[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, hey, you are listening to the Brown Girl self-care podcast and my name is Bree.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm the host of the show.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is your first time checking out an episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to thank you and if you've been here for a while, my good sister and welcome back.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm glad that you're with me.
[SPEAKER_00]: So how about this?
[SPEAKER_00]: Can we talk about those times, those
[SPEAKER_00]: we're trying to go right and stuff just goes left and all the way wrong.
[SPEAKER_00]: Those are the times that we start to like second guess ourselves.
[SPEAKER_00]: We overthink we no longer trust ourselves.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've tapped out on our intuition.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we feel like we just cannot trust ourselves to make the right decisions anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so again, there's no self trust or there's a
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lessening of self-trust and self-validation.
[SPEAKER_00]: And instead, we overthink things.
[SPEAKER_00]: We start second guessing.
[SPEAKER_00]: We look to others for their opinions.
[SPEAKER_00]: Their validation is like, we don't trust ourselves anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to talk about that today, because when I was responding to messages on Spotify over the last few days, or a few days ago,
[SPEAKER_00]: at least two comments if I'm not mistaken, possibly more, was talking about how at least one comment I know for a fact said that she, the listener, no longer knows how to trust yourself because things were not going the way that she intended or the way that she planned and I'm paraphrasing, but
[SPEAKER_00]: That's like that's what I want to talk about and I know that I myself there have been countless times where I just had so much doubt, so much like I just felt like I was always wrong.
[SPEAKER_00]: I felt like no matter what my thoughts were, I would just dismiss them.
[SPEAKER_00]: I would not validate myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't really know how to do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know how to do that, and self-validation is so crucial, self-validation, you can put trust yourself, trust your intuition, that it's like a powerful...
[SPEAKER_00]: trade or characteristic or innate ability that we are all born with and know you've heard of women's intuition well everybody has intuition but I know you've heard of women a woman's intuition like you'd be honest uh you'd be honest stuff right um but it's such a powerful thing to to lay claim to and to hold on to and to to recognize in a lot of times we just we just get so discouraged when when things happen or we just feel so
[SPEAKER_00]: disappointed or angry or beat down when things go left instead of right like I said before that it's so easy to kind of like say I really don't know how to trust myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: I really don't know how to trust my intuition anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want to talk about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm going to be accessing my notes.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I'm really trying to.
[SPEAKER_00]: do video now and the complicated thing of the horror thing is that, especially when I write notes, I have so much notes.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't do notes all the time on the podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: Trust me, and that's what I'll be rambling.
[SPEAKER_00]: But
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to try to be more cohesive, but the problem is that I write a lot.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I have notes that I want to read, because I feel like they're important points, but I also wanna look at the camera too.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I don't really know how this is gonna work.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you listen to the podcast on iTunes Spotify, great, you ain't gotta worry about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: But if you are watching this video now or in the future, my good sis.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to make it through and thanks for your patience.
[SPEAKER_00]: Just know that I'm trying to do two things at one time.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: So.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not going apologize for that because I'm not a robot.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not perfect.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't want to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: So first of all, really, really quickly, I want it to first of all, let's take a breath before we get into this episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to just inhale together.
[SPEAKER_00]: And just you and I were in the space were connected.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I'm talking to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: You, you might be talking back to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't hear you.
[UNKNOWN]: But I
[SPEAKER_00]: I just want to imagine that you are really dialed in and we're rooted in this conversation together.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we're going to just take a moment to ground ourselves in this conversation.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to inhale, we're going to exhale all together.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I'm going to just go ahead and get on into it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so we're going to inhale through the nose.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to hold it and then we're going to release.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go ahead and inhale for five right now through the nose.
[SPEAKER_00]: One, two, three, four, five, and hold it for one, two, three, four, five, and through the mouth, exhale, just let it all go, says five, four, three, two, one.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's hard for me to do that when I'm talking.
[SPEAKER_00]: really out here as I started to say on one of the other episodes in the hell and out here okay if you know you know because you listen to the last couple of episodes um
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, I, it's, I just want us to really, I'm, I'm doing my best to learn how to be in community.
