[SPEAKER_00]: You've landed here with me at Episode 506.
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you a parent or do you want to be?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I've got some stuff to share with you on today's show.
[SPEAKER_00]: But first, if you're someone that gets annoyed or triggered by people boasting about their own kids, then this episode is probably not for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I'm here with an update after my first full year of being a father.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm going to share the very honest truth of the good, the great, the bad, and the ugly.
[SPEAKER_00]: For us as a family, but also from my personal experience and how this has changed me as a coach, as a man, and as a sole provider.
[SPEAKER_00]: Get ready for deep, funny, cute, heartfelt chaos, which is probably a direct reflection of my home right now.
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's get into it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Even as a scientist, the nutritionist, I was secretly trapped in binge eating and hooked on sugar.
[SPEAKER_00]: And let's be real, the so-called solutions can feel overwhelming, calorie counting restrictive diets, weight loss pills, surgery, and even injections.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm Maddie Lansdown, and the truth is, more nutrition facts are the answer.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's understanding why we eat the way we do.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you don't need to be perfect to achieve great health either.
[SPEAKER_00]: That shift changed everything for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And now I share it here as the host of the real weight loss coach podcast, where it's my mission to help 1 million people break free from the YoYo diet cycle for good.
[SPEAKER_00]: By bringing you the conversations that really matter in nutrition, health and psychology, and I'm not afraid to challenge mainstream health advice when it doesn't stack up.
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you ready?
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's begin.
[SPEAKER_00]: What's up my healthy friends?
[SPEAKER_00]: Ah, I've been hanging to do this kind of episode where I just talk about the journey so far because it's been so many different things.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you've been a parent before, or maybe you're even a grandparent now, then much of what I'm going to share will either be a beautiful way to reminisce and maybe make you nostalgic, or it might be thank God I'm not going through that anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you've not got kids, or you don't want them, or you don't have them yet, then there might be some useful wisdom or insight in here that you might be able to extract and utilize as a new way of looking at the world.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: But before I became a father, I guess going about my own life trying to create abundance and wealth and, you know, chase fancy cars and, you know, a lifestyle that, you know, is on Instagram basically that rich people flaunt.
[SPEAKER_00]: And chasing all these material things.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't think that's a bad thing at all, by the way.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm still chasing all of those material things.
[SPEAKER_00]: They've just fallen down the priority list.
[SPEAKER_00]: But one of the things that Yale and I've had many conversations about is beforehand, we both, you know, were, you know, high performing in our own way.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we're chasing outcomes in life that had great economic success on the other side, because we wanted to have all of these fun toys and travel and experience.
[SPEAKER_00]: and you should want those things.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a full spectrum of life experience, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: But one thing, since becoming parents that we've really reflected on is that millennials, in particular, are maybe millennials with the first generation to really have this occur to us.
[SPEAKER_00]: is that we were given so many choices and so many options and told, live for yourself, you can be anything, write your own story, blah, blah, blah, that actually, and many of us have spent so much of our adult life up until this point, like looking after ourselves and trying to improve ourselves and go to therapy and buy nice things and eat nice food that once you have kids, you realize, whoa, it's really a narcissistic existence up until the point that you have children.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that might be a confronting sentence for me to say
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not saying you're a narcissist.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm saying that I and Yali have talked about the fact that we were just living for ourselves, our own self-indulgence.
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, maybe these words are too strong, but you don't really realize how accurate those sentences and statements are until you have kids particularly when you're sort of mid to late 30s, if not early 40s, when that's happening.
[SPEAKER_00]: and you realize, wow, I was just in this world of me, me, me, me, me, me, me, which is great, by the way.
[SPEAKER_00]: I enjoyed my time there, but there's just, and it's also painted, this pictures painted of parenthood, being hard and difficult and awful.
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, dare I say it, the feminist movement has also projected onto women and men that the worst thing you can do to a woman is have her bare children and raise them.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's like, you know, it's this real masculine culture or this
[SPEAKER_00]: I can go to work and I can raise the kids and I can do everything and be everything and like, duh, look at me, you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, interesting thing about feminism and many aspects is really, it's like women just trying to outcompete men in a men's world, a man's world.
[SPEAKER_00]: Which is not me saying women are less, which is not me saying that, you know, we shouldn't have more balance.
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's just me saying that the feminist narrative or part of the feminist narrative that convinced men and women that having kids was a bad idea that I also bought into, it's fucking bullshit, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: until you have a child.
[SPEAKER_00]: And maybe you've had children and maybe you still disagree with me because it didn't go well for you or you didn't have great support at home, men or women.
[SPEAKER_00]: But we are designed.
[SPEAKER_00]: Literally, once you go through puberty, most of your life, as men and women, normal men and women is dictated by the way that our genitals.
[SPEAKER_00]: mean that like push us in different directions, you know, man chasing women, women chasing men, looking for relationships, looking for love, looking for a sexual intimate partner, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: And so this idea that we're not meant to have kids or we shouldn't have kids or that kids are a burden, our entire body on some level or a big, like a significant part of our existence is driven by a body that is seeking sexual intimacy.
