[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, whatever he cheated on me was a horrible person like I'm not going to block him because I want him to see how great I'm doing baby revoke his rights to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Why does he even have the ability to see how good you're doing that man lost streaming privileges.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's been logged out of the account block his ass.
[SPEAKER_00]: Who gives a fuck.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's also like this fantasy people have of
[SPEAKER_00]: You want your ex to see how good you're doing and be like damn.
[SPEAKER_00]: I fucked up Like how did I how did I do that the one that got away but like if he's a demon He's never gonna have that come to Jesus moment.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's a demon.
[SPEAKER_00]: He doesn't fucking care about you That's why he cheated on you
[SPEAKER_00]: What's up you guys, and welcome back to Emotionally Online, the weekly song ready for Heart to Hearts and Hot Gossip hosted by yours, Trilly.
[SPEAKER_00]: The one and only Maddie Drawspeck who is coming at you live from Tampa Bay, Florida, where I am currently in a hotel, because I'm here for a Bachelor at Trip.
[SPEAKER_00]: The distance start until later this evening.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, but I've been here for a couple of days because I came straight from this year's Love Girls worldwide group trip.
[SPEAKER_00]: This year was to Croatia.
[SPEAKER_00]: We had, uh, the time of our goddamn lives.
[SPEAKER_00]: I spent all day yesterday sitting in this exact spot in my hotel editing this year's music video.
[SPEAKER_00]: which we did to blah, blah, blah by Kesha.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was almost sneaker night by Vanessa Hudgens, which I think would have been so good.
[SPEAKER_00]: So maybe we'll save that for a future year, mallet over, think about it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Those of you that are thinking about coming to next year's trip.
[SPEAKER_00]: But it was unsurprisingly and as always, the best.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was so much fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: It always strikes me how quickly everyone is down to just be vulnerable and hop into it.
[SPEAKER_00]: With each other, I actually had a moment this year.
[SPEAKER_00]: where I was looking around at everyone and I just realized that it reminds me so much of theater camp and like all the reasons why I loved theater camp growing up is why I love these trips.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember the first summer that I went to theater camp.
[SPEAKER_00]: Our theater camp, it only ran for two weeks every summer, which was a travesty because if I could have spent all summer there, trust that I would have.
[SPEAKER_00]: But the first year I ever went to this camp, my mom only signed me up for one week instead of two.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember calling my mom a couple days before the week was over, being like, please let me stay another week, like, I'll do anything.
[SPEAKER_00]: Please just sign me up for week two.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I don't wanna leave everyone else's staying
[SPEAKER_00]: Really want to be friends with these people because the the first couple days at that theater camp It took me a while to make friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's probably like five four or five days It took me to like make a friend, but once you have that break through with someone and you can just giggle and you feel like you're Yeah, just fitting in.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like oh my god No, I want more of the sun me up for another week and It was just so magical to me at that theater camp.
[SPEAKER_00]: How I could have only known these people for a week and I was like
[SPEAKER_00]: so moved by their friendship and how much fun we were having that I was like no please I want to say I want to say and like yeah I feel like it's just stuck with me ever since then like how much emotional development you can have with people in this band of a week and I really try my best to build these trips with the intention of helping everyone build community and
[SPEAKER_00]: make sure everyone feels included and yeah just giving people as many options as possible to have the best trip ever for them.
[SPEAKER_00]: But looking around this here I really did realize how similar these trips make me feel to like what theater camp felt like as a kid and I had this just beautiful moment inside my own head where I was like wow.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have found a way to bring the thing I loved most about my childhood into my adulthood and like how special is that?
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like that's been a very conscious pursuit of mine over the last couple of years.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just didn't realize.
[SPEAKER_00]: that these trips were also a part of that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I also felt the same way about like finding my dance studio and finding a place where I could dance and be free and just celebrate moving my body for the joy of it without it being like a competitive space or like a really serious dance studio.
[SPEAKER_00]: The options are just like so limited for adults when it comes to recreational dance.
[SPEAKER_00]: And obviously that was a really conscious effort I made to bring in more
[SPEAKER_00]: of what I loved about my childhood to my adulthood and yeah I think this year I just realized that hosting these trips has been a way for me to bring that energy in as well and it was beautiful, it was amazing and it is like just the honor of my lifetime to not only get to host these but get to meet all of you guys travel to incredible places with you and
[SPEAKER_00]: to witness new friendships be born like it's just so special.
[SPEAKER_00]: I always get to these herbs a day early just to make sure that if I have God forbid any delays or things like that that I don't miss day one because that would be really bad for me to miss it as the host.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, and so Ashley and I usually show up the day before and this year, obviously, you spend the whole day flying your fucking exhausted when you get there.
[SPEAKER_00]: All we wanted to do was just, like, lay down order food and go to bed, but we were forcing ourselves to stay up to, like, at least 9 p.m.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that way the jet lag wouldn't, like, consume us after that point.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we ordered room service or we tried to order room service at the hotel we started at in split in their little like directory book.
[SPEAKER_00]: It said to dial one for room service or maybe it was dial one oh one I don't remember it was like dial dial one something like that so Ashley dials one to call room service and some random guy picks up it is like hello I just like hi is this room service and he's like
[SPEAKER_00]: He sounded so confused and we were like what the fuck just happened.
[SPEAKER_00]: We hang up.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're like, okay, who do we call?
[SPEAKER_00]: The book said to call him.
[SPEAKER_00]: We called him and he didn't even know why the hell we were calling him.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we eventually called down to the front desk and they rout us to what we're supposed to be and we get our room service whatever
[SPEAKER_00]: We're talking to the group the next day and we heard that other people had this same experience.
