WEBVTT 00:02.472 --> 00:16.821 [SPEAKER_01]: Hey y'all hey I just wanted to drop in one more time to say if you've been enjoying these tea time with Jamie and Deoni episodes you should go to our patreon and subscribe now because after this one 00:18.302 --> 00:20.884 [SPEAKER_01]: They are all going to be only Patreon exclusive. 00:20.904 --> 00:22.885 [SPEAKER_01]: So you have to be a Patreon member to listen. 00:22.945 --> 00:27.388 [SPEAKER_01]: And I will be releasing one of these per month going forward. 00:27.488 --> 00:30.109 [SPEAKER_01]: And we have some really fun ones coming up for you. 00:30.150 --> 00:32.731 [SPEAKER_01]: And we have some fun topics planned. 00:32.991 --> 00:37.034 [SPEAKER_01]: It's always a good time on Tea Time with Diani and Jamie. 00:37.354 --> 00:37.654 [SPEAKER_01]: All right. 00:37.754 --> 00:38.875 [SPEAKER_01]: Have a wonderful week, y'all. 00:39.195 --> 00:39.956 [SPEAKER_00]: Love is love. 00:40.876 --> 00:43.038 [SPEAKER_00]: It's tea time. 00:43.698 --> 00:45.039 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't be proud, actually. 00:45.539 --> 00:46.841 [SPEAKER_00]: I get it every second. 00:46.881 --> 00:47.782 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I got it. 00:48.022 --> 00:49.944 [SPEAKER_01]: I just made Gianni sing it with me. 00:50.064 --> 00:55.050 [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back y'all to Tea Time with Jamie and Gianni on the Patreon. 00:55.190 --> 00:58.954 [SPEAKER_01]: If you're here for more, good luck. 00:59.735 --> 01:02.578 [SPEAKER_01]: We're so happy to have you as actually what Jamie meant to say. 01:04.219 --> 01:13.441 [SPEAKER_01]: We are, we are, and we've got T, we've got T to spill, and this one's going to be fun, because we're going to learn a little bit about Dianni and what's happening with Dianni. 01:13.761 --> 01:24.164 [SPEAKER_01]: It kind of goes along with our last one about how you don't have kids yet and shit and how your life is about to start laughing probably from what I can to do. 01:24.304 --> 01:26.084 [SPEAKER_01]: So what's going on with you next few years? 01:26.164 --> 01:29.505 [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like that's the thing, sorry, I'm already like, I'm already going to go up. 01:29.945 --> 01:32.446 [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like that's the thing too with a little bit of an age difference, 01:34.326 --> 01:40.210 [SPEAKER_02]: You can really feel the age difference once you get into your 30s and I've always dated older and Ashley's 34 turns no she's 33. 01:40.330 --> 01:40.570 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh my god. 01:40.590 --> 01:42.411 [SPEAKER_02]: She turns she's 33 she turns 34 in September. 01:42.811 --> 01:43.451 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm turning 30 in two weeks. 01:49.045 --> 01:57.291 [SPEAKER_02]: But I feel like that age difference with like having children because she would be the one to carry and then like all, you know what I mean? 01:57.671 --> 02:02.794 [SPEAKER_02]: So it just her body obviously has a little bit more limited time. 02:03.335 --> 02:11.860 [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like I didn't notice an age difference until I am now like getting older and I'm like, oh my god, like decisions have to be made sooner, things are whatever. 02:12.381 --> 02:14.022 [SPEAKER_02]: So that's a little side note. 02:14.622 --> 02:17.463 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's true. 02:17.483 --> 02:20.084 [SPEAKER_01]: You don't really start thinking about the clock until your 30s. 02:20.144 --> 02:20.544 [SPEAKER_01]: It's true. 02:20.685 --> 02:21.785 [SPEAKER_02]: Actually, you really don't. 02:21.805 --> 02:24.286 [SPEAKER_02]: Like in my 20s, I'm like, oh, I love dating older than it. 02:24.346 --> 02:25.206 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, like I feel fine. 02:25.226 --> 02:26.647 [SPEAKER_02]: Because you're not thinking about any of that. 02:27.147 --> 02:29.948 [SPEAKER_01]: No, at least I was at least no, most of us queries. 02:29.968 --> 02:31.569 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't think we were who knows. 02:32.029 --> 02:33.470 [SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, you do. 02:33.970 --> 02:34.950 [SPEAKER_01]: It does start to click. 02:34.970 --> 02:36.331 [SPEAKER_01]: But we started even later. 