[SPEAKER_00]: right, which is the act of making children.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so the idea that we're not meant to have kids, or that you're not equipped to have kids, or maybe you won't be good at it, is actually absurd to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not even coming from a religious perspective here.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I'm not necessarily someone that goes to church or believes in a specific God.
[SPEAKER_00]: But,
[SPEAKER_00]: we were designed to have babies, whether you're a scientist or whether you're not.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's not just physically, emotionally as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think anyone that's not anyone that's abroad statement, but I think if we have a bad experience, part of that is just Instagram getting into your head that it's meant to be a certain way or people and friends polluting your thoughts, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: This is where I'm at after year one.
[SPEAKER_00]: So obviously I've had a fucking great experience.
[SPEAKER_00]: And to me being a dad is mostly easy and I love it and there's reasons for both of those things that I want to talk about But what has been hard is actually the rest of my life has become hard and I end after working with mums particularly But also fathers you know in my work with weight loss and disease and binge eating and all that kind of stuff.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's
[SPEAKER_00]: not uncommon to hear this idea that like the parenting part and loving your kids so easy, like it's seamless, why is it seamless because we're designed for it, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what we are designed to do to procreate the species.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and I'm not saying where we all boil down to just, you know, sexual organs and reproduction, there's so much more to gain out of life and we've got consciousness and consciousness means that we've got a diversity of perspectives and opinions and choices and we can all choose to go whichever way we want and they're all great
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's not uncommon to hear this idea that the parenting part isn't the hard part, you know, and sure I don't have a teenager yet I don't have a five year old I don't have a 10 year old the hopped up on sugar this hard shit that's coming no doubt, but the rest of the life has become really hard and I guess on many levels I finally understand what my clients mean when they say there's no time left for me and intellectually I could understand all of that stuff before.
[SPEAKER_00]: but now I've got a lived experience of it, especially given we don't have family very close by, and also this narrative of, and this Western idea of the nuclear family being like, I've got to do it on my own.
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't need help.
[SPEAKER_00]: Look how great we are on Instagram by myself, you know, by ourselves, you know, it's a toxic idea to think that you can get through life alone and that you have to even try to do it alone.
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, it's not weak to ask for help.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it shouldn't even be asking for help.
[SPEAKER_00]: We should just be in this tribe mentality of like there's a baby, everybody helps, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, I guess that's another thing that I'm sort of, you know, that's been really challenging is that we're in this world where everybody's doing it on their own.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's not how it's meant to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are pack animals, we are tribe animals.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've said that a hundred times on this podcast in different contexts.
[SPEAKER_00]: and unfortunately, social media and working from home and nuclear families and feminist agendas and even alpha-masculine agendas, they all promote this idea of the lone wolf, be a savage, be successful, win on your own, because you can't trust other people and other people are out for themselves.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would say without tangenting too much,
[SPEAKER_00]: All of this, those ideas by maybe governments or banks or corporations that are going to economically benefit from your solitude, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: And solitude is way too positive from your isolation.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so anyway, Jordan Peterson has a, I saw him talking about, um, becoming a parent and he basically said, you're not fully an adult or you're not an adult or you're not at full maturity.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm obviously butchering what he said.
[SPEAKER_00]: But you're not at full maturity until you are responsible for another human life.
[SPEAKER_00]: And before I had kids, I was just like, oh my god, I've done so much therapy, I've done so much healing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm at full maturity.
[SPEAKER_00]: And wasn't until I became a parent?
[SPEAKER_00]: that that quote now makes a thousand percent sense and I believe it entirely.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think you can fully evolve in the absence of having your own children or looking after children that you are entirely responsible for.
[SPEAKER_00]: That isn't a judgment.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's just saying to some people that don't have kids or aren't going to have them or, you know, whatever, is that there was a there was a there was a there was a level in the game and you just never went to that level.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not a bad thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: It just didn't happen.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, just as I have not lived an entire life without children, you know, I didn't complete that level.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was on that level, but I didn't complete it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I went to a different level, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: There's disclaimers in here because as you discover becoming a parent, everybody's fucking offended by every good thing you've got to say.
[SPEAKER_00]: My kids great.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, are you saying that my kids bad?
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, my stay at home partners amazing nice to have money.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, like this all this bullshit out there.
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, what we tried chose to do differently about this journey was very intentional of becoming parents and and me being a father.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I just want to lay that out because it will give you context as to one, the fact that we do what we say we're going to do and the things we talk about on this podcast, you know, exactly the things that we are living out.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm also, I guess, going to talk about the shitty stuff too.
[SPEAKER_00]: So parenting, this is how we wanted to do it differently, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: We have co-slept the entire time, which means our bud, the Gabriel,
[SPEAKER_00]: That's his name, by the way.
[SPEAKER_00]: Gabriel lands down.
[SPEAKER_00]: Beautiful name.
[SPEAKER_00]: At Christmas time, we were at Carls in Melvin CBD in the Botanical Gardens.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we were sat near a teacher.
[SPEAKER_00]: And he was like, oh, that guy's so cute.
[SPEAKER_00]: And he was, you know, being engaging and, you know, getting around.
