[SPEAKER_00]: Hey friends, and welcome to a very special, best-of-series here on the Christian Parenting podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: Over the next several weeks, we're going to revisit some of the conversations that have meant the most to our community.
[SPEAKER_00]: The ones that have helped us think more deeply, love our kids more intentionally and root our family is more firmly in Jesus.
[SPEAKER_00]: So throughout the series, we're going to get really practical about what it means to disciple your kids in everyday moments, investing in their faith at home, letting God's character shape your parenting, building emotional health and strong boundaries, informing character and challenging culture.
[SPEAKER_00]: So whether you're brand new to the podcast or if you've been with us for years, we believe these conversations are worth hearing or hearing again, because parenting with faith, wisdom, and courage is a lifelong calling and none of us are meant to do it alone.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, we're so grateful you're here, let's dive into today's best of episode, raising kids with character and entitled world with Monica Swanson.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hello and welcome to The Christian Parenting Podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you don't already know, The Christian Parenting Podcast is part of The Christian Parenting Podcast Network.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a lot to say.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have over 30 different faith-based podcasts for parents and for kids that are really meant to encourage you in your parenting journey.
[SPEAKER_00]: Remind you that you aren't alone and point you back to the truth of scripture.
[SPEAKER_00]: And today I'm joined by another host on our Network Monica Swanson, Monica's host of the Monica Swanson podcast, formerly known as the boy mom podcast, and she is the mom of four boys and filled with so much wisdom.
[SPEAKER_00]: This conversation is another that came from just our real-life conversation about struggling with entitlement.
[SPEAKER_00]: it seems to be something that every parent is struggling with.
[SPEAKER_00]: So how do we raise kids who aren't entitled when we live in a entitled world?
[SPEAKER_00]: What is the best way to combat entitlement?
[SPEAKER_00]: And how do we instill good work ethic and positive character in our kids?
[SPEAKER_00]: If you ask yourself these questions, you are not alone.
[SPEAKER_00]: Monica, and I have the same questions, and today we are sharing what we have learned and observed so far in our parenting, what we struggle with, and what we see as some of the solutions to these questions.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope that you enjoy the conversation.
[SPEAKER_00]: It is truly just two friends trying to figure it out together, and we are so grateful that you are stepping into the combo with it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hello, Monica.
[SPEAKER_00]: Hello.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm excited to be here with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think one of the great things about being on a podcast network is that we get to talk with all the other podcast hosts on the regular.
[SPEAKER_00]: I get to talk to you more than most hosts talk to each other just because I work for Christian parenting.
[SPEAKER_00]: But.
[SPEAKER_00]: We were just having a meeting and not that long ago in the topic of entitlement came up during our meeting and the more we talked about it.
[SPEAKER_00]: We should just do an episode on this.
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's just sit down and talk, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: And neither of us are experts on this topic of entitlement in gratitude, but we care about it and feel like it's worthy of a discussion.
[SPEAKER_00]: So here we are.
[SPEAKER_01]: Here we are, yeah, that was also, I'm like, let's just let everyone join us and imagine that we're all
[SPEAKER_01]: bunch of moms sitting around talking about something hard, but hopefully offering some perspective, some hope and encouragement.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, and I think it is helpful too because my kids are, how do we think about this?
[SPEAKER_00]: My kids are 18 and 12.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then yours are older.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we kind of have.
[SPEAKER_00]: We do spectrum tell us the ages of your kids so that we can.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, picture here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Somehow mine are growing up much faster than I'm growing old.
[SPEAKER_01]: I hope, but the old is just 25 now.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I've 25 23 20.
[SPEAKER_01]: and then a 14 year old coming up, bringing up the rare.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I do love talking to younger moms because I really do believe our world has changed.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I know I might sound like an old lady, but I've watched it change because my older boys were raised.
[SPEAKER_01]: Really, I mean, the biggest changing factor I can see and we'll get into this probably is just technology and what that's done to just a whole culture of kids growing up.
[SPEAKER_01]: But my oldest three really were raised before technology is what it is now.
[SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't central, we didn't have smartphones when they were young and so there's just a different vibe to their youth That I think changes everything and then my 14 year old of course is growing up now and we all know what it's like So I feel like I've had this vantage point of seeing kind of two different types of, you know childhood And it's really interesting to me, it's a little bit sad if I think about it too much But there's always always hope and God is still on the throne
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: So tell me, I feel like entitlement is a big issue.
[SPEAKER_00]: It seems like something everyone I know is talking about, like on the regular when I talk to my friends, we're talking about our kids acting entitled, or how do what do we do?
[SPEAKER_00]: Is it technology?
[SPEAKER_00]: Is it our parenting?
[SPEAKER_00]: Is it just the areas we live in?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what is it?
[SPEAKER_00]: That is causing this?
[SPEAKER_00]: What even is entitlement?
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's say they're like, what is your idea?
[SPEAKER_00]: What entitlement is?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: maybe a lot of us couldn't define it, but we all know it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like when you say that word, we're all going, oh yeah, it's a problem.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think just the whole kind of...
[SPEAKER_01]: concept of kids feeling like they deserve something without working for it necessarily that they have rights that there is, you know, just a disc content that they just want more stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, you named a lot of things that I think contribute to it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think it's just one thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think technology absolutely plays a role, but also our world's just gotten easier and easier.
[SPEAKER_01]: We have so many opportunities to just give our kids things now.
[SPEAKER_01]: even, you know, I'm not even talking just a wealthy parents, but just everything is instant gratification.
[SPEAKER_01]: We can get what we want right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it's so easy as parents to work.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's really easy lives that then give them this message that they deserve an easy life.
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: How about you, any other angles on that?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think that I think what actually what you just said about the instant gratification made me think of a story I was just with one of my close girlfriends and her older daughter who's a teenager and they were ordering some sweatshirt that was her kind of delayed Christmas present and I don't know one of those trendy sweatshirts that's yeah the big thing right now and she said her mom was like it's gonna take about two weeks to get here and the daughter was like what
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, are you kidding, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: She's like, where is my Amazon prime?
[SPEAKER_00]: Where do you think can arrive like that day or the next?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, our world is so easy.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we do expect we are confused when shipping takes longer than a day.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: Our world has just been built that way.
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, I think entitlement general is expecting shipping to be one day or just thinking that someone should do something else for you or that you shouldn't have to do something, thinking you deserve something not being grateful for the things
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, yes, the opposite of credited.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, it's hard and I think as parents also probably, you know, we need to, and we'll get to that I think a little bit later.
[SPEAKER_01]: But we deal with the same thing because we're living a pretty easy life overall as well.
[SPEAKER_01]: All of us, no matter what, I mean, even if life is hard, there's still a lot of easy stuff in our everyday lives.
[SPEAKER_01]: So.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Ooh, what are some of the ways that you've seen entitlement play out in your kids?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, well, of my 14 year old.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm getting, yeah, when I'm putting them into a bus to my kids, let's make all their really bad stories.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, well, we could also, like, this might overlap a little bit with, like, birth order, because when my older boys were home for the holidays, they're watching us parent, our youngest, and they're like, who are you?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, are you the same parents that we had?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because there is that tendency for my husband and I as we've gotten older,
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's our last son and so we just like kind of want to give him a lot and he asks a lot and the older siblings, anyone knows if you've got like you've got your three older siblings tend to do things for the younger siblings.
[SPEAKER_01]: So they just expect they're like, hey, could you get me a glass of water?
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, wait a minute, no, you can get your own glass of water, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think that there is our many factors to this.
[SPEAKER_01]: But sure, I think a lot of it is just wanting wanting stuff, whether it's ordering online or opportunities or attention or accolades.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I think our culture today wants to celebrate everybody just for showing up this last week as we're recording.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the end of my son's first semester of his online school.
[SPEAKER_01]: line academy.
[SPEAKER_01]: And my parents are in town and I was like, yeah, we're going to sell off at the end of Levi's first semester.
[SPEAKER_01]: And my dad was like, celebrate?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, isn't that just expected?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, it's not something like, really?
[SPEAKER_01]: You celebrate that?
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, oh, is that should we not?
