[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the courageous parenting podcast.
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey guys, we're so excited to be here with you.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to be sharing some of the inside scoop on the new book that is coming out in a few weeks, courageous parenting.
[SPEAKER_00]: But here's three huge mistakes parents make that are causing discouragement.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think once you listen to them, you'll probably identify with them.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think most Christian parents will.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so important to pinpoint these.
[SPEAKER_00]: work through these, have marriage conversations about these, and, by the way, hey, join the launch team for the Craigslist Parenting Book.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's already 320 people to have the book really release because they read the teaching diligently conference and they've purchased them for $20.
[SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of those people are now on our launch team as well and others as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: everybody can join the launch team and get some of the book early for free actually just go to bcragismindustry.org for slash book it's bcragismindustry.org for slash book just sign up for that and we're going to give about $298 worth of free courses away we're going to have some fun we're going to be in private group and access we're going to do some lives I mean this is such we believe that this is such an impactful resource
[SPEAKER_00]: that churches need to be using, that parents need across the board.
[SPEAKER_00]: Would you help us?
[SPEAKER_00]: Would you join in us?
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a new tip of the spirit for the 10 million legacies movement to impact.
[SPEAKER_00]: People with biblical resources around the world.
[SPEAKER_00]: There is a need for parents to take the baton and parent vividly in these unprecedented times.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
[SPEAKER_01]: So thanks for joining us and hopefully you're encouraged by today's podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey everyone, it's so good to be home form our two weeks of speaking and to teach them diligently conferences if we met you there.
[SPEAKER_00]: Wow, that was awesome to meet so many wonderful people.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, it was a blessing to us.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was neat to hear people's testimonies of things that God's done in their life, be able to pray over people.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was really cool.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, our booths earned into kind of like a ministry table.
[SPEAKER_00]: Actually, the so much prayer happening, so many
[SPEAKER_00]: It was neat.
[SPEAKER_01]: How it should be.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was why we went, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: It was to go in to be an encouragement to others and to try to stir one another up to good works.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you will, and we definitely were stirred up by you guys because we were so encouraged by how many podcast listeners there were, first of all, and to hear people's testimonies whether they had bread, redeeming childbirth or had just followed along in the journey for many years.
[SPEAKER_01]: We met a lot of people that have been
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, it just on that path of courageous parenting for a long time right beside us running the race, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that was super encouraging to us.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we just want to say thank you.
[SPEAKER_01]: That was awesome.
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we're talking about, this is encouraging episode because it's talking about how to overcome discouragement and three mistakes that are often made by parents.
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't even realize it.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's, there's an underlying current.
[SPEAKER_00]: of discouragement and maybe a lack of seeing the fruit you want in your home because of these three mistakes So so we're gonna dive into that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's super important.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, you know, it's parenting is hard today
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think that there's also confusion, part of the hard aspect of it is that people are confused by what they should be doing in the parenting.
[SPEAKER_01]: If I just put it in the most simplest terms, I think there's misalignment in marriage.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're definitely going to address that in today's podcast also because that's potentially one of the biggest
[SPEAKER_01]: hurdles that couples have is that when one person is confident in doing something else and the other person is not confident in doing that thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Whether it's choosing not to do something or choosing to do something, then it just creates instability.
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't build a house when two people in that house have different opinions about how to handle a situation.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well that's a foundation built on sand.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean that is not a firm foundation of your marriage.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not a foundation for a plan
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's our first mistake is a lack of belief that what you and your spouse are doing is going to work or is working.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that is a tough place to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of parents, you know, maybe were raised in lots of different ways.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you're raised in a very conservative high control environment.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe a harsh environment.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you're raised in a free.
[SPEAKER_00]: free will when you're a child in foolish environment like me and where there's no boundaries there's no direction there's you know these kinds of things so yeah or maybe you were raised really well in between but maybe in the marriage there's not a real strong alignment and maybe you're forgetting some things that maybe you shouldn't have forgotten that you're raised by
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's interesting now that we're like, I mean, we're headed towards 26 years of parenting.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is over 26 years of account pregnancy, which I kind of do.
[SPEAKER_01]: But, you know, when you think about all the things that we've learned over the years, one of the things that I looked back on that was super pivotal for us that I think was a game changer and it took us a few years to get there because usually when couples get married if they have children right away like we did,
[SPEAKER_01]: We got pregnant four months after we got married, you know, like that's a boot camp.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're young yourself, you're trying to figure out marriage, and then all of a sudden you're about to be a parent, and you don't necessarily, like you haven't necessarily talked about those things, or maybe hasn't been the time to even do that, like how were you raised how?
[SPEAKER_01]: Was I raised?
[SPEAKER_01]: What are we going to do?
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, and so it's, it's this kind of thrust into, oh, I need to figure this out.
[SPEAKER_01]: Kind of a situation.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that was true for us.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that's probably true for a lot of couples that are out there today.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, but then there are those that were raised in ways where they look back on their childhood.
[SPEAKER_01]: They, they were intentionally parented to be able to biblically parent.
[SPEAKER_01]: I, I feel that way about, I feel that way about our kids in a sense.
[SPEAKER_01]: I, you know, they've all been in a large family.
[SPEAKER_01]: You get a lot of experience in changing diapers.
[SPEAKER_01]: on having convictions that you don't even think at the moment is something that you were raised to be able to do.
[SPEAKER_01]: But when certain things come easy to you, don't take those things for granted, be thankful for that because there are those of us like myself where everything was hard.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, but when I looked back on that, I go, okay, remember when we were talking about discipline, and we went, I went to a parenting seminar at our church, the first like three years we were married,
[SPEAKER_01]: and I came back with all of these questions, ideas, I wasn't sure about things, and it just opened up conversation with Isaac and I to where we were like, neither of us actually know what we believe about this regarding discipline.
