WEBVTT 00:00.301 --> 00:06.008 [SPEAKER_00]: So I hope you all don't have big expectations for tonight after last week. 00:09.616 --> 00:13.280 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know how many times I heard tonight since I've been here. 00:13.821 --> 00:15.703 [SPEAKER_00]: You're bringing less tonight, Jamia heard. 00:15.763 --> 00:19.988 [SPEAKER_00]: I heard you're bringing less, so yes, that is what you're going to get tonight is less. 00:20.789 --> 00:22.030 [SPEAKER_00]: And my name is Jamia. 00:22.070 --> 00:38.188 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a grateful believer in Jesus who is in recovery for alcohol and drugs, but I am here to work on my approval addictions, my codependency and my just everything. 00:40.463 --> 00:46.872 [SPEAKER_00]: If this is your first time here, I think that I can speak for a lot of us in this room when we say welcome home. 00:48.034 --> 00:49.816 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, can I get a clap for that? 00:49.936 --> 00:50.838 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, go on, let's go. 00:51.679 --> 00:52.740 [SPEAKER_00]: Clap for the newcomer. 00:53.862 --> 00:55.965 [SPEAKER_00]: Seriously, you didn't end up here on accident. 00:56.405 --> 01:01.753 [SPEAKER_00]: Most of us came up that hill because our pain finally outweighed our fears. 01:03.395 --> 01:04.697 [SPEAKER_00]: I know that was the case for me. 01:05.098 --> 01:10.285 [SPEAKER_00]: And celebrate recovery gave me a place to stop hiding 01:11.092 --> 01:12.455 [SPEAKER_00]: And it can do the same for you. 01:12.796 --> 01:14.961 [SPEAKER_00]: Tonight we are going to finish up powerless. 01:15.161 --> 01:23.099 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're tired, if you're worn out or if you're just done trying to hold it together, you're in the right place. 01:23.981 --> 01:25.945 [SPEAKER_00]: And this is the right lesson for you. 01:27.022 --> 01:27.943 [SPEAKER_00]: So let's get started. 01:28.004 --> 01:31.709 [SPEAKER_00]: Principle one, realize I'm not God, God. 01:31.749 --> 01:37.719 [SPEAKER_00]: I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing, and that my life is unmanageable. 01:38.220 --> 01:39.562 [SPEAKER_00]: Blessed are the poor and spirit. 01:39.702 --> 01:42.667 [SPEAKER_00]: For theirs is the kingdom of heaven, Matthew 5.3. 01:43.748 --> 01:51.240 [SPEAKER_00]: And instead one, we admitted we are powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, and that our lives have become unmanageable. 01:51.828 --> 01:56.573 [SPEAKER_00]: For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is in my sinful nature. 01:56.593 --> 02:02.519 [SPEAKER_00]: For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out, Romans 718. 02:04.562 --> 02:09.747 [SPEAKER_00]: I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 02:11.909 --> 02:14.152 [SPEAKER_00]: That verse right there, y'all, is not weakness. 02:15.393 --> 02:16.374 [SPEAKER_00]: That verse is power. 02:18.116 --> 02:19.017 [SPEAKER_00]: It's honesty. 02:20.448 --> 02:29.733 [SPEAKER_00]: See, recovery doesn't start when we try harder because look, I tried 25 times before I got here to try harder and it never really worked out for me. 02:30.696 --> 02:35.368 [SPEAKER_00]: It's when we finally admit that I don't have the power to fix me. 02:36.715 --> 02:45.526 [SPEAKER_00]: Last week, Ali introduced four actions to two things that we have to stop doing and two things we have to start doing to fully engage principal one. 02:46.167 --> 02:58.842 [SPEAKER_00]: I know Ali went over these last week, but I feel like we should still revisit them as we get started because if we don't stop these things and start doing the other things, it's hard to get our recovery off the ground. 02:59.716 --> 03:02.681 [SPEAKER_00]: So the first one is this, stop denying the pain. 03:03.582 --> 03:10.272 [SPEAKER_00]: Wade taught us three weeks ago about denial and what effects it has on our lives when we refuse to accept it. 03:11.755 --> 03:17.303 [SPEAKER_00]: Denial has a lot of bad qualities, but the worst one to me is that it linked into the pain. 03:19.190 --> 03:35.369 [SPEAKER_00]: But when we stop denying that the pain exists, you know, that part that you just can't stand about yourself, the porn, the body issues, the codependency, anxiety, addiction of whatever, it is finally become stronger than your fear of change. 