[SPEAKER_01]: Hello and welcome to part in the mess.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm your host Scarly Hiltabidal and I'm so excited to be here you guys.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is it.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's episode number one.
[SPEAKER_01]: My first time as the host of this podcast, I'm thrilled.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you're like who are you and what have you done with Courtney, please go back to last week's episode.
[SPEAKER_01]: I sat down with her and we just kind of talked about her and me.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the new structure of the show, moving forward on Thursdays.
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to reassure you if you haven't listened.
[SPEAKER_01]: The prayer podcast during the school year on Mondays are not going anywhere.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to keep that going as soon as we have another school year.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's summer time, so here we go.
[SPEAKER_01]: OK, so jumping right into what we're going to talk about today.
[SPEAKER_01]: This week's Parenting Mess is my bad moments as a mom make me wonder if I'm failing my kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is the mess we're going to spend the next few minutes untangling.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you don't know me, just a quick recap.
[SPEAKER_01]: Again, longer recap, during last week's episode, but I am Scarlet.
[SPEAKER_01]: I live in Texas.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm married to Brandon.
[SPEAKER_01]: We've been married almost 20 years.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't believe that.
[SPEAKER_01]: We have four children ages 15, almost 13, 11, all girls.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was totally a girl mom.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's all that I knew until the youngest, the baby, do we?
[SPEAKER_01]: We call her, do we?
[SPEAKER_01]: for a baby brother, and now we have a one-and-a-half-year-old.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, although I just turned 40, I feel like I must be 20 because only a 20-year-old could be, you think, a toddler around all day.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I am.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm actually, if you're watching on YouTube, just keeping an eye on him on the baby monitor while he snaps.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, anyway, that's me.
[SPEAKER_01]: I write books, and I've written a couple Bible studies with life-way women, and I travel around and talk about the books I've written.
[SPEAKER_01]: talk about Jesus.
[SPEAKER_01]: I talk about anxiety.
[SPEAKER_01]: I talk about fighting our brokenness with the word of God.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I actually doing that brought me to this podcast years and years ago.
[SPEAKER_01]: This was pre-courtney back when Cynthia was the host.
[SPEAKER_01]: So she was the first host of the podcast and she had me on to discuss one of my books years ago.
[SPEAKER_01]: I did an event with Christian parenting as well.
[SPEAKER_01]: Christian parenting is this network of podcasts and
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been on a couple of their other podcasts too, so I've been a long time friend of this ministry, and so I'm just really, really excited to get to know you guys more and to do this podcast.
[SPEAKER_01]: So another quick reminder, and I won't always give this reminder, but I just wanted to remind you the first few that I do, that the structure has changed.
[SPEAKER_01]: So back when I visited 2021 or 2020 or something,
[SPEAKER_01]: It was just an interview style podcast.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you go back pre today and listen, you will hear, you know, great interviews with experts and authors.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I mean, that was most of my experience as a podcast or was being a guest on podcasts.
[SPEAKER_01]: But now moving forward starting right now today.
[SPEAKER_01]: But the way I'm going to do it is going to be way more topical.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not going to be guest driven.
[SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't mean we'll never have a guest, but it's going to be topic driven.
[SPEAKER_01]: So every week we will have one mess, one untangling,
[SPEAKER_01]: messy mom moments and that's basically a segment where I'll bring in a mom friend who is who has a quick testimony to share based on whatever it is we're talking about that day and occasional guests okay and we will just every week focus on one faithful step we can take and that's it I'm so excited and that's it so today's episode title I keep feeling like I'm failing my kids I'm so excited you guys because I'm going to share the best parenting
[SPEAKER_01]: and it completely changed the tone of my home and the joy in my heart.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I wanted to start here.
[SPEAKER_01]: We will get way more specific as the weeks go on, but I just wanted to kind of start with parenting advice, the change my whole life, because because I love you guys, let's start off with the tension.
[SPEAKER_01]: So the core tension we're going to talk about today.
[SPEAKER_01]: Tell me if you ever feel this.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you have, if you're brain ever sounds like this, I want a joyful, peaceful home, but I keep measuring myself by my worst moments.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you ever feel like that?
