[SPEAKER_01]: There's a line to speech.
[SPEAKER_02]: I think struck a chord with a lot of people about how the sense of family comes from the commitment that we make to each other to work through the hard time.
[SPEAKER_02]: So we can enjoy the good ones.
[SPEAKER_02]: It comes from the love that binds us.
[SPEAKER_02]: That is what makes a family.
[SPEAKER_02]: And of course, I was talking about my mom's and my sister, but in a lot of respects, I think that applies directly to our politics, you know.
[SPEAKER_02]: As you just said, we are in a really hard time right now.
[SPEAKER_02]: But there are ties that bind us.
[SPEAKER_02]: There are things that we have in common, that even though we are in this difficult, very difficult moment, as we've been traveling all over Iowa, and more chemists than ever that we can work through this hard time, that even though this is a dark chapter in our state and our country's history, we are going to be able to work
[SPEAKER_02]: We are today, and the best days are still out of the spot on this.
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome y'all to the Clear Family podcast, the show all about family, but with gay.
[SPEAKER_00]: The show that celebrates highlights Uplus and normalizes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Lige particular families in all of our fabulous identities.
[SPEAKER_00]: And y'all, this is the final episode of Season 21.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't even believe I'm saying Season 21, but it's true.
[SPEAKER_00]: This show's been around for a minute.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is a really, really good episode, because I'm speaking with somebody who's raised by two moms.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this someone is doing wonderful things in the world.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now I want to ask you, what would you do?
[SPEAKER_00]: What would you do if the government was debating whether your family should exist?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, really.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that our kids might face that at some point soon with the way this country is going.
[SPEAKER_00]: But today's guest was a teenager when he watched powerful people compare families like his to mom families to a threat.
[SPEAKER_00]: And instead of staying quiet as a teenager, this young man Zach Walls stood up and he said something that went viral before it was even a thing to go viral.
[SPEAKER_00]: It went viral.
[SPEAKER_00]: It went out of the park.
[SPEAKER_00]: And now he, that young man who is not a teenager anymore, he's actually a full grown adult with the family of his own.
[SPEAKER_00]: wonderful, important, strong individuals like this guy to join this upcoming race and beat the bad guys.
[SPEAKER_00]: So to speak, you know what I'm talking about, you know what I'm talking about.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know this goes without saying with the audience, I know I'm preaching to the choir, but y'all get out there and vote.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a really good episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: I really love Zach.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's running in Iowa.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you're in Iowa,
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope you're listening, and maybe if you're an Iowa, you can send this episode to somebody who might need a little push in the direction that is the right direction if you know what I'm saying.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope you enjoy this episode, and before I roll the tape, I just want to let y'all know, I'm taking a little tiny hiatus, it's me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so for the rest of the month of May, I will not be releasing our regular content because I have to get ready for what's coming, which is you know what?
[SPEAKER_00]: pride.
[SPEAKER_00]: And yes, I am doing another pride extravaganza.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you've been listening for a while, you know what that means.
[SPEAKER_00]: All June long, I will release double the episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: So instead of just one episode every Monday, you're going to get two every week, one on Monday, and one on Thursday, and I'm just going to be some bonus content interspersed through out.
[SPEAKER_00]: And don't you worry while you're waiting for the Pride Extravaganza to happen, I am releasing some bonus content.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have some episodes that I've recorded with my assistant producer Deani.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you haven't listened to the episode I did with Deani a little while back, you need to go listen.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's super fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's young.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's way more hip than I am.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's way more up.
[SPEAKER_00]: the vernacular than I am.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's queer.
[SPEAKER_00]: She's amazing and we have some really fun conversations.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we do some behind-the-scenes episodes where I spill the tea on some stuff that happens.
[SPEAKER_00]: Behind-the-scenes that I don't necessarily talk about in the interviews.
[SPEAKER_00]: So
[SPEAKER_00]: those will be released for the rest of this month and then they will continue on through June and beyond.
[SPEAKER_00]: So be sure you tune into those.
[SPEAKER_00]: But anyway, have a happy rest of May and enjoy this episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's time to roll the tape.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't wait for Pride y'all.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's right around the corner.
[SPEAKER_00]: We need something to look forward to.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go.
[SPEAKER_00]: Alright Helen, Bula, they're already making pride decorations.
[SPEAKER_00]: They can't stop, won't stop.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, they have the cigarettes.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't understand how they can have the cigarette in their mouth a glass of whiskey in their hand and still be making those ribbon stringy curly things.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, they are really, really talented.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're not real.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have a substance.
[SPEAKER_00]: But if I did, I imagine them doing that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Alright Helen, Bula, could you get over here and roll this tape please?
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much.
[SPEAKER_00]: I will see you all soon.
