[SPEAKER_00]: what's up everyone welcome back to girls with goals with your hosts and Catherine and Carolyn today I want to talk about third spaces because not only is something that I think about a lot but I've been thinking about it a lot recently as we're in a new spot obviously Carolina if you've listened to the past few episodes we're in San Diego for like six weeks and with that we've been learning a lot of new spots findings and spots we like and maybe spots that we don't like and don't want to go back to but I
[SPEAKER_00]: feel like I've been returning to a lot of different spots like coffee shops, restaurants, like beaches, even.
[SPEAKER_00]: And with that, I'm like, I'm chatting with people.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm recognizing people.
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, we've been here for three weeks.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not like, oh my god, I have so many connections to the friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm a regular here.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I do like the feeling of, I want to the coffee shop the other day.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, wait, I recognize you.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're here yesterday.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll think.
[SPEAKER_00]: this morning actually.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you're like, oh, actually it's just my second time to do that.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I look super familiar.
[SPEAKER_00]: My friends started working, why went there in the morning, which I been going to this one coffee shop very frequently and I love it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I love being a regular look coffee shop because it's so nice.
[SPEAKER_00]: But my friend had her first day of work there.
[SPEAKER_00]: She like happened to start working there.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was like, oh, I was swing by and say hi.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the owner of the shop who was training her was like, wait, I recognize you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that's awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, it is really nice to feel comfortable and familiar in a place and like you almost start to kind of like build a storyline in your mind like it's not a random place You're like oh, I went and I have this conversation and I saw this person and this is what I did there And it's also nice to know that you have reliable spaces you can go to that has been the one thing with my kind of bouncing around this year is that I do feel like I keep
[SPEAKER_01]: restarting and relearning new places and especially in New York City where there's just such an abundance of places.
[SPEAKER_01]: It kind of took me a while to find this view that I was going to return to and keep going back to and so like it does kind of take time, but you feel so much more like comfortable and on top of your life when you have places that you know you can go.
[SPEAKER_01]: Similarly, now that we're in San Diego, I went for a run this morning, and I wanted to explore a different area, and so I went to like, if anyone knows San Diego to sunset cliffs like ocean beach area, and I don't know what car here, so I had to take an Uber there, and I was like, look, this is embarrassing because I was just dropping me off on the cliff, like, okay, that's hilarious.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, I was definitely a little uncomfortable because I was like I actually don't know this path at all I don't know how far it goes and it's a little bit trail runny Ask where you're kind of weaving in and out and there's choices to make and I was like wait I hate how undirectional each other.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but I was like icecares hate how uncomfortable I am because I love exploring new places, but I was like, oh, this is gonna be really nice When I do it a few times then I come back and I like know the real and I'm from a
[SPEAKER_01]: with it and so it also made me think of that concept of like having reliable third spaces and I think you think of it a lot when you don't have that and when you're trying to find those.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think a lot of the like obviously a lot of the learning happens in the process but when you're becoming a regular place.
[SPEAKER_00]: Especially intentionally because it's not like yeah, of course you can happen to become a regular and most people don't say I want to become a regular at this XYZ place I'm going to start going there.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's mostly just you like a place keep going back and soul you continue going back, but this is kind of like our conversation on friendships a while back the first time hanging out with someone or like you know meeting someone
[SPEAKER_00]: It's very easy.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's very scripted.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know exactly what's going to happen.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, there's, you know, you've had the same conversation with a million different people, where you're from, what do you do?
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you interested in?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, blah blah blah.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the second and third time when you have to actually start putting in the effort.
[SPEAKER_00]: So second up, it's hard if you with, yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: When you actually have to, you know, you're on your own, you have to build connections.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is still talking about friendships, but then moving it into this kind of third space idea.
[SPEAKER_00]: The first thing you go somewhere, you're not really expecting much of it.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you're just testing it out, moving the first few times.
[SPEAKER_00]: But then the more you keep going, you start, that's when it gets challenging.
[SPEAKER_00]: because you're like at what point do the baristas recognize me or do the does the guy checking us in at the yoga studio where yeah and at what time am I supposed to like actually form a relationship you get to know a person rather than just being somebody passing through when do you do from like a shy smile passing to being like
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey Caroline, how are you?
[SPEAKER_00]: Would you, you know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a, that's a pretty undefined jump.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it obviously is going to happen at different times, for some places, but it's kind of a similar thought process of making friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: The easiest part is saying I want to make friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: And the easiest part is trying to make friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: The hardest part is building that relationship and keeping them.
