WEBVTT 00:00.311 --> 00:05.673 [SPEAKER_04]: This episode and the entire season of episodes is proudly brought to you by California Cryobank. 00:06.073 --> 00:11.335 [SPEAKER_04]: Use Code Quirfam 26 for a free, level 3 subscription to their donor Catalog. 00:11.716 --> 00:14.056 [SPEAKER_04]: Make those babies y'all and then come tell me about them. 00:32.448 --> 00:33.169 [SPEAKER_01]: love is love. 00:33.910 --> 00:40.455 [SPEAKER_02]: There's no other parent like a LGBTQ plus parent. 00:40.515 --> 00:43.538 [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like because of that intentionality, for sure. 00:44.098 --> 00:44.539 [SPEAKER_02]: Agreed. 00:44.799 --> 00:46.360 [SPEAKER_04]: And that's a soundbite right there. 00:46.380 --> 00:51.685 [SPEAKER_04]: Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome y'all to the queer family podcast to show all about family, but with gay. 00:51.945 --> 00:56.388 [SPEAKER_04]: I'm your gay host, Jamie, and this is the show that highlights celebrates uplifts and normalizes, 00:59.871 --> 01:00.471 [SPEAKER_04]: identity. 01:00.531 --> 01:02.252 [SPEAKER_04]: And this one is a fabulous one. 01:02.352 --> 01:03.252 [SPEAKER_04]: It really is. 01:03.592 --> 01:05.813 [SPEAKER_04]: And don't forget you're getting an episode right now. 01:05.853 --> 01:06.533 [SPEAKER_04]: It's a Thursday. 01:06.633 --> 01:06.853 [SPEAKER_04]: Are you? 01:06.913 --> 01:07.573 [SPEAKER_04]: Are you shocked? 01:07.834 --> 01:18.997 [SPEAKER_04]: Don't forget we're in our Pride Extravaganza, which means that instead of one weekly episode of the queer family podcast through the month of June Pride Month, you get two weekly episodes. 01:19.017 --> 01:22.138 [SPEAKER_04]: You get one on Monday and one like this one on Thursday. 01:22.218 --> 01:22.418 [SPEAKER_04]: So, 01:22.778 --> 01:26.719 [SPEAKER_04]: You're welcome, more clear family goodness writing your podcast app. 01:26.839 --> 01:29.540 [SPEAKER_04]: Let's go with the normalization and the representation. 01:29.940 --> 01:36.521 [SPEAKER_04]: You know, one thing I think that clear family spend a surprising amount of time doing is navigating other people's assumptions. 01:36.641 --> 01:37.161 [SPEAKER_04]: Am I right? 01:37.742 --> 01:40.122 [SPEAKER_04]: Assumptions about who the real parent is. 01:40.382 --> 01:42.183 [SPEAKER_04]: Assumptions about biology. 01:42.263 --> 01:43.683 [SPEAKER_04]: Assumptions about marriage. 01:43.923 --> 01:45.863 [SPEAKER_04]: Assumptions about sexuality. 01:46.263 --> 01:49.384 [SPEAKER_04]: Assumptions about what our families are supposed to look like. 01:53.146 --> 01:56.309 [SPEAKER_04]: really understand assumptions very well. 01:56.670 --> 01:59.553 [SPEAKER_04]: Their story just challenges assumptions at every turn. 01:59.793 --> 02:01.115 [SPEAKER_04]: They both grew up religious. 02:01.756 --> 02:03.838 [SPEAKER_04]: One of them was previously married to a man. 02:04.419 --> 02:11.147 [SPEAKER_04]: They built their family through known donor conception and later did reciprocal IVF, which people have assumptions about there too. 02:11.627 --> 02:26.536 [SPEAKER_04]: And now, they're raising three kids while also navigating the weird comments and assumptions strangers make about their family in public, including people assuming that Vanessa was her own son's nanny because he's a red-headed white kid and she's Mexican. 02:26.796 --> 02:30.158 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, that happens a lot to them, assumptions at every turn. 02:30.658 --> 02:34.880 [SPEAKER_04]: This conversation really reminded me that queer families rarely fit 02:39.343 --> 02:45.445 [SPEAKER_04]: And honestly, that's part of what makes our family so intentional, so resilient, and so freaking beautiful. 02:45.505 --> 02:46.845 [SPEAKER_04]: Can I get an A man? 02:47.285 --> 02:49.066 [SPEAKER_04]: I hope y'all enjoy this episode. 02:49.086 --> 02:58.308 [SPEAKER_04]: And if you don't know Vanessa and Jory already from their popular social media account modern family next door, you're going to want to follow them after this conversation. 02:58.468 --> 02:59.429 [SPEAKER_04]: I really want you to hear it. 02:59.789 --> 03:00.569 [SPEAKER_04]: Let's roll the tape. 03:00.629 --> 03:03.290 [SPEAKER_04]: Helen, Bula, it's pride. 03:03.530 --> 03:04.990 [SPEAKER_04]: Can you please roll this tape? 03:05.250 --> 03:05.710 [SPEAKER_04]: Let's go. 03:06.090 --> 03:06.551 [SPEAKER_04]: Let's go. 03:08.111 --> 03:10.692 [SPEAKER_01]: Cliff and my podcast love is love. 03:11.552 --> 03:12.652 [SPEAKER_01]: Hi Vanessa and Jory. 03:13.493 --> 03:14.273 [SPEAKER_04]: Hello. 03:14.973 --> 03:16.734 [SPEAKER_04]: It is so nice to have you here. 03:16.794 --> 03:21.735 [SPEAKER_04]: I've just been talking to you about the beautiful page you have on Instagram. 03:21.795 --> 03:30.938 [SPEAKER_04]: I've been I've been stalking you and stalking your page and how aesthetically pleasing all of it is and plus the great content that you share on your page. 03:31.178 --> 03:32.259 [SPEAKER_04]: Well thank you. 03:32.839 --> 03:34.099 [SPEAKER_04]: Yes, we were card. 03:34.499 --> 03:34.920 [SPEAKER_04]: You do. 03:35.040 --> 03:36.000 [SPEAKER_02]: Right, and try to. 03:36.340 --> 03:44.102 [SPEAKER_04]: and it comes through and I absolutely love your page and what you're sharing and what you're doing for a legit to-to-quaw families. 03:44.262 --> 03:47.543 [SPEAKER_04]: And so I'm so excited to have you on the Pride Extravaganza. 03:47.944 --> 03:56.066 [SPEAKER_02]: We are so excited to be here especially because it is for Pride and it's right around the corner just snuck up on us, I feel like. 03:56.486 --> 03:58.228 [SPEAKER_04]: It did and it comes every year. 03:58.468 --> 03:59.108 [SPEAKER_04]: It sure does. 04:00.149 --> 04:13.680 [SPEAKER_04]: I feel like this year of all years is one that we really need to celebrate and like lift up because it's been a crazy We've been having some crazy times over here in the United States 04:14.400 --> 04:16.042 [SPEAKER_04]: crazy and I swear to put it. 04:16.122 --> 04:34.942 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I would use a different word, but yeah, it has been crazy and I do believe that it's like even more so like more important to celebrate especially with our children like our kids are older so we were talking about it a few days ago over dinner like what it meant because our 04:35.542 --> 04:48.229 [SPEAKER_02]: are some like it's like ongoing conversations we've always had with them but I feel like now like he's about to be 10 so it's clicking more so and he's understanding more and so it was nice to go over that with them. 04:48.529 --> 04:59.875 [SPEAKER_04]: It's it's important and and I love that our kids are being raised with the awareness of how important it is and what it means and they're being raised with the awareness 05:02.456 --> 05:07.980 [SPEAKER_04]: Not meaning that they have to be advocates because they don't all have to turn out to be advocates. 05:08.020 --> 05:17.247 [SPEAKER_04]: However, they're being raised with the awareness of how you can be an advocate and how you can stand up for those that need standing up for. 05:18.323 --> 05:18.904 [SPEAKER_04]: I love that. 05:19.524 --> 05:21.566 [SPEAKER_04]: So, without further ado, it's time. 05:22.106 --> 05:27.451 [SPEAKER_04]: We need to do your 30-second elevator pitch, so the folks at home or in their cars are on their runs. 05:27.992 --> 05:33.196 [SPEAKER_04]: No, who you are and why you're here talking to the clear, fam squad. 05:33.797 --> 05:36.039 [SPEAKER_04]: And you Mark, get set, go. 05:36.713 --> 05:38.455 [SPEAKER_02]: We are Vanessa and Jory. 05:38.555 --> 05:42.600 [SPEAKER_02]: We are from modern family next door on all socials. 05:43.261 --> 05:51.150 [SPEAKER_02]: Our account focuses on just visibility and interracial couples since I'm Mexican and my wife is. 05:51.890 --> 05:52.170 [SPEAKER_02]: white. 05:53.351 --> 06:04.298 [SPEAKER_02]: We have three kids eight nine and two and we've been together for 16 years and we're just happy to be here and I'm over my time. 06:04.379 --> 06:04.679 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 06:05.119 --> 06:06.160 [SPEAKER_04]: That was amazing though. 06:06.720 --> 06:07.601 [SPEAKER_04]: That was perfect. 06:08.061 --> 06:11.984 [SPEAKER_04]: And I feel like you were trying to like add more at the end just to fill the time. 06:12.024 --> 06:13.425 [SPEAKER_04]: So yeah, right on time. 06:13.445 --> 06:14.045 [SPEAKER_04]: Good job. 06:14.065 --> 06:14.846 [SPEAKER_04]: Who is to you? 06:14.906 --> 06:16.126 [SPEAKER_04]: Like a true professional. 06:17.087 --> 06:19.509 [SPEAKER_04]: So 16 years you met in college. 06:20.190 --> 06:24.594 [SPEAKER_02]: We met in undergrad in calculus. 06:25.274 --> 06:32.380 [SPEAKER_02]: She walked into the classroom, and I feel like I tell this story so much, so I'll just touch on the facts. 