WEBVTT 00:00.031 --> 00:04.320 [SPEAKER_01]: what's up everyone welcome back to girls with goals with your hosts and Katherine and Caroline. 00:04.580 --> 00:08.488 [SPEAKER_01]: Today we're talking about personality which I've talked about this before. 00:08.608 --> 00:13.619 [SPEAKER_01]: I love the concept personality because I have grown to have a strong personality and to like that. 00:14.601 --> 00:16.825 [SPEAKER_01]: But okay, but I want to talk see you. 00:17.986 --> 00:19.732 [SPEAKER_00]: That was your first personality. 00:19.812 --> 00:21.257 [SPEAKER_00]: That was the first and all of you showing. 00:21.277 --> 00:30.088 [SPEAKER_01]: I said, yeah, you said recently I was talking to my friend about the constant personality and how you have to like actually practice it and develop it and how when we met. 00:30.710 --> 00:36.377 [SPEAKER_01]: Like four years ago, obviously we, our personalities were not as strong because we weren't as like confident and comfortable in them. 00:36.417 --> 00:40.522 [SPEAKER_01]: And we hadn't tried enough things to figure out what our personalities actually were. 00:40.642 --> 00:45.788 [SPEAKER_01]: And now we feel like our personalities are a lot more organic and unique to ourselves. 00:46.129 --> 00:53.898 [SPEAKER_01]: And we're also talking about the opposite of that, where, you know, we know people and you know, we've obviously all met people that were like, you have no personality. 00:53.998 --> 00:55.380 [SPEAKER_01]: They really feel like I don't hear time. 00:55.520 --> 01:00.666 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you know when you see someone and you're like, either trying too hard to take on someone else's 01:00.730 --> 01:07.860 [SPEAKER_01]: not even someone else's personality is like something that doesn't actually fit them, which obviously we've all been to phrases like that. 01:08.621 --> 01:17.433 [SPEAKER_01]: And you have to learn that something doesn't fit you, but you also have to be comfortable and like aware and confident enough to say, hey, this doesn't fit me. 01:17.634 --> 01:18.655 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to 01:19.765 --> 01:20.867 [SPEAKER_01]: do something else? 01:20.887 --> 01:37.080 [SPEAKER_00]: Were you thinking that your personalities each developed over time like in themselves or was part of it when you're saying you first met were you like not comfortable enough with each other for your personality to come out or is it more just like a personal while we've both really grown into our personalities? 01:37.120 --> 01:39.765 [SPEAKER_01]: No, that was just like a general point of like what it's been. 01:39.745 --> 01:54.227 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, you practice your personality long enough and it becomes more like you, but the message being you actually have to practice your personality is not something you just wake up with one day with a fully formed personality and obviously we look back at like home videos and 01:55.287 --> 02:04.697 [SPEAKER_01]: Caroline, I obviously were twins, so we're all in all the same home videos and we're dressed alike and sometimes our parents like can't tell us apart in the videos and we're like, no, that's obviously me. 02:05.177 --> 02:14.147 [SPEAKER_01]: Like that's obviously Caroline or some videos we all say like obviously that's Caroline even when we're one month old because they're just to hell. 02:14.247 --> 02:24.197 [SPEAKER_01]: You can just tell like there are some things that are embedded in your personality and like are who you are, but even as you grow and develop and that becomes stronger, 02:24.177 --> 02:30.186 [SPEAKER_01]: No, that are your personality or know that are aligned with you or know that like that's your part of your mannerism. 02:30.206 --> 02:31.087 [SPEAKER_01]: That's part of your interest. 02:31.107 --> 02:33.431 [SPEAKER_01]: That's part of how you express those interests. 02:33.451 --> 02:44.487 [SPEAKER_01]: The other thing that my friend and I talked about was like, we have similar interests in a lot of things, but the way we approach them the way we talk about them, the way we do them is very different because we approach them with the different personality. 02:44.528 --> 02:48.193 [SPEAKER_01]: So we make them our own, which I think is huge. 02:48.173 --> 02:57.722 [SPEAKER_01]: because your personality is made up of so many things and that's not only how people interpret you and how you feel comfortable in yourself, but it's also how you approach and actually experience everything. 02:57.762 --> 03:09.434 [SPEAKER_01]: So your personality is your tone, it's your energy, how you dress, how you walk and talk, who you align yourself with, what you choose to make a conscious effort and bring into your life, or keep into your life. 03:09.474 --> 03:15.480 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm curious to hear what you are going to say about how to practice your 03:15.460 --> 03:20.985 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I do feel like personally I have developed my personality a bit more in the past a year have which is great. 03:21.065 --> 03:31.756 [SPEAKER_00]: The concept of practicing your personalities really interesting because I don't think I ever really prioritized like having a unique personality if that even makes sense. 03:31.956 --> 03:37.901 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm always very focused on what my plan is, what I'm doing, the things that I care about getting worked on. 03:37.921 --> 03:43.847 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not necessarily focused on like my personality and how I am 03:43.827 --> 03:46.031 [SPEAKER_00]: showing up and interacting with others. 03:46.051 --> 03:52.143 [SPEAKER_01]: Like in that way, if that makes sense, it's not as tangible, but it is so, so important. 03:52.163 --> 03:59.418 [SPEAKER_01]: His personality is what actually makes you attractive to other people in a business setting, in a social setting, even. 03:59.438 --> 04:00.460 [SPEAKER_01]: I was thinking about this. 04:00.500 --> 04:01.281 [SPEAKER_01]: I was at the doctor. 