: You might have them on your mind and heart and be thinking about them and wanting to 29:02.053 --> 29:03.414 [SPEAKER_01]: encourage them, right? 29:03.874 --> 29:13.240 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, the same is true for our kids if we are discipling them in being thoughtful and in having compassion and in wanting to walk and understanding. 29:13.280 --> 29:16.363 [SPEAKER_01]: If we're teaching our kids the importance of praying for their friends. 29:16.983 --> 29:21.166 [SPEAKER_01]: And yes, of course, in good old fashion, courageous parenting style, first you got to look in the mirror. 29:21.746 --> 29:33.330 [SPEAKER_01]: Like everything that we teach, if you're new to the podcast, you're going to find Isaac and I say, yeah, listen, more has caught and taught that is a true age-old truth regarding parenting. 29:33.350 --> 29:35.791 [SPEAKER_01]: Your kids are going to mimic more than what you tell them. 29:35.951 --> 29:45.775 [SPEAKER_01]: You can be preaching something day in and day out, but if you're not doing what you preach, they're going to do what you did more than they are going to do what you said to do. 29:46.475 --> 29:49.779 [SPEAKER_01]: So don't be one of those parents that's like do as I say, not as I do. 29:50.219 --> 29:51.140 [SPEAKER_01]: That's another phrase. 29:51.460 --> 30:03.993 [SPEAKER_01]: And it goes all the way to the core of relationships, which, again, when I think about the cross, you have the vertical and the horizontal, you have relationship with God and relationship with other people. 30:04.053 --> 30:05.314 [SPEAKER_01]: Jesus died for both. 30:05.955 --> 30:11.360 [SPEAKER_01]: He died for both because when we don't, we don't reconcile in relationship with other people. 30:11.660 --> 30:14.122 [SPEAKER_01]: Then we don't have forgiveness in our hearts. 30:14.523 --> 30:21.069 [SPEAKER_01]: That affects our relationship with God, that affects his ability to forgive us, because God's word says, forgive less due to be forgiven. 30:21.449 --> 30:25.553 [SPEAKER_01]: There is a direct correlation between our relationship with other people and our relationship with God. 30:25.973 --> 30:27.495 [SPEAKER_01]: So, at the foundations, 30:28.342 --> 30:53.690 [SPEAKER_01]: home discipleship, you have to understand that what you are discipling your kids and is all the things regarding relationships and thoughts and what people think about other people is a huge part of that because you don't just, if you're having a hard time bridling your tongue like we just read in James chapter one that said if anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless, this is God's 30:57.771 --> 30:58.932 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, what's on your tongue? 30:59.372 --> 31:03.315 [SPEAKER_01]: Didn't just originate in your tongue, it started in your head. 31:03.415 --> 31:07.178 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's so you have to hold your thoughts captive as the Bible says in the obedience of Christ. 31:07.258 --> 31:14.904 [SPEAKER_00]: And so you have to, if you're not walking strong with the Lord, if your children are not in trench in the Bible, or you're not helping them to be in trench because they're not reading it. 31:15.364 --> 31:20.286 [SPEAKER_00]: that's going to be hard for them, the whole of the thoughts captive, and it's going to be hard for them to control their tongue. 31:20.867 --> 31:39.476 [SPEAKER_00]: And so again, it's more Bible, it's more prayer, it's more worshiping the Lord and worship happening in your house, saturate your minds with the Word, and then when you're addressing these things in real time, in real life situations, it's going to be more 31:43.217 --> 31:46.860 [SPEAKER_00]: a lot of the parenting, Christian parenting can be done in our own strength. 31:47.381 --> 32:06.397 [SPEAKER_00]: There isn't a culture of real faith in the home and then we're just approaching people quickly to try and fix them, correct them, discipline them and then we're moving on with our agenda and then there really isn't change happening and you get frustrated, then you let up on even the things you are doing. 32:07.177 --> 32:14.322 [SPEAKER_00]: and you just think kids will be kids and that's a really dangerous place to be because even though a lot of kids are a certain way, it shouldn't be that way. 32:14.622 --> 32:19.225 [SPEAKER_01]: But you know what part of it is is that with the kids will be kids, this is just something that I've noticed. 