WEBVTT 00:02.648 --> 00:03.568 [SPEAKER_00]: So what's going on? 00:03.588 --> 00:05.969 [SPEAKER_00]: You are listening to the Brown Girl Self Care podcast. 00:06.129 --> 00:09.590 [SPEAKER_00]: My name is Bree and I am the host of the show. 00:10.190 --> 00:15.191 [SPEAKER_00]: If you have been listening for a minute and you wondered where the hell I went, girl, I am back. 00:16.351 --> 00:21.092 [SPEAKER_00]: And if this is your first time listening to the podcast, you know, I'm so glad that you're here. 00:21.132 --> 00:22.933 [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for joining me, joining us. 00:23.793 --> 00:31.975 [SPEAKER_00]: As we have these conversations regarding self care and personal development and faith and healing and all these things that I believe 00:32.956 --> 00:34.479 [SPEAKER_00]: have been helping me to bloom. 00:35.461 --> 00:38.548 [SPEAKER_00]: Now at the ripe age of I'm in decade number five y'all. 00:39.229 --> 00:39.530 [SPEAKER_00]: Have I? 00:40.402 --> 00:42.203 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I turned 50 last year. 00:42.984 --> 00:43.925 [SPEAKER_00]: I think we talked about that. 00:44.005 --> 00:47.847 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, you know, I want to pose a question to you. 00:48.408 --> 00:53.491 [SPEAKER_00]: And the question is one that I was asked while I was working. 00:53.952 --> 00:58.975 [SPEAKER_00]: And this was a couple of weeks ago and curious to know what your thoughts are on this. 00:59.436 --> 01:02.438 [SPEAKER_00]: And the question that I have for you, real talk is, are you 01:03.892 --> 01:07.074 [SPEAKER_00]: the pusher or are you the driver? 01:07.874 --> 01:11.296 [SPEAKER_00]: Again, are you the pusher or are you the driver? 01:11.336 --> 01:14.557 [SPEAKER_00]: Now he may be like, what are you talking about, girl? 01:14.717 --> 01:15.418 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, let me tell you. 01:16.058 --> 01:19.139 [SPEAKER_00]: So I was at work, again, this was maybe like a couple of weeks ago. 01:19.600 --> 01:21.641 [SPEAKER_00]: And there's this, and I work in retail, by the way. 01:21.761 --> 01:24.242 [SPEAKER_00]: That's all, now the store girl for another day. 01:24.262 --> 01:27.203 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, it's another story for another day. 01:27.804 --> 01:29.805 [SPEAKER_00]: But anyway, I am back to working retail. 01:29.845 --> 01:31.706 [SPEAKER_00]: I've been working now for a few months. 01:32.766 --> 01:33.928 [SPEAKER_00]: and it's hard. 01:34.308 --> 01:36.111 [SPEAKER_00]: It's hard out here for Pimp, okay? 01:36.892 --> 01:45.584 [SPEAKER_00]: And so anyway, there's this guy that comes in an older gentleman probably, I don't know, maybe early 70s, I would guess. 01:46.185 --> 01:49.369 [SPEAKER_00]: And he comes in and he just walks around the store. 01:50.290 --> 02:15.047 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what he does for exercise he walks around the store and he does this pretty much on a daily basis and so I say that because I have seen him multiple times because when I'm there he's there every time I'm in the kitchen he's in the kitchen okay and so he's doing his laps and every morning I swear He will say are you pushing or are you driving today? 02:16.443 --> 02:26.791 [SPEAKER_00]: And usually I'm just like smoky and Friday like, you know, yeah, on the way, shoot, shoot, no, I don't do that to him, but in my mind, I'm just like, let me, let me do my job, let me do my J-O-B, okay? 02:27.332 --> 02:33.877 [SPEAKER_00]: But you know how sometimes it takes you hearing something 50, 11 times at least for me, that's the case. 02:35.873 --> 02:52.584 [SPEAKER_00]: I heard what he said every time he said it, and he would stop, I would say, hello, good morning, that kind of thing, but I never really processed what he was asking me, because in my mind, I'm greeting, I'm just saying, good morning, how have a great day, and let me continue doing my job, you know? 02:54.746 --> 02:57.928 [SPEAKER_00]: But a couple of weeks ago, I actually, 02:58.763 --> 03:15.895 [SPEAKER_00]: In the hearing what he actually said, like I, it went beyond my hearing into like my understanding and he asked again, he said, are you the pusher or are you the driver and y'all, I literally stopped in my tracks because. 03:17.436 --> 03:18.577 [SPEAKER_00]: If finally hit me. 03:20.400 --> 03:30.464 [SPEAKER_00]: the way I think it needed to hit me as a good reminder and that's what I'm bringing this conversation kind of like to you because I'm wondering if in your life are you the pusher or are you the driver? 