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, I just think that should be normal, like expected that he would just finish a semester.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was laughing at how things have changed, that we just want to celebrate our kids all the time.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think this is something maybe
[SPEAKER_01]: to ask ourselves what can we do in the midst of loving our kids and wanting to give them the very best, how can we fight the spirit of entitlement, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, well that else when you're saying that reminds me of like little treat culture like we like to celebrate ourselves to right like oh yeah something like we basically just do our jobs and we're like that was a hard day to serve a little treat.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yes, and there's nothing wrong with that there's nothing wrong with I know a little treat with my look if you're doing it too much like there's a fine mind there.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, so I think that's where it's really hard as a parent because you're like I want to celebrate make it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, yeah, do we have to celebrate everything or maybe it's just when you start to see.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like a red flag of entitlement that you're like, oh wait, maybe we need to take a pause on this because my kid It started to expect it instead of the celebration being appreciated.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that goes back to that gratitude like definitely I was we kind of were talking about this before a little bit of examples.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was thinking about one of my kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have a nanny who is
[SPEAKER_00]: mostly with us in the summer because I work full-time and my kids are obviously home and one of the jobs that I gave her is to do my kids laundry because I just hate doing laundry and it just took off so much stress knowing someone else just had it.
[SPEAKER_00]: But there was one day that I asked one of my kids to put his laundry away and his response was, can't I let do it?
[UNKNOWN]: Mm hmm.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, well, that's a red flag because I hired Ella to help me make my job easier because I have another I have jobs.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, her job is not to do things for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that was a real red flag for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, wait, maybe I'm making their lives too easy and they're starting to be entitled with these things that I've worked hard for.
[SPEAKER_00]: You have.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I feel like it's, I don't know, maybe you just have to look for the red flags and then pull back, right, you don't really want to get to the red flags, I don't you don't exactly and so I think that as a Christian parents, this is where if we are teaching kids from God's word and we're working on their heart first, then
[SPEAKER_01]: It's it's a long game like there may be moments still that come up, but we have wisdom from God's word and I mean one of the verses that I've taught my kids over and over still working on today is Philippians 4 11 through 13 that talks about I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think even just talking through that, when they're young, they may not totally understand that word content, but what does it mean to say no matter what I can be joyful, no matter what I can be content, talking to them about that, and then also, and by the way, we'll have shown notes with any of the verses we mentioned.
[SPEAKER_01]: But first, that's Lonion's 518, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think teaching kids to be thankful.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we talk about gratitude as the antidote.
[SPEAKER_01]: The fix gratitude is really going to be if kids are so filled with gratitude, then I think that it's going to just move entitlement out of the way, because you can't be both entitled and grateful at the same time, just like you can't, you know, be anxious and grateful.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like these things, there's always, you know, layers of emotion.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think when we are so filled with gratitude,
[SPEAKER_01]: we're not going to be talking about what we don't have.
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not going to be talking about what we want or what somebody else has because there's gratitude, we'll just bubble up and kind of remove all of those things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[UNKNOWN]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: What does your home look like for that?
[SPEAKER_00]: How have you really emphasized or practiced gratitude as your kids have gotten older?
[SPEAKER_00]: Especially as now that their adults, maybe when they were younger, it looked different than now.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, but what did you do?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, well, I'd love to hear some of the things you're doing since your kids are still in that kind of earlier, but growing up ages, but I look back and I think a lot of it was just thankful prayers.
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, you know, teaching kids to open their prayers with gratitude.
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't go straight into, dear God, help me to have fun today.
[SPEAKER_01]: But start, dear God, thank you.
[SPEAKER_01]: That you gave me another day.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Start with all the thanks.
[SPEAKER_01]: But then as they've grown up, the beauty of having older kids and I'm sure you're entering this stage now is you can have more conversations.
[SPEAKER_01]: They understand things better and so you can actually talk through some of these concepts and point them to scripture and ask them to memorize scripture because they're actually understanding it.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not so much just training anymore.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's really all about teaching them concepts and they get it.
[SPEAKER_01]: They really can grasp onto that and yeah, but how about you with your kids at this stage now?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think so we've had a huge focus on gratitude since they were very, very young.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I actually think the very first time I was on your podcast.
[SPEAKER_00]: We talked about this topic of gratitude a little bit because my book that I wrote years ago, raising prayerful kids, it's essentially 23 different fun ways that you can pray with your kids is this book.