04:01.301 --> 04:03.165 [SPEAKER_01]: I was at the dermatologist the other day. 04:03.265 --> 04:03.506 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 04:04.047 --> 04:06.291 [SPEAKER_01]: The, the, 04:06.271 --> 04:10.278 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what her actual role is, but like, let's say nurse, okay, so nice. 04:10.318 --> 04:11.179 [SPEAKER_01]: We had such a great time. 04:11.520 --> 04:12.241 [SPEAKER_01]: We had such a great time. 04:12.281 --> 04:12.922 [SPEAKER_01]: She was so nice. 04:12.962 --> 04:13.844 [SPEAKER_01]: It was so easy. 04:13.904 --> 04:15.587 [SPEAKER_01]: We were having like cohesive conversations. 04:15.607 --> 04:17.369 [SPEAKER_01]: We really like, we're on the same vibe. 04:17.390 --> 04:18.471 [SPEAKER_01]: She's like, oh, and I'll bring you samples. 04:18.491 --> 04:21.076 [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, oh, wait, don't bring me those because like, I know I'm allergic to that. 04:21.096 --> 04:22.137 [SPEAKER_01]: And she's like, oh my god, that's fine. 04:22.177 --> 04:23.259 [SPEAKER_01]: Because this one's my favorite. 04:23.279 --> 04:24.321 [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm going to actually bring you one of these. 04:24.461 --> 04:25.723 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not like a superficial thing. 04:25.763 --> 04:28.007 [SPEAKER_01]: We just like, we're on the same wavelength. 04:28.027 --> 04:29.930 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure she would approach, you know, with my mom went. 04:29.950 --> 04:30.511 [SPEAKER_01]: It was in that room. 04:30.531 --> 04:30.912 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. 04:30.892 --> 04:32.697 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure she would approach her with the same friendliness. 04:32.998 --> 04:36.949 [SPEAKER_01]: She wouldn't be on the same caliber of like, we're speaking in more relaxed terms. 04:37.009 --> 04:39.957 [SPEAKER_01]: Or we're like speaking faster or like speaking on the same way. 04:40.358 --> 04:42.520 [SPEAKER_01]: And then the doctor came, the dermatologist came in. 04:42.580 --> 04:44.282 [SPEAKER_01]: It was a bitch. 04:44.302 --> 04:45.384 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, bitch. 04:45.404 --> 04:48.988 [SPEAKER_01]: I was taking spirit election for a long time and that's like a hormonal thing. 04:49.128 --> 04:50.149 [SPEAKER_01]: But I don't fuck with that. 04:50.189 --> 04:51.250 [SPEAKER_01]: So I stopped taking it. 04:51.590 --> 04:52.812 [SPEAKER_01]: So she's like, why did you do that? 04:53.453 --> 05:02.523 [SPEAKER_01]: It's like, because I didn't, because I don't want to like, I'm not really interested in taking any oral medication or definitely anything that is like medication that is impacting my hormones. 05:02.543 --> 05:03.784 [SPEAKER_01]: That I don't 05:03.764 --> 05:15.312 [SPEAKER_01]: No one left about to make conscious effort to choose to take that and choose like in why and I was like personal preference and she was just like kept No, because she just went through the effort of like finding a solution that actually worked. 05:15.813 --> 05:17.898 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not asking you first solution. 05:17.938 --> 05:19.040 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not asking you first solution. 05:19.060 --> 05:22.228 [SPEAKER_01]: I've actually found products that I like and 05:22.208 --> 05:38.800 [SPEAKER_01]: that's fine with me and you know what you don't know my skin because you actually you've never asked but she dead ass looked me in the face after I said I wasn't interested in it I'm not here to get I'm here to get my skin checked tell me how how my skin is looking to have anything that needs to be looked up for their skin service. 05:38.780 --> 05:43.547 [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, like a not like an annual skin check because I'm in the sun a lot and I'm very pale. 05:43.708 --> 05:47.173 [SPEAKER_01]: All I need to know is do you see anything that looks suspicious or am I all good? 05:47.313 --> 05:53.783 [SPEAKER_01]: And if I wanted to have an open conversation which I wouldn't be totally open to having conversation about maybe different products that could help with my face, skin care. 05:54.404 --> 06:01.735 [SPEAKER_01]: But don't come at me with an attitude because you chose to present yourself that way in immediately and this is like not even personality. 06:01.755 --> 06:03.538 [SPEAKER_01]: It's just like I'm upset that she was rude as fuck. 06:03.518 --> 06:08.384 [SPEAKER_01]: But because of that, I'm like, I am not going to show any of my personality. 06:08.404 --> 06:09.525 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to be bland. 06:09.585 --> 06:12.528 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to be blunt and I'm going to give you a similar energy back. 06:12.688 --> 06:26.404 [SPEAKER_01]: But like showing up with a personality and matching that in public in a small setting, you have ever been in like a grocery store line and you're chatting with a person at checkout because like, oh, let me put this, the bar between or you put the same thing on the aisle and you're like, oh, I love that. 06:26.384 --> 06:33.058 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, you have a 30 second conversation because you had some personality and you had enough confidence in trusting yourself. 06:33.078 --> 06:37.287 [SPEAKER_01]: You were secure enough in who you are personality wise to do that. 06:37.307 --> 06:45.203 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because when you don't have personality and, you know, thinking about the comparison of when I met my friend five years ago, which is when we're comparing it to. 06:45.183 --> 06:56.297 [SPEAKER_01]: I likely didn't have enough personality and character going on to have these small interactions that like aren't that make up the human experience because I didn't have enough of my own personality. 06:56.337 --> 07:02.605 [SPEAKER_01]: You're back to that neutral, bland person that is safe, but is not attractive to anyone. 