06:32.460 --> 06:39.546 [SPEAKER_02]: She walked in and I noticed her and she walked in with her like longboard or skateboard. 06:39.806 --> 06:40.887 [SPEAKER_02]: It was like a longboard 06:43.873 --> 06:47.880 [SPEAKER_02]: Red Bull can and I was like, oh my gosh, she's so cute. 06:48.321 --> 06:53.148 [SPEAKER_02]: And like, but it was just like non-chalant cuteness, like she just, whatever. 06:54.010 --> 06:55.372 [SPEAKER_02]: And she sat directly in front of me. 06:56.347 --> 06:57.648 [SPEAKER_02]: We didn't get together right away. 06:57.708 --> 06:58.448 [SPEAKER_02]: She was married. 06:59.289 --> 07:00.810 [SPEAKER_02]: She married before we met. 07:01.330 --> 07:03.471 [SPEAKER_04]: You were married to a man or a woman. 07:04.051 --> 07:04.412 [SPEAKER_04]: A man. 07:04.432 --> 07:06.013 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah. 07:06.113 --> 07:07.053 [SPEAKER_04]: The plot thickens. 07:07.573 --> 07:08.594 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah. 07:09.134 --> 07:13.057 [SPEAKER_04]: So, Joy, you walked in looking like a lesbian with your skateboard. 07:14.237 --> 07:21.763 [SPEAKER_04]: She was not giving all of the vibe of the lesbianotic vibe, the sapphic vibe, yet you were married to a man. 07:22.044 --> 07:22.924 [SPEAKER_04]: Okay. 07:23.405 --> 07:25.746 [SPEAKER_04]: Vanessa, were you living that gay life? 07:26.367 --> 07:27.928 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh heck no, I was not. 07:28.349 --> 07:29.529 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, not outwardly. 07:29.549 --> 07:34.674 [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like I've always known I was gay ever since like as far back as I could remember. 07:35.414 --> 07:36.895 [SPEAKER_02]: But I've never came out. 07:39.117 --> 07:47.166 [SPEAKER_02]: But I did have like secret relationships with women throughout like my life, I guess. 07:47.666 --> 07:51.611 [SPEAKER_02]: When she first walked into that classroom, I had just ended one. 07:52.412 --> 07:59.479 [SPEAKER_02]: And at this point, I had sworn off women and like just renounce them and was like, 08:00.240 --> 08:12.824 [SPEAKER_02]: not because they're drama or anything before anyone says anything but I was just like done with being gay because I was just like it's a sin. 08:12.844 --> 08:14.444 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to do this. 08:14.524 --> 08:18.665 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to be like this anymore and then I kid you not. 08:18.765 --> 08:22.546 [SPEAKER_02]: I made that whatever you want to call it. 08:22.766 --> 08:24.387 [SPEAKER_02]: I had that conversation with God. 08:25.737 --> 08:44.164 [SPEAKER_02]: And then Jory walks in like semester changes and she's there and I was like I instantly noticed her but you were smitten you're a kind of smitten but you were fine because of shame and all the things that we all know very much about Yes, I know it's so sad. 08:44.664 --> 08:48.065 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, yeah, but this is a very universal story, right? 08:48.465 --> 08:53.127 [SPEAKER_04]: The notice happened and then but Jory you're still married 08:54.200 --> 08:56.923 [SPEAKER_04]: at the time and still living a straight life. 08:57.264 --> 08:57.964 [SPEAKER_04]: I'm assuming. 08:58.725 --> 09:01.568 [SPEAKER_04]: So what happened for you? 09:01.849 --> 09:02.950 [SPEAKER_04]: Like, how did we get it? 09:02.990 --> 09:08.516 [SPEAKER_04]: Wait, I feel like we have a long way to go to get you two together. 09:08.737 --> 09:09.658 [SPEAKER_04]: Right now. 09:09.898 --> 09:11.420 [SPEAKER_04]: How much time do we have for this? 09:12.961 --> 09:16.623 [SPEAKER_04]: Let's, let's, let's, let's try, let's try to nutshell this. 09:17.003 --> 09:38.933 [SPEAKER_03]: So let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let 09:39.980 --> 09:54.525 [SPEAKER_03]: I always, I guess, had those tendencies, but yeah, I was married, and the relationship was not good at all, and I kind of threw myself into school and college and everything, and then we became friends, and then during that point. 09:55.545 --> 10:17.164 [SPEAKER_03]: In my head, I felt like I had a good excuse to leave my now ex-husband because he had already cheated on me and told me about it about a year in her marriage, but I was a super good Christian and we need to work it out and we didn't really do much work to work it out or anything. 10:18.044 --> 10:23.089 [SPEAKER_03]: And then I reached a point where I felt like I lost that opportunity or that window to leave him. 10:23.489 --> 10:28.574 [SPEAKER_03]: But then, like I said, one night, just things came to the head and I left. 10:29.034 --> 10:31.136 [SPEAKER_03]: And we were still friends at that point. 10:31.536 --> 10:33.458 [SPEAKER_03]: She kind of helped me through it. 10:33.538 --> 10:39.143 [SPEAKER_03]: And then once the desk kind of settled with that, it was like, because we were like best friends. 10:39.223 --> 10:39.924 [SPEAKER_03]: But then I was like, I 10:40.204 --> 10:42.206 [SPEAKER_03]: I think we want to be more of the best friends. 10:42.567 --> 10:52.777 [SPEAKER_03]: But that was very hard for me to come to terms with because I was super religious and grew up thinking, you know, it was a sin and horrible thing. 10:53.098 --> 10:57.342 [SPEAKER_03]: So, yeah, same with her, so it was a lot. 10:58.023 --> 11:00.165 [SPEAKER_04]: You both had that barrier to get through. 11:02.387 --> 11:07.592 [SPEAKER_04]: on top of other layers of stuff that you know, break down, right? 11:07.612 --> 11:18.704 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, yeah, I didn't want to get in a relationship with her initially, like, one because I had renounced women, but secondly, I'm like, you just got divorced. 11:18.964 --> 11:23.689 [SPEAKER_03]: The funny thing is, is we were so brainwashed, like, we were going to church together. 11:25.330 --> 11:27.151 [SPEAKER_03]: and she got baptized. 11:27.431 --> 11:32.292 [SPEAKER_03]: I brought her to church and all the stuff like we were so much indeniable. 11:33.413 --> 11:35.153 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, no, I was not indeniable. 11:35.173 --> 11:38.274 [SPEAKER_02]: But I mean, yeah, for sure we were. 11:38.834 --> 11:41.035 [SPEAKER_02]: But I just was like, 11:42.155 --> 11:47.419 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, one, yes, she's cute, but two, maybe this is the person God put in my life. 11:47.439 --> 11:50.581 [SPEAKER_02]: To like, keep me on the straightener. 11:50.701 --> 11:52.182 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, exactly. 11:52.242 --> 11:52.703 [SPEAKER_02]: Exactly. 11:52.923 --> 11:53.623 [SPEAKER_02]: Exactly. 11:55.445 --> 12:00.308 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, keep me, you know, like, he brought her in for, you know, and I can't, I don't know. 12:00.568 --> 12:02.349 [SPEAKER_02]: We were just children, I feel like. 12:02.770 --> 12:03.630 [SPEAKER_04]: And I think you're right. 12:03.730 --> 12:05.472 [SPEAKER_04]: He did bring you in for a reason. 12:06.353 --> 12:10.694 [SPEAKER_04]: and it was to flip the script and get you both together. 12:11.555 --> 12:19.918 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, like honestly, like she knew what he was doing, whether you really think out or the universe or whatever, I just, yes, I do believe things happen for a reason. 12:20.638 --> 12:21.478 [SPEAKER_02]: We are here now. 12:21.898 --> 12:25.819 [SPEAKER_04]: Jory came into your life at the exact right time and vice versa. 12:26.360 --> 12:26.580 [SPEAKER_04]: So. 12:27.768 --> 12:40.264 [SPEAKER_04]: You realized you wanted to be more than just friends and then and then what happened how back I don't know I feel like it was just a roller coaster the initial like we realize we wanted to be more than friends. 12:41.465 --> 12:43.245 [SPEAKER_02]: But we were not out yet. 12:43.545 --> 12:47.546 [SPEAKER_02]: We were actually we dated for like four years in the closet. 12:48.267 --> 12:53.888 [SPEAKER_02]: Living together, but like, you know, that's right, maybe two friends that knew. 12:54.288 --> 12:55.568 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, oh my God. 12:56.048 --> 12:56.829 [SPEAKER_02]: That's so hard. 12:57.389 --> 12:59.429 [SPEAKER_02]: It was, but then yeah, it was hard. 12:59.489 --> 13:03.490 [SPEAKER_02]: And then we finally got to the point where we were like, this is not feasible. 13:03.750 --> 13:04.370 [SPEAKER_02]: What do we do? 13:04.390 --> 13:09.292 [SPEAKER_02]: We either break up or we come out and we chose the ladder. 13:11.633 --> 13:13.415 [SPEAKER_02]: And we've been together ever since. 13:13.655 --> 13:16.719 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, we were together since performing. 13:16.739 --> 13:21.785 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I mean, you're together since you, since Joey walked into that chemistry class. 