[SPEAKER_00]: And one of the ways is called the Great Fulking and this is a prayer type of prayer that I've done in my kids since they were learning to talk and we still do now it just looks different but I'll use say is thank you God for something and we used to do in the car when they were fighting and getting square me we would just start saying thank you God for things and their prayers were little I mean they were little like.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, God, for my friend.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, God, for my snack.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, God, for something silly.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and we never told them, hey, let's get deeper with your gratitude.
[SPEAKER_00]: We were just emphasizing be grateful to God for these tiny little things in your life that your little three-year-old heart cares about, because God is God cares about you, and he wants to hear about your heart at three-years-old.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we've been doing that with our kids since they were really, really tiny.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll still do it with them now, it's because they're like super cranky in the car and we're all like disgruntled and I'll start doing it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they know that though that I'm doing and they roll their eyes and they don't want to participate, especially my middle school guy because he's a middle school and that's okay, but he'll get there eventually.
[SPEAKER_00]: It is interesting.
[SPEAKER_00]: The more we start praising God and saying thank you.
[SPEAKER_00]: everyone eventually starts participating because you can't be full of gratitude and be cranky at the same time.
[SPEAKER_00]: You just can't, it changes your heart.
[SPEAKER_00]: It really, really does.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we have truly done that for over a decade now and it has been a game changer for our family and it is truly as simple as just saying thank you God for this and thank you at for this.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's so important to me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I just think it's so important to train them for a little time.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, if you're grateful for the little things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, the way easier to be grateful for the big things.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, you grow.
[SPEAKER_00]: Exactly.
[SPEAKER_01]: And make sure to be in faith.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I was just going to say it kind of becomes a habit.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, if it's something you're doing regularly, then when the bigger things come, there's that automatic reaction or reflex to go to gratitude.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I love that so much.
[SPEAKER_01]: your kids are getting near the age, but one thing we did is make sure our kids had work.
[SPEAKER_01]: Chores, of course, when they're young is always helpful.
[SPEAKER_01]: But then as our kids got older, we make sure that they got jobs working for other people.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I believe that
[SPEAKER_01]: having a work ethic, learning it to be good workers, it can really help fight off entitlement.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because suddenly you are humble, the work, and a position where you have to show up or do a job, receive feedback,
[SPEAKER_01]: and boy oh boy my older boys went to work in a restaurant, a local restaurant here on the North Shore of Oahu and it was a big wake up call but I think it taught them so much about humility and just character in general so given kids some work to do starting in the home and then elsewhere can be really helpful too.
[SPEAKER_00]: how old were they when they started that because our oldest is at the age where this summer he can rest for baseball and he is so excited about it and I'm like this is perfect because it's not that often like yes he'll be 13 he doesn't we don't want him yeah a lot of hours
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, that's about what my boys started with things like that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, even helping out in the Sunday school classroom or, you know, things like that where when they're young, that's a safe place, a good place to have somebody that's maybe giving them some instruction and telling them what to do.
[SPEAKER_01]: My boys, because we homeschool, they're freshman year, they got an internship.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that was kind of a good way to ease into things.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I think they were like juniors and high school before they actually worked.
[SPEAKER_01]: at a restaurant, which was really gnarly, like they learned all kinds of things there.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so yeah, I wouldn't recommend that at 13, but there comes a time.
[SPEAKER_01]: But in between then, you know, doing yard work for somebody or, you know, helping out with different things.
[SPEAKER_01]: Physical labor is so good for kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: In fact, there's a book called Created for Work.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's an old one.
[SPEAKER_01]: And sadly, sometimes it's hard to find now.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I love it so much.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'll make sure to put links in both of our show notes to that book.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's a great one to read to your kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think what's amazing is so even less summer, so our oldest place baseball, he'll be able to rough the summer and then our middle also plays in there are few games that we had to drag the oldest to go watch and he didn't really want to, but then for our middle guy, Griffin, the rough just wouldn't show up.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like there's a scheduling conflict and rough didn't come.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's both coaches who get to this, I think I've been three times.
