WEBVTT 00:05.465 --> 00:07.288 [SPEAKER_01]: Hello, and welcome back to part in the mess. 00:07.528 --> 00:09.250 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm your host, Scarlet Hiltabidal. 00:09.631 --> 00:13.897 [SPEAKER_01]: So grateful, so excited to be back, officially for the second week as a new host. 00:14.357 --> 00:15.198 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just thrilled to be here. 00:15.559 --> 00:20.406 [SPEAKER_01]: Today's episode is titled, loving each of my kids well when they all need something different. 00:20.806 --> 00:27.255 [SPEAKER_01]: And I just want to say, right here off the bat, that I hope that this is an encouraging episode for you no matter where you are in your parenting. 00:27.635 --> 00:36.007 [SPEAKER_01]: Some of us, if you're like me, I've got four children under my roof still, a baby, an elementary school kid, a middle schooler. 00:36.187 --> 00:37.208 [SPEAKER_01]: and a high schooler. 00:37.288 --> 00:37.568 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 00:37.668 --> 00:38.288 [SPEAKER_01]: I've got all that. 00:38.568 --> 00:42.010 [SPEAKER_01]: I know some of you have like half and half like you've launched a couple kids. 00:42.070 --> 00:48.833 [SPEAKER_01]: One of my best friends, two of my best friends have a couple kids out in the world and they have a couple under their roof and so parenting looks different for them. 00:49.233 --> 00:52.075 [SPEAKER_01]: And then I know some of you listening have already launched your kids. 00:52.095 --> 00:53.015 [SPEAKER_01]: You're an empty nester. 00:53.075 --> 00:58.538 [SPEAKER_01]: So now you're kind of in that phase of figuring out what does it look like to love and lead my kids well. 00:59.318 --> 01:04.182 [SPEAKER_01]: in this new season when they're adults and I am taking on a different role this their mom. 01:04.543 --> 01:13.850 [SPEAKER_01]: So I just want to say from the very beginning that I think that this episode is going to be encouraging for you no matter the age and stage of your kids because the whole parenting mess that we're looking at is 01:14.631 --> 01:27.745 [SPEAKER_01]: the struggle, the fear, the mental spiral that we as moms can get stuck in, where we fear that one of our kids might feel unseen or unloved because their needs, or their personality, or their struggle looks different. 01:28.065 --> 01:28.406 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 01:28.546 --> 01:31.729 [SPEAKER_01]: So that applies to all ages and stages. 01:32.070 --> 01:34.833 [SPEAKER_01]: It also, honestly, applies to all relationships. 01:34.973 --> 01:35.073 [SPEAKER_01]: So 01:35.533 --> 01:44.959 [SPEAKER_01]: I hope it as we untangle this mess together today that you are encouraged and that you are pointed to Jesus and the good news of the gospel and so that's what we're going. 01:45.219 --> 01:50.182 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I promise I'm not going to give this reminder about our show structure every week. 01:50.222 --> 01:57.227 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just doing it these first few weeks as we get to know each other because I'm new, but we are moving toward a more topical format. 01:57.487 --> 02:06.713 [SPEAKER_01]: So that doesn't mean we're never gonna do the part in the mess internet views again, but it does mean that every week we're gonna take one mess and we're gonna spend the episode untangling that mess. 02:06.813 --> 02:11.616 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna have a segment called the messy mom moment where I bring somebody in briefly to talk about that thing. 02:11.937 --> 02:13.778 [SPEAKER_01]: Today's is gonna be super special you guys. 02:13.898 --> 02:20.322 [SPEAKER_01]: So I hope you stick around because my sweet adopted daughter Joy is being so generous to share some of her story with us. 02:20.643 --> 02:22.324 [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm gonna have her on a little later today. 02:22.664 --> 02:26.847 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, that is the new show structure and I'm excited and let's get into it. 02:27.567 --> 02:33.109 [SPEAKER_01]: So I feel like I've had kind of two waves of this specific parenting mess being really hard for me. 02:33.549 --> 02:51.917 [SPEAKER_01]: One wave of it came when I became an adoptive mom and I just became super aware of joy being in our family feeling other because one, she's from China to she's got a lot of unique needs and so her day-to-day life looks different, me parenting her has to look different and so I became pretty 02:54.838 --> 03:09.410 [SPEAKER_01]: So during that season, I kind of became fixated on, okay, what does it look like for me to love each of my kids well with this new child with such a different history with such different needs now that she's in our family and then another way that it came when we had our surprise baby. 03:10.291 --> 03:24.800 [SPEAKER_01]: in 2024 and so he's one and a half now and he just I think that this parenting mess in particular can become really spiritually exhausting because it's easy for us to start believing that peace comes from getting motherhood perfectly balanced between all of our kids, right? 03:25.361 --> 03:30.184 [SPEAKER_01]: And we we start acting like if every child is equally happy at all times, that's success. 03:30.424 --> 03:47.934 [SPEAKER_01]: know those rare weird moments where maybe you're like on a family vacation and there's no tension there's no conflict nobody is sad with anybody nobody feels hurt or misunderstood and you're like super mom this is great my family's great you know the more kids you add into your family the older you get 03:48.474 --> 03:50.334 [SPEAKER_01]: the more you see, it's kind of impossible. 