[SPEAKER_01]: This episode is proudly brought to you by California CryoBank.
[SPEAKER_01]: Use code queerfam26 for a free level 3 subscription to their donor catalog.
[SPEAKER_01]: Make those babies and then come tell me about me all.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's go.
[SPEAKER_00]: Our doctors in Mexico, we had a WhatsApp chat with them, which was amazing, it meant that we could communicate really freely and ask them a bunch of questions, but it also meant that we got all of our important news via WhatsApp.
[SPEAKER_00]: So rather than getting a call or an email, you've got a WhatsApp message, and you've got to have a call afterwards to chat to them about it, but you've got a WhatsApp message show, yeah, I was leaving, and I was heading somewhere to meet that, and I opened my phone to order an Uber.
[SPEAKER_00]: I had a WhatsApp message from my doctor that said, hey, clips from Natalia, good news.
[SPEAKER_00]: Your MBA has passed, it's testing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god.
[SPEAKER_01]: Holy moly.
[SPEAKER_01]: The one lone embryo.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god.
[SPEAKER_01]: The unthinkable moly brown here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's go.
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome y'all to the queer family podcast show all about family but with gay.
[SPEAKER_01]: I am your gay host Jamie and this is the show that celebrates highlights, helpless and normalizes.
[SPEAKER_01]: LGBTQIA plus families in all of our fabulous, fabulous, gorgeous, prideful identities.
[SPEAKER_01]: And of course, this episode is no exception to that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I have the pleasure of sitting down with clips.
[SPEAKER_01]: also known as Mother Collipso on social media.
[SPEAKER_01]: Collipso has been documenting her and her partners journey to parenthood on social media and it's been a journey and Collipso came in to tell me all about that journey and also to make a little announcement.
[SPEAKER_01]: She is finally
[SPEAKER_01]: pregnant, which she just announced on her social media.
[SPEAKER_01]: I actually held back on posting this episode until she could make her announcement to her followers on social media, but we have an exclusive here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Calipso is sharing their entire journey and all the ups and downs and all the ends and outs and all the feelings they had when they finally realized they were pregnant.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a really sweet, sweet story.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're going to love it.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like back to basics 101,
[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to give you the fills.
[SPEAKER_01]: Colipso's a wonderful human being.
[SPEAKER_01]: She made me feel real happy inside.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think she will for you too.
[SPEAKER_01]: She's also a fan of the show.
[SPEAKER_01]: And this little show, it's a full circle moment because this show helped her partner on their journey.
[SPEAKER_01]: Woo-hoo!
[SPEAKER_01]: So, love that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love hearing that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Before I roll the tape, I do want to talk about pride.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is pride month.
[SPEAKER_01]: We are in the Pride Extravaganza!
[SPEAKER_01]: where you get double the episodes the entire month of June.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're coming to the close of Pride Month, coming to the close of June.
[SPEAKER_01]: New York City Pride is actually this weekend.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you're listening to this on the Thursday that it airs, it is this weekend.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's very exciting.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to take my family out.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to look at all the fun, pride, celebrations.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I have noticed something recently in the past couple of years actually
[SPEAKER_01]: My daughter and I, when she was younger when she was in elementary schools still, she's in middle school now and she's older.
[SPEAKER_01]: We used to walk down fifth Avenue to get to school.
[SPEAKER_01]: We live right in the heart of the city and our route to school takes us right down fifth Avenue a major like shopping thoroughfare.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we would count the decorations on the street leading to school.
[SPEAKER_01]: We had like a mile walk to get to school.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we would just count and we would stop and take pictures of all in front of all the decorations.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was like one of our favorite things to do.
[SPEAKER_01]: And these decorations started going up in like the end of May and they'd be up all month long.
[SPEAKER_01]: And now I still have this walk with my son.
[SPEAKER_01]: We walk down Fifth Avenue to get to school and there are no decorations.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is the end of Pride Month and this morning I counted two little Pride flags on the walk.
[SPEAKER_01]: like it used to be a store after store after store and yes I understand that we don't want corporate pride and we don't want them fronting like they actually are good allies we don't want that but it also feels like a really really stark difference between what we had years ago and what we have now and that makes me kind of sad on two fronts like did these corporations just you know like decide oh good we don't have to pretend anymore now that this
[SPEAKER_01]: stupid regime has given us the go ahead to not act like we care about differences and things like that DEIA or are they afraid of the regime?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm just wondering, like what is it?
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's sad to me that I can't walk down the street with my eight-year-old now and
[SPEAKER_01]: enjoy all the things rainbow during Pride Month with him, like I did with my daughter.
[SPEAKER_01]: So hopefully we get back to that and a real authentic version of that maybe someday someday soon.
[SPEAKER_01]: Put up a prayer to the universe.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's hope.
[SPEAKER_02]: Anyway,
[SPEAKER_01]: Not to leave you on a sad note, it is pride, happy pride, bishas, let's go.
[SPEAKER_01]: I hope you have had a wonderful month.
[SPEAKER_01]: If anything, I know that we are celebrating in our homes and in our communities and in our chosen families, so you go you, let's celebrate.
[SPEAKER_01]: And let's enjoy Colipso's episode, because it's going to give you all the feels.
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, let's do this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's roll the tape, Helen.
[SPEAKER_01]: Bula, the Helen and Bula got rainbows all over their bodies.
[SPEAKER_01]: They got whiskey glasses that are just pure rainbow.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, they got rainbow ice cubes.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if they get stuff up here.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's no Helen and Bula, you know it.
[SPEAKER_01]: But this is my imagination, folks.
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, Helen, Bula, get over here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's roll this pride, tape.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's go.
[SPEAKER_02]: Ha ha ha.
[SPEAKER_02]: Clear family, but good, love is love.
[SPEAKER_02]: Hi, Clip, so.
[SPEAKER_02]: Hi.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm very excited to talk to you.
[SPEAKER_01]: I woke up to a video where you were like, I'm excited, I'm going on the grid and you sang the song and that's right in my morning, so much, I cannot tell you how much that bright in my morning.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, it's a catchy jingle.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I can't say the podcast name without singing the queer, if they have a loophole cut like it's impossible.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know, you know, it's funny, my kids like walk around the house, singing it sometimes
[SPEAKER_01]: They're like, oh, I don't want to sing that song.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a catchy little tune.
