WEBVTT 00:02.140 --> 00:03.702 [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to Less Parental and Purpose. 00:03.762 --> 00:04.903 [SPEAKER_00]: My name is Jay Holland. 00:05.023 --> 00:05.724 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host. 00:06.305 --> 00:16.697 [SPEAKER_00]: Less Parental and Purpose is now a monthly podcast where I bring you one fantastic conversation each month to strengthen your marriage, your parenting, or your discipleship. 00:16.737 --> 00:18.739 [SPEAKER_00]: And I've got a great one in store for you today. 00:19.139 --> 00:20.641 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll tell you about it in just a minute. 00:20.841 --> 00:24.165 [SPEAKER_00]: I just want to remind you of a couple of things on the front end before we do. 00:24.145 --> 00:32.539 [SPEAKER_00]: First, we are coming up on Mother's Day and Graduation, Mother's Day and Graduation, and these are really special times. 00:32.999 --> 00:41.293 [SPEAKER_00]: If you are looking for meaningful gifts for somebody, for your mom, for Mother figuring your life has been really important. 00:41.273 --> 00:44.838 [SPEAKER_00]: or for a upcoming high school or college graduate. 00:44.878 --> 00:51.927 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to ask you to consider my new book renewed the 365-day Christian gratitude journal. 00:52.327 --> 01:10.150 [SPEAKER_00]: There's a daily different unique scripture and prompt every day that cycles through helping people become aware of God's work in their life, the provisions and blessings, how He sustained them through trials, the wonder and all of nature, and then His work in the world. 01:10.130 --> 01:19.847 [SPEAKER_00]: So this is a great gift for, again, high school students, college students, moms, really anybody that wants to be shaped by a daily gratitude practice. 01:20.548 --> 01:25.877 [SPEAKER_00]: The second is just a reminder, there are over 400 episodes of less panel purpose now. 01:26.178 --> 01:30.944 [SPEAKER_00]: on the website less panelpurpose.com, you can search them ChristianParenting.com. 01:31.424 --> 01:43.698 [SPEAKER_00]: But if you go to my website, I've revamped it recently and I now have a fantastic parent resource page available for you and a number of free things that I've created over time. 01:43.719 --> 01:50.987 [SPEAKER_00]: From scripture memory tools, fun family conversations, marriage snapshots, all kinds of different unique 01:50.967 --> 01:54.012 [SPEAKER_00]: free downloadable items that can help you out. 01:54.453 --> 02:01.986 [SPEAKER_00]: So you can go to lesspanelprovers.com and get them or sign up for my things for Thursday email to receive a link to give them. 02:02.126 --> 02:07.035 [SPEAKER_00]: And you do that by texting the word things, THIMGS, the six six, eight, six, six. 02:07.252 --> 02:09.335 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, let me tell you about today's conversation. 02:09.375 --> 02:11.278 [SPEAKER_00]: My head is actually still spinning quite a bit. 02:12.059 --> 02:15.183 [SPEAKER_00]: I had the pleasure of interviewing John Acuff. 02:15.343 --> 02:27.420 [SPEAKER_00]: John is a New York Times best selling author of 10 books with his 11th book being released Tuesday, April 14th, which is tomorrow, if this is about if you're listening to this, but hey, come around. 02:27.400 --> 02:32.768 [SPEAKER_00]: He's written soundtracks, stuff Christian likes, finishing, and all it takes is a goal. 02:33.289 --> 02:41.181 [SPEAKER_00]: His new book, Procrastination Proof, is really, really helpful as a person and as a parent. 02:41.221 --> 02:52.058 [SPEAKER_00]: So we talked through in the first half of the conversation, the framework for having a tool to replace Procrastination in your life, and then we kind of pivot to talking about 02:52.038 --> 03:02.769 [SPEAKER_00]: this concept as a parent, as a mom and dad, how do I help the equipment and power my kids, my teenagers, to not lean into procrastination so much. 03:03.230 --> 03:08.175 [SPEAKER_00]: And to be honest, there are a few things that you have permission to procrastinate who talk about this as well. 03:08.956 --> 03:15.683 [SPEAKER_00]: You should go if you pre-order John's book today or tomorrow, you'll get a free audio book with it as well. 03:15.703 --> 03:20.408 [SPEAKER_00]: So you can do that at johnakef.com or Amazon, Barnes & Noble, anywhere you buy books. 03:20.388 --> 03:25.035 [SPEAKER_00]: And then you can, again, JohnnyCuff.com these are all kinds of great resources for you. 03:25.716 --> 03:31.624 [SPEAKER_00]: And as a regular podcast called All It Takes is a goal that I encourage you to check out as well. 03:31.644 --> 03:37.153 [SPEAKER_00]: This is a great conversation, listen to it, meditate on it, pick up his book, share it with the friend. 03:37.693 --> 03:41.679 [SPEAKER_00]: And without further ado, here is my conversation with John Acuff. 03:42.861 --> 03:46.626 [SPEAKER_00]: John is such a treat to meet you, welcome to Let's Parent on Purpose. 03:46.646 --> 03:47.728 [SPEAKER_00]: We're so glad to have you. 03:48.400 --> 03:50.412 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, thanks for having me, Jay, as looking forward to this. 03:51.505 --> 04:00.815 [SPEAKER_00]: Now you are, it's actually tomorrow that it's coming out April 14th, I think this is your 11th book, procrastination proof. 04:01.316 --> 04:03.038 [SPEAKER_00]: So first off, congratulations. 04:03.198 --> 04:04.860 [SPEAKER_00]: Getting one book out is a big deal. 04:04.880 --> 04:11.608 [SPEAKER_00]: 11 is this, is it kind of old how at this point or is it more of a mountain, each book that you, you release? 04:11.628 --> 04:19.116 [SPEAKER_01]: No, I was hoping it'd get easier, but it's actually gotten harder because I've already told the low hanging fruit stories. 04:19.096 --> 04:21.999 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I have to climb pretty high on the tree to find a new story. 04:22.420 --> 04:26.344 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I've already picked up the gold that's on the surface of the planet. 04:26.444 --> 04:31.390 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm kind of down in the core of the planet at this point when you're on, you know, number 11. 04:31.430 --> 04:40.540 [SPEAKER_01]: It's kind of like a pastor saying, like, hey, was sermon 40 this year, easier than sermon two, and he'd probably say, no, I've told 39 already. 04:40.560 --> 04:42.402 [SPEAKER_01]: They know the jokes, they know the stories. 04:42.803 --> 04:47.668 [SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, it's still a challenge to me, but it's one I've figured out in a joy now. 04:48.458 --> 04:50.180 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I can sympathize with that. 04:50.340 --> 04:54.385 [SPEAKER_00]: Being a youth pastor in the same place for a long time, I have no new stories. 04:54.465 --> 04:56.027 [SPEAKER_00]: My childhood is what it was. 04:56.828 --> 04:59.951 [SPEAKER_00]: And I have to, we haven't found a new thing in the fourth grade. 05:00.812 --> 05:01.413 [SPEAKER_00]: No, no. 05:01.873 --> 05:06.879 [SPEAKER_00]: And I kind of have to wait for my teenagers to do something new to have an illustration, except they're sitting in the youth group. 05:06.899 --> 05:09.783 [SPEAKER_00]: So I have to be careful what illustrations I do. 05:09.883 --> 05:11.284 [SPEAKER_00]: So well, well done. 05:11.304 --> 05:12.646 [SPEAKER_00]: 11 is a big deal. 05:12.766 --> 05:13.707 [SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate that. 05:14.716 --> 05:18.600 [SPEAKER_00]: So this book is called procrastination proof. 05:19.521 --> 05:21.263 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's just kind of start at the beginning. 05:22.244 --> 05:24.126 [SPEAKER_00]: What is procrastination? 05:24.706 --> 05:26.789 [SPEAKER_00]: And why do you feel like people procrastinate? 05:28.330 --> 05:32.875 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, so my definition of procrastination is when your actions don't match your intentions. 05:33.656 --> 05:36.479 [SPEAKER_01]: So who you say you want to be, isn't who you are. 05:36.579 --> 05:41.584 [SPEAKER_01]: There's a gap between your intentions, your desires, your goals, 05:41.918 --> 05:43.820 [SPEAKER_01]: and your actions, how you're actually living. 05:43.840 --> 05:45.723 [SPEAKER_01]: That's what procrastination is. 05:46.424 --> 05:51.230 [SPEAKER_01]: And the reason people procrastinate, if you ask them, they usually have a handful of reasons. 05:51.270 --> 05:53.213 [SPEAKER_01]: They'll say, I don't have time. 05:53.533 --> 05:55.195 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I ran out of time for this thing. 05:55.235 --> 05:56.136 [SPEAKER_01]: I just don't have the time. 05:56.197 --> 05:57.318 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so busy at all of time. 05:57.839 --> 05:59.741 [SPEAKER_01]: Or they'll say, the task is too big. 05:59.921 --> 06:01.243 [SPEAKER_01]: The task is overwhelming. 06:01.263 --> 06:03.025 [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know where to start. 