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you ever feel like you're ruining your kids?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you're measuring your success by your worst moments?
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think of it kind of like a pendulum.
[SPEAKER_01]: So on your good days, maybe you're like, man, I'm awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm the best mom.
[SPEAKER_01]: I am crushing this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then on your bad days, you might think, I've ruined my children.
[SPEAKER_01]: I have failed the day.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you're living between arrogance and despair and that is exhausting and that is unstable emotionally and spiritually that is no good.
[SPEAKER_01]: We were made to worship the Lord.
[SPEAKER_01]: We were made to point to His goodness not to our own.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if we have a great parenting day and we're like patting ourselves on the back thinking we're awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not worshiping God.
[SPEAKER_01]: On the other hand, if we are, you know, despairing, because we feel like we've burned the day because we had a fight with our husband and front of our kids or didn't react the way that we wanted to react when a toddler spilled something.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, then we're still not worshiping the Lord.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're still fixated on ourselves.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the enemy wants us to live there and to live into despair.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, neither one of those lead to a joyful and peaceful home.
[SPEAKER_01]: You might, your brain might tell you like, oh, if you just do better tomorrow, then you'll have a joyful and peaceful home.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so let's talk about some things we might do as parents that usually don't help, and we might try to manufacture fake joy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you ever do this?
[SPEAKER_01]: Of course you do this.
[SPEAKER_01]: We all do this.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you're like, okay, let's just fake it till we make it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's put a smile on our face.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not going to do it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, number two, we might obsess over our performance.
[SPEAKER_01]: Three, we might make motherhood into a scoreboard.
[SPEAKER_01]: Four, we might believe that peace comes from getting everything right.
[SPEAKER_01]: So in your home, that might look like
[SPEAKER_01]: a clean house, calm reactions, productive days, well-behaved kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: Does the sound familiar to this sound like the inside of your brain?
[SPEAKER_01]: So here's the problem.
[SPEAKER_01]: When those things fall apart, when the house is a mess, when the kids are breaking down, when we've had it to do list, and we've gotten nothing down on it.
[SPEAKER_01]: But when those things fall apart, we fall apart too.
[SPEAKER_01]: So where does joy actually come from?
[SPEAKER_01]: If it doesn't come from the scoreboard of motherhood that we've set up for ourselves, where does it come from?
[SPEAKER_01]: And how can we kill, how can we eliminate or silence that
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what we're going to talk about today.
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's enter into the entangling portion of this episode, okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to start off just sharing my personal story with this, okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: So my early ideas about motherhood were be awesome, be perfect.
[SPEAKER_01]: I kind of lived like that in every area.
[SPEAKER_01]: I just thought if I follow all the rules, if I make good grades, if I do a good job, if I marry this pastor has been to that I married, if I graduate from Bible College, you know, I was just checking boxes off and thinking that that would make me worthy,
[SPEAKER_01]: and it totally spilled into my motherhood.
[SPEAKER_01]: I had my first baby and I was married to a pastor.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just thought, oh my goodness, I love her so much.
[SPEAKER_01]: I had just had a miscarriage right before ever.
[SPEAKER_01]: My firstborn ever Grace was born.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I was very obsessed with protecting her.
[SPEAKER_01]: In fact, in my first book, afraid of all the things, here's how I described myself during that season whenever it was first born.
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, I think the term helicopter parent was coined by someone who saw me resting during that time.
[SPEAKER_01]: That is true.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I was like obsessively attentive to her.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was exhausting.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, the cliche, you're checking their breathing every two seconds.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, anyway, during this time period, and I'm so grateful.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was so early on in my motherhood journey, because whenever was a baby, I was invited to a pastor's wife's retreat.
[SPEAKER_01]: At the time, Brandon and I, Brandon and
[SPEAKER_01]: And he was a pastor at a large church with multiple locations, and there were a lot of pastors, and someone lent us a beach house in the Florida Keys, and so all the pastors wives were going to gather and talk and eat seafood and learn and grow and worship Jesus.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so because of where I was at with my first baby and my anxiety, I brought her with me to the retreat.
