WEBVTT 00:03.794 --> 00:05.197 [SPEAKER_00]: Hello, hello, everybody. 00:05.258 --> 00:07.624 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm Lexi Lombarda, who's the Lexi podcast. 00:08.245 --> 00:11.834 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a gloomy, cozy day in Los Angeles. 00:12.455 --> 00:13.679 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm lying on my couch. 00:14.260 --> 00:16.445 [SPEAKER_00]: My dog's spoon is cuddled in my legs. 00:16.786 --> 00:20.335 [SPEAKER_00]: I have the doors of the porch open, so I can hear. 00:20.315 --> 00:46.879 [SPEAKER_00]: The breeze, and I can hear the birds, and I had a really hard day yesterday Understandably so once I provide context, but I was ready to sit down and just chat and move through this and have a little Therapy episode make this feel cathartic for me, and I always feel that the most personal is often the most universal if I talk about how I'm feeling Maybe 00:47.264 --> 00:48.868 [SPEAKER_00]: You'll think, oh my god, me too. 00:49.289 --> 00:50.010 [SPEAKER_00]: Me too. 00:50.552 --> 00:53.418 [SPEAKER_00]: And if not, I'll feel better afterward, and that's still my goal. 00:54.400 --> 01:01.356 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like when I meet creators, I'm like, you know, if I can help one person, yeah, that's awesome, but if also, I can help myself, that's also working. 01:01.537 --> 01:02.539 [SPEAKER_00]: That's also working. 01:02.941 --> 01:04.624 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so this is your first episode. 01:04.644 --> 01:06.448 [SPEAKER_00]: I talk about grief a lot. 01:06.708 --> 01:13.421 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not the all encompassing theme of my show, but it's a frequent pillar, I would say. 01:13.461 --> 01:19.532 [SPEAKER_00]: I have been to more funerals than weddings in my life, 13 funerals. 01:19.512 --> 01:28.547 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm pretty well versed with the passing of the human experience and I feel really comfortable with the idea of death. 01:28.827 --> 01:45.334 [SPEAKER_00]: However yesterday was the five-year anniversary for losing my mom and I typically, on days like Mother's Day, my mom's birthday or the anniversary of her passing, I will try to plan something to be special. 01:45.314 --> 01:52.621 [SPEAKER_00]: For myself for her yesterday I was working at Clio and my mom left shopping. 01:52.701 --> 02:01.729 [SPEAKER_00]: She shopping was her sport And I thought okay working a little boutique helping girls shop that could be fun You know, I'm on the clock or I'm on the schedule. 02:01.829 --> 02:12.418 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't need to ask off because I don't really have other plans I also had a really great weekend I made sure I had a perfect weekend Actually I was getting groceries in the cashier and asked me Sunday night. 02:12.779 --> 02:13.640 [SPEAKER_00]: How was your weekend? 02:13.700 --> 02:15.321 [SPEAKER_00]: What did you do? 02:15.301 --> 02:17.924 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, oh yeah, yeah, I went surfing this morning. 02:17.984 --> 02:19.005 [SPEAKER_00]: He's like, where? 02:19.025 --> 02:20.507 [SPEAKER_00]: He's like, Malibu. 02:20.567 --> 02:22.469 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not a pretty good. 02:22.569 --> 02:23.810 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I also went to a pool. 02:23.870 --> 02:24.931 [SPEAKER_00]: He's like, oh my god, what pool? 02:24.992 --> 02:25.872 [SPEAKER_00]: I said, I hope it's how cool. 02:26.233 --> 02:27.955 [SPEAKER_00]: He's like, oh, wow, it's how I was like, shadow. 02:28.135 --> 02:29.276 [SPEAKER_00]: He's like, shadow on my mind? 02:29.637 --> 02:29.977 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. 02:30.978 --> 02:32.279 [SPEAKER_00]: Why did I feel so embarrassed? 02:32.460 --> 02:34.762 [SPEAKER_00]: He's like, oh yeah, I was surfing at first point in Malibu. 02:34.782 --> 02:35.983 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, what pool? 02:36.064 --> 02:37.165 [SPEAKER_00]: Shadow on my mind. 02:37.245 --> 02:38.786 [SPEAKER_00]: But it was perfect. 02:38.867 --> 02:40.228 [SPEAKER_00]: It was really perfect. 02:40.546 --> 02:45.173 [SPEAKER_00]: Saturday was supposed to be at work, and I thought I was supposed to be. 02:45.193 --> 02:52.263 [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't matter, but I showed up and then realized that there had been a change in the schedule, and I was already in West Hollywood. 02:52.283 --> 02:58.412 [SPEAKER_00]: And one of my friends who's an artist was having a show at the Pacific Design Center. 02:58.432 --> 03:06.303 [SPEAKER_00]: So I wanted to stop by and then it gave me the perfect excuse to, and then after that, my friend texted me, hey, if you get off work early, I have a room at the Chateau. 03:06.343 --> 03:08.106 [SPEAKER_00]: We can 03:08.626 --> 03:35.224 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, say less, so I had a beautiful weekend and I felt really good and if you've been listening to the podcast a few weeks, I've been going up and down with just feeling stuck in comparison feeling like I'm watching momentum in people's lives around me and feeling maybe a little standstill in mind and I don't really know why. 03:35.744 --> 03:39.578 [SPEAKER_00]: where I do feel in control of my life, but then there are... 03:40.047 --> 03:52.462 [SPEAKER_00]: external circumstances that propel you forward during certain times and there's just certain seasons for things and I like to believe that I have full control over my life, but that's obviously not true. 03:53.483 --> 04:06.358 [SPEAKER_00]: So I had a really good weekend and I was feeling super bright and I didn't journal anything but I was mentally thinking if I was journaling right now, I would feel so much peace, so much joy, excitement for the future. 04:06.338 --> 04:18.177 [SPEAKER_00]: I've also been eating really well and feeling really good in my skin, which let me tell you, the sugar inflammation that you experience, no joke if you're sensitive to sugar. 04:18.197 --> 04:19.200 [SPEAKER_00]: I think all of us 04:20.227 --> 04:22.890 [SPEAKER_00]: especially in America, the sugar that we're consuming. 04:22.930 --> 04:25.293 [SPEAKER_00]: Not so great for us. 04:25.853 --> 04:34.884 [SPEAKER_00]: We could definitely do it without it, but daughter of a type one diabetic, niece, my mom's brother, type one diabetic. 04:34.904 --> 04:36.446 [SPEAKER_00]: I have to be pretty cautious of my sugar. 04:36.566 --> 04:37.807 [SPEAKER_00]: I went a week without sugar. 04:37.927 --> 04:42.032 [SPEAKER_00]: I literally, people in my Instagram being like, okay, what the hell are you doing? 04:42.974 --> 04:44.736 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like about to get allegations over here. 04:45.197 --> 04:51.245 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, and that's what you do if you have mean vegetables and you cook for yourself. 04:52.587 --> 04:54.269 [SPEAKER_00]: It's amazing how quickly that'll go. 04:54.289 --> 04:56.071 [SPEAKER_00]: So I was feeling really, really good this weekend. 04:56.832 --> 05:01.879 [SPEAKER_00]: And I thought who cares that I'm on the schedule for Monday, this will be a good distraction. 05:02.419 --> 05:12.913 [SPEAKER_00]: When I actually lost my mom, I dove into work and I found work to be an incredible outlet for me 05:12.893 --> 05:15.318 [SPEAKER_00]: every group is different, every loss is different. 