[SPEAKER_00]: That coaches are both teams got together and we're like, hey,
[SPEAKER_00]: can, can this 12-year-old ref because if he hasn't ref, we don't know one, we can't play, so like, this is, you know, yes, 10, 10-year-old baseball is just have fun to play the game.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, right, Halvin then got to ref a few games this summer, and he didn't get paid, but someone asked him to be responsible, and he didn't, he took it so seriously, and just the way I think he was an inch taller by the end of the game, because he had so much confidence,
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the other coaches came and said like, hey, great job, thank you so much.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, it was just cool to see.
[SPEAKER_01]: It is.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, why don't we do more of this?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, this actually is so effective.
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, yeah, building character giving kids that sense of responsibility.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's really huge.
[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes it takes some creativity as parents.
[SPEAKER_01]: to seek out opportunities, but they're out there.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think there's a lot of people that would love to pour into kids, maybe.
[SPEAKER_01]: Older people, even who have some project that kids could help with and they can kind of speak into their lives.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that so much.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm in a name another book.
[SPEAKER_01]: I, as this comes out, actually.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is a good time to mention.
[SPEAKER_01]: either were recording a little bit early.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm not exactly sure when it's going to come out on your podcast.
[SPEAKER_01]: But on mine, it will be somewhere in the middle of a right before my character training course releases.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I opened that one week about three times a year, spring summer and fall typically.
[SPEAKER_01]: But in it, I have a whole module on fighting entitlement and building a great
[SPEAKER_01]: And now Kristen, I'm not sure she's actively doing much blogging these days, but she wrote a book called Raising Greatful Kids in a world of entitlement.
[SPEAKER_01]: So we have a really good conversation in there and I share a great list of ways, practical ways we can really
[SPEAKER_01]: help our kids develop more gratitude and then also a list of ways to fight entitlement.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's super powerful.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if anyone listening hasn't found my character training course yet, definitely grab the link that you'll find in show notes, come over, check it out.
[SPEAKER_01]: That module alone, I think is worth the whole course because it's super practical and powerful.
[SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, Kristen Welch has done a great job of talking about
[SPEAKER_01]: that whole thing of, again, gratitude being the antidote.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I love that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that's probably the most powerful thing we can do as parents is get our kids to recognize how blessed they are beginning with the
[SPEAKER_01]: just the opportunity to have a relationship with God.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, let's start with the most important thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: We get to be forgiven.
[SPEAKER_01]: We get eternity with God.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, let's start with the basics of scripture.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you can get down to the daily stuff, which is less important, but maybe something kids can relate to more, like their dog, their house, their friends, you know, all of those things.
[SPEAKER_01]: But then I think, too, there's probably nothing more who he can do as parents than model gratitude, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: So what we do every day, are we grumbling, complaining, are we entitled, are we modeling gratitude?
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if that's something you have any experience, you want to share about?
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I mean, yeah, I have a very grumpy day.
[SPEAKER_00]: I do.
[SPEAKER_00]: And we all, we all, it is normal to feel discontent.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, it is normal to feel entitlement at times.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's just assign a maturity in both life and faith to combat that and to push through that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think the older you get and the closer you are to the Lord, the more quickly you're able to do that and check yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, but like, we're all human and have emotion.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think you're right that modeling, like, oh, yeah, I wish that I had this, but you know what I have this, and that's.
[SPEAKER_00]: just as good or here's why this really works.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have a friend who she a few years ago started feeling very convicted by the law to stop watching anything on HGTV because it made her feel very, very discontent with her house.
[SPEAKER_00]: Sure.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she just was like I was starting to feel in tight like I deserve a better house or a kitchen makeover and she's like I don't know why I don't like I'm very in theory content with my house.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like this is in our forever house,
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah each GTV was making her it was just filling her with this discontent and so she felt convicted from the Lord.
[SPEAKER_00]: I was able to say like, no, I'm not supposed to wash it anymore.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not it for my heart.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's a I like that story because it's something so like whoever would have thought that the Lord would tell someone not to watch each GTV.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like of all the things on television.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but I think too what's important is as parents sometimes
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think it's good to talk to your kids about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let them know when God can fix you of something.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's something I've learned that my kids are actually listening and taking little mental notes.
[SPEAKER_01]: And if I'm like, hey boys,
[SPEAKER_01]: you know, I spent time with the Lord and this is on my heart.
[SPEAKER_01]: So this is something I'm going to do.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's it's not so much like, I don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like sometimes parents are really careful to not share their stuff too much with their kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I kind of lean the other way.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I want my kids to see the real stuff that I go through every day.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm going to talk about not over talk, not like make them like.