[SPEAKER_00]: So now I'm sitting here being like, okay, wait a minute.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like we're all just calling some guys room.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like room 101 is receiving all these calls and they're like, is this room different?
[SPEAKER_00]: He's like, what the fuck?
[SPEAKER_00]: No.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm just imagining him by the end of the night after receiving all these calls from women asking for room service.
[SPEAKER_00]: He must have thought he was being pumped.
[SPEAKER_00]: What is this?
[SPEAKER_00]: What's going on?
[SPEAKER_00]: But we did end up getting our room service.
[SPEAKER_00]: All was well.
[SPEAKER_00]: Food arrived at our door.
[SPEAKER_00]: We laid in bed and watched real housewives of Rhode Island together.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we were in bed by 9 p.m. Before I was rudely and abruptly, woken up at 9.30 with,
[SPEAKER_00]: You guessed it.
[SPEAKER_00]: A panic attack.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am eager to talk to my therapist about this when I fully get back to New York and can debrief all of this with her, but this has been happening to me a couple times.
[SPEAKER_00]: The last time I did was my birthday weekend, which I think I talked about on the show a little bit.
[SPEAKER_00]: This fucking head towel is slowly falling off my head, but my hair is
[SPEAKER_00]: So what and I did not feel like blow drawing it before filming this episode my anxiety has always been incredibly physical But ever since mango died I've been having these Like very physically intense panic attacks that I've never had quite in this way before
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, so obviously traveling for a whole entire day, get to the hotel, keyking with Ashley.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have dinner or watching TV lay my head down to rest.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm asleep for 30 minutes and then I wake up in a panic attack.
[SPEAKER_00]: To me, it was like, okay, this is the first time that I've actually been.
[SPEAKER_00]: resting and like okay all my stress is gone for the first time in a couple of weeks because obviously the week's leading up to this trip I'm doing a lot of prep work and just trying to get everything ready for what I'm gone and traveling itself is stressful so I get there my hit hits the pillow I can finally like truly relax
[SPEAKER_00]: And in comes the panic attack, which I guess makes sense.
[SPEAKER_00]: My body was like holding it in until I had an opportunity to release it.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, like I said, the last time I had a panic attack, like this was on my birthday weekend.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like a couple hours before my birthday party, I started feeling really nauseous and just like,
[SPEAKER_00]: Something was wrong.
[SPEAKER_00]: I thought that I was going to be sick.
[SPEAKER_00]: I literally sent my friends to my birthday party before me while I stayed back to try to like rally myself with my friend Ellie and I ended up sobbing crying to her about mango and this second I started crying my stomach ache and my nausea all went away.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, whoa, that's crazy.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was really bothered by it because I am someone who really, I guess pride myself on being very intuitive and having like a very strong and clear dialogue with myself, I think that there are rarely, if ever, times my life where I don't understand what I'm feeling.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can always,
[SPEAKER_00]: understand it and verbalize it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I am someone who is very in touch with how I feel.
[SPEAKER_00]: And grief is the first time in my life where I've ever been like unable to identify what the feeling is and like I will genuinely in my head think that I'm about to throw up and that something horrible is happening to me and then I start crying and it all goes away and I'm like holy fuck.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're telling me it was fucking brief again.
[SPEAKER_00]: How did I not know?
[SPEAKER_00]: And I get really bothered by the fact that I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: But when I woke up in the middle of the night, I thought that it was just acid reflux or something.
[SPEAKER_00]: I felt like really nauseous.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like there was something in my throat.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was just like, yeah, freaking out.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think the other part of it is that I also have a metaphobia.
[SPEAKER_00]: So when I feel nauseous, I'm already having a panic attack at baseline.
[SPEAKER_00]: So sometimes it's hard for me to identify when which comes first.
[SPEAKER_00]: You already mean like, am I having a panic attack and therefore I feel nauseous or I am nauseous and therefore I'm having a panic attack.
[SPEAKER_00]: Look, I don't know what came first, the chicken or the egg.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, so I wake up.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel really nauseous.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, I'm freaking out.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like there's something stuck on my throat.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like trying to, I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if I'm explaining myself all, but you know, when you feel like there's something stuck in your throat and you're having a panic attack and you're like incessantly trying to, like,
[SPEAKER_00]: it out.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what I was doing and it was making me even more nauseous, but I was bucking out because I couldn't get it out of my throat.
[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, anyways, fully having a panning attack, just all the physical sensations happening to me all at once.
[SPEAKER_00]: And Ashley is obviously in the same room as me while this is happening and she was asleep and she did hear me start to freak out.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm obviously like, yeah, just having
[SPEAKER_00]: a moment and thank God for her because she woke her ass up despite being absolutely exhausted having been traveling for the last 24 hours and she sat in bed with me and she was tapping my chest.
[SPEAKER_00]: and just holding me and talking me through it and helping me breathe and I just cried and yeah, tried to catch my breath again.
[SPEAKER_00]: It took me like two hours to come out of it.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I ended up going to bed pretty late, which didn't end up helping with my jet lag.
[SPEAKER_00]: So,
[SPEAKER_00]: or we get there eventually, I guess, I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: But it was another example of me like having a full body panic attack and not understanding that it stemmed from grief until I started crying and all of my physical symptoms went away.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, and I really, I hate not being able to pinpoint that or know that.
[SPEAKER_00]: It makes me feel really uncomfortable because it's so unlike me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am so intuitive.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so, um, on top of understanding and being able to put words to my own feelings and grief is something
[SPEAKER_00]: that I have a really hard time identifying and understanding that it's happening or that it's coming up for me until I start crying and all of a sudden the nausea goes away.