06:03.206 --> 06:04.107 [SPEAKER_01]: That's a great one to start. 06:04.127 --> 06:05.008 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know where to start. 06:05.028 --> 06:06.490 [SPEAKER_01]: As if there's a perfect place to start. 06:06.510 --> 06:08.112 [SPEAKER_01]: And as soon as I find it, I'll start. 06:08.092 --> 06:09.514 [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes it's history. 06:09.714 --> 06:18.585 [SPEAKER_01]: They got an A on a paper in college that they waited until the last second to write and they mistakenly believe, oh, procrastinating is part of my creativity. 06:18.605 --> 06:20.066 [SPEAKER_01]: It's how it's my system. 06:20.106 --> 06:22.529 [SPEAKER_01]: I need a deadline to get really inspired. 06:22.850 --> 06:24.131 [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes it's just fear. 06:24.632 --> 06:26.894 [SPEAKER_01]: They're afraid of what will happen if they actually finish. 06:26.914 --> 06:29.958 [SPEAKER_01]: I never got a one-star review until I wrote a book. 06:30.419 --> 06:34.383 [SPEAKER_01]: I note no one did ever when I was a copyrighted Home Depot on Amazon. 06:34.443 --> 06:37.407 [SPEAKER_01]: No stranger ever said 06:37.673 --> 06:47.126 [SPEAKER_01]: But the minute I dared to finish a thing, I stopped procrastinating writing, I expose myself to criticism, and the last one is ego, meaning I shouldn't have to do this. 06:47.427 --> 06:53.916 [SPEAKER_01]: This is somebody else's job, or I can't believe I have to do this, and so it's usually one of those five reasons. 06:54.397 --> 06:57.101 [SPEAKER_01]: But the one I always come back to is not in that list. 06:57.321 --> 07:02.348 [SPEAKER_01]: I just think that for most people procrastination is not a problem, it's a solution, meaning, 07:02.328 --> 07:12.239 [SPEAKER_01]: They look at what they have to do and they're more afraid of the alternative than they are procrastination So they look at something like I don't want to tell my mom. 07:12.259 --> 07:15.803 [SPEAKER_01]: We're not coming home for Thanksgiving this year And I don't want to have that conversation. 07:15.823 --> 07:19.548 [SPEAKER_01]: It's going to be a hard conversation in a procrastination steps And it goes, hey, I'll solve this problem. 07:19.668 --> 07:30.580 [SPEAKER_01]: Let's just put it off put it off for six months until it's an actual emergency But yeah, you don't have to do it for six months and so we use procrastination as kind of this Solution is just not a good solution 07:31.758 --> 07:37.368 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I actually resonate with several of those, but even the last ones, excuse me, sometimes. 07:38.310 --> 07:44.141 [SPEAKER_00]: I think, well, if I delay this a little bit, Jesus might come back and then I never have to do it. 07:44.862 --> 07:47.928 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's just, oh, why do I waste this energy? 07:48.369 --> 07:51.154 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, maybe he'll return to a term before. 07:51.294 --> 07:52.416 [SPEAKER_00]: No matter. 07:52.396 --> 07:54.361 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's so fun. 07:54.381 --> 07:59.234 [SPEAKER_00]: So you use this term throughout your book, giving yourself permission. 07:59.255 --> 08:00.759 [SPEAKER_00]: And you talk about permissions quite a bit. 08:00.859 --> 08:07.958 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, if I'm hearing the word procrastination and permission, just kind of with all contexts, 08:07.938 --> 08:10.822 [SPEAKER_00]: kind of feel like what you're saying is like I have permission to procrastinate. 08:10.842 --> 08:21.058 [SPEAKER_00]: That's that's where I would think you would go and you know maybe that's good because isn't it true like a lot of people do their very best work when they're under the gun with procrastination. 08:21.198 --> 08:32.595 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember in college getting up at 5 a.m. to write my 5 page paper that was due at 9 and here I am today so it worked well. 08:32.575 --> 08:35.262 [SPEAKER_00]: And I hear a lot of people give permission to procrastinate. 08:35.302 --> 08:36.987 [SPEAKER_00]: Is that what you mean when you're talking about permission. 08:37.428 --> 08:38.712 [SPEAKER_01]: No, no, not at all. 08:38.732 --> 08:45.370 [SPEAKER_01]: And the reality is no, they've studied this, scientists have studied this exact principle over and over and over. 08:45.738 --> 08:48.382 [SPEAKER_01]: and it never benefits you long term. 08:48.522 --> 08:55.772 [SPEAKER_01]: So you might get a good grade on a paper, but you remember that moment because it was electric, you forget all the times when it didn't work. 08:56.153 --> 09:00.659 [SPEAKER_01]: You remember the one kind of home run moment, but you forget all the times where it didn't work. 09:00.679 --> 09:04.404 [SPEAKER_01]: And the second thing is, nobody's first draft is their best draft. 09:04.705 --> 09:06.227 [SPEAKER_01]: If we're honest, 09:06.207 --> 09:13.944 [SPEAKER_01]: If you've set on something for 24 hours and then read it again, you find a typo, you find some mistakes, you find a better story. 09:14.465 --> 09:15.808 [SPEAKER_01]: We both speak for a living. 09:16.149 --> 09:25.650 [SPEAKER_01]: If you might be able to with your talent and your history now, you've got your own expert at it, put together a talk pretty quickly. 09:25.630 --> 09:41.175 [SPEAKER_01]: But if you waited a day, if you waited two days, if you showed it to somebody, if you ran it by somebody and said, hey, can you see some holes in this in my logic or the like, can you see where a kid might get stuck on this example of use, you're going to get better on the second and third iteration. 09:41.425 --> 09:53.641 [SPEAKER_01]: And so it's usually a mistake when somebody goes, oh no, I do think you can get more inspired by a deadline, and that's perfectly fine, but you can just create deadlines before the ultimate deadline. 09:53.701 --> 09:55.563 [SPEAKER_01]: If you need that little bit of kick. 09:55.583 --> 10:04.995 [SPEAKER_01]: So if I have small deadlines for books that I'm writing, I don't wait for the one deadline of turn it into a publisher, like I send it to a research assistant. 10:05.015 --> 10:08.580 [SPEAKER_01]: There's a deadline I've had, and so I am inspired by deadlines just like most people are. 10:08.560 --> 10:14.769 [SPEAKER_01]: but I don't make them just one deadline and act like my first time is my best time because that's just not true. 10:15.914 --> 10:17.220 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I am. 10:17.605 --> 10:27.941 [SPEAKER_00]: I can absolutely see that in my, and it's hard because the better you get it something, you can fool yourself that like, well, I can do it last minute and it works out fine. 10:28.562 --> 10:32.669 [SPEAKER_00]: And there's a sense in which maybe that's true and in some areas, maybe you need to do that. 10:33.650 --> 10:41.723 [SPEAKER_00]: But the more important something is, your last minute, sometimes that whole, like you have no idea 10:41.703 --> 11:05.787 [SPEAKER_01]: How much you're selling yourself short and how much you're selling the other people around you short because you have just defaulted to this so often but Jay the the thing you're saying which I really agree with is also there's some things that deserve be minus effort like if we're being honest you can't the reality of like I'm going to be a plus on everything I do there's some things in your role any role you have where you go 11:05.767 --> 11:10.076 [SPEAKER_01]: This project is this small and deserves this amount of effort. 11:10.096 --> 11:13.162 [SPEAKER_01]: I learned that at Home Depot I had two projects I was working on. 11:13.303 --> 11:21.700 [SPEAKER_01]: One was headlines for a rug postcard So we had a sale on rugs and I needed some headlines and the other was a 96 page catalog 11:21.680 --> 11:38.338 [SPEAKER_01]: And my boss came over to me and she was like, hey, no offense, I see you really trying to be creative about these rug headlines as soon as this postcard leaves a building no one's going to remember it or care about it, the headline as you try to like Michael Angelo this thing. 11:38.318 --> 11:53.442 [SPEAKER_01]: is by one get one free this Labor Day end of project this other thing this is the thing that needs a plus and that's stuck with me so I think that we can get really lost in small things that don't deserve are a plus as we procrastinate on things. 11:53.692 --> 11:55.595 [SPEAKER_01]: that really do deserve you're a plus. 11:55.775 --> 12:02.104 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, that, you know, your, your sermon, your talk, that might be the only talk a kid hears. 