WEBVTT 00:00.551 --> 00:10.034 [SPEAKER_02]: This episode in the entire season is proudly brought to you by California Cryo Bank Use Code Clear Fam 26 for a free level 3 subscription to their donor catalog. 00:10.254 --> 00:13.795 [SPEAKER_02]: Just go make all the babies and then come tell me about them because that's what we do. 00:23.437 --> 00:32.538 [SPEAKER_00]: Love is love is love from the queer family but gasst Love is love is love on the queer family but gasst Love is love 00:32.957 --> 00:39.660 [SPEAKER_01]: This might sound weird, but I am proud being a gay dad who happens to be raising a straight son. 00:40.160 --> 00:43.042 [SPEAKER_01]: In the sense of like, look at that motherfuckers, I proved it. 00:43.322 --> 00:43.902 [SPEAKER_01]: I proved it. 00:44.242 --> 00:45.743 [SPEAKER_01]: We can raise stray people. 00:46.523 --> 00:47.684 [SPEAKER_01]: They're not gonna all be gay. 00:47.704 --> 00:48.945 [SPEAKER_01]: Do you know what I mean? 00:48.965 --> 00:50.445 [SPEAKER_01]: Like there's a part of you that's like fucking you. 00:50.485 --> 00:50.865 [SPEAKER_01]: I did it. 00:50.945 --> 00:51.646 [SPEAKER_01]: Why? 00:51.866 --> 00:52.986 [SPEAKER_01]: And we play sports. 00:53.427 --> 00:54.007 [SPEAKER_01]: Four of them. 00:54.499 --> 00:58.540 [SPEAKER_02]: Welcome y'all to the Clear Family Podcast to show all about family, but with gay. 00:58.900 --> 01:03.682 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm your gay host, Jamie, and this is the show that highlights celebrates uploat and normalizes. 01:04.102 --> 01:08.264 [SPEAKER_02]: Lige a particular family, isn't all of our fan, and be this identities. 01:08.424 --> 01:12.605 [SPEAKER_02]: And we have a treat today because my guest, 01:12.965 --> 01:18.649 [SPEAKER_02]: is someone we've all come to know very well on this show because he's been on it at least three times now. 01:19.050 --> 01:25.615 [SPEAKER_02]: It is the one and only, the incomparable Jose Rollo, we need like a applause right there. 01:26.443 --> 01:28.724 [SPEAKER_01]: wherever I love that instrument. 01:29.704 --> 01:30.385 [SPEAKER_01]: That was crazy. 01:30.605 --> 01:32.065 [SPEAKER_02]: That was off the cuff and everything. 01:32.426 --> 01:36.487 [SPEAKER_02]: Jose Rolone is here and why C. Gay Dad on social media. 01:36.547 --> 01:38.128 [SPEAKER_02]: If you don't follow him, you should. 01:38.488 --> 01:39.769 [SPEAKER_02]: He's basically famous. 01:39.869 --> 01:41.269 [SPEAKER_02]: I live in New York City with him. 01:41.329 --> 01:43.310 [SPEAKER_02]: I walk the streets of New York City with him. 01:43.610 --> 01:46.271 [SPEAKER_02]: And the man gets recognized everywhere we go. 01:46.611 --> 01:50.613 [SPEAKER_02]: And it's like, people are like, if you serve towards you. 01:50.713 --> 01:51.533 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like amazing. 01:51.553 --> 01:52.594 [SPEAKER_02]: Nobody ever does that to me. 01:52.674 --> 01:53.434 [SPEAKER_02]: Nobody at all. 01:53.454 --> 01:55.255 [SPEAKER_02]: They're like, who is this little blonde thing? 01:57.196 --> 02:01.558 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not even sure I use it correctly, like they like shower you with stuff. 02:01.618 --> 02:02.799 [SPEAKER_02]: I might have used the wrong word. 02:02.979 --> 02:03.459 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know. 02:04.440 --> 02:08.702 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, somebody can write it and tell me, Jamie, you'd use it totally wrong word. 02:08.822 --> 02:10.043 [SPEAKER_02]: I am in Perry Menopause. 02:10.103 --> 02:11.944 [SPEAKER_02]: Words don't come to me like they used to. 02:14.100 --> 02:15.942 [SPEAKER_02]: So many issues happening with me. 02:15.962 --> 02:18.784 [SPEAKER_02]: I tell Jose, all the time I'm in Perryman and Paul's. 02:18.805 --> 02:23.409 [SPEAKER_02]: My nose, any of you who are Perryman and Paul's will does your nose just drip? 02:23.769 --> 02:25.991 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I don't have a stuffy nose. 02:26.151 --> 02:27.312 [SPEAKER_02]: It's so fun for you, right? 02:27.332 --> 02:27.653 [SPEAKER_02]: Jose? 02:27.873 --> 02:28.573 [SPEAKER_02]: But my nose just... 02:28.593 --> 02:29.394 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm into it with Paul's. 02:29.474 --> 02:30.075 [SPEAKER_02]: Drips. 02:30.195 --> 02:31.376 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I always have to have a tissue. 02:31.396 --> 02:32.637 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like an old lady with a tissue. 02:32.717 --> 02:33.938 [SPEAKER_02]: I have tissues in every pocket. 02:35.860 --> 02:38.723 [SPEAKER_01]: We're gonna have to make sure we have a lot of tissues around the studio now. 02:39.150 --> 02:47.394 [SPEAKER_02]: Seriously, because I'm always like, I'm always trying to pull to see if there's no bad things that are, uh, love take two to your boxes. 