[SPEAKER_00]: And he goes, what's his name?
[SPEAKER_00]: And I said Gabriel.
[SPEAKER_00]: And he said Gabriel.
[SPEAKER_00]: He said, I've been a teacher for more than 20 years.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I've never met a dumb Gabriel.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was stoked about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, I was like, well, that's a good omen.
[SPEAKER_00]: But anyway, so what we've done with Gabriel, we co-sleep, so he's in the bed.
[SPEAKER_00]: We haven't done the cot.
[SPEAKER_00]: We tried it once and didn't work.
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't do, we don't do naffies, like conventional naffies.
[SPEAKER_00]: We do cloth naffies and from one week old, we've potty trained him.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a bit of a mess at the moment, but it went really well for about eight months of the last year.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we do cloth naffies, meaning we do a shit ton of washing.
[SPEAKER_00]: We get
[SPEAKER_00]: poop on our hands.
[SPEAKER_00]: Poor Yali does most of the poo scrubbing of the nappies, but given that we spent so much time potty training from a very early age and that's called elimination communication.
[SPEAKER_00]: Side note, it's the nappy and diaper companies that promote toilet training at a much later age and I'm hopeful that either I or Yali will do a podcast episode on elimination communication.
[SPEAKER_00]: Look it up, you can have babies fully potty trained before they're one or at least before they're two,
[SPEAKER_00]: So we cloth nappies.
[SPEAKER_00]: We do elimination communication.
[SPEAKER_00]: We chose to do no vaccines and we did comprehensive research in the lead-up to his birth.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've got a bunch of books here that we bought full of studies.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've got folders with over 1,200 different studies in them.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yali probably did more research than I did, but I already had sort of...
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I worked in vaccines for a period of my scientific career, and so, but together, we did a lot of homework and research, and we even had friends very vocally push back on our decisions, and that's fine.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've chosen to do no formula in the beginning, things were really tough, like literally week one.
[SPEAKER_00]: Have you as a small baby, he was losing weight, just because getting latched and breastfeeding was a challenge for the first few weeks, and I did everything I could to make sure that we got human milk into him.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is no judgment on anyone else's situation.
[SPEAKER_00]: Our situation meant that we were able to get milk from friends who had similar values and made similar choices with their body and so we were able to get a hold of a few different sources of milk and make sure that he got what he needed.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we've not had to use any formula and mostly I would do anything I could to avoid formula and vaccines to be honest.
[SPEAKER_00]: So he's been breastfed as long as he can be and then once we got to food We've gotten him onto a carnivore diet.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have done everything we can to do no dummy or pacifier No screen time what else no sleep training no cry out method no steroid creams on his nappy rushes We use Tallow and no sugar for the first 1,000 days which takes him up to two almost three, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: And everyone told us all the things I just told you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Everyone said, we're not everyone, but a lot of people said, oh well, you'll see, we'll see how long you last with that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we have remained committed to all of those things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because we don't want to sick, misbehaved, delinquent child.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you might be like, Maddie, you've got no say over that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I would strongly disagree with that based on my understanding of how vaccines, how sugar, how screen time affects psychology, the formation of the brain, addiction, all of those things.
[SPEAKER_00]: And behavior, you have to put a kid in front of a screen for like 10 seconds to see them in a trance rapidly.
[SPEAKER_00]: And also, I don't get why people say it's so hard.
[SPEAKER_00]: Literally every generation did it before ours.
[SPEAKER_00]: You were raised like this in many aspects, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe not all of these things, but the point is that these things actually aren't hard.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're sold the idea that they're hard, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: All things are only difficult in the presence of knowledge that it could be easier.
[SPEAKER_00]: because once upon a time, this is all it was.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is just how things work.
[SPEAKER_00]: And no, I was like, this is hard.
[SPEAKER_00]: How can we make it easier?
[SPEAKER_00]: Or maybe they were that's how we came up with all of these different solutions, which are mostly detrimental, unhealthy and toxic, by the way.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I stand by those, and I can support all of those, by the way, in case you're triggered by that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, we made these choices because we believe solidly in the natural health benefits and the function of human biology and the human immune system and health and wellness and not wanting to infiltrate or pollute his ability to grow up healthy, strong and well.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we believe in using nature to heal nature.
[SPEAKER_00]: Humans are directly of nature.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are nature, we are animals of nature.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the idea that we need all of these drugs and chemicals and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, to be able to grow, develop, heal our child to us, mostly, not completely, but is mostly a ridiculous idea.
[SPEAKER_00]: And when I say mostly, what I mean is emergencies of real, situate infections that are moved really quickly, are real.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of alternative homeopathics, naturopathicine naturopathicine supplements, and then tons of food is medicine stuff.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I've studied a lot of that myself.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've got heaps of textbooks on the shelf for natural ways of solving lots of problems.
[SPEAKER_00]: and there's also a ton of research on early sugar exposure and that a risk of disease in teens and as an adult.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hence the 1,000 days no sugar.
[SPEAKER_00]: Same with screens, you know, they get addicted.