02:36.391 --> 02:36.631 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I 02:37.311 --> 02:44.477 [SPEAKER_01]: I really, because I was so focused on my acting career that I was like, I was like, no, no, no, we're going to push this till our 40s here. 02:44.617 --> 02:46.259 [SPEAKER_01]: And then it was like, no, we got to do it. 02:46.299 --> 02:47.680 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I mean, that too. 02:48.220 --> 02:58.009 [SPEAKER_02]: But for this episode, we are discussing, we talked briefly on our last page on episode about how Jamie is my elder. 02:58.864 --> 03:01.626 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so sorry, I said it like that next time. 03:01.686 --> 03:02.547 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm wrong. 03:02.567 --> 03:05.329 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm your fairy godmother. 03:05.369 --> 03:06.910 [SPEAKER_01]: She's my queer fairy godmother. 03:06.930 --> 03:07.571 [SPEAKER_01]: Sorry, sorry. 03:07.591 --> 03:09.452 [SPEAKER_02]: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. 03:09.492 --> 03:10.753 [SPEAKER_01]: She's my queer fairy godmother. 03:10.913 --> 03:12.635 [SPEAKER_01]: Consult with the elders on this one. 03:12.975 --> 03:15.517 [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that's kind of how I feel, Loki. 03:15.537 --> 03:17.258 [SPEAKER_02]: I want your advice on this. 03:18.079 --> 03:21.361 [SPEAKER_02]: Ashley and I have been discussing moving in together. 03:21.601 --> 03:23.322 [SPEAKER_02]: And for context, for those listening, 03:24.383 --> 03:25.544 [SPEAKER_02]: in May. 03:26.185 --> 03:27.426 [SPEAKER_02]: We'll have a year ago. 03:28.067 --> 03:31.230 [SPEAKER_02]: So in September, we became actual girlfriends in September. 03:31.250 --> 03:40.298 [SPEAKER_02]: And so, I mean, next month it'll be, we'll have known each other for a year, but not to September, we have been actually like girlfriends for a year. 03:40.538 --> 03:43.220 [SPEAKER_02]: So just for that background context, I think. 03:43.961 --> 04:13.053 [SPEAKER_02]: We've talked about it because both of our releases are up in August and I'd come into some like financial things I had to pay that I was like okay this is going to cost me a lot my rent is a super affordable In comparison to what other people pay in Brooklyn so it's not that bad it's manageable she pays a bit more and so we've we've talked about it before the financial stuff came up and it was kind of like I don't know if I'm ready for that because one thing about me 04:13.813 --> 04:40.800 [SPEAKER_02]: As I'm not your typical lesbian and that I'm like ready to you haul let's go I'm actually super I'm kind of like a void in which is why I'm curious about your opinion because I know that's you are like a serial monogamous to you hauler you're very typical lesbian in that way I'm a lot more avoided I mean let's call us made a spade it's a fact of the matter and a little bit more void in and so I was like we can kind of hold off like in my head I'm like if we know we're gonna spend 04:41.520 --> 05:01.205 [SPEAKER_02]: the rest of our lives are however long together, we don't need to do with this right now, you know, but then she was kind of like seeing me stress about a lot of things financially and very sweetly was like, you know, it might be worth it to move in together, to save that extra money and like I'm willing to pay a bit more so that you don't have to or like figuring out something together. 05:01.845 --> 05:02.406 [SPEAKER_02]: I love that idea. 05:02.426 --> 05:09.932 [SPEAKER_02]: I love an incentive, but talking about it more and more and we still want to sit down and like have an actual financial conversation of like, does this make sense? 05:09.972 --> 05:11.393 [SPEAKER_02]: What would the numbers be and all the things? 05:11.433 --> 05:12.634 [SPEAKER_01]: And we haven't done that right yet. 05:13.314 --> 05:16.897 [SPEAKER_01]: But as we started to like, I never set down and thought about it. 05:16.917 --> 05:17.778 [SPEAKER_01]: You did it. 05:17.818 --> 05:18.659 [SPEAKER_01]: Make sense? 05:18.959 --> 05:20.020 [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely not. 05:20.040 --> 05:20.500 [SPEAKER_01]: No. 05:21.241 --> 05:22.582 [SPEAKER_01]: It's really hard. 05:23.455 --> 05:27.019 [SPEAKER_02]: No, I'm because I'm scared, Jamie, I'm scared. 05:27.199 --> 05:27.960 [SPEAKER_02]: Here's my thing. 05:28.380 --> 05:29.661 [SPEAKER_02]: I feel fear, okay? 05:29.861 --> 05:32.184 [SPEAKER_02]: I love my girlfriend so much. 05:32.464 --> 05:33.245 [SPEAKER_02]: She's the sweetest. 05:33.385 --> 05:37.449 [SPEAKER_02]: I know that I want to be with her, but I'm scared because I've been such an avoidant. 05:37.729 --> 05:39.070 [SPEAKER_02]: My urge is always to run. 05:39.130 --> 05:42.013 [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm like, what if we start to feel like roommates rather than girlfriends? 