[SPEAKER_00]: Hello and welcome back to part in the mess.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host Scarlett Hiltabidal.
[SPEAKER_00]: It is a beautiful summer day here in Texas.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm looking out the window and I'm thinking, this is my first summer as a Texan.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you don't know this already, I've, I moved to Texas last August.
[SPEAKER_00]: So this is our first summer in Texas experience.
[SPEAKER_00]: My goodness, it's very hot.
[SPEAKER_00]: I did live in Miami for 20 years, so I feel like that kind of prepared me for this.
[SPEAKER_00]: But thinking about
[SPEAKER_00]: the hot summer day, the big move, all the newness, I wanted to do an episode on transitions on moving, on helping your kids feel secure when everything changes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so maybe you've been planted in the same city, your whole life, and you're like, I don't have any plans on moving.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, we are going to talk a lot about moving today, but the focus is going to be less on moving and more on transitions with your kids raising kids to know where their true home is.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what we're going to do today.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, you guys, just a reminder, I promise I'm only going to be doing this annoying announcement to you stuff the month of June since we're still getting to know each other.
[SPEAKER_00]: But since I've taken over for a week of June, we have changed the format these episodes on Thursdays.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's one message week, one untangling of the mess.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've got the messy mom moment segment, and we're taking one small faithful step together in that area every week, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: So.
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, yeah, thank you all for being so welcoming to me and let's just get right into it.
[SPEAKER_00]: So here's the mess.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to look at this week.
[SPEAKER_00]: Life is crazy.
[SPEAKER_00]: Move transition of some kind in our family and I don't know how to help my kids feel stability when life feels so unstable.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, this is the mess we're looking at.
[SPEAKER_00]: and it's deeply personal to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Here's why I was trying to count before I started recording how many times I've moved and I don't know the exact number because when I was little you know I'm like trying to think through every actual like house moving experience even if it was in the same city.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know that I've moved over 16 times in my life and when I tell people how many places I've lived, a lot of them are like
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, military kid, and I'm like, no, not military.
[SPEAKER_00]: My mom was an actress and then I grew up in marry to pastor.
[SPEAKER_00]: So when I was little, we moved for my mom's work through all the big cities, LA, New York, Miami, and then I married a pastor and I met him in Miami.
[SPEAKER_00]: We moved to Nashville, California, Nashville, and now Texas.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so lots of moving boxes, so many fresh starts.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've had so many new experiences and new friends and also so many good buys.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, you know, I grew up learning to adapt and find excitement and joy in all that.
[SPEAKER_00]: But now I've got these four kids and, you know, I've moved them around a lot.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I've done a lot of these moves with kids and toe and I'm really grateful I've had some good examples.
[SPEAKER_00]: of how to help kids be excited about what's ahead while also grieving what's behind.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we're going to talk a lot about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I had a great example just with my mom.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like she moved me around and moving was an exciting thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: So while I did get sad, having to say goodbye, I always found excitement in a new place.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm excited today because our messy
[SPEAKER_00]: is going to feature my friend Caroline who had a big crazy move to Japan and back and she's just so wonderful and fun and wise and I actually recorded that before I recorded this and she was just already so in tune with what I wanted to say about this, about how to help your kids with the grief of leaving and help them with the excitement of what's ahead.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what we're going to talk about today, and let's just get right into it, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: So, here's the tension.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want my kids to be excited about what's ahead, but I don't want to minimize what they're leaving behind.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, the first thing I'm going to say is, let your kids grieve what they love, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: So Tennessee became home for my family.
[SPEAKER_00]: When we moved from Miami to Nashville, we had just one kid, me and Brandon.
[SPEAKER_00]: We were in our little tiny babies with a little tiny baby.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, ever was one and a half.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember we were leaving a great place.
[SPEAKER_00]: We really didn't family behind in Florida.
[SPEAKER_00]: We were leaving a great church.
[SPEAKER_00]: And of course, ever was too young to really know what was going on.
[SPEAKER_00]: I do know that the stuffed animal that she grew attached to, that it happened during that transition.
[SPEAKER_00]: Even though she didn't really know what was going on, she knew enough to cling to this little stuffed animal from her Easter basket that was like a pink lamb bunny, kind of not a script.
[SPEAKER_00]: We couldn't tell what it was.
