WEBVTT 00:00.476 --> 00:01.538 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, hey, what's going on? 00:01.558 --> 00:04.062 [SPEAKER_00]: You are listening to the Brown Girl self-care podcast. 00:04.102 --> 00:06.005 [SPEAKER_00]: My name is Bri and I'm the host of the show. 00:06.806 --> 00:08.910 [SPEAKER_00]: So first things first. 00:10.595 --> 00:15.997 [SPEAKER_00]: I promised that I would be doing video podcast episodes with girl, girl, girl. 00:16.917 --> 00:28.882 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't do one this week because I am literally about 90 per-8 mm, let me not lie, 85% done with taking down my micro twist or micro locks. 00:29.862 --> 00:33.484 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's giving mess right now. 00:33.764 --> 00:36.505 [SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, I don't feel like I have to show it perfectly, but 00:37.245 --> 00:47.429 [SPEAKER_00]: I just, you know, in my mind, I envision this, you know, the Cynthia doll from the Rugrats, like it's giving that to me anyway. 00:47.469 --> 00:52.751 [SPEAKER_00]: So I just want to let you know that I'm still committed doing video episodes that you can watch on Spotify. 00:52.771 --> 01:01.234 [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, you can go back, not last weeks episode, but a few episodes before this one and you'll see there should be maybe two or three 01:05.676 --> 01:11.561 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, as a part of this podcast, so I am still committed to a big girl this week, just ain't the week and that's okay. 01:11.621 --> 01:11.961 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 01:12.181 --> 01:15.304 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, with that said, how you doing? 01:15.324 --> 01:16.865 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's go ahead and get into the episode. 01:18.526 --> 01:28.394 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, so, you know, this episode, I want to talk about the fact that there is something that is out there for you. 01:28.434 --> 01:31.817 [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, there are many, some things that are out there for you that are available to you 01:34.699 --> 01:38.521 [SPEAKER_00]: But before we get into today's episode, let's go ahead and just set the move for a minute. 01:38.581 --> 01:42.503 [SPEAKER_00]: I think I want to give back into us just taking a deep breath at the beginning of each episode. 01:43.103 --> 01:50.907 [SPEAKER_00]: I got away from that a long time ago, but we need to really allow ourselves time to separate us. 01:51.007 --> 01:57.810 [SPEAKER_00]: Our body, our spirits, our minds from this idea of hustle, culture, always being on the go. 01:57.991 --> 02:00.552 [SPEAKER_00]: Always doing everything quick, fast and in a hurry. 02:01.192 --> 02:13.219 [SPEAKER_00]: I know that I am someone who I catch myself holding my breath all the time, depending on what's going on in my environment or around me, and so let's just go ahead and take a quick breath. 02:13.299 --> 02:19.602 [SPEAKER_00]: I want you to drop your shoulders, and really again, just... 02:20.233 --> 02:44.868 [SPEAKER_00]: get out of this place of instant and hustle and and you know grind culture and all that all right so let's just go ahead and take a breath together we're just going to inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth and I'm going to guide you which is going to do it one times on the count of three I want you to take a big inhale through the nose drop your shoulders and kind of like loosen up your back your neck and everything else okay here we go so let's go 02:51.986 --> 03:08.141 [SPEAKER_00]: and just hold it for a second, five, four, three, two, one, and then just release it all again, five, four, three, two, one. 03:12.285 --> 03:19.494 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, if you're not making time every single day, just breathe, I really want to encourage you to do that. 03:19.514 --> 03:27.303 [SPEAKER_00]: It is something that I have to come back to over and over and over and over again, because even though we know how to breathe and it is something that our bodies naturally do. 03:27.443 --> 03:29.746 [SPEAKER_00]: I, like I said, I hold my breath all the time. 03:29.786 --> 03:31.328 [SPEAKER_00]: I have to remind myself, girl, take a breath. 