[SPEAKER_00]: They all their brain starts to get wired.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not only that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Their brain gets wired in a way that is devastating for social interaction, but also primes them to be marketed and advertised to with all the bullshit of the world that you don't want them to ingest, consume, believe, etc.
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, we intentionally chose all of those things.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that's made things and maybe him, you know, great.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I guess touching on the hard things, like they're the decisions we made and they're technically by many standards and probably by hours on different days, the hard choice, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: But I guess as I said, like the dad part has been easy, but the hard things are things like relationships.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my God, like our relationship being stretched.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you fall in love with this idea of the family, like in that initial bubble, you're like, oh my God, and you have this
[SPEAKER_00]: Realization and this discovery of this love for a family unit that you just didn't know was there.
[SPEAKER_00]: You also have this love for a baby that you didn't know was ever possible beyond.
[SPEAKER_00]: It dwarfs anything that you've ever experienced romantically, I believe.
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's like the intimate relationship is stretched.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like what relationship?
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no time for one another.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no time to fix our problems because when you have a baby and you're super sleep deprived Oh my god, the problems come up to old triggers come up Oh triggers have come up for me in a massive way Things I thought I'd dealt with because I'm just so sleep deprived I'm at the end of my tether constantly You know there's a lot of other stress that I'll get into in a moment too But it's like what relationship?
[SPEAKER_00]: You know how do we make a baby to begin with?
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, to help my health habits, you know, well, our health habits have really fallen down the priority list.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, the gym very intimate with the gym over the last year.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've had good good stints and bad stints and lots of back injuries because again, sleep deprivation, but also carrying around, you know, multiple kilos that's gaining weight every day and the hunching forward and sitting at a desk like I'm really primed and I've had a bunch of
[SPEAKER_00]: back injuries over this time and just saw saw muscles.
[SPEAKER_00]: My recovery's been really bad.
[SPEAKER_00]: My healthy eating has gone out the window.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, not gone out the window.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I would say 70% of the time, the things that we eat fantastic.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we make sure that like we spend the good money on the stuff that Gabriel gets.
[SPEAKER_00]: And he gets a lot of organic, amazing food on my mom and my sister cook for him as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they do a fantastic job of also committing.
[SPEAKER_00]: to make sure that he's getting the best quality food that he can.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's eaten out of our own garden.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's eaten out of mum and dad's garden.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's been, oh, it's been so great to know that he's getting such good quality food.
[SPEAKER_00]: But for us, it's like, you know, when you're breastfeeding and you need tons of energy,
[SPEAKER_00]: or you're pregnant and you need tons of energy or you're super sleep deprived and you need energy, smart decisions are harder and harder to come by and managing your cravings and managing the food that's available to you or that's cheap.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just been so much more difficult this year.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I have a history of binge eating in secret and lots of secret eating.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's some of those, some of those patterns have come back this year, you know, and that's embarrassing to admit, especially with the work that I do.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I also think it helps me understand my clients, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I've gained a few kilos of body fat.
[SPEAKER_00]: Interestingly, I've also gained a few kilos this year of muscle.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't know if that's because there's some part of my body or my psychology, or whatever that's like, you're the, you're the protection now, level up.
[SPEAKER_00]: But interestingly, I've gained both fat and muscle.
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, my left arm that I carry Gabriel on is definitely bigger than my right.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's interesting, but yeah, food choices haven't been as well managed as they have been in the past and the gym attendance is mainly because the only time for me to really get to the gym is like between five and Six thirty seven like I need to be home well before seven kind of thing and on broken sleep and when the alarm goes off.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like oh man fuck.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is hard
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so exhausted, you know, and I've never regretted a work, work out and I've never regretted, you know, using willpower and pushing myself through that.
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's just a level of exhaustion that is unmatched.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's really hard to peel myself out of bed and I've got weights, I don't know if you can see them if you're here on the YouTube video or the video, but I've got weights that sit in the corner here and I might do some of those for 10 minutes or random spots throughout the day.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, sleep deprivation is the thread connecting all of these problems, whether it's having a fight, y'know, y'all, y'know, budding heads or just being overish, you know, and I mean, let's be honest, who is just the worst part of being a parent is poo?
[SPEAKER_00]: But like my meditation and breath work stuff has fallen off.
[SPEAKER_00]: My cold dip stays to do cold dips every Sunday, which I loved.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like really helped my physical resilience haven't done that in over a year.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I miss that, although I literally, one of my clients, who lives nearby, sent me a few links to some stuff that happens nearby just yesterday.
[SPEAKER_00]: So hopefully that becomes a thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, and I guess as well, going through all of this, the big realization for me is that it's like I forgot who I was over the course of running the podcast and running the business.
[SPEAKER_00]: And what I mean by that is not that I haven't shown up authentically,
[SPEAKER_00]: But I've been in the grind of trying to create a successful business that produces money and produces a lifestyle for myself and for my partner and for my family that is comfortable.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, that's the first goal, comfortable.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I've kind of lost myself on that journey.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I've been working in a way and I've been referring to my office here, you might have heard it already, my office slash studio as a sell.