05:42.113 --> 05:43.915 [SPEAKER_02]: What if we're not as intimate? 05:43.955 --> 05:45.076 [SPEAKER_02]: What if she's messy? 05:45.196 --> 05:45.757 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not messy. 05:45.817 --> 05:46.477 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm very clean. 05:46.958 --> 05:47.478 [SPEAKER_02]: What if like? 05:48.379 --> 05:48.960 [SPEAKER_02]: That's a thing. 05:49.000 --> 05:49.820 [SPEAKER_02]: That's a real thing for me. 05:49.940 --> 05:50.461 [SPEAKER_02]: I can get it. 05:50.481 --> 05:52.282 [SPEAKER_02]: Go over to your place and like I start. 05:52.522 --> 05:53.983 [SPEAKER_02]: I get annoyed and I don't even live there right now. 05:54.003 --> 05:55.164 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, imagine I live together. 05:55.604 --> 05:56.444 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to be annoyed. 05:56.485 --> 05:59.727 [SPEAKER_02]: And then what if I start to resent you because I'm annoyed about the mess? 05:59.767 --> 06:02.248 [SPEAKER_02]: And so like, all of this is happening in my brain. 06:02.749 --> 06:03.769 [SPEAKER_01]: Can I tell you something? 06:03.969 --> 06:04.370 [SPEAKER_01]: Please. 06:05.050 --> 06:09.393 [SPEAKER_01]: And all of that will happen like that's but that's family. 06:09.433 --> 06:10.773 [SPEAKER_01]: That's that's love. 06:10.973 --> 06:12.494 [SPEAKER_01]: That's but that's relationship. 06:12.794 --> 06:13.595 [SPEAKER_01]: That's what it is. 06:13.775 --> 06:15.316 [SPEAKER_01]: But then what if we break up because of it? 06:15.436 --> 06:16.396 [SPEAKER_01]: That's what I'm scared of. 06:16.496 --> 06:18.558 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm scared to move in and like things fall apart. 06:18.658 --> 06:20.599 [SPEAKER_01]: Well either you can't protect yourself from that. 06:20.619 --> 06:21.259 [SPEAKER_01]: You really can't. 06:21.519 --> 06:24.881 [SPEAKER_01]: This is my advice as somebody who's not an expert at all. 06:25.561 --> 06:26.522 [SPEAKER_01]: And as somebody 06:30.224 --> 06:35.046 [SPEAKER_01]: Both of my serial girlfriends, that sounds wrong, but you know what I mean right away. 06:35.666 --> 06:36.686 [SPEAKER_01]: How long was right away? 06:36.967 --> 06:38.207 [SPEAKER_02]: Be more like specific. 06:38.307 --> 06:40.108 [SPEAKER_01]: How long after you met, did you move in? 06:40.648 --> 06:44.389 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, okay, so do you want to hear Anne or you want to hear my ex before Anne? 06:44.809 --> 06:45.570 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk about Anne. 06:45.810 --> 06:47.290 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk about Anne. 06:47.470 --> 06:49.191 [SPEAKER_01]: So Anne and I met, we were a rebound. 06:49.231 --> 06:51.832 [SPEAKER_01]: It was a rebound because I had just broken up with my ex. 06:52.993 --> 06:57.834 [SPEAKER_01]: And I went straight to her apartment that night because it was a rebound hookup. 06:57.894 --> 06:59.295 [SPEAKER_01]: That's what this was supposed to be. 06:59.835 --> 07:00.075 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 07:00.436 --> 07:02.137 [SPEAKER_01]: And I ended up staying over that night. 07:03.398 --> 07:06.280 [SPEAKER_01]: And then I left the next day. 07:06.300 --> 07:07.341 [SPEAKER_01]: I left. 07:07.501 --> 07:08.161 [SPEAKER_01]: I actually left. 07:08.442 --> 07:13.085 [SPEAKER_01]: I worked against what I wanted, which I was impressed with myself. 07:13.345 --> 07:14.566 [SPEAKER_01]: So I'd let the record show. 07:14.927 --> 07:15.667 [SPEAKER_01]: Let the record show. 07:15.707 --> 07:16.588 [SPEAKER_01]: I left that day. 07:16.608 --> 07:17.529 [SPEAKER_01]: That next day. 07:18.269 --> 07:20.392 [SPEAKER_01]: And then we saw each other like that night. 07:20.532 --> 07:21.654 [SPEAKER_01]: And then we saw each other again that. 07:21.874 --> 07:25.959 [SPEAKER_01]: So it was like, once, and then it was like, we were seeing each other every night. 07:25.999 --> 07:27.461 [SPEAKER_01]: Then I was at her house every night. 07:27.501 --> 07:31.026 [SPEAKER_01]: Then I basically kind of lived there or she was at my place right away. 07:31.046 --> 07:35.572 [SPEAKER_01]: And then though, I went on a cruise. 07:36.392 --> 07:37.073 [SPEAKER_01]: And I was gone. 07:37.653 --> 07:38.454 [SPEAKER_01]: I was long distance. 07:38.494 --> 07:39.775 [SPEAKER_01]: We were long distance for two years. 