03:32.061 --> 03:42.444 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to be all right, and take a breath, relax, loosen up, girl, okay, all right, so thank you for doing that with me by the way, if you have the opportunity to settle in in that way. 03:43.164 --> 03:54.208 [SPEAKER_00]: So again, there is something out there for you, sis, okay, and I know that you have bumped your head up against disappointment after disappointment, after disappointment, that is life. 03:54.508 --> 03:55.508 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm afraid, my dear. 03:56.903 --> 03:59.405 [SPEAKER_00]: But there is something out there for you. 03:59.445 --> 04:03.529 [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, I feel like there are many some things out there for you. 04:04.877 --> 04:06.598 [SPEAKER_00]: They're they're really, really is okay. 04:06.619 --> 04:08.620 [SPEAKER_00]: There is something out there for you. 04:09.161 --> 04:09.621 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 04:10.142 --> 04:26.936 [SPEAKER_00]: Now perhaps things right now are kind of high low high low or they're just not you might be you might be in a good place, but you're but you're in a space where you're just like you just you're not where you want to be or things that you want like they they just haven't happened yet. 04:28.649 --> 04:31.190 [SPEAKER_00]: or perhaps things are just not going well right now. 04:31.950 --> 04:40.754 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, different seasons, different times, you're gonna be in different, you know, not always gonna be on an upward trajectory all the time every season of our life. 04:40.854 --> 04:41.494 [SPEAKER_00]: I have learned. 04:44.015 --> 04:51.178 [SPEAKER_00]: So perhaps again, things are not going well right now or they're just like they're just not going the way that you want them to go. 04:53.044 --> 05:17.890 [SPEAKER_00]: I find myself in this place right now, you know, things like perhaps things are just not going for you like how you intended them to be, how you designed them in your mind or your imagined or, you know, just like what you initially thought like, okay, I want this this and this and this to happen by this year and this to go like this and I want to do this and that and that and that or I want this to happen for me or I want to become this or become that like, I get it, I get it grow because we are ambitious queens, you 05:24.203 --> 05:29.626 [SPEAKER_00]: Like things just don't fall into place all the time, the way that we want them to, right? 05:30.186 --> 05:35.149 [SPEAKER_00]: So I want to ask you like, and I'm going to share with you mine, but or one of my things, okay. 05:35.489 --> 05:49.517 [SPEAKER_00]: But I want to ask you like, what is, or what was that specific thing that you in your mind, or like you designed in your head that it just didn't pan out, and how did you feel about that when it happened and how do you feel about it now? 05:51.422 --> 05:53.064 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, where are you with it now? 05:53.144 --> 05:55.045 [SPEAKER_00]: And you're probably saying, I was disappointed. 05:55.666 --> 05:56.307 [SPEAKER_00]: I was hurt. 05:56.907 --> 05:58.228 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you said I was ashamed. 05:58.348 --> 05:59.129 [SPEAKER_00]: I was scared. 05:59.229 --> 06:00.410 [SPEAKER_00]: I was embarrassed, you know? 06:01.171 --> 06:06.016 [SPEAKER_00]: I've kind of run through the gamut of all those feelings at one point or another when it comes to just, 06:07.072 --> 06:31.535 [SPEAKER_00]: being disappointed with the way that some of my life has shaped up and sometimes feeling like there's nothing for me, you know, sometimes I get into that place, especially the old version of me, like I would get into that place or I just like there's nothing for me, nothing works out for me, the things are not thing and the things are not thing and there's nothing, I don't feel like there's something for me, but that's just, 06:32.756 --> 06:38.437 [SPEAKER_00]: It just wasn't true for me and I promise you that it's that's not true for you as well. 06:38.857 --> 06:48.639 [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, I'm going to share this with you and I'm not doing this to be Salacious or dramatic, you know, or anything like that. 06:49.199 --> 06:50.520 [SPEAKER_00]: This is just what it is. 06:50.580 --> 06:55.581 [SPEAKER_00]: So, I talked about on the podcast how, and I think I talked about it more. 06:55.641 --> 06:57.881 [SPEAKER_00]: So, yeah, I'm pretty sure I talked about it this year too. 07:01.982 --> 07:14.669 [SPEAKER_00]: There were some episodes where I talked about how it's going to be doing this thing with a friend and how I packed up my life and moved to Arkansas to do this thing with a friend and we were going to, you know, homestead together basically and some other things. 07:14.769 --> 07:19.531 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, very long story short, very long story short. 07:20.272 --> 07:21.953 [SPEAKER_00]: That is no longer an option for me. 07:22.153 --> 07:26.535 [SPEAKER_00]: That thing that was in my mind, I thought it was going to turn into something. 