WEBVTT 00:02.177 --> 00:04.859 [SPEAKER_01]: Hello, and welcome to the Christian parenting podcast. 00:04.959 --> 00:10.383 [SPEAKER_01]: Today, we are focusing in on marriage and how to build our marriages on faith and prayer. 00:10.924 --> 00:18.290 [SPEAKER_01]: I am talking with Brad and Heidi Mitchell, who are the founders of Build Your Marriage, and we're diving into what it really looks like to build a marriage centered on prayer. 00:18.950 --> 00:20.532 [SPEAKER_01]: They have been married for over 40 years. 00:20.572 --> 00:25.397 [SPEAKER_01]: They have raised a family and they have spent decades helping other couples strengthen their marriages through Christ. 00:25.777 --> 00:29.741 [SPEAKER_01]: They are so filled with wisdom and insight I think you're going to love them. 00:29.801 --> 00:40.473 [SPEAKER_01]: So in this conversation we talk about why prayer matters so much in marriage, why it can feel so hard to actually do together and how even small simple steps can completely change the spiritual direction of your home. 00:41.153 --> 00:53.449 [SPEAKER_01]: So if you've ever felt unsure about where to start, or like you and your spouse aren't quite on the same page spiritually, or if you are the only couple not praying together, spoiler alert you're not, but you really want to start praying together. 00:53.469 --> 00:54.971 [SPEAKER_01]: This episode is for you. 00:55.151 --> 00:56.213 [SPEAKER_01]: I hope that you let it. 01:03.322 --> 01:05.984 [SPEAKER_01]: Hi, Brad and Heidi, welcome to the Christian parenting podcast. 01:06.184 --> 01:06.725 [SPEAKER_00]: Hi, Steph. 01:06.765 --> 01:07.946 [SPEAKER_00]: It's so great to be here. 01:07.986 --> 01:09.447 [SPEAKER_00]: We just love this ministry. 01:09.527 --> 01:09.887 [SPEAKER_02]: We do. 01:09.907 --> 01:11.289 [SPEAKER_02]: We're so excited to be with you. 01:11.369 --> 01:12.710 [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for having us all on. 01:13.050 --> 01:13.931 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, thank you so much. 01:13.971 --> 01:14.711 [SPEAKER_01]: That's so kind. 01:14.872 --> 01:16.433 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm really excited to talk with you guys. 01:16.733 --> 01:20.056 [SPEAKER_01]: We are going to talk all about building your marriage on prayer. 01:20.736 --> 01:33.643 [SPEAKER_01]: And on the Lord, and really strengthening your marriage in that way, and I'm really excited to get to that, but first I want to kind of give a little info on you guys, so we you introduce yourselves and tell us about what you do and your family and all the important things. 01:33.843 --> 01:35.844 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, we've been married almost 43 years. 01:36.185 --> 01:37.825 [SPEAKER_00]: We have three children. 01:38.006 --> 01:42.548 [SPEAKER_00]: They're all married, and we love our in-law kids just as much as our regular kids. 01:42.768 --> 01:44.329 [SPEAKER_00]: And we have four grants. 01:44.649 --> 01:49.572 [SPEAKER_00]: They're four years old, three years old, and then we have two one-year-olds who are not twins. 01:50.507 --> 01:52.687 [SPEAKER_02]: And then we're very involved obviously in ministry. 01:52.828 --> 01:56.668 [SPEAKER_02]: The ministry that we co-founded a number of years ago is called Build Your Marriage. 01:56.688 --> 02:00.749 [SPEAKER_02]: And Build Your Marriage is really all about helping couples build a Christ-centered marriage. 02:01.289 --> 02:04.850 [SPEAKER_02]: On our website, that we have nearly 300 marriage articles that we've written. 02:04.930 --> 02:08.311 [SPEAKER_02]: We have four books, a lot of social media that we put out there. 02:08.331 --> 02:15.052 [SPEAKER_02]: But we also mostly do conferences around the country and around the world really to help couples strengthen their marriages and have a Christ-centered marriage. 02:15.172 --> 02:17.093 [SPEAKER_02]: And then I'm also a full-time pastor. 02:17.793 --> 02:19.033 [SPEAKER_02]: here in the Cincinnati area. 02:19.053 --> 02:23.694 [SPEAKER_02]: So we've got all those pieces that are part of our world in that makes up a lot of Brad and Heidi. 02:23.874 --> 02:25.255 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so you're still a little bit busy. 02:26.075 --> 02:26.835 [SPEAKER_02]: Just a little bit. 02:26.995 --> 02:27.815 [SPEAKER_01]: We like it though. 02:28.095 --> 02:28.636 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we do. 02:28.676 --> 02:29.516 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah. 02:29.876 --> 02:37.658 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean it's good to be busy and it's good to be busy with things that you're passionate about and when they kind of go together with ministry and family and then you get to raise your own family. 02:37.758 --> 02:38.998 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that's just a gift. 02:39.667 --> 03:08.230 [SPEAKER_01]: right right it really is we're so grateful yeah live in the dream well i'm excited to talk with you guys because i think so many parents who are listening right now are trying to build strong families and also nurture their marriage and take care of their marriage which is so hard to do when you're in the stages of like my kids where we were kind of talking before this that my kids are all super busy in their activities but nobody's driving and so it's just a really busy season like there's homework there's all the things and you want to be invested in your marriage too 03:09.151 --> 03:15.876 [SPEAKER_01]: I kind of want to start with a little of your wisdom because you've been married 43 years and doing ministry for so long. 03:15.956 --> 03:19.639 [SPEAKER_01]: So I know they have insight to share about the good and the hard too. 03:19.759 --> 03:27.085 [SPEAKER_01]: So I would just be curious, what do you think are a few things or like one main thing that sustain a marriage long term? 03:27.265 --> 03:29.648 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'll start and I'll say it's prayer. 03:29.808 --> 03:30.649 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just huge. 03:30.970 --> 03:34.714 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember being in a season similar to you or maybe a little bit younger. 