03:36.890 --> 03:45.400 [SPEAKER_00]: Our pain becomes stronger than our fear of letting go of those people that have taken us down these wrong paths in our lives. 03:45.734 --> 03:59.193 [SPEAKER_00]: The pain of walking into a room full of people or the fear of walking into a room full of people is better than the pain of the hangover tomorrow morning. 03:59.213 --> 04:04.301 [SPEAKER_00]: The pain got worse in the fear of if God was mad at you or not. 04:06.784 --> 04:07.806 [SPEAKER_00]: I got a secret for y'all. 04:09.168 --> 04:10.189 [SPEAKER_00]: God's not mad at you. 04:12.920 --> 04:14.341 [SPEAKER_00]: He's never been mad at you. 04:14.382 --> 04:25.253 [SPEAKER_00]: Concerned, probably, heartbroken, yeah, I would say so, but mad, never. 04:26.834 --> 04:30.598 [SPEAKER_00]: He's just glad that we decided on our own that our lives have become unmanageable. 04:31.199 --> 04:42.150 [SPEAKER_00]: And Psalm 6, King David talks about a time when he came to the end of his rope, his life had become more than he could handle, his pain became more than he could bear. 04:42.282 --> 04:43.684 [SPEAKER_00]: and he reached out to God. 04:45.466 --> 04:49.131 [SPEAKER_00]: Lord, do not review me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath. 04:49.551 --> 04:56.059 [SPEAKER_00]: Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am fat, heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. 04:57.521 --> 04:59.424 [SPEAKER_00]: My soul is in deep anguish. 04:59.624 --> 05:01.827 [SPEAKER_00]: How long, Lord, how long? 05:02.888 --> 05:06.352 [SPEAKER_00]: Turn, Lord, and deliver me, save me because of your unfailing love. 05:08.695 --> 05:09.697 [SPEAKER_00]: Has anybody said that? 05:09.957 --> 05:10.838 [SPEAKER_00]: Hugging a toilet? 05:12.218 --> 05:14.869 [SPEAKER_00]: Lord, how long, how long, Lord, how long? 05:15.652 --> 05:17.761 [SPEAKER_00]: Or maybe you said it in your pillow the next morning. 05:18.745 --> 05:20.372 [SPEAKER_00]: When you were greeting the night before. 05:23.390 --> 05:31.561 [SPEAKER_00]: But you skipped down about four more verses in that same song to verse eight through 10, and he's saying a different tune. 05:32.281 --> 05:42.234 [SPEAKER_00]: Away from me, all you who do evil for the Lord has heard my weeping, the Lord has heard my cry for mercy, the Lord accepts my prayer. 05:43.476 --> 05:46.420 [SPEAKER_00]: All my enemies will be overwhelmed with shame and anguish. 05:46.760 --> 05:50.545 [SPEAKER_00]: They will turn back and suddenly be put to shame. 05:51.993 --> 05:54.597 [SPEAKER_00]: Doesn't that sound like step one and coming out of denial? 05:56.660 --> 06:02.990 [SPEAKER_00]: When God gets involved, if you want to be rid of your pain, you must face it and go through it. 06:03.010 --> 06:04.212 [SPEAKER_00]: You all remember the bear hunt? 06:04.652 --> 06:06.094 [SPEAKER_00]: Y'all went on with Ali last week. 06:08.078 --> 06:08.859 [SPEAKER_00]: Y'all say it with me. 06:09.239 --> 06:10.641 [SPEAKER_00]: Can't go under it. 06:12.024 --> 06:14.287 [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, over it can't go under it. 06:14.928 --> 06:17.612 [SPEAKER_00]: Gotta go through it. 06:18.723 --> 06:22.027 [SPEAKER_00]: got to go through it, but we don't have to do it alone. 06:23.248 --> 06:27.894 [SPEAKER_00]: Just like the Lord was with David, when we reach out to him, he's there. 06:29.776 --> 06:33.160 [SPEAKER_00]: So that being said, the second thing we have to do is stop playing God. 06:34.302 --> 06:47.177 [SPEAKER_00]: Matthew 624 says, no one can serve two masters, either you will hate the one and love the other or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. 06:50.127 --> 06:59.080 [SPEAKER_00]: You know, when I started to realize that I needed help from Jesus, I started going to church about five months before I ever even started coming to celebrate recovery. 07:00.462 --> 07:07.613 [SPEAKER_00]: I was going every Sunday, but I was still drinking and smoking worship in the bottle, worship in my water bone, right? 07:09.044 --> 07:11.668 [SPEAKER_00]: trying to serve two masters the best that I could. 07:12.729 --> 07:15.453 [SPEAKER_00]: Jesus and my idols of addiction. 