WEBVTT 00:00.512 --> 00:03.975 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, so welcome back to the brown girl self-care podcast. 00:04.075 --> 00:21.355 [SPEAKER_00]: My name is Bree and I am the host of this show I want to welcome you back if this is You know your your returning sister you've been listening for a minute I'm so glad that you're still with me and If this is your first time watching me, yes, because this is on Spotify on video 00:21.855 --> 00:28.141 [SPEAKER_00]: Or if this is your first time listening to me, wherever you're listening to your podcast, I just want to invite you and say welcome. 00:28.241 --> 00:30.724 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so glad that you, that you also are here. 00:31.324 --> 00:39.352 [SPEAKER_00]: So yes, I am definitely fully back after taking a very lengthy time away. 00:39.452 --> 00:40.913 [SPEAKER_00]: I need a time to just decompress. 00:41.694 --> 00:47.438 [SPEAKER_00]: To wrap my head around some things that are going on in my life right now, and I likely will share these things. 00:49.699 --> 00:50.760 [SPEAKER_00]: Probably very soon. 00:50.820 --> 00:52.661 [SPEAKER_00]: I just want to figure out how to do it. 00:53.562 --> 00:54.563 [SPEAKER_00]: So where it makes sense. 00:57.264 --> 01:06.691 [SPEAKER_00]: But in any case, I just want to talk to you today about getting tongue tied derailment versus alignment. 01:07.824 --> 01:14.730 [SPEAKER_00]: derelment versus alignment because I had something happen very recently that once I went through it and it was nothing major. 01:14.750 --> 01:17.112 [SPEAKER_00]: It was just something that caused me to pause. 01:17.672 --> 01:25.779 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes we need to cause the pause something caused me to pause and be like, girl, what are we doing right now? 01:25.919 --> 01:35.867 [SPEAKER_00]: So I want to share this with you because I feel like for a lot of us who have experienced like childhood trauma. 01:37.406 --> 01:52.785 [SPEAKER_00]: There are times where we, and we kind of talked about this before, but there are times where we just, maybe it's, well, not maybe, I know it's a lot has to do with like the trauma, and how we process that trauma, and just the things that we've gone through, you know. 01:54.107 --> 01:56.350 [SPEAKER_00]: But there are times where we just, 01:58.688 --> 02:02.750 [SPEAKER_00]: take ourselves out of the bigger vision that we have for our life. 02:03.150 --> 02:09.052 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe we do out of fear, maybe we just do it out of this idea of what we feel like we deserve, even though we don't really think of it that way. 02:09.852 --> 02:21.097 [SPEAKER_00]: There's probably several reasons, but we kind of take ourselves off the path of this larger vision that we say that we want to have or that we have for ourselves that we say we want to have for our lives. 02:22.237 --> 02:33.467 [SPEAKER_00]: And it could be like the smallest little thing and we just kind of cling to this thing, even though, when you really think about it, when you pause, when there's a cause for the pause, you think about it. 02:33.487 --> 02:36.690 [SPEAKER_00]: You're just like, uh, that's not really what I want. 02:37.851 --> 02:38.712 [SPEAKER_00]: Why am I doing this? 02:39.192 --> 02:40.353 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's okay to question. 02:41.092 --> 02:48.635 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, a lot of times, as we've said many times, it's so easy to run our lives on autopilot. 02:48.675 --> 02:53.518 [SPEAKER_00]: Excuse me, I'm a little tongue-type day, so bear with me, but it's so easy to run our lives on autopilot. 02:54.458 --> 03:08.825 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is why there must be time in our day, in our week, in our month, to reflect, to pause, to think, to process versus just continue to be on autopilot because it's so easy for life, 03:11.700 --> 03:14.484 [SPEAKER_00]: pass us by and we look up and we're like, what the hell just happened? 03:15.566 --> 03:17.428 [SPEAKER_00]: A decade ago, I said, I wanted this from my life. 03:18.089 --> 03:20.493 [SPEAKER_00]: Five months ago, I said, I wanted this from my life or that from my life. 03:20.613 --> 03:21.414 [SPEAKER_00]: This is what I wanted to do. 03:21.534 --> 03:25.079 [SPEAKER_00]: This is who I wanted to become or this is how I wanted to bloom or this is what I had. 03:25.460 --> 03:27.403 [SPEAKER_00]: Like this is the bigger picture I have from my life. 03:27.483 --> 03:27.563 [SPEAKER_00]: And 03:28.284 --> 03:29.545 [SPEAKER_00]: things are not unfolding that way. 03:29.585 --> 03:30.765 [SPEAKER_00]: What happened? 03:30.805 --> 03:36.188 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's because we get into the space where we're allowing things to derail us for one reason or another. 03:36.508 --> 03:38.249 [SPEAKER_00]: I've done this a million times. 03:38.309 --> 03:42.031 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like you're fighting for that thing that derails you. 03:42.471 --> 03:43.712 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's just wild to me. 03:43.932 --> 03:46.633 [SPEAKER_00]: I know I cannot be the only one. 03:47.093 --> 03:48.534 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, let me set the stage here. 03:48.554 --> 03:53.837 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me set the scene because again, it's not a crazy crazy thing, but it was kind of crazy to me. 03:53.857 --> 03:54.097 [SPEAKER_00]: Like 03:57.239 --> 03:58.100 [SPEAKER_00]: Wake up, okay? 03:58.660 --> 04:07.873 [SPEAKER_00]: So as you know, or if you're if you've never listened to the show or if you've missed several episodes I mentioned before recently that I now and work in a retail job girl. 04:08.013 --> 04:10.156 [SPEAKER_00]: I worked retail in since like 04:11.387 --> 04:23.678 [SPEAKER_00]: I haven't worked retail, probably since like the 90s, possibly somewhere in there, I'm guessing are the early 2000s maybe, something like that. 04:23.738 --> 04:29.443 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's been a minute and it's rough out there in these service customer service streets. 