[SPEAKER_00]: Cleared family, but good, love is love.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hi, Zach.
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, good to be here.
[SPEAKER_02]: Thanks for having me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for being here.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm really excited to chat again.
[SPEAKER_00]: We spoke years ago, pre-pandemic.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, way before the pandemic.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it was in grad school.
[SPEAKER_02]: So it would have been like, yeah, like 1819.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, some were in there.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that was a really fun chat.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm super excited to chat with you again, because you've got some big things going on.
[SPEAKER_00]: Before we get into the big stuff that's happening, those act, I feel like everybody needs to...
[SPEAKER_00]: get to know you and who you are and why it's so wonderful that you're on the show again, why you were on in the first place and you got 30 seconds to tell the audience who you are and why you're here talking to the queer fam squad.
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you ready?
[SPEAKER_02]: Ready, whenever you are.
[SPEAKER_00]: Get set, go.
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm Zach Walls.
[SPEAKER_02]: I am a two-term state senator, but before I was a two-term state senator, I was a teenager who had to defend my family in front of the Iowa Legislature, when I was a college student.
[SPEAKER_02]: I gave a short speech, talking about growing up by two moms, Jackie and Terry, and defending marriage equality, which is Iowa's one of the first states who had to recognize that anywhere in the country.
[SPEAKER_02]: Video that went viral, which launched me into work in advocacy, time at my wife, Chloe Angel.
[SPEAKER_02]: Now I have our two-year-old son, Liza,
[SPEAKER_00]: Boom, that's amazing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you are candidate.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're one of the good ones.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you all are up for voting in Iowa, I hope you're leaning in nice and close because it's a really great moment for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to take it back to that speech.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you grew up, you're clear spawn.
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you call it?
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you identify as clear spawn?
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, that was a term that I heard years ago.
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's when it the first time I heard it, I was gonna like, oh, I don't.
[SPEAKER_02]: I like that, but then, you know, I think the thing that eventually spoke to me about it was that, you know, the folks who do not want families like the one that I grew up in to exist, it's kind of like how they think of us and there were something powerful about reclaiming
[SPEAKER_02]: some kind of, you know, that perspective or identity, I mean today there are a lot of other words that would come to mind first, but I would tell you I am the very prouds on my two moms Jackie and Terry.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think they did a good job with you.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's funny.
[SPEAKER_02]: So when I gave that viral speech back in 2011, the closing of the speech, and I got to say, as a 19-year-old, it took some brass to riff on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
[SPEAKER_02]: But the line was in a sexual orientation in my parents, it's a zero effect on the content to my character.
[SPEAKER_02]: And you know, based in the kind of the setting that we were, you know, having this this public hearing where I was giving this testimony, obviously that's what I was trying to communicate because I think a lot of these folks assume that if you have two moms or two dads and raised in a family of sin or whatever that must somehow diminish the quality of your character and I was obviously arguing the opposite side of that point, but there were some people who kind of actually came at me from the other end of like, you know,
[SPEAKER_02]: having gay parents made you a better person, you know, have you, and like look, I'm not really here to get into the merits of that point one way or another, but I think that the emphasis on intentionality is really important, you know, obviously, we're parents have different journeys to go through, you know, it's interesting, though, actually, so a lot of the folks who work kind of in my generation of, you know, I'm 34 now, you know,
[SPEAKER_02]: They have, you know, a mom or a dad, you know, was in a heterosexual relationship and then came out after they had kids.
[SPEAKER_02]: Of course, today, it's like a little bit, I think less common than it was, you know, in the 1980s, my contemporaries are born.
[SPEAKER_02]: However, you know, for me, my mom, Terry was actually single when she decided to start a family, she met my mom, Jackie, you know, is four years old and it's five.
[SPEAKER_02]: And they've been together officially since 1996.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the stories that I tell on this show, we make our babies from scratch, we make our babies together, and it's extremely intentional to the way we do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: So just to go through, I would love to hear your kind of origin story.
[SPEAKER_00]: So your mom, Jackie, decided she wanted to be a single mom before she had met your other mom.
[SPEAKER_02]: Other way around, Terry.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, exactly.
[SPEAKER_00]: So Terry was going to go about it this
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I mean, so she, yeah, so she, she came out with her parents, you know, she was like, shortly after college, she was back in the 70s.
[SPEAKER_02]: Obviously, very different time in that point, to their credit, my grandparents, my grandpa, John my grandma, Lois, didn't disown her throughout the family or anything like that.
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, my mom got her medical degree
[SPEAKER_02]: She was practicing medicine, essential Wisconsin, community commercial, toflinic pair.
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, I'm like clock was sticking, you know, the late 1980s and so obviously, again, it's still very different time.
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, she had me in 1991, had my sister, who is the same donor as me in 1994.