07:16.195 --> 07:18.839 [SPEAKER_00]: But still wondering, hey, why was I getting any better? 07:19.499 --> 07:20.882 [SPEAKER_00]: What was going on here? 07:20.902 --> 07:21.623 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to church. 07:22.564 --> 07:23.606 [SPEAKER_00]: And that what I needed to do. 07:23.646 --> 07:32.479 [SPEAKER_00]: But if we want recovery in any aspect of our life, whether it's alcohol or drugs or anything else, we have to put it. 07:32.999 --> 07:36.064 [SPEAKER_00]: We have to put into it what we want to get out of it. 07:37.850 --> 07:42.837 [SPEAKER_00]: The first thing we have to do is admit that we're not God and that our lives are unmanageable without Him. 07:42.937 --> 07:52.871 [SPEAKER_00]: Then, when we finally emptied ourselves of all of our pride, which is what it really is, God will have room to come in and begin His healing work. 07:55.895 --> 07:59.760 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so those are two things that we have to stop immediately for recovery to work. 08:00.161 --> 08:03.125 [SPEAKER_00]: Here are two things in our lives that have to start right now. 08:03.525 --> 08:04.887 [SPEAKER_00]: They have to start right now. 08:06.098 --> 08:08.201 [SPEAKER_00]: start admitting our powerlessness. 08:08.902 --> 08:12.247 [SPEAKER_00]: For this, we go right back to Romans 718. 08:13.048 --> 08:15.772 [SPEAKER_00]: For I know that good itself does not dwell in me. 08:15.852 --> 08:17.334 [SPEAKER_00]: That is in my sinful nature. 08:17.675 --> 08:21.961 [SPEAKER_00]: For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 08:23.183 --> 08:25.026 [SPEAKER_00]: For me, I wanted to do the right thing. 08:25.386 --> 08:26.588 [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to stop drinking. 08:26.628 --> 08:32.417 [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to stop using, but if it was in front of me, I wasn't strong enough to stop. 08:33.598 --> 08:35.481 [SPEAKER_00]: Not by myself. 08:37.638 --> 08:42.263 [SPEAKER_00]: Paul basically goes on to say in the next two verses, 19 and 20, and then this won't be up on the screen. 08:42.604 --> 08:43.525 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll just paraphrase. 08:44.345 --> 08:48.830 [SPEAKER_00]: I keep doing the very things I've already decided I don't want to do. 08:48.850 --> 08:54.096 [SPEAKER_00]: I keep doing them, and I don't do the things that I know I should be doing. 08:54.897 --> 09:01.204 [SPEAKER_00]: And when that keeps happening, it proves that I don't have the power to fix me on my own. 09:02.345 --> 09:05.569 [SPEAKER_00]: Something inside of me is running this show. 09:07.591 --> 09:09.174 [SPEAKER_00]: And y'all, that's my struggle right there. 09:10.657 --> 09:11.218 [SPEAKER_00]: Y'all relate. 09:12.420 --> 09:15.285 [SPEAKER_00]: And Paul talks about it 2,000 years ago. 09:15.305 --> 09:17.549 [SPEAKER_00]: This is not new news. 09:18.310 --> 09:22.278 [SPEAKER_00]: But it's comforting to me that this struggle has been going on for a long time. 09:23.319 --> 09:25.644 [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not the only one struggling in this room. 09:28.268 --> 09:31.354 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the moment we have to admit our flesh is weak. 09:32.043 --> 09:34.448 [SPEAKER_00]: And we can't do this on our own. 09:34.528 --> 09:38.295 [SPEAKER_00]: We are powerless, and we have to have God. 09:39.979 --> 09:48.415 [SPEAKER_00]: Jesus says it's plainly in Matthew 1926, with man, this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible. 09:49.711 --> 09:53.195 [SPEAKER_00]: When we keep failing at self-control, it finally hits us. 09:53.255 --> 09:56.459 [SPEAKER_00]: We're not God, and we don't have the power to change ourselves. 09:56.560 --> 10:00.565 [SPEAKER_00]: And that realization sets us up for this last action. 10:01.486 --> 10:05.150 [SPEAKER_00]: Start admitting that our lives have become unmanageable. 10:07.433 --> 10:14.662 [SPEAKER_00]: The only reason we ever decided to come in here on a Thursday night is because our lives were chaos and out of control. 10:17.766 --> 10:19.228 [SPEAKER_00]: Up to this point, 10:19.343 --> 10:21.827 [SPEAKER_00]: right up to the day that we walked through the door. 10:22.709 --> 10:30.122 [SPEAKER_00]: We said we did what Ali said last last week, the comfort of our chaos seemed easier than the hardship of peace. 