05:15.359 --> 05:22.154 [SPEAKER_00]: So this is not a blanket statement, but I would have just sat in it and made everything worse. 05:22.194 --> 05:23.276 [SPEAKER_00]: I would have really stood. 05:23.657 --> 05:28.188 [SPEAKER_00]: So it was nice to have something to keep my mind on as well. 05:28.929 --> 05:31.054 [SPEAKER_00]: So I didn't think it was a problem to be at work. 05:31.034 --> 05:31.555 [SPEAKER_00]: on the state. 05:31.615 --> 05:35.384 [SPEAKER_00]: It's also been five years, which is the longest it's been so far. 05:35.404 --> 05:40.596 [SPEAKER_00]: And I've had really fine anniversary days before that felt special. 05:40.696 --> 05:43.643 [SPEAKER_00]: And this one was really hard. 05:43.723 --> 05:45.046 [SPEAKER_00]: This one was tough. 05:45.167 --> 05:46.189 [SPEAKER_00]: I was grumpy. 05:46.209 --> 05:47.352 [SPEAKER_00]: I was sad. 05:47.372 --> 05:49.296 [SPEAKER_00]: I was 05:49.276 --> 05:49.978 [SPEAKER_00]: heavy. 05:49.998 --> 05:51.902 [SPEAKER_00]: I felt really heavy. 05:51.962 --> 05:55.791 [SPEAKER_00]: My cousin Morgan sent me breakfast and flowers in the morning. 05:55.851 --> 06:05.652 [SPEAKER_00]: My friend Alex came by the store with her niece and they hung out for a while and then my friend Kaylee sent me flowers that were at my door when I got home. 06:05.693 --> 06:06.795 [SPEAKER_00]: So I felt really 06:06.775 --> 06:13.766 [SPEAKER_00]: supported, you know, it wasn't lack of support, but I was really having trouble. 06:13.946 --> 06:16.510 [SPEAKER_00]: And I felt I was explaining this to my roommate. 06:16.530 --> 06:19.776 [SPEAKER_00]: I felt like there was a sign on my head that said, my mom died today. 06:19.816 --> 06:21.739 [SPEAKER_00]: This is the anniversary of my mom's death. 06:21.759 --> 06:23.181 [SPEAKER_00]: That's how it felt walking around. 06:23.201 --> 06:23.521 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, why? 06:24.243 --> 06:25.424 [SPEAKER_00]: Why can't you read the sign? 06:25.485 --> 06:27.147 [SPEAKER_00]: It's on my head, isn't it obvious? 06:27.327 --> 06:29.471 [SPEAKER_00]: But at the same time, I didn't want to tell people. 06:29.511 --> 06:33.998 [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't going to tell my boss, hey, this is a tough day for 06:33.978 --> 06:35.620 [SPEAKER_00]: would have been totally fine. 06:35.881 --> 06:42.050 [SPEAKER_00]: And if someone was asking me for advice, I probably would have been more than willing to advise someone to share that. 06:42.070 --> 06:45.635 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, hey, if I'm a little off today, this is the anniversary of my mom's passing. 06:45.856 --> 06:52.445 [SPEAKER_00]: But I've done this before and it's been easier before yesterday with tough and it lingered into today. 06:52.545 --> 06:55.009 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm just finally starting to curl out of it. 06:55.029 --> 06:58.434 [SPEAKER_00]: I wish I had just texted a friend earlier. 06:58.514 --> 06:59.896 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, hey, I'm losing my mind. 07:00.217 --> 07:03.141 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like 07:03.121 --> 07:13.620 [SPEAKER_00]: and I have my typical coping strategies of why don't you go out and you get yourself a little meal or you know why don't you journal why don't you go and walk all the all the little things none of it was working 07:13.955 --> 07:15.257 [SPEAKER_00]: Girl, I jerked off nothing. 07:15.958 --> 07:17.440 [SPEAKER_00]: I had a cupcake, nothing. 07:18.021 --> 07:20.244 [SPEAKER_00]: Went on a 30 minute walk, nothing. 07:20.284 --> 07:25.691 [SPEAKER_00]: The quick dopamine, the more long-term strategies, nothing was cutting it for me. 07:26.012 --> 07:27.333 [SPEAKER_00]: Why don't you put something on to watch? 07:27.714 --> 07:29.156 [SPEAKER_00]: Nope, why don't you journal? 07:29.557 --> 07:31.419 [SPEAKER_00]: Nope, nothing was feeling good. 07:32.360 --> 07:34.263 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know what, actually, help the most. 07:34.924 --> 07:36.767 [SPEAKER_00]: I was taking spoon out this morning. 07:37.768 --> 07:39.851 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was sitting on the steps outside my house. 07:40.151 --> 07:42.915 [SPEAKER_00]: And I looked down. 07:42.895 --> 07:45.039 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm saying this with sincerity too. 07:45.059 --> 07:52.171 [SPEAKER_00]: I swear, it just sounds so, all right, I roll, but I'm serious. 07:52.892 --> 07:59.183 [SPEAKER_00]: I looked down and there was a long line of ants doing their thing. 07:59.163 --> 08:18.167 [SPEAKER_00]: and then I looked up and I saw a big flock of birds flying to the tree in my yard and then I saw a cat come out of the top window of the house across the street and crawl on the roof and just start walking around and then there was a woman that came out and she started gardening her plants and then I just started looking at the trees 08:18.147 --> 08:23.481 [SPEAKER_00]: And I had, if you guys have seen Hoppers, great movie, go to the theater, go see it right now. 08:24.023 --> 08:33.287 [SPEAKER_00]: I was having digital voids for one of the opening scenes where the main character in her grandma is sitting on a rock looking over at the gleeed end. 08:33.267 --> 08:34.188 [SPEAKER_00]: noticing. 08:34.449 --> 08:38.776 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, when you feel so frustrated and so haddy, I was so in my own head. 08:38.816 --> 08:43.884 [SPEAKER_00]: Then I almost started dissociating because I started to feel like are these ants even real? 08:43.964 --> 08:45.186 [SPEAKER_00]: Are these birds even real? 08:45.226 --> 08:56.304 [SPEAKER_00]: The simulation theory and I just a character in a snow globe and that was freaking me out a little bit and then I moved through it and I thought you can survive this heavy mood. 08:56.845 --> 08:58.647 [SPEAKER_00]: It'll go away a promise you. 08:58.667 --> 08:59.629 [SPEAKER_00]: I promise you. 09:00.267 --> 09:02.349 [SPEAKER_00]: It's just hard to feel your feelings. 09:02.670 --> 09:04.612 [SPEAKER_00]: It's so easy to intellectualize them. 09:04.632 --> 09:18.387 [SPEAKER_00]: I bless and applaud any parent that has really allowed their kid to feel their feelings, because I am the kid of a, let's distract you from it. 09:18.767 --> 09:20.449 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's no knock to my parents. 09:20.489 --> 09:22.612 [SPEAKER_00]: Every parent is just absolutely doing their best. 09:22.652 --> 09:24.874 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, you see a kid crying. 09:24.854 --> 09:26.557 [SPEAKER_00]: You think, oh, let's walk over here. 09:27.018 --> 09:27.860 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's distract them. 09:28.441 --> 09:33.249 [SPEAKER_00]: But then it gets to a point where they're actually feeling a serious feeling instead of just a quick one. 09:33.310 --> 09:37.277 [SPEAKER_00]: But one that needs to be moved through, I don't really know how to do that. 09:37.337 --> 09:43.909 [SPEAKER_00]: It's something I'm teaching myself and I've been teaching myself for a decade or so at this point, it's tricky. 09:43.889 --> 09:59.273 [SPEAKER_00]: So, if anyone really has some advice on how to let a feeling sit and let it move through, I'm always looking to try because I'm big on words, i.e. 09:59.293 --> 10:10.470 [SPEAKER_00]: why I find having a podcast so cathartic, why I have a vlog and I love to journal because I like getting my thoughts out there, especially 10:10.450 --> 10:15.897 [SPEAKER_00]: on said I was pretty angry yesterday and I started taking my anger out on spoon and that was that sucked. 