WEBVTT 00:00.431 --> 00:01.832 [SPEAKER_00]: What is your game plan? 00:02.112 --> 00:06.796 [SPEAKER_00]: Do you have a game plan because your energy is not an endless resource? 00:07.576 --> 00:20.225 [SPEAKER_00]: We expend it every single day and so I have been thinking Really for the last couple of years, but It's been picking up steam, you know, like what is the in-game for me here? 00:20.945 --> 00:22.066 [SPEAKER_00]: What is the in-game for me here? 00:22.086 --> 00:23.968 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's what we're gonna talk about today but first 00:24.748 --> 00:26.989 [SPEAKER_00]: First, hey, hey, my name is Bree. 00:27.429 --> 00:30.130 [SPEAKER_00]: This is your first time listening to the Brown Girl Self Care podcast. 00:30.150 --> 00:30.991 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so glad that you're here. 00:31.011 --> 00:36.393 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you've been here for a time or two, thanks for rolling with a sister. 00:36.473 --> 00:37.334 [SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate you. 00:37.894 --> 00:42.016 [SPEAKER_00]: So I like to, or I want to get back to kind of like setting the 00:43.145 --> 00:48.106 [SPEAKER_00]: intention for the podcast and all we want to do is just center ourselves. 00:48.466 --> 00:49.946 [SPEAKER_00]: Be present if you can. 00:50.206 --> 00:55.467 [SPEAKER_00]: I know that sometimes we're listening while we're working or commuting and things like that and that's cool. 00:55.528 --> 00:56.428 [SPEAKER_00]: I love that for us. 00:57.428 --> 01:02.709 [SPEAKER_00]: But if you're in a place where you can just drop your shoulders, take a second to send yourself and then we'll get into the episode. 01:02.749 --> 01:03.269 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll be awesome. 01:03.289 --> 01:07.830 [SPEAKER_00]: So all we're going to do is take a breath in through the nose out through the mouth just one time together. 01:08.030 --> 01:08.450 [SPEAKER_00]: You're ready 01:14.790 --> 01:22.800 [SPEAKER_00]: Hold it, or five, four, three, two, one, and then let it out slowly through the mouth. 01:23.722 --> 01:24.443 [SPEAKER_00]: Or five. 01:25.560 --> 01:30.784 [SPEAKER_00]: four, three, two, one. 01:31.865 --> 01:34.648 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, so, let's go ahead and get into it. 01:34.688 --> 01:37.890 [SPEAKER_00]: So again, what is the game plan? 01:37.930 --> 01:46.678 [SPEAKER_00]: And by the way, I forgot to mention that if you did not know this, you can, excuse me, see my beautiful, beautiful face on Spotify. 01:47.643 --> 01:51.285 [SPEAKER_00]: If you have access to Spotify, the Brown Girl Self Care podcast is on Spotify. 01:51.305 --> 01:56.427 [SPEAKER_00]: You will see me at all my, my regal glory, throw it all, so it took out my micrologs. 01:59.028 --> 02:01.709 [SPEAKER_00]: And just go to the Brown Girl Self Care podcast. 02:01.729 --> 02:06.912 [SPEAKER_00]: You can see me talking this week's episode is, it should be live by Monday afternoon. 02:07.382 --> 02:13.369 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so what's the end game here and let's talk about our energy and if you see me looking off to the size because I'm looking at my notes. 02:13.449 --> 02:20.097 [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, like I said before, our energy is not and we don't have an endless supply of energy. 02:20.117 --> 02:22.500 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, it's a resource. 02:22.580 --> 02:23.201 [SPEAKER_00]: It needs to be 02:24.978 --> 02:26.479 [SPEAKER_00]: valued because it's valuable. 02:27.060 --> 02:37.747 [SPEAKER_00]: And so now more than ever, especially for those of us that are in our 40s, our 50s, I'm raising my hand because I'm in my 50s, our 60s and beyond. 02:37.767 --> 02:45.372 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, this is for any black woman, obviously, but I'm talking especially to those of us who are quote unquote of a certain age. 02:46.433 --> 02:49.055 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, because I'm a certain age. 02:49.075 --> 02:49.735 [SPEAKER_00]: So women in the 40s or 50s 02:55.082 --> 02:57.583 [SPEAKER_00]: have their life more than have their life in some cases. 02:58.084 --> 03:17.194 [SPEAKER_00]: But that case of caretaking, caregiving, tending to others, tending to children, raising children, mothering, taking care of parents, aging parents, taking care of family, pitching in, helping, doing all that on to you, on to you, grand mothering, all the things. 03:17.954 --> 03:20.375 [SPEAKER_00]: That takes up a lot of our time. 03:20.816 --> 03:21.116 [SPEAKER_00]: Really, 03:22.175 --> 03:30.351 [SPEAKER_00]: All the things that we do take up a lot of our valuable resource, which is one of our valuable resources, again, is our energy and our time. 03:31.832 --> 03:36.474 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you're not careful, you'll wake up one day and you'll be fully depleted. 03:36.674 --> 03:39.316 [SPEAKER_00]: And you'll look around and say, what the hell do I have to show for this? 03:39.716 --> 03:48.700 [SPEAKER_00]: Besides obviously beautiful kids and achievements and things like that, our beautiful grand children or you were able to take care of your parents when they were in need, that kind of thing. 