10:31.384 --> 10:41.622 [SPEAKER_00]: It seemed easier than starting something new, but there comes a point when we have to admit to ourselves that something has to change or it's going to be the death of me. 10:44.065 --> 10:45.146 [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I had to do. 10:45.888 --> 10:49.092 [SPEAKER_00]: And that admission is what set the ball rolling for me. 10:50.634 --> 10:53.298 [SPEAKER_00]: It's what choice I made when the pain was too much to bear. 10:54.940 --> 10:56.883 [SPEAKER_00]: I hurt everyone around me. 10:57.924 --> 11:02.651 [SPEAKER_00]: Nobody wanted to be around me, especially my loved ones, they'd had enough. 11:03.792 --> 11:08.279 [SPEAKER_00]: And something finally said inside of me that this has to stop. 11:10.221 --> 11:10.782 [SPEAKER_00]: So, 11:11.707 --> 11:21.422 [SPEAKER_00]: Tonight, I will be finishing up the Acrostic Powerless that Ali started last week, and just like any good husband does. 11:24.046 --> 11:28.233 [SPEAKER_00]: I gave her all the power, and I was happy to take less. 11:31.257 --> 11:35.043 [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, sir, I am here to lower the expectations. 11:38.188 --> 11:38.929 [SPEAKER_00]: But you know what? 11:40.968 --> 11:42.770 [SPEAKER_00]: It's actually step one in recovery. 11:45.734 --> 11:53.645 [SPEAKER_00]: Y'all filming, lowering expectations of ourselves and starting to trust God. 11:56.068 --> 12:04.118 [SPEAKER_00]: So my prayer throughout this whole lesson is that you get what you need out of it to believe that you are capable of getting better. 12:04.499 --> 12:10.907 [SPEAKER_00]: There is hope here, but it will take more of God's power 12:13.064 --> 12:19.935 [SPEAKER_00]: So if you missed Ali's first five serenity robbers last week, we have a QR code right up here to scan. 12:20.756 --> 12:28.829 [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm going to give you all 11 seconds to get your phones out and scan that if you were not here last week. 12:29.850 --> 12:36.341 [SPEAKER_00]: It's available on both video and podcast. 12:36.361 --> 12:37.182 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, times up. 12:37.853 --> 12:46.821 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, so let's jump right into the last four serenity robbers we have to be rid of so our recovery can move forward because these serenity robbers don't just steal peace. 12:47.342 --> 12:51.606 [SPEAKER_00]: They keep us stuck and the first one tonight is loneliness. 12:51.666 --> 12:53.628 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the L in your across it. 12:56.811 --> 12:59.013 [SPEAKER_00]: How does loneliness rob us of peace? 13:02.075 --> 13:07.000 [SPEAKER_00]: Well, addiction and character defects can cause us to isolate. 13:07.891 --> 13:16.252 [SPEAKER_00]: The reason we isolate usually is because our addiction or whatever we're trying to hide is easier to deal with if we distance ourselves from everyone. 13:18.156 --> 13:22.828 [SPEAKER_00]: I started out as a social dricker and I'm there's a few people in here that actually. 13:24.091 --> 13:25.773 [SPEAKER_00]: knew me when I was go to the bars. 13:26.294 --> 13:29.077 [SPEAKER_00]: I would go to the bars and I would go to friends' houses. 13:29.718 --> 13:34.284 [SPEAKER_00]: But over time, my addiction began to be more and more control over me. 13:34.905 --> 13:44.557 [SPEAKER_00]: To the point where I was calling people in the morning to find out what I said and what I did last night or where my truck was or dude, do you have my wallet? 13:45.979 --> 13:47.201 [SPEAKER_00]: It's very embarrassing. 13:47.241 --> 13:49.103 [SPEAKER_00]: It was very embarrassing for me. 13:51.142 --> 13:56.868 [SPEAKER_00]: Not to mention, it wasn't long before I was getting kicked out of those same bars. 13:57.549 --> 14:04.396 [SPEAKER_00]: And I wasn't getting invited over to friends' houses because I wasn't the person you wanted to be around when I was drinking. 14:06.879 --> 14:09.982 [SPEAKER_00]: I chose my addiction over anything else. 14:10.002 --> 14:13.286 [SPEAKER_00]: I started to drink alone, and it became my new normal. 14:14.787 --> 14:19.933 [SPEAKER_00]: So I salated. 14:20.015 --> 14:20.836 [SPEAKER_00]: loneliness. 