[SPEAKER_03]: Hi, I'm Megan, and I'm Sarah.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're two women in our 40s who live in different states and have a lot of different interests between us.
[SPEAKER_03]: On this show, we talk about all the midlife lady leisure pursuits we're enjoying at this stage of life.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like travel, hobbies, food, wellness, style, and more.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm excited today to chat about how we're feeling about our wardrobes at the moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like what's working?
[SPEAKER_01]: What isn't in our midlife lady everyday style?
[SPEAKER_03]: Today's episode is brought to you by our exclusive season sponsor and a long-time partner of ours, Vionic Shoes.
[SPEAKER_03]: Sarah, I have to tell you that since I got my pair of uptown sneakers, I have been wearing them so much.
[SPEAKER_03]: They are now my go-to shoe for work days, actually, because I like to get a nice long walk during my lunch.
[SPEAKER_03]: or just whenever I need to get out of the office and move a little bit, and the uptown is very lightweight.
[SPEAKER_03]: So I can easily toss it in my bag if I want to swap out shoes while I'm out, but they're also so cute and a little elevated above a usual sneaker.
[SPEAKER_03]: They go with everything.
[SPEAKER_03]: I've worn them with summer dresses, my favorite linen pants, trousers, all kinds of things.
[SPEAKER_03]: And of course, because they're vionic, they're also super comfy, stable, and supportive.
[SPEAKER_03]: Use the promo code midlifeatvionicshoes.com for 15% off.
[SPEAKER_03]: That's a one-time use only.
[SPEAKER_03]: And check out the special page we've set up where you can see our favorite vionic styles.
[SPEAKER_03]: You can look for that in the show notes for this episode.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, thank you to Vionic for sponsoring this episode.
[SPEAKER_01]: And let's dive in, Megan, we're talking about getting dressed because it is something we have to do.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you very much, every day.
[SPEAKER_01]: I am a little envious of your current,
[SPEAKER_01]: work situation, and that's only because the grass is always greener, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: You, the listeners probably have picked up from different comments, but you have an office job right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: And when we've been chatting outside the podcast, I'm just aware of how having to get dressed for an office every day has an upside of the sort of
[SPEAKER_01]: Discipline of just needing to put on an outfit and that is actually where I want to start is in my mind I think of like outfit days versus like I don't know I don't know how to explain the days where I feel like I don't get dressed because of course I do but a non outfit day for me would be like I Worked maybe I went for a walk early in the morning so I'm wearing athletic clothes and then maybe I leave them on till like
[SPEAKER_01]: lounge pants and like changed from a hoodie to a t-shirt and like a weekend bra.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm not in pajamas, but I definitely Did not put on an outfit.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't put on a bracelet.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't like do my hair.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and um My goal before we even get into the episode my goal in this stage of midlife is to have more
[SPEAKER_01]: quote unquote outfit days even if the outfit is very casual like it doesn't have to be dressy but it's thoughtful so where are you with it's like how like tell me about office life and how many like how are you feeling about putting together clothes versus I don't know if you have an equivalent of what my whatever is yeah well okay so I started this job in end of January and first of all I should I should
[SPEAKER_03]: mentioned that it's an extremely casual office.
[SPEAKER_03]: So if I wanted to wear, I wouldn't wear athletes here to work, but I think I could be very adjacent.
[SPEAKER_03]: Let's just put them down.
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't though because I don't really like those outfits.
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't even like how those outfits have looked.
[SPEAKER_03]: Those don't even feel like to what you're saying.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like if I was wearing something cute and it happened to be something I could also go to yoga in, that is different from like I got up this
[SPEAKER_03]: and I threw on this hoodie to go feed my chickens and then I just stayed in my chicken feeding hoodie, which by the way is not real cute.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I don't have a bra.
[SPEAKER_03]: That's kind of how I usually would be rocking my days.
[SPEAKER_03]: So I go into the office between three, usually three days a week.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm in the office for some length of time.
[SPEAKER_03]: And when I started the job, it was winter.
[SPEAKER_03]: And the first thing
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_03]: And that if I could get a couple of pair of stylish jeans, that would make a big difference.
[SPEAKER_03]: So I did get a couple of pair of, you know, like relaxed fit, not
[SPEAKER_03]: not skinny because I don't like nobody's wearing skinny's in my office.