[SPEAKER_00]: So similarly, it's very easy to say, hey, I want to add a third space into my life and explore what those third spaces might be or say, I want it, I liked that coffee shop.
[SPEAKER_00]: I liked that work out studio.
[SPEAKER_00]: I liked that beach.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to keep going to there because I simply enjoyed it.
[SPEAKER_00]: The hard part, if you want to, and if that's like your goal and your interest in creating a community and creating kind of like
[SPEAKER_00]: the idea of being a regular, making this place your third space.
[SPEAKER_00]: The hard part is taking that jump and waiting and being patient and like putting in the effort.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I talk about the friends that I made kind of my home friends, but they were in college because I didn't have a very strong friend group or you know, I hopped around a lot.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you got them.
[SPEAKER_01]: They left their home town after a high school.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like did not have friends in the first couple of summers.
[SPEAKER_01]: And stuff going back.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was like Loki lonely and horrible.
[SPEAKER_01]: So we have plotting out there and we're putting herself out there.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think they did every second of it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think finding other species and putting herself out there and meeting people.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like, it has built the front group that she and now I get to benefit from a bit.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, well, which I credit to third spaces and continuing to show up places, which was so difficult.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I look back now and I'm like, wow, how crazy that I'm friends with these people.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I have really good relationships with a lot of people that I made more recently in the last like four years.
[SPEAKER_00]: The first, you know, somewhere was like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, God, like, hey, yeah, I was like, I'm going to get back to the facts that it doesn't even cross my mind.
[SPEAKER_00]: The fact that I showed up and like introduced myself to her after a year of knowing her.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean, that we spent a year or two of being like kind of knowing of each other, mutual friends and then it just slowly grows and it doesn't happen overnight.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the same thing with literally everything.
[SPEAKER_00]: Especially.
[SPEAKER_00]: When you're becoming comfortable in a new space or a new hobby or a new thing you do, it's going to take a lot of time and a lot of effort and a lot of patience.
[SPEAKER_00]: But that's so rewarding because then when you get to show up to a new space that's not home or work because a third space, your first space is home, your second space is work and your third space is something else.
[SPEAKER_00]: Which I think a big problem with everyone working from home now we just have work.
[SPEAKER_00]: We just have home.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And because we're there so often in home and work are often similar.
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't want to go outside and also like, no one wants to go spend $100,000 at a restaurant or legit do all these things, which there are so many free activities or like low cost activities that are really fun that we could be doing, but that takes effort.
[SPEAKER_00]: So a lot of the times we've were working from home.
[SPEAKER_00]: For at home all the time, we don't necessarily want to like take the jump and go do a lot of things and maybe all of our friends are indifferent.
[SPEAKER_00]: places financially and interest wise where it makes it hard to go do those other things.
[SPEAKER_00]: It makes it really hard to seek out a third space or even for kind of our generation seek out a second space, which now we're just changed to home and it's so not motivating to be like, oh, I'm going to pop out here because you're not already out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Think of, I mean, the days that I work from home versus the days that I've worked from an office, I'm like, oh, let's go grab one shot side.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go even just like sit outside to lunch or walk here and you've been around
[SPEAKER_00]: with so many other people that's so different.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I also think, sorry, not to cut you up.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it puts the pressure on as well.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was thinking, you know, I have been working for myself for the past year, which is very different for me, always having school, always having like jobs and things where you have to be in an office.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was reflecting recently that like, there is no longer
[SPEAKER_01]: Like go and go to the gym first thing in the morning and then commute and then do all this before the 9 a.m. start because I don't have to get ready to present myself in an office.
[SPEAKER_01]: I just have to get back home and start my stuff and if I'm late, it's on me and that's my thing and then I can work later and which is kind of similar if you work from home.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like there's not much of a press of a pressure to like put in the extra effort.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am a true believer of when you're busy.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so much easier to get this year.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to get busier.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like people always say, if you want something done, give it to the busiest person, because there's going to be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
[SPEAKER_00]: You move from one point to two things.
[SPEAKER_01]: I miss being like, I actually, I have to get my ass up and I have to go to the gym and I have to be effective in my workout and then I'm going to shower and I'm going to get ready because I want to present myself well and then I'm going to show you an office and I'm going to interact with people like to have other places to do things, even just the act of commuting and going from one place to another and getting yourself ready and presenting yourself like it's a thing like that's life.