[SPEAKER_00]: My heart beats slows down, like everything starts to calm down, the second I start sobbing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm someone, I cry a good deal.
[SPEAKER_00]: Crying is not the issue.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not someone that
[SPEAKER_00]: tries to not cry or tries to hold it in.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm actively someone who's always letting the shit out, which is even weirder to me that it's, yeah, just like unidentifiable when it's happening.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just deeply out of character for me and it does stress me out a little bit.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's okay to not have all the answers and for grief to be manifesting in ways that nothing has ever manifested in me before.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think there is something about traveling as well that is kind of a trigger for me in grief.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, less so when I'm leaving or when I'm coming back because even like towards the end of this trip, everyone's like, oh, you know, I'm so excited to go home and see my pets, see my cat, and I will like instinctively go to say things like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I will almost, the words will almost leave my mouth like, I'm so excited to go home and see mango.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I'll have this like, whoa.
[SPEAKER_00]: when I go home she won't be there and it's been however many months now nine months ten months and I still like yeah it's hard for me to remember in my body that she's gone
[SPEAKER_00]: sometimes all like be walking around the apartment.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is kind of why the foster has been kind of helpful because it is, there is something else in the apartment with me, like I'm not wrong to have the assumption that there is something from me to greet when I get home.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just not mango, but like when I'm in the apartment by myself, I will still be walking around and I'll be like, whoa, where is she?
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll have like the urge to go look for her or call her over and
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's devastating to me every time when I realize that she is not there, and she won't ever be there again.
[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, this is the worst, it's just the absolute worst.
[SPEAKER_00]: When I was pulling photos and videos off of my camera, from the trip I realized one of my memory cards hasn't been cleared.
[SPEAKER_00]: In a long time and I saw clip of me holding mango, it must have been from a vlog.
[SPEAKER_00]: I did a couple of years ago, I'm sure.
[SPEAKER_00]: that footage is on my YouTube channel somewhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I was talking about something completely unrelated in the clip but I'm holding her the whole time and she always did that thing where she would walk around on my chest trying to find like the perfect most comfy spot and she'd nudge my head and
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, there's just no living thing quite like her, and I miss her all the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it sucks that sometimes I can't.
[SPEAKER_00]: predict or control when my grief comes up and it is kind of, um, yeah, I guess it's a, a test for me in a different way as well as someone who is a little bit of a control freak and a little bit that's actually being very generous to myself is very much a control freak and likes to
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, just always have things figured out grief versus a type a bitch.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it's fucking hard.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's fucking hard, but
[SPEAKER_00]: We move, we get through it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was surrounded by beautiful people all week who I got to connect with and hear about their lives.
[SPEAKER_00]: I got to share more of my life with them.
[SPEAKER_00]: I got to witness beautiful friendships, bossom, and you know, what a joy that is.
[SPEAKER_00]: There is so much connection to be had in the midst of grief and I appreciate the people both on the trip and in this corner of the internet
[SPEAKER_00]: generous enough to share their experiences with grief with me as well because it is helpful.
[SPEAKER_00]: While I was on the trip, the special bonus episode of Summer House aired and I said that I was done talking about Summer House, but the truth is that I've never done talking about Bravo.
[SPEAKER_00]: Never.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're just not done talking about it at all.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just have one thing to talk about it and it's less about the show itself and more about like a type of behavior that I witnessed on the bonus episode that I just need to bring to the show because it
[SPEAKER_00]: irks me.
[SPEAKER_00]: It does it just irks me and people do it all the time in this post reunion bonus episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously I gave you guys sort of the whole recap of our main players West Sierra Amanda Kyle and I mentioned briefly in that episode a woman named Meha who was West's girlfriend who he cheated on with Amanda and I guess also cheated on Amanda with Meha, I don't know
[SPEAKER_00]: Dude was like, just dip into his wherever he could really.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's a loser in this bonus episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: Miha sits down with Sierra to like just chat through the west of it all, the timeline of it all, and like how he had impacted both of them.
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, and like the lies he was telling Miha, telling her that like,
[SPEAKER_00]: The flirting with Sierra, the kissing Sierra, like it was all sort of for the show and not real.
[SPEAKER_00]: And Sierra was like, no, that was very much real to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And like, he's a fucking loser.
[SPEAKER_00]: And he was lying to you and he was lying to me and he was lying to everybody.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, we're all caught up.
[SPEAKER_00]: In this conversation with Sierra, me and Sierra are talking.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it becomes clear that Miha had remained in contact with West,
[SPEAKER_00]: both after the news about him and Amanda broke in March and they went public with this statement and also after the reunion.
[SPEAKER_00]: So all of this should have been public.
[SPEAKER_00]: He publicly and knowingly cheated on her with Amanda, lied about all of it, went on the reunion.
[SPEAKER_00]: Me, I was
[SPEAKER_00]: After the reunion, West texts me how being like, find you win, and she keeps having some kind of chats with him, whatever.
[SPEAKER_00]: The details of it don't really matter because it's the high level what we're witnessing that I want to talk about.
[SPEAKER_00]: I find it so deeply suspicious.
[SPEAKER_00]: When people
[SPEAKER_00]: are like fuck this guy.
[SPEAKER_00]: I fucking hate him.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's fucking evil.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then our maintaining contact with them at the same time.
[SPEAKER_00]: I find that behavior so suspicious.
[SPEAKER_00]: I always have.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just really can't begin to understand why you would be like, oh, he's a demon.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hate him.
[SPEAKER_00]: He did X white.
[SPEAKER_00]: He did me dirty in eight to ten different ways.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm still going
[SPEAKER_00]: For why?
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, why is he not blocked?