14:21.677 --> 14:26.022 [SPEAKER_00]: I started isolating because I was believing that I was who my addiction said I was. 14:26.383 --> 14:31.949 [SPEAKER_00]: The shaming guilt of the things I did and the people I hurt while I was drunk is what I identified as. 14:32.871 --> 14:34.493 [SPEAKER_00]: No one wants to be around you, bro. 14:35.854 --> 14:43.103 [SPEAKER_00]: You mean you're just going to cause more chaos, just state of yourself that way you are the only one you can hurt. 14:44.568 --> 14:51.297 [SPEAKER_00]: Take my girls, four daughters, who lived with me, found ways to get away from daddy when he was drinking. 14:52.418 --> 15:03.452 [SPEAKER_00]: And the sick part about that, is I was okay with it because my drinking had become more important than my relationships. 15:03.472 --> 15:11.082 [SPEAKER_00]: And it took waking up alone, and if you all heard my story, I'll know this one, to make me realize I had a problem. 15:12.226 --> 15:13.628 [SPEAKER_00]: That morning I was hung over. 15:14.308 --> 15:16.431 [SPEAKER_00]: I was hopeless, and I was lonely. 15:19.134 --> 15:26.201 [SPEAKER_00]: And I wish I could sit up here and tell y'all that when I got to celebrate recovery, it all went away, but I can't, okay? 15:27.242 --> 15:31.487 [SPEAKER_00]: I knew I was where I needed it to be, but I didn't know anyone. 15:32.268 --> 15:33.569 [SPEAKER_00]: Shoot, I was still trying to hide. 15:35.051 --> 15:38.014 [SPEAKER_00]: I told my one-on-one leader that I struggled with anger, not alcohol. 15:38.795 --> 15:40.697 [SPEAKER_00]: I was still in way into now. 15:43.327 --> 15:49.276 [SPEAKER_00]: The CR man took a trip down the Okoi River about two months into my recovery. 15:51.440 --> 15:54.244 [SPEAKER_00]: And I rode the entire ride up on the bus. 15:55.566 --> 16:00.234 [SPEAKER_00]: By myself, didn't say a word to no one, nobody. 16:01.376 --> 16:02.017 [SPEAKER_00]: But you know what? 16:02.938 --> 16:05.402 [SPEAKER_00]: That trip, it changed a lot for me. 16:06.007 --> 16:06.668 [SPEAKER_00]: It really did. 16:06.728 --> 16:08.551 [SPEAKER_00]: It was actually a game changer for me. 16:08.851 --> 16:21.592 [SPEAKER_00]: There was something about being on an ice cold river, braving rapids and rocks with brothers that have been where you've been or are where you've been that give you hope. 16:23.735 --> 16:28.763 [SPEAKER_00]: That hey, I can have no more relationships without alcohol and drugs. 16:30.005 --> 16:31.407 [SPEAKER_00]: That does exist. 16:32.534 --> 16:37.099 [SPEAKER_00]: I could have positive people in my life that will help me get better and cheer me on on the way. 16:38.601 --> 16:40.043 [SPEAKER_00]: I found purpose on that trip. 16:40.163 --> 16:48.332 [SPEAKER_00]: One of our rafts that our guys were on, flipped over, right at the end, and I would literally got to help another man to the shore. 16:51.255 --> 17:00.786 [SPEAKER_00]: And for the first time in my life, I knew what it felt like to selflessly help someone out and not expect anything else in return. 17:02.082 --> 17:04.430 [SPEAKER_00]: and it changed everything for me. 17:04.871 --> 17:11.974 [SPEAKER_00]: I made more friends on that one trip to Tennessee and I had the prior 10 years of life in my addiction. 17:13.287 --> 17:15.710 [SPEAKER_00]: Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. 17:15.810 --> 17:18.814 [SPEAKER_00]: Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers. 17:19.394 --> 17:24.140 [SPEAKER_00]: For by doing so, some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. 17:24.741 --> 17:32.851 [SPEAKER_00]: Continue to remember those in prisons as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering. 17:35.013 --> 17:38.097 [SPEAKER_00]: These men modeled this for me perfectly. 17:39.562 --> 17:46.411 [SPEAKER_00]: I was sober, but I was still in a prison of my thoughts and shame, and these men met me right where I was. 17:50.377 --> 17:54.462 [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm indebted to them from here on out. 17:54.482 --> 18:03.915 [SPEAKER_00]: So when you admit that you're a palace, you also give up another e y'all went over the first e last week, the second e is emptiness. 