07:27.215 --> 07:27.796 [SPEAKER_00]: It has not. 07:28.156 --> 07:29.477 [SPEAKER_00]: It is not and it will not. 07:30.522 --> 07:43.010 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, I made a decision after some conversations that we had that, um, I was just like this is this is clearly this is just not for me. 07:44.131 --> 07:45.171 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just not for me. 07:46.252 --> 07:58.860 [SPEAKER_00]: And one thing I want to say outside of this episode is that, you know, I, I don't want us to try to force things. 07:59.732 --> 08:21.389 [SPEAKER_00]: Like if something doesn't feel right for whatever reason, like if you don't feel like you are being honored in the way that you deserve to be honored for whatever reason, regardless if it was intentional or not intentional, there comes a point in time where you really have to stand up for yourself. 08:22.089 --> 08:26.273 [SPEAKER_00]: This doesn't mean you're necessarily fighting another person, but just like it's about you. 08:27.826 --> 08:53.623 [SPEAKER_00]: Staying up for yourself, protecting yourself, making sure that little growing you feel seen and feels safe, you know, and there were things that transpired and the trying to be very delicate with this, but it's like the things that were agreed upon things changed and not necessarily to my 08:58.610 --> 08:59.452 [SPEAKER_00]: the situation. 09:00.273 --> 09:12.070 [SPEAKER_00]: That says pretty much as much as I really want to say about that because the point is not to necessarily attack or you know what I'm saying like dwell because that's not the point but I do like to be transparent. 09:13.453 --> 09:36.754 [SPEAKER_00]: Because you see me living my life or I talk about living my life and and I always try to be honest in a front and let you know kind of like what's going on, you know the highs and the not so high and so it kind of just let me to this conversation about like, you know, perhaps things are not going well right now and so you're thinking that there's nothing for you, you know, but. 09:40.321 --> 09:42.985 [SPEAKER_00]: I promise you, there is something for you. 09:43.525 --> 09:45.929 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like there are many things for you. 09:46.289 --> 09:54.300 [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes we just have to sit in that lane of disappointment and hurt, you know. 09:57.208 --> 10:09.078 [SPEAKER_00]: for the things that we don't get or that don't pan out for us, the way that we were either told they were going to pan out or we really had our hearts set on because that just happens. 10:09.638 --> 10:10.739 [SPEAKER_00]: It really does happen. 10:11.460 --> 10:13.181 [SPEAKER_00]: It really really does happen but that doesn't 10:14.342 --> 10:21.988 [SPEAKER_00]: Mean that it has anything to do with who you are as a person doesn't mean that it has anything to do with your work worth Excuse me. 10:22.409 --> 10:34.178 [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't mean that it has anything to do with Like you like there's nothing for you because I promise you there is something for there is something for you specifically 10:36.280 --> 10:37.060 [SPEAKER_00]: several things. 10:37.160 --> 10:41.641 [SPEAKER_00]: Many things for you specifically, right? 10:42.101 --> 10:53.483 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's hard to see that when we're sitting, when we're sitting still, we're not moving forward towards that thing or didn't again, it didn't pan out the way that we really had our hearts set on. 10:53.943 --> 11:00.544 [SPEAKER_00]: In my mind, I had this whole situation about this move to Arkansas that I made from California to Arkansas, by the way. 11:01.245 --> 11:01.925 [SPEAKER_00]: I had it all in 11:04.173 --> 11:09.736 [SPEAKER_00]: Bada boom, bada bing, and then the things were changed. 11:11.397 --> 11:12.258 [SPEAKER_00]: Things were changed. 11:13.559 --> 11:21.543 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just, you know, I just felt at that point, I just needed to protect myself and pull out. 11:21.863 --> 11:31.649 [SPEAKER_00]: And separate myself from the situation completely, and just take some time to prioritize me and sit with that disappointment, sit with that, that, 11:35.738 --> 11:49.629 [SPEAKER_00]: that just that feeling of honestly like that feeling of I can't believe this shit that's basically you know how I felt like I really cannot believe this like is this are are you serious right now? 11:51.031 --> 11:58.196 [SPEAKER_00]: you know that that's just how it felt but again that's this this is life and you know there is grief 12:04.052 --> 12:07.994 [SPEAKER_00]: I guess, be okay with over a missed opportunity. 