07:40.215 --> 07:51.422 [SPEAKER_01]: So in that respect, I guess we had like a slow Oh, okay, to the final moment where but when I came back from that ship when I left that ship I moved out of my apartment, but I kept I held onto my apartment that whole time. 07:51.542 --> 07:52.663 [SPEAKER_01]: I subled it really yes 07:54.064 --> 07:57.946 [SPEAKER_02]: Uh, that as soon as I was back, that apartment was gone and I was in her. 07:58.066 --> 08:00.628 [SPEAKER_02]: I moved in right away, but technically it wasn't two years. 08:00.648 --> 08:05.670 [SPEAKER_02]: Like I know you were spending all of your time together and like sleeping over all the time, which is very classical as me and we all do it. 08:05.710 --> 08:08.492 [SPEAKER_02]: This is my girlfriend I do it now, which is part of the thing, too, of like, 08:09.172 --> 08:12.615 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm at your place, so you're at my place all the time anyway. 08:13.216 --> 08:14.717 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, might as well make it easier. 08:15.177 --> 08:19.361 [SPEAKER_02]: But I still, like, all the things that I said, I'm afraid of, I'm still afraid of. 08:19.401 --> 08:30.151 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and you, I really think you cannot, you cannot do, do a move like this, just because you're afraid that it might get sour or it might get boring or it might get in. 08:30.211 --> 08:32.192 [SPEAKER_01]: No, it's going to get all of those things. 08:32.232 --> 08:33.273 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, if you really are, 08:34.194 --> 08:52.402 [SPEAKER_01]: thinking about heading into a serious relationship with this woman like if you are and if this is going to be a serious relationship don't you worry boo all those things are going to happen all those lesbian bed death is going to happen like you're going to have to work through all of this stuff like it's just I don't know maybe there are people out there that that have 08:56.403 --> 08:59.065 [SPEAKER_02]: Amazing every day, but I highly doubt it. 08:59.365 --> 09:04.148 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's going to be hard, but that's, I mean, that's the truth of the matter of relationships are work. 09:04.568 --> 09:11.352 [SPEAKER_01]: And if it matters enough to you, you're going to put the work in, to work together to work through things. 09:12.333 --> 09:18.156 [SPEAKER_01]: And if it comes to a point, and then it possibly could come to a point where you both say, this is not worth it. 09:18.596 --> 09:20.918 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's a possibility, but you can't, 09:21.910 --> 09:28.433 [SPEAKER_01]: You can't not live your life and you can't not try things just because you're afraid that the things that are going to happen are going to happen. 09:28.693 --> 09:29.813 [SPEAKER_01]: Do you know what I mean? 09:29.833 --> 09:32.634 [SPEAKER_02]: They're going to have all relationships. 09:33.355 --> 09:34.015 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, look at me. 09:34.075 --> 09:38.417 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like a very God, clear, very God mother, therapist. 09:38.437 --> 09:39.477 [SPEAKER_01]: Look at me giving good advice. 09:39.637 --> 09:41.698 [SPEAKER_01]: And then they're people listening like, what the fuck is 09:42.218 --> 09:45.219 [SPEAKER_02]: No, you're so right though, you're so right. 09:45.559 --> 09:52.422 [SPEAKER_02]: My therapist was literally like, because I said it, like, as I'm a talker, I'm an external processor, so I'm like gabbing on about this to her. 09:53.242 --> 09:59.904 [SPEAKER_02]: And at one point, I do say, I'm like, well, if I see her as a long-term partner, a life partner, it's gonna happen eventually. 10:00.304 --> 10:01.425 [SPEAKER_02]: And she's like, exactly. 10:01.865 --> 10:07.367 [SPEAKER_02]: So if you don't, you don't have to do it now, if you want to, but you're still at some point, 10:07.867 --> 10:11.670 [SPEAKER_02]: going to want to move in together and all of these things are going to be a reality. 10:11.690 --> 10:15.113 [SPEAKER_02]: So you're going to have to confront them at some point. 10:15.373 --> 10:15.593 [SPEAKER_01]: Right. 10:15.674 --> 10:25.362 [SPEAKER_01]: So either you just go along the way you're going and don't make the full commitment and then like when things start happening then you're like, uh, see, I knew this was going to happen. 10:25.482 --> 10:26.883 [SPEAKER_01]: Or you say, no, we're going for this. 10:26.983 --> 10:27.563 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm committed. 10:27.583 --> 10:29.805 [SPEAKER_01]: I want to make this work because I love you. 10:30.306 --> 10:32.227 [SPEAKER_01]: And I actually love our life together. 