WEBVTT

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[SPEAKER_02]: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Home Maker Sheek Podcast.

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[SPEAKER_02]: This is season 28.

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[SPEAKER_02]: This is the season where we are doing the thing.

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[SPEAKER_02]: We're doing the thing.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Do the thing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: blogs anymore.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They don't know there.

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[SPEAKER_01]: My friends are way more than a blog at this point.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I guess way more.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I guess you guess a break.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They better be.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, man.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, man.

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[SPEAKER_02]: There's you've seen the green mile.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Hmm, I did I see that, so like the weird like that, the death penalty movie, like with the wise and stuff.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, yes.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, there's this great scene where the prisoner, he's he's in there and he just looks up and he goes I'm tired boss

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[SPEAKER_02]: Hmm, so what's the story?

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[SPEAKER_02]: We think about how many years of past as we've been doing something, or like, oh, we've been working on this for 10 years and he'll say, oh, I'm tired, boss.

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[SPEAKER_01]: True that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, oh my goodness.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, let's say thank you to season 28 sponsor as are standard.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I'm actually screaming into the recording line today because I just recorded a podcast with them, which was so fun.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Awesome.

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[SPEAKER_02]: They are, you know, to have a company like that who's just like, yeah, let's cook for people.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Let's break it with people.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Let's let's rebuild this community

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[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, man, I'm all about that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Gives me the adrenaline.

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[SPEAKER_01]: What are we making this week?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I made something new this week.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I get these little boxes of healthy ramen for junior junior.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I have a kid who could live on any legume, lentils, beans, I mean, he, as her has all those.

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[SPEAKER_01]: As her has all those, that's what's so great.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Five pound bags, 10 pound bags, junior style bags.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And

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[SPEAKER_01]: This cool way.

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[SPEAKER_01]: He said, did you make the ramen?

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[SPEAKER_01]: No.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: No, he's like a Johnny Cash song.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It means for breakfast.

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[SPEAKER_01]: He likes some cold.

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[SPEAKER_01]: He likes the juice, whatever.

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[SPEAKER_01]: He also loves ramen.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So this week, you know, something great with asers, you can stock up on things.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know about you, but I have certain things in my pantry that I always need coconut milk.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, to be in my pantry.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Pickled jalapenos.

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[SPEAKER_01]: OK. OK.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's yeah, I haven't used pickled jalapenos and ramen yet, but it has them.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But I did, you know, it was one of those nights where you just like, I know you cook for living but sometimes I just go, oh my gosh, there's four recipes and I know there's 40 million recipes but it's like what am I going to make new tonight?

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[SPEAKER_01]: You're just looking at that like standard inventory that you always have in your fridge.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to try it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to do a different ramen that I've ever done.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And every person at the table was happy.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Which I met this stage in the game where that's not usually the case.

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[SPEAKER_01]: There's always like one person that's just tolerating me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And everyone to please them all.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It is.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It is.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone was so happy.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So coconut milk.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, lentils.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, stocking up.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you gotta have the stock to be able to pull things out of the hat.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Sure, you really do.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So as her has extended a promotion to help make her sheak listeners to new customers.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So you can visit aserstandard.com, create a new account, play some minimum order of $100, which is,

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[SPEAKER_02]: easy to do.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and it will be shipped to a drop location of your choice.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Um, you like this will be 15% off, by the way.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's, that's the promo, 15% off with the code homemaker chic.

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[SPEAKER_02]: But I want to point something out.

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[SPEAKER_02]: They just announced that now with their drops.

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[SPEAKER_02]: They are coordinating with local drivers.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So if you can't make your drop,

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[SPEAKER_02]: Or you just can't get there, or you can't be bothered.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Now, they are helping to arrange drivers to bring it to your house, which is so great.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So you can visit asurstandard.com, use the promo code homemaker sheet, all one word, to save 15% off your first order.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, can I just give you like one little pro tip?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to wait till next week for this.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It is chicks season.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I know so many people this time of year they're going to farm and flee or track to supply or whatever the hatchery and they're getting chicks.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And as you're budgeting as a family, it's easy to kind of look forward and go like, how are we going to afford to feed these birds until they're laying?

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[SPEAKER_01]: They also have animal feed.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I get all my animal feed.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So this is a great time for you to save 15% on the bullet animal, like feeding them while they're not doing anything for you, just saying.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, very true.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I actually just got mine in the mail today.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't do that till I get back.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't do that till I get back.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't do that till I get back.

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[SPEAKER_02]: True.

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[SPEAKER_02]: But it's funny, these different stages you go through in your life because I went through like my French Mary, what do they call French?

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[SPEAKER_02]: They're the ones that cover Marin.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Black copper Marin.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And they play these chocolate brown eggs.

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[SPEAKER_02]: They're so beautiful.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And I've gone through my silky stage and I've gone through like my buff or being in the age.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And now I'm like, give me the Frank and chicken that gives me the first egg at least 375 eggs a year.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I have kids that will eat four, two, six eggs a serving.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm on the flip side, so if the wheel just keeps rolling, I've done that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, give me all the fancy birds.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, give me the utilitarian Franken birds.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Now, my sister shared a picture of her eggs with us on our group chat, you know, a couple of weeks ago, and it was just that like, oh yeah, rainbow, I'm like, oh yeah, I gotta do that again.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I gotta do that, Feng.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, well, if anyone's wondering what breeds I ended up with, Rhode Island Reds.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's a- Oh, yeah.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Straight up America.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Straight up, right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Farm yard, chicken.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Great layers, though.

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[SPEAKER_02]: and Easter Eggers, which are also really, really great layers.

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[SPEAKER_02]: They're not my most favorite in terms of their personality.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, no.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Luckily, I have my juju, and she loves things to death.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And so, she makes them love her.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And she makes them love people, what does they want it for?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And squeeze it and keep it for my very own.

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[SPEAKER_02]: There's a little bit of that.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Speaking of the day that we're recording us, where we're having to record early because Angela is going to France.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Today is my juju's birthday, and she is 10 years old, which means I have no single did to children.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm just feeling quite weird about it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not super like crazy and nostalgic about these sorts of things.

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[SPEAKER_02]: It just feels like I can, it feels like you're on the roller coaster and it, you've crested the top and you just know the next decade is going to go.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, do you know what I mean?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I really didn't need you to say it that like, I'm just a bit of a thing because Junior's hot on our tail.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We got to tell them the story.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, and I found out I was pregnant with Julia.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, wait.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I was sitting on my couch.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Joel and I were watching movie.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We had this white IKEA sofa.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It was our first real sofa ever.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Not a vintage sofa, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I was sitting there and it was dark.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I was kind of curled up on one end.

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[SPEAKER_01]: He was on the other and the phone rings.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And the voice on the other end of the phone goes, is there such thing as a false positive?

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[SPEAKER_02]: I think there were more tears involved.

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[SPEAKER_01]: me being the good friend I am just burst into laughter.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Well, here's the thing.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I had my bait.

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[SPEAKER_02]: My little baby will.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

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[SPEAKER_02]: He was baby welfare the first eight years of his life.

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[SPEAKER_02]: My third son was born.

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[SPEAKER_02]: He was four and a half pounds.

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[SPEAKER_02]: He was just this piccolo.

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[SPEAKER_02]: He was so cute.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And he stayed little forever.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And he was just the most gorgeous little baby.