12:02.124 --> 12:04.948 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, they came in, they came to you through one time. 12:04.988 --> 12:15.844 [SPEAKER_01]: And like, yes, you could do it quickly because you're an expert, but you also will probably go, this other thing, I really need to do it quickly and get it done and out the door and a B-minus is gonna be fun. 12:16.045 --> 12:17.507 [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't really have an MPH. 12:17.527 --> 12:21.893 [SPEAKER_01]: This thing, even though I could do it fast, this thing has an impact and he'll lean into it. 12:22.649 --> 12:32.187 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and that's a real skill in life to ultimately figure out which of those things they and you're constantly doing it you're kind of well like free like 12:33.145 --> 12:42.314 [SPEAKER_01]: at a church, or even, like, let's just do a regular job, you're trying to ascertain what the boss cares about and what she doesn't care about. 12:42.715 --> 12:48.741 [SPEAKER_01]: So if there's 10 priorities, you party your jobs to go, she could care less about 7 through 10. 12:49.061 --> 12:50.663 [SPEAKER_01]: Like they're on the list, but they don't matter. 12:51.183 --> 12:53.586 [SPEAKER_01]: One through three, huge priority. 12:53.606 --> 12:56.649 [SPEAKER_01]: So I need to honor that and reflect that in my efforts in my work. 12:56.969 --> 12:59.912 [SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, it's a game you're constantly trying to figure out. 13:01.040 --> 13:08.923 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's, I had a, I want to talk about your dream plan do review process, but before we do, this might be a better question. 13:09.224 --> 13:11.691 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me get them out a order a little bit. 13:12.160 --> 13:22.195 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, in about two minutes, I can list 10 to 20 things that would benefit from, you know, having some kind of prioritization process delaying procrastination. 13:22.215 --> 13:23.717 [SPEAKER_00]: And I imagine most people are like that. 13:24.198 --> 13:30.027 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, you know, people are typically going to either be paralyzed because the list is so big. 13:30.047 --> 13:41.003 [SPEAKER_00]: They don't know where to start or start way too many and not get traction on any of them because that. 13:40.983 --> 14:03.302 [SPEAKER_00]: If we're getting the concepts of what you're talking about with overcoming procrastination, how do you pick the area to start and then there's like there's a safe number of things to start with because like obviously you can't fix every delayed area of your life at one time and you're saying you don't even need to but how do I know? 14:03.362 --> 14:05.404 [SPEAKER_00]: Do I pick like the one that would be easiest? 14:05.444 --> 14:10.028 [SPEAKER_00]: Do I pick the one that would be the most 14:10.008 --> 14:12.030 [SPEAKER_00]: How do you filter that process, John? 14:13.292 --> 14:15.094 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean, you hit the nail in the head. 14:15.154 --> 14:19.218 [SPEAKER_01]: We did a study and asked people how many goals they're working on the average number of 28. 14:20.279 --> 14:24.524 [SPEAKER_01]: So like, if you ever try to juggle two balls at a time, three balls is challenging. 14:24.544 --> 14:27.207 [SPEAKER_01]: 28 is impossible and you usually drop them out. 14:27.547 --> 14:29.730 [SPEAKER_01]: If somebody throws 28 balls that you drop them all. 14:30.831 --> 14:36.437 [SPEAKER_01]: So one is acknowledging, it'll always be that way, because your imagination is bigger than your calendar. 14:36.417 --> 14:38.821 [SPEAKER_01]: Like your calendar's fixed, it's stable. 14:38.881 --> 14:42.006 [SPEAKER_01]: It's been the same amount of day, same amount of hours for a thousand years. 14:42.347 --> 14:43.849 [SPEAKER_01]: Your imagination is infinite. 14:43.969 --> 14:45.372 [SPEAKER_01]: And then you add an infinite God. 14:45.732 --> 14:48.016 [SPEAKER_01]: And then you add another person's imagination. 14:48.076 --> 14:52.163 [SPEAKER_01]: And you're right, you could brainstorm 30 things, 40 things that you need to do. 14:52.183 --> 14:56.390 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, there's a couple things I say, one, I like three to five at a time. 14:56.710 --> 15:00.797 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know anybody whose life is so wired that they can only do one thing. 15:00.917 --> 15:03.201 [SPEAKER_01]: Like you'll often hear motivational people go, 15:03.417 --> 15:04.679 [SPEAKER_01]: go all in on one thing. 15:04.799 --> 15:11.690 [SPEAKER_01]: But if you have kids, if you have a spouse, if you have a job, if you have a body, you want to be in relatively okay health. 15:12.211 --> 15:13.593 [SPEAKER_01]: You have more than one thing. 15:13.753 --> 15:20.864 [SPEAKER_01]: There's no marriage where if I said to my wife, I'm just gonna really focus all my time and energy on getting in shape. 15:20.924 --> 15:23.268 [SPEAKER_01]: She'd be like, no, no, next. 15:23.889 --> 15:27.214 [SPEAKER_01]: Or like, I'm gonna ignore the kids so I can have a great marriage. 15:27.194 --> 15:43.110 [SPEAKER_01]: No, so it's never just one thing three to five feels good to me, but with if you were saying I want to start this process I would go Queen just find one of the things on your list and spend 15 minutes on a day a day on it for the next seven days and see what happens 15:43.090 --> 15:55.067 [SPEAKER_01]: and like can we can we do that and then you can double it at the end of the seven days, but what happens is people swing back and forth between the comfort zone, not doing anything, and the chaos zone, trying to do everything. 15:55.547 --> 16:05.261 [SPEAKER_01]: So they get inspired and they go, I'm going to do everything, I'm going to work through my list and get in shape and date my spouse again and save money and all the stuff and that is overwhelming and not sustainable. 16:05.361 --> 16:11.730 [SPEAKER_01]: So a really easy entry into it is, let's do 15 minutes a day for the next seven days and see what happens. 16:12.098 --> 16:18.305 [SPEAKER_01]: Um, and if it doesn't feel like enough at the end of the seven days, again, double it to half an hour, but let's not start outgoing. 16:18.325 --> 16:21.940 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to rewire my whole life because it's a new year's resolution. 16:22.898 --> 16:24.060 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I like that. 16:25.401 --> 16:30.809 [SPEAKER_00]: So can we jump into, you have this four-part process that is, would you say it? 16:30.829 --> 16:35.495 [SPEAKER_00]: I think you use it as a tool, full-part tool, because procrastination's been my tool. 16:36.236 --> 16:40.101 [SPEAKER_00]: It's been my tool to get nothing done, and it's worth it. 16:40.962 --> 16:42.845 [SPEAKER_00]: But I do need an expanded toolbox. 16:43.546 --> 16:47.691 [SPEAKER_00]: So would you give us a brief overview of this and then we'll dive into some questions? 16:48.278 --> 17:04.903 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, so permission is the solution of procrastination permission to do the things you need to do when you need to do them as often as you need to do them permission to be who you're fully built to be people online always say like that person's doing the best they can and I always say no they're doing the best they think they can. 17:05.322 --> 17:07.484 [SPEAKER_01]: and there's a very big difference between those two things. 17:07.544 --> 17:12.410 [SPEAKER_01]: We all, it's part of the reason we need community so that people can call us beyond where we call ourselves. 17:12.970 --> 17:15.953 [SPEAKER_01]: But the four permissions that you need the most are permission to dream. 17:16.594 --> 17:18.396 [SPEAKER_01]: So you're answering the question, what do I wanna do? 17:19.237 --> 17:19.898 [SPEAKER_01]: What's the vision? 17:19.918 --> 17:20.498 [SPEAKER_01]: What's the hope? 17:20.799 --> 17:21.640 [SPEAKER_01]: Permission to plan? 17:23.021 --> 17:24.403 [SPEAKER_01]: How do I actually do this thing? 17:25.043 --> 17:27.726 [SPEAKER_01]: Dreaming runs on optimism, planning runs on realism. 17:28.367 --> 17:29.308 [SPEAKER_01]: Permission to do. 17:29.949 --> 17:31.811 [SPEAKER_01]: Go get your hands dirty, actually do it. 17:31.851 --> 17:34.013 [SPEAKER_01]: Don't just talk about it, don't just plan it. 17:33.993 --> 17:37.240 [SPEAKER_01]: and then permission to review is it headed in the direction I wanted to go. 17:37.601 --> 17:40.026 [SPEAKER_01]: What did the results tell me about the progress I've made? 17:40.346 --> 17:51.951 [SPEAKER_01]: If you do those four things consistently, it's almost hard to not be successful because it's such a simple little success loop you just march your way through it and go and with teams like 17:51.931 --> 17:58.941 [SPEAKER_01]: on a church team, for instance, where a dreamer gets stuck because there's four different times of people that get stuck in this process. 17:59.501 --> 18:02.526 [SPEAKER_01]: Dreamers get stuck and they say things like, you know what would be cool? 18:02.726 --> 18:05.970 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, right as you get ready to finish a project, they go, you know what would be cool? 18:06.050 --> 18:09.996 [SPEAKER_01]: And they try to add new ideas at the worst moment to add them. 18:10.016 --> 18:12.960 [SPEAKER_01]: And you have to say, oh, no, this isn't a dreaming meeting. 