04:29.503 --> 04:30.884 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the whole other conversation, okay? 04:31.444 --> 04:36.409 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, so we're going to retail job and I've been there for several months now. 04:38.770 --> 04:46.501 [SPEAKER_00]: And as much as this pipe dream is that I had in my mind that this was going to be a place where I could stay for a few years and you don't get the insurance. 04:46.601 --> 04:51.287 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, start rebuilding my 401k because girl, I'd drain my 401k again. 04:51.367 --> 04:52.429 [SPEAKER_00]: That's another conversation. 04:52.449 --> 04:53.751 [SPEAKER_00]: We talked about that already in the podcast. 04:53.771 --> 04:54.071 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure. 04:54.952 --> 05:11.416 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, just all these things, even though in my mind, I already knew like this was not a place necessarily that I wanted to land long term, but I was just like, you know, let me give it a few years because you know, I'm still rebuilding the podcast as mother things, you know, have these other goals and stuff like that. 05:11.896 --> 05:21.359 [SPEAKER_00]: So in conjunction with what I'm doing with the podcast, let me see how I can just make sure the money is steady because podcasting and other forms of like, 05:22.376 --> 05:29.824 [SPEAKER_00]: social media like being a youtuber or whatever, the money can be good, but it's it's not always consistent. 05:30.385 --> 05:31.586 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not always consistent. 05:31.606 --> 05:37.132 [SPEAKER_00]: So one month you might make x, the next month it might be y, the month after that it could be z, you know what I mean? 05:37.152 --> 05:41.397 [SPEAKER_00]: So I was like, well, let me go on and get this retail job because you know, rain is due baby. 05:41.937 --> 05:44.040 [SPEAKER_00]: Rain is due on the first every month, and I like to eat. 05:44.878 --> 05:53.185 [SPEAKER_00]: I like to eat, I like to have lights on, I like to watch TV, I like those things, I like those things. 05:53.345 --> 05:58.170 [SPEAKER_00]: So let me go out here because the money wasn't money for the last year or so, anyway. 06:00.268 --> 06:01.709 [SPEAKER_00]: Is this why y'all said I'd be talking too much? 06:01.909 --> 06:02.290 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know. 06:02.610 --> 06:07.074 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, girl, so got this retell job a few months ago. 06:07.134 --> 06:09.976 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm just like, I know this is not where a breed wants to be forever. 06:10.056 --> 06:16.621 [SPEAKER_00]: But let me get this money as long as they treat me right and you know, whatever, I'm going to be fine for maybe a couple of years, maybe. 06:17.022 --> 06:18.323 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, maybe a couple of years. 06:18.403 --> 06:24.628 [SPEAKER_00]: I can rock this out, you know, whatever, but I have come to the realization that this ain't for me. 06:26.295 --> 06:31.519 [SPEAKER_00]: at least not this job and like I think I said in the last episode, it's okay to move around. 06:32.720 --> 06:35.783 [SPEAKER_00]: It's okay to move around, do what you got to do. 06:36.864 --> 06:45.991 [SPEAKER_00]: It ain't about staying at a job for another 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years anymore, that ain't that's not, you know, generally, it's okay to move around. 06:47.727 --> 07:13.543 [SPEAKER_00]: Even though that's not what our mom and daddy told us back today, it's okay to move around now because there's typically generally speaking there's no sense of loyalty for many of these jobs, okay, we know that especially not for black women historically, okay, they they don't they don't care a lot of times, all right, and so anyway, so I'm working as job and I'm just like, okay, this ain't for me, this ain't for me, and I have a goal in mind. 07:14.102 --> 07:42.470 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I have a goal in mind of when I am going to be turning to my my my resignation, I will not make it two years because the writings on the wall and you know as the saying goals we're not you're not a tree or whatever the saying is you don't have to like you can get up and move you can get up and leave and that's what I'm going to do I'm prioritizing myself in this way. 07:44.062 --> 07:48.064 [SPEAKER_00]: And so with that said, here's the thing, here's what I did. 07:48.864 --> 07:57.088 [SPEAKER_00]: So I don't know if this was on my off day or what, but a few weeks a couple weeks ago, or recently, maybe it was an off day. 07:57.568 --> 08:06.792 [SPEAKER_00]: I had to go and get some things and coincidentally, there's another location for this retail job. 08:09.168 --> 08:10.531 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's the one I went into. 08:10.551 --> 08:13.980 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, not not the one where I work with, but I went to another one. 08:16.582 --> 08:22.926 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm picking out some things I want to buy and I was like, well, this location is closer to me. 08:23.966 --> 08:25.367 [SPEAKER_00]: This location is closer to me. 08:26.308 --> 08:34.812 [SPEAKER_00]: So let me see if they are like allowing transfers or hiring or whatever, because this location is closer to me. 08:36.033 --> 08:42.336 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, y'all, I spent probably about 20 minutes trying to get 08:43.894 --> 08:45.955 [SPEAKER_00]: about this location while I was there. 08:46.495 --> 08:52.778 [SPEAKER_00]: So I talked to like one of the ladies there and she was like, oh, let me go get, let's call her Joanna. 08:53.679 --> 08:56.320 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me go get Joanna, she's over that department. 08:57.021 --> 09:03.364 [SPEAKER_00]: And she can let you know and blah, blah, blah, blah and then she came back like 10 minutes later, bless her heart. 09:03.784 --> 09:11.408 [SPEAKER_00]: And she was like, you know, I can't find Joanna, but she's around here somewhere and so y'all for another 15 minutes, I'm going back and forth. 