03:35.215 --> 03:37.858 [SPEAKER_00]: Our children were younger than where years are right now. 03:38.219 --> 03:45.888 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just remember cleaning my house and cooking and, you know, the laundry was never done and activities here there and everywhere. 03:46.509 --> 04:02.867 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just honestly felt overwhelmed and I was like, I can't do any of this well and one day I just kind of sat down and I thought, if I can do one thing well, what's the number one thing that I'm just going to borrow my heart into to do well and I thought it's really prayer. 04:03.267 --> 04:10.555 [SPEAKER_00]: because if I pray, I could multiply my time, could that would help me accomplish other things. 04:10.655 --> 04:12.417 [SPEAKER_00]: God's power would be upon me. 04:12.437 --> 04:13.399 [SPEAKER_00]: It would be upon us. 04:13.479 --> 04:15.681 [SPEAKER_00]: It would help us raise our children. 04:15.721 --> 04:16.883 [SPEAKER_00]: It would help our marriage. 04:17.283 --> 04:22.489 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I just really determined that day that I was gonna start fervently praying for our kids. 04:22.749 --> 04:25.833 [SPEAKER_00]: And so every night, I would go into our kids room. 04:25.853 --> 04:39.509 [SPEAKER_00]: They were probably, you know, maybe seven, like seven, four, and a baby at that time, and I would just like lay hands on them and just, you know, touch their shoulder, touch the back of their head, and just pray. 04:40.390 --> 05:05.193 [SPEAKER_00]: however the Holy Spirit led me and I did that even when our son was graduating from high school I would go at his room and I would go to sleep before he would and I just have him stand up and he put his head down and I pray for him and I think honestly I think that's the number one thing it's best for your marriage it's best for your kids it's best for you spiritually and you just unleash God's power all over your family when you do that yeah 05:05.533 --> 05:33.602 [SPEAKER_02]: I'll just add into that, you know, as a husband and wife, one of the things that has been so important for us around prayer, has been that it's helped us to really connect with each other on a more intimate level, and it's not like we've had to have a long drawn out conversation, it's almost like a turbo charges the connection between us as a husband and wife, and also unites our hearts around the things that matter like praying for our children, and that has been a huge thing, so Heidi did that independently, obviously we would do that together as a couple, 05:33.902 --> 05:41.684 [SPEAKER_02]: It's interesting stuff because when you look at the divorce rates in our country, depending on the stats you look at, it's like 40 to 50 percent of all first-time marriages. 05:41.865 --> 05:43.965 [SPEAKER_02]: And many of the listeners, you're in blended marriages. 05:44.025 --> 05:49.027 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, you know the pain of what all that creates and nobody wants to go through that, like again. 05:49.447 --> 05:52.948 [SPEAKER_02]: But for the couples that pray together, it's one out of every 1,152 get divorced. 05:56.149 --> 05:59.710 [SPEAKER_02]: When you think about that, it isn't, I mean, really is. 05:59.970 --> 06:08.753 [SPEAKER_02]: And when you think about the protective power of prayer to really encapsulate your marriage to unite you as a husband and wife, to help you as parents, my goodness. 06:08.833 --> 06:16.616 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, this is something that we all need to learn and to begin to do, and yet, so if you do it, only 5% of all couples pray together. 06:16.636 --> 06:17.096 [SPEAKER_02]: 5%? 06:18.136 --> 06:21.420 [SPEAKER_02]: And for couples in ministry, only 6% pray together. 06:21.641 --> 06:23.683 [SPEAKER_02]: That's pastors and missionaries and such. 06:24.144 --> 06:27.708 [SPEAKER_02]: So it's fascinating how many don't actually do it. 06:27.748 --> 06:33.035 [SPEAKER_02]: So for all of you listening, if you're going now, we don't, you know, well, you're probably in the majority, right? 06:33.295 --> 06:34.717 [SPEAKER_02]: But that doesn't mean you can't start. 06:35.323 --> 06:52.831 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, okay, two things I want to point out from there before we move on is I love Heidi that that was your number one thing when you were a young mom realizing like I want to pray for my kids and for my husband and for my family because when I asked that question the really easy answer would be like I created systems. 06:54.503 --> 06:59.548 [SPEAKER_01]: I did all these things to be more efficient and to get more done and to make the laundry easier. 06:59.888 --> 07:12.660 [SPEAKER_01]: And while all those things are super good and very important in making a house, run smoothly, I loved that your answer was first praying and praying over those things, because that is the foundation, but it is really easy to be like efficiency. 07:12.900 --> 07:14.181 [SPEAKER_01]: How can I pray more efficiently? 07:16.483 --> 07:16.744 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 07:17.244 --> 07:19.306 [SPEAKER_01]: And then I think it's just so good. 07:19.466 --> 07:24.490 [SPEAKER_01]: Like the reminder that if you're listening and you are not praying with your spouse, you're not alone. 07:24.650 --> 07:30.594 [SPEAKER_01]: Like those statistics are staggering 5% and then 6% for people in ministry, but you're not alone. 07:30.694 --> 07:35.718 [SPEAKER_01]: So don't feel like you're behind if you're listening this episode and you haven't started praying with your spouse yet. 07:35.878 --> 07:39.381 [SPEAKER_01]: Like hopefully we can help you come up with some ways to do that, but you're not alone. 07:39.561 --> 07:44.245 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's something that people don't want to even want to talk about it because they feel like they're the only ones who aren't. 07:44.735 --> 07:49.817 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, and Satan wants us to be isolated and to think that we're the little one struggling with, whatever we're struggling with, right? 