[SPEAKER_00]: He's not blocked.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's embarrassing to me, honestly.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm, I find it embarrassing and I find it suspicious.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, there's something about that I just don't trust.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, when I hear the people do that, I'm like, mmm, it's sinister to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's something there that I'm like, mmm, I don't know that I could be friends and someone who does that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know that I could be friends with someone who's like, I hate this fun guy.
[SPEAKER_00]: He did me surgery and I'm gonna keep talking to him Well, he's like publicly going to sports games with Amanda and making out with her in the stands and in the episode Sierra was like Wow, you didn't block him like you're stronger than me and actually and I literally pause and we are watching it to be like no Sierra take that back So yeah, we take that back mama the strong thing would be to block
[SPEAKER_00]: The strong thing would be to draw the boundary and be like, absolutely not.
[SPEAKER_00]: No one's allowed to treat me like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not, he's not, everybody's not like, I don't tolerate that kind of behavior.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not allowed to treat me like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: That doesn't fly here.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm worth more than that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So rehash the conversation.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just think is, um,
[SPEAKER_00]: suspicious.
[SPEAKER_00]: And maybe it's not suspicious, maybe it's just a level of self abandonment, the same style that we witnessed in Amanda.
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's something, I don't know, I can't quite pinpoint it, but it's like the sinisterness of someone being like, oh yeah, I fuck him, I hate him.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's a demon and then like taxing him under the table.
[SPEAKER_00]: like so you don't really mean what you just said right otherwise I would be texting him.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it is deeply fucking corny and weird to do both like you need to pick one.
[SPEAKER_00]: Either you got done dirty by a man and you're choosing to stand by him and you can have like complicated conversations about that but if you're going the fucking he's a demon route you actually do have to block him.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't be like talking to your girls about how he is the most fucked up man to ever live and then still text.
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, we got to pick one.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've got to seriously fucking pick one.
[SPEAKER_00]: But from the perspective of like a friend, like if one of my friends did this, if one of my friends was in Miyaz position, dating literally a level 10 demon, level 10 soul-sucking demon who on the world stage publicly
[SPEAKER_00]: cheated on you is in this weird relationship with Amanda complicated for other reasons, the, you know, betrayal that she did to Sierra, all of that, whatever.
[SPEAKER_00]: If I was Meha's friend and she was still maintaining contact with us, I'd be like, why do you have a, like self-harm streak in you?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like this is something that someone does when they hate themselves.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now when they love themselves, you can't
[SPEAKER_00]: do that and then be like, and I'm a bad bitch who isn't fake.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you can't do both.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what you mean?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you can't be like, oh, I'm a bad bitch.
[SPEAKER_00]: Fuck this guy.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's a fucking demon.
[SPEAKER_00]: He can rot and hell and die and I'm gonna keep talking to him.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I, that you can't be both.
[SPEAKER_00]: You cannot be both.
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to pick one.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'd be like something is wrong.
[SPEAKER_00]: If my friend was talking to West Wilson still after all that, I'd be like, this is a level ton emergency lock down.
[SPEAKER_00]: We need to have like an intervention.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no way you're allowing this man to even have access to you to be able to say hello to you after what he's done like to me After what that man is done.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing else left to say There's no closure conversation needs to be had he showed you pretty explicitly that he does not respect you at all He doesn't respect you.
[SPEAKER_00]: He doesn't care for you
[SPEAKER_00]: He's a devil in a demon.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's true.
[SPEAKER_00]: There is no conversing with him that's gonna make it less shitty.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like he just is the worst.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't need to offer him understanding.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't need to have the don't talk to him anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't give him access to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Block his ass, block his number, block his Instagram so we can't fucking look at your shit.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like that's the other thing I don't wanna say when people are like, they go through a breakup and they're like, I'm not gonna block them because I want them to see how great I'm doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like,
[SPEAKER_00]: I just don't buy that personally.
[SPEAKER_00]: Personally, I don't buy it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that is a real round about way to not have to block someone and leave the door cracked open.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, whatever he cheated on me was a horrible person like I'm not gonna block him because I want him to see how great I'm doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Baby, revoke his rights to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Why does he even have the ability to see how good you're doing?
[SPEAKER_00]: That man lost streaming privileges.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's been logged out of the account.
[SPEAKER_00]: Block his ass.
[SPEAKER_00]: Who gives a fuck?
[SPEAKER_00]: It's also like this fantasy people have of
[SPEAKER_00]: You want your ex to see how good you're doing and be like damn I fucked up Like how did I how did I do that the one that got away, but like if he's a demon He's never gonna have that come to Jesus moment.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's a demon.
[SPEAKER_00]: He doesn't fucking care about you.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why he cheated on you He's not gonna someday wake up and be like oh my god She was the best.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm such an idiot.
[SPEAKER_00]: How could I have done that like he?
[SPEAKER_00]: is Judas, babe, what are we doing?
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, why do you want your ex to have this moment where he's like, fuck, and I still want you?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, it is, it eventually comes back to like, even when you're talking about exes and breakups, you still want your ex to have this moment where like, they want you and you don't want them.
[SPEAKER_00]: You just are addicted to being sought after, to being wanted by a man.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's gross to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: It is,
[SPEAKER_00]: block your fucking ex if he's a demon if you're on good terms that's a different story but if he's a demon and he cheated on you and was an asshole do you block him block him and if you don't block him I'm just assuming that you're one of these people that wants a man to want you and you want the approval of being wanted by a man more than you care about punishment or like consequences of actions
[SPEAKER_00]: No, absolutely, the fuck not.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't let people treat you like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just think it's bad, and it's not a slay, and it's not girl boss, and you're not queening out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, it's self-abandement.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's call it what it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: So those are my summer house thoughts of the week.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think we're officially talking about summer house now because there's nothing more left to say.