03:30.844 --> 03:42.208 [SPEAKER_00]: Now he asks that question, I think too full because number one, obviously I'm again, I'm at work, I'm working in retail and part of my job is to girl push a cart. 03:42.748 --> 03:44.189 [SPEAKER_00]: I am pushing carts, okay? 03:50.191 --> 03:53.732 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's a very labor-intensive job, this thing that I do. 03:53.872 --> 03:56.954 [SPEAKER_00]: But that's the reason why he asked, you know. 03:57.334 --> 04:01.875 [SPEAKER_00]: But also, I think he asks, obviously, for the deeper understanding. 04:02.376 --> 04:05.157 [SPEAKER_00]: At least, this is how I'm processing it, okay? 04:05.217 --> 04:10.999 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe, maybe not, maybe he's just, I don't know, but I can't be a coincidence that he would ask this question like every single day. 04:11.759 --> 04:19.682 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, how I am taking it and how I want you to think about this question, okay? 04:21.549 --> 04:30.715 [SPEAKER_00]: When we think about yes, I am I am pushing amongst other things I am pushing a big cart okay that is a part of my job right. 04:32.417 --> 04:36.522 [SPEAKER_00]: But when you think about the whole mindset in our bloom and life and in, you know, things of that nature, I feel like at least for me. 04:36.722 --> 04:38.944 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you're a trauma baby, you know, probably you as well. 04:38.964 --> 04:41.147 [SPEAKER_00]: But I feel like for a long time life just kind of like happened to me. 04:41.167 --> 04:52.559 [SPEAKER_00]: So in other words, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, 04:52.699 --> 04:53.740 [SPEAKER_00]: just kind of like being pushed. 04:54.480 --> 04:56.281 [SPEAKER_00]: Life was just happening to me. 04:56.301 --> 05:00.123 [SPEAKER_00]: I really didn't have a strong sense of direction. 05:00.443 --> 05:09.588 [SPEAKER_00]: Whenever I was dating someone, it was like whatever you like is what I like, you know, whatever you like, you know, that kind of thing more or less, not always, but more or less. 05:11.709 --> 05:17.952 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I really didn't have goals, like, I didn't have plans, like I had goals, but not like 05:19.231 --> 05:22.572 [SPEAKER_00]: They were like, it was like short term like, oh, I got to get a job. 05:22.732 --> 05:23.493 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I had a baby. 05:23.633 --> 05:25.013 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I got to take care of this baby. 05:25.173 --> 05:29.975 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, a better, um, you know, just things like that. 05:30.215 --> 05:32.836 [SPEAKER_00]: They were like, it was like short term thinking just to. 05:34.449 --> 05:37.050 [SPEAKER_00]: to get by in my circumstances. 05:37.190 --> 05:38.130 [SPEAKER_00]: You feel what I'm saying? 05:38.690 --> 05:47.693 [SPEAKER_00]: So it wasn't like long-term, big thinking, big picture, wanting the absolute best for my life. 05:47.733 --> 05:49.874 [SPEAKER_00]: Feeling like I was in control. 05:50.874 --> 05:52.855 [SPEAKER_00]: We can't control everything, but you know what I'm saying. 05:53.544 --> 05:56.605 [SPEAKER_00]: feeling like I was a control like I had a master blueprint. 05:56.745 --> 05:58.886 [SPEAKER_00]: I was I had a plan that I could follow. 05:58.966 --> 06:00.167 [SPEAKER_00]: I could dream big. 06:00.247 --> 06:01.867 [SPEAKER_00]: I could, you know, that kind of thing. 06:01.888 --> 06:06.329 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I never really felt like I was in the drivers seat. 06:06.970 --> 06:07.430 [SPEAKER_00]: All my life. 06:07.490 --> 06:12.012 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I've had like people, you know, tell me what to do, telling me how to think. 06:12.072 --> 06:12.432 [SPEAKER_00]: Tell me. 06:12.932 --> 06:20.198 [SPEAKER_00]: How how I can feel about things tell me what to feel what tell me what to believe Tell me this is what I want for your life. 06:20.238 --> 06:23.381 [SPEAKER_00]: Tell me You know like if I'm dating someone. 06:23.401 --> 06:29.226 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, this is this is not what I like so since I don't like that, you know Too bad if you like it. 06:29.246 --> 06:30.407 [SPEAKER_00]: You know that kind of thing. 