07:49.877 --> 07:57.741 [SPEAKER_02]: Whether it's a sin issue or it's a prayer issue, if it's positive or negative, he likes us to be isolated and not realize, you know, we're actually probably in pretty good company. 07:57.921 --> 08:08.186 [SPEAKER_02]: And once we realize that we're in a community of people who are learning and growing and stretching in new ways, well, then we can start taking those steps that are necessary for the betterment of our marriage. 08:08.433 --> 08:09.274 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah. 08:09.834 --> 08:18.921 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so everything you said before, like the statistics of divorce rates, with people who aren't praying together and the people who are praying together and then how many people actually are. 08:19.341 --> 08:34.713 [SPEAKER_01]: Like knowing all this that prayer is so important in the marriage, I do feel like sometimes it comes naturally to people and then sometimes it's more of a struggle, but when we know those statistics, and we know it's important, and we love Jesus, and we want to raise our kids to know Jesus, how come it's so hard to pray with your spouse? 08:34.913 --> 08:39.380 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I think one thing for some people, they were raised in families where it was never exemplified. 08:39.720 --> 08:41.302 [SPEAKER_00]: And so they never saw that. 08:41.383 --> 08:43.466 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it never became a habit for them. 08:43.806 --> 08:45.589 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe their parents didn't do it. 08:45.709 --> 08:46.650 [SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't talked about. 08:46.670 --> 08:49.274 [SPEAKER_00]: It was kind of just a private thing that you did in the family. 08:49.955 --> 08:54.676 [SPEAKER_00]: I think, and you may have even been raised in a Christian home, but it was just not discussed. 08:55.016 --> 09:02.398 [SPEAKER_00]: I think another thing is couples can get really nervous praying in front of each other, because they may feel like their spouse is going to judge them. 09:02.638 --> 09:07.619 [SPEAKER_00]: If I'm praying about one of, like, say, my relationship with our son, he's our oldest. 09:07.699 --> 09:15.221 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, you know, God, please bless this relationship and just help me to have wisdom and raising this boy. 09:15.241 --> 09:19.062 [SPEAKER_00]: And then, you know, we're struggling or I'm struggling and how to handle 09:20.082 --> 09:28.984 [SPEAKER_00]: Then maybe two weeks later, Brad comes and goes, oh, you prayed about that and I think you do it any better, you know, and so there's like that feeling of judgment. 09:29.604 --> 09:32.925 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think that's another thing that can cause trouble. 09:33.025 --> 09:45.027 [SPEAKER_00]: I think also people just misunderstand how they approach God, do they have to say, are Heavenly Father, do they have to say, Daddy God, do they say God, do they say Lord Jesus, 09:48.488 --> 09:53.830 [SPEAKER_00]: So I think those are some of the common struggles with entering into prayer with your spouse. 09:53.911 --> 09:55.231 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I'll add in a few more. 09:55.391 --> 09:57.692 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, just along with those, because those are so good. 09:58.072 --> 10:00.894 [SPEAKER_02]: I think sometimes we're not even used to praying out loud on our own. 10:01.434 --> 10:05.136 [SPEAKER_02]: And so then to hear ourselves pray out loud with our spouse, we really feel 10:05.916 --> 10:06.436 [SPEAKER_02]: vulnerable. 10:06.776 --> 10:15.981 [SPEAKER_02]: And for a lot of men, I'll just speak for the men for a lot of us men we can feel very insecure about praying in front of our wife because we see our wife as being the more spiritual one. 10:16.061 --> 10:17.381 [SPEAKER_02]: She's been in more Bible studies. 10:17.421 --> 10:18.622 [SPEAKER_02]: She's been a Christian longer. 10:18.682 --> 10:20.063 [SPEAKER_02]: She's been more verbal about her faith. 10:20.083 --> 10:22.023 [SPEAKER_02]: She talks about it more and we don't. 10:22.144 --> 10:24.825 [SPEAKER_02]: We end up being like really private and maybe drawn in. 10:26.065 --> 10:29.707 [SPEAKER_02]: And our faith was never meant to be private, personally, yes, but not private. 10:30.367 --> 10:39.930 [SPEAKER_02]: And so as a man, we don't want to open up our mouth and look like we're less than, or like, you know, where we can some area, we always want to be strong, you know, for our wife. 10:40.250 --> 10:43.311 [SPEAKER_02]: And so we just don't, we just don't open up and we don't pray. 10:43.392 --> 10:45.612 [SPEAKER_02]: And then you had in there spiritual warfare. 10:46.052 --> 10:51.194 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, if Satan knows those same statistics, obviously, about how powerful prayer is to protect 10:53.135 --> 10:57.498 [SPEAKER_02]: He's going to do everything he possibly can to keep a husband and wife from praying together. 10:57.578 --> 11:10.608 [SPEAKER_02]: So he'll, you know, he'll play on those insecurities of vulnerabilities in all the things that Heidi was mentioning as well to keep us from leaning into the very thing that is going to be the most important for us, not only has a husband and wife, but has a mom and dad. 11:10.828 --> 11:18.357 [SPEAKER_02]: as a mom and dad to be drawn together spiritually to be united and connected together and setting that example for your children spiritually, my goodness. 11:18.757 --> 11:22.942 [SPEAKER_02]: The impact that can have on succeeding generations is just unimaginable. 11:23.182 --> 11:24.984 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, it's just amazing what God can do. 11:25.244 --> 11:25.485 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 11:25.965 --> 11:34.111 [SPEAKER_01]: I want to kind of touch on that like this spiritual like mismatch or unequal feelings between sometimes that has been in a wife. 11:34.151 --> 11:37.533 [SPEAKER_01]: I think that can be a big source of tension in a family. 