12:08.754 --> 12:13.296 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember when I was a child, I really felt like nothing went my way. 12:14.076 --> 12:15.097 [SPEAKER_00]: Nothing was for me. 12:15.717 --> 12:23.581 [SPEAKER_00]: There were so many disappointments in hurt, in pain, and grief over not being able to do this, not being able to have that. 12:23.681 --> 12:30.243 [SPEAKER_00]: Having my heart set on this, having my heart set on that, wanting life to be this way, and none of that stuff really panning out for me. 12:30.824 --> 12:31.204 [SPEAKER_00]: You know? 12:32.408 --> 12:34.670 [SPEAKER_00]: and just really having to get over that quickly. 12:35.470 --> 12:37.332 [SPEAKER_00]: Or as quickly as I could. 12:37.812 --> 12:55.065 [SPEAKER_00]: And there's this thing that for black women, it's kind of like, I feel like for us, there's this thing where we're obviously quickly told to get over it, quickly told to bounce back, quickly told to, to, you know, 12:58.090 --> 13:00.151 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't don't worry about that. 13:00.251 --> 13:02.172 [SPEAKER_00]: Just go on to the next thing or grind through it. 13:02.512 --> 13:05.393 [SPEAKER_00]: Keep your head up, keep moving, squeen, you will strong queen. 13:05.913 --> 13:08.034 [SPEAKER_00]: It's okay, and it is okay, by the way. 13:08.174 --> 13:09.994 [SPEAKER_00]: It will be okay, by the way. 13:10.474 --> 13:12.215 [SPEAKER_00]: But in other words, it's kind of like just push through. 13:12.375 --> 13:13.676 [SPEAKER_00]: By any means necessary. 13:13.756 --> 13:16.456 [SPEAKER_00]: I get it, I get it, I get why. 13:17.277 --> 13:21.598 [SPEAKER_00]: This is something that's like a community message at least it was, but no longer. 13:21.678 --> 13:25.139 [SPEAKER_00]: Like it is okay to grieve the circumstances 13:28.410 --> 13:51.820 [SPEAKER_00]: this narrative idea you had that just either slip through your fingers or you lost out or the terms that were agreed upon just fell through or you know just whatever the case may be you know it's okay to have that that that disappointment and that sadness and to to grieve what you thought was but I want you to rest assured that there is something for you 13:58.198 --> 13:58.658 [SPEAKER_00]: for you. 13:59.359 --> 13:59.659 [SPEAKER_00]: Right. 13:59.719 --> 14:08.002 [SPEAKER_00]: And even though we do get this message that, um, you know, just onto the next push through, you know, don't worry about it. 14:08.242 --> 14:11.304 [SPEAKER_00]: It's, why are you sad about it like that kind of thing? 14:11.844 --> 14:18.367 [SPEAKER_00]: It's, we, we are allowed to, as we honor our humanity, we are allowed to sit with all of our emotions. 14:19.521 --> 14:20.703 [SPEAKER_00]: and it's healthy to do so. 14:21.604 --> 14:27.371 [SPEAKER_00]: We don't have to rush from this excitement over this thing, you know, whatever it is. 14:27.451 --> 14:28.933 [SPEAKER_00]: And then when it doesn't happen, 14:32.110 --> 14:42.075 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, sometimes you do bounce back quickly because you're just like, like, for example, I apply for a position for this other job recently. 14:42.435 --> 14:48.457 [SPEAKER_00]: And they were like, no, they were like, no, I'm sure it's because they had many applicants. 14:49.858 --> 14:53.200 [SPEAKER_00]: And the old version of me would have been so devastated. 14:53.280 --> 14:54.020 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying? 14:54.080 --> 14:57.542 [SPEAKER_00]: Even though it is something, I mean, it felt like it would have been a really cool opportunity. 14:57.582 --> 14:57.822 [SPEAKER_00]: You know? 14:58.842 --> 15:00.944 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, but I, I lick my wounds. 15:00.985 --> 15:04.528 [SPEAKER_00]: I was disappointed for maybe like, I don't even know 20 minutes. 15:04.608 --> 15:18.382 [SPEAKER_00]: I know that's not a long time, but, you know, it's the healing in the growth for me because the over version of me would have sat with that for weeks and molded over and ruminated and made it all about me and what I don't have and who I'm not and. 15:18.955 --> 15:24.338 [SPEAKER_00]: and how I'm not worthy and how I'm not good enough and how I'm not smart enough and how they're like all these things, right? 15:24.398 --> 15:47.009 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, but it wasn't for me, but that doesn't mean that there isn't something else for me, even if I can't see it right now and I just wanna express that, even though, you know, as you kind of navigate all this and I doesn't mean that just because that you gotta know, it doesn't mean that there isn't something somethings for you, but in the meantime, it is okay to if you need to be disappointed for a minute, 15:48.590 --> 15:50.892 [SPEAKER_00]: be sad, grieve it, it's okay. 15:51.693 --> 15:55.856 [SPEAKER_00]: And still knowing that there is something for you, right? 15:56.536 --> 15:58.958 [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, sometimes we get our hearts set on that. 15:59.038 --> 16:02.321 [SPEAKER_00]: And then it's like, we get our hearts set on like this one thing. 