02:48.135 --> 02:52.297 [SPEAKER_02]: Brandon, we didn't, um, mentioned the show we co-host together, love take two. 02:52.597 --> 02:56.019 [SPEAKER_02]: The show that proves that sometimes the second act is better than the first. 02:56.179 --> 02:57.539 [SPEAKER_02]: It's a really fun show that we do. 02:57.880 --> 02:59.701 [SPEAKER_02]: And if you haven't checked it out, you should go check it out. 02:59.741 --> 03:05.183 [SPEAKER_02]: And then like I say all the time, even if you don't listen, just please hit that subscribe button and just ignore it in your feed. 03:05.223 --> 03:07.405 [SPEAKER_02]: It's fine, but just give us a subscribe. 03:07.445 --> 03:07.985 [SPEAKER_02]: We need that. 03:09.830 --> 03:10.270 [SPEAKER_01]: We do. 03:10.771 --> 03:23.261 [SPEAKER_02]: So today, we're going to do something a little bit different because if you've been a listener of this show, we have Jose and I both, each have children who are pre-teens or teenagers at this point. 03:23.782 --> 03:30.287 [SPEAKER_02]: And so a lot of times we talk about the making of the family and how you parent them when they're little, I do a lot of talking about that. 03:30.307 --> 03:37.433 [SPEAKER_02]: But this one is going to be a little bit more about, how do we pivot, how does our parenting change as our children get older? 03:37.853 --> 03:49.559 [SPEAKER_02]: And we're showing up in the world as the families that we are, the children, the children, the children are more cognizant, they're more cognizant of who their family is, how their family shows up. 03:50.339 --> 03:57.623 [SPEAKER_02]: And they have learned how to deal with some of the things that come up from their peers. 03:58.324 --> 04:03.646 [SPEAKER_02]: And how are we, how are we doing in this crazy parenting age we find ourselves in and 04:07.268 --> 04:12.651 [SPEAKER_02]: Fuck, and I feel like Jose, you're not having it as rough as I am, and I only have one. 04:12.691 --> 04:15.452 [SPEAKER_02]: You have three of them going through puberty at the same time. 04:15.512 --> 04:16.513 [SPEAKER_02]: I only have one. 04:16.933 --> 04:22.496 [SPEAKER_02]: And I feel like I am in a small version of hell. 04:26.398 --> 04:27.919 [SPEAKER_02]: And I don't think you are. 04:28.419 --> 04:29.640 [SPEAKER_02]: So let's let's chat. 04:29.720 --> 04:31.041 [SPEAKER_02]: How's it going for you, Jose? 04:31.570 --> 04:40.296 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, you're not wrong, but not quite right either, because I think it's like the calm before the storm I do. 04:40.856 --> 04:43.578 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, my boy is hitting it first, right? 04:43.658 --> 04:48.382 [SPEAKER_01]: So most kids this age, the girls are more mature than the boys. 04:48.562 --> 04:49.983 [SPEAKER_02]: And I have really noticed that. 04:50.827 --> 04:52.890 [SPEAKER_01]: to be clear, my kids are 12 of my sons 13. 04:53.290 --> 05:03.883 [SPEAKER_01]: And what I've noticed is that the girls will become a more mature than Avery and Avery's have a bit of a regression, but it's not in a way that annoys me. 05:04.024 --> 05:05.646 [SPEAKER_01]: It's, well, actually, it is annoying. 05:05.686 --> 05:06.967 [SPEAKER_01]: But it's, it's, it's, 05:07.768 --> 05:11.733 [SPEAKER_01]: He's just like really silly and really like, I don't know. 05:11.793 --> 05:16.999 [SPEAKER_01]: He's like slapsticky and in this sort of awkward phase. 05:17.320 --> 05:20.724 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, wait, what are you, are you 13 or you 10? 05:20.764 --> 05:22.026 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, what's happening? 05:22.046 --> 05:25.870 [SPEAKER_01]: And he's purposely, he intentionally annoys everybody around him. 05:25.910 --> 05:26.972 [SPEAKER_01]: And he thinks it's funny. 05:27.652 --> 05:30.214 [SPEAKER_02]: That's what I have in store for me for my eight-year-old. 05:30.255 --> 05:31.536 [SPEAKER_02]: That's what you tell me? 05:31.656 --> 05:32.116 [SPEAKER_02]: Great. 05:32.536 --> 05:32.917 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 05:33.137 --> 05:35.259 [SPEAKER_01]: So look out, Rose. 05:36.520 --> 05:42.205 [SPEAKER_01]: But the girls, there's definitely some energy that's showing up. 05:42.225 --> 05:51.933 [SPEAKER_01]: And one of them where she had troubled regulating her emotions when she was younger, it's some of that's coming back. 05:52.234 --> 05:53.595 [SPEAKER_01]: Say some of that's coming back. 05:54.314 --> 05:58.577 [SPEAKER_02]: You put that so well, yes, yes, that's what I'm noticing. 05:58.618 --> 06:06.884 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like we were in such a like cool chill mode for quite some time, whereas her the beginning of her life was very tumultuous. 06:07.164 --> 06:09.566 [SPEAKER_02]: And we would say she's our spirit to child. 