32:19.725 --> 32:28.230 [SPEAKER_01]: So we all know logically that humans grow and you start as a baby, you grow physically, your body grows, your brain changes. 32:28.811 --> 32:29.091 [SPEAKER_01]: There's 32:29.611 --> 32:30.552 [SPEAKER_01]: it's proven. 32:31.293 --> 32:44.787 [SPEAKER_01]: It's called human anatomy and how God designed our bodies to work and there's certain things that we can comprehend when we're younger, that are harder when we're younger, but it's easier to comprehend, like you don't have six-month-olds doing pre-calculus, right? 32:45.087 --> 32:53.817 [SPEAKER_01]: they learn how to count first when they're like one, two, three, four, like an e-gradually grow and you learn different steps, right? 32:54.317 --> 32:59.143 [SPEAKER_01]: And that is a truth about how child children develop. 32:59.403 --> 33:00.104 [SPEAKER_01]: That's the reality. 33:00.424 --> 33:05.210 [SPEAKER_01]: But what's interesting is that sometimes as adults, especially for parents, when we are training our children, 33:05.610 --> 33:25.493 [SPEAKER_01]: We forget to put ourselves in our kids shoes and remember what we were like when we were little and and that we didn't understand certain things yet and we have these expectations of behavior of the way our kids should act or shouldn't act and while I am all against low expectations of children I also think that I'm against 33:25.893 --> 33:28.695 [SPEAKER_01]: having unrealistic expectations of children. 33:28.735 --> 33:34.878 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that when it comes to discipleship and character qualities, we need to understand that our kids do not come out. 33:35.538 --> 33:36.019 [SPEAKER_01]: Christian. 33:36.859 --> 33:40.861 [SPEAKER_01]: Like they might, they might, they're born and God loves them, and they're his children. 33:40.941 --> 33:41.382 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes! 33:42.382 --> 33:46.944 [SPEAKER_01]: And if they were to die, I truly believe that they are with Jesus and heaven. 33:47.724 --> 33:51.006 [SPEAKER_01]: I do think that there is that there is an age of accountability. 33:51.066 --> 33:52.806 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't think it's a literal age. 33:52.826 --> 33:55.367 [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's different for everyone based on their spiritual maturity, right? 33:56.168 --> 34:01.310 [SPEAKER_01]: Where God holds each person accountable for their personal relationship with God, but 34:02.150 --> 34:13.000 [SPEAKER_01]: are we as parents being realistic and expecting our kids to act like they have the fruit of the spirit in them strong and like they're spiritually mature when they're just not there yet. 34:13.501 --> 34:18.866 [SPEAKER_01]: Are we having carrying one another's burdens like it talks about Galatians 6, 2 and 6, 3? 34:20.147 --> 34:44.494 [SPEAKER_01]: can go in okay my child is this I actually haven't taught them that I haven't taught them about gossip so I'm going to talk to them about the dangers of the tongue the dangers of our thoughts needing to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ I'm going to teach them that I'm going to have patience with them as they screw up every now and again because I know as an adult I still struggle with that sometimes do you see like how there's there's falling 34:47.635 --> 34:49.816 [SPEAKER_00]: We can't expect not to have to repeat ourselves. 34:49.876 --> 35:05.500 [SPEAKER_00]: We can't expect you to have to continue doing the same thing over and over again day in and day out weekend and we go Because that folly is there and your job is to mature them and you want them to mature faster not slower Society wants them to mature slowly. 35:05.520 --> 35:10.602 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you should want them to mature faster We did a whole podcast episode on that recently 35:11.042 --> 35:13.884 [SPEAKER_00]: But the second one we got to keep moving is communication. 35:13.924 --> 35:18.366 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like we've already kind of talked about this in the intro section a lot. 35:18.706 --> 35:20.447 [SPEAKER_00]: So we kind of already hit communication. 35:20.467 --> 35:21.368 [SPEAKER_00]: Was there anything else to add? 35:21.948 --> 35:27.872 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I'm just thinking about how our thoughts, which was the first one, effects our communication, the second one. 35:28.372 --> 35:30.213 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's why we put them in that order. 