11:37.573 --> 11:45.138 [SPEAKER_01]: I've spoken to hundreds of hundreds of mom's groups throughout the country and I feel like there's always when we get to question and answer time. 11:45.158 --> 11:50.342 [SPEAKER_01]: There's always someone like, what if my husband doesn't pray or what if he doesn't want to or what if he's not 11:51.983 --> 11:59.105 [SPEAKER_01]: You can always see the nervousness in that mom going to ask that question because she just is like, I don't know what to do with this. 11:59.145 --> 12:15.010 [SPEAKER_01]: So if people are feeling not quite on the same level in their own spirituality, how can they move past that and how can they use prayer as a place of connection kind of like you mentioned before instead of intimidation or tension and making kind of harder. 12:15.210 --> 12:22.618 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, one thing I'll say, I'll just jump in first, one thing I'll say to the dads to the guys is that often, you know, we hear about like you've got to be the spiritual leader. 12:22.638 --> 12:25.421 [SPEAKER_02]: You've got to be the spiritual, you know, whatever influence in the home. 12:25.761 --> 12:33.990 [SPEAKER_02]: And well, we like to say is instead of thinking of his spiritual leader because that sometimes implies knowing more or being a Christian longer or something. 12:34.190 --> 12:37.712 [SPEAKER_02]: We often talk about being just the spiritual initiator, and it's still leading. 12:37.932 --> 12:42.354 [SPEAKER_02]: But when you put it in the framework of being an initiator, I mean, you initiate the family going to church. 12:42.634 --> 12:43.354 [SPEAKER_02]: Any guy can do that. 12:43.694 --> 12:45.475 [SPEAKER_02]: You initiate praying with your spouse. 12:45.835 --> 12:46.696 [SPEAKER_02]: Any guy can do that. 12:47.016 --> 12:50.738 [SPEAKER_02]: You initiate spiritual conversations like, hey, where do you guys seem to get it work lately? 12:51.178 --> 12:52.358 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, any guy can do that. 12:52.779 --> 12:59.962 [SPEAKER_02]: So being the spiritual initiator really is leading, but reframing it really takes that edge off for a lot of guys. 13:00.262 --> 13:14.834 [SPEAKER_00]: And I would say just because your husband's reluctant to pray that you can't pray for him individually, like just pray that God grows him and gives him the desire to pray with you and recognize us how important it is for you. 13:14.854 --> 13:16.496 [SPEAKER_00]: I think you can start there. 13:16.936 --> 13:21.080 [SPEAKER_00]: I think you can also approach him and just say, you know, I'd really like to pray with you. 13:21.460 --> 13:22.882 [SPEAKER_00]: let's start pretty basic. 13:22.922 --> 13:31.673 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe start with prayers of thanksgiving so that there's not attention or they don't feel like they're being prayed at or like they've done something wrong. 13:31.693 --> 13:34.276 [SPEAKER_00]: You can just say, let's do a sense prayer of thanksgiving. 13:34.296 --> 13:34.736 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what? 13:35.097 --> 13:40.043 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, each say, your God, I'm thankful for our family and then rattle off the names of your kids. 13:40.363 --> 13:41.344 [SPEAKER_00]: something like that. 13:41.484 --> 13:42.805 [SPEAKER_00]: And I would caution women. 13:42.825 --> 13:48.288 [SPEAKER_00]: I would say whenever your spouse prays, just be really careful not to criticize them. 13:48.608 --> 13:53.231 [SPEAKER_00]: Even if you're like, I wouldn't have said it that way or I might have done this or I might, I wish he'd pray longer. 13:53.271 --> 13:54.912 [SPEAKER_00]: Just be like, that was so fun. 13:54.932 --> 13:56.493 [SPEAKER_00]: I just really enjoyed that, honey. 13:56.533 --> 13:57.874 [SPEAKER_00]: And I can't wait to do it again. 13:58.334 --> 14:01.136 [SPEAKER_00]: And so another thing you can do is also fun. 14:01.836 --> 14:11.684 [SPEAKER_00]: classic prayers like either in the Bible like the Psalms or books by authors like Spurgeon or Toes or people like that and just pray their prayers together. 14:11.704 --> 14:18.609 [SPEAKER_00]: You can use the Lord's prayer and just one of you pray a line or a sentence and then the next one and do something like that. 14:18.809 --> 14:22.933 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I love that because sometimes I do think it is just because we're uncomfortable praying out loud. 14:23.473 --> 14:28.315 [SPEAKER_01]: Like when you started in ministry, I remember I used to write my prayers down, and then I would like read them. 14:28.655 --> 14:31.336 [SPEAKER_01]: But I was hoping that since I was like looking down, no one wouldn't know. 14:31.376 --> 14:32.076 [SPEAKER_01]: I was reading them. 14:32.177 --> 14:37.659 [SPEAKER_02]: Because I didn't want people to think, you know, I want people to think I was so confident in my praying out loud, but it wasn't intimidating. 14:37.679 --> 14:40.020 [SPEAKER_01]: Because it is for everybody when you start doing it. 14:40.120 --> 14:42.461 [SPEAKER_01]: So reading a prayer is okay. 14:42.841 --> 14:46.702 [SPEAKER_01]: And again, that's such a good, like baby step into having your own words. 14:46.782 --> 14:48.103 [SPEAKER_01]: Because it's hard to come up with the words. 14:48.792 --> 14:49.112 [SPEAKER_02]: It is. 14:49.332 --> 14:50.073 [SPEAKER_02]: That's exactly right. 14:50.173 --> 14:53.794 [SPEAKER_02]: And it really trains you to be able to hear yourself pray out loud. 14:54.334 --> 14:57.395 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, so just read in the prayer with your spouse. 14:57.776 --> 15:02.177 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, you're, you're now hearing your voice and you're hearing the two of you speaking your prayers together. 15:02.197 --> 15:11.161 [SPEAKER_02]: And that can really kind of launch the two of you into more less formal prayers, less written prayers to words just, you know, what's on your heart and speaking it before God. 15:11.355 --> 15:16.020 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, and taking some of that pressure away to make it like the person to be super long. 15:16.140 --> 15:18.302 [SPEAKER_01]: I loved the idea of just like, thank you for our family. 