03:50.575 --> 03:52.535 [SPEAKER_01]: Those moments are like unicorns, right? 03:53.075 --> 03:56.996 [SPEAKER_01]: They're usually somebody is hurting or struggling in some way in the home. 03:57.336 --> 04:00.717 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's easy to take that on as the mom, because we love our kids so much. 04:01.197 --> 04:12.540 [SPEAKER_01]: And so you might think, you might kind of get swept up in that mindset that we talked about last week where your motherhood is a scoreboard and you're like, okay, am I doing all the right things for all the people in my house? 04:14.178 --> 04:18.060 [SPEAKER_01]: and to success look like they're all happy and great and healthy and everything's going well. 04:18.221 --> 04:32.430 [SPEAKER_01]: So we're going to spend some time today looking at his word and looking at Jesus and how he loves us all so intimately and so specifically and just God's love in our lives practically through our experience, through 04:33.350 --> 04:39.875 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, his word prayer, other believers in our lives, the way he loves us is so amazing, isn't it? 04:40.035 --> 04:46.800 [SPEAKER_01]: And we're going to look at the example of God and how he loves us, his little children, in such specific and personal ways. 04:47.161 --> 04:51.644 [SPEAKER_01]: And what a beautiful example to look to God as the role model of parenting, right? 04:51.924 --> 04:55.327 [SPEAKER_01]: Like rather than trying to get parenting right and equal. 04:55.687 --> 04:56.528 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's look to God. 04:56.868 --> 05:02.553 [SPEAKER_01]: who meets our specific needs, who knows the hairs on our head, and who loves us in such personal ways. 05:02.613 --> 05:08.519 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I wanna love my kids in ways that make them feel seen and known and loved and pointed to Jesus. 05:08.679 --> 05:10.321 [SPEAKER_01]: So that's what we're gonna try to do today. 05:10.641 --> 05:12.763 [SPEAKER_01]: So let's start with this tension, this core tension. 05:13.143 --> 05:17.848 [SPEAKER_01]: I want all my kids to feel equally loved, but they each need something completely different from me. 05:18.288 --> 05:23.212 [SPEAKER_01]: So this mess is, the different needs can make us moms feel like we're constantly failing somebody. 05:23.713 --> 05:35.182 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that, you know, as moms, this feels heavy because we assume that fairness means the sameness, that equal love means equal treatment, that good parenting means that everything is perfectly balanced and everybody is happy. 05:35.462 --> 05:36.943 [SPEAKER_01]: But real life does not work that way. 05:37.343 --> 05:39.825 [SPEAKER_01]: One kid might require hours of conversation. 05:40.286 --> 05:42.488 [SPEAKER_01]: One kid might want to be alone in her room lot. 05:42.788 --> 05:44.910 [SPEAKER_01]: I've got both of those living in my house right now, you guys. 05:45.150 --> 05:46.171 [SPEAKER_01]: One child might have 05:46.831 --> 06:06.380 [SPEAKER_01]: extra emotional struggles and need Christian counseling and might need extra from you in that area where another kid might seem quote unquote easy because they're more quiet but their needs can often get overlooked and like me you might sometimes look back and think oh my goodness one of my kids was in such a hard season that I think that I was 06:07.000 --> 06:18.645 [SPEAKER_01]: ignoring this other kid just because she's quieter, you know, so that can lead to the guilt spiral, you know, and as a parent with biological and adopted kids, I think there's there can be extra fear around this. 06:18.765 --> 06:22.366 [SPEAKER_01]: So your hyper-aware of not wanting your child to feel different. 06:22.426 --> 06:25.908 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe your child who has a lot of differences, it's not through adoption. 06:25.928 --> 06:30.970 [SPEAKER_01]: I have friends here in town who they have a child with just significant physical needs. 06:31.330 --> 06:33.191 [SPEAKER_01]: And so that child we're just physically 06:36.773 --> 06:38.051 [SPEAKER_01]: more emotional support. 06:39.370 --> 06:40.810 [SPEAKER_01]: as they navigate these differences. 06:40.990 --> 06:44.191 [SPEAKER_01]: So here's some things I think we tend to do that don't help, okay? 06:44.471 --> 06:46.712 [SPEAKER_01]: I think we tend to parent from guilt. 06:47.512 --> 06:50.272 [SPEAKER_01]: Over-correct, maybe compare siblings. 06:50.772 --> 06:53.293 [SPEAKER_01]: I know none of us need to do that, but don't we sometimes do that? 06:53.953 --> 07:02.335 [SPEAKER_01]: Force, sameness in the name of fairness, obsess over what's equal, ignore actual needs, because we're afraid of appearing unfair. 07:02.535 --> 07:03.275 [SPEAKER_01]: Do you ever do that? 07:03.655 --> 07:08.036 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that if you ever get caught up in that, it's like a good heart check, like, okay. 07:08.816 --> 07:15.145 [SPEAKER_01]: I am definitely caring more about how I appear before my kids, like my reputation, what they think of me. 07:15.566 --> 07:18.830 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm caring more about that than actually loving them and meeting their needs. 07:18.950 --> 07:24.939 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that is an easy trap for us to fall into as moms and just as Christians as we, you know, we might 07:25.880 --> 07:28.263 [SPEAKER_01]: wake up and be like, I want to serve you today, Lord. 07:28.763 --> 07:37.412 [SPEAKER_01]: And then we just kind of, we are selfish people and we get in our heads and we just kind of get caught up in the tasks and in our performance rather than in worshiping. 