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[SPEAKER_02]: You have beautiful children.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, I do and he had this blonde curly hair.

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[SPEAKER_02]: He was just we for ever.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, it was like a mother's dream.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And I was nursing him.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I was kind of starting to physically feel like I'd had three kids in four years.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

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[SPEAKER_02]: What?

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[SPEAKER_02]: So I weamed will.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, okay, girl, we're gonna go see a doctor.

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[SPEAKER_02]: We're gonna take a break.

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[SPEAKER_02]: We're gonna be, we're gonna get back right.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And three days later, I found it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I was pregnant and I was like, I don't know if I can do this again.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know if I can do this again.

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[SPEAKER_02]: We had four and five years.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So it was physically incredibly intense for me.

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[SPEAKER_02]: But then after after Angela, last so compassionately laughed,

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[SPEAKER_02]: She called me later what I was going to say four months three months later well he was so her birthday now and he's June June okay so two eight weeks later yeah okay aggressively crying

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[SPEAKER_02]: And I said, Angela, it's okay, like they, you know, did just the general, you know, you love your babies.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That wasn't cool.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And she was just like, you don't understand.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't sad.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It was just the 10 months of barfing, all every 10 months of barfing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I just thought.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, how can I do this again?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I have five.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And now I get to lay on the bathroom floor for another year.

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[SPEAKER_02]: You guys, when Angela is pregnant, I remember calling her one time.

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[SPEAKER_02]: This was when she was pregnant with Junior.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And she had a plastic grocery bag hanging off of her.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like stretch my wheel stretch it like I would hold this during we'll tend into right and I would like loop my fingers through the barf bag so that she could barf while she was driving to the store.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's how that's how sick she gets.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And the woman had six kids and still seen 50 pounds every time.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Woo.

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[SPEAKER_01]: She's a miracle.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, what are we talking about today?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Today, we're going to talk about, like, do the thing where I want to talk about dreaming and saying yes, because I think

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[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe, with a lot of women, there's this hang-up that if I dream, it means I'm not satisfied or content with my life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I imagine, like, we could talk about, like, just this permission to say yes.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And just because you have big dreams or even wanting something bigger, better faster, you know, to use it in expression.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, that doesn't mean

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[SPEAKER_01]: that you're mal-content, and like, what does it mean to, like, most women don't lack dreams, okay?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think they just lack the permission to even entertain them.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And even the discipline, the discipline of just setting aside time to entertain them and stay in touch with that part of themselves.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I was texting a friend about this earlier this week about this exact thing.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And I said, I feel that struggle of I'm not discontent.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So why does my heart keep going places that aren't really helpful to be honest with you?

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[SPEAKER_02]: And she said the problem is when you're this way, and I don't think everybody's this way.

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[SPEAKER_02]: But I think if you are, it can almost feel like a burden because it's like when you're a creative, you don't say, well, I've painted a hundred paintings, so I'm not gonna, I already did it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: See, I'll just be content with a hundred I painted.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's not how it works.

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[SPEAKER_02]: It's like it, it's alive, this piece of us, it's alive.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And she was saying, look, once a dreamer, like those things that drove you to,

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[SPEAKER_02]: get married, have a family build a home, surround it with gardens, paint your walls, rearrange your furniture.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That is the same person who, like, you don't stop being that person.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So where do you direct that?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Where do you direct that then?

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[SPEAKER_02]: I think that's kind of where people feel this frustration because secretly you live with guilt thinking, well, I have, I have more than I could ever

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[SPEAKER_01]: I know, but most of us have a fridge full of food and we still like to go out to eat.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We still have anticipation and look forward to going to out to eat.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I guess.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think I think there's a lot of hang-ups and like what will people think of me if I even vocalize this out loud.

14:36.241 --> 14:37.363
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you think that's the biggest piece?

14:37.804 --> 14:38.867
[SPEAKER_01]: I do, I do.

14:39.629 --> 14:45.702
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I just think there's this big thing.

14:47.588 --> 14:53.758
[SPEAKER_01]: about being content and I just I feel like you like there's this idea that you can't have your cake and eat it, too.

14:53.858 --> 14:57.143
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you can be content and still want to do things.

14:57.404 --> 15:05.617
[SPEAKER_01]: Contentment doesn't mean like I'm happy never doing anything again.

15:05.637 --> 15:08.702
[SPEAKER_01]: It means I'm at peace right now.

15:11.230 --> 15:19.621
[SPEAKER_02]: So what I think is a I struggle with with with contentment and okay, I don't want to lose my thought because I also want to talk about age effects contentment read it out.

15:19.641 --> 15:20.162
[SPEAKER_01]: You got a pencil.

15:21.664 --> 15:30.555
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, okay, one of the things I've always struggled with is this idea that things take work.

15:32.037 --> 15:44.022
[SPEAKER_02]: contentment ultimately I think if we're to find it you and I are defining it based on how a world view it's sure I am satisfied with what the Lord has allocated to me in this season.

15:46.516 --> 15:47.798
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a lack of covet.

15:47.818 --> 15:50.442
[SPEAKER_01]: It's got to be a lack of coveting, right?

15:50.462 --> 15:52.966
[SPEAKER_01]: You sure you're, okay, sure.

15:53.386 --> 16:08.389
[SPEAKER_02]: I think that's because that's kind of the, just the other side of that coin is, when you, when you actually feel that way, you're not thinking, yeah, I deserve a little bit more in the, these people have a little bit more, just a little bit more, right?

16:09.938 --> 16:14.525
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, I lost my trying to thought of that one took too long to define define.

16:14.545 --> 16:15.747
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you wrote, you wrote down age.

16:16.188 --> 16:17.930
[SPEAKER_02]: I, okay, you wanted to come back to that.

16:17.950 --> 16:29.788
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you do you do you find that if people judging you, if you're, if that fear of people judging you, is the number one reason that we don't vocalize these things?

16:30.389 --> 16:33.213
[SPEAKER_02]: Have you found that that changes as you age?

16:35.757 --> 16:38.241
[SPEAKER_02]: Or are there still things that you hold back?

16:39.723 --> 16:51.239
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I don't know if I'm the best person to ask that question to because I'm pretty scrappy as far as what people think.

16:51.259 --> 17:04.077
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I mean, just being like, I think birds, I pragmatic view, I'm maybe a bit scrappy or have people said things to you, like you've had to get scrappy about this.

17:06.520 --> 17:23.884
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, maybe just snarky comments here and there, like about, like, I, that I do too much or I, you know, oh, your poor husband he has to do another project.

17:23.904 --> 17:24.105
[SPEAKER_01]: Very good.

17:24.125 --> 17:24.405
[SPEAKER_01]: That's fair.

17:24.565 --> 17:26.348
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, yeah.

17:26.488 --> 17:26.588
[UNKNOWN]: Okay.

17:27.918 --> 17:31.562
[SPEAKER_01]: But I do think, okay, the question about age was what?

17:31.642 --> 17:32.744
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, do I care less?

17:32.864 --> 17:34.686
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, it has, do you have you started to care less?

17:34.766 --> 17:35.747
[SPEAKER_02]: I've started to care less.

17:36.108 --> 17:36.608
[SPEAKER_02]: I've noticed.

17:37.369 --> 17:42.135
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, there is, I, I've actually just even been wanting to talk to you privately.

17:42.155 --> 17:44.258
[SPEAKER_01]: The, let's do it.

