[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Sexology, a podcast that untangles the science of sex and pleasure.
[SPEAKER_00]: And now, with this week's episode, your host, Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Naseneen Moali.
[SPEAKER_01]: We'll come back to another episode of The Sexology Podcast.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm your host, Dr. Nazanine, for all of you.
[SPEAKER_01]: And today's episode is about unlearning awakening and redefining what love and desire mean after growing up inside purity culture.
[SPEAKER_01]: What happens when the story you were given about sex about who's your supposed to be, how is supposed to love starts to crack?
[SPEAKER_01]: And what does it take to rebuild a relationship to desire that feels authentic, rather than inherited?
[SPEAKER_01]: My guest today is Courtney Boyer, therapist's turn-relationship coach and author of Opened from purity culture to polyamory.
[SPEAKER_01]: In this conversation we talk about the version of Courtney who once fully believed in purity culture, the first moment that disrupted that narrative and what it actually felt like to open her marriage while her husband remained monogamous.
[SPEAKER_01]: Shame and conflict in adulthood, and what emotional skills polyamory requires in real life.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's just in theory.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is a vulnerable nuanced conversation about jealousy tolerance, self-drust communication, and the hard-earned skills that freedom actually demands.
[SPEAKER_01]: Before we dive in, I want to talk about something incredibly common that intersects with confidence and shame in men's sexual experiences.
[SPEAKER_01]: About 1 in 3 men experience it at some point and it simply means ejaculating sooner than you want and feeling distress about it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Remember, always read the label and follow the interactions for best result.
[SPEAKER_01]: Alright, let's dive in!
[SPEAKER_01]: Hello and welcome back to another episode of the sexology podcast.
[SPEAKER_01]: I am so excited to welcome Courtney Boyer to our show, Courtney, welcome to our show.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so excited to be here.
[SPEAKER_01]: First of all, congratulations on your book.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just such an interesting, powerful story that you shared with us.
[SPEAKER_01]: Your book called Open From Purity Culture to Paul Yammery.
[SPEAKER_01]: What inspires you to write it?
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh gosh, you know, it's funny because my mom, she's been super supportive of me on this journey the last three and a half years and I would come back from dates and she would be like you should write that down like you should and so it kind of started out as like this compilation of really dramatic interesting dates and then my husband and I when we started to get to a really solid place was like, you know,
[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe you should write about our journey and your journey and your transformation from growing up in this completely different environment to being an openly polyamorous woman.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, love that.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, and how that may let's see more to many of our listeners.
[SPEAKER_01]: You grow up in a more of a conservative community.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you had this journey of coming to the realization, but it would be a fit for you, and it seems like it's right now you are at the
[SPEAKER_01]: joyous relationship kind of model for you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Can you tell us if you could rewind back to the version of Courtney who was immersed in pure declutter and I knew I could talk about that?
[SPEAKER_01]: What did she think about sex?
[SPEAKER_01]: How was it?
[SPEAKER_01]: What does it suppose?
[SPEAKER_01]: What did mean to be?
[SPEAKER_01]: And
[SPEAKER_01]: When did you start questioning it?
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I remember I remember hearing the word sex and thinking because I went to church like three times a week.
[SPEAKER_02]: I went to a Christian school and but like people acted so weird around that word and I remember slipping through my Bible and going through all of these different like the kids Bible, the adult Bible and looking for the word sex.
[SPEAKER_02]: and it was like never there.
[SPEAKER_02]: It was he lied with her or laid with her, he knew her.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I just remember having this like, okay, there's something kind of different about this.
[SPEAKER_02]: And then as I got into my teen years, sex really began to become equated with who I was, like as a as a woman, like what I represented as this this combustion of desire that had the possibility to, you know,
[SPEAKER_02]: So I really equated my worth, my safety, this, my love ability was all tied to my ability to stay sexually restrained.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's something I hear from lots of women that I work with.