13:21.845 --> 13:22.446 [SPEAKER_04]: Let's be real. 13:24.103 --> 13:26.503 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, but I mean, I don't want to. 13:27.944 --> 13:31.484 [SPEAKER_02]: She texted me a lot and I ignored her for a long time. 13:31.504 --> 13:33.625 [SPEAKER_02]: I would not reply to her. 13:33.645 --> 13:36.165 [SPEAKER_02]: I would not, because I knew myself, right? 13:36.305 --> 13:38.606 [SPEAKER_04]: Right, because I knew you were attracted. 13:39.106 --> 13:40.666 [SPEAKER_04]: And she's a religious term. 13:40.686 --> 13:42.467 [SPEAKER_04]: You knew you had same sex attraction. 13:42.527 --> 13:44.367 [SPEAKER_04]: Have you heard of her? 13:44.387 --> 13:46.527 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, yes, I felt it. 13:46.607 --> 13:48.248 [SPEAKER_02]: And I mean, I don't know that you did. 13:48.288 --> 13:49.408 [SPEAKER_02]: You were so lost. 13:51.218 --> 13:53.561 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I knew I just wanted to be friends with her. 13:54.101 --> 13:57.145 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, there's, you know, you knew something, right? 13:57.245 --> 13:59.288 [SPEAKER_04]: So, okay, so you came out. 13:59.688 --> 14:07.417 [SPEAKER_04]: I'm just imagining that since you both were so religious that your families are pretty religious and not like, cool with the gay. 14:07.878 --> 14:09.520 [SPEAKER_04]: So how did that go? 14:10.140 --> 14:14.603 [SPEAKER_03]: I was terrified of telling my family just because I grew up super religious. 14:15.103 --> 14:23.608 [SPEAKER_03]: Like we even had a family friend to shoot, was a lesbian and came to God and now supposedly, even to the state, she's not anymore. 14:24.009 --> 14:33.815 [SPEAKER_03]: But just around that conversation around the dinner table, like the way they were talking about it, was just like, yeah, you have so gross, like thank goodness, she's not a lesbian anymore. 14:33.835 --> 14:35.756 [SPEAKER_03]: And I was just like, uh, 14:35.816 --> 14:38.957 [SPEAKER_03]: This was probably like a couple years before I met her too. 14:39.397 --> 14:41.378 [SPEAKER_03]: So yeah, I was just terrified of it. 14:41.818 --> 14:44.598 [SPEAKER_03]: And so I just wrote a letter to my dad. 14:44.658 --> 14:45.419 [SPEAKER_03]: I emailed him. 14:46.899 --> 14:50.020 [SPEAKER_03]: We do that a lot, just writing emails to each other for important things. 14:50.100 --> 14:55.982 [SPEAKER_03]: But I couldn't like do it face-to-face and I don't feel like I needed to anyway. 14:56.062 --> 14:57.982 [SPEAKER_03]: So he took it kind of hard. 14:58.702 --> 15:03.144 [SPEAKER_03]: But in the end, he ended up still accepting us. 15:05.752 --> 15:18.315 [SPEAKER_03]: just in a different way, just because I had just gotten divorced and he felt like he should have been there to protect me to, you know, maybe not approve of us getting married and kind of fight that a little bit more. 15:18.395 --> 15:22.296 [SPEAKER_03]: And now coming out as a lesbian and he feels like maybe he's a failure again. 15:22.677 --> 15:26.478 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, obviously now it is a reflection on the way he raised him. 15:26.578 --> 15:28.478 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, he's come around, he's better, same with. 15:32.059 --> 15:54.434 [SPEAKER_03]: my whole family, but there is a point where I found out from one of my sisters that my step-gram parents had gone to the house with their Bible and we're basically telling my dad that he needs to disown me and stop talking to me if he wants me to eventually come back to Christ and start living, you know, a Christian life again. 15:54.454 --> 15:54.514 [SPEAKER_03]: And 15:56.255 --> 16:02.140 [SPEAKER_03]: My sister said he basically told on the f-off and like he wasn't going to stop talking to me. 16:02.400 --> 16:08.385 [SPEAKER_03]: So when I heard that in the midst of everything, I just brought peace, you know, to me. 16:08.405 --> 16:10.487 [SPEAKER_03]: Because I'm like, okay, full, hopeful. 16:10.527 --> 16:14.450 [SPEAKER_03]: Like, it's difficult and I know, but I know he still loves me, you know. 16:14.470 --> 16:16.872 [SPEAKER_04]: Like, oh, go dad. 16:17.252 --> 16:17.813 [SPEAKER_04]: Yes. 16:19.134 --> 16:19.614 [SPEAKER_03]: That was, 16:20.758 --> 16:23.079 [SPEAKER_03]: Probably the most difficult part for us. 16:23.159 --> 16:27.920 [SPEAKER_02]: And then, and that's just putting it lightly like that's in a nutshell. 16:28.300 --> 16:32.641 [SPEAKER_02]: But because it was the first couple of years really, really difficult for them. 16:32.681 --> 16:37.402 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, they didn't renounce us, but they also weren't like, like, they still came to our way. 16:37.422 --> 16:39.062 [SPEAKER_03]: And welcome. 16:39.282 --> 16:40.263 [SPEAKER_03]: They left early. 16:40.283 --> 16:43.923 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, my dad was like, I'm not going to walk you down the aisle. 16:44.103 --> 16:47.364 [SPEAKER_03]: I didn't ask him to, but as like, that's fine. 16:50.885 --> 17:05.071 [SPEAKER_03]: but yeah so it was really difficult but now that was so long ago it feels like now since we have been together for so long it was like wow I can't believe that we were to think it was ever that way you know you're now at all you know 17:05.672 --> 17:05.992 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah. 17:06.353 --> 17:07.254 [SPEAKER_04]: Well, that's great. 17:07.414 --> 17:16.945 [SPEAKER_04]: And a lot of times grandchildren helping them around too, which I'm sure will kind of get into like these stories like everybody's got one, right? 17:17.185 --> 17:18.527 [SPEAKER_04]: And some go easily. 17:18.587 --> 17:19.047 [SPEAKER_04]: Some don't. 17:19.788 --> 17:21.290 [SPEAKER_04]: What about what about you, Vanessa? 17:21.310 --> 17:21.971 [SPEAKER_04]: How'd yours go? 17:22.471 --> 17:25.455 [SPEAKER_02]: Mine wasn't as tremendous a lot easier. 17:26.668 --> 17:31.610 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, and the grand scheme of it all, like, yes, we were raised to religious. 17:31.690 --> 17:38.472 [SPEAKER_02]: I was raised Catholic and, you know, still very, my parents are still very much Catholic. 17:38.692 --> 17:39.572 [SPEAKER_02]: My whole family is. 17:40.052 --> 17:43.533 [SPEAKER_02]: It was always just something that, you know, was not talked about or accepted. 17:43.673 --> 17:48.115 [SPEAKER_02]: And I just didn't know any other, like, queer families around us. 17:48.155 --> 17:53.076 [SPEAKER_02]: So I just didn't know I was a thing, but I had built it up in my head that it was never going to be okay. 17:53.096 --> 17:54.737 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was not going to be accepted. 17:55.317 --> 17:55.577 [SPEAKER_04]: Right. 17:55.878 --> 18:10.172 [SPEAKER_02]: But when we finally came around to telling our family, I knew that if I got my mom on board, everything else would go smoothly because we're like a very matriarchal matriarchie. 18:10.732 --> 18:11.173 [SPEAKER_02]: That word. 18:11.633 --> 18:12.114 [SPEAKER_02]: Family. 18:12.714 --> 18:14.596 [SPEAKER_02]: So whatever she says goes, 18:15.457 --> 18:27.907 [SPEAKER_02]: So I came out to my siblings first because I knew if I also had them in my corner in my head I'm like if I lose my parents that's okay because then I'll least I'll have my siblings like I couldn't lose both. 18:28.527 --> 18:40.657 [SPEAKER_02]: So I came out to my siblings first and they were like we need girlfriends like you were not good at hiding it and I was like okay cool whatever leaf you know 18:41.777 --> 18:43.558 [SPEAKER_02]: And so it was just amazing. 18:43.578 --> 18:45.899 [SPEAKER_02]: And everything just continued as normal. 18:46.299 --> 18:56.544 [SPEAKER_02]: And then I want to say a few weeks later, I prepped my siblings saying, like, hey, I'm going to come home from, you know, because at this point, I was already living away. 18:57.084 --> 19:00.445 [SPEAKER_02]: And today's going to be the day that I tell, like, my mom, our mom. 19:00.986 --> 19:02.346 [SPEAKER_02]: And so everyone came over. 19:02.366 --> 19:06.368 [SPEAKER_02]: They were ready to like defund me and like everything. 19:06.928 --> 19:09.849 [SPEAKER_02]: And we were drinking because I needed to drink. 19:10.029 --> 19:15.011 [SPEAKER_02]: I needed to just get one liquid courage, but to just like call my brain. 19:15.651 --> 19:20.673 [SPEAKER_02]: I told my mom and she did immediately start crying. 19:21.334 --> 19:24.435 [SPEAKER_02]: And her, the series of questions were like, 19:25.255 --> 19:41.745 [SPEAKER_02]: but why you're such you're like such a girl and you're so pretty and oh but you've dated boys before and what about my grandchildren and likes she's sobbing and the way I cope with things is by laughing 19:42.945 --> 19:59.938 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I started laughing and I'm like, Mom, like, you can still have kids even though you're gay and you're allowed to look pretty and be gay and I think because in this in her head she just assumes like, oh, you're going to look. 20:00.683 --> 20:01.764 [SPEAKER_02]: in order to change. 