16:02.761 --> 16:04.322 [SPEAKER_00]: That was something that I was known for, girl. 16:04.342 --> 16:06.604 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, oh, it's this one thing. 16:06.624 --> 16:09.667 [SPEAKER_00]: And I have to have this one thing. 16:09.687 --> 16:12.149 [SPEAKER_00]: And if I don't get this one thing, 16:12.909 --> 16:14.230 [SPEAKER_00]: I am not worthy. 16:14.310 --> 16:15.331 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not good enough. 16:15.611 --> 16:25.698 [SPEAKER_00]: I am like all these stories that we make about ourselves, especially if you are someone like me who is a product of CPTSD, right? 16:26.619 --> 16:31.602 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, but um, yeah, I was just like this one great thing. 16:31.902 --> 16:33.923 [SPEAKER_00]: This one great thing. 16:33.964 --> 16:35.665 [SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing else for me. 16:37.418 --> 16:49.232 [SPEAKER_00]: We really built these things up, you know, I'm trying to learn how to be more detached as far as like, you know, how they say, don't put all your eggs in one basket, even though I feel like it's 16:51.112 --> 16:54.693 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, to really get hope full about something. 16:54.753 --> 16:56.014 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just complex. 16:56.074 --> 17:04.097 [SPEAKER_00]: It's so complex being a human, you know, because you don't want us to clearly put every single ounce into, oh my God, you know what I mean? 17:04.117 --> 17:05.777 [SPEAKER_00]: But then it's like, damn, can I have some hope? 17:05.797 --> 17:09.639 [SPEAKER_00]: I can at least have some hope, you know? 17:09.699 --> 17:14.301 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's just like, just this idea of us honoring our humanity as we navigate all of this. 17:14.401 --> 17:17.442 [SPEAKER_00]: I just think about it and it's just, it's just so interesting. 17:17.502 --> 17:18.662 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, back to what I was saying. 17:18.682 --> 17:20.003 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to make this episode too long. 17:20.923 --> 17:30.187 [SPEAKER_00]: I promise, but, you know, we think that if we can just get this one great thing, everything is going to be fantastic, right? 17:31.108 --> 17:31.948 [SPEAKER_00]: Now I'm good enough. 17:32.008 --> 17:34.830 [SPEAKER_00]: Now I'm fabulous. 17:34.910 --> 17:36.410 [SPEAKER_00]: Now I'm a boss. 17:36.450 --> 17:39.912 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, now I'm in my grown woman era. 17:39.992 --> 17:42.693 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, you know, just that kind of thing. 17:42.973 --> 17:48.136 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and those might not be how you think about it, but I promise you, you have things in your mind. 17:48.636 --> 17:53.519 [SPEAKER_00]: that you think, but those are like some of my things, you know, but this one great thing. 17:55.320 --> 17:56.341 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, it's like, 17:59.993 --> 18:06.876 [SPEAKER_00]: we sometimes just give our power away to just this external outcome. 18:07.396 --> 18:13.399 [SPEAKER_00]: We think that this one quote unquote perfect thing is going to validate us now. 18:13.479 --> 18:15.439 [SPEAKER_00]: It's going to validate our entire existence. 18:15.499 --> 18:18.381 [SPEAKER_00]: It's going to make it so that we mean something. 18:18.401 --> 18:20.641 [SPEAKER_00]: We're valuable, we're special. 18:21.202 --> 18:26.164 [SPEAKER_00]: We're important, and then when it doesn't happen, it's just like we make it mean something, right? 18:27.044 --> 18:38.889 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, including the fact that I didn't get this one great thing, so now I'm not going to get anything I didn't get this one great opportunity So now there'll be no more opportunities for me. 18:38.929 --> 18:45.912 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't get this one great partner, man, woman, whatever Now they'll never be another partner. 18:46.273 --> 18:49.094 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't get this one great job. 18:50.127 --> 18:52.028 [SPEAKER_00]: Now there will never be another job. 18:52.088 --> 18:54.628 [SPEAKER_00]: There will never, there's nothing else out there for me. 18:55.109 --> 18:57.629 [SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing else out there for me. 18:57.649 --> 19:05.912 [SPEAKER_00]: It was just this or nothing, you know, this project, this milestone, this goal, this, this job, this, this opportunity, this, 19:06.792 --> 19:34.017 [SPEAKER_00]: Whatever, you know, but I've come to learn that just thinking that way like thinking that just this one thing is all that we're entitled to as far as greatness is concerned like it's just another way that