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes women
[SPEAKER_01]: They connect their value because of like a purity culture, but they are also society to their lack of sexual experiences.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then when they have sex, when they're in like later phases of life, 30s and 40s, sometimes they get disappointed.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because they feel like they're partner and I'll give you this valuable thing, which is beautiful and valuable.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's just like they feel they're not as appreciated.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it can be very, very layered.
[SPEAKER_01]: When did you start questioning these concepts?
[SPEAKER_02]: I would say when I did everything that I was supposed to do.
[SPEAKER_02]: So like I got married at 22, I had our first kid at 26.
[SPEAKER_02]: But by the time I was 30, I had three kids.
[SPEAKER_02]: I had two master's degrees.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I was super successful and doing all the quote right things.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I just felt so disconnected.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like from myself, from pleasure.
[SPEAKER_02]: My husband was, you know, a physician and was like more so married to his job that he was to me and I just like feasted off of his breadcrumbs and never really question that and when I started to think about because my oldest two kids are girls like what I want them to marry if they were heterosexual if what I want them to marry or partner with somebody like their dad.
[SPEAKER_02]: like my husband and I was like, no.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that realization to me is what really started to crack this image and question everything.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's so powerful.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you were at the place that it's on paper.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was great, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you made it.
[SPEAKER_01]: You have beautiful families, successful jobs, but inside you, you were not feeling fulfilled.
[SPEAKER_01]: And they know you talk about this perfect, the myth of perfect Christian wife, can you tell us a little bit about that?
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so growing up, there's this emphasis, especially the water-times people will quote from Proverbs 31.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's like the perfect wife, and she, you know, does all of these things, it takes care of her family, but she's also independent, although I do see that the independence part is pretty downplayed in most evangelical Christian
[SPEAKER_02]: But it's just, it's performative.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like her worth is associated and tied to her ability to give and to sacrifice.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I just, there was this, now this is certainly, again, it's not overtly stated, but it's just the culture that you see in the examples of the women before us and around us, that it's the sacrifice and really treating them, they create themselves into these martyrs.
[SPEAKER_02]: that motherhood and marriage is this like grand sacrifice that they put their careers on hold and they
[SPEAKER_02]: decided to pour everything into their family.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's celebrated.
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's really what the perfect Christian life is.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's kind of like in this place of Sainthood, almost right.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, you're providing for the family.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's very similar to my upbringing, many conservative communities.
[SPEAKER_01]: They are these archetypes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, women, kind of like presenting this way, selfless.
[SPEAKER_01]: And pleasure is not something that you celebrate for this type of archetype.
[SPEAKER_02]: No, pleasure is either a distraction or it's a reward and the reward is only within certain confines and even then it's still accompanied with guilt and shame sometimes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
[SPEAKER_01]: And when women own it, demeaning, that comes with it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I love your story.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's why you mopend up your marriage while your husband chose monogame.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so I had asked him for an open marriage four years ago on our 17th wedding anniversary, and he was like, absolutely not.
[SPEAKER_02]: Nope, nope, not interested.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so we spent the next six months really talking about why I felt drama to this relationship model and I didn't expect him to be none the dog mist as well.
[SPEAKER_02]: And
[SPEAKER_02]: He just had zero interest in over the past three and a half years from when we officially opened it and then I did realize quickly that I was polyamorous.
[SPEAKER_02]: He is just even felt more secure in his choice to stay monogamous.
[SPEAKER_02]: He's like, you know.
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, yeah, sometimes I do get a little bit jealous because you're quote with another man or, you know, I'm sharing you or whatever, but more so that you get to do these fun things and connect with somebody on this really like the exciting fun level and that would be fun, but he but he's like, but that this is just small part of your journey and it's a lot of work and lots of effort and he's like, I'm too tired.
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to do that.
[SPEAKER_01]: That is beautiful, it's like he showed openness to this.
[SPEAKER_01]: Not a little bit about that.