07:37.612 --> 07:40.095 [SPEAKER_01]: So underneath that all, we're forgetting the gospel. 07:40.115 --> 07:43.899 [SPEAKER_01]: We're forgetting that only Jesus can meet all of our needs perfectly, right? 07:44.400 --> 07:45.260 [SPEAKER_01]: If we try to meet, 07:45.961 --> 07:49.005 [SPEAKER_01]: every child's need, at every moment in every way. 07:49.365 --> 07:50.947 [SPEAKER_01]: We are actually doing them with the service. 07:51.127 --> 07:52.028 [SPEAKER_01]: One, we can't do that. 07:52.128 --> 07:57.174 [SPEAKER_01]: And two, we are not taking them to the source of, we're not taking them to the need meter. 07:57.274 --> 07:57.554 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 07:57.574 --> 07:59.276 [SPEAKER_01]: God is the one who can meet our needs. 07:59.556 --> 08:02.740 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not a failure to admit that you're limited. 08:02.840 --> 08:03.741 [SPEAKER_01]: We are all limited. 08:03.781 --> 08:04.462 [SPEAKER_01]: We're all human. 08:04.782 --> 08:07.543 [SPEAKER_01]: We are all dependent mothers raising dependent children. 08:07.643 --> 08:10.605 [SPEAKER_01]: We need Jesus, that is not failure, that's reality. 08:10.825 --> 08:17.047 [SPEAKER_01]: So something to remember as you think about this stuff is, our children don't feel safest when everything's perfectly equal. 08:17.408 --> 08:24.611 [SPEAKER_01]: I think they feel safest when they feel known, understood, personally loved, and consistently brought back to the love of Christ. 08:24.911 --> 08:30.233 [SPEAKER_01]: When I think about myself as a little child, you know, God calls us little children in His word. 08:30.554 --> 08:33.455 [SPEAKER_01]: When I think about being a little child and God being my father, 08:34.035 --> 08:43.597 [SPEAKER_01]: I think the most striking, powerful moments in my own history are the moments that I prayed for something really specific and God answered in a really specific way. 08:43.997 --> 08:49.838 [SPEAKER_01]: Or sometimes when I didn't pray for something, but God provided something that I didn't even know to pray for. 08:50.158 --> 08:54.539 [SPEAKER_01]: And I just feel so seen and so understood and so loved by the Father. 08:55.239 --> 08:56.599 [SPEAKER_01]: Like what is better than that? 08:56.999 --> 09:01.120 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, when I am experiencing those moments with God, I'm not looking at 09:02.320 --> 09:05.946 [SPEAKER_01]: My friend who also has Jesus in thinking, but he did this for her. 09:06.146 --> 09:08.089 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm not comparing myself to my friend. 09:08.229 --> 09:16.121 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just full of so much gratitude and feeling so loved and filled because my father knows me and loves me and is caring for me. 09:16.561 --> 09:16.741 [SPEAKER_01]: So, 09:17.202 --> 09:18.443 [SPEAKER_01]: That is the shift guys. 09:18.543 --> 09:24.549 [SPEAKER_01]: As we enter into this untangling portion of the episode, I'm going to share some of my adoption story with you guys. 09:25.129 --> 09:37.500 [SPEAKER_01]: And I just want you guys to have front of mind that the practical way to combat this mental mess that we're looking at as moms is to focus more on loving the individual children. 09:37.540 --> 09:42.445 [SPEAKER_01]: God has given us rather than trying to make our parenting look cookie cutter and equal for all of 09:42.525 --> 09:45.646 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I'm just going to share a little bit of our adoption story with Joy. 09:45.686 --> 09:49.207 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to go into the full story, but we adopted her. 09:49.427 --> 09:52.987 [SPEAKER_01]: We already had two biological girls and she was almost four. 09:53.047 --> 09:56.308 [SPEAKER_01]: My oldest was five and my little one was turning two. 09:56.688 --> 10:01.469 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so we flew to China as a family and I had a lot of fears early on. 10:01.549 --> 10:04.530 [SPEAKER_01]: I had fears pre-adoption, all the fears you can imagine. 10:04.570 --> 10:06.591 [SPEAKER_01]: I had fears of just the first bit of paperwork. 10:06.631 --> 10:07.691 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, how do I possibly 10:08.211 --> 10:10.513 [SPEAKER_01]: check the special needs consideration checklist. 10:10.713 --> 10:15.838 [SPEAKER_01]: It's like the top of the paperwork where you have to choose what you're willing to bring into your family. 10:16.538 --> 10:19.781 [SPEAKER_01]: I was worried okay if I checked too many things that sounds really scary and hard. 10:20.081 --> 10:24.485 [SPEAKER_01]: If I don't check anything or if I checked too few things then I'll feel guilty for not checking more things. 10:24.905 --> 10:27.247 [SPEAKER_01]: So that was like an early fear and then 10:27.928 --> 10:33.334 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, when we actually adopted her and she, she was born with no ears, no outer middle ears. 10:33.374 --> 10:34.195 [SPEAKER_01]: So she couldn't hear. 10:34.296 --> 10:35.297 [SPEAKER_01]: She wasn't potty trained. 10:35.337 --> 10:36.038 [SPEAKER_01]: She couldn't walk. 10:36.538 --> 10:39.922 [SPEAKER_01]: She was the size of a baby of an 18-month-old, even though she was almost four. 10:40.803 --> 10:46.550 [SPEAKER_01]: My fears, you know, I had, I had great moments of great peace from the Lord, but then there were new fears. 