17:44.278 --> 17:48.202
[SPEAKER_01]: The ability or the, the caring shade.

17:48.343 --> 17:51.526
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just on a full-on day crescendo from here on out.

17:51.587 --> 17:52.828
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, that's how I feel.

17:52.808 --> 18:17.247
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just, it just gets more intense and more intense and not even a like screw you kind of a way just like, nope, I just don't care, I just, just what, there are things that I want to do really bad and I guess if there is a portion of me that cares, it's not, um,

18:20.197 --> 18:28.651
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know, like I, you know, I think we all want to be taken seriously, and if I add one more thing to the list, it's like, no, no, no, no, I'm serious about this.

18:29.552 --> 18:33.799
[SPEAKER_02]: No, like.

18:34.420 --> 18:37.986
[SPEAKER_02]: So you think people won't take you seriously if you've localized.

18:39.620 --> 18:41.864
[SPEAKER_02]: pieces of yourself that you want.

18:41.884 --> 18:42.285
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.

18:42.485 --> 18:49.477
[SPEAKER_01]: I actually, I don't feel the need, okay, so I don't feel the need to vocalize it actually.

18:49.497 --> 18:52.623
[SPEAKER_01]: Like it'll come out when it comes out.

18:52.683 --> 19:00.717
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I've been hinting here and there just like as not anything strategic even like I want to dance tango again.

19:00.697 --> 19:01.818
[SPEAKER_01]: It's been 20 years.

19:02.119 --> 19:15.154
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how I'm going to do that because I have a partner that doesn't want to, but like, I'm going to figure out a way, whether I'm just dancing by myself or whatever, like that is So dang old dance.

19:15.174 --> 19:15.855
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm serious.

19:15.915 --> 19:22.603
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you seriously, like you should have seen me the other day just practicing with my tripod and my phone, like,

19:22.904 --> 19:27.493
[SPEAKER_01]: like this, like so I could follow the steps, you know, because I don't remember anything.

19:27.533 --> 19:29.256
[SPEAKER_01]: I just remember the idea of it.

19:32.242 --> 19:33.104
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm not done.

19:33.124 --> 19:34.567
[SPEAKER_01]: I am going to tango.

19:34.787 --> 19:36.590
[SPEAKER_01]: I am going to become a Somalia.

19:36.611 --> 19:37.813
[SPEAKER_01]: I already started my classes.

19:38.314 --> 19:41.520
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm so not done.

19:41.500 --> 19:52.778
[SPEAKER_01]: And I imagine there's maybe I don't care like I don't give it much thought I imagine there's people that hear that or read that on sub stack and just go like hardcore I roll, but that's okay.

19:54.621 --> 20:00.471
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I feel like it's a good topic today because like doing the thing.

20:01.700 --> 20:05.528
[SPEAKER_01]: I think the older you got becomes even more and more important.

20:05.548 --> 20:15.287
[SPEAKER_01]: There's health benefits, there's mental benefits, there's when you're in the trenches with the little ones, there's protection against burnout benefits.

20:17.111 --> 20:20.518
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think there's, um,

20:21.967 --> 20:23.229
[SPEAKER_01]: There's so many facets to it.

20:23.269 --> 20:32.763
[SPEAKER_01]: There's this point where doing the things mean, doing the thing means you're staying in contact with you from days gone by and you're nurturing that.

20:34.165 --> 20:39.513
[SPEAKER_01]: Or maybe the parts of you from days gone by that you liked and you don't want to see di away.

20:39.533 --> 20:40.955
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.

20:40.975 --> 20:50.168
[SPEAKER_02]: There's lots of, there's also this version of yourself that comes alive.

20:51.633 --> 21:01.595
[SPEAKER_02]: and to understand somebody, or to fully feel like you're expressing yourself, to feel like you're fully just like, even just living in your own skin.

21:01.656 --> 21:07.228
[SPEAKER_02]: Those things need to find expression.

21:09.132 --> 21:14.220
[SPEAKER_02]: So we talked about this earlier on in the winter where when we can't guard it.

21:14.280 --> 21:17.765
[SPEAKER_02]: Like when I can't guard it, my brain gets all sloggy.

21:18.226 --> 21:22.592
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, because gardening is when my brain it's like a street sweeper, man.

21:22.853 --> 21:27.219
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, I don't direct my thoughts at all.

21:27.239 --> 21:29.683
[SPEAKER_02]: I love them do whatever they want.

21:29.743 --> 21:33.148
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's like, hey, do you remember when you said this stupid thing in fifth grade?

21:33.685 --> 21:34.706
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, I don't care.

21:35.127 --> 21:36.108
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm just proving roses.

21:36.248 --> 21:37.149
[SPEAKER_02]: Do what you need to do.

21:37.850 --> 21:39.673
[SPEAKER_02]: There's something very therapeutic about it.

21:40.193 --> 21:48.083
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you take those pieces away, there is this piece of you that ceases to be expressed.

21:48.103 --> 21:53.230
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that's where a dream's come is that they're a they're of actual

21:54.745 --> 21:55.306
[SPEAKER_02]: hate this word.

21:55.466 --> 21:57.648
[SPEAKER_02]: Manifestation and outworking.

21:57.668 --> 21:58.609
[SPEAKER_02]: And outworking.

21:58.629 --> 21:58.749
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

21:59.490 --> 22:00.370
[SPEAKER_00]: Of what's inside.

22:01.071 --> 22:01.672
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

22:01.692 --> 22:02.532
[SPEAKER_02]: Of what's inside.

22:03.093 --> 22:12.602
[SPEAKER_02]: So to me, like the tango thing makes complete sense, a dancer was such a big, you being a dancer was such a big part of yours and Joel's story prior to having children.

22:12.662 --> 22:13.543
[SPEAKER_02]: Sure.

22:13.783 --> 22:20.770
[SPEAKER_02]: And it was an expression and it was like this lived out piece of yourself that took you

22:21.121 --> 22:44.990
[SPEAKER_02]: to a new part of yourself, so to me, it makes complete sense that now that, you know, your children can stay home without you for a couple of hours or these sorts of things, it makes sense that that dreaming involves bringing her back, right?

22:45.010 --> 22:50.436
[SPEAKER_02]: I wonder though, I'm just thinking about where worried about what people will think,

22:53.504 --> 22:54.886
[SPEAKER_02]: But do they even care?

22:56.248 --> 22:57.129
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, that's just it.

22:57.149 --> 22:57.970
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm trying to think of it.

22:58.030 --> 23:01.775
[SPEAKER_02]: If anyone has actually ever said to me, like, what's your problem?

23:03.617 --> 23:04.639
[SPEAKER_02]: And I really, I can't.

23:05.860 --> 23:10.266
[SPEAKER_02]: Or have I even seen other women like be treated like that way?

23:10.286 --> 23:13.671
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know if I have.

23:14.031 --> 23:15.353
[SPEAKER_02]: Is that just a thing we say?

23:16.154 --> 23:17.676
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's maybe just a thing we say.

23:17.736 --> 23:19.018
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

23:19.038 --> 23:19.258
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

23:20.065 --> 23:26.217
[SPEAKER_01]: maybe based on like 1.5 negative things we've heard over the years, you know?

23:26.277 --> 23:28.300
[SPEAKER_01]: I do think it's just a thing we say.