[SPEAKER_01]: How did you guys cultivate it?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I see the desire from many of my colleagues and friends that they want to have an open relationship, but their partner is not ready, and that's why they're not pursuing it.
[SPEAKER_01]: So tell us a little bit about that process for you.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that was hard because we know but there's not a playbook for that.
[SPEAKER_02]: There's not like, hey, how do you transition from monogamy to non-monogamy?
[SPEAKER_02]: And because non-monogamy is not a one-size-fits-all, it is so nuanced and it is different for every single couple in what that looks like and what the goal of it is or the purpose for opening the marriage.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so that was something that I didn't
[SPEAKER_02]: Like what I wanted or what it looked like, I just knew that I felt so suffocated by monogamy.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so when we were having these conversations about opening the marriage, he was incredibly supportive about, okay, I see that this is something that lights you up.
[SPEAKER_02]: I see that this is something that like you just have this connection with and he couldn't deny that.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I really appreciate.
[SPEAKER_02]: That self-awareness on his part that he was like, okay, there's something here that we need to figure out.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think you guys land on this place of how much do we want to know, because that is also another place that I see many couples struggle, like when there is a polymonal kind of dynamic.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I think he's always been pretty like I don't want to know the sexual details that you with a, you know, your other partner or other partners, but he is fine, you know, it's like the parallel polyamory, but the flavor of like garden party, you know, so occasionally he's okay with meeting or having them be a part of an event or being at the same event as the other partner, but
[SPEAKER_02]: For the most part, he has been pretty steadfast in what he feels comfortable with, and I've just respected that.
[SPEAKER_02]: Most of the time, sometimes I get a little excited, and I at least in the beginning.
[SPEAKER_02]: Now, I'm pretty much adjusted, but in the beginning, it just because I didn't have anybody to talk to about it, because we were so
[SPEAKER_02]: private, which obviously we're not now, but that was hard because he was like my like really the only person to process with and which wasn't fair of me.
[SPEAKER_02]: I really needed to respect his boundaries of just saying, hey, I'd appreciate it if you just didn't bring this up and find a different person to talk to.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, it it completely makes sense for the air like friends that they're their partner is their best friend like you leave a life with them.
[SPEAKER_01]: You want to share this kind of cool thing with your best friend is what it kind of makes sense, but I know that like with there are nuances and emotion that comes up and glad that you are.
[SPEAKER_01]: decided to be kind of like, you guys land at the place that you felt comfortable.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think the other piece, it's just very powerful coming out with this story, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like all of it in yourself, what made you lean into that?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just very powerful.
[SPEAKER_02]: It was actually my husband.
[SPEAKER_02]: So when we were first opening the marriage, I looked online.
[SPEAKER_02]: My sister was like, go to Reddit, you know, go to TikTok and I did and I saw these.
[SPEAKER_02]: you know, people on their, they didn't look anything like movies creators.
[SPEAKER_02]: They were, you know, tattoos and piercines and they had like four partners and they weren't none of them were legally married and none of them had kids and none of them, like, were professionals and there's nothing wrong with those people.
[SPEAKER_02]: They are a beautiful part of our community.
[SPEAKER_02]: But I didn't see myself in them.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I couldn't relate.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so then I would go to their comment section.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I would just see the most awful things that people would say about them.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I would literally just shut my computer and put my phone down and be like, I can't do this.
[SPEAKER_02]: I can't talk to anybody about this.
[SPEAKER_02]: And then three, like after my husband and I got to a really good spot, he said,
[SPEAKER_02]: What if we created a YouTube channel?
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, yeah, okay, because he's not a social media person at all.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like he doesn't do like the camera stuff.
[SPEAKER_02]: He's pretty chill.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, yeah, okay.
[SPEAKER_02]: And he was like, no, I'm serious.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like we need to create a resource for people to help them.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like people who were like us.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was it was one of the most like connected erotic moments for me to see him.
[SPEAKER_02]: like in that because from when we started when he asked like what is wrong with you, like why would you ask me for an open marriage with such disgust to him being the one that wants to like out us to the world?