[SPEAKER_00]: That isn't till Amanda and West, like, I don't know, pop out with a ring or something crazy.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not gonna happen.
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine if it did though, crazy.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a light across me in the room that really looks like a vagina in a clip.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like literally a round shape and there's like a pearl at the bottom of it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I guess it's a reverse vagina,
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyways, that's all.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, let's get into some audience submissions before I throw it on over to the post, show, and then get my ass over to this Bachelor Rept.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's probably going to be a little bit of a smaller episode because you're always thanks to Joe.
[SPEAKER_00]: You girl is things to deal.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hi, Maddie.
[SPEAKER_00]: I really admire your strong and supportive friendships.
[SPEAKER_00]: How do you approach being a good friend to others and have you dealt with rejection in the social context?
[SPEAKER_00]: I have social anxiety and have been struggling with building an actual friend's circle and have made it a priority for the last year.
[SPEAKER_00]: Things were wrong while and I'm even planning a joint birthday party with 40 people but when I went to invite a group chat with my former co-workers who I considered friends only three out of nine hearted the message and no one even replied.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was devastated and now I'm so anxious I want to cancel the party.
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, I've been to all of their birthday parties in the past, so it stings that they ignore me.
[SPEAKER_00]: What should I do to recover and also I do want to stay friends with them because I'm going back to that job.
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely, dude.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have been rejected in the social context many times.
[SPEAKER_00]: However, I will say.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes, not always, sometimes.
[SPEAKER_00]: There is a difference between being rejected and with somebody just being like flaky and unresponsive.
[SPEAKER_00]: Both are problems, but they are different.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm someone who, I guess if we put it in like the attachment style language, I definitely struggle with anxious attachment in dating, but in friendships, I feel that I'm very securely attached in the sense that when somebody bails on me or flakes or doesn't respond or whatever it is,
[SPEAKER_00]: Although that might hurt my feelings, that's rarely if ever something I take to be a personal reflection of myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think with friendships, I'm absolutely someone that's like, unless you bring me a problem, I'm gonna assume there is none.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't need an explanation for everything.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I am comfortable with just being like, oh, that just supported me.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're lack of response there.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, bombs me out, but I don't assume that they're lack of response.
[SPEAKER_00]: Means that they don't like me, or they don't want to be friends with me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've definitely talked about this on the Patreon recently, and maybe I talked about this on the main pod, but I think that the, like,
[SPEAKER_00]: social era that we're in right now has made flaking, bailing, and being unresponsive, a very easy thing for people to do, which is also why I don't think that any of it should be taken personally.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I was talking about this on the show, or maybe it was on my YouTube channel.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just be talking online.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know it did where I do it, but I was talking about how I feel like in the party full era, people feel like they don't have to RSVP, or they can just flake because it feels very
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, as a planner, I don't find partyfuls to be impersonal, it's just like effective and an easy way to reach a group of people at once, but I talked about how I might start sending out physical invitations to events that I'm planning because it makes people feel more obligated to RSVP.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I plan a lot of things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Earlier this year, there was a couple of weeks where it was backed back to back.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was hosting a birthday party for myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was hosting an Oscars Watch Party.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I hosted a dinner around that time and then I hosted a home cafe.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was backed back to back ahead all of these partyful invites that I sent out to people.
[SPEAKER_00]: And there were quite a few people
[SPEAKER_00]: or didn't RICP at all.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was annoyed by this.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was absolutely annoyed by this because when somebody bales lots minute when you're billing same day, I've already bought all the supplies.
[SPEAKER_00]: I had the count of who I thought was gonna show up.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I've already set up, I've already bought everything.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's just like, it sucks.
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll be able to build last minute because I'm, like, I'm, it costs money to host and I plan for a certain number when they build last minute.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And not as RSVP in it all, I just think is disrespectful because I'm inviting you somewhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: It means like, when I invite you to some event that I'm planning, it means that I love you and want to spend time with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: So to not RSVP at all, I just find to be,
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, pretty disrespectful.
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyways, my feelings were actually hurt, but not to the point where it was something that bothered me for more than like a week and a half.
[SPEAKER_00]: I talked about it with my therapist.
[SPEAKER_00]: I vented about it to Ashley and I got my ass over it because I understand that it's ultimately not personal and that most of the time people aren't responding or
[SPEAKER_00]: they bail last minute because something is going on in their own lives that I is nothing to do with me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm of course still allowed to have my feelings hurt, but I people being flaky or unresponsive.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a totally normal and fine thing for me that my feelings hurt over.
[SPEAKER_00]: But to make it more personal that it is is usually where the mistake lies.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I can tell you right now that the people that were flaky are unresponsive to me earlier in the air, they're all still my best friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're all still people that I am very close with, that I've hung out since, that I talk to and see regularly since, like, it was in no way indicative of some issue in our friendship.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was entirely disconnected.
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, I'm allowed to feel upset by that, but to take it to the place of being like, oh, I'm being socially rejected.
[SPEAKER_00]: And these people are not my friends and they don't like me or care about me at all, is sometimes a jump.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not that it doesn't feel that way, trust.
[SPEAKER_00]: I also agree that it sucks.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't think that people should bail last minute unless it's like, accentuating circumstances.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I never think there's a reason to...
[SPEAKER_00]: just ghost and not RSVP altogether.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can have grace for the people that I love because I know them and I know their hearts and I love them as people and I will give them the permission to be messy sometimes, unless it's a pattern.
[SPEAKER_00]: If it's a pattern, then it's a different issue.