23:28.561 --> 23:31.847
[SPEAKER_01]: And because really, it's just like having a zit, okay?

23:32.328 --> 23:35.033
[SPEAKER_01]: You're worried about your zit more than anybody else's.

23:35.073 --> 23:38.800
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like everybody has their own lives.

23:38.780 --> 24:02.610
[SPEAKER_01]: right they're not really like you're not that special that's just they're not thinking about you with that much I got my own stuff I don't dance tango what do I care right right right and I I think that can be kind of like an excuse card or at the very like very least maybe a

24:02.590 --> 24:14.621
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't even know that we're really that conscious of it, that people are that conscious of like thinking, I'm not executing or taking the first step towards this idea because I'm worried what people think.

24:14.681 --> 24:20.366
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think that actual, those actual words are crossing the screen.

24:20.406 --> 24:22.148
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

24:22.168 --> 24:24.930
[SPEAKER_02]: And there might be some people in your life who just say, what?

24:26.492 --> 24:32.057
[SPEAKER_02]: What do you mean?

24:33.438 --> 24:34.940
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, first off, let me ask you.

24:35.802 --> 24:38.365
[SPEAKER_02]: So you've mentioned dancing, tango, you've mentioned.

24:38.405 --> 24:41.250
[SPEAKER_02]: You want to get, you want to become a Somalia.

24:41.290 --> 25:01.420
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you have dreams that expand beyond that that you just, you don't say that you just want to keep inside or do you keep them inside because there's something about actually saying them, that what?

25:03.239 --> 25:07.345
[SPEAKER_02]: means like it has to be, like you have to be successful at it.

25:07.425 --> 25:09.768
[SPEAKER_02]: What is that?

25:09.788 --> 25:16.797
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, there's some things that I want to do that I don't quite know how to reconcile with this stage in my life.

25:17.678 --> 25:18.760
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

25:18.780 --> 25:32.959
[SPEAKER_01]: And, um, from like a statistical, statistical might not be the right word, but from the art typically done when one is younger,

25:34.002 --> 25:40.811
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, you know, so I'm kind of looking at like going, okay, when would I do this and what I even be valid?

25:42.293 --> 25:44.957
[SPEAKER_01]: Doing this, what I may relevant doing this.

25:46.819 --> 25:55.150
[SPEAKER_02]: Uh, yeah, so it's kind of what I was getting at I think if I'm thinking about just a lot of the women I know dreams that they have.

25:56.902 --> 26:00.847
[SPEAKER_02]: There is like this weird pressure and I don't know if it's a cultural thing.

26:00.867 --> 26:05.192
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not sure if it's something we put on ourselves or other people put us put it on us.

26:05.413 --> 26:14.324
[SPEAKER_02]: But there's this weird cultural thing where we're not okay with just being amateurs or just doing something because we enjoy it.

26:14.344 --> 26:19.530
[SPEAKER_02]: So like people don't sing they'll say things like I can't sing oh yes you can.

26:19.711 --> 26:21.373
[SPEAKER_02]: You can make the noise come out of your mouth.

26:21.673 --> 26:24.917
[SPEAKER_02]: But now if you can't be a professional singer.

26:24.897 --> 26:29.904
[SPEAKER_02]: right and have an Instagram page with 3 million followers and get your music up on how are you really a singer.

26:31.886 --> 26:34.910
[SPEAKER_02]: So you think that you have to sell your art to Valley?

26:34.930 --> 26:35.591
[SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.

26:35.912 --> 26:36.292
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

26:36.793 --> 26:36.953
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

26:36.973 --> 26:37.434
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

26:37.454 --> 26:39.657
[SPEAKER_02]: You can't just paint just because you like to paint.

26:42.440 --> 26:42.541
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

26:42.561 --> 26:50.371
[SPEAKER_01]: I think for the whole conversation, you got to take social media out of the equation because I've said that well, I mean, I did this whole thing on YouTube for years.

26:52.794 --> 26:54.837
[SPEAKER_01]: Like

26:54.817 --> 27:08.910
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, and I, I pushed it around like my love for like just doing weird things like water coloring on cakes and cookies and I was like just get in there mess around like who cares you don't have to be a professional also.

27:10.257 --> 27:16.446
[SPEAKER_01]: it does exist, just speak, even if you don't share it on social media.

27:17.207 --> 27:28.063
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like if there's like this validation equation, it's like action plus photograph plus posting on social media, media equals it exists.

27:28.043 --> 27:28.444
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

27:29.365 --> 27:30.287
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't just exist.

27:30.367 --> 27:33.072
[SPEAKER_01]: If it's just for me freaking gross.

27:33.513 --> 27:36.538
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't like you don't have to share it with people.

27:36.959 --> 27:38.221
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to get a thumbs up.

27:38.241 --> 27:41.126
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to get a heart on the text message from your friend.

27:42.829 --> 27:43.931
[SPEAKER_01]: Check yourself, man.

27:44.152 --> 27:52.887
[SPEAKER_01]: You can just actually do the thing and slap around in it and flop around in it and enjoy it and like nobody needs to know.

27:54.807 --> 28:10.099
[SPEAKER_01]: I am sure as bleep not gonna learn to dance tango to show anyone, you know, like, I'm gonna do that for me because of how my heart feels when I hear that music and feel my feet on the floor.

28:11.868 --> 28:29.877
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, there's this weird, weird thing with us modern women where we feel like and maybe we just do it out of excitement, but like it does actually exist and it does actually matter and you did actually do it if you don't post it.

28:29.857 --> 28:31.639
[SPEAKER_01]: if you don't document it at all.

28:31.659 --> 28:31.879
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

28:32.159 --> 28:33.241
[SPEAKER_02]: Document for sure.

28:34.142 --> 28:35.063
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

28:35.083 --> 28:54.463
[SPEAKER_02]: My cooking community diet and I were talking about this because there was this trend on social media a couple of years ago where you know when sourdough kind of took off during COVID and all of she's novice bakers would make their loaves and they'd cut them open and then they would open it up for their real.

28:54.865 --> 29:22.155
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, there were a lot of fails so you can imagine because sourdough baking is it's not impossible but there is a learning curve and there is a dexterity and there is like any other thing a process and I thought I remember feeling like I hope these people don't give up right I hope these people don't give up because they didn't get

29:22.658 --> 29:25.945
[SPEAKER_02]: the moment that they want to.

29:26.486 --> 29:30.635
[SPEAKER_02]: I hope that doesn't mean that they quit just enjoying baking.

29:36.567 --> 29:36.668
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

29:36.688 --> 29:43.502
[SPEAKER_02]: So we don't say, yes, we don't do the thing because

29:45.035 --> 29:46.397
[SPEAKER_02]: for whatever reason.

29:46.778 --> 29:48.861
[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe it's just a thing we think.

29:48.881 --> 29:52.266
[SPEAKER_02]: Even if we've never seen it, I'm really trying to scrape my brain.

29:52.386 --> 29:53.628
[SPEAKER_02]: I really can't think of one.

29:53.648 --> 29:58.876
[SPEAKER_02]: I really can't think of one.

29:59.998 --> 30:04.765
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I've had a few people be rude about me learning Italian.

30:05.268 --> 30:09.523
[SPEAKER_01]: you know, but I mean, I have had some like nasty experiences.

30:09.603 --> 30:17.269
[SPEAKER_01]: So like when I was, I had a situation once after I had my third, after I had Juliet, third baby.