[SPEAKER_00]: And when she got so attached to it as a toddler, I was like, I gotta get more of these.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I called the grocery store where I had found this bunny for the Easter basket.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they're like, oh, you can only order that from China in bulk by the 10,000.
[SPEAKER_00]: So what they said, so yeah, could not find.
[SPEAKER_00]: back up.
[SPEAKER_00]: But then, okay, I'm off on a rabbit trail, but we're friends, so I'm just going to roll with it.
[SPEAKER_00]: But then, one day I found a very similar one, but it was bigger and ever ended up becoming attached to the replacement instead of the original.
[SPEAKER_00]: So there you go, okay, so anyway, back to the point.
[SPEAKER_00]: let your kids grieve what they love.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we grieve the loss of distance from people and a life we love.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that is normal.
[SPEAKER_00]: That happens to adults.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've got to expect it to happen to our kids and just know we can hold joy and sorrow at the same time.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is so true of the Christian life.
[SPEAKER_00]: We rejoice in our blessings now while living in the brokenness of the not yet, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: God has not yet made everything new.
[SPEAKER_00]: So an exciting new thing what goes along with that is loss, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's a big mistake as parents if we are so focused on hybing up our kids and saying, look what's ahead and not acknowledging the pain of the loss.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that that is not the way to go.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I think that it's important to let your kids be sad, to let them see you be sad.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, we're not trying to raise robots who act perfect here.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're trying to raise humans who depend on Jesus.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that means when we're sad, when we're saying goodbye to something we love, we can look back at that and say, okay, I'm sad because what a gift that was.
[SPEAKER_00]: But knowing all the while, okay, but we're moving on to this next thing and it's going to be good.
[SPEAKER_00]: And God's going to take care of us.
[SPEAKER_00]: God is everywhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: If we are people who are ruled by his spirit and the Lord is within us, then wherever we move, wherever we go.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's there.
[SPEAKER_00]: So another thing to remember is that God often calls his people away from good things.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've had a lot of moves that were super great and it was like, all good, let's get out of here.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm ready to roll and then I've had other moves that
[SPEAKER_00]: that we're a harder, you know, where I had mixed feelings.
[SPEAKER_00]: And God's word, I think it's really comforting that we see a lot of moving, leaving transitional times.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so there's all these examples if you look at scripture, Abraham left home.
[SPEAKER_00]: Ruth left home, Moses left home.
[SPEAKER_00]: The disciples left home.
[SPEAKER_00]: Throughout Scripture, God over and over again asks his people to loosen their grip on earthly security and trust him instead.
[SPEAKER_00]: Isn't that hard, you guys?
[SPEAKER_00]: That is so hard.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is so hard for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have a friend named Kay Geiger.
[SPEAKER_00]: She is like a mentor to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Her husband, Eric Geiger, has been a mentor to my husband.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have watched her
[SPEAKER_00]: Move, we actually followed them for ministry stuff all over the country multiple times and now they're in California and we're here in Texas, but I was watching her move her family around and just have these great experiences, you know, I I always loved being in her home.
[SPEAKER_00]: I did Bible studies on her floor.
[SPEAKER_00]: She would lead me through Bible studies with her neighborhood friends and stuff and I just watched her hold her homes with a loose grip.
[SPEAKER_00]: She kept the important thing important.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she really was a really big example to me of living, living with holding your home loosely.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think she may have even vocalized that to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: In one of these moves, when she was moving from Nashville to California, and I didn't know that we were going to follow them like a year or two later.
[SPEAKER_00]: But she was just talking about, you know, the sadness of leaving, but how the Lord has always led their family and that she just holds on to her homes loosely because ultimately our home isn't heaven.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I thought that was such a good example to me, and as I have found myself as an adult moving around from place to place, it's been really comforting and convicting.
[SPEAKER_00]: to remember that this world is not our home as much as every single time we move or I have moved, I've been like, okay, I want this to be it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want this to be the last time because it's hard to start to have roots somewhere, make friends, get familiar with the roads, you don't have to use GPS anymore to go to the grocery store and then you have to leave, that's hard.
[SPEAKER_00]: Holding our homes loosely doesn't mean that
[SPEAKER_00]: earthly homes are bad or their relationships are bad or that roots are bad.
[SPEAKER_00]: It just means that God loves us too much to let us confuse his gifts with him.
[SPEAKER_00]: And isn't that just the struggle since the Israelites, you know, since God's people all the way back.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you just look at the very beginning, it is so hard for us as humans to not worship the wonderful things God made instead of worship him, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: All these wonderful things family, home.