35:30.293 --> 35:36.617 [SPEAKER_01]: Is that understanding that the communication that we see coming from our child to other people out loud? 35:37.377 --> 35:58.686 [SPEAKER_01]: is an opportunity for discipleship that's going to affect their way of being, their habits, the way they communicate, like if they communicate with whining and complaining to certain people, or if they communicate with sarcasm and sass and disrespect to some people, if they communicate in always wanting their own way. 35:58.726 --> 36:00.186 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's just say they're a natural leader. 36:00.546 --> 36:04.148 [SPEAKER_01]: This is interesting because over the years, obviously I've had nine kids. 36:04.828 --> 36:10.690 [SPEAKER_01]: I've been around a lot of different parents and a lot of different situations we've been a part of co-ops, sports, all kinds of things. 36:11.110 --> 36:13.371 [SPEAKER_01]: Church around kids a lot. 36:13.991 --> 36:26.675 [SPEAKER_01]: And one of the things that's interesting is that I see parents who have children who are disrespectful and how they talk to other kids, like imagine a child going, okay everybody, I'm in charge, we're gonna do Simon Says. 36:27.135 --> 36:32.537 [SPEAKER_01]: Everybody do this, everybody do that, and they're like, they're always the one that's in charge. 36:33.158 --> 36:38.363 [SPEAKER_01]: and the parent will go, he'll always in that funny, they're just such a natural leader. 36:38.743 --> 36:42.606 [SPEAKER_01]: And they let it go, and they don't see that, yeah, they might be a natural leader. 36:42.626 --> 36:48.071 [SPEAKER_01]: Like in my mind, I'm going, yeah, they are a natural leader, but you know a good, biblical leadership is? 36:49.092 --> 36:49.893 [SPEAKER_01]: It's actually this. 36:50.575 --> 36:58.364 [SPEAKER_01]: Philippians 2-3 do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility, count others as more significant than yourself. 36:59.305 --> 37:10.138 [SPEAKER_01]: And so in that moment, are you teaching your child that being a leader means that having your own way, calling all the shots, making everybody follow you, it's about what your desires are? 37:10.779 --> 37:13.642 [SPEAKER_01]: or are you teaching your child what biblical leadership is? 37:13.722 --> 37:18.507 [SPEAKER_01]: Because there's like, imagine if a child is just labeled as, oh, they're a natural leader. 37:18.527 --> 37:28.857 [SPEAKER_01]: I wonder what they're going to do when they're older, but you're not training them in the leadership to be thoughtful and being able to bring out qualities and other people. 37:29.278 --> 37:33.922 [SPEAKER_01]: Actually, you know what a natural leader is, is being able to think about the person that's really quiet in the room? 37:34.583 --> 37:38.004 [SPEAKER_01]: and being able to draw them out respectfully and say what do you want to do this time? 37:38.324 --> 37:39.804 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a natural leader. 37:39.964 --> 37:46.585 [SPEAKER_00]: Or if you're playing sports, lessening yourself to somebody that maybe isn't as good get some more chances to hit the ball. 37:46.806 --> 37:47.006 [SPEAKER_01]: Right. 37:47.626 --> 37:50.666 [SPEAKER_01]: It's funny because now when I see that, I don't see a natural leader. 37:50.886 --> 37:53.787 [SPEAKER_01]: I see, oh no, that's their nature all right. 37:54.187 --> 37:56.407 [SPEAKER_01]: It's the nature of selfishness and pride. 37:57.528 --> 37:58.328 [SPEAKER_01]: It's arrogance. 37:58.608 --> 38:00.128 [SPEAKER_01]: It's their thinking of themselves. 38:00.908 --> 38:03.329 [SPEAKER_01]: And if a child, if a parent doesn't see that, 38:04.355 --> 38:14.518 [SPEAKER_01]: and go, oh, wow, if that goes un-doubt with, imagine how they're gonna be as an adult, like no one's gonna wanna be around them, because they're gonna be mean to everybody else. 38:14.758 --> 38:16.019 [SPEAKER_01]: They're gonna be arrogant and prideful. 38:16.139 --> 38:22.061 [SPEAKER_00]: Here's another thing is that we're all wired differently, so it's important to help your children understand who God made them to be in with their communities. 38:22.081 --> 38:31.744 [SPEAKER_00]: And in season, some are more drivers, some are more quiet, some are more outgoing and outspoken, some are more reserved, some are more analytical, some are more conscientious and thoughtful. 