18:12.940 --> 18:34.375 [SPEAKER_01]: like a simple application of this on a team is to go hey this is a dreaming meeting we're doing brainstorming remember this is anything is possible hey this is a review meeting where we're reviewing what we've already done so no off the wall ideas like I love that you're creative this isn't the time for that or where we're in the doing mode like don't come up with a new idea three days before Easter that we should do at Easter 18:34.355 --> 18:42.646 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, if somebody, like, if somebody on your team goes, you know, be cool that we did at Easter and it's 72 hours before, like, wrong time, wrong time. 18:43.107 --> 18:45.590 [SPEAKER_01]: I always say, like, it used to kill me. 18:45.750 --> 18:55.924 [SPEAKER_01]: I do mostly corporate speaking now, but when I used to do like church conferences, when another speaker would show up with a completely rewritten talk from the airplane the day before, 18:55.904 --> 18:58.367 [SPEAKER_01]: and they go, the Holy Spirit just gave me the idea. 18:58.387 --> 19:00.989 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, the Holy Spirit can follow a schedule to bro. 19:01.270 --> 19:05.054 [SPEAKER_01]: You just didn't want to do the work three months ago and create actual slides. 19:05.474 --> 19:10.119 [SPEAKER_01]: So, and now you're using the Holy Spirit as an excuse for what was your lack of planning. 19:10.279 --> 19:14.985 [SPEAKER_01]: So, like, that was not, you know, like, you waited until the last second, even think about this event. 19:15.025 --> 19:17.067 [SPEAKER_01]: Never, it wasn't like, you worked on it. 19:17.087 --> 19:19.109 [SPEAKER_01]: And then the Holy Spirit dropped it into the last second. 19:19.549 --> 19:21.151 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, let's have some plans. 19:21.211 --> 19:21.912 [SPEAKER_01]: And so, 19:21.892 --> 19:30.526 [SPEAKER_01]: If you can look at those four things, you can start to go, okay, which one does my team need, which one do I need, where do I excel, which one do I struggle with, it gets really fun. 19:31.708 --> 19:32.149 [SPEAKER_00]: That's good. 19:33.832 --> 19:45.030 [SPEAKER_00]: So dreaming, planning, doing, reviewing, about how much time would you allocate to it, like, what percentage of the pie are each of these things? 19:45.247 --> 20:10.326 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, the biggest one is definitely doing like in any endeavor kind of think about like the middle of the goal is the longest part of the goal like if you look at a goal it's unfortunate if you look at a 30 day goal and say to somebody or 30 day project how you know how would you break it up beginning middle finish most people go beginning will be day one through 10 middle days 11 to 20 finish day 21 through 30 to reality is the beginning is day one. 20:10.745 --> 20:14.049 [SPEAKER_01]: the finish is day 30 and the middle is day two through 29. 20:14.309 --> 20:15.351 [SPEAKER_01]: There's a lot of middle. 20:15.731 --> 20:29.087 [SPEAKER_01]: So most of your time and energy is gonna be spent doing hopefully, then like planning, there's a significant amount of planning, there's a degree of dreaming and very little of reviewing. 20:29.268 --> 20:31.731 [SPEAKER_01]: Reviewing is pretty small because there's only three options. 20:32.171 --> 20:36.897 [SPEAKER_01]: When you review it's okay, did it work and if it's working, go back to doing. 20:37.037 --> 20:40.161 [SPEAKER_01]: It's a small little loop review and do review and do review and do. 20:40.141 --> 20:41.246 [SPEAKER_01]: It is not working. 20:41.366 --> 20:43.174 [SPEAKER_01]: Go one step back to plan. 20:43.335 --> 20:44.561 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe we need to adjust the plan. 20:44.641 --> 20:49.101 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe something happened in May that we didn't foresee when we were planning in January. 20:49.121 --> 20:49.864 [SPEAKER_01]: We need to adjust it. 20:50.249 --> 20:53.073 [SPEAKER_01]: And if it's the wrong thing all together, go all the way back to dream. 20:53.434 --> 20:55.677 [SPEAKER_01]: But there's only three paths that happen in review. 20:55.797 --> 21:02.528 [SPEAKER_01]: So you don't need to spend a tremendous amount of time on that, but you do need to get a temperature check so that you can keep going the right direction. 21:02.988 --> 21:16.088 [SPEAKER_01]: And again, I had a church that spent, I think it was $100,000 on their VBS, and when they actually took a ton of lift, ton of effort, ton of energy, and when they actually looked at the numbers, they reviewed them. 21:16.473 --> 21:19.797 [SPEAKER_01]: four kids stayed in the church from that experience. 21:19.837 --> 21:20.978 [SPEAKER_01]: They got four new students. 21:21.018 --> 21:40.139 [SPEAKER_01]: It would have been cheaper to give four parents, 25 grand each and say, hey, we'll pay you to come to our, so like then though they have the data, then they can make some honest decisions about is our VBS reaching new people or is the goal to deepen current relationships with kids who are to come to church? 21:40.159 --> 21:41.761 [SPEAKER_01]: Because now we can measure two different things. 21:41.841 --> 21:45.585 [SPEAKER_01]: And now we can have a real conversation about it, but if no one ever reviewed it, 21:45.565 --> 21:50.353 [SPEAKER_01]: They might have done the same thing the next year and the same thing the next year and and and never looked up on gone. 21:50.874 --> 21:53.458 [SPEAKER_01]: I think these resources could be better spent somewhere else. 21:53.699 --> 22:00.250 [SPEAKER_01]: I think I don't think we're doing I don't think we're accomplishing what we think we're accomplishing with this heavy lift of a VBS. 22:01.816 --> 22:06.841 [SPEAKER_00]: Are you searching for the perfect gifts to celebrate special moms, dads, and grads in your life? 22:07.601 --> 22:12.506 [SPEAKER_00]: We are thrilled to bring back the Christian parenting moms, dads, and grads, gift guides. 22:13.226 --> 22:23.235 [SPEAKER_00]: In this year's edition is one of our best yet, whether you're honoring your loving mom, a devoted dad, or an inspiring grad we've got you covered with meaningful gifts that they'll truly love. 22:23.916 --> 22:31.823 [SPEAKER_00]: From Bibles and Study Tools to Encouraging Books, you're guaranteed to find something special 22:31.803 --> 22:44.064 [SPEAKER_00]: visit christianparenting.org slash gifts that's christianparenting.org slash gifts to explore the 2026 moms, dads, and grads gift guide today. 22:44.625 --> 22:46.588 [SPEAKER_00]: The link will also be in the show notes. 22:47.969 --> 22:51.532 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's talk about the planning. 22:51.552 --> 22:56.557 [SPEAKER_00]: There was a couple of chapters that were just kind of, I feel like they went together. 22:56.577 --> 22:58.439 [SPEAKER_00]: They were a light bulb moments about time. 22:58.479 --> 23:03.324 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm thinking as, you know, our primary audience right now is going to be moms and dads. 23:03.364 --> 23:10.090 [SPEAKER_00]: And some of them are in that super crunch period of time where they really, they don't have a tremendous amount of flexible time. 23:10.110 --> 23:14.955 [SPEAKER_00]: You tend to be hostage to your kids, schedules, or the unpredictability of parenting. 23:14.935 --> 23:19.721 [SPEAKER_00]: There were three, I'm just going to give you all three and let you kind of weave them together as you want. 23:20.822 --> 23:24.547 [SPEAKER_00]: One was the idea of loving your calendar, like spending time on your calendar. 23:24.767 --> 23:28.591 [SPEAKER_00]: One was the three days, three months and three years concept. 23:29.212 --> 23:31.155 [SPEAKER_00]: And then night me versus mourning me. 23:31.215 --> 23:36.361 [SPEAKER_00]: And so all three of those together felt like a really good package. 23:36.681 --> 23:41.567 [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't know if, given to me all, once it's more helpful or one at a time, but you're right ahead. 23:42.188 --> 23:48.594 [SPEAKER_01]: So I mean, the big thing with the calendar is like becoming friends with it versus being enemies with it. 23:48.834 --> 23:53.439 [SPEAKER_01]: And a calendar will tell you the truth in a really clear way if you'll let it. 23:53.619 --> 23:56.722 [SPEAKER_01]: So an example of that would be I'll sit down with people. 23:56.782 --> 24:00.205 [SPEAKER_01]: You mentioned somebody who has eight to 10 priorities or 20 priorities. 24:00.406 --> 24:03.328 [SPEAKER_01]: And I will say let's get a rough hour estimate on them. 24:03.349 --> 24:04.009 [SPEAKER_01]: Not perfectly. 24:04.069 --> 24:06.592 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not looking for 27 minutes here, 13 minutes here. 24:06.632 --> 24:07.993 [SPEAKER_01]: Like that's overwhelming. 