WEBVTT 00:00.131 --> 00:01.453 [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the greatest parenting podcast. 00:01.753 --> 00:05.938 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey guys, today we are talking about having less regret in our parenting. 00:06.639 --> 00:14.449 [SPEAKER_00]: There's an interesting little phrase that we have heard over the course of our parenting journey from many people and it's something that goes a little bit like this. 00:14.769 --> 00:16.071 [SPEAKER_00]: I wish I would have. 00:17.312 --> 00:34.439 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, I think that this is actually it's an important conversation, maybe you've thought I wish I would have been a Christian when I first became a parent or I wish I would have read the Bible out loud more or I wish I would have prayed with my kids more, or I wish I would have filmed blank, whatever it is, right? 00:34.860 --> 00:39.682 [SPEAKER_00]: If that is you, if you have even ever made a mistake, I mean imagine that. 00:40.442 --> 00:44.223 [SPEAKER_00]: because we're all in this place of realizing we're none of us are perfect, right? 00:44.603 --> 00:51.046 [SPEAKER_00]: You've ever made a mistake and you're discouraged and you're like, oh man, this is Y, X, Y, and Z with my kids. 00:51.146 --> 00:51.906 [SPEAKER_00]: No, no, no, no. 00:52.066 --> 00:55.107 [SPEAKER_00]: You've got to listen to today's podcast episode because it's going to be encouraging. 00:55.207 --> 01:01.089 [SPEAKER_01]: We give you some real answers and hey, you can catch all the show notes, cragespearting.com, full ministry, be courageous ministry. 01:01.429 --> 01:11.518 [SPEAKER_01]: dot org and if you haven't got it yet courageous parenting biblical parenting unprecedented times get it online wherever you buy books certainly Amazon and enjoy the show. 01:11.818 --> 01:14.080 [SPEAKER_01]: Wow we give this question a lot don't we? 01:14.881 --> 01:38.870 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, there's questions that come and then there's the statement of I wish I would have and then the questions are did you have it modeled like the different lifestyle choices that we made there's just different things that have kind of provoked older it's usually older people who will come up to us and say things like I wish I would have I wish I would have raised my kids in the Lord or I wish I would have known the Lord sooner or I wish I would have 01:39.250 --> 01:57.475 [SPEAKER_00]: had more children or I wish I would have homeschooled them or I mean there's so many I wish my faith was stronger when I was a young woman or young dad well and I think one of the questions that we get regularly in courageous parenting ministry with the parenting mentor program we got this all the time 01:57.975 --> 02:04.958 [SPEAKER_00]: What if I've been parenting but not biblically for a long time and I have teenagers, is it too late for me? 02:05.558 --> 02:06.759 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a question. 02:06.819 --> 02:08.479 [SPEAKER_01]: It's a question and it's never too late. 02:08.499 --> 02:09.240 [SPEAKER_00]: It's never too late. 02:09.300 --> 02:14.022 [SPEAKER_01]: It's never too like God can do all things, but we have to cooperate. 02:14.122 --> 02:18.683 [SPEAKER_01]: And part of that cooperation is having hope by trusting in God not ourselves. 02:19.524 --> 02:26.527 [SPEAKER_01]: What can God do through us when we have a new heart and hope about what he can do, 02:27.842 --> 02:36.516 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's interesting, you know, if people are listening today because of the title and maybe this is your first time listening to the courageous parenting podcast if it is high. 02:36.596 --> 02:38.539 [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for joining us. 02:38.919 --> 02:42.585 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you've made some mistakes in your parenting or maybe you have 02:43.366 --> 02:49.371 [SPEAKER_00]: failed in the X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X- 03:03.943 --> 03:08.166 [SPEAKER_00]: in your own expectations, the things that you had set out to do in your parenting. 03:08.606 --> 03:12.008 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you have been a Christian and believed in the Lord your whole life. 03:12.028 --> 03:23.136 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you've been taking your family to church and your intention was to raise them up in the Lord and then you started seeing them wander, doubt, struggle, different things like that. 03:23.196 --> 03:26.338 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope that today's podcast episode is encouraging to you because 03:26.858 --> 03:55.235 [SPEAKER_00]: it's never too late to shift your focus from one that is potentially this might not be you, but if it's potentially checking things off of a box of like religiosity of taking your family to church instead of having the focus beyond that when a child is like no I don't want to go to church right and you're like oh no and you have that panic or anxiety and your heart of like why doesn't my child want to go to church because that can be a scary thing for a parent to hear 03:55.855 --> 04:03.340 [SPEAKER_00]: We've heard that from a lot of people over the years when their kids start getting older and they're like, no, I just don't want to go or I don't want to go to that church. 04:03.360 --> 04:05.442 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to go to this church and then the family's divided. 04:05.462 --> 04:06.523 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you've experienced that. 04:06.563 --> 04:07.523 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you've seen that. 04:07.804 --> 04:20.693 [SPEAKER_00]: Our heart is that today you walk away from this short podcast episode just filling full of God's Word and encouragement that today can be a new day and you can start a new legacy. 