[SPEAKER_00]: But once you get over the hump of like I'm gonna start going to these places and a lot of it's not I'm not saying you have to have one specific place that you go to but to a certain extent if you're Bopping around and doing something like even if it's hey after work Do you want to go grab a drink?
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you want to go do this?
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go for a walk.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's walk home together
[SPEAKER_00]: My coworker, I used to walk home together because we were reasonably in the same direction and like, how fun is that?
[SPEAKER_00]: And then maybe sometimes we'd stop and like get something to eat, you know, but it's just an enjoyable thing to connect with people and change your location.
[SPEAKER_00]: It freshens up your mind, which I think is really, really important.
[SPEAKER_01]: Even though the office I used to work at, like people would get together and do morning workouts.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it's because there was a gym in the office.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so there was a lot of us that were like training for a high rock at the same time.
[SPEAKER_01]: And people would come together and structure the workout routine.
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, it was fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I will say this conversation prompted because as I was thinking about what we're going to talk about today,
[SPEAKER_00]: A couple days ago, my friends and I went to go play pool, like, Wednesday night.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, dive bar Wednesday night and one of their friends plays pool there very consistently.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, that's his third space all the time.
[SPEAKER_01]: He references it all the time all the time.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, oh, on Wednesday when I was at X bar.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I met that girl at X bar.
[SPEAKER_01]: Every story he has comes from.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and it, but it's so funny.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, I popped in on a Wednesday.
[SPEAKER_00]: I applaud your consistency.
[SPEAKER_00]: No, it's awesome.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's all just like the, the crew that stays
[SPEAKER_00]: going there in the like regular table this is just seven of the most random people that you could have put in a room together But they all like did they know each other's names not particularly did they know everything about that person and they're like, oh, how is your duck this ex-doctor's appointment?
[SPEAKER_00]: How is that?
[SPEAKER_00]: love.
[SPEAKER_00]: You guys don't know how much I love that shit.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was so fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like the age range was I was probably the youngest and then I was playing pool of like an 85-year-old man.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was the best time ever.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was just so fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: But to be able to show up to these places.
[SPEAKER_00]: Want to get you out of the house, which I think is huge, just to like give you some stimulation.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think we've been so lacking stimulation.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I will say we're coming out of it.
[SPEAKER_01]: The world, the world is healing with conversations that I've had with so many different people is all like we got to stop, you know, I feel it's got to get off the engine that we've got to have fun, we've got to be for real and I don't think it's everyone, I don't know, maybe it's going to be kind of polarized and
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we're going to go into different directions, but like I'm so sick of performative shit.
[SPEAKER_01]: I am so sick of, like, social climbing.
[SPEAKER_01]: I saw another thing that was like, people don't even just get to know a person in their personality anymore.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, what do you do?
[SPEAKER_01]: What can I get from you?
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, like, there's just so much of that energy and it's like, can we just strip it back and just play pool with the guy who's there and crack a conversation with whoever's around and just like have some personality.
[SPEAKER_00]: I learned a lot about Harley's on.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: those are the most fun moments where you don't plan and you're like what's the most popular space that we can go to with a cool people are going to be but like when you pop into somewhere that's like down to earth and you actually talk to people in communicate like that's the cool kind of third space to go to when we're talking with there's a bar in New York that you know it was like the trending bar of the month you know how they have
[SPEAKER_00]: that happens.
[SPEAKER_00]: It happened just so fair.
[SPEAKER_00]: But some of our friends were like, oh my god, let's, and I wasn't there.
[SPEAKER_00]: But anecdotally, I knew that some of our friends were like, we have to go here.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go here.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's, it's the, the newest hit bar.
[SPEAKER_00]: Of course.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me say yes.
[SPEAKER_00]: I went with them.
[SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: You stand in line.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's a bunch of the same like, facey people standing in line for,
[SPEAKER_00]: some bar that everyone's talking to.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you're waiting and then you go in and decide when you're standing around.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like that is not my idea of fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: If it is your idea of fun by all means, go do your idea of fun, make that your space get out of the house, do whatever makes you actually happy to me consistently going to these like third spaces where you can actually connect with people and just like relax like that's so relaxing, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Then being in
[SPEAKER_00]: New girl, which we've been doing a lot of like I don't watch them much to you, but I feel like we've launched new girls So new girl up a few days around here with our friends, but like is that relaxing?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's wrong in your phone quote unquote relaxing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's like reading a book at home relaxing Yeah, but it's less mentally stimulating and it feeds into that mental numbness that we're trying to get away from you guys I've heard about screen free Sundays.