10:46.570 --> 10:47.952 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, there were the fears of like, 10:48.492 --> 10:53.955 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, my idea of this adoption and, you know, what, what does the gospel look like in this? 10:53.995 --> 10:56.856 [SPEAKER_01]: My idea was like, okay, we learned sign language as a family. 10:56.916 --> 10:58.297 [SPEAKER_01]: We're going to teach her about Jesus. 10:58.717 --> 11:00.118 [SPEAKER_01]: She's going to heal and thrive. 11:00.458 --> 11:04.701 [SPEAKER_01]: But then we met her and she was so medically worse off than we could have imagined. 11:04.921 --> 11:14.466 [SPEAKER_01]: I remember sitting under the covers in China and thinking, okay, maybe God's idea of the gospel in this was us caring for a body that will never learn that will never heal. 11:15.346 --> 11:17.707 [SPEAKER_01]: and just coming to terms with that. 11:18.187 --> 11:21.748 [SPEAKER_01]: And then of course, God did miraculous healing in her. 11:21.808 --> 11:25.130 [SPEAKER_01]: You're going to see in a few minutes that she has a hearing aid. 11:25.150 --> 11:27.391 [SPEAKER_01]: She has prosthetic ears covered in her own skin. 11:27.831 --> 11:29.091 [SPEAKER_01]: She is a little miracle girl. 11:29.171 --> 11:29.952 [SPEAKER_01]: She is the sweetest. 11:29.992 --> 11:30.592 [SPEAKER_01]: She's funny. 11:30.992 --> 11:32.012 [SPEAKER_01]: She's fantastic. 11:32.192 --> 11:33.833 [SPEAKER_01]: She has a lot of day-to-day struggles. 11:34.213 --> 11:38.495 [SPEAKER_01]: Her from the moment she opens her eyes in the morning to when she goes to sleep. 11:38.875 --> 11:42.836 [SPEAKER_01]: She has got so many extra things that she has to take care of, 11:44.797 --> 11:53.883 [SPEAKER_01]: And so as she's gotten older, now she's just becoming a teenager, you know, as a mom, my fears are more for her future for other kids. 11:53.943 --> 11:55.745 [SPEAKER_01]: How are they going to treat her when she goes to school? 11:55.945 --> 11:57.966 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, how am I going to advocate for her? 11:58.066 --> 12:04.851 [SPEAKER_01]: There was a season where she was doing some Christian counseling and a counselor told her, you know, Joy, you can do anything. 12:05.091 --> 12:06.752 [SPEAKER_01]: Just set your mind to it and you can do it. 12:07.073 --> 12:09.975 [SPEAKER_01]: And I had to have a private follow-up session to tell that 12:13.617 --> 12:14.659 [SPEAKER_01]: encouraging my girl. 12:14.999 --> 12:21.687 [SPEAKER_01]: But there are things that she was born with that she will not overcome but until Jesus makes all things new. 12:21.827 --> 12:27.034 [SPEAKER_01]: So will you partner with me in helping her learn to live with peace over the things that she can't do? 12:27.454 --> 12:29.437 [SPEAKER_01]: Because I mean that's just a reality. 12:30.891 --> 12:43.042 [SPEAKER_01]: maybe you're listening and you're thinking of that one kid that you have, who really want something and maybe it's not as dramatic as joys struggles, but maybe it's like they've been trying and trying to get on some sports team for so long. 12:43.362 --> 12:51.088 [SPEAKER_01]: One of my close friends had this happen years ago and just as a mom, this is the heartache of watching your children want something, try for it and not get it. 12:51.409 --> 12:52.169 [SPEAKER_01]: Like that's hard. 12:52.249 --> 12:56.013 [SPEAKER_01]: What does my love look like when one of my children is not getting what they want? 12:56.493 --> 13:13.037 [SPEAKER_01]: And one of them is maybe one of them just kind of eases through life, good grades doesn't appear to have any struggles, like what does it look like to celebrate with that one child while grieving and helping another child be at peace, like these are big things that I wrestle with, especially as it relates to joy. 13:13.257 --> 13:19.340 [SPEAKER_01]: So something that I've been learning over the last few years has been loving my kids doesn't mean pretending that they're all the same. 13:19.621 --> 13:21.281 [SPEAKER_01]: It means learning who they actually are. 13:21.642 --> 13:30.226 [SPEAKER_01]: So each one of our children has unique fears, unique strengths, unique wounds, unique ways that they receive love, unique temptations, unique insecurities. 13:30.787 --> 13:38.551 [SPEAKER_01]: And you know, one child might need laughter and playfulness, one child might need gentleness, one child might just want you to sit with them and stop trying to fix it. 13:38.751 --> 13:40.753 [SPEAKER_01]: just to kind of clearly untangle this. 13:40.853 --> 13:44.377 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that the healthiest families make room for these differences. 13:44.778 --> 13:46.179 [SPEAKER_01]: And they don't fear these differences. 13:46.239 --> 13:55.369 [SPEAKER_01]: Like when I'm thinking about our family, like pre-adoption, I remember thinking, what we're bringing at another child from a foreign country with different needs. 13:55.449 --> 13:57.171 [SPEAKER_01]: What will that do for my other kids? 13:57.191 --> 13:58.112 [SPEAKER_01]: And I worried about it. 13:58.312 --> 13:58.412 [SPEAKER_01]: And 13:59.605 --> 14:24.478 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, when I really reflect on it now nine years, nine plus years in, I think the biggest thing it did for us is it makes it has made us all more like Jesus, it has exposed our own selfishness, you know, I've had one on one conversations with my other children and, you know, something that I'm going to talk to joy about in a minute is she just has the spirit of gratitude and generosity and she strives to love her family. 