[SPEAKER_00]: familiarity with friends, these wonderful things that just make life awesome are meant to point us to the awesomeness of God and yet we just latch onto them like they are the ultimate and that leads to our suffering, it leads to our kids suffering.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I love
[SPEAKER_00]: looking at scripture to see these examples of people who got asked to leave home.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I love thinking about people in my own life like, hey, Geiger, and I watched her do it, I watched her do it joyfully, and I watched her lead her kids to move with excitement.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, sometimes obedience to the Lord means leaving something wonderful because God is leading us somewhere else.
[SPEAKER_00]: So this makes parenting mess isn't actually moving.
[SPEAKER_00]: Moving isn't the real issue.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the fear underneath it.
[SPEAKER_00]: right or the things that happen in our brains because we're moving.
[SPEAKER_00]: So questions you might wrestle with if you are, you know, moving homes, moving cities, just in a season of change with your family, you might think, are my kids going to be okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: Will they find friends?
[SPEAKER_00]: Will they belong?
[SPEAKER_00]: Will they trust God?
[SPEAKER_00]: Will they resent me?
[SPEAKER_00]: And the question underneath all of it is, how can I help my children feel secure in a world where everything changes?
[SPEAKER_00]: Caroline, this is my friend Caroline down in Caroline welcome to part in the mess you're on the show it's official oh my goodness I can't believe it one of the first guests Caroline is so special to me we've been friends for a long time we lived in Nashville together at the same time and then before I moved away she moved away to Japan which is so crazy and cool and she has a bunch of kids too so
[SPEAKER_00]: Caroline, really quickly tell the listeners a little bit about your family and a little bit about what brought you to Japan and back to the U.S.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so we are family of six and I have two holders and two younger, so although they're not little anymore, but my oldest is 20 and my youngest is 10.
[SPEAKER_01]: and Scarlett and I homeschooled together for several years.
[SPEAKER_01]: In my mind, those are like the golden years.
[SPEAKER_01]: And let's see, I guess it was in 2018, we had the opportunity to move overseas as a family with my husband's company.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we spent four years living in Yokohama, Japan, just out the Tokyo.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was an amazing experience.
[SPEAKER_01]: We'd homeschooled up to that point, so it was our first experience.
[SPEAKER_01]: outside of homeschooling for education.
[SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, it was just, it was wonderful.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was, it was a, it was a once in a lifetime thing, also a huge transition and we came back in 2022 and now we're, we're back here in Columbia, Tennessee, just south of Nashville.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we were kind of at one point far in neighbors.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I missed those guys.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: I am also a fake farmer.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I'm not a farmer at all.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: I quit.
[SPEAKER_01]: I quit twice.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, but no, you're a little further.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're legit.
[SPEAKER_01]: You stuck with it.
[SPEAKER_01]: You moved to your pan and back and picked up your farming.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, I don't think it counts if you had two cats.
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe.
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it to, we guess it does?
[SPEAKER_00]: You have your own, yeah, I was the word, taking care of the land.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't even remember how to say that in a farming way.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, yeah, let's keep going.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, Caroline, what was the hardest thing about moving with your kids?
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think the hardest thing about moving is link to the hardest thing about motherhood in general, which is just the underlying concern that we're making a mistake or we're doing something that's gonna hurt our kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's always that unknown and just the feeling that am I making their right decision is there's something that's going to be one of those markers in their in their lives that that they're going to have trauma from or wounds from that that require healing.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the truth is you just can't really know, you can't really know what is on the other side of every decision that you make, but I think the hardest thing is just that I know and whether it's moving, you know, to another state or across the country or across the world, I don't I don't think that that feeling or.
[SPEAKER_01]: that unknown really feels any less significant as long as you're just you're moving away.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's a big change, different friends, different neighbors, family.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's just the feeling that, hey, as a mom, am I doing this right?
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a great answer.
[SPEAKER_00]: And your move was like all that on, like, turbo because I feel like a cross country move is one thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you said, different friends, different everything.
[SPEAKER_00]: But you, I mean, you were in a completely different culture,
[SPEAKER_00]: hard things and some of the joys.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think you did such a good job of this as I was watching you from afar.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like you got your kids to be excited about this new adventure.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think just like you've already shown you are a very honest transparent mom too.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so holding like the sadness of some of your kids, the excitement of others, you know, the home sickness.