15:18.442 --> 15:19.744 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's good enough. 15:19.944 --> 15:23.407 [SPEAKER_01]: Like it doesn't have to be at this big, long, eloquent thing every single time. 15:23.648 --> 15:25.950 [SPEAKER_01]: There's a time in the place for that, but keep me inside. 15:26.150 --> 15:30.515 [SPEAKER_00]: And you'll find two that as you start praying together, your prayers will naturally get longer. 15:30.835 --> 15:46.993 [SPEAKER_00]: because you'll be more comfortable and it's just like when you first meet somebody you may talk to them a little bit but as you know them better you talk more and it's kind of the same way with prayer you may do just a sentence in the beginning but as you talk more and feel more comfortable praying together you'll start talking more I'm sharing more and 15:47.393 --> 15:52.654 [SPEAKER_02]: That's right, and you know, Steph, you said something alone to go that really clicked with me when you said it's good enough. 15:53.014 --> 16:09.018 [SPEAKER_02]: I think sometimes we set in our minds this huge bar of what Per are supposed to be like and you know, we think about these people who pray for hours on end or something you know or you hear your pastor pray or somebody else And it's like I could never measure up to that and so we just don't I think to simply say that's good enough 16:09.758 --> 16:10.338 [SPEAKER_02]: is good. 16:10.559 --> 16:16.702 [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I mean, just to engage and say the sentence prayer, say the simple prayer together and go, you know, that's good enough. 16:17.042 --> 16:18.263 [SPEAKER_02]: That gets you started, right? 16:18.403 --> 16:21.865 [SPEAKER_02]: Anything that really catalyzes and gets you started is good enough. 16:22.085 --> 16:23.506 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 16:23.826 --> 16:29.750 [SPEAKER_01]: I want to kind of loop back to another thing you mentioned a little bit ago and that's kind of the reality of spiritual warfare in a marriage. 16:30.250 --> 16:36.634 [SPEAKER_01]: It's kind of like you said like the enemy loves to go after a family that is firmly rooted in Christ. 16:37.103 --> 16:40.265 [SPEAKER_01]: So for people who are kind of like, I don't know about that. 16:40.385 --> 16:46.309 [SPEAKER_01]: How does spiritual warfare show up in subtle ways or big ways in a home and then how does prayer combat that? 16:46.449 --> 16:47.750 [SPEAKER_00]: It shows up in a lot of ways. 16:47.790 --> 16:56.235 [SPEAKER_00]: I think one way is when husband and wife start fighting or arguing and sometimes it's over ridiculous things that you shouldn't even be fighting about. 16:56.315 --> 16:58.217 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes it is over more serious things. 16:58.557 --> 17:00.118 [SPEAKER_00]: I think to it can show up like, 17:00.478 --> 17:19.994 [SPEAKER_00]: some time not saying all rebellion is necessarily spiritual warfare, but often a child who's kind of got to chip on their shoulder and is just living a pattern of rebellion, there could be a spiritual foothold there, whether they open that door, you know, by things that they did are allowed in, you know, maybe 17:21.034 --> 17:28.879 [SPEAKER_00]: The god on ledge, but maybe music or what they've watched or things that they're just allowing their mind to think about or maybe with friends. 17:29.219 --> 17:38.625 [SPEAKER_00]: So I think that's another way and just not being alert to the fact that the devil crawls around and really wants to destroy a godly family. 17:38.825 --> 17:43.971 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'll just dig in with that because, you know, you talked about the music and some of the other things are allowed in the home. 17:44.251 --> 17:48.617 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, go down the path of pornography and some of the movies that people are allowing in. 17:48.657 --> 17:53.623 [SPEAKER_02]: Some of the things that people don't realize with spiritual warfare is that they're demonic attachments to those things. 17:54.203 --> 18:00.208 [SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, we're opening up our home and exposing our home really, I mean, we, to, to the, to the, to the intruder. 18:00.308 --> 18:06.133 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, we have, we have alarms to protect our home, you know, from burglars coming in and some people arm themselves. 18:06.173 --> 18:16.201 [SPEAKER_02]: I'll do all kinds of things to protect their home, but we allow Satan to just waltz right in, you know, through the things that we have on our screens, whatever screen it might be, or the things that we're allowing in our AirPods. 18:16.622 --> 18:16.722 [SPEAKER_02]: And, 18:17.302 --> 18:26.088 [SPEAKER_02]: not being mindful of the fact that we have to guard our hearts, because as the Bible says, it is the wellspring of life, and it is the wellspring for your family. 18:26.389 --> 18:35.615 [SPEAKER_02]: So as husbands and wives, my goodness, as parents, you've got to be so united and vigilant about protecting your home from the influences of the enemy. 18:35.936 --> 18:41.680 [SPEAKER_02]: No matter what it is, and by the way, a lot of the kids programming today, you've got to be so careful, because there are so many subtle 18:42.300 --> 18:48.923 [SPEAKER_02]: messages that are in there of the world and of the devil to really be planted as seeds sewn into your kids' lives. 18:49.303 --> 19:01.029 [SPEAKER_02]: So again, that's where prayer is so important because it keeps you centered on Jesus Christ, keeps you centered on God's values, and really makes you focused on bringing those values in and resisting the devil so that he does flee from you. 19:01.229 --> 19:08.613 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I kind of want to hear as you've been working with so many couples and he worked in these and marriage for so long. 19:08.653 --> 19:17.358 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, how have you seen when families turn to the Lord and really commit to him and commit to praying with each other and for each other and over their homes? 