07:02.625 --> 07:12.237 [SPEAKER_01]: You're not attracting people to talk to you in public or be nice to you in public or like connect with you in public because you're not open and you're not interesting to other people. 07:12.217 --> 07:16.284 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, or people too, it just like really like you and want to be your friend and stuff. 07:16.324 --> 07:21.292 [SPEAKER_00]: It's that doesn't really come from, that doesn't come from credentials or cookie cutter or anything. 07:21.352 --> 07:23.876 [SPEAKER_00]: It comes from whether you're energies in your personalities match. 07:23.896 --> 07:32.790 [SPEAKER_00]: And I absolutely have been leaning in to giving more, just show it up with more confidence and personality in. 07:32.770 --> 07:33.771 [SPEAKER_00]: all of my life. 07:34.072 --> 07:53.800 [SPEAKER_00]: I think honestly, even with friends, sometimes I get in the habit of being so busy in my own life and going through the motions and not like taking the extra time to like just to like have fun conversations with my friends or have serious conversations with my friends and like give personality in that way, you know what I mean rather than just kind of like the check in check out that kind of thing. 07:53.780 --> 08:07.072 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's fair, like being present in the moment and we were skiing with our friends recently and a couple of my friends told me that I am the most improved player in the funny category, most improved, most improved. 08:07.092 --> 08:15.559 [SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing serious in our front group, all bits and so if you can't really keep up with it because I'm not like a stand-up comedian, but I've always had potential for humor, right? 08:15.579 --> 08:22.605 [SPEAKER_00]: I always have I have potential for humor, but I'm not the kind of funny 08:23.783 --> 08:27.869 [SPEAKER_00]: I can give one-offs, or maybe it's like something you have to really think about more intelligent humor. 08:28.469 --> 08:28.570 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay. 08:28.590 --> 08:37.962 [SPEAKER_01]: I want to go back to the concept of people viewing your personality and experiencing you through your personality because, like you said in the beginning, business was even. 08:38.002 --> 08:50.179 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, think of all the people who have been successful or who have gained positions or gained access to different groups and opportunities because they've been able to have personality and network and connect with people. 08:50.159 --> 08:58.052 [SPEAKER_01]: And listen, there are so many people that have personalities that I do not vibe with, and I'm sure that there are people that don't vibe with my personality. 08:58.072 --> 08:59.434 [SPEAKER_01]: That's not attractive to them. 08:59.614 --> 09:09.130 [SPEAKER_01]: But when you do connect with someone, because there are always going to be people that mesh with your personality in that pick-up on that, and they're positively receptive to that. 09:09.110 --> 09:14.239 [SPEAKER_01]: you put yourself in a much better position than someone who has no personality. 09:14.299 --> 09:17.024 [SPEAKER_01]: And think of it if you're the other way, like hiring someone. 09:17.364 --> 09:29.565 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, on paper, some people, two people could be the same who you're going to hire, the person who you had a more enjoyable time in the interview process with, then the person who was just bland and regurgitating information and didn't show you any piece of who they actually were. 09:29.545 --> 09:36.535 [SPEAKER_01]: If you did show your personality in a job interview and it didn't vibe, it wasn't the right vibe with the company, then you're not a good fit for that company and you will find a better fit. 09:36.635 --> 09:40.361 [SPEAKER_01]: But what I want to highlight is that your personality has two different parts. 09:40.441 --> 09:42.003 [SPEAKER_01]: The first part is itselfish. 09:42.123 --> 09:48.252 [SPEAKER_01]: It's how you perceive yourself, how you feel in your own world and lifestyle and how you move about things. 09:48.392 --> 09:50.355 [SPEAKER_01]: It's how comfortable you are with yourself. 09:50.335 --> 09:52.259 [SPEAKER_01]: It's what makes you feel like yourself. 09:52.360 --> 09:53.402 [SPEAKER_01]: So this is confidence. 09:53.442 --> 09:56.308 [SPEAKER_01]: It's actually motivating when you feel like you have a, you're in a personality. 09:56.368 --> 09:57.611 [SPEAKER_01]: That series aligns with you. 09:57.671 --> 10:02.642 [SPEAKER_01]: And you just like feel like yourself in your more animated version, you're more motivated version. 10:02.703 --> 10:06.471 [SPEAKER_01]: You feel more aligned with the things that you're doing and how you're doing them. 10:06.451 --> 10:12.459 [SPEAKER_00]: Even that example you gave of like a quick conversation out of grocery store, but when you like relate to someone over something, or you just spark something up. 10:12.479 --> 10:14.382 [SPEAKER_00]: You will kind of there with a pep in your stuff. 10:14.402 --> 10:15.523 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, oh my god, I'm real. 10:15.643 --> 10:17.045 [SPEAKER_00]: Like, yeah, yes, that's the thing. 10:17.065 --> 10:18.147 [SPEAKER_00]: You feel like a real person. 10:18.167 --> 10:19.468 [SPEAKER_00]: You're like, oh, I'm not just going through the motions. 10:19.508 --> 10:20.830 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm actually, I'm given something. 10:20.850 --> 10:21.531 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm interacting. 10:21.551 --> 10:21.711 [SPEAKER_00]: Right. 10:21.811 --> 10:23.614 [SPEAKER_01]: It feels better when you feel like yourself. 10:23.634 --> 10:25.656 [SPEAKER_01]: No matter what you're doing or where you are. 10:25.837 --> 10:28.120 [SPEAKER_01]: The other side of personality is external. 10:28.140 --> 10:30.243 [SPEAKER_01]: So it's how people view you, how people interpret you. 10:30.363 --> 10:33.166 [SPEAKER_01]: And who you are attracting to connect into your life. 10:33.186 --> 10:35.850 [SPEAKER_01]: And when I say attracting, I literally mean 10:36.168 --> 10:37.369 [SPEAKER_01]: brand of people in the grocery store. 