18:06.562 --> 18:22.167 [SPEAKER_00]: In my addiction, I was full of lots of things, lots of stress, lots of anxiety, lots of hurting people, lots of lives, lots of manipulation, especially manipulating others and myself. 18:23.249 --> 18:27.135 [SPEAKER_00]: Emptiness is a byproduct of isolation as well. 18:28.043 --> 18:42.444 [SPEAKER_00]: emptiness grows when we are disconnected from God and others and try to replace them with unhealthy relationships or sex, drugs and alcohol, porn, control, you fill in whatever it needs for your blank to be filled in. 18:44.186 --> 18:46.670 [SPEAKER_00]: Whatever we were doing to numb the pain for a little while. 18:49.033 --> 18:53.680 [SPEAKER_00]: Jesus said, the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. 18:53.840 --> 18:57.325 [SPEAKER_00]: I have come that they may have life 19:02.890 --> 19:06.054 [SPEAKER_00]: One other thing I was full of in my addiction was selfishness. 19:06.294 --> 19:14.424 [SPEAKER_00]: That's the first S. Selfishness robbed a lot of peace from my life. 19:14.444 --> 19:16.807 [SPEAKER_00]: Addiction breeds selfishness, am I right? 19:18.929 --> 19:23.835 [SPEAKER_00]: Like I mentioned earlier, my knees came before anybody else is including my own family. 19:24.575 --> 19:27.098 [SPEAKER_00]: I would find reasons to not go to family events. 19:27.178 --> 19:33.246 [SPEAKER_00]: I would find reasons to not take my kids to school functions or friends' birthdays. 19:33.646 --> 19:37.731 [SPEAKER_00]: And if we went to them, we were always the first ones to leave. 19:38.693 --> 19:43.018 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I would end up being irritated if it was taken longer than it should have. 19:44.680 --> 19:52.590 [SPEAKER_00]: Because I was on my time, and my knees came before anybody else's. 19:53.498 --> 19:54.820 [SPEAKER_00]: lying was part of my life. 19:55.961 --> 20:00.547 [SPEAKER_00]: I could lie right to your face like, look you dead in your eyes and lie to you. 20:01.288 --> 20:05.434 [SPEAKER_00]: In my addiction, I didn't think twice about it until I got caught in them. 20:06.755 --> 20:11.441 [SPEAKER_00]: And look like a fool stumbled over on our words, backtracking and trying to save some kind of credibility. 20:13.384 --> 20:14.806 [SPEAKER_00]: But that's what addiction does. 20:15.347 --> 20:21.835 [SPEAKER_00]: It makes us care about no one but us, right? 20:22.439 --> 20:26.525 [SPEAKER_00]: Selfishness is just a symptom of our hurts habits and hangups. 20:27.206 --> 20:29.108 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not who we are. 20:31.091 --> 20:39.403 [SPEAKER_00]: I don't feel like I'm a naturally selfish person, but when my sinful nature takes over, watch out because it's only about me. 20:41.065 --> 20:49.577 [SPEAKER_00]: We are children of the most high, but when we are faced with fear, pain or vices in our life, selfishness can be our defense. 20:50.806 --> 20:52.530 [SPEAKER_00]: Gotta make sure I'm okay first. 20:55.937 --> 21:04.315 [SPEAKER_00]: So, in recovery, transitioning from selfishness to selflessness is an ongoing process. 21:04.355 --> 21:05.197 [SPEAKER_00]: So how do we do it? 21:05.698 --> 21:10.047 [SPEAKER_00]: How do we go from only caring about ourselves to putting others first? 21:11.714 --> 21:12.595 [SPEAKER_00]: Dude, answer it. 21:16.161 --> 21:18.104 [SPEAKER_00]: First, it's coming. 21:18.584 --> 21:20.688 [SPEAKER_00]: First, we have to give up control. 21:21.749 --> 21:25.114 [SPEAKER_00]: We have to admit our powerlessness and our lives are unmanageable. 21:25.495 --> 21:28.299 [SPEAKER_00]: Lay it at the cross and ask Jesus to take it away from me. 21:29.541 --> 21:36.692 [SPEAKER_00]: Luke 1733, Jesus tells us, whoever tries to keep their life will lose it and whoever loses their life will preserve it. 21:38.647 --> 21:43.098 [SPEAKER_00]: The next thing we have to do is be honest about everything. 21:43.639 --> 21:46.727 [SPEAKER_00]: Ninety-five percent truth is still alive. 21:48.270 --> 21:55.187 [SPEAKER_00]: Credibility is a big thing to lose and it takes a while to regain other people's trust. 21:56.551 --> 21:57.673 [SPEAKER_00]: For me, it took years. 21:58.694 --> 22:03.882 [SPEAKER_00]: My kids were probably the hardest of them all, believe it or not, as much as they love me. 22:04.763 --> 22:10.973 [SPEAKER_00]: I had lied to them so many times about, hey, this is my last drink, baby girl, I promise. 