[SPEAKER_01]: Not like we both need to figure this out, and we also need to be on the same page because we can't be doing things differently.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I know that it sounds like
[SPEAKER_01]: To you who are listening some of you might go.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah, I remember a day when we had to go through that But here's the deal like as your child grows over the years they go from being a baby and then into a toddler year and then into middle-age middle we come little and middle and then there's the teen and pre-teen teen years and then there's the young adult years There's gonna be lots of times where you're gonna have to talk about like how do we handle correction of sin?
[SPEAKER_01]: because your kids don't stop sinning.
[SPEAKER_01]: How do you handle correction of sin when they're at these different ages?
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it's not like a one time conversation, one and done, like fix it, we're good to go, we're in alignment.
[SPEAKER_01]: It literally is something that you have to continually grow and communicate about.
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's hard because parenting is a long game.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not always going to see the fruit in the short term, and there's a lot of noise coming at us, especially today through our devices, internet and lots of people with opinions, and people even changing what actually the intent of Scripture was, meaning a poor ex-judical look at what Scripture is, and that is very dangerous.
[SPEAKER_00]: and even claiming that, you know, what people have thought forever, a scripture says, no, we have a new revelation on that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's really unfortunate.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it pleases tickling ears of vulnerable parents, because what happens, vulnerable parents are usually parents that are newer out at their young children, maybe have three young children at home.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it doesn't appear, there's not peace in their home and there doesn't appear that what they've been doing is working, even though they've been trying
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you hear this thing and you're like, ah, that feels right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And what feels right doesn't mean it's right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it feels right because it's tickling your ears.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like what we're doing isn't working well.
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe maybe the way at which you're doing it isn't working.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of factors and what we've seven and a half years.
[SPEAKER_00]: 8 million downloads and views of the podcast all around the world and lots of feedback, lots of interaction with parents, lots of lives and Q&As for a parenting program.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we have a really good sense.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why we wrote this book, the Created Parenting Book, because we have a good sense of what the real issues are and what's happening.
[SPEAKER_00]: We need, we need, as parents need to get on a biblical road and fall through with consistency.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's a lot of it is a lot of a discouragement and they're not falling through consistently.
[SPEAKER_00]: a lack of real marriage alignment, your marriage might be good.
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't mean it's aligned.
[SPEAKER_00]: You might even think, oh, yeah, we're doing this together, team, but you're aligned in the right direction, are you aligned in the right things?
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you actually falling through the same way?
[SPEAKER_00]: Consistently, seems like children remember the three times you don't fall through and not the seven times you do.
[SPEAKER_00]: So all of these things that you have to realize are important.
[SPEAKER_00]: So in the moment of discouragement,
[SPEAKER_00]: not seeing the fruit you want in your own, don't just be shifty, let what is the Bible actually say?
[SPEAKER_00]: What is biblical?
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you testing other information coming out you with biblical truth?
[SPEAKER_00]: And then, you know, that's something to consider.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, and you know, when you say parenting is a long game, that's a phrase that we've used since the very beginning of the podcast.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that's with hindsight, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Realizing that you're never fully done, because it's, we're talking about relationships here.
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't parent to your child, I wish there is a better way of saying this.
[SPEAKER_01]: I even said this at the conference.
[SPEAKER_01]: We should not be homeschooling to our children, meaning like,
[SPEAKER_01]: Is there a more biblical way to do health care that's more effective than insurance and saves you money?
[SPEAKER_01]: For the last six years, we've experienced a resounding yes by joining Samaritan Ministries health care sharing, and have even switched to the recently launched Redeem Health Share Ministry.
[SPEAKER_01]: In the past, we paid more monthly for health insurance and extra medical bills than we do now with a bigger family.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Doing something to them.
[SPEAKER_01]: But instead, it's a relationship, a familial relationship.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's one of the most important relationships you're ever going to have in your life, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Friends come and go, but families, they're forever.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like, they're part of your blood, and God gave them to you.
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's a very important privilege and responsibility and jurisdiction in that relationship.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so when you have that kind of conviction and you realize I need to invest in this relationship that how you go about parenting on the day-to-day, it's not like it's something that you're just doing to a child.
[SPEAKER_01]: Does that make sense?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's your in-relationship with them, you're caring about the sin in their life because you want them to not be burdened with the bondage of sin later in life.
[SPEAKER_01]: And even now, like you want them set free, you want them to experience a freedom that you yourself have experienced through Jesus Christ, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And so there's this eternal motivation in your parenting to recognize that what you're doing is you're literally raising disciples, you are building treasures in heaven.
[SPEAKER_01]: And when you see that there's this eternal perspective,
[SPEAKER_01]: It changes everything from being the, I corrected them.
[SPEAKER_01]: Why didn't they listen to me because now they're doing it again.
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't look at things exactly the same way.
[SPEAKER_01]: You go, well, of course they don't.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're a sinner.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're not saved yet or they're a sinner wrestling with their flesh.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm called to grow and long suffering through this experience.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like a lot of times parents just look at the person.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think all humans do this, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: when you're in conflict with someone or when you see someone is sinning against someone else, you just think about them and what does God need to teach them, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think if we as human started realizing that God's place people in our lives strategically for greater purposes than we even can see, then we can start to realize like, oh well yeah, God wants to teach them something because He loves them.
[SPEAKER_01]: But he also loves me and what is he teaching me in this moment with my child for the 40th time dealing with this same attitude of selfishness.
[SPEAKER_00]: You just made it really good point in that there's fallie bound up in the heart of a child.
[SPEAKER_00]: The scripture says also scripture is very favorable to children.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, protect the children, let the children come to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is when the children around, that's what God's doing.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it says to be better for you to have a millstone, hung around your neck and lead one of these little, and thrown to the Jeffs to see them, to lead one of these little ones astray.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, he cares about their innocence.
[SPEAKER_00]: But, but to use a word you like to use a lot, the parenting is a sanctification process, which a sanctification simply means that we're saved, but we're growing, we're maturing in Christ.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're on a journey, so you, as an individual, are on a journey.
[SPEAKER_00]: Your spouse is on a journey in your children.
