WEBVTT 00:02.282 --> 00:05.145 [SPEAKER_01]: Hey everyone, welcome to the Christian parenting podcast. 00:05.225 --> 00:08.950 [SPEAKER_00]: Today's conversation is one that I think a lot of moms desperately need. 00:09.330 --> 00:16.038 [SPEAKER_00]: We're talking about burnout, identity, self-care, and why so many women lose themselves in motherhood without even realizing it. 00:16.578 --> 00:22.459 [SPEAKER_00]: I am joined by Allie Worthington, who is a business coach and author, a podcaster in a mom of five grown boys. 00:23.060 --> 00:27.721 [SPEAKER_00]: Allie has spent years helping women find clarity, take action, and create healthier rhythms in their lives. 00:27.761 --> 00:31.542 [SPEAKER_00]: And honestly, this conversation was just so refreshing to me. 00:31.602 --> 00:37.703 [SPEAKER_00]: We talk about why a mom struggled to invest in themselves, the difference between being tired and truly burned out. 00:38.243 --> 00:42.484 [SPEAKER_00]: How over-functioning impacts our families and then some really practical ways we can begin 00:46.705 --> 00:54.350 [SPEAKER_00]: I also really loved hearing Ali's perspective as a mom with adult kids because she brings so much wisdom and reassurance to parents who are in the thick of it right now. 00:54.950 --> 01:03.275 [SPEAKER_00]: So, whether you're feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or just trying to figure out who you are outside of taking care of everyone else, I think that this episode is for you. 01:11.239 --> 01:11.699 [SPEAKER_00]: Hi, Ellie. 01:11.840 --> 01:13.521 [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the Christian Parenting podcast. 01:13.741 --> 01:14.782 [SPEAKER_00]: It's so good to be back. 01:14.802 --> 01:15.482 [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for having me. 01:15.663 --> 01:17.504 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm thrilled that you're here. 01:17.564 --> 01:19.265 [SPEAKER_00]: But let's start out you've been here once before. 01:19.586 --> 01:22.728 [SPEAKER_00]: It's been a while, so let's start just introduce yourself. 01:22.788 --> 01:26.271 [SPEAKER_00]: Tell us what you do, tell us what your family, all the things that are important to you. 01:26.711 --> 01:39.165 [SPEAKER_01]: I am Ally Worthington, and my claim to fame is a survive raising five boys, five baby who has a beard which is crazy, just turned 18, so they are all officially adults now, which is amazing. 01:39.305 --> 01:42.288 [SPEAKER_01]: Do have a female golden retriever and she really runs the house. 01:42.668 --> 01:43.009 [SPEAKER_01]: That's... 01:43.489 --> 01:44.910 [SPEAKER_01]: That's that's my new baby. 01:45.151 --> 01:45.751 [SPEAKER_01]: You got them. 01:46.252 --> 01:50.816 [SPEAKER_01]: I got her are getting and we are getting another gold retrieper this July. 01:51.516 --> 01:54.819 [SPEAKER_01]: I could have five goldins unless my husband puts his foot down. 01:54.839 --> 01:55.540 [SPEAKER_01]: We'll see how it goes. 01:55.960 --> 01:57.762 [SPEAKER_01]: But I am a business coach. 01:57.782 --> 01:59.604 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm an author and a podcaster. 02:00.464 --> 02:08.311 [SPEAKER_01]: And at the core, whether it's in business or health or motherhood, I like to help women get clear and take action. 02:08.492 --> 02:08.692 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 02:09.032 --> 02:11.813 [SPEAKER_00]: And you were my coach for two years. 02:12.053 --> 02:13.334 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we had a good weekend. 02:13.914 --> 02:15.295 [SPEAKER_00]: Very regularly for two years. 02:15.515 --> 02:21.657 [SPEAKER_00]: And really helped me figure out like a work life balance and navigating all of the things really all by the way. 02:22.998 --> 02:31.361 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I wanted, because it's just so hard to be a mom, to be a parent in to work or not work, or just like figure out what our role is in life. 02:31.481 --> 02:33.282 [SPEAKER_00]: And so you really help women do that. 02:33.302 --> 02:36.203 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I wanted to have you on today to share your wisdom. 02:37.203 --> 02:51.724 [SPEAKER_00]: There's lots to be learned there, and it's like so common for us just the row ourselves into parenting kits, especially when our kids are little, but even when they're old like you're still with them all that, you know, you're still hands on parenting, just in a different way here to just driving them around. 02:52.247 --> 02:53.288 [SPEAKER_00]: That's where I'm at right now. 02:53.368 --> 02:54.188 [SPEAKER_00]: All I do is drive. 02:54.669 --> 02:57.211 [SPEAKER_00]: And gas is so expensive, painful. 02:57.231 --> 02:59.012 [SPEAKER_00]: So literally all I do is drive. 02:59.152 --> 03:02.334 [SPEAKER_00]: But I love this season because I get to chat with them while we drive and it's really fun. 03:02.354 --> 03:04.296 [SPEAKER_00]: But I still am like so involved in my kids life. 03:04.616 --> 03:07.518 [SPEAKER_00]: But then all of a sudden, you go from toddlers to driving. 03:07.618 --> 03:10.420 [SPEAKER_00]: And then like to you where all your kids are growing up. 03:10.520 --> 03:11.661 [SPEAKER_00]: And it just goes by so fast. 03:11.701 --> 03:15.484 [SPEAKER_00]: But we wake up one day and we're like, we don't even realize who we are anymore, because all we've been as mom. 03:15.844 --> 03:16.785 [SPEAKER_00]: Like why does that happen? 03:16.965 --> 03:23.868 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, it's funny, when we were engaged, my husband and I, he asked me, you know, we were talking about what I want to do once we had kids. 03:23.888 --> 03:26.028 [SPEAKER_01]: And I said, I really want to be a stay home mom. 03:26.068 --> 03:26.909 [SPEAKER_01]: That's my dream. 