[SPEAKER_01]: You weren't supposed to bring a baby with you, but I did because I didn't feel like I
[SPEAKER_01]: that's where I was in my brain.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I bring her, I remember being at a seafood restaurant and her learning to go ba ba ba ba ba really loudly for the first time.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm just kind of bouncing her away from the group, but still trying to be in the group.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then we got back to the beach house and one of the older moms was like, hey, let's form a circle and that's older moms are going to give advice, good parenting advice, our best parenting advice to the younger moms.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so they all start going and it's boom, boom, boom, one after the other, giving awesome parenting advice.
[SPEAKER_01]: I still remember a
[SPEAKER_01]: And because of where I was at in my brain at the time, rather than just being grateful and trying to learn from the older-wise or women, so biblical, right, as tight as two, right, you know, the older women are pouring into the younger women.
[SPEAKER_01]: Rather than having that healthy mindset, I was just trying to memorize this advice and thinking, oh no, I haven't studied sleep training, I haven't, I don't know how to discipline, I don't all these things that I'm hearing just felt overwhelming to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: So then it got to this woman named Elizabeth, who's probably sick of me publicly talking about her, but she changed my life.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know her very well.
[SPEAKER_01]: I spent a few minutes in this beach house with her, but what she shared was like a light bulb that went off in my heart.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the thing is, like I said, I was already married to a pastor.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was already a Bible college graduate.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I was, I thought of myself at that point as a professional Christian air quotes, okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: So, okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it gets to Elizabeth and I don't remember exactly what she said, but I do remember her saying, okay, here's my advice.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't try to raise the perfect kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't try to be the perfect mom.
[SPEAKER_01]: Those things are impossible anyway.
[SPEAKER_01]: What I try to do, my goal is a mom is to live the gospel out in my home.
[SPEAKER_01]: And here's what that looks like.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then she practically explained.
[SPEAKER_01]: What conflict looks like in her home?
[SPEAKER_01]: She was like, when I, let's say I haven't argument with my husband.
[SPEAKER_01]: Rather than brushing that under the rug, pretending it didn't happen, trying to present myself as perfect before my kids, or just really leaning into the argument and having them see that, and then ignoring it, pretending it didn't happen.
[SPEAKER_01]: Rather than that, I will call out my own sin, and I will show my kids what it looks like to repent, to turn from my sin.
[SPEAKER_01]: I might say, kids, I'm so sorry, I should not have talked to your dad that way, apologize to husband and then tell the kids, here's why Jesus died because we're all sinners and we need you needed him to save us from our sin.
[SPEAKER_01]: We lost access to God and because of Jesus' death and resurrection on the cross, if we accept Him and surrender our lives to Him, we
[SPEAKER_01]: We are able to walk forward and join peace.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we can have restored relationships.
[SPEAKER_01]: We can apologize to those who we've heard.
[SPEAKER_01]: We can apologize to the Lord and know that he fully forgives us, that we have hope for eternity and hope for right now today.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you guys, like I knew so many Bible verses by heart at this point, I knew Ephesians 289 for it is by grace you have been saved through faith.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is not of yourselves.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is gift of God so that no one can boast.
[SPEAKER_01]: I knew that in my mind, and I had surrendered to Jesus in my heart.
[SPEAKER_01]: I did that when I was 14 years old, but the joy and peace part of the Christian life alluded me so often, it lived like I had to be perfect in order to be loved in order to be accepted in order to have the favor of God.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't realize it, but even a few months in to motherhood with only a three-month old in my arms, I had been treating motherhood like a scoreboard, like everything else in my life.
[SPEAKER_01]: getting it right, according to whatever standard I set for myself, and my peace would disappear every time I failed.
[SPEAKER_01]: So listener, new friend, what do you do on the days that you fail?
[SPEAKER_01]: Think about that for a second.
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you do on the days that you fail?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because if your peace disappears every time you mess up, then your peace was never rooted in the grace of Jesus.
[SPEAKER_01]: So the beautiful thing that Elizabeth talking about her home did in my heart was it showed me honestly for the first time that we cannot fail our kids because our one job is to point them to the perfection of Jesus, not to point them to our own perfection.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we can do that on good days and we can do that on bad days.