10:16.318 --> 10:17.700 [SPEAKER_00]: I've never done that before. 10:18.341 --> 10:27.873 [SPEAKER_00]: He was driving me crazy yesterday because sometimes when I'm in a mood spoon just really knows how to tap in and be there for me. 10:27.893 --> 10:37.386 [SPEAKER_00]: I've seen him do it with my friends, dogs or animals are privy to that often times and I needed him to do that yesterday and he was not. 10:37.518 --> 10:42.124 [SPEAKER_00]: on one, and I was gonna lose it, who's gonna lose it? 10:42.465 --> 10:46.571 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, so, I was so frustrated, I was going crazy. 10:46.611 --> 10:49.795 [SPEAKER_00]: And he's not the problem. 10:49.815 --> 10:52.259 [SPEAKER_00]: I just have something I need to move through. 10:52.299 --> 10:58.227 [SPEAKER_00]: And so journaling often works when I'm in a really hot mood when I feel angry when I feel spiteful. 10:58.510 --> 11:00.533 [SPEAKER_00]: I will just start writing down. 11:00.633 --> 11:04.258 [SPEAKER_00]: Like let's say I'm really mad at, I don't know, will you spoon us the example? 11:04.298 --> 11:11.728 [SPEAKER_00]: If I start writing all of my irrational crazy thoughts, I'll realize by the end of the page, or two, that I don't actually feel that way. 11:12.349 --> 11:16.755 [SPEAKER_00]: I may be one sentence that I wrote has some truth in it, but the rest of them, I'm just. 11:16.735 --> 11:20.160 [SPEAKER_00]: going off, you know, I'm letting the feeling run wild. 11:20.621 --> 11:35.824 [SPEAKER_00]: So I had a really hard day and it sucks because I had a really good week and I had a really good weekend and I love riding the high of a good wave and I love when momentum is moving me forward and it a little setback sort of sucks. 11:36.142 --> 11:38.184 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, but it'll be okay. 11:38.825 --> 11:39.446 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll be okay. 11:39.987 --> 11:41.208 [SPEAKER_00]: I just felt heavy. 11:41.268 --> 11:42.690 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't feel so hot. 11:43.050 --> 11:44.132 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't feel so good. 11:44.152 --> 11:48.597 [SPEAKER_00]: I felt pretty unhappy and I woke up still feeling so unhappy. 11:48.617 --> 11:50.019 [SPEAKER_00]: I tried going to bed earlier. 11:50.039 --> 11:51.541 [SPEAKER_00]: I had fun dreams. 11:52.122 --> 11:57.628 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if that's anyone else's coping strategy but when the going gets rough, I go to bed. 11:57.648 --> 11:59.030 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I don't feel good. 11:59.090 --> 12:00.732 [SPEAKER_00]: There's no insomnia there. 12:00.712 --> 12:16.864 [SPEAKER_00]: I will tuck myself in enter dream world immediately and then oftentimes my dreams are so much fun that it's hard to want to wake up, especially if you're in a lucid spot, then it's like, why would I get up if I could just stay in dreamland? 12:16.844 --> 12:28.024 [SPEAKER_00]: But I did, I did, and I called a friend, and I went outside, and I took spoon out, and I'm drank a bunch of water, and the water helped a lot. 12:28.725 --> 12:32.993 [SPEAKER_00]: The water made, I was feeling just with, and the water made me feel a lot better. 12:33.013 --> 12:35.357 [SPEAKER_00]: I signed up for a workout class. 12:35.477 --> 12:37.380 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm meeting up with a friend and her dog later. 12:37.440 --> 12:41.788 [SPEAKER_00]: So plans are in place, but even I was explaining to my cousin, 12:41.768 --> 12:43.950 [SPEAKER_00]: She asked if I did anything special for myself. 12:44.010 --> 12:45.352 [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I tried all the things. 12:45.912 --> 13:07.776 [SPEAKER_00]: I did all the usual things and when you're in that space, it doesn't really matter It's like you're floating through it and you're not really feeling it Holistically, it's like you're just observing yourself doing the thing and that's hard to get out of I hope I'm not depressing you I promise I'm in a good mood often 13:08.600 --> 13:12.306 [SPEAKER_00]: and I feel generally pretty optimistic about life. 13:12.627 --> 13:17.695 [SPEAKER_00]: I just have my my days like everybody else and maybe I'm having them a little bit more frequently. 13:17.795 --> 13:19.198 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm on my period not for nothing. 13:19.258 --> 13:22.644 [SPEAKER_00]: I saw this Instagram reel of this. 13:22.664 --> 13:27.852 [SPEAKER_00]: I think she was British and she was discussing her favorite American phrases. 13:28.574 --> 13:32.380 [SPEAKER_00]: She's like, I love when you guys say, and not for nothing, 13:34.402 --> 13:35.624 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like we do say that. 13:35.684 --> 13:50.453 [SPEAKER_00]: She's like you guys also say a whole thing in England will say oh, it's a long story I won't get into it or I can tell you later or but you always say oh, it's a whole thing and not for nothing And so every time I say not for nothing I think about her 13:50.433 --> 13:51.014 [SPEAKER_00]: I do. 13:51.034 --> 13:53.016 [SPEAKER_00]: I like that phrase. 13:53.376 --> 13:54.217 [SPEAKER_00]: I like that laugh. 13:55.399 --> 13:56.540 [SPEAKER_00]: Am I gonna go to Coachella this year? 13:56.560 --> 13:58.062 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't even know if I care. 13:58.082 --> 13:59.524 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't even know. 13:59.544 --> 14:00.685 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what I care about. 14:00.705 --> 14:01.646 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't know what I care about. 14:01.666 --> 14:11.077 [SPEAKER_00]: I am going to Portugal at the end of May and I'm going to Paris at the end of May and I'm going to London in July. 14:11.098 --> 14:12.659 [SPEAKER_00]: I need to get out of this damn country. 14:12.699 --> 14:14.061 [SPEAKER_00]: That's been a reoccurring thought. 14:14.480 --> 14:19.587 [SPEAKER_00]: America is bringing me down, and I am one of the privilege ones. 14:20.688 --> 14:23.252 [SPEAKER_00]: I am a white girl. 14:23.312 --> 14:28.098 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm still like, it's just seeing it around you. 14:28.139 --> 14:34.067 [SPEAKER_00]: Any sort of empathy, even the smallest amount of empathy in your body, and you will say, get me out of here. 14:34.647 --> 14:35.288 [SPEAKER_00]: I hate it. 14:35.328 --> 14:37.231 [SPEAKER_00]: Where do I go next? 14:37.251 --> 14:37.712 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know. 14:37.732 --> 14:38.753 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know. 14:38.813 --> 14:42.017 [SPEAKER_00]: New Zealand, Australia, y'all know those are calling to me. 14:42.037 --> 14:43.980 [SPEAKER_00]: I need to get out. 14:44.298 --> 14:45.119 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, y'all. 14:45.340 --> 14:49.506 [SPEAKER_00]: I had to take a little deep breath for myself and take a couple days. 14:49.546 --> 14:54.794 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it was a little too soon after the anniversary for me to really chat with a clear head. 14:54.854 --> 15:08.095 [SPEAKER_00]: Now it's Thursday and I feel a lot lighter on my feet, but the sentiment of still not understanding how to move through unhappiness remains true unhappiness. 