03:27.249 --> 03:28.609 [SPEAKER_01]: And he said, that's great. 03:28.829 --> 03:30.230 [SPEAKER_01]: You can, you can do that. 03:30.630 --> 03:32.131 [SPEAKER_01]: But you have to have your interest to. 03:33.527 --> 03:48.651 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think for him, he somehow just knew how dangerous it is for any mom, whether we say how more whether we work, but especially when we stay home, he just inherently knew how dangerous it could be for a woman because we will throw everything we have into children and forget to take care of ourselves. 03:48.671 --> 03:52.132 [SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't understand at the time, we just revisited it recently. 03:52.472 --> 03:57.634 [SPEAKER_01]: And he goes, well, I knew if you didn't take care of yourself, you would be unhappy. 03:57.854 --> 04:02.415 [SPEAKER_01]: And 30 years down the road, you'd look at me and you'd think I was the reason for unhappiness. 04:02.575 --> 04:07.904 [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, you did that third of years ago a so insightful, very wise. 04:08.164 --> 04:08.525 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 04:08.765 --> 04:11.450 [SPEAKER_01]: So I mean, it's what we all do because... 04:12.838 --> 04:28.223 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I don't want to speak for all moms, but when you're a mom, like your joy is being a mom, and those children is, the sun comes up, and you think of your children, and you close your eyes at night, and you think of your children, it's the greatest thing we've ever done. 04:28.243 --> 04:31.984 [SPEAKER_01]: Like it's being a mom is the biggest joy this side of heaven. 04:32.144 --> 04:35.205 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it's also a big headache, and it pain in the neck half the time, too. 04:35.225 --> 04:37.086 [SPEAKER_01]: But it's the biggest joy this side of heaven. 04:37.326 --> 04:42.028 [SPEAKER_01]: So if we aren't careful to intentionally care for ourselves, we will let ourselves wither on the bind. 04:42.908 --> 05:03.337 [SPEAKER_00]: And what do you mean when you say care for yourself because I mean I like how your husband said like you can have a job or you don't have to have a job but what do you do for yourself because having a job is not self care like going and doing work is not actually self care even though sometimes we pretend it is really going to the grocery store going grocery is not self care even if you're alone I'll tell you 05:04.437 --> 05:07.558 [SPEAKER_01]: what I where I see women have the biggest struggles right now. 05:07.778 --> 05:10.079 [SPEAKER_01]: Women do not want to invest in themselves. 05:10.379 --> 05:15.801 [SPEAKER_01]: Time, energy, money, resources, their terrified. 05:15.881 --> 05:18.142 [SPEAKER_01]: I had this conversation with a coach in client a few years ago. 05:18.302 --> 05:20.242 [SPEAKER_01]: She had come to me because she was going to build her business. 05:20.583 --> 05:24.544 [SPEAKER_01]: And she was afraid of investing financially to build her business. 05:24.564 --> 05:30.126 [SPEAKER_01]: She said, if it doesn't work and I said, well, there's there's a chance it's not going to work, but you're doing everything right to make it work. 05:30.166 --> 05:31.546 [SPEAKER_01]: You have coach, we have a plan. 05:31.646 --> 05:31.926 [SPEAKER_01]: I've been 05:33.827 --> 05:35.949 [SPEAKER_01]: And she felt really bad about the investment. 05:36.289 --> 05:42.793 [SPEAKER_01]: And then she casually mentioned to that same conversation that her husband pays for a golf country club membership every year that's $30,000. 05:42.833 --> 05:46.636 [SPEAKER_01]: So, can we, can we visit this for a second? 05:46.656 --> 05:47.717 [SPEAKER_01]: Can we camp out here? 05:47.977 --> 05:55.222 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't care if a woman in a household is a 70,000 dollar year household or 7 million. 05:56.523 --> 05:57.364 [SPEAKER_01]: or your household. 05:57.704 --> 06:02.806 [SPEAKER_01]: There is something with the vast majority of moms, good moms, moms that love their children, love the Lord. 06:03.127 --> 06:06.408 [SPEAKER_01]: They are terrified to invest time, energy, resources in this house. 06:06.749 --> 06:07.529 [SPEAKER_01]: Everyone else does. 06:07.569 --> 06:08.670 [SPEAKER_01]: You'll invest in your kids. 06:09.030 --> 06:11.671 [SPEAKER_01]: Your husband does not normally have a problem investing in himself. 06:11.831 --> 06:15.033 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm I'm sure I'm stepping on toes and I'm sure there's exceptions to the role. 06:15.253 --> 06:31.230 [SPEAKER_01]: But if we don't invest in ourselves, our health, our interests, our future, the things God's calling us to do, we will end up being depressed, wondering why we're depressed, feeling like there's just no joy in life, or even worse, ending up kind of resentful and bitter. 06:33.167 --> 06:43.512 [SPEAKER_00]: One of my friends is a, she's a personal trainer and she went from being a personal trainer and doing group fitness classes for adults as you would expect. 06:43.532 --> 06:48.854 [SPEAKER_00]: And now she owns a tumbling dance and fitness studio for dancers like young dancers. 06:49.034 --> 06:49.695 [SPEAKER_00]: And she loves it. 06:49.735 --> 06:50.355 [SPEAKER_00]: It's fantastic. 06:50.395 --> 06:51.335 [SPEAKER_00]: My daughter goes to her. 06:51.456 --> 06:51.996 [SPEAKER_00]: It's amazing. 06:52.536 --> 07:03.125 [SPEAKER_00]: but she was just commenting on how much quicker these dance moms are to invest in their daughters than in themselves when she was a personal trainer, training them. 07:03.345 --> 07:08.190 [SPEAKER_00]: There's nobody wants to spend money to train themselves, but everybody else spend money to train their daughters. 