[SPEAKER_00]: I really, really am even now my, my age of in my 50s.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I know that there's connection in the breath, there's connection in us, you know, being in community with each other.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I want to just start doing the episodes like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to ramble.
[SPEAKER_00]: So here we go.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, I looked up the definition for,
[SPEAKER_00]: intuition in the good Miriam Webster Dictionary, Miriam Webster Dictionary.
[SPEAKER_00]: And
[SPEAKER_00]: a simple definition, because they have one that's complicated and one that's simple.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to complicate, give me simple.
[SPEAKER_00]: So the simple definition is for intuition, a natural ability or power that makes it possible to know something without any proof or evidence.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a feeling that guides a person to act a certain way without fully understanding why your intuition.
[SPEAKER_00]: So like when your spider senses are tingling, your spidey senses, or you're just filling your gut, like you just know, like I can't explain it, but this situation feels really good.
[SPEAKER_00]: Or I can't explain it, but this situation, it doesn't feel right for me, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: And you get those red flags.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we all have this, it's a power.
[SPEAKER_00]: It says it in the dictionary, in the dictionary.
[SPEAKER_00]: You have a power.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now whether you are locked in with it, and connected with it, and Amazon, like now,
[SPEAKER_00]: but the definition of it says literally a power, okay, a natural ability.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you know how a lot of times when people say like what is something like what's a skill or a talent that you have, and if you're like me, you're like struggle, you're like girl, I don't know, you know, one thing that you can say is you girl, you have an intuition.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, because we all do and it's a power.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, I want us to really start getting rooted in our sense of self trust and intuition.
[SPEAKER_00]: going forward if you're not already.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you are, we can always do a little better, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that was the definition.
[SPEAKER_00]: So again, it's just about like trusting yourself, trusting, especially when things don't go the way that they are planned or how we intended, just being able to trust your intuition, trust your good,
[SPEAKER_00]: that you're not going to intentionally steer yourself wrong.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes I know you've heard stories of people that they trusted, just trusted their gut that little bit of intuition hit that they got and it saved their lives.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's a power that we definitely need to be more mindful of and be more intentional about using it but it can be hard especially if you
[SPEAKER_00]: weren't encouraged to really believe in yourself or to trust in your abilities or just in in yourself period, you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's go ahead and talk about that, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: In the notes I go.
[SPEAKER_00]: So and I got pages says, but we can try to get through this, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: So when should go south?
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, when things go south or plans fall apart or you feel like you something just happened out of nowhere I want to know like what's what's one of the first things that you think or what's one of the first things that you feel obviously beyond like disappointment once you've kind of moved through disappointment or even if you're still in that place a lot of times we end up coming up with this one word
[SPEAKER_00]: that we use.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know you know, it starts with an S. I think it's five letters.
[SPEAKER_00]: Excuse me, it's six letters.
[SPEAKER_00]: It ends with a D. The word is should.
[SPEAKER_00]: a lot of times with things don't go the way that we wanted them to, one of the first things a lot of us do and this is me too.
[SPEAKER_00]: We kind of go into a tack mode, self attack.
[SPEAKER_00]: It goes on to a tack mode.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I wrote down a few things that I typically will say when things don't work out.
[SPEAKER_00]: that don't go the way that I wanted them to.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm really, really mad.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm really, really angry.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm really, really sad or really, really disappointed.
[SPEAKER_00]: Things I'll say are like, I should have known better.
[SPEAKER_00]: I should have known not to trust this person.
[SPEAKER_00]: I should have never tried.
[SPEAKER_00]: I should have tried harder.
[SPEAKER_00]: I should have known this would happen.
[SPEAKER_00]: I should have known I couldn't do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I should have known.
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, or I should have done it, I should have handled things differently.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's just like a whole bunch of should should should should should and what I have come to realize is that because my focus has been for a while about being more and doing less, like doing less, I want black women to do less.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've said this before.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want us to do less and to just be more, okay, and I know that's flipping the narrative on its head when we live in a society that wants us to do more and be less, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to do less and be more.
[SPEAKER_00]: that's living well for me, that's living life for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: But, you know, so when you think about this list of shirts, I should have done this, I should have done that, I should have, I should have, I should have, that to me is speaking from a place of doing more.
[SPEAKER_00]: Forcing, pushing.