[SPEAKER_02]: and then met Jackie in 95 and in 96, they had a commitment ceremony, so not a civil union wedding, but they gathered friends and family to speautiful, maternity and restless church in Central Wisconsin.
[SPEAKER_02]: Walk down the aisle to the theme song of Star Trek Voyager.
[SPEAKER_00]: question.
[SPEAKER_02]: Which was, you know, classic.
[SPEAKER_02]: Obviously, it's actually it's really funny.
[SPEAKER_02]: Jerry Ryan, who played seven of nine in the Star Trek Boyd.
[SPEAKER_02]: You're actually just, I think earlier this week retweeted the campaign launch videos, it kind of like kicked it off going viral again on the sky, which was a funny little thing that happened this week.
[SPEAKER_02]: But my parents had been together in 1996.
[SPEAKER_02]: And through some really tough times, my mom Terry was diagnosed with MS in 2007, years old, and that was a really tough chapter for our family to work through.
[SPEAKER_02]: We moved back to Iowa in 2000, that same year.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I say back to Iowa, my mom grew up in Iowa with the school dean of University of Iowa.
[SPEAKER_02]: So for her, I was kind of a homecoming.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I've lived in Iowa pretty much straight through ever since.
[SPEAKER_02]: you're I was strong six generation proudly raising the seventh there you go there you go a nice home grown boy who's running to save the world yeah you know it was interesting you know it's it's it's fun to give me we've been talking about this a little bit more just the last few months you know because look running for the u.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.
[SPEAKER_02]: is a difficult thing to do under any circumstance, doing it with the two-year-old fires a certain amount of kind of courage or sanity or death.
[SPEAKER_02]: uh... just determination all you solve the above and you some folks if you know they want to like why do you do this to yourself and one of the stories we've been talking about in the last few months is the fact that when i was in the eighth grade is in two thousand four my first social studies assignment was watching two thousand four republican national convention to the exam it was watch it you know at home in the talk about it class next day
[SPEAKER_02]: and I will just never forget what it was like to watch some of the most powerful people in the world.
[SPEAKER_02]: You're staying in front of our country and address the nation talking about the war on terror, the war on Iraq, the war on Afghanistan.
[SPEAKER_02]: And then in the next breath warning, the country about the enemy from within because the Massachusetts State Supreme Court had just the first time recognized marriage quality.
[SPEAKER_02]: And this was a very, very hot topic in the 2004 elections.
[SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, as 13 years old, realizing that these very powerful people are talking about the war on terror and one breath and talking about my family and the next breath and just the experience of how scary that was and how, you know, and how as a teenager, how setting it was, and I went into class next day to talk about it, which was the assignment.
[SPEAKER_02]: But when I got in the class, I went in and said, well, Steve, I wanted to say something.
[SPEAKER_02]: When I got in the class, I was just so paralyzed and scared of being judged from the peers of this government that felt like they'd put a target on my back.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so even though we lived, you know, for Iowa, the progressive community by any measure, I didn't have the courage that they'd to say what I wanted to say.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that stuck with me, the lack of courage, the shame,
[SPEAKER_02]: As I got older and confident, I started speaking out more and that took me to the Iowa Legislature to give that speech in 2011.
[SPEAKER_02]: I brought that same spirit to the campaign that I launched with Iowa State Senate in 2014.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I've built a reputation in the legislature if someone is both able to fight the things that I believe in and speak that truth to power and be that person in the corner for my constituents when they need a champion the same way that that was what I desperately wanted when I was that scared teenager and not just on LGBT issues but on a wide variety of different topics.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's the same spirit that we're bringing to this campaign for Senate.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I will tell you, I think that is exactly the people in Iowa are looking for right now.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I was able to not just, you know, you were listening and watching, lives in the state of Iowa, but if you do live in the state of Iowa, our June 2nd primary is coming up here at 38 days, and I would be honored to have your vote.
[SPEAKER_02]: But if you're listening and you want to support the campaign, there are lots of ways to contribute from afar, whether that's with the contribution on our website at tackones.com.
[SPEAKER_02]: can sign up to volunteer, do some phone calls, to some tax messages, to voters here in the state, every piece of support makes a big difference.
[SPEAKER_02]: Because I think I, I would say ready to have someone who's going to work for them, just Donald Trump and the billionaires in Washington.
[SPEAKER_00]: No, we got to get them out.
[SPEAKER_00]: We got to drain the swamp so to speak for real this time.
[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
[SPEAKER_00]: For real, what date do the polls open?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because by the time this airs, it won't be 38 days away.
[SPEAKER_00]: So what date do the polls?
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, absolutely.
[SPEAKER_02]: So early voting starts on the 13th of May, which is going to be here before we know it.