03:48.720 --> 03:51.381 [SPEAKER_00]: But it's like, those are all beautiful things. 03:51.421 --> 03:56.584 [SPEAKER_00]: That's fabulous, but again, like what do I have that is for me? 04:01.459 --> 04:22.036 [SPEAKER_00]: what is for me like what what it didn't sell say he was like I'm leaving with something okay what am I leaving with I'm leaving with something I personally have been thinking about this for a time or two and I know that I want to leave quote unquote leave I want my health want to be happy joyful abundant have energy 04:23.054 --> 04:40.438 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, feel amazing, I just want to curate a life or I have tasked myself with doing my best to live a life that is more healthy, more joyous. 04:41.158 --> 04:47.320 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and that requires a lot of energy and I can tell you that when I picked up this part time job, oh, baby. 04:48.782 --> 05:00.765 [SPEAKER_00]: This part time job that I've only been working at for less than six months, I can tell you how many people have come up to me while I was working and said, are you tired? 05:00.825 --> 05:01.645 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you sleepy? 05:01.945 --> 05:03.545 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you, you look exhausted? 05:04.485 --> 05:10.347 [SPEAKER_00]: Like if you're watching us on Spotify, I can tell you, you can see the bags under my eyes. 05:10.407 --> 05:16.528 [SPEAKER_00]: Now I have had bags, it's been, it's been a while, but I can tell that they are more pronounced. 05:17.712 --> 05:25.195 [SPEAKER_00]: I can feel that my energy has been drained, you know, I'm more tired, right? 05:27.455 --> 05:43.941 [SPEAKER_00]: And in part, that's because my energy is going to something that yes, it is necessary for survival, but it's also depleting, it's depleting me, it is draining me dry. 05:45.143 --> 06:05.194 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I have known since I was in my 20s that working and using my mind, my body in ways for like corporate profit regardless of the position like that, I'm just, it's just, it's not for me because I know usually what is required of those types of roles. 06:06.474 --> 06:12.958 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just knew for a long time that it wasn't for me, but it took me until my 40s to really kind of start to. 06:13.970 --> 06:18.634 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, do something, I've been doing this podcast and thinking about self-care and liberation. 06:20.195 --> 06:26.740 [SPEAKER_00]: It's been what, seven, eight years now, this podcast has been live, I think, something like that. 06:27.540 --> 06:31.743 [SPEAKER_00]: Since like 2018 or 2019, that's a good minute, right? 06:31.784 --> 06:38.409 [SPEAKER_00]: Am I journey started before I even started the podcast, but that's when I started the podcast, that's when I really started to get serious, you know. 06:39.249 --> 06:41.411 [SPEAKER_00]: And some of the symptoms besides people coming up to me 06:43.903 --> 07:10.584 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I am, but people like my body would just tell me all that I needed to know everything was hurting, everything was hurting in the last few months, everything, everything, feet, wrists, arms, fingers, neck, back, sides, like everything, head, everything, hurting. 07:11.730 --> 07:14.371 [SPEAKER_00]: I started getting back spasms randomly. 07:15.212 --> 07:17.373 [SPEAKER_00]: I never had back spasms in my life. 07:17.833 --> 07:20.814 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, I know that a part of this is the aging process. 07:21.115 --> 07:21.675 [SPEAKER_00]: I get that. 07:22.515 --> 07:22.895 [SPEAKER_00]: I get it. 07:23.696 --> 07:27.257 [SPEAKER_00]: But I know that this is beyond just the aging process. 07:27.297 --> 07:28.518 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm only in my 50s, baby. 07:29.759 --> 07:29.879 [SPEAKER_00]: OK? 07:30.839 --> 07:36.462 [SPEAKER_00]: And the 50s that we have now, this is not the 50s of yesterday year. 07:37.630 --> 07:43.819 [SPEAKER_00]: Remember when back in the day you see someone in like their 40s and look like they were in their 70s, like it was just different the times were different, right. 07:44.680 --> 07:53.632 [SPEAKER_00]: So the so 50 I'm not saying the 50 is the new 20 or anything like that because that will be ridiculous, but 50 is is is definitely younger. 07:54.788 --> 07:58.269 [SPEAKER_00]: it's it's a younger 50, you know, everything is just it's just younger. 07:58.289 --> 08:01.711 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, but yeah, my body was tired, girl. 08:01.771 --> 08:10.854 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was just I felt I literally felt like I could have been cast in the walking debt and I would not have needed much motivation to do the job. 08:10.914 --> 08:13.955 [SPEAKER_00]: It could have just put me out there and I would just be dragged in myself alone. 08:14.936 --> 08:20.378 [SPEAKER_00]: That's that's literally how I have felt for the last often on for the last few months since I started this job. 08:21.960 --> 08:27.342 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, I had to have a come to Jesus moment. 