20:02.204 --> 20:05.605 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, you're going to like start wearing cargo pants and catch a hair short. 20:05.705 --> 20:06.086 [SPEAKER_04]: Yes. 20:06.266 --> 20:06.826 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 20:07.166 --> 20:08.847 [SPEAKER_04]: We come in all shapes and sizes. 20:08.947 --> 20:09.547 [SPEAKER_04]: Exactly. 20:09.567 --> 20:13.149 [SPEAKER_02]: But to her and her world, she never knew a world like that. 20:13.289 --> 20:13.989 [SPEAKER_02]: Anytime. 20:14.629 --> 20:19.212 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, you know, where Mexican and Mexico, she had encountered gay people. 20:20.412 --> 20:47.157 [SPEAKER_02]: the men were either like super fling buoyant, which is also like a stereo type and the women were like trying to look like boys and nothing wrong with that but also a stereo type that like she had just grown up with and so I just didn't fit that in her head but yeah we hugged it out and things were okay and then just for the listeners we have to have a toddler in the house who's gonna make a 20:48.498 --> 20:51.741 [SPEAKER_02]: I know I'm surprised he'd stayed downstairs this long. 20:52.061 --> 20:54.043 [SPEAKER_04]: He was quiet for quite some time. 20:54.504 --> 20:55.245 [SPEAKER_02]: He was good. 20:55.665 --> 21:05.595 [SPEAKER_02]: I told my dad and he was okay, but the way I came out to my dad was hey, I'm with Jory. 21:07.013 --> 21:08.434 [SPEAKER_02]: And we're going to get married. 21:09.035 --> 21:17.441 [SPEAKER_02]: Because at this point, we were like, we, they're breakup or we come out and like, because we were ready to take that next step, right? 21:17.521 --> 21:23.726 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we had talked about marriage and kids, but like, we're having these conversations while still in the closet. 21:23.766 --> 21:26.809 [SPEAKER_02]: So it was just like a stressful time. 21:26.949 --> 21:31.672 [SPEAKER_02]: And so we literally came out and got married all within like one year. 21:32.393 --> 21:36.196 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, we came out and then a couple months later, like, oh, by the way, we're engaged. 21:38.342 --> 21:40.465 [SPEAKER_03]: It's all or nothing, because you're doing it. 21:40.566 --> 21:42.529 [SPEAKER_04]: Like, that's what happens when it's closeted. 21:42.609 --> 21:44.592 [SPEAKER_04]: Well, when we're out, now we're out. 21:44.772 --> 21:46.735 [SPEAKER_03]: So, you know, full force. 21:47.697 --> 21:48.578 [SPEAKER_04]: We'll be right back. 21:49.119 --> 21:51.563 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for the podcast, love us, love. 21:52.365 --> 21:52.926 [SPEAKER_04]: Okay, y'all. 21:52.966 --> 21:59.091 [SPEAKER_04]: Now I feel like a good time to talk about sperm because we don't always have someone there that's going to offer us their sperm. 21:59.131 --> 22:02.314 [SPEAKER_04]: Sometimes we have to go to a bank and I have something really, really great for you. 22:02.774 --> 22:11.402 [SPEAKER_04]: For nearly 50 years y'all, California cryo bank has proudly helped thousands of LGBTQIA plus families fulfill their dreams of paratode. 22:11.802 --> 22:14.323 [SPEAKER_04]: They are the number one sperm bank in the U.S. 22:14.864 --> 22:18.646 [SPEAKER_04]: They shift to all 50 states and over 40 countries. 22:18.866 --> 22:23.428 [SPEAKER_04]: And they do have one of the largest in most diverse selection of sperm donors out there. 22:24.008 --> 22:24.569 [SPEAKER_04]: I use them. 22:25.309 --> 22:26.610 [SPEAKER_04]: I have many friends who use them. 22:27.310 --> 22:33.135 [SPEAKER_04]: And I have many listeners who have used them, and I think we're all pretty happy with our little kids that we got. 22:33.635 --> 22:42.482 [SPEAKER_04]: So to learn more and to start your search today, y'all, you're going to visit cryobank.com and use promo code queerfam26. 22:42.542 --> 22:46.105 [SPEAKER_04]: That's QU-E-E-R-F-A-M-26. 22:47.126 --> 22:53.611 [SPEAKER_04]: And that's going to get you a free level three subscription to their donor catalog, which gives you so much information about these donors. 22:56.913 --> 22:59.774 [SPEAKER_04]: start making those babies y'all and then come tell me about them. 23:02.035 --> 23:02.816 [SPEAKER_04]: Love is love. 23:04.236 --> 23:11.579 [SPEAKER_04]: Okay, so then families know we get married and then when does family building come into the picture? 23:11.639 --> 23:15.861 [SPEAKER_02]: Like it actually came in like I said before we were married. 23:15.901 --> 23:21.403 [SPEAKER_02]: We actually have tried to get pregnant twice before marriage. 23:21.804 --> 23:22.084 [SPEAKER_02]: What? 23:22.864 --> 23:23.285 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 23:24.305 --> 23:31.151 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, and it didn't work out and then we're like, let's just get married instead. 23:32.092 --> 23:34.394 [SPEAKER_04]: And wait, we need to rewind. 23:34.735 --> 23:41.701 [SPEAKER_04]: You're saying it like, um, you know, we were like, like, string, you know how straight couples will be like, yeah, we were just not we're not we're not not trying. 23:42.241 --> 23:42.561 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 23:43.081 --> 23:44.602 [SPEAKER_04]: If it happens, it happens. 23:44.762 --> 23:48.224 [SPEAKER_04]: So it sounds like you were doing that, but that doesn't really work with us. 23:48.244 --> 23:49.765 [SPEAKER_04]: So can we go into this? 23:49.865 --> 23:52.886 [SPEAKER_04]: How did we, how were we trying for a baby? 23:52.906 --> 23:55.388 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to just give you surface level. 23:56.748 --> 24:00.230 [SPEAKER_02]: We had started to talk about building a family. 24:00.450 --> 24:04.632 [SPEAKER_02]: We did not know anything about how to build a family. 24:05.052 --> 24:07.694 [SPEAKER_02]: This is pre-social media for us. 24:08.514 --> 24:17.138 [SPEAKER_02]: actually was a strong advocate for no social media and so like I wasn't on any platforms or nothing and I only knew about it because of her. 24:17.158 --> 24:23.821 [SPEAKER_02]: I was Googling and I eventually came across like one of the first ways that I found was home in some nation. 24:24.081 --> 24:33.385 [SPEAKER_02]: We did find some cryo banks but in all of that we have really good friends that we hung out with almost on a weekly basis. 24:34.465 --> 24:59.432 [SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, as friends do, we catch up with one another and we were telling them how we wanted to have a baby, but like just the prices of everything and how like we just were so lost and clueless and it was just a topic, a conversation and then a few weeks down the line at our next get together, they were like, hey, we wanted to offer you our sperm. 25:00.652 --> 25:01.653 [SPEAKER_02]: That's great. 25:02.073 --> 25:02.253 [SPEAKER_02]: Wow. 25:02.814 --> 25:10.980 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and so that's how we were able to try twice before getting married because we did have kind of like an unlimited 25:11.973 --> 25:12.433 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm out. 25:12.853 --> 25:13.654 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm out. 25:13.674 --> 25:14.274 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm out. 25:14.434 --> 25:14.994 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm out. 25:15.554 --> 25:17.975 [SPEAKER_04]: And this just like, it was like placing your lap. 25:18.015 --> 25:21.396 [SPEAKER_04]: Like, hey, let us be your known donor. 25:21.436 --> 25:23.817 [SPEAKER_04]: Like, wow, that's one of the easiest conversations. 25:23.857 --> 25:26.658 [SPEAKER_04]: I think I've spoken to somebody about that. 25:27.278 --> 25:28.618 [SPEAKER_04]: That's such a beautiful gift. 25:29.258 --> 25:30.019 [SPEAKER_03]: Holy moly. 25:30.039 --> 25:36.201 [SPEAKER_03]: It was definitely amazing because in the, the friend she's, she's like family to me, like a sister to me. 25:36.241 --> 25:39.142 [SPEAKER_03]: And she, during that time, just had her first baby. 25:40.762 --> 25:51.048 [SPEAKER_03]: So we were just excited over the fact that kids would technically be half siblings and we're just so close that was really, it still is a beautiful thing. 25:51.548 --> 26:04.935 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, it was a huge blessing though, because that took out all, you know, the in-between of like what sperm donor are we going to pick on what bank we have to go through a doctor, you know, all that stuff. 