06:30.827 --> 06:35.151 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like for a very long time and maybe this is you too Is why I'm posing the question. 06:35.171 --> 06:39.514 [SPEAKER_00]: I want you to think about this this week For a long time. 06:39.594 --> 06:40.195 [SPEAKER_00]: I never 06:41.930 --> 06:49.915 [SPEAKER_00]: really took the time to really own or understand that yes. 06:51.355 --> 06:56.678 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I am allowed to take control of my damn life. 06:57.859 --> 07:04.763 [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't matter what people do like I'm going to place now where I am really doing what I can to not 07:06.295 --> 07:20.607 [SPEAKER_00]: rely on seek, super desire, crave, whatever public validation, anyone's validation is validation important of course it is in some circumstances, but I'm saying like I was someone who 07:23.387 --> 07:25.528 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, oh, you like that that I'm gonna like it to. 07:25.668 --> 07:26.448 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you don't like that. 07:26.568 --> 07:27.669 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not gonna like it either. 07:28.069 --> 07:29.129 [SPEAKER_00]: That's, you think that's good. 07:29.250 --> 07:29.850 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it's great. 07:29.870 --> 07:30.910 [SPEAKER_00]: Like that kind of thing. 07:31.210 --> 07:32.551 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you have these plans for your life. 07:32.671 --> 07:34.152 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I think I'll do that as well. 07:34.232 --> 07:34.992 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying? 07:35.292 --> 07:41.735 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I never really felt completely like, I had the power to be in control of my life. 07:43.033 --> 07:56.651 [SPEAKER_00]: I had to make sure the thing is that the green light is on because sometimes I'm talking anyway, it's on, it's on, but when he asked that question, y'all, I literally was in the store and I just stopped dead in my tracks. 07:56.871 --> 07:58.453 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not even like being dramatic. 07:58.553 --> 07:59.875 [SPEAKER_00]: I stopped dead in my tracks. 08:00.596 --> 08:06.338 [SPEAKER_00]: because it, after hearing it, his question over and over and over and over again. 08:06.378 --> 08:17.643 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes that's just, you know, sometimes we get so bogged down with life or we get so into our routines or even into our minds that's that I believe and and things like that that it it 08:19.307 --> 08:23.970 [SPEAKER_00]: It can take a long time for something to kind of sink in because we're on autopilot. 08:24.110 --> 08:29.915 [SPEAKER_00]: Like when I'm doing my job, literally, that like I said, like when he comes in, I'm like, oh, hey, good morning, good enough. 08:29.935 --> 08:31.496 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm off to the races, but 08:33.401 --> 08:39.822 [SPEAKER_00]: just living life on autopilot to me, that is a sign of being a pusher. 08:40.383 --> 08:57.946 [SPEAKER_00]: We know that when we think about pushing, when I think about pushing rather, I don't wanna assume what you think, but when I think about pushing, of course, I'm thinking about hustle mode, grind mode, team, no rest, survival mode, just pushing to get by, you know, that kind of thing. 08:58.226 --> 09:01.167 [SPEAKER_00]: But I believe that it go, it can go beyond that. 09:01.880 --> 09:12.629 [SPEAKER_00]: It can go beyond, you know, that and so literally just on autopilot pushing this card or this basket and feeling like. 09:13.767 --> 09:18.188 [SPEAKER_00]: And for a small time, I did feel like when I started this new job like, oh, okay, well, here I am. 09:19.289 --> 09:20.129 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm stuck here. 09:20.149 --> 09:24.871 [SPEAKER_00]: I got to push this cart and do this job that I really don't like. 09:25.491 --> 09:31.893 [SPEAKER_00]: And I might be here for who knows how long and you know, all those things that we sometimes tend to say to ourselves. 09:32.413 --> 09:38.455 [SPEAKER_00]: When we are not really satisfied with where we are in life, but we kind of feel a little sense of being defeated. 