04:21.233 --> 04:39.537 [SPEAKER_00]: It's about the heart and relationship that you have with Christ and that's true for your child also and that needs to be the focus, not checking the box if they went to church or if they're dressing modestly or all of the outward symptoms that should be a symptom of an inward heart, right? 04:39.777 --> 04:44.438 [SPEAKER_00]: But this, this is the thing is sometimes people can play churchy-anity if you will, right? 04:44.798 --> 04:48.719 [SPEAKER_00]: It's kind of like playing house, kids grow, playing games, they roll play and 04:49.499 --> 04:59.852 [SPEAKER_00]: And we want to see real change in our children's hearts and because when there's real change, personally between them and Christ, that's when there's real change in their outward behavior. 05:00.102 --> 05:00.883 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's good. 05:00.943 --> 05:10.791 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm a very forward-looking person, very optimistic, I'm always trying to grow and learn and these things, but there is, there is a time to look back. 05:11.271 --> 05:19.638 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think the only time to look back is what can I learn from the past to make sure the present in the future is better. 05:19.938 --> 05:20.138 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 05:20.559 --> 05:22.921 [SPEAKER_01]: But we're not to dwell on the past. 05:23.361 --> 05:27.504 [SPEAKER_01]: Because that keeps us in the past and it keeps the past problems 05:28.442 --> 05:31.959 [SPEAKER_01]: continuing to appear in the present and probably likely in the future. 05:32.528 --> 05:37.211 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's interesting that you bring this up, it actually makes me think of a few different things, right? 05:37.251 --> 05:39.732 [SPEAKER_00]: The past is history, right? 05:40.173 --> 05:43.034 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, the past also includes testimonies. 05:43.475 --> 05:47.137 [SPEAKER_00]: It also includes your personal story, right? 05:47.237 --> 05:52.100 [SPEAKER_00]: Which may be one that glorifies God and maybe it's one that doesn't glorify God. 05:52.120 --> 05:58.744 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's one that actually has a huge spotlight of the absence of God in your life before you knew him. 05:59.584 --> 06:08.650 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's interesting because what you're talking about is the past there's a benefit to the past and that benefit is to learn from it, right? 06:08.710 --> 06:10.451 [SPEAKER_00]: Like that's why we teach history in school. 06:10.531 --> 06:11.071 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 06:11.351 --> 06:20.557 [SPEAKER_00]: Or for us as home school parents, we want our kids to know history because history will repeat itself if you don't learn from the mistakes that were made, right? 06:21.417 --> 06:27.641 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what you see happening on a greater scale as you see people trying to erase portions of history and to create 06:29.702 --> 06:32.043 [SPEAKER_00]: And why would the enemy want to do that? 06:32.063 --> 06:37.664 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's just, like, in my mind, that's a tactic of the enemy because then he can deceive people into making the same mistakes. 06:37.684 --> 06:39.725 [SPEAKER_00]: Because really, how many mistakes are there to make? 06:40.045 --> 06:46.207 [SPEAKER_00]: There's forgetfulness, there's sin, there's all these, there's no new sin under the sun, like the sin is sin. 06:46.707 --> 06:51.108 [SPEAKER_00]: And so the devil has to get creative and how he tries to do that is to change the narrative 06:51.648 --> 06:54.449 [SPEAKER_00]: I think that's where that phrase, gaslighting comes from, right? 06:54.489 --> 07:11.037 [SPEAKER_00]: Where kids who grow up and like maybe they experienced situations in their life, whether they're parents were divorced or they experienced harsh experiences even with friends in the school system or whatever, like I have no idea, maybe they were abused. 07:12.217 --> 07:15.500 [SPEAKER_00]: There's so many different things that kids experience in life, right? 07:15.980 --> 07:25.448 [SPEAKER_00]: And if they look back on it and they try to talk to their parents about it and the parents don't want to hear it, it's the same thing as trying to erase history from a history book. 07:25.508 --> 07:26.969 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not helpful at all. 07:27.409 --> 07:39.479 [SPEAKER_00]: And so there is something healing about acknowledging the past because God actually, like we can't have a repentant heart unless we recognize what we did and take responsibility for it, right? 07:39.499 --> 07:40.700 [SPEAKER_00]: Like that's what confession is. 07:40.900 --> 07:59.512 [SPEAKER_01]: or even recognizing the negative things have happened to us that could be healthy too, but we are to not dwell in freedom and Christ and that comes through forgiving others and that comes through looking forward and trusting the Lord and that comes with trusting the Lord with our children. 08:00.212 --> 08:08.397 [SPEAKER_01]: But what does need to change within us to have that strong hope that the Lord is working? 08:08.598 --> 08:10.439 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it's more prayer, these will be happening. 08:10.559 --> 08:12.680 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe we need to let go of our excuses. 08:14.421 --> 08:24.348 [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes we hold on to excuses from our past and that prevents us from the vigor that's needed today in intentionality in your parenting today. 08:25.055 --> 08:46.593 [SPEAKER_00]: Well and I even think of this last Sunday this is this podcast episode is coming out a couple days after Father's Day and for those of you who maybe don't know Isaac is a pastor we have a church that we planted here in our hometown and he preached a special Father's Day message on Sunday and it was really a call for men to rise up regardless. 