[SPEAKER_01]: That was a voice.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, Caleb, so it is so very nice.
[SPEAKER_01]: Have you here on the clear family podcast?
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think the listeners at home are in their cars or on their runs should know who you are and why you're here talking to us.
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you ready?
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm ready.
[SPEAKER_01]: On your mark, get set.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am a clip so far and above I am a queer black woman from London in the UK and I started sharing about mine and my wife's fertility journey in a documentary series that I created on YouTube called Mother Collipso and I created it because I realized everything that I had learned about becoming a queer parent and the journey that we go on.
[SPEAKER_00]: I discovered from other creators and people on social media I always say that
[SPEAKER_00]: on line creators and platforms like these are our birds and the bees as queer people and so I just wanted to create visibility to share not only to queer people but also to my straight friends and family so that they could also understand what we have to go through.
[SPEAKER_00]: to bring life into this world.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's why I'm here yapping about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love it.
[SPEAKER_01]: You went slightly overclipsed.
[SPEAKER_01]: But that's okay because you had a lot to get in and also you're out there doing the good work and I appreciate you and we're very similar and both of our platforms, so to speak, started because
[SPEAKER_01]: of a journey we went through and wanting to help others.
[SPEAKER_01]: So kudos to you, good on you, good job.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm happy that you're out there sharing the info.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it really, and I love that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I absolutely love that you say the internet and platforms like this are our birds and bees as queer people.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it's true.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's true.
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to rely on the advice and the wisdom of others to get
[SPEAKER_00]: we do.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I should also just share to everyone listening from the gate that I'm a true fan and a fan girl.
[SPEAKER_00]: So this is a really cool thing to be doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And my partner and I'll talk about her a lot.
[SPEAKER_00]: because I'm also a Herbigus for Anna's well as this podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: We started listening to the queer family podcast, probably back in the 2023, 2024, when we were just deciding what we were gonna do.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if we were gonna do how we were gonna do, and we were just craving to hear from other people who had walked the path, and we didn't have anyone in our life that had.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it feels like such a weird and amazing full circle moment to be sharing our story.
[SPEAKER_00]: So thank you for also inviting me.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god, I'm so happy to have you.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's Pride Extravaganza, perfect timing for this little here episode.
[SPEAKER_01]: Happy Pride Month as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Having a Pride Month to you, too.
[SPEAKER_00]: Back on you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's get into it.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you...
[SPEAKER_01]: have been on your queer fertility journey.
[SPEAKER_01]: Can we talk about basically the beginning of it?
[SPEAKER_01]: Can we talk about like, when did the first conversation happen between you and Nat or about family building?
[SPEAKER_01]: When did that first combo happen?
[SPEAKER_00]: So we have been together for like nine and a half years now and I'd say pretty early on in our relationship.
[SPEAKER_00]: We spoke about children.
[SPEAKER_00]: I spoke about definitely wanting them.
[SPEAKER_00]: Nat spoke about thinking that she wanted them, but was also open to have the conversation and she also knew and I say this so honestly, it was a non-negotiable for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I knew that I wanted children and she was like, yeah, I think I do.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think if I'd have been like, no, I don't.
[SPEAKER_00]: She maybe would have could have also been like, okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we always had open conversation around it and I had been in a straight relationship before.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think I also had this that classic heterosexual vision of my life that meant that the wanting of Georgia was more rooted whereas not hadn't had that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I think could always be more open.
[SPEAKER_00]: But we chat about it and said, you know, one day far, far away we will do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: But we want to live our lives and have fun and travel and not think about being a parent for a long time.
[SPEAKER_00]: We did start doing probably a couple of years into our relationship was having the conversation around donors and even hopping on to website, sperm banks to have a look at donors because we are in an interracial relationship.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am a black mixed race woman.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is why Italian heritage and so we always knew that there was going to be
[SPEAKER_00]: a bit of a detailed conversation about who we might choose to have as a donor and also is pretty difficult to find as particularly in the UK, black or mixed-face, uh, black and white donors.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that was kind of like a seed or thread that even when we were not at the point of thinking about having children, we every now and then on a Saturday night, which is beyond the so from being like, should you check out the donors today?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, let's see what's going on out there.
[SPEAKER_00]: See if it was clear.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, it's like Netflix and chill, but for clears.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, 100%.
[SPEAKER_00]: That happened for many years before we ever were like, we want to do this now.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I'd say we more seriously started having the conversation about starting to figure it out more seriously back in 2022.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that was when in the UK there was a big
[SPEAKER_00]: piece of news, that same sex couples were going to get supported by on government in funding for fertility treatment, which was huge.
[SPEAKER_01]: We were like, wow.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, there was news that it was, you got six free funded rounds of IUI, same sex couples.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we were like, oh, put us on the list, put us on the list and for anyone that isn't in the UK, we have a national
[SPEAKER_00]: and they support straight couples who can't have babies to have fertility treatment, but they haven't ever supported, same sets couples.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that was big news.
[SPEAKER_00]: We were like, put us on the waitlist, went to our doctor, and we're like, this is probably going to take a million years to just write us down.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not ready yet.
[SPEAKER_00]: But and I won't go into the full story because we'd be here for seven hours.
[SPEAKER_00]: But then over the course of six to 12 months were referred
[SPEAKER_00]: scans and a whole year about nine months later when to our specialist appointment and they basically told us that we'd been given the incorrect information and it actually wasn't funded.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, honestly, but it's crazy.
[SPEAKER_01]: But they made like a big deal about it, like in headlines.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like I heard about it, like here in the States.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I feel like I've spoken to other couples that were like, it's very exciting.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's crazy and that's really messed up.
[SPEAKER_00]: It is.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I have shared about this a lot of other clips so because essentially our system don't know enough about it.
[SPEAKER_00]: So people are just giving you a yes, yes, yes.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the truth is that in,
[SPEAKER_00]: England, there are 42 ICBs which are kind of different areas of the UK where they have different rules for the hospital systems and essentially it was a 10-year plan and also just a suggestion that each of these ICBs could adopt if they wanted to but don't have to and only four out of the 42
[SPEAKER_01]: And it depends on where you live.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like in the States, it's like the equivalent of a zip code basically.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we have like a post code lotteries and that is crazy.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that put a stop in our tracks because we realize that, oh, we have to pay for this treatment now.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we don't have that money.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we need to go back to the drawing board and come up with a plan.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that was sad and hard news.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm always transparent about this.