[SPEAKER_02]: It was just because he believed so much in what we've created and that was yeah I wanted I was proud of that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And thank you for
[SPEAKER_01]: sharing your story, creating the content, your own representation really matters, because sometimes people find themselves drawn to this different models of relationship, and they're really hard if you don't have a template.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, how do I can representation, who can I create with hearing people's stories, can help others to feel validated, and also the shame that comes with
[SPEAKER_01]: owning your pleasure, wanting to something different, especially if you come from a conservative culture, a purity culture, and unlearning as therapists, you also know it's very powerful.
[SPEAKER_01]: So what is the do you have any experience of suggestion exercises?
[SPEAKER_01]: Think that you invite people to think about when they wanna kind of move toward unlearning shame around these topics.
[SPEAKER_02]: One of the things that I didn't realize was how disconnected I was from my body, and that was something that the whole polyamory dating being sexually intimate with another human, other than, you know, the one that I've been with for so long.
[SPEAKER_02]: It really forced me to like, oh, I need to embody like I need to really be here because what's the point if I'm checked out during sex, like, because that is a part, at least for me of my polyamory and, you know, being in relationship and being fully present and emotionally connected and so.
[SPEAKER_02]: I had to consciously and intentionally choose to be present and embodied and be okay with my body when I was partnering with another person.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so one of the things I encourage people to do is just to really acknowledge, like you don't even have to love your body.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like just acknowledge that your body has reactions, sensations, and just be like, make peace with that.
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't have to go from
[SPEAKER_02]: I hate my body and I'm so disconnected to, oh my gosh, I love my body.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like it's the best.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's more of coming to that neutral spot of just saying, okay, there's there's no good or bad.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's no, you know, a performance or response.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's just I'm just noticing and I'm just witnessing and being present in this situation.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that, kind of like it first of all, be really tuned to what is the purpose of this, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because times when we are coming from a pure Dakota culture it's like more of duty, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we're doing sex because they're not a duty, but they're coming from the splits of curiosity, only just when I'm excited about and having kind of checking in with yourself.
[SPEAKER_01]: And going, you think it's one thing you and you have more of kind of casual encounter versus being in polyamorous relationships.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, in theory, people can have an idea if they're not in a polyamorous community, how polyamorous look like, but as a person in a monogamous relationship transitioning to polyamory, what's been some of the skills, things, and or kind of aspect of yourself that you discover that it was more front-hand center or things that you've learned.
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, gosh, the hands down,
[SPEAKER_02]: because when you grow up in a controlling religion, they do not want you to trust yourself.
[SPEAKER_02]: They want you to trust them to trust authority.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so you learn to just shut off that intuitive voice.
[SPEAKER_02]: And just be like, nope, that's a distraction, that's gonna lead me astray.
[SPEAKER_02]: So I had to really come home and be friends myself and start to really trust her.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so when I am in these relationships with other men
[SPEAKER_02]: This doesn't feel right like this I'm not really liking where this is going or the opposite.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, man, this does feel good.
[SPEAKER_02]: This does feel safe and learning to trust my perception, my needs and and the timing of the relationships.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you still hear it that they get a message in on time?
[SPEAKER_01]: At times when you are engaging with other people or with your desires, the reason I'm asking is that I'm very out about my sexual life, about things I like, but at times they hear this
[SPEAKER_01]: Like almost automatic voice at times, it gets on, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: That the shame-based voice that you're noting, I'm kind of curious about what's been your experience with managing that critical voice, or you even notice it?
[SPEAKER_02]: I think the only critical voice that I've been dealing with lately, I think it takes different flavors, like depending on the season and where I've been at.
[SPEAKER_02]: So for me right now, one of the things that I struggle with is why, why, I guess maybe there's two things.
[SPEAKER_02]: The first one is why do I, why am I attracted to partners that want to hide me?