[SPEAKER_00]: You've heard I actually read it two studies one of them I think was from George town.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't call me this.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like a clinical thing
[SPEAKER_00]: But early on that dementia increased by like 400 percent.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, God, I believe everyone.
[SPEAKER_00]: I believe it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, which is terrifying.
[SPEAKER_00]: And obviously, make sense.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, we are going to have, I'm sure we're going to have so many problems.
[SPEAKER_00]: But again, I say this all the time, not a neuroscientist, not an expert and anything.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just talking.
[SPEAKER_01]: I just think it's like, um, what's the term?
[SPEAKER_01]: See, now I'm brain dead because, yeah, probably the doom scrolling did it to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, what is the term common sense?
[SPEAKER_01]: Common sense is the term I was looking for.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think you need to be a neuroscientist to say,
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to have more dementia, I think that's honestly common sense at this point.
[SPEAKER_00]: But then there was another thing that is for people who reduced their screen time to two hours.
[SPEAKER_00]: Screen time reduced to two hours per day.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like 91% of their cognitive function improved.
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, those numbers could be wrong.
[SPEAKER_00]: However, you get the gist of it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Speaking of their spaces, we obviously have home as a first-based work as a second space, which those two are kind of merged now, which I think we're doing ourselves a disservice.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I love working from home.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love vibrancy.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love a hybrid scenario.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, give me like one or two extra days at home, but there's something there's a set about going somewhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: Working at an office or working at an external location.
[SPEAKER_00]: You build a relationship with people.
[SPEAKER_00]: You talk to people.
[SPEAKER_00]: You learn a lot more.
[SPEAKER_00]: you're not just in your little bubble and I love being in my little bubble.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't get me wrong.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think we're doing ourselves a disservice by consistently keeping ourselves in our little bubbles, which having these third spaces helps you get out of those little bubbles.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, even I went to a coffee shop this morning and I went to the same.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is not the coffee shop that I'm becoming regular at by the way, but I've gone to this other one.
[SPEAKER_00]: There was a line because it was like 8 a.m. and I left the gym and I was walking there.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I got in line in this older gentleman who was probably like 85 and he was there with who I can only imagine was his son.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I walked past them and he said, I was just thinking about how in this episode do you have reference to different 85-year-old men?
[SPEAKER_00]: Very different too.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if it's ever been done before and that's why it's in five minutes.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have her.
[SPEAKER_00]: You see, you get outside.
[SPEAKER_00]: You meet the most unexpected people and you hear the most unexpected stories like that's the shit that keeps the world spinning.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sorry.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm sailing in mind or I'm going to get in line and this 85-year-old gentleman said, good morning, have a good day and I said,
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, too.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm hopping in line right with you because he was in line and then we we stood in the line and while we're waiting there the brista came in and From like she walked behind so she couldn't see him and she just goes Hey Larry like all there as in he goes obviously goes every consistently to the point where they're just saying hi to him popping in They like they know his order and they're like you want blueberry scone today.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, no, I think I'll do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't like
[SPEAKER_00]: oh guys this is this is like the best it's just interesting it's motivating it's like it just gives you a little head of positivity which I think is really important again it's just adding some good stimulation back to our brains and yeah to our lives rather than keeping ourselves sequestered at home and talking to no one that we don't know
[SPEAKER_01]: And all these I was going to say you say talking to no one you don't know I think obviously in this conversation I feel like it has come up so much in what we're referencing that it's not just going to a space and like going to other places, but like honestly a huge part of this is the act of just talking to strangers and making conversation.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love talking.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's huge.
[SPEAKER_01]: I honestly when you were saying that I was like, I feel like we could do an entire episode.
[SPEAKER_01]: How to talk about.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And well, about the power of like just being able to strike up conversations with the different people and I don't even think like I'm amazing.
[SPEAKER_01]: I definitely add a lot of events and a lot of days will keep to myself, but you can.
[SPEAKER_01]: find a connection, find something with anybody, and it is truly crazy like the amount of stories that I feel like we could pull out by being like, oh, I just started the conversation with this person when we were there.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, yeah, we were out of bar in Paris randomly two years ago, and the guy sitting at the bar next to us was eating alone, and Captain, they start talking to him, and he's like, also for Massachusetts and we knew mutual people.
[SPEAKER_01]: We were so randomly neighbors are talking to us, so I ran the same building.