[SPEAKER_00]: We started before we're ready and I always give that us the best tip because when we got that no we were like okay we now need to figure it out and we know we want this but we were not, you know we had space and time to take on next step.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah that was where it started and it was
[SPEAKER_00]: off.
[SPEAKER_01]: Good rule out of advice here and kind of to your point, like these roads, they're got because there are so many components and there are so many layers, they're going to come with hiccups along the way.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it might not come with a hiccup, but it's pretty likely that you're going to face some bumps, some hiccups, and you just got you hit a real big one, which made you realize that we really need to push the needle now, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Which is, I mean, it's really good insight.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: I had a girl that messaged me, she DM me on TikTok and was like, wow, I just watched her later.
[SPEAKER_00]: Later's episode where I found out that you didn't get funding.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's like, I live in the same area as you because I've been referred to the same hospital when I have my appointment next week and I've just found out that I'm not getting funding from your video and I know that I now know they're going to tell me that next week.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she was like, I'm heartbroken, but also I'm so grateful that you shared this because I can prepare going into that appointment.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's still happening, you know, this global news campaign was shared and everyone thinks, wow, we get this funding and it's just not the case in so many in so many at majority of areas in England.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a front.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a facade.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a front.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a garment fronting like they're like they're doing the right thing and they're really not.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, or they're not forcing it to be done.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's actually.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my God, but I'm always really great, actually very grateful for that in our story because one thing that that.
[SPEAKER_00]: time gave us was an opportunity to think really consciously about what we wanted to do with our donor situation because we'd always thought we were going to use this bandbank and then having this time where we couldn't go ahead straight to treatment because we had to figure some money out it we then started to explore different donor options and and the kind of that definitely changed the path and trajectory that we ended up going down.
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's get into it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's get into the search for the superhuman let's go.
[SPEAKER_00]: We were always on the path of feeling that we would use this bandbank.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was the thing that always felt safest to us and I when I speak to so many friends and people that I connect with the same for them too and and completely understand we then randomly had a friend
[SPEAKER_00]: to be a donor.
[SPEAKER_00]: But at the time, this was like a couple of years ago and we were drinking quite a lot of wine and you know we were sharing and he was like oh you know I'd be down and we were like oh yeah cool let's talk about this when we're maybe a little bit more sober we did continue to have the conversation and he was open and quite up for it but after
[SPEAKER_00]: chatting some more.
[SPEAKER_00]: We kind of both decided that he was too close with a friend in our life.
[SPEAKER_00]: It felt a little bit too integrated and we wanted to have just a little bit more separation.
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, he was in a relationship with one of our friends.
[SPEAKER_01]: I just thought to it felt too cozy to close to close to home Right, and for some people that's like the golden that's perfect.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and for some it's not like That's why we decided to do this burn bank in the end because we wanted separation like we want you know Like and to each their own and no judgment on how however anybody chooses their paths But yeah, I hear that I hear that
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we basically decided that he wasn't quite right, but then we had opened up this kind of worms of exploring the known donor space and we had started to feel like it could be a really beautiful option for us, but we didn't know anybody else and in the UK they're just on currently any routes to
[SPEAKER_00]: How do I say this?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like professionally, connect with known donors.
[SPEAKER_00]: There are lots of apps and Facebook groups and Reddit forums where you can find guys offering their sperm Me personally.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I'm a bit grossed out by those places and there is no judgment for anyone that uses them But we just went on and I was like, oh my gosh, I can't believe some of the things that are being shared to it.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is Gary.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a scary world for me
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we kind of got stuck at a little bit of a red traffic light, knowing that we wanted to have a known donor, we wanted to have somebody that our future kids could know that could be integrated into our life in some way, for lots of different reasons, but that also we didn't know anyone.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we decided to go old school and we wrote a letter.
[SPEAKER_00]: We wrote a letter describing
[SPEAKER_00]: the boundaries that we had set in place around us wanting to be legal parents, but also this person being, you know, an Uncle figure, somebody that we, you know, connect with once or so a year and is integrated into our life, but, you know, with boundaries.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we send it out to our closest friends and other people that we knew might know somebody who fit the brief.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, so like a like a chain letter like to give this if you know of anyone in your light like old school chain letter literally send this around how fun and interesting we did that and we passed it on and we had spoke to a couple of guys and we ended up meeting up with one guy who was pretty much everything that we had been wanting and asking for and for any of the Londoners in the group or people that have visited London we met in Covent Garden which is
[SPEAKER_00]: theatre district.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like a Saturday afternoon and I was like, this was like a day.
[SPEAKER_00]: It kind of feels like a day.
[SPEAKER_00]: And he was so lovely and everything that we'd asked for, but we both left me in feeling really anxious.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think it was just the weight of carrying the decision to choose the right person that was going to be in our life.
[SPEAKER_00]: And by this point, we were ready, you know,
[SPEAKER_00]: free treatment on our health care system.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we were ready to get started.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we were also like we don't have ages to get to know this person But we also feel like we can't rush this.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're kind of back at the drawing board and then we discovered Scout in the US and it was a massive decision for us on lots of levels.
[SPEAKER_00]: It like always be transparent.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a bigger financial investment that is not accessible and available for all.
[SPEAKER_00]: And also they're based in the U.S. and we have lots of laws in the UK around donation sperm egg in surrogacy and we can't pay donors here.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we knew if we were deciding to use this scout that it would also mean that we would have to travel internationally for our fertility treatment.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's an agency that basically matches you with known donors.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like a dating agency, but for donors.
[SPEAKER_00]: We decided that we wanted to go ahead and use them.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was a massive
[SPEAKER_00]: moment.
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember we were sat on it for ages and we were like, can we make this work?
[SPEAKER_00]: It's definitely a stretch for us.
[SPEAKER_00]: In terms of finances, but also, you know, it means it will be traveling probably to the US for our fertility treatment, which versus the UK is also significantly more.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like there were all of these different things.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Every time we spoke to our friends and family, they were just like, you don't stop talking about this and then like, this is what you want to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like,
[SPEAKER_00]: We all support you and we'll continue to support you in any way we can.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was the best decision that we could have made.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have an incredible donor who we love so much and is now an amazing friend and someone that we're continuing to take along with journey.