[SPEAKER_00]: You might not even be saved or if they are, they're on a journey, but they're earlier on in that journey.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there's a less capacity, less maturity, and all these things.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so repetition is part of the game.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you don't understand that repetition of doing the right things as parents, as part of the game, you're going to get discouraged and frustrated, and you're going to think what you're doing isn't working, when you're doing biblical things.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, as interesting as you are just sharing that about repetition, something came to my mind.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's actually, there's many times in scripture where we are warned as Christians not to boast in our flesh, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Not to boast in the things that we think that we're doing.
[SPEAKER_01]: One of the biggest issues that we have heard from other people regarding parenting, maybe you have even felt this yourself, is that concept of your own parents trying to live
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's interesting because while we all as humans, we want validation that what we're doing is actually working.
[SPEAKER_01]: We want every human is created that way, validation that we have accomplished, acknowledgement for the good things that we have done.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like every human desires, that right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Why do you think the Bible even says, well done, good and faithful servant?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like there's this desire.
[SPEAKER_01]: God knows how he wired us.
[SPEAKER_01]: He knows and he created that in us to be encouraged for him as a father, to acknowledge good job, son, which is biblical parenting, actually.
[SPEAKER_01]: in contrast to some gentle parenting movements that say, oh don't tell your kids you're proud of them, things like that total life from the pit of hell, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because if God is the ultimate father, and He is telling us, well, we're striving for the Lord, for His glory, and we want to hear those words of faithfulness, good job, well done, good and faithful servant.
[SPEAKER_01]: Then obviously that's something that we as parents and the mimic to our own children.
[SPEAKER_01]: But think about this for a second, how many of you as adults have felt frustrated that maybe your parents were taking credit for the good things that you did that you worked hard on that they had nothing to do with.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, now think about your child for a second.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that if kids turn from their sin and they're walking faithful in the Lord and they accept Christ at a young age, praise Jesus.
[SPEAKER_01]: When I say praise Jesus, I mean don't praise the parents.
[SPEAKER_01]: So many parents are so quick to take credit for things that are actually gods.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're not something that we should be taking credit for so when you see like even young moms out there They're like do it like I'm doing it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I have all this fruit look at me I literally want to like vomit because I'm going no you should be on your knees Thanking the Lord that you have that blessing of fruit because God is the one who led you to lead them in the way and they are responding with
[SPEAKER_01]: with responsive hearts, praise Jesus.
[SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't mean that there isn't a good job mom.
[SPEAKER_01]: You need to hear that good job mom sometimes.
[SPEAKER_01]: But let's be careful not to boast in the things that we're doing and only boast in Christ.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that sometimes when parents get discouraged, it's because God has allowed them.
[SPEAKER_01]: to be disciplined because he doesn't want you to become prideful, hotty, arrogant, or boastful.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I look at like the times when I look back and I'm like, okay, this works so well with the first three.
[SPEAKER_01]: Why is this not working with this child?
[SPEAKER_01]: Or this, you know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, there were many times in parenting nine children over 26 years, where I was like, I used to do this all the time.
[SPEAKER_01]: How come this isn't working?
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember getting calls to you know what was at work and and she's like this is happening.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not working and I would say stay the course do what again continue.
[SPEAKER_00]: We trust the Bible.
[SPEAKER_00]: We trust what is the biblical wisdom and we need to do it well when you do it right, but we need to stay the course.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think that part of that, too, is like the more kids you have, the more you realize that parenting isn't cookie cutter, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, and God allows us as individuals to not experience that cookie cutter aspect, because he wants us to recognize that he's actually the one in control.
[SPEAKER_00]: But you have to be careful because sometimes you can start to have excuses when you believe something's not working.
[SPEAKER_00]: And someone once said, the excuses you make are the excuses you get to keep.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so when you make excuses, the fruit of the excuse, which is lesser, you get to keep that lesser fruit.
[SPEAKER_00]: And because your belief is wrong, your mindset is wrong, you're not being sober-minded, meditating on the Word of God, listening in the Spirit, and prayer.
[SPEAKER_00]: Instead, you might be listening to the world opinions of other moms, opinions of other dads, opinions of the church, and let's be frank.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, a lot of the church, I love the church, bread of Christ, but a lot of the church is made things so easy on parents.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's not a rigorous enough culture,
[SPEAKER_00]: driving fathers to lead their families and driving parents to be in alignment and actually disabled their children.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's this drop-off culture that is in the culture.
[SPEAKER_00]: that is very harmful.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that it's really important that we take the baton and we actually take the discipleship baton and we do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So what are the excuses you might have made?
[SPEAKER_00]: What are some things people say?
[SPEAKER_01]: Well I, I, this is perfect because I literally was just thinking about labels, diagnosis, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we've talked about this in other episodes, even in season one and two, a lot when it comes to
[SPEAKER_01]: Health issues or different things like that, there's this one side of it where it can be helpful because you can know how to have compassion and understanding with your child or your spouse, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And you can help them.
[SPEAKER_01]: You can get therapy.
[SPEAKER_01]: You can have nutritional dietary needs shifted that can become helpful.
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that for us, we've, with nine kids, you guys, of course we have experienced this kind of stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: of course.
[SPEAKER_01]: Of course there have been kids where it seemed like there was all completely different.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're just also different but even that even with them being personality different, there's also the element like their bodies are literally different and they've been allergic to different things or sensitive to different things or some have been more
[SPEAKER_01]: hypersensitive with their senses.
[SPEAKER_01]: Some have, like, there's just all different, there's, you know, and so when you see us like sharing about parenting and things, like, this is, I really truly believe that God has allowed us to experience that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it's rare when a homeschool curriculum works for all different personalities, but when it does, it makes homeschooling children so much easier.
[SPEAKER_01]: In my home, everyone is wired so differently, and for the first time ever, everyone loves and is excelling in math.
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[SPEAKER_01]: The online interface and the way it works makes it easy for everyone to excel and makes progress so much faster.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It prepared us better for ministry.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we were really careful not to give labels to things that our kids had.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, and that's what I was going to say, it's like there's the one side where it's good to know how you can help them, but then there's the temptation to use it as an excuse, and I think that when we were younger parents, and I remember going to another church that was age integrated, it was very eye opening for us.