09:40.438 --> 09:47.782 [SPEAKER_00]: So, him asking that question helped me to remember that, you know, you may be doing something for a season or time. 09:48.783 --> 09:49.403 [SPEAKER_00]: That's fine. 09:49.983 --> 09:56.347 [SPEAKER_00]: But what we don't want to forget, and I'm so thankful that I had this reminder is that, you know, 09:57.367 --> 09:58.467 [SPEAKER_00]: you have power. 09:59.328 --> 10:23.613 [SPEAKER_00]: As much as life and circumstances and our systems and even people in our family, people around us, people in our environments, our community, like whatever, you know, there are times when for what up, for a variety of reasons, for whatever reason, it can come off as we don't have any power. 10:24.623 --> 10:27.804 [SPEAKER_00]: We have to just get along, go along to get along. 10:27.864 --> 10:30.765 [SPEAKER_00]: We are not allowed to be in the driver seat of our lives. 10:31.165 --> 10:32.605 [SPEAKER_00]: We're not allowed to drink big. 10:33.006 --> 10:37.527 [SPEAKER_00]: We're not allowed to make these big goals, make these long plans. 10:37.947 --> 10:49.931 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, we're not allowed to be in the driver seat and say, hey, this is the direction that I want to head in, rather than like someone like pushing you along a path 10:51.753 --> 11:09.608 [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of times never really was for you, at least not long-term, you know, but just feeling that power within you and just having the sense of knowing that yes, it is okay for you to be in the driver's seat of your own damn life. 11:09.768 --> 11:18.716 [SPEAKER_00]: Even if you have never really done it, there are some of us who go years without feeling like they are in the driver's seat of their own life. 11:19.502 --> 11:44.033 [SPEAKER_00]: years we get married when relationships we have kids we you know we've been told we got to do this in that and get this type of job because it pays the amount of get this degree because everyone in this family gets this degree and makes this amount of money or has this job or you know or this is what you have to believe and if you believe anything else that's just not okay like in other words there are so many circumstances behind this obviously but 11:45.162 --> 11:49.183 [SPEAKER_00]: There are just some of us have gone years, decades. 11:49.864 --> 12:01.928 [SPEAKER_00]: And there's no shame in this, but decades without ever feeling like they had permission, their own, no one else is, but their own permission to be in the driver's seat of their life. 12:04.309 --> 12:07.690 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to be the pusher. 12:08.537 --> 12:24.009 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, the one that's on autopilot all the time, and that is so, uh, so they're, so, not caught up, but let's just say that so caught up in their day to day and in their routines that they're just on autopilot. 12:24.029 --> 12:27.411 [SPEAKER_00]: They're not, they're, they're making decisions because it's always been this way. 12:27.651 --> 12:29.433 [SPEAKER_00]: So really, they're not, they're not really making, 12:31.535 --> 12:32.475 [SPEAKER_00]: conscious decisions. 12:32.555 --> 12:34.356 [SPEAKER_00]: But it's like I've always done it this way. 12:34.896 --> 12:36.637 [SPEAKER_00]: I've been taught needs to be this way. 12:36.977 --> 12:41.399 [SPEAKER_00]: I've been shown that this is how it is for black women or this is, you know, what I'm saying. 12:41.439 --> 12:43.120 [SPEAKER_00]: So it's just like so I'm going to do it this way. 12:43.140 --> 12:44.841 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to leave it this way. 12:45.201 --> 12:46.221 [SPEAKER_00]: Why rock the boat. 12:46.702 --> 12:47.622 [SPEAKER_00]: Why change. 12:48.062 --> 12:55.285 [SPEAKER_00]: Why, you know, do anything different because, you know, this is just my lot in life and this is just how it has to be, you know, I for years. 12:56.806 --> 13:06.698 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is one of the reasons why I started the Brown Girl Self Care Pat, a lot of Brown Girl Self Care podcast because for years, I had such negative defeat it. 13:09.431 --> 13:29.005 [SPEAKER_00]: thinking like just just my my thoughts and my beliefs and how I felt about myself and how I felt about just life in general and I can tell you that during that time and obviously before started the podcast but during that time definitely I was just the pusher I was just someone who you know was told this is what you do this is how you do it. 13:29.665 --> 13:32.248 [SPEAKER_00]: This is how it works around here. 13:32.729 --> 13:33.850 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't make waves. 