26:04.975 --> 26:08.877 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, yeah, you like got a syringe and just 26:10.637 --> 26:27.580 [SPEAKER_02]: figured it out at home pretty much no I did watch a lot of you like and then it was a hyper fixation at the time like what to do and how to do it and I don't believe like there were kids back then like home insemination kids like we have now. 26:27.980 --> 26:43.033 [SPEAKER_04]: No, I mean, so like you're just like, you're just bringing something up that is like really important like this was what like maybe 10 years ago, yeah, there really was so much less out there for family building when you're a legit particular. 26:43.593 --> 26:58.678 [SPEAKER_04]: couple like there's there is a lot more now like this podcast there's books but back then it really was like you do what the person you know did because yes you know you just yeah you're like your raw dog and it you're just trying to figure out how to do it. 26:59.378 --> 26:59.778 [SPEAKER_02]: You know? 26:59.858 --> 27:00.139 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 27:00.459 --> 27:02.200 [SPEAKER_02]: And that is exactly what I did. 27:02.440 --> 27:06.964 [SPEAKER_02]: I found this lesbian couple on YouTube that like had done it successfully. 27:07.864 --> 27:12.928 [SPEAKER_02]: And you know, they showed everything that they used long story short. 27:12.968 --> 27:13.708 [SPEAKER_02]: I worked in love. 27:13.728 --> 27:19.513 [SPEAKER_02]: So I had access to all these sterile supplies that this couple had mentioned on their YouTube video. 27:20.233 --> 27:28.159 [SPEAKER_02]: And so we basically just did that, you know, at home, tried it twice, did not work. 27:28.659 --> 27:28.899 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah. 27:29.279 --> 27:29.579 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay. 27:29.760 --> 27:32.061 [SPEAKER_02]: And then we're like, this isn't working. 27:32.101 --> 27:32.741 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's get married. 27:34.542 --> 27:35.742 [SPEAKER_04]: It's not true. 27:36.082 --> 27:36.342 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah. 27:36.603 --> 27:37.243 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, naturally. 27:37.303 --> 27:46.407 [SPEAKER_04]: So you did like other straight couples out there and you got married instead and then you decided to not try some more by trying. 27:47.358 --> 27:49.641 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, exactly. 27:49.741 --> 27:57.930 [SPEAKER_02]: So because we did have a known donor, we did, like I said, had an unlimited supply of his supply. 27:57.950 --> 27:59.852 [SPEAKER_02]: That's amazing. 28:00.565 --> 28:10.090 [SPEAKER_02]: we didn't have a honeymoon so like you were ovulating like a week later and you're like should we try and so we did we got married beginning of October. 28:10.110 --> 28:23.397 [SPEAKER_02]: We tried almost I wasn't even a week later but we tried because we we had him and he'd come over and do his thing and and because we had so much of of it. 28:24.957 --> 28:38.961 [SPEAKER_02]: We like and disseminated like before all regulation during ovulation and like shortly after just so that like we would not miss our The dream it's the way it's just up the street from I mean, it's perfect. 28:39.101 --> 28:47.703 [SPEAKER_04]: It's like it's like you really are like that non-clear couple Just we're not not trying like that's close as we can get to it, right? 28:47.783 --> 28:52.745 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, and it was pretty amazing by Halloween, you know 28:53.625 --> 29:11.258 [SPEAKER_03]: She had taken a pregnancy test, but it had been negative, and so we were like, let's party, let's, you know, we're in over to their house, and I was going to make a drink, and my friend, she's like, wait, why don't you take a pregnancy test, and I was like, already did, it was negative, and she's like, no, you should probably just take another one. 29:13.700 --> 29:17.182 [SPEAKER_03]: find whatever nothing about pregnancy or home hormones back then. 29:17.242 --> 29:25.247 [SPEAKER_03]: So I went to the bathroom took the test and it was positive and it came out like all shaking and freaking out. 29:25.367 --> 29:27.929 [SPEAKER_04]: I'm like, I am pregnant and like, how'd you know? 29:29.190 --> 29:29.890 [SPEAKER_03]: Crazy. 29:30.570 --> 29:31.551 [SPEAKER_04]: What a connection. 29:31.711 --> 29:35.654 [SPEAKER_04]: And also that you were at their house when you found out. 29:35.814 --> 29:38.375 [SPEAKER_04]: So it's like so I like connected. 29:38.415 --> 29:39.816 [SPEAKER_04]: What a beautiful thing. 29:40.036 --> 29:40.276 [SPEAKER_04]: That's a 29:41.337 --> 29:50.740 [SPEAKER_04]: So you were pregnant and baby number one was on the way and I want to ask before we get into baby number two because I know there's two more. 29:50.760 --> 30:06.424 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, now that you're pregnant like what had been the conversations surrounding the known donor, his wife, the relationship, did you, did you draft up a contract, did you get lawyers involved like what was the extent of the 30:08.925 --> 30:15.530 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, we did do a contract, but it more not with the layers involved or anything, but just no to rise to it. 30:15.630 --> 30:17.552 [SPEAKER_02]: Like that's as fancy as we got. 30:18.322 --> 30:29.165 [SPEAKER_03]: But just outlining that we weren't going to come after them for financial assistance that they weren't going to try to get custody of the kids later on on the line, like nothing like that. 30:29.265 --> 30:34.806 [SPEAKER_03]: And I know a lot of people kind of do, I don't want to say this was like a business deal. 30:34.826 --> 30:39.447 [SPEAKER_03]: It was kind of like, you know, if you get into a business with a friend, 30:40.127 --> 31:07.191 [SPEAKER_03]: They tell you to be careful because it could turn out bad and never think it's going to turn out bad, but like I knew my heart that we didn't even need the contracts because I I've known this person since we were we were babies we grew up together like that would never happen so we still just did the contract just for peace of mind for I didn't know that like she she knew her from mostly though for like for people that are like did you get a contract and I don't want to have to deal with 31:07.451 --> 31:12.254 [SPEAKER_03]: You know, explaining, like, no, no, I didn't like being like, so yeah, literally just did it. 31:12.354 --> 31:14.055 [SPEAKER_03]: So, no, I didn't do it. 31:14.075 --> 31:16.036 [SPEAKER_02]: So this would take for me. 31:16.176 --> 31:19.478 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, because I did not know them like you did. 31:19.498 --> 31:20.199 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 31:20.559 --> 31:22.960 [SPEAKER_02]: And it was relatively. 31:23.921 --> 31:26.124 [SPEAKER_02]: painless and feel like it. 31:26.464 --> 31:42.364 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, we had him and then I feel like just emotions came into place because you know, he was in our life and I had never been a parent and you know being classified as like 31:42.864 --> 31:46.507 [SPEAKER_02]: Somehow I felt like the third wheel or like an outsider, right? 31:46.567 --> 31:48.990 [SPEAKER_02]: Like she had this connection with her best friend. 31:49.650 --> 31:59.599 [SPEAKER_02]: Now she had this connection with the with her husband, the donor, RBB, and I, I not had never experienced anything like this. 31:59.639 --> 32:03.963 [SPEAKER_02]: So I definitely had feelings surrounding it. 32:04.584 --> 32:05.805 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, eventually. 32:06.770 --> 32:14.013 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I mean, I'm so glad you're saying this because I know you're not the only one who has experienced these emotions. 32:14.153 --> 32:20.616 [SPEAKER_04]: Kind of like I had emotions surrounding just being the non-biomom when my wife gave birth to her first one. 32:20.636 --> 32:31.160 [SPEAKER_04]: Like I had a lot of emotions that I had to work through over that and that you have yours and then there's the extra layer of you have this whole other 32:34.742 --> 32:42.484 [SPEAKER_04]: And you have to find your place, like you all have to find your place, but I can see how feeling like an outsider would come into it. 32:43.164 --> 32:44.865 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it was hard. 32:45.105 --> 32:54.587 [SPEAKER_02]: I will say, I probably cried a lot, not just because I felt like an outsider, but it did take me a while to bond with with our son. 33:04.690 --> 33:06.251 [SPEAKER_02]: she was the boob parent. 33:06.711 --> 33:13.733 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, he was just like more attached to her and bonding just took longer. 33:13.753 --> 33:16.034 [SPEAKER_02]: One, just because I didn't know what I was doing. 