[SPEAKER_01]: because there were a lot of adopted children within that congregation who most of them had issues, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, or they either had issues from their past or trauma because they were foster or adopted or from they were culture shock from different cultures or there were kids that had down syndrome or just different.
[SPEAKER_01]: different things that were um people would say oh there's no way you could get them to sit in church for example we saw them in joint church we saw them have in self-control and participating in the worship service and all the and it literally that for me was like mind-blowing because it wasn't just a few it was many like many many many many.
[SPEAKER_01]: And for us, it was like, okay, this is possible.
[SPEAKER_01]: These are parents that are not making excuses for their kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're aware of what's going on, but they're helping them and they're doing the extra hard work to help them to be trained and to teach them and to engage with them.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that's what parenting requires.
[SPEAKER_01]: It requires us to look at our child, study them, know them well.
[SPEAKER_01]: and have long suffering with them, have compassion and understanding, but don't just be cookie cutter, and this is why for so many years, we have not done the exact same curriculum with our kids over the years.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's because there's not a cookie cutter way that works for every kid's wiring of their brain and the way that they learn and everybody learns so differently.
[SPEAKER_00]: Everybody has different personalities and everybody understands and hears things differently.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, we deeply understand, I used to run a company that was all about assessing people and helping people with that and coaching and hiring the right people, getting people in the right seats and companies and all of that stuff.
[SPEAKER_00]: I deeply understand that and we've paid close attention to that with our children and it's really important.
[SPEAKER_00]: So this cookie cutter thing you're mentioning, the Bible is very clear and it's not, it's what's cool about the inherent word of God.
[SPEAKER_00]: is on parenting, is it's not giving you an equation, it's not giving you, okay, here, A plus B plus C equals D. And instead, it's giving you principles.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you, by the sermon and the Holy Spirit and the wisdom of God, need to implement those principles, like a principle is listening.
[SPEAKER_00]: A principle is don't become angry.
[SPEAKER_00]: A principle is clear on how to discipline children.
[SPEAKER_00]: It is clear how often we are to disciple them, basically all the time, due to rotting.
[SPEAKER_01]: That literally living life together is a relational discipleship, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because that's what Jesus did when he disabled his disciples.
[SPEAKER_00]: But it didn't have a principle of dropping him off and delegating your discipleship.
[SPEAKER_00]: It didn't have a principle of sometimes disciplining your children and not always.
[SPEAKER_01]: right.
[SPEAKER_01]: There was also an aspect of not fearing, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like there's so many different principles in the Bible that apply to parenting, but sometimes we only apply them to other aspects of our life, but we forget to apply it in a very practical way to our parenting.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that in essence is what we've done with the courageous parenting book that's about to come out on June 2nd.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that there's this need for us as parents to be constantly
[SPEAKER_01]: One of the things that's hard for parents when it comes to being discouraged and feeling like the way they're going about parenting isn't working with a specific child.
[SPEAKER_01]: The Bible even speaks to that in Galatians chapter six.
[SPEAKER_01]: It says, well, actually, I'm going to read part of it and then we're going to go back.
[SPEAKER_01]: It says in verse 9, and let us not grow weary of doing good for induces and we will reap if we do not give up.
[SPEAKER_01]: So then as we have an opportunity, let us do good to everyone, especially those who are in the household of faith.
[SPEAKER_01]: So this is definitely talking about church community.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's talking about loving your brother, bearing one another's burdens.
[SPEAKER_01]: We'll look at that in a second just a few verses before that.
[SPEAKER_01]: But doesn't that also apply to family?
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's the thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like we compartmentalize the word of God into certain categories.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like this chapter only applies to relationships in the church.
[SPEAKER_01]: this chapter applies to elder qualifications, this chapter applies to this.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that compartmentalization of the Word of God, which the Word of God is literally, Jesus' words.
[SPEAKER_01]: We know that in the beginning was the Word and the Word was God.
[SPEAKER_01]: That means that what we're doing is actually compartmentalizing God.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's dangerous.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just going to say it and I think that a lot of people don't necessarily see that that's what they've done in their life.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I see it way from the very beginning, the devil has just deceived parents and it starts the moment that they become parents and they get pregnant, they start going to the experts and literally
[SPEAKER_01]: relinquishing all authority in opinions and their own gut instincts about how things should go regarding their pregnancy and their childbirth and even their postpartum to some authority that they don't know that has their own purpose and their own business and they do things cookie cutter and there isn't room for God.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's been this whole like removal of church and state, but then there's this literally like God does not belong in birth kind of Industry is what has happened and if that's the beginning of motherhood that's the beginning of parenthood We just went to a whole rich environment here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, but seriously that's the beginning of your parenthood is to compartmentalize God out of that experience out of your preparation out of all of it Then what are you gonna do the rest of your parenting?
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're starting seeking what it's easy.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's literally about exercise.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, think about, if you go in your exercise or you're working out, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: You're working a muscle to do a certain thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Habits are the exact same way.
[SPEAKER_01]: We create habits in our life and then they're hard to break later.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so what is the habits that you have created over your life?
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not saying this to convict or condemn anybody.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just saying like, this is something that I had to wrestle with.
[SPEAKER_01]: when we were about to have our first baby.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, why is it that there's this compartmentalization of God out of this experience?
[SPEAKER_01]: I need him with me.
[SPEAKER_01]: I need him giving me wisdom because they're saying all these options you want to do this or that or did it to that?
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, I don't know, God, what do you want?
[SPEAKER_01]: Why don't more Christians ask those kinds of questions?
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, this is amazing.
[SPEAKER_00]: This wasn't planned, but you know what we did and you were a much larger part of this.
[SPEAKER_00]: In fact, you mostly did it, but with talking to me, is you made a birth plan.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we had a very clear plan in our first pregnancy and we did it in the hospital, but we did a water birth, water birth in a national came in, Barbara Harper, and helped.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, sir.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was a Kaiser hospital, very liberal hospital.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was the only one that ever happened after that.