08:47.093 --> 09:14.828 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I like that word, regardless of their past experiences, regardless of what parenting they experience in their life as a child or lack their of because it's easy to say, oh, I didn't have a dad or oh, I didn't have a mom or oh, I didn't have Christian parents or I never saw Christian marriage or my parents were divorced or this and that like there's so many things that every human being could use as an excuse for why they don't do what they're supposed to or why they do what they're not supposed to. 09:15.368 --> 09:16.811 [SPEAKER_00]: those are two totally different things, right? 09:17.452 --> 09:24.604 [SPEAKER_00]: And so as Christians, when you become a new creation and Christ, part of that new creation is new legacy. 09:25.735 --> 09:27.276 [SPEAKER_00]: That's so amazing. 09:27.757 --> 09:35.644 [SPEAKER_00]: Part of being a new creation means the old has passed, it's gone, the new has come, right? 09:36.124 --> 09:48.315 [SPEAKER_00]: And so understanding that, like how interesting that the enemy would want you to focus on the shortcomings of your parents, to potentially impact you and influence you and discourage you, 09:48.835 --> 09:54.837 [SPEAKER_00]: into thinking that you can't do something powerful for God, or you can't turn make a new legacy, right? 09:54.877 --> 09:56.797 [SPEAKER_00]: Like that's such a deception from the devil. 09:56.817 --> 10:04.359 [SPEAKER_00]: That's literally limiting the power of Jesus Christ on the cross to think that a new legacy couldn't come out of something that was back, right? 10:04.719 --> 10:07.060 [SPEAKER_00]: When in reality, what did he use over and over again? 10:07.480 --> 10:09.961 [SPEAKER_00]: All of his just like all of the people who follow Jesus, there were 10:10.581 --> 10:11.962 [SPEAKER_00]: bad situations. 10:11.982 --> 10:19.785 [SPEAKER_00]: There was deep sin and God would heal someone and say go and sin no more and they were new creation in Him and they were freed from it. 10:20.446 --> 10:20.706 [SPEAKER_00]: Right? 10:20.926 --> 10:24.467 [SPEAKER_00]: But there was an acknowledgement first and foremost of the sin. 10:25.168 --> 10:29.710 [SPEAKER_00]: Jesus was not like cookie cutters sweep it under the rug kind of 10:30.230 --> 10:30.631 [SPEAKER_00]: guy. 10:30.731 --> 10:32.272 [SPEAKER_00]: He was like, I know what you have done. 10:32.573 --> 10:40.441 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I think of the lady at the well where he's like, you have many husbands in the one that you are with now was not your, you know, like he knew what was going on. 10:40.501 --> 10:41.542 [SPEAKER_00]: He called it out. 10:41.903 --> 10:47.228 [SPEAKER_00]: He didn't sweep it under the rug, but he gave her grace and forgiveness and he said, don't send anymore. 10:47.929 --> 10:51.954 [SPEAKER_00]: And so like, if that is the power of Jesus in our life, 10:52.434 --> 11:08.325 [SPEAKER_00]: then how come we, as Christians when the sin may not be, even as severe as what she was experiencing her life, for us to let go of those things, to just own it and say, I'm sorry and move on, and leave a new legacy. 11:08.365 --> 11:11.487 [SPEAKER_00]: That's really powerful for us, understand that that's what Jesus died for. 11:12.557 --> 11:31.790 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so right now you might be having some thoughts about wow, I really my family isn't the way I hoped for right now or my family isn't the fruit isn't there like I want or I see in another family I wish we had that fruit and kind of sometimes what happens when you wish and you look at some another family 11:32.330 --> 11:38.294 [SPEAKER_01]: it causes discontentment and it causes sadness and discouragement and we don't operate really well under discouragement. 11:38.735 --> 11:47.941 [SPEAKER_01]: So you can see that and go, I want that but you have to realize that, okay, what do I need to change? 11:48.462 --> 11:53.025 [SPEAKER_01]: See, if you stay in the same parenting rhythms that you're in, 11:53.489 --> 11:57.831 [SPEAKER_01]: You're going to create the same trends that have been created in large part, right? 11:57.871 --> 12:09.035 [SPEAKER_01]: So every time you change something, you're leveling up one of your parenting behaviors, or you're one of your actions, or something in the marriage and now you're 12:09.335 --> 12:12.598 [SPEAKER_01]: You're doing this one thing better together in alignment and teamwork. 12:13.058 --> 12:14.960 [SPEAKER_01]: It makes a massive difference over time. 12:15.420 --> 12:19.623 [SPEAKER_01]: And so it's really good to kind of, hey, take a look, take an inventory. 12:20.144 --> 12:21.024 [SPEAKER_01]: What can we do? 12:21.104 --> 12:24.187 [SPEAKER_01]: Not from a vantage point of discouragement? 12:24.747 --> 12:28.770 [SPEAKER_01]: Not from a vantage point of, oh, I'm not worthy or I'm not good. 12:28.830 --> 12:29.511 [SPEAKER_01]: You are worthy. 12:29.861 --> 12:32.562 [SPEAKER_01]: God made you the parents of your children on purpose. 12:32.883 --> 12:35.084 [SPEAKER_01]: God has trusted you with them. 12:36.084 --> 12:37.545 [SPEAKER_01]: He has his word for you. 12:37.965 --> 12:42.407 [SPEAKER_01]: He has the same book for everybody, but maybe you need to dive into his word more. 12:42.628 --> 12:44.028 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe there needs to be more prayer. 12:44.188 --> 12:52.192 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe there needs to be more marriage teamwork which you can influence, but maybe the way you've been influencing it needs to be adjusted or upgraded. 12:52.513 --> 12:56.855 [SPEAKER_01]: For sure, if you don't like the fruit and the outcomes that are happening, something needs to change. 12:57.455 --> 13:04.902 [SPEAKER_01]: That's that's true in every area and so one thing that can help you by the way is the new craged parenting book. 13:04.942 --> 13:07.284 [SPEAKER_01]: If you haven't picked it up, you're highly encouraged you to do it. 13:07.765 --> 13:13.390 [SPEAKER_01]: It's like marriage conditioning towards the Bible on overload. 