33:16.154 --> 33:19.595 [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't, you know, like, at first time babies could feel that. 33:19.695 --> 33:24.577 [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like they're like, oh, your arms don't feel like my boob moms. 33:25.097 --> 33:26.038 [SPEAKER_02]: And then we had 33:27.258 --> 33:28.619 [SPEAKER_02]: added layer to it. 33:29.259 --> 33:49.770 [SPEAKER_02]: He was this little red headed white little boy and I'm this like brown Mexican woman and I was called the nanny and babysitter more times than like if I had a dollar for every time that happens we would be rich. 33:51.091 --> 33:53.993 [SPEAKER_02]: like that's that's how many times it happened. 33:54.013 --> 34:16.007 [SPEAKER_02]: It not just that like oh people asking for my roots at the park and like it was just it's easy this crazy yes crazy time because he was not able to speak and say like oh this is my mind in throwing a fit and people are looking at you weird that like I was abducting this like white boy I don't know and obviously 34:16.747 --> 34:20.470 [SPEAKER_04]: These were, I don't know if that was what people were actually thinking. 34:20.690 --> 34:23.532 [SPEAKER_04]: But the base on the comments you had gotten before. 34:24.373 --> 34:24.653 [SPEAKER_04]: Yes. 34:25.193 --> 34:31.918 [SPEAKER_04]: Then it's easy to assume that they're thinking that you're, you have ill intentions with this little white baby, right? 34:32.099 --> 34:32.359 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah. 34:32.399 --> 34:33.319 [SPEAKER_04]: That's so crazy. 34:33.640 --> 34:33.920 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah. 34:34.440 --> 34:34.961 [SPEAKER_04]: Wow. 34:35.161 --> 34:35.701 [SPEAKER_04]: That's heavy. 34:35.821 --> 34:36.522 [SPEAKER_04]: Lots of layers. 34:36.722 --> 34:37.222 [SPEAKER_04]: Lots of layers. 34:48.071 --> 34:54.500 [SPEAKER_04]: So you're working through all those emotions, when did a talk of baby number two come into play? 34:55.283 --> 34:55.843 [SPEAKER_04]: right away. 34:56.564 --> 34:58.725 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, our son was probably like six months. 34:58.805 --> 35:06.791 [SPEAKER_02]: We were we were of the mindset like let's just get it all over with and be done and we're still young and we'll have the energy. 35:06.891 --> 35:07.311 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know. 35:07.792 --> 35:17.058 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, we're thinking and we started trying at six months but it didn't happen as easily as it did for my wife. 35:17.498 --> 35:17.998 [SPEAKER_02]: for jewelry. 35:18.238 --> 35:19.399 [SPEAKER_02]: And you were trying this time. 35:19.419 --> 35:20.299 [SPEAKER_02]: You wanted to carry this. 35:20.439 --> 35:20.759 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 35:20.979 --> 35:21.299 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 35:21.319 --> 35:21.539 [SPEAKER_02]: Right. 35:21.679 --> 35:30.062 [SPEAKER_02]: And I guess I should also say like part of our contract that we did have with our donor was that he wasn't just agreeing to donate for us once. 35:30.562 --> 35:39.765 [SPEAKER_02]: It had to be twice because I also wanted to carry and so that arrangement was worked into our contract and we started trying at six months. 35:40.605 --> 35:48.796 [SPEAKER_02]: when oxal was six months, but it took me about nine months to get pregnant, like it was not easy. 35:48.997 --> 35:55.566 [SPEAKER_02]: And we were doing the exact same thing, trying three times every ovulation. 35:55.966 --> 35:56.887 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, cycle. 35:58.059 --> 35:59.642 [SPEAKER_02]: And it did not work. 35:59.922 --> 36:00.683 [SPEAKER_02]: It took a while. 36:00.904 --> 36:02.185 [SPEAKER_02]: And I did all the things. 36:02.706 --> 36:04.489 [SPEAKER_02]: I, you know, started working out. 36:04.609 --> 36:05.851 [SPEAKER_02]: I took all the supplements. 36:05.971 --> 36:11.258 [SPEAKER_02]: I did acupuncture and massages and like all this stuff. 36:11.719 --> 36:12.139 [SPEAKER_02]: Uh-huh. 36:12.300 --> 36:12.760 [SPEAKER_02]: That's. 36:14.128 --> 36:17.451 [SPEAKER_02]: People said to do when you're trying to get pregnant and can't I get it. 36:17.711 --> 36:18.772 [SPEAKER_04]: I've been through it. 36:18.852 --> 36:19.893 [SPEAKER_04]: And when you want that baby. 36:19.913 --> 36:24.256 [SPEAKER_04]: You want that baby now every month is struggle I hear that. 36:24.777 --> 36:28.920 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, good on the donor that he just kept I'm calling him the donor. 36:29.000 --> 36:32.203 [SPEAKER_04]: I know he's a good friend of yours, but that's so awesome. 36:32.223 --> 36:32.823 [SPEAKER_04]: We call it. 36:32.843 --> 36:37.547 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we're not going to call him by his name. 36:38.227 --> 36:38.948 [SPEAKER_02]: Really here. 36:39.528 --> 36:42.371 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, you finally did get pregnant. 36:43.254 --> 36:52.195 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, I did, and it was a shitcho, a situation. 36:53.446 --> 37:08.790 [SPEAKER_02]: not having to do anything with the donor like anything but now roles were reversed and I was the stay at home parent and she became the working parent and I was having to go to all my doctors appointments alone. 37:09.350 --> 37:17.112 [SPEAKER_02]: They our daughter was IUGR which means inner inner uterine growth restriction or 37:17.492 --> 37:22.173 [SPEAKER_02]: something like that means basically like that she's, the baby was growing too small. 37:22.673 --> 37:27.135 [SPEAKER_02]: And so I had like three to four appointments a week to get monitored. 37:27.795 --> 37:31.016 [SPEAKER_02]: And I had to do that all by myself with a toddler. 37:31.036 --> 37:37.437 [SPEAKER_02]: And you know, with the layer of people asking like, oh, what does he belong to? 37:37.457 --> 37:37.757 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 37:38.057 --> 37:41.258 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm pregnant and emotional and hormonal. 37:41.358 --> 37:42.239 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm alone. 37:42.539 --> 37:43.799 [SPEAKER_02]: And you know, we lived 37:44.259 --> 38:03.794 [SPEAKER_02]: away from family at this point so we didn't have like any support system and it was just a really shitty time for me and it got to the point where they wanted to induce me because they're like oh your placenta is geriatric and and what was it? 38:03.814 --> 38:06.837 [SPEAKER_02]: Do you want your baby to spend a few weeks in 38:12.801 --> 38:16.966 [SPEAKER_02]: like that's that's how intense my whole pregnancy was. 38:17.847 --> 38:25.415 [SPEAKER_02]: And I finally did cave and let them induce me at 39 weeks because I just I could not take it. 38:25.655 --> 38:26.876 [SPEAKER_02]: I could not take any of it. 38:27.257 --> 38:29.499 [SPEAKER_02]: She was born and not I UGR. 38:29.559 --> 38:31.361 [SPEAKER_02]: She was bigger than ours. 38:31.481 --> 38:33.023 [SPEAKER_02]: So all that for nothing. 38:33.563 --> 38:51.098 [SPEAKER_02]: all that for nothing, all that stress I feel like was for nothing and I mean I'm thankful that she was healthy but I just wish it hadn't gone down that way because I feel like just speaking about it brings back memories and obviously I'm still traumatized from it. 38:51.418 --> 38:52.879 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I get it. 38:53.180 --> 38:53.980 [SPEAKER_04]: And that's crazy. 38:54.061 --> 38:56.262 [SPEAKER_04]: And that's uterine healthcare for you, right? 38:56.483 --> 38:56.763 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah. 38:56.863 --> 38:57.604 [SPEAKER_04]: Oh, oops. 38:57.884 --> 38:58.424 [SPEAKER_04]: Sorry. 38:59.145 --> 39:02.008 [SPEAKER_04]: Like, it doesn't, yeah, it's nothing. 39:02.148 --> 39:02.608 [SPEAKER_04]: You're fine. 39:02.748 --> 39:03.289 [SPEAKER_04]: You have a baby. 39:03.329 --> 39:04.049 [SPEAKER_04]: No, you're good. 39:04.270 --> 39:05.671 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, you have a baby. 39:05.951 --> 39:06.231 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah. 39:06.251 --> 39:06.452 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah. 39:06.472 --> 39:09.915 [SPEAKER_02]: So you know, you should be happy at least at least we got monitored. 39:09.955 --> 39:14.579 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, because then you hear the opposite side of like I was neglected and ignored. 39:14.639 --> 39:16.260 [SPEAKER_02]: And yeah, there's right. 39:17.021 --> 39:25.725 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, there's no winning here, but you got your baby and now you have two babies Who are very close in age? 39:25.745 --> 39:28.086 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, there's seven to two months apart. 