06:09.646 --> 06:12.829 [SPEAKER_02]: She was just trouble regulating emotions. 06:13.009 --> 06:13.249 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 06:13.710 --> 06:16.612 [SPEAKER_02]: And then we, I was like, oh my God, she grew out of it. 06:17.112 --> 06:18.153 [SPEAKER_02]: And now you're right. 06:18.514 --> 06:21.676 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it seems to be like, Purity is bringing back out. 06:21.916 --> 06:22.657 [SPEAKER_01]: What the hell? 06:23.864 --> 06:28.210 [SPEAKER_01]: That means I think it's been there the whole time. 06:28.230 --> 06:30.313 [SPEAKER_01]: So maybe we should be grateful. 06:30.393 --> 06:34.658 [SPEAKER_01]: It was dormants for as long as we got the time we got, right? 06:35.428 --> 06:36.608 [SPEAKER_01]: we got the time we got. 06:36.949 --> 06:39.389 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, yeah, what you get if you don't get upset, right? 06:39.569 --> 06:41.570 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, like a true gen X or there it is. 06:42.270 --> 06:52.634 [SPEAKER_02]: I guess we should put perhaps like an expert might say it because neither one of us is an expert, but an expert might say to us, it's great that they feel comfortable letting that out with you. 06:52.734 --> 06:55.235 [SPEAKER_02]: I know it's great and also I wish she would just win it. 07:00.078 --> 07:05.281 [SPEAKER_01]: Uh, they say, you know, they say you use often can hurt the ones you love the most, right? 07:05.341 --> 07:20.869 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, you know, we see a lot of that energy outside of the world, you know, I think our kids are seen as wonderful and they are wonderful inside the home, but like they can be a little monstrous inside the home. 07:21.609 --> 07:31.619 [SPEAKER_01]: And, and, and I do come to the conclusion, I'd rather than be that, and maybe be too comfortable inside the home than outside of the home. 07:31.679 --> 07:41.888 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that would be the bigger issue, but as parents, it's causing us a lot of, you know what it is that they become energy suckers, right? 07:42.109 --> 07:45.352 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, like energy vampires, is that what they call it? 07:45.672 --> 07:53.257 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, well, you know what I used to say to Rose when she was younger and would have these who like it was it was up and that was a roller coaster with her emotions. 07:53.717 --> 08:05.284 [SPEAKER_02]: I used to say her I said, you're you don't get to hijack this family right now and that's what it feels like you are hijacking the entire family right now for you for the thing that's happening with you. 08:05.364 --> 08:06.545 [SPEAKER_02]: And I listen, I want to help you. 08:06.565 --> 08:07.045 [SPEAKER_02]: I get 08:07.185 --> 08:19.849 [SPEAKER_02]: cannot help you when you're coming at me with the energy you're coming at me with because the fact that you can't find your other crock that you took off yesterday is not my responsibility. 08:20.029 --> 08:23.090 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't look for it with you because I'm not in the house with you. 08:23.610 --> 08:29.752 [SPEAKER_02]: So I can't I like it's stuff like that that it's like it's just like that that happened yesterday, FYI. 08:31.187 --> 08:32.348 [SPEAKER_02]: you are there to call me. 08:32.428 --> 08:35.231 [SPEAKER_02]: I think to read that now, you read that when you call me for the other thing. 08:36.392 --> 08:38.854 [SPEAKER_01]: There was a couple things, yeah. 08:39.094 --> 08:42.077 [SPEAKER_01]: I think we should call this episode, Puberty and Croquets. 08:44.367 --> 08:46.569 [SPEAKER_02]: She was like, where is it? 08:46.649 --> 08:48.931 [SPEAKER_02]: I was like, I can't, I don't know. 08:48.951 --> 08:50.072 [SPEAKER_02]: I can't help you. 08:50.152 --> 08:51.874 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't, I can't see through walls. 08:51.954 --> 08:52.895 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not there. 08:53.015 --> 08:54.697 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I would check here. 08:54.757 --> 08:55.137 [SPEAKER_02]: I did. 08:55.577 --> 08:57.019 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, well, did you check under here? 08:57.259 --> 08:57.799 [SPEAKER_02]: I did. 08:58.420 --> 08:59.060 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know. 08:59.080 --> 09:01.202 [SPEAKER_02]: I cannot help. 09:02.764 --> 09:02.944 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 09:03.328 --> 09:06.372 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know what to do for you right now. 09:06.392 --> 09:06.853 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, Lord. 09:07.194 --> 09:09.937 [SPEAKER_02]: But yeah, it's the hijacking of emotions. 