WEBVTT 00:00.031 --> 00:02.193 [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, hey y'all, what's going on? 00:02.554 --> 00:04.175 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, it is me. 00:04.336 --> 00:14.487 [SPEAKER_00]: It is bree and you are in fat listening, excuse me, to a new episode of the Browngirl self-care podcast y'all. 00:14.747 --> 00:22.735 [SPEAKER_00]: It has been a minute, a long minute, yes, it's been a minute, but I am back. 00:23.016 --> 00:27.000 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm pretty sure I'm officially like back for real for real. 00:26.980 --> 00:35.689 [SPEAKER_00]: And, um, you know, real talk, I was scared to pick up the microphone for a minute, because I hadn't picked it up in such a long time. 00:35.729 --> 00:43.717 [SPEAKER_00]: It's been what, like, six, seven weeks, maybe somewhere in there, maybe a little longer, maybe a little less, but somewhere in there. 00:43.877 --> 00:48.962 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I was just like, oh, I feel like I'm starting over from scratch all over again. 00:49.022 --> 00:52.245 [SPEAKER_00]: And I have to remember that I am the girl, 00:52.225 --> 00:57.124 [SPEAKER_00]: The GW or RL that has already released like 300 episodes, right? 00:57.626 --> 01:01.982 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes when you have to get started again, it can feel really scary. 01:02.317 --> 01:05.922 [SPEAKER_00]: You kind of get in your mind a little bit, you forget about the things you've already done. 01:05.962 --> 01:08.285 [SPEAKER_00]: You forget that it's okay to start again. 01:08.305 --> 01:15.736 [SPEAKER_00]: You forget that it's okay to not be perfect and to not, you know, always be on point and have all the answers. 01:15.756 --> 01:19.221 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's kind of like the space that I'm sitting in right now. 01:20.723 --> 01:23.667 [SPEAKER_00]: Deep sigh, but yes, I am. 01:25.402 --> 01:30.070 [SPEAKER_00]: And it feels, it feels new when it feels scary, but it also feels very good. 01:30.130 --> 01:32.033 [SPEAKER_00]: I will say that my voice sounds a little bit different. 01:32.093 --> 01:33.977 [SPEAKER_00]: I am getting over in a little bit of a something. 01:33.997 --> 01:39.727 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what, but I got to take a couple of days to go with all the snotten in the coffin. 01:39.787 --> 01:42.031 [SPEAKER_00]: And now I'm almost back to normal. 01:42.051 --> 01:42.591 [SPEAKER_00]: So it was interesting. 01:42.611 --> 01:43.273 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe allergies. 01:43.433 --> 01:43.794 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know. 01:44.014 --> 01:48.301 [SPEAKER_00]: Anyways, I wanted to let you know that that is what is going on with my voice. 01:48.421 --> 01:49.924 [SPEAKER_00]: But. 01:51.406 --> 02:15.338 [SPEAKER_00]: you know, today for this, I guess, first episode back, I don't even really have anything yet a title for this episode, but I do know that I want to share some things with you that have been going on with me and 02:16.583 --> 02:28.215 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I guess just a reminder for all of us that you, as you, you know, go through life, like you don't have to have all the answers. 02:28.235 --> 02:34.361 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to have, you know, have it all worked out in the whole plan and mapped out and things like that. 02:34.381 --> 02:45.072 [SPEAKER_00]: Like it's not always necessary for you as you walk through this or grow through this journey of life, this journey of meaning, this journey of purpose, this journey of liberation for black women. 02:45.052 --> 03:12.831 [SPEAKER_00]: liberation, self-care, it is a practice, and sometimes that practice happens in the middle of transitioning from one season to the next, or one job to the next, one relationship to the next, one experience or lesson to the next, and so hopefully this episode will serve you in this way as a reminder, 03:12.811 --> 03:18.700 [SPEAKER_00]: So again, you know, it's been about six, let's just say six weeks. 03:18.780 --> 03:20.923 [SPEAKER_00]: It might have been a little bit longer or maybe a little bit less. 03:21.024 --> 03:28.856 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, but you know, I'm not going to apologize for the fact that I need to take time away from this podcast. 03:28.876 --> 03:39.612 [SPEAKER_00]: There is there is no reason for me to apologize for that because in a 03:39.592 --> 03:46.744 [SPEAKER_00]: I've made a harmful error or a harmful mistake and I don't feel that that is the case. 03:47.365 --> 03:53.275 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't feel like I should have to apologize for taking the space that I needed just like you. 03:53.295 --> 04:02.410 [SPEAKER_00]: I try, hopefully I encourage you to take the space that you need when you need it. 04:03.014 --> 04:04.257 [SPEAKER_00]: that is self care. 04:04.277 --> 04:06.423 [SPEAKER_00]: That is honoring where you are right now. 04:06.483 --> 04:10.013 [SPEAKER_00]: That is, that is giving yourself grace, you know, your tired. 04:10.113 --> 04:18.154 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're, if you're not feeling well, if you are unsure of a direction, you need to take a step back like whatever the reason why you need to hit the pause button. 