15:08.648 --> 15:18.884 [SPEAKER_00]: which I'm defining as different than sadness because it's below neutrality, a little sad, but just not happy. 15:18.904 --> 15:36.090 [SPEAKER_00]: I think because I'm such a problem solver, I'm so much easier at holding other people's feelings and being a cheerleader for others that when someone needs to hold my feelings and be a cheerleader for me, it's not like I feel uncomfortable to ask. 15:36.070 --> 16:00.105 [SPEAKER_00]: easy when I'm feeling confident to ask people for things, but when I'm actually down bad and I'm actually unhappy, it's tough, it's really tough because my homeostasis is at a 10 when maybe a homeostasis is supposed to be at a zero and sometimes you feel like a 10 and sometimes you feel like a negative 10, but I operate most of my life between five and 10. 16:00.205 --> 16:05.132 [SPEAKER_00]: So when I am feeling a three, which would be maybe above average for most, 16:05.365 --> 16:07.027 [SPEAKER_00]: It feels horrible. 16:07.068 --> 16:08.770 [SPEAKER_00]: It's panic. 16:08.870 --> 16:09.912 [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't feel safe. 16:10.272 --> 16:11.394 [SPEAKER_00]: And, ha! 16:12.035 --> 16:15.440 [SPEAKER_00]: Growing pains, things to learn. 16:15.480 --> 16:17.042 [SPEAKER_00]: It's tough. 16:18.084 --> 16:19.166 [SPEAKER_00]: It's tough. 16:20.367 --> 16:23.011 [SPEAKER_00]: And that was what yesterday was teaching me. 16:23.532 --> 16:28.059 [SPEAKER_00]: But I have space to grow. 16:28.079 --> 16:30.883 [SPEAKER_00]: I remember my friend Meadow saying, 16:30.863 --> 16:43.478 [SPEAKER_00]: that your triggers are your signals, triggers are indicators of places that there is room for growth and there are certain people in my life that are triggers. 16:43.598 --> 16:48.524 [SPEAKER_00]: And I realize, oh, there's a lesson here that I still have to learn. 16:48.564 --> 16:51.488 [SPEAKER_00]: There is a space here for me to grow into. 16:51.839 --> 17:12.885 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not healed yet and I like thinking of triggers as signals and I don't really know how to move through that it was just something I had to sit with and fast forward two days and the sun is shining all as well, but those heavier moments feel a lot longer. 17:13.743 --> 17:37.708 [SPEAKER_00]: And now here I am able to talk more and answer your questions and also I think I'm going to talk about my diet more on the Patreon so for everyone that knows I have ad free extended episodes of every episode of this show on Patreon and normally I'll share a juicy year more in depth more personal story that I wouldn't feel as comfortable to share publicly. 17:37.688 --> 17:40.575 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I want to talk about the diet because I'm loving it. 17:40.876 --> 17:41.578 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm loving it. 17:41.678 --> 17:42.901 [SPEAKER_00]: It's everything. 17:43.001 --> 17:43.443 [SPEAKER_00]: It's everything. 17:43.463 --> 17:45.608 [SPEAKER_00]: It's tough stuff, but it's good. 17:45.648 --> 17:46.190 [SPEAKER_00]: All right. 17:46.210 --> 17:52.345 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's get into some questions, but first a word from today's sponsor I go one six seven. 17:52.405 --> 17:53.468 [SPEAKER_00]: This is a question. 17:53.508 --> 17:54.651 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't 17:54.631 --> 17:55.292 [SPEAKER_00]: get asked. 17:55.692 --> 18:01.420 [SPEAKER_00]: If you were an apple baby who's to say I'm not, if you were an apple baby what industry an apple baby would you be? 18:01.480 --> 18:02.582 [SPEAKER_00]: Probably math. 18:02.682 --> 18:05.445 [SPEAKER_00]: I come from a line of mathematicians. 18:05.666 --> 18:13.155 [SPEAKER_00]: My dad majored in math, taught math, my mom taught math, my dad's dad taught math was a professor. 18:13.176 --> 18:15.479 [SPEAKER_00]: He was also a statistician. 18:15.499 --> 18:18.723 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to say his dad did math as well. 18:19.564 --> 18:21.887 [SPEAKER_00]: I come from a 18:21.867 --> 18:23.749 [SPEAKER_00]: So I would probably be in the number world. 18:24.270 --> 18:29.737 [SPEAKER_00]: And then the same person also asked if you get to interview one author, dead or alive, who are you picking? 18:30.398 --> 18:44.216 [SPEAKER_00]: Evavits, obviously, but I want to do Evavits in her youth, because Evavits, at the end of her life, was a very different person. 18:44.676 --> 18:50.524 [SPEAKER_00]: So, young Evavits, Samuel 18:51.027 --> 18:54.773 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, you are going to wear something comfortable. 18:54.813 --> 19:08.415 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, if you're someone who's down to be uncomfortable, sure, but I, even my ponytail being too tight, my boots being too heavy, any sort of sensory issue is going to distract me from the experience. 19:08.435 --> 19:12.802 [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't want anything to distract me from the experience of listening to the music. 19:13.202 --> 19:14.925 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to be a good sport. 19:14.905 --> 19:22.633 [SPEAKER_00]: so I need to make sure that I can walk, that I am comfortable, that I will not have any sensory complaints. 19:23.594 --> 19:31.463 [SPEAKER_00]: And then as for looks, one side of setting spray was the go of my Coachella experience. 19:32.164 --> 19:44.457 [SPEAKER_00]: I layered on my makeup and in between every step of my makeup, I took that one side of setting spray, 19:44.808 --> 19:45.529 [SPEAKER_00]: incredible. 19:46.290 --> 19:47.752 [SPEAKER_00]: It is so worth it. 19:48.593 --> 20:14.427 [SPEAKER_00]: Another thing I would say if you are not interested in drinking because I went with my friend and neither of us were in a drinking phase, we bought a parking pass and it was so nice when the festival, when we were ready to go, we didn't have to wait on an Uber, we just had our parking pass, could park right in, walked to the festival and when we 20:14.727 --> 20:15.308 [SPEAKER_00]: lovely. 20:15.388 --> 20:25.997 [SPEAKER_00]: So if you don't think you're going to be on substances or at least there's going to be someone that won't be, I highly recommend getting a parking pass. 20:26.378 --> 20:27.358 [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely. 20:27.378 --> 20:43.553 [SPEAKER_00]: Other tips, maybe just because I was in my later 20s, don't knock a sort of back of the stage, 20:43.533 --> 21:05.093 [SPEAKER_00]: a dedicated fan, but I remember I loved how they're the creator and when I saw him, my friend and I, we were in the back in the lawn and we had room to dance and twirl and do cartwheels or sit and that was so nice to remember, hey, we don't need to be body to body for every single set. 21:05.534 --> 21:06.635 [SPEAKER_00]: There's going to be plenty of those. 21:06.955 --> 21:08.096 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's take the lawn for this. 21:08.116 --> 21:09.878 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's give ourselves a little breathing room. 21:10.786 --> 21:20.986 [SPEAKER_00]: Wow, Eric said, just in line with my nephatism, I realize I enjoy math and I want to change to a STEM major, should I switch as a junior? 