38:32.544 --> 38:42.609 [SPEAKER_00]: Just naturally in their wiring from God and so you think about those different personalities and and trends of things And then you have to teach them how to communicate and it's important. 38:42.629 --> 38:50.092 [SPEAKER_00]: They understand hope a bit about themselves And then it's important they understand that you can't expect everybody to communicate from who you are 38:51.253 --> 38:58.218 [SPEAKER_00]: You can't expect everybody to be that way, so you have to think about who other people are and communicate in a way that's effective for them to hear your words. 38:58.838 --> 39:04.302 [SPEAKER_00]: And so sometimes it's going to be more effective with certain people to ask a question versus just saying something. 39:05.443 --> 39:11.268 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, allowing pauses to exist versus feeling the pauses and always talking because you think they know I'm at something to say. 39:11.668 --> 39:13.870 [SPEAKER_00]: Certain personalities need more time to process. 39:14.450 --> 39:19.332 [SPEAKER_00]: and time to think and actual silence is required before they say something. 39:19.492 --> 39:21.493 [SPEAKER_01]: But these are not things that kids are going to know. 39:21.553 --> 39:22.594 [SPEAKER_01]: They have to be taught it. 39:22.654 --> 39:25.075 [SPEAKER_01]: And so this is where it's like powerful. 39:25.175 --> 39:27.376 [SPEAKER_01]: I know that that's something that you've taught our kids. 39:27.456 --> 39:29.177 [SPEAKER_01]: It's something you've taught me over the years. 39:29.737 --> 39:35.458 [SPEAKER_01]: it's something that we've tried to teach other families and even within marriage communication, but people don't just know that. 39:36.158 --> 39:47.681 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that's, but that's the thing is like having a teachable heart and being willing to learn that, that that is a way to value other people, is to be quiet for a moment and let them get that out. 39:48.541 --> 39:56.063 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's like if you don't ever have that conversation with your kids that you know what is the nicest thing is if you stop talking long enough, 39:56.863 --> 40:20.198 [SPEAKER_01]: And you stop thinking about what you're going to say next also because that's thoughts Some people will stop talking, but they're thinking in their head, but they're going to say next and they're not listening, actually Just to be 100% present in your education with people that's that's a humble leader And it's interesting because very next verse that was in Philippians two four It says let each of you look not only to your own interest, but also to the interests of others 40:21.058 --> 40:27.910 [SPEAKER_01]: have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, and then it talks about how he came to serve and how he lowered himself. 40:28.050 --> 40:29.232 [SPEAKER_01]: That is leadership. 40:29.821 --> 40:41.405 [SPEAKER_01]: And so like, if you're raising your children with the heart of God and you're discipling them to be like him, it doesn't mean that people are going to follow them in masses like they did Jesus. 40:41.645 --> 40:45.106 [SPEAKER_01]: The reason why they did Jesus is because he lowered himself. 40:45.807 --> 40:52.769 [SPEAKER_01]: He was a humble leader and that's not like that in my mind as a leader that I would want to follow. 40:52.849 --> 40:53.910 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, the last three here. 40:53.930 --> 40:56.032 [SPEAKER_00]: So sin in relationships. 40:56.332 --> 40:58.515 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't want to let sin continue. 40:59.075 --> 41:04.400 [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes siblings, for example, will develop a pattern with each other of where they sin against each other. 41:04.881 --> 41:06.823 [SPEAKER_00]: And you do need to break the pattern. 41:07.043 --> 41:08.184 [SPEAKER_00]: You need to help them. 41:08.244 --> 41:10.466 [SPEAKER_00]: They need your help to break the pattern. 41:10.746 --> 41:14.070 [SPEAKER_00]: They have with each other, which is they start assuming the worst. 