10:32.247 --> 10:34.609 [SPEAKER_01]: And if that's true, 10:37.480 --> 10:45.885 [SPEAKER_01]: And then you constantly repeatedly, daily, weekly, make the commitment to work through the shit together. 10:45.905 --> 10:48.446 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 10:48.526 --> 10:49.787 [SPEAKER_02]: And you have to. 10:50.107 --> 10:51.988 [SPEAKER_02]: But then it also, you've got to be good teammates. 10:52.068 --> 10:54.450 [SPEAKER_02]: Like it's not just, it's not all romance. 10:54.750 --> 10:58.532 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not, it's just a romantic forever, sadly, sadly. 10:58.912 --> 11:01.274 [SPEAKER_01]: It comes back, it comes in waves, you know. 11:02.014 --> 11:04.035 [SPEAKER_01]: But you know, you add kids, you add, 11:05.356 --> 11:06.617 [SPEAKER_01]: Fucking crazy dogs. 11:06.797 --> 11:23.472 [SPEAKER_02]: You add gold fish like I mean you just add life like honestly like job laws financials drug Like you add you exactly cancer you add like family things on each side like you just add anything and it's going to be Yes, the challenges. 11:23.892 --> 11:31.639 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, our life is lifeing for us and I don't think it's going to stop Lifeing for quite some time regardless of this whole cancer journey that we have then on it's just 11:32.939 --> 11:35.460 [SPEAKER_01]: you deal with all that shit together, right? 11:35.500 --> 11:36.741 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's the beauty of it. 11:37.561 --> 11:38.401 [SPEAKER_01]: That's the beauty. 11:38.582 --> 11:39.842 [SPEAKER_01]: Her dad is getting old. 11:39.882 --> 11:41.023 [SPEAKER_01]: We're dealing with it together. 11:41.043 --> 11:42.183 [SPEAKER_01]: We have each other for it. 11:42.523 --> 11:44.004 [SPEAKER_01]: Her dad is 94, like her way. 11:44.024 --> 11:44.584 [SPEAKER_01]: So like, 11:47.405 --> 11:48.345 [SPEAKER_01]: My dad died. 11:48.425 --> 11:49.406 [SPEAKER_01]: We went through it together. 11:49.446 --> 11:54.787 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, that's the beauty of relationship, but it's not all lollipops and rainbows. 11:54.947 --> 12:03.750 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not like a lot of it is just like getting through the day together, which bonds you in such a way that is so different as well. 12:04.230 --> 12:09.111 [SPEAKER_01]: But it's not going to always be like, the sex isn't always going to be as great as it is right now. 12:09.151 --> 12:12.372 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, when you do have it, it is great because you know each other so well. 12:12.392 --> 12:12.812 [SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean? 12:12.832 --> 12:13.252 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 12:13.492 --> 12:14.953 [SPEAKER_02]: But it might not be as frequent. 12:15.793 --> 12:16.114 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 12:16.795 --> 12:17.035 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 12:17.516 --> 12:19.198 [SPEAKER_02]: I think all of it just kind of worries me. 12:19.318 --> 12:21.221 [SPEAKER_02]: Can I give you a scenario really quick? 12:21.241 --> 12:23.664 [SPEAKER_02]: Because all that's really real and I need that perspective. 12:23.704 --> 12:27.810 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, before you give me the scenario, I also think you should move in to her place because you can't lose that place. 12:27.830 --> 12:28.992 [SPEAKER_01]: The girl has a backyard. 12:29.152 --> 12:30.934 [SPEAKER_01]: She doesn't lose in New York. 12:33.137 --> 12:39.223 [SPEAKER_02]: Like we can look at other options because they might raise her red and it's kind of already expensive and she's like Do you want to have a backyard? 12:39.283 --> 12:41.825 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, yeah, you don't give that up. 12:42.546 --> 12:44.028 [SPEAKER_02]: No, I would absolutely move into her place. 12:44.228 --> 12:48.812 [SPEAKER_02]: I not mine hers, but anyway scenario really quick thing 12:49.861 --> 12:53.342 [SPEAKER_02]: where she's messy, which is one of my fears, which is one of my fears. 12:53.622 --> 12:59.884 [SPEAKER_02]: I know I'll have to deal with it, and my therapist is like, you guys can write out a contract and like have an agreement kind of going into it. 13:00.444 --> 13:08.786 [SPEAKER_02]: But she'll do this thing, which like when we're cooking together, I find it endearing, but we're in the bathroom together, say like getting ready for the night or getting ready for the day. 13:09.807 --> 13:14.768 [SPEAKER_02]: And it's like, you can see every move she made laid out on the counter. 