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know if those are back yet, but whatever, it just didn't feel like it was working.
[SPEAKER_03]: Plus with skinny's, you have to have a certain kind of top and we can talk about that later.
[SPEAKER_03]: But I got like two pair of sort of straight leged relaxed fit jeans, the kind that hit at that place on my leg, which ten years ago, I'd never would have bought a pair of jeans that stopped there.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, part I'm talking about.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: Thank you, bud, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, too.
[SPEAKER_03]: So.
[SPEAKER_03]: That made a big difference because immediately, I already had some cute sweaters.
[SPEAKER_03]: I already had a lot of basic teas.
[SPEAKER_03]: I already had things I could pair with that and just having two pair of jeans in my closet that I could pull out made a big difference.
[SPEAKER_03]: And just match up with something.
[SPEAKER_03]: Made a big difference.
[SPEAKER_03]: Now the problem is now we're going into summer and it's like I'm starting over again.
[SPEAKER_03]: Because I didn't do that last year for summer clothing because I was living the sloppy life last summer.
[SPEAKER_03]: The other thing that's really hard for me, that sloppy life, is that where you rest there?
[SPEAKER_01]: That is, it is.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: The other thing that's hard for me is that my days, you know, we've talked about on various podcasts over the years.
[SPEAKER_03]: We have talked about dressing.
[SPEAKER_03]: And one constant, I guess, refrain for me, a recurring theme.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_03]: Is there a very nightmare?
[SPEAKER_03]: Is that,
[SPEAKER_03]: The variety, not only between, from day to day, but also within a day is huge for me.
[SPEAKER_03]: So like I might have a day where I get up at 645 and the first thing I do is set up my couch for an hour or whatever.
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, I'm in my pajamas, but now I'm going to go outside and do some yard work, chicken stuff.
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, I need, I gotta put something on because I'm not going to wear my pajamas literally into a chicken coop.
[SPEAKER_03]: So now I've got my,
[SPEAKER_03]: my sloppy pants or I've got something that's a little more outdoorsy or grubby that I'm going to put on.
[SPEAKER_03]: Now, if I was working from home, I might leave that on.
[SPEAKER_03]: and get in a walk or some sort of movement before I change.
[SPEAKER_03]: But because now I'm jumping into work, maybe I don't have time to do that.
[SPEAKER_03]: So now I gotta get dressed and ready for work.
[SPEAKER_03]: Then maybe I'm gonna try to get in a walk at lunch, which means I have to have the right shoes with me and I don't wanna be wearing really uncomfortable underwear or bras or if I'm wearing a dress, I need something under the dress that I can comfortably walk in, you know.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yep.
[SPEAKER_03]: Then maybe that evening, or definitely on the weekend, I might go for a longer walk.
[SPEAKER_03]: I might go for a hike in the woods.
[SPEAKER_03]: I might be doing something like cleaning out the chicken coop where I really need grubby clothes.
[SPEAKER_03]: There's no one uniform, but I think what I want to get better at, and I think I'm getting here.
[SPEAKER_03]: I think I'm starting to get better at, is nailing down
[SPEAKER_03]: like a specific limited set of needs for each category like I don't need 15 different complete outdoorsy outfits.
[SPEAKER_03]: They're gonna get grubby anyway and I'll just take them off and throw them over a chair or fold them up and throw them in the corner of my closet and wear them again.
[SPEAKER_03]: There's no point.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not gonna fully wash my gross chicken coop clothes every day.
[SPEAKER_03]: I just rewear them until they really need to be washed, so I need fewer of those than I do of kind of more casual outfits that I might wear to work, but I also might wear at home or I might wear the grocery store.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's kind of like figuring out the appropriate number of changes.
[SPEAKER_03]: I need a beach thing.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's been a challenge.
[SPEAKER_03]: And then yeah, and then now coming into summer, I have to salt for it all over again.
[SPEAKER_03]: So that was a very long-winded, but that is what it looks
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I like this.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think we're going to solve a lot of problems in this episode.
[SPEAKER_01]: My, like, as you're talking, I have less of the true need for grubby outdoor stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I have fewer seasonal changes where I live.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think, like I said, my biggest challenge is I think what I do is I wait.