[SPEAKER_00]: You talked about, are you pushing or was it pushing or driving a few episodes ago?
[SPEAKER_00]: coming from a place of just being, okay, just being, just existing, just being, you know, and just being who you are and allowing yourself to live in that fully, okay, being is not forcing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Being is not berating.
[SPEAKER_00]: Being is not beating yourself up or expecting yourself to be perfect into have all the answers.
[SPEAKER_00]: But that's what we do when we should.
[SPEAKER_00]: I should have this.
[SPEAKER_00]: I should have that, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: So again, to me, it's like that vibe of trying to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, all the things you're coming from this place of doing, not being.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so like there's so many should's your mileage may vary, but I'm sure at least one of those things I said definitely resonated with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: I would love to know what your list might be.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can always leave a comment on Spotify if you're listening there because I do read them all and I try to respond to them all as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: But so yeah, you say I should, I should, I should, I should, I should and then at least
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, second, this, this ruminating at least all this future like second guessing and overthinking and doubting and not trusting yourself and you know what I'm saying, and this second guessing and it's overthinking it stems a lot of times from this kind of thinking like like for example, I should not have.
[SPEAKER_00]: made a mistake.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's kind of thinking doesn't bring us closer to ourselves.
[SPEAKER_00]: In fact, instead, it does to me like the opposite.
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't bring us closer.
[SPEAKER_00]: When I say, I should, I should, I should, I should, I'm really, I feel like I'm driving a wedge within myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: If that makes sense, I know that we're only one person, but there's a lot going on internally, you know, and it's hard to trust yourself and to trust your intuition when you're,
[SPEAKER_00]: like creating this sense of division within yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so the further the separation, the more we tend to second guess, because obviously, if you're second guess, like you feel like you can't trust yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: You feel like you can't trust yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so when you can't trust yourself, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: Then you're like losing your confidence, you're losing not on that brilliance that you have, that wisdom and you end up valuing
[SPEAKER_00]: Billions and perceived like just value of other people.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not that they're not brilliant or valued or whatever, but we tend to put them on a pedestal and make us in our eyes.
[SPEAKER_00]: We make us seem like they have all the answers.
[SPEAKER_00]: They know everything.
[SPEAKER_00]: They know like they're all knowing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like they're God.
[SPEAKER_00]: We like, yeah, I guess in a sense, we kind of make these other people.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, that's that's the vibe because we're valuing other people more than we tend to value ourselves, the more like the deeper we go into this and we stop trusting ourselves and it just becomes kind of like the self defeating behavior and we tend to just continue lowering.
[SPEAKER_00]: our value within our own eyes.
[SPEAKER_00]: And in the meantime, we're like elevating pretty much everyone else around us in our own eyes.
[SPEAKER_00]: when we ignore or even silence or intuition, we stop validating ourselves.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we start to highly value the opinion of others, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: And we see their brilliance while we dim our own.
[SPEAKER_00]: We see their shine and we feel like we don't have that.
[SPEAKER_00]: We see their brilliance and we feel like we're not good enough.
[SPEAKER_00]: We see their brilliance and we feel like they have all the answers and we have like we have nothing.
[SPEAKER_00]: you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: So going back to that list of shirts, I'm going to say them again really quickly.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like I should have never tried.
[SPEAKER_00]: I should have never or should have known this would happen.
[SPEAKER_00]: I should have tried harder.
[SPEAKER_00]: I should have done things differently.
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, you might have your own list, but those are just a few.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is going to drive that energy of
[SPEAKER_00]: not wisdom, but again, it's like self-defeating behavior and we all have like this innate sense or source of wisdom like in our bones and in our bodies.
[SPEAKER_00]: We really, really do.
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't always tap into it, but I promise you, we all have this sense of intuition.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have it, it's like we have this wisdom that is in our DNA.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's in our bones, it's in our bodies, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's no longer this sense of route of trust, so instead,
[SPEAKER_00]: We try to be perfect.
[SPEAKER_00]: Instead, we try to not make any mistakes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Instead, we chase harder.