14:25.098 --> 14:33.901 [SPEAKER_01]: in ways that make them feel known, and she's really the inspiration behind this episode because she's such a perfect example of the love of God in that way. 14:34.321 --> 14:39.943 [SPEAKER_01]: She likes to spend her money that she has on her family for any event that she can. 14:40.343 --> 14:41.324 [SPEAKER_01]: I used to tell her not to. 14:41.364 --> 14:44.105 [SPEAKER_01]: I used to be like, joy, we're gonna shop for your sister's birthday. 14:44.345 --> 14:48.846 [SPEAKER_01]: You just, it can be from you and she'd be like, no, I really want to spend my own money on her. 14:49.046 --> 14:49.967 [SPEAKER_01]: I know what do we like. 14:50.367 --> 14:50.907 [SPEAKER_01]: I know the squish 14:53.868 --> 14:57.909 [SPEAKER_01]: And after a couple of years of that, I realized like, oh, this really is a gift to her. 14:58.289 --> 15:03.991 [SPEAKER_01]: She really is blessed by loving the people in her life in this specific and generous way. 15:04.311 --> 15:09.372 [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm gonna have her on right now for our messy mom moment to kind of talk through a little bit of that, okay? 15:12.833 --> 15:16.414 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, guys, this is Joy joining us today for our messy mom moment. 15:16.734 --> 15:17.334 [SPEAKER_01]: Are you a mom? 15:17.435 --> 15:18.075 [SPEAKER_01]: Is that why you're here? 15:18.795 --> 15:18.955 [SPEAKER_01]: No. 15:19.633 --> 15:19.853 [SPEAKER_01]: joy. 15:20.234 --> 15:25.279 [SPEAKER_01]: Tell our listeners, okay, by the way, if you're listening, love it, that's how I listen to podcasts. 15:25.359 --> 15:31.846 [SPEAKER_01]: But if you want to just join us on YouTube just for this one, so you can see how beautiful and adorable and amazing and cute joy is. 15:32.086 --> 15:33.768 [SPEAKER_01]: We're also on YouTube every week. 15:33.808 --> 15:34.609 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if you need that. 15:34.949 --> 15:35.870 [SPEAKER_00]: Joy, how will you? 15:36.090 --> 15:37.412 [SPEAKER_00]: I am Thakia Old. 15:38.240 --> 15:38.640 [SPEAKER_00]: beautiful. 15:38.760 --> 15:40.321 [SPEAKER_00]: How old were you when we met? 15:40.981 --> 15:42.162 [SPEAKER_00]: I was almost four. 15:42.362 --> 15:43.642 [SPEAKER_00]: Do you remember those days or no? 15:44.263 --> 15:44.463 [SPEAKER_00]: No. 15:44.663 --> 15:44.863 [SPEAKER_00]: No. 15:44.983 --> 15:46.904 [SPEAKER_01]: But we have a lot of photo books thanks to Bam Bam. 15:47.064 --> 15:47.884 [SPEAKER_01]: That's what they call my mom. 15:48.064 --> 15:48.345 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 15:48.725 --> 15:49.985 [SPEAKER_00]: What are your favorite things to do? 15:50.786 --> 15:51.566 [SPEAKER_00]: I like you. 15:51.986 --> 15:53.167 [SPEAKER_00]: Be with my family. 15:53.207 --> 15:54.087 [SPEAKER_00]: You're okay. 15:54.247 --> 15:54.968 [SPEAKER_00]: I like you. 15:55.168 --> 15:57.849 [SPEAKER_00]: Play my tablet and we're going. 15:58.029 --> 15:59.069 [SPEAKER_00]: Animal crossing on the tablet. 15:59.290 --> 15:59.510 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 15:59.530 --> 16:00.470 [SPEAKER_00]: What was your first language? 16:01.230 --> 16:01.491 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 16:01.731 --> 16:02.151 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh. 16:02.171 --> 16:02.311 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes. 16:02.351 --> 16:03.211 [SPEAKER_01]: I saw a sign language, right? 16:03.311 --> 16:04.452 [SPEAKER_01]: Do we still do sign language? 16:05.487 --> 16:05.847 [SPEAKER_01]: Hallelujah. 16:05.867 --> 16:06.768 [SPEAKER_01]: How are they at all? 16:06.988 --> 16:09.269 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because she speaks and here's so well now. 16:09.749 --> 16:16.412 [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks to Vanderbilt, who made your ears, your physical ears, and then gave you that hearing aid headband, which is so amazing. 16:16.592 --> 16:18.493 [SPEAKER_01]: So anyway, Joyce, a little miracle. 16:18.573 --> 16:29.098 [SPEAKER_01]: Boy, one of the things that I've already been talking about on this episode that I love about you is how you reflect the love of Jesus in how you love to love your family through what God's given you. 16:29.178 --> 16:30.699 [SPEAKER_01]: So I have watched you for years. 16:31.379 --> 16:38.323 [SPEAKER_01]: beg me, can I please spend my own money to buy Dewey, this special squish mellow that I know she's been wanting. 16:38.464 --> 16:40.745 [SPEAKER_01]: And do you remember I would be like, joy, just let us buy it. 16:40.785 --> 16:41.686 [SPEAKER_01]: And then you can put your name on it. 16:41.706 --> 16:42.986 [SPEAKER_01]: And you said, no, I want to buy it. 16:43.387 --> 16:43.647 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 16:43.907 --> 16:46.469 [SPEAKER_01]: So I just gave in and now I just let you buy stuff for people, right? 16:46.529 --> 16:48.550 [SPEAKER_01]: Because I can tell it brings you so much joy. 16:48.970 --> 16:56.615 [SPEAKER_01]: So you have taught all of us about how Jesus loves to love his children in such specific personal ways. 16:56.935 --> 16:58.857 [SPEAKER_01]: So I would love it if you would just tell the listeners, 16:59.657 --> 17:02.878 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm still getting to know these listeners, they're still getting to know me and our family. 17:03.278 --> 17:11.400 [SPEAKER_01]: Tell them a little bit about your siblings and maybe just one or two things that about their personality that you love about them and something that they like. 17:17.600 --> 17:40.828 [SPEAKER_00]: My baby brother can play with him, and she will all go, that we have, and she will play with him, and he'll hang out, and then my August kiss to love to sing, and go out, she would like to be alone, but I'll cover the family, and then my little brother is hooking up, because he'll be a baby, but he will just not go people, and is... 17:41.588 --> 17:42.228 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you. 17:42.408 --> 17:47.310 [SPEAKER_00]: We love Kiko and love Love-a-Gavi, and he likes baby shows. 