[SPEAKER_01]: for an event.
[SPEAKER_01]: And by event, it could just be like, I'm meeting a friend or running an errand or I have something outside the house.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wait for that kind of impetus to put on a real outfit and the way my life and workers are right now, that might be twice a week.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so then I have these days where I'm like, in the live in the sloppy life, as you said, and I just doesn't feel great.
[SPEAKER_01]: So where I'd like to get is to
[SPEAKER_01]: to get dressed by 10 o'clock or something every day, like after a workout or whatever, regardless of whether anyone's gonna see said outfit.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I think we have slightly different focus areas we need to work on, but I think we're gonna, I think we're gonna solve it.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're gonna get on those, yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: So what type of outfits?
[SPEAKER_01]: are working for you when you put them together, and I'm thinking specifically about basically shopping our closets.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know we probably both have a few gaps to fill in that we need to, but I'm not talking about going shopping right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm talking about looking at what you have, what's working when you put together an outfit.
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, what's working?
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh.
[SPEAKER_03]: Nothing's working.
[SPEAKER_03]: No, I, I take it off so you need to go shopping.
[SPEAKER_03]: I get to go shopping.
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, maybe not.
[SPEAKER_03]: Maybe not.
[SPEAKER_03]: Maybe I actually need to remove some things.
[SPEAKER_03]: I think that this, this summer transition is proving to be a little tricky because what was working three weeks ago when.
[SPEAKER_03]: jeans and a long sleeve shirt with a cardigan over it or maybe like one of my thinner sweaters.
[SPEAKER_03]: That was great.
[SPEAKER_03]: That worked really well for three months.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I bet at the job three months now that was kind of my look or I have like a couple pair of slightly dressier trousers and those looked really nice with sweaters.
[SPEAKER_03]: So that was great.
[SPEAKER_03]: Sometimes I would layer address over leggings or thick tites and wear them with boots and I might wear my jean jacket or something like that.
[SPEAKER_03]: That also worked.
[SPEAKER_03]: Although I will say just putting a pin in this that the overlayer, the cardigan, is my weak link right now.
[SPEAKER_03]: So you can get back to that a little bit later.
[SPEAKER_03]: I think the transition to spring is going to mean
[SPEAKER_03]: How do I pair the pants?
[SPEAKER_03]: I have with the tops, I have and make it work.
[SPEAKER_03]: I have a lot of those like wide-legged linen pants that I love, but they can look very sporty.
[SPEAKER_03]: The way I've usually worn them, like I would usually wear them with sneakers and a t-shirt and or maybe a tank top if it was hot.
[SPEAKER_03]: So that's not, they're not thrilled about that look for the office.
[SPEAKER_03]: So what do I do instead?
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
[SPEAKER_03]: I have a lot of really cute dresses and I've kind of have a goal to wear more dresses because I think they're so comfy, but that also means having, you know, I'm working in a place with air conditioning.
[SPEAKER_03]: So I have to have layers, no matter what, and I just, like, because I bought those dresses thinking they would be for a garden party.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, I have some really cute
[SPEAKER_03]: kind of fit and flare pocket dresses with their floral.
[SPEAKER_03]: They're really, really cute and they're comfy.
[SPEAKER_03]: But if I had worn those to an afternoon outdoor event, I wouldn't have had to think about anything.
[SPEAKER_03]: I wouldn't have had to have any underlayer.
[SPEAKER_03]: I would have worn them as sandals.
[SPEAKER_03]: And then I wouldn't have had to wear anything on the top probably because it would have been warm.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm just in a, I'm getting, I'm leaving the house earlier.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not standing in the sun.
[SPEAKER_03]: So then what?
[SPEAKER_03]: How do I style it?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's almost like the denim jacket equivalent.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like what are the, you know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like the light summer jacket doesn't have to be a denim jacket, but that category.
[SPEAKER_03]: And how do I not just wear my denim jacket every single day?