21:21.227 --> 21:26.517 [SPEAKER_00]: Now I only did two years of school, so I am not the person to ask. 21:26.497 --> 21:32.443 [SPEAKER_00]: I also went to a specialized design school, so even the classes were just less conventional. 21:33.104 --> 21:37.408 [SPEAKER_00]: So I am really, really not the person to ask. 21:37.828 --> 21:50.001 [SPEAKER_00]: But if you're so close to finishing something, even if you love something else, there are plenty of majority of people, I would say, that have majored in something that is not in the career path that they end up in. 21:50.101 --> 21:56.487 [SPEAKER_00]: So if math is something you really enjoy, I still believe that you could pursue math, post-graduation. 21:56.855 --> 21:59.399 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're already, I mean, it's March. 21:59.940 --> 22:07.451 [SPEAKER_00]: So assuming that you're almost a senior or you're about to start junior year, I would ask more informed people. 22:07.592 --> 22:09.134 [SPEAKER_00]: This is really not my forte. 22:09.595 --> 22:18.188 [SPEAKER_00]: Speaking of not my forte, Eric Hernandez also asked how do you practice patients when waiting for something for a long time? 22:18.607 --> 22:21.693 [SPEAKER_00]: ah, you know, distraction. 22:22.535 --> 22:23.757 [SPEAKER_00]: Give yourself another goal. 22:23.797 --> 22:31.252 [SPEAKER_00]: Give yourself something to simultaneously work towards if you're waiting for something and there's nothing you can do to speed it up. 22:31.753 --> 22:35.820 [SPEAKER_00]: You need to do something else with your time while you're waiting for that thing. 22:35.861 --> 22:40.750 [SPEAKER_00]: Or find many moments to be excited about. 22:41.067 --> 22:52.023 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's say you're climbing a mountain or you're going on a road trip and you're going from Mexico to Canada and you're like, oh, we're so far from Canada. 22:52.043 --> 23:00.976 [SPEAKER_00]: We've a long time till Canada started about seeing San Diego, started about seeing Los Angeles, started about seeing San Francisco. 23:01.036 --> 23:05.202 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, so whatever that thing is you're waiting for, if you're on a health journey. 23:05.401 --> 23:10.246 [SPEAKER_00]: I just want to be a size 4, and I just want a snatched waste. 23:10.346 --> 23:24.160 [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, start getting excited about the fact that you can run a mile in your 10 minutes, start getting excited for the fact that you can run a mile under 8 minutes, start getting excited for the fact that the genes that used to be kind of tied on you fit really well. 23:24.761 --> 23:28.064 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, my wants to know, when are you coming to Paris, girl? 23:28.164 --> 23:30.186 [SPEAKER_00]: We need the Lexi Lombard Summer here. 23:30.206 --> 23:32.168 [SPEAKER_00]: I would love that. 23:33.498 --> 23:38.024 [SPEAKER_00]: I will be in Paris at the end of May. 23:38.745 --> 23:41.889 [SPEAKER_00]: And that'll be the beginning of summer, that'll be the cusp. 23:42.870 --> 23:45.654 [SPEAKER_00]: And you know as maybe I'll come back because one of my best friends lives there. 23:45.674 --> 23:49.879 [SPEAKER_00]: So I think I'll be this, this is what I'm manifesting. 23:50.320 --> 23:55.847 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to Portugal, Camille is gonna meet me in Portugal and we are going to road trip to Paris. 23:56.888 --> 23:57.870 [SPEAKER_00]: And what a good kickoff. 23:57.890 --> 23:58.951 [SPEAKER_00]: Can you imagine the photos? 23:58.971 --> 23:59.912 [SPEAKER_00]: Can you imagine the videos? 23:59.932 --> 24:01.935 [SPEAKER_00]: Can you imagine the time? 24:02.438 --> 24:03.462 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it'll be everything. 24:05.289 --> 24:10.187 [SPEAKER_00]: Live wants to know my obsession right now, word of the year or week or month. 24:11.095 --> 24:15.460 [SPEAKER_00]: A little phrase lately that's been repeating in my head is depression can't catch a moving target. 24:15.480 --> 24:17.242 [SPEAKER_00]: I have better advice. 24:17.682 --> 24:21.427 [SPEAKER_00]: Also, we have, there's no such thing as bad weather only bad clothes. 24:21.887 --> 24:26.392 [SPEAKER_00]: There's always an outfit that's appropriate for the weather, so it should never stop you from going outside. 24:27.053 --> 24:29.756 [SPEAKER_00]: Another motto I always live by is I never regret going outside. 24:30.577 --> 24:31.458 [SPEAKER_00]: Obsessions. 24:33.220 --> 24:34.581 [SPEAKER_00]: This new diet I'm on. 24:34.621 --> 24:36.023 [SPEAKER_00]: I sort of touched on it. 24:36.408 --> 24:44.380 [SPEAKER_00]: in the last episode, it was called like, I'm on a diet, sue me because diet culture is all the rage right now being so skinny is all the rage right now. 24:44.420 --> 25:01.487 [SPEAKER_00]: This is a side effect of women trying to be made small, not only politically, but physically, you know, when women focus on being small physically, they can't be as engaged in the world, is the theory. 25:02.159 --> 25:08.191 [SPEAKER_00]: However, I have been eating in a way that's making me feel so much better. 25:08.231 --> 25:10.756 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, sounds yesterday, but that had nothing to do with food. 25:10.796 --> 25:15.706 [SPEAKER_00]: That had to do with, ooh, heavy, heavy life anniversary, you know, heavy date. 25:15.726 --> 25:19.815 [SPEAKER_00]: It wouldn't matter if my diet was awful or pristine. 25:19.855 --> 25:21.538 [SPEAKER_00]: That was irrelevant to the experience. 25:21.939 --> 25:23.442 [SPEAKER_00]: But I have been... 25:23.422 --> 25:25.046 [SPEAKER_00]: cooking and ton of vegetables. 25:25.147 --> 25:26.450 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm chopping up a zucchini. 25:26.530 --> 25:30.060 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sauteing mushrooms and salt, pepper, butter, olive oil. 25:30.822 --> 25:34.993 [SPEAKER_00]: Zilla wants to know how often do you splurge on things to treat yourself not often? 25:35.033 --> 25:38.562 [SPEAKER_00]: I have lifestyle that I maintain. 25:38.542 --> 25:42.349 [SPEAKER_00]: but splurging I think percentage wise has to go above that. 25:42.509 --> 25:47.758 [SPEAKER_00]: So a splurge for someone that has a ton of money would look different than a splurge for someone that doesn't have very much at all. 25:48.038 --> 25:51.825 [SPEAKER_00]: And I think of splurges as specifically something monetary. 25:51.845 --> 25:54.690 [SPEAKER_00]: I recently bought myself a little diamond ring. 25:55.211 --> 25:55.752 [SPEAKER_00]: She's fun. 25:55.832 --> 25:58.597 [SPEAKER_00]: She's a a little bit loud. 25:59.158 --> 26:00.600 [SPEAKER_00]: I got it at 26:00.580 --> 26:03.069 [SPEAKER_00]: an art show in the gallery gift shop. 26:03.511 --> 26:05.518 [SPEAKER_00]: And I, I'm happy with that. 26:05.558 --> 26:06.140 [SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't. 26:06.722 --> 26:09.392 [SPEAKER_00]: It was more than I would normally spend, but it wasn't crazy. 26:09.432 --> 26:10.416 [SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't like thousands. 26:10.536 --> 26:11.299 [SPEAKER_00]: It was in the hundreds. 26:11.718 --> 26:33.270 [SPEAKER_00]: lab grown you'd be amazed what you can get uh... and then another time i can think of i was at the palm springs outlet mall and i spent two thousand dollars in a day where i had gotten really great deals on things i got this valenciaga purse i got a new new card holder steward whitesman heels a reformation dress 26:33.655 --> 26:36.298 [SPEAKER_00]: and a pair of Mu Mu heels. 