[SPEAKER_00]: They made sure not to allow it.
[SPEAKER_01]: They did put birthing tubs in by the time Austin.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was an ad that you can birth.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then they made women get out of the birth.
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's kind of cool.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're the first one.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we just happened to get a nurse that was open to it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she kind of kept it on the right.
[SPEAKER_01]: She was a midlife on staff.
[SPEAKER_01]: But she recognized Barbara.
[SPEAKER_01]: And she was like, I've always wanted to be a part of a water birth.
[SPEAKER_01]: So she locked the door.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it was rad.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was amazing, but what was really, it was important for our marriage.
[SPEAKER_00]: This will take us into the next point, which is a lack of marriage alignment.
[SPEAKER_00]: Is this the second mistake that causes discouragement of parents?
[SPEAKER_00]: And we were so aligned because we were prepared.
[SPEAKER_00]: We had a birth plan.
[SPEAKER_00]: We talked through it.
[SPEAKER_00]: We prayed about it and they were non-negotiable.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, if a doctor said,
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna arrest you unless you do this.
[SPEAKER_00]: I would have been arrested.
[SPEAKER_00]: Meaning, I am not gonna allow anything out of that birth plan to happen because my marriage is what matters.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are the parents.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what matters.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, so literally, I remember though, there were some things that had to hold the line on.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't remember exactly what they were.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, in future births you more did that one went super like amazing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, no, there was something like they wanted to take the baby out for some reason or they there was something they wanted to do and I had to I had to hold it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you said no my wife wants to hold her in no that's not happened.
[SPEAKER_00]: Here's the plan.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think there's a real lack of that in the side.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think easy goes it now.
[SPEAKER_00]: Come on.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm just I'm saying that because there's there.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's another problem that has happened in our society.
[SPEAKER_01]: We've emasculated men from their original authority that they're supposed to have as the protector and the family.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is a societal problem where men have not been encouraged to be the man.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, you're not allowed that, and especially in the birthing industry.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I just want to say there's a lot of really godly awesome men listening to this episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not disparaging you at all.
[SPEAKER_01]: My point is that they're not allowed to be.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like if you think about the birthing industry in and of itself, men don't give birth, men can't give birth.
[SPEAKER_01]: God didn't design them that way.
[SPEAKER_01]: So when it comes to a husband coming in, who isn't a doctor, who isn't no BGYN, they're looked down upon as like, you don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's literally how they view them.
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't know, you've not given birth you could never give birth.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so there's this like downlooking on them, which is shameful in my opinion, and it makes me very agitated.
[SPEAKER_01]: That was why I became a dulymane years ago was to advocate for the married couple to be the team.
[SPEAKER_01]: so that he could have the authority that he was supposed to have and start stepping into being that leader.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's good and I just just to bring this point home and move on is that at the very, I would just realize something the very beginning of our parenting.
[SPEAKER_00]: we were already doing this.
[SPEAKER_00]: So when it came to other things, like discipleship, discipline, how to reach their heart, where our children at, we were constantly recalibrating, making a plan and communicating about it, so that we were in, and so we were in alignment and implement in harmony together.
[SPEAKER_00]: And actually, nudge each other when we aren't doing, when one of us aren't doing what we agreed to do to get under the Lord.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that is so important that doesn't really exist in very many places anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of couples don't even know what to talk about because there's nothing talked about in church.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no guidance.
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's a lot of misinformation out there.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why we believe that we've already heard so many churches and people excited about doing studies together and churches and using this as a less expensive resource.
[SPEAKER_00]: People already do churches argue that with the parenting mental program.
[SPEAKER_00]: A little more expensive.
[SPEAKER_00]: But this is now something that anybody can afford.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now churches can actually implement a larger, more scalable.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we're excited we're already hearing signs of that.
[SPEAKER_00]: From people, there's 320 people that already have the book early.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because they're at the conference and we're getting hearing amazing things and those kinds of energy towards doing it in churches.
[SPEAKER_00]: But, but this second point of lack of marriage alignment is a really big deal.
[SPEAKER_00]: In the first point we talked about, which is a lack of belief that you're doing what works and staying in the course and I make a strong plan is one of the big culprits of why you can't have marriage alignment.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you don't have a good plan, what are you aligning yourself around?
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you had a marriage alignment, you would probably hold each other accountable to stain the course.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's interesting how it goes vice versa.
[SPEAKER_01]: It goes both ways, actually.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're interchangeable, meaning both are needed.
[SPEAKER_01]: Stained faithful, being consistent, is needed.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just wanna bring up the tale end of what I was trying to say before, which is sometimes God allows you to walk through those hard things in life because he is trying to grow your spiritual maturity.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a testing of faith.
[SPEAKER_01]: God never tempts us to sin.
[SPEAKER_01]: James 1 is very clear about that.
[SPEAKER_01]: God, it's impossible for God to tempt anyone.
[SPEAKER_01]: He is not tempted.
[SPEAKER_01]: But we can be tested.
[SPEAKER_01]: And God does want us to grow in Him and He knows what's best for us.
[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes He disciplines us.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so when it comes to parenting, if you're not seeing fruit right away, sometimes actually, I know this might be kind of like an out-point, have you needed to be disciplined?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because maybe that's why.
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe God's not allowing a fruit in your child, because he knows that if he allowed that fruit to happen, you would become prideful.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, this is why in the in the book, it doesn't just have a chapter called Discipline or how to do Biblical Discipline as sewing and reaping and Discipline because there's spiritual off sewing and reaping and okay, I just want to give them a little piece of the book is is that
[SPEAKER_00]: When children are older, and they experience the sewing and reaping consequences naturally.
[SPEAKER_00]: When they launch from your home and the people are adults, and they're young adults, they're going to experience sewing and reaping.
[SPEAKER_00]: They make it about decision.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a concept.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a concept.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a concept that's going to face it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Relationally, financially, whatever it is, neglect is going to hurt them.