09:09.998 --> 09:12.942 [SPEAKER_02]: And we're all parents. 09:13.583 --> 09:14.344 [SPEAKER_02]: We get it, man. 09:14.384 --> 09:15.626 [SPEAKER_02]: It's a tough job. 09:15.666 --> 09:17.448 [SPEAKER_02]: It's a tough job, but it's also very rewarding. 09:18.089 --> 09:19.571 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's talk a little bit about. 09:20.232 --> 09:24.533 [SPEAKER_02]: our family make-ups and how we're showing up in the world and talking to our kids about it. 09:24.593 --> 09:31.295 [SPEAKER_02]: Because the conversation shifts slightly as the conversations continue to shift as they grow. 09:31.615 --> 09:33.276 [SPEAKER_02]: So how has that been for you? 09:33.336 --> 09:33.776 [SPEAKER_02]: What are you? 09:33.836 --> 09:40.198 [SPEAKER_02]: How are you navigating your gay family and puberty and showing up in the world? 09:41.137 --> 10:00.642 [SPEAKER_01]: It's interesting because what is beautiful about our family dynamics, it's like you raise kids in a healthy environment and they just know what it's like, it's just this this is my dad or this is my two does is my two moms is like not even a thing. 10:01.782 --> 10:07.687 [SPEAKER_01]: What feels different about our situation, perhaps, is we are both considered public figures. 10:08.587 --> 10:18.775 [SPEAKER_01]: We both have shows that are out there and we both get hate, you know, the crazies, as we know, you get told a lot. 10:19.415 --> 10:21.337 [SPEAKER_01]: And as you know, I'm dealing with this insane, 10:21.857 --> 10:23.077 [SPEAKER_01]: far right, conspirous. 10:23.137 --> 10:40.723 [SPEAKER_01]: And so it's like what happens when our kids are now old enough to be aware, not just aware of the things outside of our home, but aware of the things that are going on with us publicly outside of our home, right? 10:40.843 --> 10:43.683 [SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, it's like you want to protect them, 10:49.245 --> 10:54.508 [SPEAKER_01]: It's like you have to kind of get to that before they hear it from somewhere else. 10:54.628 --> 11:10.357 [SPEAKER_01]: So I had to tell my kids, you know, about what was going on with this far right crazy conspiracy that accused me of doing these heinous things with my kids before they would hear it from school because, you know, it's the telephone game or you could very well in articles out there that are public. 11:10.757 --> 11:16.821 [SPEAKER_01]: Your kids can, your kids friends can, you know, pull up Instagram because a lot of these kids have social media. 11:18.942 --> 11:22.228 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and they would be like, oh, I've happened. 11:22.689 --> 11:26.756 [SPEAKER_01]: Look at all these people are saying but your mom and your family will be right back. 11:30.458 --> 11:34.980 [SPEAKER_02]: All right, so Jose and I are talking a lot about parenting our kids who are older. 11:35.360 --> 11:41.003 [SPEAKER_02]: But before that, we also went through the process of creating our legitimate to-co-all family. 11:41.143 --> 11:43.924 [SPEAKER_02]: And I realized many of you might be in that stage. 11:43.984 --> 11:48.066 [SPEAKER_02]: And if you are, I have a promo code for you with California Cryobank. 11:48.446 --> 11:56.850 [SPEAKER_02]: California Cryobank has been around for nearly 50 years and has been helping legitimate to-co-all families create the families they've dreamed of. 11:57.510 --> 12:00.873 [SPEAKER_02]: for quite some time and they are the number one sperm bag in the US. 12:01.233 --> 12:02.594 [SPEAKER_02]: They shipped to all 50 states. 12:02.794 --> 12:05.216 [SPEAKER_02]: They shipped to 40 countries worldwide. 12:05.677 --> 12:06.197 [SPEAKER_02]: I use them. 12:06.698 --> 12:07.278 [SPEAKER_02]: I love them. 12:07.698 --> 12:16.686 [SPEAKER_02]: They have services that really do cater to our community like second parent adoption letters and vile transfer between spouses. 12:16.786 --> 12:17.807 [SPEAKER_02]: It's really, really great. 12:18.307 --> 12:22.368 [SPEAKER_02]: Opportunity for you to go check out their donor catalog. 12:22.468 --> 12:28.149 [SPEAKER_02]: So if you're interested, you're going to use Code Clear Fam 26 at cryobank.com. 12:28.469 --> 12:35.050 [SPEAKER_02]: And that's going to give you a free level three subscription to their donor catalog, which gives you a lot of information about these donors. 12:35.110 --> 12:37.351 [SPEAKER_02]: It's a great way to just see what's there. 12:37.651 --> 12:41.252 [SPEAKER_02]: Go check out cryobank.com, use Code Clear Fam 26. 12:41.692 --> 12:44.372 [SPEAKER_02]: Start making those babies and then come around and tell me about them. 12:44.412 --> 12:46.313 [SPEAKER_02]: Because I love to hear your stories. 