26:36.778 --> 26:41.023 [SPEAKER_00]: And I thought all of that for $2,000 was an absolute steal. 26:41.063 --> 26:44.387 [SPEAKER_00]: The shoes I've worn so religious. 26:44.407 --> 26:47.350 [SPEAKER_00]: Like there's some of my most worn shoes, most complimented shoes. 26:47.450 --> 26:49.352 [SPEAKER_00]: The card holder is still my card holder. 26:49.412 --> 26:54.297 [SPEAKER_00]: The Reformation dress, I don't think I ever wore the Stewart-Mot, what maybe I did. 26:54.317 --> 26:59.603 [SPEAKER_00]: I think I got it because I was feeling a little chunky and it was flattering on my body shape at that time. 27:00.444 --> 27:02.346 [SPEAKER_00]: And so maybe I wore the once or twice. 27:02.782 --> 27:03.764 [SPEAKER_00]: If that. 27:04.030 --> 27:06.052 [SPEAKER_00]: I think very quickly went to wasteland. 27:06.272 --> 27:13.259 [SPEAKER_00]: And then the Stuart White's been heels, I think I wore less than five times, sold those already and the Balenciaga bag. 27:14.160 --> 27:17.102 [SPEAKER_00]: I bought right before Balenciaga got canceled. 27:17.703 --> 27:25.270 [SPEAKER_00]: I should have just held on to it, but I sold it pretty immediately because I didn't want to carry it, but I didn't want it to take up space in my closet. 27:25.730 --> 27:33.818 [SPEAKER_00]: So those were kind of elves, but I think that I am well, 27:33.798 --> 27:34.419 [SPEAKER_00]: was high. 27:34.500 --> 27:41.054 [SPEAKER_00]: But the fact that I can't even pinpoint when that was shows that I don't splurge myself too often. 27:41.235 --> 27:43.520 [SPEAKER_00]: I did, I can like count them. 27:43.600 --> 27:52.380 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know how frequently it is, but not last year, but the Christmas before I splurge and I got a first class flight. 27:52.360 --> 28:06.117 [SPEAKER_00]: Home for Christmas because the holidays are tough on me and it was my first flight with spoon And I just wanted it to be easy and I just wanted it to be the most comfortable experience that I possibly could have 28:06.232 --> 28:16.291 [SPEAKER_00]: And then my recent splurge is I purchased the Delta MX purple credit card, and I think that's maybe like six or seven hundred dollars, but it is well worth it. 28:16.371 --> 28:21.220 [SPEAKER_00]: If you guys are looking for a credit card, if you fly a lot, you get access to the lounges. 28:21.701 --> 28:24.146 [SPEAKER_00]: I just bought, I have to go to a funeral at the end of this month. 28:24.246 --> 28:25.388 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, I lit. 28:25.773 --> 28:27.676 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm always at a goddamn funeral. 28:27.716 --> 28:29.479 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm always at a goddamn funeral. 28:29.639 --> 28:31.381 [SPEAKER_00]: And my friends, like, that's so picey in of you. 28:31.402 --> 28:34.406 [SPEAKER_00]: They're like, all the pices I know are so good with that. 28:34.466 --> 28:35.768 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, I should be a death duolo. 28:35.788 --> 28:36.569 [SPEAKER_00]: What am I doing here? 28:36.609 --> 28:46.625 [SPEAKER_00]: And anyway, my flight, I had enough miles from this card that my flight home was five dollars because it cost me just about nothing. 28:46.705 --> 28:48.167 [SPEAKER_00]: I've spent more on coffee. 28:48.187 --> 28:53.535 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to pop up to New York after and then I'll fly out of New York. 28:53.515 --> 28:54.797 [SPEAKER_00]: And that's great. 28:55.418 --> 28:56.179 [SPEAKER_00]: What else do I get? 28:56.259 --> 28:57.621 [SPEAKER_00]: You get access to the lounges. 28:57.642 --> 29:02.990 [SPEAKER_00]: I think you get like a hundred and fifty dollars towards Rezi a year. 29:03.050 --> 29:05.213 [SPEAKER_00]: You get a hundred and fifty dollars. 29:05.314 --> 29:07.858 [SPEAKER_00]: Give her take towards a ride share. 29:08.018 --> 29:09.741 [SPEAKER_00]: And remember, it's lift or Uber. 29:10.562 --> 29:17.733 [SPEAKER_00]: But that was a splurge because I, I want the most comfortable airport experience ever. 29:17.954 --> 29:20.738 [SPEAKER_00]: I flew first with Hawaiian to Hawaii last year. 29:21.224 --> 29:23.146 [SPEAKER_00]: and that was gifted by Hawaiian Airlines. 29:23.186 --> 29:24.327 [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't purchase that myself. 29:24.667 --> 29:26.749 [SPEAKER_00]: It's a completely different experience. 29:27.330 --> 29:38.621 [SPEAKER_00]: The cramped, dial plane experience that I often provide for myself is entirely different flight than the people in their little apartment cubicles up in the front. 29:39.021 --> 29:42.024 [SPEAKER_00]: I had my own little apartment on Hawaiian Airlines. 29:42.665 --> 29:45.287 [SPEAKER_00]: I had a desk space from my laptop. 29:45.387 --> 29:46.589 [SPEAKER_00]: I had a footrest. 29:46.669 --> 29:48.050 [SPEAKER_00]: I had a place for my food. 29:48.070 --> 29:51.113 [SPEAKER_00]: It was unbelievable. 29:51.380 --> 29:53.386 [SPEAKER_00]: I just am such a restless person. 29:53.426 --> 29:55.131 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not a super anxious flyer. 29:55.252 --> 29:56.716 [SPEAKER_00]: I just am restless. 29:56.797 --> 30:03.096 [SPEAKER_00]: I need to feel like I have personal space and personal space is expensive on an airplane. 30:03.116 --> 30:05.102 [SPEAKER_00]: I recently saw... 30:06.297 --> 30:07.098 [SPEAKER_00]: is it united? 30:07.118 --> 30:18.353 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't remember what airline that's now allowing you to buy out a row and then you can fill it with two people, three people, whatever you want, just yourself and you can lie down in it. 30:19.274 --> 30:30.229 [SPEAKER_00]: Curious how that's going to be, but my recent splurge was the Delta credit card, which honestly, if you're interested in getting one and you want to use my referral code, I'll put the link down below, totally up to you. 30:30.209 --> 30:34.013 [SPEAKER_00]: Pedro Gonzalez, I'd give me your five dream careers. 30:34.094 --> 30:36.777 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to plan my life right now and I would love in spow. 30:37.337 --> 30:39.940 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, dream careers. 30:40.081 --> 30:45.026 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I would love to do everything that I'm doing, but on a larger scale. 30:45.227 --> 30:53.657 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'd want the podcast to be bigger and I would want to have someone else edit it and get the video component done for me and share it on social. 30:54.137 --> 30:59.203 [SPEAKER_00]: So I could just focus on showing up in giving a good episode. 30:59.183 --> 31:01.409 [SPEAKER_00]: I also love YouTube vlogging. 31:01.429 --> 31:07.245 [SPEAKER_00]: If I could keep my casual vlogs that I have now, those two are so much fun. 31:07.305 --> 31:09.351 [SPEAKER_00]: What else is a dream job? 31:09.371 --> 31:10.233 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know. 31:10.253 --> 31:11.657 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm kind of doing my dream job. 31:14.658 --> 31:16.981 [SPEAKER_00]: I want to publish a book and go on a book tour. 31:17.001 --> 31:20.427 [SPEAKER_00]: I loved all the love I got on my Instagram post. 31:20.467 --> 31:27.397 [SPEAKER_00]: So one thing I do when I'm titleing podcast episodes is I try to think of them as if they are a title of a book. 31:27.417 --> 31:36.290 [SPEAKER_00]: And if I think it's book title worthy, then I'll go ahead and take the L on the SEO, the search optimization, element of the podcast. 