13:15.428 --> 13:21.249 [SPEAKER_02]: So it's like, this bottle's open, the tops over here, the things over there, the brushes here, and it's everywhere. 13:21.770 --> 13:27.631 [SPEAKER_02]: And in her head, I'm not going to clean it all up until I'm finished with the bathroom completely. 13:28.171 --> 13:30.752 [SPEAKER_02]: Whereas I am like, I put on lotion. 13:31.132 --> 13:31.952 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm done with the lotion. 13:31.972 --> 13:34.233 [SPEAKER_02]: Let me put the top back on the lotion and put it away. 13:34.773 --> 13:35.153 [SPEAKER_02]: And so, 13:36.233 --> 13:37.113 [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, thank you. 13:37.153 --> 13:38.054 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you. 13:38.234 --> 13:45.256 [SPEAKER_02]: So she's the other day we're in the bathroom and she like is getting ready and like leaves Literally takes the top. 13:45.296 --> 13:47.657 [SPEAKER_02]: It's like a squeeze or top, and it's like dripping onto the counter. 13:47.677 --> 13:56.859 [SPEAKER_02]: She leaves it on the side and and I'm and then walks out And I'm like there's no way she just left the bathroom and left it like that So I'm trying to think of like what's the nicest way? 13:56.880 --> 13:57.800 [SPEAKER_02]: I can be like baby. 13:57.940 --> 13:59.300 [SPEAKER_02]: Hey, can you? 13:59.320 --> 14:04.802 [SPEAKER_02]: I was like since we're trying to instill new habits since we're potentially gonna move in together Can you pick this up? 14:05.062 --> 14:05.723 [SPEAKER_01]: She didn't like that. 14:06.243 --> 14:07.244 [SPEAKER_01]: No, she didn't like that. 14:07.284 --> 14:07.885 [SPEAKER_01]: That's it that way. 14:08.285 --> 14:09.066 [SPEAKER_02]: So I okay. 14:09.086 --> 14:10.247 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, how I was was to say it? 14:10.527 --> 14:11.908 [SPEAKER_02]: I was literally rocking my brain. 14:11.928 --> 14:13.630 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, I have 30 seconds before she walks back in here. 14:13.650 --> 14:14.150 [SPEAKER_02]: How do I say this? 14:14.551 --> 14:16.693 [SPEAKER_02]: Anyway, she comes back in really quick. 14:17.433 --> 14:20.456 [SPEAKER_02]: She comes back in and then I'm like, hey, I say that and I'm like, can you? 14:20.556 --> 14:21.737 [SPEAKER_02]: And she's like, no. 14:23.419 --> 14:26.360 [SPEAKER_02]: She's like, I'm, I don't, my brain doesn't work that way. 14:26.380 --> 14:32.023 [SPEAKER_02]: When I'm done with the bathroom, then I clean it all up, but until I'm done with the bathroom, I'm not gonna do that. 14:32.443 --> 14:38.327 [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like simmering, and this is when I start spiraling, because I'm like, this is gonna piss me off if we live together. 14:38.467 --> 14:39.627 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, this is gonna bother me. 14:39.667 --> 14:41.128 [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I'm gonna have to see this. 14:41.448 --> 14:45.831 [SPEAKER_02]: She doesn't want she's cooking too, but like, I'll come behind her and clean up and put things away in the kitchen. 14:45.891 --> 14:46.391 [SPEAKER_02]: I don't mind. 14:46.731 --> 14:49.853 [SPEAKER_02]: But I'm like, I don't wanna feel responsible to do that all the time. 14:50.473 --> 14:50.794 [SPEAKER_02]: Anyway. 14:51.714 --> 14:52.074 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm done. 14:52.475 --> 14:58.099 [SPEAKER_01]: I hear you and I'm the same way and Anne is a bit like Ashley as well. 14:58.179 --> 15:05.504 [SPEAKER_01]: Like like the same thing like that like and it'll be she'll say like I was gonna put it away when I finish. 15:05.564 --> 15:07.205 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not finished. 15:07.666 --> 15:14.831 [SPEAKER_01]: So what I say and now she gets pissed off with this but it worked for a second and it's also getting you ready for life with a preteen. 15:14.931 --> 15:15.852 [SPEAKER_01]: Just I'm just letting you 15:20.903 --> 15:30.992 [SPEAKER_01]: leaving shit everywhere like I can't escape it and I have a severe problem with clutter or things left on counters like it's one of the things we fight about. 15:31.412 --> 15:33.033 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want anything on my tables. 15:33.173 --> 15:36.056 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want, I want, I want, I want, I want you to be able to put things down. 15:36.076 --> 15:37.557 [SPEAKER_02]: They're the same, do they? 15:37.577 --> 15:43.282 [SPEAKER_01]: When people come over and like put a bag on my desk or like on my table, I'm like, why do you, no, no, no, no, there are hooks. 