22:10.993 --> 22:11.974 [SPEAKER_00]: Not drinking anymore. 22:12.375 --> 22:13.817 [SPEAKER_00]: This is it, tonight's the last night. 22:15.760 --> 22:18.925 [SPEAKER_00]: Just to go right back to it a few days later. 22:19.546 --> 22:25.174 [SPEAKER_00]: I usually wouldn't go right back to it the next day because my head would be on fire, but the next day after that, I'd be right back at it. 22:28.057 --> 22:29.959 [SPEAKER_00]: And even when I got here, they didn't trust it. 22:30.740 --> 22:33.622 [SPEAKER_00]: They didn't trust it here because because I walked into celebrate recovery. 22:34.043 --> 22:37.666 [SPEAKER_00]: They wanted to believe that I was for real, but they had their doubts as they should have. 22:38.687 --> 22:41.070 [SPEAKER_00]: I tried to quit hundreds of times. 22:42.851 --> 22:53.862 [SPEAKER_00]: When we come out of denial and admit our powerlessness to what has controlled us for so long and admit that hard truth, because that's a hard truth to admit, right? 22:56.086 --> 23:00.691 [SPEAKER_00]: Any other truths we need to own become a piece of cake, but it does take time. 23:05.517 --> 23:10.823 [SPEAKER_00]: But like Eddie said, the best way to step out of selfishness is to start serving. 23:11.864 --> 23:14.627 [SPEAKER_00]: Serving others forces us to put others first. 23:16.209 --> 23:23.477 [SPEAKER_00]: It can be passed in baskets here in the offering, meeting people at the front door and welcoming them in, helping someone new find a seat. 23:24.487 --> 23:29.115 [SPEAKER_00]: may be helping in the community cafe with cake and coffee at the end of small group. 23:30.257 --> 23:36.087 [SPEAKER_00]: Whatever or wherever you serve is huge in moving your recovery forward. 23:38.691 --> 23:44.561 [SPEAKER_00]: It's impossible to move forward in your recovery if you are not serving others. 23:46.084 --> 23:48.047 [SPEAKER_00]: We have to give it away to keep it. 23:51.217 --> 23:55.561 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, so the last letter is S for separation. 23:56.322 --> 24:03.188 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, some people talk about finding God like he wandered off somewhere and we've got to go tracking down. 24:06.892 --> 24:10.856 [SPEAKER_00]: Let me clear that up for you if you haven't any kind of doubts there. 24:10.936 --> 24:12.598 [SPEAKER_00]: God has never been lost. 24:14.299 --> 24:19.384 [SPEAKER_00]: If you feel different distant from him, it is not because he left you. 24:20.984 --> 24:29.597 [SPEAKER_00]: It's because something got in your way, probably pride, if I'm guessing, or shame, or guilt. 24:31.460 --> 24:38.391 [SPEAKER_00]: Sin shame, addiction, control, they don't remove God from our lives, but they do hurt our connection to Him. 24:39.873 --> 24:48.426 [SPEAKER_00]: They make it feel like He's far off, even when He's standing right there beside us. 24:48.895 --> 24:50.497 [SPEAKER_00]: How do you think you got through that hangover? 24:51.378 --> 24:52.359 [SPEAKER_00]: What about your doings? 24:53.241 --> 24:54.182 [SPEAKER_00]: What about my doings? 24:56.164 --> 24:59.709 [SPEAKER_00]: And here's a good question to ask when God feels distant. 24:59.729 --> 25:00.250 [SPEAKER_00]: Who moved? 25:03.073 --> 25:04.595 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll say, be the suspense. 25:04.655 --> 25:05.416 [SPEAKER_00]: It was not him. 25:07.239 --> 25:11.144 [SPEAKER_00]: The truth is, separation from God is something we feel. 25:11.444 --> 25:13.126 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not something that actually happens. 25:14.408 --> 25:16.911 [SPEAKER_00]: God doesn't walk away when we mess up. 25:17.414 --> 25:19.436 [SPEAKER_00]: That's not in his repertoire. 25:20.017 --> 25:22.159 [SPEAKER_00]: He doesn't disconnect when we relapse. 25:22.179 --> 25:26.645 [SPEAKER_00]: He doesn't ghost us when we fall back into our old patterns. 25:26.665 --> 25:27.706 [SPEAKER_00]: He's still right there. 25:28.567 --> 25:47.168 [SPEAKER_00]: Paul says it like this, for I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future nor any powers, neither height nor death nor anything else and all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God 25:49.628 --> 25:50.169 [SPEAKER_00]: Am I right? 