08:28.702 --> 08:34.624 [SPEAKER_00]: And I realized like, I reminded myself like I am not, I'm not built for this. 08:36.485 --> 08:38.165 [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't designed for this. 08:39.426 --> 08:42.407 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not saying, oh, I'm still in delicate flower. 08:42.667 --> 08:43.847 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I'm so weak. 08:44.147 --> 08:44.987 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not even that. 08:45.628 --> 08:49.489 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not that, but I know that I was not built for this. 08:51.347 --> 08:58.172 [SPEAKER_00]: I just wasn't, I wasn't built or designed for that type of life. 08:58.232 --> 09:03.796 [SPEAKER_00]: And some people are, and that's not a dig, we're all different. 09:04.757 --> 09:08.860 [SPEAKER_00]: And our bodies are designed in different ways to do different things. 09:09.761 --> 09:17.726 [SPEAKER_00]: Some people out there, women included, they will go out there and just, I'm not saying that you have to, but the things that I'm doing, you will just smash the hell out of it. 09:18.447 --> 09:21.089 [SPEAKER_00]: And you'd be like, oh, that's it? 09:22.748 --> 09:23.450 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying? 09:23.511 --> 09:25.758 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, we're not all designed the same. 09:27.042 --> 09:28.346 [SPEAKER_00]: Our energy is not the same. 09:29.898 --> 09:42.543 [SPEAKER_00]: But I do feel like now is the time really again for those of us in our 40s, our 50s and beyond our 60s, our 70s, like we really need to know what the end game is. 09:43.063 --> 09:46.064 [SPEAKER_00]: And again, I'm not saying that we're all helpless little creatures. 09:46.084 --> 09:53.587 [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't think any of us are helpless, but that doesn't mean just because we're not helpless, it doesn't mean that we don't deserve a softer life. 09:54.955 --> 09:59.436 [SPEAKER_00]: a happier life, a more fulfilling life, a healthier life. 10:00.416 --> 10:01.596 [SPEAKER_00]: Doesn't mean we don't deserve that. 10:01.656 --> 10:10.998 [SPEAKER_00]: We don't have to be damn near busted down or saying to deserve these things. 10:11.898 --> 10:20.140 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to be weak or helpless, for example, to deserve kindness, support, compassion, grace. 10:21.591 --> 10:25.678 [SPEAKER_00]: health, wealth, abundant, like whatever, you know what I'm saying? 10:26.820 --> 10:27.801 [SPEAKER_00]: Our energy is finite. 10:29.364 --> 10:29.925 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's not 10:33.268 --> 10:55.640 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to say it's not our newable source because it is what I'm saying is like if we're constantly in depletion mode regardless of the role you play or the activities you do or the labor type of labor you have or whatever, you're constantly in depletion mode, it's it's just every single day, it gets harder and harder and harder to build it to recharge. 10:56.492 --> 10:57.293 [SPEAKER_00]: to build it back up. 10:57.313 --> 11:08.328 [SPEAKER_00]: And then you put on top of that, like, just everything that's going on from politics to laws to to just everything that's happening and has been happening for a time. 11:10.130 --> 11:11.693 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's like we're being robbed. 11:12.570 --> 11:29.865 [SPEAKER_00]: from our health care to the food we eat, to the watery drink, to the plastics in our body, to, again, the laws, the political view, the president, everything is just like, and then on top of that, we have like the hormones, and the menopause, and the pyramid of pause. 11:29.925 --> 11:35.570 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know what I'm saying, like it's just, add that to the roles that we have, it's just a lot. 11:37.609 --> 11:55.025 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a whole hell of a lot, and since our energy is very much a limited resource, we have to be more selfish and think about ourselves more than we do. 11:56.215 --> 12:16.006 [SPEAKER_00]: We have to be more selfish and think about ourselves more than we do when I talk to my friends and have a small very small circle of friends or even seeing your emails or just what I'm seeing online like on videos or when I very briefly scroll social media and I have to be very intentional about that. 12:16.985 --> 12:19.847 [SPEAKER_00]: uh, I see what black women are saying. 12:20.668 --> 12:22.449 [SPEAKER_00]: I see what black women are saying. 12:22.469 --> 12:27.592 [SPEAKER_00]: It's in a lot of times where we're concerned mostly with everybody and everything else. 12:29.173 --> 12:30.254 [SPEAKER_00]: We're not really 12:42.372 --> 12:45.254 [SPEAKER_00]: And we need these things to survive and thrive. 12:45.294 --> 12:47.316 [SPEAKER_00]: We need energy to survive and thrive. 12:47.356 --> 12:54.741 [SPEAKER_00]: We need the charging of our batteries to survive and thrive. 12:55.681 --> 13:01.606 [SPEAKER_00]: We need to be more intentional about caring for ourselves, our health, our wellbeing, to 13:02.760 --> 13:03.881 [SPEAKER_00]: survive and thrive. 