30:17.722 --> 30:19.184
[SPEAKER_01]: I really like being a mom.

30:19.645 --> 30:24.952
[SPEAKER_01]: And I have my moments of overwhelm, but the newborn stage did not overwhelm me.

30:25.633 --> 30:34.425
[SPEAKER_01]: Having small children mess the PMS week, yes, crap on the floor, whatever, like that did overwhelm me.

30:34.465 --> 30:40.033
[SPEAKER_01]: But like this, the small kids and the, I liked it.

30:40.840 --> 30:43.988
[SPEAKER_01]: And I had my third baby and I was in the zone.

30:44.028 --> 30:47.937
[SPEAKER_01]: It was like day four and I was downstairs.

30:47.978 --> 30:56.318
[SPEAKER_01]: I was taking it easy, but I had made some bread and the kitchen was clean and choose from our church and she came over with a meal.

30:57.479 --> 31:01.267
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know, I mean, I tried not to be offended.

31:01.587 --> 31:05.936
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if she just expected to walk into her a cane central or what.

31:06.337 --> 31:17.580
[SPEAKER_01]: But there was bread on the countertop, and I was kind of presentable, and I had the baby, and she's just like, oh, well, you're just like, Susie, homemaker, aren't you?

31:20.800 --> 31:21.762
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know what to say.

31:21.802 --> 31:25.169
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I was a lot younger and you're kind of vulnerable.

31:25.189 --> 31:25.911
[SPEAKER_01]: You've just had a baby.

31:25.931 --> 31:40.682
[SPEAKER_01]: You're all your hormones are like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah

31:41.489 --> 31:51.482
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, like most insults, it was probably very much more about her than it was about you, either she had a different experience, or she was coming into this situation, kind of expecting to be the savior.

31:52.203 --> 31:53.245
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, definitely.

31:53.265 --> 31:55.367
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what it was, what it was.

31:55.388 --> 31:56.048
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.

31:56.289 --> 31:58.392
[SPEAKER_01]: It was really uncomfortable.

31:58.592 --> 32:01.776
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I wasn't obviously in my prime because I'm

32:01.756 --> 32:10.348
[SPEAKER_01]: You're just such kind of your hormones or just all your crying and then you're happy and then you're crying and you're happy But they did have the house like dialed in.

32:10.368 --> 32:12.251
[SPEAKER_01]: I was I was doing good.

32:13.152 --> 32:15.896
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it was really That was uncomfortable.

32:16.177 --> 32:19.782
[SPEAKER_01]: I just thought like what did What was I supposed to be?

32:20.588 --> 32:27.015
[SPEAKER_02]: What version of you think I am am I supposed to present to you at this time?

32:28.136 --> 32:28.516
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.

32:29.197 --> 32:33.221
[SPEAKER_01]: That's probably like the my biggest like example of kind of like somebody.

32:33.241 --> 32:35.624
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I was doing what I really loved.

32:35.644 --> 32:36.364
[SPEAKER_01]: I was baking bread.

32:36.384 --> 32:37.165
[SPEAKER_01]: I was holding a baby.

32:37.185 --> 32:38.487
[SPEAKER_01]: I might make a bun.

32:39.187 --> 32:40.569
[SPEAKER_01]: My counters were wiped off.

32:40.589 --> 32:47.676
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, that's what I really loved at that stage.

32:47.656 --> 32:50.719
[SPEAKER_01]: This, you know, 20 minutes later, you don't got it, but I didn't.

32:50.739 --> 32:51.500
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.

32:51.520 --> 32:52.701
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't like to get on it.

32:52.721 --> 32:53.682
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was the same way.

32:53.802 --> 32:55.624
[SPEAKER_02]: I just, I loved it.

32:57.125 --> 32:57.506
[SPEAKER_02]: I loved it.

32:57.526 --> 33:03.792
[SPEAKER_02]: And it was simple because what it took at that time, two thrive was just like, shower.

33:04.713 --> 33:06.194
[SPEAKER_01]: A boob and a shower.

33:06.575 --> 33:09.157
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, Exactly.

33:09.237 --> 33:10.278
[SPEAKER_01]: Watch out for my counters.

33:10.959 --> 33:11.359
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.

33:11.379 --> 33:11.679
[SPEAKER_02]: Great.

33:12.600 --> 33:13.421
[SPEAKER_02]: You're doing great.

33:17.045 --> 33:17.205
[SPEAKER_02]: Hmm.

33:17.225 --> 33:17.325
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

33:19.145 --> 33:21.568
[SPEAKER_02]: I think your point at the very beginning was right.

33:21.808 --> 33:26.874
[SPEAKER_02]: I think women are not short on desires.

33:28.876 --> 33:30.818
[SPEAKER_02]: We might be disconnected from them.

33:31.739 --> 33:31.959
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

33:32.400 --> 33:36.725
[SPEAKER_02]: I do think that stage, then you go through it year by year by year by year.

33:37.506 --> 33:41.490
[SPEAKER_02]: And you become maybe a little bit more disconnected.

33:42.213 --> 34:00.373
[SPEAKER_02]: from certain versions of yourself or for for certain dreams that you helped, you know, and then you have to do the thing where you like mature and accept your life is just going to look a little different than you thought and your kids aren't going to be these just like perfect little angels and

34:00.792 --> 34:06.379
[SPEAKER_02]: You're not going to be able, then there comes a time where you can't control your house in the way that you once could, right?

34:08.081 --> 34:20.397
[SPEAKER_02]: But all along that way, we live with desires, even if it's just a desire to be with our spouse alone or a desire for a clear-out.

34:21.198 --> 34:22.901
[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes that's as big as dreams can get.

34:24.463 --> 34:27.607
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's okay.

34:27.667 --> 34:28.588
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

34:32.635 --> 34:45.717
[SPEAKER_01]: do you think that it those can be held in the same hand like our responsibilities is homemaker and and dreaming and desires at the same time.

34:47.266 --> 34:50.190
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I do, and I will tell you the answer.

34:50.630 --> 34:53.915
[SPEAKER_02]: I know the answer, but right after we know you're going to break.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

37:39.256 --> 37:39.657
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

37:39.677 --> 37:53.763
[SPEAKER_01]: And I mean like overall, I mean from newborn stage to high school, do you think that it's a skill to be learned to hold your motherly, wifely homemaking responsibilities in the same hand?

37:55.186 --> 37:57.330
[SPEAKER_01]: So, as your dreams.

37:57.450 --> 37:57.690
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

37:57.711 --> 38:01.197
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, and I will tell you, it's a learned skill.

38:01.278 --> 38:03.846
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, I think that's really important that you layer that in there.

38:04.288 --> 38:09.405
[SPEAKER_02]: Still always tells me I'm a dreamer and he knows that I'm like a helium balloon man.

38:09.445 --> 38:12.334
[SPEAKER_02]: He's just constantly just like, hey.

38:13.630 --> 38:18.397
[SPEAKER_02]: Just trying to keep me, which is praise God.

38:18.578 --> 38:20.721
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, truly praise God.

38:20.741 --> 38:26.691
[SPEAKER_02]: But the thing that Stewart always drills in is not like, is this thing right or is this thing wrong?

38:27.131 --> 38:29.555
[SPEAKER_02]: Because we actually believe in Christian freedom.

38:30.917 --> 38:33.020
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, these aren't what we're talking about.