04:19.400 --> 04:21.522 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't need to apologize for that, okay? 04:21.923 --> 04:22.784 [SPEAKER_00]: That's just the fact. 04:23.425 --> 04:26.268 [SPEAKER_00]: So, no apologies here, girl, but I am very glad to be back. 04:28.290 --> 04:42.927 [SPEAKER_00]: One thing I will say though, that during this intervention, if you will, and I kind of touched upon a second ago, is there is still like some vulnerability there with me in regards to, 04:44.493 --> 04:52.661 [SPEAKER_00]: picking up this microphone and continuing the podcast as much as I want to do this and as much as I believe in my heart and my soul in my spirit. 04:53.885 --> 04:55.009 [SPEAKER_00]: That. 04:56.626 --> 05:19.832 [SPEAKER_00]: I was put here even for a time to release my voice into the void and just talk about my life and talk about self care and growth and liberation and freedom and joy and peace and rest and and wholeness and honoring our humanity and 05:19.812 --> 05:44.487 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, things of that nature like I feel like this is a part of my life's work, a part of my life's mission, however, however, what makes me feel a little like, you know, a little bit of a nail biter is that the landscape of it all of social media and digital, the digital landscape. 05:44.467 --> 05:59.211 [SPEAKER_00]: And just the culture like it's just so obsessed with young and youth and obviously we have the algorithms and this and that and so There was a part of me that was like, girl, you are not a spring chicken anymore, okay? 06:00.012 --> 06:04.840 [SPEAKER_00]: You are not a spring chicken anymore, you are in your 50s, you are no longer a young lady. 06:04.880 --> 06:08.145 [SPEAKER_00]: You are officially 06:08.125 --> 06:24.083 [SPEAKER_00]: In Auntie status, okay, and there are young queens out there that are younger and, you know, they, they just really have it all together, and that is not where you are. 06:24.603 --> 06:30.690 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's going to be hard for you to, to compete with that, like that is where my, 06:30.670 --> 06:35.657 [SPEAKER_00]: mind went for a minute and it made me question like is my voice still valid? 06:35.677 --> 06:36.578 [SPEAKER_00]: Am I still valid? 06:36.638 --> 06:37.900 [SPEAKER_00]: Am I still valid? 06:37.920 --> 06:40.364 [SPEAKER_00]: Is the brown girl self-care a podcast still valid? 06:40.404 --> 06:43.027 [SPEAKER_00]: Is the brown girl self-care a podcast still necessary? 06:43.328 --> 06:44.109 [SPEAKER_00]: Will anyone listen? 06:44.449 --> 06:45.371 [SPEAKER_00]: Will anyone care? 06:45.431 --> 06:48.375 [SPEAKER_00]: Like all of those kind of thoughts, you know? 06:48.355 --> 07:09.722 [SPEAKER_00]: And it makes me wonder like I would ask you like have you ever felt that can you feel where I'm coming from is not that you're necessarily a podcast or or in the social landscape, but this can apply to anything, you know, maybe you've never been married like I've never been married and you're of a certain age maybe you're you're in your 30s or 40s or 50s or beyond. 07:09.702 --> 07:18.763 [SPEAKER_00]: And you're like, well, there's younger girls out there and maybe you feel like they're more vivacious and prettier or they've got their degrees and they've got it all together. 07:18.784 --> 07:22.252 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, whatever it is, you know, that you feel that you lack. 07:22.673 --> 07:27.424 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not saying that you lack it and that it's a detriment, but this is what you have in your mind, right? 07:27.404 --> 07:31.072 [SPEAKER_00]: And so you're like, doesn't even make sense for me to put myself out there. 07:31.092 --> 07:36.364 [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't make sense for me to drop my guard and be vulnerable and to share myself. 07:36.484 --> 07:38.148 [SPEAKER_00]: Or whatever it is, you know what I'm saying? 07:38.188 --> 07:42.898 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, so, you know, the last month or so, I've kind of been... 07:42.878 --> 08:02.710 [SPEAKER_00]: A tossing back and forth, just kind of like fighting that internal fight, you know, because in my heart of hearts like I said, I feel like I knew that like this is my thing, no matter how many people, how many black women, specifically not people, black women to be clear, it continues to reach. 08:02.690 --> 08:05.896 [SPEAKER_00]: but there's always a small little part that's like, girl, nobody cares. 08:06.938 --> 08:08.100 [SPEAKER_00]: Nobody, nobody wants to hear it. 08:08.120 --> 08:09.082 [SPEAKER_00]: You two old now. 08:09.482 --> 08:10.564 [SPEAKER_00]: You have nothing to say. 08:10.584 --> 08:19.180 [SPEAKER_00]: You have, you know, it's just that internal fight, but if this is you again, regardless of what it is that you choose, like you see in your mind yourself doing. 08:21.843 --> 08:31.324 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like that little whatever, it's, I don't know if it's like a safety mechanism or what this fear is based on, but girl, keep going. 08:32.106 --> 08:33.810 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, sit in yourself. 08:35.022 --> 09:01.502 [SPEAKER_00]: Ground yourself and keep going, all right, because you're here for a reason and you know deep down in your heart what that reason is or you know what it is that you want to do what your desires are it is okay for you to move towards or desires you're not too old you're not too young you're not to you know any of these labels that you have given yourself as I guess as proof that you cannot do it for whatever reason you're not those things or that you can't have it. 09:01.482 --> 09:02.724 [SPEAKER_00]: You can't have it. 09:03.084 --> 09:03.986 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not those things. 