25:52.713 --> 26:01.847 [SPEAKER_00]: So as we close tonight, I just want to say this, powerless is not a bad word. 26:04.171 --> 26:13.105 [SPEAKER_00]: It's not a weakness, it's not a failure. 26:14.772 --> 26:19.519 [SPEAKER_00]: Because powerlessness is the moment we stop lying to ourselves. 26:20.580 --> 26:27.430 [SPEAKER_00]: It's when we stop pretending that we've got this under control, stop trying to fix ourselves and stop trying to be God. 26:27.450 --> 26:31.195 [SPEAKER_00]: And we finally say, hey, I can't live like this anymore. 26:32.878 --> 26:33.979 [SPEAKER_00]: I am at my limit. 26:36.583 --> 26:44.374 [SPEAKER_00]: And honestly, that's a great place to be. 26:44.978 --> 26:46.600 [SPEAKER_00]: I'll about read the same thing again. 26:48.063 --> 26:54.692 [SPEAKER_00]: All the serenity robbers we talked about tonight and last week feed on the same lie that we are alone. 26:55.794 --> 27:03.646 [SPEAKER_00]: That no one cares that we are too far gone or that God is done with us, but that's just not true. 27:05.809 --> 27:08.894 [SPEAKER_00]: If you're here tonight, it isn't an accident. 27:09.555 --> 27:13.821 [SPEAKER_00]: You didn't just wander up that hill just because, 27:14.948 --> 27:16.110 [SPEAKER_00]: You didn't have anything else to do. 27:17.532 --> 27:23.800 [SPEAKER_00]: You came because something in you knew this can't keep going on like this. 27:25.403 --> 27:26.965 [SPEAKER_00]: The chaos got to loud. 27:27.846 --> 27:30.970 [SPEAKER_00]: The pain finally outweighed your fear. 27:33.774 --> 27:34.996 [SPEAKER_00]: And I need you to hear this. 27:35.036 --> 27:36.758 [SPEAKER_00]: And I need you to hear this loud and clear. 27:38.060 --> 27:39.863 [SPEAKER_00]: God is not mad at you. 27:41.385 --> 27:43.588 [SPEAKER_00]: He's never been mad at you. 27:46.049 --> 27:51.076 [SPEAKER_00]: He's just been waiting on you to stop trying to carry something you were not meant to carry alone. 27:54.480 --> 27:58.705 [SPEAKER_00]: I know some of you in here are exhausted, not physically maybe, but soul tired. 28:00.288 --> 28:09.880 [SPEAKER_00]: Tired of hiding, tired of starting over, tired of waking up saying never again, and ending the day in the same place. 28:11.935 --> 28:14.642 [SPEAKER_00]: And if that's you, I'll say this again. 28:14.682 --> 28:16.627 [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome home. 28:19.354 --> 28:22.803 [SPEAKER_00]: Recovery doesn't start when we get strong. 28:22.823 --> 28:24.949 [SPEAKER_00]: It starts when we admit we're not. 28:26.228 --> 28:30.894 [SPEAKER_00]: There starts when we say, I'm not God and my life is unmanageable without him. 28:31.635 --> 28:42.230 [SPEAKER_00]: And when we finally empty ourselves of control, of pride, of fear, God finally has room to step in and do what only He can do. 28:44.012 --> 28:46.696 [SPEAKER_00]: He'll give us hope. 28:48.358 --> 28:55.408 [SPEAKER_00]: Show us again that together, we can build back relationships that we've broken over and over 28:56.553 --> 29:07.025 [SPEAKER_00]: So wherever you are tonight, whether you feel hopeful or hopeless, just know this, look around this room. 29:08.106 --> 29:09.388 [SPEAKER_00]: You're not alone anymore. 29:10.929 --> 29:12.291 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to isolate. 29:13.612 --> 29:14.593 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to numb. 29:14.613 --> 29:23.083 [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to pretend you're a home now take a deep breath. 29:23.182 --> 29:25.886 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, maybe it's simple. 29:25.906 --> 29:28.590 [SPEAKER_00]: Simply don't leave here alone. 29:29.171 --> 29:33.357 [SPEAKER_00]: And when I mean, you physically, you may be leaving here alone. 29:33.778 --> 29:38.225 [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, but stay, all right. 29:38.645 --> 29:42.892 [SPEAKER_00]: Hang out a little bit, talk to somebody, step out of that uncomfortableness. 29:43.573 --> 29:45.556 [SPEAKER_00]: All right, it will change your life. 29:45.616 --> 29:49.662 [SPEAKER_00]: Have a cup of coffee and let someone else know your name. 29:51.042 --> 29:55.941 [SPEAKER_00]: There is a better way in it starts here with less of us and more of him. 29:56.945 --> 29:57.728 [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for the initiative.