15:43.542 --> 15:44.803 [SPEAKER_01]: That's not what it goes. 15:45.023 --> 15:46.124 [SPEAKER_01]: Things have a place. 15:46.544 --> 15:47.525 [SPEAKER_01]: They have a place. 15:47.885 --> 15:50.127 [SPEAKER_01]: And gets mad at me because I put hooks up for everything. 15:50.167 --> 15:52.628 [SPEAKER_01]: She's like, now you're adding more things to put things on. 15:52.889 --> 15:54.710 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, yeah, because I want it off my floor. 15:54.830 --> 15:56.011 [SPEAKER_01]: I want it off my fucking floor. 15:56.191 --> 15:58.052 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I don't want your bag sitting here. 15:58.072 --> 15:59.933 [SPEAKER_02]: I feel you so deeply. 15:59.953 --> 16:01.114 [SPEAKER_02]: So then what do you do? 16:01.254 --> 16:07.078 [SPEAKER_01]: So what I said, which I feel like worked for like a second or two, was you done with this? 16:12.149 --> 16:21.141 [SPEAKER_01]: You have to like lighten it up, you're done with this and then now it now if I say that it's very triggering for her, but then the woman then I have just had to learn to like 16:22.702 --> 16:25.703 [SPEAKER_01]: We've, like, she has left, she's had to leave notes for me. 16:25.783 --> 16:31.524 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, because the thing that she does is she, like, like, she'll bring groceries in, and she does the grocery shopping. 16:31.564 --> 16:34.805 [SPEAKER_01]: Thank God, you know, like, peace, peace be to her. 16:34.865 --> 16:35.706 [SPEAKER_01]: I love her for that. 16:36.246 --> 16:37.706 [SPEAKER_01]: I love, I love, I don't know. 16:37.726 --> 16:39.146 [SPEAKER_01]: I was trying to think of like a fun phrase. 16:39.587 --> 16:42.387 [SPEAKER_01]: But like, thank God, she does, so she comes in with the grocery. 16:42.407 --> 16:43.708 [SPEAKER_01]: She puts the groceries away. 16:43.848 --> 16:47.489 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my God, Dionys, where do God, she always leaves, at least one thing, 16:48.569 --> 16:54.832 [SPEAKER_01]: out that this doesn't get put away like it's like a hat it's like it's not it's not a purpose I think they don't see it. 16:54.972 --> 16:56.373 [SPEAKER_02]: I think they just don't see it. 16:56.553 --> 17:04.197 [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's like yeah, it's so and then so I'll like put things away And sometimes I put things away when she's not ready for me to put things away and then she's like where's the thing? 17:04.357 --> 17:05.478 [SPEAKER_01]: Where did what happened to the thing? 17:05.738 --> 17:06.658 [SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't done with it. 17:06.678 --> 17:07.218 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sorry. 17:07.238 --> 17:10.340 [SPEAKER_01]: It was on the counter and I don't even realize I'm doing it like 17:10.580 --> 17:12.141 [SPEAKER_01]: I just start putting things away. 17:12.201 --> 17:13.402 [SPEAKER_01]: I just put shit away. 17:13.722 --> 17:23.989 [SPEAKER_01]: So, she has had to, like, this is gonna be for, I'm sorry, that I'm not giving you much, but this is gonna be for her, like, you're just gonna have to learn to, like, work together with her. 17:24.089 --> 17:31.795 [SPEAKER_01]: And so she has left notes, like, if she's home and I'm not, and then I'm coming home and she knows, and she's left something out, like she cussed, she didn't finish it. 17:31.855 --> 17:32.615 [SPEAKER_01]: She leaves notes. 17:33.036 --> 17:34.937 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm leaving this for a reason, please don't move it. 17:36.118 --> 17:38.639 [SPEAKER_00]: Ha ha ha ha, that's gonna be actually. 17:40.358 --> 17:44.323 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I know it's here, I know it's here, or she'll send me a text. 17:44.643 --> 17:52.032 [SPEAKER_01]: She'll send me a text, and that's the full circle of like, I know my partner so deeply, and I know I have to do this in order to. 17:52.773 --> 17:58.259 [SPEAKER_02]: My friend was literally like, you need to, because she has ADHD, and I think that's part of like the frazzledness. 17:59.020 --> 17:59.160 [SPEAKER_02]: And, 18:00.081 --> 18:06.710 [SPEAKER_02]: I was talking to my friend who's similar to my partner, and she was like, you just have to ADHD proof the apartment. 