39:28.406 --> 39:30.887 [SPEAKER_04]: Oh my god, and now you're staying home mommy. 39:30.907 --> 39:34.109 [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, with two kids. 39:34.349 --> 39:36.089 [SPEAKER_04]: With one baby that you're the nanny of. 39:38.711 --> 39:40.992 [SPEAKER_02]: One that is mine, but just barely. 39:42.012 --> 39:47.594 [SPEAKER_02]: Because she looks, yeah, she looks like me, but she is a little bit more lighter complexion and more. 39:48.054 --> 39:50.114 [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like all our kids kind of look like you. 39:50.794 --> 39:53.095 [SPEAKER_04]: Because you must look a little bit like the donor, Jory. 39:53.175 --> 39:53.515 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 39:54.375 --> 39:55.576 [SPEAKER_04]: Sorry we're both white. 39:57.176 --> 39:59.537 [SPEAKER_04]: Maybe that's the similarity there. 39:59.897 --> 40:01.637 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and you guys have brown hair. 40:01.657 --> 40:03.418 [SPEAKER_02]: I'll post the same color to actually. 40:03.729 --> 40:20.872 [SPEAKER_04]: Well, and there's a lot to work through, like, in our families, there's so many layers that that we have to process, and you had some extra layers there, Vanessa, that you had to work through personally and internally, and the assumptions that are made, like talk about assumptions. 40:21.292 --> 40:21.552 [SPEAKER_04]: right? 40:21.872 --> 40:29.356 [SPEAKER_04]: First, starting with your mother and her assumptions about what lesbians you should like you were supposed to go get a motorcycle right after you told her. 40:29.436 --> 40:30.817 [SPEAKER_04]: And then cut off my hair. 40:31.237 --> 40:31.517 [SPEAKER_04]: Right. 40:31.577 --> 40:41.983 [SPEAKER_04]: And then the assumptions based on the color of your skin and the fact that you're the mom here because you are also a non-biomom being the mom to this little white kid. 40:42.323 --> 40:48.666 [SPEAKER_04]: It's a lot to process 100% and having to explain yourself all the time. 40:48.686 --> 40:48.766 [SPEAKER_04]: It's 40:50.687 --> 41:19.484 [SPEAKER_02]: It was and it was I mean something we all experience is like the having to come out regularly and it's just never ends and like that was the case me coming out but like oh yeah I am his mom and then when people finally understood that I was his mom they're like oh where does he he must get his red hair from his dad and you know and then it was just like this other layer in it and at me saying like oh 41:20.124 --> 41:26.988 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I didn't want to come out like the target line, you know, and so I just ran in person. 41:27.048 --> 41:30.570 [SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, sometimes I did, and other times I did it. 41:31.091 --> 41:46.400 [SPEAKER_04]: Well, what I've noticed through the years is like before kids, I would like, I could pick and choose who I decided I would actually like come out to like when people made an assumption like and like I'm not going to come out to the taxi driver like when he asks me if I'm going to meet my 41:48.661 --> 41:50.684 [SPEAKER_04]: I'm not, I'm not going to, I'm not going to, you know, yeah. 41:50.724 --> 41:51.064 [SPEAKER_03]: Okay. 41:51.204 --> 41:51.465 [SPEAKER_03]: Uh-huh. 41:51.585 --> 41:51.825 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah. 41:51.925 --> 41:53.027 [SPEAKER_03]: He loves the ball. 41:53.367 --> 41:54.068 [SPEAKER_04]: Let it happen. 41:54.709 --> 42:01.517 [SPEAKER_04]: But like when the kids come into the picture, depending on what cognizance they're at, like, I need to model pride. 42:01.818 --> 42:04.001 [SPEAKER_04]: I cannot come out in certain moments. 42:04.421 --> 42:19.311 [SPEAKER_02]: Now that I'm thinking back to it, I do like what you said about like how you start doing that once the kid becomes like cognitive and has that like ability to acknowledge like, oh hey and like notice all these conversations. 42:19.891 --> 42:22.913 [SPEAKER_02]: I never came out when they were little but I do 42:24.134 --> 42:37.818 [SPEAKER_02]: I have found that I do say my wife more often now like now that they're older and I'm like, yeah my wife and like his other mom or their other mom just so that there is not but I never notice that like switch. 42:38.307 --> 42:54.912 [SPEAKER_04]: I think it just kind of happens organically for us because we don't want our kids to feel the shame that we have still so deep down inside of us like I have found that I have had to push through that shame that fear so much more because of my kids. 42:55.752 --> 42:57.533 [SPEAKER_04]: Whereas before I'd be like, I don't know. 42:57.553 --> 42:58.434 [SPEAKER_04]: I'm going to hold onto that. 42:58.534 --> 43:02.196 [SPEAKER_04]: I'm going to hold onto that shame and just let them make me feel like shameful about it. 43:02.276 --> 43:13.742 [SPEAKER_04]: But not anymore, I have to like push through it so that they will grow up without the the shame and stigma that it's is attached to whole sexuality and same sex attraction. 43:13.762 --> 43:14.342 [SPEAKER_04]: You know what I mean? 43:14.362 --> 43:16.904 [SPEAKER_04]: Like I don't know normal. 43:17.824 --> 43:18.424 [SPEAKER_02]: We do that. 43:18.785 --> 43:27.990 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, without noticing, like, I remember when we were younger and even when we had them, but they were, like, much younger, they were babies. 43:28.430 --> 43:30.392 [SPEAKER_02]: We still wouldn't hold hands in public. 43:30.472 --> 43:35.435 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, we still, like, people would make the assumption that we were probably just two moms. 43:36.255 --> 43:39.076 [SPEAKER_02]: like hanging on a plate, yeah, exactly. 43:39.217 --> 44:03.889 [SPEAKER_02]: Instead of, you know, a family, but as the kids have aged and gotten older, like one, we are more confident and comfortable in our who we are, that like we hold hands and we kiss and like we make it known that we are a couple in a family and one because to us, it's also like really important to model like healthy love, like not who, 44:04.749 --> 44:15.297 [SPEAKER_02]: you can be gay, you can choose like whoever you marry gay, straight, whatever, but like it's important for us to model like healthy love to and all that and so. 44:15.957 --> 44:16.157 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 44:16.678 --> 44:17.698 [SPEAKER_02]: PDA is okay. 44:18.279 --> 44:20.280 [SPEAKER_04]: It is, and now you're all over your account. 44:20.300 --> 44:21.241 [SPEAKER_04]: I know, I know. 44:21.401 --> 44:22.762 [SPEAKER_04]: I know. 44:23.083 --> 44:23.543 [SPEAKER_04]: I love it. 44:23.583 --> 44:24.264 [SPEAKER_04]: It's great. 44:24.724 --> 44:25.304 [SPEAKER_04]: It's, yeah. 44:25.325 --> 44:25.865 [SPEAKER_04]: It's, yeah. 44:26.606 --> 44:29.308 [SPEAKER_02]: If though it's going to be a story, then what's he is now? 44:29.688 --> 44:30.008 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 44:30.088 --> 44:30.769 [SPEAKER_02]: You're right. 44:30.829 --> 44:31.309 [SPEAKER_04]: Exactly. 44:31.730 --> 44:35.553 [SPEAKER_04]: You didn't get the motorcycle, but you did get the social media account that you are all over. 44:36.494 --> 44:38.155 [SPEAKER_02]: We are in it again. 44:38.215 --> 44:40.057 [SPEAKER_02]: I was so against social media. 44:40.117 --> 44:46.423 [SPEAKER_02]: I just was like, I hated that she was always on her phone and I'm like, Why are you on your phone again? 44:46.523 --> 44:48.525 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I was not attached to my phone whatsoever. 44:48.945 --> 44:49.946 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, now you get it. 44:50.447 --> 44:53.389 [SPEAKER_04]: And we're talking for it because that's what we need. 44:53.409 --> 44:53.890 [SPEAKER_04]: We need more. 44:54.090 --> 44:59.415 [SPEAKER_04]: normalization out there of families like ours and love like ours and how wholesome. 44:59.975 --> 45:00.796 [SPEAKER_04]: It actually is. 45:00.816 --> 45:02.378 [SPEAKER_04]: Oh, the figure. 45:02.778 --> 45:09.584 [SPEAKER_04]: But we didn't talk about baby number three and I feel like we need to we can't he I mean he's been a figure of this entire conversation. 45:09.644 --> 45:10.545 [SPEAKER_04]: He's been a character. 45:11.386 --> 45:13.928 [SPEAKER_04]: Was it same donor friend? 45:15.272 --> 45:16.954 [SPEAKER_04]: No, okay. 45:16.994 --> 45:17.775 [SPEAKER_04]: Now we need to know. 45:18.075 --> 45:18.476 [SPEAKER_04]: All right. 45:18.516 --> 45:19.216 [SPEAKER_04]: What happened here? 45:19.236 --> 45:23.441 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it was long story short. 45:23.901 --> 45:28.686 [SPEAKER_02]: They said no when we asked if they would donate for us a third time. 45:29.206 --> 45:30.448 [SPEAKER_02]: Now years has passed. 