24:07.973 --> 24:24.784 [SPEAKER_01]: but if you said okay this week with volleyball practice and work and PTA and all the stuff okay let's assign some numbers and then let's see if we actually have that time available this week like we we don't like normally there's a divorce between 24:24.764 --> 24:27.230 [SPEAKER_01]: the amount of things you have to do in the amount of time you have. 24:27.671 --> 24:33.123 [SPEAKER_01]: And then once you know that you can start to kind of make some adjustments of like, oh no, we're not going to be able to do this thing. 24:33.243 --> 24:35.208 [SPEAKER_01]: We want to, but it's just not in the cards. 24:35.288 --> 24:41.322 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm not or like, I'm going to, if I really want to get a walk in as a parent, I have to do it at 6am. 24:41.302 --> 24:43.884 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, that's my only, like, before the kids get up. 24:43.984 --> 24:45.105 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, that's what happened to me. 24:45.125 --> 24:51.491 [SPEAKER_01]: I had two kids under the age of four, and I wanted to write a blog, and I had a full-time job, and I had an hour commute each way. 24:51.551 --> 24:55.855 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, there was no, it's the only reason I became a morning person was that was the only time I had. 24:56.535 --> 25:05.103 [SPEAKER_01]: And so my kids, in essence, made me into a morning person, because if I got up at 5.30 to write for an hour on my own stuff, then I could have the hour. 25:05.563 --> 25:11.308 [SPEAKER_01]: So that's where I'd say, like, make friends with your calendar, because it'll help you make some decisions with some real boundaries, 25:11.288 --> 25:25.050 [SPEAKER_01]: The idea of like three weeks, three days, three months, three years is to really assign some honesty to timeframes where you're not trying to predict exactly how something will go, especially if you're a parent. 25:25.070 --> 25:26.713 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, three days for me is firm. 25:26.954 --> 25:31.180 [SPEAKER_01]: If you said to me, if Jay, if you said to me, John, three days from now, can you do blank? 25:31.381 --> 25:34.005 [SPEAKER_01]: I have a pretty good idea of whether or not I can. 25:33.985 --> 25:38.529 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I probably have a 90% accuracy of like, oh, three days from now, we're recording on a Monday. 25:39.229 --> 25:40.150 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, that's a Thursday. 25:40.170 --> 25:41.732 [SPEAKER_01]: I've already got these commitments. 25:41.772 --> 25:42.432 [SPEAKER_01]: I can't do that. 25:42.672 --> 25:47.076 [SPEAKER_01]: If you said three weeks from now, now it's a little, it's a little fuzzy. 25:47.276 --> 25:49.558 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I don't know what'll happen three weeks from now. 25:49.658 --> 25:51.420 [SPEAKER_01]: I still have some visibility. 25:51.840 --> 25:58.165 [SPEAKER_01]: If you say three months from now, like that might, especially as a parent, that might as well be a thousand years from now. 25:58.405 --> 26:03.790 [SPEAKER_01]: And then if you say like three years from now, like, I can't hold myself to that level of clarity. 26:03.770 --> 26:07.516 [SPEAKER_01]: And there's people that will say like tell me your 10-year plan and I think that's hilarious. 26:07.696 --> 26:10.901 [SPEAKER_01]: Like you think that's how you have any control over that. 26:11.441 --> 26:23.279 [SPEAKER_01]: And so it's kind of this rolling degree of clarity where you plan out the next three days and try to get him 90% close and then you plan out the next three weeks and go, okay, I'm going to need some grace on this because I just don't know. 26:23.439 --> 26:27.465 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if my kid's going to break an arm, I'll get a flat tire, I'll, you know. 26:27.445 --> 26:28.547 [SPEAKER_01]: Somebody will be sick. 26:28.788 --> 26:30.712 [SPEAKER_01]: The teacher will send home more homework. 26:30.932 --> 26:35.041 [SPEAKER_01]: My kid will tell me the night before, hey, I need, you know, this project. 26:35.181 --> 26:41.534 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm presenting tomorrow at 9 a.m. and you have to go to Walgreens and hope they sell whatever it is the kid didn't tell you that you needed. 26:42.637 --> 26:44.661 [SPEAKER_01]: And then the last concept you mentioned. 26:45.637 --> 26:51.604 [SPEAKER_01]: Morning, me, night me is really my favorite definition of discipline is make tomorrow easy today. 26:52.185 --> 26:53.586 [SPEAKER_01]: Make tomorrow easy today. 26:53.666 --> 26:56.550 [SPEAKER_01]: Meaning, what are things I can do today to make tomorrow easy? 26:57.251 --> 27:09.585 [SPEAKER_01]: And when you learn that concept, I learned it on night me versus morning me, morning me would wake up and wanted to get after it and get going on the day, it was exhausting and kind of overwhelmed and I'd go, hey, night me, what did we do last night? 27:09.685 --> 27:15.272 [SPEAKER_01]: Night me would be like, we stayed up till midnight, doomskirling and we ate a lasagna at 1 a.m. 27:15.252 --> 27:18.938 [SPEAKER_01]: You ruined today, like, at night, maybe, like, oh, sorry. 27:19.018 --> 27:22.283 [SPEAKER_01]: And so I had to get those two parts of me in alignment. 27:22.704 --> 27:31.818 [SPEAKER_01]: And once you do that, you start to go, wow, like, for me, if I don't have a plan and it's a Monday morning and it's 8 AM, I feel overwhelmed. 27:32.059 --> 27:33.341 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, the phone's already ringing. 27:33.381 --> 27:38.509 [SPEAKER_01]: I've already got people coming into the office, text messages, emails, whatever. 27:38.742 --> 27:45.436 [SPEAKER_01]: But if night me will spend 10 minutes at 7 p.m. and come up with a plan for the next day, Monday me will kill it. 27:45.496 --> 27:46.658 [SPEAKER_01]: Morning means a great doer. 27:46.698 --> 27:49.083 [SPEAKER_01]: He'll run through a wall if you point out the wall first. 27:49.684 --> 27:54.895 [SPEAKER_01]: But without a wall, I'm overwhelmed and ADHD and just like, I don't know what to do first. 27:54.875 --> 27:59.540 [SPEAKER_01]: And so once I learned that, I started to go, okay, what can I do tonight to make tomorrow morning better? 27:59.940 --> 28:03.624 [SPEAKER_01]: And then I was like, what can Monday me do to make Friday me have a great day? 28:03.844 --> 28:05.385 [SPEAKER_01]: I want to relax Friday afternoon. 28:05.786 --> 28:09.329 [SPEAKER_01]: What are the things I can do to send gifts in essence toward Friday? 28:09.810 --> 28:17.397 [SPEAKER_01]: So that one Friday me goes, hey, I've already, I can leave office at 3 p.m. Because Monday me and Tuesday me and Wednesday me really worked hard. 28:17.417 --> 28:18.138 [SPEAKER_01]: They buckled down. 28:18.639 --> 28:21.962 [SPEAKER_01]: And that kind of connects me to my whole calendar a different way. 28:23.157 --> 28:23.598 [SPEAKER_00]: I love that. 28:23.658 --> 28:29.485 [SPEAKER_00]: One of the concepts that I say to our teens in youth group over and over again is be your future self-subest friend. 28:29.765 --> 28:31.407 [SPEAKER_00]: Like make decisions now. 28:31.427 --> 28:32.589 [SPEAKER_01]: That's exactly the point. 28:33.510 --> 28:40.298 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, if you're, you know, if your future self could come back in a time machine, man, they just give you a huge hug and a high-five because you set them up for success. 28:40.979 --> 28:43.562 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what are the things you want them to do in that. 28:43.963 --> 28:45.925 [SPEAKER_01]: Like what are the examples of that? 28:46.462 --> 29:04.200 [SPEAKER_00]: So, you know, I talk about dating decisions, I talk about, you know, the things that you put into your body, talk about, you know, even with, like, schoolwork and stuff like this, like, okay, I understand you hate school and you have no idea what you're gonna do with your life. 29:04.180 --> 29:15.897 [SPEAKER_00]: but don't mess over, don't screw over your future self by you hating this right now, so you're not going to do the work, and now your future self really wants to do something, and there's no opportunity to do it. 29:16.658 --> 29:24.670 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I talk about this, and okay, you know that you have this certain kind of person that you ultimately want to end up with in life, that you want to date in life, and 29:24.650 --> 29:34.448 [SPEAKER_00]: But you're not there yet and so you're happy and ready to mess around right now, but you have no idea when that person is going to come into your life. 29:35.009 --> 29:45.949 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, if you like you say like I've got a sharp person, you know, I want ultimately to be with somebody who's smart, funny, loves the Lord, you know, has a lot of drive. 29:45.929 --> 29:51.560 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's really valuable, but you're you're spin and time right now with the Joker. 