13:14.551 --> 13:18.095 [SPEAKER_01]: It is like you read this, you saturate your mind with it and then you 13:18.575 --> 13:28.218 [SPEAKER_01]: challenge each other in your marriage and have discussion questions and it brings you together and it Exposes maybe areas that are hard to see on your own. 13:28.778 --> 13:30.358 [SPEAKER_01]: It's your little handbook. 13:30.378 --> 13:31.558 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I just Realize though. 13:31.618 --> 13:32.058 [SPEAKER_00]: So here. 13:32.078 --> 13:33.279 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me see that book for a second. 13:33.379 --> 13:37.420 [SPEAKER_00]: One of the things that we've been asked a couple times What about single parents being able to go through it, right? 13:37.440 --> 13:42.561 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and I have been just today because of the topic Less regretful parenting, right? 13:42.721 --> 13:45.542 [SPEAKER_00]: Not not focusing on the I wish I would have. 13:45.722 --> 13:45.922 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah 13:46.522 --> 14:11.810 [SPEAKER_00]: And for those who are potentially listening, maybe they are divorced, maybe they have struggled to parent biblically because they're doing it alone or because they're co-parenting with someone who's not like-minded and there's other adults that are also parenting their children and there's just so many complications to every situation and so clearly we can't speak to every single personal situation here in the podcast. 14:12.350 --> 14:26.384 [SPEAKER_00]: But I just, I bring that white elephant out into the spotlight for just a second, because one of the things that this book can do is it can actually bring unity and alignment when people have Jesus Christ as their personal savior. 14:27.024 --> 14:35.352 [SPEAKER_00]: And so even if you and your spouse are not in alignment, let's say you're separated, let's say you're even divorced, but you both save you believe in Jesus. 14:36.233 --> 14:40.816 [SPEAKER_00]: Is there a more biblical way to do health care that's more effective than insurance and saves you money? 14:41.256 --> 14:46.259 [SPEAKER_00]: For the last six years, we've experienced a resounding yes by joining Samaritan Ministries health care sharing. 14:46.579 --> 14:49.981 [SPEAKER_00]: And I've even switched to the recently launched redeem health share ministry. 14:50.441 --> 14:55.784 [SPEAKER_00]: In the past, we paid more monthly for health insurance and extra medical bills than we do now with a bigger family. 14:56.244 --> 15:02.991 [SPEAKER_00]: With Redeem, we love the efficient way our medical burdens are handled and the seamless digital dashboard to manage our membership. 15:03.412 --> 15:12.021 [SPEAKER_00]: This trusted Christian organization has been around for over 30 years and we love being a part of the difference they make to redeem health sharing in our culture. 15:12.842 --> 15:16.626 [SPEAKER_00]: Learn more at redeemhellshare.org or click on the link in our show notes. 15:17.006 --> 15:18.247 [SPEAKER_00]: That's redeemhellshare.org. 15:20.170 --> 15:25.895 [SPEAKER_00]: It's rare when a homeschool curriculum works for all different personalities, but when it does, it makes homeschooling children so much easier. 15:26.336 --> 15:32.261 [SPEAKER_00]: In my home, everyone is wired so differently, and for the first time ever, everyone loves and is excelling in math. 15:32.681 --> 15:35.304 [SPEAKER_00]: A year ago, I switched all of my children 10 to 17 to CTC math. 15:37.065 --> 15:42.549 [SPEAKER_00]: the online interface and the way it works makes it easy for everyone to excel and makes progress so much faster. 15:42.989 --> 15:45.531 [SPEAKER_00]: I love them so much we asked them to sponsor this show. 15:45.971 --> 15:47.972 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you ready to take stress out of math? 15:48.092 --> 15:54.537 [SPEAKER_00]: Visit ctcmath.com and start your free trial today that ctc math the online curriculum that works for everyone. 15:55.437 --> 16:16.487 [SPEAKER_00]: like, this could actually help couples who are not a couple anymore to start looking at the situations, the 31 relevant issues to parenting today through a biblical lens and get on the same page, and that would be a life difference for your children, like a life difference for the married couples. 16:17.067 --> 16:19.768 [SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, you need to be in alignment in Christ, right? 16:19.808 --> 16:20.929 [SPEAKER_00]: And you need to talk about these 16:23.370 --> 16:26.151 [SPEAKER_00]: They are like at the forefront of parenting today, right? 16:26.212 --> 16:36.097 [SPEAKER_00]: Like we need to talk about these different issues, but imagine for the couple that like you've got one couple over here and one couple of there and there's co-parenting and blended families because we get a lot of that too. 16:36.557 --> 16:44.361 [SPEAKER_00]: This could actually be a tool that could help those couples to parent more in alignment together and at least discuss the hard issues that sometimes they have a hard time bringing up. 16:44.641 --> 16:46.302 [SPEAKER_01]: So I want to give you a practical tip here. 16:46.342 --> 16:50.404 [SPEAKER_01]: Think right now of where you get pushed back in your parenting, meaning, 16:51.008 --> 17:11.715 [SPEAKER_00]: whenever you do it it doesn't work or they can people condemn you like even think of like there are people who live on multi-generational compounds with their family members or they live in close proximity with grandma and grandpa and their kind of in a sense co-parenting because the grandparents are really involved but let's say they're having a hard time with authority 17:12.175 --> 17:21.763 [SPEAKER_00]: and feeling disrespected for the decisions that they're making and they feel like the older generation just doesn't quite get why they're making the decisions that they're making. 