we we lose ourselves we we we this is not a form of self validation when we when we do this you know when we when we say these things to ourselves this is again just kind of like a way that we sort of 19:35.587 --> 19:58.594 [SPEAKER_00]: lose ourselves or give our power away to like some external outcome when you are the ones is that you are the one that has the power you are the greatness not that opportunity you are the secret sauce not that opportunity you are the the the miracle not that that one great opportunity like it it comes from you you know what I'm saying you are the one that 20:00.895 --> 20:03.717 [SPEAKER_00]: or creates these things just by being who you are. 20:04.177 --> 20:10.721 [SPEAKER_00]: So there will be, like I said before, many times in the episode, there are other things out there for you. 20:10.741 --> 20:12.822 [SPEAKER_00]: There are many things out there for you. 20:12.842 --> 20:17.685 [SPEAKER_00]: There's not just this one, only one opportunity could you imagine. 20:18.966 --> 20:24.650 [SPEAKER_00]: If there was only one thing for you, then what would the point of life be? 20:26.144 --> 20:31.346 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, what would the point of life be if there was just one great thing for you? 20:32.147 --> 20:32.587 [SPEAKER_00]: Just one. 20:33.567 --> 20:34.388 [SPEAKER_00]: Can you imagine? 20:36.369 --> 20:37.129 [SPEAKER_00]: Could you imagine? 20:38.480 --> 21:01.249 [SPEAKER_00]: I think there are many, there are many things out there for you, many great things out there for you, but I tell you that there is a lesson in the waiting, as you sit in the disappointment and then once you kind of like move beyond the disappointment or the hurt or the pain or the sadness or whatever you felt, you know about this quote unquote one great thing, you know, after that there's kind of like this waiting period. 21:02.220 --> 21:18.555 [SPEAKER_00]: there's just this waiting period and there's a lesson in that waiting period and honestly for me with the situation that I talked about how I'm no longer moving forward with this with this reason that I moved to Arkansas in the first place. 21:22.034 --> 21:37.879 [SPEAKER_00]: I've learned some things, one of them being the hunt to get things in writing, even though you're doing things with friends, get things in writing before you move forward, that's a mistake that I put on my shoulders, that's a mistake that I made, I just never thought that. 21:39.460 --> 21:44.743 [SPEAKER_00]: things would work out the way that they did, but that's something that's on me, that's something that I should have done. 21:45.704 --> 21:50.047 [SPEAKER_00]: I should have done my dude, just like I had talked about in the podcast, like, do your due diligence, you know? 21:50.908 --> 21:53.129 [SPEAKER_00]: That's something that I didn't do, right? 21:53.809 --> 22:03.236 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's a lesson learned, like, that's a lesson learned, that's something that I will never, I will never do this again, not in the way that things were done. 22:05.017 --> 22:06.818 [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, there's a lesson in the waiting. 22:08.060 --> 22:09.662 [SPEAKER_00]: There's a lesson in that disappointment. 22:11.044 --> 22:18.413 [SPEAKER_00]: There's a lesson in that sadness over this missed thing that didn't come to fruition. 22:19.735 --> 22:24.301 [SPEAKER_00]: So sometimes it's not so much about what you can get, even though I want you to get. 22:24.740 --> 22:26.720 [SPEAKER_00]: everything that you deserve and more. 22:27.441 --> 22:31.142 [SPEAKER_00]: I want you to get everything that's coming to you and you will, you shall. 22:31.762 --> 22:36.983 [SPEAKER_00]: As long as you are standing in faith and you're moving towards it and you're taking the necessary action, it will. 22:38.663 --> 22:50.646 [SPEAKER_00]: But it's also about in those times about who you are, what your beliefs are, how you feel about yourself, who you're becoming, who you're evolving 22:55.988 --> 22:57.529 [SPEAKER_00]: who you're growing into as you wait. 22:57.890 --> 22:59.772 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes, there is a weight. 23:00.813 --> 23:02.014 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes there is a weight. 23:02.514 --> 23:04.416 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, 23:06.254 --> 23:08.355 [SPEAKER_00]: You have a decision to make like, am I gonna move for it? 23:08.495 --> 23:13.676 [SPEAKER_00]: Or am I gonna just sit in this disappointment forever or thinking that there's nothing else out there for me? 23:14.256 --> 23:19.498 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a lesson too, because as I believe I just mentioned, like the old version of me, like I just thought there was nothing. 