[SPEAKER_01]: Isn't that beautiful?
[SPEAKER_01]: Just let that sink in.
[SPEAKER_01]: Rewind 30 seconds and hear that again.
[SPEAKER_01]: We can't fail our kids because our one job is to point them to the perfection of Jesus.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you have an awesome day, you can out loud.
[SPEAKER_01]: Tell them, God is so good.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so grateful.
[SPEAKER_01]: Just, you know, what is it?
[SPEAKER_01]: Just in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you have a horrible day, take a tip from Elizabeth and
[SPEAKER_01]: own it, own it before your kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: She even talked about praying a prayer for repentance in front of them.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I, you know, that's not prescriptive.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not like every single time you have a bad moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: You get on your knees and say, and now I will, you know, I will perform the ritual of praying the prayer.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's a total mindset shift.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, because the shift is your joy becomes rooted in your identity instead of your performance.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you're learning.
[SPEAKER_01]: day by day to walk in obedience and surrender, dependence on the Holy Spirit, and it will slowly change your home.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what happened to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: My home and my heart started changing slowly one day at a time.
[SPEAKER_01]: I will never forget right after that moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: We moved to Nashville, and I was in a new small group, and I remember just consciously deciding,
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to do small group differently this time.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to keep people at arms distance.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm actually going to be vulnerable and I'm going to let them know about my fears and sin and I'm going to carry their burdens too.
[SPEAKER_01]: I kind of expected to get involved in a group and have people telling me this is what you should be doing.
[SPEAKER_01]: But instead, I was just kind of shoulder to shoulder with other Christians who were practicing, memorizing God's word, and
[SPEAKER_01]: we were praying together and I just kind of got to see their joy and peace and it rubbed off on me.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was like, I didn't feel pressure from people, rather I felt the freedom, freedom of being in community and being known and still accepted.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that was so transformative for me.
[SPEAKER_01]: So some questions.
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you do on the days you fail?
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you like Elizabeth?
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you do you point to the Lord?
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you apologize?
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you pray?
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you move on in the joy of the Lord?
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you do on the day's next question?
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you do on the days?
[SPEAKER_01]: You feel like you won?
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you congratulate yourself?
[SPEAKER_01]: Tell your kids how awesome you are?
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's another way to live, and that way is worship.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, it's looking to God's word, making his word, getting his word in front of you, playing worship music, memorizing scriptures of family, making your lives about him rather than how well you do.
[SPEAKER_01]: See this way, you're acknowledging your failures, your failures are real, but they are not your identity.
[SPEAKER_01]: So a bad moment does not mean self-condemnation.
[SPEAKER_01]: A bad moment just means, okay, repair.
[SPEAKER_01]: This requires repair.
[SPEAKER_01]: and a good moment does not mean you are so awesome and perfect, it means that God is at work in you, and that's worth celebrating for sure, but it's not worth placing your identity in, okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, we're going to take a little break from listening to my voice and I want to introduce you to a friend of mine named Michelle.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is our messy mom moment segment you guys, so although we're not going to have like the long, the long form interviews, I just want to spend
[SPEAKER_01]: The next 10-ish minutes, hearing from Michelle, because I got to hear her share this brief testimony at church, have what surrender has looked like for her during the heart of season of her motherhood, and I thought it was so beautiful.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wanted you to hear from someone who is wrestled with this too, and the beautiful way she handled her own weakness.
[SPEAKER_01]: So without further ado, let me introduce you to Michelle.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm Michelle, why?
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to part in the mess.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for having me.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much for being here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: I have heard you share a testimony at our church a few times and it touched me so much and you've been so gracious with your time to share this with our listeners.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I just want them to get to know you a little bit.
[SPEAKER_01]: Tell me, tell our listeners a little bit about your family.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I've been married to my husband Blake for 10 years now.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've just celebrated 10 years.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I have three little boys that are five, three, and one.
[SPEAKER_00]: Owen is five, Bennett is three, and
[SPEAKER_00]: It's crazy.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's great.