[SPEAKER_00]: So how did you help your kids get excited about moving to Japan?
[SPEAKER_00]: And what about like
[SPEAKER_00]: moving back home like how did you have them get excited while they were some of them might have been struggling with sadness.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think the main thing was just being excited myself.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I was also afraid.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was also unsure of what it would look like for me and just trying to cling to the fact that the Lord has a plan for us.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's going to go before us and trying to
[SPEAKER_01]: And that.
[SPEAKER_01]: But some things that we did is we now this is more applicable to moving across the world and into a different culture, but we did study the language just a little bit and we read some books and cultural books like about different holidays that they haven't Japan.
[SPEAKER_01]: We talked to some people who had lived there and also one of my kids and my husband got to go before we moved to see the area So I was trying to think before we met about how would that have changed if it was say a move from Tennessee to Georgia?
[SPEAKER_01]: And I do think some of that could still apply, you know, talking about what's Georgia known for you know Tennessee its country music and dolly part and in the smoking mountains
[SPEAKER_01]: in that area love and consider as sort of paramount to their local experience and then talking to people that live there or have lived there or family that might have visited there and then just making it an exciting experience maybe go for a little visit if you can if you can swing it or afford it
[SPEAKER_01]: have it be built up is like the first experience almost like a vacation in their minds like hey we got to see this cool place it was a great time as a family and then having getting to build off that and looking forward to you know solidifying and moving there but there's so many there's so much excitement when it comes to moving there's definitely the fear too but there's so much excitement so I think just
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, grabbing hold of anything that can become exciting in a kid's mind is pretty cool.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then when the fear does come, you can kind of discuss it, of course, in honor of those feelings, but rounded out with just some cool things that you're looking forward to.
[SPEAKER_01]: people that you're looking for to meeting and or who have been there and just sharing some of the excitement with them.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that answer.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that and I'm thinking through our moves, which again, we're not as dramatic as your move.
[SPEAKER_00]: But my kids have always been excited when we've moved and I think that it's exactly what you said at the beginning.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're excited, your kids are going to be excited.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like when I'm in a bad place, I don't like that saying about the mom being the temperature of the home.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like,
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I'm not.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I know, like, please, not me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, but it's kind of true.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, if we're excited about it and we're showing them the positive different new things that they're gonna get to experience it definitely translates, I love that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, did any of your kids deal with home sickness?
[SPEAKER_01]: Dan, I know they did, cause I remember you telling me that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, and how did you help them through that?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, they did.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, it's just when your kids hurt, you just hurt.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just the way we are as moms, and that that's a heavy feeling if your kids that are just struggling.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I would say all of my kids had homesickness at different times.
[SPEAKER_01]: My head one that did not want to go.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, she was just devastated.
[SPEAKER_01]: I had one that wanted to go and would leave, would have left with the next day.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I had two that were a little more neutral.
[SPEAKER_01]: Some things that we did, we, we allowed, we honored those feelings.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, being homesick, just shows that you had something really great.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and you had great connections at home, and those are very real, and you, and hopefully you want to keep them up, you know, through the life of through your child's life.
[SPEAKER_01]: So honoring those friendships and talking about those people, it's talking to those people.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, thank goodness now.
[SPEAKER_01]: We all have the ability to do that with
[SPEAKER_01]: Face time and all the things for kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then we wrote letters.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was fun too.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: So when you're just thinking about someone, write them a letter.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, pull out a pin into paper and write them a letter.
[SPEAKER_01]: We also sent some packages or like care boxes from Japan.
[SPEAKER_01]: So we would gather some weird little trinkets and write letters and mail them back to our friends at home.
[SPEAKER_00]: You sent us a box, I remember it was so cool.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: And just like, you know, maintaining those relationships, I wouldn't say I'm the best, long distance person, but just everyone's in a while.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, make sure those connections are still there and are still valid for the kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then we would always look forward to visiting.
[SPEAKER_01]: So we talked a lot about like those upcoming visits.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we would always have an open door for people who wanted to visit us.
[SPEAKER_01]: So just remembering like those people are still there.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're still there.
[SPEAKER_01]: They are still important to us.
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes it's family, you know, it's not always just friends, but like with the grandparents we're we're very close with our grandparents.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that was a hard move to be away from them too, but just talking to them and remembering like they're still there like we're not maybe we can't see them every day, but we're still there.