19:17.398 --> 19:20.360 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, how have you seen God move and marriages over time? 19:20.600 --> 19:37.714 [SPEAKER_00]: I've seen faith in God, strengthened as couples do that, and because as the whole family if they're praying about something, and then that God answers that prayer and they've seen it, you can bring your kids into that, like we were praying about this or the kids know you were praying about it, and then you see that it's like, oh, 19:37.874 --> 19:44.481 [SPEAKER_00]: Wow, it says to your kids, God really answers prayer, and so the whole family's strength is just increased. 19:44.761 --> 19:59.897 [SPEAKER_00]: We've also seen situations where couples, maybe they were fighting a lot, they didn't work what good at communication or conflict, and when they started praying, they're just both relinquishing their individual wills and submitting it to God, and then as God answers prayer, 20:01.128 --> 20:03.108 [SPEAKER_00]: shows them the direction he wants them to go on. 20:03.228 --> 20:07.489 [SPEAKER_00]: It's pretty cool because those couples no longer are like attacking each other. 20:07.509 --> 20:08.329 [SPEAKER_00]: They're like, you know what? 20:08.489 --> 20:09.390 [SPEAKER_00]: We prayed about this. 20:09.430 --> 20:10.950 [SPEAKER_00]: We prayed whether we should move. 20:10.990 --> 20:13.390 [SPEAKER_00]: We prayed whether we should put this kid in another school. 20:13.730 --> 20:16.551 [SPEAKER_00]: God's open the door for us and let us down this path. 20:16.971 --> 20:21.552 [SPEAKER_00]: So even though I'm nervous about it about our child going to this new school, we're going to trust God. 20:21.972 --> 20:24.513 [SPEAKER_00]: And so it's a faith builder and just a 20:27.153 --> 20:30.836 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we even saw one couple where their marriage had gotten absolutely destroyed. 20:30.876 --> 20:37.542 [SPEAKER_02]: We won't get into the story, although then given his permission to tell it and write about it in the such, but we won't get into their whole story, but their marriage was destroyed. 20:37.722 --> 20:38.663 [SPEAKER_02]: They got divorced. 20:39.003 --> 20:43.567 [SPEAKER_02]: And a year later he began, the husband began rebuilding trust and a relationship with her again. 20:44.267 --> 20:52.633 [SPEAKER_02]: And on their first date, he said, we're gonna, I'm bringing somebody along with us on this date, and she looked at him like, what in the world are you doing? 20:53.133 --> 20:54.394 [SPEAKER_02]: He said, I'm bringing Jesus. 20:54.734 --> 20:58.236 [SPEAKER_02]: He said, we're gonna start this thing with prayer and keep Christ of the sinner, and they did. 20:58.577 --> 21:09.564 [SPEAKER_02]: And they are like doing great today, but it was really the focus on prayer and bringing God back into the center of their relationship that strengthen their marriage, it also then strengthen their family, reunited their family, 21:09.984 --> 21:16.233 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, we have just seen God do miraculous things in couples' lives as a result of being centered on Christ and on prayer. 21:16.762 --> 21:29.928 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll just add to that one thing that we just love is when we're doing a conference and like a husband or a wife comes to Christ because you just know and we've actually had situations where a husband and a wife have come to Christ. 21:30.108 --> 21:35.751 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's so exciting because you just know that whole family, the whole dynamic of that family is changed. 21:36.131 --> 21:41.693 [SPEAKER_00]: And if the kids aren't believers, they're probably gonna become one's quickly and that's really exciting. 21:41.773 --> 21:43.714 [SPEAKER_02]: Are you just seeing legacies being built right there? 21:43.734 --> 21:44.995 [SPEAKER_02]: It's just so exciting. 21:45.524 --> 21:46.845 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, okay, two stories. 21:46.945 --> 21:51.890 [SPEAKER_01]: First of all, Heidi, it's funny you mentioned schools because this past year, I've mentioned before, is there a recording? 21:51.970 --> 21:54.673 [SPEAKER_01]: My oldest is going to high school next in the fall. 21:54.813 --> 21:57.796 [SPEAKER_01]: And he, his school is K-38. 21:58.016 --> 22:00.298 [SPEAKER_01]: And so we had to decide where is it going to go to high school. 22:00.458 --> 22:00.638 [SPEAKER_01]: And... 22:01.459 --> 22:04.682 [SPEAKER_01]: really could not decide where he was going to go to high school. 22:04.742 --> 22:08.685 [SPEAKER_01]: And my husband and I said, okay, we're going to take a day to pray and fast over this. 22:08.765 --> 22:17.572 [SPEAKER_01]: And so kind of followed a plan and then checked in throughout the day about where we were and by the end of the day, we both were totally aligned on which school we thought he should go. 22:17.812 --> 22:20.554 [SPEAKER_01]: And it was not the school we thought we were going to say. 22:20.974 --> 22:24.677 [SPEAKER_01]: And we both had so much clarity though that we were like, no, we feel so good about it. 22:24.777 --> 22:28.781 [SPEAKER_01]: And so then we went to our son and said, what are you thinking after you've been praying? 22:28.861 --> 22:29.882 [SPEAKER_01]: And he said the same school. 22:30.102 --> 22:32.604 [SPEAKER_01]: And we were all just like, okay, so there he goes. 22:32.845 --> 22:34.786 [SPEAKER_01]: And we just feel so confident about it. 22:34.886 --> 22:36.488 [SPEAKER_01]: And we know it's going to be a hard road. 22:36.708 --> 22:41.893 [SPEAKER_01]: But it's like where we feel so confident that God wants him to be, at least for next year. 22:41.993 --> 22:46.256 [SPEAKER_01]: Because we took the time to pray about it and to take that prayer seriously. 22:47.097 --> 22:49.078 [SPEAKER_01]: and we kind of made a different decision if we hadn't done that. 22:49.339 --> 22:49.899 [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely. 22:49.919 --> 22:55.162 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think, you know, fasting is just a whole another form of prayer at a whole another level. 