[SPEAKER_00]: Instead, we try to prove to the world that, hey, I got all my issues together, baby.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_00]: When we do this and we justify taking less than we deserve, and we make sure that everybody on the planet agrees with everything we do, with everything we say,
[SPEAKER_00]: we want everybody to be happy with us.
[SPEAKER_00]: The further we go with this separation of ourselves, like we want everyone to be happy with every decision we make, with everything we say, with everything we do.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we also try to figure out every single angle of all the things, we gather up all the data points, we do all the polling, we do all the asking.
[SPEAKER_00]: get all the information, get all the education.
[SPEAKER_00]: We get everybody's opinion.
[SPEAKER_00]: We just do a lot of data gathering, which again, all of this is like coming from that energy of doing, not being.
[SPEAKER_00]: When you are in a place of being, you're not trying to get all the information because you already are trusting that wisdom that you have, you know, even after things have gone south.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not,
[SPEAKER_00]: asking a hundred people for a hundred different answers.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not seeking validation from 50 different people.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not, we're not trying to prove that we're perfect.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're perfect and we just have it all together like we're robots.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not doing that when we're in this place of being.
[SPEAKER_00]: But that is definitely what we do when we are living
[SPEAKER_00]: in that place of not only doing energy, but also in that lack of self trust, lack of not really trusting yourself, trusting your intuition, type of vibe, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, we do more and
[SPEAKER_00]: we be less.
[SPEAKER_00]: How about that?
[SPEAKER_00]: We do more and we be less.
[SPEAKER_00]: What I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: And we're completely out of a touch, out of touch with ourselves and we completely lose the plot.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like all this gathering of data and polling and questioning and asking for opinions and all that, again, that is doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And
[SPEAKER_00]: the setbacks that we have.
[SPEAKER_00]: We feel like we've had the setbacks and if we can just do these things, we can somehow just fix them all.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like if we can just do things perfectly next time, the next time for sure, everything's going to be perfect.
[SPEAKER_00]: But that's not always going to be the case because I think that one thing that we forget when we're making our decisions, because first of all, it's not like you're making these decisions, excuse me, from a place of malice or harm or like whatever.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're making the best decisions that we can in the moment.
[SPEAKER_00]: But just because you're making the best decisions you can at the moment, doesn't mean that a sat back is not going to happen.
[SPEAKER_00]: Life is going to be full of setbacks.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think the different are the challenge comes in, not the challenge, but I think that it really is going to, it's not the setback, it's how we are going to respond, or who we are going to be, not do.
[SPEAKER_00]: Who we are going to be in the moment because you can do all the things like I said before you can ask the questions you can research you can You can trust other people you can You can change the career you can move your home you can Invest the money and you can spend the money you can Like whatever you can do whatever But the doing
[SPEAKER_00]: doesn't guarantee any kind of outcome other than there's going to be an output that happens.
[SPEAKER_00]: So again, you're making the best decisions that you can and keep in mind that a lot of times, especially if you're coming from a place of not being healed, you're making decisions through that lens.
[SPEAKER_00]: So keep that in mind too.
[SPEAKER_00]: So even if in your mind you feel like it's the best decision, if you're doing it from a place of not feeling worthy or not feeling whole or loved or you're in a place of strife and struggle sometimes those decisions may not be the best decision, but at the time you're doing your best.
[SPEAKER_00]: at the time you're doing your best, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: But trying to out labor, set back like that's not going to work because again, you can do all the things.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can do a hundred things.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can do a hundred things perfectly, every single time.
[SPEAKER_00]: That doesn't mean that that set back wouldn't have happened or that it won't happen the next time.
[SPEAKER_00]: Or the next time, or the next time, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: All you can control, I guess, if I want to use a word control, quote unquote, is who you are in that moment and just,
[SPEAKER_00]: how you quote unquote be not what you necessarily do, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, if left unchecked like for me,
[SPEAKER_00]: If left unchecked, I can be a huge non-truster of myself, a huge self, like a sabotageer, don't have a lot of self-trust, like it literally every opportunity, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: If left unchecked, I'm a recovering people pleaser.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've talked about that on the podcast before.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, boy, boy, am I ever?
[SPEAKER_00]: But I wanted the security of the validation,
[SPEAKER_00]: at others can give me i i would go to other people a lot of people and ask what do you think about this or what should I do or how should I do it or when should I do it and why should I do it like just really putting their life experience their wisdom their knowledge above.