10:37.810 --> 10:42.595 [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, business partners are how you're showing if it work or mutual friends or just your friends. 10:42.635 --> 10:56.752 [SPEAKER_01]: Like what I think is really important to understand about the second side of your personality, which is the fact that it is external and that it is how you're being perceived and what people are viewing you as, is that your personality is your presence. 10:57.132 --> 10:59.475 [SPEAKER_01]: And then it's so important to understand because 10:59.945 --> 11:01.427 [SPEAKER_01]: you want to have a presence. 11:01.448 --> 11:07.438 [SPEAKER_01]: You want to have a personality and you want that to be strong because you want your presence to be strong. 11:07.458 --> 11:20.940 [SPEAKER_01]: And you want that to be aligned with you because you want your presence to be authentic and you want it to feel like you both from a selfish perspective where you want to feel comfortable and you want to feel like yourself no matter how you're showing up, no matter where you're showing up, no matter where your presence is. 11:20.920 --> 11:33.538 [SPEAKER_01]: But also from an external perspective where you want people to interpret you appropriately, you want people to interpret you accurately so that you're aligned with the people that are fitting for you, because no matter where you're showing up, you have a present. 11:34.179 --> 11:42.892 [SPEAKER_01]: And so what happens when, you know, you've practiced your personality and it feels aligned and authentic to you and it is strong enough is when you show up your presence is strong. 11:42.912 --> 11:50.303 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, that's the feeling when you walk into a room and it's kind of a combination of confidence and personality, you can't have one without the other and you definitely can't 11:50.283 --> 11:52.227 [SPEAKER_01]: personality without being confident, right? 11:52.247 --> 12:02.830 [SPEAKER_01]: Because you know, you don't show your personality without the confidence to do so, but that's the feeling of, you know, when you walk in a room and someone is just like, no one is cool because they're caused playing something else. 12:02.910 --> 12:06.698 [SPEAKER_01]: People are cool because they're authentic to themselves and they're actually lined with themselves. 12:06.818 --> 12:08.983 [SPEAKER_01]: That's what creates the feeling of 12:08.963 --> 12:11.449 [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, the clothes you have on, they're your clothes. 12:11.489 --> 12:14.816 [SPEAKER_01]: The presence that you have when you walk through the door, that is authentic. 12:14.877 --> 12:15.598 [SPEAKER_01]: That is strong. 12:16.079 --> 12:18.064 [SPEAKER_01]: That's what makes everyone turn their heads out. 12:18.084 --> 12:20.089 [SPEAKER_01]: So it makes everyone feel comforted when you're in the room. 12:20.209 --> 12:24.238 [SPEAKER_01]: If you have no personality in your bland, you show up and... 12:24.218 --> 12:32.250 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not that you have no presence, but it's that your presence is an interesting and it feels authentic and clunky and awkward and we don't want to be showing up that way. 12:32.290 --> 12:33.612 [SPEAKER_01]: We want to be showing up as ourselves. 12:33.632 --> 12:48.555 [SPEAKER_01]: We want to be showing up comfortable with ourselves and we want to be showing up in a way that is beneficial to whatever scenario we're showing up in and this could be you walk into a room of a gala or it could be you walk into work where you walk into every day. 12:48.535 --> 13:06.966 [SPEAKER_01]: You want to be someone that is interesting, and you want to be someone that has connections at work and actually has a good time and can bring some flavor and flare and can benefit both the work and the social aspect of it even in mundane things like showing up to work or, you know, within your friend group I think some of the hardest 13:06.946 --> 13:12.617 [SPEAKER_00]: times to top into your personality and confidence is when you're exposed to a group that you don't know. 13:12.737 --> 13:22.457 [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe one friend is bringing you along to something maybe you're going to a work event or a new run club or workout class or something like that where you're in a big group of people that you don't already know. 13:22.477 --> 13:25.242 [SPEAKER_00]: That's definitely when I find it hard as to top into. 13:25.222 --> 13:49.997 [SPEAKER_01]: But those are the tests when you don't have kind of boundaries and barriers and preset points of how you're supposed to be showing up to something that's the test of are you comfortable in your personality when you show up in that social setting, whether it's a fresh setting with new people or it's even your friends that you've shown up with a million times you're going to feel awkward and clunky uncomfortable like all of the other negative descriptors. 13:49.977 --> 14:00.034 [SPEAKER_01]: which is not how we want to be showing up, because not only are people, your vibe is weird and everyone's self-set, not only is your vibe going to be weird, but also you're not going to have a good time, because you're not going to feel like yourself. 14:00.094 --> 14:00.895 [SPEAKER_01]: You're going to feel awkward. 14:00.915 --> 14:07.446 [SPEAKER_01]: You're going to feel like you're trying to be something you're not, whether it's subconscious or you're fully aware of it. 14:07.426 --> 14:08.668 [SPEAKER_01]: that's not enjoyable. 14:08.708 --> 14:14.137 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's a waste of your potential showing up as something that you are not with this. 14:14.157 --> 14:22.229 [SPEAKER_01]: I want to talk about how we actually practice personality and confidence because the way we practice is by showing up feeling clunky and awkward and online with ourselves. 