[SPEAKER_00]: like C-E-L-L. My prison cell is what I mean.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so when I'm utterly exhausted and at the end of my tether and I've got no energy to get up on a podcast and do something, which has historically been pretty comfortable and easy for me to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's really bought the forefront, the fact that I'm working in a way that is not congruent with my personality.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's taken me eight years to really come to terms with that actually I've known it over the last year and I've been trying to fix it that's why we started retreats and retreats are very cup filling because I'm a social extrovert and at some point running an online business and this goes back to the start of the podcast you know the nuclear family the do everything on your own the feminist masculine go into your cave and emerge a monster.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I drank that cool aid because I wanted to be successful and these were all the people that were getting the attention online about how to do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And all that's done for me is drive me into the ground.
[SPEAKER_00]: And like, if I'm sleep deprived and someone comes over to our house, I'm awake, bam.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, what's going on?
[SPEAKER_00]: How you doing?
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, my God.
[SPEAKER_00]: If I'm sleep deprived and knackered and even the drive, I shouldn't be driving really.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I get to an event, bam, I'm awake.
[SPEAKER_00]: And what that highlights is that I'm a person that thrives on energy of human living things.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's been really hard because in the last year sleep deprivation, new family, lots of distraction, you know, business failing as well, and it's like, I can't find the energy to do this anymore, you know, and it's not because I don't love it, it's just because I'm an extravert and I would even say introverts thrive on energy.
[SPEAKER_00]: sure they don't necessarily, they feel drained when they leave, but what I mean is we're pack animals and introverts have their place and without human connection altogether, their souls would rock too.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just that as me is a social extrovert, it means it happens at a much deeper level and much faster.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I've noticed that that's been a really, really big thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And as I said, you know, business has been sort of collapsing for the last two years.
[SPEAKER_00]: Inflation, chat GPT, Mojano and GLP ones and chat GPT that have put a thousand PhDs in everyone's pocket.
[SPEAKER_00]: People don't really want to pay for information products anymore or coaching, you know, the coaching industries also being a bit toxic.
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of people haven't really been helped.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there's no need when you've got chat GPT and you feel like free information on chat GPT can solve your problems.
[SPEAKER_00]: Why would you pay for a high ticket coaching program where someone spends a lot of time with you, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the illusion of support.
[SPEAKER_00]: But people are buying into it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Plus, OZEM pick Mojano and what that all that stuff and what that's meant is that for me, our income has been collapsing, collapsing to the point that the business is no longer viable, essentially.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I have to figure out a solution basically.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's been tough because it's like all of this financial pressure and trying to feed everyone and trying to feed everyone well and me defaulting to poor food choices just to save money and just to keep the rent paid like off under all of that it feels like the year that I became a father, which is arguably like maybe a version of masculinity, which is the most masculine you could be being a dad.
[SPEAKER_00]: Also feels like the year that I've failed the most as a man we've never had less money available to us.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've never been less hungry or more hungry and what I mean by that is we're not going hungry.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just like we're being really strategic and smart with what we're cooking and what we're purchasing and you know, and that means that.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's all that falls on me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm the sole provider and when Yali met me, things in business was going very well and we're showing all sides of moving in the right direction.
[SPEAKER_00]: But unfortunately, Chad GPT was not something we predicted.
[SPEAKER_00]: OZEMPIC wasn't something we predicted.
[SPEAKER_00]: Inflation to this level wasn't something we predicted.
[SPEAKER_00]: And interestingly, the podcast you guys are still here in very vast number, thousands of the thousands of people are still here.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's like, wow, there's so many people listening to the free stuff that I do.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I already know that I've got many colleagues in this same boat that have already gone back to date day jobs, that have done lots of free stuff, but just a struggling to get paid for it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, how can we function in a world where there's so many people on Instagram and podcasts,
[SPEAKER_00]: giving away so much fantastic high-quality advice and unable to pay their own bills, you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, I feel, I'm in a rush.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, not a rush, that makes me sound stuck.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm making pretty big moves that are in unexpected directions, but yeah, I've been spent a lot of this last year, feeling like a failure as a partner, a failure as a father, a failure as a sole provider.
[SPEAKER_00]: And what I mean by that is that I know that I have a fantastic relationship with my son.
[SPEAKER_00]: He is so happy to see me, he makes life so much easier by being by how happy he is.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the second you walk out there and he just like I walk out of the office and into the lounge room.
[SPEAKER_00]: I could do it one time a day, I could do it a hundred times a day.
[SPEAKER_00]: He approaches me with the same joy and happiness that I have arrived.
[SPEAKER_00]: And for a moment, you think nothing else matters than keeping the family together, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't matter how hard we do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And whilst that's true, it's also my job to make sure that we can survive the future, and that, and I'm responsible for going out into the world and hunting, and killing and bringing the kill home.
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, a lot of men can probably relate to that, or if you're a woman and you're the breadwinner, you know, or the sole provider, you can understand that too.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of pressure on that role, especially if you're circling the drain and you know it's only up to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: But the best time for anyone to perform is when your back is against the wall, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, I just wanted to be real, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the brand, but also this is where I'm at.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're a new dad or if you're a dad or maybe you relate to this, it's like, I'm a father, but I'm a failure as a man.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because one year not, you just haven't got there yet.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I also need to take that advice, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm just acknowledging the truth of my feeling.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel so much failure lately.