[SPEAKER_00]: my own for my life.
[SPEAKER_00]: And no, there's nothing wrong with gathering with your elders for advice or your trusted circle or researching or learning.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, we should be doing those things in life, I feel, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: But...
[SPEAKER_00]: There has to come a time where you are able to tap into this sense of self trust and feel safe about it.
[SPEAKER_00]: No matter the outcome, you know, because you're not always going to get it right, or this sense of like your intuition, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: You have intuition for a reason, and it's to be used, not to just be kind of like bugging a hole and covered up and toss the side, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: It's hard though, when you...
[SPEAKER_00]: you've dealt with so many setbacks or many, so many situations where your sense of self was degraded for one reason or another, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: So where am I here?
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to get these notes, child.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, I'm a recovering people, please, who want it, the security of the validation of others, going out of my own, going out on my own and making mistakes after doing so, like it would crush me when
[SPEAKER_00]: as a young adult even sometimes now but it would crush me when I would go out there and I would try and I would think that was doing the right thing or whatever and then you know some of the way happened I would fail I would I would lose out or the person the friend I thought was a friend you know that they would betray me in some way or just whatever you know what I mean when I was younger
[SPEAKER_00]: And I can just hear like the, you know, see I told you or I could have told you that like just rolling off my my mother's lips, you know, sometimes with kind of like a Smurke or sometimes with anger or whatever you know, and I want you to know that if you weren't regarded in your childhood,
[SPEAKER_00]: or taught to trust yourself and that it was okay for you to be yourself and that being yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: It comes with mistakes in life or natural like lessons and those lessons don't you know they're not necessarily negatives like if you didn't have that sense of
[SPEAKER_00]: that booster of, of, it's okay to be you, self trust, you know, you're amazing.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to do your best like that kind of thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so easy to disregard your intuition.
[SPEAKER_00]: It is so, so easy to disregard your intuition or to self doubt.
[SPEAKER_00]: or to self-doubt.
[SPEAKER_00]: And those who constantly self-doubt are prone to depression, those who self-doubt are prone to lower self-lower to self-esteem, and things like that, according to a study that I read a little bit on with personality and individual differences.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, yeah, my mother saying those things like, I could have told you that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Or you should have known better, you know, those kind of things.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm sure I've said that to my daughter before as well because the apple, it doesn't fall far from the tree.
[SPEAKER_00]: What I love about our our our time together, you and I is that we are we are healing generation trauma.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that means that you can, you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: speak to your child differently once you know better, you know, because when you know better, you do better.
[SPEAKER_00]: But anyway, yeah, just just hearing those things and little girls begin learning how to listen or how to reject the wisdom in their bones, the wisdom in their bodies, and a very young age.
[SPEAKER_00]: We do.
[SPEAKER_00]: We start learning how to trust ourselves or how to not
[SPEAKER_00]: When you took certain actions, what do you do?
[SPEAKER_00]: You say, oh, I can't trust myself to make the right decision.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't trust myself to do the right things.
[SPEAKER_00]: I, therefore, I need someone to have power over me, authority over me, and tell me what to do at all times, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: And what's crazy to me about that is that then we make these adults.
[SPEAKER_00]: Who?
[SPEAKER_00]: as in our children, and they can't trust themselves.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so they're coming to you for everything, because you've made yourself fully the authority in their life, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, but yeah, little girls, like we learned that we learned that wisdom, it's in our bones at a very young age, and it's not a skill you consistently,
[SPEAKER_00]: If it's not a skill that you've consistently been able to kind of like root yourself in or tap into, I just want you to know that it is not too late to do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not too late to like literally starting today.
[SPEAKER_00]: can start to rebuild the relationship with your that little girl in you, the one who started to carry the wisdom, you know, but for whatever reason, one way or another, it was blocked somewhere along the way.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you can, it's, it's, it's never too like, girl, my intuition warned me.
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of few things, you know, just being transparent about my move out here to Arkansas,
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't listen to things that kind of like popped up as like a girl, are you sure?
[SPEAKER_00]: because something's missing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Something's not quite right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes we just don't listen, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I didn't listen.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the should's definitely definitely rolled in.