09:12.652 --> 09:16.697 [SPEAKER_00]: in this store, looking for Joanne, okay? 09:16.757 --> 09:28.850 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm looking, I'm looking high, I'm looking low because in my mind, I'm just like, let me try to, let me try to get in where I fit in, okay? 09:29.628 --> 09:55.588 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me let me try to get in where I fit in right and so let's say it took like 20 30 minutes overall Because I did have to get a couple of things right but when I got back to because I was not able to find Joanna I don't know I don't know where Joanna was but when I got back to the go when I got back to the car I started like I pushed the button to start my car and then it was like boom like it hit me like Girl, what are you doing? 09:56.983 --> 09:57.824 [SPEAKER_00]: What are you doing? 09:57.984 --> 10:20.185 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, you already know, like, after all that, I was doing trying to figure out, like, how, like, can I get in here, like, are y'all hiring, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, because there is a small amount of, even though all the things that I dislike, there's something that connects me to it and that it's closer to home. 10:21.338 --> 10:21.718 [SPEAKER_00]: That's it. 10:22.799 --> 10:44.229 [SPEAKER_00]: And so the moment that I had in the car was when I started the car, I couldn't even pull off because I instantly felt in my spirit, like, girl, why are you fighting for this blatant, this clear, this very obvious to everyone, but obviously not you Captain obvious, why are you fighting for this derailment? 10:44.889 --> 10:49.812 [SPEAKER_00]: When instead, you should be continuing to be in alignment 10:50.723 --> 10:59.445 [SPEAKER_00]: with your vision, why are you fighting so hard for this obvious derailment? 10:59.465 --> 11:02.106 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, why are you clinging to this derailment? 11:02.686 --> 11:12.088 [SPEAKER_00]: So hard, you already said a part of your bigger vision is to leave by a certain date to find something else 11:13.128 --> 11:34.461 [SPEAKER_00]: between now and a certain date that is going to pay more and you can work a little less and see if the culture fits enough to where you can stay there for a couple, at least a couple years, if not longer, if you really like it, just to make some part-time income, the I'll know I'm trying to have more than two income streams. 11:34.801 --> 11:39.383 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, why, when you already know what the culture is 11:42.523 --> 11:44.563 [SPEAKER_00]: You already know they play games. 11:45.183 --> 11:47.264 [SPEAKER_00]: You already know that it's all about them. 11:47.664 --> 11:54.745 [SPEAKER_00]: You already know they do not prioritize their employees, at least not the P ons and doing that in air quotes, because I'm not a P on, baby. 11:54.765 --> 11:55.345 [SPEAKER_00]: And neither are you. 11:56.085 --> 12:00.866 [SPEAKER_00]: But that's just the vibe, you know, that you are a P on. 12:01.526 --> 12:02.767 [SPEAKER_00]: You are just a body. 12:04.227 --> 12:06.207 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the culture there, basically. 12:06.247 --> 12:06.967 [SPEAKER_00]: You just a body. 12:07.107 --> 12:08.628 [SPEAKER_00]: Unless you're like a higher up, you're just a body. 12:11.179 --> 12:15.100 [SPEAKER_00]: and your needs and the thing, like none of that matters. 12:15.140 --> 12:21.681 [SPEAKER_00]: You are a body that we pay to do this labor, stringuous, by the way, and that's it. 12:23.882 --> 12:24.262 [SPEAKER_00]: That's it. 12:25.742 --> 12:27.142 [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you fighting so hard for that? 12:28.643 --> 12:39.645 [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you fighting so hard to remain with this company just because it's a little bit closer to your house or a little bit closer? 12:41.592 --> 12:45.094 [SPEAKER_00]: then the other location like make that make sense. 12:45.794 --> 12:47.395 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like you know long term. 12:47.435 --> 12:48.776 [SPEAKER_00]: This is not for you. 12:49.757 --> 12:53.719 [SPEAKER_00]: You know that long term, you have a specific vision for your life. 12:55.019 --> 12:58.841 [SPEAKER_00]: You know that long term, this ain't it, chief. 13:01.123 --> 13:05.125 [SPEAKER_00]: So why are you fighting so hard for the derailment? 13:06.478 --> 13:06.898 [SPEAKER_00]: Why? 13:07.659 --> 13:10.300 [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you fighting so hard to stay attached? 13:11.320 --> 13:26.367 [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you fighting so hard to make this place relevant in your life when you know that it literally is just a it's just for a season. 13:27.526 --> 13:30.629 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's it, like, where, what's going on? 13:30.689 --> 13:32.850 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, why are you fighting so hard for this? 13:33.911 --> 13:37.174 [SPEAKER_00]: Just to stay in this position. 13:37.554 --> 13:50.085 [SPEAKER_00]: And again, it was just like this thought that hit me is that I am intentionally intentionally kind of like a form of self-sabotage. 13:50.105 --> 13:52.707 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what it felt like when I thought about it. 13:53.247 --> 13:56.030 [SPEAKER_00]: But it was like, why are you intentionally derailing? 13:57.455 --> 14:08.977 [SPEAKER_00]: Instead of a line, look, look, stay in a line and actually, yeah, I, I'm going to back that back that up like it is self sabotage. 14:11.578 --> 14:13.938 [SPEAKER_00]: It is self sabotage to me, it is. 14:16.438 --> 14:24.740 [SPEAKER_00]: Why, okay, so I want to read, I'm kind of looking at my notes here, but you know, 14:26.672 --> 14:43.947 [SPEAKER_00]: hunting down Joanna really is like a form of you know how we we do things and it's like we give this air of like we're productive we're busy we're we're we're pushing we talked about that last week are you a pusher or are you driving 14:44.777 --> 15:08.093 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you pushing or are you driving, it's like you're pushing, you're, you're in action, you're doing something you're moving forward, you're, you're, you know what I'm saying, like you're, you're, you're hunting down, you're the hunter, you're inquiry, you're chasing Joanna down, like really trying to get answers and figure out and like all that stuff, but it's really just a way to, uh, kind of like, 15:10.221 --> 15:12.764 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like it's a way for us or at least I'll speak for me. 15:12.784 --> 15:27.002 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like it's a way for me doing that is a way for me to kind of like put the vision kind of like to the side and kind of be like, oh, it's good, like in your mind, like you have this vision and it sounds good. 15:27.623 --> 15:39.354 [SPEAKER_00]: to say that it sounds great to say I have a vision I have these goals or whatever and some of them are a little scary or some of them are a lot scary, but just be able to kind of like puff your chest up like all I have these goals. 