09:04.086 --> 09:04.447 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 09:04.887 --> 09:11.377 [SPEAKER_00]: So we've ever felt for example invisible or like your time is up or you out of time or whatever because of your circumstances, your age. 09:11.658 --> 09:13.420 [SPEAKER_00]: What you have, what you don't have, girl. 09:14.021 --> 09:15.263 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to get you live together. 09:15.323 --> 09:17.166 [SPEAKER_00]: Just like I'm getting my life together, okay? 09:17.467 --> 09:18.308 [SPEAKER_00]: We can do it together. 09:18.368 --> 09:22.174 [SPEAKER_00]: Get your life together and get, get moving, man. 09:22.154 --> 09:23.617 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, you get moving, man. 09:23.718 --> 09:24.018 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 09:25.101 --> 09:27.466 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, so that was my truth right there. 09:27.566 --> 09:35.064 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, um, as far as like what I have been doing, I don't know if I mentioned this on the last episode or not, I'm pretty sure I did. 09:35.124 --> 09:41.378 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm pretty sure I did, but if I didn't, let me let me just go back for a second if if I didn't, but I think I did. 09:41.358 --> 09:45.924 [SPEAKER_00]: I, you know, how can I say this quickly? 09:46.304 --> 09:50.189 [SPEAKER_00]: So with the Brown Girl Self Care podcast, obviously there's opportunities to earn some coin. 09:51.150 --> 09:53.232 [SPEAKER_00]: And for a few years, the coin was good, honey. 09:53.513 --> 09:54.394 [SPEAKER_00]: The coin was good. 09:54.454 --> 09:56.496 [SPEAKER_00]: The the sky's opened. 09:56.817 --> 10:01.723 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, the coin, the rain, the manneau from heaven was really coming down. 10:01.743 --> 10:05.948 [SPEAKER_00]: But you know, there are ebs and flows to anything that we choose to do. 10:06.282 --> 10:06.582 [SPEAKER_00]: Right. 10:06.602 --> 10:09.385 [SPEAKER_00]: So there's this podcast business is no different. 10:09.405 --> 10:24.420 [SPEAKER_00]: And for the last couple of years, there was still money, obviously, but are shouldn't say obviously as if you know, but there was still money coming in, but it wasn't enough to sustain me, especially coincidentally, after I moved out here to Arkansas. 10:24.460 --> 10:34.450 [SPEAKER_00]: That's when, and I don't know if it was because because I was going through some things, the transition 10:36.067 --> 10:42.857 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not sure, or maybe I just hit a natural ebb, you know, I don't know, but things, you know, ebb and flow is a part of life. 10:43.177 --> 10:46.602 [SPEAKER_00]: And so things that started to kind of like slow down, and so the money was slowing down. 10:46.642 --> 10:52.531 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I was like, well, I can either continue, I could see the writing on the wall for it was. 10:52.932 --> 10:55.175 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, I can either continue just doing what I'm doing. 10:56.156 --> 10:59.982 [SPEAKER_00]: And we can get real cute about not being able to pay this rent soon. 10:59.962 --> 11:05.310 [SPEAKER_00]: are not being able to eat soon, or not keeping the lights on soon, okay? 11:05.411 --> 11:11.580 [SPEAKER_00]: You just keep on doing what you're doing, even though you can see, like stuff is starting, like things are changing, you know? 11:12.221 --> 11:22.257 [SPEAKER_00]: And this doesn't mean that you stop necessarily, but if you can see the right amount on the wall, this is not for me to say, give up, it's not the right thing for you, whatever it is, but it's like be aware. 11:22.237 --> 11:42.608 [SPEAKER_00]: see the what what color flags are you seeing you know what I mean because it doesn't necessarily mean you stop completely but maybe it means you pivot you shift your change the the way that you're doing something you regroup you rethink what you're doing okay Anyway, and that's then that's what I did when I was like while I'm just kind of like taking a break here 11:43.027 --> 11:47.576 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me get a job, all right, look, because for real, like I didn't want nothing to be cut off. 11:48.197 --> 11:53.667 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I wanted to have a place like a place to rest my head and feel safe, all right, and that was my priority. 11:54.088 --> 11:56.412 [SPEAKER_00]: And again, I also, I just wanted to break. 11:57.100 --> 12:24.947 [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to break and I realized after I got this little little retail job child and I worked retail and I'm on the Sundays honey let me tell you props to every woman out there that is working retail in one way or another right now whether it's part time full time you can get 20 30 40 50 60s you're doing it because you just want the insurance you're doing it because they contribute into your 401 you're doing it so you can pay the rent you're doing it so 12:25.248 --> 12:27.097 [SPEAKER_00]: you're doing it as a side hustle. 12:27.117 --> 12:30.231 [SPEAKER_00]: I would ever, honey, props to you because it ain't easy. 12:31.195 --> 12:32.220 [SPEAKER_00]: It ain't 12:32.808 --> 12:34.009 [SPEAKER_00]: easy, okay? 12:34.570 --> 12:39.596 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not easy, and I have found, continue to find, like, already knew this. 12:39.936 --> 12:44.801 [SPEAKER_00]: I have continued to find that retail is a job where we are not respected. 