12:48.653 --> 12:49.394 [SPEAKER_00]: love is love. 12:50.695 --> 13:06.345 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I mean it's happening that they find like my my post will show up to them and then the kids will show it to her at school like that's your mom like you know and it's so gay and it's so lesbian and like we have to talk about that and have to make sure she feels okay like is this making you uncomfortable and you know 13:06.705 --> 13:06.925 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 13:07.265 --> 13:27.540 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I think luckily we've been able to empower the key, I think, you know, listeners, it's not as bad as you would think it's going to be certainly as long as you continue to empower your children to be the best versions of themselves because we've showed them what the best versions of ourselves are that we're living our authentic selves. 13:28.126 --> 13:38.137 [SPEAKER_02]: and to empower them to take pride in their family, which we all do and are working really, really hard to make sure that they have pride. 13:38.718 --> 13:48.949 [SPEAKER_01]: And you know, it's even used like, since a humor, I tell my kids like, you know, they throw mama jokes around all the time and I'm like, they know their responses while jokes on you, I don't have a mama. 13:50.750 --> 14:04.095 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, like it's like you just empower them also with the sense of humor and to not take things so seriously and that if things do show up that are negative like really do your best to 14:05.315 --> 14:32.388 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, ignore it, deflect it, or if you need to stand up for yourself, join the way that is, I don't know, you know what I tell my kids, sometimes I tell them, if somebody says something mean to you, ask them to say it again, ask them to repeat it again, because they're seeing it in front of people and if you ask them to say it again and give them that that silence, they're putting this really weird position and then they, they really see themselves and how mean they're being. 14:32.568 --> 14:33.569 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, that's a good tactic. 14:33.629 --> 14:34.009 [SPEAKER_02]: That's good. 14:34.569 --> 14:35.269 [SPEAKER_02]: My daughter too. 14:35.650 --> 14:39.451 [SPEAKER_02]: We're one of those households that uses humor and and we joke about it. 14:39.491 --> 14:40.452 [SPEAKER_02]: We joke about identity. 14:40.492 --> 14:41.993 [SPEAKER_02]: We joke about our all of our stuff. 14:42.253 --> 14:44.334 [SPEAKER_02]: My daughter has really gone down to that. 14:44.394 --> 14:45.795 [SPEAKER_02]: She makes so many funny jokes. 14:45.875 --> 14:46.755 [SPEAKER_02]: It's so great. 14:46.855 --> 14:49.076 [SPEAKER_02]: Like she had a moment in her Spanish class. 14:49.136 --> 14:56.180 [SPEAKER_02]: This Spanish teacher was was really actually very terrible and didn't teach some Spanish at all, which that's a whole other story, which pisses me off. 14:56.340 --> 14:56.520 [SPEAKER_02]: But 14:58.889 --> 15:16.956 [SPEAKER_02]: what one of the questions he put on a quiz was in Spanish it it asked what is your dad do after work and so my daughter hated the Spanish class anyway she hated the Spanish teacher so she was like oh I'm gonna use this you know in her whatever like okay it's problematic too but she went up to them she was like I can't answer this question 15:18.085 --> 15:20.687 [SPEAKER_02]: He's like, yes, you can't, she's like, no, I actually can't. 15:20.707 --> 15:22.869 [SPEAKER_02]: And she's saying it really allows for the whole class here. 15:22.889 --> 15:24.350 [SPEAKER_02]: And she's like, I don't have a dad. 15:25.271 --> 15:26.532 [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, you do, you have a dad. 15:26.832 --> 15:27.653 [SPEAKER_02]: No, I don't. 15:27.693 --> 15:29.875 [SPEAKER_02]: And she's like corroborating with the kids in the class. 15:29.915 --> 15:30.936 [SPEAKER_02]: No, I don't have a dad. 15:30.956 --> 15:31.616 [SPEAKER_02]: Do I have a dad? 15:31.917 --> 15:33.118 [SPEAKER_02]: And people are like, no, she doesn't. 15:33.138 --> 15:35.800 [SPEAKER_02]: I have two moms, and he's met us, too, which is funny. 15:36.220 --> 15:36.821 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 15:36.981 --> 15:42.646 [SPEAKER_02]: But like, she makes it like a, she's like not afraid to just... She's gonna give you a show. 15:43.227 --> 15:59.163 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and it's funny and she does it in a funny way and then also I'm like, okay, but let's be careful because you still need to get good grades and let's not if it's off your teachers right we got to figure out okay sometimes it's appropriate sometimes it's not she did this thing she was walking with her friend. 15:59.603 --> 16:00.804 [SPEAKER_02]: And her friend was being quiet. 16:00.824 --> 16:02.085 [SPEAKER_02]: She was like, Mom, guess what I did? 16:02.125 --> 16:03.106 [SPEAKER_02]: Guess what I did, I'm like, what? 16:03.126 --> 16:05.929 [SPEAKER_02]: She's like, so the friend was being quiet, really quiet. 