[SPEAKER_03]: Because there have been days where or weeks where I feel like that's what's happening.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel like for me what's working right now is I think I've spent the last year to two, maybe year to year and a half, two years, focused on getting pants that are cute and that fit a little bit of midlife weight gain, not a lot, like just enough that pants like a size of pants going up a size in pants and then like you said
[SPEAKER_01]: Can't situation is pretty good and where I live that's 90% of the year there's there's very little like real like hot summer here and it doesn't happen till like September anyway So I have a I have a while for that so I feel like good about my jeans and also my shoes like the shoes that are pairing with the jeans I feel good about that so then in the winter then that would have been probably like a light sweater or a couple layers and now that it's getting warmer What I realized was like my t-shirt tank top
[SPEAKER_01]: situation was not good.
[SPEAKER_01]: It all fell into the live and sloppy category.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like maybe they were nicer t-shirts at some point, but now they're older, or it just feels like too casual for the look that I want to have out in the world.
[SPEAKER_01]: So...
[SPEAKER_01]: that's something I'm trying to focus on is what is the spring summer top I'm not talking about dressy we don't need like it doesn't need to be like a ladies who lunch look it could be very utilitarian very like minivan mom around town but just a little more thoughtful than a gray t-shirt that i've had since 2018 do you know what i mean so um it could even be a t-shirt it could be that i need i that i need two or three
[SPEAKER_03]: cute t-shirts that are up-to-date and like a stripe or uh yeah like we're not going to over correct and get super fancy but just something or something interesting over the T like I don't know what that would be either but maybe um the joke maybe the jewelry choice that you have or yeah maybe you're layering like you know those um
[SPEAKER_03]: This kind of like short sleeve sweatery things that kind of go over it.
[SPEAKER_03]: You wouldn't just wear them on their own.
[SPEAKER_03]: They would always go over a layer.
[SPEAKER_03]: They I can't even describe what I'm looking.
[SPEAKER_03]: They're like a sleeveless sweater and they kind of hang.
[SPEAKER_03]: They're like a little slouchy and hang.
[SPEAKER_03]: So that can be really cute.
[SPEAKER_03]: And so then you have you have the under layer that you would have anyway.
[SPEAKER_03]: And then you've got something over it that just elevates it a bit.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's definitely like or even like on more casual days like a really cute light weight sweatshirt, but but something that's thoughtfully chosen and again, not just like pulled from the bin.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's kind of where I am.
[SPEAKER_01]: I realized in defining it, I realized like, okay, from the waist down, I think I'm pretty good.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't need to buy anything.
[SPEAKER_01]: I need to actually just wear the things that I have, things fit, they look good, so it's definitely the tops that need.
[SPEAKER_01]: addressing and just like I said the actual discipline to put on the clothes, put on the hard pants regardless whether there's a need for them.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well since this is a mid-life lady podcast let's talk about changing style in our forties.
[SPEAKER_01]: What have been the biggest changes and I don't mean just you're working in an office but let's go back like five years like what have been the biggest changes to your style as you've moved through your forties.
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, it's very unfortunate how the silhouettes and my body have changed at the exact same time because it was really work.
[SPEAKER_03]: I've always been smaller on the bottom and bigger on top, meaning like not just my middle, which is where I carry weight, but also like my shoulders are bigger, my arms are bigger around the midlake.
[SPEAKER_03]: So I've always had thin to skinny legs, and so that sort of slouchy top.
[SPEAKER_03]: with the skinny jeans or leggings or whatever on the bottom really worked for me and it didn't yeah it just didn't take a lot of thought like I could just dress like that and it would look good but I didn't really have to give it much thought okay so now everything's reversing it's either
[SPEAKER_03]: small on top and big on the bottom which is not going to work for me like that's a teenager look anywhere young women's look i'm not going to wear crop shirts you know or like really really tight tops like i'm not that's past that i am finding that the nice thing about a relaxed fit gene and like a is that it's not just big in the leg but it actually gives you more room everywhere so i have bought a couple of relaxed fit straight leg jeans and they feel really good on because there's just bigger everywhere
[SPEAKER_03]: So they may accommodate the areas where I have extra padding, so to speak.
[SPEAKER_03]: But then it's like, okay, now what?
[SPEAKER_03]: What do I put on the top?
[SPEAKER_03]: What is I guess?
[SPEAKER_03]: What is the word I'm looking for, Sarah, speaking of midlife, losing words here?
[SPEAKER_03]: Like it's not structured, it's not skinny, but it's like, it kind of nips in a bit, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I have a couple of shirts that I feel like do that well.