14:22.310 --> 14:26.696 [SPEAKER_01]: And once you become aware of it, you can realize that's not what you want in your personality. 14:26.737 --> 14:31.204 [SPEAKER_01]: And then you can maybe identify what you might be comfortable with and what might actually be your personality. 14:31.324 --> 14:35.290 [SPEAKER_01]: My friend and I were reflecting on how much we have not changed. 14:35.270 --> 14:57.447 [SPEAKER_01]: But how much more comfortable we've gotten with our personalities to express that no matter where we are, what setting and definitely in a social setting with each other and within our friend group, but that doesn't mean that we didn't go through phases that did not align with us and you should be going through phases obviously everyone goes through phases your personality today is like we're going to be slightly different or how it manifests is going to be slightly different. 14:57.427 --> 15:16.971 [SPEAKER_01]: In the future, but you should be going through those phases in the practice time in kind of in that initial period of getting comfortable with your personality with phases that don't necessarily align with you because that's one learning opportunity or two it worked and now you've grown away from it and that's totally fine awkward stages are also really important and kind of in a similar 15:16.951 --> 15:17.412 [SPEAKER_01]: vein. 15:17.613 --> 15:31.365 [SPEAKER_01]: I hope people with our experiencing less awkward stages now than, you know, you did in middle school or whatever, but awkward stages are again of true tests of your personality and of your confidence because 15:31.717 --> 15:35.283 [SPEAKER_01]: how you show up and how you get through an awkward stage, tells you a lot about yourself. 15:35.623 --> 15:37.907 [SPEAKER_01]: And this is completely on that selfish front. 15:37.947 --> 15:43.616 [SPEAKER_01]: These are the stages where you learn a lot about yourself and you actually practice the positive and the negative aspects of being yourself. 15:44.137 --> 15:50.547 [SPEAKER_01]: And learn what is authentic and what is inauthentic and how to get over the inauthentic part of it. 15:50.667 --> 15:56.897 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I feel like I'm always figuring that out and sorting that out, but like truly, I look back at certain phases and I'm like, who? 15:56.877 --> 16:12.288 [SPEAKER_00]: Like sophomore year of college, the one semester that I doubled in frapp parties, I literally can picture myself wearing like the addicted flare leather pants that every girl had and like some tight tiny top from Dara and the most bleached hair that I've ever had in my life. 16:12.608 --> 16:15.915 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like that was never me that was just like this is the thing to do. 16:15.895 --> 16:28.387 [SPEAKER_00]: when you're a sophomore in college and like, I like tested that out for a semester and like, you know, thankfully I grew out of that and I was like these outfits this hair, these environments are not actually for me. 16:28.487 --> 16:31.290 [SPEAKER_00]: But I look back at that photos and I'm like, holy awkward. 16:31.810 --> 16:32.070 [SPEAKER_00]: Right. 16:32.531 --> 16:33.572 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's not even just awkward. 16:33.612 --> 16:35.353 [SPEAKER_01]: It just wasn't the face right. 16:35.413 --> 16:37.616 [SPEAKER_01]: But like you said, that's the thing that people are doing. 16:37.696 --> 16:38.456 [SPEAKER_01]: That's what was happening. 16:38.516 --> 16:44.502 [SPEAKER_01]: And you didn't have in me too. 16:44.482 --> 16:57.209 [SPEAKER_01]: The percentage of people that actually loved frapp parties and thrived in a frapp party and were supposed to be in a frapp party is much smaller than the people who were actually there, but they exist, but it's definitely not everyone who's there. 16:57.249 --> 17:02.119 [SPEAKER_01]: Right, but you show up to these things and you act a certain way and you dress a certain way. 17:02.099 --> 17:08.475 [SPEAKER_01]: Because that is the norm or that's what you think is cool as you show up that way It's uncomfortable. 17:08.555 --> 17:18.741 [SPEAKER_01]: Like you can't tell me in your sophomore year of college You are completely comfortable in yourself and you felt like the most true Affentic version of yourself every time you show up in these social settings 17:18.721 --> 17:34.890 [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and it's not a waste of time if you learn from it and it helps guide you towards like who you actually are and where you want to be but it can become a real waste of time if you're never honest with yourself and if you keep doing just what you think you're supposed to do and if you keep following trends. 17:34.870 --> 17:40.042 [SPEAKER_00]: Then you're really wasting your time when you're not tapping into what is actually authentic to you. 17:40.102 --> 17:47.138 [SPEAKER_00]: And so I don't ever want people to like regret certain phases of their life because ultimately we can always grow and learn from things. 17:47.559 --> 17:51.327 [SPEAKER_00]: But don't keep yourself in something that doesn't feel like you. 17:51.307 --> 17:52.549 [SPEAKER_00]: longer than you need to. 17:52.749 --> 18:00.600 [SPEAKER_01]: Right, and that's where the confidence piece comes in because you need to have the confidence need to develop the confidence enough to say, this is not me. 18:00.660 --> 18:02.082 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm wasting my time doing this. 18:02.723 --> 18:17.263 [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to be confident enough to maybe go against the norm or try suddenly different or seek out different experiences and different lifestyles that I actually enjoy and that help me show up as a more confident and more comfortable version of myself as the 18:17.243 --> 18:31.911 [SPEAKER_01]: I always think when I'm thinking about this, like an Instagram feed, obviously, very cherry-picked, but your Instagram and your social media or even your camera roll is such a reflection of who you are and how you're experiencing life and how you're capturing life, who you're presenting yourself as in that moment. 