17:21.983 --> 17:34.853 [SPEAKER_00]: Have them read this, talk about it, to get use this as a tool to bring up those really hard topics and be able to discuss it from a biblical perspective because in Christ you should be able to find unity in him. 17:35.013 --> 17:38.776 [SPEAKER_01]: So that's good for other people having influence on your family and 17:41.461 --> 17:48.706 [SPEAKER_01]: I want you to think about what is a parenting approach you're taking or the words you're using in your family and you're getting pushed back. 17:48.806 --> 17:49.667 [SPEAKER_01]: It is not working. 17:49.687 --> 17:53.670 [SPEAKER_01]: Like every time you do this thing with your children, it does not work. 17:54.311 --> 18:00.055 [SPEAKER_01]: I want you to think of that and I want you to think about what you need to change. 18:00.595 --> 18:06.258 [SPEAKER_01]: in your non-verbals, what you need to change in the words you use, the timing at which you use your words. 18:06.738 --> 18:10.480 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe there needs to be question asking before words are spoken at somebody. 18:11.020 --> 18:15.563 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe there needs to be marriage discussion because you need your other to help you. 18:16.663 --> 18:18.664 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe there needs to be different consequences. 18:18.964 --> 18:20.885 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe you need to do it differently and better. 18:21.446 --> 18:28.169 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I think what happens is we get discouraged the most when we feel like what we're doing 18:30.150 --> 18:31.611 [SPEAKER_01]: and what I would encourage you to do. 18:31.811 --> 18:34.993 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, it's not working the way you are doing it. 18:35.853 --> 18:38.335 [SPEAKER_01]: So you need to do it differently. 18:38.655 --> 18:39.495 [SPEAKER_01]: You need to think about it. 18:39.515 --> 18:43.878 [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't mean that the consequence doesn't change or that the standard doesn't change. 18:43.998 --> 18:45.519 [SPEAKER_00]: It means how you go about 18:46.439 --> 18:50.001 [SPEAKER_00]: teaching or leading the family has to change. 18:50.161 --> 18:50.442 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 18:50.462 --> 18:52.143 [SPEAKER_00]: Like that was kind of like me this morning. 18:52.243 --> 18:54.244 [SPEAKER_00]: I was making a specific breakfast. 18:54.284 --> 18:55.865 [SPEAKER_00]: I had already planned ahead of time. 18:56.405 --> 18:59.127 [SPEAKER_00]: One kid really wanted it also, which was really cool. 18:59.427 --> 19:07.412 [SPEAKER_00]: But then to the other kids, they had their own ideas for things that they wanted that were different from what I was making and I was like, no, we don't do this in our house. 19:07.452 --> 19:08.553 [SPEAKER_00]: Where's this coming from? 19:08.713 --> 19:09.673 [SPEAKER_00]: Mom makes the meal. 19:10.094 --> 19:11.034 [SPEAKER_00]: You eat the meal. 19:11.134 --> 19:11.955 [SPEAKER_00]: That's how it works. 19:12.335 --> 19:17.957 [SPEAKER_00]: but there was a little bit of just selfishness that was bound up and two of these children's hearts. 19:18.057 --> 19:21.798 [SPEAKER_00]: And I had it in the midst of trying to clean it up and get going on making it. 19:22.518 --> 19:29.560 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't have the bandwidth to be patient and burn pancakes in the process to get down. 19:29.580 --> 19:32.641 [SPEAKER_00]: I had a eye, so I went to Isaac and I said, listen, this is what's happened. 19:32.841 --> 19:33.601 [SPEAKER_00]: I chose this. 19:33.881 --> 19:35.962 [SPEAKER_00]: I have people coming at me saying they want other things. 19:36.642 --> 19:37.383 [SPEAKER_00]: And he was, I'm on it. 19:38.123 --> 19:43.947 [SPEAKER_00]: And it was like that shift change of like me just communicating with him. 19:44.287 --> 19:46.189 [SPEAKER_00]: This is briefly what happened. 19:46.609 --> 19:50.191 [SPEAKER_00]: I need help because I'm making a meal for nine people or whatever. 19:50.772 --> 19:53.954 [SPEAKER_00]: So it but couples need to communicate about that. 19:53.974 --> 20:02.459 [SPEAKER_01]: because we have communication rhythms that we're used to so much that we tend to respond in the same ways and those ways you're talking might not be working. 20:02.779 --> 20:10.064 [SPEAKER_01]: See, you could get to, let's say two parents have the same consequence and two different families, two sets of parents even, right? 20:10.684 --> 20:14.726 [SPEAKER_01]: They give the same consequence to their children, let's say, for the same kind of disobedience. 20:15.287 --> 20:19.249 [SPEAKER_01]: How you get to that consequence is everything. 20:23.083 --> 20:24.486 [SPEAKER_01]: Are you getting angry or not? 20:24.846 --> 20:26.349 [SPEAKER_01]: Are you showing lots of frustration? 20:26.409 --> 20:28.834 [SPEAKER_01]: Are you able to communicate effectively? 20:29.682 --> 20:31.964 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, what is leading to that? 20:32.104 --> 20:37.989 [SPEAKER_01]: And how is the marriage team and how are you helping people if we know, I'm not gonna get to that direction in the right way. 20:38.029 --> 20:39.350 [SPEAKER_01]: I need my spouse's help. 20:39.790 --> 20:41.792 [SPEAKER_01]: Some of you are like, well, you know, I'm a single parent. 20:41.832 --> 20:42.873 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, that's a little harder. 20:43.213 --> 20:45.095 [SPEAKER_01]: It is, but you can still do it. 20:45.215 --> 20:56.104 [SPEAKER_01]: And so our first point, what we're getting at that whole time is there's no excuses, meaning don't make excuses for why your family is the way it is. 20:57.733 --> 21:11.782 [SPEAKER_01]: own it without getting discouraged with the hope that God will guide you and give you direction how to adjust yourself and he will work at the same time and trust that and walk strong in the Lord but change something. 