31:36.330 --> 31:39.535 [SPEAKER_00]: So I can have something like, should I shave my legs from my mother's funeral? 31:39.515 --> 31:41.378 [SPEAKER_00]: That should be a book. 31:41.898 --> 31:42.760 [SPEAKER_00]: That should be a book. 31:43.180 --> 31:51.312 [SPEAKER_00]: So I went ahead and actually designed book covers using podcast titles, just for fun, and I really liked it. 31:51.352 --> 31:53.315 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm glad you guys enjoyed it as well. 31:53.495 --> 31:58.502 [SPEAKER_00]: But going on a book tour, I like the idea of something that's on my feet. 31:58.651 --> 32:00.173 [SPEAKER_00]: and a little different every day. 32:00.193 --> 32:11.746 [SPEAKER_00]: This is not really a career path, but when I was riding around with Baybrainbo and Kamiya on there, Australian and New Zealand tour, I love that we got to go to new spots every day. 32:11.766 --> 32:17.272 [SPEAKER_00]: I liked the hotel, crash pad, Airbnb, style experience. 32:17.332 --> 32:18.413 [SPEAKER_00]: It leased for a few weeks. 32:18.433 --> 32:22.498 [SPEAKER_00]: I thought it was fun setting up the merch, selling the merch, 32:22.478 --> 32:28.538 [SPEAKER_00]: Scanning people into the doors, just the odd jobs of getting the tour set up, and then getting to watch the show, I really enjoyed that. 32:28.839 --> 32:32.050 [SPEAKER_00]: So being a groupie! 32:32.890 --> 32:33.912 [SPEAKER_00]: Dream job! 32:34.773 --> 32:36.355 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's not a dream job for me. 32:36.375 --> 32:38.278 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to be a trophy wife. 32:38.358 --> 32:40.642 [SPEAKER_00]: I think I would be so miserable. 32:40.662 --> 32:46.912 [SPEAKER_00]: I saw someone talk about Princess Treatment and make commentary on it because don't get me wrong. 32:46.952 --> 32:52.280 [SPEAKER_00]: The idea of not having to lift a finger is fun, but I think ultimately it would bore me. 32:52.640 --> 32:58.189 [SPEAKER_00]: I I want someone that thinks of me as an equal and value is 32:58.169 --> 33:07.665 [SPEAKER_00]: my input and I love I do think women should be cherished and I don't want to touch a door handle and I don't want to have to drive if I don't want to. 33:07.685 --> 33:13.815 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to do anything if I don't want to but I also don't want to just be this little pretty thing that stays home. 33:14.572 --> 33:16.555 [SPEAKER_00]: I want more. 33:16.595 --> 33:18.417 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm hungry, you know? 33:18.457 --> 33:21.000 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's not a dream job for me. 33:21.020 --> 33:42.047 [SPEAKER_00]: I saw someone else online talk about how they used to love playing office as a kid, as they're make-believe game and they would pretend to punch on the calculator and type in their little computer and sign people in and take the clipboard and they said, I'm a secretary now and it's just 33:42.027 --> 33:54.405 [SPEAKER_00]: And I just wish that we could look more fondly upon that because if someone has fun, like my mom was kind of like that, my mom always knew that she wanted to be a teacher, and when she retired, she also has always had a passion for tea. 33:54.626 --> 33:59.132 [SPEAKER_00]: She's too restless, she doesn't like to stay at home, so she got a job at Tvana at the mall. 33:59.453 --> 34:11.190 [SPEAKER_00]: And she had so much fun, and I wish that that could support someone's livelihood, and you wouldn't have to work three jobs and go into debt, and that didn't just have to be a quote-unquote fun job for extra spending money. 34:11.170 --> 34:13.532 [SPEAKER_00]: Even working at Clio is so much fun for me. 34:13.872 --> 34:21.479 [SPEAKER_00]: I love getting to help with the different events, learning about these different brands, when people come in and they want outfits and they want help picking them out. 34:21.840 --> 34:24.502 [SPEAKER_00]: I love being in the videos, that's all so much fun. 34:24.562 --> 34:41.177 [SPEAKER_00]: And maybe something that involved a little bit more exploration, because there is an element of me that's a little bit gritty or dirtier that would like to be in the Amazon, going through trails, 34:41.157 --> 34:43.821 [SPEAKER_00]: I would also love to deal mushrooms. 34:44.082 --> 34:46.165 [SPEAKER_00]: I would love to deal acid and mushrooms to people. 34:46.225 --> 34:50.973 [SPEAKER_00]: That's a dream job, not particularly legal, but a dream. 34:50.993 --> 34:59.267 [SPEAKER_00]: I think it'd be so cute to roll up and help people get their psychedelics for whatever their little trip is going to be. 34:59.753 --> 35:01.335 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so serious. 35:01.835 --> 35:04.518 [SPEAKER_00]: I would also not hate being a Death Dula. 35:04.538 --> 35:06.621 [SPEAKER_00]: I think I would be quite good at that. 35:07.161 --> 35:12.207 [SPEAKER_00]: I think I'd be a much better Death Dula than a Dula for someone's birth. 35:12.787 --> 35:13.548 [SPEAKER_00]: But what do I know? 35:13.568 --> 35:16.812 [SPEAKER_00]: I also love the idea of being a professional plus one. 35:16.852 --> 35:19.315 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm such a party girl, we're not a party thrower. 35:19.435 --> 35:20.756 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a great invite. 35:21.257 --> 35:22.298 [SPEAKER_00]: Give me a job in that. 35:22.838 --> 35:24.360 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I love this! 35:24.380 --> 35:27.043 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so sorry if your ears just hurt. 35:27.023 --> 35:31.470 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so sorry, Hannah said, what are small ways you practice resilience each day? 35:31.591 --> 35:39.564 [SPEAKER_00]: I've loved you since girlhood, since girlhood, because I have been posting since girlhood that's gonna make me cry. 35:39.584 --> 35:45.113 [SPEAKER_00]: I think the ways I practice resilience are so ingrained in me that I'm not conscious of them. 35:45.293 --> 35:51.664 [SPEAKER_00]: When you have bad things happen to you, your threshold becomes a lot higher. 35:52.032 --> 36:00.282 [SPEAKER_00]: So not as much gets me down, whereas when someone's easily frustrated at a bunch of things, I'm like, get real problems, okay? 36:00.302 --> 36:11.356 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm able to maintain patience, because it could be so much worse, but that's not exactly a concrete answer. 36:11.417 --> 36:13.399 [SPEAKER_00]: What are ways I practice resilience? 36:13.902 --> 36:17.126 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, in cases like this, I was recording a couple of days ago. 36:17.306 --> 36:18.508 [SPEAKER_00]: And I thought, all right, try your best. 36:18.548 --> 36:20.470 [SPEAKER_00]: Show up, speak as long as you can. 36:20.490 --> 36:24.295 [SPEAKER_00]: And if you can't finish the episode, I really try to finish the episode. 36:24.415 --> 36:26.518 [SPEAKER_00]: But here I am showing up two days later. 36:26.558 --> 36:27.940 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, the episode's not long enough. 36:28.000 --> 36:28.821 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel better now. 36:28.861 --> 36:30.143 [SPEAKER_00]: Let's keep it going. 