[SPEAKER_02]: The election itself is on June 2nd.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just want to highlight what you said about the fact that you had to build the muscle up to speak up.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
[SPEAKER_00]: It is not something that comes easily for all of us to gain this muscle and this ability to speak up.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just want to double down on that because, you know, all of us.
[SPEAKER_00]: queer folks who are raising children, and we're raising them with the awareness that their families are different, obviously.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we talked to our children.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're very intentional with the way we talked to our children about who they are, where they came from.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know most of us hope and pray that our children are going to go out into the world and be change makers.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's not the case for all of our children and not everybody's role in life is to be a change maker.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I do believe that our children are being raised with an awareness that makes them more likely to speak for the downtrodden, to speak for those whose rights are not easily given.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because we show up in the world so differently.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that's why I just love the fact that you're one of us, you know, you might, you might be one of the streets and we forgive you for that.
[SPEAKER_00]: But you are on a rarely, you are one of the family and it's so good to have someone in the family.
[SPEAKER_02]: I appreciate that, you know, what I always say is like, look, I am, I obviously am not to identify as LGBT, but look, literally a child of the community and the way you said it, you know, and that's what 100% true.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think the reason why having kids who, again, and you're totally right, like not every family, not every person wants to be an advocate.
[SPEAKER_02]: wants to be someone to put yourself out there, and no one should ever have to do that, right?
[SPEAKER_02]: No one should ever have to defend their family from powerful people who are trying to make their lives harder.
[SPEAKER_02]: But unfortunately, that is the world that we all too often live in.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think to your point about the kids, I think, you know, one of the reasons why a children really emerged is a flash point and the debate around their equality is because I think the vast majority
[SPEAKER_02]: Now you want to be who you are, whatever, it doesn't affect me, but you know if you have kids, that affects those kids, right?
[SPEAKER_02]: And kids never get to choose their parents to get their straight or anything else.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so like there was this, you know, early question in the early days of the marriage equality wars about what are the effects of LGBT parents on?
[SPEAKER_02]: kids.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that was why when the video that speech went viral, I think it struck such a cord was because I was able to stand in front of, you know, who could be very powerful legislators in the wind and just talk about our family, which in some respects was very, very normal.
[SPEAKER_02]: And in some respects, you know, like I was also, you know, unusual.
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, it was usual to have the ability to do a lot of the things that my parents made possible and then to do it at a high level and that was because of, you know, their commitment during that my sister and I had great opportunities.
[SPEAKER_02]: learn the right values, we work hard, good work ethic, and you know, like I said, in the speech, we work through a lot of hard times, so we can enjoy, enjoy the good ones.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I just, I think that it's important to, you know, again, you're, you're absolutely right.
[SPEAKER_02]: People shouldn't have to find themselves in a position, having to defend their family, but when that's what you got to do, that's what you got to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and you do it well, and you did it well, and you're doing it well, and I appreciate you for that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you sit at the intersection of a couple of things, not only the legitimate to quah community, but also the disabled community.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, you know a lot about that, having a mother with MS. And I don't know if we want to speak on that a little bit, and you know,
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm happy to.
[SPEAKER_02]: So, you know, my mom Terry grew up on a family farm in Northeast Iowa.
[SPEAKER_02]: She was a very active, very physical capable.
[SPEAKER_02]: She was in college and graduate school.
[SPEAKER_02]: She was running marathon.
[SPEAKER_02]: She actually did cross country ski race in Alaska, I think, called the Berkubiner, which is like cross country skiing and marathon, which obviously, if they run a marathon, it's hard, it's a whole level.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so, yeah, I think when she had my sister and me, she had a lot of these visions and dreams of taking us backpacking and camping trips.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I joined the Cubscouts and I was very young.
[SPEAKER_02]: I loved being outdoors as well.
[SPEAKER_02]: And when she was diagnosed with MS, that came after...
[SPEAKER_02]: the kind of progressive onset of symptoms involving loss of motor function, some cognitive changes that she was aware of, and dead of course was devastating.
[SPEAKER_02]: And MS is not, you know, some of the treatments have gotten better, but at the time, you know, in the late 90s or in 2000s, it was a really tough diagnosis.
[SPEAKER_02]: And when I started to see it manifest physically, they told us, you know, by year or two, and she was an electric, an wheelchair thereafter.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that is one place too, where there is a personal connection here, the work, the seat that I am running for, was previously held back in 2014 by Tom Harkin.
[SPEAKER_02]: was I was a long time to the credit U.S.
[SPEAKER_02]: Senator, was the father of the Americans of the Civilities Act, and without the ADA, our family situation which was already challenging would have been so, so much harder.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so, just have a presence of gratitude that Senator Harkin, who's now a friend, and to refine this campaign and life, and the chance to kind of pay that legacy forward, something I'm really excited about.