29:52.161 --> 30:01.879 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, if that person comes along and sees your decision making right now, you're off their list like you're going to and you'll have no idea that you missed them. 30:01.859 --> 30:24.036 [SPEAKER_00]: And so like make the decisions today that are going to set up future you for the best possible life that you can and and I love what you're talking about kind of down to a really micro level like be tomorrow morning's best friend today and you know I see this like I am a I'm a terrible learner 30:24.016 --> 30:26.700 [SPEAKER_00]: after 730 p.m. 30:27.401 --> 30:29.023 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I can get a lot down. 30:29.504 --> 30:31.367 [SPEAKER_00]: Nothing sticks after 730 p.m. 30:31.947 --> 30:39.819 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a great learner in the morning, but I'm not a great planner decision maker in the morning. 30:39.899 --> 30:43.123 [SPEAKER_00]: And so that just even kind of reading through this is like, you know what? 30:43.404 --> 30:45.687 [SPEAKER_00]: If I will calendar out 30:45.667 --> 30:55.812 [SPEAKER_00]: The first two to three hours of my day and I understand I got a new puppy so I got to add margin here, but if I put my clothes out, you know, it's like, okay, from this time that if I put my clothes out, I'll hit the rowing machine. 30:55.852 --> 30:56.695 [SPEAKER_00]: I got to broken toe. 30:56.735 --> 30:58.900 [SPEAKER_00]: I can't run right now, but I can get on a row or 30:59.116 --> 31:01.738 [SPEAKER_00]: So, like, I can, I don't have to learn anything. 31:01.939 --> 31:13.970 [SPEAKER_00]: I can just make decisions for tomorrow morning's J, who is better with his brain, but for some reason just goes into complete neutral and I will doom scroll if I don't have a plan. 31:14.690 --> 31:22.298 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, so, but you know what, you keep doing that a little bit at a time, you have trajectory over time. 31:23.038 --> 31:24.860 [SPEAKER_00]: So, that was a really decent approach. 31:24.960 --> 31:26.001 [SPEAKER_00]: Like both package. 31:25.981 --> 31:26.762 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 31:26.782 --> 31:27.703 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it stacks up. 31:27.723 --> 31:29.344 [SPEAKER_01]: I love your examples for students. 31:29.385 --> 31:30.626 [SPEAKER_01]: That's so perfect, Jay. 31:30.686 --> 31:31.487 [SPEAKER_01]: That's exactly. 31:31.747 --> 31:33.869 [SPEAKER_01]: It's exactly the feedback I'm talking about. 31:33.949 --> 31:34.430 [SPEAKER_01]: I love that. 31:34.750 --> 31:35.190 [SPEAKER_01]: That's great. 31:36.031 --> 31:39.855 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's pivot towards some of the parental side of this. 31:40.636 --> 31:47.723 [SPEAKER_00]: I got to be honest when I first saw this book coming out and I got the blessing of getting an advanced copy. 31:47.803 --> 31:52.208 [SPEAKER_00]: I was excited because I was looking forward to how to teach my 31:52.188 --> 31:55.575 [SPEAKER_00]: teenagers in my house how to stop procrastinating. 31:56.296 --> 32:04.752 [SPEAKER_00]: And then when I kind of got into it, I realized, oh my gosh, I still have all of these areas of my life that are just kind of spinning and not interaction. 32:04.772 --> 32:07.778 [SPEAKER_00]: And I've got, I've got, I've certainly have attraction in some areas. 32:08.339 --> 32:09.862 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm certainly not in teenager mode. 32:11.345 --> 32:12.407 [SPEAKER_00]: But, 32:12.387 --> 32:15.671 [SPEAKER_00]: Then I started thinking, well, how do I reconcile this as a parent? 32:16.712 --> 32:19.876 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, I know things are caught more than they're taught. 32:20.517 --> 32:23.221 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, and I don't want to be a hypocrite. 32:23.561 --> 32:25.884 [SPEAKER_00]: So like, I want to have this stuff in action. 32:26.625 --> 32:31.711 [SPEAKER_00]: But do I have to wait to when I'm mastering it to begin to try to teach these principles to my kids? 32:32.652 --> 32:35.476 [SPEAKER_00]: Do I wait until they're desperately hungry for it? 32:36.317 --> 32:38.800 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm curious, like, 32:38.780 --> 32:52.765 [SPEAKER_00]: how early in the process do I try to start transferring these principles to my kids and do I do I do I use the same language or like what's what's worked? 32:52.785 --> 32:57.894 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure that you're I think you still have teenage kids and I'm sure that none of them procrastinate anymore. 32:58.475 --> 33:03.724 [SPEAKER_01]: So how did that fit I have amazing kids I fixed them I just fixed them as my wisdom that's great. 33:03.704 --> 33:04.688 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 33:04.888 --> 33:15.587 [SPEAKER_01]: No, I would just, one of our soundtracks in our house and I wrote this book called Soundtracks about mindset is that if you want to kind 16-year-old, teach a six-year-old kindness and give them 10 years to practice. 33:15.938 --> 33:19.664 [SPEAKER_01]: So I think it's the same with any principle you're trying to instill in your kid. 33:19.684 --> 33:36.630 [SPEAKER_01]: So I don't think there's, I don't think there's ever a time where it's too early to start some sort of character thing you're talking about, whether it's telling the truth or being generous or helping your mom or, you know, not talking back to people, whatever the thing is, I just like to give my kids lots of time to practice. 33:36.610 --> 33:38.453 [SPEAKER_01]: Um, and think of it that way. 33:38.473 --> 33:45.422 [SPEAKER_01]: Like it's practice, you definitely don't have to wait until you're perfect at it because none of us whatever teacher kids anything if that was the case. 33:45.442 --> 33:57.639 [SPEAKER_01]: If anything, I think often when we share a mistake we made based on trying to do the thing, it creates a bond that's really good where it's hey, you know how we always talk about being deliberate about your time. 33:57.659 --> 34:04.288 [SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't deliberate about my time and here's what happened or you know how we say like the early bird doesn't just get the worm they get everything. 34:04.471 --> 34:07.714 [SPEAKER_01]: I waited too late on this opportunity and I missed the opportunity. 34:07.913 --> 34:13.379 [SPEAKER_01]: So when I talk to you about needing for you to apply to college scholarships, that's why. 34:13.820 --> 34:15.021 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I've paid that lesson. 34:15.461 --> 34:27.034 [SPEAKER_01]: I missed a window of opportunity in my career because I waited on it when we go through the college application process, I'm gonna push pretty hard to hit those deadlines because I don't want you to miss those deadlines. 34:27.154 --> 34:28.456 [SPEAKER_01]: Like those deadlines matter. 34:29.136 --> 34:33.141 [SPEAKER_01]: Or like I want us to learn, like we're gonna practice checking our email. 34:33.161 --> 34:35.724 [SPEAKER_01]: Like you don't know teenager is good at email. 34:35.744 --> 34:36.925 [SPEAKER_01]: That I've met. 34:36.905 --> 34:45.837 [SPEAKER_01]: and stuff from the adult world often shows up in email, like scholarships, and so I just think it's a conversation. 34:46.358 --> 34:50.924 [SPEAKER_01]: I think as you deal with it yourself, it's a conversation as you try to instill it. 34:51.145 --> 34:52.607 [SPEAKER_01]: You definitely use different words. 34:53.868 --> 34:58.795 [SPEAKER_01]: You definitely because their consequences are different, they're practicing, 34:59.483 --> 35:00.766 [SPEAKER_01]: I love your example. 35:00.826 --> 35:10.388 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, your example of, hey, I know you hate studying, but I don't like, I don't want the junior you, your refreshment right now, you hate studying. 35:10.621 --> 35:14.364 [SPEAKER_01]: There's a senior year you who's you're eliminating options. 35:14.605 --> 35:17.968 [SPEAKER_01]: Like you're closing doors right now, you don't know you're closing and I don't want you to do that. 35:18.108 --> 35:21.391 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I want you when you're a senior because I'm gonna be there. 35:21.431 --> 35:24.694 [SPEAKER_01]: I want you to have as many doors open to you as possible. 35:24.894 --> 35:29.338 [SPEAKER_01]: If you want to go to Florida State or UF, that's a hard school, those are hard schools now. 35:29.698 --> 35:30.759 [SPEAKER_01]: I want you to have that option. 35:30.799 --> 35:39.447 [SPEAKER_01]: You might not go there but I don't want you in ninth grade to unknowingly eliminate options that the 12th grader you is going to be so grateful for. 35:39.612 --> 35:46.564 [SPEAKER_01]: So I think you change the language, but I think it's that kind of thing as examples from their own life that makes sense to them. 35:46.664 --> 35:50.650 [SPEAKER_01]: No kid is inspired by like, I want you to learn saving habits. 35:50.670 --> 35:52.654 [SPEAKER_01]: So when you're 32, you have a book. 35:52.674 --> 35:54.657 [SPEAKER_01]: That feels like 1,000 years away. 35:55.138 --> 35:57.442 [SPEAKER_01]: But college is closer than they think. 