13:04.681 --> 13:08.584 [SPEAKER_00]: So it just makes me think like, well, what's what's the in game? 13:08.945 --> 13:10.946 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, what, what is the in in game? 13:11.727 --> 13:23.635 [SPEAKER_00]: And one thing that stood out to me when I was thinking about this is, and your mileage will definitely vary on this, but I know a lot of your mothers out there, and a lot of, and a lot of you have older children. 13:23.695 --> 13:25.576 [SPEAKER_00]: I haven't an adult, an older child. 13:25.596 --> 13:25.737 [SPEAKER_00]: She's 13:30.660 --> 13:39.367 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm saying this as someone who threw everything into my daughter as far as time and energy and care and, you know, that kind of thing. 13:40.968 --> 13:49.695 [SPEAKER_00]: To the point where, and I think I've shared this before, but to the point where I feel like I over-mothered, you know, I over-mothered. 13:50.916 --> 13:58.322 [SPEAKER_00]: And now, you know, I really have been doing my best to be intentional about 14:00.044 --> 14:09.028 [SPEAKER_00]: Reserving the energy, some of the energy that I would have put into her, funneling it into me, funneling that into me. 14:09.469 --> 14:25.576 [SPEAKER_00]: So case and point, my daughter recently got her her her herabrated and the old me would have, you know, because she doesn't have a car yet, you know, she doesn't have a car, she really doesn't have any for garbage, doesn't have a car yet, she's working on it, 14:29.157 --> 14:57.358 [SPEAKER_00]: By this time next year, she will definitely have one for sure and her license, but the old version of me, not really thinking too much about my energy, my labor, my time, my endgame, my health, you know, my will be I will be driving her to all the beauty supplies make sure she's getting the hair that she needs or the exact color and shade that she needs and making sure all you have an appointment are you sure and did you check the prize and did you check the person's work and 14:58.119 --> 15:08.401 [SPEAKER_00]: um let me drop you off let me pick you up like all these things you know that I would do obviously if she were younger of course you know of course I would um but she's not don't now 15:10.419 --> 15:11.760 [SPEAKER_00]: It's okay for me to step back. 15:12.341 --> 15:17.545 [SPEAKER_00]: It's okay to realize that well, obviously not only is she an adult, so she needs to start making her own choices, of course. 15:17.865 --> 15:20.327 [SPEAKER_00]: But it's okay for me to step back and think about my end game. 15:20.347 --> 15:33.757 [SPEAKER_00]: My end game is my rest, my health, my survival, my thriving, my peace, my joy, my comfort, my, you know, those things, pouring those things into me. 15:33.777 --> 15:38.181 [SPEAKER_00]: Any time for that, you need bandwidth for that, 15:41.618 --> 15:51.803 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't just give it all away, and as a mother, I know how hard it is to just, you know what I mean, but I can't do that. 15:53.096 --> 15:54.397 [SPEAKER_00]: I won't do that anymore. 15:54.838 --> 16:00.222 [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, she found the girl to do her hair and she got her hair done. 16:00.242 --> 16:05.387 [SPEAKER_00]: And I did take her to one beauty supply, you know. 16:05.987 --> 16:09.630 [SPEAKER_00]: And what they had is what they had is what she got. 16:10.171 --> 16:14.114 [SPEAKER_00]: And the lady was like, oh, well, there's another location, and I was like, 16:15.765 --> 16:27.150 [SPEAKER_00]: No, this will be, this will, this will suffice, you know what I'm saying and and it did what they had it did suffice and you know she ubered to her appointment and she ubered all. 16:30.012 --> 16:37.055 [SPEAKER_00]: And I got to rest tend to myself, you know what I'm saying, watch TV laid down eat. 16:39.047 --> 16:42.710 [SPEAKER_00]: recuperate, restore, take some quiet time. 16:43.090 --> 16:46.292 [SPEAKER_00]: When the house is quiet, those are the best moments for me. 16:47.033 --> 16:50.315 [SPEAKER_00]: When I'm alone in the house, those are some of the best moments for me. 16:51.356 --> 16:52.657 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I, there's no noise. 16:53.698 --> 16:59.842 [SPEAKER_00]: And when there's less noise, there's more, there's more energy for me, less distraction, less, you know what I'm saying? 17:00.182 --> 17:01.083 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's a win-win. 17:01.123 --> 17:02.724 [SPEAKER_00]: She's growing in her young 17:04.437 --> 17:09.680 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm resting in my womanhood and doing less in my womanhood. 17:09.700 --> 17:18.025 [SPEAKER_00]: And that is a part of my in-game, doing less, which will allow me to restore and allow her to continue to bloom into her own. 17:19.946 --> 17:21.687 [SPEAKER_00]: So that is a part of the in-game for me. 17:22.747 --> 17:24.668 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I didn't step in. 17:24.768 --> 17:25.829 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't do all the labor. 17:25.869 --> 17:26.850 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't find the braider. 17:26.890 --> 17:28.591 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't, you know, find out the price. 