18:32.812 --> 18:39.505 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, yeah, but I think about this, like if you scroll back on my Instagram and in 20, 18:40.649 --> 18:52.903 [SPEAKER_01]: 2019 okay 2019 this go vibes like everything was highly saturated everything was blue and green I was like turn my hair white blonde Couldn't even your hair was see through see through clear. 18:52.923 --> 18:55.249 [SPEAKER_01]: I saw a photo of myself today and I said oh 18:56.478 --> 18:58.281 [SPEAKER_01]: that is everything is one color. 19:00.304 --> 19:08.295 [SPEAKER_01]: It didn't look good, but it looked it was it was fun, but I know in that moment as I was like editing those photos and choosing the photos and taking them. 19:08.315 --> 19:10.598 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, I don't this doesn't really feel aligned with me. 19:10.618 --> 19:12.802 [SPEAKER_01]: It just feels like this is the pinnacle. 19:12.842 --> 19:15.145 [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm going to do it, but I never actually 19:15.125 --> 19:17.388 [SPEAKER_01]: enjoyed that and I never like posted something. 19:17.408 --> 19:19.510 [SPEAKER_01]: It was like, yes, this is a great reflection of me. 19:19.971 --> 19:22.434 [SPEAKER_01]: No, I posted it thinking this is cool. 19:22.454 --> 19:23.435 [SPEAKER_01]: This is going to get likes. 19:23.455 --> 19:26.739 [SPEAKER_01]: This is going to align me with being part of the norm. 19:26.939 --> 19:31.404 [SPEAKER_01]: But in reality, that's just like bland and has no word, no personality that connects with me. 19:31.484 --> 19:38.112 [SPEAKER_00]: I think there's definitely more trial and error when you're younger, too, because you really don't know who you are and who you're going to grow into. 19:38.092 --> 19:54.582 [SPEAKER_00]: And there's of course trial and error like further rest of our lives, but I think it is important to keep the trial and error phases shorter and take the learnings from them more quickly when we get older because showing up authentically as yourself having your own authentic personality, that's when you're going to make real connections. 19:54.562 --> 20:17.582 [SPEAKER_00]: That's when you're going to have a life that feels aligned with you and those things are so important that you know it's funny to say like oh when I was 16 and 2019 I overly saturated my photos and all those things because you're bigger yourself out or like I wore addicted pants that I would never wear but as you got older I think it's important to have the confidence to move on from those trends and move on move on from the things that you try and don't fit. 20:17.562 --> 20:21.267 [SPEAKER_00]: Raster so that you can get closer to who you want to be and where you want to be. 20:21.287 --> 20:40.454 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and this is also something that came up in our conversation in like kind of the driving factor of our conversation talking about how it's so obvious when people are not aligned with their personality because you can pick up on that the importance of having a strong personality is are you being authentic to yourself or is it inauthentic? 20:40.495 --> 20:44.380 [SPEAKER_01]: And if it's inauthentic for a long period of 20:44.360 --> 20:49.146 [SPEAKER_01]: And you're not actually taking the steps to change that or to seek an authentic zone of who you are. 20:49.226 --> 20:51.619 [SPEAKER_01]: You want to be living a lifestyle. 20:52.240 --> 20:59.169 [SPEAKER_01]: as the version you want to show up as you want to actually make the most of your lifestyles we talked about last week with the kind of crisis thing. 20:59.529 --> 21:09.822 [SPEAKER_01]: It's a waste of time and energy to sit in the crisis to sit in the choice to be to get overly stressed, like disproportionately to the question you're faced with or to the, you know, situation you're faced with. 21:09.842 --> 21:15.109 [SPEAKER_01]: It's a waste of your time and your energy to practice a personality that is not authentic to you. 21:15.089 --> 21:23.784 [SPEAKER_01]: And it's a waste of everyone else's time that you interact with because it's going to be uncomfortable in less beneficial than if everyone was just their own person and was true to that. 21:24.365 --> 21:29.874 [SPEAKER_01]: But another thing I want to highlight is that shared interests do not equal shared expression. 21:30.315 --> 21:32.499 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's where personality changes things. 21:32.519 --> 21:33.260 [SPEAKER_01]: And this is what we're talking about. 21:33.280 --> 21:34.843 [SPEAKER_01]: We were talking about a certain hat. 21:35.163 --> 21:38.008 [SPEAKER_01]: My friend was like, like, she literally used as an example. 21:38.409 --> 21:40.793 [SPEAKER_01]: I have a pink chemo hat that I wear. 21:40.773 --> 21:44.449 [SPEAKER_01]: And she was like, like, I would love to wear that pink cameo hat, but that's yours. 21:44.489 --> 21:49.872 [SPEAKER_01]: And I said, no, I'm going to say she was like, right now, we can match because it's not, I don't care that you have this hat. 21:50.948 --> 22:01.525 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not like my thing, and the way I wear it connects with me in manifests and exists on me in a very different way than if you were right that hat. 22:01.885 --> 22:09.838 [SPEAKER_01]: The same thing, if we had the same pair of pants or the same clothes or we had the same car or we had the same, you know, intendible things if we had the same interest. 22:10.018 --> 22:16.549 [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I would even say if you have the same hobbies, you might have either you connected to it in a very different way, even if you're doing the same thing. 22:16.569 --> 22:17.310 [SPEAKER_01]: I was like, I don't, 22:17.290 --> 22:41.931 [SPEAKER_01]: I don't care if you have my hat like you're going to wear it and it's going to look good on you and I'm going to wear it too and we can wear it at the same time and we're going to look great but the having the same interest and that's like a tangible example but I think hobbies are huge like if if you and your friend both paint obviously you're going to be inspired by different things you're going to probably use different types of paint paint on different canvases you're going to paint different style things create different things you're going to create different things. 