12:44.982 --> 12:46.563 [SPEAKER_00]: We're not inspected. 12:46.884 --> 12:48.065 [SPEAKER_00]: We're not respected. 12:49.086 --> 12:59.878 [SPEAKER_00]: Many times from the employers, because we are seen as a number, and a lot of times we're not respected by the customers, and not all customers, 13:00.128 --> 13:09.582 [SPEAKER_00]: But generally speaking, the customers or whatever the shoppers, the customers, whatever they think that we are just there to be their little minions, you know. 13:12.042 --> 13:13.804 [SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, what was I saying, Chow? 13:16.146 --> 13:18.027 [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, I got this little retail job. 13:18.047 --> 13:23.552 [SPEAKER_00]: And ended up going like 32 to 40 hours a week, some weeks. 13:24.453 --> 13:26.615 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was just like, I'm tired. 13:26.675 --> 13:29.817 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm tired because it's a very strenuous job. 13:30.358 --> 13:32.279 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a lot of walking, okay? 13:33.020 --> 13:37.684 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was just like, I really need to take a break because something's gotta give. 13:37.804 --> 13:41.087 [SPEAKER_00]: And right now, this retail job is gonna help me to make sure 13:41.067 --> 13:45.095 [SPEAKER_00]: that everything that I need like my needs are met because that's important. 13:45.476 --> 13:58.502 [SPEAKER_00]: You cannot, as I say, poor from an empty cup, me continuing to do the podcast while not making the type of money that I need, would have been an example of me faking the funk, 13:58.482 --> 14:02.987 [SPEAKER_00]: and pouring from an empty cup and I don't want to do that. 14:04.028 --> 14:14.600 [SPEAKER_00]: I would much prefer to be raw and real and tell you when I'm up, I'm up, when I'm down, I'm down, when I'm struggling, I'm struggling, when I'm trying to figure something out or confused, I'm trying to figure something out and I'm confused. 14:14.981 --> 14:17.103 [SPEAKER_00]: If everything is happy, happy joy joy. 14:17.724 --> 14:20.187 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to tell you everything right now is happy, happy joy joy. 14:20.207 --> 14:25.553 [SPEAKER_00]: The point is I don't ever want to show up on the podcast 14:25.533 --> 14:38.572 [SPEAKER_00]: And pretend, basically, just so I can give this appearance that I am not perfect, but I am, what's the word? 14:38.592 --> 14:46.123 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't even know, like, I am, like, I've got it all together going on 24 hours a day, 24, 7 and honey, that is not the case. 14:47.183 --> 14:47.644 [SPEAKER_00]: Idiot. 14:48.325 --> 14:49.406 [SPEAKER_00]: That is not the case. 14:50.588 --> 14:50.949 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 14:52.150 --> 14:55.515 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, so yeah, but this little retail job child. 14:55.535 --> 14:56.217 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me tell you. 14:56.257 --> 14:57.058 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 14:57.478 --> 14:59.181 [SPEAKER_00]: The outside is ghetto. 14:59.481 --> 15:06.752 [SPEAKER_00]: I forgot how ghetto the outside is because I have been so I have been so let's say spoiled. 15:07.093 --> 15:07.754 [SPEAKER_00]: I ain't going to lie. 15:07.814 --> 15:09.276 [SPEAKER_00]: It has been so nice. 15:09.577 --> 15:16.286 [SPEAKER_00]: to, because again, in case you're not familiar, I quit my other job, like my real job in 2019. 15:16.987 --> 15:20.612 [SPEAKER_00]: So that was 2021, two, three, four, five, six. 15:21.173 --> 15:26.080 [SPEAKER_00]: That was like seven, almost seven years ago, six and a half, seven years ago, something like that. 15:26.821 --> 15:33.610 [SPEAKER_00]: Since I had worked my last real corporate type job, right, to start this podcast. 15:33.590 --> 15:36.275 [SPEAKER_00]: and it wasn't a retail job. 15:36.375 --> 15:37.377 [SPEAKER_00]: I sat at a desk. 15:37.517 --> 15:39.941 [SPEAKER_00]: It was kind of like an, well, it wasn't an office. 15:41.063 --> 15:44.289 [SPEAKER_00]: And I designed, um, where did I design? 15:44.730 --> 15:49.779 [SPEAKER_00]: I designed like offices and things like that for corporate customers. 15:50.520 --> 15:56.391 [SPEAKER_00]: And that job, you know, to sit at my desk all day and basically play on the computer. 15:56.371 --> 16:00.202 [SPEAKER_00]: for part of the day making designs and stuff like that. 16:00.703 --> 16:01.626 [SPEAKER_00]: And do quotes and stuff. 16:01.886 --> 16:11.393 [SPEAKER_00]: I was making maybe like the it would fluctuate because we would get bonuses to paint on the you know stuff we closed and stuff like that, but. 16:11.373 --> 16:16.401 [SPEAKER_00]: on average, making like $55,000 to $65,000 a year without a degree, all right. 16:18.645 --> 16:25.536 [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, and then before that, I was also doing pretty much the same thing for another job for 10 years, you know? 16:25.656 --> 16:32.567 [SPEAKER_00]: So 20 years of my life has been in that corporate 20 plus years, have been in that corporate type office situation. 16:32.708 --> 16:37.836 [SPEAKER_00]: So retail, my last retail job was like when I was 16:38.137 --> 16:41.384 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe 20, I might have, I might have tapped out like around 20. 