[SPEAKER_02]: So there's a shame because typically I date younger men.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so there's this age gap that it's not usually like visible, you know, like, oh my god, he's like half your age is not like that kind of thing.
[SPEAKER_02]: But it's about 10, 10 of years.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so a lot of these men aren't,
[SPEAKER_02]: out as dating married older women and so then in the past they've hidden me and that hurts like that does it feel good and so I had to really sit with that for a long time and when I was writing open that was something I had to revisit a lot and when I was writing about the relationships.
[SPEAKER_02]: So that was probably that like why am I not?
[SPEAKER_02]: like worthy enough for good enough to be publicly out with somebody who supposedly loves me or cares about me and then I think the other one is probably because I get we get asked this on our on our YouTube channel like we would love to see one of Courtney's other partners come on to show her come on and you know talk and I don't have another partner right now and I haven't had another partner in a year.
[SPEAKER_02]: And so in polyamory, sometimes it can, especially when you see a lot of other creators who have like multiple partners and they're like, oh, I went here and then this partner like and that's I really truly am happy for them, but sometimes I think that voice come done it's like, oh, like what's wrong with you that you can't keep a relationship.
[SPEAKER_01]: There could be, I think it can be very later.
[SPEAKER_01]: First of all, thank you for sharing that and sharing your honest experience.
[SPEAKER_01]: And also, it can be very layered, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because like, they're going to representation.
[SPEAKER_01]: What does it supposed to look like?
[SPEAKER_01]: What does it supposed to feel like?
[SPEAKER_01]: Am I doing it right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because the only thing that people have taught us, like, historically, it's monogamy.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not even a successful version of monogamy, but we know what that supposed to look like.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the one thing you brought up that was very interesting, I noticed a huge shift towards age-captating women dating younger, younger men, and being more compatible.
[SPEAKER_01]: What's your thoughts about that?
[SPEAKER_01]: Why do you think it's more of a shift that we're seeing?
[SPEAKER_02]: One of the things that and this has just been my experience is when the reason I think I've been drawn more to younger men versus men my own age because at first I only dated men within like a three or five year window of me and then I started to be like, oh, I got this guy does not look like he's 28 but.
[SPEAKER_02]: at damn.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, okay, let's explore this.
[SPEAKER_02]: There's like a level of respect that younger men have towards women, like older women, and there's a curiosity, there's like a level of reverence, even like, man, you have so much experience, you have so much wisdom.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not that, I mean, yes, some have been like, oh, what can you teach me?
[SPEAKER_02]: But other men really are like, you're just a
[SPEAKER_02]: Or in your sphere in your aura versus men my age or even slightly older.
[SPEAKER_02]: I've never dated anybody older five years older than me.
[SPEAKER_02]: It's more like okay you're like what's your big what's your big deal like you're just you're you grow up the same way I did your
[SPEAKER_02]: around the same ages me.
[SPEAKER_02]: You've got the same life experience.
[SPEAKER_02]: There's not that curiosity.
[SPEAKER_02]: And there's a lot more stubbornness I find too.
[SPEAKER_02]: Whereas younger guys tend to be more open-minded and really open to what the older women are interested in.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think I hear about like I've been a cough conversation with men talking about the respect with them and also for especially many heterosexual men.
[SPEAKER_01]: The
[SPEAKER_01]: embodiment than it comes when women are older because like more comfortable they know who they are hopefully and then yes that's just on its own it's very sexy.
[SPEAKER_01]: So for our listeners that they find themselves drawn to like their monogamous relationship to drawn to some type of open relationship, what's your invitation that you have for them?
[SPEAKER_01]: What kind of exploring it with the partner?
[SPEAKER_02]: When I get asked this through, you know, or comments or DMs, I always say identify your why.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, why do you want, why are you drawn to this?
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, it is, I have, you know, sometimes these guys have been like, oh, man, it's so hot.