23:19.518 --> 23:28.441 [SPEAKER_00]: Like if I didn't get that one thing, that one thing I was so desperate for, that one thing, that was gonna magically change and radically change my life. 23:28.541 --> 23:33.042 [SPEAKER_00]: If I didn't get that one thing, this one thing, this one thing. 23:35.765 --> 23:43.110 [SPEAKER_00]: Then, you know, there was just no reason for me to keep moving for it because nothing was for me. 23:43.850 --> 23:46.832 [SPEAKER_00]: That's how it felt for me in my mind, especially when I was younger. 23:47.353 --> 23:48.773 [SPEAKER_00]: Especially when I was younger. 23:49.634 --> 24:03.283 [SPEAKER_00]: It took a long time, years and years and years and years and years for me to get to this place, where I am now, where I didn't allow disappointment to just keep me completely dead on the inside. 24:05.944 --> 24:23.617 [SPEAKER_00]: It took me years and years and years and years to I guess keep my heart soft even though it just felt sometimes so beat up from disappointment after disappointment after disappointment 24:29.943 --> 24:39.107 [SPEAKER_00]: It helped me to realize that while I was waiting for the next quote-unquote next thing, you know, I am being bolstered, I am being strengthened. 24:39.127 --> 24:51.793 [SPEAKER_00]: It was an opportunity for me to actually see my wounds, see the places where I was unhealed or damaged, you know, and heal some parts and challenge some of things. 24:52.372 --> 25:11.243 [SPEAKER_00]: that I thought about myself and just kind of like evolve into the type of woman or the woman who can be prepared for my next because again, like I said a million times, viewing her already, there are things out there for you. 25:12.004 --> 25:13.645 [SPEAKER_00]: There are many things for you. 25:14.860 --> 25:19.185 [SPEAKER_00]: So, again, I feel like it's okay to be disappointed. 25:19.846 --> 25:20.767 [SPEAKER_00]: It really, really is. 25:20.807 --> 25:26.914 [SPEAKER_00]: It is okay to say, you know, that hurt, or you know what I'm disappointed, or you know what I'm sad that this didn't happen. 25:27.315 --> 25:29.377 [SPEAKER_00]: But what I don't want us to do is just to, 25:30.058 --> 25:36.582 [SPEAKER_00]: hang our hat on this quote unquote fact that we feel like in our mile, since that didn't happen, then there's just nothing. 25:37.242 --> 25:40.344 [SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing else that would compare ever to this one thing. 25:40.964 --> 25:43.646 [SPEAKER_00]: And since that's the case, like I'll never have anything. 25:43.706 --> 25:54.452 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll never have the things I want or be the type of woman I want to be or like whatever it is that you you tell yourself, you know, when you sit 25:58.272 --> 26:00.453 [SPEAKER_00]: feel like that's a big part of honoring our humanity. 26:01.113 --> 26:20.178 [SPEAKER_00]: To be able to see our disappointment, while also seeing that there is still something so wonderful within us and around us, that is available to us, even though we are sitting with some pain or some disappointment or some sadness or some fear. 26:24.102 --> 26:28.445 [SPEAKER_00]: So I just don't want us to feel like there's nothing for us. 26:28.525 --> 26:44.575 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want you to just give up and think that nothing is for you because this didn't work out, nothing that's not for me, nothing's for me because this one thing didn't work out over here, there's nothing over there, like you just all ends with this one thing, you know, because again, there is something for you. 26:44.595 --> 26:45.816 [SPEAKER_00]: There are many, some things for you. 26:45.976 --> 26:51.079 [SPEAKER_00]: There are a lot of some things for you, says there are a lot of some things for you. 26:53.453 --> 27:08.215 [SPEAKER_00]: So I want to remind you that, you know, even though it can be tough at times, to just remember that you deserve all good things, you are all good things and 27:10.698 --> 27:25.496 [SPEAKER_00]: It is your right to live well, to be happy, to grow, to evolve, to heal, to love yourself, to trust yourself, to trust your intuition, to be rooted in your faith, to, to, to. 27:27.681 --> 27:33.528 [SPEAKER_00]: live a life full of possibility and beauty and love. 27:34.469 --> 27:46.484 [SPEAKER_00]: So even though sometimes it will look different than what we imagined, there's more than one way to get to where it is we want to get, which a lot of times is not so much things but overall like a feeling. 27:47.584 --> 27:59.527 [SPEAKER_00]: Like you want to feel, love, do you want to feel creative, you want to feel, support it, you want to feel safe, you want to feel rooted. 28:00.467 --> 28:03.508 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a lot of times what our goals ultimately like at its core. 28:05.228 --> 28:07.489 [SPEAKER_00]: We just want to feel those things a lot of times. 