22:55.542 --> 22:57.243 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's neat that you did that. 22:57.584 --> 22:58.264 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, where to go? 22:59.005 --> 22:59.365 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you. 22:59.645 --> 23:08.310 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, and then another story is my church had a women's retreat this past year and it was I was able to go, I was at a town, unfortunately. 23:08.411 --> 23:09.551 [SPEAKER_01]: But there was a woman 23:12.713 --> 23:18.735 [SPEAKER_01]: And her and her husband were not really believers, but they were feeling a pull. 23:18.775 --> 23:19.636 [SPEAKER_01]: And so she showed up. 23:20.016 --> 23:21.916 [SPEAKER_01]: And at the end of the retreat, they had a baptism. 23:22.137 --> 23:26.538 [SPEAKER_01]: And she walked on to that stage, got on her knees, and was like, I just accepted Christ. 23:26.958 --> 23:28.079 [SPEAKER_01]: I want to go be baptized now. 23:28.419 --> 23:30.580 [SPEAKER_01]: And so she went, walked Christ, stationed got baptized. 23:30.620 --> 23:33.401 [SPEAKER_01]: And then the next day at church, we had a baptism. 23:33.721 --> 23:37.522 [SPEAKER_01]: And her husband was like, I'm going to do this too, because I'm going to lead my wife. 23:37.742 --> 23:39.003 [SPEAKER_01]: And we're going to be baptized together. 23:39.023 --> 23:39.983 [SPEAKER_01]: And we're going to raise our daughter. 23:40.343 --> 23:41.845 [SPEAKER_01]: in this new life in Christ. 23:41.905 --> 23:43.407 [SPEAKER_01]: It's their both baptize that weekend. 23:43.787 --> 23:44.808 [SPEAKER_01]: It was just so incredible. 23:45.169 --> 23:46.390 [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely so cool. 23:46.590 --> 23:47.792 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah. 23:47.892 --> 23:48.412 [SPEAKER_01]: That's amazing. 23:48.472 --> 23:56.281 [SPEAKER_01]: It's like when people come together and change their hearts and turn them over to Christ, like families are changed forever for generations to come. 23:56.521 --> 23:56.982 [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm. 23:57.442 --> 23:57.763 [SPEAKER_02]: You're right. 23:58.123 --> 24:05.048 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think when you're younger, it's just so hard to think about the future and that you really are creating a legacy. 24:05.168 --> 24:10.311 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you can think about creating a legacy, you know, at least out a weekly basis, what am I doing? 24:10.371 --> 24:13.994 [SPEAKER_00]: And just kind of get out of the short-term minutes and the days. 24:14.034 --> 24:15.335 [SPEAKER_00]: And oh, this is so long. 24:15.395 --> 24:17.216 [SPEAKER_00]: It's such it's so horrible. 24:17.256 --> 24:22.119 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I know there's days where we all struggle with the vomit and the poop, but you know, the diapers and all that. 24:22.599 --> 24:22.800 [SPEAKER_00]: But 24:23.460 --> 24:27.823 [SPEAKER_00]: when you can just look at the long, long road and say, you know, what am I doing? 24:28.263 --> 24:31.605 [SPEAKER_00]: And your actions are being watched by these kids every day. 24:31.625 --> 24:32.145 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 24:32.365 --> 24:41.411 [SPEAKER_01]: So if there's someone listening right now who's like, I want to take one small step this week to pray more with my spouse or praying more with my family as a whole. 24:41.431 --> 24:45.313 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, what would a really good first step be for them? 24:45.573 --> 24:48.576 [SPEAKER_02]: I would say, well, obviously initiate. 24:48.616 --> 25:03.231 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, just say, hey, you know, till your spouse, if you want to pray with your spouse to say, hey, you know what, I've been, I just heard the podcast, you know, Christian printing podcast, and I'm just kind of thinking, maybe we should start praying together, what would you think if we just said a couple of sentence prayers of Thanksgiving to God, would you be okay with that? 25:03.691 --> 25:05.333 [SPEAKER_02]: And just initiate that to begin with. 25:05.393 --> 25:06.534 [SPEAKER_02]: I think that would be the first thing. 25:06.754 --> 25:11.960 [SPEAKER_02]: Second thing I would say is to perhaps begin doing what Heidi said, which is to begin praying over your kids. 25:12.301 --> 25:14.564 [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, just one by one as they're sleeping. 25:14.984 --> 25:16.726 [SPEAKER_02]: You might want to let them know that you're going to be doing it. 25:16.746 --> 25:20.110 [SPEAKER_02]: So if they don't like to have a freak out when they see somebody hovering over them, you know. 25:20.671 --> 25:23.875 [SPEAKER_02]: Heidi made sure our kids all knew that she was doing that, you know, if they were aware of it. 25:24.115 --> 25:26.138 [SPEAKER_02]: But I said that I would say that would be another key thing. 25:26.938 --> 25:34.465 [SPEAKER_00]: And I would say, you know, start like we mentioned earlier, get a book or something so that you don't feel the pressure of having to come up with what to say. 25:35.185 --> 25:43.192 [SPEAKER_00]: We wrote a book and the words are all right there and maybe you can just, you know, use that where a husband and wife kind of takes turns praying to get. 25:43.232 --> 25:46.554 [SPEAKER_01]: Tell us more how your book is laid out and then how it can help. 25:46.915 --> 25:47.295 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 25:48.743 --> 26:14.332 [SPEAKER_02]: We wrote it with the idea of just being a 40-day guide for husbands and wives to begin to pray together, and each of the days covers a different marriage topic, and Heidi can say as some of those topics, but it's just very simple, very accessible, so that each chapter has two, three pages, max, that you're going to read together as a couple, and then there is a written prayer, like Heidi said it's a written up prayer, and we designate if the husband should read it, or the wife should read it, or both are going to be reading it. 26:14.572 --> 26:19.215 [SPEAKER_02]: So you know who's going to be doing it and you're taking turns, there's no way that one person's going to take it on all the time. 26:19.575 --> 26:23.217 [SPEAKER_02]: And then there's two discussion questions about that topic after that prayer. 