07:08.750 --> 07:27.482 [SPEAKER_01]: But you know what the daughters will really those daughters will appreciate mom being able to lift their grandkids at 65 and not throwing their back out those daughters will appreciate mom being happy and healthy and her face or you know it's just it's so short sighted. 07:28.442 --> 07:32.643 [SPEAKER_01]: that we wear ourselves out and we don't fill ourselves back up with whatever it is. 07:32.663 --> 07:39.365 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you may have the dream to have the biggest community garden in the world, or God may be leading you to start a Bible study. 07:39.405 --> 07:47.608 [SPEAKER_01]: Whatever it is, and you're going, I don't have the time, I don't want to take the time away from my family, as if to be good moms were supposed to spend all of our time braiding our children's hair. 07:47.808 --> 07:53.212 [SPEAKER_01]: Most good moms are doing too much for their children and over-functioning. 07:53.412 --> 07:59.596 [SPEAKER_01]: If you're a mom listening to this podcast right now, you're not at any risk of under-functioning as a mom. 08:00.163 --> 08:03.246 [SPEAKER_01]: if anything, you could do less for your children, right? 08:03.826 --> 08:12.434 [SPEAKER_01]: We're cutting their sandwiches into 16 parts, some peeling grapes, and we had vagin March, I took a group of coaching clients to Disney. 08:12.654 --> 08:18.900 [SPEAKER_01]: And we all had an intervention, because there was a mom there, and she was just talking about her business, and then she was just talking about life. 08:18.920 --> 08:20.381 [SPEAKER_01]: We're just a animal kingdom having lunch. 08:20.722 --> 08:26.367 [SPEAKER_01]: And she's talking about wanting to get better structure in her mornings, because her mornings felt out of control her eight-year-old daughter. 08:26.567 --> 08:34.612 [SPEAKER_01]: And she was like, well, I have to get her out of bed and then I have to dress her and then and she's going through all the stuff and we're like, whoa, because we're older moms. 08:34.692 --> 08:38.114 [SPEAKER_01]: We're like, we're not physically dressing our eight-year-old to honor anymore. 08:38.294 --> 08:40.495 [SPEAKER_01]: And then we really went through step by step. 08:40.535 --> 08:43.097 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, these are the things that your kid can do. 08:43.957 --> 08:47.580 [SPEAKER_01]: And a month later, she's in the group chat going, I can't believe it. 08:47.980 --> 08:50.441 [SPEAKER_01]: Not only was her daughter doing everything for herself, 08:53.603 --> 08:58.388 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, we take that from our kids because it's just easier to do it, it way easier to do it. 08:58.448 --> 08:59.308 [SPEAKER_00]: And tell us not. 08:59.368 --> 09:02.111 [SPEAKER_00]: And then you kind of, that's like your tire doing it. 09:02.391 --> 09:03.833 [SPEAKER_00]: You're like, I can just get her dressed. 09:03.853 --> 09:04.373 [SPEAKER_00]: It's fine. 09:04.393 --> 09:06.175 [SPEAKER_00]: My mornings are chaotic, but it's fine. 09:06.395 --> 09:08.277 [SPEAKER_00]: But then on the sudden, you creep into burnout. 09:08.557 --> 09:10.859 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, tire and burnt out are totally different things. 09:11.099 --> 09:11.500 [SPEAKER_01]: Totally. 09:11.620 --> 09:13.221 [SPEAKER_01]: And then all of a sudden, you're like, 09:14.022 --> 09:15.544 [SPEAKER_01]: I have to do everything around here. 09:15.624 --> 09:19.087 [SPEAKER_01]: Nobody else made this as ridiculous, but they can. 09:19.227 --> 09:20.709 [SPEAKER_01]: It's just going to be messy for a little while. 09:20.889 --> 09:21.129 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 09:21.510 --> 09:28.136 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's talk about the difference between being tired and totally burned out because I mean, I'm tired all the time and I have been burned out. 09:28.456 --> 09:30.158 [SPEAKER_00]: But you have to, you know, like, what's the difference? 09:30.498 --> 09:31.239 [SPEAKER_00]: How do you get there? 09:31.559 --> 09:33.962 [SPEAKER_00]: What are some like the warning signs that you're creeping into it? 09:34.222 --> 09:40.907 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think of tired is just the default for most moms, you know, especially if you have young kids, you're not sleeping. 09:40.927 --> 09:42.789 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, this is crazyness. 09:42.949 --> 09:46.692 [SPEAKER_01]: I joke that I've been tired for 27 years. 09:46.732 --> 09:47.812 [SPEAKER_01]: That's how long I've been a mom. 09:47.832 --> 09:49.974 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, that's just, it's, it's what it is. 09:50.554 --> 09:56.299 [SPEAKER_01]: But I think of burnout as not enjoying life like you used to. 09:56.759 --> 09:59.382 [SPEAKER_01]: Just feeling numb, feeling like groundhog day. 09:59.542 --> 10:01.324 [SPEAKER_01]: Every day you're doing the same thing. 10:01.504 --> 10:04.868 [SPEAKER_01]: Things are fine, things are good. 10:05.188 --> 10:12.355 [SPEAKER_01]: You've gotta have roof over your head, and everyone's healthy, and everyone loves each other, and it's fine, but nothing gets too excited. 10:12.776 --> 10:15.539 [SPEAKER_01]: You can't remember the last time you really laughed with your girlfriends. 10:15.859 --> 10:17.441 [SPEAKER_01]: There's nothing that brings your joy. 10:17.761 --> 10:18.442 [SPEAKER_01]: That's burnout. 