[SPEAKER_01]: I really can't imagine because I've got older kids and then the baby So I've got helpers.
[SPEAKER_01]: I really can't imagine having all of them be little that sounds like so much Tell me briefly about your most difficult season of motherhood to date.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay For sure my most difficult season was postpartum the third time.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have struggled the postpartum depression with all three of them But really the season of struggling with postpartum depression on top of
[SPEAKER_00]: Having two toddlers to care for and a baby who really needed me a lot more than my last two was by far the hardest of season of mother had for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I know so many moms can relate to that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So thank you so much for sharing.
[SPEAKER_01]: I shall drum roll please.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is the story that has stuck with me since I heard you say at the first time.
[SPEAKER_01]: I would love for you to share the story about a crib, a crying baby, a dead tree and how that all fits together.
[SPEAKER_00]: pay attention a lot to outdoor things like trees and rocks.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, maybe it's all kids, but Owen has a favorite tree that we see every time I take into school and it's our favorite because it really just doesn't look like trees in our area.
[SPEAKER_00]: It has like a long willow tree branches and it's just a big topic of conversation.
[SPEAKER_00]: at our house and on our daily drive that I saw this morning and I was reminded all over again.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, he wasn't in love with it and then we went through the winter, which luckily in Texas is not there long but it was a season of it having no leaves at all.
[SPEAKER_00]: It had what I can only describe as like spaghetti noodle.
[SPEAKER_00]: branches that just hung down no leaves and he was so worried about it every time we would drive pass it he would say it's dead I think it's dead and every day I would have to remind him it's not dead it's just the winter they fall off in the fall it has deep roots and this is just how God made them that they lose their leaves but he sustains them through the winter.
[SPEAKER_00]: and that it was going to be okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was going to get leaves in the spring.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I was just months of me telling him it's not dead.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Your tree's going to come back.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then a few months ago, really around the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: that Teddy turned one is when it started to get these tiny little leaves back to it and I was sobbing because really all three times with my boys the first year I would say is just the hardest year.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just you know wrestling through feeding and hormones like I struggle with anxiety depression before this and then the hormones added just was.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've always been difficult
[SPEAKER_00]: We did it, so but this last year I had been in the trenches with postpartum depression.
[SPEAKER_00]: My baby Teddy, he's just the sweetest little thing, but he cried a lot and it was really overwhelming.
[SPEAKER_00]: We always joke that he's our third born who was meant to be a first born.
[SPEAKER_00]: He thinks that he should be held above hands all the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: He only wanted to see our two hands baby.
[SPEAKER_00]: He only wanted to be nurtured with both hands all the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: which when her third born, not really possible.
[SPEAKER_00]: So he did, he cried a lot and it was really unnerving for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I always say, like, I felt like my skin hurts sometimes because he would cry so much.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was unnerving for my other boys too.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so really this year was just like a just a cycle of Teddy would cry a lot and then I would cry a lot.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I would just be consoling him and I'd have to lay him down in his crib and I would just have to get on the floor.
[SPEAKER_00]: and pray face to before pray for the Lord to sustain me because it's just this feeling in the last year of just being completely at the end of what you are capable of, your own, you know, flesh and that's where I was when I would be on the floor playing praying is just
[SPEAKER_00]: thinking, I have nothing left.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need you to carry me and he did.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that simply from being able to get back up and him continuing to keep me moving forward and also just giving me the joy that I wasn't necessarily feeling on my own.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so when I got, when I saw the tree with the leaves, I was like thinking back to the last year and just feeling like my
[SPEAKER_00]: They're what felt like a really long winter and just being thankful in that and now every single time that that tree is full of leaves now and every single time I see it now I'm just like in awe of the way that he cared for me and he met me on the floor of the nursery and so yeah, I'm just
[SPEAKER_00]: So good.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, he did it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't hear you say that without getting emotional every time because the picture of you on the floor.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like when I think about my old idea of like how can I be a good mom?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like you want to have it together and you want to be happy and joyful and have you know how everything running smoothly.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but when I think about like, what do I actually want to teach my kids?