26:23.237 --> 26:25.998 [SPEAKER_02]: So you can go a little bit deeper into the topic as well. 26:26.058 --> 26:27.639 [SPEAKER_02]: So it really helps you to grow. 26:27.659 --> 26:29.580 [SPEAKER_02]: And that's why it's called Build Your Marriage with Prayer. 26:30.061 --> 26:38.125 [SPEAKER_02]: And so the couples, the 95% that don't pray together can begin or the 5% that do pray together can take it even to a deeper level. 26:38.465 --> 26:40.807 [SPEAKER_02]: Some of the topics are one you'd expect. 26:41.127 --> 26:43.068 [SPEAKER_02]: Some of them are a little bit surprising. 26:43.665 --> 26:49.508 [SPEAKER_00]: We wrote on things like conflict, communication, finances, things that a lot of marriages struggle with. 26:49.648 --> 27:07.055 [SPEAKER_00]: But then we also talked about things like travel, or health, or decisions, transitions, how to find a church, things like that that you may not think about all the time, or marriage purpose, because we just really wanted couples to learn to pray together, and we thought 27:08.676 --> 27:16.742 [SPEAKER_00]: of praying together, hopefully they can get to the point where they can just do it on their own, and if they don't feel ready to do that yet, then do it again. 27:16.822 --> 27:19.184 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, start over until you feel good. 27:19.224 --> 27:21.165 [SPEAKER_01]: You can use it to reference back too, right? 27:21.185 --> 27:27.430 [SPEAKER_01]: Like if you're also having to make a decision about where your kid goes to school, and you're like, I don't, how are we supposed to fast and pray over this? 27:27.450 --> 27:32.293 [SPEAKER_01]: Like you can open up the book and you have a whole day that you can reference back to, which is just incredible. 27:32.313 --> 27:35.876 [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's so helpful to have those written out prayers and a guide. 27:36.116 --> 27:41.138 [SPEAKER_01]: for couples who are getting into this or just need, because sometimes you get in a prayer rut, and you just need a little boost. 27:41.458 --> 27:43.399 [SPEAKER_01]: So I appreciate this as a resource. 27:43.679 --> 27:44.379 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, thank you. 27:44.459 --> 27:44.779 [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you. 27:44.799 --> 27:48.001 [SPEAKER_02]: And by the way, fasting is one of the chapters as a spiritual warfare. 27:49.782 --> 27:49.962 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 27:50.162 --> 27:52.004 [SPEAKER_01]: And where can we find copies of the book? 27:52.044 --> 27:54.886 [SPEAKER_01]: I'll get links and show notes for all of it. 27:54.906 --> 27:55.626 [SPEAKER_01]: So people can find it. 27:55.646 --> 27:57.087 [SPEAKER_01]: But tell us where we can connect with you guys. 27:57.347 --> 28:00.850 [SPEAKER_01]: We're in get copies of the books, retreats, resources, all of the good stuff. 28:01.030 --> 28:01.330 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah. 28:01.350 --> 28:05.974 [SPEAKER_02]: So our website is buildyourmarriage.org and that you can go there and there's a tab for books. 28:05.994 --> 28:09.456 [SPEAKER_02]: And you can see all of our books there and it'll click through to Amazon. 28:09.476 --> 28:11.378 [SPEAKER_02]: So you can purchase them through Amazon. 28:12.078 --> 28:32.393 [SPEAKER_02]: we also have about 300 articles on marriage that you can just you know search for and read and then if you just go to Amazon you can find our book build your marriage with prayer right there and order it either as a book form or also in kendo and we love to do conferences you can just go to build your marriage dottle there's an event tab and you can just reach out to us and see when our availability is 28:32.931 --> 28:33.111 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 28:33.412 --> 28:34.032 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, perfect. 28:34.052 --> 28:36.896 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, thank you guys so much for taking time out of your day to talk with me. 28:36.916 --> 28:38.338 [SPEAKER_01]: I loved this conversation. 28:38.378 --> 28:40.401 [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's going to really resonate with people. 28:40.461 --> 28:41.842 [SPEAKER_01]: So thank you so much. 28:42.103 --> 28:42.563 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you. 28:42.583 --> 28:44.225 [SPEAKER_02]: That's been great to be with you. 28:44.686 --> 28:46.068 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you and bless your ministry. 28:46.348 --> 28:46.849 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you. 28:47.916 --> 28:49.417 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much for being here today. 28:49.517 --> 28:54.201 [SPEAKER_01]: I love this conversation because it just reminds us that strong families don't just happen. 28:54.322 --> 28:58.005 [SPEAKER_01]: They're built intentionally and prayer is such a powerful place to start. 28:58.685 --> 29:02.869 [SPEAKER_01]: If this episode encouraged you, I just want to challenge you to take one small step this week. 29:03.209 --> 29:04.370 [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't have to be complicated. 29:04.390 --> 29:08.934 [SPEAKER_01]: It can be a simple prayer of gratitude with your spouse or a quiet moment praying over your kids. 29:09.315 --> 29:14.079 [SPEAKER_01]: But that can be the beginning of something really meaningful for you, your spouse, and your family. 29:14.499 --> 29:26.109 [SPEAKER_01]: You can find Brad and Heidi's book Build Your Marriage with Prayer in all the resources in today's show night, show notes, so go check that out, and as always, if this episode encouraged you please share it with a friend who might need it too. 29:26.910 --> 29:27.911 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for being here. 29:27.991 --> 29:29.112 [SPEAKER_01]: May God bless you this week. 29:29.512 --> 29:32.395 [SPEAKER_01]: May you be a family that turns to God first, not last. 29:32.855 --> 29:41.963 [SPEAKER_01]: May your prayers no matter how simple draw your heart's closer to each other and to him, and may God strengthen your marriage and your family in ways that impact generations to come.