15:40.675 --> 15:44.479 [SPEAKER_00]: So in case someone asks you like oh yeah, I wanna do this, I wanna do that, that it it up. 15:44.819 --> 15:45.940 [SPEAKER_00]: Like how many times have we done that? 15:46.480 --> 15:51.145 [SPEAKER_00]: Where we have these big goals and it sounds impressive, sounds amazing. 15:52.094 --> 16:10.736 [SPEAKER_00]: but we do things as, again, I'll say self-sat in a self-sabotaging way that push them further out and we cling to things that really are for us only for a time or for a season or in some cases, honey, they're not for us at all. 16:12.476 --> 16:14.798 [SPEAKER_00]: for one reason, they're literally just a distraction. 16:15.238 --> 16:17.600 [SPEAKER_00]: They're not for us at all, you know? 16:18.321 --> 16:33.834 [SPEAKER_00]: And what I was doing was basically like this, I was trying to justify or like make the uncomfortable comfortable by saying, even though I know in my mind, like I've already decided, like this is no longer for me after a certain date. 16:34.674 --> 16:37.397 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I have X amount of days to really like, 16:40.518 --> 16:47.184 [SPEAKER_00]: move towards this goal that I have so that I can part ways with this company. 16:48.826 --> 16:53.950 [SPEAKER_00]: But it's like because it's closer to home, you know, it's just that little bit of comfort. 16:54.849 --> 17:11.815 [SPEAKER_00]: If I had a little bit of comfort, it's like we lean into that whatever it is for me, it was just like little less driving, it's a little more comfortable, you know, even though I don't want to be there it's a little more comfortable so that's something right right it's good right like you're trying to justify it basically just to find. 17:13.654 --> 17:19.456 [SPEAKER_00]: a way to keep your vision on, excuse me, just to find a way to keep your vision on hold. 17:19.496 --> 17:22.537 [SPEAKER_00]: Just to find a way to keep you small. 17:22.577 --> 17:25.458 [SPEAKER_00]: Just to find a way to, 17:28.073 --> 17:42.447 [SPEAKER_00]: really not allow yourself to step into your next, to unfold more, to bloom more, to stop shrinking as much, to get what you deserve or go after what you deserve or align with what you deserve. 17:42.507 --> 17:43.107 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean? 17:43.167 --> 17:43.968 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just another way. 17:44.248 --> 17:49.313 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, I feel like I'm just playing safe at that point. 17:50.845 --> 17:58.061 [SPEAKER_00]: at that moment, even though I wasn't thinking about it that way when I was trying to find Joanna, whatever her name was, it wasn't Joanna, but um... 17:59.908 --> 18:05.173 [SPEAKER_00]: thinking back on it's like, I, to me, it's just again, it's like a form of self-sabotage. 18:05.233 --> 18:12.699 [SPEAKER_00]: That's, out of fear of, you know, I've said, I've said, I wanna do these things. 18:12.840 --> 18:14.701 [SPEAKER_00]: I know that I am worth more than this. 18:15.262 --> 18:18.925 [SPEAKER_00]: I know that my labor is worth more than this, like whatever. 18:22.728 --> 18:26.352 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like I'm just, like, sleeping on myself. 18:27.614 --> 18:43.285 [SPEAKER_00]: for comfort, for a closer commute, you know, because, and you know, something like sometimes we get derailed and we are in places much longer than we were supposed to be or what was ever intended for us. 18:45.090 --> 18:46.710 [SPEAKER_00]: How many times has that happened to you? 18:46.771 --> 18:51.112 [SPEAKER_00]: It happened to me several times over the course of my life. 18:51.452 --> 19:07.077 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, but just trying to justify this shrinking down, this like playing ourselves small or not, 19:08.940 --> 19:14.462 [SPEAKER_00]: stepping into our faith or our beliefs or what we are actually worth, you know? 19:15.942 --> 19:22.405 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's like we try to redecorate a space we are meant to leave or we try to like I'm watching a show. 19:22.705 --> 19:23.725 [SPEAKER_00]: What's it called? 19:25.766 --> 19:29.147 [SPEAKER_00]: Married at first sight season 18 I think it is child. 19:30.267 --> 19:34.469 [SPEAKER_00]: I haven't finished it yet, but if you are a watching or if you have watched, I think their names 19:39.356 --> 19:45.339 [SPEAKER_00]: with the curly ponytail that I just want to cut off for some reason and then the blonde chick. 19:45.940 --> 19:48.101 [SPEAKER_00]: Clearly, there's no way in hell. 19:48.121 --> 19:51.703 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope it's not a spoiler, but there should be pretty obvious, I don't know. 19:52.543 --> 19:55.465 [SPEAKER_00]: They're not gonna stay together at the end of the episode, or at the end of the relationship. 19:55.485 --> 20:05.850 [SPEAKER_00]: There's no way in hell, unless there is a miracle, there is no way that they are going to end up together at the end of this season, at the end of this show. 20:08.877 --> 20:22.001 [SPEAKER_00]: what they are doing is like the last episode I saw is them going like clothes shopping, you know, so instead of redecorating a space that you know what's out of good fit, she's like judging him up. 20:22.381 --> 20:24.062 [SPEAKER_00]: Like what did I say, putting lipstick on a pig? 20:24.142 --> 20:25.142 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not calling him a pig. 20:25.762 --> 20:26.942 [SPEAKER_00]: But that was what came to mind. 20:26.962 --> 20:29.603 [SPEAKER_00]: Like putting lipstick on a pig just to say, you know what I'm saying? 