17:47.470 --> 17:47.830 [SPEAKER_00]: Beautiful. 17:48.250 --> 17:53.012 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so how would you say that you and your siblings are the same and how would you say that you're different? 17:53.612 --> 17:58.414 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so for my younger sister, we are both fine. 17:59.715 --> 18:06.277 [SPEAKER_00]: We like to be together when we are in a room, so you're always together, right? 18:07.280 --> 18:10.423 [SPEAKER_00]: And then my August is to be like a be alone. 18:10.443 --> 18:12.564 [SPEAKER_00]: Come back and like do stuff together. 18:13.945 --> 18:15.767 [SPEAKER_00]: And we are all good. 18:17.088 --> 18:18.789 [SPEAKER_00]: And then my love brother. 18:19.830 --> 18:20.611 [SPEAKER_01]: He's pretty different. 18:20.631 --> 18:20.871 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 18:20.911 --> 18:22.092 [SPEAKER_01]: He's kind of different from all of us. 18:22.472 --> 18:22.792 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 18:22.892 --> 18:26.896 [SPEAKER_01]: Join what makes you feel loved by your family members. 18:27.833 --> 18:33.154 [SPEAKER_00]: For the world, what they give for me, what they say, give me and about me. 18:33.614 --> 18:40.176 [SPEAKER_00]: And they just come for me, they give me one egg and they help me do all kinds. 18:40.636 --> 18:41.997 [SPEAKER_01]: Wow, what a beautiful answer. 18:42.057 --> 18:44.017 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so you're a words of affirmation girl. 18:44.037 --> 18:45.918 [SPEAKER_01]: You like to be encouraged with words. 18:46.578 --> 18:48.438 [SPEAKER_01]: And you said, what your family does for you. 18:48.458 --> 18:51.599 [SPEAKER_01]: So when I do things for you, and when they say kind of things to you. 18:52.164 --> 18:52.644 [SPEAKER_01]: I love that. 18:52.844 --> 18:54.625 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, okay, this is Joy. 18:54.926 --> 18:59.008 [SPEAKER_01]: You'll probably get to know her more and she'll probably be back on the show sometime. 19:00.069 --> 19:11.195 [SPEAKER_01]: I just wanted you to hear from her because the way that she loves her family and the way that she loves Jesus is such a beautiful reflection and it has made all of us want to love each other better. 19:11.395 --> 19:13.136 [SPEAKER_01]: So thanks for coming on the show, Joy. 19:13.937 --> 19:15.618 [SPEAKER_01]: I feel happy, you're the best. 19:18.934 --> 19:19.835 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, guys, we're back. 19:20.015 --> 19:20.595 [SPEAKER_01]: That's joy. 19:20.935 --> 19:22.016 [SPEAKER_01]: She is so amazing. 19:22.236 --> 19:37.365 [SPEAKER_01]: I something we have learned from her is how beautiful it is to love the different people in your life differently and I think that one of the most freeing realizations in motherhood is understanding that loving your children faithfully does not mean loving them identically. 19:37.745 --> 19:41.888 [SPEAKER_01]: So joy loves her baby brother and what it looks like for her to love him. 19:42.608 --> 19:44.429 [SPEAKER_01]: is Yuchi changes diapers. 19:44.469 --> 19:45.610 [SPEAKER_01]: She gets on the floor with him. 19:45.670 --> 19:46.551 [SPEAKER_01]: She's goofy with him. 19:47.071 --> 19:51.614 [SPEAKER_01]: And then when she's loving her 15-year-old sister, that looks different. 19:52.174 --> 19:55.737 [SPEAKER_01]: She notices that my oldest loves journaling and notebooks. 19:55.797 --> 20:02.161 [SPEAKER_01]: And so she'll save up her money and find a journal that has my teenage daughter's favorite animal on it. 20:02.201 --> 20:04.643 [SPEAKER_01]: And she'll just kind of look for ways to make 20:05.363 --> 20:23.541 [SPEAKER_01]: everyone in her family feel known and it's such a gift and you know it has really transformed my other kids because you know not all of us in the family have you know generosity as like the thing that is our main thing that brings us joy and I've watched as other siblings who 20:24.122 --> 20:28.365 [SPEAKER_01]: typically historically wouldn't be like, oh man, I got money for Christmas. 20:28.405 --> 20:29.725 [SPEAKER_01]: Let me spend this on somebody else. 20:29.865 --> 20:35.149 [SPEAKER_01]: I watch them become more generous and specifically want to be generous to joy. 20:35.569 --> 20:38.571 [SPEAKER_01]: I've watched them kind of mimic that kind of 20:39.511 --> 20:44.594 [SPEAKER_01]: knowing specific intentional love and think, okay, I noticed that joy has been into this. 20:45.135 --> 20:46.816 [SPEAKER_01]: What if I bought this for her with my money? 20:46.976 --> 20:55.121 [SPEAKER_01]: And that has been as a mom just like, I mean, come on, it's like, this is the greatest gift to when kind of you, you know, you hope and pray. 20:55.962 --> 21:01.164 [SPEAKER_01]: that the gospel is shining brightly in your home, even though you sin and even though you fail. 21:01.464 --> 21:13.987 [SPEAKER_01]: And then when your kids get to this point where they're older and they start reflecting the gospel, the beauty of the gospel and that love, that unconditional and personal Jesus like love to each other and then back at you, even. 21:14.348 --> 21:15.968 [SPEAKER_01]: Man, there's just nothing better than that. 21:16.508 --> 21:20.890 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, today's main passage that I want to look at is Psalm 139 versus one through four. 21:20.950 --> 21:22.150 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just going to read it over you. 21:23.671 --> 21:25.292 [SPEAKER_01]: Lord, you have searched me and known me. 21:25.652 --> 21:29.854 [SPEAKER_01]: You know when I sit down and when I stand up, you understand my thoughts from far away. 21:30.194 --> 21:32.075 [SPEAKER_01]: You observe my travels and my rest. 21:32.196 --> 21:33.636 [SPEAKER_01]: You are aware of all my ways. 21:34.097 --> 21:36.738 [SPEAKER_01]: Before a word is on my tongue, you know all about it, Lord. 21:36.858 --> 21:39.299 [SPEAKER_01]: I also wanted to go to verse 13. 