[SPEAKER_01]: like so random and even just yesterday at this one coffee shop that in Katherine references that she's been going to I went I strike up a conversation with the barista and she was like you look really familiar where where did you go to undergrad and I was like Northeastern and she was like me too and it turns out that we were in the same graduating class at school and we had mutuals and like all of these connections like you wouldn't know if you didn't actually speak to somebody because I could have just transactionally got my coffee and a lot of the time I do before whatever reason I just had a
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, and it's obviously been easy.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to like net new place.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know anyone.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm like, this is, I don't, you know, I don't care who I talk to.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have anyone else to talk to.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I may as well like smile at this round or next to me and say, I like your sunglasses, you know?
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're friendly and you just like put on a happy face, which I'm, listen.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know I have a rest in bitchface sometimes, but typically, if I'm like more present in a wear and scenario, I'm going to smile at strangers 100% of the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then often they'll do those strike up the conversation with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't always have to be you, you know, running up to strangers and like begging them to make conversation with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: like if you're just open and more it has so much to with confidence and that's why I think this is so helpful in building confidence and building your personality and just like having a good foundation because absolutely having a third space a place that you can go and feel really comfortable at a place where it's a coffee shop you can go and like
[SPEAKER_00]: feel totally fine and not stressed if you're sitting there doing work for an extended period of time.
[SPEAKER_00]: Or if it's a gym you can feel totally fine going and like trying something new without feeling comfortable or like going at a different time or like just giving it your all or going and not giving it your all if you're really tired that day.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think the two biggest third spaces for me have always been local cafe and
[SPEAKER_00]: Jim, if you're going to like a freeway, just like open, Jim, if you go at the same time, you often see the same people and the same people are working there and then you slowly are like, hey, how are you?
[SPEAKER_00]: Would you do today?
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you, what do you had in today?
[SPEAKER_00]: What's this?
[SPEAKER_00]: What, and then you just slowly like, connect with people and doesn't have to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know everything about this person there.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, my best friend.
[SPEAKER_00]: I want the famous friend.
[SPEAKER_00]: No, it can literally be I know this person from the gym and like, yeah, that's it.
[SPEAKER_00]: We smile and say how do we each other everyone needs a Group of those people in their lives that just like then when you see them you're like, oh, that's nice And then put little extra pep in my stuff with the gym or whatever They got that sign me up for the gym here.
[SPEAKER_01]: He gave me his business card and I texted him yesterday I want to get in Catherine I guess passes she can come with me and then he followed me on Instagram and I followed him back
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, that's nice.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's nice because I sent him it to him too, and I was like if this helps to get me this request I could also vote about him But that he followed me on a vote of X or whatever.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm starting to build my community.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's yeah, that's great Okay, this maybe potentially a hot take but run clubs have become like really really huge like there's run clubs everywhere Everyone there mother has a run club.
[SPEAKER_01]: I
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't always know if I love a run club as a third space.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's very hit or miss because I've had experiences that have been really, really great.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've also never gone to the same run club consistently, which I think is the thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that's when you build it.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I understand that's a very intimidating space tomorrow.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's an intimidating space, especially to show up alone.
[SPEAKER_01]: I will say the times that I have really enjoyed myself.
[SPEAKER_01]: Run clubs are when I've shown up with
[SPEAKER_01]: at least one other friend because then you know and I think that goes for any kind of club or event type thing that you're going to.
[SPEAKER_01]: It makes it more comfortable if you're showing up with a person that you're comfortable with and also typically in those scenarios like especially when I was in Boston and it was like school affiliated or city affiliated and I lived there for five years then you know I would recognize other people or my friend would know other people and introduce me and then you know without and if
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and then you have people to have conversations with, but I went to the Pacific Beach run club here, literally the first Saturday that we got here, and I will say I was very, very grateful that I had a friend come with me because I would have had a really tough time being there alone because it was an intimidatingly large crowd.
[SPEAKER_01]: There were probably more than a hundred people there, like no doubt, honestly.
[SPEAKER_01]: We definitely lost the part of running a little bit because there were so many people that was crazy.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was
[SPEAKER_01]: five k so it just kind of felt like you never got in the flow of running and I never really got into conversations with other people.
[SPEAKER_00]: The entire group stopped to go to the bathroom, which if you whoever needs to stop at a five k stop at a five k if you're going to piss your pants on a five k go we got it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, they were, they were just collecting the group because it was, like, so big, that was just so interesting.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was the entire group was stopping every half mile and the entire group went to the bathroom.
[SPEAKER_00]: Longest 5K ever.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was planning accordingly.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it took like an hour rather than, you know, people will start trickling it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know how long 5K did.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I wanted to make a point about Ron Klub's because I actually feel like settings like that, a more intimate group that is actually going to like run together and do the thing together and then have conversations.