17:28.631 --> 17:29.771 [SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't pay for the braids. 17:32.244 --> 17:33.125 [SPEAKER_00]: Honey, I forgot about that. 17:33.165 --> 17:34.305 [SPEAKER_00]: She paid for her own damn braids. 17:34.325 --> 17:36.507 [SPEAKER_00]: Because she has her own damn, she's got a whole last job. 17:36.527 --> 17:37.167 [SPEAKER_00]: She's a manager. 17:38.108 --> 17:39.369 [SPEAKER_00]: She got a whole last job. 17:42.131 --> 17:42.952 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying? 17:43.092 --> 17:47.455 [SPEAKER_00]: So I just finding ways where I can step back. 17:47.935 --> 17:56.361 [SPEAKER_00]: That step back or that step down in role or the step back of that role of the position that you've either been tasked to do or you have tasked yourself to do. 17:58.920 --> 18:04.865 [SPEAKER_00]: but that step back, it's a way to tap into your in-game. 18:05.465 --> 18:06.966 [SPEAKER_00]: Whatever that in-game is for you. 18:07.006 --> 18:16.053 [SPEAKER_00]: Again, mine is complete health, wholeness, happiness, abundance, especially now that I'm in my fifth decade. 18:16.534 --> 18:20.677 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, so yeah, she ubered, she used her own damn money for the braids for the uber, she figured it out. 18:22.138 --> 18:23.339 [SPEAKER_00]: They'll figure it out, mom. 18:24.220 --> 18:26.642 [SPEAKER_00]: They will figure it out and any bumps along the way, 18:28.269 --> 18:30.290 [SPEAKER_00]: they'll know for next time, right? 18:30.890 --> 18:41.914 [SPEAKER_00]: But again, me stepping back allows her to fully emerge as the young lady, that she is, as the adult, that she is, you know, and I can do other things. 18:43.854 --> 18:49.176 [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, we know that the reality is, because it goes beyond obviously mothering. 18:51.037 --> 18:57.179 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, there's systemic things that we are dealing with as a people, as a black people, as black women, 18:58.724 --> 18:59.564 [SPEAKER_00]: every single day. 19:00.905 --> 19:01.725 [SPEAKER_00]: Every single day. 19:03.106 --> 19:20.252 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I read a stat recently and I know I'm going to say this wrong, even like I hear it in my mind, but the stat was basically saying that for the first time ever in the United States, like this is the first time in the United States where 19:21.548 --> 19:33.475 [SPEAKER_00]: someone with a minimum wage job, like there is no state in the US that you can live in if you have a minimum wage job where you would be able to afford a two-bedroom apartment. 19:35.796 --> 19:39.958 [SPEAKER_00]: Hopefully I got that right, but for the first time there is no state. 19:40.079 --> 19:47.623 [SPEAKER_00]: So I guess apparently there were states before and obviously we know that there was a time when one income 19:48.594 --> 19:54.795 [SPEAKER_00]: could take care of an entire household, maybe a wife, a husband, and maybe a couple of kids. 19:55.875 --> 20:08.858 [SPEAKER_00]: One income, I'm not saying that they were in a sterly rich, or had all the things, I'm not saying that, but one income allowed a family to live and thrive a bit. 20:11.478 --> 20:15.319 [SPEAKER_00]: Those days are no long, we know those days are not here anymore, and it's sad. 20:17.470 --> 20:39.644 [SPEAKER_00]: It's sad that we live in a abundant, abundant quote-unquote country, the world's best country, that's what they keep saying, where our healthcare is in shambles, minimum wages in shambles, the labor like, the labor industry, like all of it is just in shambles, it's in shambles. 20:40.465 --> 20:44.908 [SPEAKER_00]: It is impossible, damn near impossible to live well. 20:46.632 --> 20:59.482 [SPEAKER_00]: when most of the time in energy and resources that you personally have go into labor to survive to have a little bit more. 21:03.305 --> 21:04.345 [SPEAKER_00]: It's craziness to me. 21:05.006 --> 21:12.211 [SPEAKER_00]: This system is just set up for black women to do more and get less, to do more, to be more, to give more 21:17.690 --> 21:22.011 [SPEAKER_00]: not be as healthy, not be as happy, not be as abundant. 21:22.832 --> 21:29.314 [SPEAKER_00]: You damn near, we damn you got to kill ourselves, just to have a decent way of living. 21:29.734 --> 21:31.334 [SPEAKER_00]: And so again, what is your end game? 21:32.535 --> 21:34.155 [SPEAKER_00]: Because we can see the right on the wall. 21:34.535 --> 21:36.276 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, we've seen it for some time. 21:39.527 --> 21:47.851 [SPEAKER_00]: But this, this, this, this job that I was working on and I'm still working, but oh, I don't know if I said this, but I don't think I said this, but I ended up putting it in my resignation. 