[SPEAKER_01]: We still love them.
[SPEAKER_01]: They still have us and keeping those connections alive, but sometimes in the moment, a kid's just said, you know, they just are and you just got to sit with them and
[SPEAKER_01]: and feel it and understand and relate that yeah this was this was hard and I understand that you're you're feeling a bit of a loss right now and and I understand that's so good.
[SPEAKER_01]: What has moving taught your family about God?
[SPEAKER_01]: I would say when we moved I did not think.
[SPEAKER_01]: that it would have such an impact on my faith, but it definitely did.
[SPEAKER_01]: And one of the things that did was it just quieted the noise.
[SPEAKER_01]: We had gotten so ingrained in our lives here in Tennessee, and that's a wonderful thing, and we have a wonderful life here.
[SPEAKER_01]: But we've gotten into the A to clock, we have this, and 10 o'clock, we have this, and we're meeting up with this person, and that person, just all these events and activities, which I think most American moms can relate to.
[SPEAKER_01]: But moving away, just sort of quieted the schedule and it quieted the noise.
[SPEAKER_01]: And what it kind of allowed us to do was autocorrect.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was like, OK, here we are, our family of six.
[SPEAKER_01]: And even in that time before we got to know a lot of people, which, of course, we made friends there.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's to be expected.
[SPEAKER_01]: But in that little time period before we really got settled, it was just sort of, like I said, an auto-corrective, re-establishing who we are as a family and re-dedicating our time to what was important to us.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then also, I found that we've read the Bible way more as a family like we would get up before my kids went to an international school there.
[SPEAKER_01]: So before they would go to school, we would get up and read the Bible over breakfast and pray it was just a time to where we really were seeking the Lord because everything else was just a little bit quiet.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was just an upset in the rhythm that allowed us to kind of reset.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think moving allows us to
[SPEAKER_01]: Have that time of reset.
[SPEAKER_01]: It also allows us to just see God at work and see God at hand and understand that even though He's maybe didn't say audibly you shall move, you know He he definitely goes before us and he definitely knows where we're meant to be and he's to He's caring for us, you know very intimately and in all of those transitions So I think it just allowed For me and allowed me to see that he showed up
[SPEAKER_00]: And then he's everywhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, he's not just here in the Bible Belt, which he certainly is, but he's in Asia, you know, and he is in all all the cities across the world.
[SPEAKER_01]: And there was a period when we first moved that I thought, wow, there are no Christians here.
[SPEAKER_01]: There were opportunities to invest in my faith there and it was just really neat to see that that God is applicable to all people and all cultures we the way that we think about church and faith in the Bible built in the sea is different than the way someone in California or
[SPEAKER_01]: in the north and certainly oversees.
[SPEAKER_01]: It removes some of that cultural Christianity and allowed it to be more of a raw organic faith for our family.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think that's the main lesson that God has got as everywhere he goes before us and he's with us in the transitions in every little detail.
[SPEAKER_01]: That is so beautiful.
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, for the mom listening who's maybe not doing a big cross-country move, I think it's really inspiring that you can still have that kind of reset that happened with your family, like right now it's summer.
[SPEAKER_00]: So even if you have those rhythms of like the school year, that maybe it's summertime and your kids are home and you have all this spare time with them.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you can do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you can be like, let's read the Bible over breakfast.
[SPEAKER_00]: We haven't, we've been so busy.
[SPEAKER_00]: We haven't been doing that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's beautiful.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, Caroline.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's true no matter where you move.
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
[SPEAKER_01]: Even if it's just another state, I'm sure, I mean, you guys have been gone how long now is it?
[SPEAKER_01]: A year, it'll be a year in August.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, wow, I am so fast.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I mean, that first time period is this kind of a sweet time, isn't it?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's you, it's you and your fam.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yep, they're yearning it out together.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's such a bonding moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so true.
[SPEAKER_00]: Caroline, you're so wise, you're so wonderful.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to have to have you back on because thank you.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just want to listen to you talk more and I'm sure that everyone listening feels the same way.
[SPEAKER_00]: So this is your timeline.
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
[SPEAKER_01]: Anytime.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks, Scarlett.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so wasn't that awesome?
[SPEAKER_00]: I love Caroline so much.
[SPEAKER_00]: Definitely gonna have her back on the show at some point.