10:18.782 --> 10:31.690 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's a really dangerous place for a mom to be because not only is it important for us to take care of ourselves because we're daughters of God, but it's important for us to teach our sons what adulthood and a woman looks like. 10:31.830 --> 10:34.832 [SPEAKER_01]: It's important to teach our daughters what being a woman looks like. 10:35.280 --> 10:37.722 [SPEAKER_01]: Like this is creating expectations for them. 10:37.902 --> 10:38.182 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 10:38.802 --> 10:44.906 [SPEAKER_00]: So if there's a mom listening or dad listening and they're feeling like, ooh, I resonate with that a little bit. 10:45.206 --> 10:51.050 [SPEAKER_00]: Like what would be some first steps that you would encourage them to take if they're feeling a little burned out? 10:51.230 --> 10:57.157 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think the most important thing is to think through, is there something causing this? 10:57.397 --> 11:00.961 [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes those feelings can just be an illness. 11:01.362 --> 11:03.864 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, and I would say, get your lab work done. 11:04.305 --> 11:06.567 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, you might have no fair attend. 11:06.788 --> 11:09.451 [SPEAKER_01]: You may be anemic for a lot of women we are dealing with anemia. 11:09.471 --> 11:12.074 [SPEAKER_01]: So, I think ruling out something physical is really important. 11:12.394 --> 11:29.093 [SPEAKER_01]: After ruling out something in physical, I think, praying into it and going, Lord, give me revelation for what's going on in my life, bring wise women in my life, whether it's a coach or a counselor if they are best, who can kind of hold up a mirror and help me figure out what in the world's going on. 11:29.513 --> 11:32.477 [SPEAKER_01]: And then after that, it's really baby stepping back into life. 11:33.798 --> 11:34.819 [SPEAKER_01]: What do I need right now? 11:35.139 --> 11:36.260 [SPEAKER_01]: I need to drink more water. 11:36.320 --> 11:37.941 [SPEAKER_01]: I need to go have lunch with a friend. 11:38.142 --> 11:42.385 [SPEAKER_01]: I need to not be in a power struggle over what pants my kids wear to school every day. 11:42.705 --> 11:50.111 [SPEAKER_01]: And just kind of taking it step by step, but those big things like checking on your physical body, praying into it, praying into it's obviously first. 11:50.131 --> 11:51.492 [SPEAKER_01]: You're going to do that prego the doctor. 11:51.712 --> 11:56.936 [SPEAKER_01]: And then having somebody come on beside you, a therapist coach, someone like that, 12:01.780 --> 12:02.560 [SPEAKER_01]: not necessarily old. 12:02.700 --> 12:04.741 [SPEAKER_01]: That's really the magic three steps. 12:05.001 --> 12:05.261 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 12:05.661 --> 12:07.701 [SPEAKER_00]: And how do you find that you've learned? 12:08.041 --> 12:12.342 [SPEAKER_00]: Because if we're going to, you know, like step back and like, what do I need to let go of? 12:12.362 --> 12:13.282 [SPEAKER_00]: Or what I need to add? 12:13.322 --> 12:14.782 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, how do I take care of myself? 12:15.102 --> 12:16.483 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes that means saying no to things. 12:16.503 --> 12:18.763 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, how do you find it's easiest to differentiate? 12:18.803 --> 12:19.883 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, what do I need to say no to? 12:19.903 --> 12:20.864 [SPEAKER_00]: What do I need to let go of? 12:21.084 --> 12:21.944 [SPEAKER_00]: What power struggle? 12:22.284 --> 12:23.604 [SPEAKER_00]: What, like, task? 12:23.924 --> 12:25.684 [SPEAKER_00]: How do I let go of that mental load a little bit? 12:25.724 --> 12:26.225 [SPEAKER_00]: And then how do I 12:28.845 --> 12:29.945 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, there's great questions. 12:30.105 --> 12:37.748 [SPEAKER_01]: I think the first thing is all of us could close our eyes and go, what did I say yes to that I didn't want to do? 12:38.508 --> 12:45.731 [SPEAKER_01]: What did I say yes to that I knew at the time, I didn't have the time or energy resources to do, but I didn't want to say no, so I decided I'd figure it out later. 12:46.091 --> 12:46.711 [SPEAKER_01]: We need to say no. 12:47.111 --> 12:52.253 [SPEAKER_01]: Whether we say no now or we say no as soon as we can, that thing needs to go. 12:52.433 --> 12:59.237 [SPEAKER_01]: because what happens is when you're a high capacity woman, and people realize you're a high capacity woman, guess what, you get to do everything. 12:59.717 --> 13:13.746 [SPEAKER_01]: So instead of other women who haven't been identified as high capacity yet, they're waiting on the sidelines, they're not getting asked to do things, but because you've been identified as high capacity, you get all the volunteering, you get to do all the things. 13:14.106 --> 13:20.610 [SPEAKER_01]: So you got to kind of go, hey, I've reached my capacity, this is all I can do in this season, thanks for thinking of me. 13:20.790 --> 13:26.653 [SPEAKER_01]: And just stop taking on anything else because the Lord made someone for every task, not you for every task. 13:26.994 --> 13:27.994 [SPEAKER_01]: So that's a big one. 13:28.294 --> 13:32.497 [SPEAKER_01]: And then the other one is sometimes we have unrealistic expectations. 13:32.817 --> 13:34.738 [SPEAKER_01]: So we want everything to be great. 13:34.958 --> 13:41.742 [SPEAKER_01]: We want everything to be 100% all the time, but my rule of thumb is if most things are 80% it's pretty darn good. 13:42.082 --> 13:45.766 [SPEAKER_01]: Like with my business coaching clients, they'll have a hard time delegating. 13:46.046 --> 13:51.932 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'll say I know you need your assistant or this team member to operate at 100%. 13:52.352 --> 13:57.237 [SPEAKER_01]: But let's just say someone else doing it and it's 75% of the way you would have done it. 13:57.377 --> 13:58.078 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's go to enough. 