[SPEAKER_01]: Is better than a giant group where there are so many people you don't talk to anyone really because you just assume that other people know other people Or it's just this abundance of like whoa what's going on and people don't immediately recognize that like you're a new person and well Yeah, you in that happened sometimes I felt that way when we were in Australia and when I went to some of the Sydney run clubs I was like this just feels like a group of people running up the same time, but it's a huge massive group But it is not all that cohesive so I will say like
[SPEAKER_01]: don't get discouraged your first time trying something because there's a lot a lot of different groups out there and I think the experience can really vary.
[SPEAKER_01]: Other things that I think would be more interesting to try that I never have is like a book club because that's very conversational and I think it's more like intimate and small and it's conversational I think that would be cool but also this girl that worked at the coffee shop that I said went to my school we were like chatting and she was talking about things to do and she was like well I don't know if you like to craft but my friend does a craft club and they meet on Sunday
[SPEAKER_01]: She was like, she makes it really accessible like she buys, she'll buy all the materials and stuff and like you don't really have to be good at anything that just like do different crafts.
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's a lot of lot of options and you can definitely find people and things for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Probably more than you think, but again, the only way you find these like small things.
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no.
[SPEAKER_00]: And run clubs kind of give the same energy of how I'm picturing like seeking out a big group sanctioned event.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a big group sanctioned event where yeah, I'm sure there are so many people that are going there and are open to meeting friends, but it's so intimidating because there is more of an expectation and more of like rules or a structure around it.
[SPEAKER_00]: However, a lot of these things, if you continue showing up to a gym, there's less structure, so it's not going to be like, I went here, I made this friend we left friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, we're just probably not going to have another run clip either, but it's less structured, and you're going to have to be really patient to do so.
[SPEAKER_00]: But think about all the times that you've consistently showed up to the gym or to like a workout studio, and you even class, like in school,
[SPEAKER_00]: you sit next to someone the first week or two, a lot of people are probably not going to be struck-amp conversation.
[SPEAKER_00]: But slowly, you know, you talk to each other and then you like build you have like class friends and school friends.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that, miss that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then by the end of the semester, you feel like you like just started by with people and like having fun and then it's over.
[SPEAKER_00]: But a lot of these other things, when you're building a third space, it's not like a run club where it's ancient.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just a space you go and you feel comfortable when you make more connections.
[SPEAKER_00]: And out of that, you can create friendships or you don't even have to create friendships.
[SPEAKER_00]: It just creates some sort of social aspect in your day.
[SPEAKER_00]: Regardless of if that goes further or goes anywhere else.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's still beneficial at surface level.
[SPEAKER_00]: You show up, you make conversation with the stranger, even if you never see them again.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's also such good practice for just like being confident and being chill and enjoying your life.
[SPEAKER_00]: Today I was sitting at a coffee shop working and it was too many tables, but then there was like a bench that fit both tables.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was sitting on one and then while I was sitting there, this guy came up and said, hey, can I sit there?
[SPEAKER_00]: And the bench was very wobbly.
[SPEAKER_00]: He sat down, it was like a seesaw.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, oh my god.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I was like, wait, that's like that's so funny.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we're joking about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, you know, I've sat at so many of these seats here and they're all wobbly and like slanted.
[SPEAKER_00]: I almost fell off of that chair.
[SPEAKER_00]: Did we speak again?
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I got up and left and that was fine.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I still was like, wait, that was a funny interaction.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I liked that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now I'm moving about my day.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was a little burst of a joke.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I laughed.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was hilarious.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I was like, wait, if I get up, is this going to-
[SPEAKER_00]: the whole thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, flip, but even things like that, like you don't have to approach these things with the expectation of my life is going to change entirely when I do this.
[SPEAKER_00]: Uh-huh.
[SPEAKER_00]: No, it could just literally be.
[SPEAKER_00]: You enjoy it.
[SPEAKER_00]: You learn something from it or you hate it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you move on.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like,
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of these things, but there are so many different third spaces that you may not expect.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think the crafting groups and like book clubs and the smaller things that aren't a large sanctioned marketed event are probably the places where you're going to make the strongest connections and continue going to.
[SPEAKER_00]: But they're really hard to find because your friend down the streets or your neighbors book club, it's not going to be like a publicized market event.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's going to be completely word of mouth and just like, oh, I'm going to this.
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you want to come with me?