[SPEAKER_02]: My mom also,
[SPEAKER_02]: I think again, kind of those guys that she was raised with just refused to accept her diagnosis.
[SPEAKER_02]: She worked really, really hard to try to preserve her strength at a time when it was really difficult for her to do so.
[SPEAKER_02]: I remember when I was in high school getting up early to go to, you know, I was I played football and I was a swimmer and a lot early morning workouts and I get up, you know, at five.
[SPEAKER_02]: morning and she'd already be up to her exercises, not trying to build her strength to slow the speed or to set hard things to rep your mind around.
[SPEAKER_02]: But I watched her battle through that and then just tried to iterate, she went back to the basic science literature, found things that she thought others had overlooked, developed a whole protocol around diet, lifestyle, and nutrition, and some innovative physical therapy measures.
[SPEAKER_02]: And over the course of five or six years, she was able to reverse her decline.
[SPEAKER_02]: And she's, you know, not today, probably as healthy, she would have been a she never been diagnosed, but for someone who turned 70 years old in November, she's a pretty damn good shape.
[SPEAKER_02]: And watching her do that has been just incredible life lesson from me as her son.
[SPEAKER_02]: And now watching her get to be a grandmother with my son Eli.
[SPEAKER_02]: brings both her and my mom, Jackie, a lot of joy.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I will tell you, Jamie, this campaign would not be possible without the incredible amount of childcare that my sister, and of course my incredible wife are providing to this campaign, and I'm really grateful for everything.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that, and you got gay grandma's over there, even better.
[SPEAKER_00]: How cool is that?
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, having two grandma's, you know, 15 minute drive away from home is like I said, it's the only reason why this campaign is possible.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I love that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, they did a good job with you, so I think they're gonna do a good job with Eli and of course your wife and you.
[SPEAKER_00]: I wanna take it back to like younger Zach for a second and growing up with two moms.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that you had to get the courage to come and speak up at where you spoke when you're speech went viral.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you talked about a little bit about that day.
[SPEAKER_00]: You came in and you were ready to speak at school
[SPEAKER_00]: You froze.
[SPEAKER_00]: What about other moments growing up as a kid with two moms in an area?
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm assuming there were no other kids with two moms.
[SPEAKER_02]: There were some other kids who I knew had a gay parent or out parents, but it was they were often the parents had been in the closet in an opposite sexual relationship that they were conceived.
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, having like a being a DI or a AI baby at that time was much less common.
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, then it is today in my parents were intentional about trying to find community and and making sure that I wasn't Yeah, I didn't like I was alone.
[SPEAKER_02]: I would try to appreciate him whether that was other families or whether that was through scouts Through my Socialist youth group and I was a kid Um, so they were just they were really intentional about that.
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I think one of the things in hindsight
[SPEAKER_02]: and it was true then too, but that was tough.
[SPEAKER_02]: We had seen it the really 2000s, you know, homophobia was a whole different level.
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I know that today there's been kind of in the last year or two, like rise again in the use of gay and the fact is like derogatory words, but at the time it was just like,
[SPEAKER_02]: ever and that was that was tough to do with you know if you wanted to get in using words that were derogatory towards families like mine and it wasn't like a secret that I had gay parents but you know it wasn't something that I was like
[SPEAKER_02]: broadcasting, you know, by the time I got into high school, I did start to talk about it a little bit more regularly and trying to speak out against some of that at Comophobia and what I have you.
[SPEAKER_02]: But when I was, you know, late elementary school junior high school, you know, it's not, it's not really heard, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and it's hard to, it's scary to it's as a, as a, as a kid, my have a kid now who's in seventh grade, she's middle school and I struggle with wanting her to speak up for her family and for herself and then also wanting to give her the autonomy to deal with the head of her however she wants.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I would love to ask you like as a kid who grew up with two moms and who now really speaks up for families like ours, what advice would you give for parents who are who are trying to teach their children to be feel free to advocate but also, you know, we get it, you don't have to like help.
[SPEAKER_00]: How do you draw?
[SPEAKER_00]: How do you draw the line?
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, and like my daughter I'll give you an
[SPEAKER_00]: When she first went to middle school in sixth grade, before they started school, her assignment over the summer was to write a letter to one of your new fellow classmates and say something unique about yourself in the letter.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I, of course, was like, oh my, I know what, I know what you're going to write and she's like, mom,
[SPEAKER_00]: No, that's not the first thing I want to say to people, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was like, oh, awakening for me, like, oh, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, yeah, you do you, you do you, boo.
[SPEAKER_00]: And now she's starting to like, she has like, little one liners that she says back to people, when they say dumb things or ignorant things.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we joke about it now in the house.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so she's getting a little more loose with like being able to like come back at kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we're trying to help her develop that muscle.
[SPEAKER_00]: But what advice would you give?