20:29.623 --> 20:30.043 [SPEAKER_00]: Like trying to 20:36.627 --> 20:38.128 [SPEAKER_00]: I understand they have a commitment. 20:38.928 --> 20:39.768 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a contract. 20:39.808 --> 20:42.009 [SPEAKER_00]: They gotta do the show, I guess, or whatever. 20:42.069 --> 20:42.950 [SPEAKER_00]: So I get it. 20:43.570 --> 20:46.991 [SPEAKER_00]: And they said that they were gonna, they said they were gonna try their best. 20:47.011 --> 21:02.438 [SPEAKER_00]: I understand that, but at the point I'm trying to make is that in your gut, in your spirit, you're in the wishing you know in a situation, a space, a person, a community, a job, whatever. 21:03.693 --> 21:10.798 [SPEAKER_00]: is not for you, but we try to find ways to make like we force it to be for us sometimes. 21:10.839 --> 21:12.180 [SPEAKER_00]: We force it to be for us. 21:12.560 --> 21:27.191 [SPEAKER_00]: And when we do that, the more we force, the more we shrink ourselves, the more we force, the more we downplay the vision that we have for our lives. 21:30.070 --> 21:40.946 [SPEAKER_00]: you feel me so we know they're not going to be together but she's like taking him close shopping and trying to make him cuter to her and it's just not going to work. 21:41.707 --> 21:44.651 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not going to work but you know it's 21:46.871 --> 21:47.231 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know. 21:47.251 --> 21:51.213 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just like we do things to make situations more comfortable. 21:51.253 --> 22:11.523 [SPEAKER_00]: We do things to make things people places things more palatable or sometimes we do things to ourselves to make ourselves more palatable for whatever the conditions or the people are, you know, for whatever reason, but it is not like you know when something is not for you. 22:13.185 --> 22:32.144 [SPEAKER_00]: or you know when you've already said these are the goals that I have and I'm moving towards that and you know that if you do something that's not in alignment with that, it's like a derailment, it's like a side track, your side stepping, where you're trying to go. 22:33.685 --> 22:34.746 [SPEAKER_00]: You follow what I'm saying? 22:40.064 --> 22:51.791 [SPEAKER_00]: There is definitely a need for safety, you know, I know my mind, like I said before, or if I didn't say that, like my mind, it, it, our minds are just wired for safety. 22:53.118 --> 22:56.120 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it will cause us to do some things. 22:56.521 --> 23:13.054 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's why we really need to make sure that we are intentional about our lives, we are intentional about the directions that we're headed in, we're intentional about being in the driver's seats of our lives, especially. 23:13.762 --> 23:33.495 [SPEAKER_00]: if you have like childhood trauma or CPSD, you know what I'm saying and you're in a place of healing, of growing through what you had to survive because a lot of times survival for us again, it meant shrinking, it meant finding, it meant people pleasing, it meant that 23:34.196 --> 23:38.017 [SPEAKER_00]: having to put our, like, what's it called, not dissociate? 23:38.197 --> 23:47.640 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, but having to, like, kind of like put ourselves aside for the greater quote unquote good of the situation that we were in, so that we could survive. 23:48.401 --> 23:57.383 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, some of us had to do a lot of stuff that literally killed us inside, that we could survive, right? 23:57.944 --> 24:01.885 [SPEAKER_00]: And so now as full adult, you know, grown women, 24:03.233 --> 24:11.898 [SPEAKER_00]: for some of us, the first time we've had an opportunity to really break out of that space that we were in and it can be very scary. 24:12.838 --> 24:16.120 [SPEAKER_00]: It can be, it can feel hard, it can be very scary. 24:16.480 --> 24:19.682 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes we, our mind is like, oh, that's little too much. 24:20.342 --> 24:21.262 [SPEAKER_00]: That's little too much. 24:21.322 --> 24:22.043 [SPEAKER_00]: That's not safe. 24:22.914 --> 24:25.815 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's figure something else out, you know what I mean? 24:25.895 --> 24:28.515 [SPEAKER_00]: That vision, that goal, that dream is way too big. 24:28.535 --> 24:29.656 [SPEAKER_00]: You ain't never done that like that before. 24:30.296 --> 24:31.396 [SPEAKER_00]: It's way too big. 24:32.016 --> 24:33.757 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's, nah, that ain't for you. 24:33.877 --> 24:35.097 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's step on off to the side. 24:35.137 --> 24:37.358 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, no, you know. 24:38.158 --> 24:42.099 [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes we just, even a little bit of something is better than nothing. 24:42.948 --> 24:53.355 [SPEAKER_00]: We get that in our minds too, a little a little something is better than possibly nothing, you know, possibly none of what we want, you know, so I better just take what I can get. 24:53.375 --> 24:57.678 [SPEAKER_00]: I did that before many times to go girl, we didn't talk about this on the podcast. 24:57.838 --> 24:59.179 [SPEAKER_00]: I have done that before as well. 24:59.199 --> 25:02.521 [SPEAKER_00]: And I know some of you are not in your heads right now saying, girl, me too. 25:03.682 --> 25:05.543 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to live my life that way anymore. 25:05.623 --> 25:08.765 [SPEAKER_00]: I am in my decade of five fifth decade. 25:09.729 --> 25:12.891 [SPEAKER_00]: And I literally, like, the gloves are off. 25:12.951 --> 25:16.553 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't have time, we don't have time. 25:16.693 --> 25:22.716 [SPEAKER_00]: Regardless of your age, we ain't got time to be, you know, wasting it on shenanigans, okay? 25:22.876 --> 25:24.277 [SPEAKER_00]: We ain't anybody got time for that? 25:24.797 --> 25:28.859 [SPEAKER_00]: Especially not me, I want decade five to be the best. 25:29.927 --> 25:35.289 [SPEAKER_00]: decade of my life until I hit decade six and I want decade six to be the best decade. 