[SPEAKER_03]: One is a tissue thin, I believe it was called a cashmere t-shirt.
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't even think it was marketed as a sweater that I got in quince.
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's warm enough that I can wear it on a cold day because it's wool.
[SPEAKER_03]: but it is very thin and not bulky at all.
[SPEAKER_03]: So it's almost like the fabric even matters.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like you don't want a bulky fabric and a big relaxed fit gene, at least I don't.
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't think it does me any favors to have that much baguiness going on.
[SPEAKER_01]: I agree.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm not sure.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I agree in general.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're like, yeah, you look terrible.
[SPEAKER_03]: No, I get yes for all of us.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: So there's that.
[SPEAKER_03]: So that is kind of where I wound up this year as my like, fall winter look was those sort of larger pants, whether they've the linen pants or the jeans or the trousers.
[SPEAKER_03]: And then a slightly more tailored fitted fit it.
[SPEAKER_03]: I think that's the word I was looking for, jeez.
[SPEAKER_03]: The other day I couldn't think of the word Sherlock was trying to tell Eric about the movie Sherlock or just like bring it up and it kept saying Shakespeare and it's like, you know Shakespeare, the British guy who solves crimes and he's looking at me like what are you talking about.
[SPEAKER_03]: So anyway, British guy who solves crimes, Shakespeare.
[SPEAKER_03]: Anyway, um...
[SPEAKER_03]: fit it on the top and then looser on the bottom.
[SPEAKER_03]: Now we're going into spring summer.
[SPEAKER_03]: How do I bring that silhouette into what I want to wear, which actually is probably a lot of dresses.
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, I really kind of can't.
[SPEAKER_03]: So that's where I have to kind of rethink it.
[SPEAKER_03]: And then.
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, this isn't really about changes to the style, but maybe a realization.
[SPEAKER_03]: I have made about the things I've been gravitating toward for the last few years.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, you and I've talked a lot about quince and how great it is for those basics.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I 100% stand by that.
[SPEAKER_03]: I think it's great.
[SPEAKER_03]: If you just need some basics and you want to pair jeans that are going to feel high quality,
[SPEAKER_03]: but not going to cost a lot or whatever sweater yeah if you want to try something new yeah to try a cashmere hoodie or satin sheets or something like yeah i feel like good for that too like oh like keep hearing about this luxury item i'm just going to see how it works for me yeah but what has happened is that i now have so many basics so many neutrals and dark colors that my wardrobe honestly feels a little depressing
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: So, depressing is maybe the wrong word, but there had been days where I thought, I just want to wear some color and I don't have any.
[SPEAKER_03]: So, or a pattern.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: Or pattern.
[SPEAKER_03]: So that could be some addressing.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, for me, if I'm thinking about changes to my style, yeah, I'm gonna agree that the silhouettes have changed and my, I'm the opposite of you.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm petite on top and I'm a little bit short and I've short legs, so I'm bigger on the bottom, like I don't have long thin legs.
[SPEAKER_01]: So for me, I feel like with the wider everything and the baggie or everything.
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like I kind of look short.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what it like I'm okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not all together Displeased with this.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was telling you this off the podcast the other day that like there is something very freeing about like
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just not really trying to look smaller than I am and I know like that's like an entire different topic about size and bodies and but I think right now when I look around at midlife women around me very stylish and confident-seeming midlife women.
[SPEAKER_01]: No one is trying to look like a size zero two or even four.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like everyone is just like wearing clothes that look interesting and this fit and I do feel like this is a
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm for sure there's still like advice out there about what is slimming and what is flattering and I get it But the clothes I'm seeing in real life around me are more just like is it interesting is it functional is it stylish and I don't feel like I look as
[SPEAKER_01]: little or as petite as I used to but I also kind of don't care and that is that is freeing and I do think that opens up different style choices where I was talking about tops and I'm moving a little bit away from basic teas and tanks like truly basic teas and tanks just would be the what I wore on top and then you throw a cardigan or a jean jacket or a hoodie on if you need one and I told you recently I'm like I think I need some like
[SPEAKER_01]: blouses or like a shambra assured or like a button up and those have never been a huge part of my wardrobe but I'm feeling like maybe they are going to be now so that's kind of those are the those are the positives but yes to everything you said about body changes and silhouette and silhouettes you know changing alongside it I totally agree I'm glad you said that though about
[SPEAKER_03]: dressing to look smaller not being the thing or at least moving in that direction.