21:39.379 --> 21:41.560 [SPEAKER_01]: For it was you who created my inward parts. 21:41.961 --> 21:43.682 [SPEAKER_01]: You knit me together in my mother's womb. 21:44.122 --> 21:47.023 [SPEAKER_01]: I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. 21:47.464 --> 21:49.625 [SPEAKER_01]: Your works are wondrous and I know this very well. 21:50.185 --> 21:54.289 [SPEAKER_01]: My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. 21:54.729 --> 21:56.531 [SPEAKER_01]: Your eyes saw me when I was formless. 21:57.011 --> 22:00.575 [SPEAKER_01]: All my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began. 22:00.755 --> 22:05.819 [SPEAKER_01]: And I love how it ends to verse 23, search me God and know my heart, test me and know my concerns. 22:06.180 --> 22:08.001 [SPEAKER_01]: See if there's any offensive way in me. 22:08.442 --> 22:10.063 [SPEAKER_01]: Lead me in the everlasting way. 22:11.024 --> 22:12.205 [SPEAKER_01]: I just love this you guys. 22:12.646 --> 22:15.508 [SPEAKER_01]: I think it all boils down to we have different children. 22:15.949 --> 22:17.130 [SPEAKER_01]: We are little children. 22:17.430 --> 22:18.792 [SPEAKER_01]: God loves us so personally. 22:18.892 --> 22:27.680 [SPEAKER_01]: I was at small group just this week and we had a time of prayer just a couple of us couples and it was so convicting and also so comforting to hear. 22:28.901 --> 22:38.988 [SPEAKER_01]: each different person kind of talk through and confess things that they've been battling and thinking and how the good news of Jesus speaks into that. 22:39.348 --> 22:49.114 [SPEAKER_01]: Like what a gift it is to be reminded and how like the spirit is at work supernaturally when we gather together like that and pray and he 22:50.475 --> 23:07.280 [SPEAKER_01]: He's all of our father and so he's he's loving and correcting and teaching and comforting all of us in different ways and when we share that with each other We all end up encouraged we all end up comforted and we all ultimately end up remembering Colossians 3 2 set your mind on things above not on earthly things 23:07.520 --> 23:15.087 [SPEAKER_01]: something that I looked at this week that I loved was just how God loved different people in the Bible in different ways. 23:15.628 --> 23:21.214 [SPEAKER_01]: So Peter, you know, think about Peter, Peter often received bold correction and direct challenge. 23:21.254 --> 23:24.357 [SPEAKER_01]: So Jesus is sharpening him, calling out his impulsiveness. 23:24.857 --> 23:28.038 [SPEAKER_01]: And ultimately, after he publicly fails, we're storing him, okay? 23:28.498 --> 23:30.679 [SPEAKER_01]: And then I think about Thomas, who doubted. 23:30.799 --> 23:34.400 [SPEAKER_01]: And Jesus is patient with him, and he is gentle with him. 23:34.440 --> 23:36.221 [SPEAKER_01]: And he says, here, touch my wounds. 23:36.301 --> 23:40.702 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, you need proof, here it is, rather than saying, how dare you Thomas? 23:40.742 --> 23:41.582 [SPEAKER_01]: Do you know who I am? 23:41.642 --> 23:42.883 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, where is your faith? 23:43.463 --> 23:46.025 [SPEAKER_01]: you know, no, Jesus was gentle with Thomas. 23:46.465 --> 23:53.910 [SPEAKER_01]: And then I think of Mary and Martha, two people from the same family, Martha received correction about her striving and working and anxiety. 23:54.450 --> 23:57.992 [SPEAKER_01]: And Mary received affirmation for sitting at Jesus' feet. 23:58.112 --> 23:58.333 [SPEAKER_01]: So, 23:59.053 --> 24:03.816 [SPEAKER_01]: The same family, different needs, different hearts, and Jesus loved them in different ways. 24:03.916 --> 24:05.097 [SPEAKER_01]: The list goes on and on. 24:05.217 --> 24:11.041 [SPEAKER_01]: Jesus with little children, he welcomed them physically and tenderly in a culture that would dismiss them. 24:11.501 --> 24:13.403 [SPEAKER_01]: He didn't treat them like an inconvenience. 24:13.423 --> 24:15.344 [SPEAKER_01]: He said, let the little children come to me. 24:15.844 --> 24:24.087 [SPEAKER_01]: I think of the rich young ruler, Jesus loved him but challenged him because he saw the idol that had a hold on his heart and he called it out. 24:24.447 --> 24:29.528 [SPEAKER_01]: And so when I look at all these, there's so many more, you guys, I have all these other bullet points that I don't have time to go through. 24:29.948 --> 24:34.570 [SPEAKER_01]: I'd encourage you to go through your Bible where if you want a quick list, get on the internet and just say 24:39.191 --> 24:41.033 [SPEAKER_01]: loved them in specific ways. 24:41.493 --> 24:42.474 [SPEAKER_01]: It is so beautiful. 24:42.514 --> 24:43.415 [SPEAKER_01]: It's all over the Bible. 24:43.615 --> 25:00.830 [SPEAKER_01]: So when I look to the example of God as the perfect father, I see a God who called out his children when they needed to be called out who was gentle with the doubter who was welcoming to the little children who saw someone worshiping and said, yes, do that. 25:01.050 --> 25:03.692 [SPEAKER_01]: Who saw someone striving and really concerned with 25:07.495 --> 25:10.137 [SPEAKER_01]: As moms, our love looks different. 