[SPEAKER_01]: my peer, but tell them the things that I'm learning, how I'm growing, where I'm feeling convicted, where I need to repent, and I think that they chuck those things away too, and sometimes that's going to come up for them a little bit later.
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I agree.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think Trevor and I lean that same way of talking about what the Lord's doing, telling our kids where we're convicted.
[SPEAKER_00]: Even we moved this past summer in our house is we've picked this house because it's a great house just for hosting people like we picked this house with this layout because we like the host lot of people and so we talked about why we chose our house in the sense that the Lord has made it very clear to us since we were engaged that we are supposed to have a house that's good for hosting.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is what
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we are being faithful to the Lord, this is what we plan to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is our priority here.
[SPEAKER_00]: And just to say like, what we have is to share with others.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like this is why we serve.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is why we've volunteered.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is why we do what we do at church.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's because we're trying to be faithful to the Lord.
[SPEAKER_00]: Because we don't take what we have and just hold it for us.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not what it's for.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we have this for other people.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_00]: And for the Lord, it's for the Lord first.
[SPEAKER_00]: How he asked us to use it is how we're going to use it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I think that all of these things we're talking about are important to discuss with kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: Again, when they're little, they're not going to end everything, but I do believe that they get it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I love that you share that with kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that as they grow up, we can
[SPEAKER_01]: talk about things going on in the world.
[SPEAKER_01]: We can look at whatever it might be.
[SPEAKER_01]: The news are something they're learning are about their reading and use each of those topics as springboards to bring God's word into it and to ask what is God's perspective?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because no doubt, you know, we live in this selfie culture, you know, everything is about me, everything is about promoting myself.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that if our kids are growing up in this world, which no matter what, whether they're homeschool or go to school, they're going to, they're going to, the world's coming in and finding them.
[SPEAKER_01]: And yet, God has this upside-down kingdom that is so contrary to how the world sees things and yet there's so much joy, so much blessing, so much fulfillment if we're doing things God's way.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not going to happen automatically.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's an important thing as we
[SPEAKER_01]: friends.
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone listening, our kids will be entitled.
[SPEAKER_01]: They will be worldly.
[SPEAKER_01]: They will, you know, the enemy has a target on their back.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you are Christian family, so the only way to combat that is to be really, really intentional.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you can still give them stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: You can still love them, but it's going to take some some really upstream parenting to raise kids who are humble,
[SPEAKER_01]: there's going to be some training and it's not going to be easy.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think on this topic, we can laugh and you know, my 14 year old keys of work and progress, no doubt about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: But my husband and I are very much having conversations like, what can we do this week?
[SPEAKER_01]: What can we do because we only have a few more years before he's gone.
[SPEAKER_01]: And on my goodness, it's so important.
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, I just think we need to take it really seriously.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you're absolutely right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's so easy.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you mentioned, selfie culture.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think there's tendency to think, OK, I'm going to be the opposite of that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm going to make sure my kids think about other people first.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's fine.
[SPEAKER_00]: But only that will only get them so far, because other people are inevitably going to let them down.
[SPEAKER_00]: And if they're making decisions to like,
[SPEAKER_00]: status by other people is going to put them in a bad place eventually.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we have to take it as Christians a step further and say, my kids aren't going to think about themselves, my kids aren't going to even think about other people, my kids aren't going to think about the Lord.
[SPEAKER_00]: And what is the Lord want them to want them to do with what they've been given with what they haven't been given in the situation that they're in at this moment.
[SPEAKER_00]: What are they supposed to do with that to honor?
[SPEAKER_00]: God.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is the challenge because that's a super abstract concept.
[SPEAKER_00]: So again, when you start them young and just build upon it as late older.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that, because sometimes they're going to serve somebody or do something nice and that person may not appreciate it, they may not, it may not go how they hope, but if they're doing it to honor God, then it's really doesn't matter what the response is.