13:58.419 --> 14:02.603 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's say your husband is going to loader unload the dishwasher. 14:03.123 --> 14:06.645 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to go with like 35% as well as you would have done it. 14:06.925 --> 14:07.805 [SPEAKER_01]: Don't you say a word? 14:08.105 --> 14:09.206 [SPEAKER_01]: You get that dishwasher done. 14:09.586 --> 14:11.147 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's like the opposite in my house. 14:11.627 --> 14:12.027 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah. 14:12.087 --> 14:12.927 [SPEAKER_01]: No, same. 14:13.027 --> 14:14.508 [SPEAKER_00]: It's how I load my dishwasher. 14:14.728 --> 14:16.969 [SPEAKER_01]: I just throw everything in and jam it close. 14:16.989 --> 14:19.850 [SPEAKER_01]: That's why I paid for a Bosch because it will clean everything. 14:20.191 --> 14:21.211 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, it doesn't matter how I do it. 14:21.731 --> 14:25.633 [SPEAKER_01]: But I mean, honestly, a lot of happiness is just lowering your standards. 14:25.953 --> 14:30.655 [SPEAKER_01]: Not about character issues, not about the important stuff, but we just got a lower standard. 14:30.875 --> 14:35.597 [SPEAKER_00]: I think that's a really good point that you just made there is, I think, sometimes we care about the wrong things. 14:36.597 --> 14:39.718 [SPEAKER_00]: Like when it comes to parenting, I think like, what are your family values? 14:40.058 --> 14:44.440 [SPEAKER_00]: And if your kids aren't meeting those family values, like, how do you direct them back to that? 14:44.720 --> 14:51.963 [SPEAKER_00]: But at the end of the day, if your family value is not a perfectly clean room, like maybe we could let that go a little bit. 14:52.143 --> 14:57.325 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean, my role of thumb is there's no food or drink in your room, but I don't really care how it looks. 14:57.605 --> 15:02.067 [SPEAKER_01]: So we had some disasters, but there weren't any public health hazards. 15:02.347 --> 15:04.428 [SPEAKER_00]: I said how many implement that role. 15:04.608 --> 15:06.809 [SPEAKER_01]: It all, but every once in a while you'd have to clean it. 15:06.949 --> 15:12.412 [SPEAKER_01]: And now like my, my 27 year old, he lives in L.A. And he is the, 15:12.992 --> 15:20.396 [SPEAKER_01]: cleanest need for you've ever seen and healthy eater, where there are any indications of that 10 years ago, age 17, absolutely not. 15:20.616 --> 15:22.897 [SPEAKER_01]: Definitely not 20 years ago, age 7. 15:22.917 --> 15:25.619 [SPEAKER_01]: I would have laughed if somebody would have told me. 15:26.019 --> 15:28.080 [SPEAKER_01]: But if you're fine, they all come out in the wash. 15:28.300 --> 15:31.761 [SPEAKER_00]: that I feel like it gives me a lot of hope because I look at my kids in my plan. 15:31.781 --> 15:33.382 [SPEAKER_00]: How are you ever going to clean your house? 15:33.442 --> 15:38.203 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I mean, I will have them clean their bathroom and it's not 70%. 15:38.504 --> 15:38.864 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 15:39.044 --> 15:45.406 [SPEAKER_00]: It is like, okay, now we need to I need to take you back upstairs and we're going to retitch you how to clean the toilet because that was not it. 15:46.226 --> 15:54.628 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you know, it's so frustrating, but they will get there and I guess you do have to put in a little more effort at first to then be able to put in less effort later. 15:54.888 --> 15:56.308 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like the story of those skills. 15:56.588 --> 16:14.451 [SPEAKER_01]: In the story of my 27 year old, he left for college unable to do anything and he just he got it because the thing about parenting, which is sometimes good and sometimes bad for us to admit, depending on what the topic is so much of it is just kids or little versions of us. 16:14.791 --> 16:21.116 [SPEAKER_01]: And when they're growing up, they're kind of wild and crazy, but eventually they become adults and they become little versions of your parents. 16:21.156 --> 16:24.438 [SPEAKER_01]: Like we've all seen the insurance to add, like this is you become your parents. 16:25.118 --> 16:26.179 [SPEAKER_01]: It really happens. 16:26.499 --> 16:31.283 [SPEAKER_01]: So there's so much that happens and the growing up years that really doesn't matter. 16:31.403 --> 16:34.005 [SPEAKER_01]: What matters is did they feel loved? 16:34.125 --> 16:35.106 [SPEAKER_01]: Did they feel secure? 16:35.386 --> 16:37.467 [SPEAKER_01]: Did they feel like you were for them? 16:37.647 --> 16:39.108 [SPEAKER_01]: Did you guys hug and laugh? 16:39.469 --> 16:41.290 [SPEAKER_01]: The rest, it all works itself out. 16:41.490 --> 16:42.371 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, okay. 16:42.571 --> 16:46.434 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like a lot of younger moms are like, okay, we're going to we're leaning into that right now. 16:46.634 --> 16:55.201 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to go back to kind of the way touched on earlier is like the physical health park because we've talked a little bit about the mental health park, but like why is that so important? 