21:12.382 --> 21:22.168 [SPEAKER_00]: You know we have a scripture here in Luke chapter 9 it's verse 62 it says and Jesus said to him no one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back as fit for the kingdom of God. 21:22.608 --> 21:25.850 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, that's a pretty hard review statement. 21:25.890 --> 21:26.111 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 21:26.131 --> 21:29.773 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, this is actually Jesus is choosing his disciples. 21:29.813 --> 21:34.797 [SPEAKER_00]: This is all about the cost of following Jesus and he's literally saying, come with me, right? 21:34.857 --> 21:45.285 [SPEAKER_00]: So even just before it says, I will follow you wherever you go and Jesus said to them, Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nest, but the son of man has nowhere to lay his head. 21:45.865 --> 21:53.190 [SPEAKER_00]: And then, you know, and then just a few verses later, he's literally told him, no one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God. 21:53.210 --> 21:56.132 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, you gotta just keep your eyes on Jesus. 21:56.192 --> 21:58.073 [SPEAKER_00]: It's kind of what I'm taking from this whole passage. 21:58.614 --> 22:10.942 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that ultimately, for parents who are leaving a new legacy and they're choosing to do things differently, they're recognizing I was a sinner, I sinned in this way, or I made this mistake, or I wish I would not have. 22:11.877 --> 22:14.298 [SPEAKER_00]: But I'm looking forward, I'm not gonna focus on that. 22:14.398 --> 22:17.480 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna own it, repent of it, and then it's done. 22:17.820 --> 22:20.022 [SPEAKER_00]: It's washed clean because that's the gospel. 22:20.402 --> 22:27.406 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't allow the devil to whisper lies into your head of you're never gonna be able to, or you don't deserve this. 22:27.666 --> 22:31.468 [SPEAKER_00]: Those are all lies from the enemy that are gonna create an action. 22:31.788 --> 22:39.773 [SPEAKER_00]: They're literally gonna be crutches for you, or stumbling blocks that are gonna paralyze you from doing the ministry that God has called you to. 22:40.313 --> 22:43.815 [SPEAKER_00]: He has an awesome life for every single person. 22:43.835 --> 22:47.558 [SPEAKER_00]: There's a path, there's a way it is found through the Word of God. 22:48.842 --> 22:55.247 [SPEAKER_00]: And when we are willing to say, I was this way without Christ, but now I have Christ. 22:55.667 --> 22:57.689 [SPEAKER_00]: So I am going to keep my eyes set on him. 22:58.169 --> 23:09.258 [SPEAKER_00]: I own that, and I'm sorry you apologize to whoever you need to apologize to, but don't allow that to be a lingering thing like condemnation and guilt is not from Jesus. 23:09.458 --> 23:10.599 [SPEAKER_00]: It's from the devil. 23:11.079 --> 23:12.240 [SPEAKER_00]: it's from the pit of hell. 23:12.620 --> 23:19.422 [SPEAKER_00]: Conviction of the Holy Spirit should lead you a place of repentance, which is to turn away from and not do anymore. 23:19.522 --> 23:26.245 [SPEAKER_00]: So if you have stuff that you have dealt with, that is regret, like causing regret in you, in your parenting, 23:26.885 --> 23:31.332 [SPEAKER_00]: and you choose to repent of it, that means you're not allowing yourself to do it anymore. 23:31.832 --> 23:34.957 [SPEAKER_00]: Therefore, it's in the past, in what did this say? 23:35.278 --> 23:39.384 [SPEAKER_00]: No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back as fit for the kingdom of God. 23:39.404 --> 23:40.645 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, don't look back on it. 23:40.946 --> 23:42.208 [SPEAKER_00]: Keep your eyes set on Jesus. 23:42.509 --> 23:43.410 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so good. 23:43.550 --> 23:46.552 [SPEAKER_01]: So the first one was you can make a difference. 23:46.672 --> 23:47.752 [SPEAKER_01]: Don't make excuses. 23:48.573 --> 23:50.134 [SPEAKER_01]: There's a new legacy that's possible. 23:50.174 --> 23:54.957 [SPEAKER_01]: No matter what's happened, God is all powerful, but he probably wants you to change something. 23:55.457 --> 24:03.002 [SPEAKER_01]: And then our final point for you is it's so important to teach biblical truth to your family. 24:03.522 --> 24:07.545 [SPEAKER_01]: This one thing, there's really a drought of this in homes. 24:08.785 --> 24:25.555 [SPEAKER_01]: so many homes, Christian homes, so busy, so much going on and there's really a drought of teaching and modeling what it's like to live a life after Jesus, to have that real relationship with Jesus that you love. 24:26.123 --> 24:27.304 [SPEAKER_01]: Jesus so much, right? 24:28.105 --> 24:32.889 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's exemplified through your actions in life in your home and so forth in your children's seat. 24:33.530 --> 24:37.133 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not like an event where your kids are being disabled. 24:37.774 --> 24:40.736 [SPEAKER_01]: It literally becomes a way of life in your family. 24:41.817 --> 24:45.279 [SPEAKER_00]: There's another scripture in Philippians 3 that we wanted to share with you guys. 24:45.319 --> 24:48.481 [SPEAKER_00]: I think this is Ultimately, it's just so powerful. 24:48.601 --> 24:51.562 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna start out in verse 12 and 13. 24:51.622 --> 24:56.765 [SPEAKER_00]: It says Not that I've already obtained this or I'm already perfect. 24:56.965 --> 24:57.866 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's just say that. 24:57.946 --> 24:59.967 [SPEAKER_00]: Is there a perfect parent out there? 