[SPEAKER_00]: It's those kinds of things that will make a longer lasting.
[SPEAKER_00]: Impression rather than a run club.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you feel intimidated by a run club or something of the sort, like 100% I would do and that's okay But there are other places like a dog park too.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was thinking people that have dogs when it's obviously a good conversation starter And you have something in common one thing in common and that's probably thinking your own neighborhood if you walk your dog the same route Yeah, I'm like when we're walking the dog at home mom knows everyone in the neighborhood with a dog and I don't
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, now you're walking and they're like, is that standing?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, which is awesome.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but then I'm like, our neighborhood touched on the street.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, I don't really know anything about her, but like, say hi to her every day.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like, how are you, Bob?
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I feel like it would be loyal to each other.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, like a pick-up basketball game or, uh, you know, people like pickleball, I feel like people are tennis.
[SPEAKER_00]: People just show up to their people.
[SPEAKER_01]: People paying, playing pick-up soccer.
[SPEAKER_00]: Remember I said that in Reby Recky, guys, do you guys?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's not marketed or thought of as I'm going to this event to meet people, but I think the underlying thought is, hey, I'm going to go and like connect and hang out with these people and I also like playing basketball and I also like playing soccer or also like playing pickleball or they do chest on the side of the street in New York and different cities, you know, there's so many so many of these things if your sport isn't your interest or something, sure people play music in different places or like an open mic night.
[SPEAKER_01]: Hmm.
[SPEAKER_01]: Even if you're still in school, like club sports.
[SPEAKER_01]: Not even club sports, but like a pickup games at school because I have so many guy friends who don't even know each other, but they're like, oh, yeah, we played soccer together before.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I can think of so like so many a handful.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, I know you guys have all overlap that like some pickup soccer game before because you referenced it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Even though you're like my friends from separate groups and stuff, you know.
[SPEAKER_00]: But again, a lot of this we're talking about is like connection and social aspects, but the underlying idea is that we're doing this and we're having these social interactions and social connections in a place that we go consistently.
[SPEAKER_00]: Consistency helps a lot with that, not only does it help with like meeting people and building that third space and building that community and getting comfortable becoming a regular somewhere, but it also helps maintain and help grow that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So not only does it get your foot in the door, but it helps you really stick your foot in.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like it helps you really solidify that um, and as I was just enjoyable like it's so much more like I was saying in New York It was kind of almost chaotic to go to a new place every single time.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so nice to go to the same place quite freaking.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that feels so You know, it's familiar.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't like waking up every day and being like
[SPEAKER_01]: Where am I going to get my coffee?
[SPEAKER_01]: Where am I going to sit?
[SPEAKER_01]: Where I'm, you know, like, what trained do I have to take and where am I going to go?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, it's a familiar with it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Which, again, I think, like, I'm a huge believer of decision fatigue and like choice breeds apathy and I just simplify your life as much as you can to make it more for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Less is more.
[SPEAKER_00]: So what are we actually going to do about it?
[SPEAKER_00]: We're obviously in a new space.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're not here for that long, but I think it has benefited me so much to just like slow down and be okay going to the same places every time.
[SPEAKER_00]: Granted, we're here for long.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're traveling for long enough that that's okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously for somewhere for like a weekend.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not going to go to the same place.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[UNKNOWN]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, but it's what I want right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like I have to feel okay with being like I am trying not to treat these location changes is like A vacation and I really am just trying to like settle into a routine and a life for a little bit.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know people are like, oh, where have you explored in San Diego?
[SPEAKER_01]: What have you seen and I'm like to be fair like my neighbor
[SPEAKER_01]: I, yeah, I joined a gym, I'm walking the beach, I'm walking around the neighborhood, I found a couple coffee shops, I'm working, like, sure we've tried different restaurants and we've driven to like a couple of different locations.
[SPEAKER_01]: And like this morning I wanted to go to a run in a different spot.
[SPEAKER_01]: But, you know, for the most part, I'm really seeking consistency more than I am needing to see every single different thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Which I think is huge and you can have a mix, but it's just crazy.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I say that but I'm also like, maybe I'll go to Hawaii next.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, you know,
[SPEAKER_00]: The other thing I think is huge when you become comfortable somewhere when you actually have a third space is that you put your phone down.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because say you go to a new coffee shop, you're not used to it.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not comfortable.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to use the crutch of pick your phone up or like looking down or not.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, just like feeling slightly uncomfortable, slightly off which is totally normal the first time you go somewhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: But when you do get comfortable somewhere.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're probably just not going to look at your phone that often and this is such a minor change.