[SPEAKER_00]: So what if God is using change to teach us where home really is?
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, every move that I've ever done exposed something in me.
[SPEAKER_00]: So every time I got settled, I really did start believing, okay, I've arrived.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is it, this is home.
[SPEAKER_00]: and every time eventually something changed.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, what if that's not an accident, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: As a follower of Jesus, I believe that God uses everything that He has sovereign over everything.
[SPEAKER_00]: So what if God lovingly has allowed these disruptions in my life?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because He's teaching me something deeper, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: Ask yourself something.
[SPEAKER_00]: that same question.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what kind of change you're facing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's like a job change.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's not a city change, but maybe it's a change that you're not happy about.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so what if God is lovingly allowing that?
[SPEAKER_00]: What if it's not an accident?
[SPEAKER_00]: If you look in Hebrews 11, Abraham lived in tents.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I don't even want to go camping.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't ever want to be in a tent, not even for one night.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, Abraham lived in a tent, and it's not because God forgot to give him a home.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's because God was teaching him to long for a better one.
[SPEAKER_00]: So Hebrews says of the heroes of the faith that they were foreigners and temporary residents on the earth.
[SPEAKER_00]: They were longing for their better heavenly country, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: So guys, that's us, too.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, whether you live in a tent, which great, or maybe you're one of these like vanlife, RV travelers that are so fun to watch on YouTube, but I don't want to do that myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: The point is, the Christian life is not about finally finding the perfect earthly home.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's about learning to long for our eternal home and learning to be content with trusting God with our future.
[SPEAKER_00]: That is such a hard thing to do as an adult.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, of course, it's going to be hard for our kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: But if we're raising our kids to know where home is, if we're raising them to long for eternity, then we're helping them to also live holding things loosely.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: So,
[SPEAKER_00]: don't want them to think the world is horrible, you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want them to live like people who enjoy God's gifts without expecting those gifts to satisfy their deepest longing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so I want my kids to love our home.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want them to love our church.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want them to make friends, but at the end of the day I still want them to know this isn't the ultimate.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is not the end of the story.
[SPEAKER_00]: Philippians 320 reminds us our citizenship is in heaven.
[SPEAKER_00]: First Peter 2111 says, dear friends, I urge you as strangers and exiles and then it goes on.
[SPEAKER_00]: So one of the best gifts we can give our kids is helping them understand that their deepest belonging isn't tied to a city.
[SPEAKER_00]: Even if you really love your super amazing city, I love the city I live in.
[SPEAKER_00]: I really love it here.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I hope I'm here for the rest of my life.
[SPEAKER_00]: But my belonging is not tied to a place.
[SPEAKER_00]: My belonging is tied to Jesus.
[SPEAKER_00]: 16, let me just read this.
[SPEAKER_00]: These all died in faith, although they had not received the things that were promised, but they saw them from a distance, greeted them, and confessed that they were foreigners and temporary residents on the earth.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a homeland, if they were thinking about where they came from, they would have had an opportunity to return, but they now desire a better place, a heavenly one.
[SPEAKER_00]: Therefore, God is not ashamed to be called their God for He has prepared a city for them.
[SPEAKER_00]: This passage comes from the middle of Hebrews 11 and it's right after we just heard a list of old testament believers like Abraham Sarah Isaac Jacob and the point is they were trusting God's promises even though a lot of those promises were not fulfilled during their lifetimes so.
[SPEAKER_00]: they were living like pilgrims on the earth looking beyond this world to the eternal home that God had prepared for them, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: And guys, that's us too.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like when I think about walking with my kids through, you know, when I think about even just like living as a Christian in this world and trying to teach my kids about evangelism, like I tell my kids all the time, we share our faith.
[SPEAKER_00]: but it is not up to us to save people.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's up to the Lord.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we might not know what God is gonna use from what we say to somebody.
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: When I think about my own testimony, I have these key people, and I've already told you about some of them, but I think about how God used something they said or just how they lived in front of me to transform my idea.
[SPEAKER_00]: of what it looks like to live in this world.
[SPEAKER_00]: It reminds me of the CS Lewis quote, if I find myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.
[SPEAKER_00]: So guys, that's us, that's every Christian, that's every mom, that's every dad, that's every kid.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are not homeless here in this world, but we are homesick.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, yes, we are, while we live here, we're going to feel an ache.