36:30.764 --> 36:33.047 [SPEAKER_00]: Julia Ray said, all my friends are getting cuffed. 36:33.267 --> 36:36.291 [SPEAKER_00]: Any tips for feeling left out left behind as the single girl. 36:36.811 --> 36:38.914 [SPEAKER_00]: There are so many single girls. 36:39.181 --> 36:59.164 [SPEAKER_00]: That are fun to be around and available because let me tell you two of my friends are in relationships so many of my friends are single so I would say expand your circle meet the single girls there are so many especially the stage where we have our financial freedom so there isn't as much drive to settle down with a man earlier. 36:59.144 --> 37:05.410 [SPEAKER_00]: So go get them and acknowledge, you know, that you're in a different stage and that's okay. 37:05.490 --> 37:07.693 [SPEAKER_00]: So you just need friends that align for this stage. 37:07.713 --> 37:11.837 [SPEAKER_00]: It's think of it like if you were going into school, you kind of want school friends. 37:12.437 --> 37:18.423 [SPEAKER_00]: Anna said I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to beginning new things that feel big and impossible to approach. 37:18.864 --> 37:22.587 [SPEAKER_00]: How can I reduce the stress when it comes to new and rather difficult stuff? 37:22.708 --> 37:29.134 [SPEAKER_00]: I wish you gave me the example of what it is because every piece of advice I would have would be for something different. 37:29.114 --> 37:40.930 [SPEAKER_00]: Like if we were talking about moving, you know, you're going to a new space and a new state around new people, how are you going to do that. 37:41.197 --> 37:46.342 [SPEAKER_00]: One bit at a time, it's the expression, how do you even elephant, one bite at a time? 37:46.862 --> 37:49.304 [SPEAKER_00]: How do you climb a mountain, one step at a time? 37:49.725 --> 37:55.510 [SPEAKER_00]: So when it comes to something that feels big and impossible, don't worry about the whole mountain. 37:55.570 --> 38:01.075 [SPEAKER_00]: Don't worry about eating the entire elephant, just focus on the bite, focus on the step, focus on the bite. 38:01.696 --> 38:04.218 [SPEAKER_00]: Live wants to know what your energy gives us. 38:04.238 --> 38:05.800 [SPEAKER_00]: Sunshine, I'm a plant. 38:06.400 --> 38:08.402 [SPEAKER_00]: The sun comes out, I'm like, 38:10.593 --> 38:22.830 [SPEAKER_00]: And better sweating, sweating makes me feel alive and not and sweating from getting my heart pumping, not sweating from standing in the heat, that makes me pissed off and angry and bitchy. 38:23.317 --> 38:36.840 [SPEAKER_00]: So wanting to clarify that, doing something new, novelty always gives me energy when I have a morning appointment, because if I don't, I will allow myself to sleep in. 38:36.921 --> 38:45.014 [SPEAKER_00]: So if I have an excuse to wake up in the morning, for example, when I went surfing on Sunday, I don't know what I had to wake up, but I don't think it was that early, maybe like eight. 38:45.315 --> 38:48.801 [SPEAKER_00]: But eight on a Sunday, but I did a sunrise hike. 38:48.781 --> 38:51.786 [SPEAKER_00]: a few weeks prior and then I had to wake up at 4.34. 38:52.808 --> 38:56.975 [SPEAKER_00]: So that's an energy giver because I feel so accomplished and I push myself. 38:57.576 --> 39:04.268 [SPEAKER_00]: Other energy givers being around a new group of people because I get to flex my extravert muscle that I love to flex. 39:05.130 --> 39:08.275 [SPEAKER_00]: Maya said how to feel hot this summer. 39:08.677 --> 39:11.863 [SPEAKER_00]: How to feel in the field is in all caps. 39:11.943 --> 39:13.546 [SPEAKER_00]: How to feel hot this summer. 39:13.566 --> 39:19.196 [SPEAKER_00]: This is great because I'll answer this and then I'll transition into my diet because this is what I want to talk about. 39:19.577 --> 39:20.900 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, how to feel hot this summer? 39:21.521 --> 39:26.750 [SPEAKER_00]: For me to feel hot, I need to feel good about myself and to feel good about myself. 39:26.931 --> 39:29.335 [SPEAKER_00]: I have to know that I'm listening to myself. 39:29.787 --> 39:34.636 [SPEAKER_00]: So if I tell myself I'm going to do something, I do it and I feel good and then I feel hot. 39:35.397 --> 39:36.860 [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes that's a challenge. 39:36.940 --> 39:39.424 [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes I have to do something that I don't want to do. 39:39.665 --> 39:48.641 [SPEAKER_00]: But I know it's ultimately going to support me feeling hot as opposed to giving myself a little dopamine head. 39:48.781 --> 39:49.703 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, 39:49.683 --> 40:13.007 [SPEAKER_00]: You can work from the inside out or you can work from the outside in if you want to journal and figure it out what it is that your block is right now or what your goal is right now or what's an area of your life that you're giving time to that you want to give less time to or an area of your life that you want to give more time to and reverse engineer accordingly. 40:12.987 --> 40:27.310 [SPEAKER_00]: Or if you want to go into your closet and say these are clothes I hide in these are clothes that I hide my body in these are clothes that I hide my spirit in and get those out of your space. 40:28.252 --> 40:34.341 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, shed the fat trim the fat and I don't just mean off your body. 40:34.381 --> 40:40.311 [SPEAKER_00]: I mean trim the fat in all areas of your life clutter. 40:40.561 --> 40:41.622 [SPEAKER_00]: Uh-uh. 40:41.642 --> 40:47.128 [SPEAKER_00]: You want to be able to breathe and be able to see and be able to feel light on your feet. 40:47.428 --> 40:49.630 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm really not talking about bodies right now. 40:49.650 --> 40:50.892 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm talking about your space. 40:50.972 --> 40:52.273 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm talking about your schedule. 40:53.254 --> 40:55.676 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm talking about who you're spending your time with. 40:55.736 --> 41:02.724 [SPEAKER_00]: So especially if your friends or your biggest haters, if your partners or biggest haters, trim that fat off, okay? 41:02.784 --> 41:04.465 [SPEAKER_00]: Have a fun, sexy summer. 41:04.926 --> 41:10.011 [SPEAKER_00]: And then if you want to hear about the diet that I'm on, 41:10.295 --> 41:11.057 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll get into that. 41:11.117 --> 41:14.184 [SPEAKER_00]: But for everyone else, thank you so much for listening. 41:15.127 --> 41:28.118 [SPEAKER_00]: I hope that I hope you made it this far because sometimes I feel when I talk about grief, even if I don't touch on it too heavily, or get into the nitty-gritty details, that it might throw off or 41:28.469 --> 41:30.892 [SPEAKER_00]: maybe prevent some people from clicking on the episode. 41:30.932 --> 41:34.998 [SPEAKER_00]: So if you made it this far, it's really sweet, and it means a lot, and thank you so much. 41:35.098 --> 41:36.740 [SPEAKER_00]: And I will talk to you next week. 41:36.780 --> 41:44.651 [SPEAKER_00]: I have my YouTube link in my Patreon link, and I'll have my Instagram and all those things linked down below. 41:44.671 --> 41:47.134 [SPEAKER_00]: In case you want to see me somewhere else on the internet. 41:47.775 --> 41:49.757 [SPEAKER_00]: But if not, talk to you here. 41:49.797 --> 41:51.760 [SPEAKER_00]: I can so, so, like see.