22:41.911 --> 23:05.742 [SPEAKER_01]: And I think art is a really good example because it's like a clear expression for whoever is creating the art even if you have the same interest it's going to manifest differently because you are a different person but what happens when you aren't comfortable enough with expressing your personality and expressing your own creativity in a way that's authentic to you is you're just going to paint the same shit that you saw in Pinterest and it's not going to be interesting and. 23:05.722 --> 23:15.693 [SPEAKER_01]: It's not going to make anyone feel anything and it's not going to be a like very beneficial piece of art because you didn't practice any part of yourself and you didn't learn to be part of yourself and you didn't express any part of yourself in that art. 23:16.534 --> 23:22.101 [SPEAKER_01]: You weren't doing it to like be actually creative and flex those muscles in your brain. 23:22.121 --> 23:27.747 [SPEAKER_01]: You're just doing it because you want to regurgitate something that you thought was cool or thought was interesting. 23:27.727 --> 23:38.813 [SPEAKER_01]: But you didn't actually do it in a way that was authentic or beneficial to yourself so that energy that you used in doing so and that time you spent being yourself in that moment was not as beneficial as it could have been. 23:38.993 --> 23:46.731 [SPEAKER_01]: And you likely didn't enjoy as much as you would have if you showed up authentically and put more of your personality and practice more creativity and confidence personality with it. 23:46.711 --> 23:56.587 [SPEAKER_00]: When we talk about personality and how you could copy something that somebody else does, but it's actually not going to go far if it's not authentic to you, you could think about that with music all of the time. 23:56.787 --> 24:06.863 [SPEAKER_00]: I had an Uber driver who was in a grateful dead cover band, and we were really getting into the nitty gritty about music and the music industry and what people 24:06.843 --> 24:36.850 [SPEAKER_00]: Connect with he was saying how the grateful that like literally I know nothing about them But he was like they mess up on stage more than anybody else ever like they are technically not perfect But people really connect with like them on a spiritual level and they're vibe and like people really connect with that And it just it made me think about how for music in general like you like a song because you like a song And because it makes you feel something not because it is technically perfect So it doesn't matter if somebody can create something that is like cookie cutter technically perfect 24:36.830 --> 24:46.779 [SPEAKER_00]: If they're not saying anything authentic or saying in a way that's authentic because then you're not going to connect it and it's not going to move you and that's definitely something that you can look at in any aspect of your life. 24:47.100 --> 24:53.686 [SPEAKER_00]: Whether it is, you know, creating some sort of art or whether it is literally how you have conversations with other people in your day-to-day. 24:53.706 --> 25:01.554 [SPEAKER_00]: You could say the most perfect thing, but if you don't mean it and it's not authentic to you and you're not actually connecting with someone when you do it then it doesn't matter. 25:01.974 --> 25:02.234 [SPEAKER_01]: Right. 25:02.454 --> 25:05.217 [SPEAKER_01]: Having no personality is safe. 25:05.197 --> 25:14.190 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, because you're not actually putting yourself out there, because you're not actually like being something that or someone that can be perceived in any which way. 25:14.431 --> 25:15.212 [SPEAKER_01]: So that's so boring. 25:15.352 --> 25:28.572 [SPEAKER_01]: And that's so unmemorable and people are not going to be interested in connecting with you as a friend or at work as a business partner in new endeavors or new opportunities or even at the grocery store. 25:28.552 --> 25:29.433 [SPEAKER_01]: in line. 25:29.934 --> 25:42.852 [SPEAKER_01]: Like, because think about it, the times that I have had like small interactions, it's been like, I show a little bit of my personality, or just like be personal, and they do, and then I do, and then they do, and then all of a sudden we're having the best time ever, and the grocery store tech outline. 25:43.353 --> 25:46.577 [SPEAKER_01]: And everyone's getting in on our conversation about 25:46.557 --> 25:58.819 [SPEAKER_01]: You know, we talked about in the middle of Maine, we stopped for groceries and we're going off about because we were buying alcohol as part of our groceries and obviously, like we got I did and then we're I was talking about how. 25:59.681 --> 26:06.473 [SPEAKER_01]: Up in we when we were in Utah like I ordered so it's a sell so water, a soda water, um, literally water. 26:06.453 --> 26:22.352 [SPEAKER_01]: And in a restaurant and I got I did and I was like, oh, for water and like they fully they took they took it to the back and scanned it and I said I just water tap is fine like I really would tell them but we're talking about like the weird 26:22.957 --> 26:33.329 [SPEAKER_01]: Now we're talking about the different flicker laws and like ID laws in Utah with the cashier in the middle of main and we're having we're having great time. 26:33.349 --> 26:34.911 [SPEAKER_01]: We're like man could never. 