41:14.590 --> 41:40.862 [SPEAKER_00]: when a kid aid does something to kid be or just does something to kid be assumes the worst about it and they can't accurately hear the other person anymore they can't see the other person anymore in the accurate way they're just assuming things so you have to observe the communication and observe the sin that's happening and stop and go hey here's what just happened literally use it as a teaching tool you said this and I can tell by the tone you didn't mean it 41:44.061 --> 41:44.741 [SPEAKER_00]: and it gets to you. 41:45.041 --> 41:53.704 [SPEAKER_00]: You actually, that was just, he was being good, but you took it wrong and maybe you're maybe need to have a refresh and how you're looking at your brother, how you're looking at your sister. 41:53.784 --> 41:54.024 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 41:54.885 --> 42:04.948 [SPEAKER_01]: It's interesting, I think that when it comes to sin and relationships, we all experience this, whether it's in marriage, friendships, or in a relationship with our child or sibling, right? 42:04.988 --> 42:11.950 [SPEAKER_01]: Like those are, and so you've got friends, neighbors, church members, you have family members, we all are in a lot of relationships. 42:14.051 --> 42:30.437 [SPEAKER_01]: and so are your children, and so understanding and teaching your children, and when I say teacher children, this again, this is home discipleship, teach them to also be on the lookout for their own sin in relationships, so they're quick to confess to apologize. 42:31.077 --> 42:31.578 [SPEAKER_01]: to repent. 42:32.458 --> 42:44.789 [SPEAKER_01]: It's much easier walking in a biblical community with people when everybody has that heart posture where they're like, oh, I'm sorry, like going to the person and apologizing before they even have to come to you and say, you hurt me, right? 42:45.250 --> 42:47.812 [SPEAKER_01]: Or you said this and it offended me. 42:48.172 --> 43:15.638 [SPEAKER_01]: like imagine if you walked away from a conversation and you had that little check in your spirit because you have the Holy Spirit in you and this is what we want for our kids for them to have a check in their spirit and there have been times where I've seen this with my kids where I will have a conversation with one of the olders maybe and they say something that's not nice and I go that really was not nice or you know and they walk away it might take them a little bit but then they come back on their own and they apologize with a really thoughtful apology like that was because 43:18.458 --> 43:25.824 [SPEAKER_01]: to take ownership over their sin, to think about it, to repent of it, and to be genuine in their remorse and apology. 43:25.884 --> 43:30.348 [SPEAKER_00]: And to do that, you have to be respond to your feedback well. 43:30.668 --> 43:34.511 [SPEAKER_00]: So if someone's calling you out on something, how do you respond? 43:34.531 --> 43:43.799 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, how do your children respond when an older sibling says, I didn't really like what you just did, and here's what it is. 43:44.279 --> 43:45.700 [SPEAKER_00]: And do they get defensive? 43:45.820 --> 43:47.562 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'm only that way because of you. 43:48.558 --> 43:48.898 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 43:49.499 --> 43:52.721 [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, as you see, you guys experience these things. 43:52.741 --> 43:55.704 [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, how do they respond to feedback? 43:56.044 --> 43:58.185 [SPEAKER_00]: And then the question is, how do you respond to feedback? 43:58.726 --> 43:59.687 [SPEAKER_00]: What are you modeling? 43:59.907 --> 44:02.449 [SPEAKER_00]: We're response to feedback in your marriage in front of the kids. 44:03.069 --> 44:05.251 [SPEAKER_00]: And what are they picking up from you? 44:05.984 --> 44:10.829 [SPEAKER_00]: It's very, I mean, the natural way of things is mediocrity is sin, right? 44:10.889 --> 44:18.275 [SPEAKER_00]: So the natural way of a child is to get defensive when they get feedback, but if they see parents modeling defense of this 44:19.186 --> 44:22.268 [SPEAKER_00]: then you have a lot of work on your hands, and it's hard. 44:22.548 --> 44:24.229 [SPEAKER_00]: And don't we all have a lot of work on our hands? 44:24.289 --> 44:26.330 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, it's kind of like, we all make these mistakes. 44:26.650 --> 44:27.630 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's humanity. 44:27.691 --> 44:33.834 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that when we realize that on this side of heaven, it's life is sanctifying. 