[SPEAKER_01]: Wait, we have to tell the audience who's getting, who's, who's, who's warm are we using?
[SPEAKER_00]: And all like, yeah, all the things, I know, I feel like there's so many different directions.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we were always looking for a black or mixed race donor and we always had a plan for our family that we, when we sat and we got serious about it and we talked about it that we would love to have two children and we'd love to have one using my egg and one using that egg.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now that was way less
[SPEAKER_00]: Get me pregnant.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't wait to be mother earth and push a baby out and she was always.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and she was always like, I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to see how she was with her.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to see how you go and then decide if it feels like something that I want to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was our original starts in our original plan.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so because we were, and obviously making an investment in a donor, but also we had decided that we kind of wanted one donor so that there was like a thread that linked its way through the family because we were using different eggs for each one and we just accepted for us that means our tutorial will likely look a little bit different but they are both have black heritage, you know, and so and they also genetically siblings, you know.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: and that was the decision for us and I always was expecting I did a whole episode on this actually being an interracial relationship and choosing a donor is just such a niche and a nuanced so many don't have to think about that brings a massive thing because for us I remember ages ago we were like cool so maybe art will pick a white Italian donor for me and then we'll pick a black or a mixed donor preferably from the Caribbean for you and then our family will look like
[SPEAKER_00]: And then we just had to boil it down to what felt most important, and actually just finding a great guy that we could know and that would support us that was had black in their heritage, whether they were fully black or they were mixed race, that felt like the most important thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they have an incredibly diverse range of donors, and that was also one of the big reasons that we decided to go with them.
[SPEAKER_00]: We were really struggling to find a black or mixed donor that suited what we were looking for.
[SPEAKER_01]: It comes down to what you really want and what identity matters the most to you in these searches.
[SPEAKER_01]: These searches really do feel like.
[SPEAKER_02]: so heavy.
[SPEAKER_02]: They really do.
[SPEAKER_02]: So heavy.
[SPEAKER_01]: So heavy.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then once the family is there and it's all done, you really do kind of forget, well, in my case, I kind of forget about the donor most of the time because he's like, we got him at a bank.
[SPEAKER_01]: However, it might be a little different if you have a known donor because you are getting updates.
[SPEAKER_01]: So maybe you will think about them a little bit more.
[SPEAKER_01]: But my point is like,
[SPEAKER_01]: It feels so heavy and it feels like it's going to determine the rest of your life as a family and it doesn't.
[SPEAKER_01]: Whoever you choose is the perfect choice.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you're going to love the baby and those babies like with your life.
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember someone else saying that to us.
[SPEAKER_00]: So like as soon as you make the decision, it just won't feel heavy anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was exactly that, like as soon as we made the decision one that we were gonna use a known donor, we were like, cool, this is what we're doing and we're exploring that route and we've ruled out the other.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then as soon as we found our donor, it felt completely right and I agree.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like making that decision whatever route you go down, it feels so heavy afterwards, it just, it will make sense, you will trust in it will make sense.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so it's amazing.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you found your guy, great match, and then, and then what?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because now, we got to, you know how you got to do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: We matched the beginning of 2025, and the process with known donor takes a while.
[SPEAKER_00]: So there was, you know, about four or five months for all of the tests and different things to be done.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was in that time that we were picking a, we had a clinic and we were starting to,
[SPEAKER_00]: do we'd had original fertility checks to kind of decide and that also we planned to based on that information.
[SPEAKER_00]: Cliff Hanger and Walter Crumbs, but we planned to use Nat's eggs and for me to carry first.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's five and a half years older than me.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's currently 38.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm 32 and so we're like we'll use her Xverse, our carry, fishbass boss done, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: No, perfect.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, never, never quite go to the plan.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, that was the plan and all the way through up until the end of last year when we were going for our fertility treatment.
[SPEAKER_00]: We actually decided to go to Mexico City for our fertility treatment, just price versus the US.
[SPEAKER_00]: It saves money, crazy and we also love Mexico City, so we can go and hang out there for a while whilst we do treatment.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And Naptid, Egritrival at the end of last year, that process is just, I mean, in two ways, like one, so sacred and also so intense to so, so full on and it did feel really special to be away from everything else.
[SPEAKER_00]: do that, you know, just in our own little bubble, not being distracted, not having to, we both come do a bit of work online.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, dropping in for work, but not having to see people on ask questions.
[SPEAKER_00]: But we also missed being around our people and I think actually that's something that
[SPEAKER_00]: people don't often talk about with travelling for IVF, the duality of being in your own space whilst also just not being in your home and the difficulty of that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And everything was going really well with Ed Retrieval and that had a bunch of follicles growing, like 15, everything was looking beautiful, where eggs were retrieved and then the day after we got on update and found out that
[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, it's really, really tough.
[SPEAKER_00]: And not even often you hear that eggs aren't mature, but they were a treatick dad.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was something that we'd never even heard about before.
[SPEAKER_00]: That had ever been like presented as an option that could be.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we were left in this quite bewildered place of why.
[SPEAKER_00]: And our clinic was
[SPEAKER_00]: It helpful in a way our doctor got on the call with us and showed us images of them and kind of broke it all down for us, but we were kind of left with big question marks on whether it was medication, timing of trigger shot or the just the quality of that eggs and that that is just what they were so.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was really, really tough.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we found out 13 were dead out of the two that were mature only one fertilised.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we were then left with this just one.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't know if anyone that's been through the process and knows it usually you need a bunch for it to make it to the end.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we were just beside ourselves that we've been through this whole process with such positive affirmation from the doctors, from the clinics, everything was going perfectly for it to
[SPEAKER_00]: and up with this one.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we had one egg, we ended up flying back to London.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've just that one.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the thing with IVF that I think that when you go into it, you don't, you don't necessarily, I had no idea what happens after the retrieval.
[SPEAKER_01]: The hardest part for me was that that waiting period where you're waiting to find out.
[SPEAKER_01]: how many embryos made it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like every, I feel like every couple of days you get an update.
[SPEAKER_01]: Now it's down to seven.
[SPEAKER_01]: Now it's down to four.
[SPEAKER_01]: Now it's down to two.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, you have to mentally prepare yourself for that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I would just like, I want to give everybody the advice of mentally prepare yourself for hearing the eggs.