13:34.171 --> 13:35.292 [SPEAKER_00]: You just move forward. 13:35.412 --> 13:36.253 [SPEAKER_00]: You do the job. 13:36.313 --> 13:37.034 [SPEAKER_00]: You move forward. 13:37.074 --> 13:37.755 [SPEAKER_00]: You do the job. 13:37.795 --> 13:38.376 [SPEAKER_00]: You move forward. 13:38.396 --> 13:39.277 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't question. 13:40.098 --> 13:44.683 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't deviate from the plan like my job because I am a pusher. 13:45.683 --> 13:51.026 [SPEAKER_00]: And my job technically is literally I'm following a plan like you follow the plan. 13:51.046 --> 13:52.146 [SPEAKER_00]: You do this around the store. 13:52.166 --> 13:53.347 [SPEAKER_00]: You do that around the store. 13:53.407 --> 13:55.148 [SPEAKER_00]: You you go here at this time. 13:55.168 --> 13:56.468 [SPEAKER_00]: You have to do it this quickly. 13:56.808 --> 13:59.330 [SPEAKER_00]: You got to do like there's all these little metrics and stuff. 13:59.430 --> 14:07.253 [SPEAKER_00]: But so yeah, I am technically a pusher, you know, but below the surface of that. 14:07.814 --> 14:10.695 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, at at at at at the core of it all. 14:12.450 --> 14:23.195 [SPEAKER_00]: We are much, much more than maybe life has told us that we are, we are much, much more than what our jobs tell us to be or tell us who we are or what our titles are. 14:23.735 --> 14:25.596 [SPEAKER_00]: We are definitely much, much more than our titles. 14:26.436 --> 14:34.660 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, we are much, much more than the things that we've experienced we're much, much more than the relationships that we are in or have been in. 14:35.160 --> 14:36.241 [SPEAKER_00]: We are much, we're just, 14:37.461 --> 14:41.624 [SPEAKER_00]: I hate to keep saying much, much more, but we really are much, much more. 14:41.784 --> 14:51.391 [SPEAKER_00]: And we have so many choices and options available to us, believe it or not, we really, really do. 14:52.092 --> 14:52.512 [SPEAKER_00]: We do. 14:52.532 --> 14:58.497 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, we really have so many choices and options available to us. 14:59.918 --> 15:00.318 [SPEAKER_00]: We do. 15:01.693 --> 15:18.657 [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes just to tap into these possibilities that are available to us, we just have to remember or know or realize or understand or believe that we have the right to be in the driver's seat, to be the driver. 15:19.777 --> 15:21.357 [SPEAKER_00]: We don't have to just be the automated 15:25.863 --> 15:41.515 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you are in a place of healing if you are blooming or you, you know, you're just wanting to just expand beyond your current circumstances. 15:41.996 --> 15:42.916 [SPEAKER_00]: It is possible. 15:44.117 --> 15:45.238 [SPEAKER_00]: It is possible. 15:45.258 --> 15:47.320 [SPEAKER_00]: I am living proof that it is possible. 15:47.360 --> 15:48.941 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, girl, I know like a fan. 15:49.521 --> 15:51.563 [SPEAKER_00]: I know that I'm working retail right now. 15:55.823 --> 16:00.224 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, before that I literally was, I wouldn't say I was living my dream life. 16:00.624 --> 16:20.690 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't say that I have yet felt like, oh, this is completely like this completely is my dream life, but I have done things that older versions of me really didn't think were possible for me, including starting this podcast, including 16:21.489 --> 16:28.952 [SPEAKER_00]: walking in my gifts and my purpose, in my talent, which is speaking, communicating, you know what I'm saying? 16:31.754 --> 16:34.495 [SPEAKER_00]: But there's just so much available to us. 16:34.515 --> 16:45.140 [SPEAKER_00]: There is so much richness in life, of course, financially, but otherwise, there's just so much richness in life, you know, and it really is going to come down to 16:46.381 --> 17:00.562 [SPEAKER_00]: a lot of times us making this decision on a very conscious level to say, I know whatever happened in the past, the past, I can't change that, but from this point forward, I have the right to be in the driver's seat. 17:00.843 --> 17:02.245 [SPEAKER_00]: I have the right to make a map. 17:03.118 --> 17:04.579 [SPEAKER_00]: I have a right to follow a map. 17:04.979 --> 17:07.501 [SPEAKER_00]: I have a right to deviate from the map. 17:07.701 --> 17:11.264 [SPEAKER_00]: I have a right to take little side trips. 