[SPEAKER_00]: When they're little, they are under our jurisdiction, and we are providing food, water,
[SPEAKER_00]: love, care, biblical wisdom, and everything else in nurturing, loving them, and so forth.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so they're in kind of a cocoon when they're younger.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so God put parents in charge to cause
[SPEAKER_00]: them to experience sewing and reaping and in families where they don't consistently experience sewing and reaping.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's no wonder we have an entitled world.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's no wonder children disobey authority.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's no wonder they are disrespectful and teenagers to the parents.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's no wonder that they don't understand their sin because they've never been brought forward enough to them in the disobey process.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no wonder they don't need to need for Jesus because Jesus, if there's no sin, why would I need Jesus?
[SPEAKER_00]: right if you know it's no wonder there's corruption and children are leaving the church for age 18.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean wow this is a big deal.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well and we were literally just reading to not grow weary and doing good for induces and you will reap if you don't give up so there's the sewing and the reaping the spiritual law that is applied to parenting right.
[SPEAKER_01]: But then with your children you just talked about how it's applied but I think it would be good for us to read just before it says let the one who has taught the word share all good things with the one who teaches.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do not be deceived.
[SPEAKER_01]: God is not mocked for whatever one soes that he will also reap.
[SPEAKER_01]: For the one who soes to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption.
[SPEAKER_01]: But the one who soes to the spirit will from the spirit reap eternal life.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then it says, and let us not grow weary of doing good for in due season we will reap if we do not give up.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that ultimately what this is when I think about parenting alone.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I could think about this scripture in regards to every single context of my life, every relationship you sow in you reap.
[SPEAKER_01]: Everything you do, you sow in you reap.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's just the reality.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is a spiritual law that no human can escape, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And praise God for that.
[SPEAKER_01]: However, as parents are we actually protecting our children too much to where they're not experiencing the repene of what they've shown, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that at a love parents will bail their kids out over and over and over again, or they'll let them off the hook for certain things and they don't actually take that phone away or they threaten it, but they don't do it.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not being consistent.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not being faithful.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not letting your yes BS and your no-be-know.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not actually disciplined.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not actually what you're gonna reap.
[SPEAKER_01]: You will still, let me tell you, you will still reap something, but it's not gonna be the fruit of the spirit.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's gonna be the fruit of the flesh.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I just had a thought, and this is a wild thought, but we were at the premiere of Remember The Titans, and there's a reason for that when it came out, Angie and I, and that was a hard night for you.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was six weeks postpartum, and I couldn't take my baby with me, and it was a red tie, carpet event, black tie, red carpet event, and I had a pump and got mass-died us.
[SPEAKER_00]: I got the opportunity to sit with Coach Boone and Yost, and it was at the ESPN zone in DC, I believe.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was a booth, and I got introduced to them, and I sat down with them as just a three of us.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was just such a special moment.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I could see the camaraderie in them, you know, coach Boone and assistant coach, yes, right, if you see in the movie.
[SPEAKER_00]: And all those years later, all the way up, you know, since that experience, they were the closest of friends, and you could see that in them.
[SPEAKER_00]: But in the movie, which is very real, it's true to reality.
[SPEAKER_00]: and a lot of ways is that they had conflict and that team could have gone two different directions if they didn't overcome that conflict and you see the assistant coach having his own way and being a little more passive actually in the movie, right, and that's real.
[SPEAKER_00]: And having a different agenda, and then influenced by the culture, and then there's the culture, and his own agenda, and then Boone had his really more
[SPEAKER_01]: It was an independent, strong, I am going to do this.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they had to work how to become a team and you see that in the movie and you see that play out the rest of their lives.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I just think we need a lot of marriages or more like early in the movie when they're like boon and joist and they're fighting.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they wouldn't have one state.
[SPEAKER_00]: They whether they're never would have been a movie made out.
[SPEAKER_00]: It wouldn't have helped the relational tension or the racist tension of the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: All those things wouldn't have happened.
[SPEAKER_00]: unless they learned how to work together, there wouldn't have been the same fruit.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's the same in a marriage, and I think a lot of marriages are like boon and yeast, and they don't figure it out.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a really powerful example.
[SPEAKER_01]: Now y'all are gonna wanna go watch that movie again.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I do think that when we look at our current parenting culture, our culture of our family,
[SPEAKER_01]: we need to start evaluating what am I reading?
[SPEAKER_01]: And then that should lead us to this isn't just happening to us.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm responsible for what I'm selling and this is what I'm reading because of what I've shown.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that should lead parents to a humble heart posture of even coming to your children apologizing for the things that you have not done that were biblical, the ways that maybe you corrected in sin or the ways that maybe you didn't correct and you didn't stand firm and you let things go
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, low standards of excellence, low standards of purity, whatever it is, whatever it is, evaluate, be honest with your children if you label it and are able to communicate with the next generation your kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: The mistakes that you made and that you wish you would not have and that that is why you have got the outcome that you have today and that you want things to change.
[SPEAKER_01]: that humility and that in a family meeting could alone change your legacy forever.
[SPEAKER_01]: It could.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you continue from that point on in what, first Timothy 215 says women shall be safe through childbearing, if they continue in faith, love and holiness with sobriety or self-control is another phrase in another translation and I look at that it's like, okay, so if you do this meeting and you confront
[SPEAKER_01]: the realities of how you failed in certain things and you don't continue in faith love and holiness with self control.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not going to reap good things, but if you do continue in faith love and holiness after the meeting, you will reap a different harvest.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think this this parent with the goal of this is this book, Greatest Parenting, was to really give a guide book and a real resource anchored in biblical truth that brings marriages together and it's really a tool.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not something that people just read once, although the accounting bank came greatly from it.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's to reread chapters as they're dealing with things in their marriage and in their parenting over the years and different seasons for all seasons of parenting because it's got four sections and in each section, it's got marriage, challenge section.
[SPEAKER_00]: which is questions to discuss, talk about the most important points that you learned.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll give you an example.