[SPEAKER_01]: Dwindle.
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't happen everybody, but be prepared because it's it's so hard.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so sorry that that happened.
[SPEAKER_01]: It sucks and then you had also paid for it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Did you was your clinic like you get like three for one or something like that or anything?
[SPEAKER_00]: We actually did have a package with them and this is why the reasons we went to this clinic is we had to this.
[SPEAKER_00]: they had this package which was which now fills actually quite well to say.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's also really, you know, it's like it's kind of dystopian but also this is the reality of.
[SPEAKER_00]: So they had a package of our clinic where you bought a package of four rounds of treatment and it was kind of like a guarantee package.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if one doesn't work and you don't have anything left, then you move on to the next.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you had unlimited transfers and four egg retrievals.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you didn't have any, you know, if you, if you had a bunch of eggs or embryos left, you got to do as many transfers as you need, and then you would move on to the second the third to fourth.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they also allowed us to share that between us.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because now it was like, there's no way, if I know before I even started this, I'm going to go through egg four egg retrievals.
[SPEAKER_00]: She was like, I won this kid by know myself and I know my body, like I'm probably too.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and then we went and
[SPEAKER_00]: and are both doing egg retrieval at the same time because you have to remember where both traveling, that would be an extra cost.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's a one has to fully fail for you to move on to the next.
[SPEAKER_00]: Which is great, I think if you live closer is definitely something that you should explore.
[SPEAKER_00]: I honestly, when we do it, continue to do it again, I don't know if we choose to go that far away from home, but we may have to because of our donor situation.
[SPEAKER_01]: So many things, so many things.
[SPEAKER_00]: I really agree with you in that way being the hardest part.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's terrible.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's, and I think people talk about the two-week wait when you're waiting to find out if you're pregnant and I don't think anyone prepares you for the wait to find out if your eggs have made it to embryos.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like that is something that anybody should know when they're on this journey.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like just- Yeah, I was ready for it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Plan beautiful things in that time or things to distract you.
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, speaking of baby making and we're speaking a lot of that in this year episode, we know in the queer community that to make our families, most of the time it's going to take a little bit of money or a lot of money and a lot of help.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I have something that will help you on that little hiccup in the road.
[SPEAKER_01]: I have a promo code for California cryo bank, a sperm bank, if donor conception seems like the path for you.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're going to go to cryobank.com.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's going to get you a free level three subscription to their donor catalog.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that saves you a little bit of money on these very expensive paths.
[SPEAKER_01]: And any, any, any help we can get along these journeys is very welcome.
[SPEAKER_01]: Can I get an amen?
[SPEAKER_01]: So go check them out, go see if your donor is there at California Cryobank.
[SPEAKER_01]: They also have great perks for the Ligipaticoa community.
[SPEAKER_01]: They really, really do try to cater to us and listen to us and give us what we actually need.
[SPEAKER_01]: So go check them out, use code queerfam26acryobank.com and get that free level 3 subscription.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then, if you choose a donor and you get pregnant, come tell me about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, all right, let's get back to the episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: The whole process of agriculture, as I shared, like it felt very sacred for us.
[SPEAKER_00]: We felt very protected.
[SPEAKER_00]: We felt very connected.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we put a lot of, like, it felt like we had all of our trust of this process and then for that to get ripped out from underneath you.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was really jarring and really startling.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we had this one egg and we just said to each other, we can't hold out hope for this one.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we were so candid and we were like, if it makes it, it's a miracle because it's one and we were going also through PGTA testing.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we were like, we have to wait to get to
[SPEAKER_00]: is the the whole additional tests that you do to check chromosomes at embryo stage.
[SPEAKER_01]: depending on the outcome of that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: We flew home three days after Embery transfer, which was before we had an update on how the Embery, the egg or Embery was doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then we got a cool on day five to say that it had made it to day five.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we were like, oh, okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there was like a glimmer of hope.
[SPEAKER_00]: But again, we're like now it's got to go through this PGT testing to see if it's, you know,
[SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, we just kept saying if it makes it, it's it's a miracle.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we were actually due to get legally married the day we were finding out if this I'm near her to my date.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my gosh.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's hot.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's hard.
[SPEAKER_01]: It could be it could go one of either either way.
[SPEAKER_00]: It could be the best day.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but you need that to be the best day, like.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, exactly.
[SPEAKER_00]: So our doctors in Mexico, we had a WhatsApp chat with them, which was amazing.
[SPEAKER_00]: It meant that we could communicate really freely and ask them a bunch of questions.
[SPEAKER_00]: But it was a minute we got all of our important news via WhatsApp.
[SPEAKER_00]: So rather than getting a call or, you know, an email, you got a WhatsApp message and you could have a call afterwards to chat to them about it, but you got a WhatsApp message.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, I was, it was leaving and I was heading somewhere to meet that and I opened my phone to order an Uber.
[SPEAKER_00]: I had a WhatsApp message from my doctor that said, hey, clips from Natalia Good News, your embryo has passed its testing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god.
[SPEAKER_01]: Holy moly.
[SPEAKER_01]: The one lone embryo.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god.
[SPEAKER_01]: The un-sinkable moly brown here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's go.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we were hyster...
[SPEAKER_00]: I was both like she was in the car and I was on the street.
[SPEAKER_00]: hysterically crying.
[SPEAKER_00]: Just couldn't.
[SPEAKER_00]: Could not believe it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And people kept saying to us, you know, it only takes one.
[SPEAKER_00]: And one of our best friends, T, they'll know who they are, they listen to us.
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember them saying, please don't do so for this one.
[SPEAKER_00]: There is still
[SPEAKER_00]: and it did.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that was amazing news because it meant we could plan on next trip about to Mexico to do embryo transfer because you know part of the stress was just thinking about going through that whole retrieval again.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we planned to go back to Mexico and we
[SPEAKER_00]: Not an eye-host for treats, we have a retreat company called People Like Us, which actually shout out, I don't know for that, we're getting to say, yeah, people like us, yeah, and so we were hosting a retreat and then the plan was to come back and go straight into head straight to Met's code to transfer the embryo to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then we had another curve for because
[SPEAKER_00]: This friend of ours knew that we were going for an embryo transfer knew that we had one and was like, look, I've just seen this woman.
[SPEAKER_00]: She was amazing.
[SPEAKER_00]: She had me run this really simple bud panel test.