16:55.241 --> 17:03.068 [SPEAKER_00]: What's so really important wellness habit or like pattern that moms can get into that simple, but we'll make a big difference in their life. 17:03.268 --> 17:06.210 [SPEAKER_01]: I wish I had taken care of a physical health when I was raising my kids. 17:06.350 --> 17:08.851 [SPEAKER_01]: I had zero interest and I had five boys. 17:08.891 --> 17:11.993 [SPEAKER_01]: I had zero time, but I mean, I could have made time. 17:12.093 --> 17:20.938 [SPEAKER_01]: Like if I could go back and change something, instead of getting healthy after my kids were older, I would have made sure I was out walking with them for an hour every day. 17:21.298 --> 17:26.001 [SPEAKER_01]: because like just the science of fresh air and sunshine and getting them out of the house. 17:26.021 --> 17:30.204 [SPEAKER_01]: I had this research from my podcast recently and he's out. 17:30.384 --> 17:35.867 [SPEAKER_01]: He's in London and he was showing how because we've taken out and can desert lights in our homes. 17:35.927 --> 17:36.888 [SPEAKER_01]: It's all LED lights. 17:37.228 --> 17:42.155 [SPEAKER_01]: like it's really bad for your metabolism and for us it can make us gain weight and it's really scary. 17:42.535 --> 17:52.308 [SPEAKER_01]: And if we don't balance indoor light with the sun that God gave us by being outside every day, it breaks our metabolism and so many other things and I thought it's just I should have taken 17:53.209 --> 18:01.097 [SPEAKER_01]: So not only is it going to be good for you as a woman and give you more energy and help, you know, normalize your metabolism, but it's going to wear those kids out. 18:01.438 --> 18:03.119 [SPEAKER_01]: So that that's a big one. 18:03.320 --> 18:08.805 [SPEAKER_01]: I think the biggest research right now for women that's really interesting is creatine. 18:09.426 --> 18:22.137 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I used to think creatine was for gym bros, but now five or 10 grams of creatine a day is like taking away brain fog for women and helping them have energy in the afternoon and it's such a game changer. 18:22.177 --> 18:30.984 [SPEAKER_01]: So just like making sure that you're getting your multivitamin and maybe using some creatine and going for a walk every day completely will change how women feel. 18:31.204 --> 18:34.127 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm really good at looking at my vitamins on the counter. 18:34.867 --> 18:39.650 [SPEAKER_00]: That's about where it ends and I get lecture about it all the time But it's just one little thing. 18:39.710 --> 18:44.714 [SPEAKER_00]: I know it's so simple and I'm so bad at doing it I will get you that and walk, but I will not take my vitamins. 18:44.854 --> 18:45.134 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 18:45.154 --> 18:56.381 [SPEAKER_01]: I'll tell you what to do I every Monday morning I'm like an old lady and I have a little pill pack like you would set up for your grandma like breakfast lunch and dinner And I set it all up for the week and I have my little pill pack every day. 18:56.461 --> 19:00.624 [SPEAKER_01]: So when I eat lunch, God, I'm like a dinner God, I'm either in my pill pack 19:00.864 --> 19:01.304 [SPEAKER_01]: It's easy. 19:01.604 --> 19:07.067 [SPEAKER_01]: Because there's something about seeing your supplements on the counter and then in like, I'll have to open all those jars. 19:07.307 --> 19:07.628 [SPEAKER_00]: I know. 19:07.788 --> 19:10.109 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, no, you need a grandma pill pack. 19:10.409 --> 19:10.789 [SPEAKER_01]: From him. 19:10.909 --> 19:17.453 [SPEAKER_00]: I did see something on Instagram that was like a wheel and it was like almost like a candy dispenser. 19:17.633 --> 19:17.853 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 19:18.493 --> 19:19.194 [SPEAKER_01]: That works. 19:19.794 --> 19:25.297 [SPEAKER_01]: But for me, as almost 50 year old woman, I can't fit all my supplements in that wheel. 19:25.497 --> 19:26.758 [SPEAKER_01]: So I have the jump up. 19:26.878 --> 19:27.378 [SPEAKER_01]: Then jump up. 19:28.004 --> 19:29.224 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, that's fair enough. 19:29.484 --> 19:30.465 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's fair enough. 19:30.525 --> 19:31.245 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's fair enough. 19:31.625 --> 19:34.006 [SPEAKER_00]: I know that you're a big fan of like tracking things. 19:34.186 --> 19:34.306 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 19:34.346 --> 19:35.746 [SPEAKER_00]: Why do you think that helps women? 19:35.786 --> 19:39.427 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I think also like we are bad at doing things like taking vitamins. 19:39.547 --> 19:39.907 [SPEAKER_01]: Because yeah. 19:39.927 --> 19:45.288 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if you give your kids to vitamins and maybe you eat their gummy vitamin and then you just call it a day and you're like, that's fine. 19:45.629 --> 19:48.229 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm feeling like all those little tiny habits like tracking things. 19:48.289 --> 19:51.010 [SPEAKER_00]: It was just so easy to ignore even though we know it's good for us. 19:51.250 --> 19:55.653 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, one thing that changed everything for me was my Apple Watch. 19:55.813 --> 19:59.996 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's when I realized, like, oh, I can track my sleep and I can track my steps. 20:00.216 --> 20:02.478 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's just nice to see how we're doing. 20:02.798 --> 20:05.680 [SPEAKER_01]: But then my friend, I got the aura ring. 20:05.860 --> 20:10.523 [SPEAKER_01]: Everything changed with my aura ring, because I could see, like, I could see my stress during the day. 20:10.703 --> 20:19.510 [SPEAKER_01]: And it would remind me, like, if I'd see my stress score going crazy, I could remind myself to do deep breathing and to relax and put on a worship song, 20:20.190 --> 20:24.013 [SPEAKER_01]: go outside for a walk, for half an hour, and calm down. 20:24.593 --> 20:28.376 [SPEAKER_01]: Because as moms, we are kind of like navy seals. 