38:33.040 --> 38:35.925
[SPEAKER_02]: You're learning to dance to hangover.

38:35.905 --> 38:37.367
[SPEAKER_02]: whatever, visit France.

38:37.387 --> 38:39.891
[SPEAKER_01]: These aren't moral decisions, right?

38:40.092 --> 38:40.392
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

38:40.472 --> 38:42.776
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think so much of, yeah.

38:43.237 --> 38:43.457
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

38:43.477 --> 38:44.779
[SPEAKER_01]: These are moral decisions.

38:44.799 --> 38:44.979
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

38:45.480 --> 38:47.023
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, not moral decisions.

38:47.103 --> 38:47.524
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you.

38:48.024 --> 38:52.251
[SPEAKER_02]: But with Stewart always, always, always has reiterated to me over the years.

38:52.311 --> 38:54.615
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you guys have been a long time home, make her sheep listener.

38:54.755 --> 38:56.318
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, Stewart's a very wise man.

38:56.618 --> 38:57.880
[SPEAKER_02]: And he always just,

38:58.315 --> 39:03.139
[SPEAKER_02]: reorient me to managing my expectations.

39:03.820 --> 39:05.461
[SPEAKER_02]: Manage your expectations.

39:06.302 --> 39:08.083
[SPEAKER_02]: Just manage your expectations.

39:08.604 --> 39:09.905
[SPEAKER_02]: You want to write a book?

39:09.925 --> 39:12.247
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, you have three kids under four in your nursing.

39:12.467 --> 39:13.208
[SPEAKER_02]: Great.

39:13.228 --> 39:16.431
[SPEAKER_02]: Just manage your expectations of yourself and how long that's going to take you.

39:17.071 --> 39:18.252
[SPEAKER_02]: You want to keep a clean house?

39:19.353 --> 39:20.014
[SPEAKER_02]: Fantastic.

39:20.294 --> 39:21.936
[SPEAKER_02]: You want to redecorate the living room?

39:21.956 --> 39:22.276
[SPEAKER_02]: Great.

39:23.097 --> 39:28.221
[SPEAKER_02]: Not going to happen

39:28.876 --> 39:30.620
[SPEAKER_02]: you have whatever dream it is.

39:31.422 --> 39:31.722
[SPEAKER_02]: Great.

39:33.626 --> 39:34.829
[SPEAKER_02]: Manage your expectations.

39:36.072 --> 39:41.483
[SPEAKER_02]: Because we live in reality and we do live with responsibilities.

39:42.125 --> 39:43.628
[SPEAKER_02]: And we do live with...

39:44.553 --> 39:50.583
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, you know, some things that are not, okay, I'll speak for our family.

39:50.643 --> 39:50.983
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

39:52.225 --> 39:52.325
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

39:52.345 --> 39:53.507
[SPEAKER_02]: We go to church on Sunday.

39:53.527 --> 39:54.829
[SPEAKER_02]: So that's no secret.

39:54.849 --> 39:55.190
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

39:55.791 --> 39:58.936
[SPEAKER_02]: So that orient us in particular ways.

39:59.657 --> 40:02.482
[SPEAKER_02]: We are not free on our consciences.

40:02.942 --> 40:11.556
[SPEAKER_02]: We are not free to make choices that would take us away from being able to worship somewhere on Sunday morning.

40:11.536 --> 40:26.611
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, so dreams are good, but dreams have to live within the framework that you've already established in your conscience, in your family, in your home.

40:26.771 --> 40:32.497
[SPEAKER_02]: I am not free to go dance tango if I haven't made sure that my kids are accounted for.

40:33.437 --> 40:41.205
[SPEAKER_02]: Great.

40:42.603 --> 40:46.130
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, part of me is like, great, challenge accepted.

40:46.892 --> 40:51.682
[SPEAKER_02]: If me being able to take time for my Italian, which takes a while, I tell you.

40:51.702 --> 40:55.971
[SPEAKER_02]: If I want to have time for that, I mean, that means, I just need to get better.

40:56.288 --> 41:14.754
[SPEAKER_02]: I need to get and step up a little bit or come up with a different system or find a way that works better for the family so that I can meet the expectations that need to be met in my home for our standards, for our family, for our meals, for our, you know, from the way we talk to each other, to the way we orient our schedule.

41:15.095 --> 41:16.216
[SPEAKER_02]: I need to do that really well.

41:18.199 --> 41:18.820
[SPEAKER_02]: And then,

41:20.116 --> 41:27.808
[SPEAKER_02]: Once that's managed, I get to move over here and I get to pursue this with a clean conscience and joy.

41:28.949 --> 41:31.674
[SPEAKER_01]: Sure, I mean, first things first, really.

41:31.714 --> 41:32.435
[SPEAKER_01]: First things first.

41:32.515 --> 41:34.398
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, it's like what we teach our kids.

41:34.618 --> 41:36.160
[SPEAKER_01]: You've responsibilities before fun.

41:36.541 --> 41:38.484
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, about actually does apply to mom.

41:39.285 --> 41:45.735
[SPEAKER_01]: And just be, but I think that just because there are responsibilities doesn't mean you should lose the skill of

41:45.715 --> 42:09.934
[SPEAKER_01]: even entertaining the thought of the fun and like it's it's you're not meant to be a martyr you're you're not meant to fall in bed utterly exhausted night after night after night fully depleted fully not recognizing the woman in the mirror like that is not the eye that is something is wrong that is the pendulum swinging and then in the other direction that's right

42:10.285 --> 42:12.027
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you feel like that, something's wrong.

42:12.408 --> 42:13.048
[SPEAKER_01]: Something's wrong.

42:13.269 --> 42:14.851
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

42:15.231 --> 42:21.299
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, my husband says that I need to be selfish, so that I can be unselfish.

42:23.622 --> 42:25.124
[SPEAKER_01]: What is what is considered selfish?

42:26.165 --> 42:31.772
[SPEAKER_01]: He just, he knows that I need to be able to have time to put my makeup on.

42:32.092 --> 42:34.355
[SPEAKER_01]: I need to carve out time to work out.

42:35.136 --> 42:39.702
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't give up who I am.

42:41.285 --> 42:50.761
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I need to be able to come to the table and serve my people whole right without a chip on my shoulder quite frankly.

42:50.781 --> 42:54.827
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so that's how he simply phrases it.

42:54.968 --> 43:00.036
[SPEAKER_01]: He's yeah simple man you have to be selfish so you can so you can be unselfish.

43:00.893 --> 43:01.233
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

43:02.155 --> 43:05.499
[SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, like we mentioned, I think it was last week.

43:05.619 --> 43:08.002
[SPEAKER_02]: We did a whole season called it doesn't just happen.

43:09.484 --> 43:09.624
[SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.

43:09.644 --> 43:11.066
[SPEAKER_02]: Neither of these things happen.

43:11.246 --> 43:12.308
[SPEAKER_02]: Managing reality.

43:14.671 --> 43:16.773
[SPEAKER_02]: Unfortunately, it doesn't just happen.

43:17.695 --> 43:17.835
[SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.

43:18.636 --> 43:25.364
[SPEAKER_02]: And managing our families, managing our home, meaning our, like, none of these things just happen.

43:25.384 --> 43:29.770
[SPEAKER_02]: Neither does intentionally pursuing your dreams.