25:35.609 --> 25:40.470 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I'm saying, but I, I want decade five to be the absolute best. 25:41.090 --> 25:54.714 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean healing, glowing skin, healthy, building wealth, doing this podcast and growing really growing into the podcast, you know what I'm saying and beyond. 25:58.455 --> 26:04.057 [SPEAKER_00]: having fun, just I really want this decade to be my best decade yet. 26:05.458 --> 26:18.022 [SPEAKER_00]: And with derailment, I'll look up, and I'll be in my sixth decade, wondering what they'll happen, why did I play so small, why did I not go for my visions, even if I didn't, even if I didn't hit them, you know what I'm saying? 26:18.042 --> 26:24.464 [SPEAKER_00]: At least, sup, like when you have goals and visions, even if you don't always necessarily hit them 26:27.065 --> 26:30.566 [SPEAKER_00]: you moved in that direction, if you did so, you know what I'm saying? 26:30.586 --> 26:37.128 [SPEAKER_00]: You moved in that direction and you cannot fail when you are moving in that direction because things are going to pop off. 26:38.748 --> 26:44.910 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe not exactly the way or maybe not that exact target, but things will pop off, you know what I'm saying? 26:46.010 --> 26:48.171 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to drill myself. 26:48.771 --> 26:54.612 [SPEAKER_00]: So no, when I got to the car, I put that aside, like I was like 26:57.427 --> 26:57.907 [SPEAKER_00]: Why? 26:58.848 --> 27:03.509 [SPEAKER_00]: When I already know this is not a part of the bigger vision that I have for my life. 27:04.310 --> 27:04.790 [SPEAKER_00]: Why? 27:05.650 --> 27:07.071 [SPEAKER_00]: Why Joanne and why? 27:07.931 --> 27:15.114 [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, I don't want to play it safe or or it'd be like, any, well, at least I got a job like anything is better than nothing. 27:15.474 --> 27:17.775 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, hear my heart. 27:18.359 --> 27:24.304 [SPEAKER_00]: There are times when we are struggling and sometimes you just have to take something, you know what I'm saying? 27:24.484 --> 27:25.224 [SPEAKER_00]: And I get that. 27:26.005 --> 27:36.453 [SPEAKER_00]: But the thing for me is like, you have to think about once you're kind of like your stable and or you see other opportunities. 27:46.598 --> 27:48.719 [SPEAKER_00]: because there's not always growth in comfort. 27:49.460 --> 27:54.623 [SPEAKER_00]: There's definitely no growth in playing small. 27:56.644 --> 27:57.144 [SPEAKER_00]: You feel me? 27:59.025 --> 28:04.808 [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, we have to really think about our needs. 28:05.489 --> 28:09.051 [SPEAKER_00]: We have to really think about the things that we actually matter to us. 28:10.292 --> 28:14.354 [SPEAKER_00]: It's no longer about, it's no longer about the bare minimum. 28:15.249 --> 28:20.851 [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of us did bare minimum when we were younger, we didn't have a choice. 28:20.951 --> 28:22.171 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what was given to us. 28:22.211 --> 28:23.011 [SPEAKER_00]: That was the platter. 28:23.331 --> 28:28.453 [SPEAKER_00]: Like the bare minimum is what was served on the platter that we had to eat from every single night. 28:29.973 --> 28:34.494 [SPEAKER_00]: The bare minimum was the life that we were given or born into for some of us. 28:34.614 --> 28:41.216 [SPEAKER_00]: The bare minimum, the bare minimum, bare minimum of love, the bare minimum of support, the bare minimum of money, 28:44.955 --> 29:00.162 [SPEAKER_00]: Just the bare minimum, just enough to scrape by like the bare minimum of emotional maturity from the people around you, like the bare minimum of whatever, you know, but we can choose different like we don't have to have that anymore. 29:01.063 --> 29:08.606 [SPEAKER_00]: We don't have to just cling to something because that's a little it's a little better in this one space, but the rest of it is still trash. 29:11.628 --> 29:12.288 [SPEAKER_00]: We can do that. 29:13.629 --> 29:15.329 [SPEAKER_00]: We don't, we don't have to do that anymore. 29:15.790 --> 29:16.390 [SPEAKER_00]: Right? 29:16.510 --> 29:32.734 [SPEAKER_00]: We are allowed to have these visions and goals for our lives that are bigger, that are even juicier, that are sweeter, that are more rewarding, that are more joyful, that are more abundant, that are more pleasing. 29:33.534 --> 29:33.854 [SPEAKER_00]: Right? 29:34.434 --> 29:35.614 [SPEAKER_00]: We're allowed to have that. 29:36.475 --> 29:40.516 [SPEAKER_00]: And if we bear a minimum ourselves for everything, it's like, we'll 29:43.353 --> 29:44.554 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want that, right? 29:46.815 --> 29:49.356 [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, I do believe that's a safety thing. 29:49.396 --> 29:55.800 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like the mind just sometimes, it just wants that limitation. 29:57.521 --> 30:10.268 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes, just that limitation, it's just so comfortable just squeezing yourself into a little box, it's just so comfortable that that's just, we feel like that's all we can take. 30:13.087 --> 30:16.008 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, that was just so wild to me. 30:16.148 --> 30:18.148 [SPEAKER_00]: But again, I'm leaving that situation. 30:19.008 --> 30:21.669 [SPEAKER_00]: Soon, I have a clear vision of where I'm going. 30:22.709 --> 30:39.333 [SPEAKER_00]: And I know that it will be time soon to part ways, but it was just so ironic that and don't be surprised at the closer that you, like once you've made a decision or the closer you get to like your visions and things like that, 30:40.015 --> 30:57.470 [SPEAKER_00]: that um you won't have other little things kind of like pop out just as kind of like see like oh well she's serious oh is that what you really want it oh you know what I mean like just a little I guess a little tests or or something like that like don't be surprised if you end up on a search for your own quote unquote Johanna 30:58.608 --> 31:08.335 [SPEAKER_00]: after you've made some strong decisions that align you versus to really with your bigger vision that you have for your life, right? 