20:28.776 --> 20:34.840 [SPEAKER_01]: We are the toughest, weak and stand torture, because raising a bunch of little kids is very torturous. 20:35.161 --> 20:36.241 [SPEAKER_01]: They will press our buttons. 20:36.381 --> 20:37.862 [SPEAKER_01]: They will see where our weaknesses. 20:38.203 --> 20:42.986 [SPEAKER_01]: They will they know how we're going to break, and they are relentless, right? 20:43.126 --> 20:44.127 [SPEAKER_01]: At least that's how my boys 20:45.928 --> 20:46.989 [SPEAKER_01]: Dad's distracted. 20:47.129 --> 20:47.929 [SPEAKER_01]: Mom's stressed. 20:47.989 --> 20:49.290 [SPEAKER_01]: Here's what we're going to separate him. 20:49.510 --> 20:50.610 [SPEAKER_01]: We're going to team up on him. 20:50.870 --> 20:52.471 [SPEAKER_01]: We're going to bully them until they break. 20:52.531 --> 20:53.531 [SPEAKER_01]: Like that's what kids do. 20:53.851 --> 20:59.054 [SPEAKER_01]: And I can't remember one time when my kids were little being like parenting is just all self-regulation. 20:59.434 --> 20:59.734 [SPEAKER_01]: Right? 20:59.794 --> 21:00.154 [SPEAKER_01]: Like that. 21:00.194 --> 21:00.815 [SPEAKER_01]: That's all it is. 21:00.835 --> 21:02.355 [SPEAKER_01]: Good parenting is just self-regulation. 21:02.695 --> 21:10.299 [SPEAKER_01]: But having like a stress app on your Apple Watch to tell you when you're stressed or an or a rain to tell you when you're stressed, it's just a great way to go. 21:10.399 --> 21:15.161 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, things are I have a really high capacity to deal with chaos and craziness because 21:15.921 --> 21:16.441 [SPEAKER_01]: young children. 21:16.622 --> 21:20.984 [SPEAKER_01]: But I can see from my data on my body, this is wearing on me. 21:21.324 --> 21:25.727 [SPEAKER_01]: So I need to be intentional to practice some habits before us nap. 21:26.047 --> 21:26.228 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 21:26.548 --> 21:26.728 [UNKNOWN]: Yeah. 21:27.008 --> 21:30.070 [SPEAKER_01]: I love parenting was really just an exercise in self-regulation. 21:30.410 --> 21:32.071 [SPEAKER_00]: It really is good parenting. 21:32.572 --> 21:33.372 [SPEAKER_00]: Good parenting. 21:33.412 --> 21:41.777 [SPEAKER_00]: And when we don't do it, that is really when we like, I look back at all the times that I've like really snapped at my kids and it's like, I just wasn't taking care of myself at all or 21:42.878 --> 21:46.781 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I knew I had to and all the like sirens are going off like go on your walk. 21:46.821 --> 21:51.264 [SPEAKER_00]: Go outside, go to the gym and I was like, no, I'm just going to push through and then and then rents up. 21:51.624 --> 21:54.166 [SPEAKER_01]: And then because kids, they don't let up. 21:54.366 --> 21:55.787 [SPEAKER_01]: They will keep going at you. 21:56.427 --> 22:03.432 [SPEAKER_01]: And if we allow it and like we don't have good inputs, we just we're just output output. 22:03.772 --> 22:04.653 [SPEAKER_01]: Of course we snap. 22:05.233 --> 22:14.179 [SPEAKER_01]: I used to do this thing, I didn't know why I was doing it when my kids were young, but I would count really slowly out loud from 10 to 1. 22:14.680 --> 22:16.561 [SPEAKER_01]: And they'd be like, oh, my mom starts counting. 22:16.581 --> 22:17.542 [SPEAKER_01]: She doesn't blow. 22:17.762 --> 22:19.423 [SPEAKER_01]: You better just, you better just leave the room. 22:19.924 --> 22:25.888 [SPEAKER_01]: And it was just, that was me self-regulating, but it was also warning to them like, hey, you're going too far. 22:26.008 --> 22:27.369 [SPEAKER_01]: You're pushing on too far to lose it. 22:27.549 --> 22:28.209 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah. 22:28.390 --> 22:31.312 [SPEAKER_01]: And it'd just be this kind of deep breathing counting. 22:31.452 --> 22:32.853 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because it was either that or yeah. 22:33.233 --> 22:33.996 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah. 22:34.076 --> 22:34.899 [SPEAKER_00]: It's on top of the screen. 22:34.919 --> 22:35.602 [SPEAKER_00]: There you go. 22:36.523 --> 22:37.303 [SPEAKER_00]: Lots of breath for us. 22:37.323 --> 22:40.704 [SPEAKER_00]: They always knew when mom starts closing her eyes, saying, Lord, give me peace. 22:40.924 --> 22:41.704 [SPEAKER_00]: Lord, give me peace. 22:41.744 --> 22:43.665 [SPEAKER_00]: Their eyes got big and they weren't just quiet. 22:44.145 --> 22:48.626 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I just knew I was like over-simulated and needed to step back for a minute. 22:49.106 --> 22:49.866 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, too much. 22:50.506 --> 22:51.226 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 22:51.266 --> 22:56.047 [SPEAKER_00]: So to wrap us up, it's like pretend our listeners today as one of your coaching clients. 22:56.947 --> 22:58.768 [SPEAKER_00]: And you just had this conversation with them. 22:59.108 --> 23:04.569 [SPEAKER_00]: What would you want to like tell them as like a final encouragement and just like to just spur them on a little bit? 23:04.809 --> 23:16.020 [SPEAKER_01]: I would remind her that even though everything feels crazy, everything feels hard and it feels like changing anything will be climbing a mountain and halfway up the mountain there's a mudslide. 23:16.361 --> 23:17.382 [SPEAKER_01]: It is worthy work. 23:17.582 --> 23:26.531 [SPEAKER_01]: It's important to do that you don't have to change everything overnight, but think about little spots in your day, how can you change them to help you feel better? 23:26.851 --> 23:29.374 [SPEAKER_01]: how can you look at your life in a month? 