[SPEAKER_00]: The first seven chapters are unprecedented times.
[SPEAKER_00]: A stronger relationship that's required, effective home to discipleship, nourish a strong prayer life together, grows a strong routine for the Lord.
[SPEAKER_00]: the family rhythm that crushes pride, well that's important, cultivating an unwavering identity in Christ.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so next week we're going to teach on five different chapters from the book in the next episode, but it says look over these topics and pick your top three most challenging areas to work on.
[SPEAKER_00]: What these chapters are questions you have been working through prompt your mind and heart.
[SPEAKER_00]: to want to grow more and then that's got to hold much more.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this tease you up, do you either read it separately and then come together or read it together and then discuss it and have to really literally get yourself into a plan and get your marriage aligned.
[SPEAKER_00]: So powerful.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, and I also was just thinking another example of what is so helpful about this is, I mean a lot of women they get together for play dates.
[SPEAKER_01]: You have friendships with other women and you talk about the things that you are learning, growing in, so maybe you are reading the book and you share some of the things you're learning, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: That would be awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it's just going to spur the other person on to grow also, but what if somebody let's say you are working in children's ministries or something and somebody in your church is saying, hey, I'm really having a hard time with my child is struggling with depression.
[SPEAKER_01]: They are they seem anxious all the time.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're really having a hard time with making friends.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're worried all the time.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, they're worried about what they're going to do in the future.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're worried about if they're going to get married.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's just a lot of worry.
[SPEAKER_01]: A lot of anxiety, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, there's a whole lot.
[SPEAKER_01]: I would say would go into that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And honestly, I just want to tell you Isaac read some statistics to me this morning that he had looked up on this.
[SPEAKER_01]: massive quantities of kids are struggling with this stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm talking over 50% of kids have symptoms of depression or anxiety or overwhelm.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so this potentially, if you have four kids in your family, potentially one of them is struggling with these things.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, but what is really the solution at the core is an unwavering identity in Christ.
[SPEAKER_01]: We have an entire chapter on cultivating an unwavering identity in Christ with a lot of scripture in it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Here's the thing, is that imagine somebody coming to you saying, my daughter's really struggling, I think she might be depressed.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm thinking I might go put her on some medication.
[SPEAKER_01]: Imagine a friend sitting there saying that, when they haven't potentially even reached out to the church community for prayer, they haven't dug in with their child and asked them why they're depressed, okay?
[SPEAKER_01]: There might be,
[SPEAKER_01]: Marriage, the child might even be seen marriage conflict and scared that their parents are going to get divorced.
[SPEAKER_01]: We know the high rates of divorce that are out there today.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's well over 65% of marriages end in divorce.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if your child has a lot of friends whose parents have been divorced before, and then they see their parents fighting.
[SPEAKER_01]: wouldn't it be a logical reasonable thing that a child would then struggle to think that their parents are going to stay married if they see a lot of divorce in their family or in their friends families like we don't just need to just whip out pills and put kids on medication which is what society wants us to do.
[SPEAKER_01]: right?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to create a whole havoc of a bunch of other issues.
[SPEAKER_01]: Instead, we look at the symptom and recognize this is a bigger deal.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is a symptom of a bigger deal that's going on either in their mind or the heart.
[SPEAKER_01]: And as a parent, we need to chase after our child and dig in with them and encourage them in their spiritual walk to deal with what they're dealing with.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not saying that this is prescriptive for everybody because there may be some severe situations that are out there because of really serious trauma like witnessing some bad things.
[SPEAKER_01]: I have no idea.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm just saying like our society has gotten so off course of doing what is the more time consuming aka harder thing, which is to dig in with their children.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that requires like I'm talking being up late at night with kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: having long conversations, even when you don't have time, maybe your house is totally MS, you still take one kid out and spend four hours with them.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, that's a good segue right into our last point, which will be quick on, which is mismanaging influences that could be in whole episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll probably do one on that.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it is one of the top three things that parents are struggling with.
[SPEAKER_00]: It is a big deal that causes fuels the mistakes that fuel discouragement.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is a big deal.
[SPEAKER_00]: And one of the things is when your children get older and they start doing things on their own, and they're coming back to the home.
[SPEAKER_00]: you want to have debriefs, and so we have had a habit of staying up until our kids get home and talking to them.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because when it's on top of their mind, whoever they've been with, whatever conversations they've had, whatever's on their heart, the thought process they had on their way home, where they felt left out, whether they saw people being bullied, whether they saw you know, bad behavior, whether it was just great, and it was very positive.
[SPEAKER_00]: All of those things
[SPEAKER_00]: Comfortable relationship, talking about difficult things and you're becoming and continuing to be that most important Counselor that most important coach that most important relationship that they go to to get a vice from and if you don't And still that if you just go to bed and they come home later as teenagers and go to bed You are missing out not just one little example
[SPEAKER_00]: If you don't have a good powwow in the morning with all the kids, younger kids and so forth that the Bible is not being taught that dads never involve teaching the Bible, these are huge mistakes and if you're if you're not talking them to about things you see when the young children are playing together when they're little.
[SPEAKER_00]: and having conversations about what was right, what was wrong, what did you do, what could you do next time, even to a four-year-old?
[SPEAKER_00]: You're missing out.
[SPEAKER_00]: These are so important, real-time situational discipleship on managing influences and they need to be equipped through your conversations and how to do that themselves in that equipping never stops.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you nailed it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that there's also this element of recognizing that our kids can be influenced.
[SPEAKER_01]: We have whole chapter on influences in courageous parenting because peer influences a really big deal.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that people underestimate the power of influences in their kids lives, especially if they tend to be more of a leader.
[SPEAKER_01]: But the reality is is that we are all impressionable.
[SPEAKER_01]: We are all influenceable.
[SPEAKER_01]: and I think that we need to be humble in our heart posture recognizing that and also see that our kids don't need to learn sin.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, follies bound up in a heart of a child.