31:08.735 --> 31:11.057 [SPEAKER_00]: And I want you to know that allowing alignment. 31:11.157 --> 31:21.644 [SPEAKER_00]: It means accepting that right now you are allowed to do the things that align with your vision. 31:22.184 --> 31:23.205 [SPEAKER_00]: You are allowed 31:23.675 --> 31:39.320 [SPEAKER_00]: To do things that are aligned with your purpose, you are allowed to do things that align with your pleasure with your desires with your faith with you trusting your gut like you're allowed to do that and this job that I have like it does not fulfill me. 31:40.060 --> 31:42.944 [SPEAKER_00]: And not all jobs are meant to fulfill you, but damn it. 31:42.964 --> 31:47.369 [SPEAKER_00]: If I'm going to be laboring, I want to have, there's got to be something other than the money for me. 31:47.389 --> 31:48.470 [SPEAKER_00]: That's just how I feel. 31:48.871 --> 31:49.912 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I've said this before. 31:49.972 --> 31:52.715 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't necessarily do things just for the money. 31:53.616 --> 31:58.122 [SPEAKER_00]: And this job, like it, it's good for a minute, you know. 31:58.462 --> 31:59.163 [SPEAKER_00]: But I, 32:00.420 --> 32:16.979 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm allowed to be open and available to receive in ways that feel good to me and I don't have to fight for this small teeny tiny amount of good. 32:17.625 --> 32:18.045 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean? 32:18.105 --> 32:21.846 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't have to fight for this small teeny tiny amount of good. 32:21.866 --> 32:24.147 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't have to stay in that place. 32:25.087 --> 32:26.447 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't have to stay in that place. 32:26.647 --> 32:32.789 [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, it's just wild how that works or that that was just wild how that happened. 32:32.809 --> 32:38.150 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just thinking about just this this sense of derailing and it's so sneaky. 32:38.170 --> 32:39.731 [SPEAKER_00]: Like you leave us sometimes it's in you. 32:40.291 --> 32:40.851 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean? 32:40.871 --> 32:41.911 [SPEAKER_00]: You leave us realize it. 32:43.272 --> 32:44.172 [SPEAKER_00]: You even realize it. 32:46.636 --> 33:01.666 [SPEAKER_00]: So we have to make sure that we are able to consistently get quiet so that you can reflect on things so that you can remember what your your goals actually are remember who you are becoming like that kind of thing. 33:02.827 --> 33:14.115 [SPEAKER_00]: You know make sure that you're writing your visions down make a plane right your goals down you know keep look look at them often if you need to which everyone should be doing that like look at them look at them often. 33:16.968 --> 33:30.902 [SPEAKER_00]: So you can remind yourself, you know, especially when little temptations come up, little quote and quote, small comforts, you know, come up that really in the grand scheme of things are not going to get you closer to where you're trying to go. 33:30.922 --> 33:34.846 [SPEAKER_00]: They a lot of times are going to be a derailment. 33:37.678 --> 34:00.799 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you decide like make sure that if you do decide you know that you want to do like I guess the point of it all is just making sure that you are going into it with your eyes wide open and making What is the word making intentional decisions like knowing that yes this may possibly derail me this is why I'm okay with it you know like having these conversations with yourself. 34:02.787 --> 34:08.571 [SPEAKER_00]: bringing more self-awareness into the situations that we are in and we are putting ourselves in. 34:09.612 --> 34:23.781 [SPEAKER_00]: Not allowing ourselves to just like our trauma, the little girl and us, the scared little girl in us to dictate the direction that we go in or what we take or what's good enough for us. 34:23.821 --> 34:28.183 [SPEAKER_00]: Some of us had to survive on barely just just good enough. 34:28.484 --> 34:30.125 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to live my life like that anymore, 34:31.511 --> 34:41.962 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to live a life where the things, well, it's okay, it's enough, it's barely, you know, it's all right, like, I don't want that kind of life anymore for me. 34:42.022 --> 34:42.743 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm too old for that. 34:43.684 --> 34:44.865 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just too old for that. 34:44.925 --> 34:47.168 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want just barely good enough anymore. 34:47.668 --> 34:50.772 [SPEAKER_00]: I've had a lifetime of that, and I'm still hungry. 34:51.827 --> 34:55.750 [SPEAKER_00]: I've had a lifetime of being served just good enough. 34:56.231 --> 34:56.931 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want that anymore. 34:56.951 --> 34:57.632 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm still hungry. 34:57.672 --> 34:58.333 [SPEAKER_00]: I want more. 34:58.873 --> 35:00.414 [SPEAKER_00]: I want more and I deserve to have more. 35:01.115 --> 35:02.496 [SPEAKER_00]: You deserve to have more as well. 35:03.977 --> 35:07.140 [SPEAKER_00]: So when you're making decisions, think them through. 35:09.242 --> 35:15.267 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you need to derail, like understand the reason why, but be cognizant, like be aware of it. 35:17.212 --> 35:19.012 [SPEAKER_00]: And maybe take some time to rework the goals. 35:19.032 --> 35:28.354 [SPEAKER_00]: If you need to revisit those goals often, revisit those goals of the woman you are becoming, the woman you want to like who you want to become. 35:28.374 --> 35:29.115 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean? 35:29.435 --> 35:30.875 [SPEAKER_00]: What things you want to achieve? 35:30.915 --> 35:31.795 [SPEAKER_00]: What things you want? 35:31.815 --> 35:32.915 [SPEAKER_00]: What things bring you joy? 35:32.995 --> 35:36.796 [SPEAKER_00]: Pleasure, happiness, growth, you know what I'm saying? 