[SPEAKER_00]: It cost a hundred pounds.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, like just putting it out there, what a pass on in case you want to do it before you go.
[SPEAKER_00]: Even if it's just to help with like,
[SPEAKER_00]: getting some iron supplements to make sure that you're, you know, because it was iron fit D, thyroid function, and severe activity protein a bunch of things.
[SPEAKER_00]: So literally, like three days before we were flying to Sri Lanka for this victory, I went into to Spud Test just thinking, I hope the results come through so I can buy some iron tablets at the airport if I haven't done it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And three days later, I met the airport and I got an email from this test telling me that I had Hashimoto's Thara Dietis, which is an
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, oh my god.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and also this again came not from our fertility clinic checking anything that I had no signs or symptoms in my body just a friend recommending through a conversation that she's had and I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: I believe there's some kind of god out there and in that moment that goal was like having we do that test because there was nothing to have me check that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously I did the earth
[SPEAKER_00]: obviously thing that we do in 2026 and I asked AI what these results meant.
[SPEAKER_00]: What else do we do?
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: It essentially came back and said, you know, yes, this increases the chance of miscarriage, it's something that if you have it, it increases chance of miscarriage.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that was really tough and just something that I knew I needed to investigate further, managed to book in appointment with this facility expert who had a conversation with and ran her through the results and she shared that yeah I had this opportunity in condition and that I didn't mean that I couldn't get pregnant, I would just need to speak to an endocrinologist, be on medication, but she also said that she thought based on the things I shared with her that I probably also had endometriosis.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, God.
[SPEAKER_01]: Same.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I just actually got an identify as this diagnosis.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, no.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I got the surgery to clean up the endo and it seems to have helped a bit.
[SPEAKER_01]: But that's not good, because that's not good.
[SPEAKER_01]: No.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it's close.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's woven into the tissue off.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's what my doctor kept warning.
[SPEAKER_01]: And she's like, we don't really, we can't.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to be hard to know and block.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm usually also sucks.
[SPEAKER_01]: And they really don't know enough about it and it really sucks.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sorry.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, it's OK.
[SPEAKER_00]: In the moment, I was adamant.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, fine, I'm going to do the things.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to take the medication.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'd prepped in my brain and my body and my work.
[SPEAKER_00]: that I'm getting pregnant this year, you know, like everything was ready for me to try and get pregnant and that was also had been on a long journey and actually spent quite a lot of time in therapy deciding not to get pregnant.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was she wanted to be a mother but she had decided that it was the right thing for her to have me carry and maybe later down the line she would change her mind for the second but that was the decision.
[SPEAKER_00]: But we were faced with this truth that I had just
[SPEAKER_00]: And that was like, I'm not getting any younger.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to wait ages to start.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, we've already been three years pretty much since we thought we were doing this at the beginning and we were told we weren't getting funding.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we had some really hard, but like incredible conversations about what was right and we both decided that it was probably right that we did this embryo transfer into that versus into me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Wow.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I thought that's also a conversation that I don't hear spoken about very much, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: No.
[SPEAKER_00]: the decision that we have is two people that do have rooms to decide who does and I think people in many situations has an obvious yes and a no and then with others we think okay we'll be both of us but I don't think we often speak about when that changes or gets taken away or gets twisted and one can't yeah one who wants to can't that that's the that's the difficult one and it happens yeah which you're demonstrating it happens and it's heartbreaking
[SPEAKER_01]: But also bright side, it's nice to have two wounds to switch to, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
[SPEAKER_01]: Nice to have the option, and also now you have to deal with the emotions of not getting your first want.
[SPEAKER_00]: Actually, the doctors would hold me that I could, but
[SPEAKER_00]: I just felt in my body because for this round we just had this one embryo that I wanted to spend some more time exploring and healing my body rather than rush straight into transferring this embryo.
[SPEAKER_00]: The end of chronologist was like, he's his tablets, take them for 10 days and then you can go and do this embryo transfer.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, something in my gut is just saying that that isn't the right thing to do right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: And even though I want it so much, I think I need to go on the exploration and that's where I've got this adenomerosis diagnosis.
[SPEAKER_00]: And
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like there's going to be a lot of work that I'm going to have to do for the preparation for me to get pregnant, hopefully, and I just, what we were like, we can't risk this one that we have.
[SPEAKER_01]: And also, if you weren't clear, if you weren't in a clear relationship, you wouldn't have gone on this journey at all because you would have just been at home trying.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you might not have ever found out, and who knows maybe something else would have triggered
[SPEAKER_01]: in a queer relationship is what really brought you to this knowledge, which is a gift because now you can have the wear with all and give yourself the time to figure out how you have to handle baby making with your body.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you're so right.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're so right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And also, you know, with the thyroid condition, which is an all-term union thing, that's something that like will continue to progress and is something that will get worse and so having the awareness of that now so that I can also make changes to protect myself and be getting checked and making sure that I'm supported in the way that I need.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's when I'm like, this was the hardest news and I'm so grateful I got it now because that would have affected my even outside of fertility that would have affected my health later down the line anyway.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, it was, I found out for a reason.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you make the decision to switch and how's that with that?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because that was like, I'm not, I'm not feeling this.
[SPEAKER_00]: So like, actually instinctively, she knew it.
[SPEAKER_00]: She was like, I think this is the way I think to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: And there was like this deeper knowing within her that it was,
[SPEAKER_00]: her part and she was like I actually think that a lot of the fears I have I need to it's like I need to walk through the fire and I need to go for it.
[SPEAKER_00]: But also it brought a lot of fear that it definitely brought a lot of fear I think particularly because I wasn't a massive amount of time we delayed the trip by a couple of months to like give her a bit of space to not be like we're hopper on a plane next week.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have our actual wedding happening in a couple of months that we had things in the diary that she was like, these things happen sooner rather than much later otherwise we're waiting like a whole note that we're waiting a whole nother year.
[SPEAKER_00]: But it was definitely a journey of acceptance for her, the initial intuition was like a yes and then it's also getting the brain on board with what the body knows is right and that definitely took some time and is still something that she's
[SPEAKER_00]: months later, and we went for a movie transfer, and that process was cool.
[SPEAKER_00]: Kind of cool.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, it's so wild that there's just this tiny little Castro cells that they just play in the side.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you're the end you get to watch it.