[SPEAKER_01]: Or if they, you know, the person appreciates it or notices it, sometimes they're going to be working hard, serving just for the audience of one because they know that God sees them.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's huge.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: With the add one more thought, something my boys haven't had much of an opportunity to do, but if kids have opportunities to do short-term mission trips, to get involved in service where they're really serving under-privileged, my older boys did grow up doing a monthly homeless outreach and packing bags of produce and handing them out to people that either were homeless or just
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that gave them a lot of perspective, so I think for kids to have the chance to serve others, it's going to really also help them develop perspective, see that life in light of, you know, the greater world.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we, so my mom works for Samaritan's purse.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she's technically a volunteer, but it's full-time volunteer position.
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's, wow, lesser.
[SPEAKER_00]: She is an area coordinator, which means she just works with all the different churches in our Midwest area.
[SPEAKER_00]: So,
[SPEAKER_00]: operation Christmas child is a year-long conversation.
[SPEAKER_00]: In my family and has been since they were babies, I have pictures of Harriet packing shoe boxes when she literally couldn't even stand up.
[SPEAKER_00]: So that is something that is so easy to do because it is
[SPEAKER_00]: everywhere, but it has really changed my kids perspective, because they go to Target and they go through the dollar section or they see something on sale in August.
[SPEAKER_00]: And they're like, oh, we should get these for shoe boxes.
[SPEAKER_00]: We have a little basket.
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, they're thinking outside because it's just something that's been part of our home.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is not so big as a short-term mission trip because that takes time and finances and commitment.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that is a thing that is great for kids, but it doesn't have to be that big, even doing what you said.
[SPEAKER_00]: operation Christmas child, yeah volunteering at a homeless shelter, yes, lots of different things you can do to volunteer with your kids, and it really when done regularly, put things into perspective.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, even when traveling, just to like, hey, do you need notice anything different here?
[SPEAKER_00]: We went to Guatemala a few years ago, and my kids were had a lot of questions about what they were seeing.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, let's talk about how
[SPEAKER_00]: these houses look different than our houses.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_00]: And like what's going on here?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like the Great Congress.
[SPEAKER_01]: And circling back to your book, raising prayerful kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think even if you don't get out of the house, you don't go to Target.
[SPEAKER_01]: You can go, you know, sit at home together and just bring up things going on in the world.
[SPEAKER_01]: Kids who need prayer,
[SPEAKER_01]: different cultures and maybe read a story or you know springboard off of a missionary story or something like that, but just kind of tuning his hearts to be praying for those who have greater needs in their own can also give them great perspective on this.
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: What would you say if anyone is listening and their kids are on the older side and they're like, that's so great.
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't start when my kids were little.
[SPEAKER_00]: So is it too late for me in my shy just like throwing a towel?
[SPEAKER_00]: What do I do?
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, I understand that thought process because I've even had it with my 14 year old like up because truly those first 13 years are so formative.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like first of all, if you've got younger kids in your listening,
[SPEAKER_01]: take really stuff now because it does get harder as they get older because they have their worldview pretty well developed but it will end about mentally appropriate they will realize that you are willing to do you know and write
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but it is absolutely never to late.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, even if you have a young adult, it is never to late.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I'm going to encourage conversations continue to model, especially if you recognize like, man, I have been pretty entitled or maybe you just have a really good life and praise God, you know, you have a lot of blessings.
[SPEAKER_01]: You have helped all those things.
[SPEAKER_01]: it is never too late for you to make changes in the way you speak the way you act your own heart and then talk to the kids about that let them know hey I realize like when you're young you probably saw me doing a b and c and i'm feeling really bad about it like to them they're their people they get it
[SPEAKER_01]: Also, my character training course would be great.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was originally created for parents of teenagers.
[SPEAKER_01]: That was what was on my heart.
[SPEAKER_01]: I went back and added a module for the early years.
[SPEAKER_01]: So really preschool and early elementary.
[SPEAKER_01]: But the majority of the course was for those people who are reaching out to me saying, I have a teenager.
[SPEAKER_01]: I need help with their character.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I highly recommend you check that out.
[SPEAKER_01]: But otherwise, there's some great books.
[SPEAKER_01]: You can find maybe I'll try to put a few of those in show notes.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think finding, and this, the heart of the character training course is briefly, it's really acknowledging that at some point kids need to hear from someone outside of Mom and Dad, and so finding inspiring resources.