16:05.969 --> 16:10.252 [SPEAKER_02]: And she goes, so I was like, you reminding him, do you remind me a lot of my dad right now? 16:10.593 --> 16:11.814 [SPEAKER_02]: And then her friend was like, wait, wait. 16:11.834 --> 16:12.614 [SPEAKER_02]: But you don't have a dad. 16:12.634 --> 16:13.335 [SPEAKER_02]: She was like, exactly. 16:13.355 --> 16:14.015 [SPEAKER_02]: You want to talk? 16:14.035 --> 16:14.276 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, yeah. 16:14.336 --> 16:21.482 [SPEAKER_02]: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 16:21.794 --> 16:38.697 [SPEAKER_02]: Like I think that that's a good sign that they are like well adjusted to it but still we still have to remain diligent in making sure that the communication is open and honest like it was since we started talking about our families. 16:39.097 --> 16:42.440 [SPEAKER_02]: And it gets harder as they go through puberty because they don't want to talk to us anymore. 16:43.000 --> 16:45.142 [SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes my daughter just shuts it down. 16:45.202 --> 16:46.482 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, okay, I'm done with you. 16:46.502 --> 16:47.884 [SPEAKER_02]: We're not talking, you know? 16:48.084 --> 17:00.373 [SPEAKER_02]: And so trying to find those pathways of communication seem to get a little more complicated, which is different from my eight-year-old because he just loves his momies, you know? 17:00.981 --> 17:01.221 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 17:01.881 --> 17:03.482 [SPEAKER_01]: Wait, so she's 13 or 12. 17:03.502 --> 17:03.922 [SPEAKER_01]: 12. 17:04.022 --> 17:04.302 [SPEAKER_01]: 12. 17:04.802 --> 17:04.962 [SPEAKER_01]: 12. 17:05.422 --> 17:07.062 [SPEAKER_02]: 12 and a half. 17:07.082 --> 17:09.683 [SPEAKER_02]: 12 and a half going on 17. 17:09.703 --> 17:11.203 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my gosh. 17:11.404 --> 17:12.904 [SPEAKER_01]: It's what? 17:12.924 --> 17:13.844 [SPEAKER_01]: What about the wifey? 17:13.904 --> 17:15.044 [SPEAKER_01]: How does she deal with everything? 17:15.545 --> 17:16.485 [SPEAKER_02]: Same with humor. 17:16.985 --> 17:20.686 [SPEAKER_02]: We do it all with humor, but also um pointed conversation. 17:20.726 --> 17:22.086 [SPEAKER_02]: She's a high school dean. 17:22.906 --> 17:23.987 [SPEAKER_02]: So she doesn't take no shit. 17:25.087 --> 17:25.327 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 17:26.087 --> 17:27.147 [SPEAKER_02]: So there is that too. 17:27.187 --> 17:29.288 [SPEAKER_02]: Like our daughter has come out to us. 17:30.276 --> 17:30.856 [SPEAKER_02]: as straight. 17:31.416 --> 17:32.597 [SPEAKER_01]: I was going to say, wait a minute. 17:32.617 --> 17:32.857 [SPEAKER_01]: What? 17:32.997 --> 17:33.437 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 17:33.457 --> 17:33.597 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 17:33.617 --> 17:33.977 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 17:33.997 --> 17:34.798 [SPEAKER_02]: That's straight. 17:35.518 --> 17:40.399 [SPEAKER_02]: Um, and she's had a boy friend or she's going to have to pick her out. 17:40.559 --> 17:41.000 [SPEAKER_01]: What'd you do? 17:41.020 --> 17:42.160 [SPEAKER_02]: She's here, but she's in a room. 17:42.180 --> 17:42.740 [SPEAKER_02]: She can't hear me. 17:42.760 --> 17:43.740 [SPEAKER_02]: She's got her head phones on. 17:43.760 --> 17:44.421 [SPEAKER_02]: She's not listening to it. 17:44.441 --> 17:47.542 [SPEAKER_01]: Then I say, no, I was wondering if you kicked her out of the house for coming out of straight. 17:48.062 --> 17:48.182 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh. 17:50.830 --> 17:53.412 [SPEAKER_02]: I should have, I should have kicked her out. 17:53.572 --> 17:58.535 [SPEAKER_02]: We definitely made jokes about it, and we still joke about the fact that she's straight and all the things that go with it. 17:58.575 --> 18:00.616 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, okay Rose, it could change. 18:01.116 --> 18:03.198 [SPEAKER_02]: There could be a phase, like we do all that stuff. 18:03.238 --> 18:04.058 [SPEAKER_02]: We flip the script. 18:05.079 --> 18:15.085 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, she's had boyfriends, a couple of them, which the optics don't look good there when the two mom family has a daughter who's like, 18:15.865 --> 18:32.181 [SPEAKER_02]: into boys like I don't I'm not saying the optics don't look good but it's like your 12 we weren't going to do this yet we're not ready for that level yet and leave it to the lesbian mom family to have the like I don't know there's a lot of conflicted feelings inside me I don't know if it makes sense what I'm saying 18:32.882 --> 18:47.425 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I have a question for you around this because honestly, I, I, this might sound weird, but like I am proud being the gay dad who happens to be raising a straight son in the sense of like, look at that motherfuckers, I proved it. 18:47.705 --> 18:50.086 [SPEAKER_01]: I proved that we can raise straight people. 