44:34.014 --> 44:39.637 [SPEAKER_01]: And again, one of the most sanctifying things we ever experience is actually at the core of it is relationships. 44:39.697 --> 44:41.678 [SPEAKER_01]: It's relationship with God, relationship with other people. 44:42.158 --> 44:48.407 [SPEAKER_01]: And so if we are not paying attention to our kids' relationships with other people and being willing to say, yeah, my kid is a sinner. 44:48.767 --> 44:53.814 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you've got to take the roast in a glass as often to be able to deal with your child's sin in the first place because you can't see it if you don't. 44:54.848 --> 45:00.533 [SPEAKER_00]: In the final thing which might be one of the most important is what is the relational purpose in your relationships? 45:00.873 --> 45:04.656 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and helping your children understand and so we have had so many died. 45:04.676 --> 45:11.001 [SPEAKER_00]: They'll go out and they'll do things and they'll be with different kinds of friends or different relationships They have or and work or whatever it is ago. 45:11.401 --> 45:11.661 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 45:11.681 --> 45:15.785 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, what do you think the spiritual purposes of your relationship do? 45:16.365 --> 45:19.568 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, we friends, do you ever talk about spiritual things? 45:19.588 --> 45:22.351 [SPEAKER_00]: Do you ever pray together to does anybody ever mention the Bible? 45:22.731 --> 45:26.856 [SPEAKER_00]: These, no, you know, with those friends, no, we never really do anything spiritual like. 45:27.036 --> 45:34.323 [SPEAKER_00]: And then maybe there's an encouragement in a step in how they can engage and bring God into their relationships and into their time together. 45:35.862 --> 45:41.484 [SPEAKER_00]: And if they try that and it doesn't work, then it's like, okay, well, those are friends you're witnessing too. 45:42.524 --> 45:51.107 [SPEAKER_00]: And now it kind of, it is important to get help your children be thoughtful about what kind of friends those are and what kind of friends these are. 45:51.667 --> 45:52.787 [SPEAKER_00]: Same love for people. 45:53.507 --> 46:01.910 [SPEAKER_00]: But if they don't understand how to interact differently with different people, they might miss missing the opportunities God has for them in those relationships. 46:02.535 --> 46:06.417 [SPEAKER_00]: If no spiritual things are welcome, well, then maybe they're not really walking with the Lord. 46:06.838 --> 46:07.538 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 46:07.838 --> 46:15.563 [SPEAKER_00]: And maybe they need to start having different conversations with these people over here, then they are with these people over here, where God is part of their relationships. 46:16.123 --> 46:28.110 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, those are important things to think, making distinctions with your children about how to interact and bring God into their friendships is important. 46:29.422 --> 46:34.345 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, an understanding to the relationships are the foundation of the church, right? 46:34.365 --> 46:40.088 [SPEAKER_01]: There's a lot of people within a church, a lot of people, and you have relationships with all those people. 46:40.848 --> 46:44.270 [SPEAKER_01]: And so if you can't do relationships well, the church is not going to be healthy. 46:44.910 --> 46:55.035 [SPEAKER_01]: And so really understanding that the family home, and we've said this time and time again, on so many topics, the family is the training ground for being prepared to be able to be a healthy member of the body of Christ. 46:56.265 --> 46:57.025 [SPEAKER_01]: And the local church. 46:57.226 --> 47:00.888 [SPEAKER_00]: And there's ongoing coaching day in a day out of conversations, don't miss them. 47:00.908 --> 47:02.929 [SPEAKER_00]: You're probably missing more than you realize. 47:03.409 --> 47:08.231 [SPEAKER_00]: Start to the challenge after this episode is to have a marriage conversation about it. 47:08.252 --> 47:17.837 [SPEAKER_00]: The other challenge is to just start observing whether you take on these opportunities that are presented to you every single day or you're not. 47:18.717 --> 47:21.959 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that can be an overwhelming thing. 47:21.979 --> 47:23.500 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that's the implementation, right? 