[SPEAKER_00]: One being, one should that I had with this move to Arkansas is that I should prove myself to my friend.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I should prove myself to my friend for like another year and then by that time things will
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, the course of what happened will change and, um, you know, we can then move forward with things the way that I thought they were going to happen or how we talked about they would happen, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: So it was like my should was I need to do more.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to show up more.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to be better.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to, uh, I need to go harder in the pain.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to prove myself, you know,
[SPEAKER_00]: those were my shots after the fallout of what happened here.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I was telling myself, I should just hope for the best, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: And then my intuition yelled a... My intuition said a few cuss words that I will not say on this podcast, but, you know, my intuition was like, girl, hell, not
[SPEAKER_00]: And hell, no, was not the curse words that were coming out of my intuition that were screaming forth from my bones.
[SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't hell, no, but I'm going to say hell, no, intuition was like hell, no, I'll grow.
[SPEAKER_00]: You ain't doing that.
[SPEAKER_00]: You are not putting your energy into that you are not doing that you are not operating from a place of doing more and hoping for the best we're not doing that.
[SPEAKER_00]: But no, it was a hell no from my spirit.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hell no.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, my intuition is like hell.
[SPEAKER_00]: No, if that noise basically, right.
[SPEAKER_00]: that the answer was to do less.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was to do less, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Less overthinking, less labor, less trying to prove myself, less trying to be agreeable, less taking a back seat in my life.
[SPEAKER_00]: less taking a back seat in my life.
[SPEAKER_00]: And instead to be more open to what I want, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: Get that be more open to what I want, be more open to stillness versus this frantic scrambleing energy because things went south.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now I have to really do more so I can get the outcome that I want, like no.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like that frantic scrambling I would have done would have happened had I not really decided to trust myself and trust what my intuition was telling and listen to find and find a listen to what my intuition was saying versus feeling like so these mistakes happened
[SPEAKER_00]: myself anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna now go and talk to a million people about the situation and let them tell me what to do or let me tell them tell me how to handle it or you know whatever the case may be.
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't do that okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah just being open to stillness versus this
[SPEAKER_00]: with myself, then trusting ultimately that things are great things are available and happening for me, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you're listening to this after a setback, if you're listening to this episode after a setback,
[SPEAKER_00]: as a little net in here, or like me, I ain't laughing at you, I'm just like like me, if you feel like your life has had, like it's been riddled with setbacks, and you don't trust yourself, you don't tap into your intuition, you don't, you know, feel like you got the juice, okay, any more, you can't trust yourself anymore, and you're terrified of making another wrong move,
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, going back to what I said as a reminder before I say this thing, like you can do all the things.
[SPEAKER_00]: What do they say?
[SPEAKER_00]: You can be the ripest peach on the vine or whatever on the tree.
[SPEAKER_00]: And someone will come and pluck you, take a bite and spit you out and toss you to the ground.
[SPEAKER_00]: Then no, that's not quite the analog analogy, but hopefully that makes sense in relation to what we're saying.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like in other words, you could be perfect.
[SPEAKER_00]: What's more perfect than a sweet, perfectly right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Juicy, I mean, the peach is so good and so sweet has that perfect sweetness and tartness like it has, like God took his time when he made that one peach,
[SPEAKER_00]: and someone can come along, take a bite, and just, you know what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: Say, oh, this is the worst.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't like the way this peach tastes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Even though you took all your time becoming this peach, you get what I'm saying.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, you don't have control over life.
[SPEAKER_00]: So when you think about trusting yourself,
[SPEAKER_00]: It really, I just really want to drive this thing home that it's safe for you to trust yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's safe for you to tap into your intuition because trusting yourself and intuition isn't about doing things perfectly.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just not, because there's no way for that to happen.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no way that you can do every single thing perfectly and playing devil's advocate, even if you did, that doesn't mean that every single time you are going to get the outcome that you want it to get.
[SPEAKER_00]: things don't all, or they're not always going to play out for you, the way that you really wanted them to or let's be real needed them to like all the time that has nothing to do with your intuition.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, has nothing to do with your self trust.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now I do feel like our sense of intuition.