35:57.822 --> 36:03.612 [SPEAKER_01]: And UF is a real tangible thing they can imagine and want to be part of. 36:04.385 --> 36:07.871 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think back to what we were talking about a little earlier. 36:07.991 --> 36:14.182 [SPEAKER_00]: Even just this like night me mourning me, this is a great caught, taught possibility. 36:14.363 --> 36:17.288 [SPEAKER_00]: Because this is something that I really need to be doing every evening. 36:18.009 --> 36:19.592 [SPEAKER_00]: And so, 36:19.572 --> 36:26.419 [SPEAKER_00]: If I can call, and this can be, this can be your elementary kids, this can be your teenage kids, be like, okay, let's everybody get together. 36:27.480 --> 36:29.942 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's look at what we have coming up tomorrow. 36:30.162 --> 36:31.263 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, this, this and this. 36:31.283 --> 36:31.764 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 36:31.784 --> 36:41.253 [SPEAKER_00]: What are the things that we can do tonight to make tomorrow easier, for instance, you know, for your kids that choosing an outfit takes 45 minutes to an hour. 36:41.433 --> 36:42.074 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay. 36:42.094 --> 36:43.155 [SPEAKER_00]: What are we going to wear tomorrow? 36:43.255 --> 36:46.238 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you know, my, my sons are, 36:46.218 --> 36:50.484 [SPEAKER_00]: you know, protein is all the goal, you know, all the rage right now because they're trying to get swallowing buff. 36:51.065 --> 36:54.330 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, okay, you're you're getting good. 36:54.370 --> 36:55.752 [SPEAKER_00]: This is a fantastic practice. 36:55.772 --> 36:57.514 [SPEAKER_00]: You're getting good at tracking your food. 36:57.534 --> 37:02.942 [SPEAKER_00]: Now, how about we start thinking ahead to planning your food. 37:03.243 --> 37:06.167 [SPEAKER_00]: So, okay, tomorrow morning, 37:06.147 --> 37:09.093 [SPEAKER_00]: Exactly, so these are the things that I'm working on. 37:09.353 --> 37:27.109 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's let's see you make your list here and and you don't even at that point have to like give them the vision of like I'm training you for long-term success on this or that just like how can we make tomorrow morning easier for everybody in the house And then yeah celebrate the wind I think is a big part of that like when it happens 37:27.089 --> 37:51.949 [SPEAKER_00]: Celebrate because I I think every parent probably every human were more prone to Focus when things went poorly Yeah versus reward and like we're back into puppy training stage right now and I know I can't punish My little Duke this cute old dog that we got from the humane society three month old I know I can't punish Duke out of peeing in my house 37:51.929 --> 38:09.921 [SPEAKER_00]: I have to celebrate and reward every time he uses the bathroom outside and I need to remember that as a parent like celebrate and reward the behaviors that I want to see and they'll be more prone to do them and make the time for it. 38:10.812 --> 38:11.573 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 38:11.593 --> 38:17.042 [SPEAKER_00]: I, there was a, there was this phrase that you use that was pretty convicting. 38:17.824 --> 38:23.553 [SPEAKER_00]: You, you talked about the acceptable success line and how that can be something in families. 38:23.593 --> 38:24.835 [SPEAKER_00]: Would you speak on that a minute? 38:24.855 --> 38:27.820 [SPEAKER_00]: Because that, that can be really convicting as we are forming our kids. 38:27.860 --> 38:35.773 [SPEAKER_00]: What, what is the acceptable success line and how, how do we need to be aware of that as Christian moms and dad's raising our kids? 38:36.192 --> 38:39.916 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, especially Christians, because I think we suffer with it the most. 38:40.877 --> 39:00.057 [SPEAKER_01]: The acceptable success line is, in essence, this invisible line that we draw on what amount of success we're okay with, meaning a amount of money or a amount of position or amount of power or amount of influence, and it's usually based off a few things, one like your family of origin, like how your own family approach money. 39:00.037 --> 39:12.777 [SPEAKER_01]: In the realm of what a broken soundtrack does, you know, a soundtrack that's not helpful for you, money is one of the biggest ones, and you add kind of Jesus to that, and it gets really messy really quickly. 39:12.837 --> 39:24.154 [SPEAKER_01]: I had a Christian musician here in Nashville, tell me, John, if you buy a $90,000 Chevy suburban, other Christians go good for you, it's a family car, you can fit a lot of kids in there, great, it's a family hauler. 39:24.337 --> 39:27.703 [SPEAKER_01]: If you buy a $90,000 BMW, they say, hey, Jesus wrote a donkey. 39:27.863 --> 39:29.166 [SPEAKER_01]: That seems a little flatter. 39:29.186 --> 39:32.511 [SPEAKER_01]: Same amount of money, different brand, different response. 39:32.832 --> 39:35.296 [SPEAKER_01]: So I think it's Christians we sometimes struggle with that. 39:35.697 --> 39:40.185 [SPEAKER_01]: And we accidentally say things that damage our kids understanding of success. 39:40.165 --> 39:43.252 [SPEAKER_01]: and makes them limit their own definition of success. 39:43.633 --> 39:55.702 [SPEAKER_01]: So must be nice, there's a, you know, like, oh, that family has this, it must be, you know, must be nice to have that amount of money, or I had somebody say, like, I wouldn't even want that amount of money. 39:55.722 --> 39:57.085 [SPEAKER_01]: It would come with so much trouble. 39:57.185 --> 39:58.849 [SPEAKER_01]: And we read the violence, like, God, 39:59.335 --> 40:01.217 [SPEAKER_01]: bless us and adds no trouble to it. 40:01.438 --> 40:03.681 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, he can bless you as much, you know. 40:04.462 --> 40:06.224 [SPEAKER_01]: But we say all these different things. 40:06.284 --> 40:10.429 [SPEAKER_01]: And so I think it's helpful for us to kind of question a way to second. 40:10.469 --> 40:13.013 [SPEAKER_01]: This good thing just happened, why do I feel bad? 40:13.513 --> 40:16.317 [SPEAKER_01]: Or I just, you know, I've expanded what I'm successful. 40:16.397 --> 40:19.481 [SPEAKER_01]: I am, why do I feel negative about this? 40:19.681 --> 40:25.849 [SPEAKER_01]: And what kind of blew up mine was, I worked with Dan Kathy, the CEO of Chick-fil-A. 40:25.829 --> 40:29.933 [SPEAKER_01]: and he was a billionaire and was one of the most generous people I'd ever been with. 40:30.273 --> 40:36.379 [SPEAKER_01]: And I had this broken mind in mind of like, well, you know, it's impossible to be successful and have money. 40:36.680 --> 40:39.783 [SPEAKER_01]: It's impossible, or it's a possibly successful and be generous. 40:39.903 --> 40:44.027 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, or once you get to a certain level, you're, it's greedy. 40:44.167 --> 40:45.608 [SPEAKER_01]: Money is the root of all evil. 40:45.648 --> 40:47.330 [SPEAKER_01]: And I left out the worth of love of money. 40:47.950 --> 40:50.353 [SPEAKER_01]: The other one that got me, I didn't, I didn't put this in the book. 40:50.413 --> 40:51.634 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't think I put it in the book. 40:52.508 --> 40:59.916 [SPEAKER_01]: I was speaking at a nonprofit fundraiser of their high end donors, and I talked about a Porsche 911. 40:59.956 --> 41:03.339 [SPEAKER_01]: I have a Lego one, and I said something like from states, oh, I'd love to have a Porsche something. 41:03.359 --> 41:12.289 [SPEAKER_01]: They have a Lego one, you know, kind of joking, and a couple came up, probably in the early sixties, and they said, hey, we have a 911 here, and why don't you just take it for the night, bring it back tomorrow? 41:12.769 --> 41:16.653 [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, I can't drive your 911, what are you talking about? 41:16.673 --> 41:22.279 [SPEAKER_01]: And they're like, no, no, take it, take it, and they gave me their valet, take it. 41:22.259 --> 41:43.440 [SPEAKER_01]: they told me we share it all the time because if we can't share it it has too much power of us and man that I love that definition we share it all the time because if we can't share it has too much power of us I brought it to the ballet he said what's the name on the reservation I didn't even know their name I was like I need to say that doesn't matter brings her own a 911 Turbo S probably a 20000 dollar car 41:43.420 --> 41:46.966 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how to turn it on, a friend has to whisper to me out the side window. 41:47.527 --> 42:01.429 [SPEAKER_01]: I drive it home the entire night, I'm laughing the whole way with God, like what a generous outlandish lavish God we serve and that was such a great picture for me because I can get very judgey on other people's success. 