35:36.816 --> 35:37.876 [SPEAKER_00]: Like those kind of things. 35:38.997 --> 35:40.377 [SPEAKER_00]: Keep those things in front of you. 35:42.159 --> 35:44.821 [SPEAKER_00]: Read, they'll read, read it often, all right? 35:46.543 --> 36:00.955 [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, so the question that I have for you is like, we're in life, are you personally trying to make the make a situation that you know is not for you long-term, maybe it's okay for now? 36:01.924 --> 36:04.947 [SPEAKER_00]: But you know that long term, it is not for you. 36:05.428 --> 36:11.094 [SPEAKER_00]: It is just a small, slight, or a small chapter in your overall story. 36:11.374 --> 36:16.300 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean for whatever reason, that you don't have to justify it anyone, by the way. 36:17.021 --> 36:17.421 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 36:17.882 --> 36:22.687 [SPEAKER_00]: But where in your life are you like trying to make that thing 36:24.801 --> 36:38.929 [SPEAKER_00]: Not your for your better good or it's uncomfortable situation or you know it's just not like your your worth more than that like where are you trying to like make it comfortable. 36:41.028 --> 36:41.228 [SPEAKER_00]: Right. 36:41.248 --> 36:43.129 [SPEAKER_00]: You've already decided you want to leave a relationship. 36:43.149 --> 36:50.874 [SPEAKER_00]: You've already decided you like you, you, you, or like, um, like the relationship is not good enough for you. 36:50.915 --> 36:58.840 [SPEAKER_00]: The career, the job, the person, the place, the thing, the house, the, the education, like, whatever it is, whatever it is. 36:59.997 --> 37:11.906 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, you know in your heart, you know in your gut that it is not growing you, you know that it's not a necessarily a long-term thing or you know that it's no longer a goal that you want to have. 37:11.946 --> 37:13.487 [SPEAKER_00]: It's no longer aligned with your vision. 37:14.388 --> 37:22.394 [SPEAKER_00]: Like what what is the Joanna that you are still running towards and looking around for today that is going to limit you. 37:23.082 --> 37:39.090 [SPEAKER_00]: and why are you trying to fix those things up, make them wrap them in a prettier bowl, put the lipstick on the pig or David and Michelle, whatever their name is, change the outfit, so it can look better to you, make it more attractive to you, or even though you know in your mind, you're like, girl, oh, I don't like him. 37:40.911 --> 37:45.694 [SPEAKER_00]: Every time she looks at him, it's just like with the studs, girl, girl. 37:46.494 --> 37:49.356 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, where in your life are you doing that, right? 37:50.918 --> 38:18.645 [SPEAKER_00]: Where in your life are you doing that, keep in mind that alignment is going to require courage to leave things behind or to to empty out a little bit of stuff and that can feel uncertain that can feel scary, but just keep in mind that there is bigger in store, there's bigger in store, there is bigger in store for you and for me, right? 38:22.508 --> 38:43.292 [SPEAKER_00]: thinking things through and not intentionally going out of your way like running Joanne around, seeking this derailment when really we should be at least thinking about ways that we can invite more alignment into our lives. 38:43.492 --> 38:43.912 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay? 38:44.712 --> 38:47.332 [SPEAKER_00]: So where in your life are you embracing 38:52.248 --> 38:54.091 [SPEAKER_00]: That's something I want you to think about this week. 38:54.151 --> 39:00.159 [SPEAKER_00]: I would love to hear your comments, your questions, your opinions, your yes girl, your no girl. 39:00.179 --> 39:03.123 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what you're talking about like I want to hear all of it, okay? 39:03.143 --> 39:04.565 [SPEAKER_00]: Because this is a dialogue. 39:04.585 --> 39:05.667 [SPEAKER_00]: This is a conversation. 39:06.735 --> 39:11.937 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so if you're watching this on Spotify, please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts did you agree? 39:12.498 --> 39:13.218 [SPEAKER_00]: What do you agree with? 39:13.238 --> 39:13.998 [SPEAKER_00]: Did you disagree? 39:14.478 --> 39:15.399 [SPEAKER_00]: What do you disagree with? 39:15.539 --> 39:16.219 [SPEAKER_00]: Let us know. 39:16.979 --> 39:21.361 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me know in real time how you feel about alignment and derailment, all right? 39:21.381 --> 39:22.802 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you've had a situation like that, 39:24.107 --> 39:25.028 [SPEAKER_00]: drop it in the comments. 39:25.128 --> 39:25.548 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 39:26.088 --> 39:28.070 [SPEAKER_00]: So that is it for this week's episode. 39:28.370 --> 39:29.491 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for watching. 39:29.531 --> 39:33.774 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're watching this on Spotify, thank you so much for listening wherever you get your podcast. 39:34.094 --> 39:40.699 [SPEAKER_00]: If you haven't had a chance to like, rate, review, share with your community, whatever to help us as to outside. 39:40.779 --> 39:47.644 [SPEAKER_00]: I can get back to growing the show, which will allow me to do more episodes of the Brown Girl Self Care podcast. 39:47.724 --> 39:49.225 [SPEAKER_00]: Please do me a solid and do that for me. 39:49.265 --> 39:49.546 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 39:50.366 --> 39:51.527 [SPEAKER_00]: Do me a song and do that for me. 39:51.547 --> 39:51.847 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 39:52.248 --> 39:52.528 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 39:52.548 --> 39:54.229 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's it for this week's episode again. 39:54.249 --> 39:55.751 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for joining me this week. 39:56.191 --> 40:02.776 [SPEAKER_00]: I cannot wait to speak to you again next Monday on the next episode of the Brown Girl Self Care podcast. 40:02.976 --> 40:03.417 [SPEAKER_00]: Take care.