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I get to watch it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, no.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, no.
[SPEAKER_00]: In Mexico, in the clinic, we're in this, just like not.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just, it's just, sorry.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're just like, it's very, it was very clinical.
[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: there were lots of great things about this clinic and lots of things about this clinic that I wouldn't necessarily rush like I'm always like I'm not I never promote them because there are things that I'm like I don't know about that.
[SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't and but also out of necessity because yeah cost right so we have to make difficult decisions because these things are not cheap absolutely by any stretch of the imagination.
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is cool they put the cells up in there
[SPEAKER_00]: Literally, it's like it was it was even just like being there and then her coming out and explaining and getting the little like picture of the thing that's gone in and you're like, oh, wow, that's crazy.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then comes the next horrendous way.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know this way, it's not too weak though, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like isn't it 10 days or something for the idea for I UI it's two weeks for idea if it's 10 days.
[SPEAKER_01]: They both are horrendous.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're both horrendous.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we were we were in Mexico and we decided to stay there for like the majority of that time because we were like we need to be distracted.
[SPEAKER_00]: We went on a trip to the mountains just to like chill and
[SPEAKER_00]: have a change of scenery and then came out to this at you for a bit and then threw back home.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like every part of our journey has had just like a little twist.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't like, I don't like, send us the twist to really keep us on our toes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Clear family building.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh yeah, oh yeah, could be smooth, but also probably won't be.
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't follow the straight narrow.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, anyway.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, we're just zigzagging all over the place.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, we came back.
[SPEAKER_00]: The next morning that we woke up was the day that we were told to go and do our beta.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we decided that we wanted to do an at home test before we left because we just wanted to know for ourselves before we went in the kind of where we were at at.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we woke up super early.
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember we were both wide awake at like five o'clock.
[SPEAKER_00]: It'd be like, I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think we're going to go back to sleep.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think this is the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: and did a pregnancy test and it was positive.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, we're pregnant.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my God!
[SPEAKER_01]: That's that one embryo.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's go.
[SPEAKER_01]: At the unsinkable molly brown, let's go.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if you know that.
[SPEAKER_01]: What I'm talking about.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don'ts.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just going to look like, yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what to.
[SPEAKER_01]: The fact that you so many people don't know, molly brown was on the Titanic.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah, she was like this fierce.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, she's like this fierce.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know and then they made a musical called the unthinkable Molly Brown.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know I know
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so we're pregnant.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're pregnant.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are over the moon.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are literally running around the bathroom like we can't believe it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like this doesn't feel real.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we were going to a private clinic in London to go and get our beta blood test to confirm that pregnancy later that day.
[SPEAKER_00]: And because our clinic was in Mexico, it wasn't linked to our clinic.
[SPEAKER_00]: We just went to like an independent,
[SPEAKER_00]: pregnancy clinic and on them went flat blood test met with midwife and she was at closer there could be three different outcomes of this blood test and you'll find out later today.
[SPEAKER_00]: But one, it could be that it comes back negative.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's like, that's highly unlikely.
[SPEAKER_00]: You've got a positive pregnancy test this morning.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, you know, I doubt that that will happen.
[SPEAKER_00]: Option two is it comes back with the numbers.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's meant to have, it's confirmed as a viable pregnancy and we continue in the option three, is it comes back with the numbers lower.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if that happens, we'll need to get you back in for a test in a couple of days to check that it's doubled because it could mean that,
[SPEAKER_00]: it is just a little bit slower in starting or it could mean that it isn't going to be a viable pregnancy and it's going to end in in a chemical pregnancy or a miscarriage.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we were like, okay, and I think we kind of both knew that those options were there before but not really, you know, you're kind of like, you're either pregnant or you're not like, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: A or B.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I guess because people that don't go through fertility treatment, that's how you find out you're either pregnant or you're not pregnant.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not like made in the test.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's see if it's doubling daily, right exactly.
[SPEAKER_00]: And also in the UK, it's not so standard to do the test two days later.
[SPEAKER_00]: In the US, they do that as a standard thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: In the UK, if your numbers are over a certain amount, you're kind of given the green light and you don't necessarily come back for a second test.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, interesting.
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, we went for this test.
[SPEAKER_00]: We were
[SPEAKER_00]: Liverpool Street in London, if anybody knows, you'll know.
[SPEAKER_00]: And like hopping back through short, it's having a great time.
[SPEAKER_00]: Got home and then later that afternoon got a cool and they were like, hey, we just want to update you on fortunately the numbers on where we would want them to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they are currently sitting around at the 30 five mark or 36 mark, I can't remember.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then we want them to be, you know, closer to 100.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we need you to come back in a couple of days for us to retest and we will let you know how things are.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's never easy, it is never easy.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it was so tough and we were like,
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I had gone from feeling really excited to, of course, really anxious.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was also about to be a bank holiday in England, which is like, you know, a long weekend where things are closed.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we weren't sure whether we were going to be able to get in for like another five days and we were like, it was easy to be candid.
[SPEAKER_00]: We were like, oh gosh.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is awareness.
[SPEAKER_00]: Managed to find out like another place where we could go and get this blood test on the Friday.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we're like, we've just got a, now hold out hope.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm proud.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then we did the silly thing where we decided that what would be really clever to do was to just keep doing some pregnancy tests to see whether it looked like it was progressing.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, just the amount of money I spent on pregnancy tests throughout my, at mine was a three year journey, the amount of money.
[SPEAKER_01]: I could have bought a car.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's hard not to.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's hard not to.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I have a very boundaryed wife.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think we have her to thank for the fact that we didn't do more tests than we did.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because she was just like, and actually mainly maybe a bit driven by anxiety.
[SPEAKER_00]: She was just like, I can't see it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Whereas I'm like, I need to see it.
[SPEAKER_00]: That I'm not, I need to see it.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's like, I need to know.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we had done one test that, that
[SPEAKER_00]: or two tests at the morning when we find out we're pregnant.
[SPEAKER_00]: The next day we were like, oh, just, we couldn't, something in it didn't feel right or feel real.
[SPEAKER_00]: Both of us were like, we've had so many signs that this had worked.
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, physically, spiritually, emotionally.
[SPEAKER_00]: We were like, everything about this felt like it was a yes.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it cognitively, we were like, it's just not clocking that this hasn't worked.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think the next morning, which was the day in between, we were like, let's do a pregnancy test, led by me.