21:48.772 --> 21:53.394 [SPEAKER_00]: I ended up putting it in my resignation because I was like, I can't do this and honey, I don't know where the money's going to come from. 21:54.755 --> 21:55.115 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, no. 21:56.096 --> 21:59.117 [SPEAKER_00]: But I know that my health matters more and I'll figure it out. 22:00.018 --> 22:01.378 [SPEAKER_00]: So I put my resignation in. 22:01.438 --> 22:04.600 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I can't do these shifts anymore, you know, blah, blah, blah. 22:05.825 --> 22:22.267 [SPEAKER_00]: And they called me in and so I went in and talked to the HR department of the HR lady and she's like, well, is there anything we can do maybe less hours and I said, you know, let's let's try 24 hours a week three days a week. 22:23.060 --> 22:38.649 [SPEAKER_00]: Not five days, not six days, not stretching it to where you know, if I say, for example, 24, you'll do four hours this day five hours the next three the next six the next where I'm there five or six they, I'm not doing that. 22:52.737 --> 22:54.297 [SPEAKER_00]: And we will, we'll see how it goes. 22:54.317 --> 22:56.598 [SPEAKER_00]: And if it doesn't work for me, I will pivot again. 22:57.498 --> 22:59.858 [SPEAKER_00]: This job is not my endgame. 22:59.918 --> 23:00.679 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just a bridge. 23:01.879 --> 23:04.079 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just a bridge for now. 23:05.180 --> 23:09.040 [SPEAKER_00]: One bridge that I am building of a few. 23:10.581 --> 23:17.122 [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, I guess the bridge building is the endgame, but that specific job is not the endgame. 23:17.722 --> 23:19.602 [SPEAKER_00]: Hopefully that tracks what I'm trying to say. 23:23.173 --> 23:32.279 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, this idea of laboring until I'm in my 70s. 23:33.139 --> 23:34.860 [SPEAKER_00]: So I think minimum, not minimum wage. 23:34.920 --> 23:40.984 [SPEAKER_00]: I think the retirement age has been bundled up to 67 or 72. 23:41.344 --> 23:43.045 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know why I have those two numbers in my head. 23:43.065 --> 23:45.147 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe 67 used to be it and now it's 72. 23:46.869 --> 24:04.438 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not sure I should have looked into that before I hopped on the podcast, but regardless, if it's late 60s, early 70s, like I remember my 50s now, so if my body's already like telling me, no, I'll say, we ain't doing this now, am I early 50s? 24:05.479 --> 24:12.863 [SPEAKER_00]: If I continue to ignore what my body is saying, we continue to ignore what our bodies are saying, where will we be in five years? 24:14.895 --> 24:22.639 [SPEAKER_00]: How much harm would I be putting on myself if I continue to do the same thing for another five years? 24:22.759 --> 24:29.003 [SPEAKER_00]: Like that's not what I envision when I think about the in-game, okay? 24:29.743 --> 24:30.984 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not what I envision. 24:31.665 --> 24:44.352 [SPEAKER_00]: So for me, a part of my in-game where I am able to be my healthiest self to bloom more, to grow more, to experience 24:45.375 --> 25:13.822 [SPEAKER_00]: culture and creativity and you know different types of experiences and joy and you know I have had this idea for a minute where I am going to move out of the US that is a part of my in-game even if I don't stay out of the US for the rest of my life this is a part of my in-game 25:14.817 --> 25:22.486 [SPEAKER_00]: I have been thinking about it for the last couple of years like I knew that I wanted my life to be different and there it's just I'm not saying it's perfect. 25:22.506 --> 25:23.647 [SPEAKER_00]: There's nowhere that's perfect. 25:23.888 --> 25:28.093 [SPEAKER_00]: There's nowhere that is perfect every place is going to have its own unique. 25:29.205 --> 25:31.767 [SPEAKER_00]: situation experiences, you know, things like that. 25:32.308 --> 25:49.923 [SPEAKER_00]: But I'll tell you what, I've been watching so many videos black women are moving to Mexico, city, Taiwan, Vietnam, like just just different, you know, places out Japan, I think, China, outside of the US, you know, even South Africa. 25:50.003 --> 25:50.303 [SPEAKER_00]: And, um, 25:54.417 --> 25:56.800 [SPEAKER_00]: I watched a video recently of a woman. 25:56.820 --> 26:01.567 [SPEAKER_00]: I believe she was in her early 50s and she moved to 26:04.147 --> 26:09.389 [SPEAKER_00]: gosh, I believe she moved to Vietnam this year or last year. 26:09.409 --> 26:19.773 [SPEAKER_00]: She moved to Vietnam and she was just talking about how happy she is and how her life has changed, how her health has changed. 26:19.793 --> 26:25.395 [SPEAKER_00]: You see she had been dealing with some medical things, you know, whatever they were. 26:25.415 --> 26:29.397 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think she really got too specific, but her doctors basically were just, 26:31.193 --> 26:38.036 [SPEAKER_00]: Not they were just not doing what like she wasn't getting better for whatever reason she wasn't getting better. 26:38.056 --> 26:42.438 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if it's because they weren't listening to her or just kind of like you know how our health care system is. 26:43.218 --> 26:51.521 [SPEAKER_00]: Our health care system is designed for obviously the wealthy people that have access to to to much more than the average person does. 27:01.036 --> 27:05.581 [SPEAKER_00]: She told her kids, they weren't happy, but you know, it is what it is. 27:05.641 --> 27:06.642 [SPEAKER_00]: She moved to Vietnam. 