[SPEAKER_03]: We hope it's not the thing or we're trying for it to not be the thing because when I think about like, okay, why did I feel that leggings and a blousey top?
[SPEAKER_03]: looked good on me.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's because it made my legs look skinny and it hit everything else.
[SPEAKER_03]: And if that's what you're going for, then yes, it's kind of a shocker to switch it around to be like, oh, now the place where I was, then looks big and the place where I was hiding my non-thinness, now just looks the way it, it just looks like it actually is representative of what it actually is.
[SPEAKER_03]: And this doesn't work anymore.
[SPEAKER_03]: but it still does work if it's what I'm going for.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like if, right, if what I want to do is look interesting or have some like cool pairing of something or look intentional or whatever, it is, we are dressing for different reasons, not everybody and of course you're still going to see super skinny models and celebrities maybe even increasingly like I've seen some really disturbing celebrity photos lately that I don't know why I'm suddenly being fed these particular people, but um,
[SPEAKER_03]: It's kind of shocking, actually, but for the most part when I look around, even when I see the way Clara and her friend stress, it's like, yeah, comfort first.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: And, you know,
[SPEAKER_03]: cuteness is wrapped up in comfort in a way and then like skininess is way down the way down.
[SPEAKER_03]: I actually had a, I went to that T festival and I sent you pictures because I decided to wear a dress that day for lots of reasons.
[SPEAKER_03]: One of which I was going to a T event, I wanted to look like a set of T, but also for comfort, I find dresses, I was taking the train
[SPEAKER_03]: to travel in.
[SPEAKER_03]: But at the last minute, I had to choose a layer, and it was a little chillier than I had expected.
[SPEAKER_03]: So I was going to wear my denim jacket, but I grabbed a big boxy pink cardigan instead.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I took a couple pictures of myself, and I was like, I look like a librarian or a kindergarten teacher or something.
[SPEAKER_03]: But who cares?
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, it was cute.
[SPEAKER_03]: It was comfy.
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not trying to attract men.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I'm not like, and like they would care anyway, but you know, just it was freeing.
[SPEAKER_03]: It was actually freeing to just think of it as like, do I like this pink and navy blue together?
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, I do.
[SPEAKER_03]: Do I think my sneakers look kind of cute with it?
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, I do.
[SPEAKER_03]: Do I like the fact this dress has pockets?
[SPEAKER_03]: Absolutely.
[SPEAKER_01]: Sure, do.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know.
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, is there anything else that we want any other grievances to air right now that we can solve on this on this episode?
[SPEAKER_01]: Any frustrations, fashion-wise?
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know that it's exactly a frustration, but definitely something I am working on.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I will say proactively and actively working on.
[SPEAKER_03]: I have made a few purchases recently that have helped with this.
[SPEAKER_03]: So whether it's my body or the clothing or what I'm trying to do,
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not as worried about size, but I want a smooth silhouette.
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't want things to be bumpy and lumpy, and I don't think, I mean, it is aesthetics, but I don't think it's necessarily like, I want to be skinny, I'm not, and I won't be, and that's fine.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's just like somehow the clothes I'm choosing now seem to show things that didn't used to be.
[SPEAKER_03]: So what I'm finding is that I need
[SPEAKER_03]: better underpinnings.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, they would say in the olden days.
[SPEAKER_03]: Also for comfort.
[SPEAKER_03]: If I'm going to be wearing dresses, I want my legs to not rub together ever.
[SPEAKER_03]: I want to be able to walk briskly and not feel like I'm getting thigh sweat, you know.
[SPEAKER_03]: So, and my bras, like I am really unwilling to compromise on comfort in my bras.
[SPEAKER_03]: I still want them to look okay, but I don't.
[SPEAKER_03]: I just underwires, I can only do for short periods of time and I've tried a whole bunch of different, I've changed my size, I've tried different brands and I can still wear them, I just don't really want to for like, like, I can't believe.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to.
[SPEAKER_03]: Why would I, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: Also don't want to go, so it sounds like actually what I'm talking about is like almost, it's instead of my frustrations, it's almost like my non-negotiables.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I want pockets.