[SPEAKER_00]: And...
[SPEAKER_00]: And I've felt that for months, especially in the business.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, that's my baby.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's my coaching program is the thing I created and that was gonna change the world, or maybe not change the world, but change enough people's lives that my life could be changed in a positive direction.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, that's kind of the transaction that occurs.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like give great value, receive great value in return.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like that's been one sided for a long time, which is mostly me giving value.
[SPEAKER_00]: much of which is free.
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's nothing wrong with that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not resentful towards anyone that's enjoyed the free stuff and not paid me.
[SPEAKER_00]: My point is that I just haven't been on a figure it out, you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I also don't have the personality or the story for Instagram, you know, we're in a world of personal brands and I have to come to terms with the fact I'm not a woman that used to be fat that's that solved the issue herself.
[SPEAKER_00]: They're all the people that really crush it online.
[SPEAKER_00]: They have their own story and they sell the solution that they got for themselves.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I've sorted out my own binge eating pretty well and got, you know, did all of this psychology training and experience and stuff like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I don't have the body shots to be like, look, I used to be fat.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now I'm skinny.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the stuff that sells.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I have to come to terms with the, the era of business that we are in as a,
[SPEAKER_00]: species.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have what it takes and I can't even create what it takes because I don't I wasn't a fat woman once upon a time, you know, an overweight woman or an unwell woman.
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, I'm going to get off this little ramble tangent.
[SPEAKER_00]: Point is it's been super hard.
[SPEAKER_00]: And these are the things that have made the last year and the last two years hard because Yale's pregnancy was super difficult.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you want to listen to podcast where we talk about the pregnancy being difficult as well, we did two.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we did episode 400 that Yali was on and we did episode 433 where we talked as well about how hard the pregnancy has been.
[SPEAKER_00]: We also talked about the fact that we did a home birth and look this just highlights how busy we've been.
[SPEAKER_00]: Our son is a year old already and we have tried multiple times to record a podcast talking about the home birth and the great success that it was and we haven't had time or actually we have had time on four occasions and all four occasions we sat on the couch behind me and got everything ready and one of us was too sleep deprived to make a work.
[SPEAKER_00]: One of us couldn't string sentences together on one occasion, the tech didn't work, the tech failed, and then we ran out of time because, you know, naps only happened for so long with babies.
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, if you want to hear Yale talk on these on these topics, from before we we had the baby, then episode 4133.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, now I want to talk about the beautiful things, the great things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Being a dad, like I said, has been easy and I love it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I did not expect to be so natural with it and also love it as much as I am and to the point that probably you can tell by this podcast or maybe not yet.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm basically preaching to everyone to have kids because it is a happiness that I and Yale did not foresee coming.
[SPEAKER_00]: It is made easier, by the fact Gabriel is a very happy, joyful, highly-engaged person.
[SPEAKER_00]: He smiled at four weeks.
[SPEAKER_00]: He crawled at five and a half months.
[SPEAKER_00]: He was walking at 10 months, like he was very ahead of the schedule, which is a very proud brag, and I hope this isn't his peak in life, but I hope he continues to perform above and beyond.
[SPEAKER_00]: As that teacher said,
[SPEAKER_00]: But we're lucky, we're lucky that his personality is naturally so playful and vibrant and it's not just because he's a kid.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is like who he is and we're around plenty of other people with babies, whose babies have different personalities and different energy and some of them are cry babies all the time, some of them aren't, you know, and so this absolutely makes it easier.
[SPEAKER_00]: full acknowledgement that he makes it easier.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's someone you want to spend time with because he's just such a lovely personality.
[SPEAKER_00]: And people notice that everywhere, everywhere we go.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's engaging with people, people comment in the supermarket.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, baby, you know, people comment on all cute babies, but he's so alert and engaged.
[SPEAKER_00]: For, you know, and it has been, for since before he was one, that people say everywhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: And, and I'm, I literally use, use the direct words, like, wall.
[SPEAKER_00]: He's very alert, or they say, well, he's an old soul or he's a deep thinker or he's well, he's really looking at me or his eye contact is really deep and maybe you've got babies like this too, but it's great because he's showing amazing signs of being a really great socializer and connector with people and bringing joy and happiness and what's lovely when you walk around with a baby in society is whether it's a
[SPEAKER_00]: 16 year old girl, or 70 year old Chinese man that's very stern and serious or anyone in between.
[SPEAKER_00]: They get the same look on their face when they see a baby wanting to engage with them because it's the most natural response that's what I've determined it to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: People just lighting up and they're like, hey buddy, or hi, or no dual wave, or they'll just even if they just smile.
[SPEAKER_00]: a happy baby or an engaged baby, has this effect on everyone and this speaks to the idea that we are all wired to love and protect little children, which is beautiful, you know, it's so beautiful and I love that he brings so much joy to other people when we're out in the world and he's waving and saying hi and tapping on random people's legs, like it's so good to be like my kid is a positive addition to the world, you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, and, you know, I guess it makes all of the hard stuff worth it.