[SPEAKER_00]: But if this is like one of my best friends who bails or flakes or is unresponsive,
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just going to give it to them.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I'll be irritated for a couple days.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll get over it when we just keep moving.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to take it personally.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think for me in dealing with like the sting of people not showing up for you the way you hope they do, I try to just ground myself with the people who did show up for me and be like, it actually, it's not quantity over quality, like if I have a
[SPEAKER_00]: Even only two people, even only one person, that does show up for me the way that I hope so, like you are fucking rich.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like, yeah, it's not always about having a full party of 40 people show up.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes it's about, you know, having the three of your close friends, really rally around you and
[SPEAKER_00]: Give you the birth that you hope for.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, so just remember that, but let me be clear.
[SPEAKER_00]: I totally understand And who felt the exact same way before so I guess that it's Sometimes hard, but I just try to ground myself in the people that have shown up rather than fixate on the people That didn't because most of the time it actually has nothing to do with you, but I do understand how frustrating it is
[SPEAKER_00]: I, I sometimes also felt this in like meeting new friends and trying really hard to, like include them in my life and invite them to things and be like, okay, we're new friends like I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come, I'd love for you to come
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think it's all about balance.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, there's a healthy amount of grace we can give people.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a point where it becomes a pattern.
[SPEAKER_00]: It becomes like extremely hurtful.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a point where it becomes more indicative of like what they value in friendships and what kind of closeness they're looking for and if that aligns with what you're looking for.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's so many different levels and nuances to these things.
[SPEAKER_00]: So,
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, a lot of things can change based on the specifics, but I would just try to not take it as personally because I do think a lot of it has to do with like the current era that we're in and how to touch people feel from like actually having to RSVP or show up socially for people.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's also a very weird time to be alive people are going through a lot and hanging out as expensive sometimes.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that too.
[SPEAKER_00]: all things to think about.
[SPEAKER_00]: This next one is kind of similar kind of connected.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think we can just segue right in here.
[SPEAKER_00]: They wrote, hi, Maddie.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're reading this, it's probably after the Liverpool's trip to Croatia.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope it's a blast.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love your videos on the community you've built and this question has a lot to do with it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I graduated university recently and have moved to a new city.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am living with my partner of three years and will be starting grad school in the fall.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is all amazing and I'm so excited to begin my Masters in a few months, but I'm struggling inside.
[SPEAKER_00]: I came to the realization recently that I am actively mourning the life I had in university, in particular the community and how easy it was to find and the fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: The type of fun you have when feeling like there's no expectations.
[SPEAKER_00]: your responsibility is only getting your degree.
[SPEAKER_00]: The type of fun where you can meet your friends on campus, have late-night study sessions, go to parties, giggle, and gossip, and everyone is at the same stage of life as you.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know why, but I feel as though I will never find this type of fun again.
[SPEAKER_00]: Probably because of the doom I feel about the state of the world and in particular AI.
[SPEAKER_00]: But watching your content and seeing how you cultivate such fun in your community, I have hope.
[SPEAKER_00]: Please, what are your secrets?
[SPEAKER_00]: I am in desperate need of fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, well, you're going to love this secret.
[SPEAKER_00]: building community and having giggles and fun and like these life-changing friendships actually only becomes better and richer the older that you get.
[SPEAKER_00]: College is not the peak for these things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank God.
[SPEAKER_00]: It just keeps getting better.
[SPEAKER_00]: So lock-in because I have a lot to say about this, but trust that there is much good on the horizon here.
[SPEAKER_00]: in New York.
[SPEAKER_00]: You would think that I had kind of a different experience in that when people go to school in cities.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not like you have to move off campus when you graduate.
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of people do tend to stay in the city they want to college in, but that was actually not really the experience I had.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I graduated college May of 2019.
[SPEAKER_00]: I started a job right fresh out of college and I was still living in New York living with a roommate at the time and we spent the summer still hanging out with a lot of our college friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: And by the end of that summer, first of all, people started to move away New York is an expensive city.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I guess like the assumption that people wouldn't move out after college shifted when people were like, oh fuck, it's actually like really expensive to live here.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if I can do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So a lot of people left for that reason and I feel like of the people that stayed.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just, I didn't know if I felt a lot of connection with them.
[SPEAKER_00]: I felt like I was growing in.
[SPEAKER_00]: a different direction than they were.
[SPEAKER_00]: We were just kind of growing apart.
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of these people were also like friends of friends because my close friends had moved away or I had drifted apart.
[SPEAKER_00]: So my like college community I feel like was pretty dissolved by like the end of the year 2019.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was working a lot of the time and I have
[SPEAKER_00]: other friends in New York that were not connected to college.
[SPEAKER_00]: Two of my hometown friends lived in New York at the time, Kayla and August.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then my other friend, Destiny, Jaime, on the internet in 2010, she also lived in New York.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I had like other communities of people that I hung out with outside of just my college friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've always been someone who had like
[SPEAKER_00]: I've never had like a friend group.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was always someone who's had like a lot of individual friendships and I'm just the type of person who forces all those people to hang out and get together.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I've always been someone through my life that like I've never really had a friend group or in the areas that I did.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was more
[SPEAKER_00]: fleeting or it wasn't like I don't know I'm not that a person who's ever been like these are my main friends and this is it I always have had like Individual friendships and like maybe pockets of friends that I've met like, oh, like these are all my friends from theater camp These are my friends from blah blah blah But I've never been like a friend group kind of girl.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm more like yeah, I just have a lot of individual friendships
[SPEAKER_00]: And so by the end of 2019, my college friend circle looked a lot different, and then of course, COVID happens.
[SPEAKER_00]: And during COVID, everything was virtual.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it almost like didn't matter.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like, I'm faced timing with my hometown friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm faced timing with my sister.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm faced timing with these people from college, we're playing among us together.