[SPEAKER_00]: to parents like me who are just trying to figure out how to help our kids through those tough moments will be right back yeah I mean look I think what you just said about helping sure because look kids get bullied for
[SPEAKER_02]: Any reason, or sometimes no reason at all, and so having the skills as a young person to, you know, kind of combat or stay that bullying and if I advocate for yourself and you need to, and that's an important skill no matter who your parents are, family is, so I think that that is an important piece, because I think when you're, you know, especially when you're a teenager, you know, be tean like you're talking about.
[SPEAKER_02]: 11, 12, 13, 14, and that's a hard time in life, no matter who you are.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so holding up that confidence, navigating those life changes that are starting to happen is really, really important.
[SPEAKER_02]: And when it comes to being an advocate for your family, I think probably one of the most important things that my parents did was, they didn't pressure on me to do that.
[SPEAKER_02]: They helped me, they don't speak up and advocate for myself.
[SPEAKER_02]: But when I was willing to do that, or I felt like I was confident enough to do that, they were there to have my back, and I wanted to do it now, when I gave a speech that I wanted to make a viral.
[SPEAKER_02]: That was kind of a whole different level.
[SPEAKER_02]: Both of my parents were in medicine, so like going viral and something very different to them than it did to everybody on the internet.
[SPEAKER_00]: This was before things really went viral, like you were like one of the first big viral things, right?
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you know, you know, so it's just, you talk about like time and place, you know, this was in Tute, this was February, so the speech was on January 31st, 2011.
[SPEAKER_02]: The video really, so the video was uploaded the next day on February 1st and then it was on February 2st, which is a Wednesday really went viral.
[SPEAKER_02]: And it was driven at that point by,
[SPEAKER_02]: a combination of Facebook and blogs, which, you know, today, I guess everybody's on Substack or whatever, but at the time was, you know, this really loose network of different
[SPEAKER_02]: logs that were out there, which I knew virtually nothing about, because I was a sophomore at the University of Iowa City in Civil Engineering, right?
[SPEAKER_02]: I kind of like vaguely knew who Perez was, but I did know why his blog was a big deal, you know, like I had never heard the Vanity toll and toll road or whatever, and these various things that were out there.
[SPEAKER_02]: that it will help the kind of catch fire.
[SPEAKER_02]: But the way that when fire roll and you're totally right, Jimmy, was before, because today we're in this age on Instagram, and you see it or whatever, this is a algorithm, it's drive, engagement, they drive, they promote things that are being shared, because that's what the big tech companies want, right?
[SPEAKER_02]: Is they want eyeballs on their product, so they can sell ads.
[SPEAKER_02]: That was really not what this was at all.
[SPEAKER_02]: This was a very, very, very organic,
[SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, the kids these days have an expression core memory of like you see something at a younger age and it kind of just like really lives in your memory and I think for a lot of people, you know, that short three-minute speech became kind of a core memory of something that they saw that resonated.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so even now 15 years later, it has been 15 years.
[SPEAKER_02]: speech continues to kind of live on for a lot of people with their memory and see if they share it again.
[SPEAKER_02]: And then, of course, you got a whole regeneration of people who are seeing that for the first time too.
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's funny to video.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's kind of sometimes like organically starts getting shared again and goes viral like just the other day, actually.
[SPEAKER_02]: They kind of went viral again on Instagram.
[SPEAKER_02]: and we got just kind of inundated with outreach from a lot of kids of two mom's two dads who you know just regions I thank for for speaking up and I think that was probably the biggest lesson that I took away from that experience is that when you are able to find a courage to speak up to be that advocate for yourself, for your family, for your community it helps a lot of other people find that courage to and that is I think probably the most rewarding part of the entire experience.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I love that and I love that you said the speech and I love that you're continuing to advocate and try to make this world a better place because we we really need folks like you right now it's it's a scary world we're living in.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it is.
[SPEAKER_02]: But look, I think it's a moment like this one, you know, and it's funny, there's a line to speech.
[SPEAKER_02]: I think struck a chord to a lot of people about how the sense of family comes from the commitment that we make to each other to work through the hard time so we can enjoy the good ones.
[SPEAKER_02]: It comes from the love that binds us.
[SPEAKER_02]: That is what makes a family.
[SPEAKER_02]: And of course, I was talking about my mom's and my sister, but in a lot of respects, I think that applies directly to our politics.
[SPEAKER_02]: As you just said, we are in a really hard time right now.
[SPEAKER_02]: But there are ties that bind us.