17:11.384 --> 17:14.386 [SPEAKER_00]: I have a right to me and I have a right to get gas. 17:14.406 --> 17:20.130 [SPEAKER_00]: When I want to get gas and the type of gas I want to get in the snacks I want to get and the music, listen to the music I want to do. 17:20.371 --> 17:25.754 [SPEAKER_00]: Of course, we're not really taking a road trip, but I'm just trying to, I hope that you understand what I'm saying. 17:25.895 --> 17:29.057 [SPEAKER_00]: Like you have the right to be in the driver's seat. 17:29.077 --> 17:29.958 [SPEAKER_00]: You have a right to, 17:30.738 --> 17:43.342 [SPEAKER_00]: figure out the kind of car you want to have, the high ways you're going to go down, the color of the car, you know, just everything, you have a, the destination like you have a right to be in the driver seat. 17:44.802 --> 17:47.023 [SPEAKER_00]: You have a right to be in the driver seat of your life. 17:48.543 --> 17:52.464 [SPEAKER_00]: So again, no matter what has happened thus far. 17:59.665 --> 18:00.847 [SPEAKER_00]: as in scary. 18:01.347 --> 18:01.708 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 18:02.969 --> 18:15.184 [SPEAKER_00]: Or maybe this is the time of confusion for you as far as like you're not sure which way to go up, down left, right, in out circles like you really don't know, you know, which way to go or 18:17.958 --> 18:24.362 [SPEAKER_00]: Just what you want for your life, you have to know though that you have the right to be the driver of your life. 18:24.562 --> 18:29.806 [SPEAKER_00]: You have the right to make decisions for you, based on your better good, based on what you want. 18:30.086 --> 18:36.590 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you don't know what you want, girl, now is the, it's a great time to think about what you want. 18:36.890 --> 18:38.572 [SPEAKER_00]: It's gonna require something of you, though. 18:38.592 --> 18:43.375 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna tell you that right now, it's gonna require you to take a step back and make some time for stillness. 18:44.107 --> 18:44.808 [SPEAKER_00]: and reflection. 18:44.828 --> 18:45.808 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 18:46.669 --> 18:48.751 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, that's a huge thing. 18:48.811 --> 18:50.532 [SPEAKER_00]: We have to learn how to get quiet. 18:51.493 --> 18:52.994 [SPEAKER_00]: It's something that I'm still working on. 18:53.695 --> 18:54.095 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 18:54.755 --> 19:10.448 [SPEAKER_00]: We have to learn how to get quiet because there's a lot going on belief belief beneath the surface that we'll never really see the light of day if we can't just be still and be quiet for a time. 19:12.583 --> 19:14.885 [SPEAKER_00]: and allow things to kind of like bubble up. 19:15.826 --> 19:17.547 [SPEAKER_00]: There's so many distractions right now. 19:17.567 --> 19:18.788 [SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot going on right now. 19:18.888 --> 19:22.271 [SPEAKER_00]: As there always is, okay, there's always so much going on. 19:23.792 --> 19:33.761 [SPEAKER_00]: But again, you've been in the driver seat again, we know we can't control everything, but you saying that you were gonna be in the driver seat of your life, you're gonna be the driver. 19:34.221 --> 19:37.284 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like you, a part of your plan could be, turn off the TV. 19:39.721 --> 19:50.325 [SPEAKER_00]: Turn your phone off, read some books, start getting creative, start journaling, get quiet, get still, move your body, stretch, dance, bend, drink more water. 19:51.085 --> 19:54.046 [SPEAKER_00]: Those are easy places that don't require a lot of money to start. 19:54.466 --> 19:56.747 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, start there. 19:58.101 --> 20:03.903 [SPEAKER_00]: find ways to tap in and get grounded in you and and start to learn what you want. 20:04.423 --> 20:18.527 [SPEAKER_00]: We spend a lot of time invested in our partners, invest in our careers, invest in our children, invest it in celebrity gossip, invest it in what's going on on the housewives like whatever and I'm not picking on the real housewives. 