43:30.053 --> 43:41.274
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think maybe we get a little off track when we think, you know, we watched movies or we hear of these crazy stories where, oh, so intense.

43:41.294 --> 43:46.263
[SPEAKER_02]: They just sold everything and then they moved and then they're like, was fulfilled and not been perfect and lovely.

43:46.323 --> 43:51.893
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's almost like dream a dream has to completely remove you.

43:53.645 --> 43:58.440
[SPEAKER_02]: from your actual life, and I don't think that's true either.

43:58.460 --> 44:06.827
[SPEAKER_02]: I know that that's not true, but dreams often look a lot more like a really slow burn.

44:08.242 --> 44:37.506
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think again, that's just like, um, just kind of divorcing yourself from is this going to look like a Hollywood story or is this going to be like a slow discipline or I have to freaking get up 20 minutes earlier every day so that I can unload the dishwasher to have time to sew whatever it you know what I mean whatever it is vision in my mind of me like 65 and I am dressed

44:38.144 --> 44:43.564
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm just on the street and Italy, and I'm just in colloquial phrases, and they're like,

44:44.033 --> 44:45.614
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, did you grow up here?

44:45.634 --> 44:47.796
[SPEAKER_02]: You're Italian is so amazing.

44:47.836 --> 44:50.719
[SPEAKER_02]: And then they're like, how did you even notice say that?

44:50.739 --> 44:56.564
[SPEAKER_02]: Because of course, like, there's all these funny little idioms that you have to learn to sound more Italian, right?

44:56.584 --> 44:56.864
[SPEAKER_02]: Idioms?

44:57.305 --> 45:00.648
[SPEAKER_02]: You're not between a rock and a hard place between a cow and a horse.

45:00.928 --> 45:01.949
[SPEAKER_02]: That's just the way it is.

45:01.969 --> 45:03.290
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's a netty.

45:03.310 --> 45:03.510
[SPEAKER_02]: OK, right.

45:03.791 --> 45:04.791
[SPEAKER_02]: I have this vision.

45:04.932 --> 45:06.593
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'll tell you what that looks like.

45:07.414 --> 45:11.417
[SPEAKER_02]: It looks like ordering a caca Nutella roll instead of a caca Nutella roll.

45:11.677 --> 45:13.399
[SPEAKER_02]: That's what it actually looks like.

45:14.290 --> 45:16.633
[SPEAKER_02]: I would love to pass forward.

45:19.357 --> 45:37.041
[SPEAKER_02]: In the mean while I have my tutors going, you know this, you know this word, you know this word, you know this, we talked about this, you learned this and it just looks like endless, the actual dream looks like work.

45:38.438 --> 45:38.658
[SPEAKER_01]: it.

45:39.819 --> 45:41.141
[SPEAKER_01]: I, it does look like work.

45:41.261 --> 45:42.622
[SPEAKER_01]: I had a, I'm going to write about this.

45:43.123 --> 45:46.806
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, I don't want to like, let the cat on the bag, but whatever.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I had a really bad French lesson this morning.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And my poor husband walked in right after I got done.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I, I just started raging.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I was doing laundry.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I was like slamming the washing machine door.

45:59.079 --> 46:00.340
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I actually got mad.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I cried.

46:02.042 --> 46:03.163
[SPEAKER_01]: It was bad.

46:04.460 --> 46:13.432
[SPEAKER_01]: And I said, you know what, the problem, you know what the bugger is in this situation, it's that I'm just going to go back for another beating.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Because I want this so bad.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I know I will have to go through more mornings like this morning over and over and over again to what did you say opposite what was not manifest, but what?

46:29.432 --> 46:30.754
[SPEAKER_01]: Outwork.

46:30.734 --> 46:37.504
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, what does it mean to accomplish this goal, this goal slash dream, whatever.

46:37.524 --> 46:46.138
[SPEAKER_01]: I hate those two words, I hate those two words of speaking this stupid language and not sounding like a moron.

46:46.298 --> 46:53.509
[SPEAKER_01]: I will have to have more mornings like this where it brings me to tears and anchor.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I was furious after my lesson this morning and

46:59.759 --> 47:02.648
[SPEAKER_01]: Like it doesn't just happen, but that's your dream.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Right, is that what?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Ain't nobody going to fight for it, but me.

47:07.581 --> 47:08.061
[SPEAKER_01]: Do calls it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: You know, sometimes when I'm heading into the office to do my lesson, he'll go, he'll say, go take your lashings.

47:15.752 --> 47:21.820
[SPEAKER_02]: So, it was bad, but you're emotionally involved in your dreams.

47:21.840 --> 47:26.567
[SPEAKER_02]: And so, when you have a bad lesson, look, you know you're going to take the punch.

47:27.688 --> 47:33.276
[SPEAKER_02]: There was no question in your mind when you got down, like, oh, am I just going to quit?

47:33.256 --> 47:33.939
[SPEAKER_02]: No, no, no, no.

47:33.959 --> 47:40.026
[SPEAKER_02]: That was a bad lesson, you know what screw it is too hard and that's why like we're emotionally

47:40.360 --> 47:43.204
[SPEAKER_02]: or emotionally intertwined with our dreams, you know?

47:43.244 --> 47:52.036
[SPEAKER_02]: And you probably feel this way at French, but there is a version of Shay that exists when I speak Italian that does not exist.

47:52.276 --> 47:54.139
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, it is like growing a new head.

47:55.300 --> 48:00.808
[SPEAKER_02]: And you grow this whole new version of yourself that lives inside of you and like she wants to come out to play.

48:01.789 --> 48:03.912
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think people feel this way about different things.

48:03.952 --> 48:06.135
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm sure people feel like this about sports or something.

48:06.155 --> 48:08.578
[SPEAKER_02]: I never had that kind of shit.

48:12.760 --> 48:42.463
[SPEAKER_02]: But that's that piece that I'm talking about that that exists when we're engaged with this and any, you think about any worthwhile anything, whether it's skiing or art or music or parent maybe, you know, maybe it's someone in stream right now who are listening to just be a mom.

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[SPEAKER_02]: This is going to hurt.

48:44.971 --> 48:54.671
[SPEAKER_02]: This is going to hurt and it will be ecstasy and pain all watered up into this incredible experience.

48:55.914 --> 48:56.014
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

48:56.585 --> 49:02.210
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I want to go back to something because like you and I, I think maybe we've touched on it.

49:02.390 --> 49:03.591
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't personal conversations.

49:03.651 --> 49:26.592
[SPEAKER_01]: I still don't know about them because you said it, but like, I do want to go back to this like real hang up and I have somebody really close and I don't want to divulge too much of their story on the show, but I want to go back to these words moral decision, because I have somebody

49:33.777 --> 49:59.110
[SPEAKER_01]: do not pet what's the like the monopoly do not pass go do not let just do it you don't it's gonna be okay and I did I think I typed the words it's not a moral decision right it's okay and if it's the wrong decision like you're not gonna send your life or your family on this like downward trajectory right it's just a lip that shouldn't have done that or that was that was a fun six weeks but it didn't work out or whatever

49:59.090 --> 50:24.726
[SPEAKER_01]: I think we get like it's easy for moms and women to get because we do we just like look at our universe or like everything that's in front of us and it's like hours and we feel like it's so much our responsibility that we don't dare or do x, y, z for messing it up right and so many things like

50:24.908 --> 50:27.811
[SPEAKER_01]: your hobbies, things you want to try.