16:41.404 --> 16:55.293 [SPEAKER_00]: 22 possibly and then I got my quote unquote real jobs in, hey, to be clear, let me stop saying real jobs because any job you have is a real job. 16:55.634 --> 16:58.440 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you understand I'm not trying to minimize. 16:58.690 --> 17:00.775 [SPEAKER_00]: whatever job you have right now. 17:00.936 --> 17:02.059 [SPEAKER_00]: If is it paying you money? 17:02.741 --> 17:04.285 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, it's the NASA real job. 17:04.545 --> 17:04.826 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 17:05.207 --> 17:08.135 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're delivering for Amazon Flex, that's a real job. 17:08.436 --> 17:12.326 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're making burgers at McDonald's, that's a real job. 17:12.687 --> 17:15.113 [SPEAKER_00]: If you are, um, 17:15.093 --> 17:20.765 [SPEAKER_00]: refolding the shirts at O Navy, which is a talent, by the way, I don't know how to heal you guys do that. 17:20.785 --> 17:22.088 [SPEAKER_00]: There's like some board or something. 17:22.108 --> 17:23.210 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if they still use that. 17:23.631 --> 17:25.355 [SPEAKER_00]: But anyway, that's a real job. 17:26.117 --> 17:31.448 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, you don't have to be a surgeon, a nurse, a teacher, uh, 17:32.626 --> 17:37.411 [SPEAKER_00]: truck driver, whatever, to have a quote unquote good job, a real job. 17:38.171 --> 17:40.934 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're getting paid for your labor, it's a real job, all right? 17:41.014 --> 17:42.756 [SPEAKER_00]: So again, I'm not minimizing. 17:42.796 --> 17:55.088 [SPEAKER_00]: I think in my mind, I keep saying that like a real job, because I'm thinking about the other, like the main jobs that I've had, and then to have to go, or not have to, but to go back to this retail job. 17:55.789 --> 17:59.292 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I said, it is, it is still 17:59.272 --> 18:24.030 [SPEAKER_00]: it is still ghetto outside and I forgot how ghetto it is because again I was in the house since 2019, doing my own thing, but it is ghetto outside and I am looking forward to not being outside 18:24.010 --> 18:27.196 [SPEAKER_00]: built for the outside. 18:27.316 --> 18:30.441 [SPEAKER_00]: I am not built for a retail job. 18:31.723 --> 18:48.212 [SPEAKER_00]: I am not built for playing these little games that these retail jobs and management play with your hours, your time, with your sick time, with scheduling, you know, there's a current situation at my job. 18:48.648 --> 18:57.055 [SPEAKER_00]: where, and I don't want to really say too much, but it's just like, I'm a grown-ass woman and 19:00.038 --> 19:13.015 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, just the shenanigans with scheduling and promises that I was made for those things not to happen. 19:13.876 --> 19:19.483 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just like, they really must not know who the hell I am. 19:19.944 --> 19:20.625 [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying? 19:20.665 --> 19:21.386 [SPEAKER_00]: That's me. 19:21.546 --> 19:22.808 [SPEAKER_00]: My talk about big talk. 19:23.409 --> 19:25.351 [SPEAKER_00]: They really must not know who the hell I am. 19:25.371 --> 19:28.375 [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes you gotta be like that with yourself. 19:28.355 --> 19:34.042 [SPEAKER_00]: because you really have to know who you are, and they don't know who I am. 19:34.323 --> 19:36.285 [SPEAKER_00]: They don't know who you are, like that. 19:37.607 --> 19:44.195 [SPEAKER_00]: All you are in the many cases is just an employee, your number, your labor, your body and a seat. 19:44.335 --> 19:50.363 [SPEAKER_00]: You are someone to pick up the slack, do their bidding for a minimum amount of money, 19:50.427 --> 19:56.013 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and it's not up to them to know who you are. 19:56.113 --> 20:00.037 [SPEAKER_00]: It's up to you to remember and know who the hell you are. 20:00.858 --> 20:05.964 [SPEAKER_00]: But that's kind of like the little hype I'd be telling myself, like they really don't know who the hell I am, because they don't. 20:07.165 --> 20:09.487 [SPEAKER_00]: And so right now I'm just biting my time. 20:09.988 --> 20:11.289 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm actually looking for something else. 20:11.349 --> 20:16.755 [SPEAKER_00]: I can quit that job because I do right now, wanna job. 20:16.735 --> 20:21.146 [SPEAKER_00]: Even as I rebuild Brown Girl Self Care, I do want a job because I want medical insurance. 20:21.186 --> 20:22.797 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to really 20:22.912 --> 20:25.756 [SPEAKER_00]: I depleted my 401k, so I've got to rebuild my 401k. 20:25.816 --> 20:27.599 [SPEAKER_00]: I've got some goals in my now. 20:28.020 --> 20:30.684 [SPEAKER_00]: It would be nice to have a job that can contribute to a 401k. 20:30.724 --> 20:32.647 [SPEAKER_00]: I can have medical insurance and other things. 20:33.408 --> 20:47.229 [SPEAKER_00]: But the biggest thing here about it being ghetto outside are one of the biggest takeaways for me is that whereas before, like in my other jobs, the ones at one job I was there for like 12 years, or 11 years, or something like that. 20:47.269 --> 20:50.995 [SPEAKER_00]: And then the other job I was there for like 12 or 13 years, 20:52.156 --> 20:55.962 [SPEAKER_00]: One thing that I know for sure now is that I ain't got to stay. 20:57.424 --> 20:58.746 [SPEAKER_00]: I do not have to stay there. 