27:07.303 --> 27:16.833 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think she's says for $500 US dollars a month or somewhere in there, five or six hundred US dollars a month, she is eating healthy. 27:17.805 --> 27:29.734 [SPEAKER_00]: She gets her nails done, she gets pedicures, her lashes done, massages, she gets, she has health care, and different things like that. 27:30.174 --> 27:32.136 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, and her apartment, obviously, and her apartment. 27:32.156 --> 27:33.517 [SPEAKER_00]: I think she lived in a studio. 27:33.537 --> 27:37.920 [SPEAKER_00]: Is it a one-bedroom or studio in Vietnam? 27:39.461 --> 27:41.883 [SPEAKER_00]: For $500 or $600 US dollars a month. 27:47.820 --> 27:50.142 [SPEAKER_00]: improving once she left the country. 27:50.862 --> 27:55.846 [SPEAKER_00]: And I would say, oh, that's, you know, that's a one off, but it's not because I've seen it over and over again. 27:57.607 --> 27:58.027 [SPEAKER_00]: You know? 27:59.648 --> 28:04.592 [SPEAKER_00]: So again, I ask you like, what is your, what is your in-game? 28:05.072 --> 28:10.636 [SPEAKER_00]: Because we can't rely on the systems to be concerned about our health, 28:15.958 --> 28:17.819 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, all of these things are valuable for us. 28:19.480 --> 28:22.481 [SPEAKER_00]: But we live in a system that could care less. 28:23.122 --> 28:26.323 [SPEAKER_00]: Ultimately, about humans, definitely not for about a black woman's humanity. 28:27.224 --> 28:33.087 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, definitely not about a black like we are at the end of the total boat when it comes to the concern about humanity. 28:33.607 --> 28:34.808 [SPEAKER_00]: We know this to be true. 28:38.690 --> 28:42.152 [SPEAKER_00]: So knowing that your energy, your time, your health, 28:43.349 --> 28:59.593 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, these things are very valuable, but they're finite, or they have to be, there has to be something done to where you are able to restore these things, recharge, revitalize these parts of you, or these things that help to make you you. 28:59.613 --> 29:02.734 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, what's your in-game? 29:03.414 --> 29:05.214 [SPEAKER_00]: How far out have you thought about this? 29:06.495 --> 29:09.135 [SPEAKER_00]: How far out beyond the roles that you're currently doing? 29:09.155 --> 29:10.876 [SPEAKER_00]: Have you thought about this? 29:12.218 --> 29:33.893 [SPEAKER_00]: getting again just this idea of being selfish what's what's in it for you when it's all said and done after after you no longer are playing the roles that you're playing what's in it for you sorry y'all if you're not watching I just drink some water oh what's in it for you or what do you want 29:35.235 --> 29:55.645 [SPEAKER_00]: It, what do you want to be, and what do you want to be, and if for you, this dog just hit her head, if you hurt that, she didn't hit her head on a damn couch, Lordybee, but yeah, five or six hundred dollars a month and health restored happiness, joyfulness, feeling like, 29:56.904 --> 30:02.368 [SPEAKER_00]: life is good, having access to, to amazing health care. 30:02.768 --> 30:13.857 [SPEAKER_00]: She was getting massages pretty much every several times a week, just really taking care of her health in a whole different country. 30:14.497 --> 30:18.740 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's sad that we have to go to a different country to be treated the way that we deserve. 30:21.863 --> 30:24.545 [SPEAKER_00]: But that's the reality now, you know. 30:25.337 --> 30:30.480 [SPEAKER_00]: So I personally feel like 20, 28 is gonna be the year that I do this. 30:31.281 --> 30:38.405 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm researching, saving money, you know, that kind of thing. 30:38.425 --> 30:49.132 [SPEAKER_00]: I haven't really told my daughter yet, but I plan on doing so very soon just so we can start preparing for that because I know that she would not want to come with me for sure, having for bid. 30:49.792 --> 30:53.635 [SPEAKER_00]: And honestly, I can't say that I would want her to, 30:54.812 --> 31:10.661 [SPEAKER_00]: I want her to experience a life in a way that she wants to, and I want to be free to experience life the way that I want to. 31:11.602 --> 31:14.623 [SPEAKER_00]: And for the last couple of years, I just knew that I wanted something different. 31:14.984 --> 31:20.507 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, granted, like I mentioned in the last episode, or several episodes ago, I was 31:23.071 --> 31:24.332 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's no longer happening. 31:25.052 --> 31:28.494 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I thought that was going to be a part of my in-game story, but it's not. 31:30.195 --> 31:33.057 [SPEAKER_00]: But it's okay because, you know, we can pivot. 31:33.277 --> 31:36.438 [SPEAKER_00]: We take these experience, we learn from it, and we pivot. 31:37.099 --> 31:40.481 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, we don't allow one set back to hold us back. 31:41.566 --> 31:43.427 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what we're not gonna do. 31:44.228 --> 31:49.691 [SPEAKER_00]: So this overseas thing is definitely something that is back on the table for me. 31:50.251 --> 31:51.912 [SPEAKER_00]: It was something that I considered before. 