26:35.151 --> 26:36.352 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, man could not. 26:36.613 --> 26:51.630 [SPEAKER_01]: Vacation and main could not handle that that only happened because I was talking to Caroline I had some personality while saying that or just like open myself up to a conversation and they did too and it bounced off and that's just like I don't know these are really small examples that are 26:51.610 --> 27:10.446 [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe hard to put into words, but if you don't have personality and you're not comfortable enough in yourself You're not gonna have these moments that like remind you You're real and you're not gonna have these moments that are just short blips of like good chemicals in your brain Because you're actually having a good time because you're not only enjoying who you are, but you're enjoying interactions with other people who are likely in the same boat of 27:10.426 --> 27:12.188 [SPEAKER_01]: have any strong enough that take personality. 27:12.309 --> 27:16.575 [SPEAKER_01]: All of this to say that it is really important to have a personality because that's your presence. 27:16.595 --> 27:17.596 [SPEAKER_01]: Your personality's your presence. 27:17.636 --> 27:20.700 [SPEAKER_01]: It's how people interpret you and it's how you interpret yourself. 27:20.781 --> 27:24.586 [SPEAKER_01]: And those are very, very key things in your life. 27:24.786 --> 27:30.214 [SPEAKER_01]: And honestly, in your success, both with the relationships or business or just like how you go about your day. 27:30.354 --> 27:33.959 [SPEAKER_01]: It's how you experience the world and how people experience you exactly. 27:34.099 --> 27:40.348 [SPEAKER_01]: And how you should develop that is by practicing because practice makes perfect. 27:41.105 --> 27:44.449 [SPEAKER_01]: where it's an outie that you're comfortable and confident in, you have to practice it. 27:44.549 --> 27:48.294 [SPEAKER_01]: And with this, you have to be okay with a public trial and error, okay? 27:48.314 --> 27:50.016 [SPEAKER_01]: This isn't just like trial and error in your own home. 27:50.136 --> 27:56.885 [SPEAKER_01]: But do you know how many times I've like set a joke in public with my friends and it's been airballed in public, because it just like failed. 27:56.945 --> 27:58.047 [SPEAKER_01]: But you know what, that's fine. 27:58.247 --> 27:58.627 [SPEAKER_01]: You try. 27:58.667 --> 27:59.528 [SPEAKER_01]: That's why you try. 27:59.548 --> 28:02.853 [SPEAKER_00]: You figure it out that you try into something that you really liked. 28:02.913 --> 28:05.316 [SPEAKER_00]: And so you want to say it again, or you're like, oh, I tried that. 28:05.356 --> 28:07.078 [SPEAKER_01]: And actually, I don't fuck with it either. 28:07.058 --> 28:11.304 [SPEAKER_01]: No, but you're just like practicing putting yourself out there or like wearing an outfit. 28:11.424 --> 28:23.262 [SPEAKER_01]: All these fashion people, the only reason that all these fashion things and outfit combinations are cool is because someone wore that with enough confidence and embedded that into their personality and it worked for them in their vibe. 28:23.302 --> 28:26.106 [SPEAKER_01]: It became cool for people that were similar. 28:26.827 --> 28:32.034 [SPEAKER_01]: I could put on an outfit that I saw on Instagram and Pete that the person wearing it on Instagram looked phenomenal. 28:32.154 --> 28:33.016 [SPEAKER_01]: It really fit with them. 28:33.036 --> 28:33.516 [SPEAKER_01]: It was great. 28:33.556 --> 28:33.997 [SPEAKER_01]: I could put it on. 28:34.037 --> 28:34.618 [SPEAKER_01]: I said, 28:35.392 --> 28:36.534 [SPEAKER_01]: I look like I'm playing dress up. 28:36.714 --> 28:41.041 [SPEAKER_00]: I actually did, I don't get influence very often, but like I saw one of those things I find chic videos. 28:41.081 --> 28:44.005 [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like so many people are doing that trend. 28:44.065 --> 28:47.010 [SPEAKER_00]: And she had a scarf and I immediately sent him out the screen shot. 28:47.050 --> 28:50.075 [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, this is a brand you have sweaters from, have you seen this scarf? 28:50.095 --> 28:50.756 [SPEAKER_00]: I need this scarf. 28:50.776 --> 28:55.062 [SPEAKER_00]: And I looked it up and it's an expensive scarf, but I still keep thinking about it because I just really like it. 28:55.082 --> 28:56.785 [SPEAKER_00]: It made me want to try that on for size. 28:56.845 --> 28:58.868 [SPEAKER_00]: Try that personality on. 28:58.848 --> 29:03.453 [SPEAKER_01]: But what I'm saying, and I will leave you with this, is that personality creates presence. 29:03.553 --> 29:06.256 [SPEAKER_01]: It is essential in your life and how you show up. 29:06.796 --> 29:09.219 [SPEAKER_01]: And it makes you attractive both to yourself and others. 29:09.399 --> 29:15.505 [SPEAKER_01]: It makes you feel like yourself and the stronger and more authentic your personality is, the better you will show up no matter what you're doing or you are. 29:15.525 --> 29:18.148 [SPEAKER_01]: But it still needs to be practiced and it still needs to be developed. 29:18.188 --> 29:20.871 [SPEAKER_01]: And my favorite line ever is that embarrassment is not real. 29:21.412 --> 29:23.234 [SPEAKER_01]: So take that as you practice your personality. 29:23.634 --> 29:26.577 [SPEAKER_01]: Learn to embarrass yourself and find what actually doesn't work for you. 29:26.557 --> 29:28.779 [SPEAKER_00]: and trial and error and get out of it quickly. 29:29.500 --> 29:30.160 [SPEAKER_01]: Get out of it quickly. 29:30.580 --> 29:36.145 [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, if you liked this episode, please don't hesitate to share it with a friend or just re-listen, leave us a rating. 29:36.185 --> 29:37.326 [SPEAKER_01]: We love a 5-ter view. 29:37.346 --> 29:39.228 [SPEAKER_01]: We love when you comment and tell us what you like. 29:39.708 --> 29:41.310 [SPEAKER_00]: You leave it in your comment and tell us about it. 29:41.370 --> 29:43.432 [SPEAKER_01]: Or when you leave a review, you can leave a little note. 29:43.472 --> 29:44.573 [SPEAKER_01]: We look at all of them. 29:45.193 --> 29:47.615 [SPEAKER_01]: In the meantime, you can all ask and follow along. 29:47.755 --> 29:51.038 [SPEAKER_01]: At girls goes pot at a Catholic community and at currently on all platforms. 29:51.078 --> 29:52.840 [SPEAKER_01]: Those are also all linked in the show notes below. 29:52.880 --> 29:56.563 [SPEAKER_01]: And we will talk to you guys next Monday. 29:56.543 --> 29:59.078 [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.