[SPEAKER_00]: especially if you are someone who dealt with like a lot of pain or trauma or stress or strife or struggle or, you know, things of that nature.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would say that the smallest
[SPEAKER_00]: is to put that list of shoes to the side.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because when you're operating, when you are wholly known to that, I should, I should, I should, I should, I should, I should, I should, I should, I should, I should.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no room for, you know, because it's like, it's like, your intuition or your sense of self trust is just like, you're not leaving room for that.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not leaving room for variation.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not leaving room for your true self to really show up because you're just operating on this robotic like level.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, put that list of shows to the side.
[SPEAKER_00]: Instead, go and spend some, like go and just talk to the little girl inside of you.
[SPEAKER_00]: and go and spend some time with that little girl inside of you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Go and spend some time with yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: Put that list of shoots down, put that list of shoots to the side and instead as anti-productive as this is,
[SPEAKER_00]: Which I, and there my own time to get into that, I'll just say it's quote unquote anti-productive.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, but it's really not, but just put that list of Shoulders to the side and go and spend some time with yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, that little girl inside of you, your mini me whoever like whatever you want to call her.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you have just dealt with so many setbacks that you feel like you can't even connect with yourself or trust yourself anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're terrified to make decisions like that little growing you right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's scared.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's scared right now and she needs to hear from you.
[SPEAKER_00]: She needs to know that you are still with her, that you are still there, that you love her.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, you care for her, you know, that none of the things that you're doing are coming from a place of malice or self harm or that kind of thing, you know what I'm saying, even though you logically know that sometimes on a subconscious level, like we need to be reminded of that because I think that some of us we make mistakes or whatever and then deep down inside, which is like,
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, like we blame ourselves, we blame ourselves.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, she needs to hear from you.
[SPEAKER_00]: She needs to know that you're still there.
[SPEAKER_00]: She needs to know that you, you love her.
[SPEAKER_00]: She needs to know that things are gonna be okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: She needs to know that no matter what happens, you have her back.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Just making,
[SPEAKER_00]: connection and peace with that little girl inside of you and go a very long way and it'll bring her like you come comforting that little girl inside of you versus doing more hustling more going harder in the paint proven yourself proven your haters wrong all the shows like just that pushing energy or that overthinking every single thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: you know how exhausted it is to overthink every single thing about yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: Overthinking yourself over every single thing really led to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, obviously not trusting myself, but overthinking every little thing, it's exhausting and also every time I would do it in certain circumstances, like over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, I just began to feel like this big, okay, just so small.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so
[SPEAKER_00]: So worthless like I had nothing to give and I just couldn't be trusted to make any decision for myself like that that's how I felt.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, I don't want us to come from that energy, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: I want us to really just connect with that little girl inside of us and this net is netting.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm getting really irritated.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's definitely not seeking the validation, like, you know, it's not about seeking validation or approval or the opinions of others or like treating their opinion as law.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, we have to remember that we are the law of our lives.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we're the authoritarian, or the authority, you excuse me, of our life.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are the authority of who we are.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes people will act like they know more about you than you know about yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: And in some cases it might be true like if you continue to give your power away, you know what I mean, but I had this one person and try to tell me something about myself and they were completely wrong.
[SPEAKER_00]: They were completely wrong.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I just didn't accept it and I had to tell them, no, that's not correct.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not true.
[SPEAKER_00]: Actually it's this.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, whether they believed it or not and they didn't believe it, I didn't care.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm the authority of me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't need you to tell me something as if it's fact when it's really not.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: But anyway, it's like we must always be sure to remember that
[SPEAKER_00]: we have authority to ensure that little girl that it's within us feels validated, feels loved, feels cared for, feels supported, feels seen.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like when you are doing these things to build up that quote unquote little girl inside of you, especially when you're younger, you didn't get that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like that is what is going to help build up your self trust.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is what it's going to help to,
[SPEAKER_00]: build up that sense of intuition, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because that little girl in you, she's kind of just continue to grow stronger and more vibrantly, you know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_00]: And she's not going to feel so beaten down and what's the word I'm looking for?