[SPEAKER_00]: Whatever it was, like, I just feel like everything was,
[SPEAKER_00]: virtual, so it wasn't necessarily like a matter of building new community in that era.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then in the years that followed COVID, my community has changed and shifted a lot.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, it's so weird for me to think that like, in, when I was in that postgrad era, I hadn't met Meg.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hadn't met Robbie.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hadn't met Sebastian.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hadn't met Jordan.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hadn't met so many people that are now like,
[SPEAKER_00]: some of the closest people to me in my life and at that time I literally hadn't even met them yet.
[SPEAKER_00]: I actually had a moment like this on the plane the other day where I was just like sitting waiting to get off and I was looking around me and I there was like this older woman maybe she was a mom but she was like showfiring a group of like 20 something year olds and they definitely weren't siblings all of them because there were so many of them but I like looked at her.
[SPEAKER_00]: and I looked at these kids and I'm like some day I'm gonna be old like some day I'm gonna be like in my sixties and I'm gonna know so many people that I don't know like I could be her in 40 years in 40 years I could be showfiring I don't know my sister's kids and a family friends kids and Ashley's we could all be going on a big family
[SPEAKER_00]: and friend vacation together who knows all the people that I'm going to know and it's just like I don't know so there's all these moments where I look around I'm like that could be me someday that's crazy like who would even be the other person who would be these like children that I'm so far I don't know I don't plan on how to get
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know who knows, but there's going to be so many people throughout my life that are going to be so influential and important to me that I have not even met yet.
[SPEAKER_00]: The truth is that there's so many different ways to meet people, like let's just go through some of my more recent friendships.
[SPEAKER_00]: People that I've met post 2020.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, first of all, I meet a lot of people from the internet.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this has always been true for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Before I had a following after I had a following, like I have always used the internet as a way to meet people.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've made friends, like I said, destiny, machine I met in a YouTube comment section in 2010.
[SPEAKER_00]: and we've been best-of-brand since my friend Jordan, she and I met at a sunscreen truck.
[SPEAKER_00]: Back when I worked at Hero Cosmetics, I was working a sunscreen truck in Domino Park, Jordan knew me from my videos, came and introduced herself with a truck, and we just clicked, ended up getting lunch with each other, I think, at rubies.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, and then Jordan helped me shoot photo for video at some point and we just started hanging out more regularly and boom, and now here we are all these years later, I, you know, see Jordan more than I see most people in my life, megg, and that megg two or three years ago at this point, because she invited me to come on a podcast that she had at the time as a guest.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she and I just hit it off immediately.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sebastian and Robby was a similar story we met online just seeing clips of each other's shows.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sebastian and Robby invited me to come on their podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: We hit it off that first time we recorded together both of them became very good friends of mine after that.
[SPEAKER_00]: My friend Maycey, we both played trivia at the same spot, so I saw her and her team there week after week, so I connected with her, through Maycey, I've met other people.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maycey has introduced me to other people that she plays trivia with.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, trivia was a great place to meet people in general, because it was like, okay, I'm gonna invite this person and then you invite another person.
[SPEAKER_00]: I actually, this is another thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: In 2019, I went on a girls trip where we all invited one person.
[SPEAKER_00]: So everyone knew at least one maybe two people, but the rest of the group was a stranger to you and we have like the best trip ever.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was actually the first time I met Mika.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god.
[SPEAKER_00]: The list's go on.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like I love putting myself in situations where I
[SPEAKER_00]: have to meet new people.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think meeting through friends of friends is always a good idea, putting yourself in like social dynamics, like a trivia night or some other like, I don't know, community activity, go to a comedy night, go to a poetry night, go to a local band's performance, go play bingo, I don't care, do do anything.
[SPEAKER_00]: Go to like any of these social events that are happening in your community because
[SPEAKER_00]: If you shop enough times, you will start to gain camaraderie with the people that also show up multiple times over.
[SPEAKER_00]: And obviously, not everything's going to be a smash hit.
[SPEAKER_00]: I also think this is the other part of it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, people give up way too easily.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think sometimes you just have to stick with something long enough to see the friendships form.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think when you put pressure on yourself to like, okay, I'm going to go to this tribune tonight with the goal of making a friend.
[SPEAKER_00]: You like put too much pressure on yourself and it's going to make you bug out like just go to go.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to make a single friend on night one that you're there.
[SPEAKER_00]: just keep going, keep showing up, bring a friend with you and just be social and have fun and let things grow naturally, let things progress naturally.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've met people through fostering, in connecting with other fosters.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes it really is as easy as when we're passing off the fosters with each other and you ask to stay in touch or follow them on Instagram so you can see how the cats progress because you're just like, oh, I adore these cats.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've been
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you have an Instagram that I can follow just like I like see and keep up with them?
[SPEAKER_00]: I've met people by doing that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've met people out at bars.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've met people on the train.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've met people at movie theaters.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I just feel like every place that you can think of is an opportunity to meet someone.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, you just have to be like open-minded to it and also have to be kind of fearless in putting yourself out there.
[SPEAKER_00]: Connected to what was mentioned in the last submission, like I think a lot of people get hung up on like the rejection of it all or being afraid that somebody's not looking for the same kind of friendship than you are.
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes that's true.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think for me, the reason why I don't take a lot of these rejections personally is because
[SPEAKER_00]: I just really do operate and I wish that this felt easier to adopt as a core belief in dating.
[SPEAKER_00]: I do try, but it is harder.
[SPEAKER_00]: But like in friendships, when something doesn't align or like it's really hard to make plans to someone if someone's really not showing up, they're just not matching my energy.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just let it go because I'm like, I just feel like what's meant to be will be and if we weren't meant to be friends, then it would be easy and if it's not, then like clearly this isn't.