18:06.810 --> 18:15.500 [SPEAKER_02]: So like, if she puts her clothes in the same spot on the floor every time, put a basket there, or like, get a dresser with the drawers that clothes automatically said she doesn't close them. 18:16.321 --> 18:18.444 [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, I'm looking at a pile of clothes on my dress. 18:20.318 --> 18:21.478 [SPEAKER_01]: thinking, what can I put there? 18:23.979 --> 18:34.061 [SPEAKER_02]: It's a, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, if anybody, if any patron has a solution or has a partner that similar, how do you handle these things? 18:34.301 --> 18:39.222 [SPEAKER_01]: But I really do think you have to learn to work together on it, sadly. 18:39.302 --> 18:42.563 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I, she's not going to change and I'm not going to change. 18:43.203 --> 18:54.234 [SPEAKER_01]: because I hate clutter with a passion and it's not I'm not changing that it's not never happening you know and she is who she is and so and now like I said I have three fuckers to do it. 18:56.287 --> 19:24.116 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm the odd man out here, like, yeah, it's, and, and then now I have a 12 year old who literally takes my stuff, like, she curls her eyelashes now, so every time I go to curl my, which I like to curl my eyelashes it matters to me, every time I go to curl mine, it's not done, I have a spot for I have a little hook that that it goes on, it's never that I have to go in my daughter's room to get my stuff now. 19:24.891 --> 19:30.961 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, yeah, so I mean, you know, think of it as just getting ready for kids if you're going to have them. 19:31.302 --> 19:31.682 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know. 19:32.778 --> 19:33.579 [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, okay. 19:33.659 --> 19:34.919 [SPEAKER_02]: Well, thank you for that. 19:34.939 --> 19:43.163 [SPEAKER_02]: I'm glad we brought up this topic today because clearly this was a good one to talk about and Jose and Jose and I'm talking about the same thing too, except he's a messy one. 19:45.705 --> 19:46.645 [SPEAKER_02]: And what's his take? 19:46.845 --> 19:51.788 [SPEAKER_01]: What's what's the messy one's take of like, oh, it's just not done with it. 19:52.148 --> 19:53.048 [SPEAKER_01]: He doesn't think about it. 19:53.108 --> 19:55.750 [SPEAKER_01]: He's like, well, I just didn't, yeah, I just didn't notice it. 19:56.552 --> 20:03.217 [SPEAKER_01]: And you and I are like, oh my god, I've been staring at that salt shaker for five days. 20:03.257 --> 20:05.038 [SPEAKER_01]: Is she ever going to put it away, right? 20:06.279 --> 20:07.860 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, let me see how long it'll sit there. 20:08.100 --> 20:09.702 [SPEAKER_01]: Let me see because it goes in the cabinet. 20:10.002 --> 20:10.722 [SPEAKER_01]: That's where it goes. 20:12.023 --> 20:14.385 [SPEAKER_01]: I will I will leave it and then I can't take it anymore. 20:14.485 --> 20:16.166 [SPEAKER_01]: I can't like it's been there forever. 20:16.627 --> 20:19.449 [SPEAKER_01]: So then as I pick it up because I'm pissed because it's been there five days. 20:19.469 --> 20:20.710 [SPEAKER_01]: I'll be like, were you done with this? 20:25.207 --> 20:26.354 [SPEAKER_01]: Do you still need this salt? 20:26.435 --> 20:27.301 [SPEAKER_01]: Cause I'm just gonna... 20:29.369 --> 20:30.110 [SPEAKER_01]: It's breakfast. 20:30.490 --> 20:32.031 [SPEAKER_01]: Do you need this salt for the pancakes? 20:32.091 --> 20:32.691 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just gonna. 20:32.971 --> 20:34.472 [SPEAKER_02]: Ha ha ha ha. 20:35.252 --> 20:39.454 [SPEAKER_02]: That means, you know, there should be, there's like, there needs to be like a 24 hour rule with something. 20:39.494 --> 20:43.476 [SPEAKER_02]: So it's like, you can't say I'm not done with it for more than 24 hours. 20:43.556 --> 20:45.578 [SPEAKER_02]: Like it needs to be put away after a certain point. 20:45.598 --> 20:47.438 [SPEAKER_02]: And I think that's just a fact of the matter. 20:47.979 --> 20:49.139 [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's just a fact even. 20:49.800 --> 20:52.001 [SPEAKER_01]: I have learned to let go of things. 20:52.061 --> 20:58.304 [SPEAKER_01]: Like now that you've got me thinking about it, I'm like, and I could name like 10 things that have kind of bugged me that I have just, 20:58.902 --> 21:14.554 [SPEAKER_01]: let's flow and it doesn't bug me so that's for that's for another patreon episode we'll get into all the other things because now I'm curious it's it's a thing though that's this is love and amazing amazing thank you all listening