[SPEAKER_01]: We all have a sinful human nature.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is inherited from our great ancestors Adam and Eve in the garden.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's something that we all still wrestle with and so sin is not something that has to be like learn.
[SPEAKER_01]: it's bound up in the heart of a child.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, that's just the reality.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so when you are putting a bunch of kids together, and there's a lot of falling, bound up in their hearts, what is the outcome going to be?
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, potentially, that's why it's important that you teach your kids how to choose friends wisely.
[SPEAKER_01]: And when they see things that are not wise, see things that are
[SPEAKER_00]: So chapter 13 is equipped to discern influences biblically, and then 14 is prepared to navigate friendships biblically.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the team are very different.
[SPEAKER_00]: Perfect placement before those two is chapter 12 out of cultivated teach bar.
[SPEAKER_00]: because if they don't have a teachable heart to you, you can't do chapter 13.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't do chapter 14.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of things.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that is like a crucial, crucial thing in the chapter right before that.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's all build up.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's chapter 11 is vital listening skills.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so in chapter 10 is humility and the benefits of biblical community.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you can see how this book builds upon itself.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you have to discuss your questions after every chapter and so forth.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so important.
[SPEAKER_00]: Another thing that happens as mismanaging influences, that's causing you to be discouraged, is because you might have family influences.
[SPEAKER_00]: You might have extended family.
[SPEAKER_00]: You might have friendships, but the children aren't the great examples for your children, and you're torn inside.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're like, I love my friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: But they're not parenting very well and the children are bad influences and they come home and then I see their behavior change everything We've been doing is getting destroyed or wow when they go over to so-and-so-and-so-as-house You know, they're seeing the wrong things and they're saying the wrong words afterwards and they're getting exposed to the wrong things You have to take action
[SPEAKER_00]: And when you don't take action out of fear, you are going to be discouraged because you don't feel like you It's something's good.
[SPEAKER_00]: Positive is going to change.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's because God made you the most important influences in your children's life
[SPEAKER_00]: to make wise choices, hard choices, be courageous, and you have to be filled up to be courageous.
[SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of the messaging out there is just Paulianna, people pleasing fake relationship, fake peace, lack of real love that the Bible talks about.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the Bible, real love in the Bible.
[SPEAKER_00]: isn't about fake pieces about real peace which has to do with truth.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't have real love and peace without righteousness as it says in Psalms.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's so important that we're walking courageously and we're not sinning as parents and I think it's simple to have the wrong definition of love and to not be protecting our children because we're scared of what people think, we're scared of hurting relationships and things like that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so when we wrote this book, I'm just going to do a little last minute plug on this.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is coming out in a little bit in a week and a half-ish from now.
[SPEAKER_01]: Two seconds.
[SPEAKER_01]: But one of the things that's really powerful is this concept of teaching your kids the reality of humanity.
[SPEAKER_01]: it's not just knowing what our human nature is like and having a realistic perspective of our children that does change our parenting and that's what we were just talking about and that's incredibly crucial.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's kind of like labeling and the excuses, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: We just talked about that with like, oh my child is different.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're this way and so therefore they can't do this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well we could all potentially say that regarding their human nature.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so the truth is though, at the end of the day, we need to teach those realities to our children so that they are equipped to be able to discern right from wrong and be able to be a light in this world because you don't necessarily want your kids to just run away from every single person the moment that they sin.
[SPEAKER_01]: right?
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that that's like it's kind of like the toxic astrangement cancel culture that we see out there, although that's very wayward because it's woke.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so there's this like they're turning away from righteousness and truth, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And fleeing the other way.
[SPEAKER_01]: But in in Christian parenting, we need to be careful to teach our kids to choose friends wisely.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, we need to teach them.
[SPEAKER_01]: to love their enemies, what is loving your enemy.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, there's just this is such a huge topic.
[SPEAKER_01]: We covered it so well in this book, but also we do talk about it more in depth in the parenting mentor program, in the discipleship section.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that one of the reasons why that I'm bringing that up is because this is such a
[SPEAKER_01]: a huge topic that is, it's hard to get your whole mind around.
[SPEAKER_01]: But the Bible has so much to say regarding this, we are the salt of the earth.
[SPEAKER_01]: We are the light, a city set on the hill.
[SPEAKER_01]: That is what God calls us to be.
[SPEAKER_01]: as ambassadors for him.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so if we're raising our children to truly be ambassadors, they can't just isolate, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Which is what a lot of Christian parents have tried to do in the past.
[SPEAKER_01]: Again, that was that ditch of like, we're going to do this way.
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, in my pro homeschooling, some people might say that that's isolating.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to just say, we don't isolate, but we do homeschool.
[SPEAKER_01]: I do believe that when it comes to teaching my children, I want them to be taught what is biblical, not what is anti-biblical, or extribiblical.
[SPEAKER_01]: I also want to be in control when they're younger of who they are being influenced by, so that they're being influenced by good, so that I can regularly discipline them.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's so many aspects to that.
[SPEAKER_01]: But then we go out and we're a better equipped force for good when we do go out.
[SPEAKER_01]: right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And so as parents, you have to have these conversations because there are times where I feel discouraged to do the hard thing and keep homeschooling.
[SPEAKER_01]: Even after 23 years, but you know what keeps me going is that I know that Isaac and I were in alignment with our plan of what we are doing to create the family culture that we want and the legacy that we feel God's calling us to.
[SPEAKER_01]: That why that vision requires me to put aside fear,
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, overwhelmed, it, it calls me to put aside my, the pain that maybe I'm physically feeling on tired, I'm exhausted, maybe not the season.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, what is the vision?
[SPEAKER_01]: What is the plan?
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to see this through, we have to be faithful so that at the end we hear well done good and faithful sermon.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for joining us for today's podcast.
[SPEAKER_01]: Hope you guys are encouraged and be on the lookout for this book.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you are interested in joining our launch team, there's still some time.
[SPEAKER_01]: Still some room.
[SPEAKER_01]: Go to bcragismindustry.org Ford's slash book to find out about that.