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't want to go without pockets.
[SPEAKER_03]: The only time that I would really say, I'm sort of willing to go without pockets now would be if I'm wearing an evening dress or something, or something for an event where it's a super short limited period of time where I'll be carrying a bag as part of my look.
[SPEAKER_03]: I dress as most of the dresses I own now have pockets.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, my jeans all have good pockets.
[SPEAKER_03]: My leggings all have pockets.
[SPEAKER_03]: I just don't buy things that don't have pockets.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: Any more.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: So I don't know.
[SPEAKER_03]: Those are just sort of Other areas where I'm rounding out what I have or working on it.
[SPEAKER_03]: And as I mentioned before, my card again and over jacket is probably going to be the next.
[SPEAKER_03]: Next focus for me.
[SPEAKER_03]: Like maybe One or two brightly colored or interesting.
[SPEAKER_03]: layers that I can put over layers so that I can put, I think that that would actually expand my current wardrobe by a lot.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think the under the under things is a good reminder as you were talking.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, yeah, the every day bras that I have for regular outfits, not like lounge around or sports bras, but are like, oh, coming up on a decade, probably like you could.
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, and I, yeah, and when I gained weight and then those bras didn't work for me, the ones that had seemed so great, you know, they didn't fit, but then even when I tried to
[SPEAKER_03]: go up a size in that same bra.
[SPEAKER_03]: I was like, why are they still don't?
[SPEAKER_03]: It still doesn't work.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's because my body is changed and I'm more sensitive.
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't really want things rubbing under and in my boobs.
[SPEAKER_03]: I just don't want that feeling.
[SPEAKER_03]: I will throw out a quick nod to the company.
[SPEAKER_03]: size society I think is the name of the company they make um undershorts for dresses and they're great they it's really it makes a big difference okay having a pair of like they're they're called cooling shorts you can get them in different lengths and they just be also comfy like I could go for a straight up three or four mile hike and address with those shorts on underneath and I would be perfectly comfortable which is really what I'm going for yeah that's cool yeah
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, yeah, I feel like I kind of, I kind of touched on my my biggest frustration is actually the discipline and motivation to assemble an outfit.
[SPEAKER_01]: every day.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's actually it's not a problem of the clothing.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's more of like why are we getting dressed what for?
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think for me it's a little bit of a mindset shift of even if I see no one but my kids and my cats all day, I still can put something on that feels good in the morning.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we don't need to be live in the sloppy life.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know.
[SPEAKER_01]: 27.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's often as we are.
[SPEAKER_03]: So that's exactly the day, perhaps.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like the limits.
[SPEAKER_03]: Loppy life limit.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, or like a couple days a week, but not five out of seven.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's, that's I think where my first, not frustration, but um, opportunity.
[SPEAKER_01]: Opportunity.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a good opportunity.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Which, the good news is I think I have, I have the right close for me now.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just about wearing them.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, okay, last question.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's go forward and time out of our forties into our 50s or 60s.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know we like to joke on the side about like older ladies style that we aspire to.
[SPEAKER_01]: You sent me a very specific magazine photo the other day.
[SPEAKER_01]: So what do you envision for yourself or like even if it's just a vibe?
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe you never dress like this, but there's just like a vibe that you love.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, it's really hard for me because I like a lot of different kinds of vibes.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, right.
[SPEAKER_03]: And I don't know which one I'll settle into.
[SPEAKER_03]: Um, the lady who's picture.
[SPEAKER_03]: So I was just flipping through this magazine and there was this woman who's like a a Parisian art curator or something.
[SPEAKER_03]: I couldn't even really tell them the photo how old she was, but I did get the sense that she was probably in her 60s, but I really don't know, right?
[SPEAKER_03]: She was the picture was too small, I couldn't really see her face, but her outfit was like a long, long cardigan, like down to her ankle cardigan, over a skirt, a tucked-in shirt,
[SPEAKER_03]: and a belt and this very classy looking gold necklace.
[SPEAKER_03]: That was kind of it.
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, there wasn't really anything, yeah, that memorable about the outfit.
[SPEAKER_03]: But I thought she just looks like she got up and got dressed this morning.
[SPEAKER_03]: And probably she has a lot of outfits that look a lot like that.