20:59.007 --> 21:00.049 [SPEAKER_00]: They do not own me. 21:00.690 --> 21:04.496 [SPEAKER_00]: This job is an at will job and I don't have to stay there. 21:05.217 --> 21:05.858 [SPEAKER_00]: Move around. 21:06.919 --> 21:07.180 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 21:07.320 --> 21:08.562 [SPEAKER_00]: You are not stuck. 21:09.487 --> 21:13.655 [SPEAKER_00]: move around because there are other jobs out there apply for some stuff, sis. 21:14.437 --> 21:22.413 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're not getting what you feel you are worth for what you bring to the table, move around. 21:22.754 --> 21:23.415 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't be afraid. 21:23.455 --> 21:25.399 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't care if you started that job six months ago. 21:25.920 --> 21:30.229 [SPEAKER_00]: I've only been on my job for like what three months, possibly. 21:31.171 --> 21:36.018 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to move around because what these jobs are not going to do is play on my face. 21:36.038 --> 21:43.589 [SPEAKER_00]: I have come too far, I've done too much, to ever allow this type of treatment again. 21:44.210 --> 21:46.073 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm already looking to move around. 21:46.213 --> 21:58.731 [SPEAKER_00]: So move around, sis, all right, because it's ghetto outside and you have your own permission as you navigate these spaces where these businesses like to treat us like numbers, 21:58.711 --> 22:28.465 [SPEAKER_00]: and these little corporate games or like we don't matter and like we're not the ones doing all this labor for a minimum pay there's other jobs out there sis move around until you position yourself to where you want to be do it do it in a smart way I'm not saying to quit your job today just because you hear me I'm not quitting my job today but I've already definitely put in some applications I tell you that so I'm looking to move around and I'm looking to not have that as my 22:30.385 --> 22:36.486 [SPEAKER_00]: and luckily for me, I have more than one thing because I have this podcast that I am rebuilding, right? 22:36.626 --> 22:38.914 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's still bringing me income, right? 22:38.934 --> 22:40.800 [SPEAKER_00]: But I want more income, damn it. 22:42.063 --> 23:08.172 [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, you got to have more than one thing and really after I reestablish this podcast and even if I do still have this job part like a part time or even full time like depending on the money I want to have a third thing like I got to figure out what my third thing is because this is just what we live in right now right this is just the reality so you know the paycheck that you're receiving. 23:08.152 --> 23:11.797 [SPEAKER_00]: don't think of it as, oh, this paycheck is what I'm worth. 23:12.418 --> 23:19.107 [SPEAKER_00]: This paycheck is what it means for me as a person, like, like, this is, this is, like, this is, this is my value. 23:19.127 --> 23:20.849 [SPEAKER_00]: This is all, this is all that I bring to table. 23:20.889 --> 23:22.131 [SPEAKER_00]: That paycheck is a tool honey. 23:22.271 --> 23:24.274 [SPEAKER_00]: It is a tool to help fund your dreams. 23:24.334 --> 23:25.756 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a tool to help keep you safe. 23:26.256 --> 23:27.879 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a tool to help keep you fed. 23:28.620 --> 23:33.406 [SPEAKER_00]: But it is not, like, like, who you are. 23:33.446 --> 23:34.507 [SPEAKER_00]: It is not your identity. 23:34.568 --> 23:37.872 [SPEAKER_00]: The money that you are bringing in, like, that is not your identity. 23:37.852 --> 23:40.352 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, it is not your worth. 23:41.142 --> 23:44.467 [SPEAKER_00]: You are worth more than a paycheck. 23:44.527 --> 23:48.112 [SPEAKER_00]: You are worth more than whatever treatment you're getting in your job right now. 23:48.873 --> 23:49.774 [SPEAKER_00]: You follow what I'm saying. 23:50.415 --> 23:51.317 [SPEAKER_00]: So don't forget that. 23:51.537 --> 23:55.863 [SPEAKER_00]: And like I said, don't be afraid to move around because I for damn sure I'm gonna move around. 23:56.524 --> 24:05.317 [SPEAKER_00]: And it's funny because at first I was gonna ask them or actually I asked them about the situation that they had promised me. 24:05.798 --> 24:06.979 [SPEAKER_00]: And they were like, oh, we're doing it. 24:07.300 --> 24:07.941 [SPEAKER_00]: We're doing it. 24:07.961 --> 24:10.204 [SPEAKER_00]: And that was like a month ago. 24:11.467 --> 24:23.898 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm not going to sit up here in Beggie for this minimum wage job, because it is minimum wage here in this state, for something that you promised me, like I'm not, I'm not going to do that. 24:24.018 --> 24:26.440 [SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, no, not doing that. 24:26.520 --> 24:32.826 [SPEAKER_00]: So definitely moving around in 3, 2, 1, yeah. 24:33.266 --> 24:34.467 [SPEAKER_00]: So what else? 24:36.949 --> 24:41.153 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I think that the last thing that I want to say 24:44.592 --> 25:11.528 [SPEAKER_00]: Even though I was gone for a minute, I do, and I think I said this before, but I do, or if I didn't say it before, I'll say it now, my mission is to continue to promote, and explore and share, and teach when I can, like self care for black women, 25:13.111 --> 25:35.895 [SPEAKER_00]: And that this doesn't, like, I guess I was thinking about the my, like my purpose and my meaning, but this is still my, my mission to explore self care liberation and homeless and humanity for black women and this reminder was for me, that it doesn't pause. 