25:00.587 --> 25:08.473 [SPEAKER_00]: No, every single human being has some kind of regret or something that they could say, I wish I would have known, but here's the deal. 25:08.773 --> 25:16.798 [SPEAKER_00]: Humans like to blame shift, and if you have any ounce of pride in you, it would be easy for you to say, I wish I would have known, man, my parents should have told me that. 25:17.359 --> 25:20.941 [SPEAKER_00]: Or I should have learned that at college, or why didn't I know that? 25:21.441 --> 25:23.423 [SPEAKER_00]: I should have known that from so and so. 25:23.783 --> 25:28.166 [SPEAKER_00]: But no, no, no, no, no, okay, can we just stop the blame shifting and go, 25:29.146 --> 25:35.107 [SPEAKER_00]: No one is perfect because that's what the Bible says here says not that I've already obtained this or I'm already perfect. 25:35.787 --> 25:42.609 [SPEAKER_00]: But I press on to make it my own because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 25:43.189 --> 25:46.810 [SPEAKER_00]: So you see how there's this like Jesus Christ has made us his own. 25:46.870 --> 25:50.471 [SPEAKER_00]: He's made you his own if you believe in him you are owned by Christ. 25:50.491 --> 25:52.111 [SPEAKER_00]: It says brothers, I do not consider. 25:52.551 --> 25:59.177 [SPEAKER_00]: that I've made it my own, but one thing I do for getting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. 25:59.597 --> 26:07.324 [SPEAKER_00]: I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 26:08.084 --> 26:09.245 [SPEAKER_00]: I love that so much. 26:09.265 --> 26:15.371 [SPEAKER_00]: We have to keep pressing on to the things that we know God has called us and commanded us to do as parents. 26:16.352 --> 26:19.775 [SPEAKER_00]: And we know that he's called us to disciple our children. 26:20.215 --> 26:29.784 [SPEAKER_00]: That was one of the things that you even talked about in your sermon yesterday was this call for for fathers to realize that home discipleship is not an option. 26:30.405 --> 26:33.748 [SPEAKER_00]: It is a calling that God has on every father's life. 26:34.068 --> 26:35.629 [SPEAKER_01]: It is Deuteronomy 6. 26:36.049 --> 26:39.090 [SPEAKER_01]: We went through the first 9-chat verses. 26:39.130 --> 26:39.510 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you. 26:40.090 --> 26:41.231 [SPEAKER_01]: And you should go look at that. 26:41.271 --> 26:42.711 [SPEAKER_01]: We don't have time to go through all that. 26:42.791 --> 26:48.293 [SPEAKER_01]: But it's always be training your children in God's commands, in the scriptures, and so forth. 26:48.673 --> 26:52.875 [SPEAKER_01]: And to be saturn in your mind, it's like, if it's not a front of your mind, Gents, 26:53.275 --> 26:56.276 [SPEAKER_01]: it's not going to be coming out of your mouth often enough. 26:56.636 --> 26:57.937 [SPEAKER_01]: Same with moms. 26:58.237 --> 27:02.198 [SPEAKER_01]: We need to be saturate your minds with biblical truth, so it's top of mind. 27:02.258 --> 27:11.542 [SPEAKER_01]: So as we're talking about things, it's woven in and needs to be woven into the fabric of everyday lives, teaching and modeling in the last several generations in large part. 27:11.882 --> 27:15.003 [SPEAKER_01]: If you pocket a family's here and there, but in large part, 27:15.363 --> 27:22.827 [SPEAKER_01]: across America and across the world, the Bible is not being taught on a regular everyday basis by the parents. 27:23.347 --> 27:26.669 [SPEAKER_01]: And certainly, unfortunately, even less by fathers. 27:27.429 --> 27:31.751 [SPEAKER_01]: And that is a, I mean, there's a lot of mothers that are fervently trying. 27:32.171 --> 27:37.734 [SPEAKER_01]: There's something really powerful in mothers do it, and there's something really powerful when dads do it in its different. 27:38.046 --> 27:47.774 [SPEAKER_00]: It is different and I think that there's a need for us to recognize and appreciate the value of both and what both bring to the table. 27:48.275 --> 27:56.542 [SPEAKER_00]: Because there's different perspectives, there's different understandings that come from being male and female and how we look at things too. 27:57.042 --> 28:03.007 [SPEAKER_00]: And so together, we can give an even better understanding of things to our children. 28:03.368 --> 28:05.930 [SPEAKER_00]: But you may be thinking, that's a regret I have. 28:06.490 --> 28:21.017 [SPEAKER_00]: I have not discipled my kids enough, or I wish I would have discipled my older kids, or I wish I would have, and so if you are thinking that today, just repent to God of it, and start, it is never too late to start. 28:21.717 --> 28:24.178 [SPEAKER_00]: It's interesting, you know, I'm going to give you one of our tips. 28:24.659 --> 28:25.679 [SPEAKER_00]: This is like a secret. 28:25.839 --> 28:27.280 [SPEAKER_00]: You want to see a secret? 28:27.320 --> 28:28.901 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a secret of Isaac and Angie. 28:29.041 --> 28:30.781 [SPEAKER_00]: Over the years, we love. 28:32.122 --> 28:34.063 [SPEAKER_00]: our relationships with older generations. 28:34.363 --> 28:40.127 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, that's just a uniquely kind of weird thing about Isaac and I, we both really love older people. 28:40.787 --> 28:43.649 [SPEAKER_00]: And we've been close to older people for the majority of our lives. 28:44.670 --> 28:46.691 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just absolutely love it. 28:46.711 --> 28:53.435 [SPEAKER_00]: But one of the things that I have experienced throughout my almost my entire mother-in-journey is, started when we were pregnant with our fourth. 28:53.935 --> 29:01.858 [SPEAKER_00]: That's when I noticed older women looking at me and then they come up to me and asked me when I'm due and then they'd say things like, oh, I wish we would have had more. 29:01.878 --> 29:03.738 [SPEAKER_00]: It just goes by so fast. 29:03.878 --> 29:05.019 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you've heard that before. 29:05.459 --> 29:06.539 [SPEAKER_00]: Most women have heard that. 29:07.259 --> 29:14.162 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that there's this need for us to go, okay, not just take that and go, oh, I've heard that before. 29:14.942 --> 29:16.463 [SPEAKER_00]: Because that's what a lot of people do. 29:16.503 --> 29:19.864 [SPEAKER_00]: I think they hear stuff from older men and women like that. 29:20.505 --> 29:22.045 [SPEAKER_00]: I wish I would have had more kids. 29:22.466 --> 29:24.947 [SPEAKER_00]: The time goes by so fast and like, oh yeah, I've heard this before. 