31:52.312 --> 31:53.713 [SPEAKER_00]: Now it's back on the table for me. 31:53.813 --> 31:54.534 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm excited. 31:55.114 --> 31:58.356 [SPEAKER_00]: There is definitely someone's certainty and things I need to figure out and explore. 31:58.796 --> 32:01.177 [SPEAKER_00]: But that is a part of my in-game. 32:01.318 --> 32:09.542 [SPEAKER_00]: So again, it's time to start thinking about yourself more 32:12.152 --> 32:17.838 [SPEAKER_00]: And I've mentioned this before, self-care is a full-time, I usually used to say job. 32:17.858 --> 32:27.347 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't even like, I think the word job, it just has such a negative connotation, but it's, it does require extensive and consistent dedication. 32:28.597 --> 32:51.417 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it requires us to frame ourselves as the main character on a very regular and consistent basis, because we've got to find ways to go beyond just surviving these food circumstances, these rent circumstances, these labor circumstances, these system circumstances, these racism circumstances, these 32:52.318 --> 32:59.920 [SPEAKER_00]: political circumstances, just the everyday stress of what's happening in this country. 33:01.480 --> 33:05.701 [SPEAKER_00]: So my question to you is, you know, what is your in-game? 33:06.541 --> 33:07.901 [SPEAKER_00]: When's the last time you thought about it? 33:08.361 --> 33:12.962 [SPEAKER_00]: Where are you putting your, your finite energy into today? 33:14.423 --> 33:16.683 [SPEAKER_00]: That no longer requires it. 33:17.948 --> 33:47.535 [SPEAKER_00]: Is there an area in your life where you can start to step back so that you can pour that time that energy that care back into yourself and also do you have an in game once the roles that you are currently in are no longer an option for whatever reason whether it's your choice or you know life just happens or kids get older or whatever the case may be like what's what's after that what's next. 33:48.755 --> 33:57.997 [SPEAKER_00]: What's the next thing that you can do to really really send to yourself because you're allowed to do that. 33:58.577 --> 34:00.277 [SPEAKER_00]: And that time is definitely coming. 34:00.457 --> 34:02.277 [SPEAKER_00]: All things are always changing. 34:02.637 --> 34:03.718 [SPEAKER_00]: Nothing remains the same. 34:04.438 --> 34:12.579 [SPEAKER_00]: And though there's definitely some confidence security a lot of times in the labels, I guess, or the roles that we play or the roles that we have, 34:19.036 --> 34:28.082 [SPEAKER_00]: Or if they are a permanent date, they still like everything shifts and changes, you know, I mean, everything evolves and nothing necessarily always stays the same exactly as it is. 34:28.122 --> 34:37.529 [SPEAKER_00]: And what you don't want to happen is you look up and now it's five years later, things have changed and you have not once thought about yourself and what's next. 34:37.589 --> 34:39.731 [SPEAKER_00]: And so now you're scrambling to figure things out. 34:40.551 --> 34:46.035 [SPEAKER_00]: Doesn't mean it's impossible, but now is the time to go ahead and start thinking about that. 34:47.102 --> 34:47.502 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 34:48.643 --> 34:49.063 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 34:49.464 --> 34:52.165 [SPEAKER_00]: So I would love to hear from you. 34:52.285 --> 34:53.506 [SPEAKER_00]: I'd love to hear your thoughts. 34:53.586 --> 35:01.151 [SPEAKER_00]: If you watch this on Spotify, leave a comment in the comment section and give me your thoughts on what we talked about today. 35:01.751 --> 35:06.914 [SPEAKER_00]: If you listened on iTunes or Spotify, then you enjoy this conversation. 35:07.454 --> 35:11.597 [SPEAKER_00]: Please, please, please leave a rating and review. 35:12.157 --> 35:14.338 [SPEAKER_00]: that helps the show to go a very long way. 35:14.438 --> 35:21.199 [SPEAKER_00]: Share this with your friends, share the link, share the podcast, share the Spotify link, and have them listen to it as well and join the community. 35:22.019 --> 35:27.341 [SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, that's it for this week's episode of the Brown Girl Self Care Podcast. 35:27.381 --> 35:29.381 [SPEAKER_00]: Definitely much, much, much, much more to come. 35:30.081 --> 35:33.822 [SPEAKER_00]: I will see you next Monday on other episodes in the meantime. 35:34.362 --> 35:35.543 [SPEAKER_00]: Think about what we talked about. 35:36.003 --> 35:39.083 [SPEAKER_00]: And as we leave, actually, I do want to take that 35:42.805 --> 36:08.079 [SPEAKER_00]: And then hold it for a second and then we're going to let it out and just continue to allow our bodies to relax All right, so here we go in 3, 2, 1 go ahead and inhale through the nose and hold it for 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and then slowly release it through the mouth 5, 4, 36:09.895 --> 36:12.657 [SPEAKER_00]: three, two, one. 36:12.978 --> 36:13.418 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 36:13.919 --> 36:14.999 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll see you next Monday. 36:15.160 --> 36:15.540 [SPEAKER_00]: Take care.