[SPEAKER_03]: It just, you know, it's kind of like this, this cardigan layer is going to be the thing that pulls it all together.
[SPEAKER_03]: The belt is going to make it look neat in the middle.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, there you go, you know, I think I could pull that off with, um, there's another person I follow or a YouTube where I follow.
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, it's Jane, I'll link to her because she's kind of my style icon right now.
[SPEAKER_03]: And she is a middle-aged lady in England and she basically only wears dresses kind of like that fit and flare look colorful, very colorful.
[SPEAKER_03]: um and a cardigan.
[SPEAKER_03]: That's kind of her look like she just was all the time and I love that look for her and I mean she's a little older than me not tons but I'm kind of moving in that direction and it kind of could be someplace in the middle like maybe there's something about the
[SPEAKER_03]: I think that there's that streamlined look that I've always kind of thought looked pretty good on me like it's flattering for me to have something that looks kind of, I'm tall, you know, like something that kind of has that tall, long line, I feel like can look nice on me, but then also some color and personality in there and maybe something a little more whimsical could also add on and like
[SPEAKER_03]: where will glasses play into that I know I think about what about jewelry will I start wearing some signature piece of jewelry that right now is not even on my radar I don't know yeah I'm still working on it I don't know I know me too me it's like it's forming right and that's okay because you can dress differently at 50 then we do it 60 and then differently again at 70 and then differently again at 80
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, a hundred percent.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, mine is very fuzzy at this point if I have aspirations, but I feel like being back in my hometown, which is coastal California, I feel like there's like chunky nits and like witchy gray hair.
[SPEAKER_01]: Almost like professor vibes meets.
[SPEAKER_01]: writer vibes but in a very like lefty west coast kind of way.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I envision still jeans like jeans almost like jeans and sneakers but on like a 60 year old or a 65 or 70 and like expensive but casual chunky knit sweaters and cool glasses and
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, jewelry.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I don't know, mine is like, it's hazy.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it is definitely, I think, a little more casual than yours and a little more West Coast.
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, that's like, and don't you feel like,
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, well, this is a leading question.
[SPEAKER_03]: So let me rephrase it.
[SPEAKER_03]: I personally feel and I wonder if you agree that getting my hair figured out is going to be like 40% of this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, yeah, and we did the whole episode about our hair.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, too.
[SPEAKER_01]: But yes, I agree hair is a huge part of what we're picturing when we picture our later.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: On the days, my hair's not doing a thing, then I didn't really even matter what I wear.
[SPEAKER_03]: I still feel like it's sloppy days.
[SPEAKER_03]: So I live in that sloppy life.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't bring that up because we just did the hair episode, but that is they do.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's why I kind of wanted to tackle them both the season of the podcast is because they're very much intertwined.
[SPEAKER_01]: for me and I as I shared in that episode like I I really was like having low care confidence for a while and feeling a little better about it now but yeah it's it's so related for sure.
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_03]: Well this is fun.
[SPEAKER_03]: It's always inspiring to talk about and I feel like you know
[SPEAKER_03]: 85% of the people I see walking around are just people walking around that have days where they look really cute and pulled together and days where they look kind of sloppy and probably aren't and probably don't feel that confident in their look and maybe that's just a reminder that like we're all just people here.
[SPEAKER_03]: No, we have our, we're none of us are models and we're not we don't have huge budgets or personal stylists following us around dressing us so
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, it's okay, we can be both.
[SPEAKER_03]: We can have days where we dress up and look amazing and really cute all the time and then we can have days where we're just living that sloppy life.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and almost like, if there's a takeaway, like the baseline is just neutral.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not bad people for having bad outfit days.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if it's fun to get dressed, then it's fun.
[SPEAKER_01]: And otherwise, they're just close.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, there's no inherent moral feeling.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, everyone.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, just a reminder, you can find our expanded episode story with photos and links on Substack at midlife lady leisure pursuits.
[SPEAKER_01]: Substack.com.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's also where you'll find the special page.
[SPEAKER_01]: We've set up with some of our favorite vionic styles.
[SPEAKER_01]: Use the promo code midlife at vionicshoes.com for 15% off.
[SPEAKER_03]: Thanks for being here, everybody.
[SPEAKER_03]: We'll talk to you soon.