29:25.847 --> 29:28.448 [SPEAKER_00]: And it just stays there, but you know what, here's the secret. 29:29.109 --> 29:31.350 [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't just stay right there for Isaac and I. 29:31.950 --> 29:35.452 [SPEAKER_00]: We go on and we have discussions afterwards. 29:35.732 --> 29:38.633 [SPEAKER_00]: And we talk about how somebody came out to us and they said that. 29:39.153 --> 29:42.355 [SPEAKER_00]: And we look at each other and we go, what can we learn from their mistake? 29:43.175 --> 29:47.198 [SPEAKER_00]: What can we learn from their regret so that we don't have the same regret when we're older? 29:47.938 --> 29:52.641 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you start listening to the older generations more of I wish I would have. 29:53.702 --> 29:57.004 [SPEAKER_00]: And you hear them lament about the things they wish they would not have done. 29:57.044 --> 30:08.551 [SPEAKER_00]: That's actually the best mentoring that is out there because if you could make a list of all of the older generations I wish I would have and choose not to do those things, your life is going to be so rich. 30:09.131 --> 30:15.356 [SPEAKER_00]: And what I mean by rich is like, there is a hindsight in a value that comes with the older generation where they get it. 30:15.396 --> 30:22.781 [SPEAKER_00]: They're not about the physical things and accumulating wealth and success in the same kind of way. 30:22.801 --> 30:27.545 [SPEAKER_00]: The older generations are actually much more about eternity and maybe that's because they're closer to it. 30:27.825 --> 30:48.123 [SPEAKER_01]: So there's a culture of separation and you just have to say a culture of separation of ages who do hospitality with only people in your season alive, who's in your small group of church, only people in your season alive who are your kids around, only people their age and the youth programs who are the older people around people in their small group with your older people 30:48.603 --> 31:08.900 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, just think, I'm not against things, I'm just, I'm trying to wake people up to the fact that every decision we make structurally about things causes ripple effects and those ripple effects I think we're seeing and large part are detrimental to all ages interacting with each other and there's not this rich learning happening. 31:08.920 --> 31:11.202 [SPEAKER_01]: The older people feel like nobody wants to learn from them. 31:12.083 --> 31:34.984 [SPEAKER_00]: The younger people are starving to know things, so they just look it up on the internet and they don't ask people and there's a lack of connection happening from real relationships Well, but I think that ultimately you have to be willing as parents to be, to be forward thinking, to be a visionary, to go And this is something that we do a lot and I think that we've encouraged parents here to do this also is to think 31:35.264 --> 31:44.856 [SPEAKER_00]: about what legacy they want in 10, 20 years from now and or two years from now and to do what is needed today to get what you want tomorrow. 31:45.117 --> 31:46.559 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's relationally. 31:47.099 --> 31:48.801 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not talking about financially. 31:49.729 --> 31:51.730 [SPEAKER_00]: not talking about freedom from your job. 31:51.810 --> 31:55.853 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm talking about relationally, where do you want your relationships at and 10, 20 years from now? 31:56.173 --> 31:57.694 [SPEAKER_00]: That's something that we've always thought about. 31:57.714 --> 32:01.476 [SPEAKER_00]: We dream about, I mean, I even have some of it written in a book. 32:01.516 --> 32:03.738 [SPEAKER_00]: I wrote 14 years ago called Redeeming Childbirth. 32:03.758 --> 32:11.943 [SPEAKER_00]: And it was all about the relationships that you have with family when, when hard times hit, what do you need? 32:12.463 --> 32:17.026 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that there's, there's a need for us to stop, just stop. 32:17.846 --> 32:21.047 [SPEAKER_00]: in society as Christians to just stop and think and reflect. 32:21.347 --> 32:30.049 [SPEAKER_00]: To own the things that we have done that we're sinful or mistakes or whatever because we all fail people and don't let it affect us so much. 32:30.069 --> 32:33.130 [SPEAKER_00]: If we have a strong identity in Christ it shouldn't affect us so much. 32:33.710 --> 32:38.051 [SPEAKER_00]: If it does and that's just a sign that there's ego, that's just a sign that there's pride. 32:38.471 --> 32:41.292 [SPEAKER_00]: We should be willing to say I wish I wouldn't have, right? 32:41.732 --> 32:48.818 [SPEAKER_01]: But in addition, what's the upgrade you're going to do in your approach to your relationships with your children and others? 32:49.238 --> 32:50.039 [SPEAKER_01]: What is the change? 32:50.659 --> 32:51.740 [SPEAKER_01]: Are you growing in the word? 32:52.320 --> 32:53.341 [SPEAKER_01]: Are you teaching the word? 32:54.062 --> 33:00.967 [SPEAKER_01]: Are you showing what a love for Jesus looks like in your everyday life and modeling them? 33:00.987 --> 33:03.469 [SPEAKER_01]: Wow, that's what's needed right now. 33:04.070 --> 33:08.273 [SPEAKER_01]: And so that regret that used to be a regret for you is now fuel. 33:09.910 --> 33:13.337 [SPEAKER_01]: to create change today, because you're not looking back anymore. 33:14.198 --> 33:17.164 [SPEAKER_01]: God has already forgiven you for whatever those things are if you've repented. 33:17.885 --> 33:18.166 [SPEAKER_00]: Huh. 33:18.847 --> 33:20.090 [SPEAKER_01]: We'll forgive it. 33:20.130 --> 33:21.933 [SPEAKER_01]: Make it right with wherever you have to make it right with. 33:22.494 --> 33:27.724 [SPEAKER_01]: Press forward with new action and new hope when you trust and you're all my God. 33:28.165 --> 33:28.926 [SPEAKER_01]: Hey, thanks for joining us.