18:50.906 --> 18:52.046 [SPEAKER_01]: They're not going to all be gay. 18:52.066 --> 18:53.307 [SPEAKER_01]: Do you know what I mean? 18:53.327 --> 18:54.827 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, there's a part of me that's like, fuck you. 18:54.867 --> 18:55.227 [SPEAKER_01]: I did it. 18:55.307 --> 18:55.587 [SPEAKER_01]: Why? 18:56.247 --> 18:57.348 [SPEAKER_01]: And we play sports. 18:57.788 --> 18:58.388 [SPEAKER_01]: Four of them. 18:58.888 --> 19:00.049 [SPEAKER_02]: Listen, I like that spin. 19:00.189 --> 19:01.710 [SPEAKER_02]: I like that spin and the same. 19:01.790 --> 19:04.631 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, like, yeah, I have a straight daughter who plays sports. 19:05.112 --> 19:05.572 [SPEAKER_02]: Look at that. 19:06.012 --> 19:07.313 [SPEAKER_02]: And likes to wear dresses. 19:07.833 --> 19:09.474 [SPEAKER_02]: She's very normal girl. 19:11.896 --> 19:14.377 [SPEAKER_01]: We put normal in quotes for those of you that didn't see it. 19:14.715 --> 19:15.876 [SPEAKER_02]: right, normal enclosed. 19:15.896 --> 19:23.885 [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm and I'm saying it for the people who say normal, like that's what I was in planning on having quote unquote normal kids. 19:24.145 --> 19:30.472 [SPEAKER_02]: I was playing on having a little boy who wore dresses and a little girl who wouldn't wear dresses. 19:30.932 --> 19:32.832 [SPEAKER_02]: And I seem to have gotten the opposite of that. 19:32.972 --> 19:34.813 [SPEAKER_02]: I guess you can't control what you get, right? 19:35.313 --> 19:36.853 [SPEAKER_02]: So I've had to have some reckoning. 19:37.273 --> 19:41.214 [SPEAKER_02]: And she seems to like boys, which more power to her, that's great. 19:41.234 --> 19:42.774 [SPEAKER_02]: We're teaching her all about consent. 19:43.434 --> 19:45.035 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, we're trying to do this the right way. 19:45.055 --> 19:47.955 [SPEAKER_02]: We're trying to keep the communication open with that too. 19:47.995 --> 19:52.656 [SPEAKER_02]: We're using our theory on our method on keeping it open and honest. 19:53.176 --> 19:55.757 [SPEAKER_02]: We're pivoting that to this whole, like, 19:56.297 --> 19:58.679 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to have boyfriends situation now. 19:58.840 --> 20:02.042 [SPEAKER_02]: And so the boyfriends get invited over to dinner. 20:02.443 --> 20:04.265 [SPEAKER_02]: We try to scare these boyfriends. 20:05.265 --> 20:09.069 [SPEAKER_02]: We try to find make sure that these boys are being taught about consent. 20:09.750 --> 20:15.155 [SPEAKER_02]: We have the conversation has really changed with our daughter to like, 20:16.615 --> 20:38.506 [SPEAKER_02]: you know means no and if anything happens you know you can talk to us you call us any time you know because the goal is for them to always feel free to tell us anything right and as I get older this I'm realizing that gets harder and I'm realizing I didn't always tell my mom the things that were happening with me throughout this thing. 20:38.526 --> 20:39.267 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know. 20:39.767 --> 20:41.348 [SPEAKER_02]: And my mom definitely wanted me to. 20:42.068 --> 20:46.131 [SPEAKER_02]: So how do I do it differently to make sure that she really does? 20:47.651 --> 20:48.652 [SPEAKER_02]: And it's getting harder. 20:49.072 --> 20:55.716 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I'm feeling like, oh God, from the outside world, I'm going to be judged differently than I want to. 20:55.736 --> 20:59.798 [SPEAKER_02]: And also, I don't want to stifle her. 21:01.057 --> 21:03.839 [SPEAKER_02]: And I want her to feel free to make her own decisions. 21:03.899 --> 21:07.721 [SPEAKER_02]: And I want her to have the wear with all to make good decisions. 21:08.262 --> 21:09.563 [SPEAKER_01]: And I wanted to tell me everything. 21:09.943 --> 21:17.348 [SPEAKER_02]: What my whole reason for saying this is because I went into the boy thing because there was one day she rose wanted her boyfriend to come over. 21:18.168 --> 21:18.969 [SPEAKER_02]: And I had to leave. 21:19.009 --> 21:20.750 [SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, I can't come over. 21:20.810 --> 21:21.250 [SPEAKER_02]: Can't come over. 21:21.270 --> 21:24.072 [SPEAKER_02]: And then all of a sudden, I was like, I'm actually going to be home early. 21:24.152 --> 21:25.033 [SPEAKER_02]: So I'll be there. 