25:36.719 --> 25:43.679 [SPEAKER_00]: Just because I'm sitting in, and like I'm currently in this space of unknown, I don't know if I said this before, but I'm in my 50s now. 25:45.685 --> 25:46.206 [SPEAKER_00]: And 25:47.249 --> 25:50.174 [SPEAKER_00]: I have been struggling, I feel like I've been struggling. 25:50.194 --> 25:54.060 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, this is like a midlife crisis, but this has been ongoing for a minute. 25:54.100 --> 26:07.603 [SPEAKER_00]: I have been, uh, there's like this, I think we all at some point go through like this, this struggle for purpose and, um, like, why am I here? 26:07.583 --> 26:09.285 [SPEAKER_00]: What is my purpose? 26:09.346 --> 26:10.487 [SPEAKER_00]: What am I supposed to do? 26:10.527 --> 26:16.616 [SPEAKER_00]: What was I meant to do like that kind of thing like what am I how am I making things different or better? 26:16.696 --> 26:18.158 [SPEAKER_00]: Or what am I bringing to the world? 26:18.439 --> 26:21.223 [SPEAKER_00]: What am I what am I gives what am I talents like that kind of thing? 26:22.084 --> 26:28.393 [SPEAKER_00]: And that was another reason why in case I didn't say it before like I was also struggling with the podcast because I had just turned 50 26:28.373 --> 26:35.744 [SPEAKER_00]: I was in my late 40s and I just turned to 50 you know this year and you know I don't have the perfect house. 26:35.784 --> 26:52.930 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't have the perfect this perfect situation the perfect this and that like Really right and excuse me right now I was saying Nothing in my life is exactly what I thought it would be at this point and Maybe in the next episode. 26:53.051 --> 26:57.317 [SPEAKER_00]: I will go into that okay, but 27:00.436 --> 27:09.386 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, this whole thing about honoring our humanity and self-care, even though now I'm an auntie, I've had to realize that it can still be my mission. 27:09.426 --> 27:10.347 [SPEAKER_00]: It is still my mission. 27:10.947 --> 27:13.390 [SPEAKER_00]: And it doesn't stop just because I'm now in my 50s. 27:13.410 --> 27:20.077 [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't stop now like your purpose doesn't stop stop once you hit a certain age. 27:20.097 --> 27:24.942 [SPEAKER_00]: Your mission doesn't stop once you, you know, 27:26.525 --> 27:53.612 [SPEAKER_00]: evolve past an identity that you had, you know, and this is, it is a little bit hard for me because as you get older, like there's so much change, I know that life is always changing, but, you know, there's just so much change, changes in your body, changes in your hormones, changes in your emotional state, changes in your finances, changes in your relationships, 27:53.592 --> 27:55.935 [SPEAKER_00]: with yourself, changes in your identity. 27:55.975 --> 27:59.479 [SPEAKER_00]: There's just so much change. 28:00.440 --> 28:05.527 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, again, me thinking like, why am I 50s now, I'm an auntie? 28:05.547 --> 28:09.792 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if I can still do Brown Girl Self Care because I'm older now. 28:10.973 --> 28:13.597 [SPEAKER_00]: But the mission don't stop. 28:14.718 --> 28:15.659 [SPEAKER_00]: The mission don't stop. 28:15.719 --> 28:20.325 [SPEAKER_00]: As long as a black woman are not being, 28:20.862 --> 28:35.807 [SPEAKER_00]: seen and valued and respected and heard and protected and loved and honored the way that we deserve and prioritized the way that we deserve. 28:36.208 --> 28:45.503 [SPEAKER_00]: There will always always be a need for the Brown Girl 28:45.483 --> 29:07.744 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm honored to have this this mission to continue exploring growth and honoring our humanity and, you know, prioritize ourselves and fill in our cups and health and spiritual health and emotional health and, you know, all the things that pertain to blooming. 29:08.315 --> 29:09.859 [SPEAKER_00]: in in ourselves. 29:10.841 --> 29:25.277 [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, even though I have struggled and I'm not saying that the struggle is over in regards to my purpose, you know, I'm not saying that, but I recognize that 29:26.017 --> 29:27.900 [SPEAKER_00]: There is still a need for this work. 29:28.321 --> 29:29.964 [SPEAKER_00]: There is still a need for my voice. 29:30.826 --> 29:32.208 [SPEAKER_00]: There's still a need for your work. 29:32.268 --> 29:34.272 [SPEAKER_00]: There's still a need for your quote unquote voice. 29:34.933 --> 29:38.640 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm saying quote unquote voice because, even though I'm speaking, I'm using my voice. 29:39.582 --> 29:41.465 [SPEAKER_00]: You may use your talent in a different way. 29:41.545 --> 29:42.307 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's writing. 29:43.388 --> 29:45.192 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, maybe it's speaking. 29:45.993 --> 29:47.336 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's singing. 29:47.837 --> 29:49.780 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's art. 29:49.760 --> 29:56.433 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's delivering babies like different ways to use your gifts. 