25:10.197 --> 25:17.782 [SPEAKER_01]: It looks a million different ways, and it looks different according to what, according to what our child is going through, how they're wired. 25:18.322 --> 25:18.862 [SPEAKER_01]: And you know what? 25:19.163 --> 25:19.943 [SPEAKER_01]: The Lord is so good. 25:20.043 --> 25:22.725 [SPEAKER_01]: His spirit lives in those who have surrendered their lives to him. 25:23.045 --> 25:24.886 [SPEAKER_01]: He is going to give us wisdom for this day. 25:25.287 --> 25:26.567 [SPEAKER_01]: How can I love this child well? 25:26.848 --> 25:30.350 [SPEAKER_01]: In the moment that they're in, the way they're wired, God give me the grace to do that. 25:30.630 --> 25:34.574 [SPEAKER_01]: You guys, this mess of motherhood is constantly exposing our limitations, right? 25:35.034 --> 25:39.519 [SPEAKER_01]: And honestly, what a grace that is, like, of course, it feels a key to be corrected. 25:39.879 --> 25:46.506 [SPEAKER_01]: But then when we take that correction and we set our eyes back on the cross, we're reminded by our limitations that Jesus is enough. 25:46.666 --> 25:47.367 [SPEAKER_01]: We are not enough. 25:47.447 --> 25:48.508 [SPEAKER_01]: Our children are not enough. 25:48.728 --> 25:49.489 [SPEAKER_01]: Jesus is enough. 25:49.829 --> 25:51.871 [SPEAKER_01]: And really, as moms, our goal does not need to be. 25:52.858 --> 25:56.139 [SPEAKER_01]: having raising children who say, mom treated us all exactly the same. 25:56.519 --> 26:02.021 [SPEAKER_01]: The goal is children who say, I was deeply known, deeply loved and consistently pointed to Jesus. 26:02.281 --> 26:11.644 [SPEAKER_01]: So maybe some examples like when we ask ourselves when we take each kid do inventory in your mind of your kids right now, okay, what does it look like for me to love this child right now? 26:11.884 --> 26:17.986 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it looks like listening longer, maybe it looks like spending one on one time, maybe it looks like apologizing for something. 26:18.905 --> 26:19.566 [SPEAKER_01]: a blind spot. 26:19.606 --> 26:25.371 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe you were overlooking a child while dealing with another child and you should apologize for that. 26:25.911 --> 26:27.733 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it looks like offering reassurance. 26:27.813 --> 26:31.616 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it looks like reminding them that they're fully known and fully loved by God. 26:31.776 --> 26:37.842 [SPEAKER_01]: Just remember, you do not have to become the exact same mother to every child every day in order to love them. 26:38.222 --> 26:40.484 [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes one child is going to need more of your time. 26:40.864 --> 26:43.346 [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes one child is going to feel harder to understand. 26:44.606 --> 26:49.950 [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes one child is going to need more emotional energy from you and that does not mean you're failing. 26:50.010 --> 26:53.133 [SPEAKER_01]: That means we live in a broken world and life is hard. 26:53.353 --> 26:58.437 [SPEAKER_01]: So remember, just like your relationship with the Lord, it's not formulaic the way you interact with your children. 26:58.797 --> 26:59.698 [SPEAKER_01]: It is relational. 27:00.058 --> 27:02.300 [SPEAKER_01]: They don't need a perfect robot mom. 27:02.480 --> 27:04.702 [SPEAKER_01]: They need genuine love from mom. 27:05.142 --> 27:07.884 [SPEAKER_01]: So don't try to be Jesus for your kids. 27:08.225 --> 27:10.586 [SPEAKER_01]: Just keep pointing your kids to him. 27:10.727 --> 27:10.987 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 27:11.427 --> 27:12.568 [SPEAKER_01]: That is my prayer for you today. 27:13.069 --> 27:15.270 [SPEAKER_01]: That is my practical, one-faithful step. 27:16.231 --> 27:17.813 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's keep pointing our kids to Jesus. 27:17.873 --> 27:23.277 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, and let's just look for specific ways that we can love our so uniquely made. 27:23.838 --> 27:27.341 [SPEAKER_01]: Fearfully and wonderfully made, children, that the Lord's blessed us with. 27:27.421 --> 27:27.681 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 27:27.921 --> 27:28.501 [SPEAKER_01]: That's a wrap. 27:28.842 --> 27:31.764 [SPEAKER_01]: For our episode today, you guys, thank you so much for listening. 27:31.984 --> 27:42.892 [SPEAKER_01]: I know that some of you are new around here, so if you wherever you listen to your podcast, make sure that you are following or subscribe to the show, we're also on YouTube if you like to watch things instead of listen to them, so find us on there. 27:43.652 --> 27:51.478 [SPEAKER_01]: Of course, leave a positive review that helps other moms who need to be reminded that Jesus loves them, who need to be reminded that Jesus isn't enough. 27:51.638 --> 27:52.679 [SPEAKER_01]: That will help them find us. 27:52.859 --> 27:53.900 [SPEAKER_01]: So please do that. 27:54.120 --> 27:57.203 [SPEAKER_01]: And of course, I love you and I'm grateful for you. 27:57.403 --> 27:59.565 [SPEAKER_01]: I would love please please send me your pictures. 27:59.585 --> 28:00.625 [SPEAKER_01]: Send me your prayer request. 28:00.726 --> 28:04.749 [SPEAKER_01]: I want to get this studio full of your faces and I want to be doing that. 28:04.769 --> 28:05.749 [SPEAKER_01]: Just like Courtney did that. 28:06.090 --> 28:06.870 [SPEAKER_01]: I love you guys. 28:06.930 --> 28:08.712 [SPEAKER_01]: I am praying for you and I'll see you next week.