42:01.409 --> 42:05.496 [SPEAKER_01]: of, oh, if they've got that size house, they must not really know their kids. 42:05.797 --> 42:11.427 [SPEAKER_01]: They must be workaholics and I add all these things and that's me going, here's my acceptable level of success. 42:11.507 --> 42:15.775 [SPEAKER_01]: It's very small and I don't want to give my kids a small one either. 42:16.015 --> 42:22.928 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I don't want them to feel like money's evil, success is bad because the enemy wins two ways in my opinion when it comes to your gifts. 42:22.908 --> 42:27.840 [SPEAKER_01]: if you abuse them, or if you don't use them, the abuse one we understand. 42:27.900 --> 42:32.711 [SPEAKER_01]: Like we see a pastor fall because he abused the platform and something terrible happened. 42:33.092 --> 42:40.009 [SPEAKER_01]: But the not-use one is subtle because often people won't use their gift out of the sense of false humility. 42:40.029 --> 42:40.630 [SPEAKER_01]: Like 42:40.610 --> 42:58.011 [SPEAKER_01]: Well, God made me a great business owner, but I don't want to, you know, I want to not be too cocky or I don't, I don't want to, you know, scale it too much so I'll pull back and that's the acceptable success line is how do you raise yours so that it can be as big as God's built you to be? 42:59.881 --> 43:07.152 [SPEAKER_00]: John, can I as personally, you reading through this book, you talk about this company that you started. 43:07.933 --> 43:10.677 [SPEAKER_00]: And it feels like you're pretty successful. 43:11.178 --> 43:14.282 [SPEAKER_00]: I actually, it's funny though, reading the book. 43:14.302 --> 43:16.125 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not exactly sure what the company is. 43:16.966 --> 43:29.044 [SPEAKER_00]: And and I'm curious why, why did you start it, you know, why what's your ultimate motivation with this and what does success look like to you? 43:30.273 --> 43:34.579 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean, success for me at this point looks like encouraging the most people possible. 43:35.059 --> 43:37.603 [SPEAKER_01]: Like that's what I, when people say, who are you writing books to? 43:38.224 --> 43:40.507 [SPEAKER_01]: I always say I'm writing books to the me I used to be. 43:40.867 --> 43:54.044 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I think of that 33-year-old stuck, you know, confused, frustrated man who had a bunch of different job changes, had a very average marriage, was out of shape, felt very, you know, disconnected from God. 43:54.084 --> 43:57.529 [SPEAKER_01]: I think about that person and I go, hey, 43:57.509 --> 43:58.671 [SPEAKER_01]: doesn't have to be that way. 43:58.972 --> 44:02.598 [SPEAKER_01]: So the company, I started the company so that I can amplify that mission. 44:03.900 --> 44:09.189 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's one thing for me to go, okay, I can write on LinkedIn or I can write a book. 44:09.470 --> 44:21.070 [SPEAKER_01]: I can, you know, I can do a handful of things, but when I get with other people and we actually have a company that does content, a company that does education, a company that does information, 44:21.404 --> 44:25.731 [SPEAKER_01]: Then I can expand it, then I can help way more people than I can on my own. 44:26.172 --> 44:27.274 [SPEAKER_01]: So that's what the company does. 44:27.334 --> 44:39.354 [SPEAKER_01]: An example that would be like, we have a two-day event called stage and page where we have 20 people who want to be speakers and writers come in and I save 10 years of the experience for them based on what I know how to do. 44:39.774 --> 44:41.978 [SPEAKER_01]: I go, hey, it took me 18 years to do this. 44:42.194 --> 44:47.281 [SPEAKER_01]: If you do this thing that took me five years to learn, like I just saved you half a decade. 44:47.321 --> 44:51.186 [SPEAKER_01]: Like I made a million dollar mistake on a title once on a book. 44:51.206 --> 44:53.950 [SPEAKER_01]: Just doomed the book before it was even launched. 44:53.970 --> 44:55.071 [SPEAKER_01]: So here's how to do titles. 44:55.312 --> 44:56.573 [SPEAKER_01]: And I can teach you how to do titles. 44:56.934 --> 45:01.640 [SPEAKER_01]: And so now because I have an office because I have a team, I can bring in those people. 45:01.760 --> 45:10.412 [SPEAKER_01]: And now the young pastors that say, I wanna do what you do, I wanna communicate, or I wanna write 11 books, I have something to actually say, 45:10.392 --> 45:13.218 [SPEAKER_01]: come to this event and I'll show you exactly how to do it. 45:13.258 --> 45:14.119 [SPEAKER_01]: Here's what it looks like. 45:14.641 --> 45:15.843 [SPEAKER_01]: I can't do that alone. 45:16.404 --> 45:18.769 [SPEAKER_01]: I need a team to execute that. 45:18.829 --> 45:19.731 [SPEAKER_01]: That's what the company does. 45:19.751 --> 45:25.903 [SPEAKER_01]: That's why I started it was, I got to the end of what I was capable of alone and needed other people to help me amplify it. 45:26.812 --> 45:27.293 [SPEAKER_00]: I love that. 45:28.154 --> 45:32.000 [SPEAKER_00]: So procrastination proof comes out April 14th. 45:32.100 --> 45:32.681 [SPEAKER_00]: Is that correct? 45:32.701 --> 45:32.881 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes. 45:33.843 --> 45:34.083 [SPEAKER_00]: OK. 45:34.123 --> 45:36.026 [SPEAKER_00]: So this is being released April 13th. 45:36.587 --> 45:38.350 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's go still time the pre-order. 45:38.470 --> 45:38.951 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's go. 45:38.971 --> 45:40.833 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, tell me about the pre-order. 45:40.974 --> 45:45.420 [SPEAKER_00]: If somebody jumps on Monday, April 13th, I think. 45:45.460 --> 45:47.043 [SPEAKER_01]: And you actually, I'll tell you the truth. 45:47.063 --> 45:47.944 [SPEAKER_01]: You have a couple days. 45:47.984 --> 45:50.308 [SPEAKER_01]: We're going to leave the pre-order bonuses open a couple days. 45:50.348 --> 45:53.072 [SPEAKER_01]: But if you pre-order, 45:53.390 --> 45:54.672 [SPEAKER_01]: you get a bunch of bonuses. 45:54.692 --> 45:56.075 [SPEAKER_01]: There's ones in assessment. 45:56.095 --> 46:01.664 [SPEAKER_01]: So we have, if you go to johnicof.com slash quiz, it'll tell you which of the four permissions you're going to get stuck in. 46:02.446 --> 46:03.748 [SPEAKER_01]: But there's a full assessment. 46:03.908 --> 46:09.137 [SPEAKER_01]: It's about 15 page PDF that kind of really analyzes where you are and how to work with other people who aren't that type. 46:09.117 --> 46:14.665 [SPEAKER_01]: And then if you order today, or I guess in the next 36 hours, you get the whole audio book for free. 46:14.945 --> 46:16.047 [SPEAKER_01]: And I read the audio book. 46:16.067 --> 46:16.768 [SPEAKER_01]: So that's a fun. 46:16.828 --> 46:23.818 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm really proud of the publisher for being brave and going, no, not just a chapter or half of it, the whole audio book for free. 46:23.838 --> 46:27.583 [SPEAKER_01]: And so all you do is pre order anywhere and go to johnakeof.com slash go. 46:28.104 --> 46:28.564 [SPEAKER_01]: Gio. 46:28.765 --> 46:31.108 [SPEAKER_01]: johnakeof.com slash go to get all the bonuses. 46:31.780 --> 46:45.381 [SPEAKER_01]: So you said pre-order anywhere, so you can pre-order, it doesn't just have to be through your website, it can be through Amazon, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, a local bookstore, whatever works for you, just go to John Inc. of that comps.gov, tell us where to send the bonuses. 46:46.282 --> 46:48.105 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, okay, that's great. 46:48.505 --> 46:49.988 [SPEAKER_00]: John, I appreciate this. 46:50.228 --> 46:57.399 [SPEAKER_00]: This has been really helpful for me encouraging and inspiring and wish you the very best on this and keep putting out great content. 46:57.419 --> 46:58.981 [SPEAKER_01]: I appreciate the questions, this is great. 46:59.622 --> 47:00.724 [SPEAKER_01]: I had a lot of fun, Jay. 47:01.497 --> 47:10.667 [SPEAKER_00]: As always, I want to thank you so much for listening to Let's Parental Purpose this week for sharing it with friends and for subscribing, like, buttoning, and all of the things that people do. 47:11.327 --> 47:14.751 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's Parental Purpose is a Ministry of the 1-2-7 project. 47:14.811 --> 47:27.184 [SPEAKER_00]: It's listener-supported, and if you want to be a part of producing this podcast, and then more than that, taking care of the orphan and at-risk around the world, you can do so by going to Let's Parental Purpose.com-support. 47:27.164 --> 47:39.383 [SPEAKER_00]: or clicking the give button at the bottom of my things for Thursday email that I send out and we can be a part of transforming not just our families, but the other most part of the world with the gospel of Jesus. 47:40.124 --> 47:41.306 [SPEAKER_00]: Again, I want to thank you for listening. 47:41.386 --> 47:53.425 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to remind you that parenting is a marathon, not a sprint, and we'll talk to you soon.