29:56.453 --> 29:59.980 [SPEAKER_00]: They're always going to be necessary. 30:00.000 --> 30:03.347 [SPEAKER_00]: But I think that again, there's this universal 30:05.588 --> 30:26.770 [SPEAKER_00]: struggle we have as humans maybe once we hit a certain age again maybe this is just a midlife thing I don't know child but just struggling with my purpose and things like that like if that's also you I don't want you to think that it's just you it's everybody child at some point it is everybody so I want to tell you that if you're waiting for things to be perfect 30:26.750 --> 30:42.032 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're waiting for, if you think you're too old, if you are waiting for a sign, child just gets started and do whatever it is that you feel like you were put here to do because time is going to continue. 30:42.052 --> 30:43.474 [SPEAKER_00]: It waits for no man. 30:43.595 --> 30:45.057 [SPEAKER_00]: It waits for no woman. 30:45.277 --> 30:55.592 [SPEAKER_00]: As we know, and there will never be a quote unquote perfect time or perfect opportunity to 30:57.310 --> 31:10.881 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, to take, I guess, charge of your life or declare in your own way, the purpose that you believe that you have, right? 31:12.008 --> 31:19.238 [SPEAKER_00]: or even to like claim who you are, claim your identity, claim your worth, claim your value like there's never going to be a perfect time for that. 31:19.639 --> 31:23.184 [SPEAKER_00]: There's never going to be you know fanfare and horns and trumpets. 31:23.204 --> 31:26.128 [SPEAKER_00]: There will never be you know any of that kind of stuff. 31:26.148 --> 31:27.130 [SPEAKER_00]: You just have to do it. 31:28.312 --> 31:29.233 [SPEAKER_00]: You just have to do it. 31:29.694 --> 31:35.502 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so I want you if you've been waiting for a sign, there is no sign says, hey, 31:35.482 --> 31:37.324 [SPEAKER_00]: There is no sign, okay? 31:37.905 --> 31:54.867 [SPEAKER_00]: There is no sign except for the time that continues to tick as you wait and and believe that you're waiting for the right time or the right the right circumstances or the right sign or whatever, okay? 31:55.627 --> 31:59.532 [SPEAKER_00]: So sorry I'm just congested here. 31:59.552 --> 32:00.814 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if you can hear that. 32:00.794 --> 32:08.064 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, this was a quick little intro episode just to let you know that I am still out here. 32:08.084 --> 32:12.710 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, yeah, unfortunately I am out here in these streets already told you outside is ghetto. 32:13.270 --> 32:23.644 [SPEAKER_00]: But as I wrap up, I seriously want to thank those of you that took a few minutes out of your time or out of your day just to I got a few email messages. 32:23.664 --> 32:25.266 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to thank you for those. 32:25.246 --> 32:27.951 [SPEAKER_00]: Um, I think I got a few comments on Spotify. 32:27.992 --> 32:47.170 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to thank you for those, you know, it feels really good to, to hear from a few people and for them to let me know that I was missed because it was just a reminder that, you know, there are people out there that are listening to the sound of my voice and, and feeling, 32:47.150 --> 32:53.719 [SPEAKER_00]: nurtured in some capacity, nurtured in seeing enough to reach out to me with a beautiful message. 32:53.880 --> 32:58.286 [SPEAKER_00]: So I really, really appreciate that and I did get a few catch-ups or binmo's. 32:58.767 --> 33:00.048 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for those. 33:00.609 --> 33:02.171 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't care what the amount was. 33:02.211 --> 33:03.994 [SPEAKER_00]: It was all appreciated. 33:04.314 --> 33:12.226 [SPEAKER_00]: So thank you very much for blessing me, whether it was that or the emails like I said, those signs of life if you will. 33:13.207 --> 33:15.250 [SPEAKER_00]: They just went a really long way. 33:15.230 --> 33:26.281 [SPEAKER_00]: So thank you and also thank you for allowing me to have this space to be vulnerable and real with you because that is what I'm going to continue to do on this podcast. 33:26.301 --> 33:30.252 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so I think I covered everything. 33:30.232 --> 33:34.600 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to cover in this episode, but yes, your girl is back. 33:35.281 --> 33:37.185 [SPEAKER_00]: I do have more episodes to come. 33:37.225 --> 33:48.426 [SPEAKER_00]: If there is something that is just tickling, you're bringing that you want to possibly hear discussed on the podcast, like a question or something like that. 33:48.406 --> 33:54.932 [SPEAKER_00]: Feel free to email me at connectetbrowngirlsselfcare.com, excuse me, that is Connect. 33:55.533 --> 33:59.456 [SPEAKER_00]: See you in an ECT at browngirlsselfcare.com. 34:00.077 --> 34:02.759 [SPEAKER_00]: So my loves, that is it for this week's episode. 34:02.859 --> 34:06.543 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for listening, but yes, your girl is back. 34:06.583 --> 34:15.991 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm excited to continue sharing and I look forward to connecting with you on the next episode of the Brown Girl Selfcare podcast. 34:16.011 --> 34:16.692 [SPEAKER_00]: Take care.