[SPEAKER_01]: What a beautiful example, like for your kids to see you completely dependent in your weak moments, talking to God when you feel at the end of your rope, like that's what I want my kids to see.
[SPEAKER_01]: Of course, I want to have joyful, peaceful moments of admiring rocks and trees with happy children.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, but like, yeah, life is not always like that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so when I heard you that testimony, I was like, it's so generous of you to share that because so many of us have those moments, and we just try to like ignore them and like share and post the happy motherhood moments.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's so awesome to be able to say I was at the end of my rope and the Lord met me on the floor by the crib like to me after walking with the Lord as long as I have it's like that's what I that's the kind of mom I want to be I want my kids to remember those moments too as much as the happy areing the full healthy tree moments thank you Michelle my goodness thank you for blessing us for that okay I have one last question before we go since I have you here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you feel comfort from the Lord or like, is that like a happy memory?
[SPEAKER_01]: I saw the gospel in that moment in my family or is it shame?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I know for me I can sometimes look back at the not as happy moments and be like, you know, that feels embarrassing to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: But then the Lord kind of helps you work through it and get you to a place of like, it's not about your performance.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's about worshiping me.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if it's about worshiping me, then that was, it was a win that your children saw you pray at that moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know?
[SPEAKER_01]: So like, I'm wondering, what is it?
[SPEAKER_01]: What has it looked like for you?
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I know you said you dealt with postpartum.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm sure on that day in the moment, you just felt horrible and you were just like, Lord helped me.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like how, how is that looked like as you reflect back on it?
[SPEAKER_01]: What has that looked like?
[SPEAKER_01]: Sorry, let me say it one more time, sorry.
[SPEAKER_01]: What has that looked like when you reflect back on it?
[SPEAKER_00]: I think some of it just being like a little bit fresh, sometimes when I immediately like put myself back there, I feel,
[SPEAKER_00]: maybe a little bit of shame just because of, you know, not naturally feeling the joy that most people have when they have a newborn.
[SPEAKER_00]: But then I'm just like immediately reminded about how the Lord met me there.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I mean, you can't feel anything other than thankful, you know, when you make it through a season like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And just also wanting, like you said, for my children to see that in their future, when they're at the end of their rope, I also want to be where they go to.
[SPEAKER_00]: So while I might have struggled in that season, if they get anything out of seeing me struggle, that scent coming back and taking that to the Lord is what they got out of it, then that's what maybe the biggest win you get as a parent.
[SPEAKER_00]: So true, feel like.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh man, Michelle, thank you so much.
[SPEAKER_01]: But your story is such a blessing to me and I know it's gonna bless so many moms who have so many of those moments that are coming to mind right now, is they're listening.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, thank you.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're amazing.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're welcome.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for having me.
[SPEAKER_01]: How beautiful was that?
[SPEAKER_01]: Michelle's testimony to me, you guys, is the goal.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I want to be that kind of mom.
[SPEAKER_01]: I want my kids to see a mother who is dependent on the Lord in the hard moments.
[SPEAKER_01]: That is the Christian life.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what it looks like sometimes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, of course, we're going to have beautiful, wonderful, picturesque days.
[SPEAKER_01]: When the tree is in full bloom, but we're also going to have days where the tree looks really dead.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we feel like the tree.
[SPEAKER_01]: And when we have those days, when I have those days, I really want my kids to remember that mom wasn't laying on the floor by the crib, despairing.
[SPEAKER_01]: I want them to remember that mom was laying by the floor of the crib praying and leaning on the Lord.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I want.
[SPEAKER_01]: I want my joy to be rooted in the Lord.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think of Nia, my eight, ten, the joy of the Lord is my strength.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I want my peace to be a reflection of his love and goodness, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: We can have that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Here's today's key passage.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you don't have scripture that you're meditating on this week, maybe you're like me, I've mentioned to this, I think in last week's episode with Courtney, my Bible, I try to kind of keep it open on the kitchen counter in this season because my mornings and nights are still wild with sweet baby James.
[SPEAKER_01]: So my Bible reading is not always as consistent as I want it to be.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I have, I have the open on the kitchen counter and I looked down the other day and there was a wet pickle.