47:23.541 --> 47:31.786 [SPEAKER_01]: Like if we were to give a courageous parenting challenge or even parenting questions, say that would be a good question to start out with, which models after the book, right? 47:31.806 --> 47:33.808 [SPEAKER_01]: Because we have parenting questions at the end of every chapter. 47:34.308 --> 47:38.531 [SPEAKER_01]: And so the parenting question is, are you when you see that there is relational 47:39.131 --> 47:47.338 [SPEAKER_01]: struggles or when you see a character quality in your child that reveals how they are handling relationships and it's not biblical, it's not good, godly character. 47:47.899 --> 47:51.562 [SPEAKER_01]: Are you digging in with your kid and addressing it? 47:51.762 --> 47:55.926 [SPEAKER_01]: Or are you sweeping under the carpet and just thinking, oh kids will be kids and believing that lie? 47:56.406 --> 47:57.848 [SPEAKER_01]: Or they're just that way. 47:58.508 --> 48:14.773 [SPEAKER_01]: um yeah there are like we all are wired differently that's true there are different kinds of personized people are different but those should never become crutches that prevent us from growing and becoming more like Christ instead it is good to know what your personal struggles are. 48:14.873 --> 48:18.634 [SPEAKER_01]: It is good to know that it's certain kids and your family might be more 48:18.994 --> 48:35.607 [SPEAKER_01]: Highly relational, maybe they struggled with manipulation a little bit more and you become aware of what they personally was their bigger tentation First in and you raise them to know what that is so that they can battle the fight the good fight and be selfless and not manipulate right? 48:36.167 --> 48:43.970 [SPEAKER_01]: Or if there's kids that struggle with anger and wanting their own way and bulldozing and they're just like those strong personalities It's good for them to know. 48:43.990 --> 48:44.210 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 48:44.250 --> 48:45.231 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I can lead people. 48:45.271 --> 48:51.073 [SPEAKER_01]: I can get people to do things But should I be getting them to do things that I want them to do or should I be leading them to Jesus? 48:51.733 --> 49:13.768 [SPEAKER_01]: and should I maybe step back and be more of a self-less leader and like there's there it's really healthy for us as parents to be teaching our kids about how they're wired and what their temptation to send is because there is a greater spiritual purpose in all of these relationships is actually has nothing to do with us and everything to do with the great commission. 49:14.592 --> 49:24.458 [SPEAKER_00]: Alright, I have two chapters, I'm excited for y'all to read, and even if you have the book, you're probably not there yet, there are a few people to finish the book already, which is cool. 49:24.538 --> 49:31.121 [SPEAKER_00]: Chapter 19, Christian parenting in an AI world, every father must read that chapter. 49:31.922 --> 49:36.124 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you have to read that chapter, mothers too, but I really want the fathers to read that. 49:36.588 --> 49:40.077 [SPEAKER_00]: And then the last chapter of chapter 31, more courage is required. 49:40.097 --> 49:41.921 [SPEAKER_00]: You gotta read that chapter. 49:41.941 --> 49:43.586 [SPEAKER_00]: Marriage is needed to discuss that chapter. 49:44.067 --> 49:45.290 [SPEAKER_00]: It's really important. 49:46.004 --> 49:50.009 [SPEAKER_01]: And I would say, if you were to do a courageous parenting challenge, that would be it, right? 49:50.029 --> 49:53.513 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, get the book, start going through it, go through those chapters that Isaac said. 49:53.634 --> 49:58.379 [SPEAKER_01]: Also, think about what we talked about today are, are you in a place in your relationship with your kids? 49:58.419 --> 50:03.205 [SPEAKER_01]: Where you can speak, godly wisdom, biblical wisdom. 50:03.225 --> 50:11.756 [SPEAKER_01]: You can teach them verses like Philippians 2, 3, and go, hey, you're thinking too much in yourself, buddy, and God's word once you did not think so much about yourself and to think about other people. 50:12.197 --> 50:12.397 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 50:12.557 --> 50:13.058 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, you know. 50:13.298 --> 50:13.939 [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for joining us.