[SPEAKER_00]: when we experience change.
[SPEAKER_00]: But that just reminds us that home is in the future.
[SPEAKER_00]: Our ultimate home is in the future.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so let's get really practical.
[SPEAKER_00]: Our one small faithful step of the week.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if your family is walking through a season of major transition or if you love someone, if you're a friend of someone who's about to move or go through something like this.
[SPEAKER_00]: First thing to remember, make room for grief.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that Caroline said that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was already going to say that.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's moved, I've done some big moves.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've done some big moves.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I just know that it's really important to let your kids grieve.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to grieve, okay?
[SPEAKER_00]: Every move I've ever had, I have been sad about it in some way, even if I was like,
[SPEAKER_00]: Knowing, okay, this is a good move.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm excited about what's ahead.
[SPEAKER_00]: There was something I was sad to say goodbye to.
[SPEAKER_00]: So allow your kids to grieve, allow them to have sadness.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think Caroline did a great job of just laying out some practical ways to feel connected to your friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've got some friends in Nashville.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've got friends in California.
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, there's email, there's letters.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've got my daughter, Dewi, keeps in touch with her friend Piper.
[SPEAKER_00]: They write letters, snail mail back and forth.
[SPEAKER_00]: So make room for grief, celebrate God's gifts.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is so important.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's so important, you guys.
[SPEAKER_00]: To, I just, I know I want my home to be one that is full of joy and excitement for what God is doing here right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so celebrate God's gifts.
[SPEAKER_00]: There are so many reasons just,
[SPEAKER_00]: be grateful to the Lord every day, simple little things, but I also love what Caroline talked about, you know, like getting to know the culture of where you are, what are the restaurants to eat at, where what are the parks that we should be visiting, you know, get your kids excited about things that will be exciting for them and hold these new things with open hands just like you're holding what you're saying goodbye to with open hands.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's the main goal when going through
[SPEAKER_00]: having open hands like the Lord is in control.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's a good father.
[SPEAKER_00]: He is with us.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's taking care of us and our ultimate home is in the future.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we can be happy wherever we are.
[SPEAKER_00]: Keep reminding your kids as you transition.
[SPEAKER_00]: We can love this place deeply and we can still know that it is not our ultimate home.
[SPEAKER_00]: So again, the parenting mess this week was not moving.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's wondering whether your children will be okay when the things they love change.
[SPEAKER_00]: I loved Caroline's honesty
[SPEAKER_00]: Ultimately, we don't really know how this is going to affect each kid and some of them might carry sadness and we don't really know how it's going to affect them, but one of the greatest gifts we can give them is to teach them to love God's gifts deeply, to be thankful to him for them, to grieve when they're gone, but also just remember that every beautiful earthly home is pointing us toward our forever home.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you know, you guys as long as we are faithful to
[SPEAKER_00]: I think this is just what I'm going to say every week no matter what I talk about, but the kids are going to be okay, you know, they are going to thrive because if we as their parents are living for eternity, if we're living to love the people around us wherever we are and we're excited about that, we're excited to love our new neighbors and we're excited to get plugged in our new church and whatever it is, they're going to be excited to.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if they're not, we can let them be
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, it's been wonderful to sit and talk about moving with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is the first week I have not shown YouTube, Sweet Baby James on the Monitor.
[SPEAKER_00]: There he is, there he is.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well y'all, I will see you next week.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me pray for you guys.
[SPEAKER_00]: God, thank you so much for my new friends here at Pardon the Mess.
[SPEAKER_00]: I pray for every mom who's listening, whatever transition she is going through now or has just gone through, or whatever it is she's trying to just help her kids through.
[SPEAKER_00]: I pray that you would help.
[SPEAKER_00]: her to walk through this day with open hands.
[SPEAKER_00]: God, we want to model what this looks like for our kids and not only so that they'll grow up to be healthy adults who are dependent on you, but because you're real and when we live with open hands we can also have happy hearts.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's really hard to have a happy heart when you are clinging to something that you were not meant to cling to.
[SPEAKER_00]: so help all of us to just hold our physical earthly homes loosely and to live in light of eternity make us families that make you the main thing the center of our lives and we will give you all the glory in your nickname.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay you guys that's it that's the episode thank you for joining me if you like this episode leave a positive review it helps people find it share it on social media follow follow us wherever you listen to your podcast if you're not already and I love you guys I'm praying for you