[SPEAKER_01]: And in the course, I have a list of, you know, TED talks, YouTube channels, books,
[SPEAKER_01]: finding people who will inspire them in their character is going to be so helpful when they hit those teenage years.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it may be the exact same message you've taught them, but they're hearing it from somebody else.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think that that can be really, really helpful.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then just continue to pray for them.
[SPEAKER_01]: Prayer is so effective.
[SPEAKER_01]: It may take time.
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't look for responses overnight.
[SPEAKER_01]: But hey,
[SPEAKER_01]: God years your prayers and have those conversations and don't give up because, you know, we always like the Galatians 69 do not grow weary in doing good for in-do season, you will reap a harvest if you do not give up.
[SPEAKER_01]: So don't give up, keep pressing on, in your parenting, it really does matter.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love what you said about having other people speaking to your kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: We, I like, I am there too.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we are really working on that with our 12 soon to be a 13 year older, like who can invest in him?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because we're no longer enough in that capacity because he needs some outside voices and it's hard because you want you have to be protective, you have to make sure they're the right voices.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it is, it is not easy necessarily to find good voices.
[SPEAKER_00]: But right.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I hear you, I, if you're staying there, I mean, like who
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I hear you.
[SPEAKER_00]: I am there too, but I know it is, I agree with you that is so important.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_00]: And one of the people that he's having speaking into your kids, like the easier they grow into young adulthood, the more they quicker they transition that is like solid research that suggests.
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely, and I was just going to say one of the blessings of technology for as much as we get frustrated with it is if you don't have somebody in your life physically reaching out to your kids there are plenty of virtual opportunities to find great role models to point kids to
[SPEAKER_01]: Following the people who are going to really point them to Christ and to great character and so when you find those Then you can surround your kids with good influences We all know that we become like the company we keep and so that is a key part of my character course and all the things I talk about is to round your kids with good influences because we know it's throughout scripture from Solomon to Paul Talking about bad company corrupts good morals.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's get those kids surrounded by great influences
[SPEAKER_01]: easier.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like we could have a whole other conversation just on that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Influences.
[SPEAKER_01]: So right, they're they definitely overlap.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but yeah, keep up the good work parents.
[SPEAKER_01]: You can raise grateful kids even in a world of entitlement.
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't grow weary, it's worth the battle, and you'll be so glad later when you have these adults.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, my adult sons are spending most of their week leading Bible studies, doing ministry, involved in international ministries, like my heart is so full.
[SPEAKER_01]: And yet I can look back and remember those days when they were little and it was not easy work, but I'm so grateful now that we did it because the fruit is there.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, yeah, press on.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so grateful that you're sharing that because as someone who's just behind you in the seasons, it is just sometimes it is exhausting.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like if you're listening, you're like, I'm tired of doing this.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm tired of doing it too.
[SPEAKER_00]: There are exhausting moments, but I love hearing that it pays off in that your boys are in general grateful boys.
[SPEAKER_00]: Who again, well, battle things like a pedemic.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, they're human.
[SPEAKER_00]: But there is hope, and it is worth it in the end, even though it is hard in the moment.
[SPEAKER_00]: So thank you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, for sure.
[SPEAKER_01]: Such a good conversation.
[SPEAKER_01]: It could go on and on, but hopefully there's a few nuggets there for people listening and we will have shown notes on each of our respective sites.
[SPEAKER_01]: So yes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely, and if there's something else that you want to hear about, let us know and we can cover more things from influences to whatever it is that you guys are curious about.
[SPEAKER_00]: So reach out if there's something that you want to hear us talk about and we can talk about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, stuff so good talking to you.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Such a fun way to share these different age groups and parenting seasons.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I love this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, me too.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for being here with me.
[SPEAKER_01]: I really
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for listening.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope that you're walking away, feeling like you have some tools to encourage gratitude, service, hard work and character in your kids.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're doing it right along with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: If you have ideas or thoughts, please reach out to us.
[SPEAKER_00]: I have links to connect with Monica and show notes or you can always email info at ChristianParenting.org.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you again for listening.
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't forget to stop and leave a review.
[SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate it so much.
[SPEAKER_00]: May God bless you this week.
[SPEAKER_00]: May you overflow with gratitude towards the Lord, knowing that every good and perfect gift you have been blessed with comes from above.