[SPEAKER_02]: There are things that we haven't common that even though we are in the difficult moment, as we've been traveling all over Iowa, and more chemists than ever that we can work through this hard time that even though this is a dark chapter in our state in our country's history, we are going to be able to work
[SPEAKER_02]: We are today, and the best days are still out of my spot on this.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll take that hope, and I will put it in my pocket, because we all need some hope right now, and we all need some good news.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, well, look, I mean, if you want some good news, here's some good news, Paul came out earlier this week showing me leading that Republican opponent by two points, which were very, very, very excited about, you know, I was a state to Donald Trump carried by 13 points in 2024, but the agenda that they have been pursuing has been so bad for states like Iowa, whether it's the terrorists, whether it's the cuts to Medicaid, to investments in clean energy, investment, some food assistance, you know, all of those are almost like an equally tailored to be bad for
[SPEAKER_02]: and as a result, you know, the president's approval reading is collapsed in our state.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think I went here already to make a change and and look to win a statewide election in Iowa.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's going to mean winning back some of the voters that the Democratic Party has lost.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's going to mean extending an open hand rather than a clenched fist as it was in the penance and some Republicans who are looking around.
[SPEAKER_02]: It was happening in Iowa.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's happened in Washington.
[SPEAKER_02]: They're like, this is not what I thought I was signing up for and even though it could be.
[SPEAKER_02]: I think tempting for some folks to say, well, this is what you voted for or whatever.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, first of all, that is losing political strategy.
[SPEAKER_02]: In second of all, I think that there's a very different relationship with politics that a lot of people have, where if you follow politics every single day, read the news, your phone, online, your experience of politics and of just like the world,
[SPEAKER_02]: The country is very different from a lot of folks who are way more concerned about just trying to get themselves or their family through the day, through the week through the month, and bringing that kind of judgment is not productive, and it is not reflective of how most people approach their decisions at the balance.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I hear that.
[SPEAKER_00]: We do, we need to give grace to both sides, and it's okay to change your mind.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're very loving over here.
[SPEAKER_02]: It is okay to change.
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, I'll say, Jim, that's something that I really had underscored for me through my work in the marriage of quality movement.
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, people sometimes, it's funny, say, like, all of that happened so fast and it's like, well, you know, it might have felt fast.
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, from like 2004 to 2015, but there was a ton of work that happened like the 15 years before the first Massachusetts State Supreme Court ruling.
[SPEAKER_02]: And also, you know, the approach of that campaign was always about finding common ground.
[SPEAKER_02]: It was always about trying to connect with people about something that mattered to them, right?
[SPEAKER_02]: Their marriage for most people is the most important part of your life, your life part, literally in the title, right?
[SPEAKER_02]: And so that
[SPEAKER_02]: Grace, that utility, as an advocate, being willing to show up anywhere.
[SPEAKER_02]: Is there any question, no matter how kind of like strains or wildly inappropriate at times, but willing to be there and to be that voice?
[SPEAKER_02]: That's how you win people over.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that was like, I learned during that time.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's exactly the same approach that we're bringing to this campaign.
[SPEAKER_00]: When people over, we're going to all science.
[SPEAKER_00]: All science are welcome.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what politics is for.
[SPEAKER_02]: And politics is to build political powers so you can use it to make people's lives better.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think unfortunately, it has become too common for people to use politics as like a cuddle, or as a measuring contest, or a purity contest, or what have you.
[SPEAKER_02]: And like that's, you can do that, but that is not what politics is for.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's gotten so divisively, like it's just, I mean, it's one cyvers the other.
[SPEAKER_00]: And to your point, I need to be a little for dinner for my family.
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to be able to afford gas.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, things are getting insane.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we're just all trying to get by and let's choose the people that are going to help us have a fighting chance of getting by right now when things are looking real, dismal.
[SPEAKER_02]: Amen.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, so everybody needs to head to those polls.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're an Iowa, head to those polls and make sure Zach is one of the names that one of the circles, one of the bubbles that gets checked.
[SPEAKER_02]: So the early vote starts in Iowa on May 13th, and then election day is June 2nd.
[SPEAKER_02]: It is the Democratic primary, so you have to be registered as a Democrat to vote.
[SPEAKER_02]: However, if you show up and you are registered independent, even press Republican, you can change your party registration on the same day, you need a vote of ID.
[SPEAKER_02]: Your driver's license can process that takes 30 seconds, it's very easy.
[SPEAKER_02]: We don't have your vote, and then by the time whether you live in Iowa or anywhere else in the country, if you're willing to chip into the race, it would be a tremendously helpful the campaign that we are running is 100% funded by individuals like you, all over our state, all over the country, we are facing
[SPEAKER_02]: some very large super PACs.
[SPEAKER_02]: We're public authorities said they're going to be spending $29 million to hold on to the seat November, which on the one hand is, you know, it's obviously an enormous amount of money.
[SPEAKER_02]: On the other hand, it is also a very clear illustration of the fact that we have a real opportunity to win this seat because you don't spend $29 million.