28:11.971 --> 28:21.579 [SPEAKER_00]: So again, even though things may not look completely like what you want or what you imagined, there are good things out there still for you. 28:21.959 --> 28:23.340 [SPEAKER_00]: There are many good things. 28:23.360 --> 28:24.681 [SPEAKER_00]: There are many things out there for you. 28:24.701 --> 28:26.803 [SPEAKER_00]: There are many a lot of some things. 28:27.963 --> 28:29.624 [SPEAKER_00]: for use specifically. 28:29.644 --> 28:30.604 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 28:31.705 --> 28:35.346 [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, let's go ahead and just wrap this up. 28:35.366 --> 28:37.566 [SPEAKER_00]: I think I will again, just wrap up. 28:37.586 --> 28:38.687 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like we just went to church. 28:40.167 --> 28:43.588 [SPEAKER_00]: So, I want to wrap this up again with a quick little breath. 28:43.688 --> 28:47.110 [SPEAKER_00]: So, we'll go ahead and inhale through the nose and out, out, hell. 28:47.310 --> 28:47.830 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my God. 28:49.288 --> 28:51.972 [SPEAKER_00]: inhale through the nose and not out hail. 28:52.713 --> 28:53.774 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I'll start saying that. 28:54.375 --> 28:54.896 [SPEAKER_00]: Out hail. 28:56.438 --> 29:00.223 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because why is it inhale and exhale? 29:00.844 --> 29:02.226 [SPEAKER_00]: Where the x come from? 29:02.967 --> 29:04.810 [SPEAKER_00]: In, I, in, inhale. 29:05.836 --> 29:07.997 [SPEAKER_00]: And out hill, why is it not out hill? 29:08.097 --> 29:09.158 [SPEAKER_00]: Now I'm going to have to Google that. 29:09.198 --> 29:11.480 [SPEAKER_00]: This is how my brain works. 29:11.520 --> 29:13.341 [SPEAKER_00]: Child Google hate to see me coming. 29:13.681 --> 29:18.804 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I'd be asking the craziest, sorry. 29:20.983 --> 29:22.284 [SPEAKER_00]: I almost start saying, I'll heal. 29:23.405 --> 29:25.187 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so we're going in here. 29:26.028 --> 29:27.149 [UNKNOWN]: Hold on. 29:27.349 --> 29:28.390 [UNKNOWN]: I'm sorry. 29:29.351 --> 29:33.595 [SPEAKER_00]: See how we trying to have a series episode in my brain goes to let's out-held everybody. 29:34.316 --> 29:35.737 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to say inhale and out here. 29:35.797 --> 29:36.377 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't give a damn. 29:37.198 --> 29:40.342 [SPEAKER_00]: So we're going to inhale through the nose. 29:40.362 --> 29:43.747 [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to exhale through the mouth. 29:44.708 --> 29:50.775 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so let's go ahead and inhale in three, two, one. 29:50.795 --> 29:53.559 [SPEAKER_00]: Go ahead and take a big inhale through the nose. 29:56.563 --> 30:05.854 [SPEAKER_00]: drop your shoulders and hold it for five, four, three, two, one. 30:05.874 --> 30:09.238 [SPEAKER_00]: Now take a slow out hill through the mouth. 30:11.960 --> 30:18.644 [SPEAKER_00]: Slide it all out, five, four, three, two, one. 30:19.844 --> 30:26.148 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, so girl, that is it for this week's episode of the Brown Girl Self Care podcast. 30:26.228 --> 30:36.534 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I said before, I will be back next week with a video episode, but like I mentioned, girl, it's giving Cynthia from the Rugrats for right now. 30:45.547 --> 31:06.340 [SPEAKER_00]: So, but I will be back in next week with another episode in the meantime, if you were picking up what I'm laying down, feel free to leave a comment on Spotify if this is where you are listening or if you want to share this episode on social media, being sure to tag me so I can hopefully see it when I log in. 31:07.161 --> 31:11.483 [SPEAKER_00]: Then please feel free to do that or if you want to leave a comment, 31:14.285 --> 31:26.750 [SPEAKER_00]: feel like I said that's already but you can do that too or if you have not done so already if this podcast has blessed you as I know it has blessed so many women because I get your email I see your messages okay feel free to leave a 31:27.469 --> 31:35.391 [SPEAKER_00]: five star rating and review on iTunes or Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcast. 31:35.651 --> 31:37.572 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's it for this week. 31:37.752 --> 31:39.153 [SPEAKER_00]: Have an amazing week. 31:39.613 --> 31:48.095 [SPEAKER_00]: Much more to come as we continue learning and exploring how to honor our humanity through the form of self care as an active liberation. 31:48.715 --> 31:53.237 [SPEAKER_00]: I will talk to you next Monday on the Brown Girl Self Care podcast. 31:53.377 --> 31:53.837 [SPEAKER_00]: Take care.