20:18.567 --> 20:19.307 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll watch that show. 20:20.368 --> 20:48.021 [SPEAKER_00]: But we spent a lot of time on that and then we look up and we're like, oh, if only I had more hours in the day and it's like, girl, you did have more hours in the day, but you chose to not necessarily invest them in you, you chose to spend them in a way that didn't necessarily invest in you and that's okay, but just know that that's a choice that you may. 20:49.809 --> 21:08.212 [SPEAKER_00]: At some point, if you really want to get serious about being the driver of your life, if we want to start getting serious about being the drivers of our own lives, we're going to have to don't beat me up for this, okay, we're just having real talk and if this ain't you, let it fly, but some of us and myself included. 21:09.113 --> 21:12.195 [SPEAKER_00]: some of us, we really get comfortable in our excuses. 21:13.075 --> 21:13.575 [SPEAKER_00]: We do. 21:14.416 --> 21:16.917 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes we just get really comfortable in our excuses. 21:18.137 --> 21:20.879 [SPEAKER_00]: And so comfortable that it becomes our story. 21:21.419 --> 21:24.960 [SPEAKER_00]: It becomes our, like, we champion for that, you know what I mean? 21:25.000 --> 21:26.581 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, this is me, this is who I am. 21:26.681 --> 21:29.362 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, we really just fight so hard for that part of our identity. 21:31.243 --> 21:34.665 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm speaking from personal experience because I definitely, oh my gosh. 21:36.155 --> 21:38.216 [SPEAKER_00]: definitely, so many excuses. 21:38.816 --> 21:44.099 [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes you just, at some point, for some of us, we just get sick of our own shit. 21:45.520 --> 21:46.801 [SPEAKER_00]: We just get sick of our own shit. 21:47.941 --> 21:49.342 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's when things start to change. 21:50.002 --> 21:55.005 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, you know, like I said, if you don't apply, what's the same? 21:55.025 --> 22:01.048 [SPEAKER_00]: If you don't apply, let it fly, whatever, but I know that someone listening to the sound of my voice right now, you got a lot of excuses. 22:02.372 --> 22:29.594 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, and I'm talking again about things that are within our control because we cannot control everything and we shouldn't have to or even shouldn't even try to control everything because it's not about controlling it's about just understanding the power that you have some of us have not tapped into our power ever Do you know how powerful you are do you know that basically you can whatever you say it really can be 22:30.519 --> 22:33.320 [SPEAKER_00]: you know, you are so powerful. 22:34.560 --> 22:53.725 [SPEAKER_00]: And I know that I don't want to leave this earth without really fully embracing or I guess utilizing all the power and gifts and talents that are within me. 22:57.327 --> 23:06.051 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to just tap into all that stuff that's up that all those things within me that may have been hidden for my entire life. 23:07.911 --> 23:09.192 [SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of you are the same. 23:09.812 --> 23:16.835 [SPEAKER_00]: So again, the question that I post to you again, after saying all of that is Are you the pusher? 23:18.381 --> 23:24.804 [SPEAKER_00]: Like is that your identity, the pleasure, or are you the driver, or are you willing to be the driver? 23:25.405 --> 23:43.554 [SPEAKER_00]: And being the driver can be scary, obviously, when it's you making the decisions, you, you know, you determining what you wanna do, how you wanna do it, when you wanna do it, where you're gonna do it, like all those things, like you being the driver, it can feel intimidating, especially if you're not used to making decisions on a regular basis. 23:43.854 --> 23:45.415 [SPEAKER_00]: Start making small decisions every day. 23:46.415 --> 23:48.797 [SPEAKER_00]: teeny tiny microscopy decisions, okay? 23:49.278 --> 23:50.239 [SPEAKER_00]: Start making decisions. 23:50.279 --> 23:51.420 [SPEAKER_00]: That is a huge part of a power. 23:51.440 --> 23:52.641 [SPEAKER_00]: Start listening to your intuition. 23:53.482 --> 23:54.343 [SPEAKER_00]: Something don't feel right. 