[SPEAKER_02]: trying to defend the seat that you think is a safe Republican shoe in November.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so we are counting on support from folks like yourself all over our state, all over the country.
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you've been looking for like a good and also in folks like having a deadline is helpful, we have a major end of the deadline on April 30th and then another big deadline with the start of really vote on May 13th.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm not sure when this is going to go to air, but either April 30th or May 13th.
[SPEAKER_02]: If you're looking for a good time, that's Japan.
[SPEAKER_02]: This is the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and I will put links in the show notes.
[SPEAKER_00]: So all you all have to do is just scroll in your podcast app, click that link and you know, give which can help out because this is a really important one.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is.
[SPEAKER_00]: everybody knows and I'm preaching to the choir of the listeners who listen to this show like this is a big one y'all.
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's try to do our part.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to do my part and I know everybody else is we gotta we gotta get some good folks in charge.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, this has been such a pleasure.
[SPEAKER_00]: Is there anything else you wanted to say?
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, while you're here, while I have you here, and you're talking to so many legitimate to qualm-minded folks or people who care about rights?
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I mean, look, I think the only thing that I would maybe say that we haven't gotten to is you know, I learned a lot from my parents they were really intentional about raising my sister and me with the same values that they were raised with and like that doesn't happen on accident, you know, we would I parents every night when we was at down.
[SPEAKER_02]: evening to have supper, we'd start by going over that month's value.
[SPEAKER_02]: In each month, you know, we have a different value.
[SPEAKER_02]: It reinforced a lot of what I was doing in Boy Scouts at the time, you know, Scouts is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverend.
[SPEAKER_02]: But the 12 values that my parents used were a little different from that.
[SPEAKER_02]: But you would sit down before we were allowed to start eating.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like a rapidly growing teenager, so I was always hungry.
[SPEAKER_02]: You had to share an example of that one's value that you'd observe.
[SPEAKER_02]: That's necessarily from yourself, but you could have seen it around in your day.
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, other examples over there, but you had to say it out loud.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that experience of having my parents really kind of drill that moral compass in was incredibly valuable.
[SPEAKER_02]: And my parents were also always really intentional about trying to...
[SPEAKER_02]: encourage effort not just outcome you know because I think you know it can be easy to say oh no
[SPEAKER_02]: Good job.
[SPEAKER_02]: If you did good, but even if you didn't try that hard, my parents are always really intentional about trying them besides, it is your effort, not the outcome that you can control.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that is the thing that we want to reinforce is the most important thing as a young person for you to learn how to do.
[SPEAKER_02]: You need to do it.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I certainly was not perfect about that when I was a kid, but now that I'm adult and my wife and I think about the same values that we want to raise our son with,
[SPEAKER_02]: that is something intentional about.
[SPEAKER_02]: He's only two years old.
[SPEAKER_02]: So he's most motivated by applesauce packets.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_02]: But I think it's just really no never too early to start with.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And actually, you told us that the first time I interviewed you and you mentioned the book.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have that book.
[SPEAKER_00]: The book was called.
[SPEAKER_02]: Your children' values by retirement
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I went out and bought that book after our interview.
[SPEAKER_00]: And there are days that I remember to do that at dinner.
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, I mean again, it's like you never families different, you know, you've got one faith community, you know, every family has their own traditions and there's really no right or wrong way to do it.
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it's kind of going back to what you said at the very beginning about intentionality, being intentional about it makes a really different
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, agreed 100% if there's one theme that comes up time and time and time and time again on this show it's the intentionality that we bring to our families from the moment we think about creating a family to
[SPEAKER_00]: all the way through.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I love that, I love that you shared that and I'm going to do it again tonight.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to bring up a trait, a value, and we're going to talk about it tonight because you just reminded me, I forget to do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: But we're doing it, you know, we're doing our best and we're trying real hard.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's all you can do.
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love you.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love this and good luck, Zach.
[SPEAKER_02]: Pull and fall.
[SPEAKER_02]: I really appreciate it, Jamie.
[SPEAKER_02]: And everybody listening.
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I wish me that they're all my very best.
[SPEAKER_01]: This has been amazing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Whew, well folks, I hope you enjoyed that episode as much as I enjoyed it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you did enjoy it, feel free to listen to another or watch another.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have so many episodes for your listening or viewing pleasure.
[SPEAKER_00]: Just go pick one and enjoy.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're really good.
[SPEAKER_00]: And also, if you really do like this show, please, I know I say it all the time, but please do consider supporting the show on Patreon.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're just gonna go to patreon.com slash the queer family podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna pick a tear, you're gonna join, and you're gonna get that bonus content.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're also gonna get my love and adoration for the rest of my life.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love you all, thanks for tuning in, keep on tuning in, and I'll see you next time.