[SPEAKER_00]: All the poo.
[SPEAKER_00]: Ah!
[SPEAKER_00]: all of the shit, you know, it's that's something that I don't know if I'll get used to.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, you know, there's been lots of hard stuff, but it's been so worth it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was I was told early on as well by some very wise older friends of mine that kids spell love T-I-M-E and it's obvious the second, like I said before, the second that I leave the office and go out into the lounge room or go and find him.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so obvious that he just wants to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: Whether he wants to be held, or whether he wants you to be kicking the ball, or throwing the ball, or just exploring the world and being a little scientist, he just wants you to be there for it.
[SPEAKER_00]: and it's really easy to get into this thought pattern too as a father of being like, if all he needs is time for me to love him, then who cares how much money we've got, who cares what's going on.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's just scrape by so I can be really available.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's a cute idea, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: And one that you might choose as well, but for me, it's kind of like, no, like,
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll give as much time as I can when I can for sure, but it's also my responsibility to make sure five-year-old Gabriel and ten-year-old Gabriel and fifteen-year-old Gabriel and twenty-five-year-old Gabriel that comes from a family that's got a good work ethic and that comes from stock that's good, you know, and not just because we're nice people, but because we went out and made hard choices and did hard things and failed and overcame those failures and and so me getting up and saying nobody, your mum deserves a good life
[SPEAKER_00]: your mum deserves to be happy as well and not just get by, you know, she's giving up her life to raise you.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, we plan to keep Yali at home and have her be
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, raising them at home, ideally no daycare, ideally home schooling.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is our best laid plans, but the reality is Yale's life matters as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: And Gabriel's future life matters as well too.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's up to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I've got a balance this spending TIME.
[SPEAKER_00]: with him, with also being like, I'm also sacrificing that time.
[SPEAKER_00]: For myself, especially as a dead that loves it and loves him so much, I'm sacrificing all of that to make sure that our future is at least okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: With
[SPEAKER_00]: have recessions happening with people defaulting on their mortgages, with people not able to pay for our program, let alone the groceries, or anything like that, you know, it's like, I don't know what's coming, buddy, you know, I don't know if it's World War 3, I don't know if we're going to have, you know, 2, 3, 4, 4 more kids, you know, we want a little tribe, but if there's World War 3 and petrol costs $5 a leader and, you know, depression and there's all of this government control, digital ID's like, I don't
[SPEAKER_00]: what the future holds.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's up to me as the man to choose the hard choice and be like, fuck, I've got to go to work, man.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've got to go to work every day and I'm going to miss some beautiful moments.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'll probably cry about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I've already had moments where Yali sent me videos or photos of him doing stuff for the first time.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, oh,
[SPEAKER_00]: fuck I wasn't there you know and this is just part of the shitty thing of being a soul provider is you sacrifice some stuff to make sure that everybody can live a life that's they're happy living that they're safe living that they're comfortable living and especially for Yali you know want to make sure that she lives a life because she's sacrificing her life to to be a mum um you know and and well we'll we'll do what we can to make sure that that's not all she she experiences which is part of the reason I'm going to work but
[SPEAKER_00]: I also want Gabriel to grow up knowing, you know, the other people in this house matter too.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the reality to that is that pretty much all of it requires money.
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, it's been a beautiful journey, becoming a father.
[SPEAKER_00]: I've loved it far more than I've hated it.
[SPEAKER_00]: The hate is mainly for the sleep deprivation, not for being a father.
[SPEAKER_00]: And given Gabriel so full of life, and he makes all of it worth it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that sentence, they smile.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you realize it's all worth it that I used to roll my eyes at.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so fucking true.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so true, and it's just, ah, it's just so beautiful, you know, and I've never felt the call as a man to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: more warrior, more beautiful, more all of these things, because it's like the step up to being a dad means that you now have to, you're the guy that runs at the machete man if he ever walks into your space, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like before running away was kind of an option, now you have to run at him.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there's been part of that in my psychology that I've felt level up as well, like this, and maybe that's why my body has naturally gained muscle this year as well, I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: because my gym routine has definitely been out, but yeah, just this idea of like now I have to go to war if a situation presents itself and I have to go to work and it's no longer about purpose or doing my passion at work or any of that kind of stuff.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, now it's about making money to pay the bills and give everyone a good life.
[SPEAKER_00]: And
[SPEAKER_00]: that's what that's what I've got to do and I don't know what that looks like in the future.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope the podcast can keep being a part of it, but this stage I really don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: But this whole journey has given me so much empathy for my clients and given me a lived understanding of what before I only understood logically, intellectually, or via a textbook.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, it's like now I really, truly know that sleep deprivation totally switches off my decision making center and makes me make lots of poor choices and not go to the gym and eat cookies and eat chocolate and all of this stupid shit that I need to find a way to fix interestingly.
[SPEAKER_00]: the best path to fixing this is money again, because it means we can get help, it means we can automate some of the food stuff.