[SPEAKER_00]: It escapes me right now, but she's going
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know you have seen a little black girl when she feels empowered.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, the world may call her bossy that in what we call it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, she went to a little black girl is empowered.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've seen how she acts very headstrong, very speaks up for herself.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like she's like, no, that's not how it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not what I want.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like she knows how to speak up for herself.
[SPEAKER_00]: She trusts what she wants.
[SPEAKER_00]: Even if it's not necessarily the right thing for her, especially if you're the parent and you know, but you know what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like she's just very, like she just knows that,
[SPEAKER_00]: It is okay for her to trust herself, to express herself, to speak up for herself, to follow her good, you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, just what am I trying to say?
[SPEAKER_00]: I guess the more valued that she feels, the more self-trust, we gain, okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, it's just about caring if that little girl and in,
[SPEAKER_00]: in doing so, it will help you to tap into that self-trust more and tap into your intuition more.
[SPEAKER_00]: You'll start to feel like it's safer for you to do this even or in spite of when things do not go the way that we want.
[SPEAKER_00]: Even if things, even if things like the shit hits the fan
[SPEAKER_00]: that doesn't mean that you need to stop trusting yourself, that doesn't mean that you're intuition, like you don't have intuition, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: And I will also say, how am I trying to say here?
[SPEAKER_00]: I will also say that when you're making these decisions, how can I say this?
[SPEAKER_00]: When you're making decisions,
[SPEAKER_00]: And you really thought you were making the best decision because you trusted your intuition, let's say that mistakes were made, okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's okay for you to circle back with yourself and to.
[SPEAKER_00]: learn the lessons because that's only going to make your intuition and yourself trust stronger and not doing it from a place of burrating, not doing it from a place of pointing your finger, not doing it from a place of tearing yourself down.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's about
[SPEAKER_00]: finding out like what what what what was I meant to learn or what possibly could have been to take away from this even though these circumstances I made this choice circumstances they weren't good but there's gotta be something here that I can glean from this situation that I can kind of like put in my will house and I'll know for next time you know that's how we build wisdom.
[SPEAKER_00]: Wisdom even though we do carry it in our bones I do believe that
[SPEAKER_00]: the wisdom of our ancestors is passed down, you know, in our bones and we carry it with us.
[SPEAKER_00]: But also we add to that level of self trust and that intuition when we experience lessons in life.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we experience lessons in life when things don't go our way, you know, there's there's
[SPEAKER_00]: from that a lot of times even if it's like for me just when I think back on relationships that I had where I trusted my intuition and the relationship ended up going south it was just like okay now I know what to look for in my next partner because I'm not going to accept
[SPEAKER_00]: or now I know how I want to communicate with my partner.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now I know how I want my partner to love me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now I, you know, just different things like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's what I believe.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, so much to unpack there, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that we just did this in one little episode, but there's always room to continue talking about this.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_00]: But for now, I want to leave you with,
[SPEAKER_00]: with a journal prompt, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: So the journal prompt that I want you to kind of like chew on here is what is the little girl in you feeling about your most recent setback or setbacks plural because some of us have had recent setbacks.
[SPEAKER_00]: So what is the little girl in you feeling about your most recent setback and what does she need to hear from you today?
[SPEAKER_00]: What does the little girl and you need to hear from you today?
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that is it for this week's episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: I will ask if you are listening to this on iTunes and you haven't done so already.
[SPEAKER_00]: I would love it if you left a
[SPEAKER_00]: five star rating and review and or share this episode with your inner circle.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're watching this on Spotify again, same thing, but you can also leave comments on Spotify as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that when I went to Spotify recently, as I wrapped this up here,
[SPEAKER_00]: I saw comments from several months ago that didn't even have a chance to respond to.
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't even know those comments were there, so I'm going to do my best to get in there and respond to them.
[SPEAKER_00]: There was maybe just like another 10 possibly 10 to 20 left.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not sure.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll do my best to get in there over the next few days in respond to those as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: But hey girl, sorry.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's been a few months, but the last few months have been busy.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've been life has been life, you know, okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, you can also leave a comment there on Spotify
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me know your thoughts.
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, be sure to share this with others in your circle.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is it for this week's episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: I will see you next Monday on another episode of the Brown Girl Self Care Podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: Take care.