[SPEAKER_01]: in my Bible.
[SPEAKER_01]: So maybe you're like that and you're like, no, I don't have a Bible reading plan right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: Or yes, I have one.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I am 64 days behind in it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, let me just help you out.
[SPEAKER_01]: And let's have Romans 8 1 through 4.
[SPEAKER_01]: Be our scripture passage.
[SPEAKER_01]: We meditate on this week.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me just read it over you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death.
[SPEAKER_01]: For what the law could not do since it was weakened by the flesh God did.
[SPEAKER_01]: He condemned sin in the flesh by sending his own son in the likeness of sinful flesh as a sin offering in order that the laws requirement would not be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, Christian.
[SPEAKER_01]: There is therefore now no condemnation for you.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you've had a bad parenting day and you feel like I keep feeling like I'm failing my kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not failing your kids if you point them to Jesus in that bad moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, you are not condemned.
[SPEAKER_01]: So don't walk like someone who is condemned.
[SPEAKER_01]: You are forgiven and let's teach our children.
[SPEAKER_01]: that they can be forgiven too, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you want your kids to grow up and think, my mom was so perfect, I better be as perfect as her, or do you want them to grow up and think, my mom was not perfect, but she sought forgiveness for her sin and she walked in joy and victory because of the perfection of Jesus.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I want.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I want for me, that's what I want for you.
[SPEAKER_01]: So here's what's essential.
[SPEAKER_01]: Repent quickly, receive grace fully, re-engage with your kids, and live with the gospel in front of your face.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is so big, you guys.
[SPEAKER_01]: Live with the gospel in front of your face, put it everywhere, get some art with scripture on it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, go to Hobby Lobby.
[SPEAKER_01]: everything they have as scripture on it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, listen to worship music when when my daughter's were younger we used to listen to seeds family worship all the time because it sounds like kids music but it's just scripture set to music and we still like we'll be sitting at church and we'll look over each other because you know we'll hear a verse that
[SPEAKER_01]: that we remember the song, too.
[SPEAKER_01]: It just before they even understand what they're hearing or reading, it's getting in there.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the Holy Spirit will use that throughout their lives and he'll use it in you, too.
[SPEAKER_01]: When you are feeling like you're fighting, feelings of condemnation, he will use his living and active word to remind you that you can walk and join peace.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's such a gift.
[SPEAKER_01]: So here's what you have the permission to release this week.
[SPEAKER_01]: Release the perfect track record goal, okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: Release trying to earn your peace.
[SPEAKER_01]: Release your performance-based identity.
[SPEAKER_01]: release, making your life a scoreboard, stop keeping score.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, there is no condemnation.
[SPEAKER_01]: We are dependent on the spirit, and we can be happy Christians.
[SPEAKER_01]: We can be happy moms in our home, and we can raise happy kids, not constantly andlessly weirdly happy, but joyful.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, joyful no matter what the circumstance, because is it closions three to you that says, set your minds on things above not unearthly things.
[SPEAKER_01]: If we are remembering what we have in
[SPEAKER_01]: even if things are hard, even if things are sad, even if it's been an awful day.
[SPEAKER_01]: So when you fail this week, when you fail, because you will own it, receive grace and move toward your kids again.
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't go lock yourself in your room.
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't, don't feel like you failed to the day.
[SPEAKER_01]: Move toward your kids, show them how to walk forward in the joy of Jesus.
[SPEAKER_01]: What does it look like to not create a scoreboard of your day today?
[SPEAKER_01]: What does it look like to point your children to the gospel today?
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember, my friend Elizabeth, okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember her advice.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not trying to be the perfect mom.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not trying to raise perfect kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: Shift your goals too.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm trying to point to a perfect Jesus.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, on your mistakes, receive grace, reconnect with your child, and give God glory for your good moments.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you can walk forward and joy.
[SPEAKER_01]: What a gift.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, there you go.
[SPEAKER_01]: Guys, you have permission this week to not earn your joy.
[SPEAKER_01]: by having a better day tomorrow.
[SPEAKER_01]: Joy and peace are gifts from God.