45:31.248 --> 45:32.990 [SPEAKER_02]: Six years had six years. 45:33.030 --> 45:33.291 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 45:34.151 --> 45:36.274 [SPEAKER_02]: And we asked 45:37.177 --> 45:40.298 [SPEAKER_02]: And they didn't say no. 45:40.619 --> 45:42.559 [SPEAKER_02]: They just said let us think about it. 45:43.100 --> 45:46.061 [SPEAKER_02]: They had just gone through a miscarriage. 45:46.661 --> 45:46.861 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh. 45:47.121 --> 45:51.403 [SPEAKER_02]: And I feel like that played a role in their decision making. 45:51.963 --> 45:58.726 [SPEAKER_02]: And you know, their trauma, whatever feelings and emotions they were going through as a couple and as a family. 45:59.347 --> 46:01.928 [SPEAKER_02]: But we were in a stage where we were like, 46:02.888 --> 46:08.472 [SPEAKER_02]: We almost didn't want to keep waiting and then asking, like, hey, are you guys going to do this for us? 46:09.072 --> 46:15.017 [SPEAKER_02]: We ended up finding a donor through a cryo bank for our third baby. 46:15.818 --> 46:29.963 [SPEAKER_02]: And the way we made him special in our heads, because there was a long, long conversations about whether we wanted to do this, because then he would not be genetically related to one of our children. 46:30.063 --> 46:31.183 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, it was complicated. 46:31.203 --> 46:34.445 [SPEAKER_02]: And for a long time, we were like, no, and then we'd say yes. 46:34.565 --> 46:39.166 [SPEAKER_02]: And then we finally chose to say yes to him. 46:40.027 --> 46:41.847 [SPEAKER_02]: And to him existing. 46:42.367 --> 46:42.968 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, to him. 46:42.988 --> 46:43.288 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 46:44.468 --> 46:48.769 [SPEAKER_02]: And we made him special by doing reciprocal IVF. 46:48.969 --> 46:50.049 [SPEAKER_02]: So there you go. 46:50.529 --> 46:57.490 [SPEAKER_02]: He was going to be, he is my jeans, my genetics, my egg, but she carried him. 46:58.210 --> 46:59.711 [SPEAKER_04]: I mean, it's perfect. 46:59.931 --> 47:00.871 [SPEAKER_04]: Best of both worlds. 47:01.351 --> 47:03.051 [SPEAKER_04]: Best of both worlds. 47:03.371 --> 47:09.732 [SPEAKER_04]: So then when you chose your donor, were you looking for a characteristics that were more similar to you, Jory? 47:13.993 --> 47:29.258 [SPEAKER_03]: more similar to me, just to kind of get a good, I don't know, blend of my futures and hers, you know, to kind of mimic we were able to have a baby together, you know, that's what every lesbian couple or a couple of years for. 47:29.498 --> 47:31.679 [SPEAKER_04]: I mean, it's only I know. 47:31.779 --> 47:32.859 [SPEAKER_04]: What does that be amazing? 47:33.079 --> 47:39.202 [SPEAKER_04]: I always say if you could make babies based on the quality of your sex, we would have so many babies out there in the world. 47:40.702 --> 47:41.722 [SPEAKER_02]: Exactly, right? 47:45.073 --> 47:52.976 [SPEAKER_04]: We can have a soccer team, a couple by the way, there's very little faking it amongst the women who are in same sex relationships. 47:53.036 --> 47:53.656 [SPEAKER_04]: Let's be real. 47:53.676 --> 47:56.477 [SPEAKER_04]: I know a lot of non-clear women out there are fake it. 47:56.537 --> 47:57.357 [SPEAKER_04]: We don't fake it. 47:57.417 --> 47:58.618 [SPEAKER_04]: We're not faking it over here. 47:59.258 --> 48:01.078 [SPEAKER_02]: No, yes, exactly. 48:01.098 --> 48:07.801 [SPEAKER_04]: You did reciprocal with a cryo bank donor and that's where he came from. 48:07.941 --> 48:08.801 [SPEAKER_04]: And now he's two. 48:09.721 --> 48:10.862 [SPEAKER_04]: And now he's two. 48:12.557 --> 48:16.438 [SPEAKER_02]: And he completed our family, honestly. 48:16.458 --> 48:19.659 [SPEAKER_02]: Like for a long time, I wanted four kids. 48:20.079 --> 48:22.460 [SPEAKER_02]: There was a longing for me to have more children. 48:22.620 --> 48:24.601 [SPEAKER_02]: And to me in my head, it was always four. 48:25.181 --> 48:28.302 [SPEAKER_03]: But as soon as we had him, he's two and one. 48:28.422 --> 48:30.562 [SPEAKER_03]: So it's likely have to have a long thing. 48:30.582 --> 48:32.143 [SPEAKER_02]: It's long gone. 48:32.763 --> 48:34.244 [SPEAKER_02]: I am done with children. 48:35.724 --> 48:38.845 [SPEAKER_02]: He's the kid that made me say, OK, I think we're time. 48:39.225 --> 49:04.580 [SPEAKER_02]: because we had bought a lot, we had bought like couple of sperm bios so that we could have keep giving him a sibling that is I don't know why genetics just I don't know why if it matters I don't think it will eventually matter to them right so that he could have a sibling that doesn't matter with the same donor right but we I don't it does not matter we know 49:06.368 --> 49:11.852 [SPEAKER_04]: And there's all kinds of bio, bio, slash, and I'm bio connections happening in your family anyway. 49:11.932 --> 49:13.834 [SPEAKER_04]: So it all is coming, you know? 49:13.914 --> 49:18.817 [SPEAKER_04]: And what we learn, what we learn when we build our families is love makes a family. 49:19.078 --> 49:21.439 [SPEAKER_04]: Like that same is really true. 49:21.500 --> 49:24.482 [SPEAKER_04]: Like we are families through and through. 49:25.022 --> 49:26.363 [SPEAKER_04]: And our connections are real. 49:27.064 --> 49:30.246 [SPEAKER_04]: And we are the most intentional families out there. 49:30.706 --> 49:31.407 [SPEAKER_04]: Let's be real. 49:31.767 --> 49:34.609 [SPEAKER_04]: Look at all the thought you put into. 49:35.450 --> 49:47.036 [SPEAKER_04]: Creating those three beautiful humans and all the thought you put into parenting these three beautiful humans and all the patients you put into Exactly. 49:47.056 --> 49:54.880 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, there's there's no other parent like a LGBTQ Plus parent. 49:54.940 --> 49:57.921 [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like because of that intentionality, for sure. 49:57.941 --> 50:00.763 [SPEAKER_04]: A great and that's a sound bite right there. 50:01.661 --> 50:02.722 [SPEAKER_04]: Hi, can you see him? 50:03.342 --> 50:05.503 [SPEAKER_04]: No, I can't see him, but he has the headphone right now. 50:05.743 --> 50:06.384 [SPEAKER_00]: Hi, Arthur. 50:06.404 --> 50:06.464 [SPEAKER_00]: Hi. 50:07.745 --> 50:09.145 [SPEAKER_00]: You can do it. 50:09.406 --> 50:09.906 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, put it in. 50:10.486 --> 50:11.267 [SPEAKER_04]: Can you see? 50:11.287 --> 50:11.347 [SPEAKER_04]: Hi. 50:12.127 --> 50:12.548 [SPEAKER_04]: Hello. 50:12.568 --> 50:14.269 [SPEAKER_04]: Nice to meet you. 50:14.289 --> 50:15.729 [SPEAKER_04]: Can you see him in the camera? 50:16.090 --> 50:16.490 [SPEAKER_02]: Hola. 50:17.467 --> 50:18.067 [SPEAKER_04]: Bona! 50:19.488 --> 50:20.808 [SPEAKER_04]: Are we being shy? 50:20.828 --> 50:23.609 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't think there's ever one headphones before. 50:24.069 --> 50:24.849 [SPEAKER_04]: It's crazy. 50:25.049 --> 50:25.970 [SPEAKER_04]: You hear my voice? 50:26.290 --> 50:27.090 [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, you're ears. 50:27.190 --> 50:28.050 [SPEAKER_03]: It is no, he's tired. 50:28.070 --> 50:28.450 [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I know. 50:28.470 --> 50:30.531 [SPEAKER_04]: I'm laughing like this, go. 50:37.300 --> 50:42.504 [SPEAKER_04]: A huge, huge thank you to our sponsor of this year episode, California Cryo Bank. 50:42.844 --> 50:48.268 [SPEAKER_04]: Don't forget to use Code ClearFam26 to get that free Level 3 subscription to their donor catalog. 50:48.569 --> 50:50.990 [SPEAKER_04]: Go make those babies y'all and then come tell me about them. 50:51.010 --> 50:51.631 [SPEAKER_04]: Let's do this. 50:55.458 --> 50:59.082 [SPEAKER_04]: Whew, well folks, I hope you enjoyed that episode as much as I enjoyed it. 50:59.463 --> 51:03.928 [SPEAKER_04]: And if you did enjoy it, feel free to listen to another or watch another. 51:04.068 --> 51:07.392 [SPEAKER_04]: I have so many episodes for your listening or viewing pleasure. 51:07.432 --> 51:09.195 [SPEAKER_03]: Just go pick one and enjoy. 51:09.495 --> 51:10.136 [SPEAKER_03]: There's a lot. 51:10.236 --> 51:10.957 [SPEAKER_03]: They're really good. 51:11.634 --> 51:18.098 [SPEAKER_04]: And also, if you really do like this show, please, I know I say it all the time, but please do consider supporting the show on Patreon. 51:18.458 --> 51:22.401 [SPEAKER_04]: You're just gonna go to patreon.com slash the queer family podcast. 51:22.721 --> 51:26.043 [SPEAKER_04]: You're gonna pick a tear, you're gonna join, and you're gonna get that bonus content. 51:26.423 --> 51:30.006 [SPEAKER_04]: And you're also gonna get my love and adoration for the rest of my life. 51:31.667 --> 51:36.009 [SPEAKER_04]: I love you all, thanks for tuning in, keep on tuning in, and I'll see you next time.