50:27.911 --> 50:35.921
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, it's going to be okay for you to put your hand to something and even fail, right?

50:35.941 --> 50:47.954
[SPEAKER_01]: Or even look back and go, yeah, that did cause the family a little bit too much inconvenience for mom to be gone on Tuesday nights to take adult ballet or, you know, whatever it is, it will be okay.

50:47.994 --> 50:54.882
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, Stephen Bartlett, when he's making a business decision, like, you get to that 51% or whatever, you just do it.

50:55.317 --> 50:56.142
[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to be okay.

50:56.605 --> 50:56.705
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

50:56.726 --> 50:58.195
[SPEAKER_02]: And if it's not, then you change.

50:58.919 --> 50:59.462
[SPEAKER_01]: Then you change.

51:00.509 --> 51:01.716
[SPEAKER_02]: If it's not, then you adapt.

51:02.320 --> 51:03.542
[SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not like saying yes isn't always reckless.

51:06.325 --> 51:19.942
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like we, when we're just kind of like in these safe confines of the home or our routine, even whether we're a mother or not, we feel like adding to the plate could be like, this horrible, reckless thing.

51:20.042 --> 51:24.388
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, sometimes you're just saying yes to something, like don't blow it out of proportion.

51:25.169 --> 51:26.891
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not always irresponsible.

51:26.951 --> 51:31.737
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not always self-indulgent.

51:31.717 --> 51:32.800
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

51:32.820 --> 51:38.814
[SPEAKER_02]: Stephen Bartlett, um, he had a gust on one time and I love this too because they were talking about the morality of money.

51:39.957 --> 51:43.405
[SPEAKER_02]: And this guy was saying, look, we all like different things.

51:43.625 --> 51:45.169
[SPEAKER_02]: He said, my wife.

51:45.436 --> 51:51.311
[SPEAKER_02]: like, I want to, I might flip this around, but she can really like nice hotels.

51:52.133 --> 51:53.877
[SPEAKER_02]: Like she didn't care about other stuff.

51:53.897 --> 51:54.920
[SPEAKER_02]: She just wanted nice.

51:55.040 --> 51:57.727
[SPEAKER_02]: When they traveled, she wanted to stay in a swanky place.

51:57.747 --> 51:59.892
[SPEAKER_02]: He's like, I could stay in a motel six.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I don't care.

52:02.159 --> 52:02.980
[SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.

52:03.000 --> 52:08.445
[SPEAKER_02]: But he liked really nice t-shirts and he had this t-shirt collection.

52:09.045 --> 52:15.711
[SPEAKER_02]: Like you get allocated, this certain amount of resource, whether it's time, money, whatever.

52:16.372 --> 52:17.873
[SPEAKER_02]: And you get to allocate it.

52:18.714 --> 52:20.816
[SPEAKER_02]: You get to decide where the pieces go.

52:20.856 --> 52:25.880
[SPEAKER_02]: For the most part, you know, we're talking of outside these morality sort of things.

52:26.461 --> 52:28.943
[SPEAKER_02]: You do get to decide some of these things.

52:28.983 --> 52:30.985
[SPEAKER_02]: And you're free to decide those things.

52:31.133 --> 52:41.226
[SPEAKER_02]: And that also means, if you're living in reality, when you say yes to something, you're automatically saying no to something else.

52:41.246 --> 52:41.427
[SPEAKER_02]: Sure.

52:41.747 --> 52:46.593
[SPEAKER_02]: So if Mom's whether it's ballet class on Tuesday, that means she's saying no to family dinner on Tuesday.

52:46.914 --> 52:52.041
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, if Tuesdays are the only night that the family can get together, probably not a good decision.

52:52.701 --> 52:59.250
[SPEAKER_02]: Like this, I mean, this is just, this is common sense, but I think you're right, yes, can feel reckless.

52:59.973 --> 53:09.945
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, can feel like risk, most of the time, it's not, most of the time is just uncomfortable.

53:11.186 --> 53:23.601
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you know, and it's, it's, you know, I think there's a lot more here because we didn't even really get into, you know, kind of what those streams are or, or then.

53:24.442 --> 53:24.883
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.

53:25.824 --> 53:28.387
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, we can do how you can we do a part two?

53:28.467 --> 53:30.250
[SPEAKER_02]: How can we work them out?

53:30.410 --> 53:31.692
[SPEAKER_02]: Or, you know, how do you step back?

53:31.712 --> 53:34.856
[SPEAKER_02]: How do you recognize when it's time for a dream to change?

53:34.956 --> 53:45.591
[SPEAKER_02]: I wrote about that on some sec last week of weeks ago and it really resonated with people because I was like, look, it was my dream one time to have a dairy cow.

53:46.732 --> 53:47.473
[SPEAKER_02]: That was my dream.

53:48.014 --> 53:51.158
[SPEAKER_02]: I used my tax return to buy my

53:51.914 --> 53:52.796
[SPEAKER_02]: and I love her.

53:53.818 --> 53:56.083
[SPEAKER_02]: And that dream had to change.

53:57.747 --> 53:58.288
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's okay.

53:59.571 --> 54:01.695
[SPEAKER_02]: That doesn't mean the dream failed or I failed.

54:01.716 --> 54:05.484
[SPEAKER_02]: It means that time goes on.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Right, so maybe maybe part two.

54:08.047 --> 54:12.237
[SPEAKER_02]: But in the meanwhile, I got to scoot because I have a perfect girl to go and celebrate.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So ladies, thank you so much for being here with us this season.

54:16.346 --> 54:20.356
[SPEAKER_02]: We are so grateful that you listen in, that you share the podcast, that you leave.

54:20.396 --> 54:21.599
[SPEAKER_02]: We didn't even do comments today.

54:21.619 --> 54:23.102
[SPEAKER_02]: That was my fault.

54:23.082 --> 54:34.117
[SPEAKER_01]: That's okay, but leave us some comments because if we're going to do a part two, okay, we want to have plenty to talk about so leave us your thoughts on this idea because we I'm looking at our notes.

54:34.157 --> 54:38.984
[SPEAKER_01]: I got a good two three pages of notes left, but I want to hear from the listeners as well.

54:39.585 --> 54:44.792
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, so you guys do that and thank you for supporting our sponsors.

54:45.193 --> 54:49.899
[SPEAKER_02]: That's that's how we're able to meet here with you because we could also just have these conversations on the phone.

54:49.919 --> 54:51.081
[SPEAKER_02]: We can't remember what's.

54:51.061 --> 54:58.933
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, what we're telling you, what we're talking about in a way, but you're supportive them makes homemakers she possible.

54:59.013 --> 54:59.494
[SPEAKER_02]: So thank you.

54:59.514 --> 55:00.155
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you.

55:00.255 --> 55:01.897
[SPEAKER_02]: All their information is in the show notes.

55:02.778 --> 55:06.123
[SPEAKER_02]: And when we do the next episode, Angela will be jetlagged.

55:06.484 --> 55:10.189
[SPEAKER_02]: So maybe we'll do a lot of comments that up this way.

55:11.792 --> 55:11.892
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_02]: All right, ladies.

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[SPEAKER_02]: We'll see you next time.

55:13.755 --> 55:14.095
[SPEAKER_02]: Cheers.

55:14.736 --> 55:15.297
[SPEAKER_02]: Cheers.