[SPEAKER_00]: It means, you know, my mom has been so generous and my sister too, and Yali's sister have been, those three women have been so generous in their contributions to our lives financially and by finance, not the handing over of money, but the the gift of so much
[SPEAKER_00]: Mom's here every two weeks and she cooks up a storm for days.
[SPEAKER_00]: She cooks at home during the week, all to bring it to us.
[SPEAKER_00]: Mom and Dad bring us, you know, have probably brought us at this stage a thousand eggs over the last year because I grew up right near a chicken farm.
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, we always get eggs super cheap from there.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's just like, what fucking legends, you know, and the only challenge is that the nuclear family and not having the community and not having the tribe is really experienced by us, because everybody that's helpful and that wants to be involved lives far away.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we've even talked about moving house.
[SPEAKER_00]: We've even talked about moving overseas, given the current government and economic situation in Australia, but
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we don't really know what we want a little Gabriel and our kids to be exposed to and I'm pretty confident it's not the social situation in Australia, but we're also very torn in regards to family, you know, being nearby and all of our friends and saying, anyway, conversation for another day.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I guess, you know, the takeaway here might be that you can't hold yourself to the same standard across different seasons of your life.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because me holding myself to the same standard as when I was 25 is no longer an option.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so what that's meant for me is that I've got to change my mentors, change the people I look up to.
[SPEAKER_00]: And what that means is that those people have to be fathers.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is exactly why many of us want to look up to people that have been where we've been,
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, maybe my business doesn't work very well because people are like you are not a menopause woman that is used to be super overweight.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you know, and so for me, I've had to look up to dads that, you know, can help me compartmentalise and understand how do I look after myself, my own health, my own mental health, which has been down the drain of fair bit in the last year for a variety of reasons.
[SPEAKER_00]: which I've covered much on here, but you can't look at a 25 year old that's in their prime, Jack to test us their own living amazingly, that doesn't have the responsibility of providing for a family and looking after kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: I used to be that guy.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, telling people what to do and being a practitioner and and like you just don't get it You know, and and I think I'm pretty good at putting myself in other people's shoes I think that's why I'm a great coach or why I have been a great coach But now I understand it on a totally different level.
[SPEAKER_00]: The irony is the take homes are all the same The instructions are all the same it just comes with a greater degree of empathy now I guess because my advice isn't different
[SPEAKER_00]: My advice is actually the same so it's funny that the advice of 25 year old me and me now two clients is the same.
[SPEAKER_00]: It just comes with more understanding and more empathy, you know, so anyway, I guess I want to wrap this up by just saying thanks for listening.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm loved being a dad.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're thinking about being a dad or your kids aren't sure about kids, or like your adult children, or you're not sure about them, or you know people that want to hear a positive experience that's very honest, then please send them this episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I'm a preacher for having kids now, you know, I think we all should do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think we're all designed to, I think we're all meant to, it's so beautiful, make sure you put yourself in a position where you're not doing it totally alone, you know, and we've had people that we've become friends with as a result of this podcast because they feel alone in all of the parenting decisions that they want to make.
[SPEAKER_00]: and people are looking up to us as people that have made really authentic genuine decisions about the health of their children and the health of their family and none of their friends or family support them.
[SPEAKER_00]: So maybe you want to reach out to me or y'all on Instagram and say, hey, I want to make some similar choices to you guys.
[SPEAKER_00]: and I've got no support.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have had multiple people reach out and we've caught up with people in person because we wish to empower people to create healthy, strong families, right, not feel their kids full of sugar and drugs and all of that kind of other.
[SPEAKER_00]: mainstream western capitalist nonsense and I'm not against capitalism My point is that all of the things that are bad for our kids and bad for us are off the back of companies trying to manipulate your behavior So they are super profitable.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so anyway feel free to reach out because we are an open book So anyway, thank you for being here and I would I would just love to hear what you think of this episode.
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyway from dad Catch you soon
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, thanks for listening to the show.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you enjoyed this episode or learned anything at all, the gift of your five-star rating would be incredibly helpful.
[SPEAKER_00]: And what's even more powerful is if you write a review.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can do it below each episode on Spotify, every time an episode comes out.
[SPEAKER_00]: And inside Apple Podcast, simply find the main page of this show with all the episodes on it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Scroll to the bottom, hit write a review, share your amazing feedback, and then hit send.
[SPEAKER_00]: It helps this show grow tremendously and allows me to successfully invite bigger and more famous guests each time we do the show.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, thank you for helping us climb the charts, climb the algorithm and help more people.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, and by the way, I have a short disclaimer as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just wanted to quickly remind you that the information provided on this podcast is for general informational purposes only.
[SPEAKER_00]: While we strive to bring you accurate and up-to-date content, it's important to note that a lot of this is mixed with opinions, stories and ideas not supported by mainstream science or medicine.
[SPEAKER_00]: Any advice or suggestions should not be considered a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
[SPEAKER_00]: Always consult a healthcare provider before making any decisions about the health and wellness of you and your family.
[SPEAKER_00]: Remember to that what works for one person may not work for another.
[SPEAKER_00]: And just as we promote on the show, each person is responsible for their own health decisions.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for tuning into the Real Weightless Coach podcast, and now the next episode.