21:25.393 --> 21:26.674 [SPEAKER_02]: So I went to Rose, I was like, 21:26.974 --> 21:30.977 [SPEAKER_02]: Hey, I'm not going to be here, but you can invite him over because Mommy's going to be here. 21:31.037 --> 21:31.678 [SPEAKER_02]: She was like, what? 21:32.238 --> 21:32.518 [SPEAKER_02]: What? 21:33.139 --> 21:34.120 [SPEAKER_02]: What was me here? 21:35.821 --> 21:37.522 [SPEAKER_02]: No, but Mommy's the mean one. 21:37.683 --> 21:41.105 [SPEAKER_02]: I was like, I know. 21:41.506 --> 21:51.914 [SPEAKER_01]: I did this small series with Mehta and completely organization sounded out and I was talking about all about talking to middle schoolers and this psychiatrist who came on whose name is 21:54.976 --> 22:07.432 [SPEAKER_01]: And she said the best way to have conversations with your middle schoolers, especially if they're going to puberty, if you're having a comfortable conversation perhaps, is to do it while doing an activity. 22:07.832 --> 22:13.339 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's like they don't want to sit across the table from you and look you in the eyes and talk to them. 22:14.460 --> 22:19.044 [SPEAKER_01]: So for me, it's, you know, we're right by Brooklyn Bridge Park. 22:19.124 --> 22:24.788 [SPEAKER_01]: So it's like walking along the park for Avery might be kicking the soccer ball for London. 22:24.888 --> 22:30.132 [SPEAKER_01]: It could be like, you know, walking through Sephora, shopping for make-up and having the conversation. 22:30.213 --> 22:41.962 [SPEAKER_01]: So for those listeners who are sort of like thinking about well, how do I talk to my kid that's, I've learned that that I took that advice and it's because I'm the guy who wants to be intense with me in my eyes 22:43.764 --> 22:47.171 [SPEAKER_01]: And I actually learned that to be very effective. 22:47.191 --> 22:47.852 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, look at you. 22:47.872 --> 22:49.135 [SPEAKER_02]: You're such a wholesome dad. 22:49.155 --> 22:51.280 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like, leave it to Beaver over here. 22:51.400 --> 22:52.582 [SPEAKER_02]: Just doing it right. 22:52.703 --> 22:53.364 [SPEAKER_01]: Hard looking. 22:53.805 --> 22:54.446 [SPEAKER_01]: Hardly. 22:55.927 --> 22:57.408 [SPEAKER_02]: But let's do not leave it to Beaver. 22:57.869 --> 22:58.710 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, so that's good. 22:58.790 --> 23:12.702 [SPEAKER_02]: And this is just we just wanted this to be like a really candid conversation on parenting with the added extra layer of being queer parents in the world and still keep the communication open, continuing proud of their families continuing proud of. 23:21.208 --> 23:24.990 [SPEAKER_02]: how they show up in the world, even if they're straight. 23:26.651 --> 23:27.751 [SPEAKER_01]: You've been a hair straight. 23:28.812 --> 23:30.212 [SPEAKER_01]: God bless those straight people. 23:30.812 --> 23:31.973 [SPEAKER_02]: God bless them. 23:33.194 --> 23:33.794 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, Lord. 23:33.894 --> 23:35.134 [SPEAKER_02]: We're doing something right Jose. 23:35.235 --> 23:37.636 [SPEAKER_02]: So everyone, thank you so much for tuning in. 23:37.696 --> 23:39.056 [SPEAKER_02]: This has been great Jose. 23:39.216 --> 23:40.117 [SPEAKER_02]: You know I love you. 23:41.397 --> 23:42.098 [SPEAKER_02]: I'll see you soon. 23:45.940 --> 23:51.127 [SPEAKER_02]: A huge, huge thank you to our sponsor of this year episode, California Cryo Bank. 23:51.468 --> 23:56.915 [SPEAKER_02]: Don't forget to use Code QueerFam26 to get that free Level 3 subscription to their donor catalog. 23:57.195 --> 23:59.618 [SPEAKER_02]: Go make those babies y'all and then come tell me about them. 23:59.638 --> 24:00.239 [SPEAKER_02]: Let's do this. 24:04.082 --> 24:07.707 [SPEAKER_02]: Whew, well folks, I hope you enjoyed that episode as much as I enjoyed it. 24:08.087 --> 24:12.553 [SPEAKER_02]: And if you did enjoy it, feel free to listen to another or watch another. 24:12.694 --> 24:16.018 [SPEAKER_02]: I have so many episodes for your listening or viewing pleasure. 24:16.058 --> 24:17.820 [SPEAKER_02]: Just go pick one and enjoy. 24:18.121 --> 24:19.583 [SPEAKER_02]: There's a lot, there really is. 24:20.257 --> 24:26.739 [SPEAKER_02]: And also, if you really do like this show, please, I know I say it all the time, but please do consider supporting the show on Patreon. 24:27.079 --> 24:31.020 [SPEAKER_02]: You're just gonna go to patreon.com slash the queer family podcast. 24:31.341 --> 24:34.662 [SPEAKER_02]: You're gonna pick a tear, you're gonna join, and you're gonna get that bonus content. 24:35.042 --> 24:38.623 [SPEAKER_02]: And you're also gonna get my love and adoration for the rest of my life. 24:40.283 --> 24:41.044 [SPEAKER_02]: I love you all. 24:41.104 --> 24:43.124 [SPEAKER_02]: Thanks for tuning in, keep on tuning in. 24:43.684 --> 24:44.645 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'll see you next time.