23:57.506 --> 23:59.888 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's do whatever you need to do, okay? 23:59.968 --> 24:06.695 [SPEAKER_00]: Even if it turns out to have been what have been okay, there has to be a way that you start to listen to your intuition because we have it for 24:11.786 --> 24:18.028 [SPEAKER_00]: in our spirits for a reason, like there's different ways to tap into your, to being the driver, the quote unquote driver of your life. 24:20.489 --> 24:35.393 [SPEAKER_00]: But we have to get to a place where we, not only say we want different, but we have to just start acting different, being different, having that mindset, which can be hard, like this is something that I still struggle with, 24:44.304 --> 24:59.452 [SPEAKER_00]: How about this, like walking it out, like in fact, walking out, being those things, you know, that we say that we want, or how we want to be, or how we want to live, like it can be hard to get into that space. 25:00.732 --> 25:01.613 [SPEAKER_00]: But I find that, 25:03.767 --> 25:14.491 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I waited for years to feel like I was ready or the one or the driver or whatever, you know, I felt I spent years just waiting. 25:14.871 --> 25:19.333 [SPEAKER_00]: It's kind of like I was waiting for someone to say, hey, tell me on the shoulders, hey, you, it's your time. 25:20.253 --> 25:21.834 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, it's your time. 25:21.894 --> 25:23.174 [SPEAKER_00]: Now you can do these things. 25:23.234 --> 25:24.115 [SPEAKER_00]: Now you can be this. 25:24.175 --> 25:25.635 [SPEAKER_00]: Now you can, you know what I'm saying? 25:25.755 --> 25:27.316 [SPEAKER_00]: I know that sounds crazy, but I think 25:29.710 --> 25:31.611 [SPEAKER_00]: That was kind of like what I was waiting for. 25:31.831 --> 25:33.452 [SPEAKER_00]: Again, external validation. 25:34.132 --> 25:42.115 [SPEAKER_00]: We got a lot of how to validate ourselves, be comfortable in rooted in ourselves, grounded in ourselves. 25:44.896 --> 25:54.880 [SPEAKER_00]: But I think that a big part of this journey that we, you and I are on, is going to look like us finally just embracing 26:00.802 --> 26:09.069 [SPEAKER_00]: the gifts that we have, the talents that we have, the amazing, amazingness that we have and that we are. 26:11.131 --> 26:21.880 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that it'll start to activate once you make the decision to be the driver, to get in the driver seat of your life. 26:23.622 --> 26:27.866 [SPEAKER_00]: So, again, are you the pusher? 26:29.077 --> 26:31.338 [SPEAKER_00]: or are you the driver? 26:32.638 --> 26:40.541 [SPEAKER_00]: If you'd like to message me and kind of give me your thoughts on this episode, feel free to email me at connectetbrowngirlsselfcare.com. 26:41.261 --> 26:45.563 [SPEAKER_00]: That's Connect Seal in M-E-C-T at to think about it. 26:46.283 --> 26:54.405 [SPEAKER_00]: Browngirlsselfcare.com or feel free to leave a message on Spotify if you're listening and watching this video on Spotify. 26:54.445 --> 26:57.245 [SPEAKER_00]: I think hopefully this will upload, praying. 27:00.366 --> 27:04.006 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, feel free to leave a comment on Spotify as well. 27:04.646 --> 27:09.947 [SPEAKER_00]: And as always, if you have not yet rated the show on iTunes, 27:13.628 --> 27:39.922 [SPEAKER_00]: do me a solid do me a solid says and rate the show five stars if that's what you're feeling you can leave comments there on iTunes as well so that is it for this week's episode of the Brown Girl Self Care podcast again are you the driver are you the pusher reflect on that this week do some soul searching I look forward to hearing your comments oh and share this on social media by the way if you're if you are so inclined 27:41.022 --> 27:43.064 [SPEAKER_00]: You can tag me in your stories. 27:43.504 --> 27:47.567 [SPEAKER_00]: I can see those as well and let me know if you are the pusher or the driver. 27:47.787 --> 27:48.147 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 27:48.787 --> 27:49.088 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 27:49.128 --> 27:50.549 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's it for this week's episode. 27:50.589 --> 27:51.329 [SPEAKER_00]: Hope you enjoyed it. 27:51.469 --> 27:58.254 [SPEAKER_00]: I look forward to connecting with you and speaking with you on next week's episode of the Brown Girl Self Care podcast in the meantime. 27:58.294 --> 28:01.856 [SPEAKER_00]: Take care and I will see you next week.