[SPEAKER_00]: She was like, I don't know, I was like, you're being honest, I think.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she was like, okay, fine, I really was sick.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we did this pregnancy test, and we'd come up with this stupid rationale that was like, if it is darker, then it's progressing, which is generally what they say.
[SPEAKER_00]: But if it's the same or if it's the same, then like maybe it's okay, and if it's not, if it's lighter, then it's obviously not progressing, and this hasn't worked.
[SPEAKER_00]: Totally based in so many facts.
[SPEAKER_00]: so many facts and also taking it like literally just like the first response test too.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you know, you were just like really great.
[SPEAKER_00]: When I looked back on, I feel like there was some screaming over me that was like, don't do it, but you have to.
[SPEAKER_00]: You hold on to whatever you can hold on to in those moments.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we did the test and I if you
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe one day you'll meet my wife now, and I'll show her why she's not here in a second.
[SPEAKER_00]: But she's like, I'm the hope, I'm just like the forever optimist and she is the absolute cynic.
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, we did this, we did this test and we waited the time and then we both looked at it and we were like, oh, no, it's lighter, like it's lighter and so we don't think that this is working.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I mean the hope for optimist, even I was like, no, there's no way I can even
[SPEAKER_00]: So we were historically crying.
[SPEAKER_00]: There were endless tears.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like absolute heartbreak.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, comedy, this isn't working.
[SPEAKER_00]: Comedy, this isn't progressing.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was cried in bed for an hour, went out for some breakfast, came home.
[SPEAKER_00]: Came home, looked at the test again, I was like,
[SPEAKER_00]: You know where this is going.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god, this is such a roller coaster.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, that is, doesn't actually look kind of similar.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think, look at darker, not the cynic, who thinks everything is not.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's like,
[SPEAKER_00]: That test looks darker than the one in the morning.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's okay.
[UNKNOWN]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: So hope is back.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, maybe we just need to chill out and never, we're not, we're not, we're not, we're not doing another test because this just absolutely messes with your brain.
[SPEAKER_00]: But let's just, maybe there's a tiny bit of hope.
[SPEAKER_00]: Next morning when for the blood test was spending time with family, got the call in the afternoon, and our numbers hit more than doubled, and we were confirmed, pregnant.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yay!
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god!
[SPEAKER_01]: Currently, actually today at the day of filming,
[SPEAKER_01]: That is 11 weeks pregnant.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we are making a huge announcement to the world.
[SPEAKER_01]: We just know.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is like insider information.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so excited for you.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is amazing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
[SPEAKER_01]: And oh my god, I'm sending all the baby dust, all the baby dust, all the baby dust in the world.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're going to get through all the way to the end of it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you're going to have a little baby.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you're going to start the next journey.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I don't.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's weird to describe it as a relief but a relief because you go on that whole journey and you're like oh my gosh though all of these moments where it could or couldn't and I feel really grateful we both feel really really grateful that actually for us this has been one
[SPEAKER_00]: time and it definitely has had its twists and turns in like us really thinking that it wouldn't be and we don't have an abundance of embryos or anything like that but it's one and this one little miracle embryo made it all the way through from being the one egg that fertilised through to being a babe in that's tummy right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: meant to be.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so this is sending all the baby does.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is amazing.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love your story.
[SPEAKER_01]: Keep on keep on documenting it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Keep on sharing it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Keep on sharing your wisdom.
[SPEAKER_01]: We need more of this out in the world.
[SPEAKER_01]: I appreciate you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, thank you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for having me talent and shout to always force important.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think we always said like there were parts of our journey.
[SPEAKER_00]: like having a treatic exile or the ex being dead or you know even the beta test numbers being low where we were like, I wish more people spoke about this so that we could have known it was a possibility and something that could happen and yeah it feels important to just share not only the happy ending but the bits in the middle that really didn't feel like they were going to be.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's cathartic to share these stories.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's cathartic.
[SPEAKER_01]: Very cathartic.
[SPEAKER_01]: So find your people, talk to your people and everybody.
[SPEAKER_01]: And yay, it's that good one.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god, it is.
[SPEAKER_01]: Tell everybody about your retreats and I'll put everything in the show notes.
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's links and stuff, but tell people, maybe people might want to join you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, of course.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, and I have a retreat company and community called people like us for retreats.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we host international retreats all around the world for queer women, trans and binary people.
[SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, every retreat or every journey that we host all bit self-discovery and movement.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's a chance to just be in community with others, deeper in your connection to self, your spirituality.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we actually just all sold out on all our retreats right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: But we
[SPEAKER_00]: and it's going to be a UK retreat.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, if you want to...
[SPEAKER_00]: Join us, make sure you're following on Instagram at people like us for treats, and we also have a link to our WhatsApp group chat in there.
[SPEAKER_00]: So there's that, and then Mother Collipso is the Instagram where I'm sharing all things, queer motherhood, and you also see the link to my YouTube channel, which has, we're up to like seven or eight episodes of our journey in visuals of everything that I shared today, so that you can watch it if you love to hear it so much.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, Mother Collipso on YouTube too.
[SPEAKER_01]: Check it out, and I love it because you share some informative stuff in your posts.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're, it's very well put together.
[SPEAKER_01]: And best of luck.
[SPEAKER_01]: Fine, let's go.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's very exciting and stay in touch because now you're a member of the family.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for having me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate it.
[SPEAKER_01]: A huge thank you to our sponsors of this here episode, be parent surrogacy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Learn more about them, find the links to their websites in the show notes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Make those babies y'all and then come tell me about them.
[SPEAKER_01]: Whew, well folks, I hope you enjoyed that episode as much as I enjoyed it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you did enjoy it, feel free to listen to another or watch another.
[SPEAKER_01]: I have so many episodes for your listening or viewing pleasure.
[SPEAKER_01]: Just go pick one and enjoy.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a lot.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're really nice.
[SPEAKER_01]: And also, if you really do like this show, please, I know I say it all the time, but please do consider supporting the show on Patreon.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're just gonna go to patreon.com, slash the queer family podcast.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're gonna pick a tear, you're gonna join, and you're gonna get that bonus content.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you're also gonna get my love and adoration for the rest of my life.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love you all, thanks for tuning in, keep on tuning in, and I'll see you next time.