[SPEAKER_01]: They are not rewards for good behavior.
[SPEAKER_01]: So the how, the how of this question, how can I not keep feeling like I'm failing my kids?
[SPEAKER_01]: The how is to live with the good news of the gospel in your face?
[SPEAKER_01]: On your wall, posted it all over, posted it, posted it, posted it all over your house.
[SPEAKER_01]: Put them in your car, put them on your favorite child's face, okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: Make, make scripture, treat scripture like oxygen because it is you guys.
[SPEAKER_01]: We need, we need God's Word in our souls, even if we have pickles in our Bible, even if we're in that kind of season.
[SPEAKER_01]: Hit play on your audio Bible.
[SPEAKER_01]: Listen to worship music.
[SPEAKER_01]: Surround yourself with people like Michelle Glass and Elizabeth from Miami, Florida, who are going to point you back to what's true when your heart is forgetful.
[SPEAKER_01]: and ask the Holy Spirit to help you every day.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, asking for help every day.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is such a joy and honor to me that I get to pray for you.
[SPEAKER_01]: You guys are new friends of mine.
[SPEAKER_01]: I heard Courtney say in a recent episode that she keeps pictures of some of you up.
[SPEAKER_01]: too, so that she can remember that she's not just talking into a microphone to the abyss, but to people who are listening.
[SPEAKER_01]: And by the way, you guys, I'm your new host.
[SPEAKER_01]: Would you send me some pictures of yourself?
[SPEAKER_01]: Find me on Instagram.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's where I live the most.
[SPEAKER_01]: Find me on Instagram, and please just send me a picture of your face.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I want to do the same.
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to print some pictures, because I'm praying for you guys.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been praying for you guys for months, and
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm praying that whether you are a long time quote unquote professional Christian like I was when I heard this good advice from Elizabeth or whether you're someone who has been living this way for years and years, maybe your kids are already grown, but you're like, man, I've kind of gotten off track or maybe you're looking back in the rearview mirror thinking, I did not live like that when my kids were little.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I want to live differently now.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, is not to let you guys.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not to let we can still become people who walk and joy and peace, even if we have spent the last however long feeling stuck, feeling overwhelmed by our brokenness and the brokenness that we see around us.
[SPEAKER_01]: So again, you keep feeling like you're feeling your kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not feeling your kids if you are pointing them to Jesus.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is about surrender, not perfection, it's about dependence, not performance, it's about joy, it's about the joy of our souls and the joy of our children's souls, it's not about score keeping.
[SPEAKER_01]: So let me close out this episode by praying for you and praying for your families.
[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus, thank you so much for giving us purpose.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you that you made a way for us to walk in
[SPEAKER_01]: Hope for eternity, but also enjoy today no matter what is going on in the lives of each family represented each woman who's listening no matter what's happening in their lives I pray that you would help them set their minds on things above not unearthly things help them to enjoy their kids rather than feeling overwhelmed by the endless motherhood tasks help them to
[SPEAKER_01]: feel that your yoke is easy and your burden is light.
[SPEAKER_01]: God, would you help us all as moms to do the hard work of releasing our burdens, surrendering the control that we so often crave and just moving through the through the day, moving through our lives at rest.
[SPEAKER_01]: God, we know you want rest for us.
[SPEAKER_01]: You said it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus, you said in your word, come to me all who labor and are heavy-laden and I will give you rest.
[SPEAKER_01]: Take my yoke upon you.
[SPEAKER_01]: and learn from me for I am gentle and lowly and heart and you will find rest for your souls.
[SPEAKER_01]: For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's Matthew 11 28 through 30.
[SPEAKER_01]: And Jesus, that is true.
[SPEAKER_01]: We can have that in our hearts.
[SPEAKER_01]: We can have that in our homes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Help us to live like happy Christians because we can because of you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
[SPEAKER_01]: In your name, amen.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, okay guys, we did it.
[SPEAKER_01]: That was it.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're done with the episode.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait to see your next week to untangle a new mess, but just know that I'm praying for you, that I love you, and that I'm excited to be doing this with you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I'll see you next week.
[SPEAKER_01]: Bye.