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, every day it closer to those damn phones.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're probably just going to do more active work rather than passively going on your phone.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to do more active things and use your brain in more active ways.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this kind of talks, this is kind of related to the brain fog episode I did.
[SPEAKER_00]: being more intentional and using your brain more in ways that isn't just numbing it by a screen or numbing it by something else is so helpful even if it's in small doses.
[SPEAKER_00]: It sets you up for more engaged thinking it sets you up from where I go through so many phases where I'm like I'm so tired my brain is done like I can't even form a sentence but the times when I
[SPEAKER_00]: Help clear that clear the brain fog if you're clear the like slow cognitive function.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like a completely different person So if you're showing up to these places like that more often you're gonna feel So much better about yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna feel so much more confident about yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna feel in like be smarter
[SPEAKER_00]: and the benefits are so much greater than just like social or immediate positivity, which those are huge things.
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think even when you leave that third space, you don't even leave like that social interaction or, you know, that external thing that you did that wasn't at your house or wasn't at work or wasn't going to the same friend's house that you go to all the time and doing the same thing that you do.
[SPEAKER_00]: in a negative way all the time, you know, but those benefits will stay with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna have more energy, you're gonna be more, you know, thoughtful, you're gonna be more confident, you're gonna be more social, and probably be more helpful on the street.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I think about if you're walking past someone and they're like taking a selfie, how often do you stop and offer?
[SPEAKER_00]: Can I take the jump and take the photo for you?
[SPEAKER_00]: You're probably, if you're not in the mindset of just like being open to people and being open to things, you're probably just gonna keep your head down and move past.
[SPEAKER_00]: I did that the other day and it haunts me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I wish I offered to take a photo.
[SPEAKER_00]: someone's photo, but all those things even just like small interactions if you practice and slowly get more comfortable doing these things, you're going to be more open no matter what you do, whether it's outwork helping people, whether it's in that selfishly, like take these benefits selfishly.
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll help how much you enjoy your day and how much you get out of your day and how much you can help other people.
[SPEAKER_00]: But if you need a selfish reason to go to a third space and get out of the house, let this be it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, there is so much power in doing
[SPEAKER_01]: Literally one singular thing that puts you a little bit outside of your comfort zone and getting a slight confidence boost from it.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's like, yeah, I'm addicting.
[SPEAKER_01]: You take that with you into everything else.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that is why that's like why and happen and I like to work out and why I think a lot of people like the gym and stuff is because like
[SPEAKER_01]: It is one place where you build so much it that you then take with you into the rest of your life.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like it's very character-building to one have the discipline to show up in the confidence to do up and then you also like build physical strength and you might be talking to people and it just makes you feel like leveled up in all ways and you really like to hate that with you in everything.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so there's a lot of power in sparking one conversation, getting out of your comfort zone every day, however you can, showing up to something alone and talking to people, trying something new you've never tried before.
[SPEAKER_01]: The more you do those things, the more you're like, oh wow, like there's a whole life full of choices that I can do, make and things that I can do.
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, I mean, it's a hard feeling to articulate, but I think you know the feeling that when you do one thing that makes you feel confident out of your comfort zone, it really snowballs into like, wow, there's so much I can want to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's very motivating.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so as we go into this week, I hope you guys either appreciate the third space you have or try and seek out and try and explore new third spaces and new Opportunities to connect with different people and different things and try different places because I think it's so huge and this you don't feel like it's not to be I'm going to go try it on new gym and like get in membership somewhere there's so many free spaces think like the dog park the park park
[SPEAKER_00]: going to the beach, going for a walk around your neighborhood and so they connect to people like there are so many things that we are so accessible that we just a lot of times don't take advantage of which this is your reminder and my reminder to take advantage of those things.
[SPEAKER_01]: So thank you guys so much for listening.
[SPEAKER_01]: This was honestly, this was a really fun episode.
[SPEAKER_01]: I motivated you to get outside after this.
[SPEAKER_01]: As always, make sure you're following the show wherever you listen on Spotify or Apple, send this episode to a friend who might like it.
[SPEAKER_01]: You can find us on socials at Caroline Canine, adding Captain Canine.
[SPEAKER_01]: And at Girls With Goals, Pod is where we post all of our podcast info and clips and updates and fun stuff over on Instagram.
[SPEAKER_01]: So all of that is always linked in the description of the show.
[SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, thank you guys so much for listening and being here and we'll see you next Monday.
[SPEAKER_02]: Bye!