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, my girlfriend and I go to the strip club and I'll watch her with another woman and we just get like so turned on with thinking of opening our our relationship.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like,
[SPEAKER_02]: Sorry to tell your friend that a paid sexual interaction with somebody is significantly different than what you're talking about and there's nothing wrong with either one right they're both great, but just like let's manage expectations and also what what are you hoping to bring for are you just wanting to add some spice to your relationship are you wanting to like expand.
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, your capabilities of your emotional capacity are you wanting to have different interests that you get to experience with different people like there's no right or wrong answer, but if you don't have a strong why you will crumble really fast because society does not celebrate non-monogamy it really it changed it and so if you aren't secure and why you want to do this non-conformist thing it's going to be tough.
[SPEAKER_01]: absolutely kind of have knowing your why talking about it with the partner.
[SPEAKER_01]: And also, you know, for many women, like having your own back, there's nothing wrong with wanting something different, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going back and it's shame, like it's not that you're because you want to prioritize pleasure, like you're a bad mom, you're a bad person, just like you're still there with it.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, you do.
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I get cold out a lot too.
[SPEAKER_02]: I've been told, you know, you need to focus on your kids.
[SPEAKER_02]: You're setting a bad example for your kids.
[SPEAKER_02]: And I can't think of a better example than a mom showing like her most authentic selves and going after the things that.
[SPEAKER_02]: matter and it's I'm not going after men like that's not what matters.
[SPEAKER_02]: What matters is being in a life that feels pleasure filled and that you get joy from different kinds of relationships and you don't put limits on it.
[SPEAKER_02]: At least for me that's what feels good and my kids see me come home built and like full of energy and joy and excitement and they see that I'm intentional with them and their dad and they they love that.
[SPEAKER_02]: My relationship with my kids is significantly improved.
[SPEAKER_02]: sense this whole journey began.
[SPEAKER_01]: I appreciate your your naming it and sharing it because sometimes I find many women, they find themselves at the place of dimming their own light.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that impacts how they show up in the marriage, at work, children.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like when you are bringing your light and as you said, you're filled with joy and happiness, the whole system improves.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I love that you have a YouTube channel.
[SPEAKER_01]: You have your book.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been many of our listeners.
[SPEAKER_01]: They are curious to learn more about you and all the content that you put out there.
[SPEAKER_01]: What are some of the places they can access that content?
[SPEAKER_02]: Here.
[SPEAKER_02]: So the YouTube channel and one of the Instagram accounts is the monopoly couple.
[SPEAKER_02]: It looks like monopoly, which is funny because, you know, it's not a board game, but and then my website is courty boyarkojin.com and all my other social media is courty boyarkojin.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, courty, thank you so much for coming in this show.
[SPEAKER_01]: I recommend people to get the book, leaning to learning from you because that's the question because a lot, like many people want to be
[SPEAKER_01]: exploring the monopoly dynamic.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that would be a great place for them to learn more about you and your relationship, and thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your listeners today.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, thank you so much for having me.
[SPEAKER_01]: Bye there.
[SPEAKER_01]: As you wrap up, I hope this conversation invites you to gently examine the stories you were handed about sex, love, and worthiness, whether or not polyamory is part of your path, the deeper invitation here is about autonomy, about choosing relationships consciously, rather than inheriting them unconsciously.
[SPEAKER_01]: unlearning shame is really dramatic.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's usually subtle.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's noticing when your body feels safe, when your voice feels clearer, when desire no longer feels like something to hide.
[SPEAKER_01]: And before we close, one more reminder, if control and confidence and bedroom is something you're working on, steady-freddy our sponsor is offering 15% of
[SPEAKER_01]: with code, sexology at steadyfreddit.com forward slash, sexology.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for being here for staying curious and for doing the courageous workout rewriting your story.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll see you in the next episode of the Sexology podcast.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for listening to Sixology Podcasts for more great content visit www.sixologypodcast.com Please be advised that information presented on this podcast is not a substitute for seeking help from a licensed mental health provider.