[SPEAKER_00]: it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that feels really easy for me to accept in friendships for some reason.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's just because I've had a lot of great friendships modeled for me throughout my life, so it feels really easy for me to walk away with something isn't right, but like I've been to like influencer events before we're all meet someone who just like compliment their outfit, and
[SPEAKER_00]: We're like, I'm obsessed with what you're wearing.
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll talk, they live in New York.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you live in this neighborhood.
[SPEAKER_00]: I live in this neighborhood.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what kind of content do you make?
[SPEAKER_00]: If you do this, oh, we're connecting.
[SPEAKER_00]: We both watch, love island.
[SPEAKER_00]: We both love fashion.
[SPEAKER_00]: We both have the same favorite restaurant.
[SPEAKER_00]: We both go to the movies a lot.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, we find these commonalities.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then usually I'll just pitch people to hang out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, you might just see me in people's comments section.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just saying, like, I will fully,
[SPEAKER_00]: just comment on a video that I see online.
[SPEAKER_00]: If I see a TikTok or an Instagram reel that I like, but I will fully just comment on it being like, I'm obsessed with your vibe.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like we'd absolutely get along.
[SPEAKER_00]: We should hang out.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then we do.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it's just that easy.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, have I done that?
[SPEAKER_00]: And people have just never responded to me?
[SPEAKER_00]: For sure.
[SPEAKER_00]: Listen, for every time I swing and hate, I also swing and miss.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like there are so many opportunities.
[SPEAKER_00]: There are so many examples of me swinging and missing in terms of friendship.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can name you several people that like I've met out at events.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I've been like, oh my god, love your style.
[SPEAKER_00]: We connect, talk about movies, talk about blah, blah, whatever.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, we should absolutely...
[SPEAKER_00]: like get coffee and take pictures sometime.
[SPEAKER_00]: That would be so fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, let's get dinner.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go to the park.
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you want to come do this?
[SPEAKER_00]: Come do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I will just throw out plan ideas left in, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: I think about me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is also helpful because I'm a planner.
[SPEAKER_00]: The second that somebody is like, oh my god, yeah, we should hang out.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just plan something.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I'm not the type of person that waits to be like, oh, are they going to hit me up?
[SPEAKER_00]: Are they going to plan something with me?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I just do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you hope that it's reciprocal over time, you know, I plan the first thing they plan the second thing and if someone's really hard to plan something with and they're hard to like nail down a plan with I just assume that like we're not going to be a match or that they're not.
[SPEAKER_00]: as available for a new friendship or, um, you know, they don't have the time for it.
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't have the bandwidth for it or they just don't want to with me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like whatever the reason is, I don't really take it personally because I'm like, oh, there's so many other people for me to connect with and I already have so many great friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like there's no shortage of beautiful friendships in the world and for every person that doesn't match your energy, there is going to be someone who does match it and you just have to
[SPEAKER_00]: and you have to be okay with missing because ultimately it's them that's missing out, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: You're such a gift.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're so much fun to hang out with.
[SPEAKER_00]: You'd be such a great friend.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're missing out by not being your friend.
[SPEAKER_00]: Also like who knows maybe there are no a weird era of their life and they're going through something they're super busy and maybe you guys will end up connecting in the future Like I can't tell you how many people that I've met and we follow each other on Instagram and like years later We're like oh my god, like should we hang out should we do something we've been mutuals for like three years Who knows you literally never know you never know?
[SPEAKER_00]: All of this to say, I totally understand the like discomfort that comes with like leaving college and not having as much structure to your friendships anymore and being like, oh my god, that gives the fun part of life over.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I swear to you, that being older,
[SPEAKER_00]: And having like more emotional intelligence and just like a better grasp on how to be a good friend to other people how to show up being able to like throw events host people at your house and like yeah just poor more into your friendships.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you have more to offer as a person like it makes everything so much more fun and so much easier and.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, for every person that's kind of closed off to friendship, there's someone who's wide the fuck open.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you just gotta keep swinging and keep putting yourself out there and just absolutely do not take it personally when people don't match your energy.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, it's one of those things that like, I've given myself the same advice when it comes to dating so much in the past.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, you know, you gotta just keep putting yourself out there.
[SPEAKER_00]: You just gotta, for everything that's not a fit, like there's gonna be something out there that is.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's harder for me to internalize in dating because I've had so many negative experiences, but in friendship it does feel really easy for me to internalize because I've had an abundance of positive ones.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I can empathize with how it might be harder to embrace that if you've had a harder experience in friendship.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like maybe college was the only time you've had it.
[SPEAKER_00]: and now you're having a hard time again or whatever your situation is, I like empathize.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes it's hard to fully embody that and believe it.
[SPEAKER_00]: In which case, I do think adopting a thick, until you make it mentality is kind of always helpful.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes you do just have to lie to yourself for long enough that it becomes the truth.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've done it.
[SPEAKER_00]: It works.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's it for today's episode of emotionally online.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to throw us on over to the Patreon post show.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're interested in keeping this good vibe going, as a reminder, we do have merch now, emotionally online dot shop.
[SPEAKER_00]: Get yourself and I only date sweetheart's hat.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's kind of the perfect hat to wear.
[SPEAKER_00]: To the bar, let people know what your vibe is.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a great conversation starter.
[SPEAKER_00]: Could be big this summer for anyone trying to have a little flirty vibe.
[SPEAKER_00]: Be sure to follow the podcast, add emotionally online pod, and follow me at MannyDrossBake on TikTok and Instagram.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love you guys so much, and I will see you in the next episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: Good bye.