23:29.755 --> 23:33.700 [SPEAKER_01]: What can you add to your life that's going to bring you more enjoyment that's going to fill you up? 23:34.040 --> 23:44.914 [SPEAKER_01]: Because like I mentioned before, if your whole life is output, but there's not input, that imbalance is going to wreck you and it's not just going to be bad for you, it's going to be bad for the whole family. 23:45.234 --> 23:54.380 [SPEAKER_01]: So I can't stress enough the importance of women leaning on counselor coaches, mentors, get somebody who is invested in you. 23:54.580 --> 23:58.742 [SPEAKER_01]: Get somebody who wants to walk beside you that isn't in the trenches right now. 23:59.142 --> 24:01.424 [SPEAKER_01]: You have enough girlfriends that are in the trenches. 24:01.844 --> 24:03.525 [SPEAKER_01]: You want somebody past it. 24:03.845 --> 24:05.986 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, maybe it's an ant. 24:06.147 --> 24:07.327 [SPEAKER_01]: It's a woman at church. 24:07.467 --> 24:10.409 [SPEAKER_01]: Whatever that looks like, talk to somebody who's been through it. 24:10.769 --> 24:13.111 [SPEAKER_01]: Somebody whose life is bare and good fruit. 24:13.831 --> 24:15.252 [SPEAKER_01]: and can advise you on these things. 24:15.572 --> 24:16.572 [SPEAKER_01]: That's the game changer. 24:16.712 --> 24:18.593 [SPEAKER_01]: Women really, really need that. 24:19.353 --> 24:23.115 [SPEAKER_01]: We are meant to lean on wise older women who can get us through. 24:23.435 --> 24:25.255 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what I would have done without them in my life. 24:25.555 --> 24:27.736 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what I would do without them in my life right now. 24:27.976 --> 24:28.857 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it's biblical. 24:29.077 --> 24:30.617 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, it's in there for a reason. 24:30.677 --> 24:32.418 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it's hard to do because people feel intimidated. 24:32.758 --> 24:34.279 [SPEAKER_00]: Nobody wants to bother with me. 24:34.939 --> 24:36.320 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, like, they're so busy. 24:36.740 --> 24:38.280 [SPEAKER_00]: They don't want to hear my problems. 24:38.340 --> 24:42.602 [SPEAKER_00]: But I think, I don't know, if somebody younger asked me to come alongside them, I'd be like, oh. 24:42.822 --> 24:45.924 [SPEAKER_00]: That's so sweet, like yes, I would love to support you in that way. 24:45.964 --> 24:51.188 [SPEAKER_00]: I think we all want to help each other and that includes the older, why is our women in our lives, too? 24:51.408 --> 24:51.608 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 24:52.189 --> 25:01.615 [SPEAKER_00]: And I like, I like your suggestion just to do like one thing because I think something is we're like, okay, now I'm going to totally miss out tracking every and go by an orange, I'm going to track everything. 25:01.855 --> 25:03.036 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to go get a pillow container. 25:03.076 --> 25:08.160 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to start being outside for one hour a day and it's like just start with 5,000 steps, you know? 25:09.180 --> 25:09.721 [SPEAKER_00]: Just one. 25:11.672 --> 25:12.632 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah. 25:12.992 --> 25:13.432 [SPEAKER_01]: I love that. 25:13.933 --> 25:23.135 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, tell us where we can connect with you and people can find your resources and more about your coaching that you offer all of all the things that I can put in show notes. 25:23.375 --> 25:25.735 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I am Allie Worthington everywhere. 25:25.815 --> 25:32.317 [SPEAKER_01]: Allie Worthington on Instagram, Allie Worthington.com, and my podcast is The Allie Worthington Show. 25:32.337 --> 25:33.317 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, perfect. 25:33.617 --> 25:34.937 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for being here. 25:35.017 --> 25:37.338 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just really glad that you're able to join me today. 25:37.678 --> 25:38.858 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm always chatting with you. 25:43.968 --> 25:45.309 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for being here. 25:45.409 --> 25:49.171 [SPEAKER_00]: I think so many of us are caring more than we were ever meant to carry. 25:49.291 --> 25:53.954 [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes we just need the reminder that taking care of ourselves is not selfish. 25:54.454 --> 25:58.777 [SPEAKER_00]: We also love the allies reminder that we don't have to overhaul our lives completely overnight. 25:58.837 --> 26:08.722 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes we just have to take one little step like go for a walk, ask for help, say no, something that's draining you or reach out to a mentor or counselor. 26:08.802 --> 26:11.384 [SPEAKER_00]: Those small changes really do add up over time. 26:11.804 --> 26:15.747 [SPEAKER_00]: So be sure to connect with Alie and check out her podcast, Alie Worthington Show. 26:15.827 --> 26:18.849 [SPEAKER_00]: I have everything that you need to find her linked in show notes. 26:19.269 --> 26:24.113 [SPEAKER_00]: And as always, if this episode encourages you, would you please share it with a friend or a lever review? 26:24.153 --> 26:28.896 [SPEAKER_00]: It helps more parents find the show and